All language subtitles for Parks and Recreation s04e05 Meet n Greet.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,135 --> 00:00:02,570 - MM, EYEBALLS, BATS, RATS, VAMPIRE TEETH... 2 00:00:02,603 --> 00:00:03,604 - BOOM! VAMPIRE TEETH. 3 00:00:03,637 --> 00:00:05,639 - GOOD. SPIDER WEBS. 4 00:00:05,673 --> 00:00:07,308 - DONE. - MM-HM. 5 00:00:07,341 --> 00:00:09,110 FAKE BLOOD CAPSULES. 6 00:00:09,143 --> 00:00:10,578 - OH, THEY DIDN'T HAVE ANY. 7 00:00:10,611 --> 00:00:13,447 - REALLY? 8 00:00:13,481 --> 00:00:15,683 THAT'S GROSS, I LOVE IT. 9 00:00:15,716 --> 00:00:18,086 - WE ARE THROWING A HALLOWEEN PARTY AT OUR HOUSE. 10 00:00:18,119 --> 00:00:19,320 IT'S GONNA BE THE GREATEST THING EVER. 11 00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:20,521 - SOMEONE WILL DIE. 12 00:00:20,554 --> 00:00:21,655 - OF FUN! 13 00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:22,590 - AND OF MURDER. 14 00:00:22,623 --> 00:00:24,692 - AND THERE'S GONNA BE BEER, PUMPKINS... 15 00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:26,127 - BLOODY GOBLINS. 16 00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:27,361 - FAKE ONES. IT'S GONNA BE AWESOME. 17 00:00:27,395 --> 00:00:28,229 WE HAVE DECORATIONS... 18 00:00:28,262 --> 00:00:30,064 - DEAD PEOPLE THAT WE JUST MURDERED. 19 00:00:30,098 --> 00:00:31,099 - NOT...MURDERED. 20 00:00:31,132 --> 00:00:33,434 BUT PICTURES OF DEAD PEOPLE FROM TV OR MOVIES. 21 00:00:33,467 --> 00:00:34,568 - MUTILATED BODIES. 22 00:00:34,602 --> 00:00:35,569 - B-BUT FAKE ONES. 23 00:00:35,603 --> 00:00:37,705 CANDY, DANCING, TEQUILA. 24 00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:39,173 ALL KINDS OF FOOD AND SNACKS. 25 00:00:39,207 --> 00:00:40,174 - BLOOD ORPHANS. 26 00:00:40,208 --> 00:00:42,143 - NO BLOOD ORPHANS. 27 00:00:42,176 --> 00:00:44,445 I...I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS. 28 00:00:44,478 --> 00:00:48,116 [triumphant music] 29 00:00:48,149 --> 00:00:54,155 * 30 00:01:04,632 --> 00:01:07,101 - I WANT YOU ON MESSAGE, AND THE MESSAGE IS... 31 00:01:07,135 --> 00:01:08,502 LESLIE KNOPE. 32 00:01:08,536 --> 00:01:09,370 IF YOU'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU, 33 00:01:09,403 --> 00:01:11,439 YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT THE WRONG THING. 34 00:01:11,472 --> 00:01:12,740 - I HATE TALKING ABOUT MYSELF. 35 00:01:12,773 --> 00:01:15,109 - GET OVER IT. I TALK ABOUT MYSELF CONSTANTLY. 36 00:01:15,143 --> 00:01:16,577 EVERYONE LOVES ME FOR IT. 37 00:01:16,610 --> 00:01:18,812 I REALLY AM AMAZING. 38 00:01:18,846 --> 00:01:20,281 - WHEN YOU WORK IN GOVERNMENT, PEOPLE OFTEN SUSPECT 39 00:01:20,314 --> 00:01:21,515 THAT YOU'RE ANTI-BUSINESS. 40 00:01:21,549 --> 00:01:23,284 SO I'M THROWING A LITTLE MEET-AND-GREET 41 00:01:23,317 --> 00:01:25,453 WITH BUSINESS OWNERS, AND I'VE ASKED TOM'S COMPANY TO HELP. 42 00:01:25,486 --> 00:01:27,155 HERE'S MY OPENING LINE: 43 00:01:27,188 --> 00:01:29,290 "HI, I'M LESLIE KNOPE, AND I'M IN THE BUSINESS 44 00:01:29,323 --> 00:01:30,558 OF BEING CITY COUNCILOR." 45 00:01:30,591 --> 00:01:32,493 - OH, MY GOD. - I'M NOT GOING TO USE THAT. 46 00:01:32,526 --> 00:01:34,895 - THIS IS YOUR PRIMARY TARGET. 47 00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:36,764 PRESIDENT OF THE CHAMBER OF COMMERCE, MARTIN KERNSTON. 48 00:01:36,797 --> 00:01:40,334 - OH, YES, FROM KERNSTON RUBBER NIPPLES. 49 00:01:40,368 --> 00:01:42,336 "THE NIPPLE KING." 50 00:01:42,370 --> 00:01:43,537 - PHOTOS, BIOS, 51 00:01:43,571 --> 00:01:45,873 LIKES, DISLIKES, PRESCRIPTION MEDICATIONS. 52 00:01:45,906 --> 00:01:47,408 - I'VE HEARD OF MARTIN KERNSTON. 53 00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:49,177 I KNOW A LITTLE BIT ABOUT HIM. - OH, REALLY? 54 00:01:49,210 --> 00:01:50,778 WELL, WHICH OF HIS ADVISORS DOES HE TRUST MORE, 55 00:01:50,811 --> 00:01:52,380 TED FLIRTMAN OR REX SPAX? 56 00:01:52,413 --> 00:01:54,315 - WELL, IT DEPENDS, FLIRTMAN IS MORE OF A CONFIDANT-- 57 00:01:54,348 --> 00:01:55,916 - I MADE UP BOTH THOSE NAMES. 58 00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:57,451 - OKAY, I'M ON IT. 59 00:01:57,485 --> 00:01:58,819 [phone playing rap music] 60 00:01:58,852 --> 00:02:00,388 - GET AT ME. 61 00:02:00,421 --> 00:02:02,556 JEAN-RALPHIO, STOP CRYING. 62 00:02:02,590 --> 00:02:04,325 WHAT? 63 00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:07,395 HOLD ON, SLOW DOWN. HOLD ON-- 64 00:02:07,428 --> 00:02:10,798 - ALLERGIC TO CHESTNUTS. 65 00:02:10,831 --> 00:02:14,168 AND...GOOD HAIRCUTS. 66 00:02:14,202 --> 00:02:19,207 [Monster Mash playing on stereo] 67 00:02:20,808 --> 00:02:21,809 - IT'S TOO TIGHT, LOOSER. 68 00:02:21,842 --> 00:02:24,178 - NO, I FEEL LIKE WE NEED TO INFLATE IT MORE. 69 00:02:24,212 --> 00:02:25,613 - NO, I TOLD YOU, I'M A SUMO WRESTLER 70 00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:27,448 AFTER HE LOST THE WEIGHT. 71 00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:28,682 - I TAKE IT WE'RE HAVING A PARTY. 72 00:02:28,716 --> 00:02:30,484 - DUDE! 73 00:02:30,518 --> 00:02:32,453 I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING I FORGOT TO TELL YOU. SORRY. 74 00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:33,554 - NO, NO, NO, IT'S FINE. 75 00:02:33,587 --> 00:02:34,655 WHY SHOULD YOU GUYS TELL ME 76 00:02:34,688 --> 00:02:36,324 YOU'RE GONNA HAVE AN ENORMOUS PARTY? 