All language subtitles for Those Who Cant s02e05 White Guilt Trip.eng

Yay!

So happy that you guys
are all here today,

especially the media.

Stop sucking up.

Quit stalling. Where
are the LaMar's Donuts?

- At the end.
- [Sighs]

I'd like to introduce a
new section of our library

dedicated to the history of Smoot High.

[Chuckles]

Okay, here I go.

Chugga-chugga-chugga
chugga-chugga-chugga

Chugga-chugga-chugga
chugga-chugga-chugga.

Smoot High!

I call it "The Smootsonian."

- [Sighs]
- Because it's, like, cute.

It's like The Smithsonian, but it's a...

Oh.

[Laughs loudly]

Thank you, Fairbell.

He's not laughing at you.

He read a "Marmaduke" earlier,

and it's just catching up with him.

It's like, "Who's walking who?"

- He's, like, a horse.
- Yeah, okay, we get it.

Anyway, I found all this
stuff in our basement.

Can you believe that?

Including these slides.

Lights, please.

Here we go!

Okay, this is what our
school used to look like.

It says, "The School."
Isn't that adorable?

[Chuckles]

Uh, this is our founder
and first principal,

John "Big Whiskey" Chandler.

It was under his tutelage

that we became an athletic powerhouse.

What?

So we weren't always
the Fighting Tariffs.

At one point, we were the...

- "Rappin'" Apaches.
- _

Isn't that cool? Wicka-wicka-wicka?

Hey, Abbey, shouldn't
"rappin'" have two P's in it?

Wicka-wicka-wha?

- [Laughing] Holy [bleep]
- Wow.

We were the Smoot High Raping Apaches?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay.

- Wow!
- That's all right.

The show is over.

- It's still on you.
- Oh, what.

Eddie, it's your sixth year
here. No one's impressed.

Synced and corrected by Aaronnmb
www.addic7ed.com

_

[Groans]

The Rapin' Apaches.

Who even names a team that?

Right, Rod, 'cause no team in history

has never had a racist mascot.

Not like the Atlanta Braves

or the Washington Redskins
or the Cleveland Indians.

No, I meant cause the plural
of Apache is just Apache.

But yeah, whatever you're saying, man.

- What's going on, guys?
- Oh, my God.

You smell like a Subway
sandwich shop at noon.

- Delicious.
- For?

They mean yeast. You brewing, Loren?

No. What... Rod, come on!

Brewing beer at school's illegal.

- [Laughs]
- I would never do that.

- Hey, remember how Abbey's racist?
- Wait, I am not racist!

I love Native Americans.

I didn't create the Raping
Apaches. I just found it.

Excuse me, could you please watch
your language around the baby?

I'm sorry.

God, have I told you how
much I hate flour baby week?

It's not flour baby week.

It's "It Takes a Village
With Flour Babies" week.

Plus, it's important that
I teach my health kids

about being nurturing parents.

Isn't that right, Geremy?

[High-pitched voice]
That's right, daddy.

[Normal voice] Oop. Little burp?

Uh, what kind of name is Geremy?

It's a combination of
my two favorite names...

Gary and Geremy.

Well, word's out.

Now libtard bloggers
everywhere are all up in arms

about this Apache nonsense.

There it is. You know what, Cattie?

These libtard bloggers, they
have a right to be upset!

More and more voices
are silenced every day

by the entitled white man!

Shoemaker is right.

- You know, when I was growing up...
- Tammy, I'm talking.

You know, we have to
work harder as a people

to be more responsive

to the voices of our
oppressed brothers and sisters.

You know, sometimes
I feel invisible, too?

Again with the interrupting. God!

Well, great. I lost my train of thought.

Tammy Sherman, everyone.

Well, anyway,

seems the school board had a pow-wow

about all the negative publicity

and are demanding we bring in a group
of Native American kids for the day.

Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Native American kids
are coming here to Smoot?

Yeah, some B.S. photo-op
where we bring the kids in,

they smile, we take pictures,

blah-blah-blah, wah-wah-wah,
we're not racist anymore.

Are you kidding?

I've been preparing
for this my whole life.

What are they? Are they
Kiowa, Paiute, Shoshone?

No, no, no. Don't tell
me. I want to be surprised.

Well I'll be damned.
You're not entirely useless!

What do you say you become our liaison

to Native American Affairs?

I would be honored.

God, this could usher in
a new era of tolerance!

Just take some pictures
and make us look good

while I visit this
dang reservation school.

Another dumbass demand by the district.

[Chuckles]

Oh, and by the way,

the, uh, library will be
closed, uh, until further notice.

- Wait. Wh... wh-wh-why? why?
- Thank God.

