All language subtitles for The Carrie Diaries s01e13 Kiss Yesterday Goodbye.eng

Before there was sex,
before there was the city,

there was just me--Carrie.
Carrie Bradshaw.

And lots of things
were changing...

Larissa said that if I do
a good job,

she might hire me
as her full-time assistant

over the summer.

...for all of us.
You like me?

I do like you. So what?
I like you, too.

Is that Mr. Bradshaw?

Yeah, it is. Let's go.

We made out in your car
and got coffee a couple times.

My kids don't really know
that I'm dating yet.

Admit it. It's always more fun
when you're with me.

Did you give me
that book

so I'd wanna have sex with you?

No.
I've been thinking about it a lot.

Why do you have to think
so much about everything?

Because that's who I am.

If that's the way you feel,

then maybe we should
just break up.

If that's what you want, fine.

There's a brief moment
when you first wake up

where you have no memories--
a blissful blank slate,

a happy emptiness.

But it doesn't last long,

and you remember exactly
where you are

and what you were
trying to forget--

a totally painful,
gut-wrenching breakup.

Ugh!

And the worst part--

you have no one to be angry at
except yourself.

Now the only thing I could
remember about me and Sebastian

was how happy I was...

And now I wasn't.

Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com

Please! You were not happy.

You are always
complaining about him

and miserable.

Absolutely miserable!

I was?
Totally, because

he was so needy and demanding
and not even that cute.

Uh, he's ugly, really.
Oops.

You went too far.

Too far with what?

We don't actually believe
any of this stuff.

We're just trying to make you feel better about
the breakup. We feel awful for you guys.

You were great together.

And right before prom. Breaking up
before prom might actually be worse

than getting dumped
near Valentine's Day.

It's like walking
into a giant spotlight

of pain and embarrassment.
"Look at me, everyone.

I have a pretty dress
and no one to share it with."

Did you already buy the dress?
I did.

Maybe Mouse could ask some of
West's cute basketball buddies

what they're doing for prom.

I'm not going to prom
with West.

Wait. Did I miss something?
Are--are you guys breaking up?

No. It's because of my parents.

Do they not like West?

They do not know
there is a West,

and I would like to keep it
that way.

They would never approve.

I'm not exactly sure
how to ask this, but, uh...

are your parents racist?

Duh! Of course they are.

Oh.

Against anyone
who isn't Chinese.

How come we've never heard
about this?

Because it sounds crazy.

But my Chinese heritage is

even more important to them
than Harvard.

We're direct descendants
of the Qing dynasty.

Okay, so who cares?
My parents, that's who.

If I am ever allowed to date--

and that probably can't happen
until after Harvard--

then it has to be someone who's
also from the Qing dynasty,

like my parents'
best friends' son...

Eugene.

"Eugene"? That does
not sound promising.

Trust me...

when I say it is the opposite
of promising.

Does West know?
I haven't told him.

But I'm sure he'll understand.

Wow, so none of us
are going to the prom?

Maybe we could still go--
the three of us.

It could still be fun.

Yeah, maybe.

Like a trouple. We'd make
a very cute trouple.

We would.

Wait. Is that...

Yeah.

Ahem.

Hey.

Simon.

Hi. I'm Noelle,
Simon's fiancee.

Maggie.

Congratulations.

Thanks. Super excited.

Maggie's the chief's daughter.

Well, I don't wanna keep
you guys from your lunch, so...

Of course.

We'll see you around.
Bye.

Are you okay?

I'm fine. Fine.

Let's talk about prom plans.

We should probably ask Walt if
he wants to come with us also.

Yeah. Yeah.
We'll make it a party.

I like the sound of a party.

Heading to the gym?

Yep.

Is that cologne?

Uh... yeah. Yeah.
Drakkar Noir.

You're wearing cologne
to the gym?

There's a guy there
who smells really bad.

Serious case of B.O.

You know, I'm just doing
my best to survive.

That's why you'll never
catch me at the gym.

