Original subtitles

(upbeat medieval music)

(folk-y country music)

* I'll tell you a story

* 'Bout the soldier I knew

* Oh, Ettore

* He'd fight all day long

* And he'd just sing the night through

* Oh, Ettore

* I'll tell you of his way to find other men

* Oh, Ettore

* But not of the way he used his tricks once again

* Oh, Ettore

* He fights, and says, he won't just live

* Unless he can fight as well

* He fights, and says, he won't just live

* Unless he can fight as well

* Look around you, find a way

* The kitchen ain't so far away

* You find the smell then follow it

* And then he's got, ah ha ha ha ha ha

* You can find him sitting down

* And having fun with everyone

* But get yourself

* At table or stay by the shade

* He'd come along to find the cupboard was bare

* And all the fruit eaten up

* And all the comers look for him

* And not a drink to fill his cup

* So I'm afraid I'm really all quite all shook up

* Here are they the boys, won't you come on follow him

* Oh, Ettore

* He oughtn't to come, no need to come on and fight

* Oh, Ettore

* He left his boys there when he alone went to strike

* Oh, Ettore

* And didn't come back till the last man was knocked down

* Oh, Ettore

* He fights and says, he won't just live

* Unless he can fight as well

* He fights and says, he won't just live

* Unless he can fight as well.

[Bracalone] There he is, that's him.

Ettore Fieramosca, he's part of history, you know.

I won't tell you why yet, 'cause that'd spoil our story.

He's a nice guy, but a little full of himself.

Oh wait, now he's gonna smile, watch.

Hey, you see, I told you he was a nice guy.

Just a little stupid.

- Bracalone! - (Bracalone exclaiming)

[Bracalone] That's me he's calling.

I'm part of history too, you know.

I'm just as important as he is.

Read the last page.

Uh, last page.

When they arrived in Galleda,

they saw the bloody war was over.

So those soldiers commanded by a gallant, valorous,

and bold soldier of fortune, set forth to Barri.

And so eastward in the fine fearless prime

of their youth and glory.

I'm hungry.

- Start writing. - I'm writin'.

The day of their arrival,

west of the old city they witnessed a bloody battle.

Of what city?

Doesn't that look like a city to you?

Ah.

That one.

[Ettore] They can see the poor Spanish

using repulsive tactics.

[Bracalone] You mean defensive?

Same thing, stupid.

And their strength was growing wearier.

They looked down to see the French as they charged

and knew their power was superior.

[Bracalone] You're a poet, a poet!

So the captain then made up his mind

whose side he joined.

Yeah, right.

It's time they chose the winning side,

they'd like some of their French cheese.

He's eatin' cheese already.

Listen, he's telling you we'll be joining up

with the Spanish.

Oh, no.

I know you're our captain,

but we're gettin' tired of that.

And what's the point?

We always pick the weaker side.

Gray-Ah-Noo, how is this time any different from before?

- Heh? - You think it's fun.

But you're only one of five men.

But just for once, let's join the winner and switch later.

You don't feel that way, do you?

Nah, except we're a bit hungry, you know.

[Ettore] You've been hungry before.

- But before it was... - It was different?

Well, if it means so very much,

why should you men suffer?

[Bracalone] Yeah, why should we?

Write it down, so the world can remember.

Say it, say they joined the French that day,

ignoring their captain's wishes.

(martial brass music)

We get three ducats a week, who needs more?

(laughing)

(martial brass music)

(yelling in foreign language)

I'll bet you some of this French jewelry

is worth a fortune.

Yeah, there's plenty of money around.

Ooh, is he really gonna wear that?

Is it a he or a she?

Hey!

What are you doin'?

Hey, let go!

Put that foot down.

(laughing)

(martial brass music)

Hey, you!

Come here and wipe my boots.

[Bracalone] Who, moi?

You've got two hands, haven't you?

Come and put them to use.

They're covered with mud, though.

You clean them well.

I'm thirsty, bring me some water.

(men chatting in foreign language)

(sighing)

(water splashing)

Hey, if you don't want any more of that water,

uh, could I have some?

The local scum here

drink the water from the well. (Laughing)

Bracalone!

I'm not offended because he called me scum.

What a humble person.

Can't offend him.

Hey, I want you to do something.

Clean my friend's boots for him.

I can't do that, I'm an officer.

That's the point.

(Bracalone laughing)

All right, now write what I tell you.

(coins clattering)

- Hey... - Thus they refused

the enemy's gold and pledged service to the Spanish throne.

(yelling)

(thudding) (yelling)

(yelling) (swords clanging)

(yelling) (arrows swishing)

(yelling)

(clanging)

(yelling) (clanging)

Nobody's going to open the gate.

You said that you were going to find us a way in, didn't ya?

You'd better find it soon, I mean we'll look stupid...

- I'll find it, I'll find it. - Oh, he'll find it.

(yelling)

(clanging) (yelling)

Hey, wait.

Is there someplace

that you don't get rocks thrown on your head?

- Yes, right back there. - Right back there.

(wounded man groaning) Look what you've done.

- What I done? - Yes.

[French Soldier] You did it.

(yelling)

Stick your head out and look up, Bracalone, will ya?

Wait a minute, what about you?

I might get killed.

I gotta look straight ahead of us.

- All right, come on... - Eh.

(yelling)

Hey wait, they're looking down,

I think they're looking at me.

(clanging) (Bracalone yelling)

- What's the matter? - Ah, listen, you guys.

I think I'd feel better if you let me in there.

The boiling oil, they're throwing boiling oil!

Wait!

My God, uh,

but it's not boiling, it's only lukewarm.

No, it's pee-pee, but it's Spanish, it's for friends,

it won't hurt you.

(yelling)

(thudding) (yelling)

(speaking foreign language)

(thudding) (exclaiming)

[Ettore] Listen, Mr. Gauche.

Whoa, ho ho, ooh ooh ooh!

Ah ah ah!

Yo!

(grunting) (creaking)

Aren't you gonna help me do this?

(thudding) (exclaiming)

(yelling)

(thudding)

We gotta get to the top of that thing.

Come on.

Hey, wait!

What are they getting so nasty for?

Ettore!

(yelling) (grunting)

(clanging)

- [Ettore] En garde. - (thudding)

(clanging)

(yelling)

(clanging) Get off!

Get off.

I said, off!

(exclaiming)

(thudding) Everybody get off, I said.

What's the matter with 'em?

- Grab the ladder. - Monsieur!

- Oui. - (yelling)

All right, let's start climbin'.

Come on, you men, let's go.

[Bracalone] Hold the ladder, somebody.

(blows thudding) (bright music)

(yelling)

(bright music) (blows thudding)

(yelling)

(bright music)

(yelling) (clattering)

(bright music) (men talking)

I wonder who that is.

(blows thudding) (yelling)

No, wait up, we gotta get back.

(bright music)

(thudding) (yelling)

(bright music)

Hey there.

Ready for the ram.

Come on, come on!

Quick, they're comin', unbolt the gates!

I'll tell you when to open.

(yelling)

Now!

Heave!

