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1
00:01:25,367 --> 00:01:26,701
Miss Taxi Cab Driver,
2
00:01:26,734 --> 00:01:29,067
do you know where I spent
my afternoon?
3
00:01:29,100 --> 00:01:30,400
In a bar?
4
00:01:30,434 --> 00:01:31,901
I was in a bar.
5
00:01:31,934 --> 00:01:35,033
And do you... do you know
what I was doing?
6
00:01:35,067 --> 00:01:36,734
Drinking.
7
00:01:36,767 --> 00:01:38,734
I was drinking.
8
00:01:38,767 --> 00:01:41,367
You know... you know
what I was thinking about?
9
00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:42,767
Loneliness?
10
00:01:42,801 --> 00:01:43,901
You too, huh?
11
00:01:43,934 --> 00:01:44,934
( laughing )
12
00:01:44,968 --> 00:01:45,968
( tires screeching )
13
00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:47,601
Here we are.
14
00:01:49,434 --> 00:01:51,567
Uh, $7.50.
15
00:01:51,601 --> 00:01:53,567
Here. Just keep the change.
16
00:01:53,601 --> 00:01:54,901
Oh, thank you.
17
00:01:54,934 --> 00:01:56,067
Are you sure
18
00:01:56,100 --> 00:01:57,901
you can find
your plane?
19
00:01:57,934 --> 00:02:03,067
Listen, if I'm late,
they're going to wait for me.
20
00:02:09,234 --> 00:02:10,734
Whew.
21
00:02:16,534 --> 00:02:18,934
Park and 63rd, please.
22
00:02:18,968 --> 00:02:20,467
Okay.
23
00:02:24,300 --> 00:02:26,400
Oh...
24
00:02:28,267 --> 00:02:29,734
Excuse me, but, uh,
25
00:02:29,767 --> 00:02:32,300
does this
bring back any memories?
26
00:02:32,334 --> 00:02:34,434
Gimme an E!
Gimme an E!
27
00:02:34,467 --> 00:02:35,767
Gimme an A-S-T!
28
00:02:35,801 --> 00:02:37,267
BOTH:
Gimme an S! Gimme an S!
29
00:02:37,300 --> 00:02:38,734
Gimme an I-D-E!
30
00:02:38,767 --> 00:02:41,100
East Side, East Side!
Go, team, go!
31
00:02:41,133 --> 00:02:42,868
Yay!
32
00:02:42,901 --> 00:02:44,267
Never heard of it.
33
00:02:44,300 --> 00:02:45,868
( screeching )
34
00:02:45,901 --> 00:02:47,734
( screeching )
35
00:02:47,767 --> 00:02:50,000
Elaine O'Connor.
36
00:02:50,033 --> 00:02:51,501
Mary Parker.
37
00:02:51,534 --> 00:02:53,100
I don't believe this.
38
00:02:53,133 --> 00:02:54,767
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
39
00:02:54,801 --> 00:02:56,434
It's amazing!
40
00:02:56,467 --> 00:02:58,200
After all these years.
41
00:02:58,234 --> 00:03:00,300
You know, I have thought of you
now and then
42
00:03:00,334 --> 00:03:02,767
trying to think
what you might be doing.
43
00:03:02,801 --> 00:03:05,033
Oh, how close
did you come to this?
44
00:03:05,067 --> 00:03:06,734
Not very.
45
00:03:06,767 --> 00:03:09,167
I must say,
I was a little startled
46
00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:12,167
to see our homecoming queen
driving a cab.
47
00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:15,300
Uh, Mary, uh, I wasn't
the homecoming queen.
48
00:03:15,334 --> 00:03:16,801
Oh, who was?
49
00:03:16,834 --> 00:03:18,133
You were.
50
00:03:18,167 --> 00:03:19,534
That's right.
51
00:03:22,067 --> 00:03:24,200
Weren't you something, Elaine?
52
00:03:24,234 --> 00:03:25,234
Oh, yes!
53
00:03:25,267 --> 00:03:26,701
I was, uh,
head cheerleader.
54
00:03:26,734 --> 00:03:27,901
Oh, that's right.
55
00:03:27,934 --> 00:03:30,100
And the lead
in the senior class play.
56
00:03:30,133 --> 00:03:31,901
Oh, that's right.
Mm-hmm.
57
00:03:31,934 --> 00:03:33,634
I remember--
I wasn't able to be
58
00:03:33,667 --> 00:03:34,634
in the senior class play
59
00:03:34,667 --> 00:03:36,334
because I was
too busy dating.
60
00:03:36,367 --> 00:03:38,701
( laughing )
( forced laughter )
61
00:03:38,734 --> 00:03:42,167
Oh, Elaine, we've got a lot
of catching up to do.
62
00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:44,100
Oh, yeah.
Tell me about yourself.
63
00:03:44,133 --> 00:03:46,100
Oh, no, no, no.
You go first.
64
00:03:46,133 --> 00:03:50,000
Okay. I, uh, own
a advertising agency.
65
00:03:50,033 --> 00:03:51,133
Mm!
66
00:03:51,167 --> 00:03:53,534
I own a co-op
in Manhattan.
67
00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:56,601
I take a month or so
in Europe every year.
68
00:03:56,634 --> 00:03:58,567
Oh, and I have
a steady fella.
69
00:03:58,601 --> 00:03:59,868
He's an international lawyer
70
00:03:59,901 --> 00:04:01,567
and we're really excited,
because right now,
71
00:04:01,601 --> 00:04:04,801
we're planning a trip
for next spring to China.
