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I suppose you heard that Principal Quinn
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was arrested earlier today.
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00:00:03,822 --> 00:00:07,526
Apparently, he exposed
himself to a group of students
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00:00:07,558 --> 00:00:09,360
in some sort of a school prank.
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00:00:09,393 --> 00:00:11,563
- Aah!
- [Students screaming]
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00:00:11,596 --> 00:00:13,699
I've been burned before. Literally.
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T-the combustion point
of cr?me de menthe
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- is 88 degrees Fahrenheit.
- 88?
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That's the most dangerous
of all the ap?ritifs.
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[Dog barks]
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Andy: What if Quinn gets
the electric chamber?
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00:00:29,899 --> 00:00:31,624
Oh, you're thinking
of a microwave again.
14
00:00:31,671 --> 00:00:33,099
Oh, right. The gas chair.
15
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- What if Quinn gets the gas chair?
- [Sighs]
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Hey, you two do realize that
Quinn could get 20 years for this.
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20 years?
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He won't serve a single day!
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Not a single day! Ha!
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Except for the time he's already
served, but that's Dave's bad.
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Whoo! It is my bad. It is my bad.
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But in my defense...
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who's ever heard of a
bail hearing? Am I right?
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00:00:51,973 --> 00:00:54,209
- Yo. Dave. Ha ha.
- I'm Zack.
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00:00:54,242 --> 00:00:56,845
- Holy... Quinn hired The Law Bros?
- Dude!
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00:00:56,878 --> 00:00:59,014
I pee on your guys'
urinal ads all the time.
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- Tight!
- Tight!
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- Enh! Enh! Enh!
- Unh! Unh! Unh!
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- Ga-ga-ga. Whoo!
- Hey! Hey!
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[Both laugh]
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Now I'm gonna have to warn you.
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You may not recognize Quinn.
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Prison has a way of changing man.
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- Ooh.
- Whoa.
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00:01:22,535 --> 00:01:25,107
Carl! Hey, I think you're
in the wrong courtroom.
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This is my trial. Yeah,
you're in 17. Good luck.
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Remember, the truth will set you free.
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Or it'll get you 9 years.
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Guys! Hey! [Cackles]
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Oh, my God! What have I missed?
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You got to fill me in on everything!
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Obviously no "Bachelor" spoilers.
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Did he really say he loves two women?
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- He did! He did!
- No, don't tell me!
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- Don't tell me!
- He's a dog.
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Ha ha! Trial.
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Hi.
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Brought my wife's briefcase.
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Quit wasting my time
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I ain't here for you
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I'm just putting in work
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Till my day is through
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Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb
www.addic7ed.com
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00:02:05,594 --> 00:02:08,759
Now, Leslie, you and I are cut from
the same cloth, wouldn't you say?
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Actually, no.
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00:02:10,226 --> 00:02:13,196
You're a country-club shrew
with a silver spoon up your ass,
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00:02:13,228 --> 00:02:16,197
while I may or may not have
once worked for the Miami mob.
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00:02:16,463 --> 00:02:18,234
Well, I can tell by your
tone that you're tenured,
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so I'm just gonna cut to the chase.
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00:02:20,136 --> 00:02:22,773
Now, because of Quinn's
indecent-exposure trial,
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a reporter is coming to Smoot.
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And my time here hasn't
been exactly smooth.
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Ha! I'd call it a goddamn train wreck.
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Call it what you will,
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00:02:31,147 --> 00:02:33,215
but I can smell a smear
campaign a mile away.
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00:02:33,249 --> 00:02:36,219
Ooh, sounds like you've
got an expensive problem.
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That's what I like about you, Leslie.
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You have a price.
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And, you see, I need to make
this place look like a...
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- ... A good school?
- No, a perfect school.
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I need well-behaved
kids, modern classrooms.
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Ha! Here?
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[Laughs] That's impossible.
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Ladies, with enough cash,
nothing is impossible.
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Follow me.
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Behold.
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Cattie: Now, Leslie, this is exactly
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what I don't want them to see.
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00:03:03,213 --> 00:03:04,448
Are they making iPhones?
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00:03:04,481 --> 00:03:07,417
Kids! iInmigraci?n!
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00:03:07,450 --> 00:03:09,452
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[Bell dings]
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Good work, kids.
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00:03:15,698 --> 00:03:19,962
And for the right price, I can
do this for the entire school.
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00:03:19,995 --> 00:03:21,164
Now, now, what...
88
00:03:21,196 --> 00:03:22,832
now, what are we
talking about price-wise
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00:03:22,865 --> 00:03:24,434
to put lipstick on this turd?
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00:03:24,466 --> 00:03:26,702
All right, well, I got a
three-tier conformity package.
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00:03:26,736 --> 00:03:28,304
- Uh-huh.
- Uh, Salt Lake City...
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00:03:28,338 --> 00:03:29,539
- Mm-hmm.
- ... Google campus...
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00:03:29,571 --> 00:03:32,274
and then my top tier,
my cr?me de la cr?me...
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00:03:32,308 --> 00:03:34,378
- Give it to me.
- ... Pyongyang.
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00:03:34,410 --> 00:03:35,811
- North Korea?
- Uh-huh.
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00:03:35,836 --> 00:03:38,114
Well, that little guy does run
a pretty tight ship over there.
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00:03:38,148 --> 00:03:39,983
They can turn a famine
into a halftime show,
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00:03:40,016 --> 00:03:41,785
but it's gonna cost ya.
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- Three grand.
- That's outrageous!
100
00:03:43,920 --> 00:03:46,213
Do you know the actual good
we could do with three grand?
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00:03:46,238 --> 00:03:49,472
Oh, please, is actual good gonna get
you the Supreme People's Orchestra?
102
00:03:49,497 --> 00:03:51,152
And where are we gonna put an orchestra?
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00:03:51,194 --> 00:03:53,063
Rod's room. Nobody's seen him for days.
