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[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
2
00:00:03,504 --> 00:00:05,350
["I'M A PSYCHO" BY CLOONEY PLAYING]
3
00:00:05,375 --> 00:00:08,000
? I'm a psycho I do what I like, oh ?
4
00:00:08,025 --> 00:00:09,515
? I got one loose screw ?
5
00:00:09,540 --> 00:00:11,421
? Better watch your back ?
6
00:00:11,914 --> 00:00:13,915
? I'm a psycho and you can't deny, no ?
7
00:00:13,916 --> 00:00:16,369
? I'm as crazy as a daisy
and you're under attack ?
8
00:00:16,394 --> 00:00:17,494
Whoo!
9
00:00:17,495 --> 00:00:19,896
? Yeah, I'm a psycho ?
10
00:00:19,897 --> 00:00:21,585
? I'm a psycho ?
11
00:00:21,610 --> 00:00:22,929
? ?
12
00:00:25,504 --> 00:00:26,703
I know, I'm late.
13
00:00:26,704 --> 00:00:28,639
Traffic was ter-ri-ble.
14
00:00:28,640 --> 00:00:31,208
I just watched you
take selfies for 25 minutes.
15
00:00:31,209 --> 00:00:32,809
You even did an outfit change.
16
00:00:32,810 --> 00:00:34,312
I wasn't gonna wear a yellow dress
17
00:00:34,313 --> 00:00:35,545
on a yellow slide.
18
00:00:35,546 --> 00:00:37,380
Fashion 101, Mavis.
19
00:00:37,381 --> 00:00:40,017
synced and corrected by susinz
*www.addic7ed.com*
20
00:00:40,018 --> 00:00:41,818
? Teacher ?
21
00:00:41,819 --> 00:00:44,020
? Oh ?
22
00:00:44,021 --> 00:00:45,154
How you feeling, Deb?
23
00:00:45,155 --> 00:00:47,657
I'm bloated, gassy,
24
00:00:47,658 --> 00:00:49,693
and my feet are so swollen,
25
00:00:49,694 --> 00:00:52,297
I actually burst
through a pair of Crocs,
26
00:00:52,298 --> 00:00:53,663
and with Damien on tour,
27
00:00:53,664 --> 00:00:55,867
I have no one to blame my bad moods on,
28
00:00:55,868 --> 00:00:58,401
so overall, I'd say "not good."
29
00:00:58,402 --> 00:01:00,002
Good morning, ladies.
30
00:01:00,003 --> 00:01:01,570
I am stoked like a fire
31
00:01:01,571 --> 00:01:03,302
to sub for Ms. Feldman.
32
00:01:03,327 --> 00:01:06,275
After working in administration
for 15 years,
33
00:01:06,276 --> 00:01:08,645
I'm thrilled to be teaching again!
34
00:01:08,646 --> 00:01:10,680
It's as if Beyonc� went back
35
00:01:10,681 --> 00:01:14,086
and did another record
with Destiny's Child.
36
00:01:16,788 --> 00:01:18,588
Oh, Mrs. Adler,
37
00:01:18,589 --> 00:01:21,358
I noticed that you didn't put
your back-to-school board
38
00:01:21,359 --> 00:01:22,692
up in the hallway.
39
00:01:22,693 --> 00:01:25,228
Let's try to get that hung
by this afternoon.
40
00:01:25,229 --> 00:01:26,695
What are you doing?
41
00:01:26,696 --> 00:01:28,132
Toby...
42
00:01:28,133 --> 00:01:29,420
Right.
43
00:01:29,991 --> 00:01:31,567
Not my place.
44
00:01:31,568 --> 00:01:33,803
I'm not the principal anymore.
45
00:01:35,006 --> 00:01:37,676
Although it would be nice
if you could put it up.
46
00:01:38,675 --> 00:01:41,278
Consider my lippers zippered.
47
00:01:41,279 --> 00:01:42,612
I'm just a teacher.
48
00:01:42,613 --> 00:01:44,314
No, you're not.
49
00:01:44,315 --> 00:01:45,347
You're a sub.
50
00:01:45,348 --> 00:01:46,650
Okay.
51
00:01:46,651 --> 00:01:48,752
What up, hotties? Toby.
52
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Apparently, we have to implement
53
00:01:50,589 --> 00:01:52,322
this new online grading system,
54
00:01:52,323 --> 00:01:53,924
but I don't know how it works,
55
00:01:53,925 --> 00:01:55,492
why we're doing it, or who it's for,
56
00:01:55,493 --> 00:01:57,594
so... someone should get on that.
57
00:01:57,595 --> 00:02:00,297
We cool? Thank you for that
58
00:02:00,298 --> 00:02:03,655
very helpful information, Brent.
59
00:02:04,903 --> 00:02:06,537
I know this job
60
00:02:06,538 --> 00:02:09,140
can be overwhelming and stressful,
61
00:02:09,141 --> 00:02:10,507
so please know
62
00:02:10,508 --> 00:02:12,408
that my door is always open.
63
00:02:12,409 --> 00:02:14,795
You drive a purple Celica, right?
64
00:02:15,313 --> 00:02:17,080
It's amethyst, but yeah.
65
00:02:17,081 --> 00:02:18,647
You parked in the faculty lot.
66
00:02:18,648 --> 00:02:20,683
See, subs park on the street.
67
00:02:20,684 --> 00:02:21,718
Well... [LAUGHS]
68
00:02:21,719 --> 00:02:23,520
I'm not your average sub.
69
00:02:23,521 --> 00:02:24,955
You're right. You're way older.
