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1
00:00:07,603 --> 00:00:09,246
Britain and America,
2
00:00:09,377 --> 00:00:12,438
the two greatest goddamn nations
in the world.
3
00:00:12,855 --> 00:00:14,979
Anyone who disagrees with me,
4
00:00:15,099 --> 00:00:16,583
is a dirty shitter.
5
00:00:17,136 --> 00:00:18,807
We share so much.
6
00:00:19,033 --> 00:00:20,180
A language,
7
00:00:20,300 --> 00:00:23,075
a moral high ground,
and a love of war.
8
00:00:23,464 --> 00:00:26,365
But what about the people
of Britain and America?
9
00:00:26,510 --> 00:00:30,266
The ordinary folk
who make these lands so great.
10
00:00:30,487 --> 00:00:33,360
Who are they? What do they?
How do you do?
11
00:00:33,637 --> 00:00:36,040
Let's take a looking at them now,
12
00:00:36,162 --> 00:00:39,070
in Little Britain USA.
13
00:00:42,397 --> 00:00:45,335
One thing both of our countries
can be proud of
14
00:00:45,608 --> 00:00:49,148
is that we have the finest juvenile
delinquents in the world.
15
00:00:49,503 --> 00:00:53,127
At this boot camp in Utah,
some new inmates have arrived.
16
00:00:54,221 --> 00:00:55,586
Everybody out!
17
00:00:55,958 --> 00:00:57,605
On the double!
18
00:00:57,859 --> 00:00:59,053
Make a line.
19
00:00:59,173 --> 00:01:02,098
Move it ladies,
move it ladies, move!
20
00:01:02,643 --> 00:01:03,741
Let's go!
21
00:01:08,220 --> 00:01:10,573
Welcome to Wilderness Lodge.
22
00:01:11,111 --> 00:01:13,410
You are here for a reason.
23
00:01:13,833 --> 00:01:16,300
Arson, drug-abuse,
24
00:01:17,089 --> 00:01:19,765
violence,
it's going to be tough.
25
00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:23,712
But if you stick to the rules,
you'll survive.
26
00:01:25,196 --> 00:01:27,046
OK. Roll call.
27
00:01:28,058 --> 00:01:29,175
Leitasha Dean?
28
00:01:30,295 --> 00:01:31,678
Haley Evans?
29
00:01:32,714 --> 00:01:33,763
Natalie Kirk.
30
00:01:34,911 --> 00:01:36,099
Vicky Pollard.
31
00:01:36,983 --> 00:01:40,895
Yeah. But, no,
but yeah, but no, but yeah.
32
00:01:41,055 --> 00:01:44,197
It's me but I shouldn't actually be here{\or something or nothing}
because let me tell you the whole thing.
33
00:01:44,329 --> 00:01:46,697
Because this whole thing happened
I didn't know nothing about.
34
00:01:46,817 --> 00:01:49,479
A whole load of us went to Disney World,
only we all got chucked out
35
00:01:49,599 --> 00:01:50,976
for beating up the Aristocats,
36
00:01:51,096 --> 00:01:53,372
and Hanna Garvey said we should
all go back in after midnight
37
00:01:53,492 --> 00:01:55,785
and burn down
the Peter Pan ride, as a joke.
38
00:01:55,945 --> 00:01:57,704
So we {\all}went back.
But I never done nothing,
39
00:01:57,864 --> 00:02:00,012
{\All I did was like}only pour the petrol,
light the match. That's it.
40
00:02:00,132 --> 00:02:02,122
All of a sudden, I {\well}started
getting blamed for it.
41
00:02:02,242 --> 00:02:04,848
It wasn't just me, but if Kelly Rayman
says it was, don't listen to her,
42
00:02:04,998 --> 00:02:06,838
cos everyone knows
she dyes her moustache.
43
00:02:07,290 --> 00:02:11,885
I have no idea what you just said.
What the hell are you talking about?
44
00:02:12,045 --> 00:02:15,305
My God you're so racist. I just told you
the whole thing, so shut up!
45
00:02:15,444 --> 00:02:17,134
Have you been talking
to Shelley Cayman?
46
00:02:17,258 --> 00:02:19,642
Cos let me tell you about her{\Shelley Cayman}
because she's well a mixer.
47
00:02:19,802 --> 00:02:22,680
She completely hates me because
she really fancies Tony Tozer,
48
00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:25,291
and she's really had it in for me
ever since Tony fingered me
49
00:02:25,422 --> 00:02:28,433
round the back of the youth hostel.
When she found out, she went {\totally}mental.
50
00:02:28,553 --> 00:02:30,557
Anyway, I was never
even anywhere near that river,
51
00:02:30,677 --> 00:02:32,572
so how could I have pushed
that woman in?
52
00:02:32,949 --> 00:02:35,492
OK, shut up now,
you're giving me a headache.
53
00:02:35,820 --> 00:02:39,061
I never even said anything anyway.
Cos this place is like, well gay.
54
00:02:39,181 --> 00:02:41,612
I said shut up!
