Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,300 --> 00:00:07,000
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
2
00:00:07,735 --> 00:00:12,171
[laughter]
3
00:00:12,239 --> 00:00:13,573
- You are getting
a rare glimpse
4
00:00:13,641 --> 00:00:16,342
At this exclusive,
government-only event.
5
00:00:16,410 --> 00:00:18,898
Each December, one department
puts on a show
6
00:00:18,965 --> 00:00:20,366
That spoofs what happened
in our town.
7
00:00:20,434 --> 00:00:22,465
Prepare to laugh
your asnov!
8
00:00:22,533 --> 00:00:24,801
[chuckles]
9
00:00:24,868 --> 00:00:27,666
Sid asnov is a former
city councilman.
10
00:00:27,734 --> 00:00:29,804
Some of the jokes are
sort of inside.
11
00:00:29,872 --> 00:00:30,978
- Councilman dexhart,
12
00:00:31,045 --> 00:00:33,386
You're involved in
yet another scandal?
13
00:00:33,453 --> 00:00:37,067
That's crazier than
mayor gunderson's dog rufus.
14
00:00:37,135 --> 00:00:40,341
[laughter]
15
00:00:40,408 --> 00:00:43,484
- Yes, there is a new one,
and it's a doozy.
16
00:00:43,551 --> 00:00:45,085
I don't want to go
into the details,
17
00:00:45,153 --> 00:00:48,527
But let me just say that
it involves multiple women,
18
00:00:48,595 --> 00:00:54,037
A love child, nurses,
rabbis, priests.
19
00:00:54,105 --> 00:00:56,339
[laughter]
20
00:00:56,407 --> 00:00:57,641
Well, I hope you can all
join me
21
00:00:57,709 --> 00:00:59,377
At my fundraiser tonight.
22
00:00:59,445 --> 00:01:01,079
I am being supported,
of course,
23
00:01:01,147 --> 00:01:03,717
By the glitter factory
and 1-800-mattress.
24
00:01:03,785 --> 00:01:05,522
[laughter]
25
00:01:05,590 --> 00:01:08,026
Ha ha ha ha! Classic.
26
00:01:08,094 --> 00:01:10,129
- ⪠pawnee is a city
that ain't very pretty âª
27
00:01:10,196 --> 00:01:12,300
⪠and good government is
our goal âª
28
00:01:12,368 --> 00:01:14,303
- ⪠we may not be big
and our mayor wears a wig âª
29
00:01:14,371 --> 00:01:16,205
⪠but at least the raccoon
infestation âª
30
00:01:16,273 --> 00:01:17,373
⪠is under control âª
31
00:01:17,441 --> 00:01:22,915
- [all]
⪠it's the most wonderful time âª
32
00:01:22,983 --> 00:01:29,458
⪠in pawnee âª
33
00:01:29,526 --> 00:01:30,893
[cheers and applause]
34
00:01:30,961 --> 00:01:33,629
[triumphant music]
35
00:01:33,697 --> 00:01:41,737
⪠âª
36
00:01:51,014 --> 00:01:53,984
- Lot 48 was once a horrible
and disgusting pit.
37
00:01:54,052 --> 00:01:57,656
And now it's the site
of pawnee's winter wonderland.
38
00:01:57,724 --> 00:02:00,025
This could not be more perfect
if I had planned it myself.
39
00:02:00,093 --> 00:02:02,596
Which I did.
And it's awesome.
40
00:02:02,664 --> 00:02:03,931
So let's talk schedge, guys.
41
00:02:03,999 --> 00:02:06,367
The kids are gonna come
at 9:00 a.M. On Saturday,
42
00:02:06,435 --> 00:02:09,238
And everyone's gonna do santa
for two hours.
43
00:02:09,305 --> 00:02:10,606
So I would just
advise everyone
44
00:02:10,674 --> 00:02:12,041
Before you get
in your costume
45
00:02:12,109 --> 00:02:14,377
To go to the bathroom so we can
avoid what happened last year.
46
00:02:14,445 --> 00:02:16,179
- It was just farts.
47
00:02:16,247 --> 00:02:18,316
- 6:00 p.M.,
caroling with the youth choir.
48
00:02:18,384 --> 00:02:20,886
And I am proud to announce,
for the first time ever,
49
00:02:20,954 --> 00:02:22,788
This year
our tree-lighting ceremony
50
00:02:22,856 --> 00:02:24,858
Will be simulcast
on internet radio.
51
00:02:24,925 --> 00:02:27,394
Thank you.
52
00:02:27,462 --> 00:02:30,064
- That's a really big deal.
- It is. Thank you.
53
00:02:30,131 --> 00:02:32,199
- Listening to that tree
lighting's gonna be dope!
54
00:02:32,267 --> 00:02:34,969
- Okay, any questions,
direct them to me--dismissed.
55
00:02:35,037 --> 00:02:39,375
- Hey, uh, there was
a message for you
56
00:02:39,443 --> 00:02:40,510
On the work voicemail.
57
00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:42,178
Councilman dexhart wants
to meet with you
58
00:02:42,246 --> 00:02:44,849
At 9:00 p.M.--
The boardwalk lounge.
59
00:02:44,917 --> 00:02:46,517
- Shut up.
- No.
60
00:02:46,585 --> 00:02:49,988
- I'm not scared.
I got nothing to apologize for.
61
00:02:50,055 --> 00:02:52,024
I could have been
a lot harder on him.
62
00:02:52,091 --> 00:02:53,025
He got off easy.
63
00:02:53,092 --> 00:02:54,493
And often.
64
00:02:54,561 --> 00:02:56,095
[chuckles]
65
00:02:56,163 --> 00:02:58,197
Thank you.
I'll be here all week.
66
00:02:58,265 --> 00:03:01,200
- You gotta tell me about him.
I don't know anything about him.
67
00:03:01,268 --> 00:03:03,335
- Okay, he's 23,
he's kinda my boyfriend.