(yelling)

(laughing)

(arrows swishing)

(men talking)

(blows thudding) (yelling)

(arrows swishing) (swords clanging)

- Attaboy! - Get me a ladder, rope,

Fanfulla, bring it down to the front gate.

Stay down there till I'm ready.

(yelling)

What the heck, what's going on?

I wanna see for myself.

(yelling)

[Fanfulla*#] Ha!

(bright music)

(yelling) (clattering)

(trumpet music)

(crowd cheering)

Holy is the moment that commands our enemy

to be silent.

And it is time to give you, not just our thanks,

but our hearts also.

There's no need for that, your excellency.

God in his timeless glory.

(speaking foreign language)

(coins clinking)

Of course our men are expected to arrive here any day now.

But until they do, we must hold out somehow.

In any case, this is for you and your soldiers.

I might add that you'll probably find this money

- difficult to spend. - Why?

- It's not fake, is it? - Not exactly,

but it's impossible to spend when there's nothing to buy.

Food's the problem.

We've nothing to eat.

We really picked a loser, wouldn't you say?

Till reinforcements arrive, we must limit ourselves

to a glass of milk and one egg each day.

A very monotonous diet, but still, it tides us over.

[Man] Wait'll you get used to it.

The lodgings I arranged for you

will be comfortable, I hope.

My loyal servant Carilari will take you there.

(pig grunting) [Man] Eggs, they got eggs.

And goats.

And pig.

Hey, you're not gonna take any?

Leave 'em alone, they're all counted.

They'll know if any are taken.

- That's all right. - (Carilari claps)

Who's taking any?

Nobody at all.

Carilario?

Carilario?

Yes, sir?

Then it's true?

What's true, sir?

You're name's Carilario?

Yes, sir..

Carilario's his name, write it down, Bracalone.

- Like I said... - All right, all right.

Today you witnessed a battle.

And now it's part of the world's history.

Do you read?

One day, you'll wish that you could.

What do you want to do?

I wanna be a soldier.

I wanna fight like you.

Will you let me work for you?

- You're a little young. - I'm 20!

- You're what? - Well,

no, that's not true, I'm only 14.

But I fight as well as a man of 20.

(laughing)

You do, eh?

I wanna be a soldier of fortune like you.

So I can win honor and fame.

Well, it's not that easy.

Where you from?

Monfette.

Carilario di Monfette.

You like that, eh?

(Ettore sniffs)

What's that smell?

We hoped you'd be passing by.

Look, some surprise, huh?

Surprise?

Yeah.

But we'll have it tomorrow.

And the others can come.

Who are they?

Don't you think that probably

we should share it with a few others

who need a good meal?

It might be a friendly thing to do.

(upbeat medieval music)

Look at all those pale, hungry faces,

there must be 50 of them!

They arouse my sympathy.

La Motte, we can start now, tell your men.

[La Motte] All right, sergeant, we are ready.

(fanfare music)

(speaking foreign language)*# Roti de chevre saute,

[Sergeant] With hecb and mushrooms in white wine.

So what's so fancy?

It's just fried goat.

I hope they choke as the stuff's goin' down.

And all their blood and guts come out,

includin' their stomach.

Great fun, La Motte.

And we haven't even started the main part of the meal yet.

Do you really think we shall profit

by playing stupid games?

It's cruel.

Provoking them needlessly.

(laughing)

Why, those poor louts

can exist without food a whole month.

We should feel pity for them.

Only somehow I don't care.

(fanfare music)

(speaking foreign language)

[Sergeant] With walnut stuffing.

I wouldn't eat their stuffing. (Scoffing)

Besides, that's only roasted boar,

but we got our own dinner, no?

[Bracalone] Where's he goin'?

He's got our pig!

[French Nobleman] Look, who's he?

(upbeat medieval music)

Greetings from the city of Barletta, take it!

Pigs should stick with pigs!

A call to arms, monsieur!

They have offended French honor!

For that they should pay!

They're not going to like French anger!

And I shall be an emissary!

- Hah! - Never mind, La Motte!

Forget about it.

You will do nothing, at least not in haste.

We'll teach them a lesson.

Only there's a better method.

(creaking)

(explosion booming)

(people wailing)

Now you see the result of your senselessly provoking them.

With that low and infamous prank

you only brought our city the joys of the French cannon.

Up to now, the French have used a notable restraint.

That's the reason my orders were not to provoke the enemy.

The only responsibility you men have

is to follow those orders.

Our reinforcements are on their way.

The only hope we've got is resisting until then.

Otherwise they will get here and they will find us dead.

I guess you don't wanna do anything?

That is the whole plan exactly!

You realize that it won't be just soldiers dyin',

but the women and children.

That's not fair.

That's not how you're supposed to fight a war.

You'd like to destroy their guns, honest?

Yeah, if you want me to.

That would be very easy.

That's right, shouldn't cause me trouble.

Idiot, what the devil can he do with that big fat cannon?

Steal its balls.

[Ettore] We'll follow a road outta town that's hardly used

- and wait for dark. - Mm hmm.

[Ettore] I'm taking this man here to show us the way.

Oh good, then you don't need me.

I want you there to write a record for history.

So what's the problem?

Do it later, you know what I mean?

[Mercenary On Right] Ettore.

Sounds like fun, I don't wanna miss it.

Yeah, I figure you can use us.

Uh huh.

- Is that the road? - Yeah, there.

But French don't use it.

Yeah, well I imagine

they gotta patrol everything, even this.

You know, one of us should remain back here.

If you want, I will.

Yeah, why don't you?

Yeah, you stay here too,

- we can find our way... - All right.

- From here, don't worry. - Whatever you say.

[Ettore] Come on!

Hup!

- Mariano! - Huh?

[Ettore] When you hear the cannon blow up,

go back to Barletta.

Hup!

Hup!

(hooves pounding)

[Man On Bench] Now it's harvest time,

but no one would ever know it.

It's sad.

A year ago, the fields were full of wheat.

The answer to your little problem is simple, you know?

Just have to use your head.

- Come on. - Where?

To the French.

To join the French, they're the winners.

And I'd rather choose the winner.

It's an old habit.

They pay me more.

What are you saying?

That we should desert for,

We couldn't both just...

Couldn't we?

[Fanfulla] What's your plan?

(woman screaming) [Ettore] Sh, listen.

You hear a woman screaming?

[Fanfulla] Ettore, we've got enough troubles

to worry about.

We haven't got time to play hero.

[Man] Misfortune and dishonor!

(woman screaming) You have met your fate,

with (speaking foreign language).

You know have known the thrust of my lust,

now feel my cold blade!

- Wait. - Oh pugnacious, hey!

[Ettore] Put that knife down, what are ya doin'?

[Man In Red Pants] What, oh!

(woman laughing)

You fool!

Don't you recognize a great artist when you see one?

You thought the lady in danger.

But you were mistaken!

And why do you meddle

in the private affairs of others?

Even the countryside is no longer safe.

Mm! (Smooching)

A woman's forest*#, a woman helpless, defenseless,

and you would have saved her! (Gasping)

My goodness, that was truly heroic.

It gives one faith and courage to know such a man.

(smooching)

I knew that you both were actors.

You don't really think that...

Fanfulla, you see they were...

