All language subtitles for Parks and Recreation s02e08 Ron and Tammy.eng

Thank you old Gus,

for brightening our lives,
our hearts

and most importantly, our shoes.

This truly is a day

of mixed emotions for me.

I'm sad that old Gus is leaving.

But it allows me
to help Andy restart his life

as pioneer hall's new shoeshine guy.

I've been listening
to your boring speeches

for the last 50 years.

And now it's time for you
to listen to one of mine.

You know, a day like this
makes a man reflect upon his life.

And I've come to the conclusion
that I've completely wasted mine.

And just for the record,

I never ever liked
being called old Gus.

I didn't understand it

when I was in my 20's
and I sure hate it now.

So go to hell,
every single one of you.

Screw Pawnee
and screw your damn shoes.

Old Gus is classic.

- Feygnasse Team -

.:: La Fabrique ::.

Episode 208
Ron and Tammy

mpm

lestat78

So, I propose that we change

our name, from the Subcommittee
for Pit Beautification,

to the Subcommittee
for Lot Beautification.

April, stop that.
Who are you texting?

You.

She's texting me.

Sorry you're bored.

Hey, everyone.
Hey, Ann.

Can I talk to you?

Fine. Tom, you're in charge.
Keep the momentum going.

- Keep these minds working.
- Absolutely.

Would you rather be able to fly
or speak fluent French?

- Donna, go.
- French.

I don't wanna freak you out,

but another department
filed a planning claim for lot 48.

Who?

Damn it!

The library?

Pawnee's Library Department
is the most diabolical,

ruthless bunch of bureaucrats
I've ever seen.

They're like a biker gang.

But instead of shotguns
and crystal meth,

they use

political savvy.

And shushing.

It's gonna be okay.
It's not a done deal.

You're right.

Thanks for pulling me out.

I need a good plan.

I don't want to cause a panic.

News flash, we're screwed.
We got a big problem with the library.

Punk ass book jockeys.

Why do we hate the library?

It's the worst group of people
ever assembled.

They're mean, conniving, rude,

and well read,
which makes them very dangerous.

And they're trying to steal lot 48
for a new branch.

What?

- On 48?
- Yeah!

I actually think a library
would be nice that close to my house.

But I'm not about
to say that in there.

A new branch?

I hate them.

We need to make contact
with someone there.

Does anybody know anybody
that works at the library?

Well, we actually kind of do.

The new deputy director
of the department is Tammy Swanson.

Ron's ex-wife?

That's terrific.
Or is that awful?

He hates her, but he knows her.

Everything's okay.
Or is it just the same?

You're thinking out loud again.

Am I? I am.

Of course,

that bitch of an ex-wife
is working for the library now.

That is perfect.

The worst person in the world
working at the worst place in the world.

I have to go talk to her.
Give me something I can use.

Does she have any weaknesses?

What do you mean no?
Everybody has one.

Not machines.

I honestly believe
that she was programmed

by someone from the future
to come back and destroy all happiness.

I see.

Just, I knew that you had
two ex-wives named Tammy.

So, I was hoping that there was one
that you got along with.

I hate 'em both.

On my death bed,

my final wish is to have
my ex-wives rushed to my side,

so I can use my dying breath

to tell them both to go to hell,
one last time.

Would I get married again?

Absolutely.

If you don't believe in love,
what's the point of living?

I'm just looking forward
to a thoughtful debate with Tammy,

about the relative merits
of Parks versus Libraries.

And in case something bad goes down,
I wore my sharpest rings.

This one will tear you up.

I'm Leslie Knope.
I called a little while ago.

You have a lot of nerve
showing your face here.

Excuse me?

You have overdue book fees

totaling 3 dollars, Missy.

That is so typical.

I should've known you'd use a low blow,
dirty pool, B.S. move like that.

That's why everybody hates the library.
Here's your 3 dollars.

See you in hell.

I was just kidding, dear God.

You did have 3 dollars worth of fines,
but I cleared them.

We government gals have to watch
each other's backs, right?

I know this is a trap
but I don't know how.

Did you talk to Ron?

Ron tends to exaggerate

when it comes to me.

I swear, I don't have cloven feet.

Sit down.

Shine, shine, shine your shoes?

What do you say, sir?
Ma'am, shoeshine?

I won't look up your skirt.

My gosh...

Crazy! What are you doing?
It's me.

So, Ann, how you been?

Good. Leslie told me
you were working here now.

Just trying the rat race.
Chasing the cheese. Racing the rats.

To get the cheese.

Enough business talk.
You look ravishing.

- Not a lot of customers.
- Business is a little slow.

It is definitely due to...

the economy.

I've been hearing a lot of people
say that a lot, about a lot of stuff.

You want those shoes shined?

I'll give you a discount
because you're a friend of Ann's.

- I'm more than a friend of Ann's.
- Not for long.

- I'm sorry?
- I don't know.

At least, he finally has a real job.

When we were dating,
the only job he had

was sending audition tapes
to Survivor and Deal or no deal.

Hi, my name is Andy Dwyer,

and I would be a perfect contestant
for deal or no deal.