68
00:03:03,403 --> 00:03:04,804
He's gay.
69
00:03:04,871 --> 00:03:06,772
Last year we got drunk and
he took me to the ice capades,
70
00:03:06,840 --> 00:03:08,507
And I didn't get him anything.
71
00:03:08,575 --> 00:03:09,942
And he's gay?
- Yeah.
72
00:03:10,010 --> 00:03:11,310
- Brokeback mountain dvd.
73
00:03:11,379 --> 00:03:12,346
- No.
- Fellas love that.
74
00:03:12,413 --> 00:03:13,447
- No.
75
00:03:13,515 --> 00:03:14,781
- Does he already have,
like, chaps?
76
00:03:14,849 --> 00:03:16,950
Like, assless chaps?
- You know what, forget it.
77
00:03:17,018 --> 00:03:18,953
- Okay, uh,
why are you asking me?
78
00:03:19,021 --> 00:03:22,224
- Because, I don't know,
there's no one else to ask.
79
00:03:22,291 --> 00:03:23,759
And at least you're
kind of young.
80
00:03:23,827 --> 00:03:24,961
- All right,
I'll tell you what.
81
00:03:25,029 --> 00:03:26,763
I'm gonna think about it.
82
00:03:26,831 --> 00:03:28,398
Through the course of all day
I'm gonna mull it over.
83
00:03:28,466 --> 00:03:30,267
It's all I'm gonna think about.
But you're in good hands.
84
00:03:30,335 --> 00:03:31,903
I'm gonna come up with something
really, really good.
85
00:03:31,970 --> 00:03:32,904
- Really?
- Yeah.
86
00:03:32,972 --> 00:03:33,972
- All right.
- You got that?
87
00:03:34,039 --> 00:03:37,442
- Yeah. Thanks.
88
00:03:37,510 --> 00:03:39,578
- Councilman dexhart,
I'm leslie knope.
89
00:03:39,646 --> 00:03:42,749
- Thank you for meeting me.
- It's my pleasure.
90
00:03:42,817 --> 00:03:44,684
I am assuming this is about
my performance
91
00:03:44,752 --> 00:03:47,054
In the government follies
last night.
92
00:03:47,121 --> 00:03:49,623
I'd just like to say that
I have nothing to apologize for.
93
00:03:49,691 --> 00:03:52,326
Except for perhaps being
too incisive.
94
00:03:52,394 --> 00:03:54,695
- I don't want you
to apologize.
95
00:03:54,763 --> 00:03:56,630
I want to know who told you.
96
00:03:56,698 --> 00:03:57,965
- Who told me?
- Mm-hmm.
97
00:03:58,033 --> 00:04:01,735
- Nobody.
Nobody told me nuttin'!
98
00:04:01,803 --> 00:04:03,471
What are we talking about?
99
00:04:03,538 --> 00:04:04,738
- Well, based on that skit,
100
00:04:04,806 --> 00:04:06,240
I know you've heard about
the new scandal
101
00:04:06,308 --> 00:04:07,341
That's about to break.
102
00:04:07,409 --> 00:04:10,077
Who told you?
103
00:04:10,145 --> 00:04:11,312
Was it the babysitter?
104
00:04:11,379 --> 00:04:13,014
Was it the nurse
who delivered our love child?
105
00:04:13,081 --> 00:04:14,349
- What?
- Oh, stop playing dumb.
106
00:04:14,416 --> 00:04:16,251
You know damn well
what happened.
107
00:04:16,319 --> 00:04:18,086
I got the babysitter pregnant.
108
00:04:18,154 --> 00:04:19,688
Then, when she was
in the delivery room,
109
00:04:19,756 --> 00:04:21,523
I had sex with not one
110
00:04:21,591 --> 00:04:24,192
But four nurses
in a supply closet.
111
00:04:24,260 --> 00:04:26,061
As well as a woman
whose husband
112
00:04:26,129 --> 00:04:28,363
Was getting
a liver transplant.
113
00:04:28,431 --> 00:04:29,364
Hmm.
114
00:04:29,432 --> 00:04:32,300
Now, which one of them
told you?
115
00:04:32,368 --> 00:04:33,601
Was it the liver lady?
116
00:04:33,669 --> 00:04:36,971
- Well, I--no one--
I haven't--
117
00:04:37,039 --> 00:04:40,175
I haven't heard any of this ever
in my whole life.
118
00:04:40,243 --> 00:04:41,343
- Oh.
119
00:04:41,411 --> 00:04:42,878
- Believe me, I would have
remembered this.
120
00:04:42,946 --> 00:04:45,547
- Okay. Well,
in that case,
121
00:04:45,615 --> 00:04:48,917
Everything I just told you
was just a funny prank.
122
00:04:48,985 --> 00:04:52,820
[chuckles]
123
00:04:54,723 --> 00:04:57,291
- Oh, hi.
How was your meeting?
124
00:04:57,359 --> 00:04:59,360
- It was fine.
125
00:04:59,428 --> 00:05:00,795
Pretty straightforward.
126
00:05:00,862 --> 00:05:02,796
Short meeting.
You know, he's a busy guy.
127
00:05:02,864 --> 00:05:04,798
- Yes, very busy.
Look at this article.
128
00:05:04,865 --> 00:05:07,066
- No!
129
00:05:07,134 --> 00:05:12,204
What the--
130
00:05:12,272 --> 00:05:15,574
- The story of this story is
that it won't stop developing.
131
00:05:15,642 --> 00:05:17,911
The mystery woman who met with
councilman dexhart last night
132
00:05:17,978 --> 00:05:21,847
Appears to be a government
employee named leslie norp.
133
00:05:21,915 --> 00:05:23,649
- Oh, my god.
Oh, god.
134
00:05:23,717 --> 00:05:26,152
- According to unconfirmed
reports in the pawnee sun,
135
00:05:26,220 --> 00:05:29,121
The two bent an elbow
at this local watering hole.