77 00:02:36,357 --> 00:02:38,592 I-I DIDN'T TELL YOU I WAS GONNA BE QUIETLY WORKING IN MY ROOM. 78 00:02:38,626 --> 00:02:39,760 - THAT'S A GOOD POINT. - YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. 79 00:02:39,793 --> 00:02:41,329 - I GUESS WE'RE EVEN. 80 00:02:41,362 --> 00:02:42,896 - IF YOU NEED ME, I'LL--I'LL DEFINITELY BE AWAKE. 81 00:02:42,930 --> 00:02:45,699 BECAUSE I-I WON'T...BE ABLE TO SLEEP. 82 00:02:45,733 --> 00:02:46,767 BECAUSE OF THE PARTY. 83 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:48,736 YOU KNOW? 84 00:02:48,769 --> 00:02:51,205 SO... ALL RIGHT. 85 00:02:51,239 --> 00:02:53,974 MY FAMILY IS VERY NON-CONFRONTATIONAL. 86 00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,943 MY PARENTS' METHOD OF PROBLEM-SOLVING 87 00:02:55,976 --> 00:02:57,678 IS TO KIND OF KEEP EVERYTHING BOTTLED UP 88 00:02:57,711 --> 00:03:01,215 AND JUST SUBTLY HINT AT WHAT'S BOTHERING THEM. 89 00:03:01,249 --> 00:03:05,719 AND AFTER 36 YEARS, THEY ARE STILL DIVORCED. 90 00:03:07,721 --> 00:03:09,323 - WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. 91 00:03:09,357 --> 00:03:10,824 TOM, THIS IS NOT WHAT I PICTURED AT ALL. 92 00:03:10,858 --> 00:03:13,627 THIS LOOKS LIKE A PARTY FOR ENTERTAINMENT 720. 93 00:03:13,661 --> 00:03:16,430 IS ENTERTAINMENT 720 RUNNING FOR OFFICE? 94 00:03:16,464 --> 00:03:17,631 - IT'S A SMALL BUSINESS. 95 00:03:17,665 --> 00:03:19,367 YOU'RE TRYING TO SHOW PEOPLE YOU HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP 96 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:20,968 WITH SMALL BUSINESSES. 97 00:03:21,001 --> 00:03:22,870 NOW THE PARTY, THAT'S ALL ABOUT YOU, BOO. 98 00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:25,005 - OKAY, THEN SHOULDN'T MY FACE BE ON THESE RUGS? 99 00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:26,707 - I'M SORRY, NO. 100 00:03:26,740 --> 00:03:27,841 IT'S ALWAYS BEEN A DREAM OF MINE TO BE A RUG. 101 00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:29,510 AND IT'S FINALLY HAPPENED. 102 00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:32,613 TOM, NOW IS NOT A TIME FOR YOU TO EXPLORE YOUR WEIRD DREAMS. 103 00:03:32,646 --> 00:03:35,015 OKAY? I WANT ALL OF THIS GONE, ALL OF IT. 104 00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:36,884 EXCEPT THAT CAKE. KEEP THAT CAKE HERE. 105 00:03:36,917 --> 00:03:40,020 JUST SCRAPE OFF THE WORDS. 106 00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:43,357 [Brick House playing] 107 00:03:43,391 --> 00:03:45,326 - DONNA? 108 00:03:45,359 --> 00:03:46,660 BLUE SHIRT... 109 00:03:46,694 --> 00:03:47,728 BADGE... 110 00:03:47,761 --> 00:03:48,762 NIGHTSTICK. 111 00:03:48,796 --> 00:03:50,898 YOU...ARE A POLICEWOMAN. 112 00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:52,333 - YUP. 113 00:03:52,366 --> 00:03:53,701 YOU'RE A REGULAR-- - SHERLOCK HOLMES. 114 00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:55,636 I SOLVED THAT MYSTERY BEFORE YOU DID. 115 00:03:55,669 --> 00:03:58,572 - OKAY, THIS WAS FUN. 116 00:03:58,606 --> 00:03:59,640 - ANDY! 117 00:03:59,673 --> 00:04:01,942 YOU ARE UFC LEGEND CHUCK LIDDELL. 118 00:04:01,975 --> 00:04:04,011 - THAT'S RIGHT. 119 00:04:04,044 --> 00:04:05,946 - GIRL FROM THE RING. 120 00:04:05,979 --> 00:04:07,348 TO ME, SHERLOCK HOLMES IS LITERALLY 121 00:04:07,381 --> 00:04:09,983 THE GREATEST CHARACTER IN THE WESTERN CANON. 122 00:04:10,017 --> 00:04:12,786 SMART, INTUITIVE, HANDSOME. 123 00:04:12,820 --> 00:04:14,822 REPLACE HIS PASTY BRITISH FRAILTY 124 00:04:14,855 --> 00:04:17,325 WITH SUPERHUMAN PHYSICAL FITNESS, AND YOU GET... 125 00:04:17,358 --> 00:04:20,294 SHERLOCK TRAEGER. 126 00:04:20,328 --> 00:04:21,529 MISTER POTATO HEAD. 127 00:04:21,562 --> 00:04:23,297 - THAT'S RIGHT. [laughs] 128 00:04:23,331 --> 00:04:24,865 HEY, WHERE'S MY LOVELY DAUGHTER TONIGHT? 129 00:04:24,898 --> 00:04:25,899 SHE'S AT HOME. 130 00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:27,501 I KNEW THAT YOU WOULD BE HERE. 131 00:04:27,535 --> 00:04:28,869 AND I WAS WORRIED THAT YOU MIGHT BE CONCERNED, 132 00:04:28,902 --> 00:04:30,304 SEEING US TOGETHER AT NIGHT. 133 00:04:30,338 --> 00:04:31,539 - YOU'RE A VERY THOUGHTFUL GUY. 134 00:04:31,572 --> 00:04:33,474 BUT REALLY, I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH THE TWO OF YOU DATING. 135 00:04:33,507 --> 00:04:35,743 R-REALLY, I MEAN, LOOK AT YOU. 136 00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:37,378 YOU'RE JUST, YOU KNOW, BEAUTIFUL. 137 00:04:37,411 --> 00:04:38,278 - YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL. 138 00:04:38,312 --> 00:04:40,481 ON THE INSIDE WHERE YOUR SPIRIT LIVES. 139 00:04:40,514 --> 00:04:43,050 - LISTEN, TELL HER COME TO THE PARTY AND I DON'T MIND AT ALL. 140 00:04:43,083 --> 00:04:46,787 - OH, GOOD, I'LL TEXT HER. 141 00:04:46,820 --> 00:04:49,423 - OKAY, YOU CAN TEXT WITHOUT LOOKING AT YOUR PHONE? 142 00:04:49,457 --> 00:04:51,024 - I THINK IT'S RUDE NOT TO MAINTAIN EYE CONTACT 143 00:04:51,058 --> 00:04:52,059 WITH PEOPLE THAT I'M TALKING TO. 144 00:04:52,092 --> 00:04:54,428 [phone rings] 145 00:04:54,462 --> 00:04:55,429 THAT'S FROM ME. 146 00:04:55,463 --> 00:04:56,697 - WOW! 147 00:04:56,730 --> 00:04:58,632 I--TH-THAT'S AMAZING. 148 00:04:58,666 --> 00:05:03,504 - HIGH FIVE. - WOW. 149 00:05:03,537 --> 00:05:05,906 - HEY, RON. GOOD TO SEE YOU. 150 00:05:05,939 --> 00:05:07,508 WEREN'T YOU A PIRATE LAST YEAR? 151 00:05:07,541 --> 00:05:10,344 - YES. THIS IS MY HALLOWEEN COSTUME. 