Original subtitles

I'm not so sure this is a good gift for a 5 year old...

It was the perfect gift for Toby.

What do you say, Dustin? Just put aside our differences?

Not interested.

Kenny!

You'd better come get your wife. Right now.

There you go.

Why don't you hang out with us, Kenny?

Cocaine!

Whoa, I'm not doing any coke.

If you tell your wives,

I swear to God, I will tell them that you slept with those women.

I'm 2-89.

I can come up to your hotel room.

You have family. We can't.

- You don't have to worry about that. It's fine. - It's too messed up.

Brennan, did you fart in here?

- No. No, no. - It stinks. You got a stinky ass.

- No, I don't. - You're a bad boy.

Fuck me.

Shit.

[sighs] I feel so much better.

I went potty. Are we ready?

Yeah. I got everything loaded in.

- Kids are strapped together. - Good.

Got a bottle of water for you.

OK. Honey, what is that on your face?

- Uhh... what? - That mark. Is that a bruise?

I don't know. No... I don't know.

- Did someone hit you? - No...

[chuckles] No. Nobody hit me.

Oh, OK. So I'm crazy?

There's a bruise on your jaw. Who did this to you?

- Gene? - It's nobo... it's nobody.

Fine. I'll count to three. One...

- Two... - Come on.

- All right. It's OK... - Two and a half...

OK. Kenny Powers.

- Kenny did this? - [sighs] Yeah.

- We were... - Were you being bullied?

No. We were singing and rapping

and we were playing... doing a scene from Rocky

and he... [clicks] knocked me...

You were doing a scene from Rocky?

- And he hit you? - For... as a joke, yeah.

No. I don't think so.

- I'm gonna call April. - No, no. Hey. No, no.

- We'll clear this up. - Do not talk to April.

I will talk to April if I want.

- Hey, I will handle this. - I'd love to see that.

- I can. - Can you handle it?

Yes, yes. I can handle it.

- Now will you just let it go? - OK.

For now, I will let it go. All right? Let's go.

We have to stop at the gas station.

I'm all out of pads.

[theme music playing]

In most of nature, the alpha is the strongest of the pack.

Creature of immense strength, large in size.

A leader from birth.

Hippos, bumble bees, Wayans Brothers...

Most of the time, they just look to the biggest amongst them.

But not all alphas are born, children.

Some animals become great.

They use they mind, form respect

and build alliances.

Your father has recently used this technique

to stunning effect.

It is now your turn, my son. Feed his desires.

Give Dakota this chicken chow mein.

- [growling] - There you go.

Don't be scared, Toby. No fear.

You are his master.

Toby, goddammit, he ain't gonna be able to reach that.

And that's not even feeding him. You're cock teasing him.

[announcer] It's the Ultimate Sports Sesh

- Double Dog Challenge. - [audience chanting]

And right now it looks like it's come down

to a two man race.

And now it's the breakfast of champions.

The apple pie, whipped cream,

followed by downing a can of beer.

- [shouting] - Here comes Kenny Powers

- through the birth canal. - [audience cheering]

It looks like it's gonna be Jed Forney and Guy Young

in a dead heat around the baseball bat spin.

Powers is bibbing up. Jimmy Clay's with a can of beer.

Now atop the balance beam,

duel's underway and down goes Guy Young.

Jed Forney on his way to the pyramid.

Three steps the top. Two, one. He's there.

- He reaches for the flag. - [bell dinging]

- He's won. - Yeah!

- [cheering] - [announcer] Jed Forney,

the winner of the Ultimate Sports Sesh

Double Dog Challenge.

Good race, man.

[announcer] We'll be back with more Sports Sesh

right after this.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

What the fuck were you thinking about?

How you gonna beat Guy Young on his own show?

Fuck. So stupid.

- Just a idiot. - You guys are hilarious.

Do you really think Guy Young's gonna be upset with you

because you beat him on a silly little obstacle course?

- You don't know Guy Young. - Uh, excuse me.

I played baseball with the motherfucker.

- I think I know Guy Young. - This ain't baseball.

[Jed] That was a long time ago, Kenny.