72
00:04:04,834 --> 00:04:06,601
( laughing ):
Oh!
73
00:04:06,634 --> 00:04:09,133
Maybe I should have gone first.
74
00:04:09,167 --> 00:04:10,901
Well, uh, besides this,
75
00:04:10,934 --> 00:04:14,334
I am a receptionist at
an uptown art gallery...
76
00:04:14,367 --> 00:04:15,734
Mm-hmm.
77
00:04:15,767 --> 00:04:16,834
...and, uh, I'm
a divorced mother
78
00:04:16,868 --> 00:04:18,167
of two beautiful
children...
79
00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:19,167
Mm-hmm.
80
00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:20,167
...and I, uh, uh...
81
00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:22,334
That's it.
82
00:04:22,367 --> 00:04:27,467
Well... regardless, you...
certainly look nice.
83
00:04:27,501 --> 00:04:29,434
( laughing )
84
00:04:29,467 --> 00:04:31,767
Uh, Mary, you don't have
to feel sorry for me.
85
00:04:31,801 --> 00:04:32,834
Sorry for you?!
86
00:04:32,868 --> 00:04:33,968
Because there's
no reason to.
87
00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:34,968
Well, I know that.
88
00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:36,234
Because I'm very happy.
89
00:04:36,267 --> 00:04:37,801
Oh, you certainly
seem very happy.
90
00:04:37,834 --> 00:04:39,934
Yes, well, I'm even
happier than I seem!
91
00:04:39,968 --> 00:04:41,300
Happier!
92
00:04:41,334 --> 00:04:43,567
Because, uh, you see,
I have a steady guy too.
93
00:04:43,601 --> 00:04:44,767
Oh, great.
Yeah.
94
00:04:44,801 --> 00:04:45,868
What's his name?
95
00:04:45,901 --> 00:04:49,033
Uh... it's,
uh... Billboard.
96
00:04:49,067 --> 00:04:50,067
Bill Board.
97
00:04:50,100 --> 00:04:51,067
Bill Board.
98
00:04:51,100 --> 00:04:52,400
( laughs )
99
00:04:52,434 --> 00:04:54,200
Well, tell me
about him, Elaine.
100
00:04:54,234 --> 00:04:55,200
What does he do?
101
00:04:55,234 --> 00:04:57,601
Uh, he's a professor
at Columbia.
102
00:04:57,634 --> 00:04:59,267
Oh?
103
00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:02,367
Must be brilliant.
104
00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:04,834
He is, and not
at all stuffy.
105
00:05:04,868 --> 00:05:06,701
He's, uh, he's
charming and witty,
106
00:05:06,734 --> 00:05:09,834
and, uh, he's also
the most romantic man in the world.
107
00:05:09,868 --> 00:05:12,167
Oh, he sounds wonderful.
108
00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:13,200
He is.
109
00:05:13,234 --> 00:05:14,667
Oh, I have an idea.
110
00:05:14,701 --> 00:05:15,767
Why don't we all
get together
111
00:05:15,801 --> 00:05:17,567
for dinner tomorrow night,
the four of us.
112
00:05:17,601 --> 00:05:18,734
Oh-oh-oh, no, Mary.
113
00:05:18,767 --> 00:05:20,734
Uh, we're all tied up
till the weekend.
114
00:05:20,767 --> 00:05:22,634
Oh, I see, well,
perhaps another time.
115
00:05:22,667 --> 00:05:24,400
We'll play it by ear.
116
00:05:24,434 --> 00:05:26,901
Right. I would love
to meet your man.
117
00:05:26,934 --> 00:05:28,734
Me too.
118
00:05:34,033 --> 00:05:35,000
Hey, Elaine.
Hey.
119
00:05:35,033 --> 00:05:36,767
Hey, Elaine,
how you doing?
120
00:05:36,801 --> 00:05:38,100
Don't talk to me.
121
00:05:38,133 --> 00:05:39,834
I hate everything today.
122
00:05:39,868 --> 00:05:41,334
I mean, look at me.
123
00:05:41,367 --> 00:05:42,834
I'm a mess.
124
00:05:42,868 --> 00:05:44,167
Oh, yeah.
125
00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:46,334
BOBBY:
I hardly even know you.
126
00:05:46,367 --> 00:05:48,868
You know, I was so depressed
when I woke up this morning,
127
00:05:48,901 --> 00:05:50,267
that I barely made it in here.
128
00:05:50,300 --> 00:05:52,601
I mean, I didn't feel
like doing anything.
129
00:05:52,634 --> 00:05:54,100
I swear to God,
I didn't even floss.
130
00:05:54,133 --> 00:05:55,434
( gasping )
131
00:05:55,467 --> 00:05:57,367
Come on, Elaine,
we're just kidding.
132
00:05:57,400 --> 00:05:58,534
ALEX:
Hey, come on, Elaine.
133
00:05:58,567 --> 00:06:00,534
Now, what got you
so down, huh?
134
00:06:00,567 --> 00:06:01,968
Oh, I don't know.
135
00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:03,701
It all started last night
136
00:06:03,734 --> 00:06:06,267
when I picked up
Mary Parker in my cab.
137
00:06:06,300 --> 00:06:08,434
Who's Mary Parker?
138
00:06:08,467 --> 00:06:10,834
Does she, have, uh...
