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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,402 --> 00:00:03,371 - IS THE COAST CLEAR? - WHAT ARE YOU WEARING? 2 00:00:03,404 --> 00:00:05,306 - MY SNEAK-AROUND CLOTHES. IS HE GONE? 3 00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:06,807 - YEAH, HE'S GONE. COME IN. 4 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:07,975 YOU GOTTA SEE THIS. 5 00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:10,244 TOM AND I HAVE BEEN SEEING EACH OTHER FOR A FEW WEEKS, 6 00:00:10,278 --> 00:00:14,082 AND...I THINK I'M READY TO SAY, "I LOVE YOU"... 7 00:00:14,115 --> 00:00:15,216 TO HIS APARTMENT. 8 00:00:15,249 --> 00:00:19,120 I...LOVE YOU SO MUCH. 9 00:00:19,153 --> 00:00:20,754 LOOK AT ALL THESE BLANKETS. 10 00:00:20,788 --> 00:00:23,124 ONE ON THE OTTOMAN, ONE ON THE CHAIR, 11 00:00:23,157 --> 00:00:25,293 ONE ON THE COUCH-- HERE, FEEL. 12 00:00:25,326 --> 00:00:27,428 - HOLY HELL, THAT'S SOFT. 13 00:00:27,461 --> 00:00:29,097 OH, MY GOD, IS THAT-- 14 00:00:29,130 --> 00:00:31,299 - YEP! A WHOLE SHELF OF COCONUT WATER. 15 00:00:31,332 --> 00:00:33,801 - I THINK I'M GONNA CRY. THIS IS LIKE GIRL HEAVEN. 16 00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:35,169 DID HE DO ALL THIS JUST FOR YOU? 17 00:00:35,203 --> 00:00:36,804 - NO! HE JUST LIVES LIKE THIS. 18 00:00:36,837 --> 00:00:39,107 HE'S DEEPLY IN DEBT, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? WHO CARES! 19 00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:40,374 'CAUSE CHECK IT OUT. 20 00:00:40,408 --> 00:00:42,410 CHEESE PLATE AND ADRIATIC FIGS. 21 00:00:42,443 --> 00:00:44,845 LESLIE, THIS IS ALWAYS HERE. 22 00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:46,780 I DON'T KNOW WHEN HE HAS TIME TO MAKE IT. 23 00:00:46,814 --> 00:00:49,783 BOUTIQUE EYE CREAM, UNISEX COLOGNE, 24 00:00:49,817 --> 00:00:52,220 LIP EXFOLIATOR, CHOCOLATE-COVERED ALMONDS, 25 00:00:52,253 --> 00:00:55,189 AND A SUDOKU BOOK-- JUST AMENITIES EVERYWHERE! 26 00:00:55,223 --> 00:00:57,125 - I LOVE AMENITIES. - I KNOW! 27 00:00:57,158 --> 00:00:58,259 CHECK THIS OUT. IT'S THE BEST PART. 28 00:00:58,292 --> 00:01:01,162 80 DEGREES. NIGHT AND DAY. 29 00:01:01,195 --> 00:01:03,164 - [gasp] LOOK AT THIS ONE. 30 00:01:03,197 --> 00:01:04,765 THERE'S ANOTHER SOFT ONE. 31 00:01:04,798 --> 00:01:05,766 [gasp] 32 00:01:05,799 --> 00:01:07,168 both: OHH. 33 00:01:07,201 --> 00:01:10,171 [triumphant music] 34 00:01:10,204 --> 00:01:18,212 * 35 00:01:29,223 --> 00:01:31,292 - COUNCILMAN PILLNER, COULD I HAVE A MOMENT? 36 00:01:31,325 --> 00:01:32,426 - MAKE IT QUICK. 37 00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:34,828 - IN HIS SEMINAL 2009 DOCUMENTARY, 38 00:01:34,862 --> 00:01:37,898 FILMMAKER KEN BURNS DESCRIBES THE NATIONAL PARK SYSTEM 39 00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:39,867 AS A AMERICA'S BEST IDEA. 40 00:01:39,900 --> 00:01:41,402 - WAY QUICKER. - OKAY. 41 00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:44,138 WELL, BUT YOU SHOULD WATCH THAT DOCUMENTARY. 42 00:01:44,172 --> 00:01:46,174 NOW I REALIZE THAT YOU'RE DRAFTING THE NEW CITY BUDGET, 43 00:01:46,207 --> 00:01:47,775 AND I'VE HEARD THAT YOU'RE PLANNING ON 44 00:01:47,808 --> 00:01:49,877 REDUCING THE PARKS FUNDING BY 8%. 45 00:01:49,910 --> 00:01:53,247 COUNCILMAN PILLNER, THAT CANNOT HAPPEN. 46 00:01:53,281 --> 00:01:55,783 I'VE GOTTEN TO KNOW THE CITY COUNCILMEN PRETTY WELL 47 00:01:55,816 --> 00:01:56,784 BECAUSE OF MY CAMPAIGN. 48 00:01:56,817 --> 00:01:57,785 IF YOU HEAR ANY OF THEM 49 00:01:57,818 --> 00:02:00,188 TALKING ABOUT THAT "BLONDE PAIN IN THE ASS," 50 00:02:00,221 --> 00:02:02,190 THAT'S A-ME. 51 00:02:02,223 --> 00:02:04,925 - LESLIE, THAT BUDGET IS ALL BUT FINALIZED. 52 00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:07,295 I LOVE BUILDING SHIPS IN BOTTLES. 53 00:02:07,328 --> 00:02:09,797 WHEN THE SHIP IS DONE, I PUT A CORK IN IT, 54 00:02:09,830 --> 00:02:11,199 PUT IT ON THE SHELF, AND I MOVE ON. 55 00:02:11,232 --> 00:02:12,800 - HOLD THAT CORK, SIR... 56 00:02:12,833 --> 00:02:14,302 'CAUSE I'M ABOUT TO PUT AN ADORABLE FACE 57 00:02:14,335 --> 00:02:16,404 ON YOUR PROPOSED CUTS. 58 00:02:16,437 --> 00:02:18,439 MEET MELODY STERNWAY. 59 00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:21,209 SHE'S ENROLLED IN FIVE OF OUR PARKS PROGRAMS. 60 00:02:21,242 --> 00:02:22,810 OUR DEPARTMENT IS THE ONLY THING 61 00:02:22,843 --> 00:02:27,215 BETWEEN HER AND A LIFE OF TUBE TOPS AND TRIBAL TATTOOS 62 00:02:27,248 --> 00:02:29,917 AND BARFING IN HOT TUBS. 63 00:02:29,950 --> 00:02:31,252 PLEASE. 64 00:02:31,285 --> 00:02:32,386 - OKAY, YOU GOT ME. 65 00:02:32,420 --> 00:02:36,224 I'LL FIND THE CUTS SOMEWHERE ELSE. 66 00:02:40,328 --> 00:02:42,196 - GOOD MORNING, EVERYONE! 67 00:02:42,230 --> 00:02:45,299 I'M APRIL LUDGATE AND I WILL BE FILLING IN FOR LESLIE 68 00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:47,935 WHILE SHE RUNS FOR OFFICE. 69 00:02:47,968 --> 00:02:52,206 SO THE NEW EMERGENCY PROTOCOL FOR THE PARKS DEPARTMENT 70 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:54,375 CAN BE FOUND IN YOUR BINDERS. 