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1
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And a personalized 5,000-word essay
2
00:00:17,173 --> 00:00:19,474
Of why you're all so awesome.
3
00:00:19,542 --> 00:00:21,176
What's galentine's day?
4
00:00:21,244 --> 00:00:23,311
Oh, it's only the best day of the year.
5
00:00:23,379 --> 00:00:24,913
Every February 13th,
6
00:00:24,981 --> 00:00:26,314
My lady friends and I
7
00:00:26,382 --> 00:00:27,983
Leave our husbands and
our boyfriends at home,
8
00:00:28,050 --> 00:00:30,385
And we just come and kick it,
breakfast-style.
9
00:00:30,453 --> 00:00:32,437
Ladies celebrating ladies.
10
00:00:32,522 --> 00:00:33,905
It's like lilith fair,
11
00:00:33,990 --> 00:00:35,757
Minus the angst.
12
00:00:35,825 --> 00:00:37,892
Plus frittatas.
13
00:00:37,944 --> 00:00:40,495
So to conclude our
galentine's day breakfast,
14
00:00:40,563 --> 00:00:43,665
It is time for the greatest story ever told.
15
00:00:43,733 --> 00:00:45,500
[applause]
16
00:00:45,568 --> 00:00:46,668
What's the story?
17
00:00:46,736 --> 00:00:48,537
It's the most romantic story ever.
18
00:00:48,588 --> 00:00:52,240
It makes the notebook
look like saw v.
19
00:00:52,291 --> 00:00:54,009
Go, mom, go.
20
00:00:54,076 --> 00:00:55,510
It was 1968.
21
00:00:55,578 --> 00:00:59,131
I was 18, and our family went
on a vacation to bermuda.
22
00:00:59,215 --> 00:01:01,850
And on the first day, I went for a swim
23
00:01:01,917 --> 00:01:05,887
In the ocean, and I got caught
24
00:01:05,938 --> 00:01:07,922
In a very strong current.
25
00:01:07,974 --> 00:01:09,107
[gasps]
26
00:01:09,192 --> 00:01:10,592
You've heard this story before, right?
27
00:01:10,643 --> 00:01:11,977
Yes, but the drama.
28
00:01:12,061 --> 00:01:17,766
The next thing I felt
were two very powerful arms
29
00:01:17,817 --> 00:01:20,152
Whisking me to safety.
30
00:01:20,236 --> 00:01:22,287
And he looked down at me, and he said,
31
00:01:22,371 --> 00:01:25,824
"are you okay?"
32
00:01:25,908 --> 00:01:28,293
And I looked up at him, and I said,
33
00:01:28,377 --> 00:01:31,163
"I am now."
34
00:01:31,247 --> 00:01:32,631
So they sneak out to meet each other
35
00:01:32,715 --> 00:01:33,948
And walk on the beach,
36
00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:36,218
And, two weeks later,
he asked her to marry him
37
00:01:36,285 --> 00:01:37,803
And move to illinois.
38
00:01:37,887 --> 00:01:39,721
But her parents thought she was too young,
39
00:01:39,789 --> 00:01:40,789
So she said no.
40
00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:42,190
And then they lost touch,
41
00:01:42,258 --> 00:01:43,809
And, a few years later, she met my dad.
42
00:01:43,893 --> 00:01:46,061
I got to take one of
those lifeguard courses.
43
00:01:46,128 --> 00:01:47,429
Those guys get all the action.
44
00:01:47,480 --> 00:01:48,480
Am I right, justin?
45
00:01:48,564 --> 00:01:49,798
- We got to find this guy.
- Frank?
46
00:01:49,866 --> 00:01:51,683
He's probably married. Or dead.
47
00:01:51,768 --> 00:01:53,068
[scoffs] what's the difference?
48
00:01:53,135 --> 00:01:54,152
Am I right, justin?
49
00:01:54,237 --> 00:01:55,570
At least let me try and find him.
50
00:01:55,638 --> 00:01:57,989
Imagine how much better that story would be
51
00:01:58,074 --> 00:02:01,526
If we actually reunited them.
52
00:02:01,611 --> 00:02:03,495
I think justin's right.
You should let him do this.
53
00:02:03,579 --> 00:02:05,580
Okay. Do it.
54
00:02:05,648 --> 00:02:07,032
But if you find him and he's weird,
55
00:02:07,116 --> 00:02:09,201
Like a ventriloquist or a puppeteer
56
00:02:09,285 --> 00:02:12,087
Or anyone who pretends toys are people,
57
00:02:12,154 --> 00:02:13,188
Then abort the mission.
58
00:02:13,256 --> 00:02:17,259
Both: Absolutely. - [laughs]
59
00:02:17,326 --> 00:02:20,011
[triumphant music]
60
00:02:20,096 --> 00:02:28,136
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
61
00:02:37,413 --> 00:02:39,848
You. You're the best girlfriend ever.
62
00:02:39,899 --> 00:02:42,951
Oh. Happy valentine's day.
63
00:02:43,018 --> 00:02:45,120
I knew, eventually, somehow,
64
00:02:45,187 --> 00:02:47,289
Being in a relationship with
you would totally pay off.
65
00:02:47,356 --> 00:02:49,708
I bought him some actual towels.
66
00:02:49,792 --> 00:02:51,526
He was using a bathrobe.
67
00:02:51,577 --> 00:02:54,496
And I bought him some other
things that humans usually use,
68
00:02:54,547 --> 00:02:55,714
Like shampoo.
69
00:02:55,798 --> 00:02:56,965
Troops, gather around.