55
00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:43,903
And I have shut up.
So shut up telling me to shut up.
56
00:02:44,344 --> 00:02:45,418
Shut up!
57
00:02:46,111 --> 00:02:47,717
Yeah, everyone, shut up.
58
00:02:48,387 --> 00:02:51,341
I said shut up!
59
00:02:52,329 --> 00:02:53,426
Shut up.
60
00:02:54,836 --> 00:02:56,075
That was an echo.
61
00:02:57,262 --> 00:03:00,529
OK, everybody inside
on the double.
62
00:03:00,649 --> 00:03:03,723
You will be given
your bunk assignments. Move!
63
00:03:04,897 --> 00:03:07,877
Can I just say something, {\actually,}cos I haven't
{\actually}had the chance to say anything yet?
64
00:03:07,997 --> 00:03:10,192
I'm {\well}not sharing. Can I just say that?
I'm being serious.
65
00:03:10,312 --> 00:03:13,013
You know that fat girl with the manky
foot? She was eyeing me up on coach.
66
00:03:13,133 --> 00:03:15,390
I reckon she's a lezzer.
I don't want to be getting changed
67
00:03:15,512 --> 00:03:17,283
and have her staring
at my Dawson's Creek.
68
00:03:17,696 --> 00:03:19,744
Run!
69
00:03:20,457 --> 00:03:21,565
Fine.
70
00:03:25,118 --> 00:03:29,501
Britain has had rude and unhelpful
receptionists for thousands of years.
71
00:03:29,936 --> 00:03:32,894
Carol Beer exemplifies
this fine tradition.
72
00:03:33,584 --> 00:03:34,584
Hello.
73
00:03:42,543 --> 00:03:44,344
Welcome to St John's Hospital.
74
00:03:44,464 --> 00:03:47,522
My name is Carol.
How can I help you?
75
00:03:48,555 --> 00:03:50,583
We need to go straight
to the maternity ward.
76
00:03:50,715 --> 00:03:52,226
Right. Admissions.
77
00:03:53,550 --> 00:03:55,238
- Name?
- Helen Fisher.
78
00:03:55,616 --> 00:03:56,948
You don't look like a Helen.
79
00:03:59,250 --> 00:04:01,619
- No. I'm Helen Fisher.
- I'm Graham Fisher.
80
00:04:01,983 --> 00:04:03,580
Are your brother and sister?
81
00:04:04,387 --> 00:04:06,499
No, we're married.
My wife's about to have a baby.
82
00:04:09,338 --> 00:04:10,740
Computer says, "no".
83
00:04:12,515 --> 00:04:13,332
What?
84
00:04:13,454 --> 00:04:16,175
Baby's not due yet.
I've got you down for next week.
85
00:04:17,379 --> 00:04:20,430
Look, her water broke.
She's having it now. This is urgent.
86
00:04:21,029 --> 00:04:23,790
Right. Better put you
under urgent admissions.
87
00:04:28,804 --> 00:04:30,997
Just waiting for the page
to come up.
88
00:04:41,525 --> 00:04:43,455
The computer's a bit slow today.
89
00:04:45,734 --> 00:04:46,748
Right. Name?
90
00:04:48,036 --> 00:04:49,334
Helen Fisher.
91
00:04:52,271 --> 00:04:53,838
How did you hear about the hospital?
92
00:04:55,823 --> 00:04:57,842
It's just our nearest hospital.
93
00:04:59,776 --> 00:05:02,584
How satisfied are you with
the cleanliness of the hospital?
94
00:05:03,114 --> 00:05:05,997
- It's fine, it's fine!
- On a scale of one to 10?
95
00:05:06,448 --> 00:05:10,647
One being extremely dissatisfied
to 10 being almost too satisfied.
96
00:05:11,453 --> 00:05:13,378
Look! My wife is about to give birth.
97
00:05:13,504 --> 00:05:16,170
- Can you just call the doctor, please?
- It's Dr. Seymour.
98
00:05:17,569 --> 00:05:18,947
Computer says, "no".
99
00:05:19,748 --> 00:05:20,573
Why?
100
00:05:20,733 --> 00:05:22,797
We've got more than one Dr. Seymour.
101
00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:25,411
Do you mean the Dr Seymour
in the maternity ward
102
00:05:25,581 --> 00:05:27,872
or the Dr Seymour
in the artificial limb unit?
103
00:05:29,064 --> 00:05:30,667
Well, what do you think?
104
00:05:37,856 --> 00:05:40,426
I think it's probably the one
in the maternity ward.
105
00:05:42,026 --> 00:05:43,248
I think it's coming.
106
00:05:43,368 --> 00:05:46,353
This is unbelievable.
Would you just call the doctor, please!
107
00:05:47,395 --> 00:05:48,672
Dr. Seymour.
108
00:05:50,555 --> 00:05:52,363
Dr. Seymour!
109
00:05:53,419 --> 00:05:54,818
He's not responding.
110
00:05:55,518 --> 00:05:56,693
On the telephone!
