All language subtitles for Parks and Recreation s05e11 Women in Garbage.eng

Well it's a pleasure
to be here, ladies.

I didn't think
anybody really cared

about my time
on the city council.

Oh, we do. I mean,
you are such an inspiration.

Still going strong
at 82.

How old is that handkerchief?

Well, it's not a handkerchief.
It's a receipt.

[Groans]

Paula Horke was Pawnee's
first female city councilor

40 years ago, and she was
a huge inspiration to me.

Women have come a long way
in Pawnee,

but we still have
quite a ways to go.

I mean, technically,
I'm not allowed to reserve

this conference room without my
husband or father's signature.

Government was a real
boys' club back in the '70s.

They smoked their cigars,

they snapped my bra,

wore mirrors on their shoes

to look up my skirt.

Well, I am happy
to report

that it is now a pervert-free
people's club.

Well,
except for Councilman Dexhart,

who's a self-described pervert.

Yeah, and didn't Milton
try to kiss you?

Well, yeah,
things aren't perfect.

All the other councilmen
used to keep a calendar

of my menstrual cycle.

Are you kidding me?

That is horrible.
They don't do that to me.

Do they do that to me?

I once tried
to start a commission

to try to get more jobs
for women in city government,

and they dismissed me,

saying that it was because it
was just my time of the month.

Admittedly,
they were right.

Because of the calendar.

Manpigs.
All of them.

You know what, I'm gonna get
that commission going,

because this inequality
has gone on long enough.

You know what, I think
men are better than women.

She's kidding.

No, I'm not.
They provide for us,

and we must obey them
because they are our masters.

April, stop it.

Leslie, you'll never land a
beau with that domineering tone.

We must always walk
behind the men.

Sheugh.

[Triumphant music]

Both: Moustache!
Dumb-dumb!

Moustache!
Dumb-dumb!

- Hello.
- I just came

to drop off some
of the employee--

What is happening?

The girls are on break,

and their sitter
had to go out of town

for the day,
so I'm watching them

while Diane works.

I borrowed some markers
from Leslie

and some stickers
from Leslie

and a Lite-Brite
which I got from Andy.

Girls, this is Ann.

Talk to Ann.
She's terrific.

Hey, dudettes.

You stoked about the weekend?
No.

Oh, look at this pwetty,
pwetty wittle beads.

They're not infants.

I don't know.
I'm weird with kids.

So you guys like Coldplay?

You're weird.

You're...

Well, hey, girls.

No.

Okay.
Thanks.

An equal gender
employment commission.

Leslie, I don't think
this is a good idea.

I think it's a fantastic idea.

Oh.
[Laughs]

I didn't know where you
were going with that.

The lack of women
in this government is criminal.

I'm gonna
ask each department

to send two people
to a meeting today.

- Yeah!
- And!

And--and I can ask
Shauna Malwae-Tweep

to write an article
about it

for the Pawnee Journal.

She's my special friend.

That's what you're
calling her now.

I don't know
what to call her.

I don't entirely understand
the behavior of young people.

Recently, we engaged in
something called a "group hang."

It was like a date, but there
were seven other people there.

It was very confusing.

I'm not really sure
what our label is.

Labels can be bad,
but they can also be good.

"Warning: Toxic bleach"
is a good label.

Shauna Malwae-Tweep
has amazing dimples.

- So the commission?
- Yes, right, the commission.

- I'm gonna get that going right now.
- Great.

Okay, I know this text
you sent me was a lie

and Michael Stipe
is not actually here, correct?

Correct.
That was a lie.

Yeah, no,
I knew it was.

I just couldn't
live with myself

if it had been true.

And that's
why I sent it.

Where's free Skittles?

Here you go, buddy.

- [Laughs]
- Aw!

He gets his thing?

[Skittles clattering]

Listen, I need you two

to teach me everything
you know about basketball.

Rent-A-Swag
is doing really well.

I'm on track to turn a profit
in my third month.

One problem: All the kids
that shop in the store

are basketball crazy.

It's all they talk about.

