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1
00:00:01,702 --> 00:00:03,571
- EXCUSE ME.
2
00:00:03,604 --> 00:00:05,306
ARE YOU LESLIE KNOPE?
- YES.
3
00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:06,707
- WE ARE PART OF A GROUP
4
00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:08,776
THAT TRIES TO IDENTIFY
POTENTIAL CANDIDATES
5
00:00:08,809 --> 00:00:10,644
FOR POLITICAL OFFICE
HERE IN TOWN.
6
00:00:10,678 --> 00:00:13,181
ARE YOU THEORETICALLY INTERESTED
IN RUNNING FOR OFFICE?
7
00:00:13,214 --> 00:00:14,648
- ABSO-TOOT-LY I AM.
8
00:00:14,682 --> 00:00:16,584
VERY SORRY THAT I JUST USED
THAT WORD.
9
00:00:16,617 --> 00:00:19,120
- BEFORE WE GO ANY FURTHER,
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME
10
00:00:19,153 --> 00:00:20,354
IS THERE A SCANDAL OUT THERE?
11
00:00:20,388 --> 00:00:25,126
IS THERE ANYTHING AT ALL YOU
NEED TO TELL US ABOUT YOUR LIFE?
12
00:00:25,159 --> 00:00:27,195
- NOPE.
13
00:00:30,764 --> 00:00:32,300
- WHO WERE THE SUITS?
14
00:00:32,333 --> 00:00:35,136
- THEY WANT ME TO RUN
FOR OFFICE.
15
00:00:35,169 --> 00:00:37,605
- OH, MY GOD!
LESLIE, YEA!
16
00:00:37,638 --> 00:00:39,107
- I KNOW, RIGHT?
YEA.
17
00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:40,241
- YEA!
- YEA!
18
00:00:40,274 --> 00:00:41,275
- YEA!
- YEA!
19
00:00:41,309 --> 00:00:42,776
- WAIT, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN
ABOUT YOU AND BEN?
20
00:00:42,810 --> 00:00:43,811
- I DON'T KNOW.
21
00:00:43,844 --> 00:00:44,845
I THINK
IT'S GONNA BE REALLY BAD.
22
00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:46,847
- UH-OH. YOU JUST WANNA GO BACK
TO SAYING "YEA"?
23
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,182
- YES, PLEASE.
24
00:00:48,216 --> 00:00:51,652
- OKAY, YEA.
- YEA. YEA.
25
00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:53,387
- KNOPE, FOLLOW ME.
- JUST ONE SECOND.
26
00:00:53,421 --> 00:00:54,655
- NOW!
- RON, HEY!
27
00:00:54,688 --> 00:00:57,125
WHOA! WHOA! WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!
RON! RON, RON, RON, RON, RON!
28
00:00:57,158 --> 00:00:58,259
WHAT'S GOING ON?
29
00:00:58,292 --> 00:00:59,793
- MY EX-WIFE TAMMY IS BACK.
30
00:00:59,827 --> 00:01:01,329
- YEAH, I SAW HER
IN THE COURTYARD.
31
00:01:01,362 --> 00:01:04,132
- NO, MY OTHER EX-WIFE TAMMY.
TAMMY ONE.
32
00:01:04,165 --> 00:01:06,367
I HAVE ACCRUED 228
PERSONAL DAYS.
33
00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:08,169
STARTING RIGHT NOW,
I'M USING ALL OF THEM.
34
00:01:08,202 --> 00:01:10,238
[grunt]
35
00:01:10,271 --> 00:01:13,674
WHILE I'M GONE,
YOU'RE IN CHARGE.
36
00:01:13,707 --> 00:01:17,145
- AH!
[metal clanging]
37
00:01:17,178 --> 00:01:20,681
- ALSO, I KEEP A SIZABLE SUPPLY
OF GROUND CHUCK IN MY DESK.
38
00:01:20,714 --> 00:01:23,451
REMOVE IT OR IT WILL BEGIN
TO SMELL.
39
00:01:23,484 --> 00:01:25,186
GODSPEED.
40
00:01:27,455 --> 00:01:28,522
- HI, RON.
- MOVE!
41
00:01:28,556 --> 00:01:30,891
- WHOA!
42
00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:32,526
AH, GEEZ.
43
00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:35,529
[triumphant music]
44
00:01:35,563 --> 00:01:43,737
*
45
00:01:52,713 --> 00:01:55,549
- WARNING! HIGH LEVELS
OF SWAGGER COMING THROUGH.
46
00:01:55,583 --> 00:01:58,252
TOMMY HAVERFORD BACK
IN THE PARKS DEPARTMENT.
47
00:01:58,286 --> 00:02:01,855
ENTERTAINMENT720 HOCKEY JERSEY,
ANYBODY?
48
00:02:01,889 --> 00:02:03,491
BRANDED MOUSE PAD?
49
00:02:03,524 --> 00:02:06,427
ENTERTAINMENT720 IS JUST
A LITTLE MULTI-NATIONAL
50
00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:08,629
ENTERTAINMENT COMPANY
THAT I STARTED WITH MY BOY
51
00:02:08,662 --> 00:02:09,863
JEAN-RALPHIO.
52
00:02:09,897 --> 00:02:11,632
WHAT EXACTLY DO WE DO?
53
00:02:11,665 --> 00:02:14,368
LET'S JUST SAY IT'S TOO HARD
TO EXPLAIN.
54
00:02:14,402 --> 00:02:16,604
DONNA, YOU LOOK AMAZING.
HOW ARE THE KIDS?
55
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:18,272
- I DON'T HAVE KIDS.
- WOW.
56
00:02:18,306 --> 00:02:20,274
HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN?
- THREE WEEKS.
57
00:02:20,308 --> 00:02:21,575
- [sigh]
58
00:02:21,609 --> 00:02:22,743
- SO DID YOU GET A CHANCE
TO LOOK
59
00:02:22,776 --> 00:02:23,911
AT MY SAMPLE POSITION PAPERS?
60
00:02:23,944 --> 00:02:26,747
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT MY STANCE
ON EGYPTIAN DEBT RELIEF?
61
00:02:26,780 --> 00:02:28,649
- UH, WELL, IT PROBABLY WON'T
COME UP
62
00:02:28,682 --> 00:02:31,352
IN A LOCAL CITY COUNCIL
ELECTION.
63
00:02:31,385 --> 00:02:33,954
BUT YOUR THOROUGHNESS,
AS ALWAYS, IS IMPRESSIVE.
64
00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:35,389
- THANK YOU.
65
00:02:35,423 --> 00:02:38,292
- NOW, WE HAVE THREE MONTHS.
66
00:02:38,326 --> 00:02:40,461
I THINK WE SHOULD START
TALKING STRATEGY.
67
00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:42,630
- MY STRATEGY IS TO WIN.
68
00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:45,799
I'VE BEEN DREAMING ABOUT RUNNING
FOR PUBLIC OFFICE MY WHOLE LIFE.
