All language subtitles for Malcolm s06e07 Hal Sleepwalks.eng

I think I'll get
another cup of tea.

V-K-U-J-I-R.

Jivku..

A small, featherless bird
from Southern Africa.

Love you, son.

Go ahead and blow off curfew
this weekend.

Well, well, well, look
what we have here.

I was just reading
about one of these.

Jivku isn't a real word

but "Nazqweb" isn't
Viking toothpaste

and Mom got 162 points for it.

I got to get to work.

You make sure
your father gets out of bed.

I don't why but he hasn't slept
for the last four nights.

So if you have to, yell "fire."
If that doesn't work, set one.

Why would your mother buy me
pants without a zipper?

Dad, you have
them on backwards.

Oh.

Malcolm, I need your help.

Our 20th anniversary
is coming up

and I've been going crazy
trying to think

of the perfect gift
for your mother.

It has gotta be something
really fantastic.

And I've got nothing.

Maybe you're trying too hard.

Why don't you just
do something simple?

You know, get a bottle
of champagne, watch a sunset

recite a poem to her.

So you just use
the genius thing on yourself

is that it, son? Come on!

This anniversary has got
to make up

for 19 crappy celebrations.

You have no idea the hell
I've put that woman through.

I wish I could say that was
the low point of the day.

Chad?

Are you trying to make
Coach Cleary

burst into flames again?

Dewey, Dewey, you
won't believe it!

It's the most
amazing thing ever!

We made friends
with a normal kid!

He spoke to us
and everything!

It was he-heep! Hee-ca-ca..

Calm down.

Just breathe, okay?

All this time
we thought he hated us.

Who is it?
- Kyle Rogers!

He likes us so much
that he put both our names in

to run for Student
Body President!

He said he can't wait
to hear our campaign speeches.

Really?
- Yes!

I feel like I'm in a dream

except there isn't
an armless scarecrow

who can't stop crying,
this is so great!

But we'll have to promise

that we'll both stay friends
no matter what happens.

Don't worry, Zoe.

We won't let anything
come between us

even though we're both
competing for this great honor.

Congratulations!

Hey, Dewey, what'd you do,
rat me out to Mr. Myers?

Of course not, I just figured
since you're so interested

in the democratic process

I'd nominate you to run
for School President, too.

What?

I gotta admit, it's clever

making Hanson and Zoe run
for office.

They're gonna be humiliated.

The only thing more humiliating
would be losing to 'em.

Ow! Leave it alone!

Nobody can even see
a zit back there.

Stop squirming
so I can clean it.

You know, a little more effort
on your personal grooming

wouldn't kill you.

Sunday nights before bed
your father goes over

every square inch of his body
with a hand mirror.

Oh, my God.

Do you remember
that summer seminar

in Arizona I applied
to last year?

Yeah, you didn't get it.
- I know.

But somehow my name was entered
as an alternate

for a study-in-Europe program.

The guy who was supposed to go
was bitten by a tick

and now basically lives
in a hyperbaric chamber.

So I get to go in his place!
- Slow down, Malcolm.

We can't afford
to help you with that.

That's just it.
It's all paid for!

I'm going to Paris,
Prague, Munich, Vienna.

I'm gonna be staying
in castles!

This is an incredible
opportunity.

This is the luckiest thing
that's ever happened to me.

I have to do something
to protect it. - What?

It's like I feel
I should balance it out somehow.

You know, give something back
so I don't lose it.

Listen to you.

Something wonderful happens and
all you can think about

is how the world's
gonna take it away.

You're growing up.

You, come with me.

What are you doing?

Dad, you have to understand.

The reason I missed
so many days of school

is that the calendar
on my watch stopped.

I thought it was Saturday
all week!

Put it on the shelf.

The watch? You want me..

What am I gonna do?
Your mother, it's horrible.

Well, I don't know.
You married her.

What about our anniversary?

It won't fit!

What about the anniversary?
What are you talking about?

It's got to be the best!

Where is it?

Are you still asleep?
- The dogs are right.

