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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,702 --> 00:00:03,571 - EXCUSE ME. 2 00:00:03,604 --> 00:00:05,306 ARE YOU LESLIE KNOPE? - YES. 3 00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:06,707 - WE ARE PART OF A GROUP 4 00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:08,776 THAT TRIES TO IDENTIFY POTENTIAL CANDIDATES 5 00:00:08,809 --> 00:00:10,644 FOR POLITICAL OFFICE HERE IN TOWN. 6 00:00:10,678 --> 00:00:13,181 ARE YOU THEORETICALLY INTERESTED IN RUNNING FOR OFFICE? 7 00:00:13,214 --> 00:00:14,648 - ABSO-TOOT-LY I AM. 8 00:00:14,682 --> 00:00:16,584 VERY SORRY THAT I JUST USED THAT WORD. 9 00:00:16,617 --> 00:00:19,120 - BEFORE WE GO ANY FURTHER, I NEED YOU TO TELL ME 10 00:00:19,153 --> 00:00:20,354 IS THERE A SCANDAL OUT THERE? 11 00:00:20,388 --> 00:00:25,126 IS THERE ANYTHING AT ALL YOU NEED TO TELL US ABOUT YOUR LIFE? 12 00:00:25,159 --> 00:00:27,195 - NOPE. 13 00:00:30,764 --> 00:00:32,300 - WHO WERE THE SUITS? 14 00:00:32,333 --> 00:00:35,136 - THEY WANT ME TO RUN FOR OFFICE. 15 00:00:35,169 --> 00:00:37,605 - OH, MY GOD! LESLIE, YEA! 16 00:00:37,638 --> 00:00:39,107 - I KNOW, RIGHT? YEA. 17 00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:40,241 - YEA! - YEA! 18 00:00:40,274 --> 00:00:41,275 - YEA! - YEA! 19 00:00:41,309 --> 00:00:42,776 - WAIT, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ABOUT YOU AND BEN? 20 00:00:42,810 --> 00:00:43,811 - I DON'T KNOW. 21 00:00:43,844 --> 00:00:44,845 I THINK IT'S GONNA BE REALLY BAD. 22 00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:46,847 - UH-OH. YOU JUST WANNA GO BACK TO SAYING "YEA"? 23 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,182 - YES, PLEASE. 24 00:00:48,216 --> 00:00:51,652 - OKAY, YEA. - YEA. YEA. 25 00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:53,387 - KNOPE, FOLLOW ME. - JUST ONE SECOND. 26 00:00:53,421 --> 00:00:54,655 - NOW! - RON, HEY! 27 00:00:54,688 --> 00:00:57,125 WHOA! WHOA! WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! RON! RON, RON, RON, RON, RON! 28 00:00:57,158 --> 00:00:58,259 WHAT'S GOING ON? 29 00:00:58,292 --> 00:00:59,793 - MY EX-WIFE TAMMY IS BACK. 30 00:00:59,827 --> 00:01:01,329 - YEAH, I SAW HER IN THE COURTYARD. 31 00:01:01,362 --> 00:01:04,132 - NO, MY OTHER EX-WIFE TAMMY. TAMMY ONE. 32 00:01:04,165 --> 00:01:06,367 I HAVE ACCRUED 228 PERSONAL DAYS. 33 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:08,169 STARTING RIGHT NOW, I'M USING ALL OF THEM. 34 00:01:08,202 --> 00:01:10,238 [grunt] 35 00:01:10,271 --> 00:01:13,674 WHILE I'M GONE, YOU'RE IN CHARGE. 36 00:01:13,707 --> 00:01:17,145 - AH! [metal clanging] 37 00:01:17,178 --> 00:01:20,681 - ALSO, I KEEP A SIZABLE SUPPLY OF GROUND CHUCK IN MY DESK. 38 00:01:20,714 --> 00:01:23,451 REMOVE IT OR IT WILL BEGIN TO SMELL. 39 00:01:23,484 --> 00:01:25,186 GODSPEED. 40 00:01:27,455 --> 00:01:28,522 - HI, RON. - MOVE! 41 00:01:28,556 --> 00:01:30,891 - WHOA! 42 00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:32,526 AH, GEEZ. 43 00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:35,529 [triumphant music] 44 00:01:35,563 --> 00:01:43,737 * 45 00:01:52,713 --> 00:01:55,549 - WARNING! HIGH LEVELS OF SWAGGER COMING THROUGH. 46 00:01:55,583 --> 00:01:58,252 TOMMY HAVERFORD BACK IN THE PARKS DEPARTMENT. 47 00:01:58,286 --> 00:02:01,855 ENTERTAINMENT720 HOCKEY JERSEY, ANYBODY? 48 00:02:01,889 --> 00:02:03,491 BRANDED MOUSE PAD? 49 00:02:03,524 --> 00:02:06,427 ENTERTAINMENT720 IS JUST A LITTLE MULTI-NATIONAL 50 00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:08,629 ENTERTAINMENT COMPANY THAT I STARTED WITH MY BOY 51 00:02:08,662 --> 00:02:09,863 JEAN-RALPHIO. 52 00:02:09,897 --> 00:02:11,632 WHAT EXACTLY DO WE DO? 53 00:02:11,665 --> 00:02:14,368 LET'S JUST SAY IT'S TOO HARD TO EXPLAIN. 54 00:02:14,402 --> 00:02:16,604 DONNA, YOU LOOK AMAZING. HOW ARE THE KIDS? 55 00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:18,272 - I DON'T HAVE KIDS. - WOW. 56 00:02:18,306 --> 00:02:20,274 HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN? - THREE WEEKS. 57 00:02:20,308 --> 00:02:21,575 - [sigh] 58 00:02:21,609 --> 00:02:22,743 - SO DID YOU GET A CHANCE TO LOOK 59 00:02:22,776 --> 00:02:23,911 AT MY SAMPLE POSITION PAPERS? 60 00:02:23,944 --> 00:02:26,747 HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT MY STANCE ON EGYPTIAN DEBT RELIEF? 61 00:02:26,780 --> 00:02:28,649 - UH, WELL, IT PROBABLY WON'T COME UP 62 00:02:28,682 --> 00:02:31,352 IN A LOCAL CITY COUNCIL ELECTION. 63 00:02:31,385 --> 00:02:33,954 BUT YOUR THOROUGHNESS, AS ALWAYS, IS IMPRESSIVE. 64 00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:35,389 - THANK YOU. 65 00:02:35,423 --> 00:02:38,292 - NOW, WE HAVE THREE MONTHS. 66 00:02:38,326 --> 00:02:40,461 I THINK WE SHOULD START TALKING STRATEGY. 67 00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:42,630 - MY STRATEGY IS TO WIN. 68 00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:45,799 I'VE BEEN DREAMING ABOUT RUNNING FOR PUBLIC OFFICE MY WHOLE LIFE. 69 00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:48,302 WHILE OTHER GIRLS WERE PLAYING WITH BARBIES, 70 00:02:48,336 --> 00:02:51,572 I WAS PLAYING WITH A GERALDINE FERRARO ACTION FIGURE 71 00:02:51,605 --> 00:02:53,874 THAT I MADE MYSELF FROM A PICTURE OF HER THAT I GLUED 72 00:02:53,907 --> 00:02:55,676 ONTO A POPSICLE STICK. 