I need to be able
to schmooze them,

and I can't keep referring
to basketball players

as "Khloe Kardashian's husband
and his friends."

You're just the men
to help me out.

One jock,
one geek who loves stats.

I'll give you a few minutes

to cancel the rest
of your plans for the day.

No need. My only plan
was to buy Skittles.

- [Exhales]
- Wow, Chris.

Your gender equality commission
is a real sausage fest.

Oh, my God.
You're kidding me.

I just assumed
that some of the departments

would send women.

Oh, my God.

I am part
of the problem.

Excuse me, everyone.

Did anyone notice
that there are no women

on the Gender Equality Commission?

Oh, there's a lady
right next to you.

Oh, wait, no.

It's just a very beautiful man.

Yes, okay,
we are gonna need

to rebalance this commission.

Listen, you did a great job
setting it up

and getting the snacks ready,

but we'll take it
from here.

Well, Councilman Milton,
I did put the snacks together,

and they are delicious,
I must say,

but that is not the point.

Round of applause
for the girl.

She has to leave
to get more snacks.

No, I don't!
This is my commission!

Ouch.
Why so ornery?

It's not the 7th yet.

Hm.

Your shoes
are red now.

- Yay.
- Hooray.

- [Giggles]
- Hey!

Both: Mommy!

You survived, huh?

Indeed, I did.

How were they?
Really?

Couldn't have
been better.

We had a wonderful time.
Well, that's good.

'Cause my sitter's
still out of town,

so I really hate
to ask you this,

but is there any way you
could take them again tomorrow?

Of course.
I'd be delighted.

You're a lifesaver.
Thank you.

Girls, you wanna
spend another day with Ron?

Both: Yeah!

I believe one problem
with hiring women

is that they're frail
and breakable.

Is it possible you're thinking
about light bulbs?

- Or your hip?
- Mm.

If I were 300 years older, Councilman.

Incoherent ramblings aside,
I've done some research,

and the female employment rate
in government is abysmal.

The number one offender:
Sanitation.

All right!

No, no, no,
stop celebrating.

Why are there no female garbage
collectors, Steve?

I don't know.
We hire women for other things.

You have one woman,
and she's a secretary.

And she's the best secretary we got,

except for Dan.

- Dan's awesome.
- Dan.

Garbage collectors
make good wages,

they have good benefits,

and they are the smelly glue
that keeps this city together.

You need
to hire more women.

Not that many women apply,

plus it's a very physically
demanding job.

Your average woman
can't handle it.

Oh, no?

Okay,
so I took extensive notes

on ways
to maximize our efficiency,

because we can't be just
as good as the men.

We have to be better.

Yeah, you're totally right.
Let's rock this.

April, I love you,

but I don't
need your sarcasm right now.

I'm serious.
Let's get rolling.

I wanna get
into some garbage.

[Knocks on metal]

What? I love garbage.

You ever found a dead body
in the trash?

Or body parts?

Like, a torso
or a head?

Please say head.

Hey, Dewey.
Leslie brought binders.

[Laughter]

What do they say?

"Pick up garbage.
Put in truck"?

[Chuckling]
Actually, yeah.

That's what's in the binder
on every page

because I believe
in being thorough.

- All right.
- Okay.

Let's do it,
trash people!

Whoo!

Let's feed the beast!

Here you are.

I had to search the directory
for quite a while.

I thought your last name
was Hanson for some reason.

No, it's Perkins.
Always has been.

You seem more
like a Hanson.

Anyway, I have
the girls again today,

and they're asking
to play with you.

Really?
I thought they hated me.

No, the opposite.

I don't know
what you did to 'em,

but it worked
like gangbusters.

Or they do hate me,

and you're just desperate
and tired.

Either way,
can you help me?

I'm out of activities,
and they're playing

with my land mine.

[Giggling]

This thing's cool.
What are these things?

Let's play
a word association game.

I'll say a word,
and then you say the first thing

that pops
into your mind.

- Okay.
- You.

- Reporter.
- Me.

- City manager.
- Us.

Ooh! Magazine.

