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1
00:00:00,931 --> 00:00:04,065
Miss Leslie Knope,
I present to you Herb Scaifer.
2
00:00:04,083 --> 00:00:05,783
Again, Andy,
you don't need to bow.
3
00:00:05,834 --> 00:00:06,868
As you wish, ma'am.
4
00:00:06,902 --> 00:00:08,336
Okay, Herb,
what can I do you for?
5
00:00:08,371 --> 00:00:11,756
Well, please prepare yourself.
I have terrible news.
6
00:00:11,790 --> 00:00:12,641
You do?
7
00:00:12,675 --> 00:00:15,210
The world is going
to end tomorrow at dawn.
8
00:00:15,244 --> 00:00:17,795
Aw nuts.
You sure it's tomorrow?
9
00:00:17,846 --> 00:00:20,715
Afraid so.
Right at dawn.
10
00:00:20,749 --> 00:00:24,519
Zorp is going to be here
to free you from your flesh.
11
00:00:25,553 --> 00:00:27,354
For a while in the 1970s,
12
00:00:27,355 --> 00:00:31,254
our town was run by a freaky cult.
And every few years
13
00:00:31,255 --> 00:00:33,754
the remaining members predicted
the world's gonna end.
14
00:00:33,755 --> 00:00:35,723
And they have an all-night
vigil in the park.
15
00:00:36,257 --> 00:00:37,858
It's super annoying.
16
00:00:37,893 --> 00:00:39,894
Turns out when you think
the world's ending,
17
00:00:39,928 --> 00:00:43,097
you don't aim so carefully
in the port-a-potties.
18
00:00:46,134 --> 00:00:47,734
19
00:00:48,134 --> 00:00:57,734
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
20
00:01:03,268 --> 00:01:06,420
Why does the cult call
themselves "The Reasonableists"?
21
00:01:06,455 --> 00:01:08,756
Well, they figure if
people criticize them
22
00:01:08,790 --> 00:01:09,857
it'll seem like they're
23
00:01:09,891 --> 00:01:11,192
attacking something
very reasonable.
24
00:01:11,226 --> 00:01:12,793
That's weirdly brilliant.
25
00:01:12,828 --> 00:01:14,228
Look, there's nothing
to worry about.
26
00:01:14,262 --> 00:01:16,297
They've said that the world
is going to end 15 times.
27
00:01:16,331 --> 00:01:17,648
And the only bad thing
that's ever happened
28
00:01:17,699 --> 00:01:19,233
on any of those dates is
29
00:01:19,267 --> 00:01:22,136
Lance Armstrong
dumping Sheryl Crow.
30
00:01:22,170 --> 00:01:23,955
- That was a tragic day.
- Hmm.
31
00:01:23,989 --> 00:01:25,840
Live strong.
32
00:01:25,874 --> 00:01:29,126
In any rate, I think Ben and I
should accompany you tonight.
33
00:01:29,160 --> 00:01:30,745
Oh, I don't think
we have to do that.
34
00:01:30,779 --> 00:01:32,279
No, no, no, I insist.
35
00:01:32,297 --> 00:01:35,149
These people
live on planet nutbrain.
36
00:01:35,183 --> 00:01:37,885
I live on planet nut bran.
37
00:01:37,919 --> 00:01:39,670
Bran and nuts are very
helpful for your colon!
38
00:01:39,721 --> 00:01:40,671
Well, it looks like
we're kind of forced
39
00:01:40,722 --> 00:01:42,289
to hang out with each other.
40
00:01:42,307 --> 00:01:44,175
Yeah, listen,
I'll--I'll come for a bit,
41
00:01:44,226 --> 00:01:46,494
but if it's okay with you,
I'm not going to stay.
42
00:01:46,528 --> 00:01:50,765
It's just, you know,
still kind of weird, right?
43
00:01:50,799 --> 00:01:52,600
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
44
00:01:52,634 --> 00:01:54,435
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
mm-hmm, totally get it.
45
00:01:54,469 --> 00:01:55,969
Definitely get it.
46
00:01:55,988 --> 00:01:57,488
Ben and I don't
hang out much these days.
47
00:01:57,522 --> 00:01:59,540
Big deal,
lots of people don't hang out.
48
00:01:59,574 --> 00:02:03,811
Jerry and April.
Obama and Madonna, probably.
49
00:02:03,845 --> 00:02:05,162
We're in good company.
50
00:02:05,697 --> 00:02:08,083
Hello!
51
00:02:08,617 --> 00:02:11,052
So it looks like we'll each
end up with about $5,000 apiece.
52
00:02:11,086 --> 00:02:12,987
Stop.
53
00:02:13,021 --> 00:02:14,705
We get five g's each?
That's amazing!
54
00:02:14,756 --> 00:02:17,925
You started out with 450,000.
55
00:02:17,959 --> 00:02:19,527
Entertainment720 is dead.
56
00:02:19,561 --> 00:02:21,062
It's up in company heaven.
57
00:02:21,096 --> 00:02:24,799
Along with pets.com,
Blockbuster and askjeeves.
58
00:02:24,833 --> 00:02:26,967
My company is no better
than a company where you ask
59
00:02:27,002 --> 00:02:30,071
a fake butler
to Google things for you.
60
00:02:30,105 --> 00:02:31,939
So what's next,
Tommy Davidson?
61
00:02:31,973 --> 00:02:33,774
I say we invest our ten large
62
00:02:33,809 --> 00:02:37,010
and then I "accidentally"
get run over by a city bus
63
00:02:37,029 --> 00:02:38,512
and we start our own
hip-hop label.
64
00:02:39,247 --> 00:02:40,881
We have this place
for one more night, right?