73 00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:56,910 - SEE YOU NEXT WEEK? 74 00:02:56,944 --> 00:02:57,945 - OKAY, I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO IT. 75 00:02:57,978 --> 00:02:59,247 HEY! WHAT-- 76 00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:02,416 - WHO WAS THAT? - UH... 77 00:03:02,450 --> 00:03:04,485 LADY--JUST LADIES. 78 00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:06,720 MEETING FOR THE LADIES' YACHT CLUB. 79 00:03:06,754 --> 00:03:08,356 ANCHORS AWAY, LADIES. - WHAT? 80 00:03:08,389 --> 00:03:09,790 - JUST DON'T-- 81 00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:11,425 - LADIES' YACHT CLUB? 82 00:03:11,459 --> 00:03:13,427 - I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU HAVEN'T TOLD HIM YET. 83 00:03:13,461 --> 00:03:15,396 - AFTER I TELL HIM, I'M RUNNING FOR OFFICE, 84 00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:16,697 WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO BREAK UP. 85 00:03:16,730 --> 00:03:18,966 - WHY CAN'T YOU JUST KEEP SNEAKING AROUND? 86 00:03:18,999 --> 00:03:23,271 - ANN, YOU BEAUTIFUL, NAIVE, SOPHISTICATED, NEWBORN BABY. 87 00:03:23,304 --> 00:03:24,505 - WHAT? 88 00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:27,408 - BEFORE, IF PEOPLE FOUND OUT, WE WOULD MAYBE LOSE OUR JOBS. 89 00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:30,478 NOW, IF PEOPLE FIND OUT, IT'S GONNA BE A MAJOR SCANDAL. 90 00:03:30,511 --> 00:03:32,946 MY CAMPAIGN WILL BE OVER BEFORE IT BEGINS. 91 00:03:32,980 --> 00:03:34,782 - WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? - I HAVE A PLAN. 92 00:03:34,815 --> 00:03:36,384 AND IT'S REALLY GOOD. 93 00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:38,586 I'M GONNA POSTPONE TELLING HIM 94 00:03:38,619 --> 00:03:41,555 UNTIL YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DO. 95 00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:42,790 SO GET CRACKIN'. 96 00:03:42,823 --> 00:03:44,292 - HOW IS THIS ON ME? [cell phone chimes] 97 00:03:44,325 --> 00:03:47,428 - FINE! I'LL DO IT. GOD, WHO KEEPS EMAILING ME? 98 00:03:47,461 --> 00:03:49,963 A PENIS. - WHAT? 99 00:03:49,997 --> 00:03:52,032 [cell phone chimes] OH, MY GOD. 100 00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:53,834 OH-- 101 00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:55,303 IT'S EMAILING ME TOO. 102 00:03:55,336 --> 00:03:57,838 - WHOEVER THIS IS SENT IT TO EVERY WOMAN 103 00:03:57,871 --> 00:04:00,608 IN THE ENTIRE GOVERNMENT. 104 00:04:00,641 --> 00:04:02,843 - OH, MY GOD. 105 00:04:02,876 --> 00:04:06,814 HE'S GONNA BE SO EMBARRASSED. I MEAN, THAT'S A CRAZY ACCIDENT. 106 00:04:06,847 --> 00:04:10,618 - NO, ANDY, HE DID IT ON PURPOSE. 107 00:04:10,651 --> 00:04:12,753 - YOU KNOW WHAT? RESPECT. THAT'S A BALLER MOVE. 108 00:04:12,786 --> 00:04:13,887 PUN INTENDED. 109 00:04:13,921 --> 00:04:15,389 - EXCUSE ME. 110 00:04:15,423 --> 00:04:16,557 - CHRIS, JERRY'S MAKING US LOOK AT DIRTY PICTURES 111 00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:17,491 ON HIS COMPUTER. 112 00:04:17,525 --> 00:04:19,527 - IT IS EXACTLY BECAUSE OF THAT LEWD PHOTO 113 00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:20,761 THAT I AM HERE. 114 00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:22,530 BEN AND I ARE LAUNCHING A FULL INVESTIGATION. 115 00:04:22,563 --> 00:04:25,466 AND I WANT TO APOLOGIZE TO ALL THE WOMEN... 116 00:04:25,499 --> 00:04:26,634 AND JERRY. 117 00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:29,870 IF I COULD GO BACK IN TIME, AND CUT YOUR EYEBALLS OUT, 118 00:04:29,903 --> 00:04:30,738 I WOULD. 119 00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:33,541 - WOW, THAT IS SO SWEET. - THANK YOU. 120 00:04:33,574 --> 00:04:36,410 - WE ARE GETTING A LOT OF MEDIA REQUESTS ABOUT THIS. 121 00:04:36,444 --> 00:04:38,379 SO LESLIE, CAN YOU DO PERD HAPLEY? 122 00:04:38,412 --> 00:04:40,781 - HO! SHE CAN DO PERD HAPLEY. 123 00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:42,716 - HI-OH! 124 00:04:42,750 --> 00:04:44,685 - SERIOUSLY, CAN YOU DO HIS TV SHOW? 125 00:04:44,718 --> 00:04:47,020 - OH, YEAH. 126 00:04:47,054 --> 00:04:49,390 - ANDREW MY MAN-DREW, WHAT ARE YOU UP TO? 127 00:04:49,423 --> 00:04:51,859 - I'M ABOUT TO DO AN EXPERIMENT WHERE I HUCK THIS AT THE WALL 128 00:04:51,892 --> 00:04:54,027 AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS. 129 00:04:54,061 --> 00:04:55,729 BUT THAT CAN WAIT. SHOE SHINE? 130 00:04:55,763 --> 00:04:57,030 - ANDY, I'M GONNA BE HONEST. 131 00:04:57,064 --> 00:04:58,999 I CAME HERE TODAY TO TALK TO YOU. 132 00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:02,403 NOW LOOK, YOU'RE ENTHUSIASTIC. YOU'RE HARD-WORKING. 133 00:05:02,436 --> 00:05:03,737 YOU CAN LIFT HEAVY THINGS. 134 00:05:03,771 --> 00:05:04,838 I THINK THERE MIGHT BE A PLACE FOR YOU 135 00:05:04,872 --> 00:05:06,840 OVER AT ENTERTAINMENT720. 