136
00:05:29,189 --> 00:05:30,256
And although they left
separately,
137
00:05:30,324 --> 00:05:33,393
No one knows where
they woke up together.
138
00:05:33,461 --> 00:05:36,797
Perd hapley,
channel 4 news.
139
00:05:40,175 --> 00:05:42,742
- All I did was write and
perform in one amazing skit.
140
00:05:42,810 --> 00:05:44,411
- Leslie,
it's the pawnee sun.
141
00:05:44,479 --> 00:05:45,412
It's a tabloid.
142
00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:46,847
Nobody else has written
about it.
143
00:05:46,914 --> 00:05:48,115
- Yeah, no one believes
that garbage.
144
00:05:48,182 --> 00:05:49,850
Nobody even reads
that thing.
145
00:05:49,917 --> 00:05:52,585
- Leslie, what?
Nice work, girl.
146
00:05:52,653 --> 00:05:54,153
- Oh, god.
147
00:05:54,221 --> 00:05:56,521
How do I fight back?
Give me some options.
148
00:05:56,589 --> 00:05:59,725
- Do you want me
to seduce perd hapley?
149
00:05:59,792 --> 00:06:01,060
- How would that help?
150
00:06:01,127 --> 00:06:02,794
- I don't know.
151
00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:04,930
I just want to see
if I can do it.
152
00:06:04,998 --> 00:06:06,498
- April, I appreciate that,
but I don't think it's something
153
00:06:06,566 --> 00:06:08,300
Worth losing
your virginity over.
154
00:06:08,367 --> 00:06:11,502
- Leslie, I don't know if
this is important or not,
155
00:06:11,870 --> 00:06:14,471
But I have heard a lot of very,
very interesting chatter
156
00:06:14,539 --> 00:06:15,639
Around the shoeshine stand
today.
157
00:06:15,706 --> 00:06:16,973
- Oh, my god, really?
158
00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:18,207
What have you heard?
- A lot of things.
159
00:06:18,275 --> 00:06:20,609
Uh, like,
"can you believe it?"
160
00:06:20,676 --> 00:06:22,777
And "the parks lady
boned dexhart."
161
00:06:22,845 --> 00:06:25,712
And "of course she did.
She's totally good to go."
162
00:06:25,780 --> 00:06:28,047
And one guy was like,
"I wouldn't hit that."
163
00:06:28,115 --> 00:06:29,682
And the other guy was like,
"me neither."
164
00:06:29,750 --> 00:06:31,384
Then this third guy
was like, "I would."
165
00:06:31,451 --> 00:06:34,688
So I don't know
if that's helpful at all.
166
00:06:34,755 --> 00:06:37,757
- Well, keep your ear
to the ground.
167
00:06:37,825 --> 00:06:39,459
- Okay. I'll just--
168
00:06:39,527 --> 00:06:41,995
- I'm not gonna let
these people intimidate me.
169
00:06:42,062 --> 00:06:44,197
I'm gonna do my job.
170
00:06:44,264 --> 00:06:45,998
I would be lying if I said
that I never thought
171
00:06:46,066 --> 00:06:48,134
I would be involved
in an incident like this.
172
00:06:48,201 --> 00:06:50,870
Except I always assumed that
I would be the politician,
173
00:06:50,938 --> 00:06:53,606
And the man would be accused
of sleeping with me.
174
00:06:53,674 --> 00:06:56,409
And that man would be
the vice president.
175
00:06:56,477 --> 00:06:58,812
And I would be the president.
176
00:06:58,879 --> 00:07:01,281
Okay, all right, well,
you look good.
177
00:07:01,348 --> 00:07:02,615
You need to put
some tights on, though.
178
00:07:02,683 --> 00:07:04,250
And I want you to make sure
you keep your neckline
179
00:07:04,318 --> 00:07:05,485
Nice and high.
180
00:07:05,552 --> 00:07:07,753
- Leslie knope?
Alexa softcastle, pawnee sun.
181
00:07:07,821 --> 00:07:09,421
Can I ask you a few questions?
182
00:07:09,489 --> 00:07:10,522
- Don't say anything.
183
00:07:10,590 --> 00:07:12,458
- I'm not afraid
to say anything, okay?
184
00:07:12,526 --> 00:07:13,926
I have nothing to hide.
185
00:07:13,994 --> 00:07:16,595
I've never even met councilman
dexhart before yesterday,
186
00:07:16,663 --> 00:07:18,230
And that's all I want to say
about the matter.
187
00:07:18,298 --> 00:07:19,765
- Some people are saying
this isn't the first time
188
00:07:19,832 --> 00:07:21,766
That you've had sex
with a married councilman.
189
00:07:21,834 --> 00:07:23,634
- Who's saying that?
190
00:07:23,702 --> 00:07:25,336
- Some people.
191
00:07:25,404 --> 00:07:28,139
- Okay, this interview is over.
192
00:07:28,207 --> 00:07:31,142
- Go home, lay low,
the truth will come out.
193
00:07:31,210 --> 00:07:32,844
- I can't.
I have too much work to do.
194
00:07:32,911 --> 00:07:35,680
This department is not gonna
deputy-direct itself.
195
00:07:35,747 --> 00:07:37,148
- I think we can manage.
196
00:07:37,216 --> 00:07:41,185
Just give me your schedule
and we'll cover for you.
197
00:07:41,253 --> 00:07:45,757
Okay, I've made copies
of leslie's daily work schedule.
198
00:07:45,825 --> 00:07:47,025
So we'll just split
into teams,
199
00:07:47,092 --> 00:07:51,763
And each team will take...
[muttering]
200
00:07:51,831 --> 00:07:55,767
Damn, ten items...
And we'll knock this out.
201
00:07:55,835 --> 00:07:57,369
- I swear to you,
I never even met the guy
202
00:07:57,436 --> 00:07:58,603
Before last night.
