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Britain and America.
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We have given each other so muchover the years.
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00:00:07,772 --> 00:00:10,411
We gave you Sir William Shakespeare.
4
00:00:10,566 --> 00:00:13,000
You gave us the American Pie trilogy.
5
00:00:13,151 --> 00:00:15,028
We gave you the Royal Family.
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You gave us the Olsen twins.
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We gave you Noel Coward.
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You gave us M�tley Cr�e.
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But what about the peopleof our two great nations?
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Who are? What do?
11
00:00:27,664 --> 00:00:29,177
And why?
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00:00:29,290 --> 00:00:35,399
Let us find out now in this,the final episode of Little Britain USA.
13
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Children were, of course, abolishedin Britain during the 1950s,
14
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but remain very popular in America.
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Are you excited about
your first sleepover, Ellie Grace?
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Oh, yes, Mommy, but in a way I'll be sad,
too, because I'm gonna miss ya heaps.
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00:00:53,728 --> 00:00:55,684
I do love you, Ellie Grace.
18
00:00:55,814 --> 00:00:57,532
I love you too, Mom.
19
00:00:57,649 --> 00:01:00,004
I love you more than teddy bears.
20
00:01:00,151 --> 00:01:01,903
I love you more than Sesame Street.
21
00:01:02,027 --> 00:01:03,858
I love you more than sugar kisses.
22
00:01:03,987 --> 00:01:06,057
I love you more than Thanksgiving.
23
00:01:06,198 --> 00:01:07,995
I love you more than baby deers.
24
00:01:08,116 --> 00:01:09,754
I love you more than Dumbo.
25
00:01:09,868 --> 00:01:13,338
- I love you more than pink blossom.
- I love you more than...
26
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I love you more than...
27
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Have I got you beat, Ellie Grace?
28
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No, no!
29
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Oh! I love you more
than double-headed dildos.
30
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Ellie Grace! How many times
must I tell you
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you are not to mention such rude things?
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Sorry, Mommy.
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Especially not to the twins or their mom,
or they'll never have you over again!
34
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Yes, Mommy.
35
00:01:36,558 --> 00:01:38,674
It's OK.
36
00:01:44,148 --> 00:01:47,777
Hey, guys, welcome! The girls
are just out playing in the yard.
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Jenny!
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- Jessie!
- Thank you so much for having her.
39
00:01:51,446 --> 00:01:53,880
I'll pick her up tomorrow at 9.00
for her ballet class.
40
00:01:54,031 --> 00:01:57,626
- Great. We'll see you then.
- Hello, Mrs Day. Hello, Ellie Grace.
41
00:01:57,826 --> 00:02:00,659
- Hello, twins.
- Hey, girls. Don't you look pretty?
42
00:02:00,829 --> 00:02:05,584
Now, be good, Ellie Grace,
and remember what I told you.
43
00:02:05,833 --> 00:02:09,348
OK. Bye, Mom.
I love you more than bunny rabbits!
44
00:02:09,545 --> 00:02:13,663
- No, we're not playing that game.
- Oh, it sounds cute.
45
00:02:13,882 --> 00:02:15,600
I love you more than bunny rabbits.
46
00:02:16,801 --> 00:02:21,158
- I love you more than cheesecake.
- I love you more than Santa Claus.
47
00:02:21,388 --> 00:02:23,265
I love you more than birthdays.
48
00:02:23,390 --> 00:02:25,460
I love you more than homemade cookies.
49
00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:27,955
I love you more than anal beads.
50
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Oh! Oh!
51
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Oh, I'm sorry!
52
00:02:31,731 --> 00:02:33,722
I'm sorry! I... Oh!
53
00:02:33,858 --> 00:02:35,416
Oh! Oh!
54
00:02:43,533 --> 00:02:45,569
Meanwhile, at this hospital...
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- Vicky's just down here.
- How's she doing?
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00:02:48,204 --> 00:02:50,035
A little better.
57
00:02:51,415 --> 00:02:54,373
We've taken her off life support.
She's suffered some very serious injuries.
58
00:02:54,542 --> 00:02:57,693
- Oh, dear.
- She'll have to learn how to walk again.
59
00:02:57,879 --> 00:03:00,552
- This is terrible.
- And she's lost the power of speech.
60
00:03:00,714 --> 00:03:02,944
Oh. Well...
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00:03:03,092 --> 00:03:05,083
every cloud.
62
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This way.
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- Can she hear me?
- Her hearing is fine.
64
00:03:23,151 --> 00:03:26,700
We've been teaching her to speak again
using this machine here.