- [Sighs]
- Oh!

According to Leslie's binder,

she and April are making
even better time

than the guys do
on a normal day.

Wow, that's weird.

You know, with us
being women and all,

you'd think our boobs
would get in the way.

Is that accurate
Mr. Phlegner?

Is Councilwoman Knope ahead
of the regular schedule for this route?

Whatever.
No comment.

- Tough stuff.
- Are you posing?

I don't have a photographer
with me.

Google Earth...

Always taking pics.

Let's move it out!

All right, let's start
with the basics.

Uh, why don't you just
play some one-on-one,

see if you can score?

Andy, guard him.

Eh, he's too big.
I can't see over him.

It's not fair.

I feel like everyone
should be the same size.

Okay, you have
to create space.

You gotta just
dribble around him.

- There you go.
- Now what?

Shoot!
Shoot the ball.

Did I do basketball?

Kind of.

Try it again.

Tommy for the dunk!

[Sighs]
[Screams]

My screen!

But it was actually
a blood-hungry witch

who was wearing
their mom's face like a mask!

[Shrieking]

[Laughs]

What is wrong
with you, woman?

Sorry. I thought kids
liked ghost stories.

Hey, girls! Did you wanna
look through my nurse kit?

Both: Yeah!
- Ooh, check it out, bandages!

We can wrap up the dolls,

and pretend they just
had surgery.

- Yeah!
- Awesome!

Yeah, or we can
use this hammer

and test reflexes.

- Yeah!
- Here, Zoe, watch.

- [Chuckles]
- Do me! Do me!

- [Chuckles]
- Do Princess Junebug now!

Okay.
You know what, Ron?

I can watch them
for a little while,

if you wanna...

Take a break.

This is
Stacy Knoblauch's house.

I went to high school
with her,

and she was super mean
to me,

and now I know
that she dyes her hair.

I knew that wench
wasn't naturally blonde.

Oh, my God!

She has to use
prescription-strength deodorant.

This is the best day
of my life.

Hey, ladies, someone
just called in a pickup.

We have
to make an unscheduled stop.

Hope you
can handle it.

- It's not in the binders.
- A new challenge?

Bring it on, Stevie boy.

Whoo!
April, let's finish up!

We have some stereotypes
to overcome.

And some privacy
to violate!

- Yeah!
- Whoo!

[Bangs on truck]
Wait, no.

- Oh!
- Yes!

- Nothin' but net.
- Nice!

You are officially a baller.

I've been a baller
since birth, son.

Now, I'm an athlete.

Hey! You little chumps
wanna play some ball?

- Sure.
- Let's do this.

Watch out.
Tommy from half court.

This could really only
go poorly.

- He won't get out of my way!
- Tom--

Oh, my God!

- Yeah!
- Yes!

Tom, what the hell
are you doing?

I'm pivoting.
Ben told me to pivot.

I told you you
can pivot,

not that you
can only pivot.

Stop pivoting!

All right,
that's illegal.

I may not know much,
but you can't just

steal the ball
from another player.

Hey, aren't you the guy
who owns Rent-A-Swag?

- Yeah! Tom Haverford.
- You suck at basketball, man.

Well, you suck
at being polite, sir.

This has been fun, but we
have an actual game tomorrow

against guys
who can actually play.

Let's go.

Andy Dwyer
for the dunk!

Aw, that wall's so close.

Doctors, the operation
is now complete.

Doctor Zoe, could you
please use the reflex hammer

to see if she's okay?

This is the most fun
I have ever had with kids.

They even said they
wanted to be doctors

when they grow up.

Hot tip for you baby-sitters
out there.

Let your kids play
with medical tools all the time.

- We have a problem.
- What?

Oh, my God.

Girls! This
is not a negotiation.

- Unlock the door immediately.
- No!

We're doing surgery!

Only doctors
are allowed in here.

Okay.

Stand back, ladies!

Ron, no, no, no, no!
That's dangerous!

Somebody in here's
gotta have keys, right?

I have keys.
Wha--

Jerry.

