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1
00:00:16,851 --> 00:00:19,653
You know what? Just get the
obscenely overpriced juice,
2
00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:21,387
and let's get
out of here.
3
00:00:21,454 --> 00:00:24,257
No, we still have
to go get Doug's gift.
4
00:00:24,324 --> 00:00:25,758
Oh, come on!
5
00:00:25,826 --> 00:00:29,428
What are we gonna get our
modern-day-hippie son-in-law at a mall?
6
00:00:29,496 --> 00:00:31,864
Yeah. Tell me about it.
I mean, it is 2009.
7
00:00:31,932 --> 00:00:34,100
Would it kill Hallmark
to start selling pot?
8
00:00:35,602 --> 00:00:37,702
See... this whole place...
9
00:00:37,770 --> 00:00:39,971
I don't think this is
what baby Jesus had in mind
10
00:00:40,039 --> 00:00:43,308
When he invented Christmas.
This was not it!
11
00:00:43,375 --> 00:00:46,211
All right, I just bought
this tie for my interview.
12
00:00:46,279 --> 00:00:47,279
You like it?
13
00:00:47,346 --> 00:00:49,948
I want them to know
I'm serious about this.
14
00:00:50,016 --> 00:00:52,450
Mm-hmm. Purple jacket.
Purple tie. Purple shoes.
15
00:00:52,518 --> 00:00:55,085
Let me guess.
Somewhere Prince is naked.
16
00:00:57,088 --> 00:00:58,088
This is a big deal, man!
17
00:00:58,156 --> 00:00:59,623
I'm breaking the mall
Santa color barrier.
18
00:00:59,691 --> 00:01:02,092
I'm gonna be the Jackie
Robinson of mall Santas.
19
00:01:03,328 --> 00:01:06,063
Listen, I'm gonna go buy
Doug 30 dollars worth of candle.
20
00:01:06,131 --> 00:01:08,998
Can I trust you to stand
here and not lose it?
21
00:01:09,066 --> 00:01:11,667
This whole thing is ice.
22
00:01:11,735 --> 00:01:15,205
The wheels have come
off the whole day.
23
00:01:15,272 --> 00:01:17,473
Ah, perfect.
24
00:01:18,142 --> 00:01:18,708
Oh, God!
25
00:01:18,775 --> 00:01:22,478
Oh my...I am so sorry!
26
00:01:22,546 --> 00:01:23,479
No worries, man.
27
00:01:23,547 --> 00:01:28,016
Wait. Wait. No.
Oh, my...God.
28
00:01:28,084 --> 00:01:31,053
I sure hope you don't have
any feeling down here.
29
00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:35,758
Well, maybe you do want feeling down
there except... except for now. You know?
30
00:01:35,826 --> 00:01:37,727
Or maybe you'd like it.
You know...
31
00:01:37,794 --> 00:01:39,729
It's totally fine.
32
00:01:39,796 --> 00:01:43,998
I got my foamy orange drink
all over you.
33
00:01:44,066 --> 00:01:47,235
Hey, it was kinda hot in
here. Now I'm nice and cool.
34
00:01:47,302 --> 00:01:51,172
You are being
weirdly nice about this.
35
00:01:51,240 --> 00:01:52,206
Well, hey.
It's a beautiful day.
36
00:01:52,274 --> 00:01:53,608
It's a beautiful time
of the year.
37
00:01:53,676 --> 00:01:55,610
I got no complaints.
38
00:01:55,678 --> 00:01:56,611
Really?
39
00:01:56,679 --> 00:01:57,711
Yeah.
40
00:01:57,779 --> 00:01:59,613
You got no complaints?
41
00:02:06,320 --> 00:02:08,856
I've got a family
that just loves me.
42
00:02:08,923 --> 00:02:11,759
And now I got pants
that smell like florida.
43
00:02:11,826 --> 00:02:13,360
It's all good.
44
00:02:15,228 --> 00:02:17,329
That is an amazing attitude.
45
00:02:17,398 --> 00:02:18,898
I have a cuticle infection
46
00:02:18,965 --> 00:02:23,068
And I want to smother myself
with this festive holiday bag.
47
00:02:23,136 --> 00:02:25,872
After my injury,
I was real bitter.