Working out--not for me.
But I'm glad you're enjoying it.

I am. Yeah, after I took
the meditation class,

I realized how important it is
for me to have an outlet--

you know, someplace where
I can really go and just...

let it all out.

Yes!

Ohh!
Oh, God.

Oh. God, that is...

That is so much better
than the gym.

It'd better be.

I'd like to think
I'm a little more fun

than free weights.

Ah.

What, you're trying to get
rid of me already?

We just finished.

For the third time.
Yes.

Okay.

As much as I'd love
to have you spend the night,

it's getting late.

I mean, the gym has to close
at some point, right?

I don't want your kids
to get suspicious.

No, you're right. I should get going.
Yeah.

I don't wanna get busted.

God, we are...

like a couple
of horny teenagers

trying to get a quickie in.

I hope the difference between
teenager Tom and adult Tom

is that, uh...
I'm not too quick.

You are just right.

I wonder how long
we can keep it up.

Or how long we should.

What do you mean?

Well, I...
as much as I like

being the other woman
to your little women,

I... I just wonder
if maybe we should--

Tell our kids that we're dating?
Yeah.

My girls lost their mom
less than a year ago.

I mean, all they have now
are memories of us,

and I just don't want them
to feel like

I'm disrespecting
those memories.

And while one person
was focused

on honoring the past...

Another was diving into it.

I can't believe you are
going to Kyoto for the summer

to learn to be a geisha.

Darling, in order to embrace
being a modern woman,

you have to know the ways
of the traditional woman.

And I hear they really know
how to pleasure a man.

That is a skill
that every woman should know.

Why do I have a feeling
you'll be teaching them

a thing or two?

Because you know me so well.

I'm gonna miss you.

Oh, please, you are gonna "All About Eve" me.

By the time I get back in July,

you will have taken over my job

and ensconced yourself
in my office.

I'd settle for getting
to use that phone of yours.

- I'd rather you take my job.
- Hide this.

So you'll
keep an eye on everyone for me

while I'm gone, be my spy?

And answer the phones.

I still don't know where
that silly receptionist went.

You went
to her good-bye party.

She moved back to Dallas,
remember?

Oh, right. I always forget
people who don't like the city.

They're just not worth
remembering.

Thanks to her,
I get to work here all summer

as a real
full-time receptionist.

Hello? "Interview" magazine.
How may I help you?

We're not paying.
You know that, right?

I know. I think I'll end up
losing money

having to take the train
every day, but I don't care.

It's worth it.

Sweets, you should stay
at my loft while I'm gone.

The neighborhood is so skungee.

It would be great

to have someone look
after the place for me.

Somehow I don't think
my dad would be too psyched

about skungee, but...

Say it's
a gorgeous downtown loft

with oodles of space
for you and the gorgeous Walt.

You could live there together.
That is such a generous offer.

But I don't think I'm really

ready to abandon Castlebury
entirely this summer.

Haven't given up
on the hair god?

Don't fret. The viking
obviously adores you.

Why else would he come
to Manhattan

and hang with a bunch
of fabulous gays

and the hags who love them
if he didn't?

And while I wished
I wasn't alone...

- Are you serious? I can't believe that.
- Yeah.

It appeared my sister wasn't.

I actually forgot we did that.

So funny.

Carrie, hey.

Carrie, hey.

Hi.

Hope it's okay I stopped by.

Of course.

So we should probably
head upstairs.

Totally.

You don't have to.

Oh, we want to.

Not to be a buzzkill
or anything,

but you better
leave the door open.

Yeah, that's not gonna happen.

So, uh...

nice bumping into you again.
The same.

Kinda funny we both like
Bradshaw girls.

I think it means
we have very good taste.

Blah, blah, blah.
Let's get outta here already.

Well...

don't really know
where to begin.

How about with,
"I'm happy to see you"?

I am.

But how do you even know
Miller?

Oh, we went to the same
private school for a bit.

The one I got kicked out of
for pot smokin'.

