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1
00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:41,267
Latka!
2
00:01:41,300 --> 00:01:43,133
Oh, Louie, hello.
3
00:01:44,434 --> 00:01:46,667
Just the man I'm looking for.
4
00:01:46,701 --> 00:01:48,634
Do you have the correct time?
5
00:01:48,667 --> 00:01:50,100
My watch stopped.
6
00:01:50,133 --> 00:01:52,434
The correct time is
you're eight minutes late.
7
00:01:52,467 --> 00:01:53,501
Oh, thank you.
8
00:01:53,534 --> 00:01:54,834
Hold it, here, hold it.
9
00:01:54,868 --> 00:01:55,968
This is serious.
10
00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:57,868
I hope you got a good
excuse why you're late.
11
00:01:57,901 --> 00:02:00,734
Well, do you think
that helping someone
12
00:02:00,767 --> 00:02:03,734
who was almost killed
in an automobile accident
13
00:02:03,767 --> 00:02:05,434
is a good excuse?
14
00:02:05,467 --> 00:02:06,200
No.
15
00:02:06,234 --> 00:02:09,300
Then you're going to hate mine.
16
00:02:09,334 --> 00:02:10,300
Hold it, hold it.
17
00:02:10,334 --> 00:02:11,801
I'll let you off
the hook this time
18
00:02:11,834 --> 00:02:13,367
'cause you're
not usually late,
19
00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:14,434
but get to work!
20
00:02:14,467 --> 00:02:15,434
Okay.
21
00:02:15,467 --> 00:02:17,934
Hey, Latka,
is everything okay?
22
00:02:17,968 --> 00:02:19,868
Oh, yeah, everything is fine.
23
00:02:19,901 --> 00:02:23,067
The reason I was late
is because I was dancing
24
00:02:23,100 --> 00:02:25,267
around my apartment
with joy.
25
00:02:25,300 --> 00:02:27,434
Oh, yeah?
Hey, what happened?
26
00:02:27,467 --> 00:02:29,667
My beloved
grandmother died.
27
00:02:29,701 --> 00:02:31,267
That's good news?
28
00:02:31,300 --> 00:02:33,300
No, that's terrible news.
29
00:02:33,334 --> 00:02:36,334
Bobby, what kind
of a person are you?
30
00:02:36,367 --> 00:02:37,567
No.
31
00:02:37,601 --> 00:02:39,567
The-the reason it's good news
32
00:02:39,601 --> 00:02:42,701
is because she left me
something very valuable
33
00:02:42,734 --> 00:02:43,701
in her will.
34
00:02:43,734 --> 00:02:45,267
ALL:
Oooh.
35
00:02:45,300 --> 00:02:46,601
What?
What?
36
00:02:46,634 --> 00:02:48,868
Cookies.
37
00:02:52,033 --> 00:02:54,067
She left you cookies?
38
00:02:54,100 --> 00:02:56,133
But not just any cookies.
39
00:02:56,167 --> 00:02:58,901
See, people used
to come from miles around
40
00:02:58,934 --> 00:03:00,868
just to eat her cookies.
41
00:03:00,901 --> 00:03:03,868
And so last night
I go to the post office
42
00:03:03,901 --> 00:03:05,901
and I pick up the recipe
43
00:03:05,934 --> 00:03:08,767
and the package
with the ingredients
44
00:03:08,801 --> 00:03:11,200
and I baked a batch.
45
00:03:11,234 --> 00:03:13,033
You want to try?
46
00:03:13,067 --> 00:03:14,567
ALL:
Yeah.
47
00:03:14,601 --> 00:03:16,367
I love
grandmothers' cookies.
48
00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:17,701
I love them.
49
00:03:17,734 --> 00:03:19,767
Dig in, I hope you enjoy them.
50
00:03:22,300 --> 00:03:24,467
Well, enjoy.
51
00:03:45,934 --> 00:03:47,834
Well?
52
00:03:47,868 --> 00:03:49,267
What do you say?
53
00:03:49,300 --> 00:03:52,934
Well, they're, uh, not bad.
54
00:03:52,968 --> 00:03:54,467
Did you swallow yet?
55
00:03:58,000 --> 00:03:59,434
Did you swallow?
56
00:03:59,467 --> 00:04:02,934
Mine seems to be
getting larger.
57
00:04:02,968 --> 00:04:06,100
I feel like I'm going to be
chewing for the rest of my life.
58
00:04:06,133 --> 00:04:08,868
You mean, you don't like them?
59
00:04:08,901 --> 00:04:10,033
Well...
60
00:04:10,067 --> 00:04:12,234
it's just...