69
00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:48,302
WHILE OTHER GIRLS WERE PLAYING
WITH BARBIES,
70
00:02:48,336 --> 00:02:51,572
I WAS PLAYING WITH A
GERALDINE FERRARO ACTION FIGURE
71
00:02:51,605 --> 00:02:53,874
THAT I MADE MYSELF FROM
A PICTURE OF HER THAT I GLUED
72
00:02:53,907 --> 00:02:55,676
ONTO A POPSICLE STICK.
73
00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:56,910
- SEE YOU NEXT WEEK?
74
00:02:56,944 --> 00:02:57,945
- OKAY, I'M LOOKING FORWARD
TO IT.
75
00:02:57,978 --> 00:02:59,247
HEY! WHAT--
76
00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:02,416
- WHO WAS THAT?
- UH...
77
00:03:02,450 --> 00:03:04,485
LADY--JUST LADIES.
78
00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:06,720
MEETING FOR THE LADIES'
YACHT CLUB.
79
00:03:06,754 --> 00:03:08,356
ANCHORS AWAY, LADIES.
- WHAT?
80
00:03:08,389 --> 00:03:09,790
- JUST DON'T--
81
00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:11,425
- LADIES' YACHT CLUB?
82
00:03:11,459 --> 00:03:13,427
- I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU HAVEN'T
TOLD HIM YET.
83
00:03:13,461 --> 00:03:15,396
- AFTER I TELL HIM,
I'M RUNNING FOR OFFICE,
84
00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:16,697
WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO BREAK UP.
85
00:03:16,730 --> 00:03:18,966
- WHY CAN'T YOU JUST KEEP
SNEAKING AROUND?
86
00:03:18,999 --> 00:03:23,271
- ANN, YOU BEAUTIFUL, NAIVE,
SOPHISTICATED, NEWBORN BABY.
87
00:03:23,304 --> 00:03:24,505
- WHAT?
88
00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:27,408
- BEFORE, IF PEOPLE FOUND OUT,
WE WOULD MAYBE LOSE OUR JOBS.
89
00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:30,478
NOW, IF PEOPLE FIND OUT,
IT'S GONNA BE A MAJOR SCANDAL.
90
00:03:30,511 --> 00:03:32,946
MY CAMPAIGN WILL BE OVER
BEFORE IT BEGINS.
91
00:03:32,980 --> 00:03:34,782
- WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
- I HAVE A PLAN.
92
00:03:34,815 --> 00:03:36,384
AND IT'S REALLY GOOD.
93
00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:38,586
I'M GONNA POSTPONE TELLING HIM
94
00:03:38,619 --> 00:03:41,555
UNTIL YOU FIGURE OUT
WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DO.
95
00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:42,790
SO GET CRACKIN'.
96
00:03:42,823 --> 00:03:44,292
- HOW IS THIS ON ME?
[cell phone chimes]
97
00:03:44,325 --> 00:03:47,428
- FINE! I'LL DO IT.
GOD, WHO KEEPS EMAILING ME?
98
00:03:47,461 --> 00:03:49,963
A PENIS.
- WHAT?
99
00:03:49,997 --> 00:03:52,032
[cell phone chimes]
OH, MY GOD.
100
00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:53,834
OH--
101
00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:55,303
IT'S EMAILING ME TOO.
102
00:03:55,336 --> 00:03:57,838
- WHOEVER THIS IS SENT IT
TO EVERY WOMAN
103
00:03:57,871 --> 00:04:00,608
IN THE ENTIRE GOVERNMENT.
104
00:04:00,641 --> 00:04:02,843
- OH, MY GOD.
105
00:04:02,876 --> 00:04:06,814
HE'S GONNA BE SO EMBARRASSED.
I MEAN, THAT'S A CRAZY ACCIDENT.
106
00:04:06,847 --> 00:04:10,618
- NO, ANDY, HE DID IT
ON PURPOSE.
107
00:04:10,651 --> 00:04:12,753
- YOU KNOW WHAT? RESPECT.
THAT'S A BALLER MOVE.
108
00:04:12,786 --> 00:04:13,887
PUN INTENDED.
109
00:04:13,921 --> 00:04:15,389
- EXCUSE ME.
110
00:04:15,423 --> 00:04:16,557
- CHRIS, JERRY'S MAKING US LOOK
AT DIRTY PICTURES
111
00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:17,491
ON HIS COMPUTER.
112
00:04:17,525 --> 00:04:19,527
- IT IS EXACTLY BECAUSE OF
THAT LEWD PHOTO
113
00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:20,761
THAT I AM HERE.
114
00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:22,530
BEN AND I ARE LAUNCHING A FULL
INVESTIGATION.
115
00:04:22,563 --> 00:04:25,466
AND I WANT TO APOLOGIZE
TO ALL THE WOMEN...
116
00:04:25,499 --> 00:04:26,634
AND JERRY.
117
00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:29,870
IF I COULD GO BACK IN TIME,
AND CUT YOUR EYEBALLS OUT,
118
00:04:29,903 --> 00:04:30,738
I WOULD.
119
00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:33,541
- WOW, THAT IS SO SWEET.
- THANK YOU.
120
00:04:33,574 --> 00:04:36,410
- WE ARE GETTING A LOT OF MEDIA
REQUESTS ABOUT THIS.
121
00:04:36,444 --> 00:04:38,379
SO LESLIE, CAN YOU DO
PERD HAPLEY?
122
00:04:38,412 --> 00:04:40,781
- HO! SHE CAN DO PERD HAPLEY.
123
00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:42,716
- HI-OH!
124
00:04:42,750 --> 00:04:44,685
- SERIOUSLY,
CAN YOU DO HIS TV SHOW?
125
00:04:44,718 --> 00:04:47,020
- OH, YEAH.
126
00:04:47,054 --> 00:04:49,390
- ANDREW MY MAN-DREW,
WHAT ARE YOU UP TO?
127
00:04:49,423 --> 00:04:51,859
- I'M ABOUT TO DO AN EXPERIMENT
WHERE I HUCK THIS AT THE WALL
128
00:04:51,892 --> 00:04:54,027
AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS.
129
00:04:54,061 --> 00:04:55,729
BUT THAT CAN WAIT.
SHOE SHINE?
130
00:04:55,763 --> 00:04:57,030
- ANDY, I'M GONNA BE HONEST.
131
00:04:57,064 --> 00:04:58,999
I CAME HERE TODAY
TO TALK TO YOU.
132
00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:02,403
NOW LOOK, YOU'RE ENTHUSIASTIC.
YOU'RE HARD-WORKING.
133
00:05:02,436 --> 00:05:03,737
YOU CAN LIFT HEAVY THINGS.
134
00:05:03,771 --> 00:05:04,838
I THINK THERE MIGHT BE A PLACE
FOR YOU
135
00:05:04,872 --> 00:05:06,840
OVER AT ENTERTAINMENT720.
136
00:05:06,874 --> 00:05:08,742
- OH, MY GOD.
137
00:05:08,776 --> 00:05:09,777
WHAT IS THAT?