48
00:02:25,939 --> 00:02:29,508
But then I just realized how
lucky I am to still be here.
49
00:02:29,575 --> 00:02:31,643
So now I wear
this rubber band.
50
00:02:31,711 --> 00:02:33,344
And whenever I feel like
complaining,
51
00:02:33,413 --> 00:02:34,979
I just give it
a little snap.
52
00:02:35,047 --> 00:02:38,049
Now, if you don't
complain, nothing's bad.
53
00:02:38,117 --> 00:02:39,818
If nothing's bad,
then you're happy.
54
00:02:39,886 --> 00:02:42,621
And if you're happy,
then life is great.
55
00:02:45,057 --> 00:02:47,057
I gotta go wait 30 minutes
for the elevator.
56
00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:48,426
Okay.
57
00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:51,328
Have a great day, huh?
58
00:02:51,396 --> 00:02:54,231
No. You don't have
a great day.
59
00:02:54,299 --> 00:02:56,934
You make it a great day.
60
00:03:01,906 --> 00:03:03,039
Sorry.
61
00:03:03,106 --> 00:03:04,741
Ah, it's okay.
62
00:03:06,109 --> 00:03:08,912
It is okay.
63
00:03:12,516 --> 00:03:14,617
How old was that woman
wrapping packages?
64
00:03:14,685 --> 00:03:17,420
I'm guessing, like, 140.
65
00:03:18,521 --> 00:03:20,355
Well, on the plus side...
66
00:03:20,423 --> 00:03:25,026
I shook the hand that shook
the hand of thomas alva edison.
67
00:03:25,094 --> 00:03:28,296
You've been extraordinarily
chipper all the way
68
00:03:28,364 --> 00:03:29,731
What's going on?
69
00:03:29,799 --> 00:03:31,567
You know, something amazing
happened to me tonight.
70
00:03:31,634 --> 00:03:34,735
I accidentally spilled my drink on
a disabled guy at the food court,
71
00:03:34,803 --> 00:03:37,772
And his magical message
changed my life.
72
00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:41,976
Did anyone else see
this "disabled" guy?
73
00:03:42,043 --> 00:03:44,411
The guy is very real.
74
00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:47,181
And he taught me
a very real lesson.
75
00:03:47,248 --> 00:03:49,283
I'm done complaining.
76
00:03:49,351 --> 00:03:50,584
About what?
77
00:03:50,651 --> 00:03:51,618
About everything.
78
00:03:51,686 --> 00:03:53,854
Whoosh.
Really not gettin' it.
79
00:03:53,921 --> 00:03:56,957
Wait. We have rubber bands in
the house somewhere, don't we?
80
00:03:57,024 --> 00:03:57,991
Drawer over there. Why?
81
00:03:58,058 --> 00:04:01,294
Why? Well, I'm going
to wear a rubber band
82
00:04:01,362 --> 00:04:04,063
To remind me not
to complain.
83
00:04:04,131 --> 00:04:05,865
And that's for you.
84
00:04:05,932 --> 00:04:07,633
Yeah, I'm good.
85
00:04:09,936 --> 00:04:13,238
Okay. I would really like
for you to do this with me.
86
00:04:13,306 --> 00:04:17,175
But... I'm okay if you don't!
87
00:04:21,680 --> 00:04:24,382
Eddie, there is no way on earth
you're gonna be able to do this.
88
00:04:24,449 --> 00:04:26,618
You will not stick to it.
89
00:04:26,685 --> 00:04:28,452
Remember bacon-free Tuesdays?
90
00:04:28,521 --> 00:04:31,756
Look, there was no way you
could just flip off that switch.
91
00:04:31,824 --> 00:04:34,859
You know that.
Bacon is the candy of meats.
92
00:04:34,927 --> 00:04:37,694
This...this, Joy,
is a lot easier.
93
00:04:37,762 --> 00:04:40,063
I'm telling you
we can do this.
94
00:04:40,131 --> 00:04:41,565
Let me show you.
95
00:04:41,633 --> 00:04:42,900
How was your day at work?
96
00:04:42,967 --> 00:04:44,902
Bad.
