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Previously on "The Neighbours"...
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These are the Weavers.
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This is there new house.
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00:00:06,173 --> 00:00:07,743
And these are their new neighbours.
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00:00:07,763 --> 00:00:09,817
I'm Larry Bird, leader of this community
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and immediate neighbor to your west.
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We're just living amidst
golf cart-driving pie makers
8
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amidst golf cart driving pie makers
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00:00:14,388 --> 00:00:15,858
with the names of professional athletes.
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00:00:15,878 --> 00:00:17,967
I'm sure there's an explanation for this.
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We hope that you will consider staying.
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00:00:22,408 --> 00:00:25,715
We believe there's much we could learn
from one another.
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00:00:29,035 --> 00:00:31,210
How the hell did you ear
half a carton of ice cream
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00:00:31,230 --> 00:00:32,695
on the drive home?
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Oh, there's a spoon on my keychain.
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Marty.
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Okay, there's no spoon.
I used the picture of the kids
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00:00:41,348 --> 00:00:43,835
and I scooped the ice cream out
while you were getting gas.
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I'll get help. Please don't leave me.
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Go! Come on!
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Looking great, son. Keep it up.
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You can do it, Dick Butkus!
Come on now. Just another minute.
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00:00:51,287 --> 00:00:53,382
Max! Let him go!
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Three minutes that time, and I didn't even cry!
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00:00:56,583 --> 00:00:58,464
Guys, what is happening here?
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00:00:58,484 --> 00:01:02,933
Oh, Max told us that you asked him
to prepare Dick for his first day of school.
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00:01:02,953 --> 00:01:05,852
- We're covering wedgies next.
- And then hate crimes.
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00:01:05,872 --> 00:01:08,349
Personally, I'm unclear as to why you're so sure
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Dick Butkus will be the target of ridicule.
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My hair smells funny.
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Educated guess.
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Guys, school is tough.
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I mean, it's like when you go to prison
and you find the biggest guy
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and you beat him up
to prove yourself, you know?
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- No.
- What's prison?
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School is opposite of that.
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The toughest kid picks on the weakest kid
almost immediately.
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And you wonder the chinese are dominating you.
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Don't worry. Max will look out
for Dick. Won't you, Max?
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Yeah, I guess.
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You won't leave his side.
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Easy now.
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Oh, it's so complicated...
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Your schools, social structure.
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It's overwhelming.
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On our planet, we skip all this nonsense
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and educate our children by feeding
them the brains of their elders.
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- So you take the brain, actually...
- Please don't. Don't.
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Elder feeding is quick,
and while brutal,
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it leaves us ample time to focus
on nurturing our children.
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00:01:58,279 --> 00:02:01,444
Well, we've been parents on this
planet for quite some time now,
52
00:02:01,464 --> 00:02:03,764
and between friends and school and t-ball,
53
00:02:03,784 --> 00:02:04,887
I mean, nurturing's great
and everything, but...
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Listen, we have three kids.
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If two of them make it home alive
at the end of the day, we're happy.
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00:02:09,529 --> 00:02:11,966
But don't worry. If you listen to us,
We'll get you through it all.
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00:02:11,986 --> 00:02:13,151
Listen to them?
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Pardon me for being skeptical,
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00:02:14,730 --> 00:02:17,191
but look how they use this room,
with all their...
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towels and soaps and...
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excrement bowls.
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Come again?
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I'm sorry. Uh, I'm confused.
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You're confused?
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I've my head in there for the last 40 minutes.
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No, I mean...
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What do you guys do with your bathrooms?
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So let me get this straight...
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You people keep plants in your bathrooms?
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It's true, Marty.
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We grow gardens in the room
next to our sleep chamber.
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You keep a sewer there.
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Yes, I guess we are the crazy ones.
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You know, I can actually understand...
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- Yeah.
- Yeah.
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S01E04
Bathroom Etiquette
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Sync by ninh
www.addic7ed.com
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First day of school.
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00:03:07,008 --> 00:03:08,782
Wait. We still have three kids, right?
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I'm making lunch for Dick Butkus
and Reggie Jackson.
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00:03:11,202 --> 00:03:13,852
Do you know how much cooler that
would've sounded, like, a month ago?
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00:03:13,872 --> 00:03:15,955
I don't want them outting themselves at school.
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Alien-ting.
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Outing...Liening.
85
00:03:21,497 --> 00:03:23,955
You sure you want to get involved here?
because if there's one thing I know,
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00:03:23,975 --> 00:03:26,904
It's that you don't tell other
parents how to raise their kids.
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00:03:26,924 --> 00:03:28,101
You know, you're right.
88
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Everything about what you just
said to me is right.
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00:03:30,456 --> 00:03:31,932
It's just something about these neighbors.