136 00:05:06,874 --> 00:05:08,742 - OH, MY GOD. 137 00:05:08,776 --> 00:05:09,777 WHAT IS THAT? 138 00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:11,111 - IT'S MY COMPANY! 139 00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:12,312 - I DON'T KNOW, TOM. 140 00:05:12,346 --> 00:05:14,982 I MEAN, I'M JUST NOW GETTING REALLY GOOD AT SHOE SHINING. 141 00:05:15,015 --> 00:05:16,984 AND I MEAN, I'M STILL PRETTY BAD AT IT. 142 00:05:17,017 --> 00:05:21,722 - LET ME ASK YOU THIS. ARE YOU LIVING YOUR DREAMS? 143 00:05:21,755 --> 00:05:24,392 - I DON'T KNOW, TOM. - WELL, I'M LIVING MINE. 144 00:05:24,425 --> 00:05:28,862 AND IF YOU WANNA LIVE YOURS, HERE'S MY CARD. 145 00:05:28,896 --> 00:05:32,400 - IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO READ. - BLACK PRINT, BLACK BACKGROUND. 146 00:05:32,433 --> 00:05:33,867 IT'S THE COOLEST POSSIBLE COLOR SCHEME. 147 00:05:33,901 --> 00:05:35,836 - YEAH. - IT'S ALSO A STRONG MAGNET. 148 00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:38,138 SO DON'T PUT IT IN YOUR WALLET. IT WILL ERASE YOUR CREDIT CARDS, 149 00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:40,441 GUARANTEED. 150 00:05:40,474 --> 00:05:44,011 - DESTROY MY CREDIT CARDS. DEBT AND EVERYTHING? 151 00:05:44,044 --> 00:05:47,781 - MR. MAYOR, I PROMISE YOU THAT WE WILL FIND THE OWNER 152 00:05:47,815 --> 00:05:49,016 OF THAT WEINER 153 00:05:49,049 --> 00:05:51,619 AND WE WILL PUNISH HIM. GOOD-BYE. 154 00:05:51,652 --> 00:05:52,953 ANN PERKINS! - HEY. 155 00:05:52,986 --> 00:05:54,888 I DIDN'T KNOW WHO TO COME TO WITH THIS, 156 00:05:54,922 --> 00:05:58,626 BUT THAT PICTURE, UH--THERE'S SOMETHING VERY DISTURBING 157 00:05:58,659 --> 00:06:00,160 ABOUT THE TESTICLES. 158 00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:02,062 - I'VE ALWAYS FELT THE SAME WAY MYSELF. 159 00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:04,832 THE TESTICLES ARE LIKE THE EARS OF THE GENITAL SYSTEM. 160 00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:06,500 THEY SERVE A VERY IMPORTANT FUNCTION, 161 00:06:06,534 --> 00:06:08,436 BUT THEY'RE NOT THAT GREAT TO LOOK AT. 162 00:06:08,469 --> 00:06:12,606 - OKAY, WOW. NO, I WAS SPEAKING MEDICALLY. 163 00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:13,741 THEY'RE ENLARGED. 164 00:06:13,774 --> 00:06:16,510 I THINK THAT MAYBE THAT GUY IS SICK WITH SOMETHING-- 165 00:06:16,544 --> 00:06:19,012 PERHAPS, A HERNIA, OR MUMPS. 166 00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:21,949 - ANN PERKINS! YOU REALLY KNOW YOUR TESTES. 167 00:06:21,982 --> 00:06:24,685 - THANK YOU? 168 00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:26,887 - FOR A FEMALE PERSPECTIVE ON THIS SCANDAL, 169 00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:29,623 WE TURN TO A WOMAN, LESLIE KNOPE. 170 00:06:29,657 --> 00:06:31,058 I'M ABOUT TO ASK YOU A QUESTION RIGHT NOW 171 00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:32,560 AND THAT QUESTION IS THIS. 172 00:06:32,593 --> 00:06:35,062 THE LEWD PHOTO-- JUST HOW BIG A DEAL IS IT? 173 00:06:35,095 --> 00:06:37,698 - WELL, FRANKLY, PERD, IT'S NOT THAT BIG A DEAL. 174 00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:39,132 IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. 175 00:06:39,166 --> 00:06:41,769 - [laughing heartily] I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. 176 00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:44,104 BUT IT HAD THE CADENCE OF A JOKE. 177 00:06:44,137 --> 00:06:46,640 - WHEN MEN IN GOVERNMENT BEHAVE THIS WAY, 178 00:06:46,674 --> 00:06:48,976 THEY BETRAY THE PUBLIC'S TRUST. 179 00:06:49,009 --> 00:06:51,512 MAYBE IT'S TIME FOR MORE WOMEN TO BE IN CHARGE. 180 00:06:51,545 --> 00:06:54,047 - THERE YOU HAVE IT, WHERE "IT" IS THE THING 181 00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:56,784 LESLIE KNOPE JUST SAID ABOUT THIS SITUATION. 182 00:06:56,817 --> 00:06:57,951 PERD HAP-- 183 00:06:57,985 --> 00:06:59,052 - HOW WAS THAT? WAS THAT OKAY? 184 00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:01,755 - AMAZING. THAT SOUND BITE IS GOLD. 185 00:07:01,789 --> 00:07:03,691 - YOU'RE GONNA GET GREAT FEEDBACK ON THIS, 186 00:07:03,724 --> 00:07:05,859 AND WE THINK WE CAN CAPITALIZE. 187 00:07:05,893 --> 00:07:08,195 YOU'RE GONNA ANNOUNCE YOUR CANDIDACY ON FRIDAY. 188 00:07:08,228 --> 00:07:11,865 - FRIDAY. IN THREE MONTHS. 189 00:07:11,899 --> 00:07:14,702 - NO, THIS FRIDAY. IS THAT OKAY? 190 00:07:14,735 --> 00:07:16,637 - NO, YEAH. YES, IT IS GREAT. 191 00:07:16,670 --> 00:07:19,607 OKAY, WE'LL DO THAT THEN NOW SOON. 192 00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:21,875 AND, UM, I JUST HAVE SOMETHING I'VE BEEN POSTPONING FOR A WHILE 193 00:07:21,909 --> 00:07:23,811 THAT I NEED TO DO, BUT I'LL DO IT NOW. 194 00:07:23,844 --> 00:07:25,779 - GREAT. - GREAT. 195 00:07:25,813 --> 00:07:27,214 YEA. 196 00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:31,852 - I KNOW IT. HA HA. OKAY. 197 00:07:31,885 --> 00:07:34,722 - BEN? I NEED TO TALK TO YOU. 198 00:07:34,755 --> 00:07:36,990 - THAT WAS MY BROTHER. HE JUST HAD A BABY GIRL. 199 00:07:37,024 --> 00:07:39,660 - OH, MY GOD, THAT'S HORRIBLE. OR GOOD--FULL DISCLOSURE. 