97
00:04:44,969 --> 00:04:47,704
Being a travel agent
during the holidays sucks.
98
00:04:47,772 --> 00:04:51,241
You're planning someone else's
trip to st. Tropez,
99
00:04:51,308 --> 00:04:53,510
And you don't even get a bonus.
100
00:04:53,577 --> 00:04:56,278
But you're stimulating
the st. Tropezian economy.
101
00:04:56,346 --> 00:04:59,682
And I'm sure... I'm sure
that means a little miguelito
102
00:04:59,750 --> 00:05:02,885
Is gonna get one heck
of a Christmas present.
103
00:05:02,953 --> 00:05:05,421
Miguelito?
104
00:05:05,488 --> 00:05:09,425
Yes, well, I'm not really sure what
the st. Tropezites call their young.
105
00:05:09,492 --> 00:05:15,030
But I have a feeling he's as cute
as a button and probably very tan.
106
00:05:16,632 --> 00:05:19,400
All right, you're starting to
annoy the hell out of me right now.
107
00:05:19,468 --> 00:05:20,535
Wanna snap my rubber band?
108
00:05:20,603 --> 00:05:22,037
I wanna snap your neck.
109
00:05:24,273 --> 00:05:26,540
I like complaining to you.
110
00:05:26,608 --> 00:05:32,512
Your whole function in my life is to be
the guy that I come home and bitch to.
111
00:05:32,581 --> 00:05:37,051
I mean, what other purpose do you
serve besides clogging the shower drain
112
00:05:37,118 --> 00:05:40,287
And taking up
half my tivo space?
113
00:05:40,354 --> 00:05:41,388
Freeze that.
114
00:05:41,456 --> 00:05:43,522
Freeze that.
Freeze that face.
115
00:05:43,591 --> 00:05:44,924
Now walk with me.
116
00:05:44,992 --> 00:05:47,226
Freeze it. Okay.
Come here.
117
00:05:47,294 --> 00:05:48,527
Come here.
118
00:05:48,596 --> 00:05:50,897
Walk to this mirror.
119
00:05:50,965 --> 00:05:54,934
Okay. Now, look at my face.
120
00:05:55,002 --> 00:05:57,236
And look at your face.
121
00:06:00,206 --> 00:06:01,172
What do you see here?
122
00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:02,440
Oh my God!
123
00:06:02,508 --> 00:06:08,046
Who's that mean but beautiful
woman in the mirror?
124
00:06:08,114 --> 00:06:13,284
That is someone who's filled
with bile and bitterness.
125
00:06:13,352 --> 00:06:14,518
I don't know.
126
00:06:14,586 --> 00:06:17,488
No. No. It can change.
Listen...listen to me, Joy.
127
00:06:17,555 --> 00:06:21,592
Take this ride with me. Our life
will be healthier and happier.
128
00:06:21,660 --> 00:06:25,963
We'll live into our 50s.
I'm almost sure of it.
129
00:06:27,398 --> 00:06:30,667
Ah, what the hell. What
I'm doing now isn't working.
130
00:06:30,735 --> 00:06:32,268
Atta girl.
131
00:06:35,239 --> 00:06:37,140
So...
132
00:06:38,709 --> 00:06:41,978
You wanna maybe...
Head upstairs...?
133
00:06:44,715 --> 00:06:46,782
Okay. Yeah.
Sure. Why not?
134
00:06:46,850 --> 00:06:48,550
Hey, a question.
Yeah?
135
00:06:48,618 --> 00:06:53,288
Does the whole not complaining
thing, does it apply to...?
136
00:06:56,392 --> 00:06:58,127
Yes.
137
00:06:58,194 --> 00:06:59,227
Where you going?
138
00:06:59,295 --> 00:07:01,496
Gonna go get a rubber band.
139
00:07:10,633 --> 00:07:13,269
All right. You sit here.
140
00:07:13,336 --> 00:07:14,736
I love it!
141
00:07:14,804 --> 00:07:16,372
Frankie there takes
the pictures.
142
00:07:16,439 --> 00:07:18,274
Little gal, big talent!
143
00:07:18,341 --> 00:07:21,910
The rest is pretty
self-explanatory.
144
00:07:21,977 --> 00:07:24,678
Take one kid at a time,
and try to keep it moving.