65
00:03:28,197 --> 00:03:29,676
Oh, Vicky, what happened?
66
00:03:38,414 --> 00:03:39,927
No, but yeah,
67
00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:43,589
but no, but yeah, but no, because thiswhole thing happened or something
68
00:03:43,794 --> 00:03:47,025
or nothing which I don't even knowanything about, so shut up.
69
00:03:47,213 --> 00:03:50,922
But why on earth
did you jump off of the chapel roof?
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00:03:59,558 --> 00:04:04,234
Oh, my God! I so can't believe you saidthat. You are well gonna get beatings!
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00:04:04,479 --> 00:04:07,073
I didn't even have nothing to do with it.
72
00:04:07,231 --> 00:04:09,540
You know Candice,the fat girl with the lazy eye?
73
00:04:09,691 --> 00:04:13,570
Well, we was all well bored and she bet meI wouldn't jump off the roof.
74
00:04:13,778 --> 00:04:15,257
And you did it?!
75
00:04:18,241 --> 00:04:20,277
A dollar's a dollar.
76
00:04:21,452 --> 00:04:23,329
Can I call anyone for you?
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No.
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00:04:40,510 --> 00:04:43,149
She needs to rest now.
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00:04:45,014 --> 00:04:46,493
I'll come back and see you soon.
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00:04:51,436 --> 00:04:54,951
Get your hands off me, you dirty lezzer.
81
00:05:00,736 --> 00:05:05,651
Politicians in Britain have never beeninvolved in any scandal whatsoever.
82
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Unless, of course, you includeimpregnating your secretary
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00:05:09,494 --> 00:05:12,167
or attempting to murder a male prostitute.
84
00:05:12,329 --> 00:05:17,357
In Washington, Senator White isapologising for yet another indiscretion.
85
00:05:18,919 --> 00:05:23,117
On Tuesday evening,
after a late-night session in the Senate,
86
00:05:23,339 --> 00:05:28,254
I was driving home when I discovered
that I needed to use the restroom.
87
00:05:28,510 --> 00:05:31,502
So I drove to a nearby airport.
88
00:05:32,973 --> 00:05:37,046
On arrival at the restroom,
I met a young Puerto Rican gentleman.
89
00:05:37,268 --> 00:05:42,706
He invited me into his cubicle
to talk about Republican Party policy.
90
00:05:44,066 --> 00:05:48,423
As I made my way into the cubicle,
I slipped upon the wet floor,
91
00:05:48,653 --> 00:05:54,603
and in the confusion, pulled down
the young man's pants and briefs.
92
00:05:56,118 --> 00:06:00,270
At that point,
my clothes accidentally fell off.
93
00:06:00,497 --> 00:06:05,571
The young man, Raoul,
then realised he had lost a contact lens.
94
00:06:05,835 --> 00:06:08,747
He then bent over to find it.
95
00:06:08,921 --> 00:06:13,119
During his search,
he inadvertently backed onto me
96
00:06:13,341 --> 00:06:18,415
and I regret to say
a part of my body entered his.
97
00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:22,069
At this point, the police arrived,
98
00:06:22,224 --> 00:06:25,341
and I can see how the events
could have been misconstrued.
99
00:06:25,518 --> 00:06:27,873
Thank you very much.
Thank you. Thank you.
100
00:06:28,021 --> 00:06:29,454
Thank you.
101
00:06:33,651 --> 00:06:38,247
This is just one of many diet classeshappening today all over America,
102
00:06:38,488 --> 00:06:42,083
where there are now huge numbersof obese people,
103
00:06:42,283 --> 00:06:44,751
or greedy, fat slobs.
104
00:06:46,704 --> 00:06:51,141
OK, so today we're gonna try
something a little bit different.
105
00:06:51,374 --> 00:06:54,844
Can we have a volunteer, please,
to come up here
106
00:06:55,044 --> 00:06:56,955
and tell us all why
they're so revoltingly fat?
107
00:06:58,005 --> 00:07:01,680
Yes, Tony, you had your hand up.
If you'd like to come and join us up here.
108
00:07:03,135 --> 00:07:05,649
Boom! Boom! Boom! Here he comes.
109
00:07:05,804 --> 00:07:08,796
Easy! OK.
110
00:07:08,973 --> 00:07:11,043
So, Tony, you -
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00:07:11,183 --> 00:07:13,572
and I know you won't mind me saying it -
112
00:07:13,727 --> 00:07:17,003
you are one of the very most
fattiest people here.
