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1
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All the way from the parking lot! I told you I could do it!
2
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Who's the idiot now!
3
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Despite my burning thighs, giving Turk that piggyback ride was worth it.
4
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Because I'm sure it put him in a great mood.
5
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I'm in the worst mood.
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Why did I do it!?
7
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Kelso's got this new stupid outreach program where families are allowed to observe surgeries.
8
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Yesterday I had to do a bypass on this guy.
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You should have seen the family, standing there motionless, silently judging me.
10
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And today I gotta do a colectomy on that guy.
11
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What do you think his family is gonna be like?
12
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There's a tumor in there! There's a tumor in there!
13
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Ohh, don't go behind the kidney, brotha!
14
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You didn't go to the black family yelling at the movie screen stereotype, did you?
15
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Like a bear to honey.
16
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Oh my God, I was supposed to be downstairs ten minutes ago...
17
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to talk to a bunch of pre-med students about what it's like to be a doctor.
18
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Oh, don't worry. I gotcha.
19
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Buckle up, buddy!
20
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Hell yeah!
21
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Hey, kids, I'm Dr. Dorian. I'm sure you have lots of questions, so let's get started.
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So, basically it's a topical application consisting of equal parts triethanolamine and phenyl dimethicone.
23
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I suggest applying it twice a day for extra hold.
24
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Okay? Here's a sample tube, Reuben. Excellent query.
25
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Okay, then, anybody else?
26
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Reuben again?
27
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What was your best moment in medicine?
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I-I'd say my best moment was probably my second year, New Year's Eve.
29
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A young pregnant woman could barely make it into the hospital, she had her baby right there on the ramp.
30
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You know, that's my first grandchild.
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Did you deliver?
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No, I didn't. But I did watch.
33
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And I am a doctor. And you look amazing.
34
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So even though Dr. Mickhead actually delivered the kid,
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yours truly rang in the new year with grandma!
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We had sex.
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That's how I do it.
38
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That was your best moment?
39
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I totally get it. Older ladies know how to work it!
40
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Okay, see, now you're in a bit of a pickle because the older lady you're talking about...
41
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better not be me, and it sure as hell better not be somebody else.
42
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So whatta you have to say?
43
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Your favorite jeans are too tight and they look ridiculous!
44
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What!?
45
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Well, I... I'm in trouble anyway and it needed to be said!
46
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Well, unfortunately for you that's just not true! Right?
47
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Heh!
48
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Wow.
49
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I'll tell you what my best moment in medicine was.
50
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Dammit, we lost him. Call it.
51
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I'm not giving up on this guy! Prop his hand up.
52
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What?
53
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I said prop his hand up!
54
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That's right: The Miracle Five.
55
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You take this one, Perry.
56
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Great moment, there, dumb-ass.
57
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It starts out with a profound misunderstanding of how the human body works,
58
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and winds up with you shattering some old man's hand.
59
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Oh, yeah.
60
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You know what'd be really neat?
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If you guys all took a second and thought about what your best moment in medicine was.
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It woulda been neat.
63
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Scrubs �pisode 4x12 : \N My Best Moment
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Transcript : http://scrubs.mopnt.com/scripts/ \N Script & Timing : Siefaz \N Pour www.forom.com
65
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There's nothing sadder than a young guy checking into the hospital during the holidays.
66
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I think I'll tell Elliot that.
67
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There's nothing sadder than a young guy checking into the hospital on the holidays.
68
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Hi. That's my dad.
69
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Except that.
70
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And that.
71
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Just been so tired lately.
72
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Yesterday, when the little man and I were wrestling, he... he dropped me in ten seconds.
73
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I got him with a power kick.
74
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Hey! You brought Tyler a new ice cream cone!
75
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Sure....
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Thanks.
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It's a waffle cone.
78
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So, Mr. Milligan, it turns out you have a pretty serious case of mono.
79
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Don't you get that from kissing?
80
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There are other ways you can get it.
81
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Dr. Cox.
82
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Hold that thought, Newbie. One, two, three, four.
83
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My new thing is to count just exactly how many people in any given room can kick your ass.
84
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And in here, the number is four.
85
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Five if you count Mrs. Cross.
86
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The other day, she went off her meds, sa-lammed him with a cafeteria tray!
87
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She came out of nowhere!
88
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Am I gonna get out of here in time for Christmas?
89
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Tyler's mom isn't around anymore, and I'd really hate to ship him off to his grandparents'.
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You'll beat Santa home. I promise.