65
00:02:40,916 --> 00:02:42,616
We're outtie tomorrow
at noon.
66
00:02:42,651 --> 00:02:45,686
What if we took
every dime we had left,
67
00:02:45,721 --> 00:02:47,288
threw one last party.
68
00:02:47,322 --> 00:02:48,456
Made it the essence
69
00:02:48,490 --> 00:02:50,291
of everything we wanted
the company to be.
70
00:02:50,325 --> 00:02:52,626
A party...
71
00:02:52,661 --> 00:02:54,211
For the end of the world.
72
00:02:54,246 --> 00:02:57,364
Shh! You had me at
"every dime we have left."
73
00:02:57,399 --> 00:02:59,934
Because I'm in
like Lara Flynn...
74
00:02:59,968 --> 00:03:02,386
Boyle... from The Practice.
75
00:03:02,421 --> 00:03:06,974
Dilly dilly dilly
dilly dilly dilly dilly swag!
76
00:03:08,310 --> 00:03:09,561
What should we do tonight?
77
00:03:09,595 --> 00:03:11,429
I don't know, I just figure
we'll just order some pizza.
78
00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:12,813
You watch me play Xbox,
79
00:03:12,848 --> 00:03:14,115
and then I could watch you
make some prank phone calls?
80
00:03:14,149 --> 00:03:15,549
We get hammered?
Make out?
81
00:03:15,584 --> 00:03:17,418
We do that every night.
82
00:03:17,452 --> 00:03:20,621
That's because repetition
is the key to a good marriage.
83
00:03:21,355 --> 00:03:23,091
Let's do something weird.
84
00:03:23,125 --> 00:03:24,909
Come on, it could be
the last night on earth.
85
00:03:24,943 --> 00:03:26,894
We could do something
off my bucket list.
86
00:03:26,928 --> 00:03:28,295
You have a bucket list?
87
00:03:28,330 --> 00:03:30,898
Catch the winning touchdown
at the super bowl.
88
00:03:30,932 --> 00:03:33,400
Make the most amazing
grilled-cheese sandwich ever.
89
00:03:33,435 --> 00:03:35,119
Win the lottery.
Ride a unicycle.
90
00:03:35,170 --> 00:03:36,001
Invent something.
91
00:03:36,005 --> 00:03:38,472
I'd like to remake the movie
Shazaam with Shaquille O'Neal
92
00:03:38,507 --> 00:03:40,241
where he plays a genie
and I'd like to get it right.
93
00:03:40,275 --> 00:03:41,909
Go skydiving.
Outrun a hippo.
94
00:03:41,943 --> 00:03:43,611
Fly first class on plane.
95
00:03:43,645 --> 00:03:47,548
And when people are walking by,
be like this.
96
00:03:49,918 --> 00:03:51,519
All right, well, this
is what we're doing tonight.
97
00:03:51,553 --> 00:03:53,637
- Wait, which one?
- This one.
98
00:03:53,688 --> 00:03:56,256
800, 900, 1,000.
99
00:03:56,274 --> 00:03:58,159
And how much
is left in the bank account?
100
00:03:58,193 --> 00:03:59,760
18 dollars
and four cents.
101
00:03:59,795 --> 00:04:01,762
Whoa!
Still a lot left over.
102
00:04:01,797 --> 00:04:06,099
Okay, you wanted to hold
$1,000 cash in your hands,
103
00:04:09,805 --> 00:04:13,273
that's super disappointing.
104
00:04:13,291 --> 00:04:16,961
998, 999, 1000.
105
00:04:16,995 --> 00:04:18,412
Yes!
106
00:04:18,446 --> 00:04:21,165
Now this is what I imagined!
107
00:04:23,552 --> 00:04:26,754
Have you ever seen this much
cash in your entire life?
108
00:04:26,788 --> 00:04:28,305
I just handed it to you.
109
00:04:28,340 --> 00:04:30,624
Nickels!
110
00:04:30,642 --> 00:04:31,625
I want nickels.
111
00:04:31,660 --> 00:04:33,594
- A billion nickels!
- No, Andy.
112
00:04:33,628 --> 00:04:34,962
Evening, gentlemen.
113
00:04:34,996 --> 00:04:37,598
- Hey, Ron!
- Hail Zorp.
114
00:04:37,632 --> 00:04:39,650
It is a beautiful night
for the end of the world.
115
00:04:39,684 --> 00:04:43,103
Congratulations to all of you
for reaching the finish line.
116
00:04:43,138 --> 00:04:45,406
The Zorpies are ridiculous.
117
00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:47,491
But, like the founding fathers,
118
00:04:47,526 --> 00:04:50,277
I believe in absolute
freedom of religion.
119
00:04:50,312 --> 00:04:54,014
Also their ceremonies require
the playing of flutes.
120
00:04:55,049 --> 00:04:58,152
I happen to make flutes
in my wood shop.
121
00:04:58,186 --> 00:05:00,554
Flutes are $80 apiece.
122
00:05:00,589 --> 00:05:02,456
And recorders are 150.
123
00:05:02,490 --> 00:05:05,359
Hey, they're beautiful.
124
00:05:05,393 --> 00:05:06,660
Would you take a check?
125
00:05:06,678 --> 00:05:09,346
- You can cash it tomorrow.
- Sure.
126
00:05:12,551 --> 00:05:14,185
Welcome to E720's
127
00:05:14,219 --> 00:05:16,103
end of the world celebration.
128
00:05:16,137 --> 00:05:18,439
The entire party's a VIP area.
129
00:05:18,473 --> 00:05:20,057
There's also
a double VIP area.
