All language subtitles for The Neighbors s01e14 The Back Nine.eng

Good morning, sunshine.

See, now this is what I call
a nice, peaceful morning.

You'll never guess what we found
when we went through your mail this morning.

You went through our mail?

Oh, we always go through
your mail.

It's like
a little mystery every day.

What will we find
in the Weavers' mailbox?

Letters? Bills? Coupons?

Oh, coupons are the best.

29 cents off canned tomatoes
for a limited time only.

Crazy, yo.

Okay, guys, you can't go through our mail.

A person's mail
is a private thing.

Oh, yes. That's why it's placed
by a stranger

in a box that's left at the end
of your driveway, unattended.

Silly fools.

Okay, what'd you find
in our mail?

Well, in addition to another letter
from Marty's sister in rehab...

- Her roommate relapsed again.
- Mm-hmm. Saw that coming.

Poor Carla.

There was also this...

A new country club is opening
at a nearby golf development.

You got invited
to an open house.

We got one, too.

Boo-yah!

Wait a minute.
What'd you just say?

Boo-yah!

No, I meant
the invitation.

From a new country club,
huh?

What is going on?

I've never seen you guys
this excited before.

Well, in the ten years
we've been on this planet,

we've never been invited
to anything.

What are you talking about?

I had you for Thanksgiving,
for Christmas,

- Abby's birthday...
- Well, nothing good.

Well, don't you see?
This is acceptance.

This is the first time
that we've been invited

to something
in the larger, outside world.

Okay, guys, you do not
wanna go to a country club.

It's like the last bastions of white, snobby,
upper-crust society.

Oh, I see.

Few questions?

What do you mean by "white"?
What do you mean by "snobby"?

What do you mean
by "upper crust"?

Well, you know how every society
has different social classes?

Oh, no. Not on Zabvron.

We are all equal.
Some of us are very equal,

some are middle equal, and some
are... barely equal at all.

They hardly deserve
our scraps.

They are beneath me.

Peasants.

Okay.
Well, then, in your terms,

the very equal
are the upper crust,

and what you all
just exhibited...

that's snobbery.

Snobbery.

What about "white"?

Well, white is...
White. You know, race.

Yeah. Like I'm white,

Jackie is black,

Reggie is Asian,

- little guy here is...
- Pink.

Pink. You guys know you're
different races, right?

Oh, no. We took on forms
that span the entire human spectrum.

We can't really tell
who's what.

It all seems a little ridiculous
to us, honestly.

Yes, I'm embarrassed to admit
that after all this time here,

you humans look
pretty much the same.

We differentiate you
mostly by scent.

Mm. If I were to plug my nose,
can't tell you apart.

Nope. Nothing.

Can't tell who I'm talking to.

All right.
Oh, come on.

Ah, there you are.

Yeah.

Well, the rest are bills.

S01E14
The Back Nine

synced and corrected by ninh
www.addic7ed.com

Hey, babe.

I want it, Debbie.

Oh, I don't know, Marty.

The kids aren't in bed yet.

Can we pencil it in
for, like, next Tuesday?

No, I'm talking about
getting into the country club.

But next Tuesday
does sound good,

so put me in the books
for that.

Fine.

So you're serious about this?

This place looks amazing.
Check this out...

it's got an outdoor
year-round heated hot tub.

Can you imagine floating
in warm water in the winter,

thinking about all
of those people,

shoveling their driveways
like a bunch of chumps?

I don't know, Marty.

You know how I feel
about these kind of places.

And why are you
so into it?

I've never heard you mention
joining a country club before.

Because I never had
the chance before.

At least let's go to the open house tomorrow
and check it out.

Okay. If it means
so much to you, fine.

But what are we gonna tell
the Bird-Kersees?

They were so excited getting
an invitation to something.

Yeah.
Well, here's the thing...

I was thinking
we don't tell them.

And I was also thinking,
tomorrow...

not proud of this...

but we sneak out.

You know, high-school style.

Wife?

I'm sighing for effect.
Please pay attention.

I'm sorry, Larry Bird.
What's the matter?

Well, I suppose
I'm disappointed that

that country club turned out to be
such an undesirable place.

Getting that invitation
made me feel

like we'd finally arrived.
I felt...

special.

So I went to the library,

and it appears there's truth
to what Debbie Weaver said

about humans having
different races.