200 00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:40,928 I DIDN'T LISTEN TO WHAT YOU JUST SAID. 201 00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:42,195 I NEED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING-- 202 00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:43,263 - OKAY, WELL, BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING, 203 00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:46,967 LET ME JUST SHOW YOU WHAT I GOT AT DOUG'S DONUTS. 204 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:49,937 IT'S AN L-SHAPED ECLAIR! 205 00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:52,806 THE "L" IS FOR LESLIE... FOR YOUR NAME. 206 00:07:57,678 --> 00:07:59,580 [knocking] - HEY. 207 00:07:59,613 --> 00:08:01,815 HOW ARE YOU? - BAD, REALLY BAD. 208 00:08:01,849 --> 00:08:04,051 - OH, GOD. HOW DID THE BREAKUP GO? 209 00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:07,220 - WELL, I STARTED CRYING BECAUSE HE GAVE ME AN ECLAIR. 210 00:08:07,254 --> 00:08:09,122 AND THEN WE MADE OUT AND SPENT THE NIGHT TOGETHER. 211 00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:12,025 BUT THIS MORNING IN THE COLD LIGHT OF DAY, 212 00:08:12,059 --> 00:08:14,528 I COOKED BREAKFAST AND WE MADE OUT SOME MORE. 213 00:08:14,562 --> 00:08:16,597 - WOW, YOU OPPOSITE-OF-BROKE-UP WITH HIM. 214 00:08:16,630 --> 00:08:20,701 - HE GAVE ME AN ECLAIR, ANN! 215 00:08:20,734 --> 00:08:23,804 - JOE, I'VE DETERMINED THAT THE LEWD PICTURE WAS SENT BY YOU 216 00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:28,075 BECAUSE YOU SENT IT FROM YOUR PERSONAL EMAIL ADDRESS, 217 00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:33,981 STINKMASTER69@ALUMNI. SARAHLAWRENCECOLLEGE.EDU. 218 00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:35,783 REALLY? SARAH LAWRENCE? 219 00:08:35,816 --> 00:08:37,951 - YEAH. I WANTED A SMALL COLLEGE EXPERIENCE. 220 00:08:37,985 --> 00:08:40,921 - YOU ALSO BRAGGED ABOUT IT TO MANY OF YOUR CO-WORKERS. 221 00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:43,724 - THERE'S AN OLD SEWAGE DEPARTMENT SAYING. 222 00:08:43,757 --> 00:08:45,826 "IF YOU'VE GOT A NICE DRAINPIPE, 223 00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:47,327 THERE'S NO REASON TO HIDE IT." 224 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:48,696 - I DOUBT THAT'S A SAYING. 225 00:08:48,729 --> 00:08:51,064 WE ARE TERMINATING YOU EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY. 226 00:08:51,098 --> 00:08:52,633 - IS THIS BECAUSE YOU'RE JEALOUS? 227 00:08:52,666 --> 00:08:55,068 - NO. IT'S BECAUSE YOU BROKE THE LAW. 228 00:08:55,102 --> 00:08:57,070 - THE LAW OF HAVING AN AMAZING PACKAGE. 229 00:08:57,104 --> 00:08:58,672 - BEFORE WE HAVE HIM FORCIBLY REMOVED, 230 00:08:58,706 --> 00:09:01,008 YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS, THAT ONE OF OUR FEMALE EMPLOYEES, 231 00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:02,943 A NURSE, EXAMINED THE PHOTO YOU SENT HER-- 232 00:09:02,976 --> 00:09:04,678 - I BET SHE DID. 233 00:09:04,712 --> 00:09:06,079 - AND YOU HAVE THE MUMPS. 234 00:09:06,113 --> 00:09:07,347 YOU MIGHT WANNA GET THAT CHECKED. 235 00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:08,816 - SWEET. 236 00:09:08,849 --> 00:09:11,685 SOMEONE'S GOT MUMPS ON HIS LUMPS. 237 00:09:11,719 --> 00:09:13,887 UP HIGH. ANYONE? 238 00:09:13,921 --> 00:09:15,288 - RON ISN'T HERE. 239 00:09:15,322 --> 00:09:19,693 HIS EX-WIFE TAMMY CAME, AND HE GOT SCARED AND RAN AWAY. 240 00:09:19,727 --> 00:09:21,194 WELL, AS ACTING MANAGER OF THE PARKS DEPARTMENT, 241 00:09:21,228 --> 00:09:24,264 I DECLARE THAT EVERYTHING YOU ARE SAYING IS STUPID. 242 00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:25,933 I LOVE YOU. 243 00:09:25,966 --> 00:09:28,836 - HEY, SO TOM OFFERED ME A JOB AGAIN. 244 00:09:28,869 --> 00:09:31,304 AS MY MANAGER, WHAT DO YOU THINK I SHOULD DO? 245 00:09:31,338 --> 00:09:33,240 - WELL, WHAT DO YOU WANNA DO? 246 00:09:33,273 --> 00:09:36,309 - I THINK IT'D BE KINDA COOL TO WORK FOR TOM. 247 00:09:36,343 --> 00:09:38,211 - SO TAKE IT. 248 00:09:38,245 --> 00:09:41,949 - BUT WORKING AT A START-UP CAN BE KIND OF RISKY. 249 00:09:41,982 --> 00:09:43,083 - SO DON'T TAKE IT. 250 00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:44,384 - BUT TOM TOLD ME TO FOLLOW MY DREAMS. 251 00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:45,919 - SO TAKE IT. 252 00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:49,222 - BUT THIS ISN'T MY DREAM. - SO DON'T TAKE IT. 253 00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:51,692 - I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. - ME NEITHER. 254 00:09:51,725 --> 00:09:53,794 - YOU GIVE SUCH GOOD ADVICE. 255 00:09:53,827 --> 00:09:55,796 BABE, I LOVE YOU. 256 00:09:55,829 --> 00:09:57,998 - YOU'RE WELCOME. 257 00:09:58,031 --> 00:10:00,901 [cell phone chimes] 258 00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,269 [cell phone chimes] - ANN PERKINS! 259 00:10:02,302 --> 00:10:04,337 - HEY. DID YOU MAYBE TELL PEOPLE 260 00:10:04,371 --> 00:10:07,407 THAT I DIAGNOSED THAT GUY WITH MUMPS BASED ON HIS PORN PHOTO? 