71 00:02:54,408 --> 00:02:57,211 - WHAT EXACTLY IS THE CHAIN OF COMMAND VIS-A-VIS 72 00:02:57,245 --> 00:02:58,412 ON-SITE RESPONSE? 73 00:02:58,446 --> 00:03:01,349 - YOU KNOW WHAT, WHY DON'T WE JUST SAY THAT 74 00:03:01,382 --> 00:03:03,417 WHOEVER GETS TO THE EMERGENCY FIRST 75 00:03:03,451 --> 00:03:04,952 WILL BE IN CHARGE? 76 00:03:04,985 --> 00:03:07,321 - OKAY, SO IF THERE'S AN EXPLOSION, SAY, 77 00:03:07,355 --> 00:03:10,924 IN RAMSET PARK AND SOMEONE FROM SEWAGE GETS THERE FIRST, 78 00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:13,261 THEY'D BE IN CHARGE? 79 00:03:13,294 --> 00:03:15,263 - I HAD NO IDEA HOW TERRIBLE LESLIE'S JOB IS. 80 00:03:15,296 --> 00:03:18,966 SHE REFERRED TO THIS MEETING AS A NONSTOP THRILL RIDE. 81 00:03:18,999 --> 00:03:24,805 I'M NOT QUITE SURE, BUT TOM CAN ANSWER THAT IF-- 82 00:03:24,838 --> 00:03:26,006 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 83 00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:28,008 - JUST BOUNCING SOME BUSINESS IDEAS OFF RUSSELL SIMMONS 84 00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:29,410 ON TWITTER. 85 00:03:29,443 --> 00:03:30,210 WHY? 86 00:03:30,244 --> 00:03:31,912 - ALL DUE RESPECT, MISS LUDGATE, 87 00:03:31,945 --> 00:03:33,013 DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING HERE? 88 00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:35,416 - ALL DUE RESPECT, MR. HAMSTER PENIS, 89 00:03:35,449 --> 00:03:36,817 BUT NO, I DON'T. 90 00:03:36,850 --> 00:03:39,353 - MY LAST NAME IS GUILES. - ARE YOU SURE? 91 00:03:39,387 --> 00:03:41,289 BECAUSE YOU LOOK LIKE A HAMSTER PENIS. 92 00:03:41,322 --> 00:03:44,358 - WHAT ABOUT A COLOGNE THAT CAN KILL SPIDERS? 93 00:03:44,392 --> 00:03:48,028 - RON SWANSON, IT IS MY PLEASURE TO INFORM YOU 94 00:03:48,061 --> 00:03:50,030 THAT YOU ARE A FINALIST FOR THE JOB 95 00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:51,965 OF ASSISTANT CITY MANAGER. 96 00:03:51,999 --> 00:03:53,934 - CHRIS, I FEEL I SHOULD REMIND YOU 97 00:03:53,967 --> 00:03:55,102 THAT I DO NOT BELIEVE 98 00:03:55,135 --> 00:03:57,905 THAT THE POSITION OR THE ENTIRE GOVERNMENT SHOULD EXIST. 99 00:03:57,938 --> 00:04:01,041 THAT SAID, YOU'D BE A FOOL NOT TO PICK ME. 100 00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:03,444 I WILL WALK DEEPER INTO THE BELLY OF THE BEAST 101 00:04:03,477 --> 00:04:05,279 IF IT MEANS I'M ABLE TO FURTHER LIMIT 102 00:04:05,313 --> 00:04:07,281 RECKLESS GOVERNMENT SPENDING. 103 00:04:07,315 --> 00:04:09,950 I MEAN, I HAVE SO MANY IDEAS. 104 00:04:09,983 --> 00:04:12,019 SOME ARE SIMPLE LIKE "TAKE DOWN TRAFFIC LIGHTS" 105 00:04:12,052 --> 00:04:14,322 AND "ELIMINATE THE POST OFFICE." 106 00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:16,056 THE BIGGER ONES WILL BE TOUGHER, 107 00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:19,827 LIKE "BRING ALL OF THIS CRUMBLING TO THE GROUND." 108 00:04:19,860 --> 00:04:22,029 - THERE IS ONE MORE STEP IN THE VETTING PROCESS. 109 00:04:22,062 --> 00:04:24,932 YOU AND I WILL EMBARK ON A QUICK SESSION 110 00:04:24,965 --> 00:04:27,968 OF HEART RATE MEDITATION, FOCUSING ON CONSCIOUS BREATHING 111 00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:29,970 AND OPENING THE HEART CHAKRA. 112 00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:32,039 - I'M NOT SURE I'M INTERESTED IN THAT. 113 00:04:32,072 --> 00:04:34,908 NO, I AM SURE. I AM NOT INTERESTED IN THAT. 114 00:04:34,942 --> 00:04:37,445 - RON, YOU AND I ARE VERY DIFFERENT PEOPLE, 115 00:04:37,478 --> 00:04:39,012 AND WE HAVE OFTEN BEEN AT ODDS. 116 00:04:39,046 --> 00:04:42,850 IT IS CRUCIAL THAT YOU AND I SPEND A DAY SPIRITUALLY ENGAGED, 117 00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:44,918 AND CONSIDER WHAT IT WOULD REALLY MEAN TO WORK TOGETHER. 118 00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:46,454 TRUST ME, YOU'LL LOVE IT. I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW. 119 00:04:46,487 --> 00:04:50,023 OH, WEAR YOUR YOGA PANTS. 120 00:04:50,057 --> 00:04:51,325 - OKAY, I REALLY WISH WE WOULD'VE 121 00:04:51,359 --> 00:04:52,826 TALKED ABOUT THIS FIRST. 122 00:04:52,860 --> 00:04:53,794 - WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE WRONG 123 00:04:53,827 --> 00:04:55,896 ABOUT ME SAVING THE PARKS DEPARTMENT BUDGET? 124 00:04:55,929 --> 00:04:58,065 - I DON'T KNOW. THAT'S THE POINT. 125 00:04:58,098 --> 00:05:00,968 YOU'RE THINKING LIKE A PARKS DEPARTMENT EMPLOYEE, 126 00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:03,003 NOT A CITY COUNCIL CANDIDATE. 127 00:05:03,036 --> 00:05:03,937 YOU'RE IN A CAMPAIGN LITERALLY. 128 00:05:03,971 --> 00:05:04,738 EVERYTHING YOU DO RIGHT NOW IS POLITICS. 129 00:05:04,772 --> 00:05:07,074 - OH, REALLY? IS THIS POLITICS? 130 00:05:07,107 --> 00:05:08,842 - OW. [chuckling] 131 00:05:08,876 --> 00:05:09,910 WHAT IS-- WHAT IS THAT? 132 00:05:09,943 --> 00:05:12,045 WHAT--WHY DID YOU DO THAT? - I'M IN A GOOD MOOD. 133 00:05:12,079 --> 00:05:13,981 BECAUSE THE CITY COUNCILOR LISTENED TO ME. 134 00:05:14,014 --> 00:05:16,083 IT MEANS I HAVE SOME JUICE. 135 00:05:16,116 --> 00:05:17,818 - LOOK, THIS MIGHT BE A GOOD THING. 