(laughing)

I am Capoccio,

master poet, tragic-comic of the sublime company

of the Tree-Oh-Nay.

Illusionist of La Clar, dramatic chorist, musician too.

And unique master of make-up.

And these delicate creatures are actresses.

Leonora, Diametta, and Stella.

Tonight you shall find us performing at the French camp.

If you'd care to come, you will be more than welcome.

Be kind enough to hitch the horses, Stella.

(clears throat) I have a special pass

from your Duke of Namur.

We hope you will honor us with your gracious presence.

But who said we're French?

Spanish soldiers, my God!

Except that we're not Spanish, either.

What else is there?

It's perfectly plain, we're neither Spanish nor French,

yet you hear us speaking Italian.

- Now what are we? - Idiots.

Bravo, Italian. (Sighs)

Just a minute.

You got a safe-conduct pass for this show of yours tonight?

Yes, but...

Um, you're very curious.

Does it matter?

No, I mean, because I just had an idea.

But uh, I'd need some help from all of you.

What do you mean?

I figure you could use another two comics?

With no further ado, (drum roll music)

we start the show.

Attention, dear sirs.

No one knows better than Emir the Amorous

what it means to lose one's head

for the fabulous Fatima.

Watch closely, all right, Emir.

(eerie music)

- Oh, ho ho ho. - Voila!

(clapping and laughing)

But Emir is susceptible only to the charms of Fatima.

As you shall forthwith see.

(eerie music)

Hoop-la!

(audience applauding and exclaiming)

Dear sirs, valorous warriors.

The lovely, provocative Fatima

will be placed inside this trunk here,

with your swords thrust viciously into her body.

Then rise before you more beauteous, more alive than ever!

Come my dear, all is ready.

Once inside, there is no escape.

Voila!

And now monsieurs, if you lend me your sword,

I shall them into this fair creature one by one,

before your very eyes.

As you will see for yourself. (blade swishing)

- Officer. - One goes there.

Die, Fatima! (Fatima wailing)

(speaking foreign language) (metal snapping)

Now for the second one.

- Hop-La! - Courage, Fatima.

(Fatima shrieking) And another.

Your swords, monsieur.

(Fatima wailing) Surely that is part of life,

my pretty one.

Do not fear. (Fatima wailing)

And yet, she still clings tenaciously to life!

Watch closely.

The coup de grace!

Die, Fatima! (audience muttering)

Eh voila, monsieurs,

the moment of truth is here at hand.

We shall open the trunk.

Ah, Fatima, Fatima.

Mysterious creature, arise, arise.

And smile for the men. (audience applauding)

Thank you, thank you for your kind charity.

(audience applauding)

Gentlemen!

Come give me a chance to read the past

- and foretell the future. - Hop-la.

Who wants to know?

Who has the courage to see inside the crystal ball?

And now monsieuers,

the astounding Emir has prepared for you

an experiment that you will find quite amazing.

That is the disappearance, before your eyes,

of a human body.

Which of you is not afraid to volunteer?

There's a brave man, come forward, monsieur,

and place yourself atop the barrel.

Your body and soul

are about to fly into the garden of Allah.

Ready, body; ready, soul!

- Fly! - One, two,

three, four.

Here with us and then no more.

(thudding) (eerie music)

Sail on.

And one, and two,

and three!

Bravo, Emir. (audience applauding)

Who's next?

That's it, ready to join your friend

in the garden of Allah.

[Emir] The garden of Allah!

Courage, have no fear, monsieur.

Ready, body; ready, soul.

One, two, three, four,

here with us and then no more.

Next, please.

(audience applauding)

One two, three four.

Here with us, and then no more.

(thudding) (exclaiming)

(eerie music)

Who is next, monsieurs?

Who is, which of you is as brave as your friends

who have gone before you?

[Emir] Isn't there one other soldier

that wants to disappear?

[Frenchman] Hey you, monsieur.

I want my men, what have you done with them?

They're in the garden of Allah.

Captain, captain!

They throw us all in the river!

- Get them! - Wait, men!

What are you saying?

Come here, soldier.

And you too, come here.

- Now who did what? - You had me there on top

and then, boom!

Down inside, just like you did to the other four men.

[Ettore] Wait a minute.

- I did... - No, he did.

He's the one. (blow thudding)

Look, don't get so sore.

He's lyin', you know what I mean?

[Captain] No.

Because I was the one.

(blow thudding) (groaning)

(exclaiming) En garde!

Arrest him, go!

Wait, it's all part of the show.

They don't believe me.

(Ettore yelling)

(upbeat medieval music)

(blows thudding) (exclaiming)

(thudding)

(chattering)

Now then.

I hear you have news for us, tell us.

Your Grace two men left Barletta this afternoon

to destroy your cannon.

[Duke] Destroy our cannon?

Really?

In fact I figure the two are there already.

Against 20 armed men

what can your friends do?

- Quite a story. - Brilliant.

I admit, it shows you have imagination, your story.

But you're wasting your time.

[Bayard] It sounds like a trap to me.

I swear it's not.

The information is exact.

You say the information is exact.

Then you're a traitor.

Oh, Bayard, you're such a moralist.

Isn't he?

I see that it's time for another shot.

And this time I suggest you come.

Gladly.

(horse neighing)

[La Motte] I have no doubt that the spectacle

you are about to see will please Your Grace.

(rumbling)

(explosion booming) (missile roaring)

(men shouting) That's it, to your horses!

[Ettore] Come on, come on, get that stuff on the wagon!

What are you waiting for?

(muffled moaning)

Here, grab it.

Come on, hurry.

All right, now get outta here!

Go on!

[Woman] Ettore, help you...

(flames roaring)

[Gray-Ah-Noo] Oh well, at least you can see

that I wasn't lying.

Which only proves you are a genuine traitor.

- My compliments. - It's too bad.

I tried to tell you, but you wouldn't listen.

You can be sure all of us appreciate you.

Then I hope you'll find a place for me.

I mean, permanently.

[Bayard] A good idea.

What do you say, La Motte?

Certainly.

What permanent place would you prefer? (Laughing)

(eggshells cracking) (sighing)

They're big eggs but there's nothing in them!

Hens are hungry, too.

(bells tolling)

- What is going on? - I can tell you.

They're all going to mass to celebrate the

destruction of the French cannon.

Ah.

All I know is that he said

the dead man was Gray-Ah-Noo.

I've just been told they found Gary-Ah-Noo's body

- by the river. - Yeah, we know.

They're gonna pay for this, I swear.

I'll take Bracalone, you two stay behind.

(fanfare music) (laughing)

[Frenchman] Three little birds in a cage.

(laughing)

Pretty birds.

And now, mademoiselle,

you shall see what the joys (speaking foreign language).

- Voila! - (laughing)

(martial music)

(thudding)

(laughing)

[Frenchman] Bravo!

[Ettore] Those are the bastards that killed Gray-Ah-Noo.

I got an idea.

- What are you gonna do? - Never mind.

Just start writing.

[Frenchman] We want to know if you like our show.

Because if you like it,

the winner will be given the first choice.

Which of you three shall be his bride?

(hissing)

(shouting in foreign language)

(dramatic music)

Oh?