111
00:06:04,609 --> 00:06:06,120
Hello, Ticket Master?
112
00:06:06,430 --> 00:06:09,144
I'd like to book a ticket
for Phantom Of the Opera, please.
113
00:06:09,294 --> 00:06:10,415
Yes, I'll hold.
114
00:06:10,983 --> 00:06:12,792
I'll call him straight after.
115
00:06:18,289 --> 00:06:22,073
British people have always been
fascinated by the Deep South.
116
00:06:22,268 --> 00:06:24,679
We marvel at
how liberal your views
117
00:06:24,839 --> 00:06:26,665
are there, compared to ours.
118
00:06:26,785 --> 00:06:29,742
Did you hear on the local news
about the man downtown?
119
00:06:30,402 --> 00:06:33,106
They say he got attacked
just for the colour of his skin.
120
00:06:33,707 --> 00:06:36,607
That's terrible.
There's so much racism nowadays.
121
00:06:36,945 --> 00:06:39,152
There was plenty of racism
in your day, Grandma.
122
00:06:40,597 --> 00:06:44,203
You may think that, but truth is,
folk were pretty tolerant in them days.
123
00:06:44,801 --> 00:06:47,611
I remember in the town
there was a black gentleman.
124
00:06:47,731 --> 00:06:49,796
He was a preacher, man of God.
125
00:06:50,030 --> 00:06:51,664
And he ran for Mayor.
126
00:06:52,001 --> 00:06:54,458
And some of the townfolk elders
were up in arms,
127
00:06:54,578 --> 00:06:57,164
"We ain't gonna vote for no Negro,"
they said.
128
00:06:57,343 --> 00:07:00,573
But he was a popular man.
And he became Mayor.
129
00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:02,508
That's wonderful.
130
00:07:03,268 --> 00:07:05,794
Turns out, he was also a Jew,
so we shot him.
131
00:07:09,577 --> 00:07:12,762
Divorce is now such
a cultural phenomenon in America
132
00:07:12,882 --> 00:07:15,617
that Dolly Parton even wrote
a famous song about it,
133
00:07:15,737 --> 00:07:18,432
called, of course, 9 To 5.
134
00:07:18,953 --> 00:07:20,962
So, you're leaving me for a woman?
135
00:07:23,304 --> 00:07:24,405
Now you're a lesbian.
136
00:07:25,220 --> 00:07:27,790
Yeah. Look, can we
just get this over with?
137
00:07:28,833 --> 00:07:30,763
I think this is your Scrabble.
138
00:07:32,538 --> 00:07:35,553
I just didn't see the signs.
I had no clue you were into women.
139
00:07:37,962 --> 00:07:39,943
Ellen DeGeneres Live In Lesbos?
140
00:07:40,923 --> 00:07:42,191
Yeah, it's mine.
141
00:07:43,334 --> 00:07:45,760
No Balls, Please. The autobiography
of Billie-Jean King?
142
00:07:46,386 --> 00:07:47,686
- It's mine.
- You sure?
143
00:07:47,879 --> 00:07:48,930
Yeah, I'm sure.
144
00:07:51,486 --> 00:07:53,226
Jodie Foster's Comfortable Shoes?
145
00:07:53,386 --> 00:07:55,436
Yeah. I asked for those
for Christmas, remember?
146
00:07:59,267 --> 00:08:01,316
KD Lang action figure?
147
00:08:02,706 --> 00:08:04,565
Anne Heche, The Early Years.
148
00:08:05,570 --> 00:08:07,115
Cagney And Lacey massage oil?
149
00:08:09,072 --> 00:08:11,014
Yeah, these are all mine. Yeah.
150
00:08:13,138 --> 00:08:15,081
Set of The L-Word egg cups.
151
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:19,377
I never use those,
but they are mine. Yeah.
152
00:08:19,994 --> 00:08:21,462
Virginia Woolf blow-up doll?
153
00:08:21,759 --> 00:08:25,049
That was a present from...
from Gillian.
154
00:08:26,660 --> 00:08:28,179
So her name's Gillian?
155
00:08:32,188 --> 00:08:34,921
Oprah and Gayle's
Big Book Of Dungarees?
156
00:08:35,493 --> 00:08:37,868
- They're not lesbians, are they?
- No. No.
157
00:08:41,286 --> 00:08:45,179
Martina Navratilova's
Guide To Drinking From The Furry Cup?
158
00:08:46,501 --> 00:08:49,215
Yeah, that's... mine, too.
159
00:08:50,567 --> 00:08:52,370
I guess... that's it.
160
00:08:52,862 --> 00:08:54,120
I suppose this is goodbye.
161
00:08:56,260 --> 00:08:57,696
Wait a sec, what's this?
162
00:08:57,973 --> 00:08:59,959
Sir Ian McKellen's
Book Of Men's Bottoms?
163
00:09:00,927 --> 00:09:01,954
That's mine.
164
00:09:06,881 --> 00:09:09,385
80% of Americans
are morbidly obese.
165
00:09:10,361 --> 00:09:12,859
The other 20% are just plain fat.