130
00:05:20,108 --> 00:05:21,859
A triple VIP area.
131
00:05:21,893 --> 00:05:23,944
And the Centurion Club
elite VIP area.
132
00:05:23,979 --> 00:05:25,279
Sponsored by Sobe Lifewater.
133
00:05:25,313 --> 00:05:27,248
No one's allowed in there,
not even us.
134
00:05:27,282 --> 00:05:28,266
Uh- uh.
135
00:05:28,267 --> 00:05:30,751
We also hired ten huge, scary
bouncers with earpieces.
136
00:05:30,785 --> 00:05:32,519
- What up, Keith?
- Mmm.
137
00:05:32,537 --> 00:05:34,205
He actually once tossed me
out of a club three years ago.
138
00:05:34,239 --> 00:05:35,539
Water under the bridge.
139
00:05:35,574 --> 00:05:37,992
DJ Bluntz is mixing up
some new beats.
140
00:05:38,026 --> 00:05:40,211
Ballers and ballerettes,
fasten your seatbelts.
141
00:05:40,245 --> 00:05:41,829
The perfect party begins...
142
00:05:41,863 --> 00:05:44,298
Clink! Now.
143
00:05:46,301 --> 00:05:47,968
Thank God.
144
00:05:48,003 --> 00:05:50,504
No one shows up
to a good party on time.
145
00:05:50,538 --> 00:05:52,006
If anybody actually
showed up right now,
146
00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:53,140
the whole party
would have been ruined.
147
00:05:53,174 --> 00:05:54,225
It would have been
a disaster.
148
00:05:54,259 --> 00:05:55,709
I don't want
to go to that party.
149
00:05:55,744 --> 00:05:58,646
Does the city consider them
a threat to public safety?
150
00:05:58,680 --> 00:06:01,565
Oh, not at all,
Shauna Malwae-Tweep.
151
00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:03,484
So I shouldn't interpret
anything from the fact
152
00:06:03,518 --> 00:06:05,519
that there are two people from
the city manager's office here?
153
00:06:05,553 --> 00:06:08,221
Well, nothing except that
I had nothing better to do.
154
00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:09,823
Which probably says
more about me than them.
155
00:06:09,858 --> 00:06:11,725
Thanks.
156
00:06:11,760 --> 00:06:13,727
- Thanks.
- Headline idea.
157
00:06:13,762 --> 00:06:15,462
"It's the end of the world
as they know it,
158
00:06:15,497 --> 00:06:17,064
but Pawnee feels fine."
159
00:06:17,082 --> 00:06:19,833
- It's a little long.
- Okay, "Zorp Shmorp!
160
00:06:19,868 --> 00:06:21,535
"Doomsday prediction
falls flat
161
00:06:21,569 --> 00:06:23,337
"as citizens spend
pleasant evening
162
00:06:23,371 --> 00:06:25,339
enjoying one of Pawnee's
finest parks."
163
00:06:25,373 --> 00:06:26,707
Somehow longer.
164
00:06:26,741 --> 00:06:28,008
Right, okay let's
go with the first one.
165
00:06:28,043 --> 00:06:30,261
Great, um, hey, also...
166
00:06:30,295 --> 00:06:32,245
He's cute.
Is he single, do you know?
167
00:06:32,264 --> 00:06:33,580
Chris? No.
168
00:06:33,598 --> 00:06:35,215
He's actually
dating Jerry's daughter.
169
00:06:35,249 --> 00:06:37,318
Oh, no sorry, I meant Ben.
What's his story?
170
00:06:37,352 --> 00:06:39,286
- Who?
- Ben?
171
00:06:39,321 --> 00:06:41,388
I-I don't know.
172
00:06:41,422 --> 00:06:44,308
I--I'm not s--
I'm not sure.
173
00:06:44,359 --> 00:06:46,593
He's, um,
a man and he's a worker.
174
00:06:46,611 --> 00:06:50,698
And he is--uh, we've never
discussed sex, so...
175
00:06:50,732 --> 00:06:53,734
It's--we've always just been
very businesslike, so...
176
00:06:53,768 --> 00:06:57,437
Your guess is as good--
nay, better than mine.
177
00:06:57,455 --> 00:06:59,439
The end.
By Leslie Knope.
178
00:07:00,457 --> 00:07:02,710
Okay.
Cool, thanks.
179
00:07:02,744 --> 00:07:04,778
H--happy to help.
180
00:07:04,813 --> 00:07:06,315
What's happening?
181
00:07:07,749 --> 00:07:09,383
The world is ending.
182
00:07:11,549 --> 00:07:13,283
Oh boy, I know how this goes.
183
00:07:13,356 --> 00:07:14,840
I know how Shauna operates.
184
00:07:14,874 --> 00:07:16,508
She smiles,
and then they fall in love,
185
00:07:16,542 --> 00:07:17,859
and then they get married,
186
00:07:17,894 --> 00:07:20,078
and then she changes her name
to Shauna Malwae-Wyatt.
187
00:07:20,112 --> 00:07:21,696
Or he's going
to be really progressive
188
00:07:21,731 --> 00:07:23,715
and change his name to
Ben Wyatt-Malwae-Tweep.
189
00:07:23,749 --> 00:07:26,701
God, I am so annoyed that he
would hypothetically do that.
190
00:07:26,736 --> 00:07:27,986
I'm gonna remind you
191
00:07:28,020 --> 00:07:29,237
that the reason
you're not dating him
192
00:07:29,288 --> 00:07:31,189
is because you decided
to run for city council.
193
00:07:31,207 --> 00:07:33,024
Oh, so just because
I can't go out with him,
194
00:07:33,059 --> 00:07:34,359
someone else can?
