All language subtitles for Scrubs s04e23 My Faith In Humanity.eng

One of the reasons Turk and I
are so popular around here

is that we love helping
our fellow doctors.

- Hey, Hooch.
- That's my name.

Don't wear it out.

Classic Hooch.

Listen, even though
I'm not gonna be paid,

I'm gonna cover your shift
at the clinic tonight

so you can do
Mr. Schindler's endoscopy.

And I'm gonna cross-cover
all of Dr. Turner's patients

so Turner can assist you
on the procedure.

Why are you guys going through
so much trouble?

Who's doing the endoscopy
on Mr Schindler?

- Turner and Hooch!
- Turner and Hooch!

- All right.
- Were you doing Hooch?

Everyone hates you guys.

Oh, Hooch!

Hooch is crazy!

As much as Hooch loved us, it was
even better to see Turk happy.

See, he and Carla had recently
started couples therapy,

and I'm not sure
he was enjoying it.

Carla says you cry after you orgasm.

Would you like to talk about that?

No, not really.

I decided to help their marriage
by moving out,

partly because Carla and I had
accidentally kissed and messed things up,

but mostly because it was time.

Still, finding an apartment
has not been easy.

I'm so sorry about your father.

I'm sure he lived a wonderful life at

14 Maple Drive, apartment 4b.

Was he lucky enough to enjoy a washer
and dryer in his unit while he was alive?

Ever mention any hot neighbors?

What are you doing in the on-call room?

Nothing.

- I gotta go.
- Ok.

Thankfully, Turk had gotten over
the whole kissing incident.

Still, there's a weird new thing
he does whenever he says good-bye.

Ok, I'll see you around.

Peace, homey.

Uh, do you guys think that Clarissa
is more attractive than me?

Yes.

Who's... Clarissa?

She's the short, balding woman
in the pharmacy.

Oh, then definitely yes.

She just got engaged,
Bad comb-over and all!

When Clarissa
beats you to the altar,

it might be time to
hang up the ovaries.

Too mean!

How am I supposed to met a guy
worth a damn working in this place?!

Are the guys here really that bad?

12 minutes door to door!

That's a personal best, suckos!

Nurse, suction.

The patient's not even here yet.

I know.

I just wish once a cute, thoughtful guy
would walk through the door.

- Hi.- Hi.

Can I get some help?

My neighbor fainted,
and she doesn't like ambulances,

so I brought her in myself.

Let me take this one, Jenny.
You've got a phone call.

Oh. I'll call them back.

Your mom died.

What?!

Her mom's fine.
It's just a little running joke we have.

She'll be laughing later.
Got you, Jenny!

Dead mom joke's always funny.

Subtitles by
nColas, Raceman, Travis, Eyedol and Sulina

Scrubs episode 4x23
My Faith In Humanity

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So, Betty, you're back with us,

and I see you brought a young,
handsome buck with you.

What are you trying?
To make me jealous?

You know you're my gal.

Who are you?

I'm Dr Dorian.

I'm the one that's taken care of you
the last 19 times you've been in here.

She's getting a little forgetful.

You know how that happens.
Are you a relative?

No. Neighbor.

I only met her once.

It was raining, and you were wearing
a blue sweater.

That's a lovely memory, Betty.

You know what else is a lovely memory?

That sunday I spent 8 hours helping you
to join the Wilford Brimley fan club.

You don't remember that, do you?

If everything's all right here,
I'm kinda on my way to the airport.

I'm going kayaking with
some friends in New Zealand.

Cool.

So, what are you gonna do there?

Mostly kayaking.

So, Betty, I'll check on you
the second I get back, ok?

You get better now.

So, Elliot, the first thing
we're gonna need to do is--

Is Dr. Reid coming back?

Oh don't worry about her, Betty.

You're in good hands with Dr. Dorian.

Who's that?

That's me, Betty, Dr. Dorian.

Cocoon. Wilford Brimley,
Steve Guttenberg, the whole day. No?

Hey, Jake...

So, you're probably
rushing home to

wipe the old person smell
off before your trip, uh?

Excuse me?

No, I'm just kidding.
I love old people.

Still, there's no denying
they have a distinctive smell.

I mean, it's nothing bad,
it's like a...

general mustiness.

Like, you know, when you get
your cast taken off, and,

skin mold.

Well, I got a flight to catch.

You guys need me to sign anything?

No. You're good.

Ok, then.

That's tough there, Barbie.

That was one potent combination of
verbal diarrhea and stunned silence.

You should have just asked him out.
Men love that.

No, Carla, men don't love that.

It turns out we don't love picnics,
foreplay, candles, baths,

photo albums, or when you drive
"so that we can relax",

and as always, we're not
that big on Hugues Jackman.