138
00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:11,111
- IT'S MY COMPANY!
139
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:12,312
- I DON'T KNOW, TOM.
140
00:05:12,346 --> 00:05:14,982
I MEAN, I'M JUST NOW GETTING
REALLY GOOD AT SHOE SHINING.
141
00:05:15,015 --> 00:05:16,984
AND I MEAN, I'M STILL
PRETTY BAD AT IT.
142
00:05:17,017 --> 00:05:21,722
- LET ME ASK YOU THIS.
ARE YOU LIVING YOUR DREAMS?
143
00:05:21,755 --> 00:05:24,392
- I DON'T KNOW, TOM.
- WELL, I'M LIVING MINE.
144
00:05:24,425 --> 00:05:28,862
AND IF YOU WANNA LIVE YOURS,
HERE'S MY CARD.
145
00:05:28,896 --> 00:05:32,400
- IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO READ.
- BLACK PRINT, BLACK BACKGROUND.
146
00:05:32,433 --> 00:05:33,867
IT'S THE COOLEST POSSIBLE
COLOR SCHEME.
147
00:05:33,901 --> 00:05:35,836
- YEAH.
- IT'S ALSO A STRONG MAGNET.
148
00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:38,138
SO DON'T PUT IT IN YOUR WALLET.
IT WILL ERASE YOUR CREDIT CARDS,
149
00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:40,441
GUARANTEED.
150
00:05:40,474 --> 00:05:44,011
- DESTROY MY CREDIT CARDS.
DEBT AND EVERYTHING?
151
00:05:44,044 --> 00:05:47,781
- MR. MAYOR, I PROMISE YOU
THAT WE WILL FIND THE OWNER
152
00:05:47,815 --> 00:05:49,016
OF THAT WEINER
153
00:05:49,049 --> 00:05:51,619
AND WE WILL PUNISH HIM.
GOOD-BYE.
154
00:05:51,652 --> 00:05:52,953
ANN PERKINS!
- HEY.
155
00:05:52,986 --> 00:05:54,888
I DIDN'T KNOW WHO TO COME TO
WITH THIS,
156
00:05:54,922 --> 00:05:58,626
BUT THAT PICTURE, UH--THERE'S
SOMETHING VERY DISTURBING
157
00:05:58,659 --> 00:06:00,160
ABOUT THE TESTICLES.
158
00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:02,062
- I'VE ALWAYS FELT
THE SAME WAY MYSELF.
159
00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:04,832
THE TESTICLES ARE LIKE
THE EARS OF THE GENITAL SYSTEM.
160
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:06,500
THEY SERVE A VERY
IMPORTANT FUNCTION,
161
00:06:06,534 --> 00:06:08,436
BUT THEY'RE NOT THAT GREAT
TO LOOK AT.
162
00:06:08,469 --> 00:06:12,606
- OKAY, WOW.
NO, I WAS SPEAKING MEDICALLY.
163
00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:13,741
THEY'RE ENLARGED.
164
00:06:13,774 --> 00:06:16,510
I THINK THAT MAYBE THAT GUY
IS SICK WITH SOMETHING--
165
00:06:16,544 --> 00:06:19,012
PERHAPS, A HERNIA, OR MUMPS.
166
00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:21,949
- ANN PERKINS!
YOU REALLY KNOW YOUR TESTES.
167
00:06:21,982 --> 00:06:24,685
- THANK YOU?
168
00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:26,887
- FOR A FEMALE PERSPECTIVE
ON THIS SCANDAL,
169
00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:29,623
WE TURN TO A WOMAN,
LESLIE KNOPE.
170
00:06:29,657 --> 00:06:31,058
I'M ABOUT TO ASK YOU A QUESTION
RIGHT NOW
171
00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:32,560
AND THAT QUESTION IS THIS.
172
00:06:32,593 --> 00:06:35,062
THE LEWD PHOTO--
JUST HOW BIG A DEAL IS IT?
173
00:06:35,095 --> 00:06:37,698
- WELL, FRANKLY, PERD,
IT'S NOT THAT BIG A DEAL.
174
00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:39,132
IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
175
00:06:39,166 --> 00:06:41,769
- [laughing heartily]
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.
176
00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:44,104
BUT IT HAD THE CADENCE
OF A JOKE.
177
00:06:44,137 --> 00:06:46,640
- WHEN MEN IN GOVERNMENT
BEHAVE THIS WAY,
178
00:06:46,674 --> 00:06:48,976
THEY BETRAY THE PUBLIC'S TRUST.
179
00:06:49,009 --> 00:06:51,512
MAYBE IT'S TIME FOR MORE WOMEN
TO BE IN CHARGE.
180
00:06:51,545 --> 00:06:54,047
- THERE YOU HAVE IT,
WHERE "IT" IS THE THING
181
00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:56,784
LESLIE KNOPE JUST SAID
ABOUT THIS SITUATION.
182
00:06:56,817 --> 00:06:57,951
PERD HAP--
183
00:06:57,985 --> 00:06:59,052
- HOW WAS THAT?
WAS THAT OKAY?
184
00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:01,755
- AMAZING.
THAT SOUND BITE IS GOLD.
185
00:07:01,789 --> 00:07:03,691
- YOU'RE GONNA GET GREAT
FEEDBACK ON THIS,
186
00:07:03,724 --> 00:07:05,859
AND WE THINK
WE CAN CAPITALIZE.
187
00:07:05,893 --> 00:07:08,195
YOU'RE GONNA ANNOUNCE
YOUR CANDIDACY ON FRIDAY.
188
00:07:08,228 --> 00:07:11,865
- FRIDAY.
IN THREE MONTHS.
189
00:07:11,899 --> 00:07:14,702
- NO, THIS FRIDAY.
IS THAT OKAY?
190
00:07:14,735 --> 00:07:16,637
- NO, YEAH.
YES, IT IS GREAT.
191
00:07:16,670 --> 00:07:19,607
OKAY, WE'LL DO THAT THEN
NOW SOON.
192
00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:21,875
AND, UM, I JUST HAVE SOMETHING
I'VE BEEN POSTPONING FOR A WHILE
193
00:07:21,909 --> 00:07:23,811
THAT I NEED TO DO,
BUT I'LL DO IT NOW.
194
00:07:23,844 --> 00:07:25,779
- GREAT.
- GREAT.
195
00:07:25,813 --> 00:07:27,214
YEA.
196
00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:31,852
- I KNOW IT. HA HA.
OKAY.
197
00:07:31,885 --> 00:07:34,722
- BEN? I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.
198
00:07:34,755 --> 00:07:36,990
- THAT WAS MY BROTHER.
HE JUST HAD A BABY GIRL.
199
00:07:37,024 --> 00:07:39,660
- OH, MY GOD, THAT'S HORRIBLE.
OR GOOD--FULL DISCLOSURE.
200
00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:40,928
I DIDN'T LISTEN TO WHAT
YOU JUST SAID.
