All language subtitles for Soldier of Fortune (1976) Bud Spencer, Franco Agostini, Enzo Cannavale Comedy. - video dailymotion

(upbeat medieval music)

(folk-y country music)

* I'll tell you a story

* 'Bout the soldier I knew

* Oh, Ettore

* He'd fight all day long

* And he'd just sing
the night through

* Oh, Ettore

* I'll tell you of his
way to find other men

* Oh, Ettore

* But not of the way he
used his tricks once again

* Oh, Ettore

* He fights, and says,
he won't just live

* Unless he can fight as well

* He fights, and says,
he won't just live

* Unless he can fight as well

* Look around you, find a way

* The kitchen ain't so far away

* You find the
smell then follow it

* And then he's got,
ah ha ha ha ha ha

* You can find him sitting down

* And having fun with everyone

* But get yourself

* At table or stay by the shade

* He'd come along to find
the cupboard was bare

* And all the fruit eaten up

* And all the
comers look for him

* And not a drink
to fill his cup

* So I'm afraid I'm really
all quite all shook up

* Here are they the boys,
won't you come on follow him

* Oh, Ettore

* He oughtn't to come, no
need to come on and fight

* Oh, Ettore

* He left his boys there
when he alone went to strike

* Oh, Ettore

* And didn't come back till
the last man was knocked down

* Oh, Ettore

* He fights and says,
he won't just live

* Unless he can fight as well

* He fights and says,
he won't just live

* Unless he can fight as well.

[Bracalone] There
he is, that's him.

Ettore Fieramosca, he's
part of history, you know.

I won't tell you why yet,
'cause that'd spoil our story.

He's a nice guy, but a
little full of himself.

Oh wait, now he's
gonna smile, watch.

Hey, you see, I told
you he was a nice guy.

Just a little stupid.

- Bracalone!
- (Bracalone exclaiming)

[Bracalone] That's
me he's calling.

I'm part of history
too, you know.

I'm just as important as he is.

Read the last page.

Uh, last page.

When they arrived in Galleda,

they saw the bloody
war was over.

So those soldiers commanded
by a gallant, valorous,

and bold soldier of
fortune, set forth to Barri.

And so eastward in the
fine fearless prime

of their youth and glory.

I'm hungry.

- Start writing.
- I'm writin'.

The day of their arrival,

west of the old city they
witnessed a bloody battle.

Of what city?

Doesn't that look
like a city to you?

Ah.

That one.

[Ettore] They can
see the poor Spanish

using repulsive tactics.

[Bracalone] You
mean defensive?

Same thing, stupid.

And their strength
was growing wearier.

They looked down to see
the French as they charged

and knew their
power was superior.

[Bracalone] You're
a poet, a poet!

So the captain
then made up his mind

whose side he joined.

Yeah, right.

It's time they chose
the winning side,

they'd like some of
their French cheese.

He's eatin' cheese already.

Listen, he's telling
you we'll be joining up

with the Spanish.

Oh, no.

I know you're our captain,

but we're gettin' tired of that.

And what's the point?

We always pick the weaker side.

Gray-Ah-Noo, how is this
time any different from before?

- Heh?
- You think it's fun.

But you're only one of five men.

But just for once, let's join
the winner and switch later.

You don't feel
that way, do you?

Nah, except we're a
bit hungry, you know.

[Ettore] You've
been hungry before.

- But before it was...
- It was different?

Well, if it means so very much,

why should you men suffer?

[Bracalone] Yeah,
why should we?

Write it down, so
the world can remember.

Say it, say they joined
the French that day,

ignoring their captain's wishes.

(martial brass music)

We get three ducats
a week, who needs more?

(laughing)

(martial brass music)

(yelling in foreign language)

I'll bet you some
of this French jewelry

is worth a fortune.

Yeah, there's plenty
of money around.

Ooh, is he really
gonna wear that?

Is it a he or a she?

Hey!

What are you doin'?

Hey, let go!

Put that foot down.

(laughing)

(martial brass music)

Hey, you!

Come here and wipe my boots.

[Bracalone] Who, moi?

You've got two
hands, haven't you?

Come and put them to use.

They're covered
with mud, though.

You clean them well.

I'm thirsty, bring
me some water.

(men chatting in
foreign language)

(sighing)

(water splashing)

Hey, if you don't want
any more of that water,

uh, could I have some?

The local scum here

drink the water from
the well. (Laughing)

Bracalone!

I'm not offended
because he called me scum.

What a humble person.

Can't offend him.

Hey, I want you
to do something.

Clean my friend's boots for him.

I can't do that,
I'm an officer.

That's the point.

(Bracalone laughing)

All right, now write
what I tell you.

(coins clattering)

- Hey...
- Thus they refused

the enemy's gold and pledged
service to the Spanish throne.

(yelling)

(thudding)
(yelling)

(yelling)
(swords clanging)

(yelling)
(arrows swishing)

(yelling)

(clanging)

(yelling)
(clanging)

Nobody's going
to open the gate.

You said that you were going
to find us a way in, didn't ya?

You'd better find it soon,
I mean we'll look stupid...

- I'll find it, I'll find it.
- Oh, he'll find it.

(yelling)

(clanging)
(yelling)

Hey, wait.

Is there someplace

that you don't get rocks
thrown on your head?

- Yes, right back there.
- Right back there.

(wounded man groaning)
Look what you've done.

- What I done?
- Yes.

[French Soldier] You did it.

(yelling)

Stick your head out and
look up, Bracalone, will ya?

Wait a minute, what about you?

I might get killed.

I gotta look
straight ahead of us.

- All right, come on...
- Eh.

(yelling)

Hey wait, they're
looking down,

I think they're looking at me.

(clanging)
(Bracalone yelling)

- What's the matter?
- Ah, listen, you guys.

I think I'd feel better
if you let me in there.

The boiling oil, they're
throwing boiling oil!

Wait!

My God, uh,

but it's not boiling,
it's only lukewarm.

No, it's pee-pee, but it's
Spanish, it's for friends,

it won't hurt you.

(yelling)

(thudding)
(yelling)

(speaking foreign language)

(thudding)
(exclaiming)

[Ettore] Listen, Mr. Gauche.

Whoa, ho ho, ooh ooh ooh!

Ah ah ah!

Yo!

(grunting)
(creaking)

Aren't you gonna
help me do this?

(thudding)
(exclaiming)

(yelling)

(thudding)

We gotta get to the
top of that thing.

Come on.

Hey, wait!

What are they
getting so nasty for?

Ettore!

(yelling)
(grunting)

(clanging)

- [Ettore] En garde.
- (thudding)

(clanging)

(yelling)

(clanging)
Get off!

Get off.

I said, off!

(exclaiming)

(thudding)
Everybody get off, I said.

What's the matter with 'em?

- Grab the ladder.
- Monsieur!

- Oui.
- (yelling)

All right, let's start climbin'.

Come on, you men, let's go.

[Bracalone] Hold
the ladder, somebody.

(blows thudding)
(bright music)

(yelling)

(bright music)
(blows thudding)

(yelling)

(bright music)

(yelling)
(clattering)

(bright music)
(men talking)

I wonder who that is.

(blows thudding)
(yelling)

No, wait up, we
gotta get back.

(bright music)

(thudding)
(yelling)

(bright music)

Hey there.

Ready for the ram.

Come on, come on!

Quick, they're comin',
unbolt the gates!

I'll tell you when to open.

(yelling)

Now!

