All language subtitles for Parks and Recreation s04e21 Bus Tour.eng

Okay, everybody.
Big, big news.

Uh, Leslie, would you like
to do the honors?

No, I think
you should deliver the news.

Yeah,
but you're the candidate.

Yeah, but you're
the brilliant campaign manager.

- But you're the cutest.
- I love you.

I love you too.

Hey, were you going
to tell us something?

- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, right.

The latest poll has us

only two points
behind Bobby Newport!

- Whoo! Yes!
- Two points!

I know, you guys,

we only have one more day
to close the gap,

and we're going to do so
in a one-time campaign blitz

aboard the S.S. Knope.

This is going to be our home
for the next 24 hours.

And if we win, hopefully,
it will be the home

- that Ben and I share forever.
- Uh, what?

It's just an idea I had.
We don't have to do it.

Whatever.
We can talk about it.

Okay, here we go!

We've come so far.

I want this so bad,
I can taste it.

When I close my eyes,

I can picture
the flash of the cameras

at my swearing in.

And I can hear
the sound of the applause

when I take my oath.

And I can see
in the crowd

president Obama smiling at me.

He made it.

I didn't think he would come,
but he made it.

Hey, buddy.

A few days ago,
on a routine campaign stop

in downtown Pawnee,

one Leslie Knope--
pause--was attacked--

play--
by a pie.

Luckily, it only hit Jerry,
so no damage was done.

Play.

The only evidence
we have is a video shot by--

pause--my wife,
April Ludgate.

This is Bert Macklin's
greatest assignment yet.

If you are watching,
perpetrator,

just know that
you are still at large.

Okay, listen up, folks.

We have
a security situation here.

As you know,
when we reach the location,

I will be conducting
a security sweep.

Also, from now on,
we'll be using code names.

You can address me
as "eagle one."

Ann, code name:
"Been there, done that."

April is
"currently doing that."

Donna is
"it happened once in a dream."

Chris, code name:
"If I had to pick a dude."

Ben is "eagle two."

Oh, thank God.

No, please.
Come--

we have a problem.

The vans we rented to take

senior citizens
to the polls tomorrow

are now, quote,
"no longer available."

What?

I thought we locked those vans
down, like, a week ago.

Yeah, we worked really hard
to get those seniors back

on our side
after that ramp debacle.

- I really need their votes.
- Okay.

Tom, go down there
and get those vans back.

I'll use
my legendary Haverford charm.

I have total faith in you.

Take Donna with you.
Ron, you go too.

April,
you are a very intelligent

and savvy young woman.

I do not just think of you
as just a gofer,

but right now,
I need you to get me

a triple espresso
with eight sugars.

Okay.

Wha-- I'm on it.
I'll go. I'm going.

Please, I can go.
I don't mind.

It's better than
listening to her

stump speech
for a millionth time.

No. I will do it.
I have to do it.

I need to do it.
Good-bye.

This has been a difficult
year for me, romantically.

Millicent Gergich,
Ann Perkins, Andy's professor--

lots of disappointment,

but if I keep
my body moving

and my mind occupied
at all times,

I will avoid falling into
a bottomless pit of despair.

Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome

the next city councilor
of the great city of Pawnee,

Leslie Knope!

This is "eagle one,"
"been there, done that"

is leaving the stage.

"I'd be lying if I said
I hadn't thought about it"

is in position.

What do we want for our city?
I'll tell you what I want.

I want better schools,
I want cleaner streets,

I want to expel
the violent gangs

of geese in Detweiler Square.

And I will finally eliminate
this city's libraries!

Thank you.

In the last few weeks,
we've turned this campaign

into a well-oiled machine.

Leslie's stump speech
is 10 minutes and 40 seconds

every time.

Here, check this out.

There will be a big laugh
right... now.

And now,
a two-second awkward silence

after Leslie does her
Rodney Dangerfield impression.

I tell ya,

these geese
don't give me no respect.

No respect at all.

She insists on trying it
every time,

and it never works.

But the rest of the speech,
fantastic.

When I was building parks,
helping the community,

and putting together
the harvest festival,

where was Bobby?

He and his father,
Nick Newport

were exploiting this city
for their personal gain.

You deserve more.

Here's the best part.

Watch what happens
when she says...

Together,
we can build a better Pawnee.

Everybody says
they care about the issues,

but at the end of the day,

all anyone really wants
is free clothing

shot at them from a cannon.

I've been staring
at this board for days.

I'm so close
to putting it together.

There's got to be
something we missed.

Let's go over this again.