70
00:02:24,956 --> 00:02:26,892
Well, you might want
to get out there ASAP.
71
00:02:26,893 --> 00:02:28,992
I hear Mavis is itching
to get another car towed.
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00:02:29,881 --> 00:02:32,263
[CHUCKLES] Oh, for the love of Miami!
73
00:02:32,264 --> 00:02:34,230
[ROCK MUSIC]
74
00:02:34,231 --> 00:02:36,133
Gary Yupo.
75
00:02:36,134 --> 00:02:37,267
Here.
76
00:02:37,268 --> 00:02:38,735
And Ron Zimmerman?
77
00:02:38,736 --> 00:02:41,070
Here. I have a peanut allergy.
78
00:02:41,071 --> 00:02:42,772
My mom says if I have any,
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I'll die, and it'll be your fault.
80
00:02:45,510 --> 00:02:46,710
Okay.
81
00:02:46,711 --> 00:02:47,910
Thank you, Ron.
82
00:02:47,911 --> 00:02:49,146
I will...
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00:02:49,147 --> 00:02:51,080
certainly keep that in mind.
84
00:02:51,081 --> 00:02:54,209
And now let's find out
what we're doing today.
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00:02:54,819 --> 00:02:56,975
Uh-huh.
86
00:02:58,855 --> 00:03:00,444
[OMINOUS RUSHING SOUND]
87
00:03:01,191 --> 00:03:02,678
Uh-oh.
88
00:03:04,195 --> 00:03:05,528
Care Bear.
89
00:03:05,529 --> 00:03:06,963
Do you know where Ms. Feldman
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00:03:06,964 --> 00:03:09,098
kept her substitute lesson plans?
91
00:03:09,099 --> 00:03:10,358
No.
92
00:03:10,968 --> 00:03:12,436
Okay.
93
00:03:12,969 --> 00:03:15,249
She didn't seem to leave any.
94
00:03:16,577 --> 00:03:18,641
[QUIETLY] Toby, we promised each other
95
00:03:18,642 --> 00:03:20,311
that we wouldn't let
our personal relationship
96
00:03:20,312 --> 00:03:21,545
affect our work.
97
00:03:21,546 --> 00:03:22,547
We have to treat each other
98
00:03:22,548 --> 00:03:23,813
as if we aren't...
99
00:03:23,814 --> 00:03:26,217
romantically entangled.
100
00:03:26,218 --> 00:03:27,651
- Agreed?
- Agreed.
101
00:03:27,652 --> 00:03:29,520
You should treat me
like every other sub.
102
00:03:29,521 --> 00:03:30,920
[FORCEFULLY] Then take off, loser.
103
00:03:30,921 --> 00:03:32,455
- What?
- [QUIETLY] As your girlfriend,
104
00:03:32,456 --> 00:03:34,758
I really want to empathize and help you,
105
00:03:34,759 --> 00:03:37,326
but as a teacher talking to a sub,
106
00:03:37,327 --> 00:03:40,491
I think you're garbage.
107
00:03:41,532 --> 00:03:43,400
When does my class have art?
108
00:03:43,401 --> 00:03:44,868
You're a sub, Toby.
109
00:03:44,869 --> 00:03:46,402
Put on "The Adventures of Milo and Otis"
110
00:03:46,403 --> 00:03:48,171
and call it a day.
111
00:03:48,172 --> 00:03:49,605
How long is recess?
112
00:03:49,606 --> 00:03:51,975
The kids are saying
upwards of two hours.
113
00:03:51,976 --> 00:03:55,078
Janelle will only answer
my questions in Pig Latin.
114
00:03:55,079 --> 00:03:56,813
Do you have any Febreze?
115
00:03:56,814 --> 00:03:59,348
Cody B. will not stop passing gas.
116
00:03:59,349 --> 00:04:01,384
You want me to stick my hand up your ass
117
00:04:01,385 --> 00:04:04,320
[YELLING] like a puppet
and do your job for you?
118
00:04:04,321 --> 00:04:05,889
[ROCK MUSIC]
119
00:04:09,027 --> 00:04:10,894
- 28 weeks.
- I'm sorry?
120
00:04:10,895 --> 00:04:12,730
You're about 28 weeks along, right?
121
00:04:12,731 --> 00:04:14,165
Yeah, you nailed it.
122
00:04:14,166 --> 00:04:16,566
So excited. We're having a baby!
123
00:04:16,567 --> 00:04:18,802
Well, I'm the one
having the baby, Raymond,
124
00:04:18,803 --> 00:04:21,071
but I appreciate your enthusiasm.
125
00:04:21,072 --> 00:04:22,838
Have you read
"Whoa, Baby! I'm Pregnant!"?
126
00:04:22,839 --> 00:04:24,908
Nope, haven't gotten to that one.
127
00:04:24,909 --> 00:04:26,545
I really think you'd like it.
128
00:04:26,546 --> 00:04:28,745
It's an irreverent look
at what's going on inside you,
129
00:04:28,746 --> 00:04:30,514
told from a woman's perspective.
130
00:04:30,515 --> 00:04:33,216
Okay... I'll check that out.
131
00:04:33,217 --> 00:04:35,586
I have plenty of time,
since I don't sleep anymore.
132
00:04:35,587 --> 00:04:37,019
You can't tell.
133
00:04:37,020 --> 00:04:39,584
The hormones
are making your skin luminous.
134
00:04:39,959 --> 00:04:41,024
Oh.
135
00:04:41,424 --> 00:04:43,259
Thank you, Raymond.
