All language subtitles for The Neighbors s01e03 Real.eng

Previously on
"The Neighbours"...

These are the Weavers.

This is there new house.

And these are their new neighbours.

I'm Larry Bird,
leader of this community

and immediate neighbor to your west.

We're just living amidst
golf cart-driving pie makers

with names of
professional athletes.

I'm sure there's an explanation
for this.

We hope that you will
consider staying.

We believe there's much
we could learn from one another.

Debbie Waever.

Hi.

I'm alright.

It's good to see you lady friend.

Yeah, it's been like to while hours.

Forgive me.

I went through whole centurys
without any girlfriends on Zabvron.

It's very hard to have close friends
when your husband is supreme leader.

But now I have you.

Let us chere gossip.

Who is chatting with Dennis Rodman
at our weekly nuclear safety meeting?

- And he told me
- Wait. Nuclear what?

that Venus Williams
caught Mike Tyson

feeding Maria Sharapova's alpaca
tulips from Kareem Adbdul-Jabbar's garden.

I think we all know what that means.

- Do we?
- Now I'll paint your claws

while we wait for
our lady clocks to synchronize.

- You have to really put your back into it...
- I know, dad.

- Otherwise, the spaceship wax won't adhere.
- I know, dad.

And if meteor dust penetrates
the finish,

- then you're in a real bind.
- I know, dad.

Concentric circles,
not the opposite.

then you'll be
in real trouble.

Polishing.
Polishing. Polishing.

Go ahead. See if you can get
a high gloss.

Concentric circles.

Is this cool or what?

Hey, Mr. Weaver.

- What are you doing?
- Hey, kiddo. I'm changing the oil.

Listen, call me "Marty."

It would be my honor,
Mar... ty.

Reggie Jackson!

Time to push your father
across the windshield.

Or we could stay here
and watch Marty change his oil.

It's a classic
human maintenance ritual.

Stand back, Marty.
I'll lubricate your machine

before you can say,
"I am a lesser species."

Knock yourself out, Tron.

Dad.

- Larry. Why did you touched that?
- Sorry. Sorry.

Look what you did.

- What now?
- Larry bird coated me in oil

and then sponged me
with spaceship wax.

Well, Jackie Joyner-Kersee
painted my nails.

Apparently, it tells the story
of her people.

Oh, by the way,

Mike tyson was spotted
feeding Maria Sharapova's alpaca

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's flowers.

Okay, we need to start
spending more time with humans.

- Yeah, we need more humans.
- Yeah.

That's a good idea.

S01E03
Things Just Got Real

Sync by ninh
www.addic7ed.com

That's fantastic.

Okay. Well, no, I'll just
text you the address.

I'll see you in a little bit.

Scott and Tracy are in?

They are so in.
This is perfect.

My folks have the kids...

And we have four of our best couples
locked and loaded for this evening.

I'm gonna go to the garage.
I'm gonna get my poker table.

I gotta get some fatty foods.

What are you gonna do
with the girls?

Well, there's
a new tapas restaurant.

I've heard good things.

A little girl talk, a little
sangria, I'll be a new woman.

You're great
when you drink sangria.

I'm the best version of myself
when I drink sangria.

This is what we need, honey.
A night with human friends,

No explaining,
no green slime.

Speaking of which,

What are we gonna do
about, uh, you know?

Right.

We told them they could come
over and feel our hair tonight.

Come on. Again?
They have their own hair.

What is so special about
our hair? I don't get it.

Well, at least they stopped
asking to put lotion on us.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Well, we're gonna have to come
up with some kind of excuse,

Okay, but we have to be gentle.
We don't want to upset Larry.

Why are you so worried about
upsetting Larry?

- You don't know?
- No.

- It's a whole thing with him.
- What?

Because he's their leader,
every time he feels pain or rejection,

the whole community
feels it with him.

- Oh, please.
- I'm telling you. Watch.

Hi, guys.
Hey. How are ya?

That's so mean!

That was so hurtful.

Okay. A little white lie
never killed anyone.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Come in. Come in.
We've been waiting.

Hey, Mr. Weaver.

