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1
00:01:25,901 --> 00:01:26,868
MAN:
Here's one.
2
00:01:26,901 --> 00:01:28,200
Driver...
3
00:01:31,367 --> 00:01:32,834
Where to?
4
00:01:32,868 --> 00:01:34,167
The Plaza Hotel.
5
00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:36,167
The Plaza Hotel...
6
00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:38,200
Hey, look, I know
you may be skeptical...
7
00:01:38,234 --> 00:01:39,601
I know you may be
skeptical,
8
00:01:39,634 --> 00:01:40,834
but by the end
of the day,
9
00:01:40,868 --> 00:01:42,467
you're going
to be thanking me.
10
00:01:44,033 --> 00:01:45,133
What's the matter?
11
00:01:45,167 --> 00:01:46,501
The Plaza Hotel...
12
00:01:46,534 --> 00:01:48,400
Is that in New York?
13
00:01:48,434 --> 00:01:51,000
Uh, I think we should
get another cab.
14
00:01:51,033 --> 00:01:54,200
No, no, no, stay
right where you are.
15
00:01:54,234 --> 00:01:55,701
I'll fix you up.
16
00:02:08,334 --> 00:02:12,667
Uh, G... 7.
17
00:02:17,167 --> 00:02:18,300
Oh...
18
00:02:18,334 --> 00:02:21,133
Oh, that's not far.
19
00:02:21,167 --> 00:02:22,167
( clears throat )
20
00:02:23,167 --> 00:02:26,067
I could drive you over.
21
00:02:30,167 --> 00:02:31,200
Good.
22
00:02:32,534 --> 00:02:34,534
All right.
23
00:02:45,367 --> 00:02:47,000
Now, look,
I'm telling you,
24
00:02:47,033 --> 00:02:48,501
this man is brilliant.
25
00:02:48,534 --> 00:02:51,033
Every time I go
to one of his seminars,
26
00:02:51,067 --> 00:02:52,667
I come out feeling high.
27
00:02:52,701 --> 00:02:53,767
Really?
28
00:02:53,801 --> 00:02:55,334
And when I say high,
I mean high--
29
00:02:55,367 --> 00:02:57,601
higher than I've
ever been on a drug.
30
00:03:00,133 --> 00:03:02,567
All the success I've had
in the last four years,
31
00:03:02,601 --> 00:03:03,501
I attribute to him
32
00:03:03,534 --> 00:03:05,601
and to his theory
of dynamic perfection.
33
00:03:05,634 --> 00:03:07,167
Well, everything I've heard,
it sounds really great.
34
00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:09,367
I'm telling you,
it is the secret
35
00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:12,934
to organizing a business,
to beating your competitors,
36
00:03:12,968 --> 00:03:14,801
to getting somewhere
in life--
37
00:03:14,834 --> 00:03:15,968
to happiness.
38
00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:19,801
Well, here we are,
gentlemen.
39
00:03:19,834 --> 00:03:21,334
The airport.
40
00:03:24,167 --> 00:03:30,133
( whistling )
41
00:03:30,167 --> 00:03:32,968
You picked us up
at the airport.
42
00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:37,667
I thought we got here
awfully fast.
43
00:03:37,701 --> 00:03:40,334
Where was it
you wanted to go?
44
00:03:40,367 --> 00:03:42,334
The Plaza Hotel.
45
00:03:42,367 --> 00:03:45,033
Plaza Hotel...
46
00:03:49,701 --> 00:03:51,868
G-7.
G-7.
47
00:04:05,467 --> 00:04:06,467
ALEX:
Hi, Jim.
48
00:04:10,801 --> 00:04:14,634
Boy, what a bunch
of losers.
49
00:04:14,667 --> 00:04:16,300
( blows raspberry )
50
00:04:16,334 --> 00:04:18,801
ALEX:
You talking about us, Jim?
51
00:04:18,834 --> 00:04:22,200
I'm talking about you,
I'm talking about me,
52
00:04:22,234 --> 00:04:24,467
I'm talking about
all of us.
53
00:04:24,501 --> 00:04:27,200
But I'm not going to be
a failure for long.
54
00:04:28,434 --> 00:04:33,167
I found the secret:
dynamic perfectionism.
55
00:04:34,968 --> 00:04:36,200
LOUIE:
Well...
56
00:04:36,234 --> 00:04:39,133
I think the little Dutch boy
in Iggy's brain
57
00:04:39,167 --> 00:04:40,901
just let the water go.
58
00:04:43,501 --> 00:04:46,267
Hey, hey, Jim, what
are you talking about?
59
00:04:46,300 --> 00:04:51,334
Well, I picked up a couple
of guys at the airport tonight
60
00:04:51,367 --> 00:04:53,701
and finally got them into town.