145
00:07:26,215 --> 00:07:28,516
If you sense that they're
about to pee on you,
146
00:07:28,583 --> 00:07:32,720
hold them over the snow. I packed
it pretty good with wee wee pads.
147
00:07:32,788 --> 00:07:35,855
From the bottom of my heart, I want to
thank you for this amazing opportunity.
148
00:07:36,757 --> 00:07:38,258
Yeah, okay.
149
00:07:40,494 --> 00:07:42,729
Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!
150
00:07:42,797 --> 00:07:44,464
Who's my first contestant?
151
00:07:44,532 --> 00:07:47,567
Come on up here!
152
00:07:47,635 --> 00:07:51,470
Looking good Mrs. Claus.
Looking good.
153
00:07:51,538 --> 00:07:53,539
And what do you want
for Christmas, little girl?
154
00:07:53,606 --> 00:07:56,642
I want a baby doll,
and a princess bed,
155
00:07:56,709 --> 00:07:58,444
And a television for my room.
156
00:07:58,511 --> 00:08:01,780
You got it!
Smile for Frankie!
157
00:08:01,848 --> 00:08:05,051
Ha ha. Love this.
Who's next?
158
00:08:06,286 --> 00:08:08,353
Get up here, sport.
159
00:08:08,421 --> 00:08:10,823
And what do you want
for Christmas, little boy?
160
00:08:10,890 --> 00:08:12,691
I want a elephant.
161
00:08:12,759 --> 00:08:15,293
You got it!
Smile for Frankie!
162
00:08:19,098 --> 00:08:21,767
Wow, you're the best Santa ever!
163
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:24,068
I like your attitude!
164
00:08:24,135 --> 00:08:25,703
Make that 2 elephants.
165
00:08:26,839 --> 00:08:29,039
Santa's going crazy
this year.
166
00:08:29,107 --> 00:08:31,709
And you know
who the winner is? Kids!
167
00:08:34,613 --> 00:08:36,113
Paper says rain.
168
00:08:38,083 --> 00:08:39,783
Rain makes flowers grow.
169
00:08:40,818 --> 00:08:42,652
Yes it does.
170
00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:45,655
I am really rockin'
this positive thinking.
171
00:08:45,723 --> 00:08:48,324
And it works for everything.
172
00:08:48,392 --> 00:08:53,129
Like, you know how I always say that the
way you eat soup makes me want to vomit?
173
00:08:54,632 --> 00:08:56,665
Yeah, yeah, totally.
174
00:08:56,733 --> 00:08:59,101
Well, now I say...
175
00:08:59,168 --> 00:09:02,905
"God, when he's dead,
I'm gonna miss that."
176
00:09:04,574 --> 00:09:06,241
Works.
177
00:09:07,711 --> 00:09:09,044
Well, well, well.
178
00:09:09,112 --> 00:09:12,346
It looks like the student
is becoming the master.
179
00:09:12,414 --> 00:09:14,382
Indeed.
180
00:09:21,690 --> 00:09:23,725
That's weird.
181
00:09:23,792 --> 00:09:25,159
What's weird?
182
00:09:25,227 --> 00:09:31,398
Just have a... sniffle.
No big deal.
183
00:09:31,465 --> 00:09:32,699
Yeah. Amen. We're blessed.
184
00:09:32,767 --> 00:09:35,636
Yes. Indeed we are.
185
00:09:35,703 --> 00:09:38,471
Not that I'm complaining.
But...
186
00:09:38,540 --> 00:09:40,206
Yeah?
187
00:09:40,274 --> 00:09:44,510
It does...it does feel like someone
has taken warm, wet cotton balls
188
00:09:44,578 --> 00:09:48,581
And shoved them up my nose, and then they
decided to dig 'em out with sandpaper...
189
00:09:48,649 --> 00:09:53,019
Is how it's feeling.
Not that I'm complaining.
190
00:09:53,086 --> 00:09:55,454
I'm just making conversation.
191
00:09:55,522 --> 00:09:57,222
Sounds a little bit
like you're complaining.
192
00:09:57,290 --> 00:10:00,291
No. Because I said,
"not complaining."