(blow thudding) (exclaiming)

(yelling)

Ooh!

(blow thudding)

(blow thudding) (exclaiming)

[Leonora] Ettore, Ettore!

Thank you, Ettore!

Oh, he's so marvelous, he's saved my life again.

I love you, Ettore!

I obviously have to remind you, Signor Fieramosca,

that gentlemen who are taken as prisoners

cannot be hanged!

We don't engage in savage acts!

They can each rest assured

that they shall be treated

according to their rank and station.

You have assured me of your correctness, sir.

But a war should never be fought unless

gentlemen fight them, not scrotty mercenaries

who insult us by fighting dishonestly.

With tricks, that's how they fight, the Italians.

For a glass of wine, for a crust of bread,

they'd sell their souls.

It's a land of beggars.

Yes, this land is a land of poverty.

Our soldiers die like men, though.

And you have insulted them.

I want these men to accept our challenge.

What's the point?

Evidently I must remind you that your ranks are different

- and since each of these... - Signor.

Three gentlemen is a knight, you cannot fight them.

I just had word our reinforcements

have arrived in Taranto.

The men are going to need about three full days,

they say, to make the entire journey.

Tell them to hurry.

Perhaps it's the ideal solution then.

I heard they got over.

Let's not bother about ranks,

let's see if they accept my challenge.

Or am I standing before cowards?

I'm waiting for their answer.

You did offend the Italians, it's perfectly clear.

You may accept the challenge or not, it's up to you.

But for you men just to ignore it looks a bit passive,

in fact I'd be unhappy to know

that this situation invited ridicule of the French army.

And so I shall look to your illustrious

and honored Duke of Namur for a truce

that allows us some time to make preparations.

About three days, I should think, huh?

Certainly the Duke will consent to anything

which calls into question our honor.

But to fight commoners is unfair, monsieur.

Surely you know that they can be knighed

as loyal servants of the King of Spain.

And I am entitled to do this for his majesty Ferdinando.

Not only that, I can bestow that office on anybody.

* La la, la la, la la, la la

* La la la la la la la

* La la la la.

- My sword! - Wait a minute,

don't do it me,

I'm just a journalist, it's not ness- ...

Monsieur La Motte,

you may decide the number of knights that will compete.

How many men you think we got?

- Come on. - Silencio!

What's your answer?

Friday the 13th is only three days from now, sir.

Three days is what you asked.

I should choose 13 knights.

Will you accept my proposal?

Logically that calls into question

the service of my men, to even the number up.

This is a matter for the Italian soldiers

and the Italians shall match that number.

Nine soldiers we need, don't we?

Who are you gonna find?

- Bunch of idiots you'll find. - That's how it stands.

Yes, so, you will find nine more, then.

On your knees, sir.

Where were you born?

- Why? - For your name!

I need a title!

Ah, Capua.

Fieramosca di Capua, as a sign of humility,

you should have your hands together.

By order of our sovereign king

I place this sword of Spain on this man.

(speaking foreign language)

(smack resounding)

Nobody's ever done that to me, nobody.

You idiot, that's part of the ceremony,

it's only a symbol to show how you're to suffer

as a knight in the service of the king.

Put him down!

Why didn't you say so?

(thudding) Sorry, fella.

But there's some things get me mad.

Monsieur.

[Ettore] Still friends?

[Captain] You are all hereby knighted,

by order of his majesty King Ferdinando.

Peredes!

Go ahead, Peredes, go on.

They're all waiting for you, aren't you, men?

This guy was first, I go after.

(smack resounding) (fanfare music)

(fanfare music) (people talking)

(clanging) (exclaiming)

(clanging)

[Peredes] The Italians are going to be beaten.

[Captain] That's unimportant.

Our men will be here shortly.

You need style! (Laughing)

[Woman] A plague to your country!

- Go back to France! - Idiots!

(people exclaiming) [Man] Fry in hell!

Fry in hell!

To me it's all an act.

They're doin' all that to frighten us.

Yeah, they're not doin' a bad job at it, either.

(people talking)

(thudding)

Citizens of Baretta, Italians,

Ettero Fieramosca must have men of good honor.

Answer his call, noble sons,

to live life in glory and fight by his side in dignity.

Drop dead.

They show a little spirit, huh?

Oh well, nine more to go.

(swords clanging)

Nine Italians to risk getting slaughtered

only for our pride?

They'd be fools, we're gonna find nobody.

Barletta still has courage, though.

For it gave you Mariano the Tiger.

- [Woman] Saints protect us. - (murmuring)

If he were here...

Then our drama would become a tragedy.

Probably a French tragedy.

Mariano the Tiger, Mariano dear, we need you.

- Please, help us. - Relax, it's all settled.

They just told me where to find the great Mariano.

[Woman] Mariano?

Oh, my son's on the road.

He's always working, poor soul.

Always in demand, always rushing here and there.

He never eats, never eats a square meal and I worry.

A mother worries.

I'll put you on the list, but it's a very long list.

[Ettore] What list?

Oh, the order here,

don't you realize the people leave orders?

He's been asked to kill the nephew of the Pope,

but that won't be till Tuesday morning.

Well what's he doing today?

Today he's going to kill Frederick the Ferocious.

- Wait! - (thudding)

(exclaiming)

You damn well lose, you pay.

Next time I throw you out, you're gonna go through my floor.

Well, well.

Miale di Parma.

If he's here, so's his friend Riccio.

These two are men who won't say no.

What a name for a guy, Mali di Parma.

- Miale's his name. - Ah.

[Gambler] You bettin'?

Wake up, you sucker.

- What? - Dig for it, Sonny,

I wanna see your money.

(exclaiming)

Nobody stay unless you're willin' to play.

Put you money down, winner takes crowd.

[Man] Over it! (Laughing)

Forget it, boy, don't tell me.

Don't even bother, for it don't mean a thing.

Boy, you got your nerve, comin' around here.

You gotta be off your f-, if you really mean to ask me

to fight your fight.

I'm prematurely retired, I like peace and good health.

Noble ideals, but,

we just came around to play a few games, that's all.

Play, if you want to.

We'll wait a while.

We wanna see what the odds are.

Take a chance with Lady Luck.

Push rewards all here went on adventures.

All the winners can eat tomorrow,

those who lose can steal or borrow.

Sorry, gents,

bank's in luck again. (gamblers exclaiming)

Dig for your money, let's see it.

You gotta put down the bets and leave 'em alone.

You can't change your mind.

All right, let's go, let's see what we got here.

Bank wins again. (gamblers groaning)

Poor man's money melts like snow,

but yours can double with a throw.

I shall prove that that is so.

I shall toss the dice, and make it grow.

Put your bets down, gentlemen, here we go.

(clicking)

Well, well.

Loaded dice, now what does that mean?

I knew it!

(gamblers shouting)

- You cheated me, you! - (blow thudding)

(exclaiming) (blows thudding)

That oughta put you in form again, Miale.

You want some help?

The way that looks, I dunno,

I doubt if you can handle it alone.

No!

I won't fight the French! (blows thudding)

I'll pray for you.

[Miale] I won't fight the French!

No, the answer is no!

No, you really mean no?

[Miale] No!