201
00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:42,195
I NEED TO TALK TO YOU
ABOUT SOMETHING--
202
00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:43,263
- OKAY, WELL, BEFORE YOU
SAY ANYTHING,
203
00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:46,967
LET ME JUST SHOW YOU
WHAT I GOT AT DOUG'S DONUTS.
204
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:49,937
IT'S AN L-SHAPED ECLAIR!
205
00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:52,806
THE "L" IS FOR LESLIE...
FOR YOUR NAME.
206
00:07:57,678 --> 00:07:59,580
[knocking]
- HEY.
207
00:07:59,613 --> 00:08:01,815
HOW ARE YOU?
- BAD, REALLY BAD.
208
00:08:01,849 --> 00:08:04,051
- OH, GOD.
HOW DID THE BREAKUP GO?
209
00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:07,220
- WELL, I STARTED CRYING
BECAUSE HE GAVE ME AN ECLAIR.
210
00:08:07,254 --> 00:08:09,122
AND THEN WE MADE OUT
AND SPENT THE NIGHT TOGETHER.
211
00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:12,025
BUT THIS MORNING IN THE COLD
LIGHT OF DAY,
212
00:08:12,059 --> 00:08:14,528
I COOKED BREAKFAST
AND WE MADE OUT SOME MORE.
213
00:08:14,562 --> 00:08:16,597
- WOW, YOU OPPOSITE-OF-BROKE-UP
WITH HIM.
214
00:08:16,630 --> 00:08:20,701
- HE GAVE ME AN ECLAIR, ANN!
215
00:08:20,734 --> 00:08:23,804
- JOE, I'VE DETERMINED THAT
THE LEWD PICTURE WAS SENT BY YOU
216
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:28,075
BECAUSE YOU SENT IT FROM YOUR
PERSONAL EMAIL ADDRESS,
217
00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:33,981
STINKMASTER69@ALUMNI.
SARAHLAWRENCECOLLEGE.EDU.
218
00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:35,783
REALLY?
SARAH LAWRENCE?
219
00:08:35,816 --> 00:08:37,951
- YEAH. I WANTED A SMALL
COLLEGE EXPERIENCE.
220
00:08:37,985 --> 00:08:40,921
- YOU ALSO BRAGGED ABOUT IT
TO MANY OF YOUR CO-WORKERS.
221
00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:43,724
- THERE'S AN OLD SEWAGE
DEPARTMENT SAYING.
222
00:08:43,757 --> 00:08:45,826
"IF YOU'VE GOT A NICE
DRAINPIPE,
223
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:47,327
THERE'S NO REASON TO HIDE IT."
224
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:48,696
- I DOUBT THAT'S A SAYING.
225
00:08:48,729 --> 00:08:51,064
WE ARE TERMINATING YOU
EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY.
226
00:08:51,098 --> 00:08:52,633
- IS THIS
BECAUSE YOU'RE JEALOUS?
227
00:08:52,666 --> 00:08:55,068
- NO.
IT'S BECAUSE YOU BROKE THE LAW.
228
00:08:55,102 --> 00:08:57,070
- THE LAW OF HAVING
AN AMAZING PACKAGE.
229
00:08:57,104 --> 00:08:58,672
- BEFORE WE HAVE HIM
FORCIBLY REMOVED,
230
00:08:58,706 --> 00:09:01,008
YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS, THAT
ONE OF OUR FEMALE EMPLOYEES,
231
00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:02,943
A NURSE, EXAMINED THE PHOTO
YOU SENT HER--
232
00:09:02,976 --> 00:09:04,678
- I BET SHE DID.
233
00:09:04,712 --> 00:09:06,079
- AND YOU HAVE THE MUMPS.
234
00:09:06,113 --> 00:09:07,347
YOU MIGHT WANNA GET
THAT CHECKED.
235
00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:08,816
- SWEET.
236
00:09:08,849 --> 00:09:11,685
SOMEONE'S GOT MUMPS
ON HIS LUMPS.
237
00:09:11,719 --> 00:09:13,887
UP HIGH.
ANYONE?
238
00:09:13,921 --> 00:09:15,288
- RON ISN'T HERE.
239
00:09:15,322 --> 00:09:19,693
HIS EX-WIFE TAMMY CAME,
AND HE GOT SCARED AND RAN AWAY.
240
00:09:19,727 --> 00:09:21,194
WELL, AS ACTING MANAGER
OF THE PARKS DEPARTMENT,
241
00:09:21,228 --> 00:09:24,264
I DECLARE THAT EVERYTHING
YOU ARE SAYING IS STUPID.
242
00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:25,933
I LOVE YOU.
243
00:09:25,966 --> 00:09:28,836
- HEY, SO TOM OFFERED ME A JOB
AGAIN.
244
00:09:28,869 --> 00:09:31,304
AS MY MANAGER,
WHAT DO YOU THINK I SHOULD DO?
245
00:09:31,338 --> 00:09:33,240
- WELL, WHAT DO YOU WANNA DO?
246
00:09:33,273 --> 00:09:36,309
- I THINK IT'D BE KINDA COOL
TO WORK FOR TOM.
247
00:09:36,343 --> 00:09:38,211
- SO TAKE IT.
248
00:09:38,245 --> 00:09:41,949
- BUT WORKING AT A START-UP
CAN BE KIND OF RISKY.
249
00:09:41,982 --> 00:09:43,083
- SO DON'T TAKE IT.
250
00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:44,384
- BUT TOM TOLD ME TO FOLLOW
MY DREAMS.
251
00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:45,919
- SO TAKE IT.
252
00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:49,222
- BUT THIS ISN'T MY DREAM.
- SO DON'T TAKE IT.
253
00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:51,692
- I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
- ME NEITHER.
254
00:09:51,725 --> 00:09:53,794
- YOU GIVE SUCH GOOD ADVICE.
255
00:09:53,827 --> 00:09:55,796
BABE, I LOVE YOU.
256
00:09:55,829 --> 00:09:57,998
- YOU'RE WELCOME.
257
00:09:58,031 --> 00:10:00,901
[cell phone chimes]
258
00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,269
[cell phone chimes]
- ANN PERKINS!
259
00:10:02,302 --> 00:10:04,337
- HEY. DID YOU MAYBE TELL PEOPLE
260
00:10:04,371 --> 00:10:07,407
THAT I DIAGNOSED THAT GUY WITH
MUMPS BASED ON HIS PORN PHOTO?
261
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:09,042
- I DID!
I WAS SO PROUD OF YOU.
262
00:10:09,076 --> 00:10:11,378
- OKAY, BECAUSE NOW I HAVE
EVERYONE IN CITY HALL
263
00:10:11,411 --> 00:10:12,980
SENDING ME PICTURES
OF THEIR JUNK,
264
00:10:13,013 --> 00:10:14,915
ASKING ME IF THEY HAVE MUMPS.
265
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:16,950
- OH, MY GOD.
266
00:10:16,984 --> 00:10:19,720
YOUR INBOX IS LITERALLY FILLED
WITH PENISES.