I got to get her
a great present.

Dad, your shoe's untied.

Of course!

Thank you.

Yeah, you are going to have
to get her a good present.

She's a great lady.

In fact, I don't know why

but she wants you
to give me $20.

That's good.

That's good. That's good.
She'll know what to do.

Thanks.
- I don't know the answer.

Tell me. Tell me now!
- Okay, calm down.

I think you're gonna have
more success if you can relax

make me a BLT with avocado
and open up a bag of chips.

Then you can sit at my feet
and purr while I eat.

That's it!

What are you talking about?
You've gotta vote for me!

All those rumors you've heard
are lies!

I don't want to have school
on Saturdays.

And I don't wear pull-ups!

I'm glad to see you're so pumped
about the election, Kyle.

A lot of kids think
they're too hip

for student government

but I think you'll find out
how exciting it can be

once you organize
your first recycling drive.

You know what, Zoe?
I actually hope you win.

Thanks, Hanson.
And I hope you win.

Of course, I can't speak
for bad Zoe.

Okay, Chad, see those
kids over there?

They're friends of Kyle's.

On election day, it'd probably
be better if they didn't vote.

Okay.

Why don't you go back inside?
You don't want to see this.

Hey, Mom, you know when I said
I was gonna give something back?

Well, I was thinking.

Maybe I could work
at a homeless shelter

or teach some kids how to read,
but then it came to me.

I bought a guitar.

What?
- It's perfect.

I mean, Dewey has this
incredible musical talent.

I must have it, too.
I just haven't tried it yet.

How long do you have
to return it?

15 days.
But I'm not gonna return it.

Well, that'll be long enough

for you to figure out
you can't do this.

What are you talking about?

I can play music if I want to.
- I'm sorry, honey. You can't.

Your brain doesn't work
that way.

You don't have
that kind of creative spark.

What?
- See, Dewey is a flier.

He'll just drift and float
through life

and things will turn out
for him.

Now, you and I, we're burrowers.

We're at our best
when our heads are down

and we're grinding through
a mountain of drudgery.

You don't know that.
- Yes, I do.

You actually think you know
what I'd be good at

before I even try it?

That's right.
- Oh, really?

Then tell me, how would
I be at scuba diving?

Or mountain climbing?
Or flamenco dancing?

Bad at scuba diving,
good at mountain climbing.

Flamenco dancing? A disaster.

I'm not trying
to hurt your feelings.

I'm just telling you
what I know.

It's a good thing you weren't
John Lennon's mother.

If I were John Lennon's mother,
he'd still be alive.

Hey, Reese.
- Hey, Dad.

Oh, here.
I got you a new watch.

Thanks. What'd you do that for?
- I don't know.

A thought just popped into my
head that you needed one.

And you have no idea why?
- Uh-uh.

Wow.
- You gotta see this!

I finally found the perfect

anniversary present
for your mom.

She had this exact music box
when we were first married

until your brother Francis
got a hold of it

and smashed it
into a million pieces.

Anyway, I'm walking through
this antique store

in complete desperation,
and there it is

the same music box.

Oh, what a relief.

I am gonna sleep
like a baby tonight.

I have 15 days to learn how
to play this thing well enough

to totally humiliate my mom.

Seems doable.

Doodly-doodly-doodly-doodly,
doo-doo-wah!

Bo, bo-bo, bo-bo-bo-bo-bo

Bo! Bo-bo-bo-bo, bo-bo-bo

Doodly-doodly-doodly

I'm willing to forget
I ever saw this

if you tell me everything
you know about sleepwalking.

Sleepwalking?

Well, all I know is that

it's a dissociative state
which basically..

Just tell me what causes it.
- Well, there's a few things.

It usually happens
when a person is under

intense emotional
or psychological stress.

So if a sleepwalker stays
stressed out

he'll continue sleepwalking?

I don't know, probably.
- Beautiful.

Who's a little carpenter?

Jamie's a little carpenter.

You come with me.

I had it. The gift. Perfect.

Destroyed.

That little one. Bad diapers!

