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Norquist properties,
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Is claimg the government screwed them
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By illegally seizing the land.
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- Well, I know about this issue.
5
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I caed the city attorney like 50 times.
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He didn't call me back.
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- Oh, do you need a lawyer?
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Because my friend justin's a lawyer.
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I'm sure he could help.
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- Oh, that'd be terrific.
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- Yeah, I'll call him.
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Justin's the greatest guy ever.
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- [chuckling] the greatest guy ever?
14
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- But does he dress... This well?
15
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Brooks brothers.
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Bought it right off the mannequin.
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- Ron swanson?
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- That's me.
19
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- My name is george macfayden.
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I wanted to talk to you about the amou of snow
21
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In the parks.
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- I've been getting a lot of visitors recently,
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Thanks to a stupid, worthless, new push
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To make government offials more accessible
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To the public.
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- There is a disturbing of benches in ramsett park!
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I want to sit more!
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- And another thing I like
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Is the layout of the hiking trails.
30
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- I made this in one of your pottery classes.
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It's terrible!
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- This is my hell.
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[triumphant music]
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â?â?
35 00:01:27,766 --> 00:01:28,797 [knock on door]
35
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- Leslie.
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Ann's friend, justin.
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- Oh, hey, yeah. Of course. Hi.
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Thank you. Thank you for coming in.
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- My pleasure. Not a problem.
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- Have a seat. - I should warn you,
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Land seizure isn't really my specialty,
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But I'm gonna have to take a look.
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Any friend of ann's... - Is a friend of mine.
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That's my motto too.
45
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- Hmm. [both chuckle]
46
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- , um, what is your specialty?
47
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Is it locking up the bad guys,
48
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Or keeping them on the streets? - Um, neither.
49
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It's civil litigation, mostly. - That's interesting.
50
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- Can be...I've got this crazy case right now.
51
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Have you ever heard of this product, fire in a can?
52
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- Oh, I love those commercials!
53
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?if you wanna start a fire ?
54
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?but you have to do it fast, then-- ?
55
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- Well, you shouldn't buy it.
56
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It will literally burn your hand clean off.
57
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- Oh, wow. - Mm-hmm.
58
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It is an aerosol can with an igniter and a trigger.
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It's essentially a blow torch.
60
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And, if you can believe it,
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It was invented to warm up baby bottles.
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- This is my colleague, tom haverford.
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- Tom, justin. - How are you?
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You are wearing the hell out of that suit, sir.
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Banana two-button.
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- Okay, let's go into the conference room.
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I got everything laid out.
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- We should talk later. - Tom, stop.
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- Wow, 12:15. You're early today.
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- April, there's no paper in the printer.
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- So?
72
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- So that's the one thing you do.
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- [sighs]
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- Attention.
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April, stop doing that.
76
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- Jerry told me to, so it's super-crucial.
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- More important than that,
78
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And more important than anything in this god-forsaken world
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Is finding me an assistant.
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- You get an assistant now?
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- Yeah, I've always been able to have one,
82
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But ve turned it down cause it's a waste of money.
83
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In the eight years I've been at the job,
84
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I've saved the taxpayers of this city
85
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More than 150 grand.
86
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But now, I need the taxpayers' money
87
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To save me from the taxpayers.
88
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Post this at your college.
89
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- This looks like an ad for nothing.
90
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- Please be careful with it.
91
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It's my only copy.
92
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- You are very organized, leslie.
93
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- Yeah, I am.
94
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Thank you.
95
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- I love what you do. You got the coolest job.
96
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Let me guess. This is our park.
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I want to know everything about this.
98
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- Oh, okay.
99
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Well, these green things represent trees.
100
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- I come in, like, two hours late
101
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Because I had to finish watching swimfan
102
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Because it was...On.
103
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And everyone, like, jumped down my throat.
104
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- Oh, man.
105
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- Can't wait till my internship is over,
106
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So I can get the hell out of here.
107
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- Well, you're all set.
108
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Free of charge, of course.
109
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- Hey, why don't you sell your band's cds here?
110
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- That is a brilliant idea.
111
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I cannot believe I didn't think of that.
112
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I have been writing a lot of songs
113
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About shining shoes lately.
114
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I tend to write about what I'm doing.
115
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â?talkin' 'bout â?
117 00:04:09,735 --> 00:04:13,671 â?writin' about what I'm doin' â? 118 00:04:13,739 --> 00:04:17,041 â?now I'm singin' about talkin' about â?
116
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I think you're gonna be just fine.
117
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- Thank you so much. I know you're really busy.
118
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- Please, it's my pleasure.
119
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Least this stuff is interesting, you know.
120
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You know, it actually reminds me--
121
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Two years ago I was in borneo, officiating a wedding,
122
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And this enormous medicine man showed up,
123
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And he was there to basically tell--
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- Justin! - Hey, kiddo.
125
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- Hey. - How you doin'?
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- I'm good. I haven't seen you in forever.
127
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- I know, so good to see you.
128
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- You too. Do you want to grab some dinner?
