All language subtitles for Parks and Recreation s03e12 Eagleton.eng

Good morning, Ron.

Good morning.

I know how much you enjoy
paperwork, but don't hover.

Nice bench.
Is that new?

No, that's been there
since the '90s.

What are you doing
for your birthday on Friday?

Nothing.
I never d...

- Aha!
- Oh, God.

Ron refuses to tell anyone
when his birthday is.

He's even had it redacted
on all government documents.

Three years of investigations,
phone calls,

Freedom of Information Act
requests,

and still, I had nothing...

Until a well-placed bribe to
a gentleman at Baskin-Robbins

revealed...

Ron's birthday is on Friday.

Damn it.
I was so careful.

Well, you blew it.

All for a free scoop
of rum raisin.

Was it worth it, Ron?
Was it?

I command you to do nothing.

I'm not gonna do nothing.
I'm gonna do something.

And it's gonna be really big.

I have a lot of years
to make up for.

I don't like loud noises
and people making a fuss,

and I especially
don't like people celebrating

because they know a piece
of private information about me.

Plus,
the whole thing is a scam.

Birthdays were invented
by Hallmark to sell cards.

Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com

- They put up a fence.
- Who?

No!

- What's that?
- There's a small park

on the line between Pawnee
and Eagleton, and...

last night Eagleton put up
a fence around their side

to keep us disgusting Pawnee
hobos off their precious land.

There's even a security guard.

You got to show
Eagleton I.D. to get in.

Eagleton is
a bunch of rich snobs.

And that's coming from someone
who has a Mercedes...

With a Harman Kardon Logic 7
surround-sound system.

Who builds a fence to keep
kids out of a playground?

Three words...
Lindsay Carlisle Shay.

Who?

Lindsay Carlisle Shay and I
used to be best friends.

We worked together
at the Pawnee Parks Department.

Then she went to work
in Eagleton

and "fixed her deviated septum"
and lost 35 pounds

and lost something else.

What was it again?

Oh, yeah.
Her soul.

Is the Eagleton side
really that much better

- than the Pawnee side?
- To be fair, yeah.

Our side is
this scrappy piece of land

where kids go to smash
fluorescent light tubes.

But it has a lot of heart.

That's what people always say
when something sucks.

We should stand up
for our town, okay?

Pawneeans are just as good
as Eagletonians,

although on average,
we are several inches shorter

and 80 pounds heavier.

People in Eagleton
are straight up mean to us.

I would never set foot
over there.

But it's the only place
that I can get

my bumble and bumble
hair care products,

so I'm there every eight days.

Okay, well, I am
on "Operation No More Fence,"

so I'm putting you in charge
of "Operation Ron's Party...

- colon... Shock And Awe."
- I am all over it.

I just need you
to do what's on that list.

Leslie has a lot of qualities
I find horrifying.

But the worst one by far
is how thoughtful she can be.

It's the only park
in our neighborhood.

I mean, where are
my kids supposed to play...

the rock quarry?
There's rocks in there.

Why don't we just set fire
to the fence?

You know, set it ablaze.

That's arson.

Well, let's leave that
up to the lawyers.

The point is, it would work.

Why don't we build a fence
around their fence?

- Why?
- It would give us...

Two fences,

so if they needed to get
to their fence

for maintenance and whatnot,
their pants might get caught.

My son Joey
tried to scale that fence

to play on the Eagleton side,

and he fell and hurt his arm.

You need to get those people
to tear that fence down.

This woman's right.

I promise you,
citizens of Pawnee

and sweet, brave Joey,

I will tear down that fence.

Okay, I-I'm just
gonna suggest one more time

that we burn it down.

But whatever you guys think.

Yeah. Great.

Yes, hi.

I have a question about your
inflatable saxophones.

Do those come
in different sizes?

I'm gonna need
about 40 dozen of those.

Also, what about your
neon gangster fedora hats?

Um...

- That was rude.
- Whatever's going on here,

stop it immediately.

I was just talking
on the phone.

- To whom?
- It was personal.

I would never make
a work-related call.

You know that.

- Lindsay!
- Leslie Knope.

Hi.

Has it really been five years?

It has.
You look amazing.

Thank you. This place
hasn't changed a bit...

still loveable, but grimy.

Hello, there.
I'm Ben Wyatt.

I'm assistant city manager

hi, Dan.

- Ben.
- It's not important.

It won't come up again.

Uh, this is Ann.
She is my best friend...

Now.

And, uh, she's a nurse,
and she works at a hospital.

- Ooh.
- Nice to meet you.

Oh, I'm sorry.
It's just, nursing...

You must be so tired.
It's sad.