195
00:07:34,377 --> 00:07:35,911
- Oh, boy, okay.
- Wow.
196
00:07:35,962 --> 00:07:39,047
Okay, I'm sure
this is nothing.
197
00:07:39,781 --> 00:07:41,583
Okay, well, that was
definitely something.
198
00:07:41,634 --> 00:07:42,968
- Oh. My God.
- I know that move.
199
00:07:43,002 --> 00:07:44,085
They're gonna
have sex in five minutes.
200
00:07:44,136 --> 00:07:45,470
I've gotta stop this.
201
00:07:45,504 --> 00:07:46,838
I've got to keep them
away from each other
202
00:07:46,872 --> 00:07:47,706
for the rest of their lives.
203
00:07:47,724 --> 00:07:50,559
- How are you gonna do that?
- Unclear!
204
00:07:50,593 --> 00:07:54,179
Oh, yeah, ten bucks!
205
00:07:54,213 --> 00:07:55,347
That counts as
winning the lottery.
206
00:07:56,581 --> 00:07:58,984
Okay, now is this
the most amazing
207
00:07:59,018 --> 00:08:01,052
grilled-cheese
sandwich ever made?
208
00:08:01,070 --> 00:08:03,188
Mmm, it's pretty awesome.
209
00:08:03,722 --> 00:08:05,056
Honey, my bucket list
doesn't say
210
00:08:05,091 --> 00:08:07,792
"make a pretty awesome
grilled-cheese sandwich."
211
00:08:07,827 --> 00:08:09,127
Gotta go back to the store.
212
00:08:09,161 --> 00:08:10,629
We're gonna get
a different kind of cheese.
213
00:08:10,663 --> 00:08:11,746
No, no, no, dude, seriously.
214
00:08:11,781 --> 00:08:13,131
This is the most amazing
grilled-cheese sandwich
215
00:08:13,165 --> 00:08:14,199
ever made, okay?
216
00:08:14,233 --> 00:08:16,201
Okay. What's next?
217
00:08:16,235 --> 00:08:19,371
Hey, there you are.
Wow, you two are still talking?
218
00:08:19,405 --> 00:08:20,939
Ben hasn't bored you
to death by now.
219
00:08:20,973 --> 00:08:23,074
- Hey.
- So boring.
220
00:08:23,092 --> 00:08:24,842
Actually, we were having
a really great talk.
221
00:08:25,377 --> 00:08:27,245
- Keep your pants on.
- What?
222
00:08:27,280 --> 00:08:28,847
I mean,
keep your pants on, girl!
223
00:08:28,881 --> 00:08:30,482
I mean, those are
really nice pants.
224
00:08:30,516 --> 00:08:32,083
I really like your pants.
Where'd you get them?
225
00:08:32,118 --> 00:08:33,935
Do you want to go
buy some more pants?
226
00:08:33,970 --> 00:08:35,420
Or, um, walk away from here?
227
00:08:35,438 --> 00:08:37,522
I might head over to
that end of the world party.
228
00:08:37,556 --> 00:08:39,224
Oh, that's where all
the losers are going.
229
00:08:39,258 --> 00:08:41,159
Yeah, what is that?
Tom emailed me.
230
00:08:41,193 --> 00:08:43,728
- I could check that out.
- Hurrrrr...
231
00:08:43,763 --> 00:08:46,431
Well, then you should
stay here then.
232
00:08:46,465 --> 00:08:48,166
Because you can't go.
233
00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:50,101
I mean, what if you're
not here when Zorp shows up?
234
00:08:50,136 --> 00:08:51,269
Boy, would your face be red.
235
00:08:51,304 --> 00:08:52,971
When Zorp shows up,
236
00:08:53,005 --> 00:08:57,575
your faces will be
melted off and used as fuel.
237
00:08:58,210 --> 00:08:59,477
You want to be here
for that.
238
00:08:59,512 --> 00:09:00,812
I think
I'll take my chances.
239
00:09:00,846 --> 00:09:03,465
Leslie, thanks as always.
240
00:09:03,499 --> 00:09:07,452
Wow. What an unbelievably
unpleasant person.
241
00:09:09,555 --> 00:09:10,839
Melissa, get in there
242
00:09:10,890 --> 00:09:12,257
- with your bad self.
- All right.
243
00:09:12,291 --> 00:09:13,892
- You ready?
- I'm ready.
244
00:09:13,926 --> 00:09:15,493
Anything you grab
is yours to keep.
245
00:09:15,528 --> 00:09:16,678
Hit it!
246
00:09:16,729 --> 00:09:18,463
Yes!
247
00:09:18,981 --> 00:09:21,399
The perfect party.
It's an elusive idea.
248
00:09:21,934 --> 00:09:23,351
People have to be
completely entertained
249
00:09:23,402 --> 00:09:26,271
from the moment they walk in,
to the moment they leave.
250
00:09:26,305 --> 00:09:27,906
It's a grand experiment.
251
00:09:27,940 --> 00:09:31,076
And I... am a party scientist.
252
00:09:31,110 --> 00:09:33,078
Welcome to my laboratory.
253
00:09:33,112 --> 00:09:35,163
254
00:09:38,217 --> 00:09:39,817
255
00:09:47,727 --> 00:09:50,495
That was Symphony for
the Righteous Destruction
256
00:09:50,529 --> 00:09:52,163
of Humanity in E minor.
257
00:09:52,198 --> 00:09:54,832
By the late Lou Prozotovich.
258
00:09:54,967 --> 00:09:58,003
Reminder. These flutes are
available for purchase.
259
00:09:58,037 --> 00:10:00,205
You can't take it
with you people.