Well, apparently, our library

is where all the Smoot
skeletons are buried.

- Yeah.
- [Groans]

Cattie, real quick,
I'd like to talk to you

about some changes to the parking lot.

- [Cellphone alarm sounds]
- Oh, that's just, um, my reminder

that I have to get to class.

Nothing to do with
brewing. [Laughs nervously]

Hey, go Rapin' Apaches! Huh?

- Shh.
- Sorry, Geremy.

You know, Fairbell,
the library's closed,

and I don't have anything to do.

And I used to be a doula, so...

Congrats.

Well, I was actually talking about

maybe helping you with your class.

Oh, yeah, sure.

But first, you got to
change Geremy's poopy diaper.

- [Thump]
- Ohh!

[Whispering] Don't worry.
It's just a Mr. Goodbar.

Himalayan sea salt.

[Liquid bubbling]

A little rose water.

And just a pinch of ancho chili.

- [Bleep] What?
- Hey, Don Michelob.

- I know what you're doing.
- Yeah.

- And you're doing it wrong.
- You know what, Rod?

When I need a consultation
on a 30 rack of Natty Light,

you'll be my first call.

But I'm actually working on
something above your pay grade.

Let me guess... amber
head, tinny after taste?

How'd you know that?

Are you a brewer?

Was. My passion now is
distilling creme de menthe.

Cr?me de menthe?

Can't you just buy that
for like $12 a bottle?

I make it for $11.50.

Although I've been burned before.

Literally.

The combustion point of cr?me de
menthe is 88 degrees Fahrenheit.

- 88? That's like a warm spring day.
- Yeah.

That's why it's the most
dangerous of all the aperitifs.

That's why nobody makes it anymore.

Oh, I thought it was because
it tastes like elf [bleep]

Well, I can see my
help here isn't wanted.

No, no, no, Rod, I'm just joking around.

You gotta help me, dude. I am
so close to perfecting this.

Come on.

All right. I'll help you.

- Yes!
- But if we're gonna do this,

we're gonna do this the right way.

Okay.

Yeah.

What are you looking at?

[School bell rings]

Hello. My eyes are up here.

Thank you.

All right, now my mom always taught me

that if you want to get
a baby to breastfeed,

sweeten the spout with a little sugar.

Of course, sugar will gum up the works,

so you just pop these in the dishwasher.

Just like Mom used to make.

Okay, I think I'm gonna stop you there.

Uh, do not put your
breasts in the dishwasher,

and you don't have to
trick babies with sugar.

Breastfeeding is the most
natural impulse that they have.

- I'm gonna stop you right there.
- Why?

I've been teaching this
class for seven years,

so I think I know a little bit
more about how breasts work.

Thanks for trying.

As a woman who's had actual
breasts for... nine years,

I think that I'm a little more qualified

to talk about them.

[Laughs]

I mean, have I actually
breastfed a baby? No.

But, you know, sometimes
the timing is not right,

no matter how much Tom's mom
wants you to have a kid. [Chuckles]

So you sneak off during
Thanksgiving dinner

and you go to the Rite
Aid and buy a Plan B pill.

But Tom has an actual family now.

I know that from Facebook!

But I'm happy for him.
I'm very happy for him.

Okay, thanks, Abbey,

for oversharing that super-sad story.

We're gonna go to lunch.

When we get back, we're
gonna start our village.

Get ready to be parents.

Who doesn't love babies!

[Laughs]

I know [bleep] Tom does!

- Language.
- This is gonna be fun!

Move out of the way, Dawn!

[Laughs]

Yes! Friends.

Welcome to Smoot.

Oh, this is great. Come on, gather in.

Hi. My name is William Shoemaker.

But you can call me Billiam.

[Chuckles]

Anyway, welcome to Smoot.

And what is your name?

Whoa, man. Todd.

Oh. You don't have to use

your Anglo oppressors' name here, okay?

You feel free to use
your First Nation name.

First Nation? Oh, you
mean like the bank?

Oh, they just call me Todd there.

No. No, your tribal name.

Ohh, right. My tribal name.

It's, um... Stands Before Asshole.

[Laughter]

[Fake laughing]

That... That's funny.

Humor is rich amongst your people.

I see now.

But then it would have to be
given all that you've endured.

Yeah.

Well, nice to meet you, Stands.

Your long, arduous
journey ends right here.

Okay. Where's your lunch room at?

Yeah. God, of course,
you must be famished.

Please, this way. I've got
a surprise prepared for you.

[Chuckles] This guy's
oozing white guilt.

I know. This is gonna be hilarious.

Aw, sweet, pizza.