Heave!

(yelling)

(laughing)

(arrows swishing)

(men talking)

(blows thudding)
(yelling)

(arrows swishing)
(swords clanging)

- Attaboy!
- Get me a ladder, rope,

Fanfulla, bring it
down to the front gate.

Stay down there till I'm ready.

(yelling)

What the heck,
what's going on?

I wanna see for myself.

(yelling)

[Fanfulla*#] Ha!

(bright music)

(yelling)
(clattering)

(trumpet music)

(crowd cheering)

Holy is the moment
that commands our enemy

to be silent.

And it is time to give
you, not just our thanks,

but our hearts also.

There's no need for
that, your excellency.

God in his timeless glory.

(speaking foreign language)

(coins clinking)

Of course our men are expected
to arrive here any day now.

But until they do, we
must hold out somehow.

In any case, this is for
you and your soldiers.

I might add that you'll
probably find this money

- difficult to spend.
- Why?

- It's not fake, is it?
- Not exactly,

but it's impossible to spend
when there's nothing to buy.

Food's the problem.

We've nothing to eat.

We really picked a
loser, wouldn't you say?

Till reinforcements arrive,
we must limit ourselves

to a glass of milk
and one egg each day.

A very monotonous diet, but
still, it tides us over.

[Man] Wait'll
you get used to it.

The lodgings I
arranged for you

will be comfortable, I hope.

My loyal servant Carilari
will take you there.

(pig grunting)
[Man] Eggs, they got eggs.

And goats.

And pig.

Hey, you're not
gonna take any?

Leave 'em alone,
they're all counted.

They'll know if any are taken.

- That's all right.
- (Carilari claps)

Who's taking any?

Nobody at all.

Carilario?

Carilario?

Yes, sir?

Then it's true?

What's true, sir?

You're name's Carilario?

Yes, sir..

Carilario's his name,
write it down, Bracalone.

- Like I said...
- All right, all right.

Today you witnessed a battle.

And now it's part of
the world's history.

Do you read?

One day, you'll
wish that you could.

What do you want to do?

I wanna be a soldier.

I wanna fight like you.

Will you let me work for you?

- You're a little young.
- I'm 20!

- You're what?
- Well,

no, that's not
true, I'm only 14.

But I fight as well
as a man of 20.

(laughing)

You do, eh?

I wanna be a soldier
of fortune like you.

So I can win honor and fame.

Well, it's not that easy.

Where you from?

Monfette.

Carilario di Monfette.

You like that, eh?

(Ettore sniffs)

What's that smell?

We hoped you'd be passing by.

Look, some surprise, huh?

Surprise?

Yeah.

But we'll have it tomorrow.

And the others can come.

Who are they?

Don't you think that probably

we should share it
with a few others

who need a good meal?

It might be a
friendly thing to do.

(upbeat medieval music)

Look at all those
pale, hungry faces,

there must be 50 of them!

They arouse my sympathy.

La Motte, we can start
now, tell your men.

[La Motte] All right,
sergeant, we are ready.

(fanfare music)

(speaking foreign language)*#
Roti de chevre saute,

[Sergeant] With hecb and
mushrooms in white wine.

So what's so fancy?

It's just fried goat.

I hope they choke as
the stuff's goin' down.

And all their blood
and guts come out,

includin' their stomach.

Great fun, La Motte.

And we haven't even started
the main part of the meal yet.

Do you really
think we shall profit

by playing stupid games?

It's cruel.

Provoking them needlessly.

(laughing)

Why, those poor louts

can exist without
food a whole month.

We should feel pity for them.

Only somehow I don't care.

(fanfare music)

(speaking foreign language)

[Sergeant] With
walnut stuffing.

I wouldn't eat their
stuffing. (Scoffing)

Besides, that's
only roasted boar,

but we got our own dinner, no?

[Bracalone] Where's he goin'?

He's got our pig!

[French Nobleman]
Look, who's he?

(upbeat medieval music)

Greetings from the city
of Barletta, take it!

Pigs should stick with pigs!

A call to arms, monsieur!

They have offended
French honor!

For that they should pay!

They're not going to
like French anger!

And I shall be an emissary!

- Hah!
- Never mind, La Motte!

Forget about it.

You will do nothing,
at least not in haste.

We'll teach them a lesson.

Only there's a better method.

(creaking)

(explosion booming)

(people wailing)

Now you see the result of
your senselessly provoking them.

With that low and infamous prank

you only brought our city the
joys of the French cannon.

Up to now, the French have
used a notable restraint.

That's the reason my orders
were not to provoke the enemy.

The only responsibility
you men have

is to follow those orders.

Our reinforcements
are on their way.

The only hope we've got
is resisting until then.

Otherwise they will get here
and they will find us dead.

I guess you don't
wanna do anything?

That is the
whole plan exactly!

You realize that it won't
be just soldiers dyin',

but the women and children.

That's not fair.

That's not how you're
supposed to fight a war.

You'd like to destroy
their guns, honest?

Yeah, if you want me to.

That would be very easy.

That's right, shouldn't
cause me trouble.

Idiot, what the devil can he
do with that big fat cannon?

Steal its balls.

[Ettore] We'll follow a road
outta town that's hardly used

- and wait for dark.
- Mm hmm.

[Ettore] I'm taking this
man here to show us the way.

Oh good, then
you don't need me.

I want you there to
write a record for history.

So what's the problem?

Do it later, you
know what I mean?

[Mercenary On Right] Ettore.

Sounds like fun, I
don't wanna miss it.

Yeah, I figure you can use us.

Uh huh.

- Is that the road?
- Yeah, there.

But French don't use it.

Yeah, well I imagine

they gotta patrol
everything, even this.

You know, one of us
should remain back here.

If you want, I will.

Yeah, why don't you?

Yeah, you stay here too,

- we can find our way...
- All right.

- From here, don't worry.
- Whatever you say.

[Ettore] Come on!

Hup!

- Mariano!
- Huh?

[Ettore] When you
hear the cannon blow up,

go back to Barletta.

Hup!

Hup!

(hooves pounding)

[Man On Bench] Now
it's harvest time,

but no one would ever know it.

It's sad.

A year ago, the fields
were full of wheat.

The answer to your little
problem is simple, you know?

Just have to use your head.

- Come on.
- Where?

To the French.

To join the French,
they're the winners.

And I'd rather
choose the winner.

It's an old habit.

They pay me more.

What are you saying?

That we should desert for,

We couldn't both just...

Couldn't we?

[Fanfulla] What's your plan?

(woman screaming)
[Ettore] Sh, listen.

You hear a woman screaming?

[Fanfulla] Ettore,
we've got enough troubles

to worry about.

We haven't got
time to play hero.

[Man] Misfortune and dishonor!

(woman screaming)
You have met your fate,

with (speaking
foreign language).

You know have known
the thrust of my lust,

now feel my cold blade!

- Wait.
- Oh pugnacious, hey!

[Ettore] Put that knife
down, what are ya doin'?

[Man In Red Pants] What, oh!

(woman laughing)

You fool!

Don't you recognize a great
artist when you see one?

You thought the lady in danger.

But you were mistaken!

And why do you meddle

in the private
affairs of others?

Even the countryside
is no longer safe.

Mm! (Smooching)

A woman's forest*#, a woman
helpless, defenseless,

and you would have
saved her! (Gasping)

My goodness, that
was truly heroic.

It gives one faith and
courage to know such a man.

(smooching)

I knew that you
both were actors.