129
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- Uh, I would love to.
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I cannot. I am swamped.
131
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- You're always so busy.
132
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- Yeah. Next week, I promise.
133
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- Okay. - Hey, I'm mark.
134
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- Oh! Sorry. Justin, this is mark.
135
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This is the city planner. - Oh, my god.
136
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It's such a pleasure to meet you.
137
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- Uh, pleasure. - Pleasure.
138
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Anyway, leslie, I have to go.
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It has been a super pleasure meeting you.
140
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I am gonna get into this over the weekend,
141
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And I will get back to you on Monday about it.
142
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- Okay, great. - All right.
143
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- See you, justin. - Hey, tom, good seeing you.
144
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- I've been thinking.
145
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It has been a while since dave left.
146
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And I think I might be ready to start dating again.
147
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- That's great! Oh, my god.
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I have so many ideas.
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- You know, I was only with mark for one night,
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And then I was hung up on him for six years.
151
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I dated dave for three months.
152
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So if I continue that pattern,
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I won't be over him for...
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500 years.
155
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- What is your ideal man?
156
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- He has the brains of george clooney
157
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In the body of joe biden.
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- Interesting.
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Okay, just off the bat,
160
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There is a couple of doctors I think you would love.
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- What about justin?
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- I mean, I feel like we kind of hit it off in there.
163
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- Yeah, I don't...
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I have to think about that.
165
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I don't--I'm not sure that would work.
166
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- Really? Is there something wrong with him?
167
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- No, no, he's really, really, really great.
168
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And you're so great, obviously.
169
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I just do--I don't-- I don't know.
170
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But I will find you soone. I promise.
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And he'll be awesome.
172
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I'm gonna go do it right now.
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- Good, great. Yes!
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Go, ann, go! Oh, just one rule.
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I don't want to date a twin.
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'cause I've been tricked before.
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- Okay.
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- Yes, I understand your complaint.
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I have to go now.
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Plse. Thank you.
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- Ron solo. - Hello, tom.
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- I want to help you with your assistant search.
183
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- Why?
184
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- 'cause I wan to do my boy ron a solid.
185
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I know exactly what you're looking for,
186
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And I will find you a reliable person.
187
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[phone ringing]
188
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- Now, get out there and find me an assistant.
189
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- Okay.
190
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- I left you three messages. Did you get them?
191
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- No, I been running around all day.
192
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What's up?
193
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- I found the perfect guy to set you up with.
194
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But he's going out of town, so he can only do tonight.
195
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So I came over here right after work.
196
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- Is that his blood? - What?
197
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Oh, damn. Now I have to go back.
198
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- Who is he? - His name is chris,
199
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And he's an mri technician.
200
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And he's really cute and he's very passionate about his job.
201
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And I told him all about you and he's really interested.
202
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So dinner tonight, and here's the info.
203
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- Thanks. Wait!
204
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How is he gonna know it's me?
205
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I'll wear a red rose in my hair.
206
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No, I'll wear a giant, red hat.
207
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No, I don't have one of those. What should I wear?
208
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It's gotta be red.
209
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- I will just tell him what you look like.
210
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- Good call.
211
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[light piano music]
212
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- Hi, I'm leslie.
213
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Are you chris? - Yeah.
214
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- Sorry I'm late. - Oh, don't worry about it.
215
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You look beautiful. - Thank you.
216
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- Oh, here, let take your coat.
217
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- Oh, thanks. - Sure.
218
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- [whispering] well done, ann.
219
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- I actually heard that. - What?
220
00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:49,620
- Well, I went to wisconsin for both undergrad
221
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And grad school.
222
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Go, badgers. - Boo. Indiana hoosiers.
223
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- No, badgers.
224
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- Oh.
225
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It's not important.
226
00:07:58,794 --> 00:08:01,996
I'm just glad that we could make this happen.
227
00:08:02,064 --> 00:08:03,698
- Ann kept going on about how wonderful you are,
228
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And I just had to see for myself.
229
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- Well, she's my number one best friend.
230
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- Kind of wish she'd told me that you went to indiana,
231
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But whatever.
232
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So you're in charge of amusement parks, right?
233
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God, that's exciting.
234
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- Actually, it's regular parks.
235
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Like swings and slides and stuff.
236
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- Strike two.
237
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- You know, isn't it funny
238
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How these setups are always just so awkward?
239
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[both laugh]
240
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- Hey, watch this.
241
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I will now extinguish this candle
242
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With my bare hands.
243
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- Okay.
244
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- Gah, [bleep]! Uhh!
245
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That really hurts. - Are you okay?
246
00:08:41,540 --> 00:08:44,173
- Oh, god, it looks so much easier on the internet.
247
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God, I gotta borrow some of your ice.
248
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[exhales]
249
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- German?
250
00:08:49,278 --> 00:08:51,746
[laughing] oh, my god.
251
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All right, later.
252
00:08:53,715 --> 00:08:54,815
- Ah.
253
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Was that, um, justin?
254
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- Yes. We are going to lunch tomorrow.