Really? What did you learn?

Well, there's a lot of books on the subject,
so I had to skim,

but it appears
that as an Asian,

I should love math,
be a bad driver,

and worship either
this guy

or this guy.

I vote him.
He has a kind face.

And you, mother,
as a black person,

depending on the source,
should either be an American president,

put hot sauce
on everything,

or sweep the Oscars
in 2002.

That's achievable.

Father, do you think
our failure to demonstrate

these ridiculous
human stereotypes in the past

is the reason why we haven't been invited
to more human social events?

Perhaps.

Tell me
what you know about me.

You are
a white anglo-Saxon protestant,

or "W.A.S.P."

W.A.S.P.?

And what do I,
as a W.A.S.P., do?

Well, many things. First of all,
you can't jump...

But can dance in a silly way
while biting your lower lip.

You should
love ugly sweaters...

Have no problem getting a bank loan,

pretend you discovered countries
when people were already living there...

And you get
to be called a republican.

Ooh. "Republican."
I do like the sound of that.

Is there anything special
a pink person is supposed to do?

I did read that your skin
should burn easily in the sun.

I'm on it!

They're all inside. The coast is clear.

Jeez, Marty, we were in here for ten minutes.

We almost passed out.

Curious.

Where do you think
the Weavers are going?

This place is gorgeous.

It's simply exquisite.

Okay, Marty, just because
this is a fancy place

doesn't mean you need
to break out the big words.

What, am I being
too loquacious?

Dad...

They have a soft serve machine!

I see it, son. I see it.

Mommy, look!

Pony riding!

Oh, my God, Marty.
They have child care.

I could put the kids away
for hours and be a grown-up.

Fine with me.

I can't believe
I'm gonna say this, Marty,

but I want it.
I want it bad.

Okay, Weavers, postures straight
and big words on.

- No big words.
- No big words.

Weavers on three.

Un, deux, trois.

Weavers, is that you?

- We followed your scent.
- Hello!

Can't you hear me?

You're all staring at me
like a goldfish.

All I can smell is Marty.

Definitely Marty.

I told you not to wear cologne.

It was a mistake.

Hey! Ho ho! Hey.
Hey, Larry, Jackie.

What are you guys
doing here?

Well, you left
without telling us,

and so we were curious
where you went to.

You came to the club.

This is why we have to
go through your mail.

You don't tell us
everything.

For example,
we had to read

about Debbie's mother's
recent blind date.

Set up through a friend
from church.

After dinner,
the guy stole her TiVo.

Will she ever find love?

Okay, great. So now you know where we are,
and now you can go home.

I want to go in.

- No, no, no.
- No, you don't.

- You don't wanna go in there.
- It's not what it looks like.

- Yeah.
- Wait.

Are you trying
to dissuade us?

Why don't you want us
to see this country club?

Because it's just a bunch
of humans being... humans.

So we didn't think
that you would feel comfortable.

Marty, I think
you're forgetting

that we were invited here in the mail.

So thanks for your concern,

but it's all good, bro.

Yeah. Plus now we've learned
about the different races,

we now know even more about
how we're expected to act.

Wait. Where did you learn
about race?

Oh, I don't know.
Maybe I had a dream about it.

Black.

Yes.

Hello. I'm Jay Easterling III.

I'm on
the membership committee.

Uh, are you here
for the open house?

We're here to investigate the country club
to see if we want to join.

I'm a republican.

I can get bank loans.

What are you
talking about, Willis?

Oh, my God.

Um, well, uh, please,

uh, come in, and, uh,
make yourself at home.

Uh, talk to some of the members,
enjoy some food, and, uh,

hopefully, it'll be a match.

Wonderful. See, Marty?
Nothing to worry about.

Family!

My skin didn't burn in the sun.
I don't think I'm a pink.

What do we do?

We do what people have been doing
in these kinds of clubs for generations...

we try to impress.

Use as many big words
as possible.

Stupendous.

Then... and I want to
be clear, children,

this is for today only...

we are gonna distance ourselves
from our true friends

in an effort
to further ourselves socially.

Let's do this.

We've been residing
in our hidden hills abode now

for... what is it, darling? Six months? Yeah.

Hi. I'm Abigail Weaver.

How are you?

I'm black, so I love to
yell things out in movies.