136 00:05:17,851 --> 00:05:19,887 BUT THERE'S A REASON WE STRATEGIZE 137 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:21,989 BEFORE WE MAKE DECISIONS. - OKAY. 138 00:05:22,022 --> 00:05:24,392 - OKAY. I'LL MAKE SOME CALLS, SEE WHERE WE ARE. 139 00:05:24,425 --> 00:05:27,094 - ENJOYING THE VIEW. - WHAT IS GOING ON? 140 00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:30,831 - I'M JUST REALLY INTO YOU. GIMME A SPIN, BABY. 141 00:05:30,864 --> 00:05:32,933 - I HATE DOING LESLIE'S JOB. 142 00:05:32,966 --> 00:05:35,035 I'M FILLING IN FOR A PERSON WHO SMILES 90% OF THE TIME. 143 00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:36,904 TOM, CAN YOU PLEASE HELP ME? 144 00:05:36,937 --> 00:05:39,106 PLEASE? OR JUST DO IT? 145 00:05:39,139 --> 00:05:41,041 - COME ON, LIL SPARKLE. DON'T GIVE UP. 146 00:05:41,074 --> 00:05:41,975 WHAT DOES LESLIE ALWAYS SAY? 147 00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:44,978 - I DON'T KNOW, WEIRD STUFF ABOUT WAFFLES. 148 00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:47,448 - SHE SAYS, "YOU GET OUT OF A JOB WHAT YOU PUT INTO IT." 149 00:05:47,481 --> 00:05:49,517 YOU JUST NEED TO FIND A PROJECT YOU'RE PASSIONATE ABOUT. 150 00:05:49,550 --> 00:05:51,151 FOR INSTANCE, I WAS INCREDIBLE 151 00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:53,053 AT NAMING DRINKS AT THE SNAKEHOLE LOUNGE 152 00:05:53,086 --> 00:05:55,155 BECAUSE I CARE A GREAT DEAL ABOUT SIGNATURE BEVERAGES. 153 00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:57,991 THE BEER-YONCE KNOWLES. 154 00:05:58,025 --> 00:06:00,093 IT'S JUST A REGULAR BEER, BUT WE PUT IT IN A SEXY-ASS MUG. 155 00:06:00,127 --> 00:06:02,029 PAIRS NICELY WITH THE JAY-ZIMA. 156 00:06:02,062 --> 00:06:04,031 WE BOUGHT A BUNCH OF ZIMA WHEN THE FACTORY SHUT DOWN. 157 00:06:04,064 --> 00:06:06,434 - THAT SOUNDS FUN. MAYBE I SHOULD WORK AT A BAR. 158 00:06:06,467 --> 00:06:08,969 - COME ON, THERE MUST BE SOME ASPECT OF THIS JOB 159 00:06:09,002 --> 00:06:10,938 YOU CARE ABOUT. 160 00:06:10,971 --> 00:06:12,172 - HELLO. 161 00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:15,976 HERE ARE SOME PAPERS LESLIE REQUESTED. 162 00:06:16,009 --> 00:06:18,078 - THESE ARE BLANK. - WEIRD. 163 00:06:18,111 --> 00:06:20,080 AS LONG AS I'M HERE, CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION? 164 00:06:20,113 --> 00:06:23,951 DID YOU EVER PARTICIPATE IN MEDITATION WITH CHRIS? 165 00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:25,853 - OH, YEAH. 166 00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:26,920 WHEN WE DATED, HE MADE ME DO IT EVERY WEEK. 167 00:06:26,954 --> 00:06:29,957 - WHAT AM I IN FOR HERE? - OKAY, HERE'S THE DEAL. 168 00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:32,159 IT'S CRAZY BORING, IT LASTS FOREVER, 169 00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:34,995 YOU'RE GONNA WISH YOU WERE DEAD. 170 00:06:35,028 --> 00:06:39,833 DO YOU WANNA BORROW MY YOGA PANTS? 171 00:06:39,867 --> 00:06:40,901 - HEY. 172 00:06:40,934 --> 00:06:42,035 SO DID PILLNER FINALIZE THE BUDGET? 173 00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:43,103 ARE WE OKAY? 174 00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:45,906 - WE ARE THE OPPOSITE OF OKAY. - WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 175 00:06:45,939 --> 00:06:47,007 - TO KEEP THE MONEY IN PARKS, 176 00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:48,842 THEY'RE GONNA SHUT DOWN THE WESTSIDE ANIMAL SHELTER. 177 00:06:48,876 --> 00:06:50,878 THE MONEY HAD TO COME FROM SOMEWHERE, 178 00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:52,446 AND THE SHELTER IS ON ITS LAST LEGS. 179 00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:54,448 SO...THEY'RE CLOSING IT AT THE END OF THE WEEK. 180 00:06:54,482 --> 00:06:56,116 - THAT'S WHERE CHAMPION CAME FROM. 181 00:06:56,149 --> 00:06:57,217 - WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO ALL THE OTHER ANIMALS? 182 00:06:57,250 --> 00:07:00,120 - WELL, THEY'LL BE-- - FINE. 183 00:07:00,153 --> 00:07:02,956 - NO. THEY'LL BE-- 184 00:07:02,990 --> 00:07:05,092 - [gasp] NO! 185 00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:06,860 - GUYS. 186 00:07:06,894 --> 00:07:09,997 - APPARENTLY, LESLIE KNOPE WIELDED HER INSIDER INFLUENCE 187 00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:12,065 AND GOT COUNCILMAN PILLNER 188 00:07:12,099 --> 00:07:13,467 TO SAVE HER PRECIOUS DEPARTMENT, 189 00:07:13,501 --> 00:07:16,036 EVEN THOUGH IT MEANT CLOSING THE SHELTER. 190 00:07:16,069 --> 00:07:19,006 NOW I AM NOT SAYING THAT LESLIE KNOPE IS A DOG MURDERER, 191 00:07:19,039 --> 00:07:22,009 PER SE, I JUST THINK THAT HER ACTIONS RAISE SOME QUESTIONS. 192 00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:24,211 LIKE, FOR EXAMPLE, IS SHE A DOG MURDERER? 193 00:07:24,244 --> 00:07:25,979 - GOD. 194 00:07:26,013 --> 00:07:27,848 - WELL, I DON'T KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT, JENNIFER, 195 00:07:27,881 --> 00:07:30,017 BUT YOUR TONE MAKES ME THINK... YES. 196 00:07:30,050 --> 00:07:33,487 - SAY YOUR GOOD-BYES, PEBBLE... 