267
00:10:19,753 --> 00:10:21,054
- MM-HMM.
- I AM SO SORRY.
268
00:10:21,088 --> 00:10:22,222
[cell phone chimes]
269
00:10:22,255 --> 00:10:25,693
- OH, LOOK.
ED MILLER FROM PAYROLL.
270
00:10:25,726 --> 00:10:28,061
- BEFORE I DO THIS,
IS THERE ANY POSSIBLE WAY THAT
271
00:10:28,095 --> 00:10:29,329
WE COULD STILL KEEP DATING?
[cell phone chimes]
272
00:10:29,362 --> 00:10:31,965
- WE'VE ATTACKED THIS
FROM ALL ANGLES.
273
00:10:31,999 --> 00:10:33,767
EITHER YOU DON'T RUN
FOR OFFICE--
274
00:10:33,801 --> 00:10:35,168
- WHICH IS OUT OF THE QUESTION.
275
00:10:35,202 --> 00:10:37,270
- OR YOU BREAK UP WITH HIM
AND AVOID A POTENTIAL SCANDAL.
276
00:10:37,304 --> 00:10:38,371
[cell phone chimes]
277
00:10:38,405 --> 00:10:40,240
- DO YOU NEED TO GET THAT?
- NO, IT'S JUST PENISES.
278
00:10:40,273 --> 00:10:42,409
LESLIE, I DON'T WANT YOU
TO BREAK UP WITH HIM EITHER.
279
00:10:42,442 --> 00:10:44,745
THERE'S JUST NO OTHER WAY.
- YEAH.
280
00:10:44,778 --> 00:10:46,680
- JUST BE DIRECT AND HONEST.
281
00:10:46,714 --> 00:10:47,915
- OKAY.
- OKAY.
282
00:10:47,948 --> 00:10:49,249
HMM.
283
00:10:49,282 --> 00:10:51,852
IT'S THE ENTIRE SANITATION
DEPARTMENT FOR MUNCIE.
284
00:10:51,885 --> 00:10:52,686
OOH.
285
00:10:54,421 --> 00:10:55,989
- WOULD YOU LIKE ANY WINE
TO START?
286
00:10:56,023 --> 00:10:58,926
- YES, AND I'M GONNA BE DIRECT
AND HONEST WITH YOU.
287
00:10:58,959 --> 00:11:00,327
I WOULD LIKE A GLASS OF RED WINE
288
00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:01,695
AND I'LL TAKE
THE CHEAPEST ONE YOU HAVE
289
00:11:01,729 --> 00:11:02,830
BECAUSE I CAN'T TELL
THE DIFFERENCE.
290
00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:04,765
- I'LL HAVE THE SAME.
- GREAT.
291
00:11:04,798 --> 00:11:07,901
- OKAY. HERE'S THE DEAL.
- OKAY.
292
00:11:07,935 --> 00:11:10,871
- I REALLY, REALLY LIKE YOU.
- I LIKE YOU TOO.
293
00:11:10,904 --> 00:11:12,706
AND I THINK I KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE GONNA SAY.
294
00:11:12,740 --> 00:11:15,876
- I HIGHLY DOUBT THAT.
- I THINK I DO.
295
00:11:15,909 --> 00:11:18,078
- OH, I DON'T.
- AND, UM...
296
00:11:18,111 --> 00:11:21,314
I GOT YOU SOMETHING.
- NO. WHAT IS THIS?
297
00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:23,050
IS THIS JEWELRY?
- IT'S NOT, JUST OPEN IT.
298
00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:26,153
- NO.
OH, I NEED TO GO TO...
299
00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:27,387
ANOTHER PLACE.
300
00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:29,923
I'M GONNA GO TO THE BATHROOM--
THE WHIZ PALACE,
301
00:11:29,957 --> 00:11:30,991
AS WE LIKE TO CALL IT HERE--
302
00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:34,361
AND I'M GOING TO BE BACK
AND I'M NOT GONNA SPLIT.
303
00:11:34,394 --> 00:11:37,497
I'M HERE FOR YOU BECAUSE
WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT STUFF.
304
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:40,167
OKAY?
- ALL RIGHT.
305
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,969
- WAIT--
306
00:11:48,241 --> 00:11:51,511
RON.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
307
00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:54,181
- RUNNING AWAY
FROM MY PROBLEMS.
308
00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:57,484
- COME ON IN.
309
00:11:57,517 --> 00:11:58,952
[door slams]
310
00:12:02,289 --> 00:12:03,757
- OKAY, SO HERE'S
WHAT'S GOING ON.
311
00:12:03,791 --> 00:12:05,125
- I DIDN'T ASK.
312
00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:06,794
- FRIDAY, I'M SUPPOSED
TO ANNOUNCE THAT I'M RUNNING
313
00:12:06,827 --> 00:12:08,228
FOR CITY COUNCIL,
AND I HAVEN'T TOLD BEN YET.
314
00:12:08,261 --> 00:12:10,263
I KNOW I SAID THAT WE BROKE UP,
BUT WE COULDN'T.
315
00:12:10,297 --> 00:12:11,264
WE'RE STILL DATING.
316
00:12:11,298 --> 00:12:12,866
BUT NOW I HAVE TO BREAK UP
WITH HIM FOR REAL,
317
00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:14,067
BUT I DON'T WANNA BREAK UP
WITH HIM
318
00:12:14,101 --> 00:12:15,168
BECAUSE HE'S SO CUTE.
HE'S SO NICE.
319
00:12:15,202 --> 00:12:16,937
- IF YOU'RE GONNA STAY HERE,
THERE ARE THREE RULES
320
00:12:16,970 --> 00:12:18,806
YOU NEED TO FOLLOW.
321
00:12:18,839 --> 00:12:22,442
ONE, NO TALK ABOUT TAMMY ONE.
TWO, NO TALK ABOUT BEN.
322
00:12:22,475 --> 00:12:24,311
THREE, NO TALK.
323
00:12:24,344 --> 00:12:25,813
- I DIDN'T EVEN ASK YOU
LAST NIGHT.
324
00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:27,147
WHAT IS GOING ON
WITH TAMMY ONE?
325
00:12:27,180 --> 00:12:29,482
- YOU JUST VIOLATED RULES
NUMBER ONE AND THREE.
326
00:12:29,516 --> 00:12:31,151
YOU LOSE YOUR COFFEE
PRIVILEGES.
327
00:12:31,184 --> 00:12:33,186
- OH.
328
00:12:33,220 --> 00:12:38,158
- OH, YOU CHOOSE, KNOPE--
HUNTING, FISHING, OR DRINKING?
329
00:12:38,191 --> 00:12:40,460
- I'D REALLY LOVE TO SHOOT
A GUN RIGHT NOW.
330
00:12:40,493 --> 00:12:41,995
- FISHING IT IS.
331
00:12:43,363 --> 00:12:46,033
- AND SO EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY,
ALL MALE EMPLOYEES
332
00:12:46,066 --> 00:12:49,336
MUST STOP SENDING EXPLICIT
PHOTOS TO MS. PERKINS.