113
00:07:17,189 --> 00:07:21,148
In fact, I often struggle
to fit all of you in my field of vision.
114
00:07:21,359 --> 00:07:26,717
Tony, when did your problems
with weight begun?
115
00:07:26,989 --> 00:07:32,461
Well, it started in school. I was a little
overweight and the kids would tease me
116
00:07:32,744 --> 00:07:37,135
and the more they teased me, the more
I'd eat. I guess I was comfort eating.
117
00:07:37,373 --> 00:07:39,204
It's a vicious circle, isn't it, Tony?
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00:07:39,333 --> 00:07:41,210
- Yeah.
- Yeah. Yeah.
119
00:07:41,335 --> 00:07:43,610
Boo-hoo! Yum, yum, yum!
120
00:07:43,753 --> 00:07:46,187
Yeah?
121
00:07:46,339 --> 00:07:48,569
Dah, dah, dah!
122
00:07:48,716 --> 00:07:51,184
And what did they say, Tony?
123
00:07:51,343 --> 00:07:53,379
- What did they call you?
- Fatty.
124
00:07:53,512 --> 00:07:55,787
Oh! That's not nice, is it?
125
00:07:55,931 --> 00:07:58,240
They called him Fatty.
126
00:07:58,391 --> 00:08:01,269
- Not Fatty Boom-Boom?
- No.
127
00:08:01,436 --> 00:08:03,666
They didn't go, "Mmm, Fatty Boom-Boom,
Fatty Fatty Boom-Boom"?
128
00:08:03,813 --> 00:08:06,611
- No.
- No. Just Fatty.
129
00:08:06,774 --> 00:08:08,093
Yeah.
130
00:08:08,192 --> 00:08:09,830
- Pig?
- No.
131
00:08:09,943 --> 00:08:11,456
- Piggy?
- No.
132
00:08:11,569 --> 00:08:14,083
Pigs in space!
133
00:08:14,238 --> 00:08:15,876
No!
134
00:08:15,990 --> 00:08:18,379
No. No. Jabba the Hutt?
135
00:08:18,534 --> 00:08:20,923
- No.
- No. Tub of shit?
136
00:08:22,412 --> 00:08:23,891
- Once.
- Once.
137
00:08:23,997 --> 00:08:25,715
Babar the Elephant?
138
00:08:25,832 --> 00:08:27,345
- No.
- No.
139
00:08:27,458 --> 00:08:29,289
Ooh! Barry White?
140
00:08:29,418 --> 00:08:30,737
No.
141
00:08:30,836 --> 00:08:32,713
No. You're not black, are you?
142
00:08:32,838 --> 00:08:34,954
- No.
- No.
143
00:08:35,090 --> 00:08:36,648
He's not black, no.
144
00:08:36,758 --> 00:08:38,749
Just fat.
145
00:08:38,885 --> 00:08:40,159
Jabba the Hutt?
146
00:08:40,261 --> 00:08:44,049
- You already said that one.
- Anyone else got any suggestions?
147
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No?
148
00:08:46,100 --> 00:08:49,137
Come on! Oh, you're no fun, you lot!
149
00:08:49,311 --> 00:08:51,950
- So just Fatty.
- Yeah. They just called me Fatty.
150
00:08:52,105 --> 00:08:54,619
Yeah. Yeah. They just called him Fatty.
151
00:08:54,774 --> 00:08:57,288
That's what they called him - Fatty.
Didn't they?
152
00:08:57,443 --> 00:09:00,674
Fatty. Hmm? Hmm? Fatty!
153
00:09:00,863 --> 00:09:03,855
Hmm? Hmm? FATTY! Hmm? Hmm?
154
00:09:04,032 --> 00:09:08,025
Yer fat, fat, Fatty!
Oi! Oi! Awright, Fatty?
155
00:09:08,244 --> 00:09:12,032
Man, you fat!
You a Fatty! You a Fatty!
156
00:09:12,247 --> 00:09:17,196
Yeah. Kids can be so cruel. What about
the teachers? What did they call you?
157
00:09:17,460 --> 00:09:21,248
- They never called me any names.
- They would've. Just not to your face.
158
00:09:21,464 --> 00:09:24,934
- Leave Tony alone.
- Sorry... Sorry, what was that?
159
00:09:25,134 --> 00:09:27,568
- Leave Tony alone.
- No, do it again.
160
00:09:27,719 --> 00:09:36,190
- Leave Tony alone.
- Do it again.
161
00:09:36,602 --> 00:09:39,435
- Leave Tony alone.