166
00:09:13,629 --> 00:09:16,539
That's why British weight-loss
instructor, Marjorie Dawes,
167
00:09:16,659 --> 00:09:18,462
has come to dispense advice.
168
00:09:18,584 --> 00:09:19,896
Hello, fatties!
169
00:09:22,778 --> 00:09:24,275
My God, some of you are big.
170
00:09:26,187 --> 00:09:29,720
I'd like to start with a little game
that I play with my British chubs,
171
00:09:29,858 --> 00:09:33,493
called, What's My Low-Fat Option?
All right?
172
00:09:35,920 --> 00:09:39,290
Now, we all like fattening foods,
don't we?
173
00:09:39,450 --> 00:09:41,417
Yeah. That's why we are fat,
isn't it?
174
00:09:41,995 --> 00:09:43,461
Well, you are, I'm not.
175
00:09:44,607 --> 00:09:46,262
So, what I'm going to do
176
00:09:46,382 --> 00:09:50,051
is I'm going to ask you each to tell me
your favourite fattening food,
177
00:09:50,433 --> 00:09:54,096
and then I'm going to come up with
a low-fat option for you. All right?
178
00:09:54,406 --> 00:09:56,140
Who wants to go first?
179
00:09:56,300 --> 00:09:57,827
Pop your fat paws up.
180
00:09:59,014 --> 00:10:01,061
- Yes, my love.
- Hi, I'm Jenny.
181
00:10:01,333 --> 00:10:03,105
And I like ice cream.
182
00:10:03,265 --> 00:10:04,625
Mmm, ice cream.
183
00:10:04,745 --> 00:10:07,519
I think you love ice cream,
don't you?
184
00:10:08,430 --> 00:10:11,050
Well, my advice to you,
big Jenny, would be,
185
00:10:11,735 --> 00:10:14,533
instead of ice-cream,
have an ice cube.
186
00:10:15,690 --> 00:10:17,936
They are delicious
and very low in fat.
187
00:10:18,056 --> 00:10:19,870
So, I'm going to put that up
on the board
188
00:10:19,990 --> 00:10:22,694
because that's your
low-fat option.
189
00:10:23,343 --> 00:10:24,343
Ice...
190
00:10:25,418 --> 00:10:26,418
... koob.
191
00:10:28,584 --> 00:10:30,932
It's quite fun this, isn't it?
It's a good laugh.
192
00:10:31,110 --> 00:10:33,761
OK. So, who wants to go next?
193
00:10:34,941 --> 00:10:36,097
Yes, you, the fat man.
194
00:10:37,054 --> 00:10:38,849
- It's Tony.
- Fat Tony, yeah.
195
00:10:40,148 --> 00:10:42,561
I love hamburgers.
I eat a hamburger every day.
196
00:10:42,721 --> 00:10:44,925
Every hour,
by the looks of you!
197
00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:47,568
Cos he's very fat, yeah.
198
00:10:47,688 --> 00:10:51,247
Now, what I would say to you,
fat Tony, is,
199
00:10:51,387 --> 00:10:54,782
it's the things inside the burger
that make them fattening. OK?
200
00:10:55,294 --> 00:10:57,210
So, cut out the mayonnaise,
201
00:10:57,456 --> 00:11:00,079
cut out the Swiss cheese,
cut out the ketchup,
202
00:11:00,487 --> 00:11:03,165
cut out the beef,
and just have the bun. OK?
203
00:11:03,666 --> 00:11:06,466
And that's your low-fat option.
All right?
204
00:11:07,274 --> 00:11:08,279
Dry...
205
00:11:09,274 --> 00:11:10,274
bun.
206
00:11:11,002 --> 00:11:13,467
Delish! OK, so...
207
00:11:13,627 --> 00:11:16,310
let's have another fatty.
Who have we got?
208
00:11:17,298 --> 00:11:19,478
Yes, my illegal friend, yes.
209
00:11:19,825 --> 00:11:21,892
What's your favourite fattening food?
210
00:11:23,008 --> 00:11:23,936
Chocolate.
211
00:11:25,236 --> 00:11:26,981
Sorry, I couldn't quite...
212
00:11:27,394 --> 00:11:28,399
Chocolate.
213
00:11:28,994 --> 00:11:30,617
- Do it again.
- Chocolate.
214
00:11:31,096 --> 00:11:33,029
- Do it again?
- Chocolate.
215
00:11:33,628 --> 00:11:35,114
- Do it again.
- Chocolate.
216
00:11:35,471 --> 00:11:38,909
- Do it again.
- Chocolate.
217
00:11:39,270 --> 00:11:41,620
- I don't know what she's saying. Again.
- Chocolate.
218
00:11:41,912 --> 00:11:43,289
She doesn't know what she's...
219
00:11:43,449 --> 00:11:47,335
- Do It Again?
- Chocolate.
220
00:11:47,495 --> 00:11:50,662
- Do it again.
- Chocolate.
221
00:11:50,807 --> 00:11:52,715
- Chocolate.
- Do it again.