255
00:08:59,752 --> 00:09:00,952
- Oh, great.
256
00:09:01,019 --> 00:09:02,920
Did you guys ever date?
257
00:09:02,987 --> 00:09:04,484
- No, we never did.
258
00:09:04,552 --> 00:09:05,851
He's just like...
259
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A really amazing person.
260
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- Awesome.
261
00:09:09,019 --> 00:09:10,820
- Let's do this! Marley & me.
262
00:09:10,888 --> 00:09:12,789
Puppies! Puppies, puppies.
263
00:09:12,856 --> 00:09:13,856
- [laughing] I know.
264
00:09:13,924 --> 00:09:17,258
Let's...Watch marley & me.
265
00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:21,992
- Brian.
266
00:09:22,059 --> 00:09:23,726
Technically, you'd be assisting ron.
267
00:09:23,793 --> 00:09:25,827
But ron really doesn't do much government work,
268
00:09:25,895 --> 00:09:27,662
So you'd really be working for me.
269
00:09:27,730 --> 00:09:30,097
I'm interested in real world expertise.
270
00:09:30,165 --> 00:09:32,833
I got a nightclub opening to go to.
271
00:09:32,901 --> 00:09:34,634
Which tie do I wear?
272
00:09:34,702 --> 00:09:36,069
- I like the one on the left.
273
00:09:36,137 --> 00:09:38,405
- That was a trick question.
274
00:09:38,472 --> 00:09:40,306
The answer is this one.
275
00:09:40,374 --> 00:09:43,143
Tell me about you. Tell me about your friends.
276
00:09:43,210 --> 00:09:45,444
Be as superficial as possible.
277
00:09:45,512 --> 00:09:46,679
I meet a girl at a bar.
278
00:09:46,746 --> 00:09:48,747
She seems kind of into me. Could go either way.
279
00:09:48,815 --> 00:09:50,315
I get her number. It's two days later.
280
00:09:50,383 --> 00:09:51,783
What do I text her?
281
00:09:51,851 --> 00:09:53,117
- It was nice meeting you?
282
00:09:53,185 --> 00:09:54,418
- No, zack!
283
00:09:54,486 --> 00:09:55,786
I don't text her, "it was nice meeting you."
284
00:09:55,854 --> 00:09:57,254
I wait eight weeks,
285
00:09:57,321 --> 00:09:59,355
And I text her, "what's crackin'?"
286
00:09:59,422 --> 00:10:01,957
- So do you enjoy it?
287
00:10:02,024 --> 00:10:03,491
Being an mri technician?
288
00:10:03,559 --> 00:10:04,726
- Great question.
289
00:10:04,793 --> 00:10:06,661
Someone steps into the room.
290
00:10:06,728 --> 00:10:09,697
Imagine a mother of three. Maybe she's a teacher.
291
00:10:09,764 --> 00:10:12,766
She knows something's wrong, but she doesn't know what it is.
292
00:10:12,834 --> 00:10:14,367
She's scared.
293
00:10:14,435 --> 00:10:16,969
In less than an hour, I know what it is.
294
00:10:17,037 --> 00:10:18,004
- What's wrong with her?
295
00:10:18,071 --> 00:10:20,339
- I don't know.
296
00:10:20,406 --> 00:10:23,007
But the best part about being an mri technician is...
297
00:10:23,075 --> 00:10:25,342
I can see inside everything.
298
00:10:25,410 --> 00:10:26,977
See that guy over there?
299
00:10:27,044 --> 00:10:30,347
Imagine being able to look inside his head.
300
00:10:30,414 --> 00:10:31,814
- Wow. - I know.
301
00:10:31,882 --> 00:10:35,051
Could look inside the steak or this butter or this bread.
302
00:10:35,118 --> 00:10:37,987
You can look inside anything.
303
00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:39,488
- Well, if you look inside this bread,
304
00:10:39,555 --> 00:10:40,889
All you're gonna find is more bread.
305
00:10:40,957 --> 00:10:43,658
- I don't know. I'd have to do an mri.
306
00:10:43,725 --> 00:10:46,026
- Anyway, it's good that you found your calling.
307
00:10:46,094 --> 00:10:48,428
I mean, I've never even had an mri before.
308
00:10:48,495 --> 00:10:50,362
[sets down fork] - what?
309
00:10:52,498 --> 00:10:54,533
- I don't know about this.
310
00:10:54,601 --> 00:10:57,337
- Well, I'm offering you a free scan.
311
00:10:57,404 --> 00:10:59,472
Usually costs up to $2,000.
312
00:10:59,540 --> 00:11:01,273
I'm kind of spoiling you here.
313
00:11:01,341 --> 00:11:04,409
- Well, I am a little curious.
314
00:11:04,476 --> 00:11:05,910
- Good.
315
00:11:05,978 --> 00:11:07,245
'cause, frankly, I don't want to invest in someone
316
00:11:07,313 --> 00:11:08,546
Who only has three months to live.
317
00:11:08,614 --> 00:11:11,615
- [laughs]
318
00:11:11,683 --> 00:11:13,083
Oh.