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He's probably half-dead
in a Tijuana brothel.
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00:03:55,265 --> 00:03:57,166
So, what do you want, huh?
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00:03:59,768 --> 00:04:01,470
- Pyongyang it is.
- All right.
107
00:04:02,407 --> 00:04:03,415
- There it is.
- Done.
108
00:04:03,440 --> 00:04:05,642
- Unh! Ha ha!
- Yeah! Whoo!
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00:04:05,675 --> 00:04:07,310
Hey. Hey. Great news.
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You can all go home,
111
00:04:08,577 --> 00:04:10,513
because we just got a sweet plea deal!
112
00:04:10,546 --> 00:04:12,815
- Wow! Wow!
- Really? That's amazing!
113
00:04:12,849 --> 00:04:13,817
What's the plea deal?
114
00:04:13,849 --> 00:04:15,152
Check this [bleep] out.
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All Quinn has to do is
plead no contest misdemeanor
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to littering and pay
a $200 fine. He's free!
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- That's nothing.
- That's amazing.
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Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
119
00:04:23,793 --> 00:04:25,028
Do I look like Charles Manson?
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Littering? I would never litter.
121
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You took your clothes off in the hall.
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Those clothes are 100% biodegradable.
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00:04:31,467 --> 00:04:33,536
I did nothing wrong. No deal!
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00:04:33,570 --> 00:04:35,671
But you're facing 20 years here, bro.
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Not guilty.
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- Ohh.
- Oh. My. God.
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00:04:39,075 --> 00:04:41,243
All right. Not to worry.
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00:04:41,277 --> 00:04:44,613
Because we arranged the
perfect jury for you.
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00:04:44,647 --> 00:04:46,683
Zack: These no way these dudes
are gonna find you guilty.
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00:04:46,716 --> 00:04:49,954
- Billy: Oh. My. God.
- Abbey: Whoa. [Laughs]
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00:04:49,979 --> 00:04:53,557
That is the royal flush of juries. Wow!
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You're absolutely right.
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This entire jury is biased in my favor.
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[Chuckles]
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00:05:00,037 --> 00:05:02,399
Damn you, rigged system!
136
00:05:02,488 --> 00:05:05,434
Your Honor, I would like to
waive my right to a jury trial.
137
00:05:05,467 --> 00:05:06,635
- [Gasps]
- Billy: What is he d...
138
00:05:06,668 --> 00:05:08,538
You realize, by waiving your right,
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00:05:08,570 --> 00:05:11,308
I'm the only person who
will decide your fate?
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00:05:11,341 --> 00:05:13,577
I defer to your judgment.
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00:05:13,610 --> 00:05:14,711
I'll allow it.
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00:05:14,743 --> 00:05:16,745
- Wow.
- Yes!
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00:05:16,779 --> 00:05:18,214
- Well, this sucks.
- Sucks.
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Hey, silver lining...
we get to go to trial
145
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- ... for the first time.
- Hell yeah, boy!
146
00:05:21,450 --> 00:05:22,986
Hell, yeah. Hey, first-trial selfie.
147
00:05:23,019 --> 00:05:24,554
Yeah, man, I'm gonna do a duck face.
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00:05:24,587 --> 00:05:27,427
Pam, I'm so glad you
could join us here today.
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00:05:27,452 --> 00:05:30,994
Well, I wanted to see for myself if
the fixer could actually fix Smoot.
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00:05:31,027 --> 00:05:32,962
[Chuckles] Oh, no!
151
00:05:32,995 --> 00:05:34,998
Who put that mural up, y'all?
152
00:05:35,031 --> 00:05:37,667
Come on, now! This is embarrassing!
153
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Who did it?
154
00:05:38,999 --> 00:05:41,071
- The students made this?
- Aren't they gifted?
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Well, let's go.
156
00:05:42,407 --> 00:05:44,927
There's so much to see, so little time.
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00:05:46,442 --> 00:05:48,945
This way. Hey, y'all.
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Students: Hello, Principal Goodman.
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Hello, writer Pam.
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00:05:52,281 --> 00:05:53,750
Now, Pam, as you can see,
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00:05:53,782 --> 00:05:56,585
Smoot is on the cutting
edge of technology.
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00:05:56,618 --> 00:05:58,621
We're always looking towards the future.
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00:05:58,654 --> 00:06:03,025
That's why I developed
my Imagine 2025 campaign.
164
00:06:03,058 --> 00:06:05,094
Sure does look like you
have righted the ship.
165
00:06:05,128 --> 00:06:07,596
Well, I don't want to
give myself all the credit.
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00:06:07,630 --> 00:06:09,432
I'm gonna leave some of that up to you.
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00:06:09,464 --> 00:06:12,469
- [Chuckles] Ooh, Pam, you okay?
- Yeah.
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00:06:13,303 --> 00:06:14,951
[Gasping]
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Cr?me de menthe!
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00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:20,154
[Gasping]
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00:06:22,644 --> 00:06:24,882
[Crow caws]
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My God.
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00:06:30,163 --> 00:06:32,188
What happened here?
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00:06:32,221 --> 00:06:35,224
[Coughing]
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00:06:37,659 --> 00:06:40,664
It's... it's so clean!
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00:06:40,697 --> 00:06:43,164
177
00:06:46,168 --> 00:06:47,803
What the hell?
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00:06:47,837 --> 00:06:50,297
179
00:06:51,841 --> 00:06:54,644
What are you doing in my classroom?
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Answer me!
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00:06:56,512 --> 00:07:00,017
My God. He's really playing.
182
00:07:01,416 --> 00:07:02,986
This is insane.
183
00:07:03,019 --> 00:07:05,034
Where is everybody?!
184
00:07:09,392 --> 00:07:12,028
What's going on? Where's Loren?
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00:07:12,060 --> 00:07:15,964
Students: Please. Thank
you. Please. Thank you.
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00:07:19,034 --> 00:07:21,103
Holy [bleep]!