193
00:10:00,359 --> 00:10:03,261
Specifically I said, "not."
194
00:10:03,328 --> 00:10:04,896
Good. Because I'm
not giving this up.
195
00:10:04,964 --> 00:10:09,768
Because I am loving this. And
people are loving me doing it.
196
00:10:09,835 --> 00:10:13,271
I mean, if you want to stop,
that's fine.
197
00:10:13,338 --> 00:10:16,907
But I'm not. Because it is
amazing for me.
198
00:10:16,975 --> 00:10:18,742
Pffp, amazing for you?
199
00:10:18,810 --> 00:10:21,211
It's amazing for me.
200
00:10:21,279 --> 00:10:23,948
And I started doing
it 6 hours before you,
201
00:10:24,015 --> 00:10:30,387
So you...you won't even know how
amazing it is until 8:00 tonight.
202
00:10:30,455 --> 00:10:32,922
So, I envy you.
203
00:10:34,324 --> 00:10:35,992
Hey, mom, dad.
204
00:10:36,060 --> 00:10:38,094
Can Doug and I talk to you guys
about something?
205
00:10:38,161 --> 00:10:39,596
Yeah sure, sweetie,
what is it?
206
00:10:39,663 --> 00:10:41,497
Well,
mother and father stark,
207
00:10:41,565 --> 00:10:42,966
Now that we're all family,
208
00:10:43,033 --> 00:10:45,902
Allison and I would like to
start some new family traditions.
209
00:10:45,970 --> 00:10:48,269
And we'd like to kick it
off with...
210
00:10:48,337 --> 00:10:49,270
Homemade gifts!
211
00:10:49,338 --> 00:10:50,939
Homemade gifts.
212
00:10:51,808 --> 00:10:52,908
Okay.
213
00:10:52,976 --> 00:10:54,076
Thank you.
All right.
214
00:10:54,143 --> 00:10:58,213
So, nothing store-bought
at all?
215
00:10:58,280 --> 00:11:00,315
No. No. Just made with love.
216
00:11:00,382 --> 00:11:01,817
And broken pasta.
Stop!
217
00:11:01,884 --> 00:11:03,518
I said too much.
218
00:11:06,287 --> 00:11:10,825
Okay. That sounds sweet.
Good idea.
219
00:11:10,892 --> 00:11:12,059
I'm gonna start dinner.
220
00:11:13,629 --> 00:11:17,965
Sweetie, could you go back to the
mall and return all those gifts?
221
00:11:18,033 --> 00:11:20,266
The mall? Today?
222
00:11:20,334 --> 00:11:23,469
Christmas Eve?
223
00:11:23,537 --> 00:11:27,573
If you can't do it.
I can. I mean, I wouldn't mind.
224
00:11:27,642 --> 00:11:30,510
No, I wouldn't mind
doing it.
225
00:11:30,577 --> 00:11:33,513
Actually,
I would mind not doing it.
226
00:11:33,580 --> 00:11:38,083
Come on who wouldn't want to
go to the mall on Christmas Eve?
227
00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:43,488
In the rain?
228
00:11:44,457 --> 00:11:45,758
Could it get any better?
229
00:11:45,825 --> 00:11:47,092
I'll go with you.
230
00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:49,494
I guess it can!
231
00:11:51,669 --> 00:11:52,836
You okay, sir?
232
00:11:52,903 --> 00:11:54,971
Never better! Hello.
233
00:11:55,039 --> 00:11:56,573
Happy holidays to ya.
234
00:11:56,641 --> 00:11:59,209
I need to return
this coffee maker.
235
00:11:59,276 --> 00:12:00,877
Okay. Do you have a receipt?
236
00:12:00,945 --> 00:12:03,379
Receipt? I believe I do.
237
00:12:06,750 --> 00:12:08,217
Paper cut. Okay.
238
00:12:08,284 --> 00:12:10,786
It's bleeding.
239
00:12:10,854 --> 00:12:12,755
I don't have a receipt.
240
00:12:12,823 --> 00:12:15,524
N'kay. I can't return it
without the receipt.
241
00:12:15,592 --> 00:12:21,629
Okay. Well, listen, I know
that you have your rules.