The video shows that
the pie came from a high angle,

so it would've hit your face...
like this.

Mm-hmm.

Don't close your eyes.

Uh--

No, no.
It was actually from up higher.

Is that about right?

- Yeah.
- Good.

Clean yourself up.
Let's do this again.

Hey, Bill!

Tom Haverford
from the Knope campaign.

And you brought
the whole posse with you, huh?

I'm not changing my mind.

We already paid
for those vans, Mr. Butler.

$900 for one day.

Yeah, it was $900,
but now it's $10,000.

Excuse me?

The Newport campaign
offered me 10 grand

to just rent the vans
and park them somewhere.

So I'm going to tear up
your contract,

and I'm going to take the money.

Anything else?

No? Great.

Well, what now?

He's just playing hardball.

Let me tell you
how it's gonna go down.

In a few minutes,
we'll walk in there,

we'll give him our demands,
and then, bam!

I start crying.

We need the vans, so please,

give the vans, please?

We need the vans.

And if elected,
I promise to stop the Newports

and Sweetums from
blatantly dumping contaminants

into the Pawnee river.

Leslie, can you comment
on Bobby's father Nick Newport?

Nick Newport has been
intimidating and bullying

and poisoning
this town for years.

Frankly, he's a real jerk,

and if he thinks he can buy
this election for his son,

he's wrong.

Sorry, I meant
can you comment on

Nick Newport
dying earlier today?

He died?

I...

Sad.

Is that
your official statement?

"I sad"?

No, my official statement is

that is overall,

a bummer.

Oof.

And--and together
we can build a better Pawnee.

-
Get on your feet - No, this is isn't the time.

No, guys.

Frankly, he's a real jerk.

Harsh words, but this reporter
does love those t-shirt cannons.

Now, Jen, what are
your thoughts about all of this?

This is not a time
for politics.

I am calling on Leslie Knope
to cancel

all of her campaign events

out of respect
for the Newport family.

Anything else would
be a classless move,

on par with spray-painting
nipples on the Lincoln memorial.

Okay, emergency meeting.

I need everyone
to gather around me

in order of
how much I trust them.

Here's the situation.
A man has died.

But that man is 98 years old,
and he's an awful man.

However, he is a man,
and he died.

Also, you called
the dead man a jerk.

However,
he was a jerk.

He put a lot of people
out of work,

he had tons of mistresses,

he polluted this town.

Okay, Ben, what do we do?

Okay, it's unfortunate,
but the stakes are too high.

We can't just stop campaigning.
We stop, we lose.

Good answer, great body.

Ann, try to beat
what he said.

I'm not going to beat him.

Not with that attitude.

Okay, fine.
I think you should stop.

At least until you apologize
to Bobby in person.

April?

I wasn't listening, but
I strongly disagree with Ann.

Andy?

If the--if the guy--if--

Okay.

I absolutely think that
we should keep campaigning.

The worst possible thing
we could do would be to stop,

'cause if the campaign stops,
we all stop.

And stopping is certain death.
Who wants a panini?

Anyone? Everyone?

I'm going to say everyone.

All right.

All right, Leslie,
what's your call?

Ann, there is nothing harder
in the entire world

than saying no
to your beautiful face.

But I'm going to.

No! We're going
to keep campaigning.

Okay, but we're going to do it
in a classy and respectful way

to get Ann off of our backs.

What's next on the "schedge?"

If you let Newport
have the vans,

they just sit there in a lot.

If you let us have the vans,
they drive around town all day.

Free publicity.
Everyone will see your logo.

Which is you all pressed
up on some chick with huge cans.

Yeah.
It was a hell of a day.

People need to know about it.

And I don't need free publicity.

I can just pay for it.
With my $10,000.

Look, I ain't gonna try
to play a player.

You're trying
to get beaucoup bucks

just like the rest of us.

So how about this?

I have a business idea
for a gourmet alcoholic yogurt.

I call it...
Yogurt platinum.

I'll let you in
on the ground floor.

And let me tell you,
it's going to be

worth way more
than 10 grand.

Yeah, but now that
I know your bad idea,

I can start the company myself.
With my $10,000.

No, you can't do that!
Ron!

Tom, Donna, could
you please give us a moment?

I'd like to talk to Bill,
man to man.

He's gonna steal
yogurt platinum.

No, I'm not.

"We're all your friends,"
said Mr. bacon.

"Welcome home."
The end.

And that is
Groffle, the awful Waffle,

a book that
I wrote and published

on behalf
of my education initiative.

Any questions?

Yes?

How did Groffle cross
the syrup river?