(blows thudding) (groaning)

I'll do it, I'll do it.

That includes your buddy Riccio too, eh?

He can't, he's in jail.

(blows thudding) Doesn't matter,

I know how to get him out of jail.

I got a plan.

Get these guys offa me.

(blows thudding) (bright music)

Hey, where ya throwin' that?

At me.

[Man] I'll make you beg. (Groaning)

(blows thudding)

Whammo!

Nine outta 10.

(exclaiming) (blows thudding)

Hooray for us, that's it, fantastic, nothing can stop us.

Ettore, look out! (clattering)

(blow thudding)

Yes, sir, that's sure good for us.

What are thinkin', five men each.

What are you doin', fat-head?

Uh, looking, actually, I was about to write, and uh...

Listen, how do you propose to free Riccio?

There's no way out that's safe.

Don't forget, he's a lifer.

(chuckles) Don't you worry, we'll do it, believe me.

[Bracalone] Riccio, where are you?

- [Man] Riccio! - (honking)

- [Bracalone] Riccio. - (hissing)

- Riccio. - Who is it?

[Bracalone] It's us, Riccio.

We brought you a treat, some wine.

It's real wine, made outta grapes.

[Riccio] How come, why?

[Miale] To drink to our victory, Riccio.

[Riccio] Why should I?

Because it'll show you're a loyal Italian.

I'm not.

Would you like to know what your odds are in this place?

20 to one that you lose.

We all put to Scudi on with France..

I guess it's better that you take to the French.

- To the French! - Up yours.

(wine sloshing)

(coughing)

(bells ringing) (chanting in foreign language)

- Maybe he's really dead. - No, he only looks dead.

You guys go get Riccio, I gotta see the friar.

[Bracalone] What do you wanna see the friar for?

He's an old friend.

Things aren't like they used to be, Ettore.

I gave up my sword for St. Crispian, I promised him.

[Ettore] It's a pity, doesn't do much good there.

[Friar] Maybe, but the fact is it does no evil,

and I must expiate the sins of my past as best I can.

- Yes, but uh... - Naturally, if St. Crispian

were to tell me take up my sword once more, I'd obey.

He'd have to tell me, though.

He talks?

- You mean he... - Yeah, can you imagine that?

Once he yelled out, "Men of God, to battle!"

And everyone grabbed swords, even the bishop.

- When was this? - Oh, 400 years ago.

Oh!

The good saint hasn't spoken a word since that day.

Not much of a talker, St. Crispian.

Don't worry, I know how important this match is.

And I owe it to you,

- as a friend. - I'm glad

you see it that way...

To be at your side in prayer.

(Ettore sighs)

[Fanfulla] They stole Riccio!

- What? - He's nowhere to be found.

Now who would steal a dead body?

I'll tell you who,

it's that maniac who lives in the castle, he did it.

It's true, he likes to cut up corpses.

Ettore!

- Fanfulla! - Wait!

Take the antidote.

Where are you going?

He's out of his mind, he's dangerous.

I'll get Riccio back, I promise you.

Hey. Hey!

Think we can find Riccio?

Yeah, a piece or two.

- Whaddya mean? - Don't forget

to give him the antidote, otherwise he'll be really dead.

No!

[Capoccio] He only had a half an hour!

What time you got?

(eerie music)

It will be interesting

to dissect such a harmoniously lean creature.

Hand me the saw.

(eerie music)

That's a strange-looking double molar he's got.

Extractor.

(hooves pounding)

I swear, I swear, whoever took Riccio, I'll kill him!

I want my friend Riccio, every piece!

Outta my way! (thudding)

(banging)

- Riccio. - Yes.

Fortunately I noticed in time that he wasn't quite dead.

By the teeth.

It's the color.

Riccio, my old friend...

I'm selling my body to science when I die.

I don't have to, but I want to.

When I'm 201. (laughing)

But what'd you steal his tooth for?

Taking advantage of a poor corpse! (Grunting)

Careful, for anger is contagious, gentlemen.

Quite contagious.

I hope perhaps you'll have the courtesy

to fight me one man at a time.

Yes, and I'll go first.

As a swordsman, I'm without peer, I warn you.

Yes, well, maybe.

Let's see if you're as good as you claim.

(Riccio whimpering)

(swords clanging)

(Ettore gasping)

For a man of science, you're not bad, I must say.

Disarming me with flattery, Signor Fieramosca.

(swords clanging)

(grunting) Bravo!

(blade swishing) I keep myself

in good condition. (speaking foreign language)

(swords clanging) (men panting)

A bravo for you.

(swords clanging) (men panting)

That stroke belongs to Albimonte da Peretola.

Signore da Ba-zen, Duke of Mazzarole.

You're quite right, my friend.

Strange way to be meeting you.

I think my friends will be pleased to know who you are.

Gentlemen, it is my honor to present Albimonte da Peretola,

one of the greatest swordsmen in Italy.

If he fights at our side, we have nothing to fear.

Wishful thinking, Signor Fieramosca.

I know what you're about to ask.

Only I will not be able to join you.

My life is devoted to science.

Nobody wants to help us!

What do we got, the mange or what?

It's simply that I don't hold

with this challenge against the French.

Because in fact we should be ashamed of being Italian.

Do you see this silly old clown?

Do you realize that this Italian

is making us all look fools in the eyes of the world?

- Who is he? - Leonardo da Vinci!

(laughing)

The man's demented!

Take, take his studies of the human body.

They're folly!

Just comical and stupid lies.

And his invention, look, look, look!

He built that contraption up there.

He's mad, though.

He believes, he's convinced that humans

(imitates bird) will fly.

Like birds! (Laughing)

Your insignificant challenge cannot restore Italian honor.

But if we attack the foolish theories of Leonardo,

perhaps we can.

Yet if I were to discover that this man's ideas

had truth in them,

then I would fight by your side,

proud of my fellow countrymen.

I give you my word, Fieramosca.

[Bracalone] Whole day, we only find two guys.

[Man] Pray for a miracle.

The best place to pray for a miracel is in the church.

- Right? - Right.

Whoever it was took everything except the sword.

Strange he didn't take the sword.

I think it was Salamone, the Sicilian.

He keeps on looting churches

all over the area, the scoundrel.

Do you know, in Taranti, this devil,

actually stole the bishop's throne?

They call him the Terror of the South.

Oh, if I could get my hands on him.

[Ettore] Salamone's his name, eh?

[Friar] Yeah.

And he's as slippery as an eel.

[Ettore] You might say

he's devoted to the church, in a way.

Tryin' to be funny?

Salamone, you said, right?

[Friar] Salamone, Salamone, you keep asking me.

Must've been just before dark,

'cause I was here till late.

Then he couldn't have gotten very far.

[Friar] I know.

I'll find him when mass is over.

And when I catch him...

May God be with you, Brother Ludovico.

[Ludovico] And with you.

I'll batter him brainless with a bludgeon!

You better stay here until St. Crispian's ready.

I'll be back later.

[Salamone] Amen.

Turn up here, come on!

Eh, what if I uh, need to scratch something?

(bell tolling)

- Let's go! - Sh.

Don't talk so loud.

If the friar hears us, he'll knock our heads off.