242
00:12:21,697 --> 00:12:24,366
I understand that, and you're
following them beautifully.
243
00:12:24,433 --> 00:12:25,567
One second.
244
00:12:26,635 --> 00:12:28,370
Housewares. Hey, what's up?
245
00:12:28,437 --> 00:12:30,572
I'm working, doof.
246
00:12:30,639 --> 00:12:34,174
Well, you called me at work. So it
shouldn't be that hard to figure out.
247
00:12:34,242 --> 00:12:38,612
You shut up!
248
00:12:38,680 --> 00:12:42,416
Hold on, let me check.
249
00:12:42,484 --> 00:12:46,119
Okay. That's cool.
We'll talk later.
250
00:12:46,187 --> 00:12:48,188
Wow, sir, I'm impressed.
251
00:12:48,256 --> 00:12:51,891
The old sir would have really
lost it with that sales girl
252
00:12:51,958 --> 00:12:53,793
For taking a personal
call and everything.
253
00:12:54,961 --> 00:12:56,028
Well done.
254
00:12:56,096 --> 00:12:59,599
It's nice to see
when young people have friends.
255
00:12:59,666 --> 00:13:01,033
Wow.
256
00:13:01,101 --> 00:13:05,604
Well, I'm glad this young
person has a poncho.
257
00:13:07,973 --> 00:13:11,576
Sorry. I got a little bit
of a cold.
258
00:13:11,644 --> 00:13:14,546
I think I know what's going
on here.
259
00:13:14,614 --> 00:13:16,347
And it's not a cold.
260
00:13:16,416 --> 00:13:17,516
What do you mean?
261
00:13:17,583 --> 00:13:18,683
All right, well...
262
00:13:18,751 --> 00:13:21,386
You've given yourself
a personality transplant
263
00:13:21,453 --> 00:13:26,624
And your body is
rejecting it. You know?
264
00:13:26,691 --> 00:13:28,591
That's ridiculous.
265
00:13:28,659 --> 00:13:31,160
I love being positive.
266
00:13:31,228 --> 00:13:33,062
I've never been this happy
in my entire life!
267
00:13:33,130 --> 00:13:36,466
Well, yeah, but the stress
of holding it in, you see,
268
00:13:36,534 --> 00:13:39,235
It's killing you.
It's making you sick, sir.
269
00:13:39,303 --> 00:13:43,105
You can't force a happy peg
into a sad hole.
270
00:13:45,141 --> 00:13:46,241
You need to stop it.
271
00:13:46,309 --> 00:13:49,912
I can't stop it!
Joy is...is great at this.
272
00:13:49,979 --> 00:13:52,948
She is crushing me
with her love of life.
273
00:13:53,015 --> 00:13:54,716
If she can do it,
I can do it.
274
00:13:54,784 --> 00:13:59,421
She's not a better person than
me. Come on, you've met her!
275
00:13:59,489 --> 00:14:02,857
You got, like, a lot of crazy stuff
coming out of your nose right now.
276
00:14:05,226 --> 00:14:08,429
Okay. Who was I talking to?
277
00:14:08,497 --> 00:14:12,032
You were talking to me.
Darling, you were talking to me.
278
00:14:12,100 --> 00:14:13,868
You know what I'm going
to do?
279
00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:18,271
I'm just going to come back after Christmas
with my receipt and return it okay?
280
00:14:18,339 --> 00:14:20,974
N'kay. Just so you know, if
you return it after Christmas,
281
00:14:21,041 --> 00:14:22,843
You only get back
the sale price.
282
00:14:25,746 --> 00:14:28,381
Ew. What is up with your eye?
283
00:14:32,252 --> 00:14:33,719
I can't think of anything.
284
00:14:33,787 --> 00:14:36,755
Well, you know
what's always good? Cash.
285
00:14:36,823 --> 00:14:37,790
How much do you want?
286
00:14:37,858 --> 00:14:40,726
I don't know, 10 dollars?
287
00:14:40,794 --> 00:14:43,261
10 dollars? Please. You're
talking to Santa Claus here.
288
00:14:43,329 --> 00:14:44,429
Make it a 1,000!
289
00:14:44,498 --> 00:14:46,665
Thank you, Santa!
