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Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org
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Welcome home, Perry.
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Here's the new program :
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You occasionally lift a finger helping with Jack
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and I'm gonna try to keep from hating the unborn baby in my belly
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that's made my ass so big, I can't fit the whole thing on a toilet
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when I pee eight hundred times a day ! I can't.
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You love spaghetti.
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You had some just last night, didn't ya ?
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No, I didn't !
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Jordan, the boy is lying to me.
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Oh, Perry, nobody likes a tattle-tail !
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Nobody does, Perry!
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All right, champ.
Just in case you get hungry later on....
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Yo ! Elliot.
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what's your ringtone ?
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"Jesus Takes The Wheel" by Carrie Underwood.
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I'm carrying underwood right now.
See, that's funny because it's true.
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Please ?
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But that's all you get for the rest of the year, Todd.
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I'm downloading 'N Sync's "Bye Bye Bye."
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When that bad boy starts a-jumpin
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I defy anyone not to shake their butt to it.
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I'm bringing it back.
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Just like you brought back Pop-Rocks ?
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Teddy boy !
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Yeah, well,
you're not as big a trend-setter as you think you are.
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Right, Keith ?
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As for me, I spent my free time getting coworkers
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I just met pregnant.
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You're pregnant ?
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Are you sure ?
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I'm pretty sure.
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Uh, Kim, I'm not really sure how to phrase this,
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so I'm just gonna dive right in :
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Have there been other penises ?
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It's yours, J.D.
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Cool.
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Are you okay ?
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Yeah.
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I don't think I've ever seen
the inside of your apartment before.
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Said the father of my unborn child. Heh !
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That was a joke.
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Oh, come on.
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No laugh from a guy who,
when he orders a coffee, says "Thanks a latte !"
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Well, that's different, Kim, that's hilarious.
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This is life-changing.
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We can get through this.
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You know what else is pretty classic,
when the coffee guy asks for money,
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you say : "Sorry,
my wallet's in my other pair of mocha-chinos."
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That always gets 'em.
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Ah, dammit.
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I have to go to the hospital.
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Scone is also a--a funny word,
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but I don't like them, I prefer croissants.
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You're clearly freaking out,
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so, um, you need to
promise me that you're gonna
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find somebody to talk to
about this while I'm gone.
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Please! I'll be fine.
You be careful
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you're walking for two !
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Call Turk.
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You were right, Turk.
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Hell, yeah !
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All right ! All right ! Now listen !
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This is a hospital, not a discotheque !
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Turn that damn thing off !
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Come on, buddy. Please pick up.
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This is pretty catchy.
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No problem.
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I'll just go chill at my deck
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with a little vino.
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Unfortunately,
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it was still a hangout spot for gay seniors.
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All right ! That's enough !
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I have seen "Les Mis" over a dozen times,
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so I have nothing against giant queens per se,
all right ?
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In fact, my life would be a whole lot easier
if I was married to one of you guys.... Excuse me.
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You heard him, girls ?
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Let's roll !
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Hold up ! Hold up ! Hold up !
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"Las Vegas Police Department."
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Hello ?
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Why didn't you answer your phone when I called you ?
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I was dancing.
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Ohhhh. Wait, let me hear it.
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- Ao -
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- DeX -
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- Greg -
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- Nuwanda -
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- The Nux -
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- WBbarrie -
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6x01 - My mirror image
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Par la High-Five Team(+fouf.83)
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Well, look, I'm in surgery all morning,
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but we can meet for lunch,
talk this through then, okay ?
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Hello ?
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J.D., this is a really bad connection
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Ted, please !
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Ted !
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Okay, I'll see you at lunch.
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Hey, mojambo
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This here's our new flagpole.
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Why don't you show Old Glory
a little respect and snap off a salute ?
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There's no flag up there.
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We're at war, my friend.
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All American flags are on backorder.
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What do you want me to do in the meantime,
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run a pirate flag up there ?
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Maybe turn the whole building into a pirate ship ?
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I could put a captain's wheel up on the roof...