What? Please.

As if I would ever
disgrace your ancestry

by serving you something
as vulgar as pizza.

No, in here, you will
eat as your ancestors ate.

And our harvest has been bountiful.

Of course, today, we
will dine on fresh fruit,

some rice, pinyones,

and my personal favorite, crow.

- Crow?!
- Yeah, we just want pizza, dude.

Well, see, that's just
the brainwashing talking.

Shoemaker.

Tammy! With the interrupting again.

Can't you see I'm busy trying to rectify

our nation's greatest racial injustice?

- Anyway...
- Shoemaker, come here.

Please, have a seat.

I'll be right back
with you in one moment.

What is it, Tammy?

I think you're missing the
point of your job right now.

This is a photo-op.

Just make these kids happy.

If they want pizza, you give them pizza.

Save the P.C. political
[bleep] for Facebook!

You know what, Tammy?

One of these days, you're
gonna know what it's like

to have someone treat you differently.

And on that day, I hope there's
someone to stand up for you.

I really do.

Okay. We're all gonna have pizza.

Because the establishment
wants you to have it,

so there you go.

- Wha...
- What the [bleep] Shoemaker?

Hey, that's Geremy's lunch.

Yeah, Mr. Shoemaker.
Where your manners at?

You know, where are your...

I apologize, Debbie. I did
not see you sitting there.

You go ahead and enjoy. Abbondanza.

What am I supposed to feed my baby?

Well, now that nonsense
is out of the way,

what do you want to do after lunch, huh?

Uh, perhaps a little nature walk?

Maybe some traditional
hand game or something?

How about some b-ball?

Basketball. A white
man's sport, of course.

Well, fine, we'll play that.

But, uh, I will be having crow.

A little more gamey than
I thought it would be.

[Gags]

Ew.

Yeah, okay, this one
ate a cigarette butt.

The old Jack shack.

Mmm. You smell that?

Yeah, it smells like you,
Rod. A million tiny yous.

We did have some fun
in here, didn't we boys?

[Chuckles]

We did. But listen,
self-pleasuring aside,

we moved in here because
the terroir is perfect.

It's the windiest spot on campus.

The humidity is prime for brewing.

My God, Rod, that's incredible.

I'm getting, like, juniper,
just a hint of pine needles.

Is that the gloss from a
Hustler centerfold?

[Chuckles]

The taste of the land.

- Dude, it's really good stuff.
- Oh. Hey, guys.

Couldn't help but notice,
you don't have a sign,

and this shack seems repurposed.

Is this a craft brewery?

Hey, buddy, this is a private...

Yeah, I hadn't heard of it, so
I assume it's the new hot spot.

Rod, are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Yeah. $15 a beer.

[Scoffs] $20.

- You bet your ass it's the new hotspot.
- All right.

Why don't you saddle up to the
bar, freelance graphic designer.

- You got it, man.
- And for God's sakes,

don't tell anybody
about this, all right?

Deal.

[School bell ringing]

Why am I the one that always
has to diaper the baby?

Good job standing up for
yourself, Little Debbie.

Remember, it takes a village.

It's all about sharing and
caring and working together.

I got you, Coach.

Also, you're the girl, so
you have to change the diaper.

- What... Don't say that.
- You all said that you wanted...

... to play basketball,
so let's hoop it up!

Looks like there's a class going on.

That's all right. We'll
play around them. Come on.

Shoemaker, we're teaching in here.

Eh, doesn't matter to us.

You, check out this trick
shot I picked up in Brooklyn.

Ooh.

You killed little Little Debbie.

Now, Debbie, technically
a basketball did.

- Debbie.
- No, no, no, no, no.

Shoemaker, look what you've done.

What I've done?

We're using this gym as it was intended.

We were here first!

Uh, actually, Abbey,
they were here first.

Oh, you know what I mean, you P.C. Nazi!

- Oh, I'm the P.C...
- Yeah!

Guys, there's room enough for everyone.

You know, I'm actually beginning
to think that there isn't.

But you know where there is?

Out on the football field.

Uh, I don't know. It's
really hot out today.

- And we have babies.
- Mm...

see, I wasn't asking
you... I was telling you.

Now move to the football field,

or I will fill the air
with so much flour baby,

the water fountains will run white!

- I'd like to see you try.
- Let's just go.

- Fairbell!
- Let's go!

Haven't we seen enough
flour spilled today?

Ah! Not counting that one.

[Whining]

Daddy, my brain hurts.

[Imitates crying]

First they take our pizza,
now they take our gym?!

We have to start
standing up for ourselves!

I will fight no more forever.

What the hell does that mean?