260
00:10:00,239 --> 00:10:02,857
Herb, I just speed-read
both of your books.
261
00:10:02,892 --> 00:10:04,025
- Ooh.
- And, full disclosure,
262
00:10:04,060 --> 00:10:05,810
I think they're
bonkers-filled.
263
00:10:05,845 --> 00:10:07,812
But I did notice that you're
interested in reincarnation.
264
00:10:07,847 --> 00:10:09,347
Tell me about that.
265
00:10:09,382 --> 00:10:11,516
Well, it makes sense,
doesn't it?
266
00:10:11,550 --> 00:10:16,037
From the universe, we emerge.
Into the universe, we return.
267
00:10:16,072 --> 00:10:18,823
And there are infinite
forms we can take
268
00:10:18,857 --> 00:10:21,376
in infinite universes.
269
00:10:21,910 --> 00:10:23,027
What a lovely thought.
270
00:10:23,045 --> 00:10:27,198
Well, this morning at dawn,
you will take a new form.
271
00:10:27,233 --> 00:10:30,602
That of a fleshless,
chattering skeleton
272
00:10:30,636 --> 00:10:34,639
when Zorp the surveyor arrives
and burns your flesh off
273
00:10:34,673 --> 00:10:37,142
with his volcano mouth.
274
00:10:38,176 --> 00:10:39,611
That was very strange
what you just said.
275
00:10:39,645 --> 00:10:41,713
I don't like it as much
as that other thing you said.
276
00:10:41,747 --> 00:10:44,949
Oh.
277
00:10:44,984 --> 00:10:47,235
Hey, hey, where you going?
Where you headed off to?
278
00:10:47,269 --> 00:10:48,937
Do you want to play
a fun game with me
279
00:10:48,971 --> 00:10:50,522
that I made up
called chess-risk?
280
00:10:50,556 --> 00:10:53,558
It's half chess, half risk and
takes like 15 hours to play.
281
00:10:53,576 --> 00:10:55,260
Okay, yeah, I think
I'm gonna go.
282
00:10:55,294 --> 00:10:58,029
- I--okay.
- All right?
283
00:10:58,563 --> 00:11:00,465
- Oh, my God!
- What?
284
00:11:00,499 --> 00:11:02,450
I forgot I have a thing
I need to show you.
285
00:11:02,501 --> 00:11:04,202
Oh.
286
00:11:04,236 --> 00:11:06,004
I need to bring you there
right now it's so amazing.
287
00:11:06,038 --> 00:11:07,505
It's going to freak you out.
288
00:11:07,540 --> 00:11:09,674
It's, uh, it's something
that we need to
289
00:11:09,708 --> 00:11:12,243
get in my car and go to,
so let's do that.
290
00:11:12,261 --> 00:11:13,261
- Okay.
- Come on.
291
00:11:13,295 --> 00:11:14,213
Leslie,
where are you going?
292
00:11:14,214 --> 00:11:16,581
I'm going to the thing
that I told you about with Ben.
293
00:11:16,599 --> 00:11:18,016
No spoilers, Ann.
She's been there before.
294
00:11:18,050 --> 00:11:19,617
- Let's go.
- Okay.
295
00:11:20,970 --> 00:11:22,270
What's up, what's up?
296
00:11:22,304 --> 00:11:24,055
Are you guys having
a good time tonight?
297
00:11:25,758 --> 00:11:27,992
I think we've gotta take things
to the next level.
298
00:11:28,027 --> 00:11:29,127
Drum line, hit it!
299
00:11:32,148 --> 00:11:33,748
300
00:11:47,779 --> 00:11:49,631
- Okay, I'm ready!
- Good.
301
00:11:49,665 --> 00:11:52,300
Wait!
I'm not ready. Super scared.
302
00:11:52,334 --> 00:11:54,252
Andy, you said you wanted
to be an action star.
303
00:11:54,786 --> 00:11:55,587
This is your chance.
304
00:11:55,621 --> 00:11:58,223
Okay.
305
00:11:58,757 --> 00:12:01,976
Okay, you, Natalie,
follow the action.
306
00:12:02,011 --> 00:12:03,394
What do I have to do?
307
00:12:03,429 --> 00:12:04,562
Just hold up this
butter knife to my throat
308
00:12:04,597 --> 00:12:05,763
and pretend like
you're holding me hostage.
309
00:12:05,797 --> 00:12:07,632
- What?
- Ready!
310
00:12:07,666 --> 00:12:10,151
I don't know.
It seems a little crazy.
311
00:12:10,986 --> 00:12:12,237
Just crazy enough to work.
312
00:12:16,408 --> 00:12:18,243
Aah!
313
00:12:18,277 --> 00:12:22,247
Ahh!
Oh, my face!
314
00:12:22,281 --> 00:12:23,281
My face!
315
00:12:23,315 --> 00:12:26,000
Is fine, Mikhail Petrov!
316
00:12:26,235 --> 00:12:28,453
Forget it, Macklin,
you're too late--
317
00:12:28,487 --> 00:12:30,488
- I'm sorry, guys.
- Jerry!
318
00:12:30,523 --> 00:12:32,023
I need my cheaters.
I cannot see anyth--
319
00:12:32,057 --> 00:12:33,341
you're doing really good,
you're doing really good.
320
00:12:33,375 --> 00:12:34,092
- Really?
- Yeah.
321
00:12:34,127 --> 00:12:36,294
Help me,
Agent Macklin, help me!
322
00:12:36,328 --> 00:12:38,796
He's stolen my jewels, and now
he's going to ravish my body
323
00:12:38,831 --> 00:12:40,715
and he stinks,
he really stinks!