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00:07:21,137 --> 00:07:24,208
I exploded myself into the future!
188
00:07:25,923 --> 00:07:28,225
- Aah!
- [Students screaming]
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The defense will try to show
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that this was an appropriate reaction
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00:07:32,962 --> 00:07:34,564
to a senior prank.
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00:07:34,598 --> 00:07:36,800
But let me ask you...
when was the last time
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00:07:36,834 --> 00:07:39,470
you were so scared, you
took off your clothes?
194
00:07:39,502 --> 00:07:41,238
I gotta get out of these.
I gotta get out of these!
195
00:07:41,271 --> 00:07:42,540
Not here. Not here. Not here.
196
00:07:42,572 --> 00:07:44,442
The prosecution will prove
197
00:07:44,474 --> 00:07:48,378
that this was the work
of a... sexual deviant
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00:07:48,411 --> 00:07:51,281
preying on the innocent
youth of our community.
199
00:07:51,315 --> 00:07:53,817
Wonderful, Miss Donovan.
200
00:07:53,851 --> 00:07:55,219
Mr. McCleese?
201
00:07:55,252 --> 00:07:58,422
Dude, it's "Zack." Mr.
McCleese is my stepfather.
202
00:07:58,454 --> 00:08:00,791
Uh, that was a pretty
tight opening statement,
203
00:08:00,824 --> 00:08:02,989
except for one problem...
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00:08:03,014 --> 00:08:05,849
everything she just said
205
00:08:05,874 --> 00:08:07,331
was total bull...
206
00:08:07,363 --> 00:08:09,553
The defense rests its case.
207
00:08:11,334 --> 00:08:13,904
You can't rest your case
208
00:08:13,937 --> 00:08:17,408
after your opening
statement, you asshole!
209
00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:20,777
[Bleep] Quinn is gonna get 20 years.
210
00:08:20,810 --> 00:08:23,113
The prosecution would like
to call its first witness,
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00:08:23,147 --> 00:08:25,080
Abigail Marie Rabinowitz Logan.
212
00:08:25,105 --> 00:08:26,190
Rabinowitz?
213
00:08:26,215 --> 00:08:27,318
I never dropped my husband's last name.
214
00:08:27,350 --> 00:08:30,020
- It was so much paperwork.
- Abbey, you have to let it go.
215
00:08:30,054 --> 00:08:31,856
Donovan: Miss Rabinowitz Logan.
216
00:08:31,888 --> 00:08:34,524
In your estimation,
do you think Mr. Quinn
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00:08:34,557 --> 00:08:37,260
knowingly exposed himself to students?
218
00:08:37,294 --> 00:08:38,696
Uh, no, definitely not.
219
00:08:38,728 --> 00:08:40,031
But how would you know?
220
00:08:40,064 --> 00:08:43,434
Oh, right, you were
involved in the prank.
221
00:08:43,467 --> 00:08:46,270
Well, I don't like to brag,
but the kids look up to me
222
00:08:46,302 --> 00:08:48,538
because I'm the coolest
teacher in school.
223
00:08:48,571 --> 00:08:49,839
- Not cool.
- That's not true.
224
00:08:49,873 --> 00:08:52,709
So you believe the students think
you're one of the coolest teachers?
225
00:08:52,743 --> 00:08:54,545
Uh, yeah, definitely.
226
00:08:54,578 --> 00:08:57,948
But the fact is, you've
never been cool, have you?
227
00:08:57,980 --> 00:08:59,783
I am cool.
228
00:08:59,816 --> 00:09:02,253
[Chuckling] I've always been cool.
229
00:09:02,620 --> 00:09:06,112
The prosecution would like
to introduce Exhibit B.
230
00:09:07,824 --> 00:09:09,627
Sorry. Gotta go, Britney Spears!
231
00:09:09,660 --> 00:09:11,934
Oh, okay. What... what...
what is... what is that?
232
00:09:11,959 --> 00:09:13,310
Hi!
233
00:09:13,799 --> 00:09:15,677
Oh, hi!
234
00:09:16,266 --> 00:09:19,236
This is the true story of
a proud virgin from D-town.
235
00:09:20,178 --> 00:09:21,738
Picked to live in a house
236
00:09:21,772 --> 00:09:23,907
and have her life be taped.
237
00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:25,242
What?
238
00:09:25,275 --> 00:09:27,078
Find out what happens
when Abbey Rabinowitz
239
00:09:27,110 --> 00:09:29,451
stops being polite and
starts getting real.
240
00:09:29,560 --> 00:09:30,580
Is that you?
241
00:09:30,613 --> 00:09:33,184
- "Real World: Abbey."
- [Cat meows]
242
00:09:33,217 --> 00:09:36,821
Oh, and if I get picked,
Meowthew Perry has to come
243
00:09:36,861 --> 00:09:38,697
because he's my favorite
and we're a team.
244
00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:41,061
"Real World: Abbey"!
245
00:09:41,086 --> 00:09:43,160
Turn it off! Turn it off!
246
00:09:43,193 --> 00:09:44,929
- [Laughing]
- This is an outrage!
247
00:09:44,962 --> 00:09:48,165
Back then, those
hairstyles were very cool!
248
00:09:48,198 --> 00:09:50,501
Miss Rabinowitz Logan, let's be frank.
249
00:09:50,533 --> 00:09:53,336
You're not very cool, are you?
250
00:09:53,369 --> 00:09:55,650
Sometimes I'm...
251
00:09:56,595 --> 00:09:58,970
Quinn thinks I'm... I'm cool.
252
00:09:59,181 --> 00:10:02,780
And yet you said you were cool.
253
00:10:02,813 --> 00:10:05,783
So we can't believe
anything you say, right?
254
00:10:05,815 --> 00:10:06,826
[Crying] I don't know.
255
00:10:06,851 --> 00:10:10,621
Including what you said
about Mr. Quinn's motives.
256
00:10:10,653 --> 00:10:12,471
No further questions.