139
00:06:10,868 --> 00:06:14,634
frizzy blonde hair,
granny glasses
140
00:06:14,667 --> 00:06:17,734
and smoke
French cigarettes?
141
00:06:17,767 --> 00:06:19,234
No.
142
00:06:19,267 --> 00:06:21,868
Well, if you run into
somebody like that,
143
00:06:21,901 --> 00:06:23,334
I'd like to meet her.
144
00:06:26,601 --> 00:06:29,801
Mary Parker is this girl
I went to high school with
145
00:06:29,834 --> 00:06:32,267
you know, that I haven't
seen for a long time.
146
00:06:32,300 --> 00:06:34,567
Well, she's beautiful,
she's rich, she's successful,
147
00:06:34,601 --> 00:06:36,067
she's dating
this great guy.
148
00:06:36,100 --> 00:06:37,434
So, here we were,
149
00:06:37,467 --> 00:06:39,501
sitting in my cab-- right?
--talking about our lives,
150
00:06:39,534 --> 00:06:41,400
and, uh, she has all this
151
00:06:41,434 --> 00:06:43,801
and the most exciting thing
that's happened to me
152
00:06:43,834 --> 00:06:44,901
is I bought this new cushion
153
00:06:44,934 --> 00:06:47,334
that keeps me
from sticking to the seat.
154
00:06:47,367 --> 00:06:49,000
Hey, you know, Elaine,
when you're a cab driver,
155
00:06:49,033 --> 00:06:50,234
you know, it's a little natural
156
00:06:50,267 --> 00:06:52,734
to occasionally run into someone
who's better off than you are.
157
00:06:52,767 --> 00:06:53,734
ELAINE:
Yeah, well...
158
00:06:53,767 --> 00:06:56,300
People you run over
are better off than you.
159
00:06:56,334 --> 00:06:58,267
See, you don't understand.
160
00:06:58,300 --> 00:07:00,801
What don't we under... What are
you talking about, Elaine?
161
00:07:00,834 --> 00:07:02,567
See, this isn't just somebody.
162
00:07:02,601 --> 00:07:04,067
I mean, this Mary and I
163
00:07:04,100 --> 00:07:06,434
were real competitors
in high school.
164
00:07:06,467 --> 00:07:08,868
Where can I get one of those?
165
00:07:10,868 --> 00:07:12,667
One of those what?
166
00:07:12,701 --> 00:07:13,968
One of those things
167
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:16,634
to keep you from
sticking to your seat.
168
00:07:20,067 --> 00:07:22,801
I'll get you one, okay?
169
00:07:22,834 --> 00:07:23,701
Thanks.
170
00:07:23,734 --> 00:07:25,634
Anyway...
171
00:07:25,667 --> 00:07:28,868
seeing Mary again
just reminded me that I...
172
00:07:28,901 --> 00:07:33,033
that I once expected
more from myself, you know?
173
00:07:33,067 --> 00:07:36,567
See... I never told
you guys this before,
174
00:07:36,601 --> 00:07:38,200
but, in the yearbook,
175
00:07:38,234 --> 00:07:41,367
I was voted
"Most Likely to Succeed."
176
00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:42,901
You know, uh...
177
00:07:42,934 --> 00:07:45,300
I was voted "Most Talented."
178
00:07:45,334 --> 00:07:49,067
What obedience school
was that, Bobby?
179
00:07:49,100 --> 00:07:51,367
While we're patting ourselves
on the backs here,
180
00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:53,501
I had perfect attendance
my junior year
181
00:07:53,534 --> 00:07:56,167
and I was elected president
of the biology club.
182
00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:58,133
That's because
you could take your brains out
183
00:07:58,167 --> 00:08:00,167
and pass 'em around the room.
184
00:08:04,534 --> 00:08:05,901
Blue.
185
00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:08,501
Blue?
186
00:08:08,534 --> 00:08:13,200
I'd like a blue thing
to keep me from sticking.
187
00:08:13,234 --> 00:08:15,567
It's my favorite color.
188
00:08:15,601 --> 00:08:17,300
Right, Jim, right.
189
00:08:17,334 --> 00:08:18,300
Blue.
190
00:08:18,334 --> 00:08:20,734
Hey, Elaine, Elaine.
191
00:08:20,767 --> 00:08:22,167
Come on, Elaine.
192
00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:23,267
Look at me, look at me,
look at me.
193
00:08:23,300 --> 00:08:24,534
Now, come on.
Cheer up, huh?
194
00:08:24,567 --> 00:08:25,701
LATKA:
Now, wait a minute.
195
00:08:25,734 --> 00:08:28,701
Just a minute.
196
00:08:28,734 --> 00:08:32,367
There's only...
is one thing you need in life
197
00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:37,100
and to make... make you happy,
and that is friends.
198
00:08:40,434 --> 00:08:44,868
That's all you need is friends,
and then you be happy.
199
00:08:44,901 --> 00:08:47,200
Right, Latka.
200
00:08:47,234 --> 00:08:50,801
If you have friends,
you be happy... happy...
201
00:08:50,834 --> 00:08:52,501
happy person.
202
00:08:54,567 --> 00:09:00,667
You-you also need
the food and clothes.
203
00:09:00,701 --> 00:09:02,734
You need,
you need food and clothes
204
00:09:02,767 --> 00:09:06,100
and you need the friends
and the food and clothes,
205
00:09:06,133 --> 00:09:07,534
then you be happy person.