91
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Phyllis. Outside.
92
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What the hell was that in there?
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That's one more point for Mrs. Cross.
94
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But let's see how she enjoys her beloved hard candy without...
95
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her choppers!
96
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Newbie! You never promise a patient that they're gonna be fine!
97
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Mr. Milligan? His blood pressure's a little low; he just has mono.
98
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Oh, for God's sakes, Newbie, take a look around, would you please?
99
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What's the difference between your Mr. Milligan and every other patient in this I.C.U.?
100
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And if the answer to that question is that he's the only one young enough...
101
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to have never made a phone call like this:
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"Brring! Hello? Operator? Give me.....
103
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" then you'd be right. But since I'm not in the mood to make some big, dramatic, sweeping statement,
104
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I'll just tell you this:
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God hates doctors, He truly does.
106
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You see all these old people in here?
107
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Well, any of'em would give just about anything to be able to sashay off this planet,
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but most of'em are gonna stay and they're gonna live forever and ever and ever.
109
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And your Mr. Milligan, well, it turns out he's just young enough to die.
110
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I mean, think about it: It's the holidays, there's a sweet little kid involved.
111
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Can't you just feel it?
112
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I did feel it. And I knew what Carla was gonna say before she said it.
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Mr. Milligan is unconscious.
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Newbie, let's go.
115
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"Think of your best moment in medicine...."
116
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You know, thanks for taking care of me, ma'am.
117
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If there is ever any way that I can hook you up, you just call me at work.
118
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Don't worry about it. So, what do you do?
119
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Ahh, I raise and breed ponies.
120
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Ponies!
121
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Come on, Thunder!
122
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Can't be late for rounds again, let's go. Giddyup!
123
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Hey, Elliot? Would you keep an eye on Tyler, here, while we take care of his dad?
124
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Hi!
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Yeah, I'm not that great with kids. They've got such tiny hands. It's creepy.
126
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I'm leaving now.
127
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My dad's in the I.C.U. What does that mean?
128
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Well, uh, Tyler, that stands for "Intensive Care Unit."
129
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It's where we put our patients who need extra care, like somebody who might need help breathing...
130
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because their lung collapsed, or maybe they had a brain aneurysm,
131
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which is basically when a vessel ruptures and then blood pours into the...
132
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You know what, forget it. You wanna see someone who's worse off than your dad?
133
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We call him The Head in the Bed!
134
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Okay.
135
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Damn, his cultures are back, he's not septic.
136
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Well, I'd start him on Dopamine.
137
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- Already done. \N - Well, I'd scan his head.
138
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I already ordered it.
139
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Well, I'd definitely give Mrs. Cross her teeth back.
140
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That I will not do!
141
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Hey, J.D. Turns out Mr. Milligan doesn't have insurance.
142
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Dr. Kelso said once he's stable we have to bounce him to County.
143
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Sorry.
144
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Turk! Hey! If you go talk to Kelso for me, I'll give you this special Christmas gum.
145
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Okay, this is actually Mrs. Cross's medicated denture gum?
146
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So you have to sell it with your eyes.
147
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Sell it.... Sell it...!
148
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Okay.
149
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"Think of your best moment in medicine...."
150
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I said, "I can't do it on my own!"
151
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Excuse me, sir! A-a man just fainted over there! Are you a doctor?
152
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Not this weekend, son.
153
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Another Bahama mama, please... easy on the Bahama, heavy on the mama!
154
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How you doin'?
155
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Dr. Kelso, I know you told Carla to bounce Mr. Milligan to County, but it's Christmas! So...
156
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what do you say?
157
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I'd say get me a 3T form!
158
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3T f...? What's that?
159
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That's Tough Titties, Turkleton!
160
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Oh, God.
161
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So, uh...what do you want to be when you grow up?
162
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A baseball player.
163
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Yeah, well, I wanted to be a ballerina when I was little. But, according to my mom,
164
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six-year-olds with mild scoliosis and giant man-feet aren't dancer material.
165
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But the joke's on her, because I am currently waiting to hear if the Saint Martha's Community Theatre...
166
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will let me work lights for their production of The Nutcracker.
167
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Can I have some chocolate milk?
168
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Here's a buck. There's a vending machine right outside that door.
169
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Dr. Reid. Would you sign this for me, please?
170
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Sure!
171
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So...what are you doing this weekend, Laverne?
172
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Minding my own business. How'bout you?
173
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Hopefully lighting the crap out of Saint Martha's auditorium!