136
00:04:43,624 --> 00:04:45,896
I think pregnant women are stunning.
137
00:04:45,897 --> 00:04:47,342
[QUIET PIANO MUSIC]
138
00:04:49,099 --> 00:04:50,233
? ?
139
00:04:51,068 --> 00:04:52,553
[ROCK MUSIC]
140
00:04:53,171 --> 00:04:54,444
[CRYING]
141
00:04:57,274 --> 00:04:58,542
[DRAMATIC SIGH]
142
00:04:58,543 --> 00:04:59,843
Oh, no, Chelsea,
143
00:04:59,844 --> 00:05:02,045
did Tom Hardy
block you on Twitter again?
144
00:05:02,046 --> 00:05:03,112
No.
145
00:05:03,113 --> 00:05:04,514
I just found out my sorority sister,
146
00:05:04,515 --> 00:05:06,283
Kimi McKay, died!
147
00:05:06,284 --> 00:05:07,684
Oh, no! Chelsea!
148
00:05:07,685 --> 00:05:09,754
- What happened?
- Was she sick?
149
00:05:09,755 --> 00:05:12,256
She fell off a cliff
while taking a selfie.
150
00:05:13,625 --> 00:05:15,655
She was such a beautiful person.
151
00:05:16,626 --> 00:05:18,597
These are her last posts.
152
00:05:21,788 --> 00:05:23,967
She loved hiking in a halter.
153
00:05:24,536 --> 00:05:25,869
Oh.
154
00:05:25,870 --> 00:05:27,172
She must have uploaded this last one
155
00:05:27,173 --> 00:05:29,186
before she hit the rocky seashore.
156
00:05:30,390 --> 00:05:31,823
I want to honor Kimi.
157
00:05:31,942 --> 00:05:33,511
I'm holding a memorial service
158
00:05:33,512 --> 00:05:34,889
before school tomorrow.
159
00:05:35,578 --> 00:05:37,079
I expect you all to be there.
160
00:05:37,311 --> 00:05:39,182
But we didn't even know this woman.
161
00:05:39,183 --> 00:05:42,418
Yeah, wouldn't you rather
be with people who knew her?
162
00:05:42,419 --> 00:05:43,819
Hell, no. You think I want
163
00:05:43,820 --> 00:05:45,855
my sorority sisters to see me ugly cry?
164
00:05:45,856 --> 00:05:48,526
I get Claire Danes'
bipolar quiver-mouth.
165
00:05:49,315 --> 00:05:50,663
[SIGHS] Oh, Kimi!
166
00:05:52,296 --> 00:05:53,608
[WHIMPERS]
167
00:05:54,664 --> 00:05:57,327
It's been a long day. [GRUNTS]
168
00:05:58,135 --> 00:06:00,499
And we just have
a little bit of time left.
169
00:06:01,226 --> 00:06:03,225
What do you say we play a game?
170
00:06:03,436 --> 00:06:05,013
Let's play "Stare and Scream."
171
00:06:05,038 --> 00:06:06,217
How does that go?
172
00:06:06,242 --> 00:06:07,944
You just run around the room,
and then every time
173
00:06:07,945 --> 00:06:09,612
you make eye contact with someone,
174
00:06:09,613 --> 00:06:11,005
you scream as loud as you can.
175
00:06:11,030 --> 00:06:12,615
That sounds cognitive.
176
00:06:12,616 --> 00:06:13,905
[ALL SCREAMING]
177
00:06:16,756 --> 00:06:18,022
What's happening?
178
00:06:18,047 --> 00:06:19,280
Is it another rat?
179
00:06:19,305 --> 00:06:21,178
We're playing "Stare and Scream."
180
00:06:21,223 --> 00:06:22,757
It's their favorite game.
181
00:06:26,124 --> 00:06:27,660
It's not a game, is it?
182
00:06:29,801 --> 00:06:31,577
[YELLING] There's no rat!
183
00:06:34,276 --> 00:06:35,818
Uncool, Greg.
184
00:06:35,980 --> 00:06:37,514
Very uncool.
185
00:06:38,243 --> 00:06:39,506
[ROCK MUSIC]
186
00:06:42,843 --> 00:06:45,170
This bush you bought looks dead.
187
00:06:45,866 --> 00:06:47,312
I'm gonna have to buy a memorial bush
188
00:06:47,313 --> 00:06:48,866
for the memorial bush.
189
00:06:56,280 --> 00:06:57,657
We are gathered here today
190
00:06:57,658 --> 00:06:58,658
to celebrate the life
191
00:06:58,659 --> 00:06:59,859
of my beautiful friend,
192
00:06:59,860 --> 00:07:01,261
Kimi McKay.
193
00:07:01,262 --> 00:07:02,729
Let's all go around and say something
194
00:07:02,730 --> 00:07:04,098
we loved about Kimi.
195
00:07:05,199 --> 00:07:08,035
Okay, again, Chelsea,
we didn't know her.
196
00:07:08,186 --> 00:07:09,302
[SCOFFS] As always,
197
00:07:09,303 --> 00:07:11,305
I have to do everything around here.
198
00:07:12,869 --> 00:07:14,170
Kimi was kind.
199
00:07:14,808 --> 00:07:16,376
I remember during pledge week,
200
00:07:16,377 --> 00:07:18,477
when they ripped off my clothes
and sprayed me with urine,
201
00:07:18,478 --> 00:07:20,233
Kimi handed me a towel and said,
202
00:07:20,350 --> 00:07:22,814
"That'll do, pig. That'll do."