You don't really think that...

Fanfulla, you see they were...

(laughing)

I am Capoccio,

master poet, tragic-comic
of the sublime company

of the Tree-Oh-Nay.

Illusionist of La Clar,
dramatic chorist, musician too.

And unique master of make-up.

And these delicate
creatures are actresses.

Leonora, Diametta, and Stella.

Tonight you shall find us
performing at the French camp.

If you'd care to come, you
will be more than welcome.

Be kind enough to hitch
the horses, Stella.

(clears throat) I
have a special pass

from your Duke of Namur.

We hope you will honor us
with your gracious presence.

But who said we're French?

Spanish soldiers, my God!

Except that we're
not Spanish, either.

What else is there?

It's perfectly plain, we're
neither Spanish nor French,

yet you hear us
speaking Italian.

- Now what are we?
- Idiots.

Bravo, Italian. (Sighs)

Just a minute.

You got a safe-conduct pass
for this show of yours tonight?

Yes, but...

Um, you're very curious.

Does it matter?

No, I mean, because
I just had an idea.

But uh, I'd need some
help from all of you.

What do you mean?

I figure you could
use another two comics?

With no further ado,
(drum roll music)

we start the show.

Attention, dear sirs.

No one knows better
than Emir the Amorous

what it means to lose one's head

for the fabulous Fatima.

Watch closely, all right, Emir.

(eerie music)

- Oh, ho ho ho.
- Voila!

(clapping and laughing)

But Emir is susceptible only
to the charms of Fatima.

As you shall forthwith see.

(eerie music)

Hoop-la!

(audience applauding
and exclaiming)

Dear sirs, valorous warriors.

The lovely, provocative Fatima

will be placed inside
this trunk here,

with your swords thrust
viciously into her body.

Then rise before you more
beauteous, more alive than ever!

Come my dear, all is ready.

Once inside, there is no escape.

Voila!

And now monsieurs, if
you lend me your sword,

I shall them into this
fair creature one by one,

before your very eyes.

As you will see for yourself.
(blade swishing)

- Officer.
- One goes there.

Die, Fatima!
(Fatima wailing)

(speaking foreign language)
(metal snapping)

Now for the second one.

- Hop-La!
- Courage, Fatima.

(Fatima shrieking)
And another.

Your swords, monsieur.

(Fatima wailing)
Surely that is part of life,

my pretty one.

Do not fear.
(Fatima wailing)

And yet, she still clings
tenaciously to life!

Watch closely.

The coup de grace!

Die, Fatima!
(audience muttering)

Eh voila, monsieurs,

the moment of truth
is here at hand.

We shall open the trunk.

Ah, Fatima, Fatima.

Mysterious creature,
arise, arise.

And smile for the men.
(audience applauding)

Thank you, thank you
for your kind charity.

(audience applauding)

Gentlemen!

Come give me a chance
to read the past

- and foretell the future.
- Hop-la.

Who wants to know?

Who has the courage to see
inside the crystal ball?

And now monsieuers,

the astounding Emir
has prepared for you

an experiment that you
will find quite amazing.

That is the disappearance,
before your eyes,

of a human body.

Which of you is not
afraid to volunteer?

There's a brave man,
come forward, monsieur,

and place yourself
atop the barrel.

Your body and soul

are about to fly into
the garden of Allah.

Ready, body; ready, soul!

- Fly!
- One, two,

three, four.

Here with us and then no more.

(thudding)
(eerie music)

Sail on.

And one, and two,

and three!

Bravo, Emir.
(audience applauding)

Who's next?

That's it, ready
to join your friend

in the garden of Allah.

[Emir] The garden of Allah!

Courage, have
no fear, monsieur.

Ready, body; ready, soul.

One, two, three, four,

here with us and then no more.

Next, please.

(audience applauding)

One two, three four.

Here with us, and then no more.

(thudding)
(exclaiming)

(eerie music)

Who is next, monsieurs?

Who is, which of you is
as brave as your friends

who have gone before you?

[Emir] Isn't there
one other soldier

that wants to disappear?

[Frenchman] Hey you, monsieur.

I want my men, what
have you done with them?

They're in the
garden of Allah.

Captain, captain!

They throw us all in the river!

- Get them!
- Wait, men!

What are you saying?

Come here, soldier.

And you too, come here.

- Now who did what?
- You had me there on top

and then, boom!

Down inside, just like you
did to the other four men.

[Ettore] Wait a minute.

- I did...
- No, he did.

He's the one.
(blow thudding)

Look, don't get so sore.

He's lyin', you
know what I mean?

[Captain] No.

Because I was the one.

(blow thudding)
(groaning)

(exclaiming)
En garde!

Arrest him, go!

Wait, it's all
part of the show.

They don't believe me.

(Ettore yelling)

(upbeat medieval music)

(blows thudding)
(exclaiming)

(thudding)

(chattering)

Now then.

I hear you have news
for us, tell us.

Your Grace two men left
Barletta this afternoon

to destroy your cannon.

[Duke] Destroy our cannon?

Really?

In fact I figure the
two are there already.

Against 20 armed men

what can your friends do?

- Quite a story.
- Brilliant.

I admit, it shows you have
imagination, your story.

But you're wasting your time.

[Bayard] It sounds
like a trap to me.

I swear it's not.

The information is exact.

You say the
information is exact.

Then you're a traitor.

Oh, Bayard, you're
such a moralist.

Isn't he?

I see that it's time
for another shot.

And this time I
suggest you come.

Gladly.

(horse neighing)

[La Motte] I have no
doubt that the spectacle

you are about to see
will please Your Grace.

(rumbling)

(explosion booming)
(missile roaring)

(men shouting)
That's it, to your horses!

[Ettore] Come on, come on,
get that stuff on the wagon!

What are you waiting for?

(muffled moaning)

Here, grab it.

Come on, hurry.

All right, now get outta here!

Go on!

[Woman] Ettore, help you...

(flames roaring)

[Gray-Ah-Noo] Oh well,
at least you can see

that I wasn't lying.

Which only proves you
are a genuine traitor.

- My compliments.
- It's too bad.

I tried to tell you,
but you wouldn't listen.

You can be sure all
of us appreciate you.

Then I hope you'll
find a place for me.

I mean, permanently.

[Bayard] A good idea.

What do you say, La Motte?

Certainly.

What permanent place would
you prefer? (Laughing)

(eggshells cracking)
(sighing)

They're big eggs but
there's nothing in them!

Hens are hungry, too.

(bells tolling)

- What is going on?
- I can tell you.

They're all going to
mass to celebrate the

destruction of
the French cannon.

Ah.

All I know is that he said

the dead man was Gray-Ah-Noo.

I've just been told they
found Gary-Ah-Noo's body

- by the river.
- Yeah, we know.

They're gonna pay
for this, I swear.

I'll take Bracalone,
you two stay behind.

(fanfare music)
(laughing)

[Frenchman] Three
little birds in a cage.

(laughing)

Pretty birds.

And now, mademoiselle,

you shall see what the joys
(speaking foreign language).

- Voila!
- (laughing)

(martial music)

(thudding)

(laughing)

[Frenchman] Bravo!

[Ettore] Those are
the bastards that
killed Gray-Ah-Noo.

I got an idea.

- What are you gonna do?
- Never mind.

Just start writing.

[Frenchman] We want to
know if you like our show.

Because if you like it,

the winner will be
given the first choice.

Which of you three
shall be his bride?