152 00:05:10,378 --> 00:05:13,847 ANDREW, ARE YOU AWARE THAT YOUR BATHROOM FAUCET IS LEAKING? 153 00:05:13,881 --> 00:05:15,649 - ARE YOU KIDDING ME? 154 00:05:15,683 --> 00:05:18,051 I JUST STUFFED A SOCK IN IT YESTERDAY. 155 00:05:18,085 --> 00:05:19,720 WHAT ELSE DO THEY WANT ME TO DO? 156 00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:22,756 - THERE'S AN EXPOSED WIRE ABOVE THE BATHTUB AS WELL. 157 00:05:22,790 --> 00:05:24,758 - OH, YEAH, SHOCKWIRE! 158 00:05:24,792 --> 00:05:26,860 I CALL IT THAT 'CAUSE IF YOU TAKE A SHOWER 159 00:05:26,894 --> 00:05:29,497 AND YOU TOUCH THE WIRE... 160 00:05:29,530 --> 00:05:31,098 YOU DIE! 161 00:05:31,131 --> 00:05:33,434 - YES, THAT IS ACCURATE. 162 00:05:33,467 --> 00:05:34,568 DO YOU HAVE A TOOLBOX? 163 00:05:34,602 --> 00:05:35,636 - YEAH. 164 00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:39,373 - NO HOME IS COMPLETE WITHOUT A PROPER TOOLBOX. 165 00:05:39,407 --> 00:05:41,709 HERE'S APRIL AND ANDY'S. 166 00:05:41,742 --> 00:05:43,511 A HAMMER. 167 00:05:43,544 --> 00:05:44,978 HALF OF A PRETZEL. 168 00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:46,013 BASEBALL CARD. 169 00:05:46,046 --> 00:05:50,618 SOME CARTRIDGE THAT SAYS "SONIC" AND "HEDGEHOG." 170 00:05:50,651 --> 00:05:51,985 A SCISSOR HALF. 171 00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:53,987 AND A FLASHLIGHT... 172 00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:57,024 FILLED WITH JELLYBEANS. 173 00:06:00,828 --> 00:06:03,531 - ALTHOUGH I HAVE NOT WORKED WITH YOU PROFESSIONALLY, 174 00:06:03,564 --> 00:06:06,800 AS A PRIVATE CITIZEN, I HAVE PERSONALLY PATRONIZED 175 00:06:06,834 --> 00:06:08,402 EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOUR ESTABLISHMENTS. 176 00:06:08,436 --> 00:06:11,539 - MM, I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU BUY A SALAD AT SUE'S SALADS. 177 00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:13,841 - THAT'S 'CAUSE I DON'T HATE MYSELF, TANYA. 178 00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:14,942 I'M SORRY. 179 00:06:14,975 --> 00:06:16,610 I KNOW I SHOULD BE CHASING YOUR VOTE, 180 00:06:16,644 --> 00:06:19,079 BUT I STAND BEHIND MY DECISION TO AVOID SALAD 181 00:06:19,112 --> 00:06:20,414 AND OTHER DISGUSTING THINGS. 182 00:06:20,448 --> 00:06:21,815 AND I THINK I HAVE A LOT OF SUPPORT 183 00:06:21,849 --> 00:06:23,917 IN THE COMMUNITY FOR THAT. 184 00:06:23,951 --> 00:06:26,520 DESPITE THE FACT THAT THIS SEEMS LIKE A PARTY FOR TOM'S FACE, 185 00:06:26,554 --> 00:06:28,121 UH, I THINK IT'S GOING PRETTY WELL. 186 00:06:28,155 --> 00:06:31,592 WHEN IN DOUBT, IN PAWNEE, SLAM SALAD. 187 00:06:31,625 --> 00:06:32,793 I'M JUST ESPECIALLY THANKFUL 188 00:06:32,826 --> 00:06:33,894 THAT YOU COULD COME, MR. PRESIDENT. 189 00:06:33,927 --> 00:06:35,629 - MARTIN. - MARTIN. 190 00:06:35,663 --> 00:06:37,665 - YOU WERE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE HARVEST FESTIVAL, RIGHT? 191 00:06:37,698 --> 00:06:39,199 - NO. YES. WELL... 192 00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:40,934 IT WAS A TEAM EFFORT. I BARELY DID ANYTHING. 193 00:06:40,968 --> 00:06:42,436 I HELD THEM BACK ACTUALLY. 194 00:06:42,470 --> 00:06:45,739 THEY SUCCEEDED DESPITE ME. 195 00:06:45,773 --> 00:06:47,508 I'M SORRY. I WORKED VERY HARD ON THAT EVENT. 196 00:06:47,541 --> 00:06:48,876 I'M JUST... 197 00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:50,911 BUREAUCRATS AREN'T USED TO BRAGGING ABOUT THEMSELVES. 198 00:06:50,944 --> 00:06:52,513 - [chuckles] 199 00:06:52,546 --> 00:06:53,981 - TOM, COME OVER HERE AND TALK ABOUT HOW GREAT I AM. 200 00:06:54,014 --> 00:06:55,883 - * MARTIN 201 00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:57,551 TOM HAVERFORD. I THREW THIS SHINDIG. 202 00:06:57,585 --> 00:06:58,919 - YES. TOM, TELL MARTIN HOW HARD I WORKED 203 00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:00,454 ON THE HARVEST FESTIVAL. 204 00:07:00,488 --> 00:07:03,023 - IT WAS INCREDIBLE. 205 00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:04,091 A LOT OF PEOPLE SAY THE HARVEST FESTIVAL 206 00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:05,859 IS WHAT LAUNCHED ENTERTAINMENT 720. 207 00:07:05,893 --> 00:07:07,127 - NO ONE SAYS THAT. - I JUST SAID IT. 208 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:09,530 - MY COMPANY, ENTERTAINMENT 720, 209 00:07:09,563 --> 00:07:12,032 HAS AN AMAZING BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY FOR KERNSTON'S. 210 00:07:12,065 --> 00:07:13,701 MIND IF I STEAL YOU AWAY FOR A FEW SECONDS? 211 00:07:13,734 --> 00:07:14,968 GIVE YOU THE 'TAILS? 212 00:07:15,002 --> 00:07:16,036 - THE 'TAILS? 213 00:07:16,069 --> 00:07:17,004 - THE DETAILS. 214 00:07:17,037 --> 00:07:19,172 MOST PEOPLE WOULD PROBABLY SAY "THE DEETS." 215 00:07:19,206 --> 00:07:20,574 I SAY "THE 'TAILS." 216 00:07:20,608 --> 00:07:23,243 JUST ONE EXAMPLE OF INNOVATION. 217 00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:25,045 - LOOK, I DON'T LIKE TO THROW AROUND THE WORD 218 00:07:25,078 --> 00:07:27,114 "BUTTHEAD" TOO OFTEN. 219 00:07:27,147 --> 00:07:28,616 IF YOU CALL EVERYBODY A BUTTHEAD, 220 00:07:28,649 --> 00:07:29,983 THEN IT KIND OF LOSES ITS IMPACT. 221 00:07:30,017 --> 00:07:32,019 BUT I CAN SAY WITHOUT HESITATION 222 00:07:32,052 --> 00:07:33,854 THAT TOM IS BEING A REAL [bleep]. 