319
00:11:13,151 --> 00:11:14,251
I'm just trying to think of this as an adventure.
320
00:11:14,318 --> 00:11:15,318
You know?
321
00:11:15,386 --> 00:11:18,221
Just getting right back on that horse.
322
00:11:18,289 --> 00:11:19,789
Even if that horse is crazy
323
00:11:19,857 --> 00:11:22,525
And want to peer inside my body.
324
00:11:22,593 --> 00:11:23,592
[snap]
325
00:11:23,660 --> 00:11:24,727
How does that feel?
326
00:11:24,794 --> 00:11:25,894
- Uh, weird.
327
00:11:25,962 --> 00:11:27,029
- Perfect.
328
00:11:27,096 --> 00:11:29,765
Oh, you're not on your period, are you?
329
00:11:29,833 --> 00:11:31,234
- No. Does that matter?
330
00:11:31,302 --> 00:11:33,670
- Well, not for this.
331
00:11:33,738 --> 00:11:36,340
Okay, it's gonna be a little cramped in there.
332
00:11:36,408 --> 00:11:38,576
Don't worry, I'll be right on the other side of that glass.
333
00:11:38,644 --> 00:11:40,178
[machine whirring]
334
00:11:40,246 --> 00:11:41,880
- Just your basic assistant stuff.
335
00:11:41,948 --> 00:11:43,580
Taking messages, wakeup calls.
336
00:11:43,648 --> 00:11:46,048
Muscle milk runs, condom runs,
337
00:11:46,115 --> 00:11:47,582
Bottle service to the snakehole lounge.
338
00:11:47,650 --> 00:11:48,883
That kind of stuff.
339
00:11:48,951 --> 00:11:49,951
- Sorry, what do I get out of this?
340
00:11:50,018 --> 00:11:52,286
- Connections. Plus 19 grand a year.
341
00:11:52,353 --> 00:11:55,254
Minus my 10% headhunter's fee.
342
00:11:55,322 --> 00:11:57,155
- I have to pay you two grand if I get hired?
343
00:11:57,223 --> 00:11:58,523
- I have a job to offer.
344
00:11:58,591 --> 00:12:00,891
In the immortal words of rob blagojevich,
345
00:12:00,959 --> 00:12:02,659
It's a [bleep] valuable thing.
346
00:12:02,727 --> 00:12:04,460
You just don't give it away for nothing.
347
00:12:04,528 --> 00:12:07,095
- So you never told me where you're from.
348
00:12:07,163 --> 00:12:09,864
- I'm from pawnee. - Keep still, please.
349
00:12:09,932 --> 00:12:11,265
What kind of music do you like?
350
00:12:11,332 --> 00:12:12,699
- Can I answer that?
351
00:12:12,767 --> 00:12:14,033
- Sure. Keep still.
352
00:12:14,101 --> 00:12:15,734
- All kinds.
353
00:12:15,802 --> 00:12:16,968
- It's very important
354
00:12:17,036 --> 00:12:19,203
That you keep still at this moment, leslie.
355
00:12:19,271 --> 00:12:20,938
I've told you that 1,000 times.
356
00:12:21,006 --> 00:12:21,972
- [grunts]
357
00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:24,040
- Did you ever break your arm?
358
00:12:24,107 --> 00:12:26,308
You can answer that. Here, I'll turn it off.
359
00:12:26,375 --> 00:12:27,708
- One time, I was on my bike,
360
00:12:27,776 --> 00:12:28,909
And some boys were making fun of me.
361
00:12:28,977 --> 00:12:30,944
So I chased them and I lost control.
362
00:12:31,012 --> 00:12:33,245
I'm surprised you can see that.
363
00:12:33,313 --> 00:12:34,813
It was like three years ago.
364
00:12:34,881 --> 00:12:37,815
- I can't believe I turned the machine off for that.
365
00:12:37,883 --> 00:12:40,551
You never had any kids, right, leslie?
366
00:12:40,618 --> 00:12:42,653
- No. - You should.
367
00:12:42,721 --> 00:12:44,288
You've got a great oven.
368
00:12:44,356 --> 00:12:45,590
- Okay...Time to go.
369
00:12:45,658 --> 00:12:47,325
- You've got ample room in there.
370
00:12:47,393 --> 00:12:49,427
Honestly, if you wanted to,
371
00:12:49,495 --> 00:12:52,296
You could go triplets right off the bat, leslie.
372
00:12:52,364 --> 00:12:55,599
You got a big, industrial-sized oven.
373
00:12:55,666 --> 00:12:57,134
- So we're done, right?
374
00:12:57,201 --> 00:13:00,672
[phone ringing]
375
00:13:00,740 --> 00:13:02,642
- Hey, how's the date going?
376
00:13:02,710 --> 00:13:05,114
- Good. We just finished the mri.
377
00:13:05,182 --> 00:13:06,516
- What?
378
00:13:06,584 --> 00:13:07,851
- Look, I know I said that I wanted to get back out there,
379
00:13:07,919 --> 00:13:09,318
But this guy is nuts.