174
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Yippee.
175
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"Think of your best moment in medicine..."
176
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Dammit!
177
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Little club soda will take that right out.
178
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Thanks, Carla!
179
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You're welcome, doctor.
180
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Carla? What's goin' on up there?
181
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I'm sorry, I was just thinking about the last time a doctor actually listened to me.
182
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Sometimes I feel like...
183
00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:05,850
Did you get the results of the scan?
184
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They came back negative. I feel like we're missing something in his patient history.
185
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When he came in, Mr. Milligan said that he and his son had been wrestling and goofing around.
186
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Oh my God, he just might have goof-arounditis.
187
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We should also check him for the silly-willies.
188
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It's okay, they're just stressed out.
189
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Any time a doctor disrespects me, I respond with a little note.
190
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Wah. Worth it!
191
00:11:43,590 --> 00:11:44,990
Are you swanning this guy?
192
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Look, I really don't need you checking up on me every five seconds, okay?
193
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I'm a doctor, and I have as much medical expertise as anyone in this place.
194
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Now what exactly is swanning?
195
00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:54,350
What?!
196
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I'm kidding. Enough of the backseat doctoring... I got this.
197
00:11:57,880 --> 00:12:00,680
Why does it seem like every time I take a stand, everything turns to crap?
198
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I gave that kid some money and sent him outside the hospital, and now I can't find him.
199
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I'm sorry, what?
200
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Kelso said, no insurance, you gotta stabilize the guy and then bounce him.
201
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You gotta be kidding me.
202
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I'll tell you what, in about ten more minutes none of this is gonna matter,
203
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because this guy's circling the drain.
204
00:12:16,230 --> 00:12:17,550
Why are you sick?
205
00:12:23,620 --> 00:12:26,610
I can't figure this out. Maybe if we tried stress-dosed steroids?
206
00:12:26,810 --> 00:12:28,230
I think I'll tell Dr. Cox that.
207
00:12:28,430 --> 00:12:31,220
I can't figure this out. Maybe if we tried stress-dosed steroids?
208
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Or maybe we could just fill a syringe with false promises and inject him with that.
209
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Says here you already got that one covered!
210
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You know, try and discourage me all you want, because kites fly highest against the wind.
211
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What?
212
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I'm a kite! I'm a big, beautiful kite!
213
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Fly! You know what?
214
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I wonder if Mr. Milligan could receive any blunt trauma without realizing it?
215
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Wrestling.
216
00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:52,450
Remember? He said his kid dropped him with a power kick.
217
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Kids can kick pretty hard. Maybe he ruptured his spleen?
218
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Get a stat abdominal CT.
219
00:12:58,030 --> 00:12:59,400
Great catch there, Carla.
220
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Thank you.
221
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"Think of your best moment in medicine...."
222
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You can do this, Dr. Turk.
223
00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:13,040
Okay!
224
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Time!
225
00:13:17,390 --> 00:13:21,280
Well, it's official. Dr. Turk is now the fastest appendectomy in the hospital.
226
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In your face, Dr. Beardface!
227
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It's Beardfac�!
228
00:13:29,460 --> 00:13:30,790
What the hell are you doing?
229
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I got gummed.
230
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Come on, it turns out Mr. Milligan has a ruptured spleen. We're prepping him for surgery in room C.
231
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That's the room where the family gets to observe.
232
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So?
233
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Dude, you don't understand. When I operate, I don't see a person,
234
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I see a machine with parts that need to be replaced and circuits that need to be rewired.
235
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So you think you're a robot mechanic?
236
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As a surgeon, the more detached I am, the more focused I am.
237
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And it's pretty impossible to feel focused or detached...
238
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when this guy's family's watching every move I make.
239
00:13:58,660 --> 00:14:02,610
Well, I wouldn't worry about that. Mr. Milligan only has a son and Elliot lost him.
240
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Awesome!
241
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For me.
242
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For me.
243
00:14:12,630 --> 00:14:13,720
Is that fun?
244
00:14:13,870 --> 00:14:18,330
No, son. It's work. But this body didn't happen by accident.
245
00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:21,740
Well, you know what I think is fun? Baseball.
246
00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:24,470
My son is a big baseball fan.
247
00:14:25,330 --> 00:14:27,750
Not so much playing it, but more the...
248
00:14:28,210 --> 00:14:31,000
designing and sewing of uniforms.
249
00:14:31,570 --> 00:14:32,610
That's neat.