- I can't understand. Do it again.
162
00:09:39,605 --> 00:09:43,318
- Leave Tony alone.
- Do it again.
163
00:09:43,525 --> 00:09:47,723
- Leave Tony alone.
- Oh! Yeah, about a quarter to nine.
164
00:09:47,945 --> 00:09:49,503
OK?
165
00:09:52,658 --> 00:09:55,570
Right, where were we?
166
00:09:55,744 --> 00:09:58,338
Oh, yeah.
Man, you fat! Fatty, Fatty, Fatty!
167
00:09:58,496 --> 00:10:01,886
You know, you shouldn't be speaking
to Tony like that.
168
00:10:02,083 --> 00:10:05,120
- You ain't so slim yourself.
- Yeah!
169
00:10:05,294 --> 00:10:08,730
- Do it again.
- She's just a bully.
170
00:10:08,922 --> 00:10:13,279
- What did they call YOU at school?
- They called me Marjorie, actually.
171
00:10:13,509 --> 00:10:17,422
Or Beautiful Marjorie.
Or Princess Gorgeous.
172
00:10:17,638 --> 00:10:19,310
Now get back to your seat, please.
173
00:10:19,431 --> 00:10:20,864
FATTY!
174
00:10:23,977 --> 00:10:27,572
We continue ourjourneyat this hospital in Pennsylvania.
175
00:10:27,772 --> 00:10:30,127
The health service is free in Britain.
176
00:10:30,274 --> 00:10:33,311
If you want to developsecondary infections in America,
177
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you have to pay for them.
178
00:11:02,844 --> 00:11:05,563
Oh, for fuck's sake!
179
00:11:17,190 --> 00:11:21,308
I have an appointment
to see the cardiologist.
180
00:11:21,527 --> 00:11:24,678
My name is Peter Beale.
181
00:11:27,199 --> 00:11:28,427
Computer says no.
182
00:11:30,285 --> 00:11:32,958
Apparently, you're already dead.
183
00:11:34,205 --> 00:11:35,957
That must be a mistake.
184
00:11:38,333 --> 00:11:39,686
Dead.
185
00:11:53,972 --> 00:11:56,167
MOVE!
186
00:12:04,982 --> 00:12:09,976
One thing that's very popularin our country is transvestism. In fact,
187
00:12:10,236 --> 00:12:13,751
I'm wearing bra and knickers right now. Man, it feels good!
188
00:12:16,951 --> 00:12:21,866
It's this man's lucky night,as transvestite Emily Howard has arrived.
189
00:12:22,122 --> 00:12:24,556
Oh-ho-ho! You must be Leo!
190
00:12:24,707 --> 00:12:26,857
Oh, you must be Emily.
191
00:12:27,001 --> 00:12:30,311
Yes, I'm Emily. Emily Howard - a lady.
192
00:12:33,340 --> 00:12:36,889
Well, this is ratherjolly, isn't it?
193
00:12:37,093 --> 00:12:40,529
I've never been on a blind date before.
I'm pleasantly surprised.
194
00:12:40,721 --> 00:12:43,793
Yes. I, too, am... surprised.
195
00:12:43,974 --> 00:12:45,168
Good evening.
196
00:12:46,268 --> 00:12:47,860
Gentlemen.
197
00:12:47,978 --> 00:12:50,446
Are we, er... ready to order?
198
00:12:50,605 --> 00:12:53,039
Um, yes. I eat like a bird.
199
00:12:53,191 --> 00:12:57,503
I'll have a large steak, please, rare,
with, um... a portion of fries.
200
00:12:57,736 --> 00:12:59,135
It comes with fries.
201
00:12:59,238 --> 00:13:02,230
- Yes. I'd like extra fries, please.
- Right.
202
00:13:02,407 --> 00:13:04,796
- And you, sir?
- Er... oh.
203
00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:09,024
I'm actually not that hungry any more.
I'll just have the green salad.
204
00:13:09,246 --> 00:13:10,804
Very good, gentlemen.
205
00:13:10,914 --> 00:13:12,506
I'm a lady!
206
00:13:12,624 --> 00:13:14,740
Oh, chin-chin.
207
00:13:21,382 --> 00:13:22,371
Ah!
208
00:13:22,466 --> 00:13:25,583
Let me tell you a little bit about myself.
209
00:13:25,761 --> 00:13:29,515
I'm a lady and I do ladies' things,
like attend luncheons
210
00:13:29,723 --> 00:13:32,681
and society balls and the opera and...