203
00:07:58,671 --> 00:08:00,705
- It's okay.
I believe you.
204
00:08:00,773 --> 00:08:02,040
- You do?
- Of course.
205
00:08:02,108 --> 00:08:05,210
I think I know you
pretty well.
206
00:08:05,278 --> 00:08:06,378
That doesn't sound
like you.
207
00:08:06,445 --> 00:08:07,812
- Thank you.
208
00:08:07,880 --> 00:08:09,013
- If I ever see that guy,
209
00:08:09,081 --> 00:08:10,281
I'm gonna punch him
right in the face.
210
00:08:10,348 --> 00:08:13,484
- Yeah, that's sweet.
Use your night stick.
211
00:08:13,551 --> 00:08:15,019
- Which meeting is this?
212
00:08:15,087 --> 00:08:18,789
- The organization
of local auditing systems.
213
00:08:18,857 --> 00:08:20,958
- Kill me.
214
00:08:21,026 --> 00:08:22,660
- All right,
first order of business...
215
00:08:22,727 --> 00:08:25,663
Uh, leslie--
where's leslie?
216
00:08:25,730 --> 00:08:28,932
- Um, I gave her the day off,
paul.
217
00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:31,234
I thought that was best.
- Oh, yeah. That's good.
218
00:08:31,302 --> 00:08:33,870
So you'll be making
the presentation then, ron.
219
00:08:33,938 --> 00:08:37,806
- Yep. Yes.
220
00:08:37,874 --> 00:08:40,576
- Hey, so, uh...
[clears throat]
221
00:08:40,643 --> 00:08:42,744
That kind of brings us to what
I wanted to talk to you about.
222
00:08:42,812 --> 00:08:43,812
I, uh--
223
00:08:43,879 --> 00:08:45,713
You know, my--
[clears throat]
224
00:08:45,781 --> 00:08:48,382
Army reserve unit---
225
00:08:48,450 --> 00:08:50,584
We got called up
to active duty.
226
00:08:50,652 --> 00:08:52,520
I ship out in four days.
227
00:08:52,587 --> 00:08:55,423
- Oh, my god.
Where are you going?
228
00:08:55,491 --> 00:08:56,858
- San diego.
229
00:08:56,926 --> 00:08:58,093
- Oh, my god!
230
00:08:58,161 --> 00:08:59,795
- It's not dangerous.
231
00:08:59,862 --> 00:09:01,163
It's mostly maintenance.
232
00:09:01,230 --> 00:09:03,598
But I'm going for,
like, a year.
233
00:09:03,666 --> 00:09:05,467
Maybe 18 months.
234
00:09:05,535 --> 00:09:08,805
And I was kind of hoping
that maybe
235
00:09:08,872 --> 00:09:10,607
You'd want to come with--
with me.
236
00:09:10,674 --> 00:09:14,878
Like on a permanent-type
basis.
237
00:09:14,946 --> 00:09:16,513
I don't know, it's--
238
00:09:16,581 --> 00:09:18,783
It's kind of a weird question.
239
00:09:18,851 --> 00:09:22,354
I mean, I joined
to put myself through college,
240
00:09:22,422 --> 00:09:26,326
And, uh, it's, you know,
I'm just a desk jockey,
241
00:09:26,393 --> 00:09:28,561
But it's--
it's rewarding.
242
00:09:28,629 --> 00:09:33,800
So yeah, I guess I'm in love
with the army.
243
00:09:33,868 --> 00:09:35,368
Oh, leslie.
Well, yeah.
244
00:09:35,436 --> 00:09:38,105
Yeah, that makes
a lot more sense.
245
00:09:38,172 --> 00:09:41,074
Yeah, I'm definitely in love
with leslie.
246
00:09:41,142 --> 00:09:42,809
It's--it's affirmative.
247
00:09:42,877 --> 00:09:45,979
I--I know this seems
kind of fast,
248
00:09:46,047 --> 00:09:47,247
But I feel like we--
249
00:09:47,315 --> 00:09:48,648
I feel like we got
something here.
250
00:09:48,716 --> 00:09:50,817
- I do too.
251
00:09:50,884 --> 00:09:52,652
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
252
00:09:52,719 --> 00:09:54,220
- Well, you don't have
to answer right away.
253
00:09:54,288 --> 00:09:57,590
But you kinda do.
I mean, I need to know...Soon.
254
00:09:57,658 --> 00:10:00,626
[clears throat]
255
00:10:00,693 --> 00:10:01,860
- Wow.
- Yeah.
256
00:10:01,928 --> 00:10:03,128
- Are you gonna go?
257
00:10:03,196 --> 00:10:05,897
- This whole dexhart thing
is not making me feel
258
00:10:05,965 --> 00:10:07,499
Very attached
to pawnee right now.
259
00:10:07,567 --> 00:10:11,002
- San diego, jeez.
- Yeah.
260
00:10:11,069 --> 00:10:12,337
- You could learn how to surf.
261
00:10:12,404 --> 00:10:13,704
- I know how to surf.
262
00:10:13,772 --> 00:10:15,273
I took lessons
when I was a kid.
263
00:10:15,340 --> 00:10:18,811
I'm actually pretty good.
- I bet you are.
264
00:10:18,878 --> 00:10:21,580
I would miss leslie
like crazy.
265
00:10:21,648 --> 00:10:25,351
- Aww...
266
00:10:25,419 --> 00:10:27,821
- All right, sorted out that
payroll issue--this is done.
267
00:10:27,889 --> 00:10:29,823
- "bring a case of beer
to sanitation." why?
268
00:10:29,891 --> 00:10:31,992
- Let's skip that one.
They can buy their own beer.
269
00:10:32,059 --> 00:10:33,726
I'm getting hungry.
Let's get something to eat.
270
00:10:33,794 --> 00:10:35,027
Hey, have you figured out
271
00:10:35,095 --> 00:10:36,228
What you're getting ann
for christmas?