223 00:07:36,824 --> 00:07:37,925 - HEY! YOU STOLE THE NIPPLE KING. 224 00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:39,192 THANKS A LOT, TRAITOR. 225 00:07:39,226 --> 00:07:41,028 - I'M SORRY, I JUST NEEDED TO ASK HIM ABOUT THIS ONE THING, 226 00:07:41,061 --> 00:07:42,062 BUT WE'RE ALL GOOD NOW. 227 00:07:42,095 --> 00:07:43,531 WH-WHAT IF I JUST INTRODUCE YOU FOR YOUR SPEECH? 228 00:07:43,564 --> 00:07:44,732 - I HAVE A BETTER IDEA. 229 00:07:44,765 --> 00:07:45,733 WHY DON'T YOU GO OVER TO ONE OF YOUR RUGS 230 00:07:45,766 --> 00:07:47,768 AND SIT ON YOUR OWN FACE? 231 00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:50,270 I DON'T NEED YOUR "HELP" ANYMORE. 232 00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:51,772 - HI THERE. 233 00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:53,674 IS THERE A PROJECT YOU'RE WORKING ON? 234 00:07:53,707 --> 00:07:55,042 - I KNOW MORE THAN YOU. 235 00:07:55,075 --> 00:07:57,645 - ALL RIGHT. 236 00:07:57,678 --> 00:07:59,279 - WHEN APRIL AND ANDY MARRIED, 237 00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:01,148 I DIDN'T GET THEM A WEDDING PRESENT. 238 00:08:01,181 --> 00:08:02,916 IN MY EXPERIENCE, WEDDING PRESENTS 239 00:08:02,950 --> 00:08:06,186 ARE NOTHING MORE THAN KINDLING ON A DIVORCE BONFIRE. 240 00:08:06,219 --> 00:08:10,223 BUT I THINK I FOUND A WAY I CAN HELP THEM REALLY MAKE A HOME. 241 00:08:12,292 --> 00:08:14,762 YOU, BEANBAG, COME WITH ME. 242 00:08:14,795 --> 00:08:15,896 - I'M AN EGGPLANT. 243 00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:17,665 - I DON'T CARE. COME WITH ME. 244 00:08:17,698 --> 00:08:21,068 - WHY? - I NEED SMALL HANDS. 245 00:08:21,101 --> 00:08:25,873 - I'M...SCARED. 246 00:08:25,906 --> 00:08:28,642 - LOOK WHO DECIDED TO JOIN THE PARTY, BRO! 247 00:08:28,676 --> 00:08:30,277 THAT'S AWESOME! 248 00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:31,311 WHERE'S YOUR COSTUME? 249 00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:33,547 HONEY, HE'S WEARING A COSTUME. 250 00:08:33,581 --> 00:08:34,848 HE'S GOING AS LAME. 251 00:08:34,882 --> 00:08:36,149 - [laughs] 252 00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:37,951 THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD COSTUME ACTUALLY. 253 00:08:37,985 --> 00:08:40,087 BUT, UH, I THINK THE BATMAN COSTUME'S WAY BETTER. 254 00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:41,755 YOU SHOULD GO WEAR THAT. 255 00:08:41,789 --> 00:08:43,056 - YEAH, I DON'T THINK I'M GONNA PUT ON A COSTUME 256 00:08:43,090 --> 00:08:45,993 BECAUSE I'M NOT REALLY ATTENDING THIS PARTY... 257 00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:47,260 THAT'S AT MY HOUSE. 258 00:08:47,294 --> 00:08:49,797 - HEY, LISTEN, IF YOU'RE MAD ABOUT SOMETHING, 259 00:08:49,830 --> 00:08:51,098 YOU SHOULD JUST-- - NO, I'M NOT. 260 00:08:51,131 --> 00:08:52,065 I'M NOT MAD. 261 00:08:52,099 --> 00:08:53,967 - REALLY? LISTEN, I FEEL LIKE YOU ARE MAD. 262 00:08:54,001 --> 00:08:56,036 SO MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST TALK TO US ABOUT IT. 263 00:08:56,069 --> 00:08:59,907 [in a weird slurred voice] MY NAME'S BEN. 264 00:08:59,940 --> 00:09:02,175 I'M MAD. 265 00:09:02,209 --> 00:09:03,677 - ALL RIGHT, THAT WAS GREAT, THANK YOU. THANKS FOR THAT. 266 00:09:03,711 --> 00:09:04,845 - SOFT, SOFT LIPS. 267 00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:05,913 - YOUR FINGERS ARE SALTY. 268 00:09:05,946 --> 00:09:07,314 I'M GONNA FINISH MY WORK-- 269 00:09:07,347 --> 00:09:10,217 OREN, NO! NO. STAY OUT. 270 00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:12,352 - PAWNEE HAS SUFFERED THROUGH A TOUGH ECONOMY. 271 00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:16,089 AND WHAT HAS KEPT OUR TOWN ALIVE IS YOU, THE SMALL BUSINESSMAN. 272 00:09:16,123 --> 00:09:18,759 AND I'M NOT REFERRING TO YOUR STATURE, GARY. 273 00:09:18,792 --> 00:09:21,194 YOU ARE A GIANT IN THIS COMMUNITY. 274 00:09:21,228 --> 00:09:23,296 SO MANY BUSINESS REPRESENTED HERE TODAY. 275 00:09:23,330 --> 00:09:26,667 FOOD AND STUFF, JJ'S DINER, 276 00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:28,201 GLENMORE DISCOUNT CEMETERY, 277 00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:30,137 UH, TRAMP STAMP TATTOOS, 278 00:09:30,170 --> 00:09:33,674 ENORMOUS KENNY'S FRIED DOUGH STAND AND MOBILE PHONE EMPORIUM. 279 00:09:33,707 --> 00:09:36,176 WHO ELSE? SUE'S SALADS. 280 00:09:36,209 --> 00:09:37,210 [audience murmurs] 281 00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:39,212 SMOOTH OPERATOR BIKINI WAXES. 282 00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:41,181 JEFF'S SAVINGS AND LOAN... 283 00:09:41,214 --> 00:09:43,851 - AND ENTERTAINMENT 720. [loud rock music plays] 284 00:09:43,884 --> 00:09:46,319 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THAT AMAZING INTRO, LESLIE. 285 00:09:46,353 --> 00:09:47,420 HI, FOLKS. 