206
00:09:07,567 --> 00:09:09,033
ALEX:
Thank you.
207
00:09:09,067 --> 00:09:10,667
And a nice car.
208
00:09:12,701 --> 00:09:14,634
So, if you have
209
00:09:14,667 --> 00:09:18,434
friends and the food and clothes
and the nice car,
210
00:09:18,467 --> 00:09:20,434
it is all you need.
211
00:09:20,467 --> 00:09:23,334
You don't need
anything else.
212
00:09:23,367 --> 00:09:26,067
Except a home.
213
00:09:26,100 --> 00:09:27,467
You need the home.
214
00:09:27,501 --> 00:09:29,667
A nice house,
and when your friends
215
00:09:29,701 --> 00:09:31,934
come over to visit you,
216
00:09:31,968 --> 00:09:36,100
they might want to take a dip,
so you need the pool.
217
00:09:36,133 --> 00:09:38,667
So, let's add this up:
218
00:09:38,701 --> 00:09:42,334
You need the friends
and the food and clothes
219
00:09:42,367 --> 00:09:45,701
and the car
and the house with the pool.
220
00:09:50,167 --> 00:09:54,033
And a beautiful woman, uh,
who have a nice body
221
00:09:54,067 --> 00:09:58,367
that make you, uh,
foam, foaming at the mouth.
222
00:10:01,067 --> 00:10:03,200
And she will sit
by the pool
223
00:10:03,234 --> 00:10:04,834
in the bathing suit.
224
00:10:04,868 --> 00:10:06,868
That's all, you don't
need anything else.
225
00:10:06,901 --> 00:10:09,133
You need the friends
226
00:10:09,167 --> 00:10:10,801
the food and the clothes,
the car,
227
00:10:10,834 --> 00:10:13,100
the house with the pool,
the beautiful woman
228
00:10:13,133 --> 00:10:17,367
that make the... the foam
come out of the mouth...
229
00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:22,367
You know, as long as you have
the house with the pool,
230
00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:25,334
the car
and the beautiful woman...
231
00:10:25,367 --> 00:10:27,434
the friends would only
get in the way.
232
00:10:29,701 --> 00:10:31,234
Forget I said anything.
233
00:10:31,267 --> 00:10:33,734
I don't know
what I'm talking about.
234
00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:37,567
Elaine, Elaine...
235
00:10:37,601 --> 00:10:39,834
See, see, I just can't
figure this out.
236
00:10:39,868 --> 00:10:41,701
I mean, it
doesn't add up.
237
00:10:41,734 --> 00:10:43,901
Why should all
this great stuff
238
00:10:43,934 --> 00:10:45,534
happen to Mary Parker?
239
00:10:45,567 --> 00:10:47,400
I mean, I'm
a nice person.
240
00:10:47,434 --> 00:10:49,734
I work hard.
Where's my reward?
241
00:10:49,767 --> 00:10:51,200
Elaine, Elaine,
you're not going to let this
242
00:10:51,234 --> 00:10:52,234
get you down
like this, are you?
243
00:10:52,267 --> 00:10:55,000
Oh, I'm trying not to,
Alex, but...
244
00:10:55,033 --> 00:10:56,701
Well, the worst
part of it
245
00:10:56,734 --> 00:10:58,367
is that Mary felt
sorry for me.
246
00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:02,501
Oh, she... she tried to
deny it, but I know she did.
247
00:11:02,534 --> 00:11:06,300
Well, I couldn't stand that,
so, uh, I started lying.
248
00:11:06,334 --> 00:11:09,334
Lying?! What'd you
lie about?
249
00:11:09,367 --> 00:11:11,267
Well, I couldn't
lie about my job,
250
00:11:11,300 --> 00:11:13,601
so, uh... I lied
251
00:11:13,634 --> 00:11:15,868
about having this
great steady guy.
252
00:11:15,901 --> 00:11:17,300
Oh...
253
00:11:17,334 --> 00:11:19,000
She kept pressuring
me to get together,
254
00:11:19,033 --> 00:11:20,033
so she could meet him.
255
00:11:20,067 --> 00:11:23,667
Ew... But I really,
really had to squirm
256
00:11:23,701 --> 00:11:25,534
to get out of it.
257
00:11:25,567 --> 00:11:27,701
Alex, I don't believe it.
258
00:11:27,734 --> 00:11:30,067
I'm ashamed
of my own life.
259
00:11:30,100 --> 00:11:34,467
( phone ringing )
260
00:11:36,100 --> 00:11:38,133
Sunshine Cab Co.
261
00:11:38,167 --> 00:11:40,200
Who? Yeah, she's here.
262
00:11:40,234 --> 00:11:42,200
Who may I say is calling?
263
00:11:42,234 --> 00:11:44,834
Oh. Hey, Elaine,
it's that Mary Parker.
264
00:11:44,868 --> 00:11:48,367
You know, the woman whose life
is so much better than yours.
265
00:11:50,667 --> 00:11:53,467
( perky ):
Hi!
266
00:11:53,501 --> 00:11:58,100
Yeah. Uh, it was great
seeing you last night, too, Mar.
267
00:11:58,133 --> 00:12:00,701
Oh, yeah, it's a shame, I know,
268
00:12:00,734 --> 00:12:04,300
but we're all tied up
through the weekend.
269
00:12:04,334 --> 00:12:06,267
Uh, next week? Uh, no.