61
00:04:12,267 --> 00:04:13,400
it's just...
62
00:04:13,434 --> 00:04:15,267
it's just the first taste.
63
00:04:15,300 --> 00:04:18,000
I mean, maybe tomorrow
we could have another bite.
64
00:04:18,033 --> 00:04:20,000
You don't like them.
65
00:04:20,033 --> 00:04:21,701
No, no, no. Latka.
66
00:04:21,734 --> 00:04:24,100
You know,
tastes vary.
67
00:04:24,133 --> 00:04:26,934
Tastes very what?
68
00:04:26,968 --> 00:04:28,000
No, no, no.
69
00:04:28,033 --> 00:04:29,701
Latka, what I'm trying
to say is that, you know,
70
00:04:29,734 --> 00:04:30,701
maybe the people
71
00:04:30,734 --> 00:04:31,868
in your country
would love them,
72
00:04:31,901 --> 00:04:33,367
but they might not taste
the same to the people
73
00:04:33,400 --> 00:04:34,701
in our country.
74
00:04:34,734 --> 00:04:36,434
I mean, that's
perfectly understandable, don't you think?
75
00:04:36,467 --> 00:04:38,834
I think that
the people in America
76
00:04:38,868 --> 00:04:40,400
will love my cookies.
77
00:04:40,434 --> 00:04:42,801
And I think I am going
to sell them in the stores.
78
00:04:42,834 --> 00:04:44,367
That's it, Latka.
79
00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:47,934
I told you to get back
to work, you foreign dog.
80
00:04:47,968 --> 00:04:49,767
Now get back to work.
81
00:04:49,801 --> 00:04:51,434
What? Foreign dog?
82
00:04:51,467 --> 00:04:54,267
I don't have to take
this from you.
83
00:04:54,300 --> 00:04:56,234
I don't even
need this job.
84
00:04:56,267 --> 00:04:58,067
I have the cookies.
85
00:04:58,100 --> 00:05:00,968
And I am going
to be rich and famous
86
00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:03,133
just like
the famous Amos--
87
00:05:03,167 --> 00:05:05,934
the chocolate chip
cookie tycoon.
88
00:05:05,968 --> 00:05:08,200
Oh, yeah? Latka,
I'm warning you.
89
00:05:08,234 --> 00:05:10,133
No, Louie,
I'm warning you.
90
00:05:10,167 --> 00:05:12,934
You're warning me
when I'm warning you?
91
00:05:12,968 --> 00:05:14,367
I am warning you.
92
00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:16,400
Yeah? You're warning me?
93
00:05:16,434 --> 00:05:18,067
Yes. I am quitting.
94
00:05:18,100 --> 00:05:20,167
Oh, no, you're not, Latka.
You're not going to quit,
95
00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:22,501
because I'm going to fire you.
96
00:05:22,534 --> 00:05:24,701
You cannot fire me
if I am going to quit.
97
00:05:24,734 --> 00:05:27,167
No, no, no. You can't quit
because I'm firing you!
98
00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:29,501
But you cannot fire me
if I quit first.
99
00:05:29,534 --> 00:05:30,868
I quit!
You're fired!
100
00:05:30,901 --> 00:05:32,234
I said it first.
101
00:05:32,267 --> 00:05:33,000
No, you didn't.
102
00:05:33,033 --> 00:05:34,067
I quit!
You're fired!
103
00:05:34,100 --> 00:05:35,400
I said it first again.
104
00:05:35,434 --> 00:05:37,701
It doesn't matter
who says it first.
105
00:05:37,734 --> 00:05:39,300
It's who says it loudest.
106
00:05:39,334 --> 00:05:40,634
You're fired!
107
00:05:40,667 --> 00:05:42,667
You're fired! You're fired!
You're fired!
108
00:05:42,701 --> 00:05:43,934
I quit! I quit!
I quit!
109
00:05:43,968 --> 00:05:46,434
I can't hear you.
You're fired! You're fired!
110
00:05:46,467 --> 00:05:48,300
I can't hear you.
I quit! I quit! I quit!
111
00:05:48,334 --> 00:05:51,200
You're fired! You're fired!
You're fired!
112
00:05:51,234 --> 00:05:53,534
Okay.
113
00:05:53,567 --> 00:05:54,968
But I quit.
114
00:05:56,734 --> 00:05:58,634
You're fired.
115
00:06:05,734 --> 00:06:06,934
I'm fired.
116
00:06:06,968 --> 00:06:08,133
You quit!
117
00:06:08,167 --> 00:06:09,667
Thank you very much.
118
00:06:18,300 --> 00:06:20,701
How you doing, Jeff?