211
00:13:32,850 --> 00:13:34,044
shit.
212
00:13:34,143 --> 00:13:36,452
Well, do excuse me.
213
00:13:36,604 --> 00:13:39,596
I must just go and powder my nose.
214
00:13:41,399 --> 00:13:43,151
Oh!
215
00:13:43,276 --> 00:13:45,915
Silly mistake. I am a lady.
216
00:13:49,240 --> 00:13:51,959
Won't be long, lover boy!
217
00:13:59,540 --> 00:14:00,814
Oh!
218
00:14:00,916 --> 00:14:03,225
Taking me home already, are we?
219
00:14:03,377 --> 00:14:05,607
Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
220
00:14:05,754 --> 00:14:07,267
Naughty!
221
00:14:21,476 --> 00:14:23,034
Well, this is me.
222
00:14:23,144 --> 00:14:25,738
So... do you want to come in for coffee?
223
00:14:25,897 --> 00:14:27,808
Oh, I'd love to,
224
00:14:27,940 --> 00:14:30,215
but, er... I really don't want to.
225
00:14:36,489 --> 00:14:39,162
You can post the wig back to me!
226
00:14:40,743 --> 00:14:44,622
British people love to holidayin the United States.
227
00:14:44,830 --> 00:14:46,900
Fraternising with Americans
228
00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:51,397
gives them a great senseof moral and intellectual superiority.
229
00:14:51,627 --> 00:14:55,222
For this British couple,their holiday is coming to an end.
230
00:14:58,508 --> 00:15:00,658
Flight delayed.
231
00:15:00,802 --> 00:15:06,160
And I could go and ask the girl but she'll
tell us to keep looking at the screens,
232
00:15:06,432 --> 00:15:08,992
which we are doing.
233
00:15:11,603 --> 00:15:13,514
So...
234
00:15:13,647 --> 00:15:16,923
I mean, some people are boarding,
just not us.
235
00:15:17,108 --> 00:15:19,383
Quebec, boarding.
236
00:15:19,527 --> 00:15:22,883
Rio de Janeiro, boarding.
237
00:15:23,072 --> 00:15:25,984
Beijing, boarding.
238
00:15:26,158 --> 00:15:29,150
Barcelona, last call.
239
00:15:29,327 --> 00:15:32,285
I mean, that's saying
if you're planning to go to Barcelona,
240
00:15:32,455 --> 00:15:35,128
you'd better get your skates on
cos that really is the last call.
241
00:15:39,795 --> 00:15:41,786
So...
242
00:15:51,763 --> 00:15:54,152
Might get another cup of tea.
Do you want one?
243
00:15:55,266 --> 00:15:56,745
No, best not.
244
00:15:56,851 --> 00:16:00,048
Your bladder's not what it was.
245
00:16:00,229 --> 00:16:02,538
And your arse has given up
as well, innit?
246
00:16:05,609 --> 00:16:07,008
So...
247
00:16:11,948 --> 00:16:13,347
So...
248
00:16:13,449 --> 00:16:16,998
British Airways flight to London Heathrow
249
00:16:17,202 --> 00:16:18,430
boarding now at Gate 15.
250
00:16:22,624 --> 00:16:24,694
Come on, you.
251
00:16:29,630 --> 00:16:33,145
Welsh student Dafydd Thomasis a homosexual.
252
00:16:33,341 --> 00:16:36,970
I used to be homosexualbut I had to give it up.
253
00:16:37,178 --> 00:16:39,487
It made my eyes water.
254
00:16:39,638 --> 00:16:41,629
The man's an inspiration.
255
00:16:46,645 --> 00:16:48,636
Will you be quiet?
256
00:16:50,940 --> 00:16:53,818
Excuse me, there's a gay man
trying to sleep in here!
257
00:16:55,194 --> 00:16:56,991
Oh, for God's sake!
258
00:16:59,698 --> 00:17:01,893
Make way for the gay.
259
00:17:02,867 --> 00:17:06,860
Come on, open up, please,
this is Dafydd, the gay from next door.
260
00:17:07,079 --> 00:17:08,432
Open up, please.
261
00:17:08,539 --> 00:17:09,654
What?
262
00:17:09,748 --> 00:17:11,579
Oh, look at you!
Cover up, woman, it's obscene!
263
00:17:11,708 --> 00:17:13,903
Is there a problem?
264
00:17:14,044 --> 00:17:17,514
Yes. There is a problem.
