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1
00:00:01,400 --> 00:00:04,904
- GENTLEMEN,
WILDERNESS WEEKEND IS UPON US.
2
00:00:04,937 --> 00:00:06,773
THERE WILL BE NO VIDEO GAMES.
3
00:00:06,806 --> 00:00:09,141
THERE WILL BE
NO INTERNET PADS.
4
00:00:09,175 --> 00:00:11,310
THIS WEEKEND
YOU HAVE TWO PARENTS:
5
00:00:11,343 --> 00:00:14,013
ME AND MOTHER NATURE.
6
00:00:14,046 --> 00:00:15,748
- AND I...
7
00:00:15,782 --> 00:00:18,184
AM MOTHER NATURE'S BROTHER:
8
00:00:18,217 --> 00:00:19,185
BROTHER NATURE.
9
00:00:19,218 --> 00:00:20,587
BUT YOU CAN CALL ME ANDY.
10
00:00:20,620 --> 00:00:22,789
OR BROTHER NATURE.
11
00:00:22,822 --> 00:00:24,290
YOUR CALL.
12
00:00:24,323 --> 00:00:25,958
- THANK YOU, ANDY.
- BROTHER NATURE.
13
00:00:25,992 --> 00:00:27,760
- FOR THE LAST THREE YEARS,
14
00:00:27,794 --> 00:00:31,063
I HAVE SERVED AS TROOP LEADER
OF THE PAWNEE RANGERS.
15
00:00:31,097 --> 00:00:33,099
THIS IS OUR HANDBOOK.
16
00:00:35,101 --> 00:00:37,236
I WROTE THE WHOLE THING MYSELF.
17
00:00:37,269 --> 00:00:38,938
- OKAY, IT'S TIME
TO GIVE OUT THE BADGES.
18
00:00:38,971 --> 00:00:40,072
UM, LET'S SEE.
19
00:00:40,106 --> 00:00:42,642
EMILY, YOU GET THE BADGE
FOR MOST COMMUNITY SERVICE.
20
00:00:42,675 --> 00:00:43,542
[applause]
21
00:00:43,576 --> 00:00:46,913
TO CASEY,
THE BEST PENGUIN BLOG BADGE.
22
00:00:46,946 --> 00:00:47,947
[applause]
23
00:00:47,980 --> 00:00:48,948
TO ABIGAIL,
24
00:00:48,981 --> 00:00:50,983
FLYEST HAIRSTYLE.
25
00:00:51,017 --> 00:00:53,352
AND ANN GETS THE BADGE
FOR SECOND-FLYEST HAIRSTYLE.
26
00:00:53,385 --> 00:00:55,154
- OH!
I WASN'T COMPETING FOR THAT.
27
00:00:55,187 --> 00:00:56,255
- I'LL SAY.
28
00:00:56,288 --> 00:00:57,456
FIVE YEARS AGO,
29
00:00:57,489 --> 00:01:00,627
A PLUCKY FIFTH-GRADER WANTED
TO JOIN THE PAWNEE RANGERS,
30
00:01:00,660 --> 00:01:03,362
BUT THEIR EXECUTIVE COUNCIL SAID
WHAT OBNOXIOUS JERKS ALWAYS SAY.
31
00:01:03,395 --> 00:01:05,131
"NO. THIS IS MALES-ONLY.
32
00:01:05,164 --> 00:01:06,265
GO START YOUR OWN CLUB."
33
00:01:06,298 --> 00:01:08,167
SHE COULDN'T.
34
00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:10,036
SO I DID.
35
00:01:10,069 --> 00:01:11,337
WE'RE CALLED
THE PAWNEE GODDESSES,
36
00:01:11,370 --> 00:01:13,806
AND WE'RE FREAKIN' AWESOME.
37
00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:15,842
HEY, RON, WHOSE CLUB
DO YOU THINK IS BETTER,
38
00:01:15,875 --> 00:01:17,176
YOURS OR MINE?
39
00:01:17,209 --> 00:01:18,778
THE ANSWER IS MINE.
SAY MINE IS BETTER.
40
00:01:18,811 --> 00:01:20,212
- IT'S NOT A COMPETITION.
41
00:01:20,246 --> 00:01:21,848
- OH, BUT IT IS.
42
00:01:21,881 --> 00:01:23,983
YOUR CLUB MADE IT A COMPETITION
WHEN THEY KEPT GIRLS OUT.
43
00:01:24,016 --> 00:01:25,885
[as a Southern belle]
OH, MY STARS.
44
00:01:25,918 --> 00:01:27,353
I'M JUST A LITTLE LADY.
45
00:01:27,386 --> 00:01:30,790
MY FRAGILE CONSTITUTION CANNOT
HANDLE THE FEARSOME OUTDOORS.
46
00:01:30,823 --> 00:01:33,059
- I HAVE NO PROBLEM
WITH STRONG WOMEN, LESLIE.
47
00:01:33,092 --> 00:01:34,694
WHO'S LESLIE?
48
00:01:34,727 --> 00:01:37,163
MY NAME IS ANNABELLE VANDERGRAF,
49
00:01:37,196 --> 00:01:38,998
AND, Y'ALL,
50
00:01:39,031 --> 00:01:40,199
I JUST FALL TO PIECES
51
00:01:40,232 --> 00:01:42,001
WHEN THE SUN SHINES
52
00:01:42,034 --> 00:01:44,103
ON MY HAIR--ED.
53
00:01:44,136 --> 00:01:47,774
- HOWEVER, THE PAWNEE RANGERS
WERE FOUNDED BECAUSE SOME BOYS
54
00:01:47,807 --> 00:01:49,942
WANT TO GO OUT INTO NATURE
55
00:01:49,976 --> 00:01:52,011
AND LEARN
TRADITIONAL SURVIVAL SKILLS
56
00:01:52,044 --> 00:01:53,880
WITHOUT BEING DISTRACTED
BY GIRLS.
57
00:01:53,913 --> 00:01:55,848
- WELL, MY AWESOME GODDESSES
DON'T WANT TO BE DISTRACTED
58
00:01:55,882 --> 00:01:57,784
BY LOSERS.
59
00:01:57,817 --> 00:01:58,785
SAY MY CLUB IS BETTER, RON.
60
00:01:58,818 --> 00:02:00,052
SAY IT.
61
00:02:00,086 --> 00:02:01,120
MY CLUB IS BETTER.
62
00:02:01,153 --> 00:02:02,288
SAY IT.
63
00:02:02,321 --> 00:02:03,856
COME ON. SAY IT'S BETTER.
64
00:02:03,890 --> 00:02:04,991
SAY IT.
65
00:02:05,024 --> 00:02:06,192
SAY IT'S BETTER.
SAY MY CLUB IS BETTER.
66
00:02:06,225 --> 00:02:07,193
SAY IT. GIVE IT UP.
67
00:02:07,226 --> 00:02:08,194
WHOSE CLUB IS BETTER? MINE.
68
00:02:08,227 --> 00:02:09,195
SAY IT. YOU KNOW IT.
69
00:02:09,228 --> 00:02:10,930
SAY IT.
70
00:02:10,963 --> 00:02:12,098
- ON PRINCIPAL,
I NEVER SAY ANYTHING
71
00:02:12,131 --> 00:02:15,234
THAT ANOTHER PERSON IS OBVIOUSLY
TRYING TO GET ME TO SAY.
72
00:02:15,267 --> 00:02:17,436
MY FIRST WEDDING CEREMONY
TOOK TWO HOURS,
73
00:02:17,469 --> 00:02:20,907
BECAUSE AFTER THE PRIEST SAID
"REPEAT AFTER ME"
74
00:02:20,940 --> 00:02:23,843
I FELL SILENT.