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00:03:31,952 --> 00:03:33,804
They're a blank slate.
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00:03:33,824 --> 00:03:36,468
I get to teach them how to live.
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00:03:36,605 --> 00:03:39,004
It makes me feel like Oprah.
93
00:03:39,312 --> 00:03:41,498
Does that make me Gayle or Stedman?
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00:03:41,647 --> 00:03:44,793
Oh. Can I be Gayle?
She gets to go on all the trips.
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00:03:47,822 --> 00:03:50,172
Wife, what are you doing to my sink garden?
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00:03:50,192 --> 00:03:52,655
We are living with humans now.
We must behave as they do.
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00:03:52,675 --> 00:03:55,437
They know more about these things than we do.
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00:03:55,457 --> 00:03:58,064
And they sure do like reminding us of it.
99
00:03:58,189 --> 00:04:00,726
- Was that sarcasm, husband?
- I don't know. Was it?
100
00:04:00,746 --> 00:04:02,334
I really don't know.
101
00:04:02,354 --> 00:04:03,993
It might have been irony.
102
00:04:06,720 --> 00:04:09,614
Even the doorbell sounds
bossy when they ring it.
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00:04:12,980 --> 00:04:14,407
Good morning, neighbors.
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00:04:14,427 --> 00:04:16,665
Here. I know they don't eat,
but I made them lunches.
105
00:04:16,685 --> 00:04:17,937
Oh, actually, I already prepared them...
106
00:04:17,957 --> 00:04:19,545
Hey, there's the man!
107
00:04:19,579 --> 00:04:21,867
How do I look? I feel so free.
108
00:04:23,153 --> 00:04:25,316
Are these denim trousers sagging properly?
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00:04:25,336 --> 00:04:26,901
Reggie Jackson, pull up your trousers.
110
00:04:26,921 --> 00:04:28,223
We don't need to see your anuses.
111
00:04:29,029 --> 00:04:30,337
And, Dick, tuck in your shirt.
112
00:04:30,357 --> 00:04:33,737
No, no, Larry, the sloppier
the clothes, the cooler the kid.
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00:04:33,757 --> 00:04:35,758
Okay. How do we get to china?
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I'm serious now.
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00:04:36,938 --> 00:04:38,502
Dick, remember, if the kids are mean...
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00:04:38,522 --> 00:04:39,837
Oh, they're gonna be mean.
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00:04:39,857 --> 00:04:42,763
Ignore 'em.
They'll find a new target soon enough.
118
00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:45,819
Understood. Perhaps we should alert
the commander of the school.
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00:04:45,839 --> 00:04:47,585
Oh, no, no, no, no, Jackie.
120
00:04:47,605 --> 00:04:50,676
Calling attention to your kid
only puts a bigger target on his back,
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00:04:52,096 --> 00:04:53,622
On his tiny,
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00:04:53,642 --> 00:04:55,102
frail...
123
00:04:55,439 --> 00:04:57,203
- boneless?
- Boneless.
124
00:04:57,223 --> 00:04:58,206
Boneless back.
125
00:04:58,226 --> 00:05:00,739
But don't you worry.
We will keep an eye on him.
126
00:05:00,759 --> 00:05:02,797
You sure you don't want to get
a quick haircut before we go?
127
00:05:02,817 --> 00:05:05,463
- Gentleman's high and tight?
- Not necessary.
128
00:05:05,483 --> 00:05:06,686
Thought I would try.
129
00:05:06,706 --> 00:05:09,530
We are truly very grateful
for your guidance, Weavers.
130
00:05:09,550 --> 00:05:11,128
It really means a lot to us.
131
00:05:12,196 --> 00:05:13,910
Now that was sarcasm.
132
00:05:13,930 --> 00:05:15,015
Are you sure?
133
00:05:15,049 --> 00:05:16,230
No.
134
00:05:16,567 --> 00:05:18,238
So many rules.
135
00:05:18,258 --> 00:05:21,274
Is there anything more complicated
than raising two school-age boys?
136
00:05:21,294 --> 00:05:24,691
Mom! I need you! Now!
137
00:05:34,830 --> 00:05:37,615
Honey? First day of school.
How we doing?
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00:05:37,635 --> 00:05:39,512
I don't know how you're doing,
139
00:05:39,532 --> 00:05:42,987
But here's how I'm doing, mom.
140
00:05:45,569 --> 00:05:48,439
- It's not that bad.
- It's volcanic, mother.
141
00:05:48,459 --> 00:05:51,470
Okay, Amber, you're being a bit dramatic.
142
00:05:52,438 --> 00:05:53,837
- Dramatic?
- Yes.
143
00:05:53,871 --> 00:05:55,505
- You want to see dramatic?
- No.
144
00:05:55,539 --> 00:05:57,250
Look at my face!