61
00:04:56,367 --> 00:04:58,434
And while I was driving along,
62
00:04:58,467 --> 00:05:02,434
they were talking about this
dynamic perfectionism stuff.
63
00:05:02,467 --> 00:05:04,501
I want to tell you,
64
00:05:04,534 --> 00:05:08,934
I've learned what separates
successful people
65
00:05:08,968 --> 00:05:11,033
from people like us.
66
00:05:11,067 --> 00:05:13,067
Barbed wire, if they're smart.
67
00:05:13,100 --> 00:05:15,367
So, uh, what's
the big secret, Jim?
68
00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:17,267
Come on, tell us
what it is.
69
00:05:17,300 --> 00:05:19,300
Simple.
70
00:05:19,334 --> 00:05:21,367
Uh...
71
00:05:25,167 --> 00:05:27,968
every one of us has
something in this world
72
00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:30,434
that we want more
than anything else.
73
00:05:30,467 --> 00:05:33,200
Everyone of us has a goal.
74
00:05:33,234 --> 00:05:35,801
This should be good.
75
00:05:35,834 --> 00:05:37,868
What's your goal, Jim?
76
00:05:37,901 --> 00:05:39,067
Oh, no, no, no.
77
00:05:39,100 --> 00:05:41,501
No, no, Tony,
I can't tell you.
78
00:05:42,501 --> 00:05:44,634
Like the guy said tonight,
79
00:05:44,667 --> 00:05:46,734
"Be a doer, not a talker."
80
00:05:46,767 --> 00:05:48,968
Oh.
ELAINE: Oh!
81
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:51,634
JIM:
The point is
82
00:05:51,667 --> 00:05:53,968
you got to have a goal
and go for it.
83
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:56,567
I have a goal--
something I always wanted
84
00:05:56,601 --> 00:05:58,334
and thought was impossible.
85
00:05:58,367 --> 00:06:01,701
Being able to think
without moving your lips?
86
00:06:01,734 --> 00:06:02,968
No, no, no.
87
00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:05,934
That's not enough anymore.
88
00:06:05,968 --> 00:06:09,334
My goal is something
much bigger than that.
89
00:06:09,367 --> 00:06:12,133
So how do you go about
reaching this goal?
90
00:06:12,167 --> 00:06:14,734
The way you go about getting it
91
00:06:14,767 --> 00:06:18,801
is to do every little
thing in your life
92
00:06:18,834 --> 00:06:20,601
the best you can.
93
00:06:20,634 --> 00:06:22,534
If you do everything
perfectly,
94
00:06:22,567 --> 00:06:24,834
eventually you'll
reach your goal.
95
00:06:24,868 --> 00:06:28,400
Therefore, I'm going to do
everything perfectly.
96
00:06:28,434 --> 00:06:33,234
I'm going to start at the bottom
and do as well as I possibly can
97
00:06:33,267 --> 00:06:37,133
the most meaningless,
insignificant, mindless acts--
98
00:06:37,167 --> 00:06:39,968
like my job,
for instance.
99
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,133
Boss?
100
00:06:42,167 --> 00:06:45,133
How much does
a good cab driver make
101
00:06:45,167 --> 00:06:46,267
in a night?
102
00:06:46,300 --> 00:06:48,534
150 bucks.
103
00:06:48,567 --> 00:06:50,267
What was my best night?
104
00:06:50,300 --> 00:06:53,300
You once broke $12.
105
00:06:53,334 --> 00:06:54,300
Oh.
106
00:06:54,334 --> 00:06:56,467
Boss, I want to drive again.
107
00:06:56,501 --> 00:06:59,734
I want to go right back
out there on those streets
108
00:06:59,767 --> 00:07:02,400
and drive another shift--
a perfect shift.
109
00:07:02,434 --> 00:07:05,133
I want to be
a perfect cab driver.
110
00:07:05,167 --> 00:07:07,200
I want to be perfect.
111
00:07:07,234 --> 00:07:08,934
Well, you're on the right track.
112
00:07:08,968 --> 00:07:12,000
You've already made
a perfect ass of yourself.
113
00:07:12,033 --> 00:07:13,634
All right!
114
00:07:23,634 --> 00:07:25,100
Yeah, yes, officer.
115
00:07:25,133 --> 00:07:28,767
It's Sunshine Cab Number 643.
116
00:07:28,801 --> 00:07:32,634
The driver's name is Ignatowski
117
00:07:32,667 --> 00:07:36,033
but he'll answer
to Waterhead...
118
00:07:36,067 --> 00:07:37,567
uh... Mr. Halloween...