Guy's the sorest loser there is.

Throws a damn fit.

Ask Dontel if you don't believe me.

Oh, an ex-embittered employee.

I'm sure he's a great judge of character.

Well, ask Rodney. He ain't no trash talker.

- Tell him. - Tell him, Rodney.

- He can be fucked up. - Yeah?

Come on, man. You and I are show mates, dude.

I got your back. I'll make sure nobody fucks with you.

Thanks, Kenny. That means a lot.

- KP. - Saved you a seat, homeboy.

- [both laugh] - KP has found his niche.

He is hysterical out there. They're loving you, my man.

Oh yeah, dog. I'm loving my stage charisma.

- [chuckles] - Well, I like it too.

I like it too. I'm glad you're here, KP.

I don't wanna sound weird, Guy.

But, I mean, you're just...

...fastly becoming...

...my very best friend, dude.

I don't just throw that around.

You know, I had a very best friend.

He passed away suddenly. Overdose of cocaine.

He was all alone by himself in his apartment.

After my experiences with Shane Dog,

I, uh...

I never thought I'd have a very best friend like him again.

Best friends are very cool to be.

Pff. Fucking very best friends are fucking dope to be.

[both laugh]

What are you doing this weekend?

Me? I need to check my Palm Pilot.

But I think I'm just chilling.

Yeah? I'm hosting a charity event.

It's the Dragon Boat Classic.

Oh, Dragon Boat.

That sounds like that might be Asian in origin, am I correct?

- Ah, so it is. - [laughs]

So what do you say, you wanna go into battle with me, KP, huh?

You wanna be on my row team?

Because of my martial arts training,

my muscles are tuned to excel at oriental activities.

How much does it pay?

[laughing] No, we don't get paid.

It's charity work, Kenny.

All you gotta do is pick the charity of your choice

and we're good to go.

Look, I'm not gonna be crazy, all right.

I'll take this friendship slow

but you've really turned my life around.

The least I can do is join you in this charitable battle.

[pounds table] I love it.

OK. Come on.

[yells] Get back, back, back, back, back.

Ten seconds to blast-off.

It's gonna be so awesome.

- [hip-hop music playing] - Stevie.

This isn't play time.

I'd love to discuss something with you, ASAP.

I need you to find me a charity that I can represent

for this goddamn Dragon Boat shit I got going on.

- [glass breaking] - Shut up!

- The fuck? - Sorry about my kids.

I just realized that I cannot control them.

Stevie, I need you to fucking focus up, all right?

I just need you to come up with a goddamn good cause

I can put my name on. I need something fucking dope

and I need it quick.

And I know you got a one track mind right now

so don't be coming at me with some

"Save the Limp Dick Foundation."

Ah. That was what I was gonna say.

"Save the Limp Dick." Speaking of,

I went to the dick doctor today,

and he said that my problem is 100 percent mental.

So, that's a positive, right?

No! Obviously not because if it was physical

you could unclog a tube

and then I can get back to everyday love making.

Scientifically speaking what's probably going on here

with the fucking downstairs business is

your boner muscles are looking at yourself in the mirror

and they're saying, "Jesus Christ, there's no way in hell

that any woman is ever gonna fucking let me pump her."

That makes sense, Kenny

I mean, you put zero to no effort

into your personal appearance.

I mean, maybe try spending more than six bucks on a haircut.

You know? Buy shirts that aren't fucking plum colored.

You don't like plum?

Let the dick guide you, all right?

The dick knows what it wants to wear.

And right now, the dick wants to be a hunk.

New clothes. New wardrobe. New Stevie.

Mm-hmm.

The dick wants to be a hunk.

[wolf growls, barks]

Aw, yeah. That's right.

Look at you sexy motherfuckers.

Oh. So sweaty, so raw, so real.

Aw, yeah. Dutch angles.

Rule of thirds up in here.

Pa-pow. That's some Amores Perros right there, motherfucker.

I want y'all to pretend that you're digging up

the ancient city of El Dorado.

And once you find these jewels and treasures

it will save your entire village.

- Kenny. - Hey, wheel barrow one.

