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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,634 --> 00:00:03,037 - TOM! I WOULD LIKE YOU 2 00:00:03,071 --> 00:00:04,672 TO REDESIGN OUR PARKS DEPARTMENT LOGO. 3 00:00:04,705 --> 00:00:06,140 - SOUNDS COOL SO FAR. 4 00:00:06,174 --> 00:00:09,677 - RETHINK OUR VISUAL BRAND, TAKE THESE WORDS, 5 00:00:09,710 --> 00:00:12,413 AND MAKE SOMETHING AMAZING. 6 00:00:12,446 --> 00:00:14,182 - SO YOU'RE SAYING YOU WANT ME TO CHOOSE A NEW FONT? 7 00:00:14,215 --> 00:00:16,484 - YES, ESSENTIALLY I'D LIKE YOU TO CHOOSE A NEW FONT. 8 00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:18,119 JERRY, I AM MAKING YOU MY NUMBER-TWO GUY 9 00:00:18,152 --> 00:00:19,587 ON THE NEW FONT PROJECT. 10 00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:21,755 - COME ON, THAT'S TOO CLOSE. LET'S MAKE HIM A NUMBER-THREE. 11 00:00:21,789 --> 00:00:23,257 - FAIR ENOUGH. JERRY, YOU'RE NUMBER THREE. 12 00:00:23,291 --> 00:00:25,226 - THERE'S ONLY TWO OF US. 13 00:00:25,259 --> 00:00:28,362 - HE HAS BEEN IN THIS DEPARTMENT A LONG TIME. 14 00:00:28,396 --> 00:00:30,064 I THINK MAYBE YOU COULD LEARN SOMETHING FROM HIM. 15 00:00:30,098 --> 00:00:33,567 - [laughs] 16 00:00:33,601 --> 00:00:34,568 - [laughs] 17 00:00:34,602 --> 00:00:36,604 - [laughs] 18 00:00:36,637 --> 00:00:38,706 [laughter] 19 00:00:38,739 --> 00:00:41,709 [triumphant music] 20 00:00:41,742 --> 00:00:49,750 * 21 00:00:58,859 --> 00:01:01,362 - OUR RESEARCH SHOWS THAT OUR PARK 22 00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:03,697 WILL DRAW 5,000 VISITORS A YEAR, 23 00:01:03,731 --> 00:01:06,800 AND I WANT THIS TO BE THE MOST AMAZING, AWE-INSPIRING, 24 00:01:06,834 --> 00:01:08,536 FUN-FILLED PARK EVER CONCEIVED. 25 00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:10,204 - NOW HOW BIG IS THE PARK, EXACTLY? 26 00:01:10,238 --> 00:01:15,476 - IT IS .000003 27 00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:16,744 SQUARE MILES. 28 00:01:16,777 --> 00:01:18,746 RECENTLY, THE LAST REMAINING TELEPHONE BOOTHS 29 00:01:18,779 --> 00:01:20,481 IN PAWNEE WERE TORN DOWN, 30 00:01:20,514 --> 00:01:21,749 AND ON THAT PATCH OF CONCRETE, 31 00:01:21,782 --> 00:01:24,485 I AM CREATING PAWNEE'S NEWEST TOURIST ATTRACTION: 32 00:01:24,518 --> 00:01:26,587 THE SMALLEST PARK IN INDIANA. 33 00:01:26,620 --> 00:01:28,189 THE TITLE IS CURRENTLY HELD 34 00:01:28,222 --> 00:01:30,124 BY MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR. PARK IN TERRYVILLE, 35 00:01:30,158 --> 00:01:31,359 BUT GUESS WHAT? 36 00:01:31,392 --> 00:01:35,263 TERRYVILLE SUCKS OLD CAR TIRES, AND SO DOES MARTIN LUTHER-- 37 00:01:35,296 --> 00:01:38,232 NO, HE DOES NOT SUCK OLD CAR TIRES. 38 00:01:38,266 --> 00:01:40,234 HE WAS ONE OF THE GREATEST MEN IN HISTORY. 39 00:01:40,268 --> 00:01:43,604 I'M SORRY. SOMETIMES I GET COMPETITIVE. 40 00:01:43,637 --> 00:01:45,873 - HAS THERE BEEN ANY RESISTANCE FROM THE COMMUNITY? 41 00:01:45,906 --> 00:01:47,241 - NO, NOT AT ALL. 42 00:01:47,275 --> 00:01:48,509 IT'S SO SMALL WE DON'T EVEN NEED TO DO 43 00:01:48,542 --> 00:01:50,311 AN ENVIRONMENTAL IMPACT REPORT. 44 00:01:50,344 --> 00:01:53,181 IT'S INEXPENSIVE, IT BENEFITS THE TOWN, 45 00:01:53,214 --> 00:01:54,548 IT'S A TOTAL SLAM DUNK. 46 00:01:54,582 --> 00:01:56,650 - YOU TWO, WHEN YOU WORK ON A PROJECT TOGETHER, 47 00:01:56,684 --> 00:01:58,752 ARE SIMPLY AMAZING. 48 00:01:58,786 --> 00:02:00,688 GREAT JOB, TEAM. 49 00:02:00,721 --> 00:02:02,423 - MAN, ALL THESE CLASSES LOOK AMAZING. 50 00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:03,824 I CAN'T CHOOSE. 51 00:02:03,857 --> 00:02:05,493 - THEY DO THIS THING CALLED A "SHOPPING PERIOD," 52 00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:07,461 WHERE YOU CAN JUST SAMPLE AS MANY CLASSES AS YOU WANT. 53 00:02:07,495 --> 00:02:08,662 - REALLY? - YEAH. 54 00:02:08,696 --> 00:02:10,231 - SPORTS AND SOCIETY. 55 00:02:10,264 --> 00:02:12,566 PHYSICAL SCIENCE. 56 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:13,934 A CRASH COURSE? 57 00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:15,503 - YEAH, BUT IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK. 58 00:02:15,536 --> 00:02:17,438 - OH. 59 00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:19,840 I DID NOT GRADUATE COLLEGE, BECAUSE I DID NOT "ATTEND" IT, 60 00:02:19,873 --> 00:02:21,575 BUT I'M TRYING TO IMPROVE MYSELF, 61 00:02:21,609 --> 00:02:24,478 SO I'M GONNA START BY TAKING JUST ONE CLASS. 62 00:02:24,512 --> 00:02:25,779 - IF YOU'RE GONNA TAKE A COLLEGE COURSE, 63 00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:27,815 ANDREW, YOU SHOULD EXPLORE A NEW SUBJECT. 64 00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:30,484 BROADEN YOUR HORIZONS. - YUP. 65 00:02:30,518 --> 00:02:31,885 - HORIZONS ARE DUMB. NEVER BROADEN YOUR HORIZONS. 66 00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:33,086 - YUP. 67 00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:35,256 - JUST TAKE SOMETHING YOU'RE GREAT AT AND GET AN EASY A. 68 00:02:35,289 --> 00:02:39,360 - NO OFFENSE, RON, BUT APRIL'S WAY SOUNDS WAY EASIER. 69 00:02:39,393 --> 00:02:42,196 GUITAR FOR BEGINNERS. 70 00:02:42,230 --> 00:02:43,197 - I VALUE A GOOD EDUCATION, 71 00:02:43,231 --> 00:02:44,398 SO I DON'T WANT TO SEE ANDY 72 00:02:44,432 --> 00:02:46,600 WASTE HIS TIME IN COLLEGE. 73 00:02:46,634 --> 00:02:49,370 OF ALL MY COWORKERS, HE IS ONE OF A SMALL NUMBER 74 00:02:49,403 --> 00:02:51,372 WHOM I DO NOT ACTIVELY ROOT AGAINST. 