333
00:12:49,369 --> 00:12:52,305
- IF I MAY, WHAT IF BASED
ON EMPIRICAL EVIDENCE,
334
00:12:52,339 --> 00:12:56,343
I TRULY BELIEVE THERE'S A GRAVE
AND IMMEDIATE MEDICAL EMERGENCY?
335
00:12:56,376 --> 00:13:00,480
WERE THAT THE CASE,
COULD I THEN SHOW YOU MY DONG?
336
00:13:00,513 --> 00:13:01,915
- NO.
337
00:13:01,949 --> 00:13:04,251
- THAT WOULD BE HARASSMENT.
- FAIR ENOUGH.
338
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:06,219
NOW COMPLETELY DIFFERENT
SCENARIO.
339
00:13:06,253 --> 00:13:08,956
LET'S SAY I'VE BEEN WATCHING
A LOT OF WOMEN'S GOLF
340
00:13:08,989 --> 00:13:10,390
AND I'VE HAD SOME WINE--
341
00:13:10,423 --> 00:13:11,624
- HOW ABOUT THIS?
342
00:13:11,658 --> 00:13:14,494
I'M GONNA GET A MALE DOCTOR TO
COME IN AND DO SOME SCREENINGS.
343
00:13:14,527 --> 00:13:16,029
- PERFECT.
344
00:13:16,063 --> 00:13:17,364
JUST AS A BACKUP,
I'M SENDING YOU SOME PHOTOS.
345
00:13:17,397 --> 00:13:19,232
- THAT WILL NOT BE NECESSARY.
- THAT'S ME.
346
00:13:19,266 --> 00:13:21,268
[cell phone chimes]
347
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,370
- BRAND-NEW DAY,
BRAND-NEW MERCH.
348
00:13:23,403 --> 00:13:26,473
I GOT YOU GUYS SOME AWESOME
ENTERTAINMENT720 STUFF.
349
00:13:26,506 --> 00:13:30,844
DONNA, THIS IS FOR YOU.
ENTERTAINMENT720 UMBRELLA.
350
00:13:30,878 --> 00:13:34,581
ENTERTAINMENT720 FLY SWATTERS.
RUBIK'S CUBE WITH MY FACE ON IT.
351
00:13:34,614 --> 00:13:35,983
* BREATH MINTS
352
00:13:36,016 --> 00:13:37,417
FIREPLACE BELLOWS.
353
00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:39,119
AND...DRUM ROLL PLEASE.
354
00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:40,287
[drum roll sound]
355
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,222
DRUM ROLL SOUND EFFECT
KEY CHAIN.
356
00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:45,158
- SHOULDN'T YOU BE WORKING
AT YOUR NEW COMPANY, TOM?
357
00:13:45,192 --> 00:13:46,393
- I AM WORKING, APRIL.
358
00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:48,929
I'M MAKING HIGH-LEVEL
NETWORK CONTACTS.
359
00:13:48,962 --> 00:13:50,964
YOU THINK BETHENNY FRANKEL
SITS BEHIND A DESK ALL DAY?
360
00:13:50,998 --> 00:13:54,101
SHE MAKES $100 MILLION A YEAR.
HOW MUCH YOU MAKE A YEAR?
361
00:13:54,134 --> 00:13:55,035
- $101 MILLION.
362
00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:57,137
- WELL, I, FOR ONE,
AM HAPPY TO SEE TOM.
363
00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:58,338
- THANKS, JERRY!
364
00:13:58,371 --> 00:14:01,041
HERE. HAVE AN UMBRELLA
AND SOME BREATH STRIPS.
365
00:14:01,074 --> 00:14:02,509
- WHOA.
366
00:14:02,542 --> 00:14:03,977
- ALL RIGHT, ENOUGH CHITCHAT,
EVERYONE.
367
00:14:04,011 --> 00:14:06,546
PLEASE GET BACK TO WORK.
- YOU'RE NOT OUR BOSS.
368
00:14:06,579 --> 00:14:08,882
- WHAT'D YOU JUST SAY TO ME?
- MA'AM.
369
00:14:08,916 --> 00:14:12,419
- SO...DID YOU GET A CHANCE
TO THINK ABOUT MY OFFER?
370
00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:14,554
- YEAH, I'VE BEEN THINKING A LOT
ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID.
371
00:14:14,587 --> 00:14:17,190
I WANNA DO MY DREAMS,
BUT I JUST DON'T THINK MY DREAM
372
00:14:17,224 --> 00:14:19,426
IS WORKING FOR A COMPANY THAT
PUTS LOGOS ON STUFF.
373
00:14:19,459 --> 00:14:21,194
- THAT'S NOT
WHAT MY COMPANY DOES.
374
00:14:21,228 --> 00:14:23,096
ALTHOUGH, MAYBE WE'LL START.
375
00:14:23,130 --> 00:14:25,598
- HEY, WHAT YOU THINK?
376
00:14:25,632 --> 00:14:27,067
- DONNA...THAT LOOKS GREAT.
377
00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:29,202
- I COULD DO WITHOUT THIS ONE.
378
00:14:29,236 --> 00:14:31,004
- [grunts]
379
00:14:31,038 --> 00:14:33,140
- SO RUNNING FOR OFFICE.
380
00:14:33,173 --> 00:14:35,508
NOW I'M GONNA HAVE TO FIND
A REPLACEMENT FOR YOU.
381
00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:38,311
- I MIGHT NOT WIN.
- YOU'LL WIN.
382
00:14:38,345 --> 00:14:42,649
- I MIGHT NOT RUN.
- YOU SHOULD.
383
00:14:42,682 --> 00:14:44,584
WHAT'S OUR PLAN HERE, KNOPE?
384
00:14:44,617 --> 00:14:48,321
- I FIGURE WE BUILD A FIRE,
ROAST THE FISH WE SHOT,
385
00:14:48,355 --> 00:14:50,090
AND MAKE S'MORES.
386
00:14:50,123 --> 00:14:51,925
- I DON'T HAVE THE MATERIAL
FOR S'MORES.
387
00:14:51,959 --> 00:14:53,260
- I DO.
388
00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:55,295
I ALWAYS CARRY EMERGENCY
S'MORE RATIONS IN MY CAR.
389
00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:57,965
GIVEN YOUR HUNTING ABILITIES
390
00:14:57,998 --> 00:15:00,000
AND MY CHOCOLATE SUPPLY,
391
00:15:00,033 --> 00:15:04,271
I FIGURE WE COULD STAY UP HERE
FOR TWO...THREE YEARS.
392
00:15:10,077 --> 00:15:11,478
- YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS 12,
393
00:15:11,511 --> 00:15:14,614
MY BROTHER SHOT ME IN
THE PINKY TOE WITH A NAIL GUN.
394
00:15:14,647 --> 00:15:17,350
GRANTED, IT WAS
A HILARIOUS PRANK,
395
00:15:17,384 --> 00:15:18,952
AND WE ALL HAD A GOOD LAUGH.