119
00:06:20,734 --> 00:06:22,501
The engine's
back together.
120
00:06:22,534 --> 00:06:24,868
Got a few pieces
left over.
121
00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:30,868
Close enough.
122
00:06:30,901 --> 00:06:33,434
I'll give this cab to Wheeler.
123
00:06:34,968 --> 00:06:36,234
Louie.
124
00:06:36,267 --> 00:06:38,968
I don't know what I'm doing.
125
00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:41,868
It's only temporary--
just until I can find somebody
126
00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:44,601
who will work as cheap
as the guy I fired.
127
00:06:44,634 --> 00:06:46,334
ALL:
He quit!
128
00:06:50,901 --> 00:06:52,634
Hey, Lou,
want to have
129
00:06:52,667 --> 00:06:54,167
one of Latka's
cookies?
130
00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:56,801
I don't want any
of his crummy cookies
131
00:06:56,834 --> 00:07:00,234
and I don't his name
mentioned in this garage again.
132
00:07:00,267 --> 00:07:01,501
Why, Lou?
133
00:07:01,534 --> 00:07:03,067
You miss him?
134
00:07:03,100 --> 00:07:06,067
I had gas I miss
more than the guy I fired.
135
00:07:06,100 --> 00:07:07,801
ALL:
He quit!
136
00:07:12,334 --> 00:07:15,968
You know, I'm really
starting to like these.
137
00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:19,934
I don't actually like them,
but they're fun to chew.
138
00:07:19,968 --> 00:07:21,534
Yeah, I know what you mean.
139
00:07:21,567 --> 00:07:23,234
They kind of grow on you.
140
00:07:23,267 --> 00:07:25,534
And they last forever
in your mouth.
141
00:07:25,567 --> 00:07:28,267
I put one
on the bedpost last night.
142
00:07:28,300 --> 00:07:30,534
Started on it again
this morning.
143
00:07:30,567 --> 00:07:32,734
Grandma Gravas' cookies
might catch on.
144
00:07:32,767 --> 00:07:36,033
I understand there are
four stores willing to try them out.
145
00:07:36,067 --> 00:07:38,234
Hmm?
Yeah.
146
00:07:38,267 --> 00:07:40,000
Can you imagine
Latka rich?
147
00:07:43,601 --> 00:07:44,934
I'm back!
148
00:07:44,968 --> 00:07:47,400
Hey, Jim!
149
00:07:48,868 --> 00:07:50,634
Hey, Jim,
welcome back.
150
00:07:50,667 --> 00:07:52,567
ELAINE:
So how was your trip?
151
00:07:52,601 --> 00:07:53,868
Ah, great.
152
00:07:53,901 --> 00:07:57,033
Omaha is lovely
this time of year.
153
00:07:57,067 --> 00:07:59,801
I thought you were hitchhiking
to Washington.
154
00:07:59,834 --> 00:08:03,601
I did too,
but I ended up in Omaha.
155
00:08:03,634 --> 00:08:07,300
I must have used
the wrong thumb.
156
00:08:07,334 --> 00:08:10,400
LOUIE:
All right, let's get some cabs on the road here.
157
00:08:10,434 --> 00:08:12,367
Nardo, 316!
158
00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:14,400
Yeah, just a second.
159
00:08:14,434 --> 00:08:17,367
Wheeler, 441!
160
00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:19,567
Banta, 221!
161
00:08:19,601 --> 00:08:21,234
Rieger, 544!
162
00:08:21,267 --> 00:08:23,400
See you guys.
163
00:08:23,434 --> 00:08:24,934
Hey, Jim.
164
00:08:24,968 --> 00:08:25,968
Uh-huh?
165
00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:29,267
( mumbling )
166
00:08:31,667 --> 00:08:34,067
It's great to be back!
167
00:08:36,300 --> 00:08:37,734
( sighs )
168
00:08:37,767 --> 00:08:39,567
Well, boss...
169
00:08:39,601 --> 00:08:42,067
I'm back from my vacation.
170
00:08:42,100 --> 00:08:44,067
You didn't happen to
run into your brains
171
00:08:44,100 --> 00:08:46,200
while you were out there,
did you?
172
00:08:46,234 --> 00:08:49,100
No, but I wasn't really looking.
173
00:08:52,300 --> 00:08:53,901
Well, I'll have
a cab for you
174
00:08:53,934 --> 00:08:55,400
in a minute,
Gulliver.
175
00:08:55,434 --> 00:08:56,767
Okay.
176
00:08:58,801 --> 00:09:01,100
What's all these cookies?
177
00:09:01,133 --> 00:09:03,934
They were baked
by a guy I fired.