75 00:02:51,405 --> 00:02:55,543 UGH, THERE I GO GETTING ALL SAPPY. 76 00:02:55,576 --> 00:02:56,610 [door opens] 77 00:02:56,644 --> 00:02:59,247 - HEY. - HEY. 78 00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:01,549 - SO, I HAVE ABOUT NINE THINGS I NEED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT. 79 00:03:01,582 --> 00:03:03,251 THE FIRST IS THE RIBBON-CUTTING CEREMONY. 80 00:03:03,284 --> 00:03:04,818 DO YOU KNOW WHO'S BRINGING SCISSORS? 81 00:03:04,852 --> 00:03:07,421 BECAUSE I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW MANY CEREMONIES GET DERAILED 82 00:03:07,455 --> 00:03:08,722 WHEN PEOPLE DON'T BRING SCISSORS. 83 00:03:08,756 --> 00:03:09,957 NUMBER TWO-- - RIGHT. UM, LISTEN. 84 00:03:09,990 --> 00:03:11,325 I'M ACTUALLY GLAD YOU'RE HERE. 85 00:03:11,359 --> 00:03:12,493 - OH, YEAH? 86 00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:13,794 - AFTER THIS PROJECT FINISHES, 87 00:03:13,827 --> 00:03:15,396 I'M GONNA FOCUS ON OTHER DEPARTMENTS 88 00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:17,398 AND CUT DOWN MY TIME WITH PARKS AND REC. 89 00:03:17,431 --> 00:03:18,799 - WHAT? 90 00:03:18,832 --> 00:03:22,336 - WELL, LOOK, I MEAN, WE TRIED HANGING OUT TOGETHER, 91 00:03:22,370 --> 00:03:26,274 WE TRIED WORKING TOGETHER, AND IT JUST... 92 00:03:26,307 --> 00:03:27,541 BUMS ME OUT. 93 00:03:27,575 --> 00:03:29,710 - NO, NO, NO. WE'RE JUST WORKING OUT THE KINKS. 94 00:03:29,743 --> 00:03:31,579 YOU DON'T NEED TO DECREASE YOUR TIME WITH ME. 95 00:03:31,612 --> 00:03:33,581 IN FACT, YOU NEED TO INCREASE YOUR TIME WITH ME. 96 00:03:33,614 --> 00:03:35,516 YOU NEED TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH ME. 97 00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:36,750 THAT MAKE SENSE? I THINK IT DOES. 98 00:03:36,784 --> 00:03:38,018 - NO, LESLIE, NO, LISTEN TO ME. 99 00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:40,388 AFTER THE SMALLEST PARK WRAPS UP, 100 00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:41,622 I AM GOING TO ASK CHRIS 101 00:03:41,655 --> 00:03:44,458 TO TAKE OVER ALL PARKS AND REC BUSINESS. 102 00:03:44,492 --> 00:03:46,994 OKAY? 103 00:03:47,027 --> 00:03:49,263 - OKAY. - ALL RIGHT. 104 00:03:49,297 --> 00:03:50,664 - WELL, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, 105 00:03:50,698 --> 00:03:52,666 I NEED TO ASCERTAIN THE WHEREABOUTS 106 00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:55,903 OF SOME OVERSIZED CEREMONIAL SCISSORS. 107 00:03:55,936 --> 00:03:57,505 - I-- 108 00:03:57,538 --> 00:04:01,642 THOSE ARE MY PENS AND PENCILS. 109 00:04:01,675 --> 00:04:05,279 - NO, SEE, I THINK THAT COMIC SANS ALWAYS SCREAMS "FUN." 110 00:04:05,313 --> 00:04:06,113 RIGHT? 111 00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:08,549 BUT, MAN, THOSE "R"s IN HELVETICA, 112 00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:09,950 THEY'RE JUST, YOU KNOW, LIKE, REALLY POPPING FOR ME. 113 00:04:09,983 --> 00:04:12,353 - I'VE NEVER BEEN MORE BORED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. 114 00:04:12,386 --> 00:04:13,621 WHO CARES ABOUT LETTERS? 115 00:04:13,654 --> 00:04:15,789 THE ONLY GOOD FONT IS THE SOPRANOS ONE, 116 00:04:15,823 --> 00:04:17,291 WHERE THE "R" IS A PISTOL. 117 00:04:17,325 --> 00:04:19,327 LET'S THINK BIGGER, PEOPLE, COME ON. 118 00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:21,061 WHAT ABOUT A TOP-TO-BOTTOM MAKEOVER 119 00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:22,763 FOR THE ENTIRE DEPARTMENT? 120 00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:25,699 I'M TALKING NEW UNIFORMS, NEW SIGNAGE, NEW COLOR SCHEME. 121 00:04:25,733 --> 00:04:27,335 A WHOLE, NEW, SEXY VIBE. 122 00:04:27,368 --> 00:04:28,302 - I DON'T KNOW. 123 00:04:28,336 --> 00:04:29,437 THIS REALLY ISN'T WHAT CHRIS ASKED US TO DO. 124 00:04:29,470 --> 00:04:31,905 YOU KNOW, MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST STICK TO THE ASSIGNMENT. 125 00:04:31,939 --> 00:04:32,806 - COOL, JERRY. 126 00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:33,841 I'D TAKE YOUR ADVICE IF I WANTED TO BE 127 00:04:33,874 --> 00:04:36,877 A DEAD-EYED GOVERNMENT DRONE WITH NO AMBITION. 128 00:04:36,910 --> 00:04:39,347 YES, TECHNICALLY MY NEW JOB IS MY OLD JOB, 129 00:04:39,380 --> 00:04:42,316 BUT I'M NOT SOME BORING, JERRY GERGICH-TYPE GUY. 130 00:04:42,350 --> 00:04:43,817 I'M MORE OF A STEVE HARVEY. 131 00:04:43,851 --> 00:04:48,689 I DREAM BIG, I SHAKE THINGS UP, AND I ALWAYS WEAR DOPE SUITS. 132 00:04:48,722 --> 00:04:52,092 - OKAY, CAN ANYONE TELL ME WHAT THIS IS CALLED? 133 00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:53,093 - UH, THAT'S A FRET. - YEAH. 134 00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:54,962 - AND THAT LITTLE THING YOU GOT RIGHT THERE-- 135 00:04:54,995 --> 00:04:57,998 THAT'S CALLED A CAPO. CHANGES THE KEY. 136 00:04:58,031 --> 00:04:59,833 - UH, MAYBE YOU SHOULD BE IN THE ADVANCED CLASS? 137 00:04:59,867 --> 00:05:01,702 - [laughs] YEAH, MAYBE I SHOULD. 138 00:05:01,735 --> 00:05:03,504 - DUDE, DUMB IT DOWN. 139 00:05:03,537 --> 00:05:07,007 - BUT I COULDN'T POSSIBLY, BECAUSE I'M JUST A BEGINNER. 140 00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:10,811 I BARELY HAVEN'T EVEN EVER SEEN A "GORTAR." 141 00:05:10,844 --> 00:05:13,547 - OKAY. 142 00:05:13,581 --> 00:05:15,849 WE WILL BE WORKING ON BASIC CHORDS FOR THE FIRST FOUR WEEKS. 143 00:05:15,883 --> 00:05:18,085 - OH, MY GOD. FOUR WEEKS. 144 00:05:18,118 --> 00:05:20,020 I'M ALREADY BORED. 