286 00:09:47,454 --> 00:09:49,156 MY NAME IS TOM HAVERFORD, AND I'M HERE TO TELL YOU 287 00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:52,159 A LITTLE BIT ABOUT PAWNEE'S PREMIERE ENTERTAINMENT 288 00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:53,661 AND MULTIMEDIA CONGLOMERATE, 289 00:09:53,694 --> 00:09:56,930 * ENTERTAINMENT 720 290 00:09:56,964 --> 00:10:00,968 * WHERE DREAMS COME, THEY COME TRUE * 291 00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:02,135 HOW ABOUT WE WATCH THIS BRIEF PROMOTIONAL FILM? 292 00:10:02,169 --> 00:10:03,136 - WHAT? 293 00:10:03,170 --> 00:10:04,337 * 294 00:10:04,371 --> 00:10:07,040 - ENTERTAINMENT 720 HAS BEEN A FIXTURE OF THIS COMMUNITY 295 00:10:07,074 --> 00:10:08,075 SINCE JUNE. 296 00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:09,409 - TOM, LISTEN TO ME. 297 00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,945 TURN THAT OFF OR GIVE ME THE REMOTE RIGHT NOW. 298 00:10:11,979 --> 00:10:14,147 - CAN WE LET IT PLAY PLEASE? 299 00:10:14,181 --> 00:10:15,415 - YOU'RE LUCKY THAT MARTIN KERNSTON IS HERE 300 00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:17,818 BECAUSE YOU'RE GONNA NEED ANOTHER NIPPLE. 301 00:10:17,851 --> 00:10:20,287 - [pained groaning] 302 00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:26,326 * 303 00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:48,716 - THERE. 304 00:10:48,749 --> 00:10:50,250 I THINK I GOT IT. 305 00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:52,419 - YEP, YOU GOT IT. 306 00:10:52,452 --> 00:10:54,454 - CAN YOU AT LEAST TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE DOING? 307 00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:56,089 I'M A HOMEOWNER. 308 00:10:56,123 --> 00:10:59,059 I WOULD LIKE TO ACTUALLY LEARN SOMETHING. 309 00:10:59,092 --> 00:11:01,394 - YEAH. 310 00:11:01,428 --> 00:11:04,197 I'M TIGHTENING THE VALVE STEM INTO THE VALVE SHANK. 311 00:11:04,231 --> 00:11:06,033 I'M REPLACING THE HANDLE. 312 00:11:06,066 --> 00:11:07,801 AND THEN TIGHTENING THE SET SCREW, 313 00:11:07,835 --> 00:11:09,737 WHICH WILL HOLD IT IN PLACE. 314 00:11:09,770 --> 00:11:11,271 NOW... 315 00:11:11,304 --> 00:11:13,406 - OH, MY GOD! WE MADE IT WORK. 316 00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:14,875 - IT'S A GOOD FEELING. 317 00:11:14,908 --> 00:11:17,845 A SENSE OF ACCOMPLISHMENT AND PRIDE. 318 00:11:17,878 --> 00:11:22,349 DAMN IT, I JUST LOVE IT SO MUCH. 319 00:11:22,382 --> 00:11:23,784 - ARE YOU OKAY? 320 00:11:23,817 --> 00:11:24,852 - GREAT. 321 00:11:24,885 --> 00:11:26,253 I'M GONNA GO AROUND THIS HOUSE 322 00:11:26,286 --> 00:11:28,789 AND FIX EVERYTHING I CAN FIND THAT NEEDS FIXING. 323 00:11:28,822 --> 00:11:29,857 YOU WANNA HELP? 324 00:11:29,890 --> 00:11:31,458 - I REALLY DO. 325 00:11:31,491 --> 00:11:33,193 - GOOD. 326 00:11:33,226 --> 00:11:35,462 THAT'S NEXT. 327 00:11:35,495 --> 00:11:37,230 - I CAN'T REVEAL MY IDENTITY 328 00:11:37,264 --> 00:11:39,066 BECAUSE OF VARIOUS CORPORATE ENEMIES, 329 00:11:39,099 --> 00:11:40,267 BUT SUFFICE IT TO SAY, 330 00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:43,470 I RUN A FAIRLY POPULAR SOCIAL NETWORKING SITE. 331 00:11:43,503 --> 00:11:44,738 AND LET'S FACE IT, 332 00:11:44,772 --> 00:11:48,809 BOOKING E720 WAS THE SMARTEST DECISION I EVER MADE. 333 00:11:48,842 --> 00:11:51,812 I HOPE YOU LIKED THIS STORY. 334 00:11:51,845 --> 00:11:54,481 I INVENTED FACEBOOK. 335 00:11:54,514 --> 00:11:56,984 - WOW. OKAY, UM... 336 00:11:57,017 --> 00:12:00,253 I KNOW THAT VIDEO SEEMED LIKE THE RANTINGS OF A LUNATIC 337 00:12:00,287 --> 00:12:01,989 PRETENDING TO BE MARK ZUCKERBERG-- 338 00:12:02,022 --> 00:12:03,891 - THAT'S WHO THAT WAS? - NO. 339 00:12:03,924 --> 00:12:05,192 - THAT IS IMPRESSIVE. 340 00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:07,494 - UH, WE'RE NOT GONNA WASTE ANY MORE OF YOUR TIME. 341 00:12:07,527 --> 00:12:08,461 - AGREED. LET'S GET RIGHT TO IT. 342 00:12:08,495 --> 00:12:11,865 PLEASE WELCOME THE E720 MAILING LIST DIVAS! 343 00:12:11,899 --> 00:12:13,867 [hip hop music] 344 00:12:13,901 --> 00:12:16,837 I WANT ALL OF Y'ALL TO WRITE DOWN THE NAME 345 00:12:16,870 --> 00:12:19,106 AND DIRECT PHONE LINE FOR WHOEVER'S IN CHARGE 346 00:12:19,139 --> 00:12:22,375 OF HIRING INDEPENDENT CONTRACTORS FOR YOUR BUSINESS! 347 00:12:22,409 --> 00:12:25,178 NOW COME JOIN ME AND LET'S ALL TAKE A DIP 348 00:12:25,212 --> 00:12:28,548 IN THE E720 MOBILE HOT TUB! 349 00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:30,951 IT'S PARKED RIGHT OUTSIDE. 350 00:12:30,984 --> 00:12:34,087 LE'GO. 351 00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:37,991 - HEY, BEN. - HEY. 352 00:12:38,025 --> 00:12:39,827 - THOUGHT YOU WEREN'T COMING TO THE PARTY. 353 00:12:39,860 --> 00:12:41,461 - WELL, I'M JUST HAVING A BUTTERFINGER. 354 00:12:41,494 --> 00:12:42,495 - OH, REALLY? 355 00:12:42,529 --> 00:12:43,864 - IS THAT OKAY? 356 00:12:43,897 --> 00:12:45,365 - NO. 357 00:12:45,398 --> 00:12:47,300 YOU'RE NOT PART OF THE PARTY, YOU CAN'T HAVE THE CANDY. 358 00:12:47,334 --> 00:12:49,970 BACK UP. BACK UP. - ALL RIGHT. OKAY. 359 00:12:50,003 --> 00:12:52,105 - I HAVE ONE SISTER. 360 00:12:52,139 --> 00:12:53,273 WE STEAL EACH OTHER'S STUFF, 361 00:12:53,306 --> 00:12:55,542 HACK EACH OTHER'S TWITTER ACCOUNTS, 362 00:12:55,575 --> 00:12:57,277 SET EACH OTHER'S CLOTHES ON FIRE. 363 00:12:57,310 --> 00:13:00,247 THERE ARE NO RULES. 364 00:13:02,950 --> 00:13:04,384 - WE NEED TO DEAL WITH WHAT'S BOTHERING YOU. 365 00:13:04,417 --> 00:13:06,153 - OH, PLEASE, COME INTO MY ROOM. 366 00:13:06,186 --> 00:13:08,956 - SEE? YOU'RE ANGRY AT ME AND YOU'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT IT. 367 00:13:08,989 --> 00:13:12,559 AND I'M GONNA BEAT YOU UP UNTIL YOU DO, BECAUSE I'M MATURE. 368 00:13:12,592 --> 00:13:13,961 - WHAT ARE YOU-- 369 00:13:13,994 --> 00:13:15,996 STOP IT. 370 00:13:16,029 --> 00:13:17,430 - I GREW UP WITH FIVE BROTHERS AND WE FOUGHT. 