Come on, now.
What happened happened.

The main thing is
I'm here to help.

Need help. Can't do it alone.

Now, tomorrow you'll be
on your way to work

when you'll realize that your
favorite son, Reese

is completely out
of hair-care products.

So you'll put together
a charming gift basket

full of shampoos
and styling gels.

Has to be done.
No question. Get to work.

It's interesting you'd
say that, because, actually

there are quite a few projects
I have lined up for you.

Oh, but first.

I'd like you to do something
very important for me.

Important. Of course.
It's important.

Yes, it is.

I want you to kiss this.

You know, like you
really mean it.

Let's be friends!

Yes, yes, I'll hold. Thank you.

I hate politics.
The voters don't read.

They don't think for themselves.

They're completely swayed
by the last thing they heard

whether it's true or not.

Democracy's a failure

because, let's face it,
people are idiots.

I think you'd feel better
about the world, Dewey

if you had
a programmable zombie robot.

That's right,
I'm looking to replace

the music box
with the ballerina on top.

I wouldn't say broken
so much as vaporized.

My toddler got a hold of it.

Oh, oh. Give me that.

So, anyway, I would really
appreciate if you could help me.

A list of local distributors
who might have one.

What are you talking about?

Why on Earth would I do that?

Listen, the truth is,
I'm pretty desperate here

so if you can just give me
some information

that can help me track down

another ballerina music box

you can actually turn this

into a very special
anniversary celebration.

Sorry I'm late!

Oh, oh, please, like the orphans

would really see any
of the money I would give you.

Do you have an orphan
there with you?

Could I speak to one, please?
I didn't think so.

You know what?
You people make me sick.

Damn telemarketers.

Hal, you know what I realized
on the way home?

Our 20th anniversary is
in three days.

Huh. Just three days, huh?

Boy, talk about time flying.

It'll be here
before you know it.

20 years.

We're really gonna have
to do something special.

She totally did.
I saw her, I swear!

He's a liar! Vote for me!

Stop screaming at me.

You're not
my guidance counselor!

Guys, guys, calm down.
What's going on?

Zoe thinks she'd make
a better President than me

even though that
it's a known fact

that she eats her own hair lice.

Oh, yeah? Well, I wonder how
the voters would feel

if they knew that Hanson likes

to French kiss his poodle

and I know
'cause dogs don't lie to me.

What are you doing?

I thought you two were gonna
stay friends, no matter what.

Oh, wake up, Dewey,
there's a little too much

at stake here
to play that game.

Stop it!

The truth is you two
were nominated as a joke

but you had a chance
to show the rest of the school

that you were better
than Kyle and his friends.

Now you're no different
than they are.

We used to be a team.

You two and the four of me.

We have no idea
who you are anymore.

You guys do what you want.
I'm sick of this.

Hal, you didn't even
touch your pie.

Oh, yeah, I'm saving
that for Reese.

I have something I want
you guys to hear.

I've been practicing,
really practicing, a lot.

And I had an idea for a song.

I don't know
if it's any good or not

but it really means something
to me.

Do you mind
if I play it for you?

Of course not, Malcolm.
We'd love to hear it.

No one knows just what

I've been through

I can't stop

The pain inside me

Now I'm staring out my window

Children play
they seem so happy

Why are we here

Going nowhere

Why does my life

Feel so empty?

Meow, meow, meow, meow,
meow, meow, meow, meow

Meow, meow, meow, meow
meow, meow, meow, meow.

What are you doing?
- That's the Meow Mix song.

No one knows just
what I've been through

Meow, meow, meow, meow,
meow, meow, meow, meow.

Now I'm staring
out the window

Meow, meow, meow, meow,
meow, meow, meow, meow.

I want chicken,
I want liver

Meow Mix, Meow Mix,
please deliver

Now you know the cat's meow

Is Meow Mix,
Meow Mix, Meow Mix

And then the cat kind of walk..
- Okay, okay, stop it!

God! I just spent two days
of my life

rewriting the Meow Mix song.