272
00:10:36,296 --> 00:10:38,731
- Oh, I got her a pretty great
computer bag.
273
00:10:38,798 --> 00:10:40,833
- Yeah?
That's a terrible gift.
274
00:10:40,901 --> 00:10:42,768
- No, no, tom,
she needs one.
275
00:10:42,836 --> 00:10:44,437
She mentioned it to me
two months ago,
276
00:10:44,504 --> 00:10:45,871
And I wrote it down.
277
00:10:45,939 --> 00:10:48,207
That's what's called being
an amazing boyfriend.
278
00:10:48,275 --> 00:10:51,476
- Have you seen ann?
You know how hot she is?
279
00:10:51,544 --> 00:10:54,312
Men give women of that caliber
speed boats,
280
00:10:54,380 --> 00:10:57,580
Private jets...
Not computer bags.
281
00:10:57,648 --> 00:10:58,953
- Okay, what do you think
I should get her?
282
00:10:59,021 --> 00:11:00,555
- Diamonds.
Can't go wrong with diamonds.
283
00:11:01,023 --> 00:11:01,757
- Diamonds?
284
00:11:01,824 --> 00:11:03,525
- There isn't a woman alive
who doesn't love diamonds.
285
00:11:03,592 --> 00:11:04,954
Even the super-left-wing chicks
286
00:11:05,022 --> 00:11:06,188
That saw blood diamond
and cried...
287
00:11:06,656 --> 00:11:08,223
When they get a diamond,
they're, like,
288
00:11:08,291 --> 00:11:10,159
"yeah, bitch, gimme more
of them blood diamonds!
289
00:11:11,227 --> 00:11:12,028
Make 'em extra bloody."
290
00:11:12,895 --> 00:11:14,397
Trust me.
291
00:11:15,464 --> 00:11:17,532
- We are here looking
at a videotape.
292
00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:20,135
This is back in April, 2005.
293
00:11:20,203 --> 00:11:21,703
We see here we're looking
at councilman dexhart.
294
00:11:21,771 --> 00:11:22,904
- Leslie, you should see this.
295
00:11:22,972 --> 00:11:25,240
- And he's now
about to shake hands
296
00:11:25,308 --> 00:11:28,210
With leslie knope,
the alleged sex toy.
297
00:11:28,277 --> 00:11:30,812
- Oh, for cripes sake.
298
00:11:30,880 --> 00:11:33,315
- Look at the way
she's smiling at him.
299
00:11:33,382 --> 00:11:34,883
And then almost unconsciously
300
00:11:34,951 --> 00:11:36,484
Touching her hands
to her hips.
301
00:11:36,552 --> 00:11:38,854
See that? Right there.
302
00:11:38,921 --> 00:11:41,022
It's like she's
sending him a message
303
00:11:41,090 --> 00:11:42,090
That she's ready
for childbearing.
304
00:11:42,158 --> 00:11:44,130
- Wow.
- In a 24-hour news cycle,
305
00:11:44,198 --> 00:11:47,233
The tiniest story gets dissected
over and over again.
306
00:11:47,301 --> 00:11:51,037
In 2004, a kid from pawnee
went to the olympics,
307
00:11:51,104 --> 00:11:54,273
And it was reported on
for over a year.
308
00:11:54,341 --> 00:11:56,042
He wasn't even competing
or anything.
309
00:11:56,109 --> 00:11:59,312
He just was going, literally,
to watch the olympics.
310
00:12:06,353 --> 00:12:08,688
- It was way too easy
to get this guy here.
311
00:12:08,755 --> 00:12:11,624
- Councilman dexhart,
this has gone far enough.
312
00:12:11,692 --> 00:12:13,159
I want you to hold
a press conference
313
00:12:13,227 --> 00:12:14,160
And clear my name.
314
00:12:14,228 --> 00:12:16,696
- Mmm, no, thanks.
- Why not?
315
00:12:16,763 --> 00:12:17,897
What's in it for you?
316
00:12:17,965 --> 00:12:19,599
- Well, to be honest,
being linked to leslie
317
00:12:19,666 --> 00:12:21,267
Is a lot less damning
than the real story.
318
00:12:21,335 --> 00:12:24,370
You're like a glass
of whole milk.
319
00:12:24,438 --> 00:12:27,006
What are you, lutheran?
I love lutherans.
320
00:12:27,074 --> 00:12:29,475
- Councilman, with all due
respect, get a grip.
321
00:12:29,543 --> 00:12:30,843
If you don't hold
a press conference,
322
00:12:30,911 --> 00:12:32,912
I'm gonna come forward
and tell the whole story.
323
00:12:32,980 --> 00:12:34,280
- It won't do you any good.
324
00:12:34,348 --> 00:12:37,416
Take it from me, denying
only makes things worse.
325
00:12:37,484 --> 00:12:38,784
Listen, I gotta go.
326
00:12:38,852 --> 00:12:40,820
I'm expected at two different
maternity wards.
327
00:12:40,888 --> 00:12:44,690
But before I go,
I'd be remiss if I didn't ask--
328
00:12:44,758 --> 00:12:46,525
Should we?
329
00:12:46,593 --> 00:12:48,427
- Oh, my god!
330
00:12:48,495 --> 00:12:49,428
- People already think
we did it.
331
00:12:49,496 --> 00:12:50,496
You've got nothing to lose.
332
00:12:50,564 --> 00:12:52,331
I'm very good.
- Get outta here!
333
00:12:52,399 --> 00:12:53,332
- All right, fine.
334
00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:56,002
- Shoe shine.
Shoe shine.
335
00:12:56,069 --> 00:12:57,737
Oh, hey.
- Hey.
336
00:12:57,804 --> 00:12:59,505
- I've been thinking about
your gay boyfriend all day.
337
00:12:59,573 --> 00:13:01,240
I have got
some awesome ideas.
338
00:13:01,308 --> 00:13:01,994
- Okay.