371 00:13:17,464 --> 00:13:21,101 USING THE DWYER METHOD, WHICH WAS YELLING, 372 00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:22,335 WRESTLING, 373 00:13:22,369 --> 00:13:24,938 CRYING, 374 00:13:24,972 --> 00:13:26,439 FOLLOWED BY LOTS OF HUGS. 375 00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:28,275 AND THEN MORE WRESTLING, BUT THE FUN KIND, 376 00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:29,476 AND THEN CRYING WHEN THE FUN KIND OF WRESTLING 377 00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:31,011 GOT OUT OF HAND. 378 00:13:31,044 --> 00:13:33,280 - UM, CAN YOU LET ME GO? 379 00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:34,948 - NOT 'TIL YOU TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG. 380 00:13:34,982 --> 00:13:37,084 - [sighs] 381 00:13:37,117 --> 00:13:38,551 - UM, MR. PRESIDENT. 382 00:13:38,585 --> 00:13:42,155 I JUST WANT TO APOLOGIZE FOR THE ACTIONS OF THAT LITTLE WEASEL. 383 00:13:42,189 --> 00:13:43,090 - LESLIE, I'M A FRUGAL MAN. 384 00:13:43,123 --> 00:13:45,325 I DON'T LIKE EXTRAVAGANCE OR SHOWMANSHIP. 385 00:13:45,358 --> 00:13:47,227 THAT'S WHY I CUT MY OWN HAIR. 386 00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:50,197 AND IT'S WHAT'S MADE ME A SUCCESSFUL BUSINESSMAN. 387 00:13:50,230 --> 00:13:53,500 SO IF ENTERTAINMENT 720 IS THE KIND OF BUSINESS YOU TRUST, 388 00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:56,970 I'M AFRAID YOU AND I DON'T SHARE THE SAME VALUES. 389 00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:07,647 - THERE YOU ARE, YOU LITTLE BASTARD. 390 00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:09,349 GET OUT OF THERE RIGHT NOW. 391 00:14:09,382 --> 00:14:11,952 - LESLIE, CAN YOU DO ME A FAVOR AND JUST LET ME SIT HERE? 392 00:14:11,985 --> 00:14:14,254 - TOM, GET OUT OF YOUR STUPID LIMOUSINE HOT TUB RIGHT NOW, 393 00:14:14,287 --> 00:14:15,522 OR WE ARE NO LONGER FRIENDS. 394 00:14:15,555 --> 00:14:17,057 - I'M NOT GETTING OUT. 395 00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:20,093 - FINE, THEN I'M GETTING IN. 396 00:14:20,127 --> 00:14:21,094 LISTEN TO ME. 397 00:14:21,128 --> 00:14:22,329 - WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, GET AWAY FROM ME. 398 00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:25,098 - YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE? YOU'RE A SELFISH LITTLE PUNK, OKAY? 399 00:14:25,132 --> 00:14:26,233 JUST BECAUSE YOU WANT SOMETHING DOESN'T MEAN 400 00:14:26,266 --> 00:14:27,434 THAT EVERYBODY HAS TO BOW TO-- 401 00:14:27,467 --> 00:14:29,970 LISTEN TO ME! YOU DIDN'T EVEN LET ME HAVE MY ONE NIGHT. 402 00:14:30,003 --> 00:14:32,205 LOOK AT ME! I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE. 403 00:14:32,239 --> 00:14:33,974 LOOK AT ME. I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE! 404 00:14:34,007 --> 00:14:35,142 I'VE BEEN LOOKING AT YOUR FACE ALL NIGHT. 405 00:14:35,175 --> 00:14:36,243 GOD! 406 00:14:36,276 --> 00:14:38,345 - I'M SORRY. 407 00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:39,479 - WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? 408 00:14:39,512 --> 00:14:42,149 - MY COMPANY'S BANKRUPT. 409 00:14:42,182 --> 00:14:45,518 OKAY? ENTERTAINMENT 720 IS DEAD. 410 00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:49,256 - OH, MAN. 411 00:14:51,992 --> 00:14:52,960 - [grunts] 412 00:14:52,993 --> 00:14:54,995 - EXCUSE US. 413 00:14:55,028 --> 00:14:56,063 NICE FORM, SON. 414 00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:58,365 MAKE SURE YOU KEEP A FIRM PRESSURE ON THE CRANIUM. 415 00:14:58,398 --> 00:14:59,466 - ON THE CRANIUM? 416 00:14:59,499 --> 00:15:00,700 - LISTEN UP! 417 00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:02,669 I HAVE TO TURN OFF THE POWER FOR ONE MINUTE. 418 00:15:02,702 --> 00:15:05,605 - WE'RE GONNA GO DARK, PEOPLE. BEAR WITH US, OKAY? 419 00:15:05,638 --> 00:15:07,640 WE GOTTA SWITCH OFF THE MAIN FUSE HOSE. 420 00:15:07,674 --> 00:15:09,009 - IT'S JUST A FUSE. 421 00:15:09,042 --> 00:15:13,113 - IT'S JUST A FUSE...PEOPLE. JUST A FUSE. 422 00:15:13,146 --> 00:15:18,151 [cheering] 423 00:15:25,658 --> 00:15:27,727 - WELL, MAYBE WE SHOULD GET OUT OF THIS HOT TUB. 424 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,496 - I'M TOO SAD TO GET OUT. 425 00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:30,730 AND I'M ALL PRUNEY. 426 00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:32,065 - WHAT HAPPENED? 427 00:15:32,099 --> 00:15:33,166 - I DON'T KNOW. 428 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:34,401 I GUESS I JUST DIDN'T MOISTURIZE ENOUGH THIS MORNING, 429 00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:35,402 AND I'VE BEEN LAYING AROUND-- 430 00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:38,071 - WITH THE COMPANY, TOM. 431 00:15:38,105 --> 00:15:40,974 - WE'RE HEMORRHAGING CASH EVER SINCE WE OPENED. 432 00:15:41,008 --> 00:15:42,742 THEY SAY YOU'VE GOT TO SPEND MONEY TO MAKE MONEY. 433 00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:43,743 WELL, I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE WENT WRONG. 434 00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:45,478 WE SPENT ALL OF OUR MONEY. 