257
00:10:13,489 --> 00:10:15,024
State your name for the record, please.
258
00:10:15,057 --> 00:10:16,860
Andrew Crispin Fairbell, Your Honor.
259
00:10:16,893 --> 00:10:19,897
Don't call me "Your Honor."
You're thinking of the judge.
260
00:10:19,930 --> 00:10:22,532
Uh, no, I'm thinking of an
astronaut, but good guess.
261
00:10:22,565 --> 00:10:24,535
Okay, uh, Mr. Fairbell,
262
00:10:24,568 --> 00:10:28,038
you were with Geoffrey Quinn
on the night in question?
263
00:10:28,070 --> 00:10:29,574
- No.
- No.
264
00:10:31,407 --> 00:10:32,642
I don't know.
265
00:10:32,675 --> 00:10:35,378
Um, uh...
266
00:10:35,411 --> 00:10:38,648
has Mr. Quinn ever
mentioned the prospect
267
00:10:38,673 --> 00:10:40,860
of exposing himself to you?
268
00:10:41,626 --> 00:10:42,962
I don't know.
269
00:10:42,987 --> 00:10:44,961
You don't seem to know a lot.
270
00:10:44,986 --> 00:10:48,090
Uh, is it because you're hungry?
271
00:10:49,462 --> 00:10:51,494
Oh, did you want one of these?
272
00:10:51,527 --> 00:10:53,270
- Yes, please.
- Oh
273
00:10:54,973 --> 00:10:57,691
Let's try this again.
Um... [Clears throat]
274
00:10:58,246 --> 00:11:01,105
Did Mr. Quinn ever mention nudity?
275
00:11:01,137 --> 00:11:03,406
- Definitely. Definitely.
- Oh. [Chuckles]
276
00:11:03,440 --> 00:11:05,342
How is she getting away
with giving him candy?
277
00:11:05,374 --> 00:11:06,910
Because they're not even listening.
278
00:11:06,944 --> 00:11:08,813
Look, she is liking all of my Instas.
279
00:11:08,845 --> 00:11:10,446
Nah, dude, I think she's a bot.
280
00:11:10,479 --> 00:11:12,517
So you would call him a predator?
281
00:11:12,542 --> 00:11:14,084
Definitely. We call him
"Predator" all the time.
282
00:11:14,117 --> 00:11:16,066
- Just like in the movie.
- Mm-hmm.
283
00:11:16,402 --> 00:11:18,589
And so just to clarify,
284
00:11:18,622 --> 00:11:21,753
you would call him a sex...
285
00:11:21,791 --> 00:11:23,792
... ophone...
286
00:11:23,878 --> 00:11:25,129
- ... pre...
- ... preda...
287
00:11:25,161 --> 00:11:26,964
... pressurer. Saxophone pressurer!
288
00:11:26,997 --> 00:11:28,299
- Sexual predator.
- Saxophone predator.
289
00:11:28,331 --> 00:11:31,133
Let the record state that
he said "sexual predator."
290
00:11:31,634 --> 00:11:33,469
No further questions.
291
00:11:33,502 --> 00:11:37,250
Am I gonna go to jail? They told me
I'd be home in time for "Raw Jam 4."
292
00:11:37,974 --> 00:11:40,476
Tammy! You're alive!
293
00:11:40,509 --> 00:11:43,046
Yeah. Where the hell have you been?
294
00:11:43,079 --> 00:11:45,782
I think the question is
when have I been.
295
00:11:45,815 --> 00:11:47,117
That doesn't make any sense, Rod.
296
00:11:47,150 --> 00:11:50,009
What's happening around here?
Everybody's acting like robots.
297
00:11:50,034 --> 00:11:53,360
Oh, that's the new regime.
We went full Pyongyang.
298
00:11:53,385 --> 00:11:55,959
Pyongyang?! The...
The North Koreans won?!
299
00:11:55,993 --> 00:11:57,361
Oh, my God!
300
00:11:57,393 --> 00:11:59,462
What else have I missed
in the last 10 years?
301
00:11:59,496 --> 00:12:01,131
Rod, what year do you think it is?
302
00:12:01,164 --> 00:12:03,300
2025. I saw the sign!
303
00:12:03,333 --> 00:12:06,781
[Laughing]
304
00:12:07,503 --> 00:12:08,639
Why are you laughing?!
305
00:12:08,664 --> 00:12:10,549
[Laughs]
306
00:12:10,782 --> 00:12:12,343
Oh, it's nothing.
307
00:12:12,819 --> 00:12:15,379
Laughter's precious here in 2025
308
00:12:15,411 --> 00:12:16,980
under the thumb of our new leader.
309
00:12:17,013 --> 00:12:18,315
How widespread is it?
310
00:12:18,348 --> 00:12:19,717
It's out of control.
311
00:12:19,749 --> 00:12:21,150
If only we had a...
312
00:12:21,184 --> 00:12:26,190
a big, strong former
Marine to fix the situation.
313
00:12:26,223 --> 00:12:29,445
Tammy. That's mostly what I am.
314
00:12:29,470 --> 00:12:31,461
- [Whistle blows]
- What the hell is that?!
315
00:12:31,492 --> 00:12:34,265
Oh, it's a... it's a propaganda rally.
316
00:12:34,297 --> 00:12:35,932
For the, uh, visiting press.
317
00:12:35,965 --> 00:12:38,067
Rod: Not if I have
anything to say about it!
318
00:12:38,436 --> 00:12:41,448
I'm gonna need to borrow Old Glory here.
319
00:12:42,272 --> 00:12:46,109
Time to suck stripes, you
bowl-cut sons of bitches!
320
00:12:46,142 --> 00:12:48,211
- [Laughs]
- [Door opens]
321
00:12:51,131 --> 00:12:53,751
Now, can you believe they
just do this on their own?
322
00:12:53,783 --> 00:12:56,286
It's like they're
overcome with Smoot spirit.