380
00:13:09,386 --> 00:13:10,419
- I'm sorry, les.
381
00:13:10,487 --> 00:13:12,221
I'll find you somebody else, okay?
382
00:13:12,288 --> 00:13:13,955
Just don't let this sour you on dating.
383
00:13:14,023 --> 00:13:15,490
Yeah, okay.
384
00:13:15,558 --> 00:13:17,827
- Hey, no cell phones!
385
00:13:17,894 --> 00:13:20,166
[phone beeps off] - what was that about?
386
00:13:20,234 --> 00:13:21,835
- I set leslie up on a date.
387
00:13:21,903 --> 00:13:23,670
I don't think it's going that well.
388
00:13:23,738 --> 00:13:25,939
- Oh, no. With, uh, with justin?
389
00:13:26,007 --> 00:13:28,375
- Oh, no, this guy I know from the hospital.
390
00:13:28,443 --> 00:13:30,310
- Why not justin?
391
00:13:30,378 --> 00:13:32,679
- I don't really see them together.
392
00:13:32,747 --> 00:13:33,880
You know?
393
00:13:33,948 --> 00:13:35,549
Plus, leslie just got out of a relationship,
394
00:13:35,616 --> 00:13:38,118
So I didn't want justin to be like her rebound guy
395
00:13:38,185 --> 00:13:39,819
Or anything, you know?
396
00:13:39,887 --> 00:13:41,187
- Yeah, that makes sense.
397
00:13:41,255 --> 00:13:43,990
Leslie is a notoriously cruel and thoughtless person.
398
00:13:44,058 --> 00:13:45,058
- Why are we talking about this?
399
00:13:45,125 --> 00:13:46,059
- We're not.
400
00:13:46,126 --> 00:13:47,327
[dog barks on tv]
401
00:13:47,394 --> 00:13:49,796
- You got a large brain.
402
00:13:49,864 --> 00:13:51,131
- Thank you.
403
00:13:51,198 --> 00:13:53,066
- Yeah. No, it looks pretty...
404
00:13:53,133 --> 00:13:55,802
Hang on.
405
00:13:55,869 --> 00:13:56,836
That's weird.
406
00:13:56,904 --> 00:13:58,071
- What? What's weird?
407
00:13:58,138 --> 00:13:59,572
- Your brain.
408
00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:01,139
You see that shadow right there?
409
00:14:01,207 --> 00:14:02,274
- What--is that bad?
410
00:14:02,341 --> 00:14:03,708
- I don't know, I'd have a doctor
411
00:14:03,776 --> 00:14:05,643
Look at that immediately, if I were you.
412
00:14:05,711 --> 00:14:07,913
- Are you serious?
413
00:14:07,980 --> 00:14:11,216
- Oh, wait.
414
00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:12,384
Oh.
415
00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:15,619
It was like a smudge or something.
416
00:14:15,686 --> 00:14:17,452
Crazy. [chuckles]
417
00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:18,686
Thank god I was here.
418
00:14:18,754 --> 00:14:19,988
- Mark, I've never gone out with him!
419
00:14:20,055 --> 00:14:21,322
I swear!
420
00:14:21,390 --> 00:14:22,623
- I'm sorry, but there's just something weird
421
00:14:22,691 --> 00:14:24,257
About the way you talk about him.
422
00:14:24,325 --> 00:14:26,326
- I don't know, I mean, there was definitely times
423
00:14:26,393 --> 00:14:29,328
When we thought maybe we would go out someday, but--
424
00:14:29,396 --> 00:14:30,596
- That's why you didn't set leslie up,
425
00:14:30,664 --> 00:14:31,830
Because you're saving him.
426
00:14:31,898 --> 00:14:32,831
- No, I'm not.
427
00:14:32,899 --> 00:14:34,399
- Oh, yeah, you are.
428
00:14:34,467 --> 00:14:36,668
- Okay, fine, you don't have someone in your life
429
00:14:36,736 --> 00:14:38,403
That you think, "I don't know,
430
00:14:38,470 --> 00:14:40,938
Maybe if things were different, maybe someday--"
431
00:14:41,006 --> 00:14:42,039
- You know what?
432
00:14:42,106 --> 00:14:43,407
You can't save somebody for the future
433
00:14:43,474 --> 00:14:44,908
While you're in a relationship.
434
00:14:44,976 --> 00:14:46,109
Even I know that.
435
00:14:46,177 --> 00:14:47,477
- Come on, don't go.
436
00:14:47,545 --> 00:14:48,745
- I'll talk to you later.
437
00:14:48,813 --> 00:14:50,613
And, by the way,
438
00:14:50,681 --> 00:14:53,582
The dog dies at the end.
439
00:14:53,650 --> 00:14:55,516
- So did you want to go back to your place or--
440
00:14:55,584 --> 00:14:57,751
- Actually, chris, it was nice to meet you,
441
00:14:57,819 --> 00:14:59,887
But I think this is gonna be our last date.