I am trying to sleep next door
265
00:17:17,713 --> 00:17:19,943
but I cannot because
you and your boyfriend are -
266
00:17:20,091 --> 00:17:22,321
and excuse my language - making love.
267
00:17:22,468 --> 00:17:26,859
- What's going on, honey?
- I shall tell you, sir, what's going on.
268
00:17:27,097 --> 00:17:29,327
- Did you just call me sir?
- Yeah.
269
00:17:29,474 --> 00:17:33,387
- I'm a woman.
- I should tell you, madam, what's...
270
00:17:33,602 --> 00:17:36,162
Oh, my God! You mean you're?
271
00:17:36,313 --> 00:17:38,463
Lesbians. Yeah.
272
00:17:38,607 --> 00:17:40,962
Ugh!
273
00:17:41,109 --> 00:17:43,862
I'm sorry, is there a problem with that?
274
00:17:44,028 --> 00:17:47,259
Yes. I do have a problem with that.
I am the only gay on campus.
275
00:17:47,448 --> 00:17:50,599
No, I don't think so. We're gay too.
276
00:17:50,784 --> 00:17:53,503
You're lesbians.
That doesn't really count, does it?
277
00:17:53,662 --> 00:17:55,095
Yes.
278
00:17:55,205 --> 00:17:58,242
It's not proper gay, though.
I mean, what do you even do?
279
00:17:58,416 --> 00:18:01,328
It's just a bit of minge munching,
isn't it?
280
00:18:01,502 --> 00:18:02,901
"Minge munching"?
281
00:18:03,003 --> 00:18:05,801
Look. There's no need to be lesbian.
You could get a boyfriend.
282
00:18:05,964 --> 00:18:08,353
- You couldn't.
- How dare you?!
283
00:18:08,508 --> 00:18:10,863
I'm no lesbiphobic,
284
00:18:11,010 --> 00:18:14,320
but if you wanna sit around all day
watching reruns of Xena: Warrior Princess
285
00:18:14,513 --> 00:18:16,902
and not shaving your legs,
that's your business.
286
00:18:17,057 --> 00:18:22,370
But I do need my sleep, so please,
just for tonight, no more licky-licky.
287
00:18:25,981 --> 00:18:29,291
This is the neighbourhoodof retired astronaut Bing Gordyn,
288
00:18:29,484 --> 00:18:30,803
the eighth man on the moon.
289
00:18:30,902 --> 00:18:33,974
Britain has sent hundredsof people to the moon.
290
00:18:34,155 --> 00:18:37,465
We just choose not to go on about it. We are not arrogant.
291
00:18:37,658 --> 00:18:39,933
- You must be Dean.
- Uh-huh. Yes, sir.
292
00:18:40,077 --> 00:18:41,271
Come on in.
293
00:18:46,291 --> 00:18:49,601
So, you're doing your undergrad thesis
on the moon landings.
294
00:18:49,794 --> 00:18:51,022
That's right, sir.
295
00:18:51,128 --> 00:18:53,483
Well, you've come to the right place!
296
00:18:53,631 --> 00:18:57,863
Pretty neat, huh? Well, that's me
taking my first steps on the moon.
297
00:18:58,093 --> 00:18:59,765
- Take a seat. Take a seat.
- Thank you.
298
00:18:59,886 --> 00:19:04,323
Another one of me, um, on the moon.
That's me also on that moon.
299
00:19:04,557 --> 00:19:07,754
Oh, huh, that's me on Carson
meeting James Bond himself.
300
00:19:07,935 --> 00:19:09,846
George Lazenby.
301
00:19:09,978 --> 00:19:12,890
And you say you were
the ninth man on the moon?
302
00:19:13,064 --> 00:19:15,703
Eighth man on the moon. Eighth man!
303
00:19:15,858 --> 00:19:19,294
- Who the hell was the ninth?!
- It's quite a collection.
304
00:19:19,487 --> 00:19:25,005
Thanks. Well, when a guy goes to the moon,
people don't let you forget about it.
305
00:19:25,283 --> 00:19:28,958
- Yeah, I'll bet.
- So, what's the title of your thesis?
306
00:19:29,162 --> 00:19:33,121
Oh, it's called An American Conspiracy:How The Moon Landings Were Faked.
307
00:19:37,961 --> 00:19:39,110
OK.
308
00:19:40,505 --> 00:19:42,302
OK.
309
00:19:42,423 --> 00:19:44,493
OK.
310
00:19:44,634 --> 00:19:47,023
Hey, would you like glass of water
or some Tang or?
311
00:19:47,177 --> 00:19:48,974
Sure, I'll have some water.