So, uh, Miller's in our grade?

Actually a senior.

So Dorrit's with
someone older than us?

Miller's all right.

He's super smart, but doesn't
really care much about it...

or anything.
Then he's exactly Dorrit's type,

and I don't mean that
in a good way.

She seems happy.

She does.

Wow. My sister's happy.

It was strange to think

my sister was happy
and in love,

and I wasn't.

I miss you.

And I'm sorry.

Me, too.

I'm sorry I let you break up
with me.

I didn't want that.

I'm sorry I said it
in the fist place.

I hate that everything
I think, I say,

even when
it's not what I... want.

And I hate that I don't say what
I think, even when I should.

I hate that I feel so vulnerable
and then I lash out at you.

I hate that you don't
feel safe with me.

I hate that I sabotage things
when they're good,

because I think
everything good goes away.

I hate that I grew up
around so much drama

that I don't know
any different.

I hate that your parents
did that to you.

You know what I don't hate?

What?

You.

I love you.

You couldn't possibly love me

as much as I love you.

I love you, Sebastian Kydd,

so much, my heart hurts.

Dorrit, stop.

Why? My dad's not home.

Yeah, but your sister is.

So? No time like now.

Why are you rushing this?

I kinda just wanna
get it over with.

Is it because you're scared
it's gonna hurt?

Maybe. I just keep thinking
about it and thinking about it--

if it'll hurt, if I'll feel
different afterward.

I just don't wanna wonder
anymore.

I wanna know, even if it's bad.

It's not gonna be bad.

It might hurt, and maybe
you'll feel different.

I don't know.

But... one thing's for sure--
I will like you afterward.

Promise?

I promise.

And I promise that
it's gonna be special.

That's why I wanna wait.

So you're not mad that I'm going
to prom with Sebastian?

Of course not. I'll be fine.

Although I don't think he'll
appreciate your sparkly dress

as much as I would.

Uh, that may be true.

But I bet he'll enjoy
getting you out of it.

Mags!

What? I'm right.
Walt, aren't I right?

Ha ha!
I'm going to say nothing.

Good choice.
Ugh, please.

Proms are for getting drunk,

getting laid,
getting in fights.

Well, I was going
to ask you to prom,

seeing as we're both solo,
but now... not so sure.

Seriously?

Well, prom is also
for dancing up a storm

and being
a really, really fun date.

And since I don't expect
a steak dinner, a cheap one.

It wouldn't be...

Romantic? Duh.
We're way past that.

But I like the idea
of you and me at prom.

Yeah. Me, too.
For old times' sake.

We could double with Mouse and Eugene.
Who's Eugene?

Some loser Mouse's parents
are making her to go prom with.

What about me and Sebastian?

Why don't you guys wanna
double with us?

Because you two are gonna be
all... lovey-dovey.

We don't need
to be a part of that.

I'm gonna be lovey-dovey
at prom.

I'm so happy for you.
Sebastian is such a great guy.

He is, isn't he?
Totally.

He knows you.
He wants to protect you.

I wish I could meet a guy who
wants to protect me from stuff.

What do you mean
protect me from stuff?

Just he...
he looks out for you.

He wants you to be happy.

Protects me from what?

From--from... the cold
and--and stuff.

Like w-when he gave you
his jacket.

What?

Mags, your eyes just darted
in, like, three directions.

I know you're hiding
something from me.

Are you guys hiding
something from me?

No, I'm not. I swear.

Mags?

Okay, it's nothing, really.
It's...

Well, if it's nothing,
just say it.

You better say it. She's not
gonna stop until you do.

Ugh. It--it's really not
a big deal. Um...

when Sebastian and I met up
to get my fake I.D.--

which is awesome,
by the way--

uh, we saw your dad.

Okay.

With a lady.

Like a date?

I think so.
It--it might have been.

It was--it was hard to tell
'cause it was kinda dark.

It was probably a date.

Sebastian just thought that...

I shouldn't know about my dad?