70
00:02:57,032 --> 00:02:58,633
Great news.
71
00:02:58,701 --> 00:03:00,752
The senior center valentine's
dance is tomorrow
72
00:03:00,837 --> 00:03:01,870
From 5:00 to 9:00.
73
00:03:01,921 --> 00:03:03,755
Are we talking a.M. Or p.M.?
74
00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:07,142
Those people are old! Am I right, justin?
75
00:03:07,209 --> 00:03:09,043
Oh. Justin's not here.
76
00:03:09,095 --> 00:03:10,562
It isn't just a job, gang.
77
00:03:10,646 --> 00:03:12,213
We're gonna learn a lot from these seniors.
78
00:03:12,265 --> 00:03:16,568
Some of them have been
married for half a century.
79
00:03:16,652 --> 00:03:19,421
And, no offense, but everybody
here is terrible at love.
80
00:03:19,488 --> 00:03:23,859
Divorced, dating a gay guy, divorced twice,
81
00:03:23,910 --> 00:03:25,110
Jury's still out on you two.
82
00:03:25,194 --> 00:03:26,494
Oh.
83
00:03:26,562 --> 00:03:28,113
And, jerry, who knows?
84
00:03:28,197 --> 00:03:29,898
I've been happily married for 28 years.
85
00:03:29,949 --> 00:03:31,499
You've met my wife gayle many times.
86
00:03:31,567 --> 00:03:34,953
Whatever. Finally, ann and
mark are our special volunteers,
87
00:03:35,037 --> 00:03:37,439
And they will be available whenever needed.
88
00:03:37,506 --> 00:03:38,957
I didn't volunteer.
89
00:03:39,041 --> 00:03:40,592
Yeah, too bad. You got drafted.
90
00:03:40,676 --> 00:03:42,711
[imitating jfk] ask not what
91
00:03:42,762 --> 00:03:44,796
Your old people could do for you.
92
00:03:44,881 --> 00:03:46,965
Ask what you could do for your old people.
93
00:03:47,049 --> 00:03:48,183
Terminator.
94
00:03:48,250 --> 00:03:49,968
What? No. Jfk.
95
00:03:50,052 --> 00:03:51,269
[imitating schwarzenegger] this meeting
96
00:03:51,354 --> 00:03:52,938
Has been terminated.
97
00:03:53,022 --> 00:03:54,806
[regular voice] that is the terminator.
98
00:03:54,891 --> 00:03:57,592
- Nice.
- Where am I going?
99
00:04:00,313 --> 00:04:01,930
- Well, hello there.
- Well, hey.
100
00:04:01,981 --> 00:04:03,431
I got your message.
101
00:04:03,482 --> 00:04:04,983
You wanted to talk?
102
00:04:05,067 --> 00:04:06,284
- Yes, I do.
- Oh.
103
00:04:06,369 --> 00:04:08,102
[romantic music plays] - have a seat.
104
00:04:08,154 --> 00:04:10,322
¶ ¶
105
00:04:10,406 --> 00:04:12,040
Some champagne?
106
00:04:12,107 --> 00:04:13,325
Uh, no, thanks.
107
00:04:13,409 --> 00:04:15,877
Come on. This is armand de brignac.
108
00:04:15,945 --> 00:04:17,829
Jay-z drinks this.
Yeah, well, jay-z doesn't have
109
00:04:17,914 --> 00:04:19,297
To perform surgery in an hour.
110
00:04:19,382 --> 00:04:20,415
- You don't know jay-z's schedule.
111
00:04:20,466 --> 00:04:21,650
He's a renaissance man.
112
00:04:21,717 --> 00:04:23,001
[laughs]
113
00:04:23,085 --> 00:04:24,002
Okay, fine.
114
00:04:24,086 --> 00:04:25,620
Well, this is for you.
115
00:04:25,671 --> 00:04:26,972
Oh.
116
00:04:27,056 --> 00:04:28,289
Well, it's almost valentine's day,
117
00:04:28,341 --> 00:04:31,660
So I thought it would be
a good day to tell you...
118
00:04:31,727 --> 00:04:35,563
Okay, let me just stop you right there.
119
00:04:35,631 --> 00:04:40,986
Look, tommy... [music stops]
120
00:04:41,070 --> 00:04:44,155
I-I just want you to know I'm so grateful
121
00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:46,574
For everything you did for me.
122
00:04:46,642 --> 00:04:48,994
But I only see us as friends.
123
00:04:49,078 --> 00:04:50,478
For now.
124
00:04:50,529 --> 00:04:53,081
But think about how much
better our friendship would be
125
00:04:53,148 --> 00:04:55,417
If we added doing it.
126
00:04:55,484 --> 00:04:57,652
Seriously.
127
00:04:57,703 --> 00:04:58,987
I know our marriage was fake,
128
00:04:59,038 --> 00:05:00,922
But there's something between us,
129
00:05:00,990 --> 00:05:03,925
And I think we should
give it a shot for real.
130
00:05:03,993 --> 00:05:06,828
I just don't feel that way about you.
131
00:05:08,330 --> 00:05:10,665
I'm sorry.
132
00:05:19,976 --> 00:05:22,027
¶ each time I do ¶
133
00:05:22,111 --> 00:05:23,845
¶ just the thought of you ¶
134
00:05:23,896 --> 00:05:26,398
¶ makes me stop before I begin ¶
135
00:05:26,482 --> 00:05:27,682
¶ ¶
136
00:05:27,733 --> 00:05:30,652
¶ I got you ¶
137
00:05:30,703 --> 00:05:32,904
¶ under my skin ¶
138
00:05:32,989 --> 00:05:34,522
So there's that one, I guess.