And why did you call
Mr. Newport a jerk?

Ah--well, I should not have
called Nick Newport a jerk,

because we need to be respectful
of all dead people.

I mean, not Stalin or Hitler,
but--

I'm not calling
Nick Newport Hitler.

Ms. Knope, I have a follow-up

to what I'm now deciding
to call "jerk-gate."

Are there any other
deceased members

of Bobby Newport's family
you'd like to attack?

And quit ducking
the waffle question.

Did Groffle use
a boat of some kind?

All right, that's all
the questions for now.

Thank you, everybody.

Are we to assume that he swam
across the syrup river?

Ms. Knope!

I'm never going to get away

from these Nick Newport
questions.

It's obvious
what you need to do.

You have to apologize
to Bobby and stop campaigning.

Okay, fine.

We go to Bobby Newport,
you apologize...

Good.

And then we leak
the details to the press,

which restores your reputation
and buys us enough time

- to finish the bus tour.
- Nice.

No, that's not a real apology.

It's just sneaky.
I don't like it.

Ann, for once,
this is not about you.

A man is dead.

Look, friend,
I respect your slavish devotion

to the free market,

but you can't welch
on a contract.

Where I come from,
a man's word is sacred.

Okay, what's your stance
on pinky swears,

George Washington?

I'm taking the money.

Fine.
I'll match it.

I'll give you
$10,000 for the vans.

Deal?

No. Price has gone up.

Now it's $12,000.

What? Why?

Look,

I own a fleet
of 22 crappy white vans,

and for some reason
there's a massive bidding war

going on over them.

Now for a guy whose only assets
are 22 crappy white vans,

it's pretty much
a dream scenario,

so I'm just going
to ride this out,

see where it takes me.

And now it's 15,000.

Okay, I talked Newport's
people into giving us

ten minutes alone with Bobby,

so we get in there,
we apologize,

and then we get back
on the campaign trail.

Okay, how do we leak this
to the press?

Do we, like, release
a statement?

Do we call somebody?

Um, I don't think that's going
to be a problem.

Oh, my God, why are
there so many people here?

It's a trap.
It's a trap!

We got to get out of here.
Turn around! Turn around!

This is a time of solemnity
and remembrance.

This is not a time
for politi--

Oh, wow.

Leslie Knope is
driving her campaign bus

through a memorial service.

- Back it up!
- Back it up!

- Okay, back up!
- Back it up!

Just when we thought
she couldn't stoop any lower.

Just--oh!

- Oh!
- Aah!

- Uh...
- Go forward!

Go forward!
Go forward!

I feel like
he's dying all over again.

- Stop it!
- Ah!

- Oh.
- Oh, no.

Hi...
Sorry, are we late?

So I--I hate
to bring this up again,

but I just want to make sure
that I'm going to get paid.

It was a handshake agreement
with Mr. Newport.

It was for a lot of money.

Anyway,
you can wire-transfer it.

Sorry for your loss.

I can't believe
you turned this situation

into a political sideshow.

Oh, come on,
you guys were only going

to apologize for the press.

No way, that's not us.
You don't know us at all.

It's rude to say it.

We wouldn't even think it.

Yeah,
that's a ridiculous claim.

We brought a "sorry
for your loss" fruit basket

for Bobby.

And it is very classy.
No melon, no apples.

You were going to use us,

and we just turned
the tables on you.

'Cause I'm smarter and faster.

That is not a judgment.
That's just a fact.

We're both just doing whatever
it takes to win, right?

I love polka dots.
It's so cute.

I'm sorry,
I should have seen this coming.

And we should not
have driven here

on a bus
with your face on it.

No, it's my fault.

And you know what?
Jen is right.

I'm no better than her.

No, Leslie,
yes, you are.

All you need to do is
stop the machine for a second

and go apologize to Bobby.

Alone without cameras.

Thanks, Ann, but where was
that advice six hours ago?

That's not going to work.

I had to try.

April.

I just got Champion
his dog food,

cleaned your house,
filed that paperwork--

you're officially
April Ludgate Dwyer,

installed a smoke detector,
and now I'm back.

What's next?

Nothing, Chris.

Just sit down somewhere
and stop bothering me.

I can't.

I've had a very tough year.

I can't stop thinking about
Ann and Millicent.

And if I'm alone
with my thoughts,

I go to a dark place.

Okay, first of all,
dark places are awesome.

Secondly, Ann is kind of lame,
so way to dodge a bullet.

And Millicent is Jerry's
daughter, so two bullets.

And you're not alone.
You've got... lots of friends.