323
00:12:56,320 --> 00:12:58,522
Wow. This is incredible.
324
00:12:58,555 --> 00:13:01,624
USA! USA!
325
00:13:01,649 --> 00:13:02,733
- USA!
- Oh, that's Bob.
326
00:13:02,758 --> 00:13:04,728
He's just one of our teachers
showing his patriotism.
327
00:13:04,761 --> 00:13:06,397
He's probably gonna teach
them some new drills.
328
00:13:06,430 --> 00:13:09,532
Have you seen our, uh... our
advanced education classroom?
329
00:13:09,565 --> 00:13:11,535
Wolverines!
330
00:13:11,568 --> 00:13:14,471
You can pry it out of my cold,
dead hands, you filthy pinkos!
331
00:13:14,503 --> 00:13:15,805
Aah!
332
00:13:15,839 --> 00:13:17,407
[Students scream]
333
00:13:20,743 --> 00:13:23,931
The prosecution calls
William Sonoma Shoemaker.
334
00:13:23,956 --> 00:13:25,624
- What?
- [All laugh]
335
00:13:25,695 --> 00:13:29,266
What? What are you laughing at?
I was conceived in wine country.
336
00:13:29,299 --> 00:13:31,134
Sounds like you were conceived
right next to a Gap Kids.
337
00:13:31,159 --> 00:13:34,032
Oh, ha ha ha ha ha ha. That's so funny.
338
00:13:34,056 --> 00:13:36,726
All right? Now watch and learn.
339
00:13:36,751 --> 00:13:41,177
This ambulance chaser is
gonna get nothing out of me.
340
00:13:41,210 --> 00:13:44,147
Like blood from a stone.
341
00:13:44,180 --> 00:13:45,952
Mr. Shoemaker.
342
00:13:46,459 --> 00:13:48,663
Do you need a moment before we being?
343
00:13:48,688 --> 00:13:50,854
Huh? Uh, Yeah. No.
344
00:13:50,887 --> 00:13:53,772
I... [Burps] I'm... I'm sorry.
345
00:13:53,797 --> 00:13:55,724
Mr. Shoemaker, in your deposition,
346
00:13:55,758 --> 00:13:58,808
you said that Principal
Quinn had done nothing wrong.
347
00:13:58,833 --> 00:14:02,628
Nothing wrong. I mean, who
really ever does nothing wrong?
348
00:14:02,653 --> 00:14:07,025
Yet you also had kind of a wild night
on the night in question, correct?
349
00:14:07,050 --> 00:14:08,235
Wild? I mean...
350
00:14:08,260 --> 00:14:11,586
w-w-we were all wild
that night, yeah.
351
00:14:11,611 --> 00:14:12,642
We?
352
00:14:12,675 --> 00:14:16,396
So you admit that you had
a wild night with Mr. Quinn?
353
00:14:16,421 --> 00:14:19,763
[Burps] Well, I... was not...
354
00:14:19,818 --> 00:14:21,286
naked like he was...
355
00:14:21,319 --> 00:14:23,555
not that he meant "on tentionally."
356
00:14:23,588 --> 00:14:26,190
He didn't m-mean to do it on purpo...
357
00:14:26,223 --> 00:14:28,826
May I have some more
water, please? Thank you.
358
00:14:28,990 --> 00:14:32,031
I'm hesitant to let you have another
glass of water, Mr. Shoemaker,
359
00:14:32,064 --> 00:14:34,132
because I'm afraid
you'll have an accident.
360
00:14:34,165 --> 00:14:36,834
You have accidents, don't you?
361
00:14:36,867 --> 00:14:39,338
In fact, you had an accident
362
00:14:39,371 --> 00:14:40,940
on the night in question, correct?
363
00:14:40,965 --> 00:14:42,473
You know, I don't recall.
364
00:14:42,507 --> 00:14:43,809
Do these look familiar?
365
00:14:43,842 --> 00:14:45,175
[Burps]
366
00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:46,337
Quinn: "Badonks"?!
367
00:14:46,362 --> 00:14:48,647
You're, like, one of the
most popular girls in school.
368
00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:51,550
You know, I-I-I don't think
I've ever seen those before.
369
00:14:51,583 --> 00:14:54,887
Oh, well, then they probably won't fit.
370
00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:57,055
Your Honor, the prosecution requests
371
00:14:57,088 --> 00:14:59,090
that Mr. Shoemaker try these on.
372
00:14:59,123 --> 00:15:00,258
Objective!
373
00:15:00,291 --> 00:15:03,161
It's "objection," you idiot.
374
00:15:03,194 --> 00:15:04,530
Overruled.
375
00:15:04,563 --> 00:15:07,904
I want to see what happens
when he puts the shorts on.
376
00:15:08,717 --> 00:15:10,768
Feel free to use my chambers.
377
00:15:10,801 --> 00:15:12,844
Could I borrow your gun?
378
00:15:13,738 --> 00:15:15,110
[Door closes]
379
00:15:17,532 --> 00:15:21,512
Billy: Well, there it is,
Billy boy, you are caught.
380
00:15:21,537 --> 00:15:25,084
I-I wore these shorts. It's so clear.
381
00:15:25,117 --> 00:15:28,053
I'm guilty. What a disaster.
382
00:15:28,085 --> 00:15:30,621
Accidents. What was I...
Everyone has accidents.
383
00:15:30,655 --> 00:15:33,925
I did it all, though.
God. And the burping.
384
00:15:33,959 --> 00:15:37,685
Plus I've never paid a
single tax to the IRS.
385
00:15:49,605 --> 00:15:51,363
What? XYZ?
386
00:15:53,158 --> 00:15:55,330
My mike was on, wasn't it?
387
00:15:56,268 --> 00:15:58,050
The prosecution rests.
388
00:15:58,083 --> 00:15:59,384
Defense?
389
00:15:59,416 --> 00:16:01,652
Uh, yeah, we're gonna pass.