290
00:14:46,733 --> 00:14:48,900
You are super welcome.
Smile for Frankie!
291
00:14:51,236 --> 00:14:53,104
You're rich!
292
00:14:53,171 --> 00:14:55,507
Santa, come here!
293
00:14:57,810 --> 00:15:00,678
Listen, we got complaints
from some of the parents.
294
00:15:00,746 --> 00:15:02,480
You gotta back it down
a little with the kids.
295
00:15:02,548 --> 00:15:04,915
People can't afford to buy
expensive gifts.
296
00:15:04,983 --> 00:15:06,349
These are tough times.
297
00:15:06,417 --> 00:15:08,251
Not for Santa.
298
00:15:08,319 --> 00:15:12,288
Look. I get off at 5:00.
299
00:15:12,356 --> 00:15:17,861
I don't have time to explain to
you how Christmas really works.
300
00:15:25,939 --> 00:15:26,939
Hey, pumpkin.
301
00:15:27,007 --> 00:15:28,374
Oh my God!
302
00:15:29,543 --> 00:15:31,911
Is everything okay?
303
00:15:31,979 --> 00:15:37,015
Well, your father is just a little
messed up in his body area...
304
00:15:37,850 --> 00:15:40,552
Everything is super!
305
00:15:40,620 --> 00:15:42,387
Why were you limping?
306
00:15:42,454 --> 00:15:45,223
I got my foot caught
in an escalator, baby.
307
00:15:45,290 --> 00:15:48,893
It was scary for a while. A
couple of kids started crying.
308
00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:52,462
But wanna know the upside?
309
00:15:52,531 --> 00:15:55,799
Guess
new shoe laces?
310
00:15:58,169 --> 00:16:00,137
Where's mom?
311
00:16:00,204 --> 00:16:01,572
I haven't seen her
for a while.
312
00:16:01,640 --> 00:16:03,641
I think she might have gone out.
313
00:16:03,708 --> 00:16:07,443
Well, you know what? Let's...let's
give her a call and have her come home.
314
00:16:07,511 --> 00:16:10,179
And we can get this festive
meal started. Yeah!
315
00:16:10,247 --> 00:16:13,750
'cause it's all good.
It's all good!
316
00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:19,022
And that holiday music
everywhere you go.
317
00:16:19,089 --> 00:16:22,323
If I hear one more
annoying Christmas song,
318
00:16:22,391 --> 00:16:28,129
I'm going to rum pah pum pump
my fist into someone's face!
319
00:16:28,197 --> 00:16:31,633
And the freakin' mailman
with that mistletoe...
320
00:16:38,607 --> 00:16:41,075
So we have these neighbors
across the street.
321
00:16:41,142 --> 00:16:43,611
And they have
this nativity scene.
322
00:16:43,679 --> 00:16:48,515
And mary and joseph
are leaning over baby elmo.
323
00:16:48,584 --> 00:16:54,020
Okay. It is not only offensive.
It's just confusing.
324
00:16:54,088 --> 00:16:58,758
I don't understand what they're
trying to say with the elmo...
325
00:17:01,796 --> 00:17:03,196
I gotta go.
326
00:17:04,031 --> 00:17:05,531
What is going on here?
327
00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:07,500
Nothing.
328
00:17:07,568 --> 00:17:10,970
You have been complaining!
329
00:17:11,037 --> 00:17:12,037
All right, yes.
330
00:17:12,105 --> 00:17:15,307
Okay. I have been complaining!
331
00:17:15,374 --> 00:17:17,242
How long have you been
complaining?
332
00:17:17,310 --> 00:17:19,778
I dunno, like, 2 days.
333
00:17:19,846 --> 00:17:21,914
We've only been not
complaining for 2 days!
334
00:17:21,982 --> 00:17:23,381
I know! I know!
335
00:17:23,449 --> 00:17:27,719
Listen, I gave it a solid hour.
It's not my thing. Okay?
336
00:17:27,786 --> 00:17:33,992
I have been making myself sick trying
to keep up with your delightfulness.
337
00:17:34,059 --> 00:17:37,495
And look at you. You're the
picture of health! You know why?
338
00:17:37,562 --> 00:17:42,565
Because your blood is coursing
with life-fulfilling venom!