312
00:19:52,223 --> 00:19:54,783
Guy wants a glass of water...
313
00:20:05,652 --> 00:20:10,442
- So the moon landings didn't happen?
- Uh, it's just a theory.
314
00:20:10,698 --> 00:20:12,689
- All the moon landings?
- Uh...
315
00:20:12,825 --> 00:20:15,134
Cos if you're saying the first one
didn't happen, then fine,
316
00:20:15,285 --> 00:20:16,843
cos that would make me
the sixth man on the moon.
317
00:20:16,953 --> 00:20:20,389
Actually, I was going to suggest that
all the moon landings were faked.
318
00:20:21,666 --> 00:20:25,341
Listen to me, asshole.
I went to the moon, OK?
319
00:20:25,544 --> 00:20:27,341
I went to the moon.
320
00:20:27,463 --> 00:20:31,138
It was real cold, the food was horrible,
I threw up in my helmet.
321
00:20:31,341 --> 00:20:33,901
So I'm not having some RETARD
322
00:20:34,052 --> 00:20:38,568
from the University of RETARDS
telling me I didn't go to the moon!
323
00:20:38,806 --> 00:20:40,956
I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.
324
00:20:41,100 --> 00:20:43,933
So, what are you gonna write
in your little essay?
325
00:20:44,102 --> 00:20:47,219
That the moon landings
definitely did happen.
326
00:20:47,397 --> 00:20:48,546
And?
327
00:20:48,648 --> 00:20:52,118
And that you were the best guy
who went there.
328
00:20:52,318 --> 00:20:54,912
Really?
329
00:20:55,070 --> 00:20:57,106
Run!
330
00:21:03,869 --> 00:21:07,145
I went to the goddamn moon!
331
00:21:09,333 --> 00:21:10,971
Moon stuff.
332
00:21:15,129 --> 00:21:19,122
Another nondescript statein this God-awful country is Ohio,
333
00:21:19,341 --> 00:21:23,050
where this American couple have beenplaying host to their British relatives.
334
00:21:23,261 --> 00:21:24,740
I'm making some coffee.
You want anything?
335
00:21:24,846 --> 00:21:26,404
Bitty.
336
00:21:26,514 --> 00:21:28,152
Oh, come on, what do you want?
337
00:21:28,266 --> 00:21:31,656
Bitty, I want bitty.
338
00:21:33,520 --> 00:21:35,988
Who breastfeeds at 25?!
339
00:21:36,148 --> 00:21:37,627
Good morning.
340
00:21:37,732 --> 00:21:38,847
Oh...
341
00:21:38,942 --> 00:21:39,931
I didn't see you there.
342
00:21:40,026 --> 00:21:41,857
Obviously.
343
00:21:41,986 --> 00:21:46,025
- I'm sorry. We... we were just...
- So that's how you feel about us, is it?
344
00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:48,993
That we're some sort of a joke?
345
00:21:49,159 --> 00:21:54,995
No, no, not at all. It's just... It's just
the whole bitty thing is, well, weird.
346
00:21:55,289 --> 00:21:57,678
Oh, we're "weird", are we?
347
00:21:57,833 --> 00:22:02,111
Well, I'm sorry we ever darkened
your door! We're leaving!
348
00:22:03,797 --> 00:22:05,469
Celia?
349
00:22:05,590 --> 00:22:07,979
Oh, God.
350
00:22:12,096 --> 00:22:14,007
Yes?
351
00:22:14,139 --> 00:22:16,494
We wanted to say sorry.
352
00:22:19,018 --> 00:22:20,053
Right.
353
00:22:20,144 --> 00:22:21,497
We really don't want you to go.
354
00:22:22,897 --> 00:22:25,172
Thank you.
355
00:22:25,316 --> 00:22:27,386
Well, Harvey and Gerald
are terribly upset.
356
00:22:27,526 --> 00:22:30,040
- You'd better apologise to them, too.
- Oh, of course.
357
00:22:40,871 --> 00:22:44,910
One thing that irritatesBritish people about Americans
358
00:22:45,125 --> 00:22:49,960
is that they can't even spell. Look at that sign! Peasants!
359
00:22:52,298 --> 00:22:54,892
So, uh, how'd your eye surgery go?
360
00:22:55,050 --> 00:22:59,362
Oh, I, uh... I kinda
lied to you about that, bud.
361
00:22:59,596 --> 00:23:04,112
I didn't have an operation on my eye.
I... I had one on my dick.