145
00:05:57,270 --> 00:06:00,462
Look at my zit, mom!
This is dramatic!
146
00:06:00,968 --> 00:06:02,595
Thank you for all of the french fries, ma.
147
00:06:03,114 --> 00:06:05,035
Learn to cook!
148
00:06:09,957 --> 00:06:11,134
She okay?
149
00:06:11,154 --> 00:06:13,941
Oh, you know, the usual.
Did I miss anything?
150
00:06:13,961 --> 00:06:15,383
Oh, you know, the usual.
151
00:06:34,121 --> 00:06:36,347
Oh, my god. What's on her face?
152
00:06:36,367 --> 00:06:38,125
I think I'm gonna be sick.
153
00:06:41,538 --> 00:06:42,823
Do you want a closer look?
154
00:06:42,843 --> 00:06:44,357
- No.
- No? No?
155
00:06:44,377 --> 00:06:45,820
- You sure? You sure?
- No. Yep.
156
00:06:46,971 --> 00:06:48,311
Reggie.
157
00:06:48,610 --> 00:06:50,756
Come on. We're getting the bus.
158
00:06:50,943 --> 00:06:53,569
Reggie Jackson, we will walk you to school,
159
00:06:53,589 --> 00:06:56,587
and once there, give you
an emotional parental send-off.
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00:06:56,607 --> 00:06:57,660
- No, no. No. No.
- No.
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00:06:57,680 --> 00:06:59,070
Oh, what now?
162
00:06:59,090 --> 00:07:01,315
Hit the road, Jack. Yeah.
163
00:07:02,151 --> 00:07:04,610
I don't mean to overstep,
164
00:07:04,630 --> 00:07:05,940
but...
165
00:07:06,194 --> 00:07:08,781
I'm gonna drop a little "a-ha" moment.
166
00:07:08,801 --> 00:07:10,995
Honey, you're not oprah.
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00:07:11,015 --> 00:07:12,236
Well, to them, I kinda am.
168
00:07:12,256 --> 00:07:13,649
Will you just spit it out?
169
00:07:13,669 --> 00:07:14,892
Well, they're teenagers,
170
00:07:14,912 --> 00:07:17,335
so being seen around
your parents is humiliating.
171
00:07:17,355 --> 00:07:18,614
Humiliating?
172
00:07:18,634 --> 00:07:20,348
- Yeah.
- On our planet,
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00:07:20,368 --> 00:07:23,167
children and parents are proud
to show affection.
174
00:07:23,187 --> 00:07:26,361
in fact, every year,
there's a festival of hugs,
175
00:07:26,381 --> 00:07:28,818
followed by a carnival of compliments.
176
00:07:28,838 --> 00:07:30,777
- It's awesome.
- Okay. Great. Honey...
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00:07:30,797 --> 00:07:31,875
I gotta get to work.
178
00:07:31,895 --> 00:07:32,885
- Good luck today.
- Okay.
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00:07:32,905 --> 00:07:34,401
How will we survive without you?
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00:07:34,421 --> 00:07:36,866
Husband, I think that was sarcasm.
181
00:07:37,041 --> 00:07:38,717
- It felt right. Thank you.
- Yes.
182
00:07:38,737 --> 00:07:41,461
And you are sure
these denim trousers don't look foolish?
183
00:07:41,481 --> 00:07:43,357
Because I have to keep them held up,
184
00:07:43,377 --> 00:07:44,546
otherwise they seem to...
185
00:08:01,593 --> 00:08:02,478
Him.
186
00:08:04,029 --> 00:08:05,052
What about him?
187
00:08:05,072 --> 00:08:06,699
Most popular dude.
188
00:08:06,719 --> 00:08:08,108
He's the key.
189
00:08:09,393 --> 00:08:10,828
I still got it.
190
00:08:10,848 --> 00:08:12,936
Nice zit, freak show.
191
00:08:13,559 --> 00:08:14,645
Oh, that was discouraging.
192
00:08:14,665 --> 00:08:16,217
Well, at least you got a cool nickname.
193
00:08:16,237 --> 00:08:17,989
Freak show!
194
00:08:18,238 --> 00:08:20,695
All right, let's go. Let's go. Move and groove.
195
00:08:20,715 --> 00:08:21,586
Come on.
196
00:08:22,903 --> 00:08:25,468
Fabulous! Just fabulous!
197
00:08:25,488 --> 00:08:27,888
Greetings, new friend.
I look forward to quenching
198
00:08:27,908 --> 00:08:30,532
our thirst for knowledge together.
199
00:08:30,832 --> 00:08:32,553
Hi, guys. How you doing?
200
00:08:32,573 --> 00:08:35,497
Hi. I'm Miss Morton.
And who do we have here?