197 00:07:33,521 --> 00:07:36,156 'CAUSE "WESWIE" KNOPE GONNA KILL YOU. 198 00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:38,859 - SHE GOT THE PERFECT PUPPY FOR THAT SHOT. 199 00:07:38,892 --> 00:07:40,060 SHE IS GOOD. 200 00:07:40,093 --> 00:07:41,261 - LESLIE, THERE IS A WOMAN ON THE PHONE 201 00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:43,063 THAT SAYS HER DAUGHTER'S SCARED TO GO TO SLEEP 202 00:07:43,096 --> 00:07:47,100 BECAUSE LESLIE KNOPE'S GOING TO COME MURDER HER KITTY. 203 00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:49,069 - OKAY, WE CAN FIX THIS. - YES, WE CAN. 204 00:07:49,102 --> 00:07:51,004 TOMORROW MORNING, WE ARE GOING BACK TO PILLNER 205 00:07:51,038 --> 00:07:52,906 AND TELLING HIM TO CUT THE PARKS BUDGET. 206 00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:53,741 - NO, NO, NO, NO. 207 00:07:53,774 --> 00:07:55,709 WE CAN FIGURE SOMETHING ELSE OUT. 208 00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:01,715 [cat meows] 209 00:08:02,850 --> 00:08:05,519 [animal chatter] 210 00:08:05,553 --> 00:08:06,920 - LESLIE! 211 00:08:06,954 --> 00:08:09,590 - HEY, HONEY, GOOD MORNING. HOW DID YOU SLEEP? 212 00:08:09,623 --> 00:08:11,792 I ADOPTED 32 CATS AND DOGS. DO YOU WANT PANCAKES? 213 00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:13,694 I'M GONNA MAKE PANCAKES. - IS THAT A PIG? 214 00:08:13,727 --> 00:08:14,795 - WHAT? WHICH ONE? - IS THAT A PIG? 215 00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:17,565 - YOU TALKING ABOUT THIS ONE? THIS ONE RIGHT HERE? 216 00:08:17,598 --> 00:08:19,767 [pig squealing] YES, THAT IS A PIG. 217 00:08:25,222 --> 00:08:27,992 - THIS IS THE BEST MEDITATION CENTER IN THE AREA. 218 00:08:28,025 --> 00:08:29,193 - IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE MUCH. 219 00:08:29,226 --> 00:08:32,329 - ACTUALLY, THIS STRIP MALL HAS SURPRISINGLY DECENT CHI. 220 00:08:32,362 --> 00:08:35,165 ALTHOUGH, THE SMELLS FROM THE GREEK RESTAURANT NEXT DOOR 221 00:08:35,199 --> 00:08:36,300 ARE NOT IDEAL. 222 00:08:36,333 --> 00:08:41,105 BUT THROUGH THIS DOOR LIES A DEEP, SERENE QUIETUDE. 223 00:08:41,138 --> 00:08:45,142 - [yelling in Greek] 224 00:08:45,175 --> 00:08:47,411 EXCUSE ME, LADIES. ON YOUR RIGHT. 225 00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:49,346 - AFTER YOU, RON. 226 00:08:49,379 --> 00:08:52,182 NOW...TAKE IN THE VIBE OF THE ROOM 227 00:08:52,216 --> 00:08:55,219 AND REMAIN OPEN OF MIND AND OF SPIRIT. 228 00:08:55,252 --> 00:08:57,988 NOW QUIETLY... SIT BEHIND ME 229 00:08:58,022 --> 00:08:59,323 AND LET'S JOIN BREATH. 230 00:08:59,356 --> 00:09:03,127 - I'LL STAND. - INTERESTING TECHNIQUE. 231 00:09:05,129 --> 00:09:07,431 [inhaling deeply] 232 00:09:12,269 --> 00:09:15,105 [cats meowing] - ANDY, LOOK AT THIS LITTLE GUY! 233 00:09:15,139 --> 00:09:17,107 HE'S SUCH A LITTLE RUNT. HEY, THERE. 234 00:09:17,141 --> 00:09:19,043 - HEY, TOM, LOOK. 235 00:09:19,076 --> 00:09:21,278 OH, I JUST HAD FIVE CATS ON ME AT ONCE! 236 00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:23,380 YOU WANNA COME IN HERE AND TRY TO BREAK MY RECORD? 237 00:09:23,413 --> 00:09:25,249 - THAT'S OKAY, ANDY, I THINK I'M GONNA KEEP MY DISTANCE. 238 00:09:25,282 --> 00:09:27,117 DON'T WANT NONE OF THAT ANIMAL DANDER 239 00:09:27,151 --> 00:09:29,086 INTERACTING WITH THIS CASHMERE. 240 00:09:29,119 --> 00:09:30,754 - WHAT'S YOUR ENDGAME HERE, MY DEAR? 241 00:09:30,787 --> 00:09:32,156 - THIS IS ONLY TEMPORARY 242 00:09:32,189 --> 00:09:34,124 UNTIL I FIND A WAY TO KEEP THE SHELTER OPEN 243 00:09:34,158 --> 00:09:35,092 WITHOUT CUTTING THE PARKS BUDGET. 244 00:09:35,125 --> 00:09:37,261 - HEY, WHAT IF I THREW TOGETHER A PET ADOPTION 245 00:09:37,294 --> 00:09:39,296 IN ONE OF OUR PARKS-- WOULD THAT BE COOL? 246 00:09:39,329 --> 00:09:41,198 - APRIL, THAT WOULD BE THE COOLEST THING 247 00:09:41,231 --> 00:09:44,368 SINCE 'N SYNC, AEROSMITH, AND NELLY PERFORMED TOGETHER 248 00:09:44,401 --> 00:09:46,070 AT THE SUPER BOWL HALFTIME SHOW. 249 00:09:46,103 --> 00:09:47,237 - EW. 250 00:09:47,271 --> 00:09:49,073 I THINK I MAY HAVE FOUND A PROJECT 251 00:09:49,106 --> 00:09:51,241 I'D ACTUALLY ENJOY DOING-- 252 00:09:51,275 --> 00:09:53,177 HELPING THESE CATS AND DOGS. 253 00:09:53,210 --> 00:09:55,179 THEY SHOULD BE REWARDED FOR NOT BEING PEOPLE. 254 00:09:55,212 --> 00:09:57,781 I HATE PEOPLE. 255 00:09:57,814 --> 00:10:00,084 - I'M VERY PROUD OF YOU, APRIL. 256 00:10:00,117 --> 00:10:02,119 MEANWHILE, YOU AND I ARE GONNA LOOK AT THE TOWN BUDGET 257 00:10:02,152 --> 00:10:04,388 AND WE'RE GONNA FIND SOMETHING EXPENDABLE. 258 00:10:04,421 --> 00:10:07,124 - HEY, BEN, THE PIG ATE YOUR NOISE-CANCELING HEADPHONES. 259 00:10:07,157 --> 00:10:08,758 [chuckling] 260 00:10:08,792 --> 00:10:11,395 PIGS ARE AWESOME! 261 00:10:11,428 --> 00:10:15,099 - ALL TOLD, WE WERE IN THERE ABOUT SIX HOURS. 262 00:10:15,132 --> 00:10:17,801 AND NO, I WAS NOT MEDITATING. 263 00:10:17,834 --> 00:10:20,170 I JUST STOOD THERE, QUIETLY BREATHING. 264 00:10:20,204 --> 00:10:22,239 THERE WERE NO THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD WHATSOEVER. 265 00:10:22,272 --> 00:10:24,308 MY MIND WAS BLANK. 266 00:10:24,341 --> 00:10:27,177 I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL THESE OTHER CRACKPOTS ARE DOING. 