324
00:12:40,766 --> 00:12:43,902
Okay, Janet Snakehole belongs
to mother Russia now.
325
00:12:43,936 --> 00:12:45,169
Oh, that's what you think!
326
00:12:45,187 --> 00:12:47,171
- No.
- I hope you like pain!
327
00:12:47,189 --> 00:12:48,690
- What are you doing?
- Pow!
328
00:12:48,724 --> 00:12:49,858
Say the line.
329
00:12:49,892 --> 00:12:51,943
Looks like this Siberian husky
330
00:12:51,977 --> 00:12:54,445
is going to be Russian...
331
00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:57,148
off to jail.
332
00:12:57,582 --> 00:12:59,851
Hey, know what, can I go?
Gayle is making a roast.
333
00:13:01,385 --> 00:13:01,886
Ugh.
334
00:13:02,421 --> 00:13:05,406
We've already been
down this street.
335
00:13:05,457 --> 00:13:06,857
Just out of curiosity,
336
00:13:06,876 --> 00:13:09,027
where's your favorite
place to go like ever?
337
00:13:09,061 --> 00:13:10,628
Well, I don't know.
338
00:13:10,663 --> 00:13:12,380
Tom's party
sounded kind of fun.
339
00:13:12,414 --> 00:13:13,998
Here we are!
We're at the special place!
340
00:13:15,885 --> 00:13:20,572
Well, here we are.
What do you think?
341
00:13:20,606 --> 00:13:22,907
Are you gonna murder me
and bury me at this gas station?
342
00:13:22,942 --> 00:13:25,310
No, this is
a great gas station.
343
00:13:25,344 --> 00:13:29,414
This gas station
was owned by... Mick Jagger.
344
00:13:29,448 --> 00:13:30,982
Uh-huh.
345
00:13:31,016 --> 00:13:32,233
I came across
some financial records
346
00:13:32,268 --> 00:13:33,735
when I was doing
some research for my book,
347
00:13:33,769 --> 00:13:35,253
and this gas station was owned
348
00:13:35,287 --> 00:13:37,755
by an M. Jagger, which at first
I thought was a woman.
349
00:13:37,790 --> 00:13:40,358
Maybe Meg or something,
but I think
350
00:13:40,392 --> 00:13:42,360
the most likely explanation
351
00:13:42,394 --> 00:13:45,597
is that legendary Rolling Stones
front man Mick Jagger
352
00:13:45,631 --> 00:13:48,900
owned this gas station
from 1951 to 1958.
353
00:13:49,934 --> 00:13:51,469
I know what you're doing,
Leslie.
354
00:13:51,503 --> 00:13:53,538
I'm showing you a part
of Rock and Roll history.
355
00:13:53,572 --> 00:13:56,808
You--you can't do this.
You know we broke up.
356
00:13:57,542 --> 00:14:00,011
And I kind of feel like we
shouldn't...
357
00:14:00,045 --> 00:14:03,181
Hang out together,
just the two of us.
358
00:14:03,215 --> 00:14:05,750
Because every time we do,
it just makes it harder.
359
00:14:05,784 --> 00:14:08,152
You know?
360
00:14:08,187 --> 00:14:09,520
Okay.
361
00:14:11,523 --> 00:14:13,191
Okay.
362
00:14:18,523 --> 00:14:20,051
I think we've done
everything on the list
363
00:14:20,052 --> 00:14:21,252
that we can actually do.
364
00:14:21,303 --> 00:14:22,887
What about this?
365
00:14:22,922 --> 00:14:25,006
Oh, my God,
that would be awesome.
366
00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:26,908
- It's impossible.
- No, it isn't.
367
00:14:27,442 --> 00:14:28,943
We have $1,000
in our bank account,
368
00:14:28,978 --> 00:14:30,178
and we're young
and irresponsible.
369
00:14:31,415 --> 00:14:32,414
I mean, our car
would break down.
370
00:14:32,448 --> 00:14:33,748
There's no way we
could even get there.
371
00:14:33,783 --> 00:14:36,050
So I'll steal my dad's car.
372
00:14:36,068 --> 00:14:39,187
Look, this is a stupid idea,
but right at this exact second,
373
00:14:39,221 --> 00:14:41,523
we have enough momentum
to do something stupid
374
00:14:41,557 --> 00:14:42,924
before we realize
how stupid it is.
375
00:14:42,958 --> 00:14:47,946
You are absolutely right.
No thinking, just stupid.
376
00:14:47,997 --> 00:14:49,564
Yes!
377
00:14:49,582 --> 00:14:51,833
Buddhists feel
that human beings
378
00:14:51,867 --> 00:14:54,536
are unlikely to be
reincarnated as human beings.
379
00:14:54,570 --> 00:14:57,005
So the problem
with reincarnation
380
00:14:57,039 --> 00:14:59,107
is that you could be
reborn as a pretzel.
381
00:14:59,741 --> 00:15:01,376
Or a socket wrench.
382
00:15:02,010 --> 00:15:03,011
Ron, if you could
be reincarnated,
383
00:15:03,045 --> 00:15:04,646
what would you like to be?
384
00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:07,482
Socket wrench sounds
pretty good, actually.
385
00:15:07,516 --> 00:15:09,584
What religion am I?
386
00:15:09,618 --> 00:15:13,388
Well, I'm a practicing none
of your [Bleep] Business.
387
00:15:13,422 --> 00:15:16,391
I think the danger in
believing in reincarnation
388
00:15:16,425 --> 00:15:18,226
is that you spend so much
time trying to figure out
389
00:15:18,260 --> 00:15:19,928
what you're going to be
in the next lifetime
390
00:15:19,962 --> 00:15:22,397
that you forget to enjoy
the one you're in now.