75
00:02:23,876 --> 00:02:26,846
[triumphant music]
76
00:02:26,879 --> 00:02:32,885
*
77
00:02:44,096 --> 00:02:46,232
- I'VE BEEN AUDITING
THE BUDGET, AND I NOTICED
78
00:02:46,265 --> 00:02:48,267
YOU'RE WAY BEHIND
ON YOUR PAPERWORK.
79
00:02:48,300 --> 00:02:51,470
UH, JERRY, YOU HAVEN'T
FILLED OUT A PC-10 FORM
80
00:02:51,503 --> 00:02:53,439
IN TWO AND A HALF YEARS.
81
00:02:53,472 --> 00:02:55,041
- AW, JEEZ, I'M SORRY.
82
00:02:55,074 --> 00:02:57,476
- YEAH, WE KINDA DO
OUR PAPERWORK AT OUR OWN SPEED.
83
00:02:57,509 --> 00:02:58,878
- OH, REALLY?
84
00:02:58,911 --> 00:03:00,412
WELL, I KINDA NEED YOU
TO DO IT AT MY SPEED.
85
00:03:00,446 --> 00:03:03,382
- FINE, I'LL DO THEM.
86
00:03:03,415 --> 00:03:04,483
WHAT IS WRONG
WITH YOU TODAY?
87
00:03:04,516 --> 00:03:05,384
DID THEY CANCEL
GAME OF THRONES?
88
00:03:05,417 --> 00:03:07,820
- NOTHING IS WRONG,
JUST DO YOUR JOB.
89
00:03:10,256 --> 00:03:13,425
AND THEY WOULD
NEVER CANCEL GAME OF THRONES.
90
00:03:13,459 --> 00:03:14,326
IT'S A CROSSOVER HIT.
91
00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:16,462
IT'S NOT JUST
FOR FANTASY ENTHUSIASTS.
92
00:03:16,495 --> 00:03:19,365
THEY'RE TELLING HUMAN STORIES
IN A FANTASY WORLD.
93
00:03:22,201 --> 00:03:24,236
FILL OUT THE FORMS, PLEASE.
THANK YOU.
94
00:03:24,270 --> 00:03:26,305
I USED TO HAVE
ONE REALLY GOOD REASON
95
00:03:26,338 --> 00:03:27,306
FOR STAYING IN PAWNEE.
96
00:03:27,339 --> 00:03:31,077
BUT NOW, I'M NOT SURE
WHAT'S KEEPING ME HERE.
97
00:03:31,110 --> 00:03:33,880
ALTHOUGH,
I AM JUST TWO SANDWICHES AWAY
98
00:03:33,913 --> 00:03:36,382
FROM A FREE MEATBALL SUB.
99
00:03:38,951 --> 00:03:41,120
THIS IS EXPIRED.
100
00:03:41,153 --> 00:03:44,824
[girls squealing]
101
00:03:44,857 --> 00:03:47,359
- RANGERS, AS A REWARD
FOR COMING ON THIS TRIP,
102
00:03:47,393 --> 00:03:49,896
I HAVE GOTTEN YOU EACH
TWO GIFTS.
103
00:03:49,929 --> 00:03:51,130
GO AHEAD. OPEN 'EM.
104
00:03:55,201 --> 00:03:56,168
- WHAT IS THIS?
105
00:03:56,202 --> 00:03:58,237
- THAT IS A CANVAS SHEET,
106
00:03:58,270 --> 00:04:01,107
THE MOST VERSATILE OBJECT
KNOWN TO MAN.
107
00:04:01,140 --> 00:04:03,309
IT CAN BE USED
TO MAKE TENTS, BACKPACKS,
108
00:04:03,342 --> 00:04:05,011
SHOES, STRETCHERS,
109
00:04:05,044 --> 00:04:06,412
SAILS, TARPAULINS,
110
00:04:06,445 --> 00:04:09,481
AND I SUPPOSE, IN THE MOST
DIRE OF CIRCUMSTANCES,
111
00:04:09,515 --> 00:04:12,118
IT CAN BE A SURFACE
ON WHICH TO MAKE
112
00:04:12,151 --> 00:04:13,085
"ART."
113
00:04:13,119 --> 00:04:14,353
- WHAT'S THE SECOND GIFT?
114
00:04:14,386 --> 00:04:17,223
- THE SECOND GIFT
IS THE BOX ITSELF.
115
00:04:17,256 --> 00:04:20,092
YOU HAVE 10 MINUTES
TO ASSEMBLE A SHELTER
116
00:04:20,126 --> 00:04:22,862
USING ONLY YOUR TWO GIFTS.
117
00:04:22,895 --> 00:04:23,863
GO.
118
00:04:23,896 --> 00:04:24,831
- LADIES!
119
00:04:24,864 --> 00:04:28,300
THE GODDESS CABIN
HAS NEVER LOOKED BETTER.
120
00:04:28,334 --> 00:04:30,369
THIS YEAR'S
CABIN REFURBISHMENT BADGE
121
00:04:30,402 --> 00:04:32,872
IS GOING TO BE HOTLY CONTESTED.
122
00:04:32,905 --> 00:04:34,373
OKAY,
SO WHAT DID EVERYBODY MAKE
123
00:04:34,406 --> 00:04:36,408
FOR THEIR
LOOSELY STRUCTURED CRAFT TIME?
124
00:04:36,442 --> 00:04:37,409
LAUREN?
125
00:04:37,443 --> 00:04:38,510
- I MADE A "GERTRUDE STEIN."
126
00:04:38,544 --> 00:04:40,346
[applause]
127
00:04:40,379 --> 00:04:43,049
- AMAZING.
LAUREN, THAT'S SO GOOD!
128
00:04:43,082 --> 00:04:45,517
I REALLY WOULDN'T
WANT TO FOLLOW THAT.
129
00:04:45,551 --> 00:04:47,219
ANN?
130
00:04:47,253 --> 00:04:48,187
- OH, BOY. UM...
131
00:04:48,220 --> 00:04:52,358
I WAS MAKING
SOME CORNHUSK DOLLS FOR EVERYONE
132
00:04:52,391 --> 00:04:54,193
BUT THEY KINDA TURNED OUT WRONG
133
00:04:54,226 --> 00:04:56,228
SO THEY LOOK LIKE MONSTERS.
134
00:04:57,930 --> 00:04:59,231
I'M SORRY.
135
00:04:59,265 --> 00:05:02,468
I'M JUST GONNA
PUT THAT OVER THERE.
136
00:05:02,501 --> 00:05:04,370
IN THE FIRE.
137
00:05:04,403 --> 00:05:05,604
- WELL, ANN'S KEEPING US WARM.
138
00:05:05,637 --> 00:05:07,373
AND THAT'S IMPORTANT.
139
00:05:07,406 --> 00:05:08,340
APRIL?
140
00:05:08,374 --> 00:05:10,342
[strums ukulele]
* WHAT WAS YOUR CRAFT?
141
00:05:10,376 --> 00:05:13,245
- I DREW SOMETHING
ON MY ARM.
142
00:05:13,279 --> 00:05:15,081
IT'S A PIONEER GIRL
WATCHING HER GRANDMOTHER
143
00:05:15,114 --> 00:05:16,082
GET TRAMPLED BY A BUFFALO.
144
00:05:16,115 --> 00:05:19,351
[all ooh and aww]
145
00:05:19,385 --> 00:05:21,053
YEAH.
THIS RIGHT HERE'S ALL THE BLOOD
146
00:05:21,087 --> 00:05:22,054
COMING OUT HER FACE.
147
00:05:22,088 --> 00:05:23,990
[rap music]
148
00:05:24,023 --> 00:05:25,424
- DJ BLUNTZ
IS IN THE BUILDING,
149
00:05:25,457 --> 00:05:27,393
HERE TO ANNOUNCE
THAT TOM HAVERFORD
150
00:05:27,426 --> 00:05:29,228
IS IN THE BUILDING.