119
00:07:37,601 --> 00:07:40,367
The Fog...
120
00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:42,334
or hey, Scuzzo.
121
00:07:43,300 --> 00:07:46,367
Yeah, thanks a lot,
all right, yeah.
122
00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:48,033
Hey, Louie, what's wrong?
123
00:07:48,067 --> 00:07:49,801
What's wrong?
I'll tell you what's wrong.
124
00:07:49,834 --> 00:07:52,567
"Mr. Perfection" is
still out with that cab
125
00:07:52,601 --> 00:07:53,767
so I reported him.
126
00:07:53,801 --> 00:07:55,400
You mean Jim's still out there?
127
00:07:55,434 --> 00:07:58,200
He's been driving
for almost 24 hours.
128
00:07:58,234 --> 00:07:59,434
Hey, listen,
maybe some of us
129
00:07:59,467 --> 00:08:00,801
ought to go out
and look for him.
130
00:08:00,834 --> 00:08:01,734
That's a good idea.
131
00:08:01,767 --> 00:08:02,701
Yeah, but where
would we start?
132
00:08:02,734 --> 00:08:03,767
I mean, where
could he be?
133
00:08:03,801 --> 00:08:05,300
Where would Jim
decide to go?
134
00:08:05,334 --> 00:08:07,133
Why don't we try
thinking like Jim
135
00:08:07,167 --> 00:08:08,367
for a minute, okay?
136
00:08:13,133 --> 00:08:15,934
No, let's not
do that anymore.
137
00:08:15,968 --> 00:08:16,934
It hurts.
138
00:08:16,968 --> 00:08:18,434
Yeah.
139
00:08:18,467 --> 00:08:19,634
Jim!
140
00:08:19,667 --> 00:08:21,133
Howdy!
141
00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:22,167
All right!
142
00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:23,868
Jim, where you been?
Jim, where have you been?
143
00:08:23,901 --> 00:08:25,868
I've been out there,
working towards my goal.
144
00:08:27,467 --> 00:08:28,534
Ignatowski!
145
00:08:28,567 --> 00:08:29,734
You're fired!
146
00:08:29,767 --> 00:08:31,601
( group protesting )
147
00:08:31,634 --> 00:08:33,968
Boss, maybe you should
look at my
148
00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:34,968
trip sheet!
149
00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:36,234
I don't have to look
at anything!
150
00:08:36,267 --> 00:08:38,767
You are unemployed.
Out!
151
00:08:38,801 --> 00:08:40,467
( group clamoring )
152
00:08:40,501 --> 00:08:42,634
What, are you telling me
that I can't fire him?
153
00:08:42,667 --> 00:08:44,767
I only kept him around this long
154
00:08:44,801 --> 00:08:47,000
because he's
a conversation piece.
155
00:08:48,834 --> 00:08:51,501
Hey, Jim, how come
you were gone so long?
156
00:08:51,534 --> 00:08:53,767
I guess I was
concentrating so hard
157
00:08:53,801 --> 00:08:57,300
on being a great cab driver,
I forgot about the time.
158
00:08:57,334 --> 00:09:00,501
Well, that's that.
159
00:09:05,767 --> 00:09:09,000
I guess I'll be moseying along.
160
00:09:10,868 --> 00:09:14,100
Three hundred and
seventy-three dollars?
161
00:09:14,133 --> 00:09:15,501
So long, everybody.
162
00:09:15,534 --> 00:09:17,367
Ignatowski!
163
00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:18,467
Yo, boss.
164
00:09:22,634 --> 00:09:24,300
I love you.
165
00:09:26,968 --> 00:09:29,634
A handshake would
have done it, boss.
166
00:09:43,534 --> 00:09:45,200
Hi, I'd like to go to...
167
00:09:45,234 --> 00:09:48,868
Oh, welcome aboard
Sunshine Cab
168
00:09:48,901 --> 00:09:50,534
number 1-3-4.
169
00:09:50,567 --> 00:09:53,534
My name's
Jim Ignatowski
170
00:09:53,567 --> 00:09:55,367
and I'll be
your driver.
171
00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:57,534
I'd like to go
to Carnegie Hall.
172
00:09:57,567 --> 00:10:01,033
Carnegie Hall...
173
00:10:01,067 --> 00:10:03,067
L-6.
174
00:10:05,067 --> 00:10:07,133
Okeydoke.
175
00:10:09,734 --> 00:10:12,100
Traffic today
176
00:10:12,133 --> 00:10:14,067
between here and there
177
00:10:14,100 --> 00:10:16,868
should be light
to moderate.
178
00:10:16,901 --> 00:10:21,400
We're not expecting
any bad weather.