(hissing)

(shouting in foreign language)

(dramatic music)

Oh?

(blow thudding)
(exclaiming)

(yelling)

Ooh!

(blow thudding)

(blow thudding)
(exclaiming)

[Leonora] Ettore, Ettore!

Thank you, Ettore!

Oh, he's so marvelous,
he's saved my life again.

I love you, Ettore!

I obviously have to remind
you, Signor Fieramosca,

that gentlemen who
are taken as prisoners

cannot be hanged!

We don't engage in savage acts!

They can each rest assured

that they shall be treated

according to their
rank and station.

You have assured me of
your correctness, sir.

But a war should
never be fought unless

gentlemen fight them,
not scrotty mercenaries

who insult us by
fighting dishonestly.

With tricks, that's how
they fight, the Italians.

For a glass of wine,
for a crust of bread,

they'd sell their souls.

It's a land of beggars.

Yes, this land is
a land of poverty.

Our soldiers die
like men, though.

And you have insulted them.

I want these men to
accept our challenge.

What's the point?

Evidently I must remind you
that your ranks are different

- and since each of these...
- Signor.

Three gentlemen is a
knight, you cannot fight them.

I just had word
our reinforcements

have arrived in Taranto.

The men are going to need
about three full days,

they say, to make
the entire journey.

Tell them to hurry.

Perhaps it's the
ideal solution then.

I heard they got over.

Let's not bother about ranks,

let's see if they
accept my challenge.

Or am I standing before cowards?

I'm waiting for their answer.

You did offend the Italians,
it's perfectly clear.

You may accept the challenge
or not, it's up to you.

But for you men just to
ignore it looks a bit passive,

in fact I'd be unhappy to know

that this situation invited
ridicule of the French army.

And so I shall look
to your illustrious

and honored Duke of
Namur for a truce

that allows us some time
to make preparations.

About three days, I
should think, huh?

Certainly the Duke
will consent to anything

which calls into
question our honor.

But to fight commoners
is unfair, monsieur.

Surely you know that
they can be knighed

as loyal servants of
the King of Spain.

And I am entitled to do this
for his majesty Ferdinando.

Not only that, I can bestow
that office on anybody.

* La la, la la, la la, la la

* La la la la la la la

* La la la la.

- My sword!
- Wait a minute,

don't do it me,

I'm just a journalist,
it's not ness- ...

Monsieur La Motte,

you may decide the number of
knights that will compete.

How many men you think we got?

- Come on.
- Silencio!

What's your answer?

Friday the 13th is only
three days from now, sir.

Three days is what you asked.

I should choose 13 knights.

Will you accept my proposal?

Logically that
calls into question

the service of my men,
to even the number up.

This is a matter for
the Italian soldiers

and the Italians shall
match that number.

Nine soldiers
we need, don't we?

Who are you gonna find?

- Bunch of idiots you'll find.
- That's how it stands.

Yes, so, you will
find nine more, then.

On your knees, sir.

Where were you born?

- Why?
- For your name!

I need a title!

Ah, Capua.

Fieramosca di Capua,
as a sign of humility,

you should have
your hands together.

By order of our sovereign king

I place this sword
of Spain on this man.

(speaking foreign language)

(smack resounding)

Nobody's ever done
that to me, nobody.

You idiot, that's
part of the ceremony,

it's only a symbol to
show how you're to suffer

as a knight in the
service of the king.

Put him down!

Why didn't you say so?

(thudding)
Sorry, fella.

But there's some
things get me mad.

Monsieur.

[Ettore] Still friends?

[Captain] You are
all hereby knighted,

by order of his majesty
King Ferdinando.

Peredes!

Go ahead, Peredes, go on.

They're all waiting for
you, aren't you, men?

This guy was
first, I go after.

(smack resounding)
(fanfare music)

(fanfare music)
(people talking)

(clanging)
(exclaiming)

(clanging)

[Peredes] The Italians
are going to be beaten.

[Captain] That's unimportant.

Our men will be here shortly.

You need style! (Laughing)

[Woman] A plague
to your country!

- Go back to France!
- Idiots!

(people exclaiming)
[Man] Fry in hell!

Fry in hell!

To me it's all an act.

They're doin' all
that to frighten us.

Yeah, they're not doin'
a bad job at it, either.

(people talking)

(thudding)

Citizens of Baretta, Italians,

Ettero Fieramosca must
have men of good honor.

Answer his call, noble sons,

to live life in glory and
fight by his side in dignity.

Drop dead.

They show a
little spirit, huh?

Oh well, nine more to go.

(swords clanging)

Nine Italians to risk
getting slaughtered

only for our pride?

They'd be fools, we're
gonna find nobody.

Barletta still
has courage, though.

For it gave you
Mariano the Tiger.

- [Woman] Saints protect us.
- (murmuring)

If he were here...

Then our drama would
become a tragedy.

Probably a French tragedy.

Mariano the Tiger,
Mariano dear, we need you.

- Please, help us.
- Relax, it's all settled.

They just told me where
to find the great Mariano.

[Woman] Mariano?

Oh, my son's on the road.

He's always working, poor soul.

Always in demand, always
rushing here and there.

He never eats, never eats
a square meal and I worry.

A mother worries.

I'll put you on the list,
but it's a very long list.

[Ettore] What list?

Oh, the order here,

don't you realize the
people leave orders?

He's been asked to kill
the nephew of the Pope,

but that won't be
till Tuesday morning.

Well what's he doing today?

Today he's going to kill
Frederick the Ferocious.

- Wait!
- (thudding)

(exclaiming)

You damn well lose, you pay.

Next time I throw
you out, you're gonna
go through my floor.

Well, well.

Miale di Parma.

If he's here, so's
his friend Riccio.

These two are men
who won't say no.

What a name for a
guy, Mali di Parma.

- Miale's his name.
- Ah.

[Gambler] You bettin'?

Wake up, you sucker.

- What?
- Dig for it, Sonny,

I wanna see your money.

(exclaiming)

Nobody stay unless
you're willin' to play.

Put you money down,
winner takes crowd.

[Man] Over it! (Laughing)

Forget it, boy, don't tell me.

Don't even bother, for
it don't mean a thing.

Boy, you got your nerve,
comin' around here.

You gotta be off your f-,
if you really mean to ask me

to fight your fight.

I'm prematurely retired, I
like peace and good health.

Noble ideals, but,

we just came around to play
a few games, that's all.

Play, if you want to.

We'll wait a while.

We wanna see what the odds are.

Take a chance with Lady Luck.

Push rewards all here
went on adventures.

All the winners
can eat tomorrow,

those who lose can
steal or borrow.

Sorry, gents,

bank's in luck again.
(gamblers exclaiming)

Dig for your money,
let's see it.

You gotta put down the
bets and leave 'em alone.

You can't change your mind.

All right, let's go, let's
see what we got here.

Bank wins again.
(gamblers groaning)

Poor man's money
melts like snow,

but yours can
double with a throw.

I shall prove that that is so.

I shall toss the dice,
and make it grow.

Put your bets down,
gentlemen, here we go.

(clicking)

Well, well.

Loaded dice, now
what does that mean?

I knew it!

(gamblers shouting)

- You cheated me, you!
- (blow thudding)

(exclaiming)
(blows thudding)

That oughta put you
in form again, Miale.

You want some help?

The way that looks, I dunno,

I doubt if you can
handle it alone.

No!

I won't fight the French!
(blows thudding)

I'll pray for you.

