All language subtitles for Parks and Recreation s03e14 Road Trip.eng

- Hey, Leslie
- Hey

Thank you for that

"You're over your maintenance"
cost analysis.

- That was really helpful
- You're so welcome.

I think you may wanna
read it.

?Cause I was uhm...

'Cause I told you that
I wanted to read it?

Yeah

That's a good reason.

Oh, anyway, Chris wants to
see us in his office.

I guess we should head
over there.

- All right.
- All right.

- All right, cool.
- Great.

- See you there.
- I'll see you there, Benjamin.

- Ben.
- All right, Leslie-min.

Leslie.

Hi, Ben.

Oh, hey, Ann.

Wow, that was
the most sexual tension

I have ever seen
in a conversation

about documents.

It can't happen.
We could both get fired.

- That's a dumb rule.
- I know!

Well, if you have to follow it,

I would just suggest

avoiding one-on-one,
tension-y situations with him.

You're right.
Good plan.

I am sending you two on a trip.

Really?

The Indiana little league
baseball tournament

is upon us, and Pawnee
hasn't hosted it in 20 years.

So, I would like you two
to go to Indianapolis

and state our case,

because you two
are my dynamic duo.

Put it here.
Eh, eh-eh, eh...

- Go team!
- Yeah.

Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com

Ann, everything you have
is too sexy.

This is actually the dress
that Julia Roberts wore

as a prostitute
in Pretty Woman.

I know.
I look really good in it.

I need, like,
a sweat suit or something.

I need to send out a signal
that nothing is gonna happen.

Oh, this is insane.

It's so obvious
you're dying to be together.

And now you're going
on a road trip?

I mean, you guys
could literally "get a room."

Yeah, and I could
literally get a-fired.

All right, I will help you
anti-seduce him.

Just tell me
what else you need.

I need to think of unsexy,
boring conversation topics

we can talk about in the car.

I have a few ideas.

We could discuss
the New Yorker article

"The history of the ladder."

Okay.

We could talk
about different dorms

at Johns Hopkins University,

and I could read
from my Sonicare booklet.

- Oh, I have a good idea!
- What?

Why don't you ask him
about his penis?

Pawnee Zoo, monkey speaking.

Okay, everyone stop
what you're doing

and come with me...
all four of you.

- Where are you going?
- Leslie's not here today.

No boss.
We can do whatever we want.

I'm your boss.

That's a good one, Ron.

Let's go, seriously.
Come on.

Here's the sitch.

I developed
a dope new game show

where I ask couples
scandalous questions,

and they have to guess
what the other one answered.

I call this Know ya Boo.

Oh, that sounds like
The Newlywed Game.

Shut up, Jerry!

It's not The Newlywed Game okay?

It is totally
The Newlywed Game.

But big deal.
Everyone steals.

My favorite movie
is Love don't cost a thing,

with Nick Cannon,

which is based on
Can't buy me love,

which is based on
Kramer vs. Kramer

or something,
which I think was Shakespeare.

Don't know, don't care.

And what exactly
do you plan on doing

with this game show idea?

Are you going to
shove it up your butt?

No, I'm gonna test it out
on you four bing-bongs

and work out the kinks,

then hire actual attractive
people, and make a demo.

What network is gonna buy
a game show from you?

There's a million networks
out there,

and they all need programming.

Spike, G4, GSN, Fuse,

WoW, Boom, Zip, Kablam,

Slurp, Slurp Latin, Slurp HD.

I love Slurp HD.

Have you guys seen
Ultimate Battle Smoothie?

- That's a dope show.
- Oh, my God.

Yeah, so, basically
every dorm allows bed lofting,

but the students
have really taken to it

at Wolman and McCoy.

Did you go to Johns Hopkins?

No.

Do you wanna play some music?

Sure! Ann and I burned
an awesome CD for the trip.

Jimmy Carter's
Crisis of Confidence speech,

Learning to speak Mandarin,

16 minutes of
Old timey car horn,

and something called
Banjo Boogie Bonanza.

It's an amazing instrument,
the banjo.

Yeah.

I didn't realize
it... it could be this loud.

Hello?

Hello?

Can I help you?

Hi. My class is here
on a field trip,

and I'm supposed to interview
someone for a school project.

Okay. You can wait
at that table,

and someone
will be here sometime.

But aren't you here now?

No.

It's time to know ya...

I don't have the instrumental
backing track yet,

but it's gonna say
"boo" right there.

Hey, everybody!

Welcome Know ya Boo.

