Original subtitles

Giddyup, giddyup!

Meet Leslie Knope.

Whap!

I am the pants queen!

Leslie loves whipped cream,

dancing with friends,

and working hard for the Parks Department

of Pawnee, Indiana.

Cut it out, Tom.

It never gets old.

She also loves her coworkers

at City Hall,

Ron Swanson...

Tom Haverford...

Tommy Timberlake.

April Ludgate...

My mom's Puerto Rican.

That's why I'm so lively and colorful.

And Andy Dwyer.

Uh-oh.

Nailed it.

April and Andy like each other.

But Andy accidentally kissed

his ex-girlfriend, Ann Perkins...

Ooh.

- April left. - April!

And he hasn't seen her since.

In the midst of all this love,

two black hats rode into town...

Scientists believe that the first human being

who will live 150 years

has already been born.

I believe I am that human being.

And they brought with them some disturbing news.

Effective tomorrow morning,

the entire government will be shut down

until further notice.

What will Leslie do next?

Will April and Andy make up and make out?

Find out this season on Parks and Recreation.

Starting right now.

Ron...We're back.

Bully.

The bankrupt government of Pawnee

has been shut down all summer,

so it's been three months of no work,

no meetings, no memos, no late nights, nothing.

I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

Oh, rounding up the team.

So exciting.

I have goosebumps. Feel.

And that's why they call me Prince Charming.

'Cause I always find the glass slipper

for my Cinderella.

These are way too tight.

Well, the real Cinderella didn't have hippo feet.

Tom, we're back.

Jeremy! Suck it!

By the way, I've been giving away free sports bras

to the girls at hot dog on a stick.

Look, we can dance all day,

but it's time to step up.

Are you buying 4,000 rubber nipples from me

or not?

Dee, you have a visitor.

We back?

We're back.

All right.

- Jerry. - Oh, my gosh.

Look who's here. Leslie.

The nightmare's over, Jerry. We're going back to work.

You're not gonna need this anymore.

Come on!

I called shotgun. Everybody heard me.

Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com

Well...

I am usually not one for speeches.

So good-bye.

Break's over, mofos.

Okay, here's the situation.

We are operating on a shoestring budget.

Park services have been slashed.

But we are all still here.

And we have a job to do.

Make the world's biggest pizza.

No, make this town fun

for the people who live here.

Fine, but after that,

the pizza is our top priority.

No, it's not.

We're getting pizza?

April, hey. It's me, Andy.

Dwyer.

Uh, this is, like, the 200th message I've left you

without a response.

So...

If you're trying to tell me something,

I do not know what it is

because you won't call me back.

It is truly great to see all of you.

Huh?

It's great news.

Okay, I have to run. Ben.

The bad news, which...

I get to deliver, is this:

Your only work for the time being

will be existing park maintenance.

So that just means

that we're in maintenance mode!

Yeah!

Jerry.

Okay, see, I've spent the last few months

brainstorming,

and I have some really great ideas,

and I put them in my idea binders.

I mean, they're color-coded, for God's sake.

Okay, actually, yeah. There is...

There is one thing that you will be doing.

Apparently, in Indiana,

if you don't provide a basketball league,

people get very upset.

And, quite frankly, throw things at you

and call you names.

Like turd boy. I... whatever.

Point is, I reinstated youth basketball.

It says here you only have money for two teams.

Yeah, they're gonna develop a great rivalry.

Under my tutelage, you will grow

from boys into men.

From men into gladiators.

And from gladiators into Swansons.

Behold.

The Swanson pyramid of greatness.

I've been developing the Swanson pyramid of greatness

for years.

It's a perfectly calibrated recipe

for maximum personal achievement.

Categories include:

Capitalism, God's way of determining

who is smart, and who is poor.

Crying, acceptable at funerals

and the Grand Canyon.

Rage, poise, property rights.

Fish, for sport only.

Not for meat.

Fish meat is practically a vegetable.

Haircuts.

There are three acceptable haircuts.

High and tight,

crew cut, buzz cut.

Are the scissors broken in your house, son?

So you happy to be back at work?

Well, our budget's been slashed to zero.

I tried to buy fertilizer the other day

for the soccer field.

Request denied.

We literally can't buy shit.

- Oh, I'm so sorry. - No, I mean, look.

When we were kids,

the Parks Department would do these big projects.

Winter Jamboree, the Harvest Festival.

It's like they don't have faith in us anymore.