270
00:12:06,300 --> 00:12:08,167
Next week, we're going
271
00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:10,334
out of town
for the whole week.
272
00:12:10,367 --> 00:12:13,801
Oh, yeah,
and the week after...
273
00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:17,934
Uh... Mary...
274
00:12:17,968 --> 00:12:20,567
I have a little confession
to make. Um...
275
00:12:20,601 --> 00:12:23,000
No, no, no,
just give me a chance
276
00:12:23,033 --> 00:12:24,734
to say this
277
00:12:24,767 --> 00:12:26,534
'cause it's kind of hard. I...
278
00:12:26,567 --> 00:12:28,234
Hello, Mary, uh,
I'm sorry to interrupt.
279
00:12:28,267 --> 00:12:29,434
I'd just like
to say hello.
280
00:12:29,467 --> 00:12:32,167
Hello.
( laughing )
281
00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:34,400
Oh, who am I? I'm Elaine's guy.
282
00:12:37,868 --> 00:12:39,868
What do you say?
You want to get together?
283
00:12:39,901 --> 00:12:41,901
How about Saturday night?
284
00:12:41,934 --> 00:12:43,567
Fine. Great.
285
00:12:43,601 --> 00:12:45,234
It will be a pleasure.
286
00:12:45,267 --> 00:12:47,501
Okay. Can't wait
for it. Bye.
287
00:12:47,534 --> 00:12:49,000
Hmm?
288
00:12:49,033 --> 00:12:52,100
Alex, I appreciate
what you're trying to do
289
00:12:52,133 --> 00:12:55,467
but you don't know
what you got yourself into.
290
00:12:57,767 --> 00:13:00,434
Alex, that was great.
291
00:13:00,467 --> 00:13:01,834
You really think so?
292
00:13:01,868 --> 00:13:05,467
Yeah. Now...
293
00:13:05,501 --> 00:13:08,300
if they can just
invent something
294
00:13:08,334 --> 00:13:11,701
to keep me from sticking
to my shorts.
295
00:13:32,667 --> 00:13:34,934
Bill Board?
296
00:13:34,968 --> 00:13:41,334
Hey, you came this close
to being Karmen Ghia.
297
00:13:41,367 --> 00:13:43,467
Look, the important thing
is that we just relax
298
00:13:43,501 --> 00:13:44,767
and have a good time, right?
299
00:13:44,801 --> 00:13:46,901
And that
we're not pitied.
300
00:13:46,934 --> 00:13:47,934
Elaine, damn it.
301
00:13:47,968 --> 00:13:49,567
I don't want to hear
any more talk like that.
302
00:13:49,601 --> 00:13:51,334
Now, no one's going
to pity you tonight.
303
00:13:51,367 --> 00:13:52,434
Okay.
304
00:13:52,467 --> 00:13:53,801
You told your friend Mary
305
00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:56,234
that you had a guy
that was crazy about you?
306
00:13:56,267 --> 00:13:58,901
You're going to have a guy
who's crazy about you--
307
00:13:58,934 --> 00:14:01,100
who will worship
the ground you walk on.
308
00:14:01,133 --> 00:14:03,767
Okay. May I have
a glass of water?
309
00:14:03,801 --> 00:14:05,534
What's the matter?
Your arm's broken?
310
00:14:07,033 --> 00:14:08,801
All right, all right,
all right.
311
00:14:08,834 --> 00:14:11,267
Hello.
312
00:14:11,300 --> 00:14:12,434
Mary!
313
00:14:12,467 --> 00:14:14,767
Hi. Mary,
this is Bill Board.
314
00:14:14,801 --> 00:14:15,767
Hello.
315
00:14:15,801 --> 00:14:16,667
Bill,
this is Mary Parker.
316
00:14:16,701 --> 00:14:17,601
How do you do?
Hi, there.
317
00:14:17,634 --> 00:14:18,667
And this is
Michael Edwards.
318
00:14:18,701 --> 00:14:19,667
ELAINE:
Hello.
319
00:14:19,701 --> 00:14:21,501
Elaine Nardo
and Bill Board.
320
00:14:21,534 --> 00:14:23,000
How do you do?
Hi.
321
00:14:23,033 --> 00:14:25,167
Why don't
you two sit down?
322
00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:26,634
Yes, sure.
323
00:14:28,968 --> 00:14:30,434
ELAINE:
You look lovely.
324
00:14:30,467 --> 00:14:31,934
MARY:
OH, thank you.
325
00:14:33,534 --> 00:14:35,067
MAITRE D':
Would you care
326
00:14:35,100 --> 00:14:36,367
for cocktails?
327
00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:38,133
Uh, martini up,
please.
328
00:14:38,167 --> 00:14:39,634
MICHAEL:
That sounds good.
329
00:14:39,667 --> 00:14:41,100
Bill, why don't you
order for us.
330
00:14:41,133 --> 00:14:42,434
All right.
331
00:14:42,467 --> 00:14:43,434
I think we'll start
332
00:14:43,467 --> 00:14:45,133
with a bottle
of your finest champagne.
333
00:14:45,167 --> 00:14:46,934
Yes, sir.
334
00:14:46,968 --> 00:14:50,000
It's kind of an
anniversary for us.
335
00:14:50,033 --> 00:14:52,534
It was nighttime
when we met.
336
00:14:52,567 --> 00:14:53,534
Same.
337
00:14:53,567 --> 00:14:55,701
That's sweet.