201
00:08:35,517 --> 00:08:37,021
Well, I got three for you today.
202
00:08:37,041 --> 00:08:39,229
This is Max Weaver, third grade,
203
00:08:39,249 --> 00:08:40,938
Abby Weaver, first grade,
204
00:08:40,958 --> 00:08:43,283
And Dick... Butkus,
205
00:08:43,303 --> 00:08:44,805
also third grade.
206
00:08:44,929 --> 00:08:46,688
Larry, do you want to say good-bye?
207
00:08:47,262 --> 00:08:48,709
Larry!
208
00:08:49,919 --> 00:08:51,110
If you hadn't come into our lives,
209
00:08:51,145 --> 00:08:53,379
I'd be back in my bathroom
right now with both my sons,
210
00:08:53,397 --> 00:08:55,195
trimming our respective bushes.
211
00:08:55,215 --> 00:08:57,917
I've planned a love salute for my parents.
212
00:08:58,204 --> 00:08:58,985
You'll love this.
213
00:08:59,005 --> 00:09:00,816
It's what we do when we part
from our children,
214
00:09:00,836 --> 00:09:01,926
even briefly.
215
00:09:01,946 --> 00:09:04,109
It will involve gathering random schoolchildren
216
00:09:04,129 --> 00:09:06,828
and professing my love for my mother...
217
00:09:06,848 --> 00:09:09,912
- Mom?
- In traditional song form.
218
00:09:09,932 --> 00:09:11,509
- Mom!
- Not today, Dick.
219
00:09:11,529 --> 00:09:13,592
You just go with Max, all right?
220
00:09:13,612 --> 00:09:15,838
"I love you so much, mother,
221
00:09:15,858 --> 00:09:18,525
that I wish I could overthrow father
222
00:09:18,545 --> 00:09:20,688
and love you as he does."
223
00:09:20,708 --> 00:09:22,392
And you shall.
224
00:09:22,978 --> 00:09:24,355
All right, you can take them now.
225
00:09:24,375 --> 00:09:26,114
But I want to profess my love of Dick.
226
00:09:26,134 --> 00:09:28,759
No. No more talking. Please
take them. Just take them.
227
00:09:28,779 --> 00:09:30,294
All right, come. Come. Come. Come.
228
00:09:30,314 --> 00:09:33,250
Super. It's super fun.
Okay, welcome.
229
00:09:33,270 --> 00:09:33,974
Welcome.
230
00:09:36,064 --> 00:09:39,470
They're pulling everything
we have out by the roots.
231
00:09:39,882 --> 00:09:42,269
Buck up, guys.
Your son's gonna need you later.
232
00:09:42,289 --> 00:09:45,395
Now listen to me.
This is what's about to go down.
233
00:09:48,027 --> 00:09:50,069
Your little boy
is going to walk into school
234
00:09:50,089 --> 00:09:53,881
and instantly become
The newest, most unique boy there.
235
00:09:53,901 --> 00:09:57,677
And because of that, he's going
to get targeted as the weakest.
236
00:09:57,951 --> 00:09:59,685
And when it all goes bad,
237
00:09:59,705 --> 00:10:01,864
when he comes home in tears,
238
00:10:01,884 --> 00:10:04,783
you're gonna have
to pick up the pieces.
239
00:10:07,614 --> 00:10:10,259
Look, I'm not the weakest boy in school.
240
00:10:10,279 --> 00:10:16,134
He's new and strange,
and I'm expressing dominance!
241
00:10:17,606 --> 00:10:18,255
Hey, guys, look.
242
00:10:18,275 --> 00:10:20,662
The new kid just got beat up
by the redheaded girl.
243
00:10:30,529 --> 00:10:33,022
Well, this is a first.
244
00:10:33,042 --> 00:10:36,490
I don't think I have ever had to call parents in
245
00:10:36,510 --> 00:10:38,765
on the first day of school
246
00:10:38,785 --> 00:10:41,260
within the first half-hour.
247
00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:43,677
We're as surprised as you are, Principal Berger.
248
00:10:43,697 --> 00:10:45,286
I'd imagine so.
249
00:10:45,306 --> 00:10:47,936
It appears the Weavers don't know
everything about everything after all.
250
00:10:48,959 --> 00:10:51,104
Dick Butkus is the victim
251
00:10:51,124 --> 00:10:53,464
And Max Weaver the feeble one.
252
00:10:54,412 --> 00:10:57,444
Max, what happened? I thought
the two of you were friends.
253
00:10:57,464 --> 00:10:59,015
I don't know, mom.
254
00:10:59,035 --> 00:11:01,498
Everything just seems upside down right now.
255
00:11:01,533 --> 00:11:04,281
Wait a minute. Dick beat up Max?