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catch a parrot somehow...slap on an eyepatch...
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go to work with a caulk-gun,
seal her up, make her watertight
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I can take her out to sea.
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-Are you insane ?
-Nah. I'm a pirate.
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Whatever.
I'm--I--I--I'm not saluting a pole !
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And so it begins...again.
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My life is over.
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Oh, come on, you gotta focus on the positives.
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For instance, the medical miracle that is
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one woman actually impregnating another woman.
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Shadaisy !
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Coincidentally,
I have a cousin named Shadaisy !
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What ?
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J.D. needs us right now, okay ?
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So this is what we're gonna do:
Dr. Cox, you're backing off.
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Elliot, you go talk to him.
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Can't wait to talk to J.D.
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Maybe we can chat about how everyone in this frickin' hospital,
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other than me, is having a baby.
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I mean, seriously, having a baby,
having a baby,
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having a second baby ! Or having her
husband's best friend's baby !
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That's right, Mona, everyone knows !
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What are you looking at,
Dr Beardface ? You want a kid ?
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Cause I swear to God,
I will mount you right now !
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It's Beardfac�, dammit !
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Gather round,
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doomed new interns who just paged me !
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Quick question :
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What does this outfit tell you ?
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You...are entering
a Joe Piscopo look-alike contest ?
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It means that I was just working out
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which, incidentally, is the last
remaining activity I have in my adult life
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that qualifies as "me time."
Other activities recently crossed off of that list
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include my morning dump and all showers.
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You see, my dear son Jack
has decided that those are team sports.
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However, I'm here, and I'm
totally psyched to hear whatever
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the super-de-duper reason
is that you paged me.
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Mr. White's chart said to remove his eight stitches,
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but we counted nine.
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Should we leave one ?
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That's it.
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Every single one of you
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is gonna run laps around the hallways until I say stop.
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Think I'm kidding ?
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Perry ? What the hell ?
I just got a call from Jack's school.
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Apparently they served spaghetti for lunch,
so he had some sort of Vietnam flashback.
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We're having a second baby.
You need to deal with your anger issues.
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I don't have any anger issues.
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Dr. Cox, I'm sorry,
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but my asthma...is really...starting...to...
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GET OUTTA HERE !
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Seriously?
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What are you working on, young man ?
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New ways to torture that guy. See ?
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Mrs. Zeebee,
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I know that we were hoping that the pain
around your areola was simple mastitis,
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but it turns out that it's breast cancer.
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I can't believe this is happening to me.
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Trust me, I know what you're going through.
Just yesterday, I found out that my girlfriend...
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'Scuse us !
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Dude, please tell me you're not comparing
getting cancer to knocking up your girlfriend.
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I was trying to !
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You can't pawn your personal stuff off on your patients !
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What about you and the motorcycle accident guy ?
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So get this: My pregnant wife has decided
that it's okay to steal my pillow
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in the middle of the night and sleep
with it in between her legs !
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When am I going in to surgery ?
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Oh, we can't start the surgery
until the troopers find your foot.
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That was different.
He said, "What's up ?"
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Hardly seems like much of a punishment for the kid from Kenya.
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I mean, God's sake, he could run all day.
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You know, maybe Jordan's right
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maybe it's time you start dealing with your anger issues ?
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Carla,
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for something to be an issue, it needs to cause a problem.
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I mean, honestly, aside from having
to -- by law -- remain thirty feet away
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from a certain telemarketer who I visited
while he was eating his dinner, I don't see the downside.
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Mr. Slydell here is suffering from
peptic ulcer disease and hypertension
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two conditions you'll often see in very angry people.
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Now, now, you don't know that this gentleman is angry.
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Damn it !
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Why won't this TV go on ?
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That was the bed remote.
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Ted !
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I...I got the cola.
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-Did you get the Pop Rocks ?
-No, the vending machine was out,
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so I went to the generic store
and got some "Fizzy Pebbles."
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Sure we should do this ?
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I'm sick of legends and hearsay, Keith !
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I have to know !
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No scuffing. No scuffing !
