All language subtitles for The Neighbors s01e12 Cold War.eng

You're wrong.

You've never been more wrong
about anything in your life.

I can't even
look at you right now.

Okay, you know what?

Can we just agree that
Richard gere and Ryan gosling

are the same amount of hot?

- Fine.
- Fine.

Good.

- Richard Gere is timeless!
- He's so old.

Abby's got her sickness rhino.

I don't feel good.

Oh, baby,
you're burning up.

- No school for you.
- Lucky.

I'm not lucky.
I'm dying.

Top o' the morning, weavers.

Is Abby ready
to escort me to the bus stop?

Oh, sorry, Dick.
She's not gonna make it today.

She got a cold.

And we lost him.

A cold is a common illness,

and Abby can't go to school today
'cause she's contagious.

See how disgusting she looks?

She can make other people
look that disgusting, too.

Excuse me.

I gotta go do...
Step aerobics.

Oh, baby, go back
to bed, okay?

And I'm coming up soon.
Go, baby. Go, go, go.

All right, listen up,
everyone.

Let's try real hard
not to get Abby's cold, okay?

You're the one who's gonna
kiss her and get us all sick.

That's because I'm the one who
has to take care of everyone.

I'm this family's Nurse Jackie.

You're this family's
secret drug addict?

Okay, clearly, I've never
seen "Nurse Jackie."

Yeah, she's a drug addict.

We've been told that there's
a contagion in your house,

and we've come to ensure
it doesn't spread to the community.

What?

We're here for the girl.

S01E12
Cold War

Sync by ninh
www.addic7ed.com

Dick has informed me that Abby is "sick."

So we've come here to put her
in an isolation tent.

She will fight off
the contamination...

alone in this sterile
vinyl encasement.

It's the Zabvronian way.

All right, honey,
let's grab her and bag her.

You're not gonna
bag our daughter, Larry.

Okay, guys, sit down.

She has a cold.
A cold is not serious.

It just makes you
feel gross and icky.

- Icky?
- There's no cure,

so our job is to make Abby
as comfy as possible

until she gets better.

We all have our own specific things
that make us feel better when we're sick.

Yeah. With Abby, she...

Craves red meat.

And Max likes to watch Kermit
sing "Rainbow connection" on a loop.

Oh. What about Amber?

- Nothing makes Amber feel better.
- Mnh-mnh.

No, she just holes
herself up in the room

and rings a bell
when she needs something.

We leave the soup
by the door,

knock twice, and haul ass.

You have to admit that nurturing
does sound much more pleasant

than our isolation tents.

Back home, the one time
that Reggie Jackson fell ill,

four elders
had to hold me back

while he was led off
to be tented.

- Honey...
- And I... I'm telling a story.

Yes, I know, but you told me
to tell you when you get rambly.

You're getting rambly.

Oh. Sorry.

So if you insist on exposing
yourselves to the cold,

I must declare
this home a quarantine.

Husband!

A quarantine it is!

Thanks for stopping by.

No, I don't think
you understand.

Otherwise, you'd be
much more startled.

You see, a quarantine means
we won't be able to visit you

or even be
in the same room as you.

It'll be very hard on you
and yours,

because clearly, you've grown
accustomed to our charms.

See you soon!

Come on.

Having never been exposed
to the cold,

we don't know
if we're able to catch it,

but we're not about
to take any chances.

Can we catch the cold?

I literally just said
I don't know

if we're able
to catch the cold.

Billie Jean,
are you texting again?

No.

Stop it, both of you.

Now, we will need
to set up a perimeter

around the Weaver home.

Oh, husband, Debbie Weaver
already told you

that the cold's not dangerous.
It's merely a nuisance.

Yes, she also told me I'd enjoy
her box set of "Will & Grace."

But the show is maddening.

I mean, just man up
and kiss her, will.

What's stopping you?

Oh, father, I think Will is actually...

Yes, not now,
Reggie, thank you.

Okay, sweetheart.
Here is your meatloaf

with a side of flank steak.

No fork, huh?

Okay.

Next time, you can make it
a little bit more rarer.

I like when
I can taste the blood.

Okay.

Are you feeling
any better?

- No. My head hurts.
- Aw.

Can you kiss it?

Uh, well...

Yeah...

Oh, hold on. Hold on.

Hello?

Don't do it,
Debbie Weaver.

Don't kiss the girl.

But she looks so sad.

Oh, hang on
a minute, Larry.

Or don't. Whatever.

Hello?

Kiss her, Debbie Weaver!

Let me live vicariously
through your nurturing.

I want to, but I can't afford
to get sick right now.

Of course not.
Think of the greater good.

Think of your baby.

She needs
your impractical empathy.

Don't be weak.
Don't be stupid.

She loves you.
She needs you.

Thank you, mommy.

Totally worth it.

Totally worth it.

You just had to kiss her.

We live together.