267 00:10:27,211 --> 00:10:30,314 [bird cawing] 268 00:10:30,347 --> 00:10:32,816 - JERRY, THE PUPPIES ARE GOING TO THE BATHROOM EVERYWHERE. 269 00:10:32,849 --> 00:10:33,950 WE CAN'T LET PEOPLE SEE THAT. 270 00:10:33,983 --> 00:10:36,320 I NEED YOU TO CONTINUOUSLY CLEAN OUT THE CAGES, OKAY? 271 00:10:36,353 --> 00:10:38,122 - YOU GOT IT, BOSS. - THANK YOU. 272 00:10:38,155 --> 00:10:40,390 DONNA, DID YOU PUT THE INFO SHEETS ON ALL THE CAGES? 273 00:10:40,424 --> 00:10:41,791 - LAST ONE. - GREAT. 274 00:10:41,825 --> 00:10:44,194 - EACH ANIMAL HAS A PHOTO, SPECIAL TALENTS, 275 00:10:44,228 --> 00:10:45,295 AND A PERSONAL HISTORY... 276 00:10:45,329 --> 00:10:47,197 THAT I MADE UP. 277 00:10:47,231 --> 00:10:50,234 A LOT OF THESE DOGS HAVE RESCUED PEOPLE FROM BURNING BUILDINGS. 278 00:10:50,267 --> 00:10:53,103 THIS ONE HELPED RAY CHARLES AROUND. 279 00:10:53,137 --> 00:10:56,306 - WHAT? THIS CAT WAS IN BOOGIE NIGHTS? 280 00:10:56,340 --> 00:10:59,376 - HI. YOU LIKE THIS LITTLE GUY? - HE'S SO CUTE. 281 00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:00,810 - I KNOW. 282 00:11:00,844 --> 00:11:02,846 ALL THE ANIMAL ARE UP-TO-DATE ON THEIR SHOTS. 283 00:11:02,879 --> 00:11:05,249 AND I THINK HE LIKES YOU. - HE'S PRETTY AWESOME. 284 00:11:05,282 --> 00:11:06,783 DID YOU KNOW HIS GREAT-GRANDFATHER 285 00:11:06,816 --> 00:11:08,017 WAS SPUDS MACKENZIE? 286 00:11:08,051 --> 00:11:11,355 - WHAT DO YOU THINK, SWEETIE? DO YOU WANNA TAKE HIM HOME? 287 00:11:11,388 --> 00:11:14,124 - YES, PLEASE. 288 00:11:14,158 --> 00:11:16,326 - REALISTICALLY, I'M GUESSING WE DROPPED 289 00:11:16,360 --> 00:11:19,163 THREE TO FIVE POINTS IN THE POLLS. 290 00:11:19,196 --> 00:11:22,199 THIS LATE IN THE GAME, IT'S KILLER. 291 00:11:22,232 --> 00:11:23,400 AND THAT'S A DOG BISCUIT. 292 00:11:23,433 --> 00:11:25,235 - ANDY PUT THEM ON THE TABLE 293 00:11:25,269 --> 00:11:27,137 'CAUSE HE WANTED TO TRY TO HAVE THE DOGS PLAY POKER. 294 00:11:27,171 --> 00:11:29,406 - OKAY, LESLIE, WE ARE OUT OF TIME. 295 00:11:29,439 --> 00:11:31,875 WE HAVE TO GO BACK TO THEM. - OH, MY GOD! 296 00:11:31,908 --> 00:11:35,212 THIS IS IT. 297 00:11:35,245 --> 00:11:37,381 - HMM. 298 00:11:37,414 --> 00:11:39,783 - OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE, LESLIE. 299 00:11:39,816 --> 00:11:41,185 THERE'S JUST NOT ENOUGH MONEY TO DO ALL THE THINGS 300 00:11:41,218 --> 00:11:42,219 YOU WANNA DO. 301 00:11:42,252 --> 00:11:44,454 YOU'RE TRYING TO FIT TWO SHIPS INTO ONE BOTTLE. 302 00:11:44,488 --> 00:11:47,191 TAKE IT FROM ME, YOU CAN'T DO THAT. 303 00:11:47,224 --> 00:11:48,192 - OKAY, JUST LOOK AT THIS. 304 00:11:48,225 --> 00:11:51,261 THERE ARE THREE EMPLOYEES DESIGNATED AS D1, 305 00:11:51,295 --> 00:11:52,796 OR ON RETAINER. 306 00:11:52,829 --> 00:11:53,797 PUBLIC WORKS IS STILL PAYING THEM 307 00:11:53,830 --> 00:11:55,899 EVEN THOUGH THEY HAVEN'T WORKED IN TWO YEARS. 308 00:11:55,932 --> 00:11:56,966 - IT'S AN OVERSIGHT. 309 00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:58,902 WE GET RID OF THEM AND WE HAVE JUST ENOUGH MONEY 310 00:11:58,935 --> 00:11:59,836 TO KEEP THE ANIMAL SHELTER OPERATING 311 00:11:59,869 --> 00:12:02,272 WHILE STILL MAINTAINING THE PARKS BUDGET. 312 00:12:02,306 --> 00:12:03,473 - INTERESTING. 313 00:12:03,507 --> 00:12:05,442 - LOOKS LIKE WE FOUND A BIGGER BOTTLE. 314 00:12:05,475 --> 00:12:07,377 - I KNOW YOU'RE JUST MAKING A JOKE, 315 00:12:07,411 --> 00:12:09,946 BUT USING A BIGGER BOTTLE WOULD BE CONSIDERED CHEATING 316 00:12:09,979 --> 00:12:11,881 BY MOST OF OUR MAJOR TRADE PUBLICATIONS. 317 00:12:11,915 --> 00:12:13,417 FYI. 318 00:12:13,450 --> 00:12:16,186 - RON, YOU'VE RADIATED MINDFULNESS. 319 00:12:16,220 --> 00:12:17,454 WHAT WERE YOU THINKING ABOUT? 320 00:12:17,487 --> 00:12:19,923 - I WASN'T THINKING AT ALL. - INCREDIBLE. 321 00:12:19,956 --> 00:12:21,925 IT TAKES A TON OF WORK FOR ME 322 00:12:21,958 --> 00:12:23,960 TO GET TO THAT KIND OF A CLEAR HEAD SPACE, 323 00:12:23,993 --> 00:12:25,429 NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY. 324 00:12:25,462 --> 00:12:27,464 - DON'T TRY SO HARD. 325 00:12:27,497 --> 00:12:30,900 - DON'T TRY...SO HARD. 326 00:12:30,934 --> 00:12:33,337 RON, I'M GOING TO TRY YOUR "NOT TRYING" METHOD 327 00:12:33,370 --> 00:12:35,239 RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW. 328 00:12:35,272 --> 00:12:36,973 - CHRIS, WAIT. 329 00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:38,942 I KNOW THIS CRAP IS IMPORTANT TO YOU, 330 00:12:38,975 --> 00:12:40,444 SO I SHOULD COME CLEAN. 331 00:12:40,477 --> 00:12:42,979 I GOT NOTHING OUT OF THAT EXPERIENCE AT ALL. 332 00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:45,815 SO IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE WHO ENJOYS MEDITATION-- 333 00:12:45,849 --> 00:12:47,217 - OH, I DIDN'T EXPECT YOU TO ENJOY IT. 334 00:12:47,251 --> 00:12:49,953 MY ONE RESERVATION ABOUT YOU AS A CO-WORKER 335 00:12:49,986 --> 00:12:51,821 WAS THAT YOU SEEM INFLEXIBLE. 336 00:12:51,855 --> 00:12:53,323 AND MERELY BY AGREEING 337 00:12:53,357 --> 00:12:55,225 TO AN ACTIVITY YOU'RE NOT INTERESTED IN, 338 00:12:55,259 --> 00:12:57,294 YOU SHOWED FLEXIBILITY. 