178
00:09:03,968 --> 00:09:05,434
ALL:
He quit!
179
00:09:10,634 --> 00:09:12,701
Ooh!
180
00:09:12,734 --> 00:09:17,534
They got a nice
little surprise inside.
181
00:09:17,567 --> 00:09:20,067
What are you talking about?
182
00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:22,634
Well, I could be wrong...
183
00:09:22,667 --> 00:09:25,167
but I detect something in here
184
00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:28,634
that's a lot more
powerful than oatmeal.
185
00:09:30,534 --> 00:09:32,667
What's in them?
What's in them?
186
00:09:32,701 --> 00:09:35,501
Well, let's check
this out here.
187
00:09:47,501 --> 00:09:49,167
Coca leaves.
188
00:09:50,667 --> 00:09:52,033
Coca leaves?
189
00:09:52,067 --> 00:09:53,634
Uh-huh.
190
00:09:53,667 --> 00:09:55,334
You mean, the stuff
they make cocaine out of?
191
00:09:55,367 --> 00:09:57,467
Yeah.
192
00:09:57,501 --> 00:10:00,133
Yeah, from, uh...
193
00:10:00,167 --> 00:10:02,567
South America.
194
00:10:02,601 --> 00:10:04,934
( sniffing )
195
00:10:16,534 --> 00:10:18,534
Peru, I believe.
196
00:10:23,267 --> 00:10:25,234
( spits )
197
00:10:27,701 --> 00:10:29,534
Southern Peru.
198
00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:33,234
'74, before the rains.
199
00:10:45,167 --> 00:10:48,067
Poignant,
but not overbearing.
200
00:10:51,234 --> 00:10:53,000
Are you telling me
201
00:10:53,033 --> 00:10:55,734
that Latka is selling
cookies with drugs in them?
202
00:10:55,767 --> 00:10:56,868
Yeah.
203
00:11:00,601 --> 00:11:03,801
Well, my duty as
a citizen is clear-cut.
204
00:11:03,834 --> 00:11:04,834
Yeah.
Jeff?
205
00:11:04,868 --> 00:11:07,033
Get the police
on the phone.
206
00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:09,868
What do these, uh,
coca leaves do to you?
207
00:11:09,901 --> 00:11:12,300
Well, if you chew them
for a while
208
00:11:12,334 --> 00:11:16,367
you get a feeling of euphoria,
209
00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:17,901
increased energy,
210
00:11:17,934 --> 00:11:19,701
strength and stamina.
211
00:11:21,501 --> 00:11:26,400
It's also rumored
to heighten your sexual desires.
212
00:11:28,267 --> 00:11:30,634
And it makes
you see beauty
213
00:11:30,667 --> 00:11:33,901
in the most
repulsive things.
214
00:11:50,934 --> 00:11:53,200
Did anyone ever tell you
215
00:11:53,234 --> 00:11:56,968
that you have
the most adorable ear?
216
00:12:03,067 --> 00:12:05,267
Police are on
the phone, Louie.
217
00:12:05,300 --> 00:12:08,167
Tell them to mind
their own business.
218
00:12:22,267 --> 00:12:24,067
( chuckling )
219
00:12:34,300 --> 00:12:36,400
Oh, Elaine?
220
00:12:38,567 --> 00:12:40,100
She's not here.
221
00:12:40,133 --> 00:12:41,300
What you got there, Lou?
222
00:12:41,334 --> 00:12:42,534
Ah, nothing.
223
00:12:45,868 --> 00:12:47,868
( chuckling )
224
00:12:47,901 --> 00:12:49,200
Hey, Lou!
225
00:12:49,234 --> 00:12:51,801
Have you been noticing anything
strange about me lately?
226
00:12:51,834 --> 00:12:53,534
Uh... strange?
227
00:12:53,567 --> 00:12:54,868
Yeah.
228
00:12:54,901 --> 00:12:56,601
No, no, no.
229
00:12:56,634 --> 00:12:57,868
Nothing strange.
230
00:12:57,901 --> 00:12:59,133
I don't know.
231
00:12:59,167 --> 00:13:02,467
Feel like I'm
sort of... happy.
232
00:13:02,501 --> 00:13:04,901
I got all this
energy, you know?
233
00:13:04,934 --> 00:13:06,133
Uh-huh.
234
00:13:06,167 --> 00:13:07,667
So last night
235
00:13:07,701 --> 00:13:09,634
I had a little trouble
falling asleep,
236
00:13:09,667 --> 00:13:11,133
so I wrote an opera.
237
00:13:14,501 --> 00:13:16,501
An-an opera?