145 00:05:20,053 --> 00:05:22,490 - OF COURSE YOU ARE. YOU'RE NOT CHALLENGING YOURSELF. 146 00:05:22,523 --> 00:05:24,892 I SUGGEST WE SAMPLE A FEW MORE CLASSES. 147 00:05:24,925 --> 00:05:26,460 - FINE. 148 00:05:26,494 --> 00:05:27,728 - VERY GOOD. 149 00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:31,131 - [playing guitar] 150 00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:32,299 GOOD-BYE, EVERYBODY. GUESS WHAT. 151 00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:35,469 I WAS SECRETLY AN UNDERCOVER ROCK STAR THIS WHOLE TIME. 152 00:05:35,503 --> 00:05:37,638 [plucks, bends string] 153 00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:38,839 - FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH, 154 00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:41,675 I THINK YOU WOULD MAKE AN INCREDIBLE BRUNETTE. 155 00:05:41,709 --> 00:05:45,646 RON SWANSON. 156 00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:47,515 - I MEAN, HE'S NOT EVEN ATTENDING 157 00:05:47,548 --> 00:05:50,150 THE RIBBON-CUTTING CEREMONY OF A PARK THAT WE MADE TOGETHER. 158 00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:51,719 - I'M SORRY, LESLIE. 159 00:05:51,752 --> 00:05:53,421 - I'M JUST FREAKING OUT. 160 00:05:53,454 --> 00:05:55,556 THE ONLY THING WE HAVE LEFT IS WORK. 161 00:05:55,589 --> 00:05:57,858 AND NOW HE DOESN'T WANT TO WORK TOGETHER ANYMORE? 162 00:05:57,891 --> 00:05:59,427 WHAT DOES THAT ALL MEAN? 163 00:05:59,460 --> 00:06:01,862 - [sighs] I THINK YOU KNOW WHAT IT MEANS. 164 00:06:01,895 --> 00:06:04,798 - YEAH. 165 00:06:04,832 --> 00:06:06,600 I SHOULD JUST DRAG OUT THAT TINY PARK PROJECT 166 00:06:06,634 --> 00:06:07,468 FOR AS LONG AS POSSIBLE 167 00:06:07,501 --> 00:06:08,602 SO BEN AND I CAN KEEP WORKING TOGETHER. 168 00:06:08,636 --> 00:06:11,171 - THAT'S ALMOST EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT I MEANT. 169 00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:13,507 - NO, WHAT I'LL DO IS I'LL GET THE NEIGHBORHOOD ALL RILED UP, 170 00:06:13,541 --> 00:06:16,510 AND THEN MAYBE THEY'LL ASK FOR AN ENVIRONMENTAL IMPACT REPORT-- 171 00:06:16,544 --> 00:06:17,745 AND THEN BEN AND I WILL WORK TOGETHER 172 00:06:17,778 --> 00:06:18,746 FOR AT LEAST ANOTHER YEAR. 173 00:06:18,779 --> 00:06:20,147 - LESLIE, FOR GOD'S SAKES. - GOOD IDEA, ANN. 174 00:06:20,180 --> 00:06:21,114 NO, ANN, PLEASE, I BEG OF YOU. 175 00:06:21,148 --> 00:06:22,783 WILL YOU JUST SHUT YOUR BEAUTIFUL PIE HOLE? 176 00:06:22,816 --> 00:06:25,185 JUST SIT THERE, LET ME STARE AT YOU 177 00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:27,655 WHILE YOU SILENTLY SUPPORT ME ON THIS GAME PLAN. 178 00:06:27,688 --> 00:06:28,956 - LESLIE-- - SHH, ANN... 179 00:06:28,989 --> 00:06:30,591 - LESLIE... 180 00:06:30,624 --> 00:06:32,460 - YOUR QUIET SUPPORT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME. 181 00:06:32,493 --> 00:06:35,796 AS WELL AS YOUR TACIT ENDORSEMENT OF ALL MY BEHAVIORS. 182 00:06:35,829 --> 00:06:37,531 AS A MATURE, REASONABLE ADULT, 183 00:06:37,565 --> 00:06:39,500 I UNDERSTAND THAT THIS WILL BE THE LAST PROJECT 184 00:06:39,533 --> 00:06:41,535 THAT BEN AND I ARE WORKING ON TOGETHER. 185 00:06:41,569 --> 00:06:43,804 SO PLEASE JOIN US FOR THE GRAND OPENING 186 00:06:43,837 --> 00:06:47,975 OF PAWNEE'S SMALLEST PARK ON NOVEMBER 12TH, 2070. 187 00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:52,880 - THANK YOU FOR COMING TO THIS VERY IMPORTANT, 188 00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:55,716 AND WHAT I SUSPECT WILL BE LENGTHY, MEETING. 189 00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:58,819 THE PROPOSED PARK IS VERY SMALL, 190 00:06:58,852 --> 00:07:00,888 BUT WE BELIEVE WE NEED TO INVESTIGATE EVERY DETAIL. 191 00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:03,491 SO IF ANYONE HAS ANY QUESTIONS FOR ME 192 00:07:03,524 --> 00:07:07,661 OR ASSISTANT CITY MANAGER BEN WYATT, GO RIGHT AHEAD. 193 00:07:07,695 --> 00:07:08,462 - HI, I HAVE A QUESTION ABOUT THIS PROJECT. 194 00:07:08,496 --> 00:07:09,663 - WHOA, WAIT. WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. 195 00:07:09,697 --> 00:07:11,164 WHERE'S THE FIRE? [chuckles] 196 00:07:11,198 --> 00:07:13,667 LET'S GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER FIRST. 197 00:07:13,701 --> 00:07:15,202 TELL ME ABOUT YOUR CHILDHOOD. 198 00:07:15,235 --> 00:07:17,505 - IS THERE GOING TO BE BASKETBALL THERE? 199 00:07:17,538 --> 00:07:21,875 BASKETBALL COURTS ATTRACT UNDESIRABLES TO MY COMMUNITY. 200 00:07:21,909 --> 00:07:23,977 - WELL, THERE'S BARELY ROOM FOR AN ACTUAL BASKETBALL, 201 00:07:24,011 --> 00:07:25,245 MUCH LESS A COURT. 202 00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:27,848 - BECAUSE THERE'S A DEFINITE TYPE OF PERSON 203 00:07:27,881 --> 00:07:29,817 I ASSOCIATE WITH BASKETBALL, 204 00:07:29,850 --> 00:07:32,085 AND I'D RATHER NOT HAVE THAT TYPE OF PERSON NEARBY. 205 00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:33,521 - DON'T WORRY. YOU DON'T NEED TO WORRY. 206 00:07:33,554 --> 00:07:35,523 - OKAY, I'LL JUST COME RIGHT OUT AND SAY IT. 207 00:07:35,556 --> 00:07:37,157 I'LL TELL YOU WHAT TYPE OF PERSON I DON'T LIKE. 208 00:07:37,190 --> 00:07:38,258 - YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT. 209 00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:39,960 NO, NO, NO, NO. I THINK WE GET IT. 210 00:07:39,993 --> 00:07:41,161 - YEAH, WE DO, ROSE, 211 00:07:41,194 --> 00:07:42,896 AND YOU BRING UP A VERY GOOD POINT. 