So who's scared, he's not Mariano the Tiger.

The church is a sacred place, we mustn't say that name.

Hey, that rope looks kinda thin, I don't know.

Yeah, it does look kind of thin, but, so what.

This Mariano, is he dangerous?

Fatal.

- Didn't they tell you in jail? - Nope.

[Fanfulla] Then you oughta be told.

Tell him.

Uh, well, well, take El Cid, Attila, Ulysses,

uh Julius Caesar, and Hannibal.

Mix 'em all togther and what have you got?

You only got the pinky of Mariano the Tiger.

Hey listen, we gotta wait till it gets dark,

you know that.

And when you speak, put on a loud, strange voice.

Try to imagine you're really a saint.

Oh, God, what am I gonna say?

I forgot everytihng.

You won't forget.

You just say, "To battle, to battle!"

Nothing more than that.

I remember.

To battle, to battle!

Hey, not so fast. (Groaning)

(distant muttering)

If I get any higher, I'm gonna be a real saint.

- Is that for me? - Not exactly.

I want it to be stolen.

[Leonora] Oh, why?

It's a way to make an old buzzard

leave the safety his nest.

So I can trap him.

I wouldn't be so sure, though.

If you ask me, those jewels look like fakes.

Salamone's not an idiot.

Ah, but when you've got an actress

who's as good as Leonora is, Salamone's easy game.

Did you hear?

He actually said so, he paid me a compliment! (Gasps)

Why'd you have to get yourself so gooey for me?

[Leonora] He loves me.

(Ettore blows raspberry) (bright music)

(gasping)

It's gone!

You didn't feel a thing, eh?

This was worth waiting for.

The genius of thieves.

The master.

And he's exactly what I need.

(upbeat medieval music)

Who would have thought I'd meet the man

they call the Terror of the South?

Salamone the Fierce, for who's to big a petty thief.* #

May I?

(chuckling)

Tacit consent.

I can read in your eyes one great question.

What does this visitor want?

I shall not waste a word.

I need strong men, fierce men.

Where else do you think I could find

a specimen better than you? (Chuckles)

And I, I knew you'd be eager to fight

when it becomes a matter of Italian honor, huh?

Of course if patriotism isn't enough

to persuade you to join us, I got other ways.

Ah, (chuckles), you still hangin' on to this thing.

(chuckles) It's worthless.

Maybe you didn't notice that.

But now, now it's served its purpose.

(necklace splashing)

(thudding)

(groaning)

Well, you either go to jail

for stealing those fake jewels, or fight with us, okay?

- Make up your mind. - It's made!

(blow thudding) (grunting)

(Ettore sighs)

You need convincing.

But I, I want you to realize, really,

it's nothing personal.

(thudding)

(clattering) (splashing)

(laughing) Now you're employed.

Ettore!

Ettore, guess what?

I found another man.

You've heard of him, Giovenale.

He was condemned by the Pope.

He's called the killer of the Trala.

If we get him, that's seven.

[Ettore] Eight, with this one.

(upbeat medieval music)

(women chatting and laughing)

I want a grape.

They're not ripe.

You should have left them in the sun another 10 hours

to give 'em time to mature.

[Guiseppa] I'm sorry, I didn't know.

I told you, Guiseppa.

You are Guiseppa, no?

In order to become a Moslem wife,

you've gotta learn to take criticism.

Maybe she's like me.

I've no intention of becoming a Moslem.

- I want to. - Me too.

- I wanna be what I am. - I don't care what you want!

It's what I want.

Oh.

None of you have any choice anyway.

Only in the faith of the prophet Mohammed

can I marry all seven of you.

Well, I'd still have a harem.

But at least it'll be legitimate.

And it's our duty as parents

to give our children a Christian name.

[Boy] Papa, tell us about the Trala.

Did you really kill a hundred men?

Ah, that was something.

I was a lot younger then.

That day they got me angry.

It was a massacre!

(chanting in foreign language)

Papa, the monks are gonna get you.

So I can't start a fight.

The wrath of the Christian God!

To your battle stations, everyone.

It's the Spanish Inquisition.

I'm ready for them, though.

Who the hell made this?

To arms, to battle, man the cannon.

(chanting in foreign language)

Fire! (explosion booming)

(exclaiming)

(explosion booming)

- Vicious nature, hasn't he? - Is that what it is?

(hens clucking)

Wait, don't shoot, we're friends, we have good tidings.

We come in the name of peace.

- Beat it, miscreant. - But, but the Pope sent us,

my son.

Impossible!

Because Pope Borgia and me ain't been speakin' lately.

[Ettore] But he's still fond of you.

And after hearing of your desire to become a Moslem,

he sent us as his personal emissaries.

Yeah, but how's the Pope know?

The Pope is the Pope, right?

And the Pope knows all.

Naturally.

Now, may we discuss it inside?

He shall let you become a Moslem

without risking eternal damnation.

And I have with me a certificate with the papal seal

that gives you dual citizenship

to the Kingdom of Heaven or the Garden of Allah

- when the time comes. - Let me have it.

(Ettore sighs)

It isn't something that can be given away free.

You have to give something in return.

It's nothing.

You must join with the Italian knights

who are about to match their strength and prowess

against 13 French knights.

Why's he pickin' on the French?

What for?

Mainly because they're heretics.

That's a sore point with him.

But I can't fight against heretics.

That's stupid, I'm one too.

He's prepared to forget all that.

[Giovenale] Why?

Why?

Look, you wanna become a Moslem or not?

Are you kiddin'?

Then do exactly what you're told,

otherwise the Pope won't let you. (Chuckles)

I don't understand you.

- You said the Pope? - That's right.

The Pope's given permission.

[Ludovico] To actually become a Moslem?

Yeah, that's what the friar said.

But does the Pope have the right

to force that on me, though?

How can me make me change my religion?

Stop that yelling!

- Six friars, you said. - That's right.

What nationality were these friars?

Italian.

Ah.

Their spokesman.

Was he a lot taller than I am?

Oh, yes, he was very tall.

Much taller than you.

He looked like a Grizzly bear.

He had a lot of hair all over his face.

(Ludovico yelling)

What am I going to do?

What am I going to do?

Holy St. Crispian, you know what they've done, don't you?

Give me a sign, just a little sign, 'cause that,

Tell me what to do, I beg you.

Should I go and fight?

To battle.

To battle!

A miracle.

A miracle!

To battle.

(glass shards clattering) (Bracalone groaning)

(yelling) (thudding)

(woman screaming)

Oh, fate!

(thudding)

(sword clanging)

There's the miracle, look.

He gave me a sign.

As a matter of fact, it's the same as if he did speak.

(sword rasping)

[Bracalone] Oh, it's to battle, Ludovico di Terni?

To battle I go.

But before I do, I have a score to settle

with a Grizzly bear.

Be careful.

Thank you, Father. (Smooching)

Where are these heretic French?

I'm ready for a real massacre.

I'm ready for a great big bloodbath.

- Yeah, I wanna kill... - Now, careful...

- Believe me... - Calm down!

Tomorrow you can prove your skill

with the greatest fighters in Italy.

- Yeah? - Ettore.

- Fanfulla. - Wow.