391
00:15:22,931 --> 00:15:26,301
Ann Perkins...
that was beautiful.
392
00:15:28,604 --> 00:15:31,939
Drum lines,
personalized gift bags, tigers.
393
00:15:31,957 --> 00:15:33,575
This is the best
party I've ever been to.
394
00:15:33,609 --> 00:15:34,776
And I'm not just saying that.
395
00:15:34,810 --> 00:15:36,661
For real, T.T.,
think about it, man.
396
00:15:37,212 --> 00:15:40,081
It's pretty great.
But it's not perfect.
397
00:15:40,615 --> 00:15:41,649
Tom.
398
00:15:41,684 --> 00:15:44,285
Hey, Lucy,
what are you doing here?
399
00:15:44,803 --> 00:15:45,953
Jean-Ralphio called me
and told me
400
00:15:45,971 --> 00:15:47,689
that this was
a very special occasion
401
00:15:47,723 --> 00:15:49,190
and I should come down.
402
00:15:49,725 --> 00:15:50,425
It's nice to see you.
403
00:15:50,459 --> 00:15:52,093
Yeah, good to see you too.
404
00:15:52,127 --> 00:15:53,228
Want to go dance?
405
00:15:53,262 --> 00:15:54,896
Yeah, yeah!
Uh, give me a minute.
406
00:15:54,930 --> 00:15:55,931
Okay.
407
00:15:57,465 --> 00:15:59,300
I can't believe
you called her for me.
408
00:15:59,835 --> 00:16:01,236
That's really nice
of you, man, for real.
409
00:16:01,270 --> 00:16:02,537
Thanks.
410
00:16:02,571 --> 00:16:04,305
No, no, no, thank you.
411
00:16:04,323 --> 00:16:07,609
I mean for everything.
412
00:16:12,364 --> 00:16:14,115
I actually forgot
they ever dated.
413
00:16:14,149 --> 00:16:16,951
I was trying to hit that.
414
00:16:16,985 --> 00:16:19,387
Dawn is nigh!
415
00:16:19,421 --> 00:16:22,457
Zorp the surveyor approaches,
416
00:16:22,491 --> 00:16:25,993
and all earthly debts
will be repaid.
417
00:16:26,511 --> 00:16:28,347
Last call for doughnuts.
418
00:16:29,381 --> 00:16:31,399
Can I speak with you
about a personal matter?
419
00:16:32,433 --> 00:16:34,536
Normally, no.
420
00:16:34,570 --> 00:16:36,855
But... given there's
only 20 minutes
421
00:16:36,889 --> 00:16:38,740
until the end
of human existence...
422
00:16:38,774 --> 00:16:40,341
Also, no.
423
00:16:40,376 --> 00:16:41,943
I lost my mind tonight.
424
00:16:41,977 --> 00:16:45,847
I tried to screw up
even the potential of Ben
425
00:16:45,881 --> 00:16:47,181
dating someone else.
426
00:16:47,216 --> 00:16:48,950
Did you not hear me
when I said no?
427
00:16:48,984 --> 00:16:51,119
Oh, we broke up
because of me.
428
00:16:51,653 --> 00:16:54,789
But I have to
tell you, Ron...
429
00:16:56,725 --> 00:16:59,193
If the world
was ending tomorrow,
430
00:16:59,928 --> 00:17:02,263
I'd want to be with him.
431
00:17:03,298 --> 00:17:06,134
Well, that's significant.
432
00:17:06,168 --> 00:17:10,138
Problem is, Leslie, the world's
not ending tomorrow.
433
00:17:10,172 --> 00:17:12,574
The sun's going to rise
right over there.
434
00:17:13,108 --> 00:17:15,343
It'll be a regular Friday,
435
00:17:15,377 --> 00:17:18,012
and you'll be in the exact same
position you were in before.
436
00:17:19,047 --> 00:17:20,081
I know.
437
00:17:20,115 --> 00:17:21,616
It's just the thought
of him with someone else
438
00:17:21,650 --> 00:17:22,951
is making me miserable.
439
00:17:23,485 --> 00:17:25,486
If it makes you feel
any better, Leslie,
440
00:17:25,521 --> 00:17:27,739
we'll all be dead
in 20 minutes.
441
00:17:28,773 --> 00:17:31,225
That does make me feel better.
Thank you, Herb.
442
00:17:42,788 --> 00:17:45,440
- We did it!
- Yay!
443
00:17:45,474 --> 00:17:46,958
This car is nice!
444
00:17:47,009 --> 00:17:48,293
How long you think
it'll take us?
445
00:17:48,344 --> 00:17:50,578
Uh, the map says 30 hours
but I drive really fast.
446
00:17:50,613 --> 00:17:51,980
- 30 hours?
- Mm-hmm.
447
00:17:52,014 --> 00:17:53,815
Oh, crap!
I didn't bring any music.
448
00:17:53,849 --> 00:17:55,550
No!
449
00:17:55,584 --> 00:17:57,085
I'll tell you what.
450
00:17:57,119 --> 00:17:58,920
You play whatever you want,
451
00:17:59,454 --> 00:18:01,322
I'm just going to take
a real quick snooze
452
00:18:01,357 --> 00:18:03,391
for like 12 hours
so I'm fresh.
453
00:18:06,428 --> 00:18:10,898
454
00:18:11,432 --> 00:18:12,600
Thank you guys
so much for coming out.
455
00:18:12,635 --> 00:18:14,268
If you're too drunk to drive,
456
00:18:14,286 --> 00:18:16,621
please take
one of our shuttles home.
