All language subtitles for Til Death s02e08 Guy.eng

Hey, there he is.

Large and in charge. How does it feel?

What are you talkin' about?

What, you didn't hear?

They gave principal middleton
a forced leave of absence,

and you are now the new
acting principal, my friend.

What? Wh-what happened?

Oh, I guess you left the sports
banquet a little too early, huh?

Well, middleton got into the chablis,

and before you know it, he did somethin'pretty
obscene with the girls soccer trophy.

What did he do?

Oh, don't worry about it, but
when it comes back from evidence,

you may wanna give
it a good scrub-down.

Mr. Woodcock, the jell-o guy is out
front, and he needs our monthly order.

Ok. Ok, th-this just got very real.

Jell-o.
Jell-o. Jell-o.

Ok, it's, uh,800 students. One
- one cup per student,

5 days in a week, minus
weekends and holidays.

Ca-carry the one...

It's 8 million cups of jell-o.

I think that's pretty wrong.

Tell the guy we'll
take 12 crates of green.

Thanks. How'd you know that?

Well, back when I used to smoke,

I would take my breaks
with gladys, the lunch lady.

Learned a lot about jell-o.

Learned a lot about love.

But mostly jell-o.

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Till
Death Season 2 Episode 8

'til deathis filmed in front
of a live studio audience.

Morning.

I
- is there toast in my eye?

What?

I bit down hard,

and
- and a toast fragment actually flew into my eye.

Uh, can you do something, please?

Just try not to blink.

Ok.
Ok,I- I-

Oh, god,i'm
- I'm blinking!

I can't
- I can't stop blinking!

All right, calm down. Let
me look. Hold on. Come here.

All right. You got it?

What the hell are you doing?!

Trying to help you.

Well, you touched my eyeball!

Think that was fun for me?!

Well, you don't poke
someone in the eye, woman!

I think they teach you
that in nursery school!

Wait.

You got it out.

Thank you.

Hey, eddie.

What are you doin'?
Why aren't you dressed?

Well, for your information, I like to get
dressed to matt lauer, and he's not on yet.

Well, my first act as principal was to
institute the 7 a. M. Staff meeting.

Didn't you get my e-mail, subject
line- early start, early smart?

No, but I'm guessing with a
screen name like woodcock,

it's probably hard to get
past those spam filters.

You're a joker, and I love it.

Look,I'll wait in the car
while you get dressed, all right?

All right, but let me finish my toast.

All right.

Does anybody know what we're
doin' here at the crack of dawn?

'Cause I am still drunk.

Maybe it's one of those
sexual harassment seminars.

Oh, please.

You know what we call sexual
harassment in the french department?

Flirting.

That is a swingin' pantsuit.

Ok.

Ok. Hey.

Good morning, gang.

Welcome to the first of
many, many "early start,

early smart" meetings. Ok?

All right, now first of all, don't think of
this as my meeting, think of this as ours.

If anybody has any ideas-

Hey, I have an idea.

Why don't we all go home?

Ok. All right. I know it's early,

and we're all a little grumpy.

Now, I did bring a box of doughnuts...

Ohh! Oh, yeah!

Those-
those-

How can you not buy a fritter?

Those are actually
for after the meeting,

but hey, you know what?
You can eat 'em now.

That's cool. It's all good.

- Ok, how 'bout everybody-
- Is this your band-aid?

Hey, everybody could grab a
doughnut and then come on back here.

Or stay there, either way. You know. Ok.

- All right.
- ...for seconds. I'm going back in.

Ok, so the first thing
that I wanted to talk about

was to make our school a little
more environmentally friendly.

Now,I'd hate for winston churchill
high to become "winston landfill high."

It's
- that was a play on words. It's clever.

No, it isn't.

A clever play on words would be like...

If I called todd "scrod,"

'cause he looks like a fish.

I love you, eddie.

Ah, right back at you, fish face.

The
- the point is that we could all make a little more effort.

F
- For instance, instead of using styrofoam cups for coffee,

we could all bring in mugs.

You know, I swear to god
there is pudding in here.

This is unbelievable.

What? Let me get a finger in.

I would rather you don't.

I've got jelly.

All right. Finger it.

All right, guys. All right.

So
- so by bringing in mugs, we can help to save the planet,

but also show a glimpse
into our personalities.

For instance, my mug says,"i'd
rather be sailing." Huh?

It was given to me by my
brother, who owns a boat

because he makes a lot
more money than I do.

And my mug says,"i'm styrofoam,

and you can throw me out
instead of washing me."