It's really nice outside.
Shall we speak in my courtyard?

Yeah.

Well, thank you so much
for stopping by.

I was passing through
Pawnee anyway.

I do a lot
of charity work here.

There's
only so much you can do.

You know, I found a picture
of you from back in the day.

Look me at that.

Let me get a closer look.

So let's talk
about Lafayette park.

Oh, yes.
The fence.

I'm only trying to protect
our children.

Come on, Lindsay,
this isn't you.

When we used to work here
together,

we loved the fact
that parks were for everyone.

That's what
makes them so great.

You know what's really great?

A private park
that's not for everyone.

- Wowsers.
- What do you care?

It's just a crappy little park.

Well, someone once told me

that there's no such thing
as small parks,

- just small ideas.
- Mm.

And that someone...

Was this woman.

You can take it if you want.

I have many copies
and the negatives.

And I have a jpeg.

The fence stays up.

- Lindsay, if we...
- Sweetie...

And I mean this
in the nicest possible way,

Pawnee is and always will be
a dirty, little nightmare

from which
you will never wake up.

But it was good seeing you.

What?
I'm not asleep. I'm awake.

I'm wide awake,
and I got my eyes on you.

That's what I would've said

if I had thought of it
in the moment.

What did I say instead?

Wow! This is where they have
their Public Forums?

- Yeah, it's not that great.
- They had a valet.

Yes, Eagleton
is nicer than Pawnee.

And, yes, because
of their cupcake factory,

the air always
smells like vanilla.

Oh, yeah.

- Wow.
- But...

Their people are not inherently
better than our people.

The only thing they beat us in

is life expectancy,
beauty pageants,

and average income...
who cares?

Factoid alert...

Eagleton was founded
by former Pawneeans.

Pawnee was established
in May of 1817.

And by July,

finding the smell unpleasant
and the soil untenable,

all the wealthy people
evacuated to Eagleton.

Hello, Pawnee.

Welcome to our public forum.

Hi, I'm
Thomas Montgomery Haverford.

- Okay.
- Well, nice outfit.

What, did you just come
from the stables?

Yes.

- I was just at the stables.
- Oh.

You look like
you've been working hard.

You have
a million flyaways right now.

Would you like to borrow
a mirror or a self-help book?

I would not.

I would like you to get off
your high horse,

Lindsay... pun intended.

You know if I had your job,
there would be no fence there.

Well, you don't have my job,

because you knew
you couldn't handle it.

Oh, the forum is beginning.

Uh, we've got a little bit
of Eagleton business,

- and then I'll introduce you.
- Great.

Look how pretty the people are.

Hey, Ron...

How's the street parking
at your house?

- What?
- Can you handle, like, 20 cars

or a double-Decker party bus?

There is no street parking
at my house.

My house
is not even on a street.

Do you have space
for, like, a huge circus tent?

Hey, Ron.
Have you seen...

what the hell?

No!

Oh!

Well, looks like
there wont be any balloons

for the birthday boy.

These were for a sick child
at the hospital.

Ah.

My office, now.

- I don't work for you.
- Don't care.

Decisions, decisions.

Uh, I think I'm gonna go

with the porcini mushrooms
and boursin, s'il vous plait.

...that the Eagleton-Pawnee fence

does a lot more harm
than it does good.

Hello. I'm Bertram Rolands,
a citizen of Eagleton.

With all due respect,
Ms. Knope,

can't you just clean up
your side of the park,

put some new equipment there?

Well, we would love to do that,

but, unfortunately,
money is tight right now.

Hello.
I'm Christine Porter.

I want to respectfully say
that I'm in favor of the fence.

I see it as a kind
of punishment for Pawnee

that might inspire your town
to clean up its act.

Well, I would like
to respectfully say

that any child should be able
to play in any park,

regardless of wealth or status.

Uh, anyway,
this is Joey Plunkett.

Joey, wave to the audience.

Oh, you can't,
because you broke your arm

climbing that fence.

- Uh, I can wave with this arm.
- No, you can't.

Both your arms are broken.

All due respect,
I recognize that boy.

He was caught selling
fireworks to Eagleton kids.

Well, with more due respect,

a lot of boys do that
in our town.

You cannot be sure
that he is the one.

This is a perfect example
of how we're going to help you.

Here's to you, Joey,
and your mother

and to every Pawnee citizen
who might have a bright future

if they fundamentally change
everything about themselves.

- Thanks to Leslie Knope.
- I'm not done.

Isn't she trying her hardest?

So cute and so good.

I'm only gonna ask you
this once.

What is going on
with my birthday?

Oh, my God.
Ron, it's your birthday.