338
00:14:55,734 --> 00:14:58,300
MICHAEL:
That's a very unusual name-- Bill Board.
339
00:14:58,334 --> 00:14:59,367
Yeah.
340
00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:01,701
I'm sure you get
a lot of kidding.
341
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:04,200
Well, I don't have
as much trouble
342
00:15:04,234 --> 00:15:07,033
as my two brothers:
Clip and Switch.
343
00:15:12,834 --> 00:15:14,968
Madame, sir.
344
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,968
Our very finest.
345
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,300
Thank you.
346
00:15:20,334 --> 00:15:21,834
Oh, remember, darling?
347
00:15:23,834 --> 00:15:25,467
Thank you.
348
00:15:25,501 --> 00:15:26,634
Well...
Well...
349
00:15:26,667 --> 00:15:28,033
Here's to old friends.
350
00:15:28,067 --> 00:15:29,701
And to new ones.
351
00:15:29,734 --> 00:15:31,133
And to Elaine.
352
00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:36,501
Good martini.
353
00:15:36,534 --> 00:15:37,767
Not bad.
354
00:15:37,801 --> 00:15:39,767
But you know
where they make
355
00:15:39,801 --> 00:15:41,734
the best martinis
in the world?
356
00:15:41,767 --> 00:15:44,534
This little bar in Hong Kong
called Cecil's.
357
00:15:44,567 --> 00:15:46,534
Have you
ever been there?
358
00:15:46,567 --> 00:15:49,067
No. We don't really
travel very much.
359
00:15:49,100 --> 00:15:50,901
Oh, we do.
360
00:15:50,934 --> 00:15:53,601
Well, you know, as
a matter of fact, uh,
361
00:15:53,634 --> 00:15:56,200
we don't really need
to go places.
362
00:15:56,234 --> 00:15:58,000
I mean, we have
our entire world
363
00:15:58,033 --> 00:16:00,133
right here
in New York City.
364
00:16:00,167 --> 00:16:02,167
I mean,
we have each other.
365
00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:03,701
Well,
we don't travel
366
00:16:03,734 --> 00:16:06,000
as much as we used to.
367
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:12,300
A cab driver
and a college professor.
368
00:16:12,334 --> 00:16:15,100
How did you two meet?
369
00:16:15,133 --> 00:16:16,801
How did we meet?
370
00:16:16,834 --> 00:16:18,133
Well, uh...
371
00:16:18,167 --> 00:16:19,634
Yes, well, you know,
372
00:16:19,667 --> 00:16:22,267
actually, it's a very
interesting story.
373
00:16:22,300 --> 00:16:24,234
Well, actually,
I was browsing
374
00:16:24,267 --> 00:16:26,968
in the Metropolitan
Museum of Art one day
375
00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:28,334
and, uh, I came upon
376
00:16:28,367 --> 00:16:30,300
the most exquisite
work of art
377
00:16:30,334 --> 00:16:32,033
I've ever seen
in my life.
378
00:16:32,067 --> 00:16:34,033
I mean,
I couldn't take
379
00:16:34,067 --> 00:16:35,701
my eyes off her.
380
00:16:35,734 --> 00:16:39,801
I just stood there,
stunned.
381
00:16:39,834 --> 00:16:41,033
By the time
I was able to speak,
382
00:16:41,067 --> 00:16:42,367
well, it was too late.
383
00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:44,067
She vanished.
384
00:16:44,100 --> 00:16:47,567
So, I went home
and tried to forget her
385
00:16:47,601 --> 00:16:51,033
but I just couldn't
get her out of my mind.
386
00:16:51,067 --> 00:16:53,400
So I found myself,
the next Saturday afternoon,
387
00:16:53,434 --> 00:16:56,300
right back there
at the museum.
388
00:16:56,334 --> 00:16:58,267
I started spending
all of my spare time
389
00:16:58,300 --> 00:16:59,634
in museums
all over the city,
390
00:16:59,667 --> 00:17:02,667
just on the one chance
in a million
391
00:17:02,701 --> 00:17:04,767
that I would get
to see her again.
392
00:17:04,801 --> 00:17:07,200
How long
did this go on?
393
00:17:07,234 --> 00:17:08,467
What?
394
00:17:08,501 --> 00:17:10,801
How long
did this go on?
395
00:17:10,834 --> 00:17:14,000
Oh, two, three years.
396
00:17:18,334 --> 00:17:20,000
Three years?
397
00:17:20,033 --> 00:17:22,467
Yeah. Time had lost
all meaning.
398
00:17:22,501 --> 00:17:23,834
And then, one day--
399
00:17:23,868 --> 00:17:26,133
I remember,
it was a Thursday--
400
00:17:26,167 --> 00:17:29,100
I'd spent the entire day
at the museum
401
00:17:29,133 --> 00:17:31,834
and I decided,
oh, well, that's it.
402
00:17:31,868 --> 00:17:33,467
It had been a dream.
403
00:17:33,501 --> 00:17:35,868
I imagined
the whole thing.
404
00:17:35,901 --> 00:17:38,267
So I went out
to the street
405
00:17:38,300 --> 00:17:40,934
and I remember
it was raining.
406
00:17:40,968 --> 00:17:42,334
I hailed a cab.
407
00:17:42,367 --> 00:17:45,501
And guess who
was driving that cab.
408
00:17:45,534 --> 00:17:46,801
Me?
409
00:17:50,801 --> 00:17:52,701
That's incredible.