I never thought
I would say this,

but I am so glad
you're here.

Well, it's gotta be one
of these, right?

[Clears throat]

- Oh, no.
- Ladies, no, no, no, no, no!

The patient
needs a haircut.

Her hair is infected.

- Hurry, Jerry!
- Okay, I'm trying.

- It's not this one.
- No.

Okay, I'm not good
under pressure like this.

Zoe, stop it, please!

- No!
- Zoe, put the scissors down.

Oh!
[Groans]

- [Gasps]
Both: No!

[Giggling]

Bakery called this in.

Needs to go
on that truck right there.

Ah, easy,
breezy, beautiful.

That's the Covergirl slogan.
I didn't mean to say that.

Okay, here we go!
On three!

- Okay.
- One, two,

three, move it.

[Groans]

On four, five, six,
here we go!

[Sighs]

- You need a hand?

No, no,
we don't need a hand.

What, you think Joan of Arc
needed a hand?

- Doing what?
- Let me tell you something.

We are not leaving

until this symbolic feminist
obstacle is loaded

onto that truck
of women's advancement,

and you can put that
on the record, Shauna.

Well, you ladies clearly
have everything in hand.

Dewey and I
are gonna head back to base.

Hope we didn't throw you
off schedule.

- Not at all.
- Have fun!

Hey, Shauna, maybe not
put this part on the record.

You know, leave the earlier part
on the record,

but if we can't get this fridge
onto the truck

then maybe not
put that on the record,

and then just
destroy the record altogether.

Okay, guys,
I'm gonna go ahead

and decide what's on
and off the record on my own.

- Cool?
- Uhhuh.

The whole city is watching.

If I can't move that fridge
onto that truck,

then feminism is over
in this town.

[Groans]

I don't know why I thought
sneaking up on it would work.

This is the one.
This is-- Oh!

Why do you
have so many keys?

We did surgery
just like you taught us!

Okay, you know what?

Why don't you girls
clean up all this hair,

and I'm gonna talk
to Ron.

- Let's cut off our toes!
- No, let's not.

I'm gonna take
this bag, too.

You need
to fix this.

It's not that bad.
Nobody got hurt.

It's extremely bad!

I love this woman,
and I just wanna show her

that I'm capable
of watching her children

without something
horrible happening.

What?

Did you just
say you love Diane?

No.
I did not.

Yes, you did!
That is so cute!

For God's sake, Hanson,

will you please focus
on the larger problem?

[Mimicking kissing sounds]

Both: Ron loves Mommy!

Ron loves Mommy!

Girls, girls, I don't know
what you think you heard,

but please
don't tell your mother

what you incorrectly
think you heard.

- Ron loves--
all: Mommy!

Ron loves Mommy!

I love nothing!

[Snickers]

I'm gonna have to start
writing this up soon.

Kinda sucks. I thought
maybe we'd be done in time

- to grab a drink.
- Oh!

Have you been
to Bistro d'Amour?

- It's really romantic.
- Ooh.

Yeah, it was just
gonna be you and me,

my sister,
a few people from work,

and my ex-boyfriend.

[Laughs]
That's really confusing.

I have a request.

Could you
please make sure

that my involvement in this
stays off the record?

I wouldn't want anyone thinking
that you're biased

because we're something.

You don't have
to worry about that.

I'm gonna
include a disclaimer

describing the nature
of our relationship.

I guess I'll have to wait
for tomorrow's paper

to find out our status.

Why did I have
to fall for somebody

from the old media?

Maybe we should just
eat the refrigerator.

We start chewing now,
we can finish

before the sun
comes up.

We have
to solve this problem,

or they are going to point
to this forever

as a reason
to not hire women.

I should never
have taken the bait.

It was just such tasty,
righteously-flavored bait.

[Sighs]
You here to move the fridge?

- Are you a ghost?
- Yes, we are.

Why you think
you can lift it?

You are two little canaries.

Those garbagemen
couldn't even lift it.

They are
like giant bears.

Hold on.
What do you mean?

Bears are bigger
than canaries, yes?