261 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:09,042 - I DID! I WAS SO PROUD OF YOU. 262 00:10:09,076 --> 00:10:11,378 - OKAY, BECAUSE NOW I HAVE EVERYONE IN CITY HALL 263 00:10:11,411 --> 00:10:12,980 SENDING ME PICTURES OF THEIR JUNK, 264 00:10:13,013 --> 00:10:14,915 ASKING ME IF THEY HAVE MUMPS. 265 00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:16,950 - OH, MY GOD. 266 00:10:16,984 --> 00:10:19,720 YOUR INBOX IS LITERALLY FILLED WITH PENISES. 267 00:10:19,753 --> 00:10:21,054 - MM-HMM. - I AM SO SORRY. 268 00:10:21,088 --> 00:10:22,222 [cell phone chimes] 269 00:10:22,255 --> 00:10:25,693 - OH, LOOK. ED MILLER FROM PAYROLL. 270 00:10:25,726 --> 00:10:28,061 - BEFORE I DO THIS, IS THERE ANY POSSIBLE WAY THAT 271 00:10:28,095 --> 00:10:29,329 WE COULD STILL KEEP DATING? [cell phone chimes] 272 00:10:29,362 --> 00:10:31,965 - WE'VE ATTACKED THIS FROM ALL ANGLES. 273 00:10:31,999 --> 00:10:33,767 EITHER YOU DON'T RUN FOR OFFICE-- 274 00:10:33,801 --> 00:10:35,168 - WHICH IS OUT OF THE QUESTION. 275 00:10:35,202 --> 00:10:37,270 - OR YOU BREAK UP WITH HIM AND AVOID A POTENTIAL SCANDAL. 276 00:10:37,304 --> 00:10:38,371 [cell phone chimes] 277 00:10:38,405 --> 00:10:40,240 - DO YOU NEED TO GET THAT? - NO, IT'S JUST PENISES. 278 00:10:40,273 --> 00:10:42,409 LESLIE, I DON'T WANT YOU TO BREAK UP WITH HIM EITHER. 279 00:10:42,442 --> 00:10:44,745 THERE'S JUST NO OTHER WAY. - YEAH. 280 00:10:44,778 --> 00:10:46,680 - JUST BE DIRECT AND HONEST. 281 00:10:46,714 --> 00:10:47,915 - OKAY. - OKAY. 282 00:10:47,948 --> 00:10:49,249 HMM. 283 00:10:49,282 --> 00:10:51,852 IT'S THE ENTIRE SANITATION DEPARTMENT FOR MUNCIE. 284 00:10:51,885 --> 00:10:52,686 OOH. 285 00:10:54,421 --> 00:10:55,989 - WOULD YOU LIKE ANY WINE TO START? 286 00:10:56,023 --> 00:10:58,926 - YES, AND I'M GONNA BE DIRECT AND HONEST WITH YOU. 287 00:10:58,959 --> 00:11:00,327 I WOULD LIKE A GLASS OF RED WINE 288 00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:01,695 AND I'LL TAKE THE CHEAPEST ONE YOU HAVE 289 00:11:01,729 --> 00:11:02,830 BECAUSE I CAN'T TELL THE DIFFERENCE. 290 00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:04,765 - I'LL HAVE THE SAME. - GREAT. 291 00:11:04,798 --> 00:11:07,901 - OKAY. HERE'S THE DEAL. - OKAY. 292 00:11:07,935 --> 00:11:10,871 - I REALLY, REALLY LIKE YOU. - I LIKE YOU TOO. 293 00:11:10,904 --> 00:11:12,706 AND I THINK I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GONNA SAY. 294 00:11:12,740 --> 00:11:15,876 - I HIGHLY DOUBT THAT. - I THINK I DO. 295 00:11:15,909 --> 00:11:18,078 - OH, I DON'T. - AND, UM... 296 00:11:18,111 --> 00:11:21,314 I GOT YOU SOMETHING. - NO. WHAT IS THIS? 297 00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:23,050 IS THIS JEWELRY? - IT'S NOT, JUST OPEN IT. 298 00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:26,153 - NO. OH, I NEED TO GO TO... 299 00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:27,387 ANOTHER PLACE. 300 00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:29,923 I'M GONNA GO TO THE BATHROOM-- THE WHIZ PALACE, 301 00:11:29,957 --> 00:11:30,991 AS WE LIKE TO CALL IT HERE-- 302 00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:34,361 AND I'M GOING TO BE BACK AND I'M NOT GONNA SPLIT. 303 00:11:34,394 --> 00:11:37,497 I'M HERE FOR YOU BECAUSE WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT STUFF. 304 00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:40,167 OKAY? - ALL RIGHT. 305 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,969 - WAIT-- 306 00:11:48,241 --> 00:11:51,511 RON. - WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 307 00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:54,181 - RUNNING AWAY FROM MY PROBLEMS. 308 00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:57,484 - COME ON IN. 309 00:11:57,517 --> 00:11:58,952 [door slams] 310 00:12:02,289 --> 00:12:03,757 - OKAY, SO HERE'S WHAT'S GOING ON. 311 00:12:03,791 --> 00:12:05,125 - I DIDN'T ASK. 312 00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:06,794 - FRIDAY, I'M SUPPOSED TO ANNOUNCE THAT I'M RUNNING 313 00:12:06,827 --> 00:12:08,228 FOR CITY COUNCIL, AND I HAVEN'T TOLD BEN YET. 314 00:12:08,261 --> 00:12:10,263 I KNOW I SAID THAT WE BROKE UP, BUT WE COULDN'T. 315 00:12:10,297 --> 00:12:11,264 WE'RE STILL DATING. 316 00:12:11,298 --> 00:12:12,866 BUT NOW I HAVE TO BREAK UP WITH HIM FOR REAL, 317 00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:14,067 BUT I DON'T WANNA BREAK UP WITH HIM 318 00:12:14,101 --> 00:12:15,168 BECAUSE HE'S SO CUTE. HE'S SO NICE. 319 00:12:15,202 --> 00:12:16,937 - IF YOU'RE GONNA STAY HERE, THERE ARE THREE RULES 320 00:12:16,970 --> 00:12:18,806 YOU NEED TO FOLLOW. 321 00:12:18,839 --> 00:12:22,442 ONE, NO TALK ABOUT TAMMY ONE. TWO, NO TALK ABOUT BEN. 322 00:12:22,475 --> 00:12:24,311 THREE, NO TALK. 323 00:12:24,344 --> 00:12:25,813 - I DIDN'T EVEN ASK YOU LAST NIGHT. 324 00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:27,147 WHAT IS GOING ON WITH TAMMY ONE? 325 00:12:27,180 --> 00:12:29,482 - YOU JUST VIOLATED RULES NUMBER ONE AND THREE. 326 00:12:29,516 --> 00:12:31,151 YOU LOSE YOUR COFFEE PRIVILEGES. 