457
00:18:16,655 --> 00:18:19,173
Valet service will drop
your car off later today.
458
00:18:19,208 --> 00:18:21,108
If you're one of
our designated drivers,
459
00:18:21,126 --> 00:18:22,744
please take a "thank you" bag.
460
00:18:22,778 --> 00:18:26,664
And enjoy the giant bows
I put on your car.
461
00:18:26,715 --> 00:18:28,683
- Hey!
- Hey.
462
00:18:28,717 --> 00:18:30,051
- It's great seeing you.
- You too.
463
00:18:30,085 --> 00:18:32,503
Are, uh, you sticking around
for a bit, or...
464
00:18:32,554 --> 00:18:34,188
Nah, I'm heading to
Bloomington right now.
465
00:18:34,223 --> 00:18:35,890
- Oh.
- Grad school's fun,
466
00:18:35,924 --> 00:18:38,009
but I do miss this town.
467
00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:40,595
- Yeah.
- What's wrong?
468
00:18:41,629 --> 00:18:42,597
I don't know.
469
00:18:42,631 --> 00:18:44,849
After this is done,
I'm gonna be broke,
470
00:18:44,900 --> 00:18:46,701
and I'm not gonna
have a job.
471
00:18:46,735 --> 00:18:48,152
Well,
if it's any consolation,
472
00:18:48,687 --> 00:18:51,022
this was honestly the best
party I've ever been to.
473
00:18:51,873 --> 00:18:52,657
Hey, it was pretty great.
474
00:18:52,691 --> 00:18:55,777
I-I was really
aiming for something--
475
00:18:58,814 --> 00:19:02,784
I'll see you around.
476
00:19:02,818 --> 00:19:04,919
Whoo.
477
00:19:05,453 --> 00:19:07,789
You saw that.
478
00:19:08,123 --> 00:19:09,223
You saw that too.
479
00:19:13,696 --> 00:19:16,030
Shauna Malwae-Tweep
thinks you're cute.
480
00:19:16,565 --> 00:19:17,715
- What?
- That's why I took you
481
00:19:17,766 --> 00:19:19,166
to Mick Jagger's
abandoned gas station.
482
00:19:19,184 --> 00:19:20,601
Because she thinks you're
cute, and I was afraid
483
00:19:20,636 --> 00:19:21,936
you guys were gonna
make out and have babies,
484
00:19:21,970 --> 00:19:23,838
and I had no right
to do that to you
485
00:19:23,856 --> 00:19:25,857
or your future children.
486
00:19:25,891 --> 00:19:27,809
And it wasn't until just now
487
00:19:27,843 --> 00:19:30,144
that I realized
the romantic part
488
00:19:30,179 --> 00:19:32,914
of our relationship is over.
489
00:19:32,948 --> 00:19:34,782
So... I'm sorry.
490
00:19:34,817 --> 00:19:37,685
And, uh, why don't you tell
Shauna to make herself decent
491
00:19:37,720 --> 00:19:40,254
and I'll apologize
to her as well.
492
00:19:41,089 --> 00:19:45,326
Oh, well,
Shauna's not here.
493
00:19:46,060 --> 00:19:47,628
- Oh.
- See what I did?
494
00:19:47,663 --> 00:19:48,696
- I do.
- I'm very sneaky.
495
00:19:50,114 --> 00:19:51,532
Okay, okay, well....
496
00:19:51,567 --> 00:19:53,167
497
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:26,567
It's so much more beautiful
498
00:20:26,602 --> 00:20:28,102
than I could have
ever even imagined.
499
00:20:28,637 --> 00:20:30,238
Yeah.
500
00:20:30,672 --> 00:20:33,458
I'm trying to find a way
to be annoyed by it, but...
501
00:20:34,209 --> 00:20:35,510
Coming up empty.
502
00:20:35,944 --> 00:20:37,595
Thank you so much.
503
00:20:37,629 --> 00:20:40,381
I never would have ever
done this without you.
504
00:20:41,015 --> 00:20:41,983
Thank you.
505
00:20:46,438 --> 00:20:50,391
Where's all the faces?
Like the presidents.
506
00:20:52,184 --> 00:20:59,587
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
507
00:21:00,184 --> 00:21:03,587
All the scholarly work
that I did on these texts?
508
00:21:03,621 --> 00:21:06,423
Indicated that
the world would end.
509
00:21:06,457 --> 00:21:08,525
Oh, gosh, I'm as disappointed
as you are, Herb.
510
00:21:08,559 --> 00:21:11,728
Yeah, but I went home and
began to reevaluate the texts.
511
00:21:12,262 --> 00:21:13,730
You don't say.
512
00:21:13,764 --> 00:21:16,733
And I realized that
I'd made some crucial errors
513
00:21:16,767 --> 00:21:18,602
well, math is hard.
514
00:21:18,636 --> 00:21:21,488
Yes, well, the actual
end of the world is May 19.
515
00:21:21,522 --> 00:21:23,240
Okay, let's see
what we've got.
516
00:21:23,274 --> 00:21:25,742
Um, oh, on the 19th
we can't give you the park.
517
00:21:25,776 --> 00:21:28,695
We have a Spring spectacular
free ice cream giveaway.
518
00:21:28,746 --> 00:21:30,997
Heh! I misspoke.
519
00:21:31,032 --> 00:21:32,516
Yeah, it's May 20?
520
00:21:33,550 --> 00:21:34,518
That is free.
521
00:21:34,552 --> 00:21:35,952
- Ah!
- Okay.
522
00:21:35,986 --> 00:21:37,587
End of World, May 20th.
523
00:21:37,637 --> 00:21:42,187
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