I don't know why, though.

Are we pinks or what?

Parking is abundant.

Marty.
What are these? Eyeballs?

We just met them
in the parking lot.

But I do know why
the caged bird sings.

No, I don't.

Nobody knows.

Just lovely.

Okay.

It makes me think
of the beautiful words

of your poet, John Keats...

"An endless fountain
of immortal drink

pouring onto us
from the heaven's brink."

It also make me think
of poo.

All right. That's it.
I'll be right back.

Can I talk to you?

Let me know what I miss.

Okay, we've got a problem.

Yes, we do. It's a little
too awesome in there.

I think it's going well.

No. Honestly, Larry,
it's not.

You gotta stop
acting so weird, man.

I think I'm fitting in
just fine.

I'm gonna tell you this
as a friend...

you guys are not
fitting in.

This club is never going to
invite you guys to join.

And if you keep
acting this way,

you're gonna hurt my family's
chances of getting in.

Then why would they
have invited us?

They must've thought...
they didn't invite you, okay?

It's an open house.

They invite anyone who happens
to own a mailbox.

Everyone's invited.

You're not special, okay?

Oh. I see.

Larry.

Everyone's invited.

I feel like I just
beat a kitten to death

with a bag of puppies.

Thank you
for your donation.

Excuse me, Mr. Easterling.

Can I have a sec?

- You came with the Bird-Kersees, right?
- Well...

They certainly do have
interesting viewpoints on things.

Well, that's exactly what
I wanted to talk to you about.

I hope that their behavior
doesn't reflect negatively

on my family's chances here.

Oh. Well, this just got
a little awkward.

Uh... I've been talking
to some of the members,

and we're gonna ask
the Bird-Kersees to join...

and not you.

How did this happen, huh?

That place was ours.

And now the Bird-Kersees
are in, and we're out?

Oh! Good-bye, child care...

And fancy drinks while children are
in child care.

You know what
that Easterling guy told me?

Will it hurt?

Turns out that that place

is basically the most forward-thinking club
in New Jersey.

They go out of their way
to welcome mixed families...

Asian, black...

- Pink.
- Oh, that makes it even more painful.

They're inclusive.

That's exactly the kind of club
I'd want to belong to.

Oh, I hope Larry and Jackie don't find out
that's the reason they were accepted.

I know. They were so proud
of themselves for fitting in.

I know.

I mean, Larry was
really dancing

after he got the news, wasn't he?

He almost bit through his lip.

Man, I really wanted this!

I know. I know.

But how's this?

The money we would have
spent on that club,

we use to build
a hot tub out back.

That way, we could still
sit in warm water in the winter

and laugh at all the chumps who
are shoveling their driveways.

Come on. It'll be fine.

Before you know it,
you'll forget all about it.

Hi, guys. How you doing?

Looks like somebody fits in
better than somebody else.

- Who could it be?
- It's us!

Wife, I was going to say that.
I was gonna rub it in his face.

We discussed this.
It was my idea.

I'm sorry. I got excited. Go now.

I can't go now
because you've ruined it.

Next thing you know,
you're going to ruin

my whole guest pass bit.
Oh, right!

Since you can't get
into the club on your own,

Larry Bird was going
to offer you a guest pass

- so he can really rub it in.
- Woman!

Oh, honey,
I'm so sorry.

Go ahead.

Do your thing.

The only way
you can get into the club

is if you use
one of our guest passes.

Better be
an awesome hot tub.

Let's go to the club.

Oh! Hi!

Ooh! Come on.

Hello. My God,
that's a big hat.

It's our hot tub.

Well, you can put
the hot tub hat away,

because I just heard
from Mr. Easterling

that a spot could
be opening up at the club.

Seriously?

Yes. An elderly couple has just been diagnosed
with walking pneumonia.

They may not survive,

so... pip-pip. Come along.

Marty, don't.

You know he's up to something.
Let it go, all right?

You didn't get into the club.
It's over.

I don't want it to be over.

It's not over.

It's far from over.

Okay.

What are you doing?

Larry, I want you to look me in the eye
and tell me...

do they really want
to see Marty at that club?

- Well, I...
- And before you answer, I want you to think

of how you really
don't know me that well

and how I might be capable
of doing...

anything.

He's lying!
Damn it, boy!