I'm not a paper-pusher, Ann.

I need to be out in the streets,

planting trees and cracking skulls.

Leslie Knope. Ann Perkins.

How are my two favorite people in this entire town?

Not good, Chris.

There's a whole line of people in my office

complaining that all their programs

have been slashed.

Yeah, I know. It's terrible.

Is there anything we can do about that?

- No. - Damn, sorry, Leslie.

Ann, could I talk to you for a minute?

- So how's it going? - Save it, okay?

I know you don't have faith in me

and my department, and that's fine.

But don't expect me to sit here

and chit-chat with you.

All right, fair enough.

Go the other way.

But I'm just going to that...

All right, uh...

Look, I'm very flattered.

But again, I don't think

I should go out with you.

Can I ask you why not?

Because I thought we had a great time

the night you got drunk and kissed me.

And you did use your tongue.

I just don't think I'm in a place

to go out with anyone right now.

Okay, well,

if you change your mind,

you know where to find me, Ann Perkins.

Leslie Knope.

Yes. Did he ask you out again?

He did, he did.

He is nothing if not persistent.

And hot.

He's ver... he's pretty hot.

Yeah, he's hot.

But he's intense.

But he's really, really hot.

But he's your boss.

Oh, my God, I just thought of an idea

of how we can save the Parks Department.

Great.

Let me ask you one question.

Would you be cool doing things

that a prostitute does?

Uh...

Minus the money.

Definitely yes, then.

Thanks, Ann.

Looking sharp. Beautiful.

The backboard is your friend.

Aaaa, bam!

Boom!

I'd say my coaching style is centered

around fundamentals,

with an emphasis on fun.

Hey, watch this.

Go get it!

And a second emphasis on mental.

Yeah, it can be hard work,

but every time I look

one of these kids in the eyes

and he calls me coach...

That's how I know I agreed to be a coach.

Mouse rat!

Carnage!

Okay, gentlemen, it's time

for the pregame coin toss.

There's no coin toss in basketball.

Are those women's sneakers?

Yes, they are, Ron. You know what?

They fit better. I got an employee discount.

And the best part is,

no one can tell.

All right, let's do this.

Match point, touchdown, et cetera.

Yeah, go my team. All right.

Okay, I like what you're wearing,

but I need it to be 300% sexier.

Do you have any of those shirts

that look wet all the time?

Or... or, like, a metal bikini?

Oh, you know what's always sexy?

Fingerless gloves.

What about if I wear this normal, sane outfit?

Yeah, okay, but you're gonna have to eat

something sexy, then, like a banana.

For dinner?

Well, what's sexy food?

Asparagus?

No, you know what's sexy?

Turkey chili.

- Mmm. - Yum.

And how, exactly,

am I supposed to casually steer the conversation

towards the Parks Department budget?

Okay, it's totally easy.

Tell you what. You be Chris.

I'll be you. I'll show you how it's done.

Okay.

Ann Perkins.

You are wonderful and amazing,

and I'm happy to be here with you.

Thank you, Chris.

I'm wearing a tuxedo vest

with no shirt on underneath.

Uh-oh.

Can I get you a drink?

I love every single beverage in the world.

I would like some wine.

And, oops, my vest popped open.

Just like the budget needs to pop open,

and you need to pour it

into my Parks Department.

Great.

I am so excited that you finally agreed

to go out with me.

What a magnificent flip-flop.

You're a magnificent asker-outer.

Tell me every single detail of your day.

I love dates.

I love connecting with someone.

I love engaging them.

I love being surprised by them.

I have never had a bad date.

They've all been either great or phenomenally great.

Nurses are the most undervalued members

of our society by far.

I think all of you should make as much money

as the CEO of Google.

Wow, thank you. I agree.

Can I ask you a question?

Why am I so positive all the time?

Yes, that's exactly the question.

I was born with a blood disorder.

And my parents were told

that I had three weeks to live.

And here I still am,

some 2,000-odd weeks later.

And I have enjoyed every one of them.

I think it's going well.

He's actually a really nice guy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, so have you asked him yet about the money?

Well, it's a date, you know?

It's kind of hard to casually bring up

the Parks budget when you're talking

about your favorite movies.

Jurassic Park, parks are so great,

the Parks Department needs money.

I just did it in three moves.

Well, then, why don't you just come here

and do it yourself?

- Okay. - Holy crap.