238
00:13:16,534 --> 00:13:19,067
Yeah. I never thought
about writing an opera before,
239
00:13:19,100 --> 00:13:20,534
but it sounded
like it would be fun.
240
00:13:20,567 --> 00:13:23,267
It was. I'm going to write
another one tonight.
241
00:13:26,934 --> 00:13:28,701
It just looks
like, to me
242
00:13:28,734 --> 00:13:30,968
that you're
in a good mood.
243
00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:32,100
Yeah, well, maybe.
244
00:13:32,133 --> 00:13:34,367
I wonder if any of the others
are feeling this way?
245
00:13:50,234 --> 00:13:52,167
I haven't noticed anything.
246
00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:53,701
Hi, guys.
247
00:13:58,033 --> 00:14:00,434
Hey, Bob!
248
00:14:00,467 --> 00:14:01,634
What are you doing?
249
00:14:01,667 --> 00:14:02,767
Huh?
250
00:14:02,801 --> 00:14:04,434
What are you doing?
251
00:14:04,467 --> 00:14:06,067
Afternoon Of The Faun.
252
00:14:09,667 --> 00:14:12,767
There is definitely
something weird going on here.
253
00:14:12,801 --> 00:14:14,334
Hello.
254
00:14:14,367 --> 00:14:15,534
Oh, Elaine.
255
00:14:15,567 --> 00:14:16,734
Listen, uh...
256
00:14:16,767 --> 00:14:18,634
Uh... Nardo.
257
00:14:18,667 --> 00:14:19,934
Have a cookie?
258
00:14:19,968 --> 00:14:22,300
Oh, yes, thank you.
259
00:14:22,334 --> 00:14:23,467
I've run out.
260
00:14:23,501 --> 00:14:25,067
Louie, I've
been having
261
00:14:25,100 --> 00:14:27,534
the most incredible
perceptions today.
262
00:14:27,567 --> 00:14:31,367
Do you realize the entire
human experience of the universe
263
00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:33,901
can be summed up
in one sentence?
264
00:14:33,934 --> 00:14:35,501
Do I! Hold that thought.
265
00:14:35,534 --> 00:14:38,934
Why don't you come on
into my cage here
266
00:14:38,968 --> 00:14:41,200
and we'll talk
about that...
267
00:14:41,234 --> 00:14:42,801
and sit right there...
268
00:14:42,834 --> 00:14:47,400
and we'll have
some cookies...
269
00:14:47,434 --> 00:14:49,400
and a touch of the bubbly
270
00:14:49,434 --> 00:14:53,734
to wash them down your
pretty little gullet.
271
00:14:53,767 --> 00:14:55,300
No, no, no, Louie.
272
00:14:55,334 --> 00:14:56,634
Louie, I'm serious.
273
00:14:56,667 --> 00:14:59,334
I don't know why I never
saw it before.
274
00:14:59,367 --> 00:15:02,334
I have verifiable proof
of the existence of God.
275
00:15:02,367 --> 00:15:04,968
Later, later--
this stuff gets flat.
276
00:15:14,033 --> 00:15:17,200
Damn it, I'm telling you
there's something wrong here.
277
00:15:17,234 --> 00:15:20,601
Bobby Wheeler is turning
into a gazelle...
278
00:15:20,634 --> 00:15:23,567
Elaine Nardo is in
the chamber of horrors...
279
00:15:23,601 --> 00:15:25,767
Here's the weirdest thing
of all.
280
00:15:25,801 --> 00:15:28,968
I'm standing here in the garage
on my day off.
281
00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:31,567
And I came in here just because
I wanted, uh...
282
00:15:31,601 --> 00:15:34,534
some more cookies...
283
00:15:34,567 --> 00:15:36,367
Hey, Lou!
284
00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:38,868
There's something wrong
with these cookies.
285
00:15:38,901 --> 00:15:40,767
Rieger,
you're being a real drip.
286
00:15:40,801 --> 00:15:42,701
No, I'm telling you, Lou,
it's the cookies;
287
00:15:42,734 --> 00:15:44,334
they're doing something to us.
288
00:15:44,367 --> 00:15:47,367
No, everybody's
just having a good time.
289
00:15:49,634 --> 00:15:51,400
Look at Banta, here.
290
00:15:51,434 --> 00:15:52,701
He's eaten a billion
of them.
291
00:15:52,734 --> 00:15:53,968
There's nothing
the matter with him.
292
00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:55,367
Tony, how you feeling?
293
00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:56,467
I'm fine.
294
00:15:56,501 --> 00:15:58,000
Eh!