203
00:07:22,815 --> 00:07:24,117
[MOURNFUL PIANO MUSIC]
204
00:07:24,118 --> 00:07:26,720
I can't believe she was killed
by a selfie!
205
00:07:26,721 --> 00:07:28,987
She wasn't killed by a selfie.
206
00:07:28,988 --> 00:07:31,191
She took a duck-face photo
next to a sign that said
207
00:07:31,192 --> 00:07:33,209
"Dangerous Cliffs Keep Off."
208
00:07:33,272 --> 00:07:35,093
She was killed by illiteracy.
209
00:07:35,094 --> 00:07:37,463
Don't you dare death-shame Kimi!
210
00:07:37,464 --> 00:07:39,198
Selfies kill!
211
00:07:39,199 --> 00:07:40,368
[CRIES]
212
00:07:42,101 --> 00:07:43,470
Ms. Chelsea has requested
213
00:07:43,471 --> 00:07:45,773
that you join her
in the teachers' lounge
214
00:07:45,774 --> 00:07:47,366
for some light refreshments.
215
00:07:47,875 --> 00:07:49,022
? ?
216
00:07:53,281 --> 00:07:54,522
[SIGHING] Oh.
217
00:07:55,348 --> 00:07:56,616
You look rough.
218
00:07:56,641 --> 00:07:57,842
Oh.
219
00:07:58,600 --> 00:08:01,334
I forgot how exhausting teaching is.
220
00:08:01,889 --> 00:08:03,357
This is probably TMI,
221
00:08:03,358 --> 00:08:04,557
but yesterday,
222
00:08:04,558 --> 00:08:07,235
I couldn't even find time
to relieve myself.
223
00:08:07,475 --> 00:08:09,967
I had to hold it until 3:00 p.m.
224
00:08:10,066 --> 00:08:11,700
You didn't pee all day?
225
00:08:11,786 --> 00:08:13,755
I couldn't abandon my class.
226
00:08:14,186 --> 00:08:15,561
Insider's tip:
227
00:08:16,003 --> 00:08:17,584
wear an adult diaper.
228
00:08:19,206 --> 00:08:21,280
- Excuse me?
- We all wear diapers.
229
00:08:22,409 --> 00:08:23,678
Right, guys?
230
00:08:24,077 --> 00:08:25,420
[MISCHIEVOUS MUSIC]
231
00:08:27,232 --> 00:08:28,522
Totally.
232
00:08:28,982 --> 00:08:31,100
I cut mine in the back
so it looks like a thong.
233
00:08:31,288 --> 00:08:32,918
That way, I still feel sexy,
234
00:08:32,919 --> 00:08:34,670
even when I'm going on myself.
235
00:08:35,538 --> 00:08:37,339
I find them liberating.
236
00:08:37,364 --> 00:08:38,598
Caroline?
237
00:08:39,194 --> 00:08:41,595
I've never felt, you know...
238
00:08:41,596 --> 00:08:43,655
[WHISPERING] I take it off
when I see you.
239
00:08:44,232 --> 00:08:46,061
I want you to find me attractive.
240
00:08:46,086 --> 00:08:47,121
Mm.
241
00:08:48,053 --> 00:08:49,483
Do you have it on now?
242
00:08:49,523 --> 00:08:50,717
Mm-hm.
243
00:08:52,538 --> 00:08:54,039
[SIGHS] And when it comes
244
00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:56,643
to taking a shower, it's all guesswork.
245
00:08:56,795 --> 00:08:58,878
There are parts of my body
that have been obstructed
246
00:08:58,879 --> 00:09:00,548
by my belly for months.
247
00:09:02,139 --> 00:09:04,389
Thanks again for skipping
recess to talk to me.
248
00:09:04,414 --> 00:09:05,614
Girlfriend, please.
249
00:09:05,639 --> 00:09:06,918
What am I gonna do,
250
00:09:06,919 --> 00:09:08,354
swing on the monkey bars?
251
00:09:08,355 --> 00:09:09,756
Seriously.
252
00:09:10,172 --> 00:09:11,405
Mm.
253
00:09:11,524 --> 00:09:12,759
This body pillow you got me
254
00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:13,826
is heaven.
255
00:09:13,827 --> 00:09:15,038
Right?
256
00:09:15,386 --> 00:09:17,930
Someone's going to have
some warm tootsies
257
00:09:17,931 --> 00:09:19,381
when they come out.
258
00:09:19,454 --> 00:09:20,709
[ROCK MUSIC]
259
00:09:21,269 --> 00:09:22,944
[SYNTHETIC RUSTLING NOISE]
260
00:09:25,139 --> 00:09:27,639
Put on your thinking caps and buckle up,
261
00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:29,276
because we're about to travel
262
00:09:29,277 --> 00:09:32,131
to the land of adjectives!
263
00:09:33,655 --> 00:09:34,947
[SQUELCHING NOISE]
264
00:09:34,948 --> 00:09:36,084
[ROCK MUSIC]
265
00:09:37,857 --> 00:09:38,924
[SQUELCHING SOUND]
266
00:09:38,949 --> 00:09:40,108
Hello, ladies.
267
00:09:46,159 --> 00:09:47,342
[SIGHS]
268
00:09:48,530 --> 00:09:49,967
- [QUIETLY] Did he just...
- Oh, yeah.
269
00:09:50,280 --> 00:09:51,600
He went potty.
270
00:09:52,798 --> 00:09:53,999
? ?
271
00:09:58,171 --> 00:09:59,452
Toby.
272
00:10:00,668 --> 00:10:02,404
Are you wearing a diaper?