256
00:11:04,301 --> 00:11:06,244
- I did.
- He sure did.
257
00:11:06,264 --> 00:11:08,793
- Why?
- So I would not be viewed as the weakest,
258
00:11:08,813 --> 00:11:11,400
thus tormented, wedgied, and hate-crimed.
259
00:11:11,420 --> 00:11:13,370
And who told you that would happen?
260
00:11:13,390 --> 00:11:14,505
The small one.
261
00:11:14,525 --> 00:11:16,575
We wanted to come to you, Principal,
262
00:11:16,595 --> 00:11:20,313
but we were told it would only make it
worse for Dick and his boneless back.
263
00:11:20,333 --> 00:11:21,713
Boneless?
264
00:11:21,748 --> 00:11:24,001
Who told you that?
265
00:11:24,317 --> 00:11:26,387
Oh, please. Without our guidance,
266
00:11:26,407 --> 00:11:29,081
you would've sent them to school
looking like Arnold Palmer.
267
00:11:29,101 --> 00:11:30,915
What has Arnold Palmer ever done to you
268
00:11:30,935 --> 00:11:32,958
besides keep an eye
on your house when you're away
269
00:11:32,992 --> 00:11:34,508
and pick up your mail?
270
00:11:34,528 --> 00:11:35,980
I'm sorry. What is happening here?
271
00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:37,558
I'll tell you what's happening.
272
00:11:37,578 --> 00:11:39,578
They've gotten everything wrong.
273
00:11:39,598 --> 00:11:41,649
Let me ask you, Principal...
Is it proper
274
00:11:41,669 --> 00:11:44,436
that a boy be sent to school
with his pants so low
275
00:11:44,456 --> 00:11:47,506
that you can see, not one,
not two, but all three of his...
276
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:48,854
Larry!
277
00:11:49,316 --> 00:11:51,059
Anuses?
278
00:11:51,798 --> 00:11:53,545
I don't think I understand.
279
00:11:53,580 --> 00:11:55,664
But I think I'm starting to.
280
00:11:55,890 --> 00:11:58,286
Family, stand.
281
00:11:58,435 --> 00:12:01,347
All week, you two have deemed us
incompetent parents,
282
00:12:01,367 --> 00:12:03,555
but we are not incompetent parents,
283
00:12:03,573 --> 00:12:06,623
and my son's victory today proves just that.
284
00:12:06,643 --> 00:12:08,598
No. No. This isn't a victory.
285
00:12:08,618 --> 00:12:11,263
- Of course it is.
- Yeah, but I am giving him detention.
286
00:12:11,283 --> 00:12:13,892
Thank you. Just send it to our home, please.
287
00:12:19,474 --> 00:12:21,405
They're british, so...
288
00:12:21,425 --> 00:12:23,246
From England.
289
00:12:23,471 --> 00:12:25,292
Okay, family, stand.
290
00:12:27,225 --> 00:12:28,590
Come on.
291
00:12:29,351 --> 00:12:29,728
Okay.
292
00:12:39,558 --> 00:12:41,260
I've had a disturbing first day, Amber.
293
00:12:41,280 --> 00:12:43,069
If I didn't know any better,
I'd think the other students
294
00:12:43,089 --> 00:12:44,403
weren't interested in learning anything...
295
00:12:44,423 --> 00:12:47,634
Hit the "mute" button, dude.
296
00:12:48,039 --> 00:12:49,715
I'm thinking.
297
00:12:54,750 --> 00:12:55,748
What are you thinking about?
298
00:12:55,768 --> 00:12:57,244
How I can impress "twilight" over there
299
00:12:57,264 --> 00:13:00,210
with Mount Vesuvius on my chin.
300
00:13:01,736 --> 00:13:03,669
What did you do at your last school?
301
00:13:03,689 --> 00:13:06,688
I didn't do anything.
I just had to be myself.
302
00:13:06,913 --> 00:13:10,416
Also, I started a rumor
that I was in a celebrity relationship
303
00:13:10,436 --> 00:13:14,741
and I was being really cruel to my real friends
In front of the popular kids.
304
00:13:16,827 --> 00:13:18,308
I find you fascinating, Amber Weaver.
305
00:13:18,328 --> 00:13:19,729
Mute.
306
00:13:20,958 --> 00:13:23,228
- I really have to get back to work.
- No, I know. All right, so go.
307
00:13:23,248 --> 00:13:25,566
So we'll talk it with them when I get- yeah.
308
00:13:27,120 --> 00:13:28,123
Hi, Jackie.
309
00:13:28,143 --> 00:13:29,832
I have come to return these.
310
00:13:29,852 --> 00:13:32,744
My husband and I do not want
them near our toilet garden.
311
00:13:32,764 --> 00:13:34,054
Okay.