410
00:17:52,734 --> 00:17:54,901
So I finally got
the opportunity to say
411
00:17:54,934 --> 00:17:57,501
what I'd been waiting
to say for three years--
412
00:17:57,534 --> 00:17:59,367
that I couldn't live
without her.
413
00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:01,968
That's lovely.
414
00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:04,300
Oh, that's lovely.
415
00:18:06,334 --> 00:18:09,167
So, uh, where did
you two meet?
416
00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:11,234
We were sunbathing
on a beach
417
00:18:11,267 --> 00:18:12,834
in the Mediterranean.
418
00:18:12,868 --> 00:18:14,467
Cannes.
419
00:18:14,501 --> 00:18:15,968
I don't think it
was Cannes, dear.
420
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:17,300
Where was it?
421
00:18:17,334 --> 00:18:19,300
It was Nice. I've
never been to Cannes.
422
00:18:19,334 --> 00:18:20,234
Well, dear, it doesn't
really matter.
423
00:18:20,267 --> 00:18:21,501
It was a beach,
right?
424
00:18:21,534 --> 00:18:22,834
Yes, dear, it
was a beach, but...
425
00:18:22,868 --> 00:18:24,267
ALEX:
When Elaine and I met,
426
00:18:24,300 --> 00:18:26,734
I'd become the
perfectly happy man
427
00:18:26,767 --> 00:18:29,267
and she's the most
wonderful person
428
00:18:29,300 --> 00:18:31,133
I've ever met in my life.
429
00:18:31,167 --> 00:18:32,467
And, every day,
430
00:18:32,501 --> 00:18:34,968
she makes me more
certain of that fact.
431
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:36,968
Would you like
to order now?
432
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:38,033
Yes.
433
00:18:38,067 --> 00:18:40,334
I'd like one of him.
434
00:18:48,567 --> 00:18:50,267
Bill?
435
00:18:50,300 --> 00:18:51,601
Yes, darling?
436
00:18:51,634 --> 00:18:54,167
Do you think you could
let go of my hand,
437
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:55,968
so I could cut my meat?
438
00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:58,100
Oh.
439
00:18:58,133 --> 00:19:02,434
Well, I guess
you have to eat.
440
00:19:02,467 --> 00:19:04,501
I'll give it right back.
441
00:19:04,534 --> 00:19:05,834
Promise?
442
00:19:05,868 --> 00:19:07,100
Okay.
443
00:19:10,868 --> 00:19:13,067
( chuckling )
444
00:19:13,100 --> 00:19:15,701
We know we're silly,
but I don't know...
445
00:19:15,734 --> 00:19:17,300
whenever we get together,
446
00:19:17,334 --> 00:19:19,400
you know, we just have
this strange habit
447
00:19:19,434 --> 00:19:22,133
of forgetting
everybody else in the room.
448
00:19:22,167 --> 00:19:25,501
Uh, so, how do you get along
with Elaine's children, Bill?
449
00:19:25,534 --> 00:19:27,234
Oh, I love her children.
I love them.
450
00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:29,701
And Elaine
is a wonderful mother.
451
00:19:29,734 --> 00:19:32,400
Surprise, surprise.
452
00:19:32,434 --> 00:19:34,267
You know,
as a matter of fact,
453
00:19:34,300 --> 00:19:36,534
one of my favorite
children's stories
454
00:19:36,567 --> 00:19:38,400
is about Elaine's
son, Jason.
455
00:19:38,434 --> 00:19:39,834
Do you mind, darling?
456
00:19:39,868 --> 00:19:41,300
No. Not at all.
457
00:19:41,334 --> 00:19:42,467
Okay.
458
00:19:42,501 --> 00:19:44,167
Um, Elaine had told Jason
459
00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:46,501
that God answers
all your prayers.
460
00:19:46,534 --> 00:19:48,934
So, one night,
before he went to bed,
461
00:19:48,968 --> 00:19:52,133
Jason prayed to God
and asked for a train set.
462
00:19:52,167 --> 00:19:54,067
Well, the next day,
he came to Elaine
463
00:19:54,100 --> 00:19:56,400
and he said he'd prayed
for a train set
464
00:19:56,434 --> 00:19:57,734
and didn't get one.
465
00:19:57,767 --> 00:19:59,901
And Elaine
was very worried.
466
00:19:59,934 --> 00:20:02,434
And she said,
"I'm sorry, Jason,
467
00:20:02,467 --> 00:20:05,067
that God didn't answer
your prayers."
468
00:20:05,100 --> 00:20:06,400
And Jason said,
469
00:20:06,434 --> 00:20:09,667
"Oh, but he did answer
my prayers, Mommy.
470
00:20:09,701 --> 00:20:11,067
He just said no."
471
00:20:11,100 --> 00:20:14,467
That was
two or three years ago.
472
00:20:14,501 --> 00:20:16,067
I know, darling.
473
00:20:16,100 --> 00:20:17,801
I didn't remember
that story.
474
00:20:17,834 --> 00:20:18,968
How did you remember it?
475
00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:22,033
I remember everything.
476
00:20:22,067 --> 00:20:24,767
( slow dance music playing )
477
00:20:26,868 --> 00:20:28,167
Oh, listen.
478
00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:32,067
They're playing
our song.
479
00:20:34,634 --> 00:20:36,467
May I have this dance?
480
00:20:36,501 --> 00:20:37,801
Of course.