He wanted to protect you.

You did it to protect me?

Yeah.
I thought you'd be upset.

I am, at you.

How could you keep
something like this from me?

Because I knew you'd be upset,
which you are.

I would never keep
something like this from you

if I had seen your mom
with someone.

Carrie, I've seen my mom
with lots of "someones."

And my dad, for that matter.

So it wouldn't really
be much of a shock to me.

But I figured hearing
your dad was making out

like some horny teenager
in his car would bum you out.

I thought they were
just at dinner.

I figured
Maggie told you everything.

No, not everything,

but now I have
every last visual in my head.

How could he move on already?

This is why
I didn't want to tell you.

Because you thought
I couldn't handle it.

Because I know it's hard
to see your parents as people.

I have to deal with it
all the time. I get it.

It'd be easier not to have to
think of your dad that way.

Sebastian, it's been
less than a year.

My parents had
a real love affair.

You--you don't just move on
from that like it was nothing.

I don't think
that's what he's doing.

You wouldn't understand.

Unlike your parents,
mine had a good marriage.

We have
very different histories.

Well, maybe we're just
too different.

You know, where we come from,

how we were raised,
how we see the world.

Just...

no matter what,
it seems like we end up here.

Because you wanna overthink
every moment.

Or because you don't want
to think at all.

I mean, you smoke pot
with Donna to let loose.

You got drunk
at that book party

because you were upset
about your mom.

I'm trying to cope, okay?

So am I, every day.

Look, I know it's complicated
for us...

between us. But that doesn't
mean it's not worth it.

Maybe it does.

I-I love you so much,
my heart hurts.

Is that what love
is supposed to feel like?

Like pain?

I... I don't know.

I don't want to live in pain.

Or love that way.

I'm sorry, Sebastian.

Carrie. Carrie, are you okay?

Why didn't you tell me?

You guys didn't have any right
to keep this from me.

You're right, totally.

What happened
with you and Sebastian?

Do you wanna talk or...

No.

For once, I do not want
to talk at all.

I wanna be by myself, okay?

I am so sorry. I had no--

No idea you'd wreck my chances
with Carrie?

It j--it just slipped out.

You just happened to blurt out

the one thing we agreed
not to tell Carrie?

Yeah, I gotta wonder.

Are you one of those girls
who's just jealous

when her friends
are with someone?

No! I was happy
for you and Carrie!

I mean, clearly you can't
find happiness with a guy.

That--that's not true.

Walt and I were happy.

Okay. Okay, fine.

Fine. Um, it sucks...

that nothing ever works out
for me. Sucks.

But I would never sabotage
Carrie's happiness.

I-I just wanna find
my own.

I don't know
what I'm doing wrong.

You're not doing
anything wrong.

Then why doesn't anybody
wanna be with me?

It must be me. Is--is something
wrong with me?

I-I-I'm gonna
do you a favor,

because no one else will
tell you the truth,

and you deserve to know.

Walt was never gonna love you
in any real way.

Ever.

I don't understand.

Think about it.

I don't think Walt likes girls.

I was really excited
about going to the prom.

Why don't you come with me and Maggie?

We're going as friends anyway.
There she is.

Is it true?

What?

Are you... gay?

Are you?

You're a homo, aren't you?

Mags, don't do this.

Did you know?

Was everyone just hiding this
from me and laughing at me?

No.

You have some nerve,
talking to me about secrets,

when all along you knew this.

Mags, stop.

Why do you think you're
the only person in the world

that deserves the truth?
I don't.

Mags.

You deserve the truth.

If... maybe we could
go somewhere to talk?

Apparently I didn't
deserve the truth

when you wouldn't
have sex with me

and you made me feel like crap
about myself.

You made me feel like
something was wrong with me

when actually
something's wrong with you.

I can't believe I ever
loved you. You make me sick.

"Heaven"?
More like "Heaven help us".

Just say it.
It's gonna be hell...

Which is why I'm so happy
we're not going.