151
00:05:29,261 --> 00:05:31,497
- OH! 1-2, 1-2!
152
00:05:31,530 --> 00:05:33,465
DONATELLA.
- T-MOBILE.
153
00:05:33,499 --> 00:05:34,934
- THREE WORDS FOR YOU:
154
00:05:34,967 --> 00:05:36,468
TREAT. YO. SELF.
155
00:05:36,502 --> 00:05:39,405
both:
* TREAT YOURSELF 2011
156
00:05:39,438 --> 00:05:40,940
- ONCE A YEAR,
DONNA AND I
157
00:05:40,973 --> 00:05:42,341
SPEND A DAY TREATING OURSELVES.
158
00:05:42,374 --> 00:05:44,110
WHAT DO WE TREAT OURSELVES TO?
159
00:05:44,143 --> 00:05:45,477
- CLOTHES.
- TREAT YOURSELF.
160
00:05:45,511 --> 00:05:46,478
- FRAGRANCES.
- TREAT YOURSELF.
161
00:05:46,512 --> 00:05:48,180
- MASSAGES.
- TREAT YOURSELF.
162
00:05:48,214 --> 00:05:49,415
- MIMOSAS.
- TREAT YOURSELF.
163
00:05:49,448 --> 00:05:51,984
- FINE LEATHER GOODS.
- TREAT YOURSELF!
164
00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:53,419
- IT'S THE BEST DAY
OF THE YEAR.
165
00:05:53,452 --> 00:05:55,354
both:
* THE BEST DAY OF THE YEAR
166
00:05:55,387 --> 00:05:56,455
- I GOT A QUESTION.
167
00:05:56,488 --> 00:05:57,356
- MM-HMM?
168
00:05:57,389 --> 00:05:59,125
- WHAT DO YOU THINK
ABOUT INVITING BEN
169
00:05:59,158 --> 00:06:00,326
TO COME ALONG WITH US TODAY?
170
00:06:00,359 --> 00:06:02,561
- WHAT? NOO!
171
00:06:02,594 --> 00:06:03,662
THIS IS OUR THING.
172
00:06:03,695 --> 00:06:05,564
- BUT HE REALLY SEEMS
LIKE HE COULD USE A DAY OFF.
173
00:06:05,597 --> 00:06:07,366
HE'S LIKE
A SKINNY LITTLE RUBBER BAND
174
00:06:07,399 --> 00:06:09,101
THAT'S ABOUT TO SNAP IN HALF.
175
00:06:09,135 --> 00:06:11,437
- EXACTLY.
HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO RELAX.
176
00:06:11,470 --> 00:06:13,505
- DONNA, YOU AND I
ARE RELAXATION PROFESSIONALS.
177
00:06:13,539 --> 00:06:14,540
THERE'S NO WAY BEN
CAN SLOW DOWN ENOUGH
178
00:06:14,573 --> 00:06:16,108
TO KEEP UP WITH US.
179
00:06:16,142 --> 00:06:17,676
MY NUBIAN PRINCESS,
THIS IS OUR HOLY DAY.
180
00:06:17,709 --> 00:06:20,412
IT'S THE ONE DAY A YEAR
I ALLOW MYSELF TO BE SELFISH.
181
00:06:20,446 --> 00:06:21,613
- OOH, CUPCAKES.
182
00:06:21,647 --> 00:06:23,415
- THOSE ARE ALL FOR ME, JERRY.
183
00:06:23,449 --> 00:06:27,053
- THIS HOMEMADE BULGOGI
IS SO DELICIOUS, KAYLA.
184
00:06:27,086 --> 00:06:28,587
THIS IS THE BEST KOREAN FOOD
I'VE EVER HAD.
185
00:06:28,620 --> 00:06:30,322
I WOULD SAY
IT'S ALMOST AS GOOD AS
186
00:06:30,356 --> 00:06:33,259
LUKEWARM BEANS FROM A CAN.
187
00:06:33,292 --> 00:06:35,261
RIGHT, RON?
188
00:06:35,294 --> 00:06:37,329
- I'M TRYING TO TEACH MY BOYS
ABOUT RATIONING FOOD,
189
00:06:37,363 --> 00:06:39,398
AND YOUR SELF-INDULGENT
190
00:06:39,431 --> 00:06:41,500
ETHNIC FOOD COURT ISN'T HELPING.
191
00:06:41,533 --> 00:06:44,070
- GODDESSES, LET'S GO OVER
OUR SCHEDULE FOR THIS AFTERNOON.
192
00:06:44,103 --> 00:06:46,372
WE HAVE HIKING,
AND THEN CAPTURE THE FLAG,
193
00:06:46,405 --> 00:06:48,374
AND THEN A PUPPET SHOW
ABOUT THE BILL OF RIGHTS
194
00:06:48,407 --> 00:06:51,310
SET TO "PARTY IN THE USA"
BY MILEY CYRUS,
195
00:06:51,343 --> 00:06:53,479
AND THEN WE HAVE LASSO TRAINING,
196
00:06:53,512 --> 00:06:55,414
AND A S'MORES-OFF.
197
00:06:55,447 --> 00:06:57,416
[cheering]
198
00:06:57,449 --> 00:06:59,651
- SO WHAT'S ON OUR SCHEDULE,
MR. SWANSON?
199
00:06:59,685 --> 00:07:03,255
- WE HAVE ONE ACTIVITY PLANNED:
200
00:07:03,289 --> 00:07:04,523
NOT GETTING KILLED.
201
00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:10,196
- JERRY.
202
00:07:10,229 --> 00:07:12,164
OH, EVERYBODY MUST BE
AT RANGERS WEEKEND.
203
00:07:12,198 --> 00:07:13,966
- YOU KNOW, I ACTUALLY
WAS A RANGER FOR 12 YEARS--
204
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:14,800
- THAT'S WONDERFUL.
205
00:07:14,833 --> 00:07:16,168
MAYBE YOU SHOULD
TAKE THE DAY OFF.
206
00:07:16,202 --> 00:07:18,104
YOU KNOW,
REST IS VERY IMPORTANT.
207
00:07:18,137 --> 00:07:21,340
DID YOU KNOW THAT LAB RATS
WHO ARE DEPRIVED OF REST
208
00:07:21,373 --> 00:07:23,342
GROW TUMORS
ALL OVER THEIR BODIES?
209
00:07:23,375 --> 00:07:24,510
YOU SHOULD GOOGLE IT.
IT'S HORRIFYING.
210
00:07:24,543 --> 00:07:26,012
- UH, THANK YOU. YES.
211
00:07:26,045 --> 00:07:27,379
YOU KNOW, I'M GONNA--
212
00:07:27,413 --> 00:07:28,414
I'M GONNA GO HAVE LUNCH
WITH MY DAUGHTER!
213
00:07:28,447 --> 00:07:29,648
YOU KNOW, CHRIS,
IF YOU WANTED,
214
00:07:29,681 --> 00:07:31,550
YOU KNOW,
YOU SHOULD JOIN US FOR LUNCH.
215
00:07:31,583 --> 00:07:33,219
MY DAUGHTER,
SHE'S REALLY SWEET.
216
00:07:33,252 --> 00:07:34,720
- I WOULD LOVE TO, JERRY,
BUT I'M AFRAID THAT I AM BUSY.
217
00:07:34,753 --> 00:07:36,288
I HAVE GOT TO RUN.
218
00:07:36,322 --> 00:07:37,356
GOOGLE THOSE RAT TUMORS!
219
00:07:39,258 --> 00:07:41,627
both: * TREAT YOURSELF 2011
220
00:07:41,660 --> 00:07:43,762
- OH, LORD.
221
00:07:43,795 --> 00:07:45,197
IS HE EATING SOUP?
222
00:07:45,231 --> 00:07:46,765
ON A BENCH? ALONE?
223
00:07:46,798 --> 00:07:49,401
- TOM.