I'm your host, TomHaverford,

and with me as always
is my CGI puppy co-host,

Bobby the boo!

Hey, everybody!

All right, let's get to it.

First question...

fellas, which rock star
would your lady bang

if she could bang
one rock star?

Jerry!

I believe I have heard Donna
talk about Prince a lot.

What'd your boo say?

Ah!

- Impressive!
- Hee hee!

All right, Andy,

which rock star
would your lady get with?

Um, this is
almost too easy... me!

Let's check in with ya boo!

- Yay!
- Oh!

Sorry.

Who is Jeff Mangum?

The guy
from Neutral Milk Hotel.

Oh! Oh.

Neutral Milk Hotel.
What is that?

That's my favorite band.

I've told you that,
like, a thousand times.

I don't remember.
Why wouldn't you pick me?

I don't know. You're
not technically a rock star.

Booyah!

Somebody don't know their boo!

That's the sound bite
that's gonna play

when a fight breaks out.

Look, little girl,

can we postpone this
for another day?

It's unsettling
having you just sit there.

But my report's due tomorrow.

- What's it on?
- Why government matters.

Really?

It's never too early to learn

that the government
is a greedy piglet

that suckles
on a taxpayer's teat

until they have
sore, chapped nipples.

I'm gonna need
a different metaphor

to give this nine-year-old.

What's your name, ma'am?

Lauren Berkus.

Lauren, my name is Ron Swanson,

and I'm gonna tell you
everything you need to know

about the miserable,
screwed-up world

of local government.

You have mustard
in your moustache.

Don't sass me, Berkus.
Let's get started.

"Life, liberty, and property."
That's John Locke.

What is this?

Whale sounds.

Okay.

You can change it if you want.

Yeah?

What the hell?

Oh, no, no, no.
This is such a great song.

Yeah, I snuck
an Al Green song in there.

I want them to get together.

Sue me.

Did you see this?

According to their rules,

we may not have enough
hotel rooms within city limits.

I know.
It's a silly rule.

But maybe they'll be
reasonable and not care.

Yeah, maybe we could
just point out to them

there are tons of hotel rooms
just outside city limits.

Uh-huh.

Have you been to
the Grandville Hotel and Spa?

- Uh-uh.
- They have the softest towels.

Oh, I gotta tell ya.
I love a nice towel in my life.

Me too.
I know.

It's... I mean,
it's the simplest luxury,

but it makes
all the difference.

Their bath mats are amazing.

It's like stepping on a lamb.

Oh, hold on.
Hey, come here.

You've got an eyelash
on your face.

I got it.
Make a wish.

Learning to speak Mandarin.
Unit three...

- Get away from me.
- Sorry.

- I'm sorry.
- Sorry.

- Um...
- Um...

I'm allergic to fingers.

Where are you going?

Maybe we should just
not talk to each other

for the rest of the trip,

and I'm just gonna concentrate
on the presentation.

Okay.

This is my little brother.

Next up.

The delegation
from Pawnee, please?.

And, so, as you can see,

Pawnee has 12 beautiful
baseball diamonds,

and our seats
have extra cushioning

due to the massive size
of our average citizen.

I have to bring up
what happened

the last time Pawnee
hosted this tournament.

No, you don't.

Good evening.

We begin with
our first story tonight.

They're cute, they're cuddly,

but now they're wreaking havoc

at the State
Little League Championship.

Pawnee's raccoon infestation.

Have these
little bandits stolen

our sense of safety?

The raccoon problem
is under control.

They have their part
of the town,

and we have ours.

Muncie is larger.
Bloomington is more central.

What's the advantage
of doing it in Pawnee?

The advantage is
that it's a wonderful city.

I mean, look,
I've been to 40 some odd towns

in Indiana,

and Pawnee is special.

I mean, the people
are passionate and kind.

They love their city.

They take pride in their work.

It's a very,
very special place.

Hey, it's Tom Haverford
back here with Know ya Boo.

Let's move
to the next question.

Where is your favorite place
to smush ya boo?

- Donna!
- Back of my Benz?

Let's check in with ya boo!

Her said her Mercedes!

Jerry and Donna on fire.

- April?
- This question is gross.

That's kind of the point.
What's your answer?

- In our bed, I guess.
- Andy?

Where's your boo's
favorite place to smush?

At the Neutral Milk Hotel.

- Get over it.
- No, you get over it.

You like some other dude's
band more than me.

Do you even think
that Mouse Rat

is the greatest band
in the world?