212 00:07:42,930 --> 00:07:45,633 INTOLERANCE. CAN WE BE DOING MORE? 213 00:07:45,666 --> 00:07:47,501 I'D LIKE TO HEAR FROM EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU 214 00:07:47,535 --> 00:07:50,103 ABOUT A TIME WHEN PREJUDICE HAS TOUCHED YOUR LIVES. 215 00:07:50,137 --> 00:07:51,639 - HELLO, EVERYONE. 216 00:07:51,672 --> 00:07:53,173 MY NAME IS PROFESSOR BARNES. 217 00:07:53,206 --> 00:07:55,108 THE CLASS I'LL BE TEACHING THIS SEMESTER 218 00:07:55,142 --> 00:07:56,777 IS INTRODUCTION TO LASERS. 219 00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:59,647 THE WORD "LASER" STANDS FOR 220 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:00,714 LIGHT AMPLIFICATION 221 00:08:00,748 --> 00:08:03,517 BY STIMULATED EMISSION OF RADIATION. 222 00:08:03,551 --> 00:08:05,152 - WHERE ARE THE LASERS? 223 00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:08,188 - THIS GRAPHIC HERE REPRESENTS THE ELECTROMAGNETIC SPECTRUM 224 00:08:08,221 --> 00:08:09,657 ARRANGED FROM LOW FREQUENCY... 225 00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:11,792 - HE'S NOT EVEN USING A LASER POINTER. 226 00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:13,193 - HE'S RIGHT. THIS CLASS STINKS. 227 00:08:13,226 --> 00:08:15,563 - STICK WITH IT. YOU MIGHT LEARN SOMETHING. 228 00:08:15,596 --> 00:08:16,630 - UH, EXCUSE ME. 229 00:08:16,664 --> 00:08:18,065 PROFESSOR? 230 00:08:18,098 --> 00:08:19,800 HI, THERE. ANDY DWYER. CURIOUS. 231 00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:22,770 WHEN WILL YOU BE BRINGING OUT THE LASERS FOR ME TO PLAY WITH? 232 00:08:22,803 --> 00:08:24,738 AND WILL WE START WITH THE SMALL LASERS, 233 00:08:24,772 --> 00:08:26,707 OR COULD WE GO JUST STRAIGHT TO THE BIG LASERS, 234 00:08:26,740 --> 00:08:28,208 IN TERMS OF PLAYING WITH THEM? 235 00:08:28,241 --> 00:08:30,210 - WE WON'T BE USING ACTUAL LASERS IN THIS COURSE. 236 00:08:30,243 --> 00:08:33,847 IT'S ABOUT THE THEORY THAT MAKES THEM POSSIBLE. 237 00:08:33,881 --> 00:08:38,318 - ONE OF THE MOST SIGNIFICANT BUMMERS OF MY LIFETIME. 238 00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,287 - FIRST UP, A PERSONAL FAVORITE, 239 00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:42,289 THE SOPRANOS OPTION. 240 00:08:42,322 --> 00:08:44,792 NOW, I GUARANTEE YOU, ANYONE THAT SEES THIS LOGO 241 00:08:44,825 --> 00:08:47,294 IS NOT GONNA "FUGGHEDABOUDIT." 242 00:08:47,327 --> 00:08:49,329 THIS IS OUR CURRENT COMMUNITY CENTER. 243 00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:50,964 UGH. 244 00:08:50,998 --> 00:08:53,133 THIS IS OUR NEW COMMUNITY CENTER! 245 00:08:53,166 --> 00:08:55,803 THAT'S RIGHT, IT LOOKS LIKE AN APPLE STORE. 246 00:08:55,836 --> 00:08:57,337 TODAY, I'M A BEVERLY HILLS PLASTIC SURGEON, 247 00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,673 AND THE PARKS DEPARTMENT IS A WRINKLY OLD HOUSEWIFE 248 00:08:59,707 --> 00:09:01,208 IN HER EARLY 30s. 249 00:09:01,241 --> 00:09:03,176 I'M ABOUT TO WORK A MIRACLE. 250 00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:04,912 - THANK YOU, MA'AM. WHAT A STORY. 251 00:09:04,945 --> 00:09:06,113 ANYONE ELSE? 252 00:09:06,146 --> 00:09:07,781 ANYONE... 253 00:09:07,815 --> 00:09:09,282 UH, THIS GENTLEMAN WANTS TO SAY SOMETHING. 254 00:09:09,316 --> 00:09:10,517 - NO, I DON'T. 255 00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:13,120 - COME ON, MEL. YOU'RE ALWAYS UP IN ARMS ABOUT SOMETHING. 256 00:09:13,153 --> 00:09:14,321 - NO, I'M NOT. 257 00:09:14,354 --> 00:09:16,089 I'M NOT ALWAYS UP IN ARMS ABOUT SOMETHING. 258 00:09:16,123 --> 00:09:17,658 - THERE WE GO. THAT'S THE SPIRIT. 259 00:09:17,691 --> 00:09:18,859 TALK TO ME ABOUT WHAT'S BOTHERING YOU. 260 00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:22,596 - OKAY, THAT'LL DO IT. THANKS, EVERYBODY. 261 00:09:22,630 --> 00:09:24,231 - I ONCE HOSTED A FORUM ABOUT A NEW BIKE RACK 262 00:09:24,264 --> 00:09:25,833 THAT LASTED SEVEN HOURS. 263 00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:28,068 NOW WHEN I NEED THESE PEOPLE TO COMPLAIN, 264 00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:30,003 THEY'RE DONE IN 45 MINUTES? 265 00:09:30,037 --> 00:09:31,138 - WHOA, CHECK IT OUT. 266 00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:35,643 YOU CAN GET CREDIT FOR PLAYING INTRAMURAL FRISBEE GOLF. 267 00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:38,011 - OKAY, YOU CAN TAKE A CLASS ON THE CIVIL WAR. 268 00:09:38,045 --> 00:09:39,146 - WHY WOULD I TAKE A CLASS 269 00:09:39,179 --> 00:09:40,714 ON SOMETHING THAT'S ALREADY HAPPENED? 270 00:09:40,748 --> 00:09:42,382 LOOK, YOU GUYS HAVE ALREADY HAD YOUR SAY. 271 00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:45,352 NOW I WANT TO TRY SOMETHING THAT I WANT TO TRY. 272 00:09:45,385 --> 00:09:48,155 AND I'M GONNA MAKE MY CHOICE AS I ALWAYS DO, 273 00:09:48,188 --> 00:09:51,191 AT RANDOM. 274 00:09:53,393 --> 00:09:55,629 - AS SHE WAS BURNED AT THE STAKE, 275 00:09:55,663 --> 00:09:56,830 JOAN OF ARC DID NOT COWER. 276 00:09:56,864 --> 00:09:59,366 SHE DID NOT BEG FOR MERCY. 277 00:09:59,399 --> 00:10:01,769 SHE SAID, IN A STRONG, CLEAR VOICE, 278 00:10:01,802 --> 00:10:04,705 "I AM NOT AFRAID. I WAS BORN TO DO THIS." 279 00:10:04,738 --> 00:10:06,239 - I WANT TO BE BURNED AT THE STAKE. 280 00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:07,908 - MANY SOCIETAL INSTITUTIONS 281 00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:10,711 WERE ESTABLISHED SOLELY TO OPPRESS WOMEN. 