What? Chris and Ann? What are you two doing here?

We are on a date.

And it is going phenomenally.

Thanks, but I'll stay for just one drink.

I'm so happy I ran into you

because I wanted to speak to you...

- Well, well, well. - Ben.

- What a fun surprise. - Oh, that's right.

You were coming here tonight on a date.

And, hey, Leslie is joining you

on this wonderfully romantic occasion.

How 'bout that?

- Fantastic. - It is.

Can I talk to you?

- Sure. - What are you doing here?

I'm just confirming a suspicion I had, Leslie.

What are you talking about?

I had nothing to do with this date.

- Uh-huh. - They're both so beautiful.

They probably just want to see each other naked.

Okay, well, I know what you're trying to do.

And you're not that good at being sneaky.

- Yes, I am. - No, you're not.

- I'm great at being sneaky. - Clearly you're not.

Hey, you guys.

Let's all have dinner together.

The more the merrier.

- Great. - Great.

Good job, guys. Yep.

All right, Eric, taking a rest,

or are you hurt?

Taking a rest?

Smart.

Destroy them, gentlemen.

Feel no sympathy.

Yes, Ron Swanson is dating my ex-wife, Wendy.

Big deal.

My girlfriend, Lucy,

is the sexiest woman in town.

She's Cuban, she's got tattoos,

and she's into me,

which, as far as I'm concerned,

is the sexiest quality a woman can have.

Oh, I have an idea.

You know what would be really fun after dinner?

We should take a walk by the pond in Ramsett Park.

Walking in parks can be very romantic.

Yeah, too bad the park's always closed, though.

Okay, well, you two are on a date.

So Leslie and I should probably get going.

Uh, well, I'm actually having a good time

with everyone.

Chris?

Oh, me, too. I'm having a fantastic time.

What do you say we take this whole

date-plus-two- other-people thing

up into the stratosphere?

Don't stop make it pop

deejay blow my speakers up

tonight I'ma fight

till we see the sunlight

This place is outstanding.

Great call, Leslie Knope.

Thanks.

Look, even Ben's dancing.

That's the way to shoot the ball, Chignoli.

Hustle back.

Uh...

It's a foul.

What? On whom?

Your team.

Number 50. He was double dribbling.

He's on defense.

Exactly.

It's a technical difficulty, so that means

Andy's team throws the ball

from the stripey thing.

Let's go.

The stripey thing?

Hey, there.

How's it going?

Great, thanks.

Can I buy you a drink?

Oh, I'm very flattered,

but this is my stunningly gorgeous date,

Ann Perkins.

Oh, hi.

- Hi. - Sorry.

Oh, no problem.

In fact, let me buy all of you a drink

for being so welcoming today.

Waiter.

I think I may actually like Chris.

On the house, Leslie.

Oh, thank you.

I'm sort of a gay hero.

Last year, I married two penguins at the zoo,

and it turned out they were both gay.

- Penguin wedding. - Mm-hmm.

- That's cute. - It was so cute.

But enough about how cute it was.

Why don't you think I should have the money?

Good lord, really?

Look.

When I was 18,

and I became mayor of my hometown,

I used every last dollar we had

to open a giant winter sports complex.

Called it Icetown.

And it turned out great, and everyone loved it.

Uh, yeah, kinda.

It was never completed,

and I got impeached.

Newspaper headline was,

"Icetown costs ice clown his town crown."

Yuck.

They were big into rhymes.

Well, I don't know.

I think Icetown sounds great.

And the point is,

at least you tried something.

Foul!

Foul on number three

for taking a number two on number four.

Roughing the passer.

Double dribbling. That's a foul.

That's a foul for touching the basketball.

What are you gonna do about it?

Nothing. You fouled.

You can't do anything.

Okay.

You're ejected. You're ejected.

Oh, what's the matter there, Ron?

No players left?

Yay, Andy's team!

- Look at 'em go! - Come on.

Now you're openly cheering for the other team?

- Put my boys back in. - You made me the ref.

Deal with it.

You know what? Take this uniform off.

- Hey, hey. - You don't deserve to wear it.

Ron's ejected for molesting the ref.

Oh, yeah? I'm ejected?

- Yes, you are. - Tom, what are you doing?

I'm ejecting you.

You're ejected, too. Everyone's ejected.

Oh, yeah? She's ejected?

Yeah.

Rrrraaaagh!

Go ahead, go.