250
00:14:33,130 --> 00:14:34,350
No, it's not.
251
00:14:35,790 --> 00:14:37,630
Maybe we can play catch sometime.
252
00:14:39,560 --> 00:14:41,170
I hope so, young man.
253
00:14:41,560 --> 00:14:44,360
Oh! Thank God, Tyler, there you are!
254
00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:47,110
Sorry, Dr. Kelso, this is Mr. Milligan's son.
255
00:14:47,340 --> 00:14:50,710
Come on, Tyler. Thought you were gonna get some Yoo-Hoo and then come right back?
256
00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:55,480
Mabel, this is Bob Kelso.
257
00:14:55,970 --> 00:15:02,720
Uh, what's say we juggle some things and see if we can't free-ride Mr. Milligan financially for a while, okay?
258
00:15:05,210 --> 00:15:07,650
Yes, this is really Bob Kelso!
259
00:15:09,710 --> 00:15:11,510
Don't run off on me again, Tyler.
260
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:15,280
Sorry. I got scared. And when I get scared I hide.
261
00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:17,280
I know it's stupid....
262
00:15:17,700 --> 00:15:18,810
It's not stupid!
263
00:15:19,150 --> 00:15:20,970
Wanna know where I used to hide when I used to get scared?
264
00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:22,810
This closet right here.
265
00:15:22,870 --> 00:15:24,100
And the one on the second floor.
266
00:15:24,100 --> 00:15:26,580
Oh, and there's also this broken MRI machine down in the basement.
267
00:15:27,050 --> 00:15:28,980
It's like my own private cocoon....
268
00:15:29,640 --> 00:15:30,810
You really got scared?
269
00:15:30,970 --> 00:15:34,530
Yeah. Everybody does here at first. Check this out.
270
00:15:36,930 --> 00:15:37,720
Cool.
271
00:15:38,470 --> 00:15:39,800
Hang in there, Steve.
272
00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:43,330
In med school, they never teach you how to deal with death...
273
00:15:43,750 --> 00:15:45,650
Steve'll be stronger if he gets through this on his own.
274
00:15:46,580 --> 00:15:48,870
So, how did you stop being scared?
275
00:15:50,980 --> 00:15:53,200
I just realized that people here need me to be brave.
276
00:15:53,650 --> 00:15:56,340
Just like your dad needs you to be brave for his operation.
277
00:15:56,650 --> 00:15:57,880
Can I hold his hand?
278
00:15:58,310 --> 00:15:59,970
They're not actually very big on that.
279
00:16:00,810 --> 00:16:02,100
Can I at least watch?
280
00:16:03,180 --> 00:16:04,100
Are you sure?
281
00:16:06,890 --> 00:16:08,330
Get it together, Steve!
282
00:16:09,250 --> 00:16:10,420
I'm trying!
283
00:16:15,630 --> 00:16:17,420
All right, let's do this!
284
00:16:23,710 --> 00:16:25,000
Come on!
285
00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:29,640
"Think of your best moment in medicine...."
286
00:16:34,870 --> 00:16:36,730
Come here. Here y'go.
287
00:16:41,700 --> 00:16:42,690
Here y'go!
288
00:16:45,130 --> 00:16:46,570
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
289
00:16:46,750 --> 00:16:48,550
Let's see anybody else make that shot!
290
00:16:48,970 --> 00:16:53,940
Huh? Who's your daddy? Who's your daddy! Who's your daddy?
291
00:16:55,340 --> 00:16:58,270
Uh, Carla. Carla, have you, uh, have you seen Newbie?
292
00:16:58,690 --> 00:16:59,940
Oh, he got off your leash?
293
00:17:00,780 --> 00:17:02,750
Give me a break. The kid's like a....
294
00:17:03,190 --> 00:17:04,230
he's like a....
295
00:17:05,280 --> 00:17:07,240
Have you ever seen a drunk baby?
296
00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:12,650
Eh, it's a long story involving my son, a rum cake, and a low counter.
297
00:17:12,650 --> 00:17:17,950
Suffice to say that it turns out at first it's... it's endearing to watch them bounce off of the walls.
298
00:17:17,950 --> 00:17:22,040
But, man, you take your eyes off'em for one second and... BAM!
299
00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:26,510
They got a bucket on their head and they're plowing right through your brand new flat screen TV.
300
00:17:26,580 --> 00:17:28,510
God save me, it was barely out of the box.
301
00:17:29,360 --> 00:17:33,120
The point is that Newbie is my drunk baby.