222
00:11:52,875 --> 00:11:57,136
- Do it again.
- Chocolate.
223
00:11:57,296 --> 00:11:59,096
Oh, choc...! No, do it again?
224
00:11:59,851 --> 00:12:00,869
Chocolate.
225
00:12:01,132 --> 00:12:02,979
Must be something
they eat over there.
226
00:12:03,099 --> 00:12:05,269
I don't know.
Beans, I would imagine.
227
00:12:06,468 --> 00:12:09,607
So, what is the low-fat alternative
to beans? Anybody?
228
00:12:10,126 --> 00:12:11,233
A bean.
229
00:12:14,247 --> 00:12:15,252
Yes.
230
00:12:15,372 --> 00:12:17,365
And that is your...
231
00:12:17,525 --> 00:12:19,700
low-fat option.
232
00:12:22,321 --> 00:12:24,538
All right.
So, we've got time for...
233
00:12:24,797 --> 00:12:26,746
for one more.
Yes, the old one, yes.
234
00:12:26,982 --> 00:12:29,810
Well, actually, I just wanted
to let everyone know
235
00:12:29,930 --> 00:12:32,129
my birthday's today,
and if anyone would like
236
00:12:32,289 --> 00:12:36,509
to come to my place afterwards
for drinks, you'd be more than welcome.
237
00:12:36,808 --> 00:12:39,595
Well, we remembered,
and so I baked you this cake.
238
00:12:39,755 --> 00:12:41,390
Happy birthday!
239
00:12:43,939 --> 00:12:45,310
I'm confiscating this.
240
00:12:46,107 --> 00:12:49,030
- But it's her birthday, I made it.
- I'm sorry, it's for her own good.
241
00:12:49,150 --> 00:12:51,732
If she took one bite,
we'd have to roll her out of here.
242
00:12:52,595 --> 00:12:55,137
OK, that's about
all we've time for,
243
00:12:55,325 --> 00:12:59,407
if you'd like to waddle out of the room,
we'll see you all next week. Cheerio!
244
00:13:03,681 --> 00:13:06,235
I got to tell her something,
I'll be right there.
245
00:13:09,350 --> 00:13:11,148
I'm going on vacation
next Friday
246
00:13:11,268 --> 00:13:13,671
so I won't be here for the class
next week, is that OK?
247
00:13:15,097 --> 00:13:16,130
Marjorie?
248
00:13:22,449 --> 00:13:23,573
Sure. Just...
249
00:13:23,816 --> 00:13:26,016
make sure you eat sensibly
while you're away.
250
00:13:36,668 --> 00:13:39,008
Many miles away, in Dayton, Ohio.
251
00:13:39,128 --> 00:13:42,943
This American couple are waiting
for their British relatives to arrive.
252
00:13:43,063 --> 00:13:45,786
I'm making cucumber sandwiches
and some scones.
253
00:13:46,073 --> 00:13:49,107
- What do British people like to drink?
- Tea will be fine, I'm sure.
254
00:13:49,227 --> 00:13:50,392
With cold milk.
255
00:13:50,598 --> 00:13:53,753
I am nervous. I just want
everything to be right for them.
256
00:13:53,873 --> 00:13:57,817
I know they're rather proper, but he's
just my cousin, honey, we'll be fine.
257
00:14:02,078 --> 00:14:05,441
- Hi, welcome, Gerald.
- Hello, cousin.
258
00:14:05,561 --> 00:14:07,028
- Celia, you know.
- Of course.
259
00:14:07,148 --> 00:14:08,969
- Yes. Welcome.
- Little Harvey.
260
00:14:09,089 --> 00:14:12,986
Harvey, oh, my goodness,
how big you look. Please, come in.
261
00:14:13,106 --> 00:14:14,398
Set your luggage anywhere.
262
00:14:15,511 --> 00:14:18,694
- Kelly is making some tea.
- Tea, wonderful.
263
00:14:18,910 --> 00:14:21,518
- It's a lovely house you have here.
- Thank you.
264
00:14:22,265 --> 00:14:24,558
I'm sure it doesn't compare
to your stately home.
265
00:14:24,678 --> 00:14:26,500
But we like it.
266
00:14:27,165 --> 00:14:30,789
- Tea, anybody?
- This is my wife, Kelly.
267
00:14:31,578 --> 00:14:34,293
It's so nice to finally meet you.
268
00:14:35,626 --> 00:14:36,922
Hi, Harvey.
269
00:14:37,248 --> 00:14:40,215
- What can I get everyone?
- I'll begin with a sandwich, please.
270
00:14:40,610 --> 00:14:43,177
Same for me, please.
Thank you.
271
00:14:43,337 --> 00:14:44,993
Are you going
to have anything, Harvey?
272
00:14:45,113 --> 00:14:46,116
Bitty.
273
00:14:46,236 --> 00:14:48,217
You had bitty
on the plane, darling.
274
00:14:48,403 --> 00:14:49,266
Want bitty.
275
00:14:50,788 --> 00:14:53,896
Are you absolutely sure you don't
mind us staying for the whole week?