- Happy Birthday.
- Shut your damn mouth.

This is a fun conversation.

Just tell me
what Leslie is planning.

Honestly, I-I don't know.
I haven't heard anything.

Why don't you tell me what
she did for your last birthday?

Oh, well, that was intense.

She totally surprised me.

She kidnapped me from work,

and then she took me
to that place, Senor Vega's,

you know, where
the mariachi band comes out.

They put a big sombrero on you,

and then everybody sings
Happy Birthday?

Damn it.

And then we went
back to my house,

and she invited
basically everyone I knew,

and she had this great guy
doing face painting,

and I had my face painted
like a fairy tiger.

Also, she did it, like,
a week before my birthday,

which is genius, 'cause
I had no idea it was coming.

And then there was
a bouncy castle.

Did you know
they made those for adults?

Mm-hmm.

Maybe I'll change it up
this time.

Can I try
the andouille sausage?

- Tom, let's go.
- What? No.

Hey, not you too.

It's gross.
I don't like it.

It's disgusting.

Did you guys get
your public forum gift bag?

There's an iPod touch in here.

Man, she used
to not be like this.

Eagleton really changed her.

Yeah, what exactly happened
between the two of you, anyway?

Five years ago,
Eagleton offered me that job.

And you said no?
Are you insane?

I talked it over with Lindsay,
and we made a pact

that we would stay
in Pawnee together

and work hard
and fight to make Pawnee

a better place to live.

And then
they offered her the job,

and she took it
and disappeared.

Wow.

Ooh, verbena-scented
soy candles!

You want me to do what, now?

Send Leslie somewhere
on an assignment,

a conference or something,

and make her take April
and freeze their bank accounts.

I don't understand.

Is Leslie's work
unsatisfactory?

No, it has nothing to do
with her work.

I don't want to get into it.

Ron, look, this is me, okay?

You know you can talk to me
about anything.

Well, it's... it's
my birthday on Friday.

Hey!
Happy Birthday.

I'm ending this right now.

I'm just gonna leave early
and go home...

Unless...

That's exactly
what she wants me to do.

All right,
everybody just grab a bag

and open it up

and then try to find
some dirty stuff in there.

What are you doing?

Eagleton treats us
like garbage.

We're gonna treat them
like garbage.

We're gonna take
these bags of trash,

and we're gonna throw it over
to their side of the park.

And then we're just gonna let
the stink

and the raccoons run wild.

Well, isn't that

just playing right
into what they think of you?

Oh, my God.
What am I thinking?

Let's just stop this.

Put everything
back in the truck.

Let's back it up.
No, no, no, no.

Leslie, you promised we could
throw garbage everywhere.

Wow.

I didn't expect to see
the whole Parks Department here,

although it is, sadly,

one of the nicest spots
in town.

I am so sick of this, Lindsay.

Wait, Leslie.
I've got this.

You listen to me,
Lindsay Carlisle Shay.

Why don't you take
your fancy dog,

get in your escalade?

And if you have
any job openings,

maybe you should let me
know about 'em.

- Come on, man.
- No!

I'm sick of being treated

like I'm not willing to relocate
to Eagleton, because I am!

So here's
what you could do, lady.

Take this resume

and shove it
into your human resources slot.

Oh, yeah!
Shove it there!

You might have a fancy car
and a mahogany purse,

or whatever rich people have,

but I remember something
that you're trying to forget.

- You're a Pawnee girl.
- Mm-hmm.

No, Leslie, I'm not.

Well, then why do you
come here at dinnertime

and get takeout
from the legendary JJ's Diner?

It's not for me.

These waffles make
great dog laxatives.

Don't you dare

feed that waffle to that dog
to get it to poop.

Sambuca need to make?

There you go.

- Leslie.
- How dare you?

- Get her!
- Get her, Leslie!

- Get off of me!
- Get her!

Garbage fight!

I want her arrested for
attempted murder.

For God's sake, Knope.
Get a grip.

Thank God you're here!

I want her arrested!

She attacked me,

and then she hurled my
Kate Spade headband somewhere.

I think my Eagleton
colleagues would agree

that we don't want to make
a federal case out of this,

so I suggest you both apologize
to each other,

and we pretend
this never happened.

I will never apologize to her.

- Nor I her.
- "Nor I her."

I doth proclaim to be
a stupid fartface.

Nice retort. Did G.B. Shaw
write that for you?

Did G.B. Shaw write
your stupid fartface?

Ladies, if you don't apologize,

we're gonna have to toss
the both of you in jail.

So just swallow your pride...

Say you're sorry.