282 00:10:10,744 --> 00:10:12,145 TO THIS DAY, 283 00:10:12,179 --> 00:10:15,215 SOME FEMINISTS HAVE EVEN CONDEMNED MARRIAGE 284 00:10:15,248 --> 00:10:17,751 AS A GLORIFIED FORM OF SLAVERY. 285 00:10:17,785 --> 00:10:19,953 - AMEN. 286 00:10:19,987 --> 00:10:22,122 - THAT CLASS WAS AWESOME. 287 00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:24,224 - I WHOLEHEARTEDLY AGREE. 288 00:10:24,257 --> 00:10:26,694 IF THAT WOMAN WEREN'T SO VIOLENTLY OPPOSED TO MARRIAGE, 289 00:10:26,727 --> 00:10:29,262 I THINK I WOULD PROPOSE TO HER. 290 00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:30,998 - WELL, THEN, IT'S DECIDED. 291 00:10:31,031 --> 00:10:33,834 ANDY DWYER WILL BE TAKING "WOMEN'S LASERS." 292 00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:35,235 - "WOMEN'S STUDIES." 293 00:10:35,268 --> 00:10:38,205 - SORRY. GOD, I CANNOT STOP THINKING ABOUT LASERS. 294 00:10:38,238 --> 00:10:39,372 "WOMEN'S STUDIES." 295 00:10:39,406 --> 00:10:40,407 IS THERE SUCH THING AS "WOMEN'S LASERS"? 296 00:10:40,440 --> 00:10:41,374 THAT'D BE MY NUMBER ONE PICK. 297 00:10:41,408 --> 00:10:44,812 - EXCUSE ME, WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE? 298 00:10:44,845 --> 00:10:46,213 - JUST PREPARING FOR THE GRAND OPENING 299 00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:49,082 OF THIS TINY BUT VERY INTRUSIVE PARK. 300 00:10:49,116 --> 00:10:49,983 - WE WERE TOLD THIS WOULD HAVE 301 00:10:50,017 --> 00:10:51,885 VERY LITTLE IMPACT ON THE NEIGHBORHOOD. 302 00:10:51,919 --> 00:10:53,787 THIS FLYER HAS HUNDREDS OF EVENTS. 303 00:10:53,821 --> 00:10:56,123 - THERE ARE FIREWORKS EVERY NIGHT AT MIDNIGHT? 304 00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:57,224 - THEY START AT MIDNIGHT. 305 00:10:57,257 --> 00:10:58,826 WHO KNOWS WHEN THEY'RE GONNA END? 306 00:10:58,859 --> 00:11:00,460 LOOK, I DON'T EVEN KNOW THE IMPACT OF THIS PARK, 307 00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:03,764 BECAUSE THE CITY SKIPPED AN ENVIRONMENTAL IMPACT REPORT. 308 00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:05,465 SO WE DON'T KNOW ABOUT TRAFFIC PROBLEMS 309 00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:07,901 OR SOUND OR LIGHTS OR CRIME. 310 00:11:07,935 --> 00:11:09,102 I MEAN, IT'S ALL A MYSTERY. 311 00:11:09,136 --> 00:11:10,337 - DON'T YOU WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT? 312 00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:12,205 - I DO, JOE. YEAH, THAT'S HOW I KNOW 313 00:11:12,239 --> 00:11:14,074 JUST HOW HIGH THIS CONSPIRACY GOES. 314 00:11:14,107 --> 00:11:15,909 WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT IT? 315 00:11:15,943 --> 00:11:18,011 I'M GLAD YOU ASKED. I HAVE SOME IDEAS. 316 00:11:18,045 --> 00:11:19,913 - THESE ARE OUR CURRENT PARK RANGERS. 317 00:11:19,947 --> 00:11:22,082 WHAT ARE THEY UP TO? NO ONE CARES. 318 00:11:22,115 --> 00:11:23,951 THEY'RE BORING, AND I HATE THEM. 319 00:11:23,984 --> 00:11:27,120 BUT COMING THIS SPRING TO THE STYLE NETWORK... 320 00:11:27,154 --> 00:11:28,756 RANGER REALITY SHOW. 321 00:11:28,789 --> 00:11:29,689 - I'M SORRY, TOM, BUT CHRIS, 322 00:11:29,723 --> 00:11:31,925 HE JUST WANTED US TO CHOOSE A NEW FONT. 323 00:11:31,959 --> 00:11:33,761 I MEAN, REALLY, YOU'VE GONE WAY OFF TRACK. 324 00:11:33,794 --> 00:11:35,328 - WELL, GUESS WHAT, JERRY? I'M A DREAMER. 325 00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:36,930 OKAY? I DREAM BIG. DEAL WITH IT. 326 00:11:36,964 --> 00:11:39,066 - TOM, WEEKENDS ARE FOR DREAMING. 327 00:11:39,099 --> 00:11:42,035 YOU ARE A GOVERNMENT WORKER. THIS IS A GOVERNMENT JOB. 328 00:11:42,069 --> 00:11:43,370 PLUS ISN'T DREAMING BIG 329 00:11:43,403 --> 00:11:46,339 EXACTLY WHAT GOT YOU IN TROUBLE WITH YOUR OLD COMPANY? 330 00:11:53,847 --> 00:11:55,482 - HEY, WHERE YOU GOING, JOE? - BATHROOM BREAK. 331 00:11:55,515 --> 00:11:56,817 - NO, GET BACK OVER THERE. 332 00:11:56,850 --> 00:11:58,318 I'LL FIND YOU A BOTTLE OR SOMETHING. 333 00:11:58,351 --> 00:12:00,754 - WHERE DID ALL THESE PEOPLE COME FROM? 334 00:12:00,788 --> 00:12:02,823 AND WHY DID THEY TURN SO QUICKLY ON THIS PROJECT? 335 00:12:02,856 --> 00:12:03,891 - WELL, YOU KNOW HOW IT GOES. 336 00:12:03,924 --> 00:12:06,226 IT ONLY TAKES ONE NUT JOB TO GET PEOPLE RILED UP. 337 00:12:06,259 --> 00:12:07,494 I HATE TO SAY THIS, 338 00:12:07,527 --> 00:12:08,829 BUT I THINK WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO DO 339 00:12:08,862 --> 00:12:10,831 THAT ENVIRONMENTAL IMPACT REPORT. 340 00:12:10,864 --> 00:12:14,234 THEY ARE EXPLICITLY DEMANDING IT. 341 00:12:14,267 --> 00:12:16,403 - HEY, EVERYBODY, LISTEN UP. 342 00:12:16,436 --> 00:12:19,172 UH, IN RESPONSE TO YOUR COMPLAINTS, 343 00:12:19,206 --> 00:12:22,375 WE ARE CANCELLING ALL OF THESE DISRUPTIVE EVENTS. 344 00:12:22,409 --> 00:12:24,011 THIS PARK IS JUST GONNA BE 345 00:12:24,044 --> 00:12:26,479 A QUIET PATCH OF GRASS, HARMING NOBODY. 346 00:12:26,513 --> 00:12:29,082 EVERYBODY COOL? 347 00:12:29,116 --> 00:12:31,484 GREAT. 348 00:12:31,518 --> 00:12:33,486 - DREAM TEAM. 349 00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:35,889 - ACTUALLY, CHRIS, I KNOW YOU THINK THAT WE'RE A DREAM TEAM-- 350 00:12:35,923 --> 00:12:37,157 - DREAM TEAM! 351 00:12:37,190 --> 00:12:38,158 - YEAH. 352 00:12:38,191 --> 00:12:40,527 BUT WE'RE NOT. 353 00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:43,230 YOU SEE, LESLIE HERE IS A TEAM OF ONE. 354 00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:45,966 AND THAT MIGHT BE A VERY GOOD TEAM, 355 00:12:45,999 --> 00:12:49,002 BUT SHE KIND OF STEAMROLLS THE REST OF HER TEAM, 356 00:12:49,036 --> 00:12:51,839 ME, TO DO WHATEVER SHE WANTS. 