339 00:12:57,327 --> 00:13:00,397 RON, YOU'VE GOT THE JOB. 340 00:13:00,430 --> 00:13:01,998 YOU WANNA HEAD BACK? - I DO. 341 00:13:02,031 --> 00:13:05,935 BUT FIRST, THERE'S A HOT, SPINNING CONE OF MEAT 342 00:13:05,969 --> 00:13:08,305 IN THAT GREEK RESTAURANT NEXT DOOR. 343 00:13:08,338 --> 00:13:12,942 I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS, BUT I'D LIKE TO EAT THE WHOLE THING. 344 00:13:12,976 --> 00:13:14,944 - WHY IS IT SO DEAD? WHERE IS EVERYONE? 345 00:13:14,978 --> 00:13:17,247 - DON'T GIVE UP YET. THERE'S A FEW MINUTES LEFT. 346 00:13:17,281 --> 00:13:19,349 - IS THIS WHERE WE DROP OFF OUR UNWANTED CATS? 347 00:13:19,383 --> 00:13:22,286 - NO. IT'S THE OPPOSITE. - OKAY. 348 00:13:22,319 --> 00:13:25,021 I'M JUST GONNA PUT THESE HERE FOR A SECOND. 349 00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:27,324 AND THEN, UH... [cat meowing] 350 00:13:27,357 --> 00:13:29,025 - [scoffs] 351 00:13:29,058 --> 00:13:30,960 - WE ENDED UP WITH MORE ANIMALS THAN WE STARTED WITH. 352 00:13:30,994 --> 00:13:32,962 - THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU TRY. 353 00:13:32,996 --> 00:13:34,931 ALL OF THESE ANIMALS ARE GONNA DIE. 354 00:13:34,964 --> 00:13:36,032 GOD! 355 00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:37,401 I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY, 356 00:13:37,434 --> 00:13:39,403 STUPID PEOPLE IN THIS STUPID TOWN! 357 00:13:39,436 --> 00:13:42,439 HEY! HEY, YOU! 358 00:13:42,472 --> 00:13:45,309 GET BACK HERE AND GET YOUR [bleep] CATS OUT OF THERE! 359 00:13:45,342 --> 00:13:47,811 - DO YOU THINK BARACK AND MICHELLE OBAMA 360 00:13:47,844 --> 00:13:49,346 FEEL LIKE THIS AT THE END OF THE DAY? 361 00:13:49,379 --> 00:13:51,448 - PROBABLY. I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW HOW ELSE-- 362 00:13:51,481 --> 00:13:53,350 WAIT A SECOND. IS THAT-- 363 00:13:53,383 --> 00:13:54,984 SO AM I MICHELLE? 364 00:13:55,018 --> 00:13:57,454 - HEY, HOW IS EVERYONE? 365 00:13:57,487 --> 00:13:58,955 - GREAT! - PRETTY GOOD. 366 00:13:58,988 --> 00:14:00,957 - WE SAVED THE ANIMAL SHELTER AND THE PARKS BUDGET. 367 00:14:00,990 --> 00:14:03,327 - THAT'S GREAT NEWS. LET ME GUESS. 368 00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:05,329 YOU FOUND ROOM IN OTHER PARTS OF THE BUDGET SOMEWHERE? 369 00:14:05,362 --> 00:14:06,830 - TOTALLY. 370 00:14:06,863 --> 00:14:09,299 GOT RID OF A BUNCH OF LAME-ASS D1s FROM PUBLIC WORKS. 371 00:14:09,333 --> 00:14:10,434 - AWESOME NEWS. 372 00:14:10,467 --> 00:14:12,336 HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS PRETTY NEAT, 373 00:14:12,369 --> 00:14:13,269 IS THANKS TO YOU, 374 00:14:13,303 --> 00:14:15,905 COUNCILMAN PILLNER WENT THROUGH THE BUDGET 375 00:14:15,939 --> 00:14:17,841 AND DECIDED THAT NOT JUST PUBLIC WORKS 376 00:14:17,874 --> 00:14:19,843 BUT ALL D1s WILL BE TERMINATED IN TWO WEEKS. 377 00:14:19,876 --> 00:14:21,911 I'M GETTING FIRED. - BA-WHAT NOW? 378 00:14:25,700 --> 00:14:28,069 - OH! COUNCILMAN HAUSER. I WAS JUST LOOKING FOR YOU. 379 00:14:28,102 --> 00:14:30,372 I HAVE FOUND MY ASSISTANT CITY MANAGER. 380 00:14:30,405 --> 00:14:32,073 YOU WANNA GUESS WHO IT IS? IT'S RON SWANSON! 381 00:14:32,106 --> 00:14:33,675 I'M SORRY. I SHOULD'VE LET YOU GUESS. 382 00:14:33,708 --> 00:14:34,743 I'M JUST SO EXCITED. 383 00:14:34,776 --> 00:14:36,511 - I'D PUT A PIN IN THIS FOR NOW. 384 00:14:36,545 --> 00:14:38,513 - WHY? WHY PIN IT? 385 00:14:38,547 --> 00:14:39,748 - THE COUNCIL VOTE IS THREE TO TWO 386 00:14:39,781 --> 00:14:41,483 IN FAVOR OF ANOTHER TERM FOR YOU. 387 00:14:41,516 --> 00:14:43,552 BUT ONE OF THE YES VOTES IS RETIRING. 388 00:14:43,585 --> 00:14:44,719 IF BOBBY NEWPORT WINS, 389 00:14:44,753 --> 00:14:46,388 HE'S GONNA TRY TO BRING IN HIS OWN GUY. 390 00:14:46,421 --> 00:14:47,522 - WHY WOULD HE DO THAT? 391 00:14:47,556 --> 00:14:49,491 - HE'S NOT EXACTLY THRILLED YOU'VE BEEN VOLUNTEERING 392 00:14:49,524 --> 00:14:51,693 FOR THE KNOPE CAMPAIGN IN YOUR SPARE TIME. 393 00:14:51,726 --> 00:14:54,095 SORRY, CHRIS. IF NEWPORT WINS... 394 00:14:54,128 --> 00:14:57,632 YOU'RE GONE. 395 00:14:57,666 --> 00:14:59,734 - I JUST NEED ONE MORE WEEK. 396 00:14:59,768 --> 00:15:01,670 AND THEN I THINK-- - SORRY, COULD YOU PLEASE... 397 00:15:01,703 --> 00:15:03,104 BE CAREFUL? 398 00:15:03,137 --> 00:15:07,409 - OH, I AM ALWAYS CAREFUL. 399 00:15:07,442 --> 00:15:08,410 WE'RE GOOD. 400 00:15:08,443 --> 00:15:10,445 - IF I COULD JUST GET A LITTLE BIT MORE TIME, 401 00:15:10,479 --> 00:15:11,513 I COULD FIGURE OUT HOW TO FIX THIS. 402 00:15:11,546 --> 00:15:14,383 - UNFORTUNATELY, I CANNOT GIVE YOU ANY MORE TIME. 403 00:15:14,416 --> 00:15:15,417 - WITH DUE RESPECT-- 404 00:15:15,450 --> 00:15:17,386 - LESLIE, I AM RETIRING AT THE END OF THIS TERM, 405 00:15:17,419 --> 00:15:18,687 SO I'VE BEEN FINE WITH YOU GUYS 406 00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:20,422 PUSHING ME AROUND ON THIS BUDGET THING. 407 00:15:20,455 --> 00:15:23,091 BUT IF YOU'RE EVER GONNA HOLD THIS JOB, 408 00:15:23,124 --> 00:15:24,258 THERE'S SOMETHING YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND. 409 00:15:24,292 --> 00:15:27,462 CITY COUNCIL ISN'T ABOUT MAKING EVERYBODY IN TOWN HAPPY. 410 00:15:27,496 --> 00:15:29,130 IN FACT, EVERY DECISION YOU MAKE 411 00:15:29,163 --> 00:15:32,100 IS GONNA MAKE A LOT OF PEOPLE VERY UNHAPPY. 