224
00:07:49,435 --> 00:07:50,569
- [sighs] FINE.
225
00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:54,340
- COME ON, RUBBER BAND.
COME WITH US.
226
00:07:54,373 --> 00:07:55,441
- WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU--
227
00:07:55,474 --> 00:07:56,675
- NO ARGUING.
228
00:07:56,708 --> 00:07:57,776
AND NO SOUP IN THE BENZ.
229
00:07:57,809 --> 00:08:00,079
GET IN.
- WHA?
230
00:08:00,112 --> 00:08:01,380
WHAT?
231
00:08:01,413 --> 00:08:02,381
WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?
232
00:08:02,414 --> 00:08:06,418
[girls screaming]
233
00:08:06,452 --> 00:08:07,653
[ukulele]
234
00:08:07,686 --> 00:08:10,156
- GREAT PILLOW FIGHT, GIRLS.
235
00:08:10,189 --> 00:08:12,024
THAT WAS ONE
OF OUR BEST ONES YET.
236
00:08:12,058 --> 00:08:14,093
OKAY.
NOW IT'S TIME FOR AWARDS.
237
00:08:14,126 --> 00:08:16,395
LULU GETS THE GOLDEN PILLOW.
238
00:08:16,428 --> 00:08:19,398
AND THE SILVER PILLOW
GOES TO JANIE.
239
00:08:19,431 --> 00:08:20,399
[knock at door]
240
00:08:20,432 --> 00:08:21,400
OOH!
241
00:08:21,433 --> 00:08:24,770
YES, WHAT IS IT?
242
00:08:24,803 --> 00:08:26,772
- MS. KNOPE,
243
00:08:26,805 --> 00:08:28,507
I DON'T LIKE
THE RANGERS ANYMORE.
244
00:08:28,540 --> 00:08:31,410
I WANT TO BECOME
A PAWNEE GODDESS.
245
00:08:31,443 --> 00:08:32,478
- I DID IT!
246
00:08:32,511 --> 00:08:34,780
MY CLUB IS OFFICIALLY
THE BEST CLUB.
247
00:08:34,813 --> 00:08:36,548
I WOULD GIVE MYSELF
A MERIT BADGE THAT SAYS
248
00:08:36,582 --> 00:08:38,317
"BEST CLUB FOUNDER,"
BUT I DON'T HAVE ONE,
249
00:08:38,350 --> 00:08:39,451
SO I'M GOING TO GIVE MYSELF
250
00:08:39,485 --> 00:08:42,654
"PRETTIEST EYES"
AS A PLACEHOLDER.
251
00:08:42,688 --> 00:08:44,390
I SECRETLY ALWAYS
WANTED THIS BADGE,
252
00:08:44,423 --> 00:08:46,325
SO IT WORKS OUT GREAT.
253
00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:50,767
- YOU WERE DEFECTING?
254
00:08:50,801 --> 00:08:52,836
- I LIKE YOU, MR. SWANSON,
IT'S JUST...
255
00:08:52,869 --> 00:08:54,871
ALL WE DO IS SIT IN SILENCE
AND EAT BEANS.
256
00:08:54,905 --> 00:08:57,774
- THOSE BEANS WERE A REWARD.
257
00:08:57,808 --> 00:08:58,775
- WELL, SEE, THE THING IS
258
00:08:58,809 --> 00:08:59,776
THIS CLUB IS FOR GIRLS ONLY.
259
00:08:59,810 --> 00:09:02,446
MAYBE YOU SHOULD START
YOUR OWN CLUB, FOR BOYS.
260
00:09:02,479 --> 00:09:03,514
- GET BACK TO YOUR CANVAS BOX.
261
00:09:03,547 --> 00:09:05,682
WE'LL DISCUSS THIS NO FURTHER.
262
00:09:05,716 --> 00:09:07,618
AND I'LL THANK YOU
TO KEEP THE RUCKUS DOWN
263
00:09:07,651 --> 00:09:09,953
SO MY BOYS CAN
FOCUS ON SOLITUDE.
264
00:09:09,986 --> 00:09:11,988
- I'M SORRY, DARREN.
- LET'S GO.
265
00:09:14,691 --> 00:09:16,860
- SO, TREAT YOURSELF DAY
IS JUST A DAY
266
00:09:16,893 --> 00:09:20,063
WHERE YOU GO TO THE SPA
AND THEN THE MALL?
267
00:09:20,096 --> 00:09:21,031
- [sighs]
268
00:09:21,064 --> 00:09:22,566
I KNEW YOU WOULDN'T GET IT.
269
00:09:22,599 --> 00:09:24,935
- WELL, I'M A RELAXATION NOVICE.
270
00:09:24,968 --> 00:09:25,936
GIVE ME SOME GUIDANCE.
271
00:09:25,969 --> 00:09:27,738
- LISTEN TO ME, BEN-TO BOX,
272
00:09:27,771 --> 00:09:29,773
THE POINT OF THIS
IS TO PAMPER YOURSELF.
273
00:09:29,806 --> 00:09:32,042
JUST RELAAAX, MAN.
274
00:09:32,075 --> 00:09:32,843
- I CAN'T.
275
00:09:32,876 --> 00:09:34,811
SOMETHING ABOUT
THE SOUND OF HARPS
276
00:09:34,845 --> 00:09:37,448
THAT MAKES ME NERVOUS.
277
00:09:37,481 --> 00:09:38,782
OH, MY GOD!
278
00:09:38,815 --> 00:09:40,016
- HI, DONNA.
- HEY.
279
00:09:40,050 --> 00:09:41,985
RELAXATION LESSON NUMBER ONE:
280
00:09:42,018 --> 00:09:43,854
ACUPUNCTURE.
281
00:09:43,887 --> 00:09:45,989
IT'S GREAT FOR YOUR BACK,
AND YOUR REAR.
282
00:09:46,022 --> 00:09:49,025
NEEDLES IN YOUR FACE,
PLEASURE IN YOUR BASE.
283
00:09:52,028 --> 00:09:53,997
- [laughing] I KNOW.
- THAT'S MY BOSS.
284
00:09:54,030 --> 00:09:55,666
[clears throat]
HEY, CHRIS.
285
00:09:55,699 --> 00:09:58,935
UH, I WOULD LIKE YOU
TO MEET MY DAUGHTER, MILLICENT.
286
00:09:58,969 --> 00:10:00,704
- WOW.
287
00:10:00,737 --> 00:10:01,805
JERRY, GREAT JOB.
288
00:10:01,838 --> 00:10:02,973
I'M YOUR DAD'S BOSS.
289
00:10:03,006 --> 00:10:04,908
AND HIS MUCH-YOUNGER FRIEND.
290
00:10:04,941 --> 00:10:06,543
- PLEASURE TO MEET YOU.
291
00:10:06,577 --> 00:10:07,711
- ISN'T SHE BEAUTIFUL?
292
00:10:07,744 --> 00:10:10,481
I SAY SHE LOOKS
LIKE MY WIFE, GAYLE,
293
00:10:10,514 --> 00:10:12,583
AND GAYLE AGREES.
[laughs]
294
00:10:12,616 --> 00:10:14,751
SO, ANYWAY,
WE WERE GONNA GO TO LUNCH, SO--
295
00:10:14,785 --> 00:10:17,654
- I RETROACTIVELY ACCEPT
YOUR ORIGINAL OFFER.
296
00:10:17,688 --> 00:10:18,655
LET'S GO!
297
00:10:18,689 --> 00:10:19,823
- LADIES, I JUST WANTED
298
00:10:19,856 --> 00:10:22,959
TO THANK YOU FOR NOT CHEERING
WHEN I SENT DARREN AWAY.
299
00:10:22,993 --> 00:10:25,095
- MS. KNOPE,
WASN'T DARREN JUST ASKING
300
00:10:25,128 --> 00:10:26,863
FOR THE SAME EQUALITY
THAT YOU AND THE GODDESSES
301
00:10:26,897 --> 00:10:29,900
WANTED FIVE YEARS AGO?