312
00:13:34,074 --> 00:13:36,586
As appreciative as we are
for everything that you have taught us...
313
00:13:36,606 --> 00:13:38,245
- Don't falter, wife.
- Go, Jackie!
314
00:13:38,265 --> 00:13:40,416
- You got this, Jackie.
- Bring it home, Jackie!
315
00:13:40,863 --> 00:13:43,912
We may do things differently,
but we are not bad parents,
316
00:13:43,932 --> 00:13:45,022
despite what you may think, and...
317
00:13:45,042 --> 00:13:46,719
I don't think you're bad parents.
318
00:13:46,739 --> 00:13:48,640
- Lies!
- She's judging you.
319
00:13:48,660 --> 00:13:50,618
Make it rain, jackie.
320
00:13:50,818 --> 00:13:51,838
Listen, Larry,
321
00:13:51,858 --> 00:13:55,276
If you're not gonna raise
your kids by human rules, then...
322
00:13:55,550 --> 00:13:58,686
we're gonna have to insist
that our children don't spend time together.
323
00:13:58,706 --> 00:14:00,832
Then I'll just go out
and buy dick a punching bag.
324
00:14:00,852 --> 00:14:03,032
He won't even realize Max is gone.
325
00:14:03,052 --> 00:14:04,766
- What?
- Huzzah!
326
00:14:04,786 --> 00:14:07,511
Our children are confident, smart, and strong,
327
00:14:07,531 --> 00:14:10,155
and I'm not afraid to say it,
and they are not embarrassed to hear it.
328
00:14:10,175 --> 00:14:11,989
And if my son's victory over your son today
329
00:14:12,009 --> 00:14:13,274
- proves anything at all...
- Okay, Jackie,
330
00:14:13,294 --> 00:14:15,619
you really have to stop
referring to it as a victory.
331
00:14:15,639 --> 00:14:18,259
And you really need to stop telling us
that we're doing everything wrong.
332
00:14:18,279 --> 00:14:20,192
Well, then you really need
to stop doing everything wrong.
333
00:14:20,212 --> 00:14:22,475
Enough! I refuse to be judged by a woman
334
00:14:22,495 --> 00:14:25,833
- who subscribes to "us weekly."
- I don't!
335
00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:27,929
My daughter does.
336
00:14:27,963 --> 00:14:29,750
And I'm the bad parent.
337
00:14:35,129 --> 00:14:38,273
Shut up!
338
00:14:38,307 --> 00:14:40,144
You have to cheer for me sometimes.
339
00:14:40,164 --> 00:14:43,210
I cheer for you. I have
your back. You know that.
340
00:14:44,388 --> 00:14:45,523
Greetings.
341
00:14:59,447 --> 00:15:01,596
All right, new kid. Initiation time.
342
00:15:01,630 --> 00:15:03,062
Get off of me!
343
00:15:03,082 --> 00:15:04,065
Hey, Harry Potter's friend,
344
00:15:04,085 --> 00:15:05,790
You want to take a turn holding him down?
345
00:15:05,810 --> 00:15:07,368
I do not.
346
00:15:07,402 --> 00:15:09,956
If you must dump a head in an excrement bowl,
347
00:15:09,976 --> 00:15:11,508
I insist it be mine.
348
00:15:11,528 --> 00:15:13,507
I'm quite good at it.
349
00:15:14,297 --> 00:15:16,694
It's possible I wasn't clear.
350
00:15:16,729 --> 00:15:18,541
- Dick, help!
- Shut up!
351
00:15:18,561 --> 00:15:20,195
Please! Stop!
352
00:15:20,215 --> 00:15:22,440
You're hurting him! Listen to me!
353
00:15:22,460 --> 00:15:25,653
I said stop!
354
00:15:28,953 --> 00:15:30,591
Oh, crap.
355
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:36,914
Well, we're breaking new ground here today.
356
00:15:37,266 --> 00:15:40,871
Two incidents on the first day of school.
357
00:15:41,071 --> 00:15:43,888
So... Welcome back.
358
00:15:43,922 --> 00:15:45,063
Well, it's good to be back.
359
00:15:45,083 --> 00:15:46,674
- Marty.
- Sorry.
360
00:15:46,924 --> 00:15:48,733
Great to be back.
361
00:15:56,389 --> 00:15:59,670
My son has been called
to the leader's lair twice.
362
00:15:59,690 --> 00:16:01,142
It's a proud day indeed.
363
00:16:01,162 --> 00:16:04,246
No. Not a proud moment. No.
364
00:16:04,458 --> 00:16:07,539
Perhaps you'd like to say hello
to the Newmans and the Butlers,
365
00:16:07,559 --> 00:16:10,706
Who have also been inconvenienced today.