I am so sorry, Walt.

For what?
It's not your fault.

Well, it kind of is.

Not that I ever said anything
to him,

but it was Sebastian
who told Maggie.

I'm not mad at him.
You shouldn't be either.

I can still be mad at him.

For your own stuff,
but not for me, okay?

So I'm off to the gym.

You smell nice.

Uh... sure.

Yeah. So I see you decided
to go to prom. That's great.

No. Actually, Walt and I
are heading into the city.

A little going-away party
for Larissa.

Well, I hope you guys don't
regret missing your junior prom.

- I don't think we're gonna
regret that choice. - Definitely no.

So what time do you think
you'll be home tonight?

Can I talk to you about that?

I was hoping I could sleep over
at Larissa's tonight.

She's leaving for Kyoto
tomorrow evening,

and I was gonna help her pack.

Uh... I don't know, Carrie.

Walt would stay, too,
so I'd have someone

to take the train back with
in the morning.

Are you and Walt... dating?

What? N-no.

No. Never.

Carrie, never say never.

Sometimes friendships
have a way of changing.

Dad, trust me on this one.
That will never happen.

If you say so.

I definitely say so.

So is it all right if we stay?

Sure. Yeah, it's okay.

You won't, uh, be lonely
without me and Dorrit here?

Since she has a sleepover?

I'll be fine.

You know, when I get back
from the gym,

I'm so tired,
I just crash anyway.

That gym really seems
all-consuming for you.

I've been enjoying myself.

That's great.

But you've really been spending
a lot of time there.

And at night, at dinnertime,

which I like to think
it's family time, not gym time.

Maybe you should spend
more time with us.

Me and Dorrit...
we need you.

Got it. Right.

Totally hear you, Carrie.

And it's not like
the gym won't understand.

It's just a gym.

Good.

Can I open them yet?

Not yet.

Now?

Now.

Wow.

Is this for me?

This is why
I wanted us to wait.

I wanted it to be perfect
for us.

For you.

From one unhappy girl

to another...

So you know Dorrit?

Carrie's sister?
Sure.

She's in my class.

Cool.

We'll both be at the high school
next year.

Awesome.

I don't know what's taking
my dad so long.

I'm sorry you have to go with me
to your prom

and that my mom has to drive us.

What?

I'm sorry. I just--

I can't believe this is
my junior prom.

No offense.

I would rather be home playing
"Dungeons & Dragons."

No offense.

It's so annoying

my parents only want me to be
with someone who's Chinese,

even if she's too old for me.

I know! And all because
our parents are Chinese royalty.

We're not royalty.

Of course we are,
from the Qing dynasty.

No. Our parents are from
the same farming village.

We're, like,
third cousins or something,

making this date even weirder.

Well, I just did
my family tree.

For a school project?
For fun.

I like you, Eugene.

And we come from a long line
of peasants and farmers.

- Are you sure? - A thousand years of
hard labor and back-breaking work.

That cannot be.

I can bring over the tree
if you like. It's very detailed.

So...

All along, I've played
by my parents' rules

and respected their traditions
and for what?

To protect the lineage
of peasants?

I said "no"
to going to the prom

with my really,
really hot boyfriend

to please my parents,

when I'm the best thing that's
ever happened to this family.

In a nutshell? Yes.

And after this little soiree,
it's off to danceteria.

It's gonna be marvelous.

Mm.
Oh.

I'm proud of you, Walt.

Even acknowledging you're gay
is huge.

I'm not telling many people.

Mm. Well, you're taking
baby steps out of the closet,

and that's a big deal.

I just wish I didn't feel like

I ran out and forgot
to put clothes on.

Well, you'll feel
like that for a while.

Just don't beat yourself up
if there's moments when

you wanna run back in
and never come back out again.

Hmm.

I knew this would
be hard for me.

I-I just feel awful

that I dragged Maggie
through it, too.

If I'd just been honest
with myself earlier...

Walt, we don't live in a world

where people are
that accepting of us.