276
00:14:54,056 --> 00:14:56,690
Oh, don't be silly.
It'll be a pleasure having you here.
277
00:14:57,105 --> 00:14:59,302
- Bitty!
- Maybe later, hmm?
278
00:14:59,517 --> 00:15:00,449
Want bitty now!
279
00:15:00,569 --> 00:15:03,136
Come on, Harvey.
You've had enough bitty for one day.
280
00:15:03,329 --> 00:15:04,638
Want bitty.
281
00:15:05,084 --> 00:15:07,150
All right, then.
282
00:15:17,830 --> 00:15:20,881
So, what do you recommend we do
while we're here?
283
00:15:23,894 --> 00:15:27,369
The art museum is popular.
284
00:15:28,340 --> 00:15:31,002
I hope they don't have too much
of that modern art.
285
00:15:32,666 --> 00:15:33,774
National...
286
00:15:35,079 --> 00:15:39,060
- Park.
- ... park may be more your thing.
287
00:15:40,553 --> 00:15:41,694
You're biting me.
288
00:15:41,956 --> 00:15:43,233
Sorry, Mummy.
289
00:15:45,713 --> 00:15:49,713
We have so much to see and do, we'd
better make a proper list, right Gerald?
290
00:15:50,043 --> 00:15:51,705
Oh, yes, make a list, dear.
291
00:15:54,108 --> 00:15:56,738
- No, that's enough, now, Harvey.
- Want more bitty.
292
00:15:56,858 --> 00:15:58,711
I'm sorry, I've got nothing left.
293
00:15:58,871 --> 00:16:00,246
Want more bitty.
294
00:16:06,174 --> 00:16:07,174
Bitty.
295
00:16:08,437 --> 00:16:09,704
Would you mind?
296
00:16:17,126 --> 00:16:18,572
Well, we're all family.
297
00:16:27,234 --> 00:16:29,992
On both sides of the Atlantic,
marriage is
298
00:16:30,152 --> 00:16:33,053
a wonderful way of destroying
not just your own life,
299
00:16:33,173 --> 00:16:35,079
but also somebody else's.
300
00:16:35,548 --> 00:16:36,685
Monkeys.
301
00:16:38,465 --> 00:16:40,990
That looks like the male monkey
over there.
302
00:16:42,229 --> 00:16:45,760
That smaller fat ugly one
must be the female monkey.
303
00:16:47,531 --> 00:16:48,639
So...
304
00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:52,698
Sitting at opposite ends.
305
00:16:53,217 --> 00:16:55,630
Couldn't be further apart
from each other.
306
00:16:57,253 --> 00:16:58,258
So...
307
00:16:59,882 --> 00:17:02,358
Maybe they where once in love,
but...
308
00:17:04,027 --> 00:17:06,140
that love died a long time ago.
309
00:17:07,116 --> 00:17:09,285
And all his hopes and dreams with it.
310
00:17:12,281 --> 00:17:14,159
Now they're trapped in a cage.
311
00:17:15,875 --> 00:17:17,941
Imprisoned together in misery.
312
00:17:23,777 --> 00:17:26,588
I really am now
just waiting for you to die.
313
00:17:27,658 --> 00:17:29,292
Right, the tortoise.
314
00:17:38,565 --> 00:17:39,983
Over at the White House,
315
00:17:40,126 --> 00:17:42,173
the President is having
his first meeting
316
00:17:42,293 --> 00:17:44,321
with the new British Prime Minister.
317
00:17:45,420 --> 00:17:47,820
Do you have the documents
British Intelligence put together?
318
00:17:48,064 --> 00:17:51,156
I have them here. I got the Foreign
Office to make a copy for you.
319
00:17:52,946 --> 00:17:54,244
What are the bullet points?
320
00:17:54,364 --> 00:17:57,069
Basically, there is a potential
threat to our countries.
321
00:17:57,247 --> 00:17:59,540
Nuclear capabilities in the Middle East
are being built up.
322
00:17:59,892 --> 00:18:00,874
As we thought.
323
00:18:00,994 --> 00:18:04,461
What we need to do, Mr President,
is put on a show of strength.
324
00:18:05,012 --> 00:18:06,296
It's a good idea, {\Prime}Minister.
325
00:18:06,504 --> 00:18:09,620
I mean, if we pose together with
our shirts off for the world's press?
326
00:18:12,591 --> 00:18:14,178
- What?
- We could get all...
327
00:18:14,478 --> 00:18:16,394
oiled up and have a wrestle.
328
00:18:17,853 --> 00:18:20,294
- Wrestle?
- Yeah, 'cause wrestling is quite macho.
329
00:18:20,483 --> 00:18:22,041
I'd let you win, obviously.
330
00:18:22,244 --> 00:18:24,940
Cos you're the President of
the United States of America.
331
00:18:25,702 --> 00:18:27,357
I'm not so sure that's a great idea{\, Prime Minister}.
332
00:18:27,477 --> 00:18:31,113
Why don't I get my advisers to
put together a few options for us?