He just wanted to trick Marty to the club
so he could slap a guest pass on him

- and take a picture.
- Hold the line, people!

We were winning here!

We could have made fun
of Marty for weeks!

Say it with me. Come on.

You know what, Larry?
I'm gonna whup your ass!

Well, whup away,
little man!

Don't you guys
fight with your legs?

Okay, enough.

You wanna know
why he wants it so bad?

Why he's jumping at any bait
you're throwing his way?

Honey, you don't
have to explain.

Because he is
from South Bayonne,

and that is
the worst part of Bayonne.

Bayonne!

Okay, honey,
easy on Bayonne.

And the people like the people at that club
looked down on him,

made him wonder
if he was good enough,

if he'd ever fit in.

It's really
about the pool.

So he used big words
and he tried to impress,

never realizing that who and what he was
is so special already

that he doesn't have to
prove himself to anyone,

not even himself.

Oh, Marty Weaver...

Yeah.

- I'm gonna hug him.
- Yeah. You don't have to do... okay.

- Yeah. All right.
- Yeah, we could do that.

Doesn't anybody care that my feelings
might be hurt, too?

I mean, I might be lashing out
just because I was stung,

because my best friend
on this planet

didn't think
we were good enough.

All right, Larry.

Come on. Bring it in.

Bring it in. Come on.

- Right here.
- Hug it out.

- Give it.
- There you go.

Get it. That's it. Okay.

See, this is exactly
why I hate country clubs.

They make some people
feel like they belong

and other people
like they don't belong.

Perhaps we should resign.

No, no, no, no.
Don't do that.

It's, uh,
actually a great club,

and you're great people.

- They're lucky to have you.
- Thank you, Marty.

To my complete surprise,
that means a lot.

Enjoy it, guys.
It's a great place.

And the fact that they overlooked
all your weird behavior

and took you in anyway
because you're...

No. No.

What do you mean,
took us in anyway?

- It doesn't matter.
- What doesn't matter?

Is there a reason
other than our greatness

that they asked us
to join?

Well... it's a good thing.
They're progressive,

and they want to include people
of different races and backgrounds.

It was just a minor fact
that got you over the hump...

- I know. I think it...
- where did Larry Bird go?

All right, come on.
Let's get in the van.

Larry! Come on, Larry!

Larry, this is ridiculous!
Where are you going?

I'm a man on fire!

Husband, please.
Enough of this.

Larry, come on!
This is a van.

You're in a golf cart.

You're not gonna run me
off the road in a golf cart.

So we were not worthy,
after all?

Mr. Bird!

We were chosen
just to fill some quota.

Well... we will not be
your token mixed family.

What? Clearly, you're not
the token mixed anything.

- Nearly half of the membership is...
- Silence.

The Weavers weren't able
to join your club

simply because they're
an upper-middle-class

white family,
and that's revolting.

Haven't upper-middle-class white families
been through enough?

We came here to this land
knowing no one.

And it occurs to me
that the Weavers,

for all their
screaming and yelling,

were the first ones
to accept us.

And I don't know
what a Bayonne is,

but if that's where they're from,
it must be a pretty magical place.

No, it's not.

And I don't know what sort of joint
you're running here, Buster,

but here's
what I do know...

if I had a club,

I'd be putting an invitation
in their mailbox

every day until they came.

And until the day
when well-to-do white folk

have the same chances
as everyone else,

my family quits.

- Family, come on.
- Yes. Oh, sorry.

I... his heart was in the right place, I think.

Let's get the hell out of here
before someone calls the N.A.A.C.P.

Right.

Hello, Debbie Weaver.

Jeez!

Dick Butkus,
what are you doing here?!

It's, like,
2:00 in the morning.

Sometimes
I come here to think.

You do?

I either sit here
in the kitchen

or go upstairs
and take a shower.

Everything okay?

Well, I don't know
who I am.

There's a lot of that
going around.

I'm not a pink,

or a W.A.S.P.
or Asian or black.

I wanna be judged
by who I am on the outside, too.

Listen, sweetie.

None of us can change
who we are on the outside.

So what's really important

is who we are
on the inside.

Actually, I can change
who I am on the outside.

Dick, no! No, please!

Hola.

Didn't know
you could do that.

I'm going to bed.

Adios.

Buenas noches.

Ay, Debbie Weaver.

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