'Cause it's starting
to not feel that way.

That band is
really important to me,

and, honestly, I've asked you
to listen to them,

like, a million times,
and you never have, so...

'cause their music is sad,
and depressing, and weird.

And art is supposed to be
happy and fun,

and everyone knows that.

You know what?
Whatever. Forget it.

Fine, forget it.

Damn!
This game's got juice.

This is your lunch.

Now, you should be able to do
whatever you want to with this,

right?

If you wanna eat
all of it, great.

If you wanna throw it away
in the garbage,

that's your prerogative.

But here I come,
the government...

And I get to take 40 percent
of your lunch.

And that, Lauren,
is how taxes work.

- But that's not fair.
- You're learning.

Uh-oh,
Capital Gains Tax.

Well, Chris says
congratulations

and that together
we're unstoppable.

- Wow, cheers, sir!
- Yup.

- You did it.
- No, you did it.

No, normally I do it.

This time you did it.

- No.
- You should take the praise.

Can I get a shot of you guys?

- Yeah.
- Sure.

Uh, hey,
when this thing's over,

do you wanna grab some dinner?

Uh, Chris recommended a place.

- Sure.
- Yeah?

Um, hey, we were thinking
about going to dinner,

photographer.

You want in?
You wanna grab some grub?

- Uh, no, thanks.
- They have great burgers.

Well, you don't even know
where we're going yet, so...

I'm sure they have
great burgers there, though.

Come on, photographer.
Last chance.

Uh, okay.

Well, then, it's just us then.

- Yeah.
- Sure. Okay. I tried.

And that, Lauren,
is how FDR ruined this country.

Lauren, ready to head back?

Well, I guess it's time
for you to head home.

I've really enjoyed
talking with you.

You are...
and this is not a joke...

much smarter
than most of the people

who work in this building.

I liked talking
with you, too, Mr. Swanson.

Ron.

Hang on, hang on,
I have something for you.

This is a Claymore land mine.

Use that to protect
your property.

- Thanks, Ron.
- You got it.

Tommy Hilfiger
iPhone app finally.

Hey, your stupid
Know your Boo game

made me and Andy
get in a big fight.

He just sold his guitar,

and he's, like,
quitting music now.

What do you want me
to do about it?

Okay, welcome to the super
awesome bonus lightning round.

First question...

Andy, who did your boo say
makes the best mac and cheese

in the universe?

The universe?

Ooh. Kraft?

- April said...Andy!
- Aw.

Best couple ever.
You just won 50 points.

Wait, why?
We got it wrong.

Next lightning round thing.

Who is the number one Colts fan
in the world?

Wait a minute.

You set this whole thing up
so I would be un-mad at you.

Well, guess what,
ain't gonna work.

You figured out
April's trying to trick you.

That's worth 100 points.

Wait, no.

Good-bye.

You were really great
in that presentation today.

Oh, thanks.

I liked the stuff
you said about Pawnee.

That was really nice to hear.

You know, Pawnee
is a really special town.

I, uh, love living there.

And, um...

And I look forward
to the moments in my day

where I... I... where I get
to hang out with the town

and talk to the town
about stuff.

And the town has
really nice blond hair, too,

and has read a shocking number
of political biographies

for a town, which I like.

- Oh, God.
- I'm sorry.

And I know
we can get into trouble,

but I-I... I can't
take this anymore,

and I feel like we have to
at least talk about it.

I mean,
it's not just me, right?

No, it's not just you.

Oh, God.

- What? Are you... are...
- Ugh.

- Are you all right?
- Perfect.

I'm gonna go see a man
about some porcelain,

you know what I mean?

I'm not buying cocaine.
I'm going to the bathroom.

The whiz palace,
as I like to call it.

And I'm not calling Ann, so...

Ann, we have
a serious code Ben.

Well, it's not really code
if you say his name.

He told me that he liked me,

and I'm gonna go make out
with him right now

on his face.

- That's awesome!
- No, no, read me the script.

- Seriously?
- Yes!

All right.

"Leslie, it's Leslie Knope
from the Parks Department

"speaking to you
through Ann Perkins,

friend and beautiful nurse."

Thank you.

"Do not do anything with Ben.

"Be responsible, no matter
how cute his mouth is.

Your job is on the line!"

- Shut up, Ann!
- You wrote that.

No, you...
then Leslie, Leslie,

you don't know
what you're talking about.

I care about him very much,

and I've had 2 1/2 glasses
of red wine,

and what that means is
I'm gonna go make out with him

right now,
and it's gonna be awesome.