I mean, there's pockets
like New York,

but then there's
also places like...

Castlebury.

Exactly. Where being honest
often means being shunned.

Did your friends from home
accept it?

Some did. Some didn't.

My best friend Ritchie
acted like I'd lied to him.

Like somehow
our camping trips growing up

had been an excuse for me
to get into a tent with him.

So what happened?
Are you friends still?

No.

He could never see me
in the same light again.

So be prepared.

You know, you're not just
taking on a new future.

In a way, you're also
creating a new past.

I knew you weren't ready.

You don't have anything
to prove to me.

I-I don't mind waiting.

But I am ready.

You burst out into tears.

That doesn't feel like
a good thing.

When my mom died,
I didn't cry...

once.

I think because, in a way,
I've been numb ever since.

But not tonight.

I felt everything.

I felt happy--

so happy I just couldn't
handle it for a second.

But I'm ready...

to feel everything.

Well, well, well,
if it isn't Sebastian Kydd.

Oh, look. It's the girl
who screwed up my life.

Same can be said of you for me.

Wanna sit?

Not really,
but I could use a drink.

What do you want?
I'm buying.

You bet you are.

Ohh. That's a shame, darling.

The hair God actually seemed
worth all the work.

It just got too complicated.

Too many fights.
Mm.

How hard is it to be happy?

Oh. It's near to impossible.

Well, people are happy.

Mm, for, like, one second.

Blowing out birthday candles.

Petting a... panda.

Those are moments of joy.

But there's a difference.

A good relationship
is hard work.

Practically slave labor.

Do you think I'm stupid

for wanting to be happy
with someone?

Oh, an absolute dumbbell.

Look, people...

Well, people like us--
we're always restless.

So we're a little bit unhappy.

Being with someone
doesn't change that.

It just makes it
that much more complicated.

Maybe I just want
something simple.

Simple is some nice boy who is
dull and doesn't challenge you.

I can just see you bored
out of your mind in the suburbs.

You'd kill yourself.

I'd kill you.

But I think I want that.

When I imagine my future,
I'm married,

living in a house
with my garden and my kids.

That is not your life,
Carrie Bradshaw.

That is your mother's.

Well, there's nothing wrong with
wanting what my parents had.

Let me tell you a little bit
about the tribe I'm from.

I'm... sorry. What?

My father was
the king of our tribe.

I'm from Ghana.

And I was supposed to be married
to my mother's second cousin

and become the wife
of the next ruler.

I was 14 when I ran away.

There was no way that these hips
were bearing children

or that I'd be carrying water
in a jar on my head.

How did you get
from there to here?

With a lot of spunk...

and a very handsome British lord
as a sugar daddy

to look after me until I could
stand on my own.

I never looked back.

But you know what I took
from my old life?

No.

That I am
the daughter of a king,

which makes me a princess!

You certainly are.

Mm-hmm.

It is okay to love the things
that your parents give you.

Treasure them.

But you have to remember
that you are not your parents.

You are you, Carrie Bradshaw.

But what if me doesn't end up
with a white picket fence

and a station wagon?

Oh!

There are millions of girls out
there who will marry a nice boy

and drive one of those
station wagon thingys.

But you, you...

you will never be satisfied

with a man who sits at home
and asks you what's for dinner.

Takeout.
Exactly.

You want a man who gets that
and gets you.

Does Sebastian?

He challenges me,

makes me look at myself.

I'm madly in love with him.
Ohh!

Mad is wonderful!

I better get out of here.

Yes, you should.

Have a great trip.

Why, thank you.

Hey, I never had a chance.

There's--there's no money
to go to college.

I'm attracted to guys
who don't even like me.

My own parents don't even think
I'll amount to anything.

I'm probably gonna end up

a loser waitress
at this loser bar.

No offense.

I'm sorry.

Oh, that my life is
such a disaster?

No. If I hadn't told you
about Walt,

you'd be at the prom,
having a good time.