302
00:10:29,933 --> 00:10:30,901
- IN A SENSE,
303
00:10:30,934 --> 00:10:32,769
BUT IT'S A LITTLE BIT
MORE COMPLICATED THAN--
304
00:10:32,803 --> 00:10:34,104
- WASN'T YOUR ANSWER
THE VERY SAME THING
305
00:10:34,137 --> 00:10:36,607
THAT THE RANGER COUNCIL
SAID TO YOU?
306
00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:37,474
"STICK TO YOUR OWN KIND"?
307
00:10:37,508 --> 00:10:40,043
- WHO WANTS
HOMEMADE PEANUT BRITTLE?
308
00:10:40,076 --> 00:10:42,879
- MS. PERKINS, PLEASE,
WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A DEBATE.
309
00:10:42,913 --> 00:10:44,481
- SORRY.
310
00:10:44,515 --> 00:10:45,616
- COME ON, GODDESSES.
311
00:10:45,649 --> 00:10:47,651
WE JUST STRUCK
A HUGE BLOW FOR EQUALITY
312
00:10:47,684 --> 00:10:49,119
BY PROVING THAT
WE WERE BETTER THAN THEM.
313
00:10:49,152 --> 00:10:50,153
- I DISAGREE.
314
00:10:50,186 --> 00:10:51,988
- WHAT ABOUT A PUBLIC FORUM?
315
00:10:52,022 --> 00:10:53,824
YOU ALWAYS SAY THAT
THERE'S NO BETTER SOLUTION
316
00:10:53,857 --> 00:10:54,758
FOR A HOT-BUTTON ISSUE
317
00:10:54,791 --> 00:10:57,594
THAN A GOOD OL'-FASHIONED
PUBLIC FORUM.
318
00:10:57,628 --> 00:10:58,595
- [low]
GREAT IDEA, LAUREN.
319
00:10:58,629 --> 00:10:59,896
- WHAT WAS THAT?
320
00:10:59,930 --> 00:11:02,533
- I SAID,
"GREAT IDEA, LAUREN."
321
00:11:02,566 --> 00:11:03,967
I'VE TAUGHT THEM TOO WELL.
322
00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:06,970
I'VE CREATED A MOB OF
LITTLE LESLIE KNOPE MONSTERS.
323
00:11:07,003 --> 00:11:08,238
I'M SO PROUD.
324
00:11:08,271 --> 00:11:09,506
AND A LITTLE ANNOYED.
325
00:11:09,540 --> 00:11:11,074
BUT MOSTLY PROUD.
326
00:11:11,107 --> 00:11:12,609
70/30.
327
00:11:12,643 --> 00:11:14,611
- JUST RELAX AND DON'T MOVE.
328
00:11:14,645 --> 00:11:16,613
- OKAY. AH...
329
00:11:16,647 --> 00:11:18,782
THIS IS THE MOST
330
00:11:18,815 --> 00:11:21,685
STRESSED-OUT I'VE EVER BEEN
331
00:11:21,718 --> 00:11:22,786
IN MY LIFE.
332
00:11:22,819 --> 00:11:24,087
- BEN, LISTEN.
333
00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:25,922
I'M GONNA TALK TO YOU
ABOUT THINGS YOU LIKE
334
00:11:25,956 --> 00:11:27,123
TO TAKE YOUR MIND
OFF THE NEEDLES, OKAY?
335
00:11:27,157 --> 00:11:28,124
- [grunts]
336
00:11:28,158 --> 00:11:30,894
- ACCOUNTING.
337
00:11:30,927 --> 00:11:31,895
TRIGONOMETRY.
338
00:11:31,928 --> 00:11:33,029
STAMPS, PROBABLY.
339
00:11:33,063 --> 00:11:34,264
- MORE OF A RARE COINS GUY.
340
00:11:34,297 --> 00:11:35,932
HELP ME. HELP ME!
341
00:11:35,966 --> 00:11:39,636
- THERE IS NOTHING THAT I LIKE
MORE THAN RUNNING FOR CHARITY.
342
00:11:39,670 --> 00:11:41,972
- YOU KNOW, LAST SUMMER
I DID A 50-MILE BIKE RIDE
343
00:11:42,005 --> 00:11:43,907
FOR THE RED CROSS.
- YES, SHE DID.
344
00:11:43,940 --> 00:11:45,041
- MILLICENT GERGICH,
345
00:11:45,075 --> 00:11:47,177
BIKING FOR CHARITY IS LITERALLY
346
00:11:47,210 --> 00:11:48,979
ONE OF MY INTERESTS ON FACEBOOK.
347
00:11:49,012 --> 00:11:50,013
[all laugh]
348
00:11:50,046 --> 00:11:51,982
I CAN'T BELIEVE
HOW ALIKE WE ARE.
349
00:11:52,015 --> 00:11:54,618
- I KNOW, IT'S LIKE
WE'RE LITERALLY THE SAME PERSON.
350
00:11:54,651 --> 00:11:57,320
- [laughs]
351
00:11:57,353 --> 00:12:00,624
WE ARE HAVING A MOMENT.
352
00:12:01,792 --> 00:12:03,059
- ATTENTION, EVERYONE.
353
00:12:03,093 --> 00:12:04,961
WELCOME TO WONDER WEEKEND'S
354
00:12:04,995 --> 00:12:07,698
FIRST-EVER PUBLIC FORUM.
355
00:12:07,731 --> 00:12:09,165
OUR TOPIC TODAY?
356
00:12:09,199 --> 00:12:10,767
SHOULD THE AMAZING GODDESSES
357
00:12:10,801 --> 00:12:14,037
TAKE PITY ON THE ONCE-POWERFUL
PAWNEE RANGERS,
358
00:12:14,070 --> 00:12:17,741
AND LET THEM INTO OUR
CLEARLY SUPERIOR ORGANIZATION?
359
00:12:17,774 --> 00:12:19,776
RON, YOUR OPENING STATEMENT.
360
00:12:22,145 --> 00:12:23,880
- THIS FORUM,
LIKE ALL PUBLIC FORUMS,
361
00:12:23,914 --> 00:12:24,948
IS A WASTE OF TIME.
362
00:12:24,981 --> 00:12:26,182
THANK YOU.
363
00:12:26,216 --> 00:12:27,584
- POWERFUL STUFF.
364
00:12:27,618 --> 00:12:30,020
OKAY. LET'S OPEN UP
THE FLOOR TO DEBATE.
365
00:12:30,053 --> 00:12:31,688
WHO--YES, ABIGAIL.
366
00:12:31,722 --> 00:12:34,825
- ISN'T IT LIKE BROWN VS.
THE BOARD OF EDUCATION?
367
00:12:34,858 --> 00:12:36,893
SEPARATE BUT EQUAL
IS NEVER REALLY EQUAL.
368
00:12:36,927 --> 00:12:38,028
WE SHOULD LET THE BOYS IN.
369
00:12:38,061 --> 00:12:39,696
- MMM, INTERESTING. CASEY?
370
00:12:39,730 --> 00:12:40,797
- I DISAGREE.
371
00:12:40,831 --> 00:12:42,265
I THINK THERE'S A BENEFIT
TO EDUCATING THE GENDERS
372
00:12:42,298 --> 00:12:43,366
SEPARATELY.
373
00:12:43,399 --> 00:12:45,368
- I SEE WHERE
YOU'RE COMING FROM.
374
00:12:45,401 --> 00:12:46,937
LET'S HEAR FROM A RANGER.
375
00:12:46,970 --> 00:12:49,039
ANYONE? DARREN?
376
00:12:49,072 --> 00:12:51,775
- IT'S COLD
AND DIRTY OUT HERE.