357 00:12:51,872 --> 00:12:54,307 REGARDLESS OF HOW THE REST OF HER TEAM, 358 00:12:54,341 --> 00:12:56,944 ME, FEELS. 359 00:12:56,977 --> 00:13:01,381 SO I DON'T THINK WE SHOULD WORK TOGETHER ANYMORE. 360 00:13:01,414 --> 00:13:05,118 - WOW. THAT WAS VERY HARD TO HEAR. 361 00:13:05,152 --> 00:13:06,987 SO MANY NEGATIVE WORDS. 362 00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:11,591 I JUST NEED TO PROCESS THIS. 363 00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:12,893 OKAY, THE DREAM TEAM IS DEAD. 364 00:13:12,926 --> 00:13:14,361 BUT YOU GUYS HAD A GREAT RUN. 365 00:13:14,394 --> 00:13:16,930 - OH, AND THE PARK IS OPEN. YAY! 366 00:13:16,964 --> 00:13:19,499 - GOOD JOB WITH THAT. 367 00:13:22,435 --> 00:13:25,238 - HELLO, MA'AM, WHO IS JUST AS EQUAL AS MEN. 368 00:13:25,272 --> 00:13:30,077 I WOULD LIKE ONE TICKET FOR, UH, WOMEN. 369 00:13:30,110 --> 00:13:33,413 - HE WOULD LIKE TO REGISTER FOR WOMEN'S STUDIES. 370 00:13:33,446 --> 00:13:35,248 - OKAY. HERE'S THE REGISTRATION FORM. 371 00:13:35,282 --> 00:13:36,917 - OOH! 372 00:13:36,950 --> 00:13:40,487 - AND WE'LL NEED A CHECK OR MONEY ORDER FOR $940. 373 00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:41,955 - WHY? 374 00:13:41,989 --> 00:13:44,057 WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME IT WAS SO EXPENSIVE? 375 00:13:44,091 --> 00:13:45,325 - I DIDN'T KNOW. 376 00:13:45,358 --> 00:13:46,860 MY PARENTS PAY FOR MY CLASSES. 377 00:13:46,894 --> 00:13:48,128 I'LL JUST HAVE THEM PAY FOR YOURS TOO. 378 00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:51,865 - OH, GOD, NO! THAT'S EMBARRASSING. 379 00:13:51,899 --> 00:13:53,533 I KNOW. 380 00:13:53,566 --> 00:13:55,568 I'M GONNA BEG FOR MONEY IN THE STREET LIKE A DRUG ADDICT. 381 00:13:55,602 --> 00:13:57,037 - NO. - YEAH. 382 00:13:57,070 --> 00:13:58,471 - OH, MY GOD. 383 00:13:58,505 --> 00:13:59,973 EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE IS GOING WRONG RIGHT NOW. 384 00:14:00,007 --> 00:14:02,642 WHOSE FAULT IS THIS? I DEMAND TO KNOW. 385 00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:04,611 - ACTUALLY-- 386 00:14:04,644 --> 00:14:05,612 - BEN THINKS THAT I'M A STEAMROLLER? 387 00:14:05,645 --> 00:14:06,546 THAT'S UNBELIEVABLE. 388 00:14:06,579 --> 00:14:08,315 HOW DARE HE THINK THAT I'M A STEAMROLLER? 389 00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:09,582 - LESLIE, I'M JUST TELLING YOU THIS-- 390 00:14:09,616 --> 00:14:11,251 - I KNOW, HE'S GOING THROUGH A PHASE RIGHT NOW, 391 00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:13,186 AND EVENTUALLY WE'RE GONNA BOTH BE FRIENDS AGAIN. 392 00:14:13,220 --> 00:14:15,188 - NO, WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY IS THAT YOU REALLY ARE-- 393 00:14:15,222 --> 00:14:16,423 - WORKING TOO HARD. I KNOW, ANN, 394 00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:18,358 YOU KEEP STARTING ALL THESE SENTENCES AND NOT FINISHING-- 395 00:14:18,391 --> 00:14:19,960 - YOU'RE A STEAMROLLER! 396 00:14:19,993 --> 00:14:23,363 YOU ARE A MASSIVE, ENORMOUS, RUNAWAY STEAMROLLER 397 00:14:23,396 --> 00:14:27,234 WITH NO BRAKES AND A CEMENT BRICK ON THE GAS PEDAL. 398 00:14:27,267 --> 00:14:30,103 YOU MADE ME WATCH ALL EIGHT HARRY POTTER MOVIES. 399 00:14:30,137 --> 00:14:31,371 I DON'T EVEN LIKE HARRY POTTER. 400 00:14:31,404 --> 00:14:33,406 - THAT'S INSANE. YOU LOVE HARRY POTTER. 401 00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,242 YOU'VE SEEN ALL EIGHT MOVIES! 402 00:14:35,275 --> 00:14:37,477 - WHEN WE GO OUT TO A BAR, YOU ORDER MY DRINKS FOR ME. 403 00:14:37,510 --> 00:14:39,479 - BECAUSE YOU ORDER WHITE WINE, AND IT GIVES YOU A HEADACHE. 404 00:14:39,512 --> 00:14:40,914 - WELL, IT'S MY HEADACHE! 405 00:14:40,948 --> 00:14:43,516 LESLIE, YOU DO WHAT YOU WANT, 406 00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:45,118 YOU IGNORE WHAT OTHER PEOPLE WANT, 407 00:14:45,152 --> 00:14:47,054 AND YOU HEAR ONLY WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR. 408 00:14:47,087 --> 00:14:51,658 - OKAY. I KNOW. I KNOW I DO THIS. 409 00:14:51,691 --> 00:14:54,027 I'M THE WORST. 410 00:14:54,061 --> 00:14:55,963 - NO, YOU'RE VERY PASSIONATE. 411 00:14:55,996 --> 00:14:57,397 YOU JUST PUSH TOO HARD SOMETIMES. 412 00:14:57,430 --> 00:14:58,698 - WELL, YOU SHOULD CALL ME A BULLDOZER 413 00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:01,168 RATHER THAN A STEAMROLLER. 414 00:15:01,201 --> 00:15:03,036 I'M SORRY. 415 00:15:03,070 --> 00:15:04,204 - IT'S GONNA BE OKAY. 416 00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:08,408 - IS IT? HONESTLY, IS IT? 417 00:15:08,441 --> 00:15:11,578 I MEAN, I GUESS I JUST NEED TO LEAVE BEN ALONE. 418 00:15:11,611 --> 00:15:15,648 THAT'S WHAT HE SAYS HE WANTS. 419 00:15:15,682 --> 00:15:19,219 [groans] OKAY. 420 00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:23,190 WELL, THIS STEAMROLLER IS HANGIN' UP HER... 421 00:15:23,223 --> 00:15:25,325 THE ROLLY THING ON THE FRONT OF THE MACHINE. 422 00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:26,659 WHAT DO YOU-- WHAT DO YOU CALL THAT? 423 00:15:26,693 --> 00:15:28,962 - THE ROLLER? - PROBABLY. 424 00:15:28,996 --> 00:15:31,131 OKAY. 425 00:15:31,164 --> 00:15:33,166 - GOT YOU A LITTLE PICK-ME-UP, TOMMY. 426 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:36,203 A TRIPLE-DECKER HAM AND CHEESE FROM THE CAFETERIA. 427 00:15:36,236 --> 00:15:37,270 ALWAYS MAKES ME FEEL BETTER. 