179
00:10:21,434 --> 00:10:25,534
We're traveling now along
the Avenue of the Americas,
180
00:10:25,567 --> 00:10:28,801
which was formerly known
as Sixth Avenue.
181
00:10:28,834 --> 00:10:33,100
Us old-time New Yorkers
still like to refer to it
182
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:34,567
as Sixth Avenue.
183
00:10:34,601 --> 00:10:38,400
Old habits die hard.
184
00:10:38,434 --> 00:10:40,400
Speaking of old habits--
185
00:10:40,434 --> 00:10:44,167
on your right, you'll
notice a group of nuns
186
00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:47,467
going into
Radio City Music Hall.
187
00:10:47,501 --> 00:10:51,934
It's... By the way, it's a bit
nippy out there today.
188
00:10:51,968 --> 00:10:55,434
If you'd like
a nice hot cup of java,
189
00:10:55,467 --> 00:10:59,601
there is some in
that thermos back there.
190
00:10:59,634 --> 00:11:02,667
If you want a sandwich,
help yourself.
191
00:11:02,701 --> 00:11:07,734
We got salami, sardine
and watercress.
192
00:11:09,734 --> 00:11:13,200
This is the strangest
cab ride I've ever had.
193
00:11:13,234 --> 00:11:15,868
Sir, if providing
comfort, service
194
00:11:15,901 --> 00:11:19,701
and satisfaction to
my customers is strange
195
00:11:19,734 --> 00:11:22,200
then you can
call me a freak.
196
00:11:22,234 --> 00:11:23,200
Thank you.
197
00:11:23,234 --> 00:11:25,200
You're a freak.
198
00:11:26,267 --> 00:11:27,767
Thank you.
199
00:11:29,234 --> 00:11:33,267
Well, here we are.
200
00:11:35,434 --> 00:11:37,434
Watch your step
getting out
201
00:11:37,467 --> 00:11:40,467
and thank you for
riding Sunshine Cabs.
202
00:11:40,501 --> 00:11:42,467
Did I get you here fast enough?
203
00:11:42,501 --> 00:11:45,067
Yeah, it was very quick.
204
00:11:45,100 --> 00:11:46,901
In fact...
205
00:11:46,934 --> 00:11:48,467
I'm a little early.
206
00:11:50,934 --> 00:11:53,067
I wouldn't mind
a cup of coffee.
207
00:11:53,100 --> 00:11:56,400
Why don't you take another trip
around the block.
208
00:11:56,434 --> 00:11:58,133
You betcha.
209
00:12:03,067 --> 00:12:07,367
If, uh, you'd like to
listen to a little music,
210
00:12:07,400 --> 00:12:12,200
there's a stereo-headphone
set in the back.
211
00:12:12,234 --> 00:12:13,701
Thank you.
212
00:12:13,734 --> 00:12:18,534
We're featuring a Sinatra
retrospective this evening.
213
00:12:18,567 --> 00:12:20,400
That would be very nice.
214
00:12:25,567 --> 00:12:32,367
* If somebody needs you...
215
00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:36,567
* It's no good
unless she needs you *
216
00:12:36,601 --> 00:12:41,234
* All the way.
217
00:12:41,267 --> 00:12:44,601
* Doobee doobee doobee
doo wa... *
218
00:12:45,601 --> 00:12:46,934
Hey, here he comes.
219
00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:49,901
ALL:
Hey... Jim!
220
00:12:49,934 --> 00:12:51,033
LOUIE:
James!
221
00:12:51,067 --> 00:12:52,067
Hi, boss!
222
00:12:52,100 --> 00:12:53,767
James, my son.
223
00:12:54,767 --> 00:12:55,934
Welcome home.
224
00:12:55,968 --> 00:12:57,100
How'd it go?
225
00:12:57,133 --> 00:12:58,400
Fine, fine, fine.
226
00:12:58,434 --> 00:13:00,367
Yeah? So how much money
did you make, huh?
227
00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:02,067
Approximately.
Come on, come on, tell us.
228
00:13:02,100 --> 00:13:05,033
Fifteen dollars.
229
00:13:05,067 --> 00:13:06,934
Fifteen dollars?!
230
00:13:06,968 --> 00:13:08,701
I was only kidding, boss.
231
00:13:08,734 --> 00:13:09,901
Ah!
232
00:13:09,934 --> 00:13:12,133
Oh!
233
00:13:12,167 --> 00:13:13,801
That one's on you, boss!
234
00:13:16,567 --> 00:13:17,901
Oh...
235
00:13:17,934 --> 00:13:20,033
You lug, you.
236
00:13:20,067 --> 00:13:23,434
What a guy,
what a witty guy.
