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Now that Elliot had accepted Keith's proposal,

it was time to start planning the wedding.

Ok, so I took a picture of the church that we're gonna be married in.

Only imagine that the horse upfront

is actually a horse and a carriage, and the people in the coffins are us.

- You... already picked the church? - Yeah, I reserved it for the third week in July,

every year since I was nineteen.

When I'll tell Father O'Neil that I actually need it this time,

he's going to crap the communion cracker.

Now, being that it's already May, we have to decide

if we wanna get married in two months, or in a year and two months.

Women tend to hear one thing, when men offer them wedding advices.

So when Keith said this:

Elliot, two months isn't enough time to plan a wedding.

Elliot heard this:

Go ahead, do whatever you want, regardless of what I say.

Great! Two months it is!

God, I can't stop thinking about Elliot.

Dude! It's over, ok? You guys had your chance.

She crushed you. You crushed her.

It's always a train wreck.

- That was then! - What's so different now?

She's getting married.

I don't know. I guess in the back of my head I thought

even after all the hell we put each other through, we might end up together, you know?

Yeah.

I mean... what if not being with Elliot is the biggest mistake of my life?

You made bigger mistakes.

For tickets to see "Basic Istinct 2", press the paddle key.

That one still stinks.

Yeah, she didn't even show her vajayjay.

Oh, it's on the DVD extras. It's labelled "Vagina".

Look, hey, I'm ging to Phoenix this weekend, for a surgical conference.

Why don't you come with me? It'll probably take your mind off Elliot.

I don't know Turk. Will I get my own room?

- We'll have to share. - Then you know what my answer is.

On our way to Phoenix, yeah!

Hey, you know how in the movies when a car get further and further away

you can still hear people talking like they're right in front of the camera?

Yeah, that drives me crazy.

Hey! I want snacks for the trip.

Pringle? Oh, uhm, turn left here to go on the freeway.

No, not yet. I gotta stop and go pee.

Already? I told you to go before we left.

Itasa Scrubs Team Proudly Presents

Scrubs Season 06 Episode 19 My Conventional Wisdom VO subititles

Transcript: JDsClone, Tania, gi0v3 Teorouge, Matters, Supersimo

Sync: gi0v3

Revision: Tania, gi0v3

Italian Subs Addicted [www.italiansubs.net]

Right time to hit the convention floor.

- You got your name tag? - Yes, I do.

Me too.

It's full of extra security around here.

Every year, the same group of rowdy doctors,

arrive and all they do is drink, hit on women and trash the place.

Oh, God.

Here they are now.

Wassup, Phoenix!

Ohh, that's what I like about this town.

Hey there... Patrick! Good to see you again, man.

Fetch!

Oh, Bob, would you hit that, huh?

What are you stoned? I wouldn't hit that with Stottlemeyer's dong.

Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Out of my way, boys.

Me and my fellow chiefs of medicine are gonna tear this bitch up.

One of those dudes is gonna die this weekend.

- Come on. Let's go get you mind off Elliot. - It's not that easy, T---

- Oh, my God. Is that who I think it is? - Yep. Old MC.

I was saving it as a surprise.

He's only the best Young MC impersonator on the circuit.

The man's a genius.

Let's get him to say: "Bust a move!"

Dude, the guy spends year after year on a convention circuit

saying that line, I'm pretty sure

- he's sick and tired to say it. - You probably right.

"Bust a move, man!"

Hey, "Bust a move!"

- Bust a move, fellas! - Aaah!

You bust a move! Old Young MC!

- Check me! - Bust a move!

You're the one who should be busting moves!

I can die now.

Elliot was wasting no time spreading the word about her wedding.

July 21st, save the date.

July 21st, save the date.

Oh, July 21st, save the date.

How is it going?

Ok, as your maid of honour, I have to say that

2 months is not enough time to plan a wedding!

Wait. I just realized.

You haven't even asked me to be your maid of honour yet.

Oh my God, Carla, I've been too busy. I've just assumed you knew that you were.

Ah, Carla?

Will you be my maid of honour?

Of course I will! You are my best friend!

Ah! Yeah! Ahahahah!

But seriously, do you realize how much work goes into planning a wedding?

Ah, yeah! What do you think I've been doing for the last ten years?

See, it's all in here.

Ah! There's the seating charts.

And the photographer that I reserved every year under different alias.

Mmh!

Oh, and here is a photo of my wedding dress.

Which I'm totally going to fit into, thanks

to that awesome parasite I got from eating sushi.

Oh. Hey, everyone!