Somewhere.

I assume.

You're going to be just fine.

Thank you.
You're right.

I'll be fine.

I'm not fine.
It didn't work.

Hey, Bobby.

Oh, hi.

Want to play bowling?

Why don't you play
with the real one?

Oh.
I like this one better.

The little guy looks like me.
See?

Hey, can we talk
for a second?

Look, I just wanted to say
I'm really sorry your dad died,

and I'm really, really sorry
I called him a jerk.

That's okay.

He was, like,
a million years old.

And he was kind of a jerk.

The only reason I did this
campaign was to impress him,

and he couldn't have cared less.

You know, my mom was a great
athlete when she was a kid.

So in junior high,
I joined the track team

to impress her,
even though I hated it.

And at the end of the year,

I ran the 5,000 meters
in this huge track event.

And I finished dead last.

And I thought that she was going
to be really disappointed in me.

But she wasn't.

She ran up to me, and she
wrapped me up in this big hug,

and she told me she had never
been more proud of me.

Thanks, Leslie.
That's a great story.

I'm not 100% sure
I get the point, but--

You finished this race,
Bobby.

The campaign is over,
and you finished.

Win or lose,

I bet you anything that
your dad was proud of you.

Now I get it.

There you go.

Your mom and my dad
are both dicks.

There's no vans
within 50 miles,

and, for some reason,

no one wants
to lend me $10,000.

Even if we had the dough,

that bunco artist would just
demand more, trust me.

Don't move.
Let's just stay here.

For like an hour,
and not let him out.

This isn't right.
Our girl's worked hard.

We're so close.

I know he didn't
just hit my baby!

Hey!
What the hell, guys?

Move!

All right.

Y'all got your seat belts on?

Oh!

Did you see that?

That son of a bitch
just rear-ended me.

Am I dead?

What the hell?

Exactly, Bill.
What the hell?

You just rear-ended me.

That is not what happened.

- But I got witnesses.
- Yeah.

It went down exactly the way
my girl said it did,

you mean, bald man.

Hey, what about you,
Mr. "A man's word is sacred"?

Well, it is,
but you're an ass[Bleep].

So we can settle this now.

I will accept payment
in van rentals.

Gah!

All right,
let's go to the video again.

Sweet kick,
Leslie exits the building,

and then you get hit.

What else do we know?

We know that Leslie was
about 15 feet in front of you,

so clearly the assailant
has terrible aim.

Mm-hmm.

Or...

Leslie wasn't the target.

Well, who then?

Okay, that's permanent marker.

Go find Ben,

get a list of everyone
he's ever fired.

Go, go!

Macklin,
you son of a bitch.

A lot of people
have been asking me

how I feel about everything
that's happened today.

Well, let me tell you
a little story.

My dad was this amazing athlete
when he was a kid.

When I was in junior high,
I started doing track

just to impress him...

Even though I hated it.

At the end of the year,
I entered the 5,000 meters.

And I won.
It was awesome.

My dad wrapped me in a big hug,
said he was proud of me.

That's just a great story that
happened between me and my dad

and nobody else.

Oh, we're dead.

- It's over.
- That's my story.

Before I go, I want to
bring up a special guest.

Somebody who's been very
supportive and mega cool today.

Leslie Knope.
Will you come up here?

- What?
- Come on, come up here.

- Go, go, go, go, go.
- Do--

You know, Leslie's been
getting a lot of heat today,

but I want you all to know that
we talked person-to-person,

and she's really great.

People should stop being
so mean to her.

In fact, if you don't vote
for me tomorrow,

you should vote for her,

because she's super,
super awesome lady.

Leslie, we did it!
Yeah!

Maybe we're not dead.

Chris, right?

Hi, I'm Jen.

Hello.

You know, there are
30 bedrooms in this house.

Bobby's in one,
there's a dead guy in another,

the rest are free.

What do you say?

Oh!
That is very flattering.

But you're the opposition
campaign manager.

I--I couldn't do that to Leslie.

Oh, for God's sake, Chris.

This campaign is over.
My job is done and so is yours.

It's just sex.

I'm very good at it.

- Okay.
- Great!

Let's do it.

Haven't got all day, honey.

Sewage Joe.

Ben Wyatt fired you
for sending pictures

of your penis to everyone,

and you've come here
to "pie" him.

Little twerp has it coming.

Oh, dude, I dare you.

Please.

Give me one reason
to take you down.

I would love nothing more--

Oh, [Bleep].
Ben, sorry.

All right, let's go.

Oh, I did it!

Yeah.
Great job.

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