390
00:16:01,677 --> 00:16:02,820
This is ridiculous.
391
00:16:02,845 --> 00:16:03,953
- Yeah.
- I know, right?
392
00:16:03,978 --> 00:16:05,155
We're getting creamed right now!
393
00:16:05,180 --> 00:16:07,559
We're your defense team,
not miracle workers.
394
00:16:07,592 --> 00:16:09,459
Yeah, well, guess what. Not anymore.
395
00:16:09,484 --> 00:16:12,827
Your Honor, I move to defend myself.
396
00:16:12,852 --> 00:16:14,500
[Gasps]
397
00:16:14,532 --> 00:16:16,435
Sure. Why not?
398
00:16:16,468 --> 00:16:19,787
Law Bros, you are dismissed.
399
00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:22,240
Fine. At least we're
leaving with some dignity.
400
00:16:22,273 --> 00:16:23,508
Yeah.
401
00:16:24,006 --> 00:16:28,412
[Both imitating engines]
402
00:16:28,445 --> 00:16:30,748
Ow! Whoa!
403
00:16:31,146 --> 00:16:34,399
Mr. Quinn, do you need a
recess to prepare your defense?
404
00:16:34,424 --> 00:16:38,991
No, I do not. This case is about intent.
405
00:16:39,023 --> 00:16:40,992
There's only one
person in this courtroom
406
00:16:41,026 --> 00:16:42,960
who knows what was in
my heart that night.
407
00:16:42,993 --> 00:16:45,088
- Oh, God, no.
- Because he always does.
408
00:16:45,113 --> 00:16:46,557
Don't say me. Do not
say me. Do not say me.
409
00:16:46,582 --> 00:16:48,127
I would like to call to the stand,
410
00:16:48,152 --> 00:16:50,701
- Loren Louis Payton.
- Do not say me.
411
00:16:50,735 --> 00:16:52,271
God damn it!
412
00:16:52,304 --> 00:16:54,038
413
00:16:54,072 --> 00:16:55,820
[Door opens]
414
00:16:56,307 --> 00:16:59,277
[Grunts] Well, they've
all been brainwashed!
415
00:16:59,311 --> 00:17:01,647
Okay, this... this is... this
is getting a bit out of hand.
416
00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:02,948
You're damn right it is.
417
00:17:02,980 --> 00:17:05,616
Okay, look, we can't do
anything about it today,
418
00:17:05,658 --> 00:17:08,525
but by tomorrow, everything
will be over and we...
419
00:17:08,550 --> 00:17:12,291
Over? Are you talking
nukes? End of the world?
420
00:17:12,324 --> 00:17:15,060
Oh, damn it. It's worse than I thought.
421
00:17:15,093 --> 00:17:18,063
Okay, it's too late to do
something about it today,
422
00:17:18,392 --> 00:17:21,896
but it's not too early to do
something about it yesterday.
423
00:17:22,942 --> 00:17:24,677
Goodbye, Tammy.
424
00:17:25,437 --> 00:17:27,773
Till we re-meet again.
425
00:17:31,176 --> 00:17:34,479
Your Honor, permission
to hug the witness.
426
00:17:34,787 --> 00:17:37,481
- Come on.
- At this point, why not?
427
00:17:37,515 --> 00:17:38,919
- Hey, come here.
- No.
428
00:17:38,944 --> 00:17:40,606
- Come here. Come here.
- Quinn.
429
00:17:40,716 --> 00:17:42,144
- [Sighs]
- Doing all right?
430
00:17:42,169 --> 00:17:43,935
- Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine.
- You hanging in there?
431
00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:45,690
Mr. Quinn, any day now.
432
00:17:45,724 --> 00:17:48,248
Yeah. Almost done.
433
00:17:48,273 --> 00:17:50,771
- [Smooches] Okay.
- Okay.
434
00:17:52,029 --> 00:17:55,499
Would you say that we are...
435
00:17:55,533 --> 00:17:56,602
best friends?
436
00:17:56,634 --> 00:17:58,573
- We work together.
- And?
437
00:17:58,598 --> 00:18:01,387
- We're best friends.
- We're work friends.
438
00:18:01,412 --> 00:18:03,374
Best work friends?
439
00:18:03,408 --> 00:18:05,677
And may I remind you,
you are under oath.
440
00:18:05,709 --> 00:18:08,113
Fine. We're best work friends.
Quinn, will you get to the point?
441
00:18:08,145 --> 00:18:09,447
This is the point!
442
00:18:09,480 --> 00:18:12,168
This has always been the
point. Don't you get that?
443
00:18:12,193 --> 00:18:14,686
Fine, okay. We're best friends.
444
00:18:14,711 --> 00:18:16,291
Best.
445
00:18:17,213 --> 00:18:19,393
And let me ask you,
as your best friend...
446
00:18:19,877 --> 00:18:22,361
as we are best friends.
We've established that.
447
00:18:22,393 --> 00:18:27,132
Would I ever intentionally
expose myself to children?
448
00:18:27,164 --> 00:18:30,635
No. Absolutely not. No way.
449
00:18:30,669 --> 00:18:32,823
[Laughs]
450
00:18:32,848 --> 00:18:34,806
No further questions, Your Honor.
451
00:18:34,839 --> 00:18:37,854
The defense rests.
452
00:18:39,338 --> 00:18:41,446
Judge: Your witness, counselor.
453
00:18:41,478 --> 00:18:43,748
Mr. Payton, do you know what perjury is?
454
00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:46,645
Uh, is that like when, uh, somebody
eats a whole sheet cake and then...
455
00:18:46,670 --> 00:18:48,389
[gags]
456
00:18:48,420 --> 00:18:50,268
- That's purging.
- Oh.
457
00:18:50,293 --> 00:18:52,286
- Perjury is when you lie...
- Oh, like that dope-ass movie
458
00:18:52,311 --> 00:18:53,911
... where everything's
legal for like a day?