- Romanello. - Gee.

Miale.

- Riccio. - If they're so good,

how come I don't know 'em?

(banging)

'Cause they're all cowards!

Liars!

You mocked St. Crispian!

Villains, you'll pay with the blade

of this holy sword!

This sword called

- the Vengeance! - What's he doing here?

This priest is French, he doesn't care for

our little arrangement at all, you know.

You!

You'll kill heretics, will you?

Out of my house!

- Infidel! - Or I'll kill you!

Why you, get out of my...

[Ludovico] Heathen!

I'll kill you!

Don't get me mad.

- I warn you. - Take this!

(thudding)

Oh now I'm mad.

Now I'm mad.

(blows thudding) (exclaiming)

That's where you belong, right in the chicken shit.

[Ludovico] You've been tricked!

- Tricked? - Don't you know that,

you idiot?

Those aren't real friars.

- Of course they are. - No!

They were sent by the Pope.

- They just told you... - Did you know,

Pope Borgia has quite a few children.

All the returns aren't in yet.

We still haven't lost him to Mohammed.

You wanted to trick me, didn't you?

I'm getting angry.

I'm getting mad! (Yells)

(thudding) [Boy] Papa, Papa, look,

the angel Gabriel!

[Man] Leonardo!

Leonardo da Vinci! (eerie music)

[Woman] It's a miracle, a miracle!

Bravo, Leonardo.

Looks like he proved it after all, eh?

Leonardo da Vinci!

Though I may have doubted your theories,

now I'm willing to admit I was wrong.

Man can fly!

And how easy it looks.

- Eh. - I'm an eagle!

Now all the sky is our world, our own world.

For-eh-, (yelling)

(clattering)

It's for the birds, I'd say.

Eh, not only.

Anyway, it shows Leonardo was right.

[Ettore] I'm glad you're convinced.

Well now I'm ready to join you all

and to fight at your side.

(exclaiming)

It's gonna be really something.

Just like old times.

Papa, Papa, is it really true

you're gonna fight the French?

We wanna come, too, we never saw you fight.

Of course I'll put on a show for you.

It'll be a sensation!

(laughing) Better even than the Trala!

Did you know my Papa's braver than Mariano the Tiger?

Mama mia, everybody's heard of Mariano the Tiger.

(wordless vocalizing) (harpsichord music)

Place your hands together as a sign of humility.

Peredes, ready for the (speaking foreign language).

It'll only hurt for a minute.

But even if it does,

you'll just have to face it willingly.

(smacks resounding) (wordless vocalizing)

Signor Fieramosca, please let me fight for you.

It's not too much to ask, is it?

After all, if I'm gonna be a soldier of fortune,

it's better if I start with you.

I'm a good fighter.

(bells tolling)

Time's running out.

And you still need two others.

If I were in your place, Ettore, I would take us both.

You know that each of us is eager to fight.

Even if I'm not the greatest warrior that ever lived.

It's all written here in my palm.

And it's evident, I'm not going to die yet.

(wordless vocalizing)

Captain de Cordoba.

You've got two more customers.

(upbeat medieval music)

(speaking foreign language)

We got only six hours left.

No word of Mariano the Tiger.

I know, all we can do is wait.

If we don't find him, Ettore's still got to find someone.

(speaking foreign language)

[Gray-Ah-Noo] Bless these, will ya?

- I don't understand. - You will.

Look.

Our lances are gonna be a little bit longer than theirs.

I had them specially made.

It's somethin' that nobody's gonna notice,

and who can tell, maybe we'll win.

- That's cheating. - Yeah, anybody care?

(clears throat) (speaking foreign language)

[All] Amen.

(slow instrumental version of "Oh Ettore")

(horse neighing)

(slow instrumental version of "Oh Ettore")

What is this, a miracle?

Who are you?

Did you come here to tell me that you're gonna join us?

You're Mariano the Tiger?

Listen, I don't like guessing games very much.

That's great, that's pretty funny.

You must be crazy, we're not casting Joan of Arc, you know.

What's this all about?

Fun.

I could play at least the fool for you.

I've played it before.

It's one of those roles I never forget.

Nothing seems funny to me now, Leonora, nothing.

Not even yourself in the role of a knight?

It doesn't really suit you.

It's probably fine for someone else, but not you.

'Cause you'll get lonely.

I might be waiting if you do.

I'm no good at fancy words, you understand.

Only I'm glad you said what you did.

You better get some rest.

Good night.

Joan of Arc.

(waves lapping)

- Will they come? - I doubt it.

They couldn't find the men.

- It's still early. - Is it?

Fieramosca da Capua.

Bracalone del Pontino.

Albimonte da Peretola.

Capoccio da Roma.

Ludovico da Terni.

Giovenale da Vetralla.

Fanfulla da Lodi.

Romanello da Forl?.

Carilario de Monfette.

Riccio da Parma.

Miale da Parma.

Salamone dal Massina.

And that one?

All 13.

So they've done it.

Our reinforcements are very near the city, signor.

- Arriving? - Yes.

Fine.

They're arriving.

Now come with me.

Gentlemen I've been told our reinforcements

have now arrived here.

You can see, surely, that changes everything.

- Everything? - Yes, Fieramosca, everything.

You can forget their insult

or face the French later in open battle.

Those are your orders.

It's a bit late to say that.

We're disregarding your orders.

Try to understand, Fieramosca,

suddenly things are different.

I must forbid you to leave the city.

Of course, you're not expected to like it.

But you're unusually stubborn and proud,

so you force my hand.

And I tell you I'm not leaving you men any choice.

Captain de Cordoba.

The Italians were insulted, do you deny it?

[Captain] That's not the point.

Yes, but supposing the Spanish were insulted.

I don't think you'd stand for that.

I'm not gonna obey those orders.

And now, since everything's decided,

will you ask someone to unbolt the gate?

We're anxious to leave, signor, the moment has come.

What a sight.

An unlikely collection of scruffy charlatans,

rogues,

knaves,

even a boy and a monk.

Yet I gave you a promise and I'm forced now to maintain it.

And I shall indeed, sir.

I can only hope

that destiny is kind to you

and brings you good fortune.

God be with you and your soldiers today.

(horses neighing)

Oh, les voila!

* La la, la la, la la, la la la

* La la la la la la

* La la, la la, la la, la la la

* La la la la la la.

What are they?

They came, though.

* La la, la la, la la, la la la

* La la la la la la.

Well now, don't they all look dandy?

Before the attack.

I would like to finish them soon.

I have not eaten yet.

You must first kill the boar,

before you sell its skin, Armande.

They are a very odd-looking collection, aren't they?

The men all look like sheep on horses.

The horses don't mind, though.

They know that sheep are harmless.

Well see if they call us sheep after we've fought.

And what if we feel like eating?

Can we stop?

(clattering)

- Oh, no. - (laughing)

They're laughing.

What do you suppose that means?

Hey, I think I'd rather do this on foot, I'm so nervous.

(laughing) I thought this was going to be a fight.

Instead it's become a farce.

(laughing)

I'm sorry, monsieur.

12 knights are not enough.

(hooves pounding)

(fanfare music)

(dramatic music)

[Black Knight] Mariano the Tiger is my name.