I want it to be a perfect park,

with a state of the art,

swing set and basketball courts.

And off to the side,
a lovely sitting area

for kids with asthma
to watch other kids play.

If I'd had a park like that
when I was growing up,

I probably wouldn't have gone through
such a prolonged mall slut phase.

That's the goal.

Listen,

you got there first.

I'm gonna withdraw my request,
as a professional courtesy to you.

Government gals, right?

Government gals.

So, you talked to Tammy.

What's it like to stare
into the eye of Satan's butt hole?

She's changed.
She's a different person.

It would be healthy

for you to get a sense of closure.
Look at Mark and me.

We slept together, talked about it.
We're friends.

You slept with Brendanawicz?

Tammy and I don't work.

We are oil and water.

Or oil and TNT and C-4

and a detonator and a butane torch.

Nothing good will come.

Wait...

She's here, isn't she?

Good.
Good start.

Sorry about this,
but I really want to talk to you.

Couldn't we go have a cup of coffee?

Let's get this over with.

It means a lot.

You're a miracle worker.

- Do you know what you just did?
- Yes, Donna.

I got two people to put aside
years of hostility

and open a door
to the possibility of friendship.

You were not here
when they got divorced. I was.

Those two are crazy.

And you opened the gates.

To crazy town.

Frankly,
I think Ron was acting like a baby.

A little bit.

What is he afraid of?

Tammy's just a woman.

A nice woman.

You know, she's not a murderer.

She's not a dragon.

It's really good to see you, Ron.

You've aged horribly.

You...

son of a bitch.

- That didn't take long.
- My God! What's your problem?

Nothing's changed.

Who set the bed on fire?

We're fine.

Take it easy.

When you meddle
in someone's personal life,

it's just so...

rewarding.

Gun it!

Usual place?

Good morning, Jerry.
That is a beautiful sweater vest.

You look like you could use $20.

- Am I right?
- Why?

'Cause you're a kid
and kids always need money.

I need money.

That's why you're my favorite.

When Tiger Woods feels invincible,
he wears a red shirt and black pants.

Good morning, deputy.

Ron wears the same thing
after he had sex.

I'm a simple man.

I like pretty dark-haired women
and breakfast food.

But this stock photo,
I bought at a framing store, isn't real.

Today I got the real thing.

A naked Tammy
made me breakfast this morning.

I should've taken a picture of it.

What's up?

My girlfriend's ex is working
100 feet away from my desk.

And he's been pretty clear
out wanting her back.

What do I do with that?

That's a tough one. Break up with her
and tell her to go out with me.

Good. Can I ask you another question?
Why did I come to you for advice?

You should play this one cool, man.
Be the grown-up.

Take the high road.

Ann's a classy chick.

If you get down in the mud,
you're just gonna lose her respect.

You've just made a surprising
amount of sense.

I've never taken the high road.

But I tell other people to.

'Cause then there's more room for me
on the low road.

So how did your coffee
with Tammy go?

Leslie, I can't thank you enough

for sticking your nose
where it didn't belong.

I knew it.

So what did you guys talk about?
Old times?

I love talking about old times.

New times too.
But there's something about old times.

- You know what I mean?
- We didn't talk.

We made love.

Good.
Well, spare me the details.

- I'm just happy...
- It was so intense.

I didn't know where my flesh stopped
and hers began.

You know what I mean?

Our marriage was always
a complete disaster,

but we did have that,

the two of us.

It's like doing peyote
and sneezing slowly

for six hours.

- This seems like a private matter.
- She knows her way around a penis.

Well, I'm happy that it went well
and that you enjoyed your coffee.

I truly believe that everyone
should be friends with their exes.

I can't even tell you how many
of my exes' weddings I've been to.

They're reading
their old divorce papers.

Three fistfuls of hair?

That's not even possible.

Well, I'm too classy
to say I told you so, donna.

So I wrote it on a post it.

Why don't you take
the rest of the day off.

I mean you spend so much time
worrying about this park.

But really, who cares?

I care.

I care a lot.

It's kinda my thing.

But at the end of the day
what does it matter

if the lot becomes a park
or a museum

or a mega church?

Or a library.

Nobody said library.

You've been talking to Tammy
about the lot?

I swear on...

a grave.

Oh, my god!

Tell me the truth.

Are you giving her the lot?

Not giving.

We have discussed a trade.

For what?

Excuse me.

More sex.

Tammy, can I speak with you
for a second?

I know what you're doing.
You don't care about ron.

You're using him to get lot 48
for your library.

Leslie, that's crazy.

And correct.

Why are you doing this?

Les, there are two kinds
of women in this world.

There are women who work hard

and stress out about doing
the right thing

and then there are women
who are cool.

You could either be a Cleopatra

or you could be an
Eleanor Roosevelt.

I'd rather be Cleopatra.

What kind of lunatic would
wanna be Cleopatra

over Eleanor Roosevelt?

Haven't you ever messed
with a man's head

just to see what you could
get him to do for you?

We do it all the time
in the library department.

You should come join us sometime.

I would never work
at the library department.