412 00:15:32,133 --> 00:15:36,104 WE PLAY WITH LIVE AMMO AROUND HERE. 413 00:15:36,137 --> 00:15:37,739 NOW I'M GONNA CLOSE THE BOOK ON THIS BUDGET DRAFT 414 00:15:37,772 --> 00:15:39,674 BY THE END OF THE BUSINESS DAY. 415 00:15:39,708 --> 00:15:42,511 SO IF YOU CAN FIND SOME WAY OUT OF THIS MESS BY 5:00 P.M., 416 00:15:42,544 --> 00:15:43,745 YOU LET ME KNOW. 417 00:15:43,778 --> 00:15:45,614 - THANK YOU. - THAT'S FAIR. 418 00:15:45,647 --> 00:15:47,582 - I DID IT! I GOT IT OUT. 419 00:15:47,616 --> 00:15:49,684 - OH, GEEZ. YOU DON'T TAKE THE SHIP OUT. 420 00:15:49,718 --> 00:15:52,721 - HERE YOU GO. 421 00:15:54,188 --> 00:15:56,491 - CHRIS! GREAT NEWS! 422 00:15:56,525 --> 00:16:00,695 I FOUND A WAY TO REDUCE GOVERNMENT SPENDING BY 85%. 423 00:16:00,729 --> 00:16:02,697 HERE'S A HINT-- NO MORE DEPARTMENTS. 424 00:16:02,731 --> 00:16:05,734 - HA, THAT CRAZY AND IMPRACTICAL PLAN 425 00:16:05,767 --> 00:16:07,436 MAY HAVE TO WAIT. 426 00:16:07,469 --> 00:16:08,703 TURNS OUT THAT BOBBY NEWPORT, IF HE BEATS LESLIE, 427 00:16:08,737 --> 00:16:10,405 IS GOING TO APPOINT HIS OWN CITY MANAGER. 428 00:16:10,439 --> 00:16:11,706 SO I MAY HAVE OFFERED YOU A JOB 429 00:16:11,740 --> 00:16:14,743 THAT I HAVE NO AUTHORITY TO OFFER. 430 00:16:14,776 --> 00:16:19,113 I'M SO SO SORRY. - WELL, THAT IS DISAPPOINTING. 431 00:16:19,147 --> 00:16:20,782 BUT DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME. I'LL BE FINE. 432 00:16:20,815 --> 00:16:22,517 - OH, I KNOW. 433 00:16:22,551 --> 00:16:24,453 I MEAN, IN THE GRAND SCHEME OF THINGS, WHO CARES? 434 00:16:24,486 --> 00:16:25,720 WE'RE ALL JUST MOLECULES, 435 00:16:25,754 --> 00:16:29,090 FLOATING AROUND IN RANDOM PATTERNS... 436 00:16:29,123 --> 00:16:31,726 DEVOID OF MEANING. 437 00:16:31,760 --> 00:16:33,562 WELL, I'LL SEE YOU WHEN I SEE YOU. 438 00:16:33,595 --> 00:16:35,129 I'M A ROLLING STONE. 439 00:16:35,163 --> 00:16:37,098 PEACE. - STOP. 440 00:16:37,131 --> 00:16:39,100 HAVE A SEAT. 441 00:16:39,133 --> 00:16:42,771 WE DID THINGS YOUR WAY, NOW WE'RE GONNA DO IT MY WAY. 442 00:16:42,804 --> 00:16:46,475 PREPARE TO EXPERIENCE TRUE FREEDOM AND BLISS. 443 00:16:46,508 --> 00:16:49,177 - OH, MAYBE I SHOULD JUST GO BACK TO BEING A NURSE FULL-TIME. 444 00:16:49,210 --> 00:16:52,714 - NO, I WILL NOT LET YOU RETURN TO A LIFE OF SHAVING WIENERS 445 00:16:52,747 --> 00:16:54,716 AND DODGING KNIFE ATTACKS FROM METH HEADS. 446 00:16:54,749 --> 00:16:58,687 - RIGHT. OKAY, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? 447 00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:02,123 - WELL, EITHER YOU GET FIRED, THE PARKS BUDGET SHRINKS, 448 00:17:02,156 --> 00:17:03,224 OR THE ANIMAL SHELTER'S GOTTA GO. 449 00:17:03,257 --> 00:17:04,726 - OR WE FIND MONEY SOMEWHERE ELSE. 450 00:17:04,759 --> 00:17:06,761 - OKAY, LESLIE, THERE IS NOWHERE ELSE. 451 00:17:06,795 --> 00:17:09,598 THIS IS A TOWN BUDGET, NOT A BOTTOMLESS TRUST FUND. 452 00:17:09,631 --> 00:17:11,566 OKAY? 453 00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:12,701 MONEY DOESN'T JUST APPEAR OUT OF NOWHERE. 454 00:17:12,734 --> 00:17:13,735 - SHH. STOP TALKING. - WHAT? 455 00:17:13,768 --> 00:17:15,470 - SHH. 456 00:17:15,504 --> 00:17:16,771 I HAVE HALF AN IDEA AND I'M PUTTING IT TOGETHER. 457 00:17:16,805 --> 00:17:18,239 - OKAY. - HEY! 458 00:17:18,272 --> 00:17:19,541 - DO YOU WANNA-- - HEH. 459 00:17:19,574 --> 00:17:20,575 - I'M-- - NO! 460 00:17:20,609 --> 00:17:22,611 - DO YOU? - UNH. SHH. 461 00:17:22,644 --> 00:17:25,113 OKAY, NOW I HAVE A COMPLETE IDEA. 462 00:17:25,146 --> 00:17:28,483 BEN, I'M GOING TO COMMIT POLITICAL SUICIDE. 463 00:17:30,752 --> 00:17:32,487 [knocking] 464 00:17:32,521 --> 00:17:36,525 - HEY, IT'S ME. TOMMY! [knocking] 465 00:17:36,558 --> 00:17:37,726 HI! - I'M NOT HERE. 466 00:17:37,759 --> 00:17:39,160 - APRIL. 467 00:17:39,193 --> 00:17:40,595 - SWEAR ON MY GREAT-GREAT-GRANDMOTHER'S GRAVE 468 00:17:40,629 --> 00:17:41,663 I'M NOT HERE. 469 00:17:41,696 --> 00:17:43,698 - I'M GONNA COME IN FOR A SECOND. 470 00:17:43,732 --> 00:17:45,600 - CAN YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE? 471 00:17:45,634 --> 00:17:47,769 - WHY SO GLUM, SUGAR PLUM? 472 00:17:47,802 --> 00:17:49,538 - UM, I DON'T KNOW. 473 00:17:49,571 --> 00:17:51,205 MAYBE BECAUSE I WORKED SO HARD ON THAT DUMB PET ADOPTION 474 00:17:51,239 --> 00:17:52,707 AND I FAILED. 475 00:17:52,741 --> 00:17:55,109 THAT'S WHY IT'S STUPID TO WORK HARD. 476 00:17:55,143 --> 00:17:55,677 - LET ME SHOW YOU SOMETHING. 477 00:17:55,710 --> 00:17:57,679 BECAUSE YOU WORKED HARD, 478 00:17:57,712 --> 00:18:00,515 THIS LITTLE TERRIBLY-DRESSED GIRL HAS A PUPPY. 479 00:18:00,549 --> 00:18:02,717 AND THIS LITTLE PUPPY HAS A HOME. 480 00:18:02,751 --> 00:18:05,620 IF LESLIE'S TAUGHT ME ANYTHING, IT'S THAT YES, 481 00:18:05,654 --> 00:18:08,723 98% OF THE TIME, THIS JOB IS FRUSTRATING 482 00:18:08,757 --> 00:18:11,125 AND YOU HIT BRICK WALLS. 483 00:18:11,159 --> 00:18:14,729 BUT THE OTHER 2%, IT'S STUFF LIKE THIS KID. 484 00:18:14,763 --> 00:18:16,665 AND THAT PUPPY. 485 00:18:16,698 --> 00:18:18,266 WHAT--WHAT IS THAT PHOTO? 