362
00:23:04,350 --> 00:23:05,624
- Your dick?
- Yeah.
363
00:23:05,726 --> 00:23:07,239
I had a penis-enlargement operation.
364
00:23:07,352 --> 00:23:10,469
- But dude, your dick was epic.
- I know. I know!
365
00:23:10,647 --> 00:23:12,603
I just wanted it that little bit bigger.
366
00:23:12,732 --> 00:23:15,246
- Can I see it?
- I would love you to see it.
367
00:23:15,401 --> 00:23:16,675
Thank you.
368
00:23:22,574 --> 00:23:24,053
That is a monster.
369
00:23:24,159 --> 00:23:25,751
I know!
370
00:23:25,869 --> 00:23:28,303
- You should do porn.
- I'm thinking about it.
371
00:23:28,454 --> 00:23:30,445
Do you think any woman
could accommodate that?
372
00:23:30,581 --> 00:23:33,857
I don't know, but I'm sure as hell
gonna have fun finding out!
373
00:23:34,042 --> 00:23:35,600
Way to go!
374
00:23:37,462 --> 00:23:39,771
I actually had an operation
like that last week.
375
00:23:39,922 --> 00:23:42,834
But your dick was, like,
the biggest dick that ever lived.
376
00:23:43,009 --> 00:23:45,887
I know. But I always had that nagging
feeling it could be a little bigger.
377
00:23:46,053 --> 00:23:47,202
May I see it?
378
00:23:47,304 --> 00:23:50,262
I would be honoured and privileged
for you to see it.
379
00:23:50,432 --> 00:23:53,868
- Thank you.
- No. Thank you.
380
00:23:57,563 --> 00:23:58,837
Ooh.
381
00:23:58,939 --> 00:24:00,657
Uh, that's, a...
382
00:24:00,774 --> 00:24:03,925
Yeah, the surgery went a little wrong,
383
00:24:04,110 --> 00:24:08,069
so they said, "Is it OK if we make it
into a vagina?" So I said, "Sure. "
384
00:24:10,366 --> 00:24:12,038
That's a nice vagina, man.
385
00:24:12,368 --> 00:24:13,881
Hey, thanks, man.
386
00:24:13,994 --> 00:24:15,950
Should we go take a shower?
387
00:24:16,079 --> 00:24:18,991
Yeah. Oh, I should probably
use the ladies'.
388
00:24:19,165 --> 00:24:20,200
- Sure.
- Yeah.
389
00:24:24,420 --> 00:24:28,732
At their motel in Mississippi,Lou has returned with Andy's lunch.
390
00:24:31,050 --> 00:24:33,405
- Andy?
- Morning.
391
00:24:33,553 --> 00:24:35,384
Where did you get that?
392
00:24:35,513 --> 00:24:38,311
You know the old lady
who stays at the motel?
393
00:24:38,474 --> 00:24:39,543
Yeah...
394
00:24:39,641 --> 00:24:41,154
- She gave it to me.
- Really?
395
00:24:44,854 --> 00:24:46,287
Yeah.
396
00:24:46,814 --> 00:24:49,044
Oh! Where are you going?
397
00:24:49,191 --> 00:24:52,183
- Out.
- What about me?
398
00:24:52,361 --> 00:24:56,115
- Don't need you any more.
- You don't need me any more?
399
00:24:56,323 --> 00:24:58,473
No. Not now I got this.
400
00:25:03,287 --> 00:25:05,118
Bye, Andy!
401
00:25:05,247 --> 00:25:06,566
Bye, Len!
402
00:25:06,665 --> 00:25:08,144
It's Lou!
403
00:25:21,553 --> 00:25:23,783
Lo-o-o-ou?
404
00:25:25,265 --> 00:25:26,459
Yes, Andy?
405
00:25:27,934 --> 00:25:29,333
Help me.
406
00:25:53,873 --> 00:25:56,228
- I love you.
- Yeah, I know.
407
00:26:02,797 --> 00:26:08,394
And so this extraordinary televisionseries has come to an end,
408
00:26:08,677 --> 00:26:13,148
the series that brought the peopleof our great nations even closer together.
409
00:26:13,390 --> 00:26:17,383
In fact, our relationshiphas become so strong
410
00:26:17,602 --> 00:26:20,958
that surely now is the time to bombthe hell out of the rest of the world.
411
00:26:21,147 --> 00:26:24,696
Come on. Let's do it!
412
00:26:24,900 --> 00:26:26,856
You go first. Goodbye!
413
00:26:26,906 --> 00:26:31,456
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