Look here.

The only thing men actually care about as
far as dating is concerned is the chase.

So if you want that guy to look
in your way, listen to me carefully.

Ignore the living hell out of him.

That's the worst advise
I've ever heard.

Good point Carla.
Say,

you don't happen to have any other
gems you wanna lay on us

before you run off to
couples therapy to sift through

the wreckage that is the
first year of your marriage, do ya?

Look, Dr. Cox, I'm sure you're
fantastic at picking up men.

Really.

But I can handle this one
on my own. Thank you.

Some people just cannot take a good
"your mom is dead" joke. You know.

Anyway, I worry that
sometimes when I'm tense,

I could be a little condescending.

Actually, I've noticed that.

Have you really noticed it,
Mr. Terapist?!

Chris, what's going on with you?

Nothing worth talking about.

This is your third visit,

and you've yet to say anything
real about how you're feeling.

That's because I don't think there's
anything wrong with our relationship.

I think you pretend
that everything's ok,

even though deep down inside,
a lot of things are bothering you.

So, come on. Tell me what
you're thinking right now.

I'm staring at that picture
above your head.

Yeah, now, is that one of those
psychological ink-blot tests

where I try to figure out what it is?
Because if so...

I'm seeing a duck.

- Let's take a break.
- Okay.

But Hooch, if the patient
just has simple cellulitis,

why aren't
the antibiotics working?

Damn it, Turner, it just
doesn't make sense.

Even though I had created
a supermedical crime-fighting team,

I felt lousy.

See, I had just told Betty that
her lungs had finally given out,

and that she wasn't gonna
leave the hospital this time.

So,

what are my choices?

Well, we could put you on
a breathing machine,

but it's unlike that you'd
ever come off of it.

Or I could just make sure that
you're as comfortableas possible.

"As comfortable as possible."

I've said that a million times and
I still have no idea what it means.

There you go Betty.
That's every cotton ball in the hospital.

I am very,
very confortable.

Then you're
ready to die.

Look, Betty, is there anyone
you'd like to talk this over with?

She just wants to talk
to you for a minute.

Yeah?
About what?

Just about how and when
she should die.

Oh, that's not a problem.

I counsel most of my random
neighbors on their deathbeds.

Look, this woman is alone,
she's depressed,

and for some reason she feels like
she's connected with you.

Look, I'm sorry.
I wouldn't know what to say.

That's great.

Keep it light. Open with a joke,
and before you know it,

you and your raft will be
on a 4-hour trip to New Zealand.

No, it's more like 14 hours.

Oh, no, you're
dangerously close to

revealing that geography
is your Achilles heel.

Say something smart
to regain credibility.

Vaso-vagal syncope is mediated by
the autonomic nervous system.

And Betty needs you, pal.
She does.

Come on.
Do it.

You'll feel good.
Trust me.

Trust you? You don't even know
where New Zealand is.

You can dance your way there
from Old Zealand.

You an idiot?

Elliot...

My neighbor fainted, too.

Hey, you want to go clubbing tonight?

And I don't mean dancing. I mean
going up to the roof and killing rats.

Janitor, I thought
we were done with this.

I know.
Thought I'd give it a shot.

Just put her back in her room.

She's not a patient.

I got her at the mall.

Better get you back to
the food court, huh?

Your husband's probably
come to by now.

Oh, my god, here he comes.
Ok, this is easy.

Just compliment him.
Tell him he has a square head.

That's not a compliment.
What shape is a compliment?

Triangle?
Uh, pyramid?

Circle.
Circle head.

Oh, my god, you're stuck on shapes,
and square head's almost here!

To hell with it. Just do what
Dr. Cox said and ignore him.

Hey, Elliot.

That girl's kind cute.
What's her story?

She's a dude.

Yeah?

Gotta look at
the Adam's apple, buddy.

Couples therapy is killing me.

I don't know how you do it--

Make love with your lady in front
of some old dude who's filming you?

That's not couples therapy, Todd.

Then what did I do?

You did amateur porn.

Sweet.

J.D. you got a sec?

Sure. I'll be with you in a minute, man.

So check this out.

Our therapist says I'm
the type of guy who pretends

everything's okay, even when
I'm upset deep down inside.

Well I think that's true. I mean, if you
look at the whole Carla kissing thing,

I think intellectually you moved on
but emotionally you're still upset.

You'll get there, though, pal.

I'm not upset.

Really?
Oh, ok...

I'll see you later.
Bye.

- You see?
- See what?

Let's try it again.

I'll see you later, buddy.
Bye.

Bye.

Always the same spot!
It's like your fingers are stone.

Last time.

I'll see you later, b--

Hey! Look at yourself.

I've been hitting you?

Yeah. You're like the brown Hulk.