273
00:10:03,010 --> 00:10:04,397
[QUIETLY] Yes, I am.
274
00:10:04,647 --> 00:10:05,945
All teachers wear them.
275
00:10:05,946 --> 00:10:07,446
It's a trick of the trade.
276
00:10:07,447 --> 00:10:09,506
- Who told you that?
- The other teachers.
277
00:10:09,608 --> 00:10:11,249
They wear diapers every day.
278
00:10:11,250 --> 00:10:12,685
Chelsea's dresses are so tight,
279
00:10:12,686 --> 00:10:15,717
she can't even wear underwear,
let alone a diaper.
280
00:10:17,157 --> 00:10:19,295
You went on yourself like a damn baby.
281
00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:22,796
I hereby open this meeting
of the Local School Council
282
00:10:22,797 --> 00:10:24,297
to new business.
283
00:10:24,298 --> 00:10:26,432
I have an issue
that needs immediate attention.
284
00:10:26,624 --> 00:10:28,952
People are being murdered by selfies.
285
00:10:29,269 --> 00:10:30,503
What?
286
00:10:30,504 --> 00:10:31,671
I know, Gina.
287
00:10:31,672 --> 00:10:33,138
I was shocked, too.
288
00:10:33,139 --> 00:10:35,013
My friend Kimi tragically died
289
00:10:35,038 --> 00:10:37,592
when she fell off a cliff
while taking a selfie.
290
00:10:38,078 --> 00:10:40,046
I propose we create training courses
291
00:10:40,047 --> 00:10:42,282
on how to take a selfie
without killing yourself.
292
00:10:42,540 --> 00:10:45,742
Also, I mocked up these posters
to raise awareness.
293
00:10:46,749 --> 00:10:48,354
Okay, we're done here.
294
00:10:48,355 --> 00:10:50,422
We're not even gonna vote?
295
00:10:50,423 --> 00:10:53,692
Who are you, white women
on November 8, 2016?
296
00:10:53,693 --> 00:10:55,293
Fine. This'll be quick.
297
00:10:55,294 --> 00:10:56,529
All those against everything
298
00:10:56,530 --> 00:10:58,031
about Chelsea's idiotic proposal,
299
00:10:58,032 --> 00:10:59,032
say "aye."
300
00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:00,265
ALL: Aye.
301
00:11:00,266 --> 00:11:02,702
This is real, you dumbasses!
302
00:11:02,727 --> 00:11:04,381
My friend died-uh. [DRAMATIC SIGH]
303
00:11:05,205 --> 00:11:07,106
Kimi, give me strength.
304
00:11:07,107 --> 00:11:08,553
[ROCK MUSIC]
305
00:11:10,775 --> 00:11:11,975
Hello?
306
00:11:12,211 --> 00:11:14,013
Toby Wan Kenobi! What up?
307
00:11:14,014 --> 00:11:15,614
Come on in, man. Pop a squat.
308
00:11:15,615 --> 00:11:16,983
Sweet sweater, dude.
309
00:11:16,984 --> 00:11:18,685
I just wanted to make sure
310
00:11:18,686 --> 00:11:19,887
that you're feeling okay
311
00:11:19,888 --> 00:11:21,178
in your new position.
312
00:11:21,203 --> 00:11:22,319
Mm.
313
00:11:22,344 --> 00:11:24,090
I know transitions
314
00:11:24,091 --> 00:11:25,890
can be difficult.
315
00:11:25,891 --> 00:11:27,393
Sometimes, you think you know
316
00:11:27,394 --> 00:11:29,428
what you're getting yourself into,
317
00:11:29,429 --> 00:11:32,263
and then the reality of the job is...
318
00:11:32,264 --> 00:11:35,009
I... think I'm... fine.
319
00:11:35,034 --> 00:11:37,169
It can make you wonder,
320
00:11:37,170 --> 00:11:39,071
"Do I know what I'm doing?"
321
00:11:39,072 --> 00:11:42,022
"Why won't anyone take me seriously?"
322
00:11:42,486 --> 00:11:45,522
and "How many people saw me
urinate on myself?"
323
00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:47,815
It's not your fault
that you trust people
324
00:11:47,816 --> 00:11:50,483
and assume that they're telling
you the truth.
325
00:11:50,484 --> 00:11:52,272
You're doing the best you can.
326
00:11:52,297 --> 00:11:54,108
Hey, Toby,
327
00:11:54,944 --> 00:11:56,589
do you need to talk to the counselor?
328
00:11:56,590 --> 00:11:57,827
No.
329
00:11:58,091 --> 00:11:59,658
We're talking about you.
330
00:11:59,881 --> 00:12:01,494
Okay, um,
331
00:12:01,495 --> 00:12:03,964
well, just in case
we're talking about you,
332
00:12:04,139 --> 00:12:05,565
you're a sub, okay?
333
00:12:05,566 --> 00:12:07,700
Your only job
is to keep these kids alive,
334
00:12:07,701 --> 00:12:10,070
so why don't you go ahead
and pop on "Milo and Otis"
335
00:12:10,071 --> 00:12:11,428
and call it a diz-ay.
336
00:12:11,453 --> 00:12:12,811
Kn'I mean? [LAUGHS]
337
00:12:13,147 --> 00:12:14,807
Hey, check this out.
338
00:12:14,808 --> 00:12:16,076
[CLICKS]
339
00:12:16,358 --> 00:12:18,042
[LAUGHS] Cool, right?
340
00:12:18,043 --> 00:12:19,639
[IMITATES ENGINE REVVING]
341
00:12:20,713 --> 00:12:21,948
Boom!