333
00:18:33,953 --> 00:18:35,756
We wouldn't have to be naked.
334
00:18:36,964 --> 00:18:38,713
- No?
- Unless you want, no.
335
00:18:38,833 --> 00:18:41,385
We could wear thongs.
Probably be more appropriate,
336
00:18:41,505 --> 00:18:42,914
as we are world leaders.
337
00:18:45,704 --> 00:18:48,297
Sorry to bother you.
Hello, darling.
338
00:18:49,917 --> 00:18:52,593
- Prime Minister, have you met Ms Steel?
- Is she your mum?
339
00:18:54,825 --> 00:18:57,222
- No, she's my wife.
- Hello, Prime Minister.
340
00:18:58,572 --> 00:19:00,934
- Welcome to the White House.
- Whatever.
341
00:19:02,438 --> 00:19:04,412
Are you enjoying your stay here
with us?
342
00:19:04,532 --> 00:19:06,532
Um, I was, yeah.
343
00:19:07,038 --> 00:19:10,194
Sorry, we're having a meeting here.
About, like, world things.
344
00:19:11,048 --> 00:19:12,362
Excuse me. I'm sorry.
345
00:19:13,348 --> 00:19:16,867
Darling, I just came by to let you know
I've managed to move
346
00:19:17,027 --> 00:19:19,415
my meeting forward and I can join you
for dinner this evening.
347
00:19:19,535 --> 00:19:20,598
Excellent.
348
00:19:20,718 --> 00:19:22,039
Do we really want her there?
349
00:19:23,696 --> 00:19:25,612
- We'll see you at eight.
- Great.
350
00:19:26,303 --> 00:19:29,139
- Goodbye, Prime Minister.
- Yeah! Goodbye!
351
00:19:35,013 --> 00:19:36,845
Uh, where were we?
352
00:19:37,005 --> 00:19:38,704
Um... oh, yes.
353
00:19:39,598 --> 00:19:41,934
- Prime Minister, please.
- Oh, my God, you're gorgeous.
354
00:19:42,185 --> 00:19:44,228
I want you inside me right now.
355
00:19:49,357 --> 00:19:52,736
Maybe we should resume our talks
about the Middle-East tomorrow.
356
00:19:53,905 --> 00:19:55,811
Yes, of course, Mr President.
357
00:19:58,429 --> 00:20:00,889
- Thank you for your time.
- Don't! I'm ticklish!
358
00:20:03,502 --> 00:20:04,657
Oh, God!
359
00:20:05,909 --> 00:20:07,174
Prime Minister.
360
00:20:08,161 --> 00:20:10,759
Mr President.
You could do some damage with that.
361
00:20:11,906 --> 00:20:12,875
Please.
362
00:20:12,995 --> 00:20:15,175
That's what I call
a weapon of mass destruction.
363
00:20:18,070 --> 00:20:20,251
If you like your home, your clothes
364
00:20:20,371 --> 00:20:23,136
and all your personal effects
to smell of dog,
365
00:20:23,652 --> 00:20:25,004
why not get a dog?
366
00:20:25,458 --> 00:20:28,689
Phyllis Church is a typical
American dog-owner.
367
00:20:29,381 --> 00:20:32,020
Have you finished your business yet,
Mr Doggie?
368
00:20:32,185 --> 00:20:35,856
Oh, yes, Mama, that was a big dinner
you gave me last night.
369
00:20:37,255 --> 00:20:40,007
- Did you enjoy it?
- It was delicious.
370
00:20:40,214 --> 00:20:43,838
I must be the luckiest dog in the world,
having a Mama like you.
371
00:20:45,165 --> 00:20:48,333
Oh, thank you!
Well, we'd better clean this up.
372
00:20:48,793 --> 00:20:49,918
I wanna see you poop.
373
00:20:51,739 --> 00:20:52,588
I'm sorry?
374
00:20:53,081 --> 00:20:57,050
I wanna see you poop. You always
see me poop, I wanna see you poop!
375
00:21:00,443 --> 00:21:01,638
I can't do that.
376
00:21:01,898 --> 00:21:05,184
Sure you can!
You can poop for me, it'd be cool.
377
00:21:05,549 --> 00:21:08,401
No... now, come on, Mr Doggie,
378
00:21:08,617 --> 00:21:11,481
let me take you to the pet store
and buy you a nice ball.
379
00:21:11,967 --> 00:21:13,275
- Poop!
- No.
380
00:21:13,656 --> 00:21:16,194
Poop for me!
I said no!
381
00:21:16,802 --> 00:21:19,156
If you loved me, you'd do it.
382
00:21:22,595 --> 00:21:24,786
I don't think I can poop right now.
383
00:21:25,153 --> 00:21:28,665
Sure you can, you've been farting
like a trouper all afternoon!
384
00:21:31,410 --> 00:21:32,711
Maybe a little one.
385
00:21:33,209 --> 00:21:34,796
Do it, Goddammit!
386
00:21:50,254 --> 00:21:51,355
It's not easy!