139
00:05:34,573 --> 00:05:36,624
All right. You guys sound
ready for the dance tomorrow.
140
00:05:36,692 --> 00:05:38,793
I don't know about these
old fogey songs, leslie.
141
00:05:38,861 --> 00:05:40,662
Why can't we just do our originals?
142
00:05:40,713 --> 00:05:42,547
I just wrote a new song, okay.
143
00:05:42,631 --> 00:05:45,000
Bottom line: It's called sex hair.
144
00:05:45,051 --> 00:05:46,885
It's about how you can tell
when someone's just had sex
145
00:05:46,969 --> 00:05:48,837
'cause of how their hair
gets matted up in the back.
146
00:05:48,888 --> 00:05:50,605
It's awesome.
147
00:05:50,673 --> 00:05:52,140
Think of it this way.
148
00:05:52,207 --> 00:05:55,543
These song are exactly like
the songs you usually play,
149
00:05:55,594 --> 00:05:59,547
Except instead of modern rock,
they're old jazzy standards
150
00:05:59,598 --> 00:06:02,384
From the '40s.
151
00:06:02,451 --> 00:06:04,436
Okay. Yeah. You got a point.
152
00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:06,071
Yeah. You're gonna do great.
153
00:06:06,155 --> 00:06:08,990
- All right, guys.
- Hey, andy.
154
00:06:09,058 --> 00:06:11,076
I've been here for a half an hour.
Can I get my shoeshine?
155
00:06:11,160 --> 00:06:12,894
Dude, kyle, I'm gonna
lose my [bleep] on you
156
00:06:12,945 --> 00:06:15,463
If you ask me one more time.
157
00:06:15,531 --> 00:06:18,500
I found him.
158
00:06:18,567 --> 00:06:20,952
Frank beckerson.
159
00:06:21,037 --> 00:06:23,838
63, lives in a little
town called bridgeport.
160
00:06:23,906 --> 00:06:25,340
Illinois.
161
00:06:25,407 --> 00:06:29,377
Divorced, no kids, worked as
a lifeguard when he was 20.
162
00:06:31,013 --> 00:06:32,680
Ron, I need a half a day off
163
00:06:32,748 --> 00:06:34,466
For a secret mission of love.
164
00:06:34,550 --> 00:06:37,469
You're asking my
permission to take a nooner?
165
00:06:37,553 --> 00:06:38,970
Sure. Well, I don't know.
166
00:06:39,055 --> 00:06:40,772
Maybe. Justin and I need to go
167
00:06:40,856 --> 00:06:42,273
On a romantically inspired road trip.
168
00:06:42,358 --> 00:06:43,441
So it is a nooner.
169
00:06:43,526 --> 00:06:44,692
Well, we're planning
170
00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:46,861
To leave around noon,
so I'm not quite sure--
171
00:06:46,929 --> 00:06:48,196
Leslie, it's not a nooner.
172
00:06:48,263 --> 00:06:50,264
I tracked down this old
flame of leslie's mom.
173
00:06:50,316 --> 00:06:51,649
We're gonna go pick him up.
174
00:06:51,734 --> 00:06:54,135
We're gonna reunite them on valentine's day.
175
00:06:54,203 --> 00:06:55,770
A great story or what?
176
00:06:55,821 --> 00:06:57,772
Yeah, great story indeed.
177
00:06:57,823 --> 00:07:00,208
Enjoy your half day off. - Thank you.
178
00:07:00,275 --> 00:07:01,626
Pick you up tomorrow around noon.
179
00:07:01,710 --> 00:07:03,945
For our nooner, which is a cute word.
180
00:07:03,996 --> 00:07:05,463
Explain it to her later.
181
00:07:05,548 --> 00:07:06,948
Explain what?
182
00:07:06,999 --> 00:07:09,617
Happy valentine's day.
183
00:07:09,668 --> 00:07:14,339
First off, a bear in a paper
bag and a heart-shaped balloon.
184
00:07:14,423 --> 00:07:16,841
I love bears and bags.
185
00:07:16,926 --> 00:07:18,459
Well, you'll like this then,
186
00:07:18,511 --> 00:07:21,312
Because this is a giant teddy bear
187
00:07:21,397 --> 00:07:22,797
Holding a red heart.
188
00:07:22,848 --> 00:07:24,799
- Ohh.
- Festive.
189
00:07:24,850 --> 00:07:26,067
What's this? Oh, I don't know.
190
00:07:26,135 --> 00:07:27,986
It's a heart-shaped box of chocolates.
191
00:07:28,070 --> 00:07:31,189
That's a dozen red roses in a hear
t-shaped arrangement.
192
00:07:31,273 --> 00:07:33,307
See that. Perfume.
193
00:07:33,359 --> 00:07:34,976
- Ooh.
- For the lady.
194
00:07:35,027 --> 00:07:35,994
- Ooh.
- Oh, yeah.
195
00:07:36,078 --> 00:07:37,145
i>- Yearning,
196
00:07:37,196 --> 00:07:39,080
By dennis feinstein.
197
00:07:39,148 --> 00:07:40,915
Mm. Ooh.
198
00:07:40,983 --> 00:07:43,317
Dennis, no. No, dennis.
199
00:07:43,369 --> 00:07:45,703
Finally, the heart of the ocean.
200
00:07:45,788 --> 00:07:48,506
[gasps] gorgeous.