Pretend like there's a Chupacabra chasing your ass.

- There you go, faster. - [April] Baby.

Has Gene and Tel been weird to you at all?

Nah, just boring as usual.

I found out that they had spaghetti night

- without us on Wednesday. - How could they do that?

I mean, we practically invented spaghetti night.

Viv let it slip.

I swear something's going on with them.

Well, you know, I didn't wanna say anything

but Gene has been fibbing like a motherfucker lately.

Like what?

Like making up lies about people's relationships.

Just kind of out of the blue.

With, like, nothing to base it on.

- Oh, my God. - Yeah, like the other day

he was coming to me talking about Tel.

Saying how Tel's, like, been going online

doing Chatroulette trying to get dick sucks.

- [gasps] - And it's like, Tel?

He like, loves his wife

and he doesn't even know how to use Chatroulette.

That makes me just question, like, maybe Gene's

not that happy in his own marriage.

- Well, he's... he's with Dixie. - Gross [scoffs]

You know what? I think that she was very judgy about my drinking at the waterpark.

- Oh, my God. - What?

- I just figured it out. - What?

I bet, because you were drinking,

you probably somehow offended her

and now she's trying to turn that shit against you.

- Shit. - Isolate us out

in the goddamn neighborhood and pull this.

- I knew it. Fuck them? - Fuck them.

- Yeah. - Look at all the wonderful things

happening for us. We're rich as fuck.

We got a goddamn army of workers here.

We're happier than we've ever been, right?

- Mm-hmm. - You see this one right here?

You see that little broach on TT's neck there?

That used to belong to your great-grandmother.

I used it as an incentive yesterday for the workers

to see who could do the best work and he won.

- TT dug the most. - [sighs]

[classical music]

I'm thinking I can... if I get enough loft

- I can get it over that bunker. - It looks...if you can do the bounce.

[heavy metal music]

[music stops]

What's the word, mean Gene?

How's that jaw feeling, slugger?

You didn't punch me that hard so it doesn't hurt that bad.

[chuckles] Fucking pussy.

Look, I know shit got out of hand the other night.

We all got a little crazy.

Drugs, sex, incest.

All right. Let's just relive the whole evening, Tel.

I was there, motherfucker. All right?

I know what happened. Guess what?

I also saw some suspicious and provocative

behaviors on your half, too.

And I could talk about those if I wanted to.

[scoffs] What are you talking about, man? We didn't do anything.

Yeah. I know. That's what I'm saying, dude.

Neither did I. No one did anything.

- Fine. - So let's just drop it.

- Good. - I know you and Dixie

have been having little spaghetti nights

and not inviting us. Yeah. So what.

I don't give a fuck. All right? But you hurt April's feelings.

And that shit don't fly with me.

Let's leave the spouses out of it. Do you hear me?

- OK. - Leave the fucking spouses out if it!

All right, dude. Chill.

- Now you, Tel. - I'm sorry.

You got any fucking change? Where's your fucking change at?

- What do you need change for? - I'm trying to get a pink lemonade

in this motherfucker. Give me your money, you guys got change?

[Gene] No. I got no money on me.

I'll fucking deport you back to Mexico city.

How will you guys play golf without a fucking ball?

Come on.

I never... have been so disgusted by two men's behavior.

Leave the spouses out of it, you fucking bullies.

Which clubs are yours, Gene? These red ones?

[Gene] Yeah, those are mine. That's my TaylorMades.

- Ho-ho! - [Tel] Hey.

[rap music]

Goddamn, dude. Why you taking me onto the set of City of God, man?

This place isn't gentrified for a reason.

Hold on. I think you're gonna like this.

I better like it. The Dragon Boat race is almost here.

It's right here. Check it out.

[Kenny] What the hell is this?

All these kids have AIDS or something?

No. They're poor. You keep them off the hood

by teaching them baseball.

Little black kids playing sports isn't a hot button issue.

No one's gonna give a fuck about this at the Dragon Boat race.

Man, I'm going up against some heavy hitters, dude.

AIDS. Fucking rainforests. Cystic Fibrosis.

Don't