339
00:17:44,568 --> 00:17:46,169
So, big whoop.
340
00:17:46,237 --> 00:17:48,371
Okay. Now you know the truth.
Complain away.
341
00:17:48,439 --> 00:17:50,107
No! No. Because I'm good.
342
00:17:50,174 --> 00:17:53,510
And it's good to be good!
343
00:17:53,577 --> 00:17:55,512
Yeah, it really looks like it's
working out for you.
344
00:17:55,579 --> 00:18:00,415
It's working
wonderfully for me.
345
00:18:00,483 --> 00:18:02,251
Eddie, would you take
a look at yourself!
346
00:18:02,318 --> 00:18:04,286
You're a mess!
347
00:18:04,354 --> 00:18:08,157
God always tests
his prophets!
348
00:18:16,398 --> 00:18:19,067
Ok, listen up, everybody!
Listen up.
349
00:18:19,135 --> 00:18:23,237
I know that you all want to put
me into a neat little box.
350
00:18:23,305 --> 00:18:24,806
"Oh, there's the grumpy guy!"
351
00:18:24,874 --> 00:18:27,909
"There's the one that
everyone loves to hate!"
352
00:18:27,977 --> 00:18:29,543
Daddy, you're scaring me.
353
00:18:29,610 --> 00:18:32,512
No reason to be scared, darling. No
reason to be scared. I'll tell you why.
354
00:18:32,580 --> 00:18:37,517
Because I am a sweet man
without a complaint in the world!
355
00:18:37,585 --> 00:18:39,219
Okay.
356
00:18:41,589 --> 00:18:47,426
Now let's all just sit down to this meal
and thank the good lord for our blessings!
357
00:19:02,441 --> 00:19:03,675
What is that?
358
00:19:03,743 --> 00:19:06,111
Oh, haven't you heard?
359
00:19:06,179 --> 00:19:10,749
Doug had an idea
for another holiday tradition.
360
00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:14,152
A cornucopia
of nuts and berries!
361
00:19:27,799 --> 00:19:30,000
I don't like nuts
or berries.
362
00:19:30,936 --> 00:19:33,402
Wait. What was that, sir?
363
00:19:33,470 --> 00:19:38,674
I don't like nuts
or berries.
364
00:19:38,743 --> 00:19:42,345
Say it, baby. Just say it!
365
00:19:49,819 --> 00:19:52,554
I'm not a squirrel!
366
00:19:52,622 --> 00:19:55,958
I don't like nuts
or berries!
367
00:20:02,665 --> 00:20:04,766
I don't want to go visit
your mom next month.
368
00:20:04,833 --> 00:20:06,300
Her apartment
smells like bug spray.
369
00:20:06,368 --> 00:20:09,003
And I don't want to deal with
that crap at this point in my life.
370
00:20:13,976 --> 00:20:16,277
I hate your nose.
371
00:20:17,980 --> 00:20:19,446
And I lie in bed at night.
372
00:20:19,514 --> 00:20:23,650
And I dread that my grandchildren
are gonna be born with one of those.
373
00:20:32,559 --> 00:20:35,295
That dress makes you
look like a slut.
374
00:20:44,737 --> 00:20:47,205
God bless us every one.
375
00:20:54,681 --> 00:20:56,581
What's your name,
little boy?
376
00:20:56,649 --> 00:20:58,450
Jeremy. I want a puppy.
377
00:20:58,518 --> 00:21:00,218
Oh, you want a puppy, huh?
378
00:21:04,556 --> 00:21:06,624
Well, you know what's even
better than a puppy?
379
00:21:06,692 --> 00:21:08,492
A balled-up pair of socks.
380
00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:11,595
They're soft. They love
you unconditionally.
381
00:21:11,663 --> 00:21:13,864
And they won't give
your brother rabies.
382
00:21:15,334 --> 00:21:18,868
Smile for Frankie.
383
00:21:19,704 --> 00:21:21,371
But I really want a puppy.
384
00:21:21,439 --> 00:21:23,105
And I really want a beard that
doesn't smell like bourbon.
385
00:21:23,173 --> 00:21:25,342
But that's not gonna
happen either.
386
00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:34,000
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