There's no way of knowing
how we all got sick.

Oh, my head is killing me.

- Your head, my head.
- Oh, great. Here we go.

Oh, my God.
I feel like I'm dying.

It's too soon.
I didn't get a chance

to teach Max how to fish.

I didn't learn how to fish.

It's a cold, Marty.

Hey, sweetie.
The last Weaver standing.

How you doing?

It got Amber. Oh,
sweet lord, it got Amber!

Mama, I want a burger.

Kermit just ended.

Somebody restart Kermit.

- Oh, my God.
- Honey, could you get me more soup?

All righty.

I will restart the video,

make you more soup,
and fire up the grill.

Or I could have it raw.

Abby, bloodlust
is a bad color on you, baby.

Ooh! Fizzy.

What are you doing,
brother?

If I tell you, you have to promise
not to breathe a word about it,

especially to father.

I've gotten excellent
at lying.

Yesterday, I told the weavers
I was going to do step aerobics,

and they ate it up
like Sunday brunch.

Amber Weaver is sick,

and I'm going to
make her better.

I'm going to cure
the common cold.

Cool!

I'm going to work
on my spins.

Show-off.

Nursie.
What are you doing, mother?

If I tell you, you have to
promise you won't tell anyone.

Especially not your father.

I'm a treasure trove
of secrets this week.

Okay. Well, I am
sneaking next door

to nurture the Weavers.

My lips are sealed.

Please, never wink again.

Oh, lord of Zabvron.

You're ruining Kermit for me.

Max, here's your tea.

It's hot. Blow on it.

Marty, here.

Mommy, are you okay?

- Well...
- Mommy's fine, Max.

She doesn't have
what daddy has.

Daddy has something
much worse.

Honey, Amber needs tissues.

Are you serious?
Can you go this time?

Baby, I really don't think you understand
what I'm going through here.

I really think there's
something wrong with me.

Oh, there's definitely
something wrong with you.

That's what I said.

I'm going to do
an inspection of the community.

Make sure no one
has fallen ill.

Take your time!

I absolutely will not.

I have exactly
half an hour of oxygen

before I have to breathe
contaminated air.

One half-hour.

Is father gone?

All clear.

Is this subject day?

Yes. His name
is janitor Raymond.

So, uh,
where is this cold cure?

In my room.

I know a lot of people would
say I'm crazy for coming here,

but...

But I feel lousy.

And if there's
one thing I've learned

from 30 years of cleaning
a high school crapper,

it's that
you never underestimate

a nerdy Asian kid, eh?

Jackie, what are
you doing here?

There's no time.

I have exactly 29 minutes
to care for you.

What do you require?

- Chamomile tea.
- More blankets.

My pillow, please.

Thank you, Mrs. Joyner-Kersee.

This is weird.

I'm collecting a sample of the virus
to create a vaccine.

Now we wait for it
to congeal.

Who's the girl?

Amber Weaver.
She's sick, too.

After we make sure this works,
I'm going to cure her cold.

I knew she was
getting sick this morning.

Her cheeks
were getting flushed.

They're usually pale,
but not a bad pale.

More a beautiful,
milky pale.

Oh, crap, I picked a Romeo
instead of an Einstein.

Thank you, Jackie.

I feel like the drummer from Santana

is playing a solo
on my brain.

Ooh. I have
exactly four minutes

to get back home,
lose the hat...

And practice my obedient wife
face in the mirror.

- All right.
- Jackie, it's so nice

having someone
take care of me for once.

Well, it's my pleasure.

- One more thing?
- No, there's no time!

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I was hoping to get
some more tea for my sore throat.

But I'll get it.

D... no...

Okay.

I'm back!

Come on, boil already!

Wife! Why aren't you
greeting me?

Not my best entrance.

Poppet! Where are you, cupcake?

Wife! Reggie!

They're both
doing step aerobics.

What?

But they're both at completely
different skill levels.

Wait. Don't!

Dick.

Hey. No. Stop.

Dick, look,
I don't mind you playing,

but please
mind my shoes, okay...

Cupcake.

Dick said
you were exercising.

Yes, I was.
And now I'm sleeping.

You're all going
to send me to an early grave.

Oh, don't be
like that, muffin.

Don't just lie there moping
in our water bed.

I know you think I'm being
overly cautious,

but I'm responsible
for the entire community.

And if anything should happen
to you and the boys...

I know, husband.

Thank you
for supporting me.

Well, that's what
a good partner does.

I've got
your back, l.B.

What was that?

What was that?

I said, "I love you"!

Oh. I love you, too.

Wait.

You didn't say
"I love you."

You emitted one of
their sickness gasps.

What music were you listening to
while you were exercising?

- Santana.
- Which album?

"Santana live."

- Name a song.
- "Hear my santana."

Name all the songs.

"Let's go to santana,"
"The santana banana,"

"Santana me always,"
"Jingle bell rock."

Okay.