[Miale] I won't
fight the French!

No, the answer is no!

No, you really mean no?

[Miale] No!

(blows thudding)
(groaning)

I'll do it, I'll do it.

That includes your
buddy Riccio too, eh?

He can't, he's in jail.

(blows thudding)
Doesn't matter,

I know how to get
him out of jail.

I got a plan.

Get these guys offa me.

(blows thudding)
(bright music)

Hey, where ya throwin' that?

At me.

[Man] I'll make
you beg. (Groaning)

(blows thudding)

Whammo!

Nine outta 10.

(exclaiming)
(blows thudding)

Hooray for us, that's it,
fantastic, nothing can stop us.

Ettore, look out!
(clattering)

(blow thudding)

Yes, sir, that's
sure good for us.

What are thinkin',
five men each.

What are you doin', fat-head?

Uh, looking, actually, I
was about to write, and uh...

Listen, how do you
propose to free Riccio?

There's no way out that's safe.

Don't forget, he's a lifer.

(chuckles) Don't you worry,
we'll do it, believe me.

[Bracalone] Riccio,
where are you?

- [Man] Riccio!
- (honking)

- [Bracalone] Riccio.
- (hissing)

- Riccio.
- Who is it?

[Bracalone] It's us, Riccio.

We brought you a
treat, some wine.

It's real wine,
made outta grapes.

[Riccio] How come, why?

[Miale] To drink to
our victory, Riccio.

[Riccio] Why should I?

Because it'll show
you're a loyal Italian.

I'm not.

Would you like to know what
your odds are in this place?

20 to one that you lose.

We all put to Scudi
on with France..

I guess it's better that
you take to the French.

- To the French!
- Up yours.

(wine sloshing)

(coughing)

(bells ringing)
(chanting in foreign language)

- Maybe he's really dead.
- No, he only looks dead.

You guys go get Riccio,
I gotta see the friar.

[Bracalone] What do you
wanna see the friar for?

He's an old friend.

Things aren't like
they used to be, Ettore.

I gave up my sword for St.
Crispian, I promised him.

[Ettore] It's a pity,
doesn't do much good there.

[Friar] Maybe, but the
fact is it does no evil,

and I must expiate the sins
of my past as best I can.

- Yes, but uh...
- Naturally, if St. Crispian

were to tell me take up my
sword once more, I'd obey.

He'd have to tell me, though.

He talks?

- You mean he...
- Yeah, can you imagine that?

Once he yelled out,
"Men of God, to battle!"

And everyone grabbed
swords, even the bishop.

- When was this?
- Oh, 400 years ago.

Oh!

The good saint hasn't spoken
a word since that day.

Not much of a
talker, St. Crispian.

Don't worry, I know how
important this match is.

And I owe it to you,

- as a friend.
- I'm glad

you see it that way...

To be at your side in prayer.

(Ettore sighs)

[Fanfulla] They stole Riccio!

- What?
- He's nowhere to be found.

Now who would
steal a dead body?

I'll tell you who,

it's that maniac who lives
in the castle, he did it.

It's true, he likes
to cut up corpses.

Ettore!

- Fanfulla!
- Wait!

Take the antidote.

Where are you going?

He's out of his
mind, he's dangerous.

I'll get Riccio
back, I promise you.

Hey. Hey!

Think we can find Riccio?

Yeah, a piece or two.

- Whaddya mean?
- Don't forget

to give him the antidote,
otherwise he'll be really dead.

No!

[Capoccio] He only
had a half an hour!

What time you got?

(eerie music)

It will be interesting

to dissect such a
harmoniously lean creature.

Hand me the saw.

(eerie music)

That's a strange-looking
double molar he's got.

Extractor.

(hooves pounding)

I swear, I swear, whoever
took Riccio, I'll kill him!

I want my friend
Riccio, every piece!

Outta my way!
(thudding)

(banging)

- Riccio.
- Yes.

Fortunately I noticed in time
that he wasn't quite dead.

By the teeth.

It's the color.

Riccio, my old friend...

I'm selling my body
to science when I die.

I don't have to, but I want to.

When I'm 201. (laughing)

But what'd you
steal his tooth for?

Taking advantage of a
poor corpse! (Grunting)

Careful, for anger is
contagious, gentlemen.

Quite contagious.

I hope perhaps you'll
have the courtesy

to fight me one man at a time.

Yes, and I'll go first.

As a swordsman, I'm
without peer, I warn you.

Yes, well, maybe.

Let's see if you're
as good as you claim.

(Riccio whimpering)

(swords clanging)

(Ettore gasping)

For a man of science,
you're not bad, I must say.

Disarming me with
flattery, Signor Fieramosca.

(swords clanging)

(grunting)
Bravo!

(blade swishing)
I keep myself

in good condition.
(speaking foreign language)

(swords clanging)
(men panting)

A bravo for you.

(swords clanging)
(men panting)

That stroke belongs to
Albimonte da Peretola.

Signore da Ba-zen,
Duke of Mazzarole.

You're quite right, my friend.

Strange way to be meeting you.

I think my friends will be
pleased to know who you are.

Gentlemen, it is my honor to
present Albimonte da Peretola,

one of the greatest
swordsmen in Italy.

If he fights at our side,
we have nothing to fear.

Wishful thinking,
Signor Fieramosca.

I know what you're about to ask.

Only I will not be
able to join you.

My life is devoted to science.

Nobody wants to help us!

What do we got,
the mange or what?

It's simply that I don't hold

with this challenge
against the French.

Because in fact we should
be ashamed of being Italian.

Do you see this silly old clown?

Do you realize that this Italian

is making us all look fools
in the eyes of the world?

- Who is he?
- Leonardo da Vinci!

(laughing)

The man's demented!

Take, take his studies
of the human body.

They're folly!

Just comical and stupid lies.

And his invention,
look, look, look!

He built that
contraption up there.

He's mad, though.

He believes, he's
convinced that humans

(imitates bird) will fly.

Like birds! (Laughing)

Your insignificant challenge
cannot restore Italian honor.

But if we attack the foolish
theories of Leonardo,

perhaps we can.

Yet if I were to discover
that this man's ideas

had truth in them,

then I would fight by your side,

proud of my fellow countrymen.

I give you my word, Fieramosca.

[Bracalone] Whole day,
we only find two guys.

[Man] Pray for a miracle.

The best place to pray for
a miracel is in the church.

- Right?
- Right.

Whoever it was took
everything except the sword.

Strange he didn't
take the sword.

I think it was
Salamone, the Sicilian.

He keeps on looting churches

all over the area,
the scoundrel.

Do you know, in
Taranti, this devil,

actually stole the
bishop's throne?

They call him the
Terror of the South.

Oh, if I could get
my hands on him.

[Ettore] Salamone's
his name, eh?

[Friar] Yeah.

And he's as slippery as an eel.

[Ettore] You might say

he's devoted to the
church, in a way.

Tryin' to be funny?

Salamone, you said, right?

[Friar] Salamone,
Salamone, you keep asking me.

Must've been just before dark,

'cause I was here till late.

Then he couldn't
have gotten very far.

[Friar] I know.

I'll find him when mass is over.

And when I catch him...

May God be with
you, Brother Ludovico.

[Ludovico] And with you.

I'll batter him brainless
with a bludgeon!

You better stay here
until St. Crispian's ready.

I'll be back later.

[Salamone] Amen.

Turn up here, come on!

Eh, what if I uh, need
to scratch something?