Well, same for you,

if I hadn't been
all blabbermouthy.

Here's to...

two loose-lipped losers

who created their own messes.

Here's to being alone.

I don't want
to be alone tonight.

Carrie.
Can I come in?

Sure. Of course.

Um... are you all right?

Yeah. I'm more than all right.
I'm happy.

Oh, good. I'm glad.

I like the idea
of you being happy.

I like the idea of
being happy... with you...

and being unhappy with you.

I-I like the being
of being with you.

Carrie, I-I have
to say something.

Don't. I know it's not
going to be easy.

It never is with us.

But I don't care.

All I care about
is that we're together.

I can't believe we get to spend

the whole night together.

Yeah.

Would you rather not?

You're worried
we might get caught.

I'm worried
that we already have.

Ah.

I think Carrie knows.

Maybe this is a good thing.

We wouldn't have
to sneak around anymore,

and we could see what this is
out in the open.

I don't think she's ready
for me to date.

Did she say that?
She didn't have to.

I know my daughter,
and she is not a selfish kid.

If she's not ready...

maybe it's just not time.

But maybe in a few months?

When things have died down
a little bit?

Can you at least...
stay tonight?

That would make me very happy.

Um...

What?

I am so lucky.

We both are.

I wanna have sex with you.

I want that, too,
but when it happens,

I want it to be perfect.

It will be.

I just wanna lie here
tonight with you in my arms.

Is that all right?

I've been looking for you
everywhere.

How was the prom?
I didn't go.

Well, I went by to see if you
were there, but you weren't,

so I stopped by your house,
the basketball courts.

Well, you get the point.

I don't understand.

What happened
to your date Eugene?

I didn't wanna go to the prom
with some geek in braces.

I wanna go to the prom
with my hot geek boyfriend,

which is exactly what I told
my parents.

You told your parents about me?

And? How'd it go?

Well, they're going to kill me.

But I'll worry about that
another day.

Tonight...

I wanna dance with my boyfriend

on prom night.

I was happy...

Hello?

I'm home.

And alone.

Mags!

Is everything okay?

Larissa's gonna shame us
for leaving the club so early.

It's 7:30 A.M.

In Larissa's world,
the party just began.

Oh! I love this city.

We're coming home
from a night of clubbing,

and that guy's
just starting his day.

There's room here
for everything.

It's pretty amazing to know
the city exists for all of us.

Makes me feel safe.

You are safe, Walt.

I-I can't, Walt.

Oh. Are you... not--

No, it's not that I don't
want to. I can't. You're 17.

I-I feel like I'd be taking advantage of you.
I'm old enough to know what I want.

And when you're not jailbait,
I'll want that, too.

I turn 18
at the end of the summer.

I will be counting the days.

So now what?

So now we're friends.

Friends?

Being friends will be fun.

The end of the summer
feels a long way away.

Summer will fly by,

plus my roommate Stanford
is a party promoter.

He'll get us
into the hottest clubs.

That does sound like fun.

And it was nothing.

We--we both--we both realized...
We knew that it was wrong

and it was nothing.

You already said that...
twice.

I know you're not with him
anymore,

but... I just wanted
to be honest with you.

I wouldn't wanna hide
anything from you.

You don't deserve that.

I-I didn't even know if I should
come over here and tell you.

I was up all night
thinking and crying.

I just feel so awful.
Like if I--if I just hadn't--

I don't know why I do
these things before I think.

I guess I just feel so alone

and so scared.

And all of this has just been
way too much for me,

and--and I don't know why these
things keep happening to me,

but I--
Stop.

You're not the victim here.

I know. I know. I'm not trying
to make it about me.

It's always about you.
Always.

Ever since we were
in kindergarten.

Your need for attention,

to make drama so that
you can be at the center of it,

and never, not once,
have I judged you.

I didn't make Walt gay.

Okay? And I'm sorry
that I-I don't have parents

that believe in me like you do.

Did.

I can't help
what I've been through.