481
00:20:37,834 --> 00:20:39,334
Would you excuse us?
482
00:20:39,367 --> 00:20:41,901
Excuse us, please.
483
00:21:03,334 --> 00:21:06,434
Would you care to dance?
484
00:21:06,467 --> 00:21:11,067
Why don't we wait
until they play our song?
485
00:21:13,067 --> 00:21:15,567
What is our song,
dear?
486
00:21:15,601 --> 00:21:19,400
We don't have one.
487
00:21:26,968 --> 00:21:28,367
Boy, we did it.
We did it.
488
00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:30,467
We were wonderful,
Elaine, wonderful.
489
00:21:30,501 --> 00:21:32,667
They bought it
hook, line, and sinker.
490
00:21:32,701 --> 00:21:34,400
You know, I was
a little worried at first
491
00:21:34,434 --> 00:21:35,701
that our act
wasn't convincing,
492
00:21:35,734 --> 00:21:37,834
but boy, I'm telling you,
you were something else.
493
00:21:37,868 --> 00:21:39,334
Okay, Alex.
Huh?
494
00:21:39,367 --> 00:21:41,534
Come on.
What do you mean, come on? What?
495
00:21:41,567 --> 00:21:43,167
Come on, you can
admit that it was
496
00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:44,901
a little more
than an act.
497
00:21:44,934 --> 00:21:45,901
What are you talking about?
498
00:21:45,934 --> 00:21:47,033
I don't know what
you're talking about.
499
00:21:47,067 --> 00:21:47,868
What are you talking about?
500
00:21:47,901 --> 00:21:49,367
You're not that good an actor.
501
00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:50,367
What?!
502
00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:51,701
Alex, it's okay.
503
00:21:51,734 --> 00:21:55,400
You can confess
that you were a little moved.
504
00:21:57,167 --> 00:21:58,534
( anxious laughter )
505
00:21:58,567 --> 00:22:00,367
( laughs )
506
00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:02,100
Elaine, I hate
to disillusion you,
507
00:22:02,133 --> 00:22:04,434
but all that drivel I did
was for your sake,
508
00:22:04,467 --> 00:22:05,501
and your sake only.
509
00:22:05,534 --> 00:22:07,000
Drivel?!
Oh, Alex, be honest!
510
00:22:07,033 --> 00:22:08,200
What?
Come on!
511
00:22:08,234 --> 00:22:09,400
I saw that look
on your face.
512
00:22:09,434 --> 00:22:12,868
I know that that look
means... you were excited.
513
00:22:12,901 --> 00:22:14,300
Oh..!
514
00:22:14,334 --> 00:22:16,033
Get out... You're crazy!
515
00:22:16,067 --> 00:22:17,200
You were.
516
00:22:17,234 --> 00:22:18,434
I was not!
517
00:22:18,467 --> 00:22:19,767
Alex, you were.
518
00:22:19,801 --> 00:22:21,200
Come on. How can you
stand there and pretend
519
00:22:21,234 --> 00:22:23,400
that you didn't
feel anything?
520
00:22:23,434 --> 00:22:24,167
How can you lie
like that?
521
00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:25,267
Elaine, what are
you talking about?
522
00:22:25,300 --> 00:22:27,300
You were crazy
about me.
523
00:22:27,334 --> 00:22:29,434
I'm the most exquisite
work of art
524
00:22:29,467 --> 00:22:31,400
you've ever seen
in your life!
525
00:22:31,434 --> 00:22:34,634
Oh, that!
No, I'd say that to anybody!
526
00:22:34,667 --> 00:22:36,167
Oh, Alex, come on.
527
00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:38,634
I've been out with enough men
528
00:22:38,667 --> 00:22:41,400
to know that no man
can get me...
529
00:22:41,434 --> 00:22:44,601
excited like that
if he's just acting.
530
00:22:44,634 --> 00:22:46,501
When we were kissing,
531
00:22:46,534 --> 00:22:48,601
you weren't turned on?
532
00:22:48,634 --> 00:22:50,501
I was playing a part.
533
00:22:50,534 --> 00:22:52,367
Oh, here, I'll show you.
534
00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:54,801
Here, I'll do it again.
535
00:22:56,667 --> 00:22:58,100
See? Nothing.
536
00:22:58,133 --> 00:22:59,267
Nothing?
537
00:22:59,300 --> 00:23:00,467
Nothing.
538
00:23:20,667 --> 00:23:22,234
( in squeaky voice: )
Nothing.
539
00:23:25,501 --> 00:23:28,334
Oh, really?
540
00:23:28,367 --> 00:23:30,334
( in squeaky voice: )
Nothing.
541
00:23:30,367 --> 00:23:35,267
Well... I guess
I was wrong.
542
00:23:35,300 --> 00:23:36,801
Good night, Alex.
543
00:23:38,634 --> 00:23:40,901
( in squeaky voice: )
See you.
544
00:23:42,167 --> 00:23:44,000
Good night.
545
00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:51,868
( in squeaky voice: )
Well, I better go now.
546
00:23:51,901 --> 00:23:54,334
It was nothing.
547
00:23:54,367 --> 00:23:56,133
Nothing.
548
00:24:02,934 --> 00:24:06,234
( theme music playing )
549
00:24:29,934 --> 00:24:31,501
WOMAN:
Night, Mr. Walters.
550
00:24:31,534 --> 00:24:32,868
( grunts )
551
00:24:32,918 --> 00:24:37,468
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