Hey! How you doing, kid?

Okay, if I'm not feeling hair
within five seconds,

there's gonna be a problem.

Hey. So we have
some, uh, bad news, guys.

We are going to have to
cancel tonight.

It seems we totally forgot
we have friends coming over tonight, so...

From Bayonne.

Oh, wonderful, Debbie Weaver.

I cannot wait to meet
your other friends.

We would love for you guys
to come tonight...

Yeah, but it's...
it's a real jersey crowd,

You know, it's a couple
of blue-collar dudes

- And some housewives. Ugh.
- Yeah, and you guys being so alien-y,

You might not fit in, and it's
leaving too much to chance.

Yeah. As much as we would
love to have you guys there...

- Oh, we would so love to have you.
- So much.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

But please don't come.

- It's really important that you don't come.
- Yeah.

- Okay?
- Okay. Don't come.

Stay put.

- Stay here.
- Stay in the living room.

- It's so nice here.
- Yeah.

Yeah.

Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

- I think they want us to come.
- We should shave their heads.

Then we could feel their hair
anytime we felt like it.

Hello, mother.

Oh, hello, Reggie Jackson.

Is something troubling you, Reggie?

It's my father.
He refuses to fit in.

Why can't he be more
like Marty Weaver?

Marty is so cool.

Yes.

You seem troubled as well,
mother.

I'm Debbie Weaver's best friend.

It's clear she wants me there tonight.

She's just worried
I won't fit in.

Oh, if only I knew how to behave
like a real human,

Like a real housewife.

I borrowed Amber's telephone.

She watches this television
program religiously.

They watch television
on their telephones?

Don't ask.

It's exactly what
you're looking for, mother.

New Jersey housewives.

Real housewives.

They seem very...

mentally imbalanced.

They don't just give anyone
television shows, mother.

These women must be
pillars of society.

You're right, Reggie.

Tell me more about
these real housewives.

Best I can tell, the job
of a real housewife

- is to denigrate other housewives...
- Done.

- Stir up controversy whenever possible...
- Easy.

- Talk about how rich your husband is...
- Well, hello.

And occasionally,

Say really melodramatic things
directly to camera.

But why?

- Beautiful!
- Marty, this is great!

- I know, right?
- God, look at this place!

It's a fricking castle!

- Congratulations.
- Floors are bamboo.

Ooh, from bayonne to bamboo.
Look at you guys.

You did it! This is great.

Come on. We'll give you the tour,
the the rest of the gang will be here soon.

Great little development,
by the way.

What are the neighbors like?

Regard me, husband.

What are you wearing?

I am dressed like
a real housewife.

Which you would know if you
just bought us a telephone

to watch television on.

I will not have my family
mindlessly sitting around a telephone

watching television all day.

Well, I'm going to join Debbie Weaver
and her female friends.

Do you think marty weaver
would allow me to sit quietly

and learn the customs
of his poker night?

Nonsense.

You have nothing to learn
from those men.

But you may watch
as I dominate them,

And then you'll see whose
customs are worth learning.

I'm here to dominate the men.

And I'm here to hang with the bitches.

What are we gonna do?

I just wanted a night
with normal human beings.

And what the hell is she
wearing? What are we gonna do?

- I don't know.
- You don't know?

- I don't know.
- Mark and Mindy are making small talk

with our friends in our
living room. Think, Marty!

- Well, we can't exactly ask them to leave.
- Why not?

- Why not?
- Why not?

Because the second
we hurt Larry's feelings,

The whole neighborhood's
gonna run into the streets crying and wailing.

You wanna explain that
to our friends or should I?

So we have no choice.

We just gotta get through it
as quickly as possible.

Like the time you made me watch "Downtown Abbey."

- "Downton Abbey."
- What? I know. I thought that was...

- Who does Maggie Smith play?
- She played abbey.

- Oh, come on!
- No, I'm kidding. I loved it. Look...

Common enemy.

- Let's get 'em.
- Okay.

Son, come feel the felt.

Dad, I really don't think you're
supposed to feel the felt.

If they didn't want you
to feel the felt,

- They wouldn't call it...
- Okay, so what do you say we wante up and play?