201
00:07:48,591 --> 00:07:50,675
Oh. [laughs]
202
00:07:50,759 --> 00:07:52,427
You know, I never had
a chance to get a girl
203
00:07:52,494 --> 00:07:55,180
A cliched valentine's day gift before,
204
00:07:55,264 --> 00:07:57,665
So I got you all of 'em.
205
00:08:00,136 --> 00:08:01,836
Thank you. That was very sweet.
206
00:08:01,887 --> 00:08:03,688
Do you think they'll get married?
207
00:08:03,772 --> 00:08:05,173
Oh, my god. What if they get married?
208
00:08:05,224 --> 00:08:06,507
That would be amazing.
209
00:08:06,559 --> 00:08:08,843
[laughs] would I call him dad then?
210
00:08:08,894 --> 00:08:10,678
- Yeah.
- No, that'd be too much.
211
00:08:10,729 --> 00:08:13,481
Maybe I'll call him pappy. Pop.
212
00:08:13,532 --> 00:08:15,533
Poppy. Papa.
213
00:08:15,618 --> 00:08:17,202
Oh, look at me, I'm getting ahead of myself.
214
00:08:17,286 --> 00:08:18,903
Hey, you never know.
215
00:08:18,988 --> 00:08:22,740
- I'm gonna call him poo
-paw.
216
00:08:22,825 --> 00:08:25,460
How often do you get to reunite soul mates?
217
00:08:25,527 --> 00:08:28,163
What if I told you that you
could reunite romeo and juliet?
218
00:08:28,214 --> 00:08:32,467
Or brad pitt and jennifer aniston?
219
00:08:32,534 --> 00:08:36,871
Oh, jen, I really want you to be happy.
220
00:08:36,922 --> 00:08:38,890
Stay away from john mayer.
221
00:08:38,974 --> 00:08:40,091
[doorbell rings]
222
00:08:40,176 --> 00:08:42,060
I cannot believe I'm gonna
meet frank beckerson.
223
00:08:42,144 --> 00:08:44,729
I feel like I've known him my whole life.
224
00:08:44,813 --> 00:08:47,381
Frank?
225
00:08:47,433 --> 00:08:49,734
My god!
226
00:08:49,818 --> 00:08:52,570
Marlene. - Oh, no, poo-paw. Poo-paw, no.
227
00:08:52,655 --> 00:08:53,888
I'm not marlene.
228
00:08:53,939 --> 00:08:56,608
Oh, I'm so sorry.
229
00:08:56,692 --> 00:08:58,226
I should really wear my glasses.
230
00:08:58,277 --> 00:09:00,895
Come on in.
231
00:09:04,041 --> 00:09:05,441
Frank, I was wondering,
232
00:09:05,493 --> 00:09:07,777
My mom always said that
you wanted to be a lawyer.
233
00:09:07,829 --> 00:09:08,778
Did that work out?
234
00:09:08,830 --> 00:09:10,831
No. Never did.
235
00:09:10,915 --> 00:09:13,950
Though I did once act as my own lawyer.
236
00:09:14,001 --> 00:09:15,302
Oh, you know what,
237
00:09:15,386 --> 00:09:17,888
I found some old pictures of marlene and me.
238
00:09:17,955 --> 00:09:20,674
Look. - [gasps]
239
00:09:20,758 --> 00:09:22,475
Look how young she is.
240
00:09:22,560 --> 00:09:24,227
These are amazing.
241
00:09:24,295 --> 00:09:26,980
Probably shouldn't show you this one.
242
00:09:27,064 --> 00:09:28,348
Oh, la, la, la, la, la, la.
243
00:09:28,432 --> 00:09:30,183
No, thank you.
244
00:09:30,268 --> 00:09:32,235
You mom was such a firecracker.
245
00:09:32,303 --> 00:09:34,654
Smart, funny, sharp as a tack.
246
00:09:34,739 --> 00:09:37,157
Such firm breasts.
247
00:09:37,241 --> 00:09:38,992
Oh, that was inappropriate.
248
00:09:39,076 --> 00:09:42,913
Oh, wow, I'm just, all of a sudden,
249
00:09:42,980 --> 00:09:46,316
So nervous to see her again. [exhales]
250
00:09:46,367 --> 00:09:48,201
I'm gonna throw up real quick,
251
00:09:48,286 --> 00:09:50,754
And then we can leave.
252
00:09:50,821 --> 00:09:52,923
- Hi.
- Hi.
253
00:09:52,990 --> 00:09:54,708
Valentine's bash at the bulge tonight.
254
00:09:54,792 --> 00:09:56,193
We can get you a drink bracelet.
255
00:09:56,260 --> 00:09:57,894
I can't. I've got to work
256
00:09:57,962 --> 00:10:00,663
At this senior center
valentine's day dance thing.
257
00:10:00,715 --> 00:10:02,866
That sounds amazing. Can we come?
258
00:10:02,934 --> 00:10:05,051
I guess. I don't know
why you would want to.
259
00:10:05,136 --> 00:10:06,803
Because old people are funny.
260
00:10:06,854 --> 00:10:08,188
i>- Yeah. It'll be like
the golden girls.
261
00:10:08,272 --> 00:10:12,842
I have to go get ready.
262
00:10:12,894 --> 00:10:15,028
So, frank, where have you
been for the past 40 years?
263
00:10:15,112 --> 00:10:17,063
Oh, you know, here and there.
264
00:10:17,148 --> 00:10:19,282
You know, grenada for a while.