327 00:12:31,184 --> 00:12:33,186 - OH. 328 00:12:33,220 --> 00:12:38,158 - OH, YOU CHOOSE, KNOPE-- HUNTING, FISHING, OR DRINKING? 329 00:12:38,191 --> 00:12:40,460 - I'D REALLY LOVE TO SHOOT A GUN RIGHT NOW. 330 00:12:40,493 --> 00:12:41,995 - FISHING IT IS. 331 00:12:43,363 --> 00:12:46,033 - AND SO EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY, ALL MALE EMPLOYEES 332 00:12:46,066 --> 00:12:49,336 MUST STOP SENDING EXPLICIT PHOTOS TO MS. PERKINS. 333 00:12:49,369 --> 00:12:52,305 - IF I MAY, WHAT IF BASED ON EMPIRICAL EVIDENCE, 334 00:12:52,339 --> 00:12:56,343 I TRULY BELIEVE THERE'S A GRAVE AND IMMEDIATE MEDICAL EMERGENCY? 335 00:12:56,376 --> 00:13:00,480 WERE THAT THE CASE, COULD I THEN SHOW YOU MY DONG? 336 00:13:00,513 --> 00:13:01,915 - NO. 337 00:13:01,949 --> 00:13:04,251 - THAT WOULD BE HARASSMENT. - FAIR ENOUGH. 338 00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:06,219 NOW COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SCENARIO. 339 00:13:06,253 --> 00:13:08,956 LET'S SAY I'VE BEEN WATCHING A LOT OF WOMEN'S GOLF 340 00:13:08,989 --> 00:13:10,390 AND I'VE HAD SOME WINE-- 341 00:13:10,423 --> 00:13:11,624 - HOW ABOUT THIS? 342 00:13:11,658 --> 00:13:14,494 I'M GONNA GET A MALE DOCTOR TO COME IN AND DO SOME SCREENINGS. 343 00:13:14,527 --> 00:13:16,029 - PERFECT. 344 00:13:16,063 --> 00:13:17,364 JUST AS A BACKUP, I'M SENDING YOU SOME PHOTOS. 345 00:13:17,397 --> 00:13:19,232 - THAT WILL NOT BE NECESSARY. - THAT'S ME. 346 00:13:19,266 --> 00:13:21,268 [cell phone chimes] 347 00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,370 - BRAND-NEW DAY, BRAND-NEW MERCH. 348 00:13:23,403 --> 00:13:26,473 I GOT YOU GUYS SOME AWESOME ENTERTAINMENT720 STUFF. 349 00:13:26,506 --> 00:13:30,844 DONNA, THIS IS FOR YOU. ENTERTAINMENT720 UMBRELLA. 350 00:13:30,878 --> 00:13:34,581 ENTERTAINMENT720 FLY SWATTERS. RUBIK'S CUBE WITH MY FACE ON IT. 351 00:13:34,614 --> 00:13:35,983 * BREATH MINTS 352 00:13:36,016 --> 00:13:37,417 FIREPLACE BELLOWS. 353 00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:39,119 AND...DRUM ROLL PLEASE. 354 00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:40,287 [drum roll sound] 355 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,222 DRUM ROLL SOUND EFFECT KEY CHAIN. 356 00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:45,158 - SHOULDN'T YOU BE WORKING AT YOUR NEW COMPANY, TOM? 357 00:13:45,192 --> 00:13:46,393 - I AM WORKING, APRIL. 358 00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:48,929 I'M MAKING HIGH-LEVEL NETWORK CONTACTS. 359 00:13:48,962 --> 00:13:50,964 YOU THINK BETHENNY FRANKEL SITS BEHIND A DESK ALL DAY? 360 00:13:50,998 --> 00:13:54,101 SHE MAKES $100 MILLION A YEAR. HOW MUCH YOU MAKE A YEAR? 361 00:13:54,134 --> 00:13:55,035 - $101 MILLION. 362 00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:57,137 - WELL, I, FOR ONE, AM HAPPY TO SEE TOM. 363 00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:58,338 - THANKS, JERRY! 364 00:13:58,371 --> 00:14:01,041 HERE. HAVE AN UMBRELLA AND SOME BREATH STRIPS. 365 00:14:01,074 --> 00:14:02,509 - WHOA. 366 00:14:02,542 --> 00:14:03,977 - ALL RIGHT, ENOUGH CHITCHAT, EVERYONE. 367 00:14:04,011 --> 00:14:06,546 PLEASE GET BACK TO WORK. - YOU'RE NOT OUR BOSS. 368 00:14:06,579 --> 00:14:08,882 - WHAT'D YOU JUST SAY TO ME? - MA'AM. 369 00:14:08,916 --> 00:14:12,419 - SO...DID YOU GET A CHANCE TO THINK ABOUT MY OFFER? 370 00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:14,554 - YEAH, I'VE BEEN THINKING A LOT ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID. 371 00:14:14,587 --> 00:14:17,190 I WANNA DO MY DREAMS, BUT I JUST DON'T THINK MY DREAM 372 00:14:17,224 --> 00:14:19,426 IS WORKING FOR A COMPANY THAT PUTS LOGOS ON STUFF. 373 00:14:19,459 --> 00:14:21,194 - THAT'S NOT WHAT MY COMPANY DOES. 374 00:14:21,228 --> 00:14:23,096 ALTHOUGH, MAYBE WE'LL START. 375 00:14:23,130 --> 00:14:25,598 - HEY, WHAT YOU THINK? 376 00:14:25,632 --> 00:14:27,067 - DONNA...THAT LOOKS GREAT. 377 00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:29,202 - I COULD DO WITHOUT THIS ONE. 378 00:14:29,236 --> 00:14:31,004 - [grunts] 379 00:14:31,038 --> 00:14:33,140 - SO RUNNING FOR OFFICE. 380 00:14:33,173 --> 00:14:35,508 NOW I'M GONNA HAVE TO FIND A REPLACEMENT FOR YOU. 381 00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:38,311 - I MIGHT NOT WIN. - YOU'LL WIN. 382 00:14:38,345 --> 00:14:42,649 - I MIGHT NOT RUN. - YOU SHOULD. 383 00:14:42,682 --> 00:14:44,584 WHAT'S OUR PLAN HERE, KNOPE? 384 00:14:44,617 --> 00:14:48,321 - I FIGURE WE BUILD A FIRE, ROAST THE FISH WE SHOT, 385 00:14:48,355 --> 00:14:50,090 AND MAKE S'MORES. 386 00:14:50,123 --> 00:14:51,925 - I DON'T HAVE THE MATERIAL FOR S'MORES. 387 00:14:51,959 --> 00:14:53,260 - I DO. 388 00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:55,295 I ALWAYS CARRY EMERGENCY S'MORE RATIONS IN MY CAR. 389 00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:57,965 GIVEN YOUR HUNTING ABILITIES 390 00:14:57,998 --> 00:15:00,000 AND MY CHOCOLATE SUPPLY, 391 00:15:00,033 --> 00:15:04,271 I FIGURE WE COULD STAY UP HERE FOR TWO...THREE YEARS. 