396
00:15:18,986 --> 00:15:20,087
- THAT'S AWFUL.
397
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:21,955
- BUT I AVOIDED GOING
TO THE DOCTOR.
398
00:15:21,989 --> 00:15:24,057
I HATE PAPERWORK.
399
00:15:24,091 --> 00:15:27,027
AFTER A FEW WEEKS,
THE TOE JUST KINDA FELL OFF.
400
00:15:27,060 --> 00:15:28,428
- YOU ONLY HAVE NINE TOES?
401
00:15:28,461 --> 00:15:31,198
- I HAVE THE TOES I HAVE.
402
00:15:31,231 --> 00:15:32,665
LET'S JUST LEAVE IT AT THAT.
403
00:15:32,699 --> 00:15:36,303
THE POINT IS THE DOCTOR SAID
IF I HAD COME IN RIGHT AWAY,
404
00:15:36,336 --> 00:15:39,006
THEY MIGHT'VE SAVED THE TOE.
405
00:15:39,039 --> 00:15:41,241
YOU CAN'T RUN AWAY
FROM YOUR PROBLEMS.
406
00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:43,443
- ESPECIALLY IF YOU ONLY HAVE
NINE TOES.
407
00:15:44,711 --> 00:15:48,715
SORRY.
THAT WAS UNCALLED FOR.
408
00:15:48,748 --> 00:15:52,319
- I'M RON SWANSON.
AND YOU'RE LESLIE [bleep] KNOPE.
409
00:15:55,055 --> 00:15:57,724
YOU WITH ME?
410
00:16:02,229 --> 00:16:04,131
- WELL, WHAT IS YOUR DREAM?
411
00:16:04,164 --> 00:16:06,399
- IT'S TO BE THE BIGGEST ROCK
STAR ON THE PLANET OBVIOUSLY.
412
00:16:06,433 --> 00:16:08,135
BUT THAT COULD TAKE ANOTHER
3-5 YEARS.
413
00:16:08,168 --> 00:16:09,236
DON'T GET ME WRONG.
414
00:16:09,269 --> 00:16:12,605
SHOE SHINING HAS BEEN A...
BEEN A PRETTY WILD RIDE.
415
00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:16,209
BUT IS IT POSSIBLE THERE'S
SOMETHING MORE OUT THERE FOR ME?
416
00:16:16,243 --> 00:16:19,079
- ANDY, THERE'S TONS OF STUFF
YOU CAN DO.
417
00:16:19,112 --> 00:16:20,713
I'LL HELP YOU FIGURE IT OUT.
418
00:16:20,747 --> 00:16:22,615
- REALLY?
- YES.
419
00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:26,419
ONE YEAR FROM NOW, YOU,
ANDY DWYER, WILL NO LONGER BE
420
00:16:26,453 --> 00:16:29,756
A SHOE SHINIST.
421
00:16:29,789 --> 00:16:31,424
- KYLE, BEAT IT.
422
00:16:31,458 --> 00:16:33,593
I WANNA MAKE OUT
WITH MY WIFE NOW.
423
00:16:33,626 --> 00:16:35,495
- BUT YOU'VE ONLY DONE HALF
OF ONE OF MY SHOES.
424
00:16:35,528 --> 00:16:40,500
- HERE.
NOW I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING.
425
00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:43,603
SCRAM, KID.
- [grunts, laughs]
426
00:16:45,805 --> 00:16:48,041
- HELLO.
- HEY, RON! WELCOME--
427
00:16:48,075 --> 00:16:50,677
- STOP.
FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS.
428
00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:53,246
I PROMISED LESLIE
I'D HIRE HER A NEW ASSISTANT
429
00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:56,149
SO THE DEPARTMENT DOESN'T
COMPLETELY SHUT DOWN
430
00:16:56,183 --> 00:16:58,451
WHILE SHE RUNS FOR OFFICE.
431
00:16:58,485 --> 00:17:01,354
- YOU'RE RUNNING FOR OFFICE?
- YEAH, CITY COUNCIL.
432
00:17:01,388 --> 00:17:03,356
- LESLIE, THAT IS GREAT.
- THANK YOU.
433
00:17:03,390 --> 00:17:07,527
- WILL YOU PLEDGE RIGHT NOW
NOT TO RAISE TAXES?
434
00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:11,631
- I THINK THAT'S PREMATURE.
- NO PLEDGE, NO VOTE.
435
00:17:11,664 --> 00:17:13,666
- THE POINT IS
SHE NEEDS AN ASSISTANT.
436
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:16,403
START ASKING AROUND--
- HIRE ANDY.
437
00:17:16,436 --> 00:17:20,507
ANDY CAN DO IT.
- SURE, YEAH.
438
00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:21,641
- DONE.
439
00:17:21,674 --> 00:17:24,644
ANDY, YOU ARE NOW LESLIE'S
ASSISTANT.
440
00:17:24,677 --> 00:17:26,479
- HONEY.
441
00:17:26,513 --> 00:17:29,216
- NO--
442
00:17:29,249 --> 00:17:31,451
- LESLIE, I'M GONNA WORK
MY ASS OFF FOR YOU.
443
00:17:31,484 --> 00:17:33,720
I'LL DO ANYTHING YOU ASK ME.
I WILL PROVE MYSELF.
444
00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:35,155
YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE
TO PAY ME.
445
00:17:35,188 --> 00:17:36,323
- NO, HONEY, NO.
446
00:17:36,356 --> 00:17:40,127
- TOMORROW, THERE WILL BE
A 300-PAGE ORIENTATION BOOKLET
447
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:41,794
AS WELL AS A DOZEN
HOMEMADE COOKIES
448
00:17:41,828 --> 00:17:43,430
IN THE SHAPE OF YOUR FACE.
449
00:17:43,463 --> 00:17:46,299
BUT TODAY...
450
00:17:46,333 --> 00:17:50,437
THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE
I HAVE TO DO.
451
00:17:50,470 --> 00:17:55,442
- IF ANY OF YOU NEED
ANYTHING AT ALL, TOO BAD.
452
00:17:55,475 --> 00:17:57,877
DEAL WITH YOUR PROBLEMS
YOURSELVES LIKE ADULTS.
453
00:17:57,910 --> 00:18:00,447
I'LL BE IN MY OFFICE,
WAITING FOR TAMMY ONE.
454
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:01,681
- YOU WANT ME TO FIND HER?
455
00:18:01,714 --> 00:18:03,683
- THERE'S NO NEED.
SHE'LL FIND ME.
456
00:18:03,716 --> 00:18:09,256
SHE HAS THE TRACKING ABILITY
AND BODY ODOR OF A BLOODHOUND.
457
00:18:11,491 --> 00:18:13,793
- OKAY, SO NOW YOU'RE SURE THAT
EVERYTHING IS OKAY, YOU KNOW,
458
00:18:13,826 --> 00:18:15,162
DOWN THERE?