442
00:14:59,955 --> 00:15:01,588
- I get it.
443
00:15:01,656 --> 00:15:04,058
You get your mri and get out, huh?
444
00:15:04,125 --> 00:15:05,292
- This was your idea.
445
00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:06,727
- Clever lady.
446
00:15:06,794 --> 00:15:09,296
Guess I'm not as good a tech as I thought I was.
447
00:15:09,363 --> 00:15:11,264
Should have noticed that you're missing a heart.
448
00:15:11,332 --> 00:15:12,632
- Ew.
449
00:15:12,700 --> 00:15:14,468
- Good-bye, leslie.
450
00:15:18,673 --> 00:15:20,207
- Right.
451
00:15:20,274 --> 00:15:21,541
I drove us here.
452
00:15:21,609 --> 00:15:22,809
Goody.
453
00:15:22,877 --> 00:15:24,477
- Do you mind if we pick up my son nate
454
00:15:24,545 --> 00:15:26,680
At his basketball game on the way back?
455
00:15:29,971 --> 00:15:31,005
- Wow, this is really good.
456
00:15:31,602 --> 00:15:33,436
"cease and desist; burden of proof"?
457
00:15:33,503 --> 00:15:34,836
- Check out paragraph two,
458
00:15:34,904 --> 00:15:36,104
Where I dropped the f-bomb.
459
00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:38,854
- "frivolous."
460
00:15:38,922 --> 00:15:40,780
- Definitely have the city attorney look at that.
461
00:15:40,980 --> 00:15:42,981
But that should be enough to do the trick.
462
00:15:43,048 --> 00:15:45,516
- Well, justin, I just-- I can't thank you enough.
463
00:15:45,584 --> 00:15:46,584
- It's my pleasure.
464
00:15:46,651 --> 00:15:48,318
Maybe I will see you around sometime.
465
00:15:48,386 --> 00:15:49,719
- Yeah, I...
466
00:15:49,787 --> 00:15:51,388
I would li--would lo-- mm-hmm.
467
00:15:51,455 --> 00:15:53,189
- I'll see you. - Okay.
468
00:15:53,257 --> 00:15:54,590
- Bye. - Bye!
469
00:15:57,760 --> 00:16:01,529
- Damn, he is all right.
470
00:16:01,597 --> 00:16:04,031
Why don't you hit that?
471
00:16:04,099 --> 00:16:07,366
- Well, frankly, I would like to hit that.
472
00:16:07,434 --> 00:16:10,536
But ann's being a little weird about it.
473
00:16:10,604 --> 00:16:11,903
- When you were dating ann,
474
00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:13,771
Did you know this guy justin?
475
00:16:13,839 --> 00:16:15,172
- Uck! Justin?
476
00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:16,540
I hate justin.
477
00:16:16,607 --> 00:16:18,576
Ann was so obviously into him. It was so annoying.
478
00:16:18,643 --> 00:16:20,011
- Right.
479
00:16:20,078 --> 00:16:21,579
- I would say, in terms of guys that she's in love with,
480
00:16:21,646 --> 00:16:22,679
Justin's up here.
481
00:16:22,747 --> 00:16:24,881
- I'm up here,
482
00:16:24,949 --> 00:16:26,349
And then you're down here.
483
00:16:26,416 --> 00:16:29,051
- Well, I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't crazy.
484
00:16:29,119 --> 00:16:32,722
So naturally, I came to you for reassurance.
485
00:16:32,789 --> 00:16:33,956
Do me a favor--
486
00:16:34,024 --> 00:16:36,192
Don't tell ann that we talked about this.
487
00:16:36,260 --> 00:16:37,693
- Will do.
488
00:16:37,761 --> 00:16:38,794
Ann perkins,
489
00:16:38,862 --> 00:16:41,298
You should be ashamed of yourself.
490
00:16:41,366 --> 00:16:43,033
What you're doing to mark is not cool.
491
00:16:43,101 --> 00:16:44,935
- Why are you guys talking to each other?
492
00:16:45,002 --> 00:16:46,136
You know what? Forget it.
493
00:16:46,204 --> 00:16:47,570
I'm not getting into this with you.
494
00:16:47,638 --> 00:16:48,938
- You did something wrong? - No!
495
00:16:49,006 --> 00:16:51,240
- Yeah. - I didn't do anything wrong!
496
00:16:51,308 --> 00:16:54,077
Come here. This is none of your business.
497
00:16:54,144 --> 00:16:55,311
You don't know what you're talking about.
498
00:16:55,379 --> 00:16:57,480
- Actually, I do know what I'm talking about.
499
00:16:57,548 --> 00:16:59,916
Every time I used to sit around all afternoon
500
00:16:59,984 --> 00:17:01,985
Playing video games, wearing only my slippers,
501
00:17:02,053 --> 00:17:04,721
All of a sudden, I would start to feel bad about myself.
502
00:17:04,788 --> 00:17:06,489
And do you know why?
503
00:17:06,557 --> 00:17:07,958
- Didn't you just explain why?