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Okay, what if...
203
00:10:27,435 --> 00:10:31,069
I get a sex-change operation,
and I trick him into marrying me ?
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00:10:31,300 --> 00:10:33,611
But if it doesn't work,
you'll just be an older,
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fairly ugly, janitor woman.
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00:10:37,448 --> 00:10:38,209
That's true.
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00:10:38,764 --> 00:10:40,600
You know, you and I are quite a bit alike.
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00:10:40,750 --> 00:10:42,312
I spent most of my life trying to become a lawyer.
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00:10:42,793 --> 00:10:44,499
But I could never get my juris doctorate.
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How does that make us alike ?
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00:10:46,401 --> 00:10:48,218
Ohh, I spent years trying
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to get that damn J.D...
(Jurist Doctorate)
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Hey! That'll be fun to clean up !
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00:11:01,982 --> 00:11:04,220
You know what's so messed up
about this whole baby thing ?
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00:11:04,863 --> 00:11:06,736
I mean, I feel like I'm drowning,
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00:11:06,737 --> 00:11:08,437
and it hasn't even fazed Kim.
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00:11:10,066 --> 00:11:12,556
Okay, let's, uh, close her up.
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00:11:13,479 --> 00:11:15,367
Dr. Briggs? Why are you crying ?
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00:11:15,493 --> 00:11:16,668
This song always gets me.
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My brother was killed by a funky cold medina.
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00:11:22,787 --> 00:11:23,914
I'm sorry, J.D,
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but you knew that this could happen
when you had sex.
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00:11:26,767 --> 00:11:29,187
I have to tell you guys something,
but you have to promise not to laugh, okay ?
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00:11:29,397 --> 00:11:30,822
- Oh, no, absolutely.
-I'll try. -Right. Sure.
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00:11:31,354 --> 00:11:33,704
Okay, on the night of said conception,
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00:11:34,906 --> 00:11:35,969
uh, Kim and I nuded up,
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and um...the dirty talk began,
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and I got a little over-excited.
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Ooooh! She like-a the dirty talk !
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No, I do.
231
00:11:46,208 --> 00:11:50,465
I find it gets the ladies going,
but I occasionally get wrapped up in it myself,
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00:11:50,724 --> 00:11:53,337
especially when I use some of my different voices....
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He does.
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Anyhoo, there was some unexpected friendly fire.
235
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even though I never got a chance
to enter..."the village"
236
00:12:07,775 --> 00:12:12,490
...there was a..."airstrike" on one of the outlying regions.
237
00:12:14,992 --> 00:12:17,620
Anyway, I spoke to the gals up in OB-G,
238
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and they said it's not uncommon for a woman to get pregnant
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even if there was no actual penetration.
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00:12:24,223 --> 00:12:26,293
What you trying to tell us is that you...
241
00:12:27,636 --> 00:12:29,202
never actually had sex with her ?
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00:12:29,538 --> 00:12:30,797
No, I didn't have a condom.
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And, uh, we decided not to have sex because
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...here's the kicker...
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....I didn't want to get her pregnant.
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As I thought about how Mrs. Zeebee and I
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had gotten such a raw deal,
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I realized how easy it was
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for doctors to see themselves in their patients.
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Whether it's in the choices they made in their life...
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My anger not only cost me my health,
252
00:12:57,763 --> 00:12:59,329
it also cost me my job,
253
00:12:59,833 --> 00:13:00,784
my marriage
254
00:13:02,042 --> 00:13:03,553
...it cost me damn near everything.
255
00:13:04,616 --> 00:13:05,623
You're killing me.
256
00:13:06,322 --> 00:13:07,609
...or the choices they didn't make...
257
00:13:08,097 --> 00:13:10,155
I was so obsessed with getting my J.D.
258
00:13:10,156 --> 00:13:12,644
that I never did the things I really wanted to do,
259
00:13:13,288 --> 00:13:14,071
start a family,
260
00:13:14,966 --> 00:13:15,973
see the world....
261
00:13:16,573 --> 00:13:17,457
Punch a whale ?