Here we go.

So... What are the origins

of your involvement
with Marty Weaver?

Oh, we're lifers.

Me and this jackass go all the way back
to Trenton elementary.

Jackass.

And pete over there...
we went to college together.

He was my best man.

And who supplanted him?

To ladies' night!

And to this sangria, may it rest in peace,
'cause I'm about to kill it.

Ooh. Sorry.

Watch it, tramp!

Maybe it's no big thing to spill
it all over your skank wrap,

but some of us are
dripping in class and luxury.

What the hell?

Jackie, what are you doing?

Don't worry, Debbie Weaver.

I've been studying Real housewives
on one of your telephone programs.

Oh, no. Jackie!

So, Tracy...

How does it feel to know
that Liz has the hots for your husband?

So we're not crazy.

Okay, that freak...

To be honest,
I didn't really think

that Liz was interested
in Tracy's husband,

but dinner was getting
a little bit boring,

so I thought I'd spice things up
a little bit.

So how long
has it been going on?

There is nothing happening.

Okay? We just play
"words with friends" at night,

and sometimes we do that little
chat thing in the corner.

Uh-oh. Things just got real.

Three wizards
and two princesses. I win again.

Observe, Reggie, your father
dominating the humans.

The other humans, because what,
we're all humans, right?

Okay, so, Larry, listen,
I want to thank you

for stopping by and playing
with us, but...

But now it is time to move on to
the true point of the evening.

Honoring our fathers.

Now where I'm from...

The UK.
He's from the UK.

Oh, yes. Yes, of course.

Now on UK,
when males gather,

it is important to pay tribute
to our fathers.

Reggie, emit a yelp of honor for papa.

- I don't want to. They don't do that here.
- Emit for papa.

- I don't want to.
- Emit for papa!

Moo!

Thank you.

Okay,
so that awkwardly concludes

the father tribute portion
of our poker game.

My old man would've turned 75
this week.

- He was a good man.
- He was a coldhearted bastard.

The only time he ever said
"I love you"

was through his trach hole

as he lay dying
in his hospital bed.

I love you, son.

Hey, at least you heard it, man.

At least he heard it.
Right, fellas?

Well, you didn't wear underwear to my wedding!

Oh, well, news flash.
Your baby looks like Ed Asner!

Oh! Don't you dare talk
about my baby!

You're gonna stab me? Over...

Tracy, put the knife down.
Liz, you sit down.

- Well, if you ask me...
- I didn't.

And, Jackie, I don't want you
to say another word

until you and I have spoken
in private.

Oh! Well, here we go.

That is classic Debbie.

Mom's here!

What is that supposed to mean, Tracy?

Oh, please. You're always
telling us what to do.

It's, like, who died and made
you queen of New Jersey?

Because the last time I checked,
it was still Mrs. Bon Jovi.

The truth is, the Mrs. Bon Jovi
reference was lost on me, but...

Jackie, shut up!

Stop talking to the wall!

I've had enough.

All I wanted was a relaxing
evening out with my girlfriends.

This is exactly why I didn't
want you to come tonight.

You didn't want me to come?

I was lying.

That is what people do when
they're trying to be polite.

Do I have to spell it out for you?
I did not want you to come.

If you bitches
will excuse me...

Can't this wait?

These father tributes
can be very moving.

Although Pete's got a bit weird, didn't it?

Yes, it did.

I can't take it anymore, Larry.
All I wanted to do was

drink beer
and play poker with my buddies.

You're ruining my night.

I mean, the least you could do
is try and fit in.

I continue to be mystified
by this human concept of fitting in.

If I wish to do as I please,
whose life am I ruining?

Mine.

Reggie?

You wanted
my father tribute.

Here you go.

I will never forget my father,

How he brought me to a strange
planet without ever asking me,

and now he then refused
to adapt.

It's called felt because it's fuzzing.
How because you feeling.

They don't pay tributes
to their fathers.

They drink beer
and talk sports.

And the cards aren't called
wizards and princesses.

They're called
goblins and mamas.

I hate you.

Larry, I don't want you
to get upset about that.