It's a talking mug, everybody.

All right, guys,

we're only on point one here
of a 10-point agenda, so I-

Well, that's that.

Ok. Well, all right.
Great first day, guys.

This was
- This was really good.

Hey, who drew a picture of me?!

I'd never do that with a cat.

Hey. What a day.

Why does our couch look
like my grandma's panties?

I got a new slipcover.

I thought this room was
feeling a little too masculine.

Oh, yeah, yeah. It's a-

It's a real sports bar in here. Yeah.

Look, baby, I just
- I just think couch color is a big decision,

you know, something we should talk about.

Ok, let's talk. I don't like it.

Well, I already bought
it, so too late. Good talk.

Hey, guys.

All right, if we're gonna
go see a movie tonight,

we gotta pick one right now.

I'm in the mood to see
somethin' get blowed up.

Ah, god, I love you.

You know,I've actually been dying
to see the butler's timepiece.

Did you pick out this couch?

Guys, I
- actually, I heard it's great.

It's about this family
of english butlers

that passes a pocket watch on
from generation to generation,

and you see how the watch plays
a part in each of their lives.

Let me guess. Everyone
knows what time it is.

Except I'm a person, so...

All right, here. Look. Right here.

Blood money.

Sounds great to me.

- Love blood. Love money. Let's
go! .. Listen to what I'm saying.

All right. It's agreed.

- Yeah. Go and do what you want.
- Wait. How will the butlers know what time it is?

Oh, cheerio. Cheerio.

Pup-pup and all that.

Should we take the trolley?

Jeff has been having
some anger issues lately.

Oh. Have you talked
to anyone about this?

Th-that's why we're here.

We're talking to you about this.

You are the school psychologist.

A
- and the girls softball coach.

Go, lady panthers! Ha-rowr.

So can you help us?

You know, the
- the thing is I usually work with just the students.

Except of course when mr.
Hernandez from maintenance came in

and told me he sometimes
dreams about other men.

I probably shouldn't have said that.

Ok, uh,well, um...

I don't really understand why I'm here.

You see, I just
- I wanted to go see a certain movie,

and nobody would listen to me.

I
- I ripped off my shirt.

All of a sudden,i'm the weirdo. I...

The thing about jeff is he
tends to bottle things up.

That's because nobody listens to me, so-

Honey, I heard you about the movie.

It's just it was 21/2
hours about a stopwatch.

It's a pocket watch!

Here comes the shirt. Look at the shirt.

Watch what he does.

Ok,I'm not gonna rip my shirt, all right?

Look, this isn't really about me.

Jeff's principal now, and he's
got a lot of responsibility,

and people aren't taking him seriously.

Any advice?

Uh, you know,i'm not sure. I-

I usually tell the students it's
a. D.,and then they graduate.

Oh, you know, wait.

I remember reading about
something like this in a book once.

I found it.

Um,"for patients who
tend to repress anger..."

You.

"Ad-advise them that they might
avoid uncontrollable outbursts

"by identifying the root cause of
the stress and address said cause

in the moment in a calm, yet
assertive fashion."

You know what? That's a great idea,

and I'm gonna start right now.

You're terrible at your job.

You're pissin' me off.

Would like some condoms
or a pamphlet for the army?

Good morning, gang.

Those are for after the meeting.

Oh. Oh, yes. Doughnut.

I said after!

Ok. Well, let's get this thing started.

First of all, I pitched our schoolwide environmental
plan to the superintendent this morning

in a special presentation
that I like to call,

"it is easy being green."

And it turns out that with
the $5,000 that we'll save

by eliminating plastic sporks,

we will actually be able to
help revive the school orchestra.

Oh, please.

Please. Thank you, though.
We're very busy.

Uh, eddie, Mrs. Riola has
another cat emergency,

so I'm gonna need you
to cover sixth period.

What? That's my snack and nap time.

Well,I'm sorry, eddie, but
today it is all about team.

Oh, I see. So somebody drops by
the boys' suit section at mervyns,

and he thinks he's elvis.

Nothin'?

I actually think he looks pretty great.

Me, too. He's delicious.

I want that tie.

This tie? Oh, come on.

This thing is rollin'
down the ugly tie highway.

Beep beep!

Please don't touch me, eddie.

Oh. You mean like this?

Boop!

Ok. Now I'm gonna issue
you an official warning

that if you touch me again, there
will be serious consequences.

Even if it's like this?

Bl!

And now you're suspended.

Suspended?