262
00:13:17,987 --> 00:13:18,850
No, I punched a whale,
263
00:13:19,896 --> 00:13:20,728
right in the face.
264
00:13:21,875 --> 00:13:23,330
Down he went, like Liston.
265
00:13:24,913 --> 00:13:27,723
Either way, it forces you to face your problems head-on.
266
00:13:28,376 --> 00:13:29,009
There you are.
267
00:13:29,795 --> 00:13:31,638
You ready to grab some lunch so that we can talk ?
268
00:13:32,058 --> 00:13:32,686
Or not.
269
00:13:33,596 --> 00:13:35,936
You know what, Kim, I don't think
I can handle this right now.
270
00:13:38,771 --> 00:13:40,334
Oh, okay. Yeah. That's great. Um....
271
00:13:49,034 --> 00:13:49,434
Heads up.
272
00:13:52,934 --> 00:13:53,533
You seen J.D. ?
273
00:13:55,446 --> 00:13:56,310
I have not.
274
00:13:56,814 --> 00:13:57,709
Any idea where he is ?
275
00:14:01,809 --> 00:14:05,709
Teaching CPR to underprivileged youth
at Lincoln Middle School on 18th Street.
276
00:14:05,961 --> 00:14:07,247
I can't believe he got that !
277
00:14:07,248 --> 00:14:09,948
We are so ready for that
charades tournament on Saturday !
278
00:14:10,373 --> 00:14:12,448
Come on, Turk, where is he ?
279
00:14:12,736 --> 00:14:17,290
You know, Kim, I'm sorry but I really have...no idea.
280
00:14:17,626 --> 00:14:18,157
Traitor !
281
00:14:23,864 --> 00:14:28,563
Space-wasters, why haven't any of you
placed a pulmonary artery cath on this guy ?
282
00:14:28,703 --> 00:14:32,367
Hey, let's try to use our inside voice around the interns.
283
00:14:32,591 --> 00:14:33,570
We don't want to scare them.
284
00:14:33,596 --> 00:14:35,393
What kind of new crazy is this ?
285
00:14:35,493 --> 00:14:39,235
Oh, Elliot snapped a little
and decided the interns were her babies.
286
00:14:39,529 --> 00:14:40,480
Oops, Jakie.
287
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:43,964
Somebody's got a little smudgie on his face.
There you go.
288
00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:45,375
Long as he gets done.
289
00:14:46,326 --> 00:14:49,010
Um, why doesn't Elliot have
a freshly-ripped new one right now ?
290
00:14:49,011 --> 00:14:51,610
I'm not freshly ripping anybody anything anymore.
291
00:14:51,611 --> 00:14:52,956
I am done with anger.
292
00:14:53,572 --> 00:14:56,172
Oh, is that gonna be like the time you quit drinking ?
293
00:14:56,173 --> 00:14:58,151
Cause that was the longest twenty minutes of my life !
294
00:14:58,466 --> 00:15:01,411
Your sarcasm is wasted on me,
you giant pregnant beast.
295
00:15:01,562 --> 00:15:06,319
This is an anger-free zone.
There's no anger here.
296
00:15:09,124 --> 00:15:09,911
Counter!
297
00:15:22,271 --> 00:15:23,446
I filled it with blue Gatorade.
298
00:15:23,950 --> 00:15:25,775
-I just do that to freak people out.
-Scintillating.
299
00:15:26,076 --> 00:15:28,919
Say, since we're small talking,
let me...let me ask you a question :
300
00:15:29,181 --> 00:15:32,528
Do you have any...regrets
about the way you lived your life ?
301
00:15:32,649 --> 00:15:33,718
Cause I think I do.
302
00:15:34,089 --> 00:15:36,062
You've never been to Paris and cleaned a French toilet, huh ?
303
00:15:37,237 --> 00:15:38,169
Oh! Haha, good one.
No, that's not it.
304
00:15:39,027 --> 00:15:41,146
Come on, be straight with me.
Do you think I'm wasting my life ?