237
00:13:23,467 --> 00:13:25,601
I love this man.
238
00:13:25,634 --> 00:13:27,367
Come on, so how much
did you make? How much?
239
00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:29,400
Come on, tell us.
Come on, give, give.
240
00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:30,701
It's a new record.
241
00:13:30,734 --> 00:13:32,534
( cheering )
242
00:13:32,567 --> 00:13:34,367
I want everybody to know
243
00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:37,300
that Mr. Mackenzie
called me personally,
244
00:13:37,334 --> 00:13:40,200
not ten minutes ago,
to congratulate me
245
00:13:40,234 --> 00:13:43,300
on having the hottest
shift in this garage,
246
00:13:43,334 --> 00:13:45,567
and I got the
franchise right here
247
00:13:45,601 --> 00:13:47,734
to thank for it.
248
00:13:47,767 --> 00:13:49,133
BOBBY:
You know, Louie,
249
00:13:49,167 --> 00:13:51,501
your love for Jim
is really touching.
250
00:13:51,534 --> 00:13:54,334
Yeah, Iggy and me
are tight.
251
00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:57,100
We're like
Roy and Trigger.
252
00:13:58,234 --> 00:14:00,501
Hey, Jim, you're not falling
for this, are you?
253
00:14:00,534 --> 00:14:01,968
Uh, I don't know.
254
00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:03,167
Am I, boss?
255
00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:06,167
There's nothing
to fall for, Iggy.
256
00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:09,334
Wheeler's just jealous.
257
00:14:09,367 --> 00:14:11,567
But the fact of the matter is
258
00:14:11,601 --> 00:14:14,200
there's a structure
to cab driving.
259
00:14:14,234 --> 00:14:17,367
It's like...
it's like a tree of life.
260
00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:20,367
On the very
topmost branches
261
00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:23,701
you have
the Ignatowskis.
262
00:14:23,734 --> 00:14:25,234
Beneath them,
263
00:14:25,267 --> 00:14:29,367
you have the Riegers
and the Nardos.
264
00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:32,868
Below that,
you have your Bantas,
265
00:14:32,901 --> 00:14:36,200
apes and gibbons.
266
00:14:36,234 --> 00:14:41,200
Below that,
you have your lice,
267
00:14:41,234 --> 00:14:45,200
your pond scum...
your Wheelers.
268
00:14:46,767 --> 00:14:49,567
You can't get lower
than Wheelers.
269
00:14:49,601 --> 00:14:52,567
What about me, Louie?
270
00:14:52,601 --> 00:14:55,567
I stand corrected.
271
00:14:55,601 --> 00:14:57,434
All right, enough chitchat.
272
00:14:57,467 --> 00:15:01,567
I'm going to take these totals
right up there to Mr. Mackenzie.
273
00:15:01,601 --> 00:15:02,901
Ace Iggy!
274
00:15:02,934 --> 00:15:04,167
( Louie cackles )
275
00:15:05,701 --> 00:15:07,167
Hey, Jim, congratulations.
276
00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:08,467
I really mean it.
277
00:15:08,501 --> 00:15:11,133
Yeah, what you're doing
is so incredible.
278
00:15:11,167 --> 00:15:13,767
Hey, we are all really
proud of you, man.
279
00:15:13,801 --> 00:15:14,767
Even me, Jim.
280
00:15:14,801 --> 00:15:15,801
Well, it's sort of nice
281
00:15:15,834 --> 00:15:17,467
being the best at something
in the world,
282
00:15:17,501 --> 00:15:19,334
you know what I mean?
283
00:15:19,367 --> 00:15:21,767
I'm sort of sorry to end it.
284
00:15:21,801 --> 00:15:24,133
End it?! What do
you mean, end it? What's wrong?
285
00:15:24,167 --> 00:15:27,467
Well, I've got everything now
I need to obtain my goal.
286
00:15:27,501 --> 00:15:30,634
You mean you're not going to be
a good cab driver anymore?
287
00:15:30,667 --> 00:15:34,400
Oh, that was too much hard work.
288
00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:37,033
I've always liked myself
the way I was.
289
00:15:37,067 --> 00:15:39,200
There was just
one thing lacking
290
00:15:39,234 --> 00:15:40,601
and now I've got it.
291
00:15:40,634 --> 00:15:41,734
What is it?
292
00:15:41,767 --> 00:15:43,067
Yeah, what is that?
293
00:15:44,901 --> 00:15:47,400
I want you to come
to my house tomorrow
294
00:15:47,434 --> 00:15:49,067
and I'll reveal my goal.
295
00:15:52,767 --> 00:15:54,567
"I want you to come to
my house tomorrow night
296
00:15:54,601 --> 00:15:55,601
and I'll reveal
my goal."