392 00:15:10,077 --> 00:15:11,478 - YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS 12, 393 00:15:11,511 --> 00:15:14,614 MY BROTHER SHOT ME IN THE PINKY TOE WITH A NAIL GUN. 394 00:15:14,647 --> 00:15:17,350 GRANTED, IT WAS A HILARIOUS PRANK, 395 00:15:17,384 --> 00:15:18,952 AND WE ALL HAD A GOOD LAUGH. 396 00:15:18,986 --> 00:15:20,087 - THAT'S AWFUL. 397 00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:21,955 - BUT I AVOIDED GOING TO THE DOCTOR. 398 00:15:21,989 --> 00:15:24,057 I HATE PAPERWORK. 399 00:15:24,091 --> 00:15:27,027 AFTER A FEW WEEKS, THE TOE JUST KINDA FELL OFF. 400 00:15:27,060 --> 00:15:28,428 - YOU ONLY HAVE NINE TOES? 401 00:15:28,461 --> 00:15:31,198 - I HAVE THE TOES I HAVE. 402 00:15:31,231 --> 00:15:32,665 LET'S JUST LEAVE IT AT THAT. 403 00:15:32,699 --> 00:15:36,303 THE POINT IS THE DOCTOR SAID IF I HAD COME IN RIGHT AWAY, 404 00:15:36,336 --> 00:15:39,006 THEY MIGHT'VE SAVED THE TOE. 405 00:15:39,039 --> 00:15:41,241 YOU CAN'T RUN AWAY FROM YOUR PROBLEMS. 406 00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:43,443 - ESPECIALLY IF YOU ONLY HAVE NINE TOES. 407 00:15:44,711 --> 00:15:48,715 SORRY. THAT WAS UNCALLED FOR. 408 00:15:48,748 --> 00:15:52,319 - I'M RON SWANSON. AND YOU'RE LESLIE [bleep] KNOPE. 409 00:15:55,055 --> 00:15:57,724 YOU WITH ME? 410 00:16:02,229 --> 00:16:04,131 - WELL, WHAT IS YOUR DREAM? 411 00:16:04,164 --> 00:16:06,399 - IT'S TO BE THE BIGGEST ROCK STAR ON THE PLANET OBVIOUSLY. 412 00:16:06,433 --> 00:16:08,135 BUT THAT COULD TAKE ANOTHER 3-5 YEARS. 413 00:16:08,168 --> 00:16:09,236 DON'T GET ME WRONG. 414 00:16:09,269 --> 00:16:12,605 SHOE SHINING HAS BEEN A... BEEN A PRETTY WILD RIDE. 415 00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:16,209 BUT IS IT POSSIBLE THERE'S SOMETHING MORE OUT THERE FOR ME? 416 00:16:16,243 --> 00:16:19,079 - ANDY, THERE'S TONS OF STUFF YOU CAN DO. 417 00:16:19,112 --> 00:16:20,713 I'LL HELP YOU FIGURE IT OUT. 418 00:16:20,747 --> 00:16:22,615 - REALLY? - YES. 419 00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:26,419 ONE YEAR FROM NOW, YOU, ANDY DWYER, WILL NO LONGER BE 420 00:16:26,453 --> 00:16:29,756 A SHOE SHINIST. 421 00:16:29,789 --> 00:16:31,424 - KYLE, BEAT IT. 422 00:16:31,458 --> 00:16:33,593 I WANNA MAKE OUT WITH MY WIFE NOW. 423 00:16:33,626 --> 00:16:35,495 - BUT YOU'VE ONLY DONE HALF OF ONE OF MY SHOES. 424 00:16:35,528 --> 00:16:40,500 - HERE. NOW I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING. 425 00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:43,603 SCRAM, KID. - [grunts, laughs] 426 00:16:45,805 --> 00:16:48,041 - HELLO. - HEY, RON! WELCOME-- 427 00:16:48,075 --> 00:16:50,677 - STOP. FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS. 428 00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:53,246 I PROMISED LESLIE I'D HIRE HER A NEW ASSISTANT 429 00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:56,149 SO THE DEPARTMENT DOESN'T COMPLETELY SHUT DOWN 430 00:16:56,183 --> 00:16:58,451 WHILE SHE RUNS FOR OFFICE. 431 00:16:58,485 --> 00:17:01,354 - YOU'RE RUNNING FOR OFFICE? - YEAH, CITY COUNCIL. 432 00:17:01,388 --> 00:17:03,356 - LESLIE, THAT IS GREAT. - THANK YOU. 433 00:17:03,390 --> 00:17:07,527 - WILL YOU PLEDGE RIGHT NOW NOT TO RAISE TAXES? 434 00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:11,631 - I THINK THAT'S PREMATURE. - NO PLEDGE, NO VOTE. 435 00:17:11,664 --> 00:17:13,666 - THE POINT IS SHE NEEDS AN ASSISTANT. 436 00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:16,403 START ASKING AROUND-- - HIRE ANDY. 437 00:17:16,436 --> 00:17:20,507 ANDY CAN DO IT. - SURE, YEAH. 438 00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:21,641 - DONE. 439 00:17:21,674 --> 00:17:24,644 ANDY, YOU ARE NOW LESLIE'S ASSISTANT. 440 00:17:24,677 --> 00:17:26,479 - HONEY. 441 00:17:26,513 --> 00:17:29,216 - NO-- 442 00:17:29,249 --> 00:17:31,451 - LESLIE, I'M GONNA WORK MY ASS OFF FOR YOU. 443 00:17:31,484 --> 00:17:33,720 I'LL DO ANYTHING YOU ASK ME. I WILL PROVE MYSELF. 444 00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:35,155 YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO PAY ME. 445 00:17:35,188 --> 00:17:36,323 - NO, HONEY, NO. 446 00:17:36,356 --> 00:17:40,127 - TOMORROW, THERE WILL BE A 300-PAGE ORIENTATION BOOKLET 447 00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:41,794 AS WELL AS A DOZEN HOMEMADE COOKIES 448 00:17:41,828 --> 00:17:43,430 IN THE SHAPE OF YOUR FACE. 449 00:17:43,463 --> 00:17:46,299 BUT TODAY... 450 00:17:46,333 --> 00:17:50,437 THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE I HAVE TO DO. 451 00:17:50,470 --> 00:17:55,442 - IF ANY OF YOU NEED ANYTHING AT ALL, TOO BAD. 452 00:17:55,475 --> 00:17:57,877 DEAL WITH YOUR PROBLEMS YOURSELVES LIKE ADULTS. 453 00:17:57,910 --> 00:18:00,447 I'LL BE IN MY OFFICE, WAITING FOR TAMMY ONE. 454 00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:01,681 - YOU WANT ME TO FIND HER? 455 00:18:01,714 --> 00:18:03,683 - THERE'S NO NEED. SHE'LL FIND ME. 456 00:18:03,716 --> 00:18:09,256 SHE HAS THE TRACKING ABILITY AND BODY ODOR OF A BLOODHOUND. 457 00:18:11,491 --> 00:18:13,793 - OKAY, SO NOW YOU'RE SURE THAT EVERYTHING IS OKAY, YOU KNOW, 458 00:18:13,826 --> 00:18:15,162 DOWN THERE? 