I'm not sure. It was
on the back of a Prius

that ran over my foot this morning.

Let's just get out of here.

Your weakness disgusts me.

Touching combo, guys.
I really liked it a lot.

Now, get out!

Everybody, on your feet!

Time to move! Let's pack it up!

You know, I think you're really
gonna like the football field.

It's a beautiful, sunny day out there.

You'll get plenty of extra vitamin D.

Well, I could use the extra D.

Oh. Oh, yeah, that's right.

Yeah, I forgot.

You love the D, don't you?

Are you really gonna do this now?

Yep. I love the D.

Just... take it on my skin, on my face,

wherever I can get it.

- Yeah, you can.
- Just got your text.

- Is he still doing it?
- Yeah, it just started.

Oh, thank God.

Fairbell, say you're
in like a men's room

and there's no D available,

do you... drill a hole in the wall

and just blindly accept
whatever D comes in?

[Scoffs]

Yes. Sounds like a glorious hole.

[Both chuckling]

That is terrific. Thank
you for texting me.

- You did the right thing.
- Not a problem.

- I got to go.
- All right.

See ya. Chattin' about D.

- He's a real go-getter, huh?
- [Laughs]

Now get out!

[Bird screeches]

[Bird screeches]

We'll get right back to
playing basketball, I promise.

But I want you to witness
a little payback, huh?

Yeah, that's it. Get on out there.

Pick it up. [Chuckles]

You have finally gone insane.

If you keep biting people like
that, they're gonna bite you back.

Yap, yap, yap, yap.

Okay, enough with your empty threats.

The gym doesn't belong to you anymore.

Get out of here. Get out of here!

This seems like an overreaction.

What?

No, this is progress, guys.

Okay? Your days of
being told "no" are over.

We should just let them
come back to the gym.

No.

- Sorry. What's the order again?
- Come on, man.

Sniff the rosemary, sip,
Marcona almonds, sip again.

Do I have to repeat everything?

God, this is going so well.

- So well.
- [Chuckles]

It's ridiculous. There you go, sir.

- Ooh.
- [Groans]

Maybe too well. We're
gonna need more space.

Yeah, it's [laughs]
definitely time to expand.

[Bleep] I don't know how
Shoemaker does this, you know,

it gets so sticky.

There you go. A little extra for you.

All right! Gym to ourselves!

What happened to the lights?

Hello?!

- [Door closes]
- Oh, well

the light switch is on the western
side of the gym here, so follow me.

Stay close.

- [Creaking]
- Shh! Stop.

[Thumping]

- [Screaming]
- It's an ambush!

Abbey: I warned you, Shoemaker!

Abbey, I should've known!

Awesome! Dodge ball in the dark!

They're throwing back the flour at us!

[Chuckles]

They're throwing their
babies! These savages!

That's it! I'm calling in the cavalry.

[Screaming]

[Telephone ringing]

Shoemaker, this better be important.

Cattie, it's about our guests.

Sweet [bleep] all you got to
do is show 'em a good time!

Well, I'm trying to, but
Abbey is throwing babies at us!

I have no idea what that
means. Put me on speaker.

Abbey, this is Principal Goodman.

Now, you stop teasing
Shoemaker. Do you hear me?

Abbey: Yes.

Yeah, a-and tell her
to turn the lights on.

And turn on the damn lights

so that tattooed moron
don't piss himself.

Okay.

All right, th-thank you, Cattie.

Could have done without that
last part, but I appreciate it.

You're welcome. And, Shoemaker?

Yeah?

Do not make me look like an idiot.

Okay.

Oh. My apologies.

I hope I did not oppress you time-wise,

Principal Kneeling Sun.

It's Nealson.

[Muttering] Dang.

Why wouldn't it be?

Let's go, kids.

Yeah, you walk away.

I wouldn't be so proud of
this if I were you, you tyrant.

[Laughs] Tyrant. Hardly.

I'm the most liberal
person in this district.

Ha! Left unchecked, even
liberalism can turn into fascism.

Oh, really? Wow, that's
some great insight.

Where did you get that,
off the back of a Prius?

Actually, it was on the
back of a Kombucha bottle.

Thrown at me from the back of a Prius.

Forget them. So you
said you wanted... Whoa!

[Grunts]

Oh, God.

This place is a mess.

You guys want to play football instead?

Wait/ No, we can't.

He just sent everyone
to the football field.

Oh, yeah, right.

So now you want to play football.

Come on. Come on, we'll
go play some football.

He's gonna do something [bleep] again.

I'm friends with the
brewer. What's up, bro?

Hello, buddy. Hey.

Great news, Rod.

I just applied for
several expansion permits.