435 00:15:45,512 --> 00:15:47,214 - OKAY. 436 00:15:47,247 --> 00:15:49,616 YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED? 437 00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:52,019 SOME GOOD OLD-FASHIONED COMFORT FOOD. 438 00:15:52,052 --> 00:15:53,253 - WHERE ARE WE GONNA GET ALBACORE TUNA 439 00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:54,454 WITH CRISPY ONIONS AT THIS HOUR? 440 00:15:54,487 --> 00:15:55,688 - COME ON. 441 00:15:55,722 --> 00:15:58,358 - LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE GOT THE HANDLE ON THAT TORQUE WRENCH. 442 00:15:58,391 --> 00:16:00,493 - YEAH, WELL, THE FLANGE WAS A LITTLE WARPED. 443 00:16:00,527 --> 00:16:02,996 SO I JUST GOOSED IT WITH A TRIPLE THREE BOLT SMACK. 444 00:16:03,030 --> 00:16:04,731 - THAT WAS NONSENSE. 445 00:16:04,764 --> 00:16:07,334 - I KNOW, BUT IT'S SO FUN TO TALK LIKE THAT. 446 00:16:07,367 --> 00:16:08,601 - YOU KNOW WHAT? 447 00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:12,239 KEEP THIS. 448 00:16:12,272 --> 00:16:13,506 YOU EARNED IT. 449 00:16:13,540 --> 00:16:16,076 - THANKS, RON. 450 00:16:22,615 --> 00:16:24,284 - I NEED TO GET MORE DIP. 451 00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:26,519 - GREAT. 452 00:16:26,553 --> 00:16:32,259 - I'M GOING. 453 00:16:32,292 --> 00:16:34,027 COME ON, WALK. - NO. 454 00:16:34,061 --> 00:16:36,529 THIS IS A PACIFIST PROTEST. HAD ENOUGH? 455 00:16:36,563 --> 00:16:38,698 YOU NEED TO LET GO OF ME. [groans] 456 00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:41,134 - YEAH, GET IT. THAT'S GOOD. THERE WE GO. 457 00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:44,671 [both grunting and groaning] 458 00:16:44,704 --> 00:16:47,340 - LET GO OF ME. - HE'S GOT HIS BACK. 459 00:16:47,374 --> 00:16:48,508 COME ON, FIGHT ME. 460 00:16:48,541 --> 00:16:51,644 - NO! - NOOOO. 461 00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:54,281 [gasping] 462 00:16:54,314 --> 00:16:55,648 NICE! YEAH! 463 00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:57,450 - OH, MY GOD, ANDY, I AM SO SORRY. 464 00:16:57,484 --> 00:16:59,252 - [moans] 465 00:16:59,286 --> 00:17:01,454 PSYCH! BLOOD CAPSULES. 466 00:17:01,488 --> 00:17:02,455 [laughs] 467 00:17:02,489 --> 00:17:04,591 - WHAT? - YEAH! 468 00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:07,360 I WANTED TO SHOCK YOU INTO EXPRESSING YOUR ANGER. 469 00:17:07,394 --> 00:17:10,097 AND THAT WAY--[bleep]! MY NOSE IS BROKEN. 470 00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:11,131 - OH, MY GOD. 471 00:17:11,164 --> 00:17:12,399 - I GOTTA GO TO THE HOSPITAL. - ANDY, COME ON. 472 00:17:12,432 --> 00:17:13,400 - OH, MY GOD. - DIDN'T IT FEEL GOOD? 473 00:17:13,433 --> 00:17:14,401 - COME HERE. 474 00:17:14,434 --> 00:17:15,402 - [laughs] YUP! 475 00:17:15,435 --> 00:17:17,537 - WOW, I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WERE DOING GREAT. 476 00:17:17,570 --> 00:17:18,738 I REMEMBER TRYING TO HIRE YOU ONCE. 477 00:17:18,771 --> 00:17:20,340 AND YOU SAID YOU WERE ALL BOOKED UP. 478 00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:22,375 - THAT WAS A BUSINESS TACTIC. 479 00:17:22,409 --> 00:17:23,610 FOR THE FIRST TWO WEEKS, WE TOLD EVERYONE WE WERE BOOKED SOLID 480 00:17:23,643 --> 00:17:25,212 TO MAKE PEOPLE WANT US MORE. 481 00:17:25,245 --> 00:17:28,281 - OH, NO, THAT'S THE STUPIDEST IDEA I'VE EVER HEARD. 482 00:17:28,315 --> 00:17:29,416 [laughter] 483 00:17:29,449 --> 00:17:30,850 - WELL, HINDSIGHT IS 20/20. 484 00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:32,219 - KIND OF SEEMS LIKE REGULAR SIGHT 485 00:17:32,252 --> 00:17:33,720 SHOULD HAVE CAUGHT THAT ONE. 486 00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:36,389 ALSO, YOUR LOGO, IT'S THE WORST LOGO I'VE EVER SEEN. 487 00:17:36,423 --> 00:17:38,191 IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE. IT'S GIBBERISH. 488 00:17:38,225 --> 00:17:42,295 - WE MADE SOME MISTAKES. 489 00:17:42,329 --> 00:17:44,264 TONIGHT WAS MY LAST CHANCE TO LAND A BIG CLIENT. 490 00:17:44,297 --> 00:17:46,333 AND I FAILED AGAIN. 491 00:17:46,366 --> 00:17:47,700 GOD, IT'S SO EMBARRASSING. 492 00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:50,370 - OH, HEY, TOM, YOU'RE A SMART GUY. 493 00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:52,472 AND CHARMING. OCCASIONALLY. 494 00:17:52,505 --> 00:17:55,708 YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A LOT MORE GOOD IDEAS. 495 00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:58,278 - THANKS. 496 00:17:58,311 --> 00:18:00,147 SORRY I SCREWED UP YOUR CAMPAIGN THING. 497 00:18:00,180 --> 00:18:01,848 I REALLY WANTED TO DO A GOOD JOB. 498 00:18:01,881 --> 00:18:04,451 I MADE YOU THIS AMAZING VIDEO BIOGRAPHY. 499 00:18:04,484 --> 00:18:06,253 - OF MY LIFE? 500 00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:07,387 - IT'S BACK AT THE OFFICE. 501 00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:08,755 - WELL, LET'S EAT AND GO. - OKAY. 502 00:18:08,788 --> 00:18:10,823 - DIDN'T I ASK FOR WHIPPED CREAM ON THIS? 503 00:18:10,857 --> 00:18:11,891 MA'AM? 504 00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:14,161 - UGH, DOES IT HURT? 505 00:18:14,194 --> 00:18:16,263 - YEAH, YOU BROKE MY NOSE, SO... 506 00:18:16,296 --> 00:18:17,664 - I'M SORRY. - BUT I DON'T EVEN CARE. 507 00:18:17,697 --> 00:18:20,833 JUST GET IT ALL OUT THERE, MAN. GO. 508 00:18:20,867 --> 00:18:22,202 - ALL RIGHT...MAYBE YOU HAVE TO START THINKING ABOUT 509 00:18:22,235 --> 00:18:23,803 HOW--HOW YOUR ACTIONS AFFECT ME. 510 00:18:23,836 --> 00:18:27,840 LIKE, TELL ME ABOUT STUFF HAPPENING IN THE HOUSE. 