459
00:18:15,195 --> 00:18:17,830
- YOU'RE PERFECTLY HEALTHY.
460
00:18:17,864 --> 00:18:21,534
THAT MAN HAS THE LARGEST PENIS
I HAVE EVER SEEN.
461
00:18:21,568 --> 00:18:23,270
I ACTUALLY DON'T EVEN KNOW
IF HE HAS MUMPS.
462
00:18:23,303 --> 00:18:24,404
FORGOT TO LOOK.
463
00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:30,243
I WAS DISTRACTED BY THE LARGEST
PENIS I HAVE EVER SEEN.
464
00:18:33,246 --> 00:18:34,814
- I KNOW I'VE BEEN ACTING
REALLY WEIRD LATELY,
465
00:18:34,847 --> 00:18:37,717
AND, UM, I REALLY LIKE YOU.
466
00:18:37,750 --> 00:18:39,519
WHAT I'M ABOUT TO SAY
IS GONNA CONTRADICT THE IDEA
467
00:18:39,552 --> 00:18:41,188
THAT I REALLY LIKE YOU,
BUT THAT WON'T CHANGE--
468
00:18:41,221 --> 00:18:42,322
- SO JUST OPEN THE BOX.
469
00:18:42,355 --> 00:18:43,890
- PLEASE STOP BRINGING OUT
THE BOX, OKAY?
470
00:18:43,923 --> 00:18:45,458
- LESLIE--
- YOU'RE BEING REALLY NICE,
471
00:18:45,492 --> 00:18:47,527
AND WHAT I'M ABOUT TO SAY
IS GONNA MAKE YOU HATE ME.
472
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:49,662
- OKAY, THEN I'LL JUST OPEN
THE BOX FOR YOU.
473
00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:55,602
- WOW.
474
00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:57,470
YOU KNEW?
475
00:18:57,504 --> 00:18:59,506
- I FIGURED IT OUT A WHILE AGO.
476
00:18:59,539 --> 00:19:01,741
I'M SORRY.
I SHOULD'VE TOLD YOU I KNEW.
477
00:19:01,774 --> 00:19:06,246
BUT I JUST--I WANTED THIS
TO LAST AS LONG AS POSSIBLE.
478
00:19:06,279 --> 00:19:07,880
WE HAVE TO BREAK UP.
479
00:19:07,914 --> 00:19:11,618
- WHY?
WHY DO WE HAVE TO BREAK UP?
480
00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:14,887
- WELL, LESLIE, EVERYTHING
YOU'VE ACCOMPLISHED,
481
00:19:14,921 --> 00:19:16,856
YOU HAVE EARNED
AND YOU HAVE WORKED FOR.
482
00:19:16,889 --> 00:19:19,626
I DON'T WANT ANYONE TO THINK
THAT YOU GOT WHERE YOU ARE TODAY
483
00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:23,463
BY SLEEPING WITH YOUR BOSS.
484
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:24,731
- BUT I REALLY LIKE SLEEPING
WITH MY BOSS.
485
00:19:24,764 --> 00:19:27,200
- YEAH...YEAH.
486
00:19:27,234 --> 00:19:29,469
OKAY, LOOK. I'M GONNA MAKE THIS
REAL EASY FOR YOU.
487
00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:34,707
UM, IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S ME.
I'M NOT READY FOR A COMMITMENT.
488
00:19:34,741 --> 00:19:36,676
I JUST DON'T LIKE YOU ANYMORE.
489
00:19:36,709 --> 00:19:39,479
I KNOW IT'S HARD TO HEAR THAT,
BUT...
490
00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:41,614
YOU'RE BORING, AND FRANKLY
YOU DISGUST ME.
491
00:19:41,648 --> 00:19:43,416
ECHH!
492
00:19:45,752 --> 00:19:47,520
- HOW DID YOU FIGURE IT OUT?
493
00:19:47,554 --> 00:19:50,557
- LESLIE, THERE WAS A DUDE
IN THE LADIES' YACHT CLUB.
494
00:19:50,590 --> 00:19:52,559
- YEAH, BUT I COVERED THAT
PRETTY WELL.
495
00:19:52,592 --> 00:19:56,296
- ALSO, YOU'VE BEEN MAKING
CAMPAIGN SPEECHES IN YOUR SLEEP.
496
00:19:56,329 --> 00:19:59,999
GRANTED, YOU ALWAYS DO THAT,
BUT THEY GOT REALLY SPECIFIC
497
00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:01,868
AND MOVING.
498
00:20:01,901 --> 00:20:03,503
- DID I HAVE A GOOD
OPENING LINE?
499
00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:07,740
- IT WAS SIMPLE,
BUT I LIKED IT.
500
00:20:07,774 --> 00:20:11,611
- FRIENDS, HONORED GUESTS,
PAWNEEANS.
501
00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:15,682
I AM LESLIE KNOPE, AND
I AM RUNNING FOR CITY COUNCIL.
502
00:20:18,385 --> 00:20:21,388
Captioning by CaptionMax
www.captionmax.com
503
00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:32,565
- HELLO, TAMMY.
- RONALD.
504
00:20:32,599 --> 00:20:34,934
- THAT'S ENOUGH SMALL TALK.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
505
00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:38,438
- YOU REMEMBER WHAT I DO
FOR A LIVING, I TRUST?
506
00:20:38,471 --> 00:20:40,707
- YES.
YOU RUIN PEOPLE'S LIVES.
507
00:20:43,310 --> 00:20:45,678
- YOU'RE BEING AUDITED,
RONALD.
508
00:20:45,712 --> 00:20:46,579
- I DON'T CARE.
509
00:20:46,613 --> 00:20:50,317
- THEN WHY IS YOUR MUSTACHE
TREMBLING?
510
00:20:50,350 --> 00:20:51,618
I'M HERE AS A FRIEND.
511
00:20:51,651 --> 00:20:52,919
CALL IT NOSTALGIA.
512
00:20:52,952 --> 00:20:55,722
OR PERHAPS GUILT
FOR ALL THE TIMES
513
00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:57,724
I TRIED TO SMOTHER YOU
IN YOUR SLEEP.
514
00:20:57,757 --> 00:21:01,628
- I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP.
- WRONG. YOU DO.
515
00:21:01,661 --> 00:21:04,597
BUT AS YOU'RE SO FOND OF SAYING,
IT'S A FREE COUNTRY.
516
00:21:04,631 --> 00:21:06,499
GOOD LUCK.
517
00:21:06,533 --> 00:21:08,267
I HOPE YOU DON'T GO TO JAIL.
518
00:21:10,870 --> 00:21:12,339
SIT UP STRAIGHT.
519
00:21:12,372 --> 00:21:15,775
YOU'RE NOT DOING YOUR BREASTS
ANY FAVORS.
520
00:21:15,808 --> 00:21:18,345
- THANK YOU.
521
00:21:18,378 --> 00:21:21,047
- HI.
YOUR BREASTS LOOK AMAZING.
522
00:21:21,097 --> 00:21:25,647
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