295
00:15:58,033 --> 00:16:00,000
Ah, well,
maybe you're right.
296
00:16:00,033 --> 00:16:02,634
Maybe I am imagining it.
297
00:16:02,667 --> 00:16:04,234
Anybody want any coffee?
298
00:16:04,267 --> 00:16:05,868
ALEX:
Yeah, I'll have some.
299
00:16:34,367 --> 00:16:37,367
( muttering native language )
300
00:16:44,701 --> 00:16:47,367
( speaking native language )
301
00:16:53,367 --> 00:16:55,033
Whoo!
302
00:17:05,367 --> 00:17:06,667
Sixteen.
303
00:17:09,601 --> 00:17:10,901
( knocking at door )
304
00:17:10,934 --> 00:17:12,567
Come in.
305
00:17:12,601 --> 00:17:17,968
( muttering native language )
306
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:19,300
Latka...
307
00:17:19,334 --> 00:17:20,634
Hello, Alex.
308
00:17:20,667 --> 00:17:21,767
How are you?
309
00:17:21,801 --> 00:17:23,100
Fine. Lat...
310
00:17:23,133 --> 00:17:24,767
( speaking native language )
311
00:17:24,801 --> 00:17:26,367
About 24 bags by tomorrow...
312
00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:29,634
supermarket, you know...
Look, Latka...
313
00:17:29,667 --> 00:17:31,834
Isn't it wonderful
how so much success
314
00:17:31,868 --> 00:17:33,734
I'm having with these cookies?
Everyone loves them so much!
315
00:17:33,767 --> 00:17:36,133
You know, and I'm going
to be rich and famous
316
00:17:36,167 --> 00:17:37,467
like Famous Amos, you know,
317
00:17:37,501 --> 00:17:39,200
but, you know,
I would trade it all
318
00:17:39,234 --> 00:17:42,167
if I would only stop talking
for one minute.
319
00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:45,400
Latka, Latka, stop.
320
00:17:45,434 --> 00:17:46,801
Latka, listen to me.
321
00:17:46,834 --> 00:17:48,167
There's a drug
in those cookies.
322
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:49,200
( gasps )
323
00:17:49,234 --> 00:17:52,334
No...
324
00:17:52,367 --> 00:17:53,667
no.
325
00:17:53,701 --> 00:17:55,300
No...
Now, Latka,
326
00:17:55,334 --> 00:17:57,133
Jim says there's
coca leaves in them.
327
00:17:57,167 --> 00:17:58,133
What?
328
00:17:58,167 --> 00:17:59,133
Coca leaves.
329
00:17:59,167 --> 00:18:01,167
Coca leaves?
330
00:18:03,601 --> 00:18:06,901
Oh... that must be
the secret ingredient.
331
00:18:06,934 --> 00:18:08,100
Right.
332
00:18:08,133 --> 00:18:10,501
That means it's
going to ruin me.
333
00:18:10,534 --> 00:18:12,834
I will not be able
to sell my cookies anymore.
334
00:18:12,868 --> 00:18:14,234
Well, I'm sorry
about that.
335
00:18:14,267 --> 00:18:16,400
Now I cannot do it
and my dream is gone.
336
00:18:16,434 --> 00:18:17,767
Oh. No.
337
00:18:17,801 --> 00:18:20,400
( speaking native language )
338
00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:29,968
This explains why
my grandmother's cookies
339
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:31,901
were so popular with musicians
in my country.
340
00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:38,734
Latka, you think
your grandmother knew
341
00:18:38,767 --> 00:18:40,968
that there was a drug
in these cookies?
342
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:42,834
Oh, no, no, no.
She would not know that.
343
00:18:42,868 --> 00:18:45,467
She was a very good woman, Alex.
344
00:18:45,501 --> 00:18:47,968
A very busy, good woman.
345
00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:50,300
She was always knitting doilies,
you know?
346
00:18:50,334 --> 00:18:52,000
A doily here,
a doily there, Yeah.
347
00:18:52,033 --> 00:18:53,367
doilies everywhere.
348
00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:56,300
"Merry Christmas, Latka.
Here is a doily for you."
349
00:18:56,334 --> 00:18:58,100
Oh, everywhere you look
is doilies.
350
00:18:58,133 --> 00:19:00,200
I'd like to give you
a doily, you old bag!
351
00:19:00,234 --> 00:19:01,334
I'll give you a doily!
352
00:19:01,367 --> 00:19:03,234
I'll give you a doily!
353
00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:05,234
Latka, Latka, Latka,
calm down. Calm down.
354
00:19:05,267 --> 00:19:08,701
Oh, oh, oh, but what is
happening to me, Alex?