387
00:21:51,963 --> 00:21:53,565
Just relax.
388
00:21:59,256 --> 00:22:00,366
That's disgusting!
389
00:22:00,486 --> 00:22:02,429
You should be ashamed of yourself!
390
00:22:03,021 --> 00:22:04,598
I can explain!
391
00:22:05,293 --> 00:22:07,565
You are one crazy bitch!
392
00:22:16,706 --> 00:22:21,344
Socialite Bubbles Devere is one of
the most beautiful women in Britain.
393
00:22:21,721 --> 00:22:23,571
Having fled her creditors there,
394
00:22:23,721 --> 00:22:25,815
she's taken a luxury cruise to Rio.
395
00:22:26,288 --> 00:22:27,987
Well, here goes!
396
00:22:28,203 --> 00:22:29,810
My last lucky chippy.
397
00:22:30,144 --> 00:22:31,520
On three, please, darling.
398
00:22:33,328 --> 00:22:34,455
No more bets.
399
00:22:35,902 --> 00:22:37,564
Number 12.
No winners.
400
00:22:38,778 --> 00:22:42,030
Actually, I meant to put mine on 12.
Can I have it back please, darling?
401
00:22:42,318 --> 00:22:44,074
I'm sorry, madam. Place your bets.
402
00:22:46,732 --> 00:22:48,370
I'm putting my earrings on 21.
403
00:22:49,231 --> 00:22:51,515
- Your earrings, madam?
- Yes, darling. They're Cartier.
404
00:22:51,635 --> 00:22:52,639
Diamonds.
405
00:22:56,705 --> 00:22:57,838
Yeah, same song.
406
00:22:58,463 --> 00:23:00,688
- Go, 21!
- No more bets.
407
00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:02,718
Number 29. No winners.
408
00:23:04,332 --> 00:23:07,097
Do it again, do it again. Does
anyone mind if we do that one again?
409
00:23:07,337 --> 00:23:10,058
I'm sorry, madam.
Place your bets!
410
00:23:12,755 --> 00:23:13,937
Place your bets.
411
00:23:15,496 --> 00:23:16,773
Mrs Devere!
412
00:23:17,158 --> 00:23:18,277
It's Dior, darling.
413
00:23:18,397 --> 00:23:20,153
- Dior?
- Yes, Barry Dior.
414
00:23:20,499 --> 00:23:23,504
And my shoes, my lucky shoes
on number 5.
415
00:23:23,657 --> 00:23:25,969
I've been married in them five times,
they're so lucky.
416
00:23:26,089 --> 00:23:28,362
- No more bets.
- I'm feeling lucky, darlings!
417
00:23:28,482 --> 00:23:31,204
Champagne, champagne for everyone!
418
00:23:32,866 --> 00:23:34,333
14. No winners.
419
00:23:35,266 --> 00:23:37,794
Oh. Tap water!
Tap water for everyone!
420
00:23:38,294 --> 00:23:40,539
Those shoes absolutely stank, anyway.
421
00:23:42,217 --> 00:23:44,339
Do you mind?
Place your bets.
422
00:23:44,629 --> 00:23:45,793
Place your bets.
423
00:23:49,681 --> 00:23:52,056
Madam, we cannot accept panties.
424
00:23:52,223 --> 00:23:54,144
Why not, darling? They're encrusted.
425
00:23:54,846 --> 00:23:57,015
- Encrusted?
- With rubies, darling.
426
00:23:57,156 --> 00:24:00,400
They were a gift from my dear
Arab friend, Omar Sharif.
427
00:24:00,556 --> 00:24:03,690
- I really don't think...
- OK, then. Take this as well.
428
00:24:05,486 --> 00:24:07,157
Now, for God's sake, let's play.
429
00:24:07,743 --> 00:24:08,950
No more bets.
430
00:24:10,132 --> 00:24:12,273
Number one.
No winners.
431
00:24:15,485 --> 00:24:19,381
Well, I think it's very important
to know when to stop.
432
00:24:20,765 --> 00:24:22,005
Good night, darlings.
433
00:24:22,648 --> 00:24:26,372
And so, we have met the people
of Britain and America.
434
00:24:26,492 --> 00:24:28,494
Why don't you take a photo,
it lasts longer!
435
00:24:28,614 --> 00:24:32,849
Having now seen America, I do feel
it has a long way to go if it wants
436
00:24:33,009 --> 00:24:34,997
to be treated as Britain's equal.
437
00:24:35,129 --> 00:24:38,211
Presently, we regard you
as a funny little country
438
00:24:38,331 --> 00:24:39,805
with delusions of grandeur.
439
00:24:40,103 --> 00:24:42,563
In fact, I'd hate to be
the one to say it,
440
00:24:43,004 --> 00:24:45,050
but a lot of people
haven't even heard of you.
441
00:24:45,229 --> 00:24:46,356
Goodbye!
442
00:24:50,772 --> 00:24:53,213
Transcript: chocolate
Sync: Benj!
443
00:24:53,263 --> 00:24:57,813
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