366
00:16:10,726 --> 00:16:12,703
Since Ricky and Adam
367
00:16:12,723 --> 00:16:15,796
Weren't speaking after the incident in question,
368
00:16:15,816 --> 00:16:19,945
I asked them to draw pictures of what happened.
369
00:16:20,931 --> 00:16:23,234
Oh, the one on the left
looks nothing like him.
370
00:16:23,254 --> 00:16:26,278
We were just in the bathroom,
and he came in and turned green.
371
00:16:26,298 --> 00:16:28,785
I think he means green with envy.
372
00:16:28,805 --> 00:16:31,512
No. Just green.
373
00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:33,164
They're lying.
374
00:16:33,184 --> 00:16:34,634
Why do you lie?
375
00:16:36,363 --> 00:16:38,306
Oh, this is a waste of time.
376
00:16:38,326 --> 00:16:42,098
My son was merely coming
to the defense of his feeble friend.
377
00:16:42,118 --> 00:16:44,616
Who he punched earlier in the day.
378
00:16:44,636 --> 00:16:46,669
Only to display his dominance.
379
00:16:47,882 --> 00:16:51,634
I fear I have no choice but to suspend Dick.
380
00:16:51,654 --> 00:16:53,151
Oh, thank you. He'll love that.
381
00:16:53,185 --> 00:16:56,635
- Where will I be suspended from?
- Not too high, I hope.
382
00:16:57,521 --> 00:16:59,666
Seriously, what kind of parents
act like this?
383
00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:02,939
And don't tell me they're british,
because I've been there.
384
00:17:02,959 --> 00:17:06,749
Wait. You're saying
we strike you as bad parents?
385
00:17:07,048 --> 00:17:11,776
Maybe this school is not a good fit for Dick.
386
00:17:11,988 --> 00:17:13,852
I don't want to leave this school.
387
00:17:13,872 --> 00:17:16,755
Please don't punish our son
because of something we've done wrong.
388
00:17:16,775 --> 00:17:19,050
I don't really have much of a choice.
389
00:17:19,070 --> 00:17:20,759
Hold on. Hold on. We've known this family
390
00:17:20,779 --> 00:17:22,992
For quite some time.
391
00:17:23,012 --> 00:17:25,312
Yeah, like, a whole month.
392
00:17:25,332 --> 00:17:28,363
They are great parents.
393
00:17:28,383 --> 00:17:30,895
- It's just that they're from another planet...
- Country.
394
00:17:30,915 --> 00:17:32,886
Country. Country.
395
00:17:33,210 --> 00:17:35,967
And in trying to teach them how things work,
396
00:17:35,987 --> 00:17:38,949
Some stuff may have gotten lost in translation...
397
00:17:38,969 --> 00:17:41,057
as much our fault as it is theirs.
398
00:17:41,077 --> 00:17:43,759
You can say that again, sister.
399
00:17:43,934 --> 00:17:46,583
It seems I've graduated from sarcasm to sass.
400
00:17:46,603 --> 00:17:48,248
Dick, Max,
401
00:17:48,268 --> 00:17:52,290
Can we promise Principal Berger
that an incident like this
402
00:17:52,310 --> 00:17:55,391
will never happen again?
403
00:17:55,590 --> 00:17:57,429
- Yes.
- Yeah.
404
00:17:59,329 --> 00:18:01,579
Ricky? Adam? How about you two boys?
405
00:18:02,609 --> 00:18:06,314
I'm pretty sure Ricky and Adam
won't be bothering us anytime soon.
406
00:18:07,724 --> 00:18:09,950
Okay, there you have it.
407
00:18:11,584 --> 00:18:13,847
Can I just take this portrait?
408
00:18:13,867 --> 00:18:15,765
Yeah, the good one, not the sloppy one.
409
00:18:15,799 --> 00:18:17,576
Thank you.
410
00:18:17,596 --> 00:18:19,006
Good day.
411
00:18:23,900 --> 00:18:26,475
You broke my heart, Amber Weaver!
412
00:18:26,869 --> 00:18:28,620
What are you doing?
413
00:18:31,247 --> 00:18:32,525
Trust me.
414
00:18:32,545 --> 00:18:34,882
And how do you repay my love?
415
00:18:34,902 --> 00:18:39,024
By having an affair with
a major american celebrity!
416
00:18:40,598 --> 00:18:42,861
I gave her everything.
417
00:18:42,881 --> 00:18:45,755
And all the while, she's having romantic trysts
418
00:18:45,775 --> 00:18:48,831
With television's Alan Alda!
419
00:18:50,641 --> 00:18:52,405
Who's Alan Alda?
420
00:18:52,425 --> 00:18:54,720
I read about him
in your mother's "us weekly."
421
00:18:54,740 --> 00:18:57,252
Step one. I've created you
a fake celebrity relationship.