[Laughs How did you do that so fast?

Easy, I just used my pop-up pub app.

It allows small business
owners like you and I

to open prohibitively expensive
pubs in impoverished neighborhoods.

Wow, how super specific.

- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah. Where did you get it?

It's part of the
iGentrify suite of apps.

Like, Go-Go Yoga.

It allows small business
owners like you and I

to offer prohibitively
expensive fitness classes

in overweight and impoverished areas.

- Like Michigan.
- Exactly.

And now I just wait for City
Comptroller Teresa Ortega

to sign off on this
thing, and we are go.

[Cellphone chimes]

There it is.

We're in business, bud.

- We're expanding, everybody.
- Mm-hmm.

Free round of blood orange IPAs, huh?

[Cheering]

To the future! To the future!

Whoo!

Bad news, Fairbell!

Yeah, you're gonna have
to move your kids again.

My kids? What about their kids?

We don't have anywhere else to go.

No. We're not going anywhere.

Well, then I will be forced
to do the unthinkable.

Don't touch my son!

[Grunts]

God, your finger's in my ear!

[Grunting]

[Indistinct arguing]

[Whistle blows]

[Chuckles]

Is this your army, huh? A
bunch of women and flour babies?

Abbey: And us.

Abbey, I didn't think you'd come.

It takes a village, right, Fairbell?

You know you could get
fired for this, Abbey.

Yeah? I'd rather be courageous and fired

than a coward and employed!

A librarian? In this job market?

And they call us "braves." [Chuckles]

Come on, guys.

Hey, wait, wait, wait.
Guys, where are you...

I knew you'd run, Shoemaker!

Really, Abbey?

You want a battle?

Then a battle you shall have.

[Screams]

[All scream]

[Screaming]

- Pardon me, pardon me.
- Whoa.

Sorry, guys, progress coming through.

We were kind of in the
middle of something.

Yeah, my beer garden.

- What?
- Beer garden.

Zoning just came through.

Where you guys are standing

is going to be the beetle
kill pinewood tables.

Did you not see the
city council minutes?

Eh.

You guys, there was a public hearing.

It's up to you to take an
interest in your local government.

This is on all of you.
Anyway, move it along.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey,

But where are we supposed
to go to have our fight?

I don't know. Just don't do it here.

You know what?

Um, I actually kind
of like the grittiness

of what you have going on right here,

so maybe do it nearby.

It'll up the cachet of the brewery.

And don't block our view
of the mountains, okay?

Hey, Fairbell, let me borrow that.

Wait, what... what...
what do you need it...

[Gasps]

[Crying] Ohh! No!

[Sobbing] Geremy!!

No!!

A hell of a day to live
in Colorado, isn't it?

My son!

My son.

[Sighs] I'm so sorry.

I'll freeze you and wait
for science to catch up.

Look, Fairbell, I don't know how many
more times you want me to apologize.

I didn't know you had an emotional
attachment to this stupid flour bag.

You don't know what
it's like to lose a child

and then breathe them in.

[Coughing]

Yeah, well, I think we all know
that the moral of the story here

is that gentrification
wins out every time.

Oh, give me a break.

Or is it that those who
know too much about the past

are doomed to repeat it?

No, I don't think so.

I think it's that gentrification thing.

Gentrification is such an ugly word.

We prefer the term urban outfitting.

- I'd like you to use that.
- I call it...

Well, that certainly was a
[bleep] show yesterday, huh?

You go out of your way to fit in,

and they get all offended

when you ask about discount turquoise.

Well, the important thing is
we got the photo-op we needed.

And crisis averted. Library's back open.

- Oh, yes!
- Damn it.

What photo-op?

Oh, that's right.

Mr. Shoemaker, I just
want to say thank you

for doing such a great job.

Well, you know what? It is about time.

- Thank you, Cattie.
- Actually,

I was the one that took the picture.

It was the only damned thing we needed.

Damn, Tam, you do interrupt a lot.

- [Laughter]
- Right? I can play.

- I can play.
- Downtown.

Anyway, there is another
crisis on the horizon.

It seems that somebody's running

some kind of craft
brew pub here on campus.

Anybody got an ear on that?

Uh, I swear it wasn't me.

If I found out who's responsible,

bet your bottom dollar,
there'll be hell to pay.

Cattie Goodman out. Mm!

It's not illegal,
'cause we're in Nevada.

[Chuckles]

[Cellphone chimes]

[Indistinct conversation]

_

[Laughter]

Damn it.

Everybody out!

I said out!

If you want to keep your
limbs, you better run!

This ship is going down!

I do know what it's
like to lose a child.

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