305
00:15:41,545 --> 00:15:43,031
Let's cut to the chase, freak-show.
306
00:15:43,447 --> 00:15:45,697
If you're a 44-year-old man wearing a jumpsuit
307
00:15:45,965 --> 00:15:48,006
and you are not climbing into the cockpit of a rocket ship,
308
00:15:48,007 --> 00:15:50,356
chances are you've made a lot of wrong turns along the way.
309
00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:51,391
Good talk !
310
00:15:55,256 --> 00:15:58,185
Dude, what the hell am I supposed to tell Kim
when she asks why I drove off like that ?
311
00:15:58,329 --> 00:15:59,928
Tell her you hate white chicks.
312
00:15:59,929 --> 00:16:01,413
And then when she says,
"No you don't," you say,
313
00:16:01,414 --> 00:16:03,897
"I mean 'White Chicks' the movie --
not a fan of those Wayans brothers."
314
00:16:04,343 --> 00:16:06,441
Then she'll laugh and forget why she was mad at you.
315
00:16:07,196 --> 00:16:08,240
You're right! That'll work.
316
00:16:08,371 --> 00:16:10,273
But still, you need to man up and talk to her.
317
00:16:10,469 --> 00:16:12,146
You have no idea what I'm going through.
318
00:16:12,147 --> 00:16:13,881
Really? Cause the last time I checked,
319
00:16:13,882 --> 00:16:14,722
I was having a kid, too.
320
00:16:14,723 --> 00:16:17,229
Yeah, that you planned with your wife,
321
00:16:17,476 --> 00:16:18,889
whose middle name you know.
322
00:16:21,113 --> 00:16:22,553
It's Juanita, Turk !
323
00:16:22,637 --> 00:16:24,372
Carla's middle name is Juanita !
324
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:25,932
I knew it was something Puerto Rican.
325
00:16:26,022 --> 00:16:28,771
What if Kim and I don't end up together ?
Okay ? I already have enough trouble meeting girls.
326
00:16:28,945 --> 00:16:30,947
Can you imagine it now ? "Hey, how you doin' ? I'm J.D.,
327
00:16:31,085 --> 00:16:34,231
and this little bugger right here already
hates ya for not being his real mommy !
328
00:16:34,358 --> 00:16:36,377
Wanna get freaky ?
I'm apparently very fertile !
329
00:16:36,811 --> 00:16:38,498
My life has changed forever !
330
00:16:39,281 --> 00:16:41,815
You wanna be like everybody else and say
"Everything's gonna be just fine!" ?
331
00:16:42,834 --> 00:16:45,015
Dude, I'm your best friend --
I'll tell you whatever you want me to.
332
00:16:49,941 --> 00:16:52,436
Say, Barbie?
Have you seen any of the interns around ?
333
00:16:52,848 --> 00:16:54,609
Yeah. They did so well at rounds,
334
00:16:54,610 --> 00:16:56,205
I'm just letting them watch a show.
335
00:16:58,079 --> 00:16:59,534
Oh. Hi, interns.
336
00:16:59,630 --> 00:17:00,737
Hi.
337
00:17:01,100 --> 00:17:03,634
Look, you pretty obviously have short-circuited.
338
00:17:03,801 --> 00:17:07,437
Because the odds of you ever actually
having a baby are roughly on a par with me
339
00:17:07,646 --> 00:17:09,944
finding the Loch Ness monster in my bathtub.
340
00:17:09,945 --> 00:17:11,850
Shh! I can't hear the TV !
341
00:17:17,437 --> 00:17:18,388
Hi, honey !
342
00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:25,297
Hyah! Go on, get outta here !
Come on ! You too ! Get outta here ! Hyah !
343
00:17:26,416 --> 00:17:29,157
Don't even say a word.
344
00:17:29,773 --> 00:17:32,682
Mr. Slydell's ulcer perforated and he bled out.
345
00:17:32,989 --> 00:17:33,717
He's dead.
346
00:17:42,333 --> 00:17:46,445
Well, if it isn't my beautiful bride,
Carla Juanita Espinosa.