428 00:15:37,304 --> 00:15:40,673 - TWO PATHETIC GUYS EATING PATHETIC SANDWICHES. 429 00:15:40,707 --> 00:15:41,674 SOUNDS TERRIFIC. 430 00:15:41,708 --> 00:15:42,742 I GUESS I'M JERRY NOW. 431 00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:44,544 AFTER WORK, I'LL JUST GO HOME, 432 00:15:44,577 --> 00:15:46,379 STRAIGHT TO MY BORING HOUSE, 433 00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:48,982 KISS MY WIFE, AND HAVE A HOME-COOKED MEAL 434 00:15:49,016 --> 00:15:52,552 WITH MY THREE BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTERS. 435 00:15:52,585 --> 00:15:54,254 WHAT A MISERABLE LIFE. 436 00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:57,290 - I HAVE BEEN HERE, WELL, 30-SOME YEARS, 437 00:15:57,324 --> 00:15:58,691 AND THE BEST WAY TO COPE WITH THIS JOB 438 00:15:58,725 --> 00:16:01,294 IS TO DO EVERYTHING THE EXACT SAME WAY 439 00:16:01,328 --> 00:16:03,496 EVERY DAY. 440 00:16:03,530 --> 00:16:05,332 HECK, I STILL USE MY ORIGINAL I.D. CARD 441 00:16:05,365 --> 00:16:06,333 FROM MY FIRST DAY ON THE JOB. 442 00:16:06,366 --> 00:16:09,202 CHECK THIS OUT. 443 00:16:09,236 --> 00:16:10,303 - OH, MY GOD. 444 00:16:10,337 --> 00:16:11,438 - [giggles] - I GOT TO GO. 445 00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:14,474 PUT MY SAMMIE IN THE FRIDGE. 446 00:16:17,577 --> 00:16:20,447 - MOUSE RAT CD, $30. 447 00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:23,716 CANDY BARS, $50. $50. 448 00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:25,485 GOD, PEOPLE HERE ARE SO CHEAP. 449 00:16:25,518 --> 00:16:26,619 - APRIL, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? 450 00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:29,556 OVER TWO PHONE CALLS CAME IN UNIMPEDED. 451 00:16:29,589 --> 00:16:32,025 - WE'RE RAISING MONEY FOR MY COLLEGE EDUCATION, RON. 452 00:16:32,059 --> 00:16:34,661 I TOOK A SECOND JOB BACK AT MY OLD JOB. 453 00:16:34,694 --> 00:16:36,296 DO YOU WANT A SHOE SHINE? 454 00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:38,098 - IT'S $100. - [chuckles] 455 00:16:38,131 --> 00:16:39,099 - LAUGH ALL YOU WANT, KYLE. 456 00:16:39,132 --> 00:16:41,101 I ALREADY TOOK THE MONEY OUT OF YOUR WALLET. 457 00:16:41,134 --> 00:16:44,337 - OH. 458 00:16:44,371 --> 00:16:46,539 - GOOD NEWS, SON. 459 00:16:46,573 --> 00:16:51,678 YOU HAVE JUST WON A RON SWANSON SCHOLARSHIP. 460 00:16:51,711 --> 00:16:54,114 - I DON'T THINK SO. I DON'T REMEMBER APPLYING FOR-- 461 00:16:54,147 --> 00:16:55,115 - NO, AN--ANDY. 462 00:16:55,148 --> 00:16:57,284 RON SWANSON... 463 00:16:57,317 --> 00:16:59,219 [whispers] SCHOLARSHIP. 464 00:16:59,252 --> 00:17:02,555 - WAIT, ARE YOU SERIOUS? 465 00:17:06,426 --> 00:17:07,394 - STOP THIS. 466 00:17:07,427 --> 00:17:08,761 - NO. 467 00:17:08,795 --> 00:17:11,098 - STOP, OR YOU LOSE THE MONEY. 468 00:17:11,131 --> 00:17:12,499 WHY NOT? 469 00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:14,767 I LIKE THE KID, AND I HAVE THE MONEY. 470 00:17:14,801 --> 00:17:16,669 ONE THING I PROMISED MYSELF 471 00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:18,471 WHEN I BURIED GOLD IN MY BACKYARD 472 00:17:18,505 --> 00:17:21,641 WAS THAT I'D NEVER BE A HOARDER OR A MISER ABOUT IT. 473 00:17:21,674 --> 00:17:22,575 - HEY. 474 00:17:22,609 --> 00:17:24,777 - OKAY, IS THIS HEALTH DEPARTMENT BUSINESS 475 00:17:24,811 --> 00:17:26,113 OR LESLIE BUSINESS? 476 00:17:26,146 --> 00:17:27,580 - YOU NEED TO GO TALK TO HER. 477 00:17:27,614 --> 00:17:28,581 - WHY? SO SHE CAN FORCE ME 478 00:17:28,615 --> 00:17:30,717 TO SPEND TIME WITH HER AGAIN? 479 00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:33,120 NO. NO WAY. I'M DONE TALKING. 480 00:17:33,153 --> 00:17:33,953 - LISTEN, I KNOW SHE CAN BE 481 00:17:33,986 --> 00:17:36,123 STRONG-WILLED AND DIFFICULT, OKAY? 482 00:17:36,156 --> 00:17:37,790 SHE ONCE MADE ME EAT AN ENTIRE CHEESECAKE 483 00:17:37,824 --> 00:17:39,526 AT A POTLUCK SO SHE DIDN'T LOOK BAD. 484 00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:42,762 BUT I REALLY THINK SHE'S READY TO LISTEN. 485 00:17:42,795 --> 00:17:44,797 - YOU ATE AN ENTIRE CHEESECAKE? 486 00:17:44,831 --> 00:17:46,866 WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST THROW IT AWAY? 487 00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:48,501 - BECAUSE WITH EVERYTHING SHE'S DONE FOR ME, 488 00:17:48,535 --> 00:17:50,803 I WOULD EAT TEN CHEESECAKES FOR HER. 489 00:17:50,837 --> 00:17:53,140 ALSO, P.S., IT WAS DELICIOUS AND AMAZING, 490 00:17:53,173 --> 00:17:54,641 LIKE EVERYTHING SHE DOES. 491 00:17:54,674 --> 00:17:56,776 WILL YOU PLEASE JUST TALK TO HER? FOR MY SAKE? 492 00:17:56,809 --> 00:17:57,777 I DON'T HAVE UNLIMITED TEXTING, 493 00:17:57,810 --> 00:18:00,613 AND WHEN SHE CAN'T TALK TO YOU, SHE TEXTS ME. 494 00:18:04,617 --> 00:18:08,355 - SO WE TAKE THE OLD LOGO FROM THE 1970s, 495 00:18:08,388 --> 00:18:10,157 AND WE MAKE LIMITED-EDITION HATS, POSTERS, 496 00:18:10,190 --> 00:18:11,524 T-SHIRTS, EVERYTHING. 497 00:18:11,558 --> 00:18:12,792 PEOPLE LOVE LIMITED EDITIONS, 498 00:18:12,825 --> 00:18:15,462 PLUS PARENTS WILL GET SWEPT UP IN THE NOSTALGIA 499 00:18:15,495 --> 00:18:16,396 AND WANT TO GO TO THE PARKS 500 00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:18,198 TO RECREATE THE FUN THEY HAD GROWING UP. 501 00:18:18,231 --> 00:18:20,467 - THIS...IS AMAZING. 502 00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:22,802 IT IS POSSIBLY THE BEST IDEA ANYONE HAS HAD 503 00:18:22,835 --> 00:18:24,637 IN THIS GOVERNMENT IN 100 YEARS. 