(bell tolling)

- Let's go!
- Sh.

Don't talk so loud.

If the friar hears us,
he'll knock our heads off.

So who's scared, he's
not Mariano the Tiger.

The church is a sacred place,
we mustn't say that name.

Hey, that rope looks
kinda thin, I don't know.

Yeah, it does look kind
of thin, but, so what.

This Mariano, is he dangerous?

Fatal.

- Didn't they tell you in jail?
- Nope.

[Fanfulla] Then
you oughta be told.

Tell him.

Uh, well, well, take
El Cid, Attila, Ulysses,

uh Julius Caesar, and Hannibal.

Mix 'em all togther
and what have you got?

You only got the pinky
of Mariano the Tiger.

Hey listen, we gotta
wait till it gets dark,

you know that.

And when you speak, put
on a loud, strange voice.

Try to imagine you're
really a saint.

Oh, God, what am I gonna say?

I forgot everytihng.

You won't forget.

You just say, "To
battle, to battle!"

Nothing more than that.

I remember.

To battle, to battle!

Hey, not so fast. (Groaning)

(distant muttering)

If I get any higher, I'm
gonna be a real saint.

- Is that for me?
- Not exactly.

I want it to be stolen.

[Leonora] Oh, why?

It's a way to
make an old buzzard

leave the safety his nest.

So I can trap him.

I wouldn't be so sure, though.

If you ask me, those
jewels look like fakes.

Salamone's not an idiot.

Ah, but when
you've got an actress

who's as good as Leonora
is, Salamone's easy game.

Did you hear?

He actually said so, he paid
me a compliment! (Gasps)

Why'd you have to get
yourself so gooey for me?

[Leonora] He loves me.

(Ettore blows raspberry)
(bright music)

(gasping)

It's gone!

You didn't feel a thing, eh?

This was worth waiting for.

The genius of thieves.

The master.

And he's exactly what I need.

(upbeat medieval music)

Who would have thought
I'd meet the man

they call the
Terror of the South?

Salamone the Fierce, for
who's to big a petty thief.* #

May I?

(chuckling)

Tacit consent.

I can read in your eyes
one great question.

What does this visitor want?

I shall not waste a word.

I need strong men, fierce men.

Where else do you
think I could find

a specimen better
than you? (Chuckles)

And I, I knew you'd
be eager to fight

when it becomes a matter
of Italian honor, huh?

Of course if
patriotism isn't enough

to persuade you to join
us, I got other ways.

Ah, (chuckles), you still
hangin' on to this thing.

(chuckles) It's worthless.

Maybe you didn't notice that.

But now, now it's
served its purpose.

(necklace splashing)

(thudding)

(groaning)

Well, you either go to jail

for stealing those fake
jewels, or fight with us, okay?

- Make up your mind.
- It's made!

(blow thudding)
(grunting)

(Ettore sighs)

You need convincing.

But I, I want you
to realize, really,

it's nothing personal.

(thudding)

(clattering)
(splashing)

(laughing) Now you're employed.

Ettore!

Ettore, guess what?

I found another man.

You've heard of him, Giovenale.

He was condemned by the Pope.

He's called the
killer of the Trala.

If we get him, that's seven.

[Ettore] Eight, with this one.

(upbeat medieval music)

(women chatting and laughing)

I want a grape.

They're not ripe.

You should have left them
in the sun another 10 hours

to give 'em time to mature.

[Guiseppa] I'm
sorry, I didn't know.

I told you, Guiseppa.

You are Guiseppa, no?

In order to become
a Moslem wife,

you've gotta learn
to take criticism.

Maybe she's like me.

I've no intention of
becoming a Moslem.

- I want to.
- Me too.

- I wanna be what I am.
- I don't care what you want!

It's what I want.

Oh.

None of you have
any choice anyway.

Only in the faith of
the prophet Mohammed

can I marry all seven of you.

Well, I'd still have a harem.

But at least it'll
be legitimate.

And it's our duty as parents

to give our children
a Christian name.

[Boy] Papa, tell
us about the Trala.

Did you really
kill a hundred men?

Ah, that was something.

I was a lot younger then.

That day they got me angry.

It was a massacre!

(chanting in foreign language)

Papa, the monks
are gonna get you.

So I can't start a fight.

The wrath of
the Christian God!

To your battle
stations, everyone.

It's the Spanish Inquisition.

I'm ready for them, though.

Who the hell made this?

To arms, to battle,
man the cannon.

(chanting in foreign language)

Fire!
(explosion booming)

(exclaiming)

(explosion booming)

- Vicious nature, hasn't he?
- Is that what it is?

(hens clucking)

Wait, don't shoot, we're
friends, we have good tidings.

We come in the name of peace.

- Beat it, miscreant.
- But, but the Pope sent us,

my son.

Impossible!

Because Pope Borgia and me
ain't been speakin' lately.

[Ettore] But he's
still fond of you.

And after hearing of your
desire to become a Moslem,

he sent us as his
personal emissaries.

Yeah, but how's the Pope know?

The Pope is the Pope, right?

And the Pope knows all.

Naturally.

Now, may we discuss it inside?

He shall let you become a Moslem

without risking
eternal damnation.

And I have with me a
certificate with the papal seal

that gives you dual citizenship

to the Kingdom of Heaven
or the Garden of Allah

- when the time comes.
- Let me have it.

(Ettore sighs)

It isn't something that
can be given away free.

You have to give
something in return.

It's nothing.

You must join with
the Italian knights

who are about to match
their strength and prowess

against 13 French knights.

Why's he pickin'
on the French?

What for?

Mainly because
they're heretics.

That's a sore point with him.

But I can't fight
against heretics.

That's stupid, I'm one too.

He's prepared to
forget all that.

[Giovenale] Why?

Why?

Look, you wanna become
a Moslem or not?

Are you kiddin'?

Then do exactly
what you're told,

otherwise the Pope won't
let you. (Chuckles)

I don't understand you.

- You said the Pope?
- That's right.

The Pope's given permission.

[Ludovico] To actually
become a Moslem?

Yeah, that's what
the friar said.

But does the Pope have the right

to force that on me, though?

How can me make me
change my religion?

Stop that yelling!

- Six friars, you said.
- That's right.

What nationality
were these friars?

Italian.

Ah.

Their spokesman.

Was he a lot taller than I am?

Oh, yes, he was very tall.

Much taller than you.

He looked like a Grizzly bear.

He had a lot of hair
all over his face.

(Ludovico yelling)

What am I going to do?

What am I going to do?

Holy St. Crispian, you know
what they've done, don't you?

Give me a sign, just a
little sign, 'cause that,

Tell me what to do, I beg you.

Should I go and fight?

To battle.

To battle!

A miracle.

A miracle!

To battle.

(glass shards clattering)
(Bracalone groaning)

(yelling)
(thudding)

(woman screaming)

Oh, fate!

(thudding)

(sword clanging)

There's the miracle, look.

He gave me a sign.

As a matter of fact, it's
the same as if he did speak.

(sword rasping)

[Bracalone] Oh, it's to
battle, Ludovico di Terni?

To battle I go.

But before I do, I
have a score to settle

with a Grizzly bear.

Be careful.

Thank you, Father. (Smooching)

Where are these heretic French?

I'm ready for a real massacre.

I'm ready for a
great big bloodbath.

- Yeah, I wanna kill...
- Now, careful...

- Believe me...
- Calm down!

Tomorrow you can
prove your skill

with the greatest
fighters in Italy.