347
00:17:47,172 --> 00:17:47,955
Juanita ?
348
00:17:48,766 --> 00:17:50,585
You think my middle name is Juanita ?
349
00:17:51,703 --> 00:17:53,046
I am going to kill J.D. !
350
00:17:57,494 --> 00:18:02,125
Uh, Dr. Dorian, look, uh,
this is a bit awkward, but, uh, as chief of medicine,
351
00:18:02,126 --> 00:18:05,550
I feel obligated to ask you about
your relationship with Dr. Briggs....
352
00:18:07,592 --> 00:18:08,543
Was she naughty ?
353
00:18:09,550 --> 00:18:11,033
I bet she's a hellcat.
354
00:18:11,508 --> 00:18:12,460
Get help, sir.
355
00:18:12,711 --> 00:18:15,369
Never mind. It's, uh, better up here.
356
00:18:16,823 --> 00:18:18,444
Mrs. Zeebee's CAT-scan came back.
357
00:18:19,986 --> 00:18:21,803
Oh, man. This just sucks.
358
00:18:25,103 --> 00:18:25,971
Mlle Zeebee,
359
00:18:26,446 --> 00:18:29,719
unfortunately the cancer isn't localized just to your breast.
360
00:18:30,670 --> 00:18:32,097
We're gonna have to start chemo right away.
361
00:18:32,976 --> 00:18:35,820
The most important thing to remember
when you see yourself in a patient
362
00:18:36,002 --> 00:18:37,467
is that they're not actually you.
363
00:18:54,895 --> 00:18:58,783
In fact, sometimes, they're actually
who we wish we had the courage to be.
364
00:18:59,286 --> 00:18:59,930
You know what ?
365
00:19:00,896 --> 00:19:01,944
I'm gonna get through this.
366
00:19:03,224 --> 00:19:04,294
Just you watch.
367
00:19:05,580 --> 00:19:10,216
Not like I can change what's already happened.
The only thing to do is move forward and deal with it.
368
00:19:10,561 --> 00:19:11,095
Right ?
369
00:19:11,735 --> 00:19:12,226
Yeah.
370
00:19:13,357 --> 00:19:15,398
Right then, I knew exactly what I had to do,
371
00:19:15,399 --> 00:19:16,499
come hell or high water.
372
00:19:23,483 --> 00:19:24,630
Uh-huh ! I got your Juanita.
373
00:19:26,001 --> 00:19:26,924
Juanita, huh ?
374
00:19:27,148 --> 00:19:29,889
Well you can Jua-nita this right there.
375
00:19:34,896 --> 00:19:35,931
What the hell ?
376
00:19:36,393 --> 00:19:37,279
It's now or never.
377
00:19:50,869 --> 00:19:52,771
Are you gonna let me down anytime soon ?
378
00:19:53,051 --> 00:19:55,317
Not until you spend a little time acting like a flag.
379
00:19:56,100 --> 00:19:58,557
As I acted like a flag, I sensed that the Janitor
380
00:19:58,558 --> 00:20:00,044
learned nothing from this experience.
381
00:20:08,100 --> 00:20:10,618
Dr. Cox, on the other hand, got halfway there.
382
00:20:11,345 --> 00:20:12,856
He may always be angry at work,
383
00:20:13,135 --> 00:20:15,205
but he had learned to control himself when it counts.
384
00:20:15,457 --> 00:20:17,136
Jacky, would you like some hot dogs ?
385
00:20:17,555 --> 00:20:19,150
I don't want hot dogs !
386
00:20:22,171 --> 00:20:25,052
That's okay, 'cause we've got your favorite yogurt.
387
00:20:27,625 --> 00:20:30,724
As for me, I finally came through,
even if it was a little late.
388
00:20:31,821 --> 00:20:32,549
Can we talk ?
389
00:20:33,835 --> 00:20:34,591
That'd be great.
390
00:20:40,835 --> 00:20:44,591
[High-Five Team]+fouf.83
391
00:20:45,591 --> 00:20:55,591
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