I just got back.

I come to do battle with the French.

(exclaiming and laughing)

Hey, you. (Whistles)

Monsieur La Motte, got that?

(laughing)

Unless there's some objection, Bayard,

I think we can start.

[Bayard] (speaking foreign language), the field is yours.

(speaking foreign language)

You know the rules.

A fight to the death.

First, lances.

Then broadswords, finally, maces.

All weapons must be of regulation measurement.

- Otherwise... - They'll see our lances

are much longer than the French ones.

Just make sure that we keep ours low, eh?

And now, messieurs, as the chivalry code specifies,

the adversaries exchange lances.

Mm, now we'll have the short end of the stick.

You botched it!

This is getting too complicated.

Couldn't we just play chess or somethin'?

What are you saying, gotta have regulations, no?

- Eh, well... - No, you see, um.

- Exactly. - You idiot.

Villefort!

Daguy!

La Paris!

Chantille!

St. Juste!

D'Anjou!

Beauregard!

Cinquentaine!

Chatelain!

Deauxvenis!

Valois!

La Foret!

La Motte!

(fanfare music)

[Ettore] To Italian honor!

(downbeat music)

(suspenseful music)

(wind whistling)

(hooves pounding) (armor rattling)

(clanging and rattling)

(exclaiming) (clanging and rattling)

See?

The long lances worked.

I told ya.

[Bracalone] Hey, anybody got a can opener?

[Ettore] Come on, you French cards!

I wanna see the color of your flag, you,

(muffled speech)

Come and fight if you've got the courage.

I, Mariano the Tiger!

(bright music)

(horse neighing)

(bright music)

(clattering) (neighing)

(bright music) (swords clanging)

Fieramosca!

Don't worry about him.

- Worry about me! - Fieramosca!

(clanging) (Riccio yelling)

- En garde! - All right, you French curs.

I'm ready!

I, Mariano the Tiger.

Hey, Tiger.

(exclaiming)

(clanging)

That was not very Queensbury.

(clanging) (exclaiming)

[Mariano] Don't come any closer, La Motte, I warn you.

(clanging) (groaning)

No, don't hit me.

You're not supposed to hit me!

How dare you?

The others turn and run, but not you.

It's not fair.

Mama, Mama!

You rabbit, you can't run away.

The Tiger, they call you.

It was all just paying good money to a press agent.

You're pitiful, you are.

He hit me.

I wasn't supposed to have a real duel, I hate you.

(growling) Don't do that!

Mama!

Mama!

[Italian] Come on.

En garde!

(clanging) (bright music)

(knocking)

[Bracalone] Uh oh.

(speaking foreign language)

(clanging)

- Do you surrender? - No!

- Surrender? - I said no!

(clanging)

[Frenchman] I can't hear you.

[Carilario] I surrender!

(clanging)

I surrender.

I can't hear you.

I surrender.

(thudding) Can you hear all right now?

How's that?

Any better yet?

(grunts) Why don't we clean out your ears.

- I surrender. - You what?

- I surrender. - I can't understand you.

Speak up! (thudding)

(bright music)

(giggling)

I feel sick, it's another liver attack.

Valorous soldier of France, have pity on me.

Hurry, my pills, if I don't have one of my pills, I'll die.

They're right inside here, get them for me.

Such a fragile organ, our liver.

So delicate, just like our brain.

(thudding) (groaning)

Well, if he's stupid enough to be taken in

by such a silly trick, he deserves it.

(thudding) Somebody answer the door.

(bright music)

[Bracalone] Move on.

(grunting) (clanging)

(bells tolling)

(grunting) (clanging)

By God, I'll, excuse me. (Smooches)

(thudding) (grunting)

(bright music)

(clanging)

Yoo hoo.

Where you been, fish-face?

[Albiimonte] My grandma fights better than you.

(clanging) (grunting)

(blowing raspberry)

(blowing raspberry)

(grunting) (thudding)

(groaning)

(speaking foreign language)

[Bracalone] Mama mia!

What are you trying to do, sharpen my pencil?

Oh, I'm gettin' outta here.

Take over, will ya?

(clanging)

(speaking foreign language)

Your father was a lady.

How dare you!

(clanging) (bright music)

I surrender, I surrender.

Enough. (laughing)

There you are.

Now it is our turn, Fieramosca. (Laughing)

(yelling)

(thudding)

- Bingo. - (Thudding)

Come and die, you Italian pig.

(swords clanging)

Leave him alone, he's mine!

(thudding)

You idiot!

With this head I could split a cannonball.

(yelling)

(thudding)

(laughing)

- Go on! - (yelling)

(thudding) (laughing)

More then. (Laughing)

Don't stop now.

(groaning)

(clanging) (bright music)

Archimedes mirror.

(eerie music) (thudding)

That's the advantage of knowing a little science, right?

(clanging) (grunting)

Filthy dog.

At least in Sicily, a lady is honored and respected.

(grunting) (thudding)

(laughing)

Oh, dear.

My war journal.

I've been saved, it's really true, I've been saved.

No, I surrender, I surrender.

I'm only an obserevr, I'm only a journalist.

I work for a paper, I've gotta go file a story now.

Ettore, Ettore!

Ettore!

Monsieur La Motte.

Are you ready?

(laughing)

(grunting) (clanging)

Albimonte!

That's enough, it's my turn now.

Ah. (Laughing)

(grunting) (clanging)

(laughing)

(grunting) (clanging)

(laughing)

Ow!

Get off my foot.

[Ettore] Sorry.

(grunting) (clanging)

(groaning)

(exclaiming)

(grunting) (clanging)

Use the mace, you bonehead.

Ah!

(weapons swishing)

(clanging) (grunting)

(laughing)

(grunting) (clanging)

Surrender?

Why should I?

You're disarmed, aren't you?

What the hell you mean?

(grunting)

This is from Gray-Ah-Noo!

(grunting) (thudding)

Your Gray-Ah-Noo

was a traitor!

That's a friggin' lie!

(thudding) (eerie music)

You had enough?

No.

Yes, he has.

Victory goes to the Italians.

(cheering and laughing)

(soft music)

Bracalone.

Gimme the journal.

We'd like you to keep this, as a memento

of how 13 Italian knights saved the day.

But all I see here is scribbling.

Scribbling?

Jesus Christ, he doesn't know how to write.

Bracalone!

What do you want from me?

You don't know how to read.

(upbeat music)

* I'll tell you a story, 'bout the soldier I knew

* Oh, Ettore

* He'd fight all day long

* And he'd just sing the night through

* Oh, Ettore

* I'll tell you of his way to find other men

* Oh, Ettore

* But not of the way he used his tricks once again

* Oh, Ettore

* He fights, and says, he won't just live

* Unless he can fight as well

* He fights, and says, he won't just live

* Unless he can fight as well

(upbeat medieval music)

* Look around you, find a way

* The kitchen ain't so far away

* You find the smell and follow it

* And then he's got, ah ha ha ha ha

* You can find him sitting down

* And having fun with everyone

* The kitchen's not that table

* The savor the same

* He come along to find the cupboard was bare

* And all the fruit eaten up

* And now the