355
00:19:08,734 --> 00:19:11,534
I used to be
such a sweet man.
356
00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:14,667
I used to be so cute
you could eat me up.
357
00:19:14,701 --> 00:19:15,868
Yes, yes, yes.
358
00:19:15,901 --> 00:19:17,100
I know you were.
I know you were.
359
00:19:17,133 --> 00:19:20,501
But that's what happens to you
when you take that drug.
360
00:19:20,534 --> 00:19:23,667
Really?
361
00:19:23,701 --> 00:19:25,367
That's why you got
to kick it
362
00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:27,033
right now, right tonight.
363
00:19:27,067 --> 00:19:28,701
You hear me? You got
to get rid of this.
364
00:19:28,734 --> 00:19:30,367
How am I going to do it?
365
00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:31,667
Well, look, first of all
we got...
366
00:19:31,701 --> 00:19:32,901
No more cookies.
Yeah?
367
00:19:32,934 --> 00:19:35,067
We're going to get rid
of all these cookies.
368
00:19:35,100 --> 00:19:36,067
That's a good idea.
369
00:19:36,100 --> 00:19:37,200
We'll start with this one.
370
00:19:37,234 --> 00:19:39,033
No, no, no.
371
00:19:39,067 --> 00:19:41,033
Latka, sit down.
Sit down.
372
00:19:41,067 --> 00:19:42,434
Listen to me. Look...
373
00:19:42,467 --> 00:19:46,634
It's going to be
a very tough night for you.
374
00:19:46,667 --> 00:19:47,968
I mean, you're going
to get nervous,
375
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:49,000
you're going to get anxious.
376
00:19:49,033 --> 00:19:50,067
You might even get sick.
377
00:19:50,100 --> 00:19:54,067
You might even
have hallucinations, delirium.
378
00:19:54,100 --> 00:19:55,901
Latka, you're looking at
the worst night of your life.
379
00:19:55,934 --> 00:19:57,267
Now, I don't want you
to worry about it.
380
00:19:57,300 --> 00:19:58,701
I'm going to be right here
381
00:19:58,734 --> 00:20:00,868
going through the whole thing
with you.
382
00:20:00,901 --> 00:20:02,767
Thank you very much.
383
00:20:02,801 --> 00:20:05,667
Alex, all my dreams
are gone.
384
00:20:05,701 --> 00:20:08,567
I thought I was going
to be rich and famous
385
00:20:08,601 --> 00:20:10,567
like the Famous Amos. See?
386
00:20:10,601 --> 00:20:12,033
But now is nothing.
387
00:20:12,067 --> 00:20:17,767
I thought I was going to finally
get out of the garage.
388
00:20:17,801 --> 00:20:19,567
You know, I did not
want to be rich
389
00:20:19,601 --> 00:20:22,033
for the same reasons that
other men want to be rich.
390
00:20:22,067 --> 00:20:24,033
Oh, you mean not for the houses,
the cars or the women?
391
00:20:24,067 --> 00:20:28,100
Oh, maybe it was
the same reasons.
392
00:20:30,901 --> 00:20:33,067
But you know,
I want to think...
393
00:20:33,100 --> 00:20:34,400
but... you know...
394
00:20:34,434 --> 00:20:35,734
you know...
395
00:20:35,767 --> 00:20:37,033
Let's try to get
some sleep, all right?
396
00:20:37,067 --> 00:20:38,367
I'll try.
I don't know if I could.
397
00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:41,834
I'm going to stay up and
watch you all night, okay?
398
00:20:41,868 --> 00:20:43,234
All right, thank you.
399
00:21:15,767 --> 00:21:17,434
Famous Amos.
400
00:21:18,601 --> 00:21:21,133
I... I don't believe it.
401
00:21:21,167 --> 00:21:24,434
What's happening, Latka?
402
00:21:24,467 --> 00:21:25,801
I don't know.
403
00:21:25,834 --> 00:21:28,467
What's happening to you?
404
00:21:28,501 --> 00:21:31,067
Boy. Welcome to my home.
405
00:21:31,100 --> 00:21:35,167
Thank you,
but I'm not really here.
406
00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:36,534
You're hallucinating.
407
00:21:36,567 --> 00:21:37,834
Oh...
408
00:21:37,868 --> 00:21:39,033
I'm only in your mind.
409
00:21:39,067 --> 00:21:41,133
Well, then
welcome to my mind.
410
00:21:41,167 --> 00:21:42,934
If I knew you were coming
411
00:21:42,968 --> 00:21:45,133
I would have
cleaned it up a bit.