297
00:15:59,267 --> 00:16:02,567
By the way,
do you spell your name
298
00:16:02,601 --> 00:16:04,634
with one "O" or two?
299
00:16:04,667 --> 00:16:06,000
One.
300
00:16:06,033 --> 00:16:09,267
I'll get it right
next time, Booby.
301
00:16:11,501 --> 00:16:13,601
And I got... got one here
for Latka.
302
00:16:13,634 --> 00:16:14,667
Where's Latka?
303
00:16:14,701 --> 00:16:15,868
Eh, here.
304
00:16:17,167 --> 00:16:19,534
"Dress optional."
305
00:16:22,033 --> 00:16:26,501
He must mean how we dress,
not if we dress, right?
306
00:16:26,534 --> 00:16:28,100
No, I don't think so.
307
00:16:28,133 --> 00:16:29,100
Why?
308
00:16:29,133 --> 00:16:30,601
Yours is the only one
that says that.
309
00:16:30,634 --> 00:16:33,000
( no audio )
310
00:16:33,033 --> 00:16:35,100
Hey, come on, let's go
to Mario's, huh?
311
00:16:35,133 --> 00:16:36,701
JIM:
Yeah, that's a good idea.
312
00:16:36,734 --> 00:16:38,033
I'll buy you all
a drink.
313
00:16:38,067 --> 00:16:39,200
ALL:
Hey!
314
00:16:39,234 --> 00:16:40,267
Oh, how nice!
315
00:16:40,300 --> 00:16:41,534
Hey, what the hell?
316
00:16:41,567 --> 00:16:42,534
I'm rich.
317
00:16:42,567 --> 00:16:44,634
I'll buy each of you a drink.
318
00:16:44,667 --> 00:16:46,067
Even better!
319
00:16:49,501 --> 00:16:50,734
( horn honking )
320
00:16:56,634 --> 00:16:58,100
( knocking )
321
00:17:01,501 --> 00:17:04,400
( knocking )
322
00:17:13,534 --> 00:17:14,501
Hi, Jim.
323
00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:15,534
Hi, everybody.
324
00:17:15,567 --> 00:17:16,834
( clears throat )
325
00:17:16,868 --> 00:17:18,367
Can I take your coats?
326
00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:19,467
Oh, yeah, sure.
327
00:17:19,501 --> 00:17:20,667
Thanks.
328
00:17:20,701 --> 00:17:22,501
ALEX:
Yeah, thanks, Jim.
329
00:17:22,534 --> 00:17:23,501
Here.
330
00:17:23,534 --> 00:17:24,501
BOBBY:
Thanks a lot.
331
00:17:24,534 --> 00:17:26,367
Make yourselves
comfortable.
332
00:17:27,534 --> 00:17:28,534
Thank you.
333
00:17:30,267 --> 00:17:32,734
What do you got under
the old blankets here, Jim?
334
00:17:32,767 --> 00:17:34,734
All in good time, Tony.
335
00:17:34,767 --> 00:17:37,334
Come on, we can't wait
to see your revelation.
336
00:17:37,367 --> 00:17:39,367
Yeah, yeah, what's
the big secret? Come on.
337
00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:42,968
There came a time in my life
338
00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:47,400
when I sensed
a certain emptiness--
339
00:17:47,434 --> 00:17:49,734
something missing.
340
00:17:49,767 --> 00:17:54,701
And then I discovered
this miracle
341
00:17:54,734 --> 00:17:58,200
to fill my life.
342
00:17:58,234 --> 00:18:02,801
Because the truth of
the whole world is right here--
343
00:18:02,834 --> 00:18:09,000
the beauty, the ugliness,
the folly, the glory, the joy,
344
00:18:09,033 --> 00:18:11,567
the heartache,
the yin and the yang.
345
00:18:13,434 --> 00:18:17,334
It's all right here
under this blanket.
346
00:18:17,367 --> 00:18:21,133
Anybody care
to guess what it is?
347
00:18:23,167 --> 00:18:24,367
Latka?
348
00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:26,868
It is a
religious statue
349
00:18:26,901 --> 00:18:29,601
of some
spiritual leader--
350
00:18:29,634 --> 00:18:32,467
maybe one of
the prophets?
351
00:18:32,501 --> 00:18:35,467
No, no, no, it's not that.
352
00:18:35,501 --> 00:18:38,634
Oh, then it is booze.
353
00:18:38,667 --> 00:18:41,501
Well... wrong again.
354
00:18:41,534 --> 00:18:43,601
Come on, come on, Jim, the
suspense is killing us.