339
00:13:01,432 --> 00:13:05,634
First idea:
Spray tan gift certificates.
340
00:13:06,202 --> 00:13:09,338
- Uh...No.
341
00:13:09,405 --> 00:13:12,007
- Trip to germany.
Germany is awesome.
342
00:13:12,075 --> 00:13:13,742
- And expensive.
343
00:13:13,810 --> 00:13:16,311
- Good call.
I didn't think of that.
344
00:13:16,379 --> 00:13:17,773
- Okay, you know how
people say
345
00:13:17,841 --> 00:13:20,009
That you should give gifts that
you would want to get yourself?
346
00:13:20,377 --> 00:13:21,777
What would you want?
347
00:13:21,845 --> 00:13:24,113
- Easy. Indianapolis colts
reggie wayne jersey--
348
00:13:24,180 --> 00:13:26,015
Number 87, double-xl,
home blue,
349
00:13:26,082 --> 00:13:28,017
Signed by reggie wayne right
after he catches a touchdown
350
00:13:28,084 --> 00:13:29,551
To win the super bowl.
351
00:13:29,619 --> 00:13:33,222
- Okay, never mind.
- No?
352
00:13:33,289 --> 00:13:35,991
Hip-hop abs dance
fitness dvd.
353
00:13:36,059 --> 00:13:39,628
- We just received
these exclusive photos.
354
00:13:39,696 --> 00:13:41,296
We have pictures
of city councilman dexhart...
355
00:13:41,364 --> 00:13:44,566
- Oh, my god!
I cannot believe it!
356
00:13:44,634 --> 00:13:48,003
- The big issue now is
who is this mystery woman?
357
00:13:48,071 --> 00:13:51,440
She and knope are standing
very close to each other.
358
00:13:51,508 --> 00:13:53,275
And anytime you see
two women
359
00:13:53,343 --> 00:13:55,277
Standing very close
to each other,
360
00:13:55,345 --> 00:13:56,545
You immediately assume...
- No, no, don't say it.
361
00:13:56,613 --> 00:13:58,313
Please don't say it.
- Lesbian.
362
00:13:58,381 --> 00:13:59,948
- Oh, of course.
- What?
363
00:14:00,016 --> 00:14:03,385
- It is a veritable storm
of information
364
00:14:03,453 --> 00:14:05,254
Coming in to the studios
here today.
365
00:14:05,321 --> 00:14:07,322
- Hi, this is leslie knope,
and I would like joan
366
00:14:07,390 --> 00:14:08,457
To clear all of her guests
tomorrow
367
00:14:08,525 --> 00:14:09,825
Because I'm coming on the show.
368
00:14:09,893 --> 00:14:11,793
If you think that you can drag
me and my friend
369
00:14:11,861 --> 00:14:13,495
Through the mud,
then you've got--
370
00:14:13,563 --> 00:14:14,663
Yes, I'll hold.
371
00:14:16,199 --> 00:14:17,199
- It's unbelievable.
- Hey.
372
00:14:17,267 --> 00:14:18,801
- What happened?
373
00:14:18,869 --> 00:14:20,603
- Got a call from some panicky
morning joggers.
374
00:14:21,070 --> 00:14:23,705
Apparently sanitation didn't
empty this dumpster,
375
00:14:23,773 --> 00:14:25,908
To the raccoons' delight.
376
00:14:25,975 --> 00:14:28,043
- I thought raccoons were
supposed to be nocturnal.
377
00:14:28,111 --> 00:14:29,344
- Not in this town,
sweetheart.
378
00:14:29,412 --> 00:14:31,413
In this town,
they're 24/7.
379
00:14:31,481 --> 00:14:34,049
We can't have raccoons
for the christmas thing.
380
00:14:34,117 --> 00:14:36,718
They'll hunt the kids
for sport.
381
00:14:36,786 --> 00:14:38,387
Fess up, guys.
Who dropped the ball?
382
00:14:38,454 --> 00:14:41,423
- Bring a case of beer
to sanitation.
383
00:14:41,491 --> 00:14:43,091
- Bring a case of--
384
00:14:43,159 --> 00:14:44,626
Yeah, this one's
our fault, ron.
385
00:14:44,694 --> 00:14:46,361
And we will take care
of this for you.
386
00:14:46,429 --> 00:14:49,398
- Okay good, because I
have to run a public forum,
387
00:14:49,465 --> 00:14:51,099
Supervise the maintenance crews,
388
00:14:51,167 --> 00:14:53,969
And teach crafts
at the senior center.
389
00:14:54,037 --> 00:14:55,537
Simuaneously.
390
00:14:55,605 --> 00:14:57,706
- Joan, I just wanted
to say thank you
391
00:14:57,774 --> 00:14:59,741
For letting me be
on your show.
392
00:14:59,809 --> 00:15:01,910
I'm really happy that I have
the chance to clear my name.
393
00:15:01,978 --> 00:15:04,146
- Sure. I see you brought
your girlfriend for support.
394
00:15:04,214 --> 00:15:06,915
That's nice.
- What?
395
00:15:06,983 --> 00:15:08,850
Oh, no, she's not--
- and in five, joan...
396
00:15:08,918 --> 00:15:09,985
- She's a--we're--
- four, three...
397
00:15:10,053 --> 00:15:11,420
- You've got it wrong.
398
00:15:11,487 --> 00:15:16,147
- Sex. Drugs, possibly.
Rock and roll?
399
00:15:16,215 --> 00:15:18,449
We'll find out
on pawnee today's
400
00:15:18,517 --> 00:15:20,752
Exclusive interview
with the woman
401
00:15:20,819 --> 00:15:24,355
At the center of the dexhart
sex scandal, leslie knope.
402
00:15:24,423 --> 00:15:28,159
Leslie, my first question
has to be
403
00:15:28,227 --> 00:15:30,161
When did the affair start?