459
00:18:53,936 --> 00:18:54,987
That's "The Purge."
460
00:18:55,012 --> 00:18:58,130
Perjury is when you lie under oath.
461
00:18:58,162 --> 00:18:59,730
Have you committed perjury?
462
00:18:59,764 --> 00:19:01,761
No, I have not committed perjury.
463
00:19:01,786 --> 00:19:03,434
And yet you testified
464
00:19:03,468 --> 00:19:06,839
that Principal Quinn
is your best friend.
465
00:19:06,894 --> 00:19:08,619
Yes. Sure. Whatever.
466
00:19:08,644 --> 00:19:09,807
People's Exhibit C.
467
00:19:09,841 --> 00:19:13,245
This is the visitor's log
from the Denver County Jail.
468
00:19:13,277 --> 00:19:15,521
Would you care to guess
whose name is not on it?
469
00:19:15,546 --> 00:19:19,177
Hey, objection. Uh,
Loren is a very busy guy.
470
00:19:19,202 --> 00:19:20,451
Overruled.
471
00:19:20,485 --> 00:19:22,454
Your name isn't on it, Mr. Payton,
472
00:19:22,487 --> 00:19:25,189
because you never visited
the defendant in jail.
473
00:19:25,222 --> 00:19:27,425
But surely you would have called
474
00:19:27,459 --> 00:19:29,428
your best friend in prison, right?
475
00:19:29,460 --> 00:19:30,620
You know, I don't remember.
476
00:19:30,651 --> 00:19:31,777
I do.
477
00:19:31,802 --> 00:19:35,132
Not only did you not call
the defendant in prison,
478
00:19:35,166 --> 00:19:36,935
but according to these phone records,
479
00:19:36,968 --> 00:19:38,969
you've never called him at all.
480
00:19:39,003 --> 00:19:40,811
Objection. [Laughs]
481
00:19:40,882 --> 00:19:43,936
There's a lot of people who
never call their best friends.
482
00:19:43,961 --> 00:19:45,117
Overruled.
483
00:19:45,142 --> 00:19:49,381
Mr. Payton, if you called a
particular number 81 times,
484
00:19:49,413 --> 00:19:52,651
surely that person would
be your best friend, right?
485
00:19:52,683 --> 00:19:54,485
Yeah, right. It's probably just
486
00:19:54,518 --> 00:19:57,322
some sweet side piece I
was working at the time.
487
00:19:57,354 --> 00:19:58,694
Please, please be a video.
488
00:19:58,719 --> 00:20:00,249
Okay, I-I'm just gonna call the number.
489
00:20:00,274 --> 00:20:02,460
No, you don't... you don't have
to actually call him. That's...
490
00:20:02,494 --> 00:20:03,585
Yeah, give me a second.
I'm just gonna call him.
491
00:20:03,610 --> 00:20:05,507
No, it's good. It's good.
492
00:20:05,772 --> 00:20:08,333
Cody: Yo, this is Cody.
You know what to do.
493
00:20:08,365 --> 00:20:10,568
And if this is Loren,
stop calling, dude.
494
00:20:10,602 --> 00:20:12,137
- It's weird.
- [Beep]
495
00:20:12,554 --> 00:20:14,238
Do you want to leave a message?
496
00:20:14,272 --> 00:20:16,421
No, I'm... I'm good.
497
00:20:16,740 --> 00:20:19,344
You sure you don't
want to leave a message?
498
00:20:21,113 --> 00:20:22,647
Hey, Codes, what's up, bro?
499
00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:24,548
Dude! Ha ha! Hilarious message!
500
00:20:24,582 --> 00:20:26,517
Ha ha ha! How's stuff at college?
501
00:20:26,551 --> 00:20:28,661
Are you taking those psychology courses?
502
00:20:28,686 --> 00:20:30,989
Get at me. Love you,
bud. Kickin' summer.
503
00:20:31,014 --> 00:20:32,255
God.
504
00:20:33,451 --> 00:20:34,500
[Beep]
505
00:20:34,526 --> 00:20:36,695
No further questions.
506
00:20:36,728 --> 00:20:38,196
A redirect, Your Honor?
507
00:20:38,228 --> 00:20:39,430
Oh, why not?
508
00:20:39,464 --> 00:20:42,367
Loren, I apologize
509
00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:44,402
that I am not the kind of friend
510
00:20:44,436 --> 00:20:47,372
that you would ever
want to come and visit.
511
00:20:47,404 --> 00:20:49,007
And I don't know who Cody is,
512
00:20:49,039 --> 00:20:52,045
but he sounds like a
pretty lucky guy to me.
513
00:20:53,644 --> 00:20:55,446
No further feelings, Your Honor.
514
00:20:55,479 --> 00:20:57,015
Can I... can I be done with this?
515
00:20:57,047 --> 00:21:00,218
Please. Please. Go.
516
00:21:03,704 --> 00:21:04,911
I'm sorry, Quinn.
517
00:21:09,404 --> 00:21:11,255
Bravo.
518
00:21:12,564 --> 00:21:14,432
Loren: Shut up.
519
00:21:16,912 --> 00:21:18,681
I'm ready to give my verdict.
520
00:21:18,831 --> 00:21:22,021
Geoffrey Quinn, please rise.
521
00:21:24,477 --> 00:21:25,855
All right.
522
00:21:25,888 --> 00:21:28,132
I have witnessed here today
523
00:21:28,157 --> 00:21:32,476
a litany of perjury, poor character,
524
00:21:32,501 --> 00:21:35,071
and terrible fashion choices.
525
00:21:35,368 --> 00:21:37,648
But thanks to the prosecution,
526
00:21:37,673 --> 00:21:40,116
I was able to view the tape.
527
00:21:40,141 --> 00:21:43,398
Clearly there was no intent
528
00:21:43,423 --> 00:21:46,493
to expose yourself to students.