377
00:12:51,808 --> 00:12:53,944
AND YOU GUYS HAVE CANDY.
378
00:12:53,977 --> 00:12:55,345
I WANT THE CANDY.
379
00:12:55,378 --> 00:12:58,081
- THE GODDESSES ARE MAKING
SOME WELL-INFORMED STATEMENTS,
380
00:12:58,114 --> 00:12:59,816
BUT THE MOST COMPELLING POINT
381
00:12:59,850 --> 00:13:01,852
IS FROM DARREN, ABOUT THE CANDY.
382
00:13:01,885 --> 00:13:04,354
WE HAVE AMAZING CANDY IN THERE.
383
00:13:04,387 --> 00:13:06,389
- WELCOME TO NIRVANA,
384
00:13:06,422 --> 00:13:08,158
THE PLAZA AT EAGLETON.
385
00:13:08,191 --> 00:13:09,926
THERE'S A REFLECTING POOL
OUT BACK,
386
00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:11,962
THERE'S AN OLD-TIMEY TRAIN
THAT RUNS THROUGH THE MALL,
387
00:13:11,995 --> 00:13:14,230
AND THREE BURBERRYS.
388
00:13:14,264 --> 00:13:15,966
IF YOU TELL YOUR FRIEND,
"HEY, MEET ME AT BURBERRY,"
389
00:13:15,999 --> 00:13:18,802
THEY GOTTA SPECIFY WHICH ONE.
390
00:13:18,835 --> 00:13:19,970
- LET'S HIT IT.
391
00:13:21,371 --> 00:13:22,338
- I REALLY WANT THIS DRESS,
392
00:13:22,372 --> 00:13:24,174
AND I LIKE THIS CRYSTAL BEETLE,
393
00:13:24,207 --> 00:13:27,911
BUT IT'S EXPENSIVE
AND THERE'S NO USE FOR IT.
394
00:13:27,944 --> 00:13:29,179
- DONNA MEAGLE?
395
00:13:29,212 --> 00:13:31,047
TREAT YOURSELF.
396
00:13:31,081 --> 00:13:33,283
VELVET SLIPPIES,
CASHMERE SOCKS,
397
00:13:33,316 --> 00:13:35,385
VELVET PANTS,
CASHMERE TURTLE.
398
00:13:35,418 --> 00:13:37,153
I'M A CASHMERE-VELVET
CANDY CANE.
399
00:13:37,187 --> 00:13:39,890
- TREAT YOURSELF.
400
00:13:39,923 --> 00:13:41,257
- I MEAN, THIS IS INSANE.
401
00:13:43,500 --> 00:13:44,868
- JERRY, A WORD?
402
00:13:44,901 --> 00:13:45,969
- OF COURSE.
403
00:13:46,002 --> 00:13:48,405
- I HAD AN AMAZING LUNCH.
404
00:13:48,439 --> 00:13:50,707
I'VE ALREADY PASSED
THE KALE SALAD I HAD.
405
00:13:50,741 --> 00:13:51,575
BUT, EVEN BETTER?
406
00:13:51,608 --> 00:13:53,744
YOUR DAUGHTER
WAS DELIGHTFUL COMPANY.
407
00:13:53,777 --> 00:13:55,412
NOW, I DON'T WANT TO PUT YOU
408
00:13:55,446 --> 00:13:56,847
IN AN AWKWARD POSITION, BUT--
409
00:13:56,880 --> 00:13:58,815
- YOU WOULD LIKE
TO DATE MY DAUGHTER.
410
00:13:58,849 --> 00:13:59,816
- YES!
BUT YOU ARE HER FATHER.
411
00:13:59,850 --> 00:14:01,785
AND THAT IS A SACRED THING.
412
00:14:01,818 --> 00:14:03,787
I WOULD LIKE TO SPEND
THE NEXT 2 TO 4 DAYS WITH YOU
413
00:14:03,820 --> 00:14:05,155
SO YOU CAN GET
TO KNOW ME BETTER,
414
00:14:05,188 --> 00:14:06,823
TO FIND OUT IF I'M
THE KIND OF PERSON
415
00:14:06,857 --> 00:14:08,559
WHO'S GOOD ENOUGH
FOR YOUR DAUGHTER.
416
00:14:08,592 --> 00:14:09,760
THEN, YOU CAN COME WITH US
417
00:14:09,793 --> 00:14:11,127
ON OUR FIRST 3 TO 6 DATES--
418
00:14:11,161 --> 00:14:12,128
- CHRIS,
I APPRECIATE THE GESTURE,
419
00:14:12,162 --> 00:14:13,664
IT'S VERY NICE,
420
00:14:13,697 --> 00:14:15,466
BUT, MILLY,
SHE'S A GROWN WOMAN,
421
00:14:15,499 --> 00:14:16,800
AND OF COURSE I TRUST HER.
422
00:14:16,833 --> 00:14:18,802
AND I TRUST YOU.
423
00:14:18,835 --> 00:14:19,903
- JERRY.
424
00:14:19,936 --> 00:14:20,937
THANK YOU.
425
00:14:26,109 --> 00:14:27,478
- MMM.
426
00:14:27,511 --> 00:14:28,845
- BOYS, I'M TRYING
TO TEACH YOU SOMETHING
427
00:14:28,879 --> 00:14:32,549
ABOUT NATURE AND SELF-RELIANCE.
428
00:14:32,583 --> 00:14:34,918
NOTHING BEATS HARD WORK
AND DETERMINATION.
429
00:14:34,951 --> 00:14:36,620
- IS THIS
THE PAWNEE GODDESSES?
430
00:14:36,653 --> 00:14:37,621
I'VE GOT
THE PUPPIES YOU ORDERED.
431
00:14:37,654 --> 00:14:38,421
- OH!
432
00:14:38,455 --> 00:14:40,090
THE PUPPIES
FOR THE PUPPY PARTY
433
00:14:40,123 --> 00:14:41,492
THAT WE'RE HAVING
IN OUR CABIN?
434
00:14:41,525 --> 00:14:42,493
THOSE PUPPIES?
435
00:14:42,526 --> 00:14:43,494
- WHAT?
436
00:14:43,527 --> 00:14:44,761
NOO!
437
00:14:44,795 --> 00:14:47,163
[laughing and fawning]
438
00:14:49,032 --> 00:14:52,002
- MAN, DID YOU BUY ANYTHING
FOR YOURSELF TODAY?
439
00:14:52,035 --> 00:14:53,470
- YEAH, I GOT THIS
PACK OF SOCKS.
440
00:14:53,504 --> 00:14:54,471
- PLAIN WHITE SOCKS?
441
00:14:54,505 --> 00:14:55,672
THAT'S NOT A TREAT!
442
00:14:55,706 --> 00:14:56,673
DONNA!
443
00:14:56,707 --> 00:14:57,874
GET ME AWAY FROM HIM.
444
00:14:57,908 --> 00:15:00,010
- LOOK. MAYBE THIS IS OUR
VERSION OF TREAT YOURSELF DAY
445
00:15:00,043 --> 00:15:01,712
AND HE NEEDS TO DO HIS VERSION.
446
00:15:01,745 --> 00:15:02,813
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
447
00:15:02,846 --> 00:15:05,181
- WYATT, IF YOU COULD BLOW
BIG MONEY ON ONE THING--
448
00:15:05,215 --> 00:15:06,683
NOT SOCK MONEY--
449
00:15:06,717 --> 00:15:09,653
WHAT WOULD IT BE?
450
00:15:13,724 --> 00:15:15,225
- OH, MY GOD!
OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD!
451
00:15:15,258 --> 00:15:16,693
THIS IS A WHOLE NEW
LEVEL OF NERD.
452
00:15:16,727 --> 00:15:18,729
- YOU'RE RIGHT.
THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
453
00:15:18,762 --> 00:15:19,730
WHAT AM I DOING?