404
00:15:30,229 --> 00:15:32,664
- Joan, I spoke with
councilman dexhart
405
00:15:32,731 --> 00:15:34,132
For the first time
that night.
406
00:15:34,199 --> 00:15:36,668
We met for about
15 minutes,
407
00:15:36,735 --> 00:15:39,671
And then I went home alone,
and that's the whole story.
408
00:15:39,738 --> 00:15:41,439
- Well, leslie,
we all saw the tape
409
00:15:41,507 --> 00:15:43,107
From four years ago,
410
00:15:43,175 --> 00:15:46,044
And you were flashing
some serious "do me" eyes.
411
00:15:46,111 --> 00:15:47,278
That's just my opinion.
412
00:15:47,346 --> 00:15:49,714
- I don't understand why
I'm on trial here.
413
00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:52,417
You should be grilling
councilman dexhart.
414
00:15:52,484 --> 00:15:55,086
- Oh, you know what,
that's a really good idea.
415
00:15:55,154 --> 00:15:57,789
Uh, let's bring him out.
Councilman, come on out.
416
00:15:57,856 --> 00:15:59,691
- Hi, sweetie.
417
00:15:59,758 --> 00:16:02,627
- Why didn't you tell me
he was gonna be here?
418
00:16:02,695 --> 00:16:04,462
- I thought it'd be
more exciting.
419
00:16:04,530 --> 00:16:06,230
- You look great.
420
00:16:06,298 --> 00:16:09,067
[joan laughs]
421
00:16:09,134 --> 00:16:10,935
- It's like I'm invisible.
422
00:16:11,003 --> 00:16:12,637
- Okay, my name is ron.
423
00:16:12,705 --> 00:16:15,073
You don't need to know
my last name.
424
00:16:15,140 --> 00:16:16,541
Whoever wants to talk,
go ahead,
425
00:16:16,609 --> 00:16:18,910
And we'll be out of here
in a tight 15.
426
00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:21,245
- I found a sandwich
in one of your parks,
427
00:16:21,313 --> 00:16:26,084
And I want to know why
it didn't have mayonnaise.
428
00:16:26,151 --> 00:16:27,752
What's so funny?
- Oh.
429
00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:28,987
- Yeah, I don't think kids
should be allowed
430
00:16:29,054 --> 00:16:30,321
On the playground equipment.
431
00:16:30,389 --> 00:16:31,812
- Okay, we've been over this.
432
00:16:32,580 --> 00:16:33,347
If you're worried about
swine flu,
433
00:16:34,215 --> 00:16:35,882
Use hand sanitizer--
434
00:16:35,950 --> 00:16:36,950
- I'm not worried about
swine flu.
435
00:16:37,017 --> 00:16:38,084
I already had the swine flu.
436
00:16:38,152 --> 00:16:39,152
I'm worried about
the turtle flu!
437
00:16:39,220 --> 00:16:41,487
- The turtle flu...
- Turtle flu.
438
00:16:41,555 --> 00:16:44,090
- Turtle flu.
439
00:16:44,158 --> 00:16:46,960
- Joan, this whole
pawnee sun story
440
00:16:47,027 --> 00:16:49,095
Is "gotcha journalism"
at its worst.
441
00:16:49,163 --> 00:16:51,164
Honey, let's just keep
our private life
442
00:16:51,232 --> 00:16:52,498
In the bedroom
where it belongs.
443
00:16:52,566 --> 00:16:54,534
- We do not have
a private life.
444
00:16:54,602 --> 00:16:56,436
Stop saying that we have
a private life.
445
00:16:56,503 --> 00:16:57,904
The fact is we never
slept together.
446
00:16:57,972 --> 00:17:00,373
And if we did,
you would have proof.
447
00:17:00,441 --> 00:17:02,141
And we would have seen it
by now.
448
00:17:02,209 --> 00:17:03,409
- Councilman?
449
00:17:03,477 --> 00:17:05,745
- I can prove it.
450
00:17:05,813 --> 00:17:08,982
She has a mole
on her right buttock.
451
00:17:09,049 --> 00:17:11,751
- What?
That is a total lie.
452
00:17:11,819 --> 00:17:14,254
You've never seen my butt.
What are you talking about?
453
00:17:14,321 --> 00:17:16,489
He has never seen my butt.
454
00:17:16,557 --> 00:17:17,991
- [chuckles]
455
00:17:18,058 --> 00:17:20,960
- Well, I guess it's your word
against his.
456
00:17:21,028 --> 00:17:22,428
I mean...
- That's right.
457
00:17:22,496 --> 00:17:23,429
[joan laughs]
458
00:17:23,497 --> 00:17:25,265
- Fine.
459
00:17:25,332 --> 00:17:28,134
Here, joan, why don't you look
for yourself?
460
00:17:28,202 --> 00:17:30,536
- Is this happening?
461
00:17:30,604 --> 00:17:32,939
Wait...There's no mole.
462
00:17:33,007 --> 00:17:34,774
There is no mole!
463
00:17:34,842 --> 00:17:36,843
This exclusive story--
464
00:17:36,911 --> 00:17:39,679
There is no mole
on miss knope!
465
00:17:39,747 --> 00:17:40,680
- I can't believe
it's come to this.
466
00:17:40,748 --> 00:17:41,981
This is utterly humiliating.
467
00:17:42,049 --> 00:17:43,449
- Well, councilman,
care to make a comment
468
00:17:43,517 --> 00:17:45,718
About no-mole-gate?
469
00:17:45,786 --> 00:17:47,253
- Yes.
470
00:17:47,321 --> 00:17:48,888
I really didn't think
that miss knope would
471
00:17:48,956 --> 00:17:50,379
Pull down her pants on tv.
472
00:17:51,047 --> 00:17:53,282
But since she did,
473
00:17:53,349 --> 00:17:56,785
I will admit that the rumors
of our affair
474
00:17:56,853 --> 00:17:58,921
Are indeed false.
475
00:17:58,988 --> 00:18:00,322
- Thank you.