355
00:18:43,634 --> 00:18:45,434
Yeah, we're dying to know!
Tell us.
356
00:18:45,467 --> 00:18:48,701
I guess I've all kept you
waiting long enough.
357
00:18:48,734 --> 00:18:50,200
ELAINE:
Yes.
358
00:18:50,234 --> 00:18:53,567
It's...
359
00:18:57,901 --> 00:18:59,234
Uh...
360
00:19:01,901 --> 00:19:06,968
It's been under the blanket
so long, I forgot.
361
00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:08,601
Now what are we going to do?
362
00:19:08,634 --> 00:19:10,801
Well, why don't you
lift up the blanket
363
00:19:10,834 --> 00:19:12,200
and we'll find out?
364
00:19:12,234 --> 00:19:13,701
Good man, Booby.
365
00:19:16,534 --> 00:19:17,601
Okay...
366
00:19:19,701 --> 00:19:22,334
What in the
world...?
367
00:19:22,367 --> 00:19:24,334
Television?
368
00:19:24,367 --> 00:19:26,701
Television?!
369
00:19:27,868 --> 00:19:30,701
You spent all your money
on television?
370
00:19:30,734 --> 00:19:32,801
What am I-- nuts?
371
00:19:35,467 --> 00:19:39,000
Oh, yeah, now I remember!
372
00:19:39,033 --> 00:19:43,167
This isn't television,
this is television--
373
00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:46,033
A home video center:
374
00:19:46,067 --> 00:19:49,868
Wide-screen TV, video tapes,
375
00:19:49,901 --> 00:19:55,200
video discs,
video computer games,
376
00:19:55,234 --> 00:19:57,868
remote control!
377
00:19:57,901 --> 00:20:00,934
I get channels from all over.
378
00:20:00,968 --> 00:20:05,167
I get 24-hours news,
I get 24-hour sports.
379
00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:08,033
I get sessions of congress.
380
00:20:08,067 --> 00:20:12,000
I'm on home cinema,
I'm on cable.
381
00:20:12,033 --> 00:20:15,000
I'm on satellite.
382
00:20:15,033 --> 00:20:16,000
Jim?
383
00:20:16,033 --> 00:20:17,300
Yes?
384
00:20:17,334 --> 00:20:19,767
Do you mean to say
you've been busting your butt,
385
00:20:19,801 --> 00:20:20,901
driving 12 hours a day,
386
00:20:20,934 --> 00:20:22,767
breaking all kinds
of company records,
387
00:20:22,801 --> 00:20:23,567
just to buy a television?
388
00:20:23,601 --> 00:20:25,567
Hey, Jim, uh,
I don't know, you know?
389
00:20:25,601 --> 00:20:29,701
I expected something more
important to come of this.
390
00:20:29,734 --> 00:20:31,934
I mean, this was like
a religious thing to you.
391
00:20:31,968 --> 00:20:36,334
Bobby, the whole world
comes through these screens.
392
00:20:36,367 --> 00:20:38,834
I watch the great events
of this world.
393
00:20:38,868 --> 00:20:40,100
Just this afternoon,
394
00:20:40,133 --> 00:20:42,634
I was watching
the Delaware legislature
395
00:20:42,667 --> 00:20:45,501
debating whether they
should call themselves
396
00:20:45,534 --> 00:20:48,601
Delawarians
or Delawarites.
397
00:20:48,634 --> 00:20:50,067
That's right.
398
00:20:50,100 --> 00:20:51,334
( clears throat )
399
00:20:51,367 --> 00:20:54,667
Personally, I'm rooting
for the Delawarians,
400
00:20:54,701 --> 00:20:58,367
although the Delawarites
put up a good argument.
401
00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:02,200
Delawinians didn't
stand a chance.
402
00:21:03,501 --> 00:21:07,033
Well, uh, hey, you know,
boy, it's really getting late.
403
00:21:07,067 --> 00:21:08,834
I'm going to go get a bite.
404
00:21:08,868 --> 00:21:10,467
Yeah, I'll
go with you.
405
00:21:10,501 --> 00:21:11,834
Yeah,
good idea.
406
00:21:11,868 --> 00:21:15,167
You're going to be missing
a great water polo game.
407
00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:16,167
Water polo?
408
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:17,167
Uh-huh.
409
00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:18,567
You mean
horses swim?
410
00:21:18,601 --> 00:21:21,934
They not only swim, they
hold their breath forever.
411
00:21:21,968 --> 00:21:25,367
They play the whole game
and never come up for air.
412
00:21:26,534 --> 00:21:27,467
Well, good night, Jim.
413
00:21:27,501 --> 00:21:29,000
We'll see you
tomorrow.