342
00:12:22,316 --> 00:12:25,116
Just run the cocoa butter
in a circular motion.
343
00:12:25,358 --> 00:12:27,286
And this helps prevent stretch marks?
344
00:12:27,287 --> 00:12:28,967
You call them stretch marks.
345
00:12:29,224 --> 00:12:31,990
I call them tiger stripes.
346
00:12:31,991 --> 00:12:33,526
- [GROWLS]
- [LAUGHS]
347
00:12:39,765 --> 00:12:41,100
What's going on here?
348
00:12:41,101 --> 00:12:42,335
Raymond's just showing me how to avoid
349
00:12:42,336 --> 00:12:44,124
getting any more stretch marks.
350
00:12:44,475 --> 00:12:46,039
Can I talk to you for a sec?
351
00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:49,140
Allow me.
352
00:12:49,141 --> 00:12:50,545
Thank you.
353
00:12:51,436 --> 00:12:53,600
Deb, don't you think
this is a little inappropriate?
354
00:12:53,741 --> 00:12:56,248
No, he's just giving me
the support I need.
355
00:12:56,249 --> 00:12:58,022
But he's ten years old.
356
00:12:59,397 --> 00:13:00,452
What's this?
357
00:13:00,453 --> 00:13:02,055
Oh, Raymond got it for me.
358
00:13:02,056 --> 00:13:03,724
It's a maternity negligee.
359
00:13:06,114 --> 00:13:07,381
Oh.
360
00:13:08,601 --> 00:13:11,037
Okay, I'll...
361
00:13:14,709 --> 00:13:16,142
Yeah, I'll talk to him.
362
00:13:16,269 --> 00:13:17,756
[CHILDREN SCREAMING]
363
00:13:20,072 --> 00:13:21,907
Everyone!
364
00:13:21,908 --> 00:13:23,808
Please take your seats!
365
00:13:23,809 --> 00:13:25,170
[CHILDREN YELLING]
366
00:13:26,212 --> 00:13:28,980
We're gonna watch "Milo and Otis."
367
00:13:29,170 --> 00:13:30,649
Peanuts?
368
00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:32,405
[GASPS] No.
369
00:13:32,430 --> 00:13:33,530
No!
370
00:13:33,721 --> 00:13:35,020
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
371
00:13:35,021 --> 00:13:36,327
No!
372
00:13:36,444 --> 00:13:37,990
Don't worry, Ron!
373
00:13:37,991 --> 00:13:39,658
I'll save you!
374
00:13:39,659 --> 00:13:41,038
? ?
375
00:13:41,788 --> 00:13:43,095
Ow!
376
00:13:43,096 --> 00:13:44,964
What are you doing? I'm not Ron!
377
00:13:44,965 --> 00:13:46,231
I'm Ron!
378
00:13:46,232 --> 00:13:47,553
? ?
379
00:13:48,635 --> 00:13:51,604
Ow, stop! I'm not Ron, either!
380
00:13:51,605 --> 00:13:53,084
? ?
381
00:13:53,907 --> 00:13:55,202
Why did you do that?
382
00:13:55,227 --> 00:13:57,655
The peanuts, Ron!
There are peanuts on your desk!
383
00:13:57,680 --> 00:13:59,546
Those are not mine!
384
00:14:00,017 --> 00:14:01,218
What?
385
00:14:01,350 --> 00:14:03,081
[LAUGHS] I put those peanuts there.
386
00:14:03,082 --> 00:14:05,151
I knew you'd tweak, sucker!
387
00:14:05,152 --> 00:14:06,374
[LAUGHTER]
388
00:14:11,558 --> 00:14:12,925
Oh!
389
00:14:12,926 --> 00:14:14,209
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
390
00:14:14,338 --> 00:14:16,366
Okay, keep the line moving. [GASPS]
391
00:14:16,812 --> 00:14:18,513
Ooh, Frank, say hi to your dad for me.
392
00:14:18,538 --> 00:14:20,128
Your parents are still
having trouble, right?
393
00:14:20,153 --> 00:14:21,178
[LAUGHS]
394
00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:25,233
Oh, my God.
395
00:14:25,721 --> 00:14:27,639
There's a child on the roof,
396
00:14:27,991 --> 00:14:29,791
taking a selfie!
397
00:14:29,792 --> 00:14:31,256
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
398
00:14:32,794 --> 00:14:34,147
? ?
399
00:14:34,962 --> 00:14:36,464
[MECHANICAL WHIRRING]
400
00:14:38,899 --> 00:14:40,567
[SCREAMS]
401
00:14:40,980 --> 00:14:42,309
[QUAVERS]
402
00:14:46,700 --> 00:14:48,976
And that's how you go from Instagram
403
00:14:48,977 --> 00:14:50,612
to insta-dead.
404
00:14:54,575 --> 00:14:56,332
Please give a round of applause
405
00:14:56,357 --> 00:14:58,763
to Gogo and Antonio Fernandez
406
00:14:58,788 --> 00:15:01,231
of the Hernandez Brothers Circus!
407
00:15:01,429 --> 00:15:02,824
[MOURNFUL BRASS MUSIC]
408
00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:04,680
Parents of Fillmore,
409
00:15:04,681 --> 00:15:06,717
what you just witnessed wasn't real,
410
00:15:06,718 --> 00:15:08,017
but it could be,
411
00:15:08,018 --> 00:15:10,794
because selfies are dangerous.