265
00:10:19,350 --> 00:10:22,869
Then panama. Then afghanistan.
266
00:10:22,954 --> 00:10:24,037
So you were in the military?
267
00:10:24,121 --> 00:10:25,372
Nope.
268
00:10:25,456 --> 00:10:27,857
You know, I always wonder how different
269
00:10:27,909 --> 00:10:30,710
My life would have been if
your mother had married me.
270
00:10:30,795 --> 00:10:32,329
It would have been better.
271
00:10:32,380 --> 00:10:33,696
I'll tell you that much.
272
00:10:33,748 --> 00:10:35,415
[hyperventilates]
273
00:10:35,499 --> 00:10:37,717
Frank? Frank, are you okay?
274
00:10:37,802 --> 00:10:40,420
I'm fine. I'm good.
275
00:10:40,504 --> 00:10:43,873
Oh, I am just so nervous
276
00:10:43,925 --> 00:10:45,008
To see her.
277
00:10:45,059 --> 00:10:46,709
There is nothing to be nervous about.
278
00:10:46,761 --> 00:10:48,878
Oh, have you got a bag or something?
279
00:10:48,930 --> 00:10:51,014
- Do you have a bag?
- I have a purse.
280
00:10:51,065 --> 00:10:52,048
Well, give him your purse.
281
00:10:52,099 --> 00:10:55,602
All right.
282
00:10:55,686 --> 00:10:59,105
[breathing calms]
283
00:10:59,190 --> 00:11:00,723
- ¶ you like pot
-ay-to ¶
284
00:11:00,775 --> 00:11:02,575
¶ and I like pot-ah-to ¶
285
00:11:02,660 --> 00:11:04,394
¶ you like tom-ay-to ¶
286
00:11:04,445 --> 00:11:05,862
¶ and I like tom-ah-to ¶
287
00:11:05,913 --> 00:11:07,530
¶ pot-ay-to, pot-ah-to ¶
288
00:11:07,581 --> 00:11:10,200
¶ tom-ay-to, tom-ah-to ¶
289
00:11:10,251 --> 00:11:14,704
¶ let's call the whole thing off ¶
290
00:11:14,755 --> 00:11:16,873
Uh, I mean, that sucked, didn't it?
291
00:11:16,924 --> 00:11:19,960
Maybe if you sang it like louis armstrong?
292
00:11:20,044 --> 00:11:21,511
Maybe. Yeah.
293
00:11:21,578 --> 00:11:23,430
I mean, here's the thing, though.
294
00:11:23,514 --> 00:11:26,633
Who is that?
295
00:11:26,717 --> 00:11:29,752
My problem is I don't know
296
00:11:29,804 --> 00:11:31,521
How to tell if we're doing good
297
00:11:31,588 --> 00:11:32,922
Because, when you play a rock show,
298
00:11:32,974 --> 00:11:34,557
It's really easy to know
if you're doing great
299
00:11:34,608 --> 00:11:37,394
Because chicks will flash their boobs at you
300
00:11:37,445 --> 00:11:38,862
When you're up on stage.
301
00:11:38,929 --> 00:11:41,898
You're like, oh, that must
have sounded pretty good.
302
00:11:41,949 --> 00:11:43,450
But I can't-- if that happens here,
303
00:11:43,534 --> 00:11:47,671
My eyes will fall out of my head,
and I'll die.
304
00:11:51,709 --> 00:11:54,377
Frank? Frank, are you okay?
305
00:11:58,466 --> 00:11:59,799
- Maybe we should--
- yeah.
306
00:11:59,884 --> 00:12:01,951
- Frank!
- Frank!
307
00:12:02,003 --> 00:12:04,804
- Frank!
- Frank!
308
00:12:04,889 --> 00:12:09,642
¶ I can't see anybody but you ¶
309
00:12:09,727 --> 00:12:11,094
¶ zip flop ¶
310
00:12:11,145 --> 00:12:12,128
You know, I might be crazy,
311
00:12:12,179 --> 00:12:13,930
But I have this weird suspicion
312
00:12:13,981 --> 00:12:16,316
That things are going well with us.
313
00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:19,319
You know, I have that same suspicion.
314
00:12:19,403 --> 00:12:22,655
But, you know,
having never been in something
315
00:12:22,740 --> 00:12:24,991
Like this before, I feel the need to ask,
316
00:12:25,076 --> 00:12:27,143
How am I doing?
317
00:12:27,194 --> 00:12:28,778
Oh, come on.
318
00:12:28,829 --> 00:12:33,149
No, I'm sort of serious.
319
00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:34,984
All right, fine. Forget it.
320
00:12:36,987 --> 00:12:38,038
I'm just saying, you know,
321
00:12:38,122 --> 00:12:40,040
It seems to me on paper
322
00:12:40,124 --> 00:12:41,341
That this thing we have is pretty great.
323
00:12:41,425 --> 00:12:43,843
Yes, nerd, on paper,
324
00:12:43,928 --> 00:12:46,012
This thing we have is pretty great.
325
00:12:46,097 --> 00:12:47,547
Mark is a great boyfriend.
326
00:12:47,631 --> 00:12:49,632
I have no complaints at all.
327
00:12:49,683 --> 00:12:53,836
Everything is good.
328
00:12:56,524 --> 00:12:59,059
I don't know.
I don't feel right about this.
329
00:12:59,143 --> 00:13:02,278
Are you kidding me? This is so much fun.
330
00:13:02,346 --> 00:13:04,447
Look, we took a road trip today.