414
00:21:29,033 --> 00:21:30,067
Good night.
Thanks.
415
00:21:30,100 --> 00:21:31,701
ALEX:
Yeah, Jim, thank you. Good night.
416
00:21:31,734 --> 00:21:34,601
Tony, would you catch the light
on the way out?
417
00:21:34,634 --> 00:21:36,167
Sure, Jim.
418
00:21:36,200 --> 00:21:38,567
( remote clicking )
419
00:21:38,601 --> 00:21:42,667
( din of many TVs playing )
420
00:21:46,534 --> 00:21:48,701
BOBBY:
That's Apocalypse Now.
421
00:21:48,734 --> 00:21:49,934
Come sit.
422
00:21:51,367 --> 00:21:53,501
Huh.
423
00:21:53,534 --> 00:21:54,868
That's funny.
424
00:21:56,367 --> 00:22:00,067
And that's Submarine Command
with William Bendix.
425
00:22:01,567 --> 00:22:03,968
That's an Islander
home game, gee.
426
00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:06,601
I got stations
from all over America.
427
00:22:06,634 --> 00:22:08,934
Programs from
all over the world--
428
00:22:08,968 --> 00:22:11,300
first-run movies,
sporting events...
429
00:22:11,334 --> 00:22:13,868
and whenever I get
bored with something,
430
00:22:13,901 --> 00:22:17,200
I just switch channels
with this little magic box.
431
00:22:17,234 --> 00:22:18,200
ELAINE:
Wow!
432
00:22:18,234 --> 00:22:19,801
Well, if you'll all excuse me,
433
00:22:19,834 --> 00:22:23,968
I don't think I'm going to waste
my evening watching television.
434
00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:26,067
I mean, Jim,
I'm very happy for you,
435
00:22:26,100 --> 00:22:27,968
if this is really what you want.
436
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:30,767
But, you know,
there's a whole world out there,
437
00:22:30,801 --> 00:22:33,968
and I think I'd rather be
out there talking to people,
438
00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:37,100
you know, meeting people
and having real experiences,
439
00:22:37,133 --> 00:22:39,033
instead of sitting here watching
440
00:22:39,067 --> 00:22:40,968
a couple of images
on television,
441
00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:44,100
trying to decide between
Delawarians and Delawarites.
442
00:22:44,133 --> 00:22:45,100
OFFICIAL ( on TV ):
Attention.
443
00:22:45,133 --> 00:22:46,100
Good night.
444
00:22:46,133 --> 00:22:49,167
Here are the results
of the roll call vote.
445
00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:50,434
From this day forward,
446
00:22:50,467 --> 00:22:53,567
all citizens of
the fair State of Delaware
447
00:22:53,601 --> 00:22:56,667
shall be officially known
as Delawarians.
448
00:22:56,701 --> 00:22:58,000
What are they, nuts?
449
00:22:58,033 --> 00:22:59,000
Delawarians?
450
00:22:59,033 --> 00:23:00,801
OFFICIAL:
Attention, attention--
451
00:23:00,834 --> 00:23:01,834
attention, Delawarians.
452
00:23:01,868 --> 00:23:04,367
May I have your attention
again, please?
453
00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:05,934
Now that that's settled,
454
00:23:05,968 --> 00:23:08,934
we'll move on to
the next piece of business--
455
00:23:08,968 --> 00:23:12,033
the Jeffers-Wagner Sewage Bill.
456
00:23:12,067 --> 00:23:13,400
This is going
to be a dogfight.
457
00:23:14,901 --> 00:23:17,200
Come on, man, put
on my hockey game.
458
00:23:17,234 --> 00:23:18,701
( all arguing )
459
00:23:18,734 --> 00:23:19,868
That's not hockey.
460
00:23:19,901 --> 00:23:21,634
( classical music plays )
461
00:23:21,667 --> 00:23:23,200
There we go.
462
00:23:23,234 --> 00:23:28,734
( classical music, explosions,
voices )
463
00:23:32,234 --> 00:23:34,300
Come on, Islanders,
let's go.
464
00:23:37,033 --> 00:23:41,901
JIM:
Hey, Alex, you know the great thing about television?
465
00:23:41,934 --> 00:23:46,234
If something really important
happens anywhere in the world--
466
00:23:46,267 --> 00:23:49,000
night or day--
467
00:23:49,033 --> 00:23:51,167
you can always
change the channel.
468
00:23:58,434 --> 00:24:01,901
( theme music playing )
469
00:24:25,434 --> 00:24:27,000
WOMAN:
Night, Mr. Walters.
470
00:24:27,033 --> 00:24:28,367
( grunts )
471
00:24:28,417 --> 00:24:32,967
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