459 00:18:15,195 --> 00:18:17,830 - YOU'RE PERFECTLY HEALTHY. 460 00:18:17,864 --> 00:18:21,534 THAT MAN HAS THE LARGEST PENIS I HAVE EVER SEEN. 461 00:18:21,568 --> 00:18:23,270 I ACTUALLY DON'T EVEN KNOW IF HE HAS MUMPS. 462 00:18:23,303 --> 00:18:24,404 FORGOT TO LOOK. 463 00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:30,243 I WAS DISTRACTED BY THE LARGEST PENIS I HAVE EVER SEEN. 464 00:18:33,246 --> 00:18:34,814 - I KNOW I'VE BEEN ACTING REALLY WEIRD LATELY, 465 00:18:34,847 --> 00:18:37,717 AND, UM, I REALLY LIKE YOU. 466 00:18:37,750 --> 00:18:39,519 WHAT I'M ABOUT TO SAY IS GONNA CONTRADICT THE IDEA 467 00:18:39,552 --> 00:18:41,188 THAT I REALLY LIKE YOU, BUT THAT WON'T CHANGE-- 468 00:18:41,221 --> 00:18:42,322 - SO JUST OPEN THE BOX. 469 00:18:42,355 --> 00:18:43,890 - PLEASE STOP BRINGING OUT THE BOX, OKAY? 470 00:18:43,923 --> 00:18:45,458 - LESLIE-- - YOU'RE BEING REALLY NICE, 471 00:18:45,492 --> 00:18:47,527 AND WHAT I'M ABOUT TO SAY IS GONNA MAKE YOU HATE ME. 472 00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:49,662 - OKAY, THEN I'LL JUST OPEN THE BOX FOR YOU. 473 00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:55,602 - WOW. 474 00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:57,470 YOU KNEW? 475 00:18:57,504 --> 00:18:59,506 - I FIGURED IT OUT A WHILE AGO. 476 00:18:59,539 --> 00:19:01,741 I'M SORRY. I SHOULD'VE TOLD YOU I KNEW. 477 00:19:01,774 --> 00:19:06,246 BUT I JUST--I WANTED THIS TO LAST AS LONG AS POSSIBLE. 478 00:19:06,279 --> 00:19:07,880 WE HAVE TO BREAK UP. 479 00:19:07,914 --> 00:19:11,618 - WHY? WHY DO WE HAVE TO BREAK UP? 480 00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:14,887 - WELL, LESLIE, EVERYTHING YOU'VE ACCOMPLISHED, 481 00:19:14,921 --> 00:19:16,856 YOU HAVE EARNED AND YOU HAVE WORKED FOR. 482 00:19:16,889 --> 00:19:19,626 I DON'T WANT ANYONE TO THINK THAT YOU GOT WHERE YOU ARE TODAY 483 00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:23,463 BY SLEEPING WITH YOUR BOSS. 484 00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:24,731 - BUT I REALLY LIKE SLEEPING WITH MY BOSS. 485 00:19:24,764 --> 00:19:27,200 - YEAH...YEAH. 486 00:19:27,234 --> 00:19:29,469 OKAY, LOOK. I'M GONNA MAKE THIS REAL EASY FOR YOU. 487 00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:34,707 UM, IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S ME. I'M NOT READY FOR A COMMITMENT. 488 00:19:34,741 --> 00:19:36,676 I JUST DON'T LIKE YOU ANYMORE. 489 00:19:36,709 --> 00:19:39,479 I KNOW IT'S HARD TO HEAR THAT, BUT... 490 00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:41,614 YOU'RE BORING, AND FRANKLY YOU DISGUST ME. 491 00:19:41,648 --> 00:19:43,416 ECHH! 492 00:19:45,752 --> 00:19:47,520 - HOW DID YOU FIGURE IT OUT? 493 00:19:47,554 --> 00:19:50,557 - LESLIE, THERE WAS A DUDE IN THE LADIES' YACHT CLUB. 494 00:19:50,590 --> 00:19:52,559 - YEAH, BUT I COVERED THAT PRETTY WELL. 495 00:19:52,592 --> 00:19:56,296 - ALSO, YOU'VE BEEN MAKING CAMPAIGN SPEECHES IN YOUR SLEEP. 496 00:19:56,329 --> 00:19:59,999 GRANTED, YOU ALWAYS DO THAT, BUT THEY GOT REALLY SPECIFIC 497 00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:01,868 AND MOVING. 498 00:20:01,901 --> 00:20:03,503 - DID I HAVE A GOOD OPENING LINE? 499 00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:07,740 - IT WAS SIMPLE, BUT I LIKED IT. 500 00:20:07,774 --> 00:20:11,611 - FRIENDS, HONORED GUESTS, PAWNEEANS. 501 00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:15,682 I AM LESLIE KNOPE, AND I AM RUNNING FOR CITY COUNCIL. 502 00:20:18,385 --> 00:20:21,388 Captioning by CaptionMax www.captionmax.com 503 00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:32,565 - HELLO, TAMMY. - RONALD. 504 00:20:32,599 --> 00:20:34,934 - THAT'S ENOUGH SMALL TALK. WHAT DO YOU WANT? 505 00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:38,438 - YOU REMEMBER WHAT I DO FOR A LIVING, I TRUST? 506 00:20:38,471 --> 00:20:40,707 - YES. YOU RUIN PEOPLE'S LIVES. 507 00:20:43,310 --> 00:20:45,678 - YOU'RE BEING AUDITED, RONALD. 508 00:20:45,712 --> 00:20:46,579 - I DON'T CARE. 509 00:20:46,613 --> 00:20:50,317 - THEN WHY IS YOUR MUSTACHE TREMBLING? 510 00:20:50,350 --> 00:20:51,618 I'M HERE AS A FRIEND. 511 00:20:51,651 --> 00:20:52,919 CALL IT NOSTALGIA. 512 00:20:52,952 --> 00:20:55,722 OR PERHAPS GUILT FOR ALL THE TIMES 513 00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:57,724 I TRIED TO SMOTHER YOU IN YOUR SLEEP. 514 00:20:57,757 --> 00:21:01,628 - I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP. - WRONG. YOU DO. 515 00:21:01,661 --> 00:21:04,597 BUT AS YOU'RE SO FOND OF SAYING, IT'S A FREE COUNTRY. 516 00:21:04,631 --> 00:21:06,499 GOOD LUCK. 517 00:21:06,533 --> 00:21:08,267 I HOPE YOU DON'T GO TO JAIL. 518 00:21:10,870 --> 00:21:12,339 SIT UP STRAIGHT. 519 00:21:12,372 --> 00:21:15,775 YOU'RE NOT DOING YOUR BREASTS ANY FAVORS. 520 00:21:15,808 --> 00:21:18,345 - THANK YOU. 521 00:21:18,378 --> 00:21:21,047 - HI. YOUR BREASTS LOOK AMAZING. 522 00:21:21,097 --> 00:21:25,647 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 38931

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