331
00:13:04,515 --> 00:13:07,233
We chased your mom's lon
g-lost love down a freeway.
332
00:13:07,318 --> 00:13:08,851
He's a loon, justin.
333
00:13:08,903 --> 00:13:09,869
So he freaked out a little bit.
334
00:13:09,954 --> 00:13:11,287
He got nervous. I mean, you would too.
335
00:13:11,355 --> 00:13:12,872
And he was fine by the time we
got him back inside the car.
336
00:13:12,957 --> 00:13:14,324
Yeah, well, he cried himself to sleep.
337
00:13:14,375 --> 00:13:16,493
I mean, I don't know why you're pushing.
338
00:13:16,560 --> 00:13:18,244
Why do you want him to
spend time with my mom?
339
00:13:18,329 --> 00:13:19,746
How would that help her?
340
00:13:19,830 --> 00:13:21,798
I don't like this.
I don't think this is gonna work.
341
00:13:21,865 --> 00:13:23,666
I'm calling this off. - Come on. No, no, no.
342
00:13:23,717 --> 00:13:25,568
Look, we're here. Just see what happens.
343
00:13:25,636 --> 00:13:27,420
What happens is I drive him home.
344
00:13:27,505 --> 00:13:28,471
Now, look, you need to breathe.
345
00:13:28,539 --> 00:13:32,208
I'm breathing, okay--
346
00:13:36,263 --> 00:13:40,233
Mom. - Oh, there you are.
347
00:13:40,317 --> 00:13:42,485
So what's the big surprise?
348
00:13:42,553 --> 00:13:44,571
You gonna try to check me
into an old folks' home?
349
00:13:44,655 --> 00:13:46,189
It's a long story.
350
00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:48,274
One that we'd love to tell
you over a cup of coffee
351
00:13:48,359 --> 00:13:49,776
Somewhere far from this place.
352
00:13:55,065 --> 00:13:56,116
Frank.
353
00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:58,701
Hello, marlene.
354
00:13:58,752 --> 00:13:59,786
My god.
355
00:13:59,870 --> 00:14:03,139
I can't believe it's really you.
356
00:14:03,207 --> 00:14:06,676
Want to catch up?
357
00:14:06,743 --> 00:14:09,912
Sure.
358
00:14:09,964 --> 00:14:13,683
¶ we're less than perfect ¶
359
00:14:13,750 --> 00:14:14,934
Oh, boy.
360
00:14:15,019 --> 00:14:16,636
Oh, boy.
361
00:14:19,144 --> 00:14:20,862
Do you think we should stand by--
362
00:14:20,929 --> 00:14:21,863
Shh. Shh. Shh.
363
00:14:21,930 --> 00:14:23,531
She's fine.
364
00:14:23,598 --> 00:14:27,301
Let's just let this unfold.
365
00:14:27,369 --> 00:14:29,504
[as an old person] come here, sonny.
366
00:14:29,571 --> 00:14:31,656
Let me tell you about the civil war.
367
00:14:31,740 --> 00:14:34,142
Grandpa, leave me alone.
You smell like death.
368
00:14:34,209 --> 00:14:37,912
[chuckles]
369
00:14:37,980 --> 00:14:39,247
¶ your funny face ¶
370
00:14:39,314 --> 00:14:41,966
I'm gonna get some punch.
371
00:14:42,050 --> 00:14:45,052
¶ we're less than perfect ¶
372
00:14:45,120 --> 00:14:48,456
Excuse me. You guys are really adorable.
373
00:14:48,507 --> 00:14:51,142
That's really nice.
374
00:14:51,226 --> 00:14:52,960
So leslie's like, "that's it.
375
00:14:53,011 --> 00:14:54,628
I'm taking him home."
376
00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:57,181
So we look over, and he's
not even in the car anymore.
377
00:14:57,266 --> 00:15:00,485
- You're kidding.
- No. It's insane.
378
00:15:00,569 --> 00:15:03,187
What does leslie think about all this?
379
00:15:03,272 --> 00:15:05,440
Oh, god, leslie, I don't even know.
380
00:15:05,491 --> 00:15:07,108
I think I just lost track
of her in all the chaos.
381
00:15:07,159 --> 00:15:09,610
Anyway, so now he and
marlene are off somewhere,
382
00:15:09,661 --> 00:15:10,661
Doing god knows what.
383
00:15:10,746 --> 00:15:13,314
[laughter] - I don't want to know.
384
00:15:13,365 --> 00:15:18,753
¶ ooh ¶
385
00:15:18,820 --> 00:15:20,588
You're suing me for alimony?
386
00:15:20,655 --> 00:15:22,790
Yes.
387
00:15:22,841 --> 00:15:24,709
When we were married, I got accustomed
388
00:15:24,793 --> 00:15:26,827
To a certain lifestyle, and I'm entitled
389
00:15:26,879 --> 00:15:28,379
To money to maintain that lifestyle.
390
00:15:28,464 --> 00:15:30,047
This is insane.
391
00:15:30,132 --> 00:15:31,849
Yeah, it's insane, but it's all I got.
392
00:15:31,934 --> 00:15:33,667
And you could make it all go away
393
00:15:33,719 --> 00:15:35,503
If you just gave me a chance.
394
00:15:35,554 --> 00:15:37,388
- What?
- Three dates.
395
00:15:39,358 --> 00:15:42,109
One date.
396
00:15:42,177 --> 00:15:43,110
Coffee?