486 00:18:18,299 --> 00:18:20,268 THAT MUST COME PRELOADED IN THERE OR SOMETHING. 487 00:18:20,301 --> 00:18:23,271 - OH, MY GOD. - SEE YOU AT WORK TOMORROW? 488 00:18:23,304 --> 00:18:24,706 - FINE. 489 00:18:24,739 --> 00:18:25,774 - ALL RIGHT. 490 00:18:25,807 --> 00:18:30,144 BYE, PUPS! BYE, LITTLE PIGGIES! 491 00:18:30,178 --> 00:18:33,114 - I DON'T USUALLY POISON MY BODY WITH DARK ALCOHOL, 492 00:18:33,147 --> 00:18:35,750 BUT THIS WHISKEY IS... EXCELLENT! 493 00:18:35,784 --> 00:18:37,218 - NECTAR OF THE GODS. 494 00:18:37,251 --> 00:18:40,254 - [exhales] WELL, I SHOULD GET BACK TO MY OFFICE. 495 00:18:40,288 --> 00:18:42,591 AS LONG AS I HAVE ONE. 496 00:18:42,624 --> 00:18:45,159 - CHRIS, I'M NOT ONE FOR POSITIVE THINKING 497 00:18:45,193 --> 00:18:47,596 OR VISUALIZATION OR MEDITATION 498 00:18:47,629 --> 00:18:49,798 OR REALLY ANYTHING IN THE WORLD THAT YOU BELIEVE IN. 499 00:18:49,831 --> 00:18:53,267 BUT YOU MIGHT CONSIDER THE UPSIDE OF LOSING YOUR JOB. 500 00:18:53,301 --> 00:18:55,136 - FOR EXAMPLE? 501 00:18:55,169 --> 00:18:58,139 - YOU WOULD NO LONGER BE A GOVERNMENT PARASITE, 502 00:18:58,172 --> 00:19:00,675 SUCKING THE LIFEBLOOD FROM HONEST, HARDWORKING PEOPLE. 503 00:19:00,709 --> 00:19:05,146 INSTEAD, YOU'D CONTRIBUTE TO SOCIETY LIKE A MAN. 504 00:19:05,179 --> 00:19:06,781 THAT'S JUST ONE WAY IT MIGHT BE GOOD. 505 00:19:06,815 --> 00:19:09,651 I'M SURE THERE ARE OTHERS. 506 00:19:09,684 --> 00:19:14,188 - I'M SURE THERE ARE. 507 00:19:16,290 --> 00:19:18,627 - UH-OH. YOU LOOK SERIOUS. WHAT'S ON THE AGENDA? 508 00:19:18,660 --> 00:19:20,194 - JUST ONE ITEM, JENNIFER. 509 00:19:20,228 --> 00:19:21,696 YOU'RE GOING TO ANNOUNCE 510 00:19:21,730 --> 00:19:23,164 THAT BOBBY NEWPORT WILL USE HIS PERSONAL FORTUNE 511 00:19:23,197 --> 00:19:24,332 TO SAVE THE ANIMAL SHELTER. 512 00:19:24,365 --> 00:19:27,636 - NO. NO, THAT'S-- 513 00:19:27,669 --> 00:19:30,271 THAT'S, UM-- 514 00:19:30,304 --> 00:19:31,472 THAT IS A GREAT IDEA. 515 00:19:31,505 --> 00:19:34,142 IN FACT, I DON'T KNOW WHY I HADN'T THOUGHT OF IT ALREADY. 516 00:19:34,175 --> 00:19:35,343 DAMN IT. DAMN IT! 517 00:19:35,376 --> 00:19:36,510 [bangs table] 518 00:19:36,544 --> 00:19:38,246 I SWEAR THE AIR IN THIS TOWN IS KILLING MY BRAIN CELLS. 519 00:19:38,279 --> 00:19:40,148 - ACTUALLY, THE WATER'S NOT GOOD FOR YOU EITHER. 520 00:19:40,181 --> 00:19:41,149 YOU SHOULDN'T DRINK THE TAP WATER. 521 00:19:41,182 --> 00:19:42,283 HAS ANYONE TOLD YOU THAT YET? 522 00:19:42,316 --> 00:19:44,753 - IN EXCHANGE, NO MORE PUPPY KILLER ADS 523 00:19:44,786 --> 00:19:46,287 FOR THE REST OF THE CAMPAIGN. 524 00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:48,189 THAT'S ALL WE ASK. - OKAY. 525 00:19:48,222 --> 00:19:50,391 WELL, WHAT'S TO STOP ME FROM JUST PAYING FOR THE SHELTER 526 00:19:50,424 --> 00:19:51,225 AND STILL RUNNING THE ADS? 527 00:19:51,259 --> 00:19:52,761 - BECAUSE I TOLD COUNCILMAN PILLNER 528 00:19:52,794 --> 00:19:54,295 THAT IF YOU DON'T AGREE TO OUR TERMS, 529 00:19:54,328 --> 00:19:55,329 HE SHOULD CUT THE PARKS BUDGET. 530 00:19:55,363 --> 00:19:58,266 - AND WE'LL LEAK THAT IT WAS LESLIE'S DECISION 531 00:19:58,299 --> 00:20:00,134 AND YOURS SEEM TOUGH AND FAIR, 532 00:20:00,168 --> 00:20:02,671 WHAT WITH SACRIFICING HER OLD APARTMENT. 533 00:20:02,704 --> 00:20:04,773 - OKAY, WHAT'S IN IT FOR YOU? 534 00:20:04,806 --> 00:20:07,241 - A SAFE HOME FOR THE ANIMALS, A JOB FOR MY FRIEND, 535 00:20:07,275 --> 00:20:08,643 AND A FULL PARKS BUDGET. 536 00:20:08,677 --> 00:20:10,144 - I WASN'T BORN YESTERDAY. 537 00:20:10,178 --> 00:20:12,647 YOU'VE GOTTA HAVE AN ANGLE. THIS IS A HOME RUN FOR US! 538 00:20:12,681 --> 00:20:14,382 WE'RE GONNA DOMINATE THE NEWS CYCLE FOR A WHOLE WEEK. 539 00:20:14,415 --> 00:20:16,818 - WELL, YOU CAN HAVE THIS WEEK. WE'LL TAKE THE NEXT ONE. 540 00:20:16,851 --> 00:20:19,153 - OH, YEAH? WHAT MAKES YOU SO SURE? 541 00:20:19,187 --> 00:20:21,289 - BECAUSE IN A WEEK, WE HAVE A DEBATE. 542 00:20:21,322 --> 00:20:24,192 AND YOUR GUY BOBBY NEWPORT IS GONNA HAVE TO SHOW UP, 543 00:20:24,225 --> 00:20:26,194 AND HE'S GONNA HAVE TO OPEN HIS MOUTH. 544 00:20:26,227 --> 00:20:29,163 AND I'M GONNA KICK HIS ASS. 545 00:20:29,197 --> 00:20:31,700 SHE'LL TAKE CARE OF THAT. SEE YA NEXT WEEK! 546 00:20:36,137 --> 00:20:37,906 - HOW'S MY BEST BUDDY? JUST BOUGHT THIS. 547 00:20:37,939 --> 00:20:39,173 CRANIUM. IT'S A BOARD GAME. HAVE YOU HEARD OF IT? 548 00:20:39,207 --> 00:20:42,143 IT IS LITERALLY THE MOST FUN I HAVE EVER HAD. 549 00:20:42,176 --> 00:20:43,044 WHAT DO YOU SAY, AFTER WORK, 550 00:20:43,077 --> 00:20:46,080 YOU, ME, WHISKEY, WHEATGRASS, CRANIUM? 551 00:20:46,114 --> 00:20:48,049 RON? - CHRIS? 552 00:20:48,082 --> 00:20:50,785 SORRY, HE'S MEDITATING. 553 00:20:50,819 --> 00:20:52,086 HE ASKED ME TO TELL ANYONE WHO COMES IN 554 00:20:52,120 --> 00:20:54,188 THAT HE WISHES TO REMAIN UNDISTURBED 555 00:20:54,222 --> 00:20:57,091 SO AS TO BETTER CLARIFY HIS HEAD SPACE. 556 00:20:57,125 --> 00:20:58,192 - OH, GOD, RON. I AM SO SORRY. 557 00:20:58,226 --> 00:21:01,996 I'LL LET YOU GET AT IT. 558 00:21:02,046 --> 00:21:06,596 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 41768

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