- Yeah?
- Ettore.

- Fanfulla.
- Wow.

- Romanello.
- Gee.

Miale.

- Riccio.
- If they're so good,

how come I don't know 'em?

(banging)

'Cause they're all cowards!

Liars!

You mocked St. Crispian!

Villains, you'll
pay with the blade

of this holy sword!

This sword called

- the Vengeance!
- What's he doing here?

This priest is French,
he doesn't care for

our little arrangement
at all, you know.

You!

You'll kill heretics, will you?

Out of my house!

- Infidel!
- Or I'll kill you!

Why you, get out of my...

[Ludovico] Heathen!

I'll kill you!

Don't get me mad.

- I warn you.
- Take this!

(thudding)

Oh now I'm mad.

Now I'm mad.

(blows thudding)
(exclaiming)

That's where you belong,
right in the chicken shit.

[Ludovico] You've
been tricked!

- Tricked?
- Don't you know that,

you idiot?

Those aren't real friars.

- Of course they are.
- No!

They were sent by the Pope.

- They just told you...
- Did you know,

Pope Borgia has
quite a few children.

All the returns aren't in yet.

We still haven't
lost him to Mohammed.

You wanted to
trick me, didn't you?

I'm getting angry.

I'm getting mad! (Yells)

(thudding)
[Boy] Papa, Papa, look,

the angel Gabriel!

[Man] Leonardo!

Leonardo da Vinci!
(eerie music)

[Woman] It's a
miracle, a miracle!

Bravo, Leonardo.

Looks like he proved
it after all, eh?

Leonardo da Vinci!

Though I may have
doubted your theories,

now I'm willing to
admit I was wrong.

Man can fly!

And how easy it looks.

- Eh.
- I'm an eagle!

Now all the sky is our
world, our own world.

For-eh-, (yelling)

(clattering)

It's for the birds, I'd say.

Eh, not only.

Anyway, it shows
Leonardo was right.

[Ettore] I'm glad
you're convinced.

Well now I'm ready
to join you all

and to fight at your side.

(exclaiming)

It's gonna be
really something.

Just like old times.

Papa, Papa, is it really true

you're gonna fight the French?

We wanna come, too, we
never saw you fight.

Of course I'll put
on a show for you.

It'll be a sensation!

(laughing)
Better even than the Trala!

Did you know my Papa's
braver than Mariano the Tiger?

Mama mia, everybody's
heard of Mariano the Tiger.

(wordless vocalizing)
(harpsichord music)

Place your hands together
as a sign of humility.

Peredes, ready for the
(speaking foreign language).

It'll only hurt for a minute.

But even if it does,

you'll just have to
face it willingly.

(smacks resounding)
(wordless vocalizing)

Signor Fieramosca, please
let me fight for you.

It's not too much to ask, is it?

After all, if I'm gonna
be a soldier of fortune,

it's better if I start with you.

I'm a good fighter.

(bells tolling)

Time's running out.

And you still need two others.

If I were in your place,
Ettore, I would take us both.

You know that each of
us is eager to fight.

Even if I'm not the greatest
warrior that ever lived.

It's all written
here in my palm.

And it's evident, I'm
not going to die yet.

(wordless vocalizing)

Captain de Cordoba.

You've got two more customers.

(upbeat medieval music)

(speaking foreign language)

We got only six hours left.

No word of Mariano the Tiger.

I know, all we can do is wait.

If we don't find him, Ettore's
still got to find someone.

(speaking foreign language)

[Gray-Ah-Noo]
Bless these, will ya?

- I don't understand.
- You will.

Look.

Our lances are gonna be a
little bit longer than theirs.

I had them specially made.

It's somethin' that
nobody's gonna notice,

and who can tell,
maybe we'll win.

- That's cheating.
- Yeah, anybody care?

(clears throat) (speaking
foreign language)

[All] Amen.

(slow instrumental
version of "Oh Ettore")

(horse neighing)

(slow instrumental
version of "Oh Ettore")

What is this, a miracle?

Who are you?

Did you come here to tell me
that you're gonna join us?

You're Mariano the Tiger?

Listen, I don't like
guessing games very much.

That's great,
that's pretty funny.

You must be crazy, we're not
casting Joan of Arc, you know.

What's this all about?

Fun.

I could play at least
the fool for you.

I've played it before.

It's one of those
roles I never forget.

Nothing seems funny to
me now, Leonora, nothing.

Not even yourself in
the role of a knight?

It doesn't really suit you.

It's probably fine for
someone else, but not you.

'Cause you'll get lonely.

I might be waiting if you do.

I'm no good at fancy
words, you understand.

Only I'm glad you
said what you did.

You better get some rest.

Good night.

Joan of Arc.

(waves lapping)

- Will they come?
- I doubt it.

They couldn't find the men.

- It's still early.
- Is it?

Fieramosca da Capua.

Bracalone del Pontino.

Albimonte da Peretola.

Capoccio da Roma.

Ludovico da Terni.

Giovenale da Vetralla.

Fanfulla da Lodi.

Romanello da Forl?.

Carilario de Monfette.

Riccio da Parma.

Miale da Parma.

Salamone dal Massina.

And that one?

All 13.

So they've done it.

Our reinforcements are
very near the city, signor.

- Arriving?
- Yes.

Fine.

They're arriving.

Now come with me.

Gentlemen I've been
told our reinforcements

have now arrived here.

You can see, surely,
that changes everything.

- Everything?
- Yes, Fieramosca, everything.

You can forget their insult

or face the French
later in open battle.

Those are your orders.

It's a bit late to say that.

We're disregarding your orders.

Try to understand, Fieramosca,

suddenly things are different.

I must forbid you
to leave the city.

Of course, you're not
expected to like it.

But you're unusually
stubborn and proud,

so you force my hand.

And I tell you I'm not
leaving you men any choice.

Captain de Cordoba.

The Italians were
insulted, do you deny it?

[Captain] That's
not the point.

Yes, but supposing the
Spanish were insulted.

I don't think you'd
stand for that.

I'm not gonna obey those orders.

And now, since
everything's decided,

will you ask someone
to unbolt the gate?

We're anxious to leave,
signor, the moment has come.

What a sight.

An unlikely collection
of scruffy charlatans,

rogues,

knaves,

even a boy and a monk.

Yet I gave you a promise and
I'm forced now to maintain it.

And I shall indeed, sir.

I can only hope

that destiny is kind to you

and brings you good fortune.

God be with you and
your soldiers today.

(horses neighing)

Oh, les voila!

* La la, la la, la la, la la la

* La la la la la la

* La la, la la, la la, la la la

* La la la la la la.

What are they?

They came, though.

* La la, la la, la la, la la la

* La la la la la la.

Well now, don't
they all look dandy?

Before the attack.

I would like to
finish them soon.

I have not eaten yet.

You must first kill the boar,

before you sell
its skin, Armande.

They are a very odd-looking
collection, aren't they?

The men all look
like sheep on horses.

The horses don't mind, though.

They know that
sheep are harmless.

Well see if they call us
sheep after we've fought.

And what if we
feel like eating?

Can we stop?

(clattering)

- Oh, no.
- (laughing)

They're laughing.

What do you suppose that means?

Hey, I think I'd rather do
this on foot, I'm so nervous.

(laughing) I thought this
was going to be a fight.

Instead it's become a farce.

(laughing)

I'm sorry, monsieur.

12 knights are not enough.