454
00:15:19,763 --> 00:15:20,531
- WAIT. NO, NO, NO, NO.
455
00:15:20,564 --> 00:15:22,132
I MEAN THAT
IN A GOOD WAY, BEN.
456
00:15:22,165 --> 00:15:23,667
LISTEN TO ME,
457
00:15:23,700 --> 00:15:25,736
YOU'RE PART OF THE
TREAT YOURSELF TEAM NOW, OKAY?
458
00:15:25,769 --> 00:15:27,638
IF THAT COSTUME
SOMEHOW MAKES YOU HAPPY,
459
00:15:27,671 --> 00:15:29,540
YOU'RE GONNA BUY IT.
460
00:15:29,573 --> 00:15:31,675
AND YOU'RE GONNA WEAR IT
OUT OF THE STORE, OKAY?
461
00:15:31,708 --> 00:15:32,676
YOU'RE GONNA TREAT YOURSELF.
462
00:15:32,709 --> 00:15:33,677
- YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
463
00:15:33,710 --> 00:15:34,745
I'M GONNA DO THAT.
464
00:15:34,778 --> 00:15:36,079
I'M GONNA--
465
00:15:36,112 --> 00:15:37,781
I'M GONNA TREAT MYSELF.
466
00:15:37,814 --> 00:15:39,816
THANKS, YOU GUYS.
467
00:15:41,652 --> 00:15:44,755
[crying]
THANK YOU.
468
00:15:44,788 --> 00:15:46,623
I REALLY NEEDED THIS.
469
00:15:46,657 --> 00:15:47,991
[sobbing]
470
00:15:48,024 --> 00:15:51,995
I'M GONNA TREAT MYSELF.
471
00:15:52,028 --> 00:15:54,765
- UH-OH. BATMAN'S CRYING.
472
00:15:54,798 --> 00:15:57,000
- I AM A GODDESS.
473
00:15:57,033 --> 00:15:59,670
A GLORIOUS FEMALE WARRIOR.
474
00:15:59,703 --> 00:16:01,605
all:
I AM A GODDESS.
475
00:16:01,638 --> 00:16:03,974
A GLORIOUS FEMALE WARRIOR.
476
00:16:04,007 --> 00:16:06,209
QUEEN OF ALL THAT I SURVEY.
477
00:16:06,242 --> 00:16:09,613
all:
QUEEN OF ALL THAT I SURVEY.
478
00:16:09,646 --> 00:16:11,848
ENEMIES OF FAIRNESS
AND EQUALITY,
479
00:16:11,882 --> 00:16:13,750
HEAR MY WOMANLY ROAR.
480
00:16:13,784 --> 00:16:16,953
all: ENEMIES OF FAIRNESS
AND EQUALITY,
481
00:16:16,987 --> 00:16:19,856
HEAR MY WOMANLY ROAR.
482
00:16:19,890 --> 00:16:21,992
[screams]
483
00:16:22,025 --> 00:16:25,261
[all scream]
484
00:16:25,295 --> 00:16:26,863
- CONGRATULATIONS,
YOU ARE NOW GODDESSES.
485
00:16:26,897 --> 00:16:28,699
- OH, MY GOD!
486
00:16:28,732 --> 00:16:29,666
[applause and cheers]
487
00:16:29,700 --> 00:16:31,668
- NOW, HAVE YOURSELVES
488
00:16:31,702 --> 00:16:32,669
A PUPPY PARTY.
489
00:16:32,703 --> 00:16:34,705
[puppies barking]
490
00:16:41,144 --> 00:16:42,545
OH, BOY.
491
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:48,268
- HEY.
492
00:16:48,301 --> 00:16:50,503
CAN I SIT DOWN?
493
00:16:51,838 --> 00:16:54,975
LOOK, I DIDN'T MEAN
FOR THIS TO HAPPEN.
494
00:16:55,008 --> 00:16:57,978
I HAVE A LOT OF RESPECT
FOR THE PAWNEE RANGERS,
495
00:16:58,011 --> 00:17:00,280
EVEN IF THEY WERE JERKS
FIVE YEARS AGO.
496
00:17:00,313 --> 00:17:02,215
YOU'RE NOT A JERK.
497
00:17:02,248 --> 00:17:05,185
YOU'RE A GOOD TROOP LEADER.
498
00:17:05,218 --> 00:17:07,821
- NOT FOR THESE TIMES I'M NOT.
499
00:17:07,854 --> 00:17:10,190
IT'S TAKEN ME A WHILE
TO SEE THIS,
500
00:17:10,223 --> 00:17:13,059
BUT THESE KIDS...
501
00:17:13,093 --> 00:17:15,195
I DON'T UNDERSTAND 'EM.
502
00:17:15,228 --> 00:17:17,297
AND THEY CERTAINLY
DON'T UNDERSTAND ME.
503
00:17:17,330 --> 00:17:19,065
- THAT'S NOT TRUE.
504
00:17:19,099 --> 00:17:20,767
- NO, IT IS.
505
00:17:20,801 --> 00:17:21,802
AND IT'S OKAY.
506
00:17:21,835 --> 00:17:23,770
PEOPLE CHANGE.
507
00:17:23,804 --> 00:17:25,839
THEIR INTERESTS CHANGE.
508
00:17:25,872 --> 00:17:28,809
IT'S THE WAY OF THE WORLD.
509
00:17:28,842 --> 00:17:32,078
WHEN DID KIDS GET
SO INTERESTED IN FUN?
510
00:17:34,114 --> 00:17:35,582
AH...
511
00:17:35,616 --> 00:17:38,885
I'M GONNA TURN IN.
512
00:17:38,919 --> 00:17:41,688
YOU WERE RIGHT, BY THE WAY.
513
00:17:41,722 --> 00:17:43,690
YOUR GROUP IS BETTER.
514
00:17:49,996 --> 00:17:51,598
- WHAT'S WRONG?
OUT WITH IT.
515
00:17:51,632 --> 00:17:55,135
- I WAS...SEEING A WOMAN,
516
00:17:55,168 --> 00:17:57,137
UH, FOR A WHILE, AND THEN
517
00:17:57,170 --> 00:17:59,339
WE STOPPED SEEING EACH OTHER.
518
00:17:59,372 --> 00:18:02,042
UH, PRETTY RECENTLY.
519
00:18:02,075 --> 00:18:04,277
- THAT'S WHY YOU'VE BEEN
OFF YOUR GAME.
520
00:18:04,310 --> 00:18:06,279
- SORRY, DOG.
521
00:18:06,312 --> 00:18:07,648
- YOU'RE A CATCH, WYATT.
522
00:18:07,681 --> 00:18:09,382
YOU'RE GONNA BE OKAY.
523
00:18:09,415 --> 00:18:11,117
- THERE'S CHICKENHEADS
EVERYWHERE, BEN.
524
00:18:11,151 --> 00:18:12,385
CHICKENHEADS ALL AROUND
THIS MALL.
525
00:18:12,418 --> 00:18:14,320
YOU'RE GONNA FIND ONE,
AND YOU'RE GONNA BE GREAT.
526
00:18:14,354 --> 00:18:15,321
BUT, FOR NOW,
WHY DON'T YOU LET IT OUT?
527
00:18:15,355 --> 00:18:17,357
TREAT YOURSELF
TO A GOOD CRY.
528
00:18:19,292 --> 00:18:20,393
ONE QUESTION, THOUGH.
529
00:18:20,426 --> 00:18:22,295
- YEAH?
530
00:18:22,328 --> 00:18:26,099
- WHY SO SERIOUS?
531
00:18:28,268 --> 00:18:29,235
- WAIT, I GOT SOMETHING.
532
00:18:29,269 --> 00:18:30,236
OH!
533
00:18:30,270 --> 00:18:32,272
- COOL! AWESOME! NICE!