412
00:15:11,089 --> 00:15:13,924
Please, join me and take action
413
00:15:13,925 --> 00:15:17,194
so your children don't get
ground up in a wood chipper!
414
00:15:17,591 --> 00:15:18,961
Damn it!
415
00:15:18,962 --> 00:15:20,531
You guys are killing me today.
416
00:15:20,532 --> 00:15:22,498
Normally, I would think
that crazy chicks are hot,
417
00:15:22,499 --> 00:15:24,767
but this is just nuts, Chels!
418
00:15:24,768 --> 00:15:27,372
I am tired of being ignored,
and I had to make a point.
419
00:15:27,450 --> 00:15:29,006
Selfies are dangerous
420
00:15:29,007 --> 00:15:30,306
and distracting.
421
00:15:30,307 --> 00:15:32,108
We should just ban them altogether!
422
00:15:32,109 --> 00:15:34,277
Girls today objectify themselves
423
00:15:34,278 --> 00:15:35,479
and then, they post the photos online
424
00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:37,314
for everyone else to objectify them!
425
00:15:37,315 --> 00:15:39,217
Their entire self-worth is based
426
00:15:39,218 --> 00:15:41,285
on the comments on their Instagram,
427
00:15:41,286 --> 00:15:43,286
and instead of learning how to be men,
428
00:15:43,287 --> 00:15:45,488
boys are learning how to take dick pics!
429
00:15:45,489 --> 00:15:48,425
That isn't communication.
That's assault!
430
00:15:48,661 --> 00:15:50,926
These kids are disconnected
from each other,
431
00:15:50,927 --> 00:15:52,229
they're disconnected from us...
432
00:15:52,230 --> 00:15:53,630
oh, my God.
433
00:15:53,965 --> 00:15:55,364
We shouldn't ban selfies.
434
00:15:55,365 --> 00:15:56,630
[ROUSING MUSIC]
435
00:15:56,802 --> 00:15:58,535
We should ban cell phones.
436
00:15:58,536 --> 00:15:59,637
[GASPS]
437
00:15:59,638 --> 00:16:00,841
[EXCITED LAUGH]
438
00:16:01,806 --> 00:16:03,091
ALL: Aye.
439
00:16:03,755 --> 00:16:05,376
Congratulations, Chelsea,
440
00:16:05,377 --> 00:16:06,843
Your motion to ban cell phones
in the classroom
441
00:16:06,844 --> 00:16:09,794
during school hours
has officially passed.
442
00:16:10,302 --> 00:16:12,615
Thank you.
My friend did not die in vain.
443
00:16:12,616 --> 00:16:15,585
This award is a huge honor.
It's not an award.
444
00:16:15,586 --> 00:16:17,054
Well, it's still a huge honor.
445
00:16:17,055 --> 00:16:18,121
Not an honor.
446
00:16:18,122 --> 00:16:19,489
Okay, well, I won.
447
00:16:19,490 --> 00:16:21,714
Raymond, I appreciate your support,
448
00:16:21,739 --> 00:16:24,462
but we need to take a break
from the pregnancy stuff.
449
00:16:24,463 --> 00:16:25,911
Did I do something wrong?
450
00:16:25,993 --> 00:16:27,428
You're young.
451
00:16:27,453 --> 00:16:29,299
You should be out
playing with the other kids,
452
00:16:29,300 --> 00:16:30,434
not worrying about me.
453
00:16:30,435 --> 00:16:31,864
But what about Miles?
454
00:16:31,970 --> 00:16:32,970
Who's Miles?
455
00:16:33,341 --> 00:16:34,504
The baby.
456
00:16:34,505 --> 00:16:35,605
I named him.
457
00:16:35,606 --> 00:16:36,806
Okay, weird.
458
00:16:36,807 --> 00:16:37,807
This is done.
459
00:16:37,808 --> 00:16:38,974
Go hit the monkey bars.
460
00:16:39,611 --> 00:16:40,745
Kimi,
461
00:16:40,770 --> 00:16:42,046
if you could see
what I accomplished this week,
462
00:16:42,047 --> 00:16:43,680
you would be so proud.
463
00:16:43,681 --> 00:16:44,681
[TENDER MUSIC]
464
00:16:44,682 --> 00:16:46,349
Do you know what this reminds me of?
465
00:16:46,350 --> 00:16:47,618
That pledge week when you
wouldn't let me
466
00:16:47,619 --> 00:16:49,118
call an ambulance when Jenna Phillips
467
00:16:49,119 --> 00:16:50,286
almost choked to death
468
00:16:50,287 --> 00:16:51,919
deep-throating a butternut squash,
469
00:16:52,341 --> 00:16:54,519
but I did the right thing,
and called 911
470
00:16:54,544 --> 00:16:56,122
so I wouldn't get in trouble.
471
00:16:56,872 --> 00:16:58,629
It's so sad that Jenna died
later that year
472
00:16:58,630 --> 00:17:00,528
deep-throating a butternut squash.
473
00:17:01,067 --> 00:17:03,467
Anyway, love you, girl.
474
00:17:03,468 --> 00:17:05,535
Congratulations
on your LSC win, Chelsea.
475
00:17:05,536 --> 00:17:06,937
Yeah, now those little turds
476
00:17:06,938 --> 00:17:09,139
can't bring their porn portals
to class anymore.
477
00:17:09,140 --> 00:17:10,440
Thank you.
478
00:17:10,441 --> 00:17:11,842
Kimi's death has made me realize
479
00:17:11,843 --> 00:17:13,242
that life is short.