Can you do that?

I just did, bitch.

He did what?!

He suspended me, joy,

and he also called me a bitch.

Oh, my god.

So you're gonna be
here, like, all day tomorrow?

All I did w-was poke him.
I can't believe he got-

Wait, wait, wait.

You poked him?

Yes, and apparently he
can suspend me for that.

It's the most stupid rule I ever heard.

Eddie, you're a huge man.

That rule was made for people like you.

Remember that time that we went
backstage at the neil diamond concert

and you hugged him so
hard you made him cry?

That was not because of me.

He had a half-empty
amphitheater and was very upset.

You know what? I know
what this is about.

You don't like that little
jeffy is your boss now.

You know what he brings
for lunch every day?

Chicken soup with stars.

With stars, joy!

He's not even man
enough to eat a noodle.

I can't take orders
from a guy like that.

You know, I don't know why you're
having such a hard time with this.

You have no trouble
taking orders from me.

Well, that'suse you have lady parts.

Listen, honey, I know that this is
- this is gonna be hard for you,

but I think that you just have to
accept that jeff is in charge now

and maybe, just maybe you
just crossed the line.

And that way, you show
that you're the bigger man.

Maybe you're right.

Maybe I could be a
little more mature and...

Not let him get to me so much.

'Cause you're the big man.

I'm the big man.

Knocky, knocky!

I'm gonna kill him.

Jeff, what can we do for you?

Uh, I actually just have a little
paperwork issue for your hubby.

Technically, you're not suspended till I
get your old john hancock on this form here.

Whoop. Forgot to check
the box that says,

"without pay."There you go.

You know what, eddie?

I'll just scan your signature from
when you signed up for softball.

Alrighty.

St-stay.

Ok, wh-what is this?

You trying to get yourself killed?

No,I-i'm just working on myself.

I'm learning to deal with my anger
in the moment in a healthy way.

Oh, speaking of which,i'd appreciate it if
you never use my garden hose ever again,

because I know that you
do, and I'll be watching.

Ok?

Eddie is having some anger issues.

He wants to kill his boss with a shovel.

Oh.

H
- have you talked to anyone about this?

Yeah. We-we're talking
to you about this.

You're the school psychologist.

Oh. Right.

Heh heh. Right. I just
- I've got my head in so many places.

Coaching the girls softball
team is so draining.

I just wish the girls cared
about it as much as I do, but-

I mean, I know it's supposed to be fun,

but I mean, isn't it
more fun when you win?

Sure is. Yeah.

Anyway, uh,I was wondering

if you could give eddie some advice
about working with someone he can't stand.

I talk, and I talk, and I
- Until I'm blue in the face.

They just
- they don't listen.

You don't win a game on game day.

You win in practice the week before.

But you know, they have
homework and boyfriends

and girlfriends who
look like boyfriends.

I just
- and I'm pretty sure that our catcher is pregnant.

It's
- oh, I probably shouldn't have said that.

Ok, this is brutal.

We don't leave right now, I
kill everyone with a shovel.

And then myself.

Wow. You do seem angry.

I have some literature on the pite where
you get points when you kill hookers.

There is ***********

It's kinda great.

Ok, that's it. We're leaving.

Um, remember, the safest
sex is abstinence.

We've got that covered.

I'm so glad that we
could talk like this.

I mean, I feel that as women, we
can probably work this out.

Yeah. I hear ya.

I mean,I'm not
- I'm not saying that eddie's not at fault,

but when people challenge
him, even when he's wrong,

sometimes he refuses to back down.

It's probably jeff's fault, too.

He's just learning to assert himself.

Sometimes he goes overboard.

Yeah, and eddie barely touched him.

Yeah, but it was inappropriate touching.

Yeah, but shouldn't the
punishment fit the crime?

Yeah...

But eddie should respect the
fact that jeff is the principal.

Yeah...

But you know, jeff's not
really the principal.

I mean, he's the "acting" principal,

so maybe if jeff "acted"
more like a principal,

eddie would respect him.

Yeah. Well, maybe if eddie acted
a little less like a douche,

he wouldn't get into so much trouble.

Did you call my husband a douche?

Sorry. I may have overstated it.

I just prefer a man
with a little more class.

Yeah, well, I prefer a man
who's completed puberty.

And I prefer a man who
has completed evolution.

And I prefer a...

Bite me!

So did the women figure it out?

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All right. So the talk
went pretty well then.

Honey, door.

Honey, phone.

Till
Death Season 2 Episode 8

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