I'm gonna tell Ron.

And this little game
is gonna be over.

Yeah, you better run.

We're no longer government gals.

Look, we need to talk.

The planning department
reprioritization document?

- Calm down. I haven't signed it yet.
- You're gonna.

Because Tammy wants you to
and you do everything that she wants.

She made some really good points
about libraries.

Are you even listening to yourself?
You're defending the library now?

The library.

Of all the horrifying,
miserable things in the world.

Some people like libraries.

I can't even believe it.
Some people like libraries.

Ron, she's in your head.

You said she was a manipulative monster
and you were right.

Tammy's changed.

Look me in the eye
and tell me that she's changed.

Look me in the eye.

I'm so screwed now.

- Her hooks are in my brain.
- Yep.

She has all the power
and I have nothing.

I'm so little.

Why don't you just break up
with her?

I don't think I can.

We would just end up naked.

And I'd give her your lot
and my house

and God knows what else.

I have no control over my actions.

- Like she's crawled up inside me...
- God, ron.

I don't want to hear about
your disgusting sex anymore.

Okay, now sack up.

You are Ron freakin' Swanson!

Not around her I'm not.

It took years of intense,
focused hatred

to get over her.

And now I've undone
all that great work.

You've gotta help me to break up.

I shouldn't get involved in this.

Now you don't want to get involved?

"It's just coffee, Ron. "
"She's changed, Ron. "

"I let Mark nail me
and we're still friends. "

I never... I would never
use those words.

I never said... Point taken.

Let's go dump your ex.

Thank you.

Would you like to be in the room
when I tell her

- or would you rather wait outside?
- In the room.

I don't want her to think
I'm a wimp.

Here are the ground rules.
Don't talk to her.

Do not make eye contact with her.
Don't believe anything she says.

Just sit there like a potted plant.

Can you do that?

Come on.

So how's the shoeshine game?

I'm on a break.

One of the many advantages
of owning your own business.

You know that's not
your situation, right?

Listen, Donna.

Quick question.

Ann is trying to decide
between Mark and myself.

.- }If you had to choose,

who would you choose?
Right now, on the spot.

I'm not sure.
Why don't you spin around for me.

Can we talk privately?

- Sure.
- Just out here.

So, Tammy, for that
and many other reasons

Ron has decided to end
this relationship.

Wait a minute.

Ron brought you here
to break up with me for him?

She volunteered.

Ron doesn't want to break up
with me.

What Ron wants to do

is leave here right now.

Go to the sleaziest motel in town

and wrap himself around me
like a coiled snake.

- No, he doesn't.
- I'm pretty sure he does.

See? He's completely over you.

Look, I understand

that this Ann situation is awkward.

But I like you a lot as a dude.

And I hope that there is some way

that we can both be mature
and maybe be friends.

Yeah, I doubt it.

I mean, I think
you're a cool dude too.

I like you as well.

But I'm still in love with Ann.

I couldn't have been more upfront
about that.

Is punching allowed
on the high road?

I'm sorry, Leslie.

She wins.

I can't resist her.

But, you have to.

Stay out of this.
This is our relationship.

He's my man and we have
something twisted and beautiful.

You want Ron.
That's what this is all about.

No, that's insane.

Fine, I had one dream, but no, no.

Baby, don't you see
what's happening here?

She's manipulating you
because she's jealous of me

and the things I get to do
to your body and face.

I'm here because Ron is my friend.

And I don't like seeing my friends
miserable. And you make him miserable.

So, Ron, you can give her
the lot or don't. Whatever.

Just please...

find a way to be happy.

No, wait.

Ron, it's okay.
Just sign the thing.

It's not okay. You just put my needs
in front of your own.

No woman has ever done that
for me before.

I'm sure that's not true.

You see the kind of women
that I choose.

Look, just wait for me downstairs.

If I'm not down in 5 min,

it's only because I'm receiving
a pleasure so intense...

What the hell are you doing?

Andy and Ann's family shoeshine?

I thought it had a nice ring to it.

Mark has been really cool about this.
And you're throwing it in his face.

But I still have feelings for you.

I said it.
What do you want me to do?

Not mention those feelings
to your boyfriend?

And you might wanna take
these pictures down.

Oh, my God.

- Take those pictures down.
- What? It's fine. What did I...

- All of it!
- I'm gonna.

Now!

- Give me the bikini one.
- The teeny one?

Bikini one.

- You didn't give her.
- Let's get out of here.

- Is part of your moustache missing?
- Yes.

- Walk.
- There's a push pin in your face.

Leave it in.
Can't you walk faster?

My legs are shorter than yours.

We had a good run.

Thank you for saving my future park.

It must have been hard for you.

You didn't kill Tammy, did you?

I'm afraid she can't be killed.

To exes...

may they always stay that way.

Tammy is...

a mean person.

Come on,
you can do better than that.

- She's a great A bitch.
- There we go.

Every time she laughs,
an angel dies.

Even telemarketers avoid her.

Her birth was payback
for the sins of men.

But, you know,
the worst thing about her,

She works for the library.

She works for the library.

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