397
00:15:43,178 --> 00:15:46,280
So your plan was to sue me
398
00:15:46,348 --> 00:15:48,015
And then to use that to blackmail me
399
00:15:48,066 --> 00:15:49,367
Into falling in love with you?
400
00:15:49,451 --> 00:15:52,537
Yeah.
401
00:15:52,621 --> 00:15:55,156
[scoffs]
402
00:15:58,827 --> 00:16:00,694
Hey, you guys sound good.
403
00:16:00,746 --> 00:16:03,214
You really think so?
404
00:16:03,298 --> 00:16:05,716
I-- it's impossible to tell.
405
00:16:05,801 --> 00:16:07,368
It's like bizarro land out there.
406
00:16:07,419 --> 00:16:09,670
As soon as we finish a song,
it's dead silence.
407
00:16:09,721 --> 00:16:10,972
Well, what do you expect, you know?
408
00:16:11,039 --> 00:16:12,840
They're like a million years old.
409
00:16:12,891 --> 00:16:15,059
Well, I'm glad you like it.
410
00:16:15,143 --> 00:16:16,394
You were always a big supporter of the band.
411
00:16:16,478 --> 00:16:18,229
Hey, break's over.
412
00:16:18,313 --> 00:16:20,765
Ludgate, cracking the whip.
413
00:16:20,849 --> 00:16:24,151
Yeah, well, these old bags
paid for some entertainment,
414
00:16:24,219 --> 00:16:25,853
So get...
415
00:16:25,904 --> 00:16:27,221
- No, you're right.
- Up there.
416
00:16:27,272 --> 00:16:28,606
Hey, you should play that song,
417
00:16:28,690 --> 00:16:29,740
The way you look tonight.
418
00:16:29,825 --> 00:16:31,225
- Mm.
- That's a good one.
419
00:16:31,276 --> 00:16:34,245
Next one's going out
to a special little lady
420
00:16:34,329 --> 00:16:36,831
Named April ludgate.
421
00:16:36,898 --> 00:16:39,433
¶ ¶
422
00:16:39,501 --> 00:16:43,120
¶ some day ¶
423
00:16:43,205 --> 00:16:47,074
¶ when I'm all alone ¶
424
00:16:47,125 --> 00:16:49,126
Are you guys--
425
00:16:49,211 --> 00:16:51,796
Never mind.
426
00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:55,049
- Why do you care?
- I don't.
427
00:16:55,100 --> 00:16:56,884
¶ of you ¶
428
00:16:56,935 --> 00:17:00,638
¶ and the way you look ¶
429
00:17:00,722 --> 00:17:02,089
Now what about you?
430
00:17:02,140 --> 00:17:03,257
What do you do for a living?
431
00:17:03,308 --> 00:17:07,094
Well, it's been an interesting ride.
432
00:17:07,145 --> 00:17:09,763
- Yeah.
- Got a job at a grocery store
433
00:17:09,815 --> 00:17:11,232
Right out of college.
434
00:17:11,283 --> 00:17:13,067
Just for a way to make money.
435
00:17:13,118 --> 00:17:16,487
Here I am, 40 years later,
436
00:17:16,572 --> 00:17:18,205
Completely unemployed.
437
00:17:20,292 --> 00:17:22,960
Wow.
438
00:17:23,045 --> 00:17:27,665
What do you say we pick
up where we left off?
439
00:17:27,749 --> 00:17:29,783
You're not serious, right?
440
00:17:29,835 --> 00:17:31,752
Serious as a heart attack.
441
00:17:31,803 --> 00:17:34,805
Of which I've had four.
442
00:17:34,890 --> 00:17:39,260
¶ and the world is cold ¶
443
00:17:39,311 --> 00:17:41,896
¶ I will feel a glow ¶
444
00:17:41,963 --> 00:17:46,651
¶ just thinking of you ¶
445
00:17:46,735 --> 00:17:49,403
¶ and the way you look ¶
446
00:17:49,471 --> 00:17:52,273
¶ tonight ¶
447
00:17:52,324 --> 00:17:55,326
¶ ¶
448
00:17:55,410 --> 00:17:57,161
Hey, mom,
449
00:17:57,245 --> 00:17:58,496
Are you okay?
450
00:17:58,580 --> 00:18:00,114
Did frank leave? - Uh, yeah,
he just stepped away
451
00:18:00,165 --> 00:18:01,198
For a second.
452
00:18:01,283 --> 00:18:02,700
I'm so sorry we brought him here.
453
00:18:02,784 --> 00:18:03,918
Oh, it's okay.
454
00:18:03,985 --> 00:18:05,703
It was very thoughtful, sweetheart.
455
00:18:05,787 --> 00:18:07,788
It's not your fault that
he turned out to be--
456
00:18:07,839 --> 00:18:09,173
Excuse me.
457
00:18:09,257 --> 00:18:11,492
Hi. Excuse me, hi.
458
00:18:11,543 --> 00:18:12,710
[clears throat]
459
00:18:12,794 --> 00:18:14,629
My name is frank beckerson.
460
00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:20,167
Marlene, you...
461
00:18:20,218 --> 00:18:21,218
Blew it.
462
00:18:21,303 --> 00:18:25,139
Take one last look, marlene,
463
00:18:25,190 --> 00:18:30,311
Because you'll never see this body again.
464
00:18:30,362 --> 00:18:33,180
Marlene, what happened between you two?
465
00:18:33,231 --> 00:18:35,149
Tell me everything. I want every detail.
466
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:38,018
Hey, we're almost done,
so we can leave soon.