529
00:21:46,527 --> 00:21:49,530
Now, I knew this, but I wanted to see
530
00:21:49,564 --> 00:21:51,700
if you could get there on your own.
531
00:21:51,732 --> 00:21:53,701
Plus, I get paid hourly.
532
00:21:53,735 --> 00:21:57,781
I find you not guilty.
You're free to go.
533
00:21:58,234 --> 00:21:59,874
Yeah!
534
00:21:59,907 --> 00:22:02,076
[All laughing]
535
00:22:03,242 --> 00:22:06,283
Quinn, that's amazing.
Your nightmare is over.
536
00:22:06,308 --> 00:22:08,283
Oh! I almost forgot!
537
00:22:08,308 --> 00:22:10,778
Mr. Shoemaker, you'll be contacted
538
00:22:10,803 --> 00:22:12,528
about your tax evasion.
539
00:22:12,553 --> 00:22:14,122
[Burps]
540
00:22:14,949 --> 00:22:16,351
Well, color me impressed.
541
00:22:16,384 --> 00:22:18,353
They don't call you "the fixer"
for nothing, Principal Goodman.
542
00:22:18,385 --> 00:22:20,454
- Oh, go on.
- Quinn: Tam! Tam!
543
00:22:20,488 --> 00:22:21,722
Was that Geoffrey Quinn?
544
00:22:21,756 --> 00:22:23,725
Oh, my God!
545
00:22:23,758 --> 00:22:25,693
- Pam, have you seen our side door?
- Was he acquitted?
546
00:22:25,727 --> 00:22:26,795
Oh, my God, Cattie.
547
00:22:26,827 --> 00:22:28,730
This place looks
incredible. What did you do?
548
00:22:28,762 --> 00:22:30,932
Is that you as Chairman Mao?
549
00:22:30,964 --> 00:22:33,534
No! That's... that's...
that's Rachael Ray for home ec.
550
00:22:33,567 --> 00:22:35,779
The only way back...
551
00:22:37,404 --> 00:22:39,740
is the same way I got here.
552
00:22:39,773 --> 00:22:41,609
Well, I got to say,
553
00:22:41,643 --> 00:22:44,546
this place didn't look this
good when I was principal.
554
00:22:44,578 --> 00:22:47,749
Maybe Smoot is better off without me.
555
00:22:47,781 --> 00:22:49,416
Well, there you have it
from the horse's mouth.
556
00:22:49,450 --> 00:22:52,086
Now don't be afraid to write down
everything you saw here today, Pam.
557
00:22:52,119 --> 00:22:54,088
Time to blow myself back in time
558
00:22:54,122 --> 00:22:57,192
and save the good old U.S. of A.
559
00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:05,918
Yippee-ki-yay, mother...
560
00:23:06,299 --> 00:23:08,669
You son of a...
561
00:23:09,421 --> 00:23:11,490
Oh, God damn it.
562
00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:13,775
[Explosion]
563
00:23:13,807 --> 00:23:17,228
[Screaming]
564
00:23:17,278 --> 00:23:19,948
Prison riot! Prison riot!
565
00:23:19,980 --> 00:23:21,281
[Screaming]
566
00:23:21,315 --> 00:23:23,317
- Quinn. Come on. Come on.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
567
00:23:23,350 --> 00:23:24,785
It's okay. It's okay.
568
00:23:24,818 --> 00:23:26,721
Aah!
569
00:23:30,095 --> 00:23:32,126
- Oh, my...
- Loren: Oh.
570
00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:34,195
You four! You did this!
571
00:23:34,228 --> 00:23:35,830
My bad-luck charms!
572
00:23:35,863 --> 00:23:38,082
This school is cursed,
you hear?! It's cursed!
573
00:23:38,107 --> 00:23:39,500
Oh, can I quote you on that?
574
00:23:39,534 --> 00:23:42,075
Get the [bleep] out of our school, Pam!
575
00:23:42,341 --> 00:23:44,341
I got to say, with
that kind of language,
576
00:23:44,366 --> 00:23:46,974
there's no way they're gonna
take it easy on you in the press.
577
00:23:47,008 --> 00:23:49,309
You angling to get your...
your job back there, Quinn, huh?
578
00:23:49,343 --> 00:23:50,378
Is that what you're trying to do?
579
00:23:50,411 --> 00:23:53,480
'Cause nobody becomes principal
here at Smoot without my say so.
580
00:23:53,513 --> 00:23:55,389
No, no, no, no, no. I'm
just happy to be out.
581
00:23:55,414 --> 00:23:57,818
I'm... I'm eager to help
out in any way that I can.
582
00:23:57,852 --> 00:23:59,387
Yeah, well good. Good, good.
583
00:23:59,420 --> 00:24:00,889
'Cause you can be the janitor.
584
00:24:00,922 --> 00:24:02,323
Here. Yeah. Yeah.
585
00:24:02,355 --> 00:24:04,159
Because I'm the
principal of this school!
586
00:24:04,192 --> 00:24:06,294
Cattie Goodman don't need
no jailbird coming in here
587
00:24:06,327 --> 00:24:08,529
and fixing things, 'cause
Cattie Goodman is the fixer,
588
00:24:08,563 --> 00:24:10,754
'cause... 'cause Cattie
Goodman fixes Smoot!
589
00:24:10,779 --> 00:24:12,900
Pleasure doing business
with you, silver spoon.
590
00:24:12,933 --> 00:24:14,068
Bitch.
591
00:24:14,102 --> 00:24:15,753
Cr?me de menthe!
592
00:24:15,792 --> 00:24:17,172
- Aah!
- What year is it?!
593
00:24:17,197 --> 00:24:18,947
Of course he's naked!
594
00:24:18,972 --> 00:24:22,176
You guys got to help me
defeat the North Koreans!
595
00:24:22,201 --> 00:24:24,328
[Sobbing]
596
00:24:24,758 --> 00:24:27,007
It is good to be back.
597
00:24:27,057 --> 00:24:31,607
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