504
00:17:08,025 --> 00:17:09,958
- I would feel bad about myself
505
00:17:10,026 --> 00:17:12,494
Because I would start to think about this perfect guy.
506
00:17:12,562 --> 00:17:14,563
Any time you would talk about justin,
507
00:17:14,631 --> 00:17:16,932
I didn't feel very important.
508
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:18,467
That was rough.
509
00:17:18,535 --> 00:17:20,336
- Well, I didn't know that.
510
00:17:20,404 --> 00:17:22,305
- Maybe if you had, I wouldn't have left.
511
00:17:22,372 --> 00:17:25,708
But you do know now, so you have to choose.
512
00:17:25,776 --> 00:17:27,243
It's either me or justin.
513
00:17:27,311 --> 00:17:28,711
- I'm not gonna choose.
514
00:17:28,779 --> 00:17:30,113
Wait, I'm dating mark!
515
00:17:30,181 --> 00:17:31,181
- Are you, though? - Yes!
516
00:17:31,248 --> 00:17:32,949
- Ah! That close.
517
00:17:33,017 --> 00:17:34,517
- Ronald...
518
00:17:34,585 --> 00:17:35,784
I've done it.
519
00:17:35,852 --> 00:17:38,319
I found your assistant, and he's dope.
520
00:17:38,387 --> 00:17:40,454
His name is jean-ralphio.
521
00:17:40,521 --> 00:17:41,487
Jean-ralphio!
522
00:17:41,555 --> 00:17:43,156
- Big "t."
523
00:17:43,223 --> 00:17:44,891
Mr. Swanson, two things.
524
00:17:44,958 --> 00:17:48,194
One, it is an absolute honor to meet you.
525
00:17:48,262 --> 00:17:50,396
Two, who is that hot intern chick out there?
526
00:17:50,464 --> 00:17:54,100
Because, honestly, daaaamn!
527
00:17:54,167 --> 00:17:55,968
[both laughing] - uh, take a seat.
528
00:17:56,036 --> 00:17:57,403
- Right here. - Here we go.
529
00:17:57,471 --> 00:17:59,305
- So, jean-ralphio...
530
00:17:59,373 --> 00:18:00,440
- You got him right here.
531
00:18:00,508 --> 00:18:01,908
Leave a message after the beep.
532
00:18:01,975 --> 00:18:04,276
- Why do I want you as my assistant?
533
00:18:04,343 --> 00:18:06,945
- For starters, access to the illest clubs.
534
00:18:07,012 --> 00:18:08,246
And that's just for starters.
535
00:18:08,314 --> 00:18:10,582
I will work for you. I will be on you, 24/7.
536
00:18:10,650 --> 00:18:11,816
I'll be like your family.
537
00:18:11,884 --> 00:18:13,350
I'm here when you get here in the morning.
538
00:18:13,418 --> 00:18:14,984
Sure enough, I'll be there tucking you into bed at night.
539
00:18:15,052 --> 00:18:16,920
Don't worry, it's not gay. Do we have questions?
540
00:18:18,989 --> 00:18:20,956
- I think our only question is when can you start?
541
00:18:21,024 --> 00:18:22,325
- Right now. Let's do it.
542
00:18:22,393 --> 00:18:24,626
- Thank you for coming in.
543
00:18:24,694 --> 00:18:25,994
We will talk.
544
00:18:26,062 --> 00:18:27,863
- Cool. I feel good about this.
545
00:18:27,930 --> 00:18:29,798
Hey, you know, you can hit me up on facebook any time,
546
00:18:29,866 --> 00:18:30,966
Day or night-- you know that, right?
547
00:18:31,034 --> 00:18:33,067
- Take care, buddy. - Boom.
548
00:18:33,135 --> 00:18:35,236
- So what do you think of your new assistant?
549
00:18:35,304 --> 00:18:38,273
- I wanna punch you in the face so bad right now.
550
00:18:38,340 --> 00:18:39,941
- What?
551
00:18:40,009 --> 00:18:41,576
Okay.
552
00:18:41,644 --> 00:18:43,444
Message received. I'll keep looking.
553
00:18:43,512 --> 00:18:44,579
- Thank you.
554
00:18:44,647 --> 00:18:46,547
Bring me the opposite of him.
555
00:18:46,615 --> 00:18:48,349
[rock music playing]
556
00:18:48,417 --> 00:18:49,450
- What kind of music is this?
557
00:18:49,518 --> 00:18:51,252
- It's rock and roll, my friend.
558
00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:54,322
Fast, smooth, handsome rock.
559
00:18:54,389 --> 00:18:56,223
- That band is really blowing up right now.
560
00:18:56,291 --> 00:18:58,025
They're number one on itunes.
561
00:18:58,093 --> 00:18:59,793
- Okay, I'll take one.
562
00:19:03,731 --> 00:19:04,965
- There's your change.
563
00:19:06,935 --> 00:19:08,770
You are amazing.
564
00:19:08,838 --> 00:19:11,473
I like when you hang out here.
565
00:19:13,875 --> 00:19:15,375
- I want to be your assistant.