504 00:18:24,671 --> 00:18:26,306 TOM, TERRIFIC. 505 00:18:26,339 --> 00:18:30,277 - THANKS, BUT MOST OF THE CREDIT GOES TO MY NUMBER-FOUR, JERRY. 506 00:18:30,310 --> 00:18:31,844 HE SHARED SOME WORDS OF WISDOM WITH ME TODAY, 507 00:18:31,878 --> 00:18:33,580 AND WHILE HE WAS YAMMERING ON ABOUT WHATEVER, 508 00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:35,382 I HAPPENED TO SEE HIS OLD I.D. CARD. 509 00:18:35,415 --> 00:18:37,217 THANKS, BUDDY. 510 00:18:37,250 --> 00:18:38,418 - YEAH. 511 00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:40,520 [crickets chirping] 512 00:18:44,557 --> 00:18:46,293 - I WASN'T SURE YOU WERE GONNA COME. 513 00:18:46,326 --> 00:18:48,428 - WELL, I GOT VERY CURIOUS 514 00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:50,263 WHEN YOU ONLY LEFT ME ONE VOICEMAIL MESSAGE, 515 00:18:50,297 --> 00:18:52,665 INSTEAD OF YOUR USUAL 20. 516 00:18:52,699 --> 00:18:54,401 - I'M TRYING TO BE A LITTLE LESS INTENSE 517 00:18:54,434 --> 00:18:56,536 AND A LITTLE MORE CONSIDERATE. 518 00:18:56,569 --> 00:18:57,837 HERE, HAVE A SEAT. 519 00:18:57,870 --> 00:18:59,539 BUT ONLY IF YOU WANT TO. 520 00:18:59,572 --> 00:19:02,475 - OKAY. I WANT TO. 521 00:19:02,509 --> 00:19:03,343 - [sighs] 522 00:19:03,376 --> 00:19:05,945 I NEVER LISTENED TO WHAT YOU WANTED, 523 00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:09,249 OR HOW YOU WANTED US TO BE WHEN THINGS... 524 00:19:09,282 --> 00:19:10,350 ENDED BETWEEN US. 525 00:19:10,383 --> 00:19:12,285 I JUST DECIDED WHAT I WANTED, 526 00:19:12,319 --> 00:19:14,787 AND I GOT UPSET WHEN YOU DIDN'T WANT THE SAME THING. 527 00:19:14,821 --> 00:19:16,689 I KNOW THAT'S NOT FAIR, 528 00:19:16,723 --> 00:19:18,625 AND I'M VERY SORRY. 529 00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:21,794 - WELL, THANK YOU. I APPRECIATE THAT. 530 00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:24,864 - IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HAVE ANY MORE CONTACT WITH ME, 531 00:19:24,897 --> 00:19:26,933 I FINALLY UNDERSTAND. 532 00:19:26,966 --> 00:19:28,935 - I--I DON'T WANT THAT. 533 00:19:28,968 --> 00:19:30,703 REALLY. 534 00:19:30,737 --> 00:19:34,641 BUT I JUST THINK IT'S FOR THE BEST. 535 00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:36,676 - OKAY. - OKAY. 536 00:19:39,979 --> 00:19:42,181 OKAY. 537 00:19:44,584 --> 00:19:47,587 - THERE IS ANOTHER OPTION. 538 00:19:47,620 --> 00:19:49,389 WE COULD JUST SAY "SCREW IT" 539 00:19:49,422 --> 00:19:51,558 AND DO THIS THING FOR REAL. 540 00:19:51,591 --> 00:19:53,426 - WHAT? 541 00:19:53,460 --> 00:19:54,827 - I MISS YOU LIKE CRAZY. 542 00:19:54,861 --> 00:19:57,964 I THINK ABOUT YOU ALL THE TIME. 543 00:19:57,997 --> 00:20:00,700 I WANT TO BE WITH YOU. 544 00:20:00,733 --> 00:20:04,304 SO LET'S JUST SAY "SCREW IT." 545 00:20:04,337 --> 00:20:05,438 - NO, WE WOULD HAVE TO TELL CHRIS. 546 00:20:05,472 --> 00:20:06,606 - YEAH. 547 00:20:06,639 --> 00:20:07,707 - IT COULD TURN INTO A SCANDAL. 548 00:20:07,740 --> 00:20:08,641 - YEAH. - IT COULD HURT YOUR CAMPAIGN. 549 00:20:08,675 --> 00:20:10,477 I MEAN, HOW WOULD YOU IMAGINE WE DO THIS? 550 00:20:10,510 --> 00:20:11,544 - I DON'T KNOW. 551 00:20:11,578 --> 00:20:13,946 BUT I--I KNOW HOW I FEEL, 552 00:20:13,980 --> 00:20:17,016 AND I WANT TO BE WITH YOU. 553 00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:19,719 BUT I'M DONE STEAMROLLING PEOPLE. 554 00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:22,855 THIS IS HOW I FEEL. HOW DO YOU FEEL? 555 00:20:33,032 --> 00:20:34,000 - FIRST DAY. YOU READY? 556 00:20:34,033 --> 00:20:35,868 - AS READY AS I'LL EVER BE. 557 00:20:35,902 --> 00:20:38,705 OH, CRAP, I FORGOT MY BOOKS. AND MY COMPUTER. 558 00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:41,007 - JUST PAY ATTENTION TO THE LECTURE AND ENJOY. 559 00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:43,476 MY FIRST DAY OF COLLEGE, MY FATHER DROPPED ME OFF 560 00:20:43,510 --> 00:20:45,445 AT THE STEEL MILL. 561 00:20:45,478 --> 00:20:47,680 HE DIDN'T THINK I SHOULD GO TO COLLEGE. 562 00:20:47,714 --> 00:20:49,982 BUT I HITCHED A RIDE, ENROLLED, 563 00:20:50,016 --> 00:20:52,352 AND LEARNED A LOT. 564 00:20:52,385 --> 00:20:53,620 I HOPE ANDY DOES TOO. 565 00:20:53,653 --> 00:20:55,355 - WE NEED TO START TEACHING WOMEN FOOTBALL, 566 00:20:55,388 --> 00:20:56,923 TEACHING WOMEN U.F.C., 567 00:20:56,956 --> 00:20:58,858 TEACHING THEM TO DRIVE TRUCKS WITHOUT CRASHING. 568 00:20:58,891 --> 00:21:00,693 "HEY, MAYBE I'M ONLY SEXY. 569 00:21:00,727 --> 00:21:01,661 "THEN--MAYBE THAT'S ALL YOU SEE, 570 00:21:01,694 --> 00:21:03,396 "BUT AT LEAST YOU CAN GIVE ME EXTRA MONEY. 571 00:21:03,430 --> 00:21:04,464 "TIP MONEY AND STUFF. 572 00:21:04,497 --> 00:21:06,499 I'LL FLIRT WITH YOU, WRITE MY NAME ON A NAPKIN." 573 00:21:06,533 --> 00:21:08,768 THEY'RE GONNA DO IT IN A RIGHT, KIND OF LEGAL WAY 574 00:21:08,801 --> 00:21:10,903 THAT EMPOWERS PROSTITUTION. 575 00:21:10,937 --> 00:21:12,339 WE DON'T REST UNTIL WE GET THAT. 576 00:21:12,372 --> 00:21:14,040 THAT WILL BE PROGRESS. 577 00:21:14,073 --> 00:21:17,043 - THAT IS EXTREMELY INCORRECT. 578 00:21:17,076 --> 00:21:18,878 - I THOUGHT-- I THOUGHT MAYBE IT WAS 579 00:21:18,911 --> 00:21:19,879 WHEN I WAS-- I, UH-- 580 00:21:19,912 --> 00:21:23,583 I'LL GET 'EM NEXT TIME. BACK TO YOU, PROFESSOR. 581 00:21:23,633 --> 00:21:28,183 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 42655

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