I poured my heart into this.

I actually got tears
in my eyes writing it.

How pathetic is that?

I clearly have even less talent
than you gave me credit for.

Should we tell him
the kid recovered

from the tick bite,
and the trip to Europe's off?

No.

Let him return
the guitar first.

Got to get this. It has to.

Okay, let's see
what you've got here.

These aren't even letters.

Why did I think
a zombie could write

an essay on Johnny Tremain?

Come on. We might
as well go to bed.

No, don't. Wait.
Have to get the answer.

Dad, I'm not gonna
be able to help you

with an idea for Mom.

And the other ideas
I have for you

are just gonna land us in jail.

You can help.

You're the one I can talk to.

You're my guy.

Really?

I thought
Malcolm was your favorite.

No. The smart one scares me.
You're normal.

Like me.

Is that why you grabbed me?

You're my guy.

I don't care if everyone thinks
this election is a joke.

I'm not screwing around anymore.
You got to vote for me, please.

Whatever you heard
about me is all..

Hey, Dewey.
- Hi.

I've been thinking
about what you said.

You're right, we are better
than these jerks.

I'm gonna throw the election
so Zoe will win.

She'll become popular.

Than she can tell us
what we're missing

instead of us having
to imagine it.

How are you gonna do that?

I haven't slept in two days

and I've been staring
into a strobe light

for the last 20 minutes.

It's time for everyone else
to meet the Hanson

that until now,
only paramedics have seen.

What are you smiling at,
Hooper?

I'm not kidding. Vote for me.
Damn it. Just do it!

Th-Thank you, Kyle.

And now for our next candidate,
David Hanson.

Good afternoon, f..

f..

teachers and stu.. Stu..

Stu..

I'm..

And I say to you..

Son of a [bleep].

If I'm elected [bleep]

the cafeteria's [bleep].

And I promise to [bleep]

And erase this food [bleep].

Charge a man with a [bleep].

And a victory for [bleep].

I promise to [bleep] my

[bleep], and I will work
hard to [bleep]

And [bleep]
And we will [bleep].

And then, we, we will join in
any, and [bleep].

Hanson! Hanson! Hanson!

Hanson! Hanson! Hanson!

Hanson! Hanson! Hanson!

Hanson! Hanson! Hanson!

Reese, what do you think
you're doing?

Look, there's something
you should know.

Dad's been sleepwalking
every night

for the past week.

He's in the kitchen
right now making me Paella.

What are you talking about?

It's because he's stressed out

about picking a present
for your anniversary.

Oh! You're kidding.
- Don't worry.

Right now he'll do
anything you say

and he won't even remember
the conversation the next day.

So, you can go out there
and end his suffering.

He's a good man.

Treat him right.

Oh, and don't make him
drink out of the toilet.

It's not as satisfying
as you'd think.

Hal?
- No. Not now.

Have to think.

Nothing! I've got nothing!

I know you've been very worried
about our anniversary.

Shh! You can't find out
about this.

Don't worry. I won't.

Of course this is the 20th,
and that's very special.

It has to be. The best!

So listen very carefully.

Here are the gifts
that Lois has been dreaming of.

A three-pack
of vacuum cleaner bags

a new heating pad, oh,
and some of those gel inserts

for her work shoes, size nine.

That's it! Yes! Oh!

Finally. The relief.

And one more thing.

There's nothing you love more
than changing

Jamie's poopie diapers.

You got that right.

I returned the guitar.

Mom was right. I don't have
any of Dewey's talent.

But it's okay. I'm good
at a lot of other things.

I've learned a little something
about myself, and I feel good.

Ow!

Vacuum cleaner bags?
Hal, this is uncanny.

This is exactly
what I was hoping for.

How on Earth did you know?
- Come on, honey.

When you've been married
as long we have

it's like being psychic,
I just know.

Oh, man.

I think Jamie has a present
for someone.

I got it!

Oh, I've been waiting
for this all day.

Come on, buddy.

Oh, yeah.

Yahoo!

Happy anniversary, Mom.

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