566
00:19:15,443 --> 00:19:16,676
- Really?
567
00:19:16,744 --> 00:19:17,944
You hate it here.
568
00:19:18,012 --> 00:19:19,880
- So do you.
569
00:19:19,948 --> 00:19:22,017
I'll make sure you don't have to go to any meetings.
570
00:19:22,085 --> 00:19:23,885
If anyone comes to see you,
571
00:19:23,953 --> 00:19:24,919
I'll scare them away.
572
00:19:24,987 --> 00:19:26,254
- Wait, April.
573
00:19:26,321 --> 00:19:28,022
If you had to choose between these two ties...
574
00:19:30,158 --> 00:19:31,091
- You're hired.
575
00:19:31,158 --> 00:19:33,228
- I just figured
576
00:19:33,295 --> 00:19:35,997
I might as well get paid for being here.
577
00:19:37,599 --> 00:19:39,934
- Hi. - Hey, I was just calling you.
578
00:19:40,002 --> 00:19:42,036
- Here.
579
00:19:43,973 --> 00:19:45,706
- This is a prescription for denise dogan.
580
00:19:45,774 --> 00:19:47,875
- Oh, my god, I'm sorry.
581
00:19:47,943 --> 00:19:50,411
I'm so out of sorts.
582
00:19:50,479 --> 00:19:52,047
Here.
583
00:19:52,114 --> 00:19:53,514
- Porter's grill at 7:00.
584
00:19:53,582 --> 00:19:54,749
- Justin's gonna meet you there.
585
00:19:54,817 --> 00:19:57,251
I'm sorry chris was such a jerk.
586
00:19:57,319 --> 00:19:58,820
You deserve way better than that.
587
00:19:58,888 --> 00:20:00,956
- If this situation is weird, or if you feel weird--
588
00:20:01,024 --> 00:20:02,257
- It's not weird.
589
00:20:02,325 --> 00:20:03,725
You guys will really like each other.
590
00:20:03,793 --> 00:20:05,328
- Thanks. - I gotta run.
591
00:20:05,396 --> 00:20:06,830
I have another stop on the pride-swallowing tour
592
00:20:06,898 --> 00:20:07,931
Of city hall.
593
00:20:07,999 --> 00:20:09,066
- Go get 'em.
594
00:20:09,134 --> 00:20:10,767
- That's where I never find things.
595
00:20:10,835 --> 00:20:11,968
- Hey.
596
00:20:12,036 --> 00:20:13,303
- Hi, ann.
597
00:20:13,370 --> 00:20:16,904
- So I just set up justin and leslie.
598
00:20:16,972 --> 00:20:18,837
And I'm sorry.
599
00:20:18,905 --> 00:20:21,872
I rented district 9
600
00:20:21,940 --> 00:20:25,175
If you maybe wanted to spoil that for me tonight.
601
00:20:27,478 --> 00:20:29,412
- [whispering]
602
00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:30,480
- Oh, my god!
603
00:20:30,548 --> 00:20:32,015
- Dark ending, right.
604
00:20:35,052 --> 00:20:36,519
- I'm back on the horse.
605
00:20:36,587 --> 00:20:38,821
And this horse is a lawyer,
606
00:20:38,889 --> 00:20:42,892
So I'm looking forward to riding him.
607
00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:44,126
No, wait.
608
00:20:45,315 --> 00:20:47,479
- Ten months ago, she was an intern
609
00:20:47,479 --> 00:20:50,147
Who could give a c-r-a-p about local government.
610
00:20:50,215 --> 00:20:52,516
Now, she's our newest employee.
611
00:20:52,583 --> 00:20:53,684
To April.
612
00:20:53,751 --> 00:20:54,884
All: Cheers!
613
00:20:54,952 --> 00:20:56,052
- [weakly] yay.
614
00:20:56,120 --> 00:20:57,987
- Jerry, come and celebrate.
615
00:20:58,054 --> 00:20:59,121
- No, thanks.
616
00:20:59,189 --> 00:21:00,222
- Well, everybody,
617
00:21:00,289 --> 00:21:01,589
Let's get back to work.
618
00:21:04,993 --> 00:21:06,259
- Where are you going?
619
00:21:06,327 --> 00:21:09,229
- I want to talk to ron about the size of my desk.
620
00:21:09,297 --> 00:21:10,263
- Jerry...
621
00:21:10,331 --> 00:21:12,765
You have to schedule an appointment.
622
00:21:12,833 --> 00:21:14,533
- Okay, how about now?
623
00:21:14,601 --> 00:21:16,301
- Ron's not here. - He's right there.
624
00:21:16,369 --> 00:21:17,835
I-I can see him.
625
00:21:17,903 --> 00:21:20,605
- I'll let you know when he's available.
626
00:21:20,672 --> 00:21:22,006
- [scoffs]
627
00:21:24,575 --> 00:21:26,009
- Atta girl.
628
00:21:26,077 --> 00:21:26,376
www.addic7ed.com
629
00:21:26,426 --> 00:21:30,976
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