422
00:18:57,272 --> 00:18:59,965
- Reggie, that's not how that works.
- Hey.
423
00:18:59,985 --> 00:19:00,788
Hi.
424
00:19:00,808 --> 00:19:01,969
Hi.
425
00:19:01,989 --> 00:19:03,915
- New kid's weird, huh?
- What a loser.
426
00:19:03,935 --> 00:19:06,092
Total stalker. Have you seen his jeans?
427
00:19:06,112 --> 00:19:07,452
Yeah, I have.
428
00:19:07,472 --> 00:19:10,171
A bunch of us are going
to Zobo's for some fro-yo.
429
00:19:10,191 --> 00:19:11,543
Awesome.
430
00:19:11,578 --> 00:19:13,160
Let's go.
431
00:19:14,345 --> 00:19:17,478
Stay away from me, stalker!
432
00:19:18,426 --> 00:19:20,464
- Have you ever been to Zobo's?
- I haven't.
433
00:19:20,484 --> 00:19:22,355
The ambiance at Zobo's is amazing.
434
00:19:22,375 --> 00:19:23,490
I used to be a fro-yo chef.
435
00:19:23,510 --> 00:19:27,567
Step two. Be cruel to your real friends
In front of the popular kids.
436
00:19:30,436 --> 00:19:33,134
These trousers are too big.
437
00:19:35,566 --> 00:19:36,632
Hello?
438
00:19:36,652 --> 00:19:38,116
It's an orchid.
439
00:19:38,136 --> 00:19:40,381
We thought it would look nice in your crapper.
440
00:19:42,714 --> 00:19:44,024
Come in.
441
00:19:45,695 --> 00:19:48,183
Marty and Debbie Weaver brought us an orchid.
442
00:19:48,203 --> 00:19:50,977
Oh, it'll look very pretty in our crapper.
443
00:19:50,997 --> 00:19:52,512
Look, Jackie, it's not often
444
00:19:52,532 --> 00:19:54,645
that you get to train your neighbors.
445
00:19:54,665 --> 00:19:57,277
It's a treat. We may have gotten
a little carried away.
446
00:19:57,297 --> 00:19:59,298
No, we asked for your guidance.
447
00:19:59,318 --> 00:20:02,678
It's just that sometimes, it's a little bit...
448
00:20:03,780 --> 00:20:06,616
If there's one thing we know,
it's how to raise our children.
449
00:20:06,636 --> 00:20:09,148
I know. I mean, we don't want to
tell you how to raise your kids.
450
00:20:09,168 --> 00:20:11,119
Which is exactly what I said this morning.
451
00:20:11,139 --> 00:20:13,003
- Marty.
- Or I could've said something else.
452
00:20:13,023 --> 00:20:14,344
You know, it's been such a long day,
453
00:20:14,364 --> 00:20:15,840
and I really should get to work at some point.
454
00:20:15,860 --> 00:20:19,071
Point is, we're here to help if you need help.
455
00:20:19,346 --> 00:20:21,778
And we will try our best to receive your help.
456
00:20:21,798 --> 00:20:25,045
What a beautiful moment.
457
00:20:25,065 --> 00:20:28,737
It's the first day of my suspension.
458
00:20:29,273 --> 00:20:31,207
What?
459
00:20:38,525 --> 00:20:40,447
Amber, wait.
460
00:20:40,970 --> 00:20:43,297
Honey, we thought that
before you went to school,
461
00:20:43,317 --> 00:20:46,476
you might want to give us a little,
462
00:20:46,496 --> 00:20:47,740
you know...
463
00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:50,557
Emotional love salute?
464
00:20:51,769 --> 00:20:53,279
Some kind words.
465
00:20:53,299 --> 00:20:56,546
You know, something that you love about us.
466
00:20:59,689 --> 00:21:01,740
A smile?
467
00:21:03,723 --> 00:21:06,243
Thanks, baby.
468
00:21:06,263 --> 00:21:07,798
- You see?
- Peace.
469
00:21:07,818 --> 00:21:09,918
- Peace!
- Peace.
470
00:21:10,754 --> 00:21:13,611
You see? They learn from us.
We learn from them.
471
00:21:13,631 --> 00:21:15,494
Everyone's the better for it.
472
00:21:15,514 --> 00:21:16,879
Oh, good. There you are.
473
00:21:16,899 --> 00:21:19,005
We just grounded Reggie Jackson.
474
00:21:19,025 --> 00:21:21,325
Quick question. How does he breathe?
475
00:21:21,345 --> 00:21:23,845
- Oh, god.
- What did they do?
476
00:21:24,119 --> 00:21:26,078
www.addic7ed.com
477
00:21:26,128 --> 00:21:30,678
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