(hooves pounding)

(fanfare music)

(dramatic music)

[Black Knight] Mariano
the Tiger is my name.

I just got back.

I come to do battle
with the French.

(exclaiming and laughing)

Hey, you. (Whistles)

Monsieur La Motte, got that?

(laughing)

Unless there's some
objection, Bayard,

I think we can start.

[Bayard] (speaking foreign
language), the field is yours.

(speaking foreign language)

You know the rules.

A fight to the death.

First, lances.

Then broadswords,
finally, maces.

All weapons must be of
regulation measurement.

- Otherwise...
- They'll see our lances

are much longer than
the French ones.

Just make sure that
we keep ours low, eh?

And now, messieurs, as
the chivalry code specifies,

the adversaries exchange lances.

Mm, now we'll have the
short end of the stick.

You botched it!

This is getting too complicated.

Couldn't we just play
chess or somethin'?

What are you saying,
gotta have regulations, no?

- Eh, well...
- No, you see, um.

- Exactly.
- You idiot.

Villefort!

Daguy!

La Paris!

Chantille!

St. Juste!

D'Anjou!

Beauregard!

Cinquentaine!

Chatelain!

Deauxvenis!

Valois!

La Foret!

La Motte!

(fanfare music)

[Ettore] To Italian honor!

(downbeat music)

(suspenseful music)

(wind whistling)

(hooves pounding)
(armor rattling)

(clanging and rattling)

(exclaiming)
(clanging and rattling)

See?

The long lances worked.

I told ya.

[Bracalone] Hey,
anybody got a can opener?

[Ettore] Come on,
you French cards!

I wanna see the color
of your flag, you,

(muffled speech)

Come and fight if
you've got the courage.

I, Mariano the Tiger!

(bright music)

(horse neighing)

(bright music)

(clattering)
(neighing)

(bright music)
(swords clanging)

Fieramosca!

Don't worry about him.

- Worry about me!
- Fieramosca!

(clanging)
(Riccio yelling)

- En garde!
- All right, you French curs.

I'm ready!

I, Mariano the Tiger.

Hey, Tiger.

(exclaiming)

(clanging)

That was not very Queensbury.

(clanging)
(exclaiming)

[Mariano] Don't come any
closer, La Motte, I warn you.

(clanging)
(groaning)

No, don't hit me.

You're not supposed to hit me!

How dare you?

The others turn and
run, but not you.

It's not fair.

Mama, Mama!

You rabbit, you
can't run away.

The Tiger, they call you.

It was all just paying
good money to a press agent.

You're pitiful, you are.

He hit me.

I wasn't supposed to have
a real duel, I hate you.

(growling)
Don't do that!

Mama!

Mama!

[Italian] Come on.

En garde!

(clanging)
(bright music)

(knocking)

[Bracalone] Uh oh.

(speaking foreign language)

(clanging)

- Do you surrender?
- No!

- Surrender?
- I said no!

(clanging)

[Frenchman] I can't hear you.

[Carilario] I surrender!

(clanging)

I surrender.

I can't hear you.

I surrender.

(thudding)
Can you hear all right now?

How's that?

Any better yet?

(grunts) Why don't we
clean out your ears.

- I surrender.
- You what?

- I surrender.
- I can't understand you.

Speak up!
(thudding)

(bright music)

(giggling)

I feel sick, it's
another liver attack.

Valorous soldier of
France, have pity on me.

Hurry, my pills, if I don't
have one of my pills, I'll die.

They're right inside
here, get them for me.

Such a fragile organ, our liver.

So delicate, just
like our brain.

(thudding)
(groaning)

Well, if he's stupid
enough to be taken in

by such a silly
trick, he deserves it.

(thudding)
Somebody answer the door.

(bright music)

[Bracalone] Move on.

(grunting)
(clanging)

(bells tolling)

(grunting)
(clanging)

By God, I'll,
excuse me. (Smooches)

(thudding)
(grunting)

(bright music)

(clanging)

Yoo hoo.

Where you been, fish-face?

[Albiimonte] My grandma
fights better than you.

(clanging)
(grunting)

(blowing raspberry)

(blowing raspberry)

(grunting)
(thudding)

(groaning)

(speaking foreign language)

[Bracalone] Mama mia!

What are you trying to
do, sharpen my pencil?

Oh, I'm gettin' outta here.

Take over, will ya?

(clanging)

(speaking foreign language)

Your father was a lady.

How dare you!

(clanging)
(bright music)

I surrender, I surrender.

Enough.
(laughing)

There you are.

Now it is our turn,
Fieramosca. (Laughing)

(yelling)

(thudding)

- Bingo.
- (Thudding)

Come and die, you Italian pig.

(swords clanging)

Leave him alone, he's mine!

(thudding)

You idiot!

With this head I could
split a cannonball.

(yelling)

(thudding)

(laughing)

- Go on!
- (yelling)

(thudding)
(laughing)

More then. (Laughing)

Don't stop now.

(groaning)

(clanging)
(bright music)

Archimedes mirror.

(eerie music)
(thudding)

That's the advantage of knowing
a little science, right?

(clanging)
(grunting)

Filthy dog.

At least in Sicily, a lady
is honored and respected.

(grunting)
(thudding)

(laughing)

Oh, dear.

My war journal.

I've been saved, it's really
true, I've been saved.

No, I surrender, I surrender.

I'm only an obserevr,
I'm only a journalist.

I work for a paper, I've
gotta go file a story now.

Ettore, Ettore!

Ettore!

Monsieur La Motte.

Are you ready?

(laughing)

(grunting)
(clanging)

Albimonte!

That's enough, it's my turn now.

Ah. (Laughing)

(grunting)
(clanging)

(laughing)

(grunting)
(clanging)

(laughing)

Ow!

Get off my foot.

[Ettore] Sorry.

(grunting)
(clanging)

(groaning)

(exclaiming)

(grunting)
(clanging)

Use the mace, you bonehead.

Ah!

(weapons swishing)

(clanging)
(grunting)

(laughing)

(grunting)
(clanging)

Surrender?

Why should I?

You're disarmed, aren't you?

What the hell you mean?

(grunting)

This is from Gray-Ah-Noo!

(grunting)
(thudding)

Your Gray-Ah-Noo

was a traitor!

That's a friggin' lie!

(thudding)
(eerie music)

You had enough?

No.

Yes, he has.

Victory goes to the Italians.

(cheering and laughing)

(soft music)

Bracalone.

Gimme the journal.

We'd like you to keep
this, as a memento

of how 13 Italian
knights saved the day.

But all I see
here is scribbling.

Scribbling?

Jesus Christ, he doesn't
know how to write.

Bracalone!

What do you want from me?

You don't know how to read.

(upbeat music)

* I'll tell you a story,
'bout the soldier I knew

* Oh, Ettore

* He'd fight all day long

* And he'd just sing
the night through

* Oh, Ettore

* I'll tell you of his
way to find other men

* Oh, Ettore

* But not of the way he
used his tricks once again

* Oh, Ettore

* He fights, and says,
he won't just live

* Unless he can fight as well

* He fights, and says,
he won't just live

* Unless he can fight as well

(upbeat medieval music)

* Look around you, find a way

* The kitchen ain't so far away

* You find the
smell and follow it

* And then he's
got, ah ha ha ha ha

* You can find him sitting down

* And having fun with everyone

* The kitchen's not that table

* The savor the same

* He come along to find
the cupboard was bare

* And all the fruit eaten up

* And now the