Don't... just... I want...
don't be sad now.

You should...
Larry, don't be...

Larry. Larry, easy!

Oh, no, his son hates him!

I can't take it anymore.
I'm going to jump.

Are you all right?

I'm fine!

Just sad.

Hey.

There's no need to waste your girls' night
In here with me, Debbie Weaver.

You should go back
to your real friends.

Actually, everyone else left.

What do you mean,
my "real friends"?

Well, clearly, I misunderstood
our relationship.

Ooh. No, don't sit.

That's a dirty floor
and some bare thighs.

I thought I finally had
a girlfriend,

and all I wanted to do
was be there for you.

That's really sweet,
actually.

I'm sorry. Sangria has some
real high highs for me

and some real low lows.

Well, I understand now
that you don't want me around,

so I won't be ruining any more
of your nights.

Oh, can we do this
standing up, please?

No?

Okay.

Jackie,
I love having you around.

It's just that you and Larry Bird
are still new at all this,

and sometimes Marty and I
need to be around people

who we don't have to explain
everything to.

I understand.

Larry and I are constantly
complaining about

how we have to dumb everything
down for you and Marty.

It's quite tedious, actually.

Well, apparently, you're not
the only friend of mine

who finds me tedious.

What?

Oh, you're not bothered by
what Tracy said, are you?

It's so obvious
that she's just jealous.

Go on.

Did you see the way those women
looked at your house?

Really?

Total bamboo-envy.

Also, you have the best hair.

Not tonight, I don't.

Jackie, you're so pretty.

I mean, your dress is terrible,
but you're so pretty.

I told you,
highs and lows.

So...

We really are
girlfriends then?

Oh, Jackie.

We're crying on the floor
of a public bathroom.

We're the definition
of girlfriends.

Larry?

Larry?

Go away!

I'm busy being happy.

Look, you got to admit,
the kid's got a point.

Would it kill you
to try a little harder to adapt?

Adapt?

Do you know how ridiculous
that sounds to me?

Imagine trying to fit in
to a civilization

run by well-meaning
but mindless gerbils.

- Oh, well, I don't think that we...
- Imagine having to eat like gerbils,

sleep like gerbils,
bathe like gerbils.

. Yeah, okay, I...
- Just to clarify,

you are to me
as gerbils are to you.

Wow. I mean,
I guess I didn't realize

how much you hate it here, Larry.

I don't. I just...

I fear it may be
a very long time

before we return to zabvron,

and I worry my children will
forget where they come from.

Well, you know,

Listen, I...

When I was growing up,

we would have Sunday supper.

every week, my mom would make
nice veal parm,

and I always figured that
when I had my own family,

I would do the same thing, but...

you know,
Max has soccer on Sunday

and Abby has gymnastics,
and...

Amber doesn't believe in meat
as a source of food.

She always struck me as the most
evolved gerbil in your family.

Yeah, she is. Thank you.

Look, Larry,
I had to adjust.

So now every once in a while,
I make eggplant parm,

and the kids love it.
Amber, too.

She stopped calling it
murder sauce, which is nice.

Look, you have to find ways
to keep your culture alive, but...

you also have to be willing
to adapt.

Sound advice, Marty Weaver.

Long walk to get there,
but sound advice.

Yeah.

I know.

I thought the story
would never end.

- I was beginning to panic.
- Okay, we're done.

I...

I looked into it.

The people on the playing cards
are referred to as "kings" and "queens."

I didn't know that.

I stole it from the Weavers.

They have seven.

More televisions than people.

Oh, this is
an excellent show.

Oh, father, this isn't a...

Yes. You're right.

It's a...
that's a very popular program.

I can see why.

I'm filling up with warmth.

Step one of my healing process!

Milady.

What's scary is

that this isn't even
the craziest part of my night.

Same here.

How was girls' night?

We got into a bar fight.

How was guys' night?

Everyone talked about
their dads and cried.

I think I really like them, Marty.

I know. I know.

Me, too.

So I don't want to alarm you, but,

Larry Bird stole
our flat screen.

Okay.

Oh,
I did not see that coming.

.

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