I've been looking for a new role playing game,

ever since my "Lord of the Rings" club booted me for using an actual warhammer.

So, would anybody mind, if I pretended

to be the chief of medicine, while Kelso is out of town?

Ah! Janitor you're a natural!

Fantastic!

Let's make cancer feel foolish.

Uh!

Save the date.

Oh, gosh! July 21...

It's a... it's a bit of a problem.

Why?

Because I wouldn't go to your wedding

if it was held in my very own backyard.

Hey! Can I bring a date?

Oh, what am I thinking? I'll meet someone there!

And what the hell have you two been doing all morning?

- You know... - Meeting...

- Hip-hop girls... - Greeting, we got these...

He gave some hip-hop hugs.

Say I was too nervous to hand that girl over there, what advice would you give me?

- Bust a move! - Ahah!

Alright, alright. What if a great song comes on,

but I'm too shy to get down? What should I do?

Bust a move!

You're awesome man! What are you drinking? We'll buy you one.

Bust a move!

- You know, convention stuff. - You know, convention stuff.

Look. Just because I get to spend the weekend

drinking beer with the guys and overpaying the escorts so they'll do the weird stuff,

doesn't mean you two get to screw around!

Attend some lectures! Visit some booths!

Act like professionals, damn it!

Sir, we are being professional.

Yeah! We, we were coming over here...

just now to check out this booth right here with the crapper!

Oh, wait, it's, it's much more than that.

If a patient has a bowel movement in it,

it immediately gives the diagnosis.

We call it, the Dr. Toilet!

Mr. Mimov, I wanted a second opinion, so I've called in my colleague Dr. Toilet.

I agree. The best course of action is dialysis.

Dr. Toilet, I'm sorry about the other day, uhm...

I've just had my morning coffee and a bran muffin, it was...

kind of an emergency situation, I know you were napping, but it was an accident.

An accident? Dr. Dorian, there are 48 other toilets in this hospital.

I'm the only one that's a doctor, and then you came into my office

and you sat on me.

Didn't you hear me screaming to get off?

Roger, in my defence those sounds were very muffled.

I thought they were coming from me!

You know what, John? Let's just drop it and move on.

Janine, hold my calls. I'm gonna take a nap.

Sure thing, Dr. Toilet.

I wouldn't be able to help myself.

Hi, Gary, it's Elliot Reid. I know that we haven't spoken since

you broke up with me in the 11th grade but I just wanted to let you know

that I'm getting married. Oh, also I was sorry to hear that you lost your legs.

I'm notifying all my old boyfriends today that I'm officially off the market.

I'm sure the "pulse" setting on your shower head will be devastated.

Look, blondie,

I've a cardiac patient who needs a perfusion imaging and since your fancy private practice

has one of those spect cameras, I was hoping just rather use it.

Sure. Just as long as you promise to come to my wedding the cameras are all yours.

Why do you even care?

I know that we don't exactly like each other but...

over the past 6 years you've become a huge part of my life so...

I would love you to come.

Plus if you don't than table 14 would be boy girl boy girl girl

and that's insanity.

Jennifer next to Jennifer next to Najah...

Plus there's Bobby, put him next to her. But at the end Bobby doesn't get along with Jennifer.

Yeah, camera no camera, please

consider this me checking the "will not be attending" column:

Aah!

Sorry, Carla but i need you to take care of this lab work.

Keith, I'm already covering three floors. Can you believe this, Ted?

Aaah...h when..

people try to put me in the middle of things my troath closes.

Listen here, young doctor Gilchrist

Uh, that's not my name.

Gilchrist? Please.

She's not upset with you because you asked her to help.

She's upset you insinuated her job was less important.

He's actually right.

And you, nurse Ipanema.

Realize this is a young doctor under stress.

Ted, come along. We've much work to do.

Wait Ted, Ted, Ted? What are you doing?

I'm a follower.

Ok, when the lecture starts,

I'll start to choke and then you yell: "Is there a doctor in the house?"

That's a good kill. Just be careful, don't really choke,

- That wouldn't be funny. - No.

Do you think if Elliot and I were still dating we'd be getting married?

Dude, you gotta turn this off, allright? We are on vacation,

there are plenty of hot girls here.

And single.

Turk,

Elliot getting married is a big deal for me.

It's not just one girl who's gonna make me stop thinking about it.

Good afternoon.

I'm doctor Briggs, and I'm lecturing on the use of high dose radiation therapy

in prostate cancer.

Except maybe the last girl I was in love with.

To be honest with you, I can't make Hedger tales out of these things.

When is this hospital gonna get a tuned spect camera?

That is a very good point and I am on it, Ted?