412
00:21:45,167 --> 00:21:49,934
Listen, man, I heard
what happened to your cookies.
413
00:21:49,968 --> 00:21:51,667
It's a tough break.
414
00:21:51,701 --> 00:21:54,267
Oh, that's nice
of you to say.
415
00:21:54,300 --> 00:21:57,334
I came by because
I wanted to say that
416
00:21:57,367 --> 00:22:01,300
success, fame, fortune--
all that stuff--
417
00:22:01,334 --> 00:22:03,334
it's truly overrated.
418
00:22:03,367 --> 00:22:04,534
Oh.
419
00:22:04,567 --> 00:22:05,934
I wanted to tell you
420
00:22:05,968 --> 00:22:08,534
that the really
important things in life
421
00:22:08,567 --> 00:22:10,133
are the simple things.
422
00:22:10,167 --> 00:22:11,567
Oh, the simple things.
423
00:22:11,601 --> 00:22:13,234
A sunset.
Yeah.
424
00:22:13,267 --> 00:22:16,200
The smelling of a flower.
Mmm...
425
00:22:16,234 --> 00:22:19,767
I'd like to tell you
all of those things, Latka,
426
00:22:19,801 --> 00:22:21,601
but I can't.
Why?
427
00:22:21,634 --> 00:22:22,667
'Cause it's a crock.
428
00:22:22,701 --> 00:22:23,667
A crock?
429
00:22:23,701 --> 00:22:24,701
That's right,
a crock.
430
00:22:24,734 --> 00:22:27,367
Hey, man, success is wonderful.
Yeah?
431
00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:30,133
Cash is out of sight.
Oh...
432
00:22:30,167 --> 00:22:32,701
Do whatever you can
to be successful
433
00:22:32,734 --> 00:22:34,000
'cause it's great.
Great.
434
00:22:34,033 --> 00:22:38,167
And if it happens overnight,
it's even better.
435
00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:40,567
Hey, your cookies went
down the tubes-- big deal.
436
00:22:40,601 --> 00:22:41,567
Big deal.
437
00:22:41,601 --> 00:22:42,901
Try cupcakes.
438
00:22:42,934 --> 00:22:43,934
Try jelly rolls.
439
00:22:43,968 --> 00:22:45,534
Aluminum siding.
440
00:22:45,567 --> 00:22:46,734
Aluminum siding.
441
00:22:46,767 --> 00:22:47,934
What's the difference?
442
00:22:47,968 --> 00:22:49,667
Nothing at all.
443
00:22:49,701 --> 00:22:52,434
Just get rich.
444
00:22:52,467 --> 00:22:54,267
These are wonderful words.
445
00:22:54,300 --> 00:22:55,734
Man, I just want to try to help,
you know?
446
00:22:55,767 --> 00:22:56,734
Well, thank you
very much.
447
00:22:56,767 --> 00:22:57,767
Give me five.
448
00:22:59,968 --> 00:23:01,667
Keep the change.
449
00:23:01,701 --> 00:23:03,734
( muttering )
450
00:23:14,467 --> 00:23:15,901
Bye-bye.
451
00:23:15,934 --> 00:23:18,234
Bye-bye, Famous Amos.
452
00:23:18,267 --> 00:23:21,567
Thank you for the hallucination.
453
00:23:21,601 --> 00:23:23,234
It was wonderful.
454
00:23:23,267 --> 00:23:26,067
Maybe we do it again sometime.
455
00:23:26,100 --> 00:23:27,267
Oh, boy.
456
00:23:27,300 --> 00:23:28,601
Alex. Alex, wake up.
457
00:23:28,634 --> 00:23:29,868
Alex, wake up.
Hmm?
458
00:23:29,901 --> 00:23:32,200
I have something
to tell you.
459
00:23:32,234 --> 00:23:35,868
I just found out something
very important about myself.
460
00:23:35,901 --> 00:23:38,367
Alex, I want
to be richer than anything.
461
00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:40,901
I want to be richer
than the Joneses.
462
00:23:40,934 --> 00:23:43,734
I want to make lots of money,
as much as I can.
463
00:23:43,767 --> 00:23:45,434
I want to be rolling in money.
464
00:23:45,467 --> 00:23:48,267
Alex...
465
00:23:48,300 --> 00:23:50,934
you know something?
466
00:23:50,968 --> 00:23:53,367
I just became an American.
467
00:24:05,300 --> 00:24:07,567
( theme music playing )
468
00:24:31,167 --> 00:24:32,734
WOMAN:
Night, Mr. Walters.
469
00:24:32,767 --> 00:24:34,100
( grunts )
470
00:24:34,150 --> 00:24:38,700
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