We hope you enjoy
your evening here

at the Eagleton holding cell.

Can I offer you anything...
herbal tea, Greek yogurt?

No.

Morning, Ron.

Ooh, dude, you forgot
to put a shirt on.

I do it all the time.
It's fine.

- I slept here.
- Sweet.

So a little birdie told me
it's your birthday coming up.

How about
a free birthday shoe shine?

What did this
little birdie tell you

is going to happen
for my birthday?

Oh, nice try, Ron. You're not
getting anything out of me.

Andrew, please.

Ron, look,
I love you like a father

who's not that much
older than me...

like a young Uncle...

or like, uh, you were
my camp counselor,

but we're adults,
so we hang out,

and it's not weird, you know.

Or, actually,
here's what it is.

You're my Lacrosse coach.
I get it. I get it.

What's the point?

Well, coach,

Leslie swore me to secrecy,
so I can't say anything.

I owe her so much.
I can't ruin it for her.

- Well, I respect that.
- Mm-hmm.

- See you later.
- Okay...

Not if I see you first,
Uncle Ron.

And I probably will,

'cause Leslie assigned me
to the kidnap squad.

Hey, jailbird.

Beautiful Ann, thank you
for coming to get me.

Oh, my God, are you kidding?

Are you okay?

It was a rough night,
but I survived.

Scone?

- They only have maple walnut.
- Yeah. Thank you.

Why did you get arrested?
What did you do?

The only thing I'm guilty of
is loving Pawnee...

And punching Lindsay
in the face

and shoving a coffee filter
down her pants.

But in my defense, I believe
that assault should be legal

if a person is a jerk.

Why are you letting her
get to you like this?

Because she's a stupid jerk...

Because we were best friends

and then she sold out
everything that we believed in.

And the worst part?

To her, our friendship...

it's like it never happened.

Well, first of all,
this color looks amazing on you.

Thank you.

Second of all,
the whole fence thing...

she's obviously trying
to get a rise out of you.

Third of all, she knows
she only got the job

because you turned it down,
which must drive her nuts.

But most importantly,
you say the word,

and I will beat her senseless
with a baseball bat.

Thank you.

Wait a minute.

Oh, my God. Okay, we have
a lot of work to do.

Ann, put these scones
in your bra.

- Let's go.
- Okay.

Can we just stop off
at the, um, lobby?

'Cause the prison gift bags
are amazing.

Hey, batter, batter,
batter, batter, batter.

Hey, batter, batter, batter,
batter, batter, batter, batter.

Hey, batter, bah.

Lucas with a crazy base hit!

Dude, stop rooting
for the other team.

You're just mad 'cause
they are lighting you up.

- What's going on here?
- Hi, Lindsay.

Introducing the Pawnee
wiffle ball league.

It's an idea
that I came up with

after my best friend, Ann,
over there

said she wanted to bash your
head in with a baseball bat.

And I want to thank you
for the fence.

There's no way we could afford
that high-quality wood.

What if someone
hits a home run?

How will you get the ball back?

One of the many
Eagleton kids who signed up

will just pop over and grab it.

Hey, what are you doing
tonight?

- Why?
- I don't know.

I thought maybe you could bust
out your old jazz sweatshirt,

and you and I could go
to Sullivan's for a beer.

Yeah, I do still have
that sweatshirt.

I know you do.

Foul ball!

- You did all this in a day?
- Yeah.

All right.

I work with some
really great people.

Good job, guys.
Great job.

Hey, did you hear the news?

Ben and Chris want us to go
into Conference Room "C"

for a meeting.

Let's get this over with.

Happy Birthday, Ron.

Ann said you had a big party...

sombreros, karaoke.

Yeah, I did that for Ann.

Why would I throw Ron Swanson
an Ann Perkins party?

What about the giant list
of things April was doing?

That was just a list
of ways to mess with you.

- She do 'em all?
- She did indeed.

So I have rented
Bridge on the River Kwai

and The Dirty Dozen.

Artie from security
is outside the door,

so no one will bother you.

And a cab will be here
whenever you're ready

to take you home.

Thank you.

Do you remember what you
said to me five years ago

when Eagleton offered me
that job,

and I asked you
for your advice?

Uh, "do whatever
the hell you want.

What do I care?"

Right, but then, after,

when I pressed you,
what did you say?

I believe I said

that I thought
we worked well together

and that I might disagree
with your philosophy,

but I respected you.

And I said that you'll get

a lot of job offers
in your life,

but you only have one hometown.

Yes.

That's how I remember it.

This, by the way,
is a one-time-only situation.

Next year, your birthday party
is gonna be a rager.

Mmm!

Mmm.

Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0