480
00:17:13,243 --> 00:17:15,211
Before I die young and beautiful, I want
481
00:17:15,212 --> 00:17:17,113
to do something meaningful with my life.
482
00:17:17,114 --> 00:17:19,115
I'm going to become a new Chelsea
483
00:17:19,599 --> 00:17:21,117
for my best friend,
484
00:17:21,118 --> 00:17:22,451
Kimi.
485
00:17:22,484 --> 00:17:24,420
Oh, no. Toby!
486
00:17:25,322 --> 00:17:26,858
Okay, it is equal parts
487
00:17:26,859 --> 00:17:28,091
sad and embarrassing
488
00:17:28,092 --> 00:17:29,693
that you bang that, Caroline.
489
00:17:29,694 --> 00:17:30,919
? ?
490
00:17:31,662 --> 00:17:33,229
...Would've said the old Chelsea.
491
00:17:33,230 --> 00:17:34,296
Should've never tricked him
492
00:17:34,297 --> 00:17:35,622
into wearing a diaper.
493
00:17:36,792 --> 00:17:38,102
You're right.
494
00:17:38,103 --> 00:17:39,309
We should help him.
495
00:17:39,702 --> 00:17:40,942
? ?
496
00:17:44,875 --> 00:17:46,044
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
497
00:17:46,977 --> 00:17:48,644
Please don't kill me!
498
00:17:48,645 --> 00:17:50,613
I haven't designated in my will
499
00:17:50,614 --> 00:17:53,248
who gets my infinity scarf collection.
500
00:17:53,249 --> 00:17:54,567
? ?
501
00:17:54,612 --> 00:17:55,700
Ah!
502
00:17:55,725 --> 00:17:56,872
Oh, God.
503
00:17:56,966 --> 00:17:59,001
Oh, God, I, uh... I always thought that
504
00:17:59,002 --> 00:18:00,966
it would be Roberta who killed me.
505
00:18:01,568 --> 00:18:03,203
ALL: Pencil to pencil,
506
00:18:03,204 --> 00:18:05,037
high score to low score,
507
00:18:05,038 --> 00:18:06,438
we are united,
508
00:18:06,439 --> 00:18:08,388
sisters of Fillmore.
509
00:18:09,099 --> 00:18:12,146
Toby, we've brought you
to our secret meeting spot.
510
00:18:12,147 --> 00:18:14,222
This is the school's boiler room.
511
00:18:14,247 --> 00:18:16,286
Did you just drive me around the block?
512
00:18:16,311 --> 00:18:17,511
You'll never know.
513
00:18:17,752 --> 00:18:19,169
Oh, God.
514
00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:21,019
[CRIES]
515
00:18:21,020 --> 00:18:23,390
No. Ah! Ow!
516
00:18:27,833 --> 00:18:29,795
We are welcoming you into our tribe.
517
00:18:29,796 --> 00:18:31,197
Where we vow to help each other
518
00:18:31,198 --> 00:18:32,564
in times of need.
519
00:18:32,565 --> 00:18:33,666
And call each other out
520
00:18:33,667 --> 00:18:34,817
when we're being weird.
521
00:18:34,842 --> 00:18:36,503
And push each other to be better.
522
00:18:36,942 --> 00:18:38,309
We're a sisterhood,
523
00:18:38,334 --> 00:18:40,635
so welcome to the hood, sister.
524
00:18:40,874 --> 00:18:42,274
[WARM MUSIC]
525
00:18:42,275 --> 00:18:43,776
We have a tradition that every year,
526
00:18:43,777 --> 00:18:46,078
we'd give this to
the newest teacher at Fillmore.
527
00:18:46,474 --> 00:18:48,653
This is the Dang-It Doll.
528
00:18:49,216 --> 00:18:51,450
We've never given it to a sub before.
529
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:54,486
Whenever you're feeling
overwhelmed or frustrated,
530
00:18:54,487 --> 00:18:56,591
you can use this to express your anger.
531
00:18:57,257 --> 00:18:58,544
Is this me?
532
00:18:58,851 --> 00:18:59,986
Sorry.
533
00:19:00,812 --> 00:19:03,014
I made it before we started dating.
534
00:19:03,929 --> 00:19:05,099
? ?
535
00:19:05,281 --> 00:19:06,548
Thank you.
536
00:19:06,667 --> 00:19:08,333
It's truly an honor
537
00:19:08,334 --> 00:19:10,335
to be a part of this group.
538
00:19:10,336 --> 00:19:11,622
? ?
539
00:19:13,775 --> 00:19:15,013
Dang it!
540
00:19:15,038 --> 00:19:17,458
Dang it, dang it, dang it!
541
00:19:18,179 --> 00:19:20,979
Dang it, dang it, dang it, dang it!
542
00:19:20,980 --> 00:19:22,482
Dang it! Dang it!
543
00:19:22,483 --> 00:19:23,716
Oh, dang it!
544
00:19:23,717 --> 00:19:25,618
[GIBBERING] Dang it! Dang it!
545
00:19:25,619 --> 00:19:28,263
Peas and motherfucking rice!
546
00:19:29,256 --> 00:19:30,794
Ow... Ah...
547
00:19:34,660 --> 00:19:36,497
Welcome to the squad, girl.
548
00:19:38,895 --> 00:19:40,365
Sorry, Kimi.
549
00:19:40,366 --> 00:19:42,466
There can only be room for one of us.
550
00:19:43,851 --> 00:19:46,653
I'm her best friend, not you, you shrub!
551
00:19:50,076 --> 00:19:55,747
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552
00:19:55,797 --> 00:20:00,347
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