So if bears
can't lift the--

No, I understand animal sizes.

What do you mean
they couldn't lift it?

They tried three days ago,

and it does not budge.

They say they're gonna
come back with more guys,

but they come back
with canaries.

Fly away,
little canaries.

Those Sanitation goons
set us up.

You know what?
Let's just go.

What?
No!

We can't let them
beat us.

Just call it a tie.

Nobody can lift it.

No, Leslie,
we do not want to tie.

We want to win.

Those guys suck, okay?

We have
to prove them wrong.

Look, all we have to do
is get some PCP.

You can move anything
on angel dust.

My cousin Hesen, he beat off
five cops on that stuff.

Okay, hold on.
Sir!

Does this refrigerator
still work?

Works okay.
We got a new one.

We don't need it.

So what if those kids

think you're the lamest guy
in the world?

That's not who you want shopping
at Rent-A-Swag anyways, Tom.

That's exactly who I want
shopping at Rent-A-Swag.

Oh, well, then,
that sucks.

Look, I wanna
show you something.

Okay, this is Kevin Durant
and Russell Westbrook

after a bad loss.

Even the greats
get beat,

but they get back
out there the next day,

and they fight.

So let's hit the gym again
tomorrow.

Guys, I think I just
dribbled up an idea.

No, double dribbled it.

Yeah, you have learned nothing
about basketball.

You're a good friend, Ben.

Oh, thanks.

Can I borrow $1,500?

You're not allowed
to ask what it's for.

Fireworks.

First of all,
everyone is fine.

No one got hurt,
but there was an incident.

Oh, my God.
What happened?

[Exhales]
Diane, this is all my fault.

I let them go
into my nurse's bag.

[Laughs]

[Chuckles]

Well, who has been
having fun with scissors?

Us!

Ann taught us
how to be doctors!

- Yay!
- You're not mad?

No, it's fine.
They're kids.

Once, Zoe put Ivy
in the dryer, so...

I'm still incredibly sorry.

I feel like
I let you down.

It is so sweet to me
how much you care.

This is why I love you.

Oh.

Well, I love you, too.

[Laughs]

That's my cue.

All right, girls,
good hang.

Both: Bye, Ann!
- Thanks, Ann.

Oh.

Hey, Leslie!

Shauna just
sent me the disclaimer

that she's gonna use
before she prints the article.

"City manager Chris Traeger

"was present
for this event,

and has a personal relationship
with the author."

Okay, that's
pretty good, right?

"Personal relationship."

It's not romantic.

But it is descriptive.
No, it's not even descriptive.

I know you're not used
to this,

but maybe you should just try
to keep it chill

and see what happens.

Great advice.

Impossible to follow,

but great advice.

So do you think
the soup kitchen

could use that fridge?

I mean, April and I
were gonna haul it

onto the truck effortlessly,
but if you need it...

Absolutely.
This is a godsend.

Thank you
for thinking of us.

Grab a side, ladies.

I think all of us
can get it on the truck.

Not only did we
complete the garbage route

and move an unmovable fridge,

but the Sanitation department

hired three new
female trash-haulers.

And, best of all,

April gave me this present

to commemorate
our feminist victory.

And it's trash.

It's filled
with trash.

Maybe there's something
on the bottom here.

Let me see--
No, just trash.

This is Brandon Turnbill
for Kids' 46 News.

I'm here with the star
of today's win, Josh Diamond.

What was the key
to the victory, Josh?

Well, uh, everything just
came together for us,

and we came out
on top,

and we're gonna try
to keep it going next week

against Snerling.

Thanks, tiny reporter.

It was a huge win
for Josh and the boys,

and after a huge win,

be sure to visit Rent-A-Swag
on Durham Avenue

for all your post-game press
conference fashion rental needs.

We've got everything:

Dope suits,
pocket squares,

Gingham shirts,
glasses with no lenses,

Tiny cardigans,
Fedoras...

Look at this watch!

Whatever swag you need,

You can rent
at Rent-A-Swag.

Now, that's basketball.

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