467
00:18:38,070 --> 00:18:39,870
(as an old person) yes, I'll take you
468
00:18:39,955 --> 00:18:43,157
For an ice cream malt,
and then we can go choose our caskets.
469
00:18:43,225 --> 00:18:45,693
God, why does everything
we do have to be cloaked
470
00:18:45,744 --> 00:18:47,161
In, like, 15 layers of irony?
471
00:18:47,212 --> 00:18:49,964
Here's something unironic.
472
00:18:50,031 --> 00:18:51,582
Ever since you've been hanging
out with that meathead,
473
00:18:51,667 --> 00:18:54,301
You've become completely lame.
474
00:18:54,369 --> 00:18:55,753
You know what, we're breaking up.
475
00:18:55,837 --> 00:18:57,871
Fine.
476
00:18:57,923 --> 00:18:59,557
Then you can't make out with
me when you're drunk anymore.
477
00:18:59,641 --> 00:19:01,509
Fine. Then I'll make out with ben.
478
00:19:01,560 --> 00:19:03,877
- Pass.
- No, he's my boyfriend.
479
00:19:03,929 --> 00:19:05,730
You can either make out with
both of us or none of us.
480
00:19:05,814 --> 00:19:07,381
Fine. None of you.
481
00:19:07,432 --> 00:19:11,402
Fine.
482
00:19:11,486 --> 00:19:14,822
¶ I've got you ¶
483
00:19:14,889 --> 00:19:19,944
¶ under my skin ¶
484
00:19:20,028 --> 00:19:21,746
[grunts]
485
00:19:21,830 --> 00:19:24,248
Everything okay, knope?
486
00:19:24,332 --> 00:19:26,367
My boyfriend is a lawyer,
487
00:19:26,418 --> 00:19:28,836
And he's smart and interesting,
488
00:19:28,903 --> 00:19:31,422
And there's a lot of
things about him I like.
489
00:19:31,506 --> 00:19:34,408
But he acted like a real jerk today.
490
00:19:34,459 --> 00:19:36,594
I don't know. There's
something about the way
491
00:19:36,678 --> 00:19:38,963
He treats people or something.
492
00:19:39,047 --> 00:19:41,081
He's a tourist.
493
00:19:41,133 --> 00:19:43,384
He vacations in people's lives,
494
00:19:43,435 --> 00:19:45,136
Takes pictures,
495
00:19:45,220 --> 00:19:47,938
Puts 'em in a scrapbook, and moves on.
496
00:19:48,023 --> 00:19:50,274
All he's interested in are stories.
497
00:19:50,358 --> 00:19:52,977
Huh.
498
00:19:53,061 --> 00:19:56,930
Basically, leslie, he's selfish.
499
00:19:56,982 --> 00:19:58,115
And you're not.
500
00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:01,152
And that's why you don't like him.
501
00:20:01,236 --> 00:20:03,937
I told you so.
502
00:20:03,989 --> 00:20:05,105
It's duke silver.
503
00:20:05,157 --> 00:20:07,942
Duke, can I have your autograph?
504
00:20:08,009 --> 00:20:09,493
I love your music.
505
00:20:09,578 --> 00:20:11,912
You're mistaken, ladies.
506
00:20:11,963 --> 00:20:14,548
Move along.
507
00:20:14,616 --> 00:20:18,969
¶ under my skin ¶
508
00:20:19,054 --> 00:20:20,287
Whoo!
509
00:20:20,338 --> 00:20:21,972
Yeah, go mouse rat!
510
00:20:22,057 --> 00:20:24,008
Whoo!
511
00:20:24,092 --> 00:20:27,344
I thought you were just terrific.
512
00:20:27,429 --> 00:20:28,646
Seriously?
513
00:20:28,730 --> 00:20:30,347
You sound like dean martin.
514
00:20:30,432 --> 00:20:35,152
If I were 50 years younger... - Ew.
515
00:20:35,237 --> 00:20:36,687
[laughs]
516
00:20:36,772 --> 00:20:38,639
Wait, who's dean martin?
517
00:20:38,690 --> 00:20:40,107
If I'm not mistaken, that was
518
00:20:40,158 --> 00:20:42,276
The old lady version of flashing.
519
00:20:42,327 --> 00:20:44,028
Nailed the gig.
520
00:20:45,536 --> 00:20:46,753
Look, it's sad. I know.
521
00:20:46,820 --> 00:20:48,488
But we'll still be friends.
522
00:20:48,539 --> 00:20:50,990
We're gonna see each other all the time.
523
00:20:51,041 --> 00:20:52,542
I come into town, like, every other weekend.
524
00:20:52,626 --> 00:20:54,827
No. You guys can't break up.
525
00:20:54,878 --> 00:20:55,695
We can fix this. Let me talk to leslie.
526
00:20:55,746 --> 00:20:56,862
Tom, it's over.
527
00:20:56,914 --> 00:20:58,414
She doesn't want to see me anymore.
528
00:20:58,499 --> 00:21:00,233
Is it my fault? Did I do something wrong?
529
00:21:00,301 --> 00:21:03,503
No. Seriously,
this has nothing to do with you.
530
00:21:03,554 --> 00:21:06,472
- Can we still go suit shopping?
- Of course.
531
00:21:06,540 --> 00:21:08,424
Armani's having a sale right now.
532
00:21:08,509 --> 00:21:11,094
Time to get you a pocket square.
533
00:21:11,178 --> 00:21:13,045
All right.
534
00:21:13,097 --> 00:21:16,417
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
535
00:21:16,467 --> 00:21:21,017
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