534
00:18:32,305 --> 00:18:34,207
- THANKS, D-MONEY.
535
00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:35,208
- WHAT KIND OF BAIT
DID YOU USE?
536
00:18:35,241 --> 00:18:37,978
- I BOUGHT THIS MACKEREL
AT THE SUPERMARKET.
537
00:18:38,011 --> 00:18:39,245
I'VE BEEN STANDING IN THE WATER
538
00:18:39,279 --> 00:18:40,246
WITH THE FISH ON MY HOOK
539
00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:42,182
FOR 30 MINUTES.
540
00:18:42,215 --> 00:18:44,284
I SAW IT ON AN EPISODE
OF I LOVE LUCY.
541
00:18:44,317 --> 00:18:45,819
PATHETIC? MAYBE.
542
00:18:45,852 --> 00:18:47,320
BUT, FEELS PRETTY GOOD
TO HAVE A BUNCH OF LITTLE BOYS
543
00:18:47,353 --> 00:18:49,122
BE SUPER INTO ME.
544
00:18:49,155 --> 00:18:50,123
THAT CAME OUT WRONG.
545
00:18:50,156 --> 00:18:51,424
- RON!
546
00:18:51,457 --> 00:18:53,226
COME FISH WITH US!
547
00:18:53,259 --> 00:18:55,128
- THAT'S OKAY.
548
00:18:55,161 --> 00:18:57,063
SEEMS LIKE YOU HAVE
THINGS UNDER CONTROL.
549
00:18:57,097 --> 00:18:57,964
- COME ON!
550
00:18:57,998 --> 00:18:59,399
COME DO THAT THING
WHERE YOU CATCH ONE
551
00:18:59,432 --> 00:19:00,767
WITH YOUR HANDS!
552
00:19:00,801 --> 00:19:02,736
I'VE SEEN HIM DO IT,
IT'S INCREDIBLE.
553
00:19:02,769 --> 00:19:03,536
- RON, COME ON!
554
00:19:03,569 --> 00:19:05,939
WE NEED YOU
TO HELP US HAVE FUN!
555
00:19:05,972 --> 00:19:07,440
- FIRST ANNUAL LESLIE KNOPE
556
00:19:07,473 --> 00:19:09,876
REMOTE CONTROL SPEEDBOAT RACE!
557
00:19:09,910 --> 00:19:12,679
[cheering]
558
00:19:12,713 --> 00:19:13,714
- SEE YA MONDAY.
559
00:19:22,789 --> 00:19:23,890
- JERRY.
560
00:19:23,924 --> 00:19:24,991
- WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?
561
00:19:25,025 --> 00:19:26,993
- LISTEN,
AS I SAID EARLIER,
562
00:19:27,027 --> 00:19:29,162
I WANT KEEP EVERYTHING
ABOVE BOARD IN REGARDS
563
00:19:29,195 --> 00:19:30,330
TO MY RELATIONSHIP
WITH YOUR DAUGHTER.
564
00:19:30,363 --> 00:19:33,934
AND, AS YOU KNOW, MILLICENT
AND I WENT OUT LAST NIGHT.
565
00:19:33,967 --> 00:19:35,435
AND...IT WENT TERRIFIC.
566
00:19:35,468 --> 00:19:36,737
- CHRIS, THAT'S GREAT,
567
00:19:36,770 --> 00:19:37,738
BUT YOU REALLY DON'T
HAVE TO DO THIS.
568
00:19:37,771 --> 00:19:39,740
- AGAIN, THE DATE WAS AMAZING,
569
00:19:39,773 --> 00:19:42,175
WE HAD SPARKLING CONVERSATION,
570
00:19:42,208 --> 00:19:44,110
AND, FULL DISCLOSURE,
571
00:19:44,144 --> 00:19:45,779
SHE DID SPEND THE NIGHT
AT MY HOUSE.
572
00:19:45,812 --> 00:19:47,280
HAVE A GREAT DAY, JERRY.
573
00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:55,321
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
574
00:19:55,355 --> 00:19:56,957
- WE'RE HERE FOR THE CLUB.
575
00:19:56,990 --> 00:19:58,224
- THAT WAS LAST WEEK.
576
00:19:58,258 --> 00:19:59,760
- THE AD SAYS TODAY.
577
00:19:59,793 --> 00:20:00,593
- AD?
578
00:20:04,464 --> 00:20:06,166
- "ARE YOU TOUGH AS NAILS?
579
00:20:06,199 --> 00:20:07,868
" WOULD YOU RATHER SLEEP
ON A BED OF PINE NEEDLES
580
00:20:07,901 --> 00:20:09,235
"THAN A MATTRESS?
581
00:20:09,269 --> 00:20:11,071
"DO YOU FIND
VIDEO GAMES POINTLESS
582
00:20:11,104 --> 00:20:13,306
"AND SHOPPING MALLS STUPID?
583
00:20:13,339 --> 00:20:15,275
"DO YOU MARCH TO THE BEAT
OF YOUR OWN DRUMMER?
584
00:20:15,308 --> 00:20:18,278
"DID YOU MAKE THE DRUM YOURSELF?
585
00:20:18,311 --> 00:20:21,381
"IF SO, YOU MIGHT JUST HAVE
WHAT IT TAKES TO BE
586
00:20:21,414 --> 00:20:23,216
"A SWANSON.
587
00:20:23,249 --> 00:20:26,019
"PAWNEE'S MOST HARDCORE
OUTDOOR CLUB STARTS TODAY.
588
00:20:26,052 --> 00:20:29,055
BOYS AND GIRLS WELCOME."
589
00:20:31,257 --> 00:20:32,158
- SWANSONS!
590
00:20:32,192 --> 00:20:34,327
ARE YOU PREPARED
FOR WHATEVER LIES AHEAD?
591
00:20:34,360 --> 00:20:35,361
all:
YES, SIR.
592
00:20:35,395 --> 00:20:36,296
- BEFORE WE PROCEED,
593
00:20:36,329 --> 00:20:39,833
DO ANY OF HAVE ANY
DIETARY RESTRICTIONS?
594
00:20:39,866 --> 00:20:41,802
CORRECT, YOU DO NOT.
595
00:20:41,835 --> 00:20:43,236
FIRST OUTING IS RIGHT NOW.
596
00:20:43,269 --> 00:20:44,470
I WILL BE TEACHING YOU
597
00:20:44,504 --> 00:20:47,307
TO DIG A PROPER TRENCH.
598
00:20:47,340 --> 00:20:49,142
DOES THAT SOUND LIKE
SOMETHING YOU WANT TO DO?
599
00:20:49,175 --> 00:20:51,411
all:
YES, SIR.
600
00:20:51,444 --> 00:20:53,479
- THIS WILL BE
NO FUN AT ALL.
601
00:20:57,250 --> 00:20:59,552
- [sighs]
THE INTERNET'S NOT WORKING.
602
00:20:59,585 --> 00:21:00,553
- BEN!
603
00:21:00,586 --> 00:21:01,855
- WE NEED YOUR HELP.
604
00:21:01,888 --> 00:21:02,923
- GUYS, I'VE TOLD YOU
HOW TO DO IT.
605
00:21:02,956 --> 00:21:04,024
YOU JUST UNPLUG THE ROUTER
606
00:21:04,057 --> 00:21:05,892
AND THEN YOU PLUG IT
BACK IN AGAIN.
607
00:21:09,062 --> 00:21:10,363
GUESS I'LL DO IT.
608
00:21:14,935 --> 00:21:16,102
- STILL NOT WORKING.
609
00:21:16,136 --> 00:21:18,204
- WELL,
GIVE IT A MINUTE. GOD.
610
00:21:18,238 --> 00:21:20,974
- [sighs]
611
00:21:21,007 --> 00:21:22,075
- OKAY, IT'S WORKING.
612
00:21:22,125 --> 00:21:26,675
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