Well, that's a forfeit. Andy's team wins.

No way!

We won! Oh, man!

Eat it! Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Andy, Andy, Andy!

Yeah!

Ah-ha-ha! Yes!

I dedicate this victory to April Ludgate.

It feels good.

And it feels sticky.

From the Gatorade.

We're barely able to function.

We could really use that money.

But you know, I don't know if it's because

I'm in such a good mood,

or because of the charming Ann Perkins,

but I am going to seriously consider that.

Really? That's great.

Mission accomplished.

Let's boogie.

Mission accomplished?

Uh-oh.

Yeah.

There's a mission, uh, that Ann had thought of.

It was both of our ideas,

but it was mostly Ann's.

We...

I had mentioned to Ann that it would be fun

if you two went on a date.

So then...

You could, uh, talk about the money

and then, you know, maybe give it to me.

Wow.

I've just had my first bad date.

Ann Perkins.

Not that sneaky.

April!

April.

Where have you been? Oh, my God.

- Hey, how are you? - I'm okay.

I'm dying to see you.

I called and texted you, like, a billion times.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I was in Venezuela.

Oh, really?

Wow.

Across the pond.

Wow.

I thought maybe I woulda heard from you

at least once because of what happened.

Ann kissing me? I'm so sorry about that.

It was so stupid,

and it meant nothing.

I wouldn't worry about it. It's totally fine.

Hey.

This is my boyfriend, Eduardo.

No, it's not.

- ?Listo para lonche? - Si.

That means we're going to lunch.

How do you say have a great time,

don't choke on anything?

Bye.

Leslie asked me to do her a favor,

and I love her, so I did it.

I'm sorry, and I'm here to eat crow.

I like you a lot.

Let's go out again.

Ann Perkins.

Budget solution number 28.

Use grazing sheep to mow grass in parks.

Note: Tired sheep could become food

or sweaters.

Well, I got my answer.

About April.

She hates me. Yeah.

And she got a boyfriend, I guess,

from some city in Mexico.

So...

What do I do?

Okay.

Well, when your back's against the wall

and odds are stacked against you,

you just... you...

You swing the hardest, damn it.

You go big, or you go home.

And you don't seem like the kind of guy who goes home.

I'm not.

I don't even really have a home.

- Go get her, Andy! - Okay.

Okay, thanks, Leslie!

Okay, so we know the people who run this government

have no faith in us.

My plan is gonna change that

and bring the budget back.

And the answer's been right in front of us

the whole time.

Ew, check your testicles?

No, not that.

Although that is very good advice.

I'm looking at you, Jerry.

No, what's gonna save us

is right there.

Gentlemen, I realize that times are tough,

and the budget is tight.

But if the people of this town have nothing else to do

but sit in their houses and play video games,

then Pawnee will die.

And we refuse to let that happen.

Now.

This town was historically known for two things.

Widespread obesity

and the annual Pawnee Harvest Festival.

People from all over Indiana would come

and gaze in wonderment

at how fat our citizens were.

And while they were here,

they would also attend the festival.

A full week of corn mazes,

hayrides, ferris wheels,

pumpkins the size of jeeps.

We lost that festival a few years ago,

due to another round of budget cuts.

And I propose we bring the festival back.

With ticket sales and corporate sponsorship,

we'll earn all that money back.

And believe me, people will come.

What if they don't?

Well...

Then you eliminate the Parks Department.

And you guys are all on board with this.

- Aye. - Yes.

Look, we're not just pencil pushers.

We are a reflection of the community.

And we believe that we can strengthen that community.

Because in the end,

the reason why we're all here

is to bring people together.

That...

Literally...

Is the most moving thing I've ever heard.

And a good idea.

Yeah, all right.

Excellent.

Great, okay, so everybody,

we're gonna party hard for 15 minutes.

Then we're gonna have our first brainstorming session.

Hello, April.

Do you like the flowers?

What are you doing?

All due respect, Eduardo.

You seem like a great guy.

But I like April, and I'm coming after her

with everything I've got.

So do you want to go out with me?

No.

I thought you were gonna say yes,

but that's okay.

Because I'll be back tomorrow to ask you again.

And again the next day.

And the next day.

Not Friday.

I have to go visit my cousin.

But I will be back after that

to ask you again.

[...]

[...]

[...]

Ah! You should do it.

Uh, follow you dream.

Oh, my God. Really?

That's awesome.

I'll see you tomorrow.

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