302
00:17:33,290 --> 00:17:35,970
He figured out that spleen thing, maybe you should get off his case.
303
00:17:36,050 --> 00:17:37,960
I would love to get off of his case.
304
00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:42,280
In fact, nothing would make me happier than to watch him walk into a patient's room...
305
00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:45,730
and not feel that I have to run in after him and check up on everything.
306
00:17:45,990 --> 00:17:47,180
You wanna know what I think?
307
00:17:48,450 --> 00:17:49,150
No.
308
00:17:49,500 --> 00:17:53,320
I think you know how good a doctor J.D. is, and whether you admit it or not,
309
00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:55,200
you have a great personal stake in his future.
310
00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:59,220
So don't pretend for one second that all this attention you throw at him is just for him,
311
00:17:59,220 --> 00:18:00,650
because it's also for you.
312
00:18:00,830 --> 00:18:01,920
As your friend,
313
00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:05,840
I'm telling you that if you want him to keep growing you oughtta back off of him once in a while.
314
00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:06,520
Carla...
315
00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:09,970
And don't say anything, because you know I'm right and my jeans do look good.
316
00:18:18,850 --> 00:18:20,160
God, I hate Christmas.
317
00:18:21,210 --> 00:18:22,140
I really do.
318
00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:27,310
Uh, hey, Elliot? Can I talk to you in private?
319
00:18:28,750 --> 00:18:30,110
Parlez-vous Fran�ais?
320
00:18:31,380 --> 00:18:34,290
You know, I did learn a little when my high school class went to France,
321
00:18:34,290 --> 00:18:35,920
but that was just stuff to pick up chicks.
322
00:18:37,230 --> 00:18:41,430
Turk, je crois que Tyler se sentirais mieux s'il pouvait observer l'op�ration, d'accord?
323
00:18:43,820 --> 00:18:45,910
J'ai... euh...
324
00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:49,480
Tour... d'Eiffel...
325
00:18:50,460 --> 00:18:51,480
pantalon.
326
00:18:52,870 --> 00:18:53,630
What?
327
00:18:54,580 --> 00:18:55,540
Pamplemousse!
328
00:18:56,440 --> 00:18:57,810
Can I please stay?
329
00:19:00,830 --> 00:19:02,590
Yeah, kid, you could stay.
330
00:19:04,170 --> 00:19:06,800
Dr. Turk? Thanks.
331
00:19:13,710 --> 00:19:17,190
None of us wanted to say what we were thinking: How vulnerable we felt.
332
00:19:18,290 --> 00:19:20,640
So we all just stood around, pretending to work,
333
00:19:20,640 --> 00:19:23,630
and waited for someone to come through that door and tell us how this was gonna end.
334
00:19:26,650 --> 00:19:27,640
Who's the man!
335
00:19:30,330 --> 00:19:31,930
All right, you guys, we still got a lot of work to do.
336
00:19:31,930 --> 00:19:34,840
Turk, why don't you go check the post-op films in radiology; and Carla...
337
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:37,970
will transfuse back to a hemoglobin ten; and Elliot, why don't you take Tyler...
338
00:19:37,970 --> 00:19:39,560
and go get us all ice cream immediately.
339
00:19:43,300 --> 00:19:44,850
I'm gonna go check on him. You wanna come?
340
00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:46,680
No. No, you got it.
341
00:19:49,590 --> 00:19:52,520
It's amazing how one patient can affect so many people.
342
00:19:56,740 --> 00:19:59,220
Dr. Dorian? What was your best moment in medicine?
343
00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:03,250
My best moment...? Well, there was this guy...
344
00:20:04,540 --> 00:20:06,560
...he had the most amazing little kid...
345
00:20:08,210 --> 00:20:10,420
...and the doctors actually listened to me...
346
00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:15,320
...I knocked the surgery right out the park...
347
00:20:18,190 --> 00:20:21,580
...and I decided to pull some strings for the guy...
348
00:20:22,530 --> 00:20:25,290
...and honest to God, I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it myself,
349
00:20:25,290 --> 00:20:26,970
but Newbie handled the whole thing...
350
00:20:27,610 --> 00:20:28,670
wire to wire...
351
00:20:30,190 --> 00:20:31,850
...and I kept my promise.
352
00:20:33,810 --> 00:20:36,320
Because the two of them got home in time for Christmas.
353
00:20:40,160 --> 00:20:42,240
And that was my best moment in medicine.
354
00:20:42,290 --> 00:20:46,840
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