Liar!

Grappling hook!

Fine!

I went to take care of the Weavers,
and it was wonderful!

I fluffed pillows,
I boiled water,

I was a nurturing hero.

Great.

Now I have to set up an isolation tent
in the backyard for you.

No. I am not getting in
an isolation tent.

I will go back
to the weavers'

to bask in the warmth
of their germy camaraderie.

Fine. Go sniffle and wheeze
with the phlegmy Weavers.

Fine. I will.

Were you even doing
step aerobics?

How much of what
you tell me is a lie?

"Jingle bell rock"...
is that even a real song?

Now that one of our own
has gotten sick...

We must take
precautionary measures

to the next level.

We will be begging
the entire Weaver home

until they're well again.

Now I will need
five people on stakes

and five people on ropes.

Now just call out
"team stakes" or "team ropes."

It's first come first served.

Or I'm happy to assign you.

Someone just tell him.

We don't want to tent
the Weaver house.

Jackie has the cold,
and she's fine.

Plus, she gets to wear Debbie's
Fluffy bathroom robe.

I'd kill for ten minutes in that thing.

And we watched Debbie
while we quarantined the house.

Nurturing looks wonderful.

We want to nurse our friends
back to health.

Yeah.

Fine! Go!

Get sick!

I will take my two sons,
and we will isolate ourselves!

Good riddance!

- Well, that was awkward.
- I'll say.

Okay. Now you're cured.

How do you feel?

Nope. Not cured.
Still feel like crap.

- But "e" for effort.
- Darn it!

Let me try one more thing.

Look, I gotta get home
to watch "wheel."

- Not before I find a cure.
- Yeah, relax, kid.

Listen.

When my wife and I
play the lottery,

she says to me, "Ray,
if this is our month,

let's buy an island."

Uh, she read some article
about how marlon Brando

used to have an island
of his own.

It sounds wonderful, sir.

Yeah. Yeah, it does.

But odds are, I'm never
gonna win the lottery.

So every month when I buy
our lottery ticket,

I also get my wife
a postcard

with a picture
of an island on it.

And I put it
on her nightstand,

and when she wakes up,
we pretend we're there.

Face it, kid. You and I...
we're no Brandos.

But I would give my Anne
the moon if I could.

And you don't actually
have to cure

the common cold
for your girl.

Just make sure she knows
you would... if you could.

Yeah?

Oh, father. Uh, this isn't
what it looks like.

It looks like you're embracing
a custodian with a cold.

Okay. It's exactly
what it looks like.

I'm setting up an isolation tent
for myself in the backyard.

I will be alone!
I will be healthy!

And it will be glorious.

Honey...

- Marty, can you please just move your...
- Honey! Honey, stop.

Come on, I need rest.
I'm sleeping. Please.

I'm sick, too, Marty!

You're not the only one
that feels like crap!

And you never help
when we're all sick!

You just turn into a whiny,
helpless baby!

But you're worse than a baby,
'cause you can talk.

But you can't do
anything else!

So it's like you're old!

But you're still a baby!
You're an old baby!

- You're Benjamin Button!
- I'm Benjamin Button?

I have a very high fever.

What now?

We come to nurture.

- Who needs a blanket?
- I'll get some soup going.

All right, Will.

Let's see if you
finally get it together

and make a move on Grace
this week.

More soup, coming up!

To help you feel better.

I brought you
a care package.

To make you feel better.

Kind, loving fools.

This is a copy
of your favorite magazine.

I cut out all the pictures
of the "twilight" kids,

because I know
they make you mad.

This is a tupperware
of mashed potatoes,

because you always get a double helping
when they serve them in the cafeteria.

And this is the one article of clothing I own
you say doesn't suck.

I suspect you like
the texture,

because sometimes you touch
my arm when I'm wearing it.

Okay. I'll go now.

Hey.

I can't reach it.

Okay.

May I...
Get anyone anything?

What did he say?

I don't know.

I said...

May I get anyone anything?

Oh, my beautiful
and nurturing husband.

I knew you wouldn't be able
to stay away.

Maybe I could make a pot of tea
for the infected.

Where do you keep
the tea leaves?

Oh, I'll show you.

No. No. You know what?

You stay, I'll go.

Honey...

I'm sorry I act like Benjamin Button
every time I get sick.

It's just that you're so good
at taking care of everyone,

it's hard not to
take advantage.

I know.
I'm like House M.D.

No. Honey, House is also
a drug addict.

You have to watch more TV
if you're gonna do references.

Okay.

I love you,

my sick, phlegmy
Debbie Weaver.

Love you, too.

- Uh, honey, where do...
- Oh, my God,

it's the second cabinet from the left!

I know that!

Are you sure you don't want
to write down the formula?

What's the point?

Honey!

How you feelin'?

Oh, I don't know, babe.
I still feel crummy.

I knew it, babe!
Asian kids!

Yeah!

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