You're blaming your past
and what you've been through

for what you did to me.

You're not even blaming it.

You're excusing
your behavior with it.

You know, Mags, we've all
been through stuff.

Hard stuff.

Stuff that has made us
make choices we might regret.

And now you're going to have
to live with that.

I will make it up to you.
I swear.

We've been friends
for a long time.

I know.
That means something.

Maybe all it means is
that it's been a long time,

because it certainly doesn't
mean you're a good friend.

You should go.

Carrie.

Are you okay?

I don't think so.

Did something happen?

Something awful.

With Sebastian?

I'm sorry.

Thanks.

So how was Audrey's?

Amazing.

You weren't at Audrey's,
were you?

No.

Miller seems nice.

It's just...
he's a lot older than you,

and I just hope you're being
careful with everything,

including your heart.

I love him, Carrie.

And he loves me.

Guess sometimes
it's just that simple.

So you're happy?

Really happy.

I'm glad for you.

Is that gonna be...

Sebastian? I think so.

What do you want me to say?

That I'm not home.

Done.

Where's dad?
Has he asked about me?

No. Um...

I think he's at...
the gym.

He spends a lot of time there.

Does it bother you?

Nah. I want dad
to have a life.

That way, he won't be
in our faces all the time.

Hey, Dorrit.

Carrie's not home.

Not home or won't see me?

I don't know what's going on
with you two,

but you'll work it out.

This time, I'm not so sure.

Just tell her
I wanna see her, okay?

Letting go of people
or traditions is hard

because you invest
so much in them,

that to let go can be scary.

But it can also be
liberating...

...or even essential
to your happiness.

If you don't let go,

you can find yourself
in a dark place....

unable to kick
your worst habits.

And sometimes,
if we truly love someone,

we have to be okay
with letting go.

Hey.

Hey.

So... what I said
about the gym yesterday...

I'm not sure I was
totally being fair.

No. You are entitled
to your feelings...

about the gym.

But you like it,
and it makes you happy.

And I know mom would want that.

And it's not like Dorrit and I
don't want you to have

a, uh... gym membership.

We do.

Really?

God, you're a great kid.

Right.
So it's settled.

You will be going to the gym.

And I-I hope it's okay.

I-I'm sure the gym
is very nice.

I just, uh...

maybe don't need to meet
the gym...

right now.

Sure. No, I get it.
Yeah. Makes perfect sense.

It's kinda weird how things
are changing for us.

You know,
next year around this time,

I'll be getting ready
to go to college.

I don't want to even imagine
you being gone.

I mean, are you sure

you don't wanna go
to the community college nearby

and just...
live here forever?

I'm sure.

But I was thinking
maybe we could get the summer

to get used to it?

Me being gone, like a test run.

What did you have in mind?

Well, Larissa will be going
to Kyoto for part of the summer

and said I could stay
in her loft.

And since I will be working
at "Interview" full-time,

it would be an easier commute,

so also a practical idea.
I don't know, Carrie.

I mean, the city can be
a dangerous place

for a girl living all alone.

I wouldn't be alone.
I'd have Walt.

He's just been
going through a lot,

and so he's kind of looking
for an escape, too.

Is Walt
in some sort of trouble?

No. It just might be good

for him not to spend
the whole summer in Castlebury.

As I can attest to, it can feel
like a pretty small town

when you're struggling
with stuff.

Let me think about it.

You living alone in New York
would be a big deal.

So it's not a "no"?

It is not a "no"?

I'll take it.

Geoffrey Chaucer wrote,
"Time heals all wounds."

But what he failed to mention

was the scars those wounds
leave behind.

The painful things that happen
to us permanently

leave their mark.

They don't necessarily
hurt anymore,

but they're always there
as a reminder, as a memory.

And as time passes,

maybe the memory
gets a little fuzzy.

But we always have the scar
to remind us it happened...

...that we lived through it,
that we survived.

And maybe I had some scars
on me,

but I felt like I was now ready
to leave my mark on the world.

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