Add that to the list.

I will check to see if the quaterly fiscals can accomodate the financial comps.

I hope so.

Ted,

you do realize that was all jibberish. He's...

he's just pretending.

He can't make any real changes in this place.

Tell that to the new daycare program.

Hi, dad.

Jack?

- What are you doing? - Hey!

- Oh, who's this? - I don't know. Get out.

Hmmm...

You know, if you are still having problems with that picture,

all you gotta do is agree to go to my wedding, and you can use our camera.

Blondie, as attached as I have indeed become to my patient,

his death due to my inability to see a clear picture of his heart

would still be a preferable alternative

to actually having to hear you utter your self-written vows:

"My dearest Keith,

my heart was like a vault but you picked the lock like an apple thief

who picks the first golden delicious of the fall harvest".

Ok, first of all stop reading my wedding binder.

It's private.

And...

I cannot believe that you wouldn't wanna come see me start my life with my soulmate.

Soulmate? Try 'last resort'.

Let's just be honest for two seconds here.

You basically lived in this dump for the last six years

and there weren't that many guys to choose from once you eliminate

the women and the gays,

the too old,

the too poor,

the ones who just barely beat the rap for murdering their first wife,

and of course, Ted.

Noooooo!

Well then...

What's left?

As you can see here,

recurrents rates were significantly diminished with the higher doses.

I can't believe Kim's here, I guess I have to go talk to her.

And why is that a bad thing?

Uh, we've never spoken since the miscarriage.

She looks good. I think her boobs got bigger.

Really? Let me see.

Yeah, you're right. Check it!

As we sat there air-grooping my ex,

I wondered how things were going back at the hospital.

Elliott was probably still giddy about her engagement.

So let me ask you this there, Barb.

Do you really wanna marry Keith?

Or do you just want to get married?

Uh, ok. That's... that's all I've got. Thanks for barely listening.

Do you think she still thinks about me?

Probably.

Are there any questions?

Why would you tell me you miscarried our child when you clearly didn't?

That's probably a question I should answer more face-to-face

after the lecture, are there... any... other... questions?

Yes, you sir.

Yeah, uhm... I think you should answer his question.

How did he get over ther so fast?

- You're a good friend! - I've got your back.

Anyone else have a question? Yes, you... i-in the back.

Bust-a-move!

Really more of a statement than a question, but thank you.

I've always wanted to be married so badly,

but what if I am settling with Keith?

Elliott, what you're going through is normal.

Hmm hmm, when I got engaged all I could think of was...

"Why am I with this angry, cinical idiot?"

But then I fought through it and realized he was the love of my life.

Unfortunately we had a little argument, and so we broke up,

but then late I met Perry a month later, we have 2 beautiful children

and the point is: sometimes settling works.

Oh.

And that is how I got my name.

You don't look Asian.

Hey, why aren't you being the chief of medicine?

I'm just taking a break, Ted, I don't want it to get stale.

The hospital needs you! I need you! Doesn't that mean anything?

Damn right it does.

Now let's go find a cure for polio.

Sorry...

Ah... ok, too soon for laughter,

I know that you must be really upset.

Upset is just one of the emotions I'm feeling, Kim. How could you do this to me?

I don't know. My hormons went crazy!

And I was scared and I thought that we were only together because I was pregnant.

and so, I lied and I pushed you out the door

and then I got really angry that you left me.

Were you ever planning on telling me?

Yes, of course. Yes. I just hadn't figured out how yet.

I mean, what can I possibly say?

I don't know. How about: "JD, I think there might be something living in my uterus".

I know I made a huge mistake.

And I'm so so sorry.

I did just hide back myself under this corner and I didn't know how to get out and...

You know what?

No more excuses.

I did a horrible thing.

I don't expect you to forgive me.

Ok, because I'm not going to.

You probably hate me right now because I hate myself...

But it was really good seeing you and...

and I thought I can do this on my own,

but I can't.

I'm alone and I'm terrified,

and I have no right to ask you for this,

but I could really use some help.

Crap salad, I gotta go give another lecture.

I just need forty minutes and...

please stay. Promise me that you'll just stay, and we can talk about this.

Fine.

But I'm not doing it for you.

Fair enough.

There's no need to freak out, Elliot. All women go through the same stages once they are engaged.

First there's the: "Yeah, I'm engaged" stage. Do you remember yesterday?

I know. It was so great.

Then comes the: "Oh, my God I can't believe I'm gonna have sex with the same person

for the rest of my life" stage, and that's when you head to the nearest frat house,

ditch your undies and then the next morning do the walk of shame to your beemer.