Yay!

No, you're supposed
to talk me out of this.

No, don't, stop.

Shut up, Ann,
I'm doing it anyway.

Yay!

Leslie!

When Ben told me
that you had won the bid,

I was wildly ecstatic,

and I had to come up here
and celebrate with you.

There is literally nothing
in this world

that you cannot do.

So, what's the plan now?
Should we take a long walk?

Mini-golf.

I'll probably...
do you...

shouldn't we
just go back to Pawnee?

- Yeah.
- Nonsense.

There's no reason to drive
all the way back home.

I've got a perfectly good condo
right here in the city.

Oh, we couldn't
put you out like that.

Double nonsense. I would love
to have you stay with me.

Leslie, you can take
the guest room,

and, Ben, you have to sleep
on my couch.

It is literally

the comfiest couch
you've ever been on.

This is weird.

We're on Chris' couch.

Yup, we are,
and I'm wearing his clothes.

- Uh, well...
- Well...

Sorry, I keep myself
very well hydrated,

and my bladder
is the size of a thimble.

I urinate
roughly 12 times a night.

I think I might go to bed,
too, actually.

Oh, yeah?

Okay.

Um, well, look...

Good job, again, today.
It was...

- You too.
- Really?

Yeah.

Well, that was quick
and to the point.

- Here's a tip.
- Mm?

The key to
a healthy urethra... radishes.

Good, I'm gonna go to bed.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Well, now I'm up.
You wanna boggle?

- Are you Ron Swanson?
- I am.

Okay, what exactly
did you teach my daughter?

Oh, you must be
Mrs. Berkus.

Lauren was supposed
to do a paper

on why government matters.

This is what she wrote.

"It doesn't."

Well said.

- Is this a joke?
- No, ma'am.

I legitimately believe that.
I'm a Libertarian.

Oh, that's nice.
Well, she is a fourth grader.

And fourth graders
aren't supposed to have

their heads crammed
full of weird ideas.

They're supposed to do
cute reports

and get gold stars.

I'm very sorry.
I was only...

and you ate her lunch?
And you gave her a land mine?

Really?

Well, it seemed appropriate
at the time. I...

How??

You know this is
my house, right?

- Yeah, hi.
- Do you wanna come in?

- You okay?
- No.

Andy is totally mad
at me right now,

and I don't know
how to deal with him,

so I thought I would ask you.

You know, Andy and I
broke up so long ago.

I... I don't think that
I'd be the best source to...

please.

What happened?

He doesn't think
I like Mouse Rat.

And all I said to him was that
this other band was better,

but I don't know
why he got all mad,

because it's
like an indisputable fact

that they're better.
They're a real band.

Oh, boy. Okay.

Well, Andy just wants you to be
proud of him and his music,

so this isn't
really about being right.

It's more about
being supportive.

Oh, wow,

I didn't realize you were
a marriage counselor, Ann.

Sorry.

My instinct
is to be mean to you.

I understand.

O-M-G.

Leslie, I read
that same article...

"The history of the ladder."

It's utterly fascinating.

- Ben, you're gonna love this.
- Really?

Do you know that
the original image of a ladder

is in a cave
in Valencia, Spain,

drawn over 10,000 years ago.

Oh, my God.
How about some music?

That's amazing.
What is this?

Oh, man, I love this song.

Wait a minute.

- What is this?
- Living out my dream.

Playing a show
with the greatest band ever.

That's my guitar.

You bought it back
from Sewage Joe?

I actually stole it
from his office,

but whatever.

He's a weirdo.

Maybe April doesn't think
that we're the greatest band

in the world,
but, man, she loves me,

and I love her.

So, you know, who cares.

I got the greatest wife
in the world!

- Stop.
- We're married!

We're totally
gonna do it later!

Oh, my God.

Well, actually, I think
it's good that Chris showed up,

'cause I wasn't
thinking clearly.

I love my job,
Ben loves his job,

and it's just
not worth the risk.

- Oh, hey.
- Hey.

Chris just wanted me
to drop off these receipts.

Oh, well, he's not here.
He took off.

Okay.

Uh-oh.

All I'm saying is...
keep an open mind for a while.

Listen to your teachers
and read all the books you can.

Then when you're eighteen, you can
drink, gamble and become a Libertarian.

The drinking age is 21.

I know...
Another stupid government rule.

- So you write a new paper?
- Yeah.

- Can you autograph this one for me?
- Sure.

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