- However...
476
00:18:00,390 --> 00:18:02,357
I have no plans to resign.
477
00:18:02,425 --> 00:18:04,259
- Oh, great.
Okay, councilman,
478
00:18:04,327 --> 00:18:05,427
You know what,
you're a class act.
479
00:18:05,495 --> 00:18:06,862
- Thank you.
480
00:18:06,930 --> 00:18:08,697
- I thought you did great.
481
00:18:08,765 --> 00:18:09,998
When you get all feisty
like that,
482
00:18:10,066 --> 00:18:12,301
It gets my heart racing.
483
00:18:12,368 --> 00:18:14,536
Like I'm on a stairmaster.
484
00:18:14,604 --> 00:18:20,876
Except more like
in a sexual...Context.
485
00:18:20,944 --> 00:18:24,746
- I can't go to san diego
with you.
486
00:18:28,051 --> 00:18:31,653
My life is here.
My friends, my career.
487
00:18:31,721 --> 00:18:33,589
- I guess I just thought,
with everything that happened,
488
00:18:33,656 --> 00:18:35,991
You'd want a fresh start.
489
00:18:36,059 --> 00:18:39,361
- I know, I--
I really care about you, dave.
490
00:18:39,429 --> 00:18:40,863
I just--
491
00:18:40,930 --> 00:18:43,732
I love this town.
492
00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:45,334
I'm sorry.
493
00:18:47,136 --> 00:18:48,570
You want your ticket back?
494
00:18:48,638 --> 00:18:51,240
- No. You know what,
keep it.
495
00:18:51,307 --> 00:18:54,943
You may want to
come visit me, right?
496
00:18:55,011 --> 00:18:57,112
There's a $75 change fee,
497
00:18:57,180 --> 00:18:59,615
But I could pay you that,
or I could reimburse you.
498
00:18:59,682 --> 00:19:01,316
There's a lot of ways
we could handle that.
499
00:19:11,983 --> 00:19:14,986
- Oh, ho, that's, uh...
[chuckles]
500
00:19:15,954 --> 00:19:18,722
- Hey. Sorry I'm late.
501
00:19:18,790 --> 00:19:19,823
- Hey!
502
00:19:19,891 --> 00:19:22,426
- Oh, honey,
I'm so proud of you.
503
00:19:22,493 --> 00:19:25,563
That took guts,
mooning joan callamezzo.
504
00:19:25,581 --> 00:19:27,548
Aww, honey...
- Thanks, mom.
505
00:19:27,616 --> 00:19:29,651
Oh, my god, is something wrong
with the tree?
506
00:19:29,718 --> 00:19:31,352
- No, nothing wrong.
507
00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:32,353
- But it's almost 9:00.
It should have been lighted up
508
00:19:32,421 --> 00:19:33,454
An hour ago.
509
00:19:33,522 --> 00:19:34,989
- We waited for you.
510
00:19:40,863 --> 00:19:43,131
Okay, everybody,
countin' down!
511
00:19:43,198 --> 00:19:47,468
- [all]
five, four, three, two,
512
00:19:47,536 --> 00:19:48,770
One.
513
00:19:48,837 --> 00:19:52,507
[cheers and applause]
514
00:19:52,574 --> 00:19:55,810
- ⪠joy to the world
the lord is come âª
515
00:19:55,878 --> 00:19:59,781
⪠let earth receive
her king âª
516
00:19:59,848 --> 00:20:02,617
⪠let every heart... âª
517
00:20:02,685 --> 00:20:05,153
- It's gotten a lot harder
to work in government.
518
00:20:05,220 --> 00:20:07,388
You think winston churchill
ever had to pull his pants down
519
00:20:07,456 --> 00:20:08,456
And show his butt?
520
00:20:08,524 --> 00:20:10,925
No.
But would he have?
521
00:20:10,993 --> 00:20:12,293
Yes.
522
00:20:12,361 --> 00:20:13,962
Now, could he have?
523
00:20:14,029 --> 00:20:15,363
Maybe not towards
the end of his life,
524
00:20:15,431 --> 00:20:18,533
But he would have.
525
00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:20,135
Because he loved his job.
526
00:20:30,979 --> 00:20:36,016
- Ho ho!
Reggie wayne!
527
00:20:36,084 --> 00:20:37,818
- Dude!
528
00:20:37,886 --> 00:20:40,954
You remembered me complaining
about my computer bag.
529
00:20:41,022 --> 00:20:43,657
- Do you like it?
- Yeah, it's perfect.
530
00:20:43,725 --> 00:20:45,826
It's way better than the gift
that I got you.
531
00:20:45,894 --> 00:19:47,917
It's pacers tickets.
532
00:20:48,085 --> 00:20:49,853
- Oh...
- They're not even good seats.
533
00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:51,387
Achh!
- This is awesome.
534
00:20:51,455 --> 00:20:52,455
- It's not awesome.
535
00:20:52,523 --> 00:20:56,593
- I actually got you
a second gift.
536
00:20:56,660 --> 00:20:58,762
You don't have to come
to this game with me.
537
00:21:00,264 --> 00:21:02,766
You don't have to.
538
00:21:02,833 --> 00:21:03,933
- That's the nicest gift...
- Is that good? Is that good?
539
00:21:04,001 --> 00:21:05,835
- Anybody's ever gotten me
in my life.
540
00:21:07,705 --> 00:21:09,272
- Oh, thank god.
541
00:21:09,340 --> 00:21:11,207
There's a bunch of messages
waiting for you
542
00:21:11,275 --> 00:21:14,644
About a bunch of things
I don't understand.
543
00:21:15,048 --> 00:21:21,050
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
544
00:21:21,118 --> 00:21:23,920
- [sighs]
545
00:21:30,394 --> 00:21:33,783
- Hi, this is leslie knope
in the parks department.
546
00:21:33,833 --> 00:21:38,383
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
40267
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