Sure.

Elliot,

You'll get throgh this. You just have to try to not act like a crazy person, see.

At times like this we tend to torture a man.

To test him.

Oh, yeah. I can't see myself doing that.

What's this, Keith? Huh?

Our sample invite with the letter you picked up.

Uh, no. This is not, what I picked up. I picked up Flourished Italic,

now you go back to the printer, and tell them it should look like this.

I went to calligraphy camp. Now don't you screw this up Keith. Because if this goes wrong,

then the wedding goes wrong, and then I'll get depressed, and fat,

and you cheat on me and I swear to God

I will CHOP IT OFF!

What just happened?

I suppose this will dissolve surgical glue but...

may I ask how that happened in the first place?

Oh, you know, boys being boys.

A spect camera, eh?

My hospital Sacred Heart needs one of those.

It's funny you should say that.

I was just on the phone with your chief of medicine ten minutes ago.

Hm. Tax this to someone.

Chief o'medicine.

I'm the Chief of medicine, Bob Kelso. Who the hell is this?

Uh, I'm you.

I'm talking to you from a future phone.

By the way sell all your gasoline stocks,

everything now runs on potatoes!

I don't know who the hell this is but when I find out

I am going to put my lowfer so far up your ass

you're gonna have testicles hanging out of your nose.

Now, tell me who you are.

- What's your name again? - Teddy Buckland.

Ted?

Naaah, he's never gonna believe I did this.

Hey, where'd you go?

I'm sorry sir, we don't have appletinis. But I could make you a peachtini.

That's a little foofy for my taste. A beer is fine.

With a pineapple wedge, please.

How you doing?

Not too bad, considering I just had a bomb dropped on me.

No no, that was bigger than a bomb.

More like an asteroid about to hit the planet.

You know, people running in the streets screaming,

"Oh my god, it's coming right at us!"

And then dudes turning to hot chicks and they're all like, "Look,

we're about to die, so can I hit that?"

and then girl's like "Hell, to the no!" but then she realizes,

"Oh my god, I'm about to die,

so you know what , yeah, you can hit this, but no kissing."

That's exactly what it's like!

Thank you.

I'm just so mad I litterally don't know what to say to her.

Don't you dare!

Part of me wants to talk to her, part of me wants to...

Bust a move?

You have a problem, sir! Seek help!

- You know what you're gonna do? - What?

You're gonna sit here and wait for Kim,

and then you're gonna talk to her, because you're a good person.

No matter what mistakes she's made she's still having your kid,

and you're not walking away from that.

Oh, say, Barbie, I'm gonna go ahead next here one more time. May I please, please

use your practice's spect camera?

Sure, whatever.

That's great. Cause I've actually already used it.

I don't care.

And don't worry about coming to my wedding, because it probably won't be one.

Look,

I love it that after six years I can still mess with your head.

It is both a testament to my commitment

and a glaring statement about your mental fragility. But still is

as much as it pains me to say it,

there's nothing I did or said

that had any real impact on your relationship with the future Mr. Barbie.

Yeah, well, I got all crazy and went off on him.

Of course you did, you're a woman.

Sure, ya do come with a little extra crazy,

but what the heck, that's what makes you... you.

Listen to me,

Keith isn't going to care, he's not.

Why are you being so nice to me?

Lay off the stick or I'll wait till you're asleep

and I will cheesegrate your nerps.

Because sometimes I like to do nice things without being coerced.

- Oh... - Hopefully that's the right lettering.

You're fine.

Now, if... if you go ahead and excuse me...

I'm gonna go and grab a quick shower to get this moment offa me.

Turk was giving me the silent treatment

because I had taken Old MC's advice over his.

I had busted a move, and left.

Oh, no. I'm saving this for someone. He's should be here in a minute.

And yeah, I still have doubts about my decision.

I love you babe.

- See you tomorrow. - Yeah.

I guess I'm just hoping that the doubts will fade away.

Who am I kidding, eventually we all have to face the music.

- You wanted to see me, sir? - I know it was you,

and you are going to pay dearly.

Wait, first of all you need a new doctor.

Ta, ta, ta.

Dr. Toilet? He's beautiful.

I trimmed a little fat in the budget so we could afford him.

- Ted's vacation pay? - What vacation pay?

- Ha, ha. - Ha, ha, ha. Get out of here.

Yeah.

For now I was just glad to get back home where life wasn't so complicated.

JD, do you think I'm making a mistake by marrying Keith?

- Uh... - JD?

How could you just leave me waiting there?

Yep. Life is so much simpler here.

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