511 00:18:27,874 --> 00:18:31,344 STOP REFERRING TO MY BEDROOM AS A COMMON SPACE. 512 00:18:31,378 --> 00:18:35,282 STOP USING MY COMFORTER FOR YOUR PILLOW FORTS. 513 00:18:35,315 --> 00:18:36,283 JUST...RESPECT ME. 514 00:18:36,316 --> 00:18:37,284 - ABSOLUTELY. 515 00:18:37,317 --> 00:18:38,551 - REALLY? - YEP. 516 00:18:38,585 --> 00:18:40,587 AND IN RETURN, I'LL ONLY ASK FOR ONE THING, 517 00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,922 WHICH IS FOR YOU TO PAY FOR STUDIO RECORDING TIME 518 00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:44,424 FOR MY BAND TO DO OUR NEW ALBUM. 519 00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:46,726 IT'S GONNA BE ABOUT 5,600 BUCKS. DEAL? 520 00:18:46,759 --> 00:18:49,696 - THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN. 521 00:18:49,729 --> 00:18:51,264 - HERE'S SOMETHING FOR THE PAIN AND SOME ICE PACKS. 522 00:18:51,298 --> 00:18:53,366 - OH. - YOU HIS FRIEND? 523 00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:56,403 - HIM? HELL, NO. 524 00:18:56,436 --> 00:19:00,240 WE'RE BROTHERS. 525 00:19:00,273 --> 00:19:01,941 - EXCUSE ME. HEY. - HI. 526 00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:03,810 - WE SHOULD GO. I'M BLOCKING AN AMBULANCE. 527 00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:06,279 EW, IF YOUR NOSE IS ALL WEIRD AFTER THIS, 528 00:19:06,313 --> 00:19:07,447 I'M TOTALLY GONNA DIVORCE YOU. 529 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:08,781 - WHATEVER, I'M GONNA DIVORCE YOU FIRST 530 00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:10,317 FOR WEARING MY FAVORITE HOODIE. 531 00:19:10,350 --> 00:19:12,552 - IS EVERYTHING COOL? 532 00:19:12,585 --> 00:19:15,722 - YEAH, IT IS. - LET'S GO. 533 00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:17,357 - WE JUST CAN'T USE BEN'S COMFORTERS ANYMORE 534 00:19:17,390 --> 00:19:18,525 FOR OUR PILLOW FORTS. 535 00:19:18,558 --> 00:19:22,295 - UGH, WHAT ARE WE GONNA HAVE SEX ON? 536 00:19:22,329 --> 00:19:26,799 - THE YEAR WAS 1975. 537 00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:28,835 IT WAS A TIME OF TROUBLE. 538 00:19:28,868 --> 00:19:32,439 WATERGATE, VIETNAM, 539 00:19:32,472 --> 00:19:35,242 PETER GABRIEL LEAVES GENESIS. 540 00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:37,444 BUT THEN, A RAY OF HOPE... 541 00:19:37,477 --> 00:19:38,511 [baby crying] 542 00:19:38,545 --> 00:19:44,217 LESLIE BARBARA KNOPE WAS BORN ON MARCH 20, 1975. 543 00:19:44,251 --> 00:19:47,287 AND SHE HAS BEEN A LOYAL PATRON OF ITS BUSINESSES EVER SINCE. 544 00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:51,291 - TOM HAVERFORD IS A SELFISH, UNCTUOUS, SLEAZY, 545 00:19:51,324 --> 00:19:54,894 SELF-PROMOTING, GOOD-HEARTED, SECRETLY KIND AND WONDERFUL 546 00:19:54,927 --> 00:19:56,563 TINY LITTLE PERSON. 547 00:19:56,596 --> 00:19:58,298 HE WENT TO KERNSTON'S OFFICE 548 00:19:58,331 --> 00:20:00,833 AND BASICALLY BEGGED HIM TO MEET WITH ME AGAIN. 549 00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:02,835 I THINK HE TECHNICALLY MIGHT HAVE BRIBED HIM. 550 00:20:02,869 --> 00:20:04,437 BUT HEY, YOU KNOW, WHATEVER WORKS. 551 00:20:04,471 --> 00:20:06,573 IT WAS MARY PICKFORD WHO ONCE SAID, 552 00:20:06,606 --> 00:20:09,776 "THIS THING WE CALL FAILURE IS NOT THE FALLING DOWN, 553 00:20:09,809 --> 00:20:13,246 BUT THE STAYING DOWN." 554 00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:14,947 TOM WON'T BE DOWN FOR LONG. 555 00:20:14,981 --> 00:20:17,750 - HER NAME IS LESLIE KNOPE. 556 00:20:17,784 --> 00:20:19,819 AND I'M GONNA VOTE FOR HER. 557 00:20:19,852 --> 00:20:24,391 AND IF L'IL SEBASTIAN WERE STILL ALIVE, HE'D SURELY VOTE FOR HER. 558 00:20:24,424 --> 00:20:28,561 AND I RECKON YOU SHOULD TOO. 559 00:20:28,595 --> 00:20:30,297 DID YA LIKE IT? 560 00:20:30,330 --> 00:20:31,798 IT'S PRETTY GREAT, RIGHT? 561 00:20:31,831 --> 00:20:33,466 WORKED REALLY HARD ON IT. 562 00:20:33,500 --> 00:20:35,968 - YEAH, I LOVED IT. 563 00:20:36,002 --> 00:20:38,505 I'M GONNA WATCH IT EVERY DAY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. 564 00:20:38,538 --> 00:20:41,508 AND WHEN I DIE, I'M GONNA PROJECT IT ON MY TOMBSTONE. 565 00:20:41,541 --> 00:20:42,742 [sobs] 566 00:20:45,478 --> 00:20:48,348 - I HAD AN AMAZING TIME AT THAT PARTY. 567 00:20:48,381 --> 00:20:50,683 AND IN THE CASE OF THE WOMAN WHO'S STOLEN MY HEART, 568 00:20:50,717 --> 00:20:54,421 THE CULPRIT... WAS MILLICENT GERGICH. 569 00:20:54,454 --> 00:20:56,523 - YOU SHOULD LOOK INTO ACTUAL DETECTIVE WORK. 570 00:20:56,556 --> 00:20:57,924 - I WILL. 571 00:20:57,957 --> 00:21:00,927 AND, JERRY, I'VE DECIDED TO TAKE YOUR DAUGHTER HOME. 572 00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:02,962 AND WE MAY BE HAVING INTERCOURSE. 573 00:21:02,995 --> 00:21:05,298 - PLEASE, YOU'VE GOT TO STOP SAYING THINGS LIKE THAT TO ME. 574 00:21:05,332 --> 00:21:06,366 - YOU'VE GOT IT, MAN. 575 00:21:06,399 --> 00:21:07,567 - BYE, DAD. 576 00:21:10,770 --> 00:21:11,838 EVERYTHING OKAY? 577 00:21:11,871 --> 00:21:14,874 I CAN'T FIND MY CAR KEYS. 578 00:21:14,907 --> 00:21:18,911 - SOLVE THIS MYSTERY, GENIUS. 579 00:21:18,961 --> 00:21:23,511 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 41154

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