Hey, how's it going in here,you two?

Well, pretty good.
Pretty good.

We--we talked about her past.

Betty even let me hear a few of her
romantic trysts from her younger days.

Are you familiar with
Mr. David Brinkley?

- No way.
- Yeah.

Betty.

Then when we finally got down
to talking for real,

well, it became pretty obvious that...

Betty had already
made a decision.

Ok.

The thing that impressed me
most about Jake,

besides his perfectly square head,

was that he faced this
whole Betty thing straight on.

He thinks I'm cute.
He thinks I'm cute...

He didn't hide because he was afraid
to admit someone was right...

...I'm cute...

Barbie,

why so happy?

No reason.

He didn't run because he was
scared of facing his own feelings.

Baby, I'm not gonna be able to
make therapy tonight.

- I have surgery.
- Fine.

Of course, he wouldn't have been able to
do if it weren't for his secret weapon--

Dr. John Dorian.

-What?
- What?

You just said your name in a
weird kind of summing up way.

No, I didn't, Jake.

Oh, so you're Jake.

Uh, as I understand it, you just talked
my sister into ending her life.

Long story short.

I'm a lawyer,
I'm suing you.

Once again.

Sister dying,

brother lawyer,

suing you!

See, that's summing up
in a weird way.

Yeah.

"Brother lawyer..."
That's it.

I can't believe this is happening.

Everything's gonna be fine.
You just trust me.

Is that him?

Yes. Here's Ted, our
brillant hospital attorney.

Sharp as a tack.

Mark my word, Jake, we're gonna
take every last cent you have!

No, no, Ted.
We're on his side.

Oh. Here's my card.

This is a post-it.

I don't get real cards
until I win a case.

Go take a nap, Ted.

He spelled "attorney" wrong.

"Buy groceries,
kill self."

Just admit it. You've been sent
from the future to destroy me.

I am not from the future, Jake.

Gesundheit, Carol.

Yes! It finally worked!
What are the odds?

I don't know what the odds are, J.D.
What I do know

is I'm about to go down to my truck,

get my kyak paddle and go
Greg Barton on your ass.

Who's Greg Barton?

He's a famous kayaker.

Oh, Greg Barton.

I hate you, J.D.

I know.

Dr. Cox, this is the most
painful thing I've ever done,

and I was a cutter
for a week in high school.

My shop teacher thought scars were sexy,
but that's a... whole other story.

The point is your advice really
worked with Jake

and I'd really apreciate if you
could give me some more help.

Oh, no problem Barbie.

Let me just finish writing this prescription,
and you'll be all squared away.

This is a prescription for "no."

Correctomundo.

It's to be taken with food every
saturday night while you're eating alone.

I don't think you understand
the severity of the situation here.

I am dangerously close to
giving up men all together.

Then on behalf of men everywhere,
and I do mean everywhere

including the ones
in the little muds huts,

let me be the first to say
thanks and alleluia.

Elliot, so you see the problem with
trying to appeal to its human side?

He doesn't have one.

Exactly.
But what does he have?

A shaved chest, a closet full of tiny
T-shirts, and the eyes of a madman.

Aohhhh, I'm sorry.

The correct answer she was
looking for is a giant ego.

I have a giant ego.

Damn it!
I knew that.

Would you just appeal to it so
I can go anf geta something to eat?

You're amazing.

And I mean.

Dr Kelso, you can't do that.

I didn't.
Your friend Turkelton did.

And I can do whatever I want.

You look ridiculous.

I thought we were doing
moustaches on sunday.

I didn't do this.
Kelso did!

You invited Kelso to moustache sunday?

Enough with the moustaches, dude.

Are you responsible for
breaking up Turner and Hooch?

I needed an excuse to
get out of couples counselling.

Dude, I can't open up, man.
I just can't do it.

Besides, this way no one gets hurt.

We had a hell of a run, man.

Just get out of here.

Maybe I should just go talk to him.

Forget Dennis.
He's a horrible person. Ok?

We'll never be able to change his mind.
We need to focus on Betty, ok?

We'll just have her explain how
she feels. Problem's solved.

Betty's in a coma.
You know what?

I'm gonna talk to Dennis.
He seems like a reasonable guy.

Hey, Jake.

How's it goin'?

Oh, I've had better days.
How are you?

Listen to me, Barbacious,
you gotta stay the course here.

You gotta keep ignoring him.

But I'm already ignoring him.
How do I ignore him more?

Ah, piece of cake.

First you engage him,
then you ignore him.

Elliot?

I said how are you.

I actually don't have time for this, ok?

I'm a doctor.

But you asked me how I was.

Yeah, trying to save lives here.
It's not always about you.

Buddy, you would not believe
the day I'm having.

Quiet, jackass.

What did you say to Elliot
to make her run off like that?

- 'Cause if you hurt her--
- I didn't say anything.

Everyone around here is crazy.

That's not true.

Let me put down my bag of rats
and explain something to you.

A bag of rats?
Are those alive?

Most of 'em are.

I put a dead one in the middle.

That way all the live ones
get a good look at him...

they start toeing that line.

Know what I'm saying?

I very much don't.

It's pretty simple.

Take a canvas bag...

Jailbreak!

Look, you're gonna do whatever
you want with your sister,

but Jake's just trying to help.

He's a stand-up guy, and I think
you should leave him alone.

If you do I think it will be dy-no-mite.

Sorry, I was just watching
Good times in the doctors lounge.

Yeah. I'm gonna screw him to the wall.

Can you believe this guy?

Son, look around.

There's an oldld man with Alzheimer's
who no one bothers to come visit.

This morning I had a chat with a woman
who refuses to stop using cocaine,

even though she's
6 months pregnant.

And just last week I saw an older woman
fall and break her hip

because some guy was too busy
to hold the door open for her.

Sir, you laughed and pointed
when she fell.

I didn't say it wasn't funny.

I just said it happened.
Come on.

When's the last time you saw
a glimpse of humanity in this place?

Kelso had a point.

I mean,
in the outside world,

you'll occasionally see a stream of cars
drive by an old woman with a flat tire.

But around here,

every time you round a corner, well...

She fell again.

Anyway, I knew what I had to do.

Just go, Jake.
No one here knows your last name.

If anything happens,
they'll never be able to find you.

Go enjoy your little
rafting thing in New Zealand.

Which, incidentally, is 10,000 miles
east of Australia and

famous for alcoholism
and clam chowder.

I've been brushing up on my New Zealand.

You've been brushing up on New England.

Well, go...anyway.
Wherever it is you're rafting.

Where's he going?

He's just left.

Barbie,

go get him, I...

believe in you.

No, you don't.

You just want me to go and embarrass
myself so you can laugh at me.

Just like the time you told me the
hospital fund raiser was a costume party.

I walked into a black-tie dinner
dressed as Clarence Thomas....

I was in a costume, too.

You wore an Armani tux.

I went as someone who doesn't
make a fool out of himself.

How do you not get that?

Thank you.

I just got my sister into
the hospital across town,

so I can finally get her
out this hell hole.

Hey, I personally
see towards that

every inch of this building is up to
the highest standards and codes.

Well, that's just bad timing.

Come back here!
I'm sorry!

Come on, fellas.

And then something surprising happened.

Well, look who's back.

Look, buddy, I--

I barely know your sister,
and I certainly don't know you,

but like it or not,

she told me what she wanted,
and I'm gonna honor that.

Anyway, I'm gonna go ahead and
stay here till I can figure out a way

to make you understand that,
even if I have to get myself a lawyer.

Not you.

They're smart,

they are organized,

and they've got my keys.

It's amazing how a selfless gesture
can affect so many people.

One man saw someone who
didn't run away from a problem,

and found the courage
to do the same.

I got something I'd like to share today.

- Really?
- Yeah.

I don't like it when Carla pinches
my nipples when we're having sex.

Baby, that's--that's one of
the reasons why I cry,

because you pinch
them too hard...

and it hurts.

One man was pushed
to make the right decision.

Just make her
as comfortable as possible.

And another man realized it's ok
to be a decent human being for once.

Well he's definitly leaving for good
this time there, Barbie. I'd...

I'd say go for it.

Why won't you leave me alone?

Oh, I don't know.

Maybe because the NHL is on strike,

and I'm not getting my fill of toothless
men knocking the hell out of each other.

Or maybe because for the
first time in 4 years,

I'd actually like to see happy,
for a change.

Believe whatever you want.
I don't really care.

Jake the Snake is bearing down and if
I were you, I'd step up to him,

look him straight in the eye
with those beautiful blues and...

invite him out for a cup of cofee
before he escapes.

Hey, can I buy you a cup of cofee
before you escape?

What now?

I me--I mean go.

Yeah. That'd be nice.

Great.

Ah, that's a cute couple.

I give 'em a week.

I can make sure of that.

Rat?

No, thanks.

Oh, congratulations, Clarissa.

As for me, seeing Jake come back
and do the right thing

restored my faith in humanity.

I can't believe that 6 young men stopped
to help an old lady change a tire.

And don't you forget who put that tire on
and tightened those lugnuts, Martha.

Ok, sweetie, have fun
at the swap-meet. Drive safe.

Yeah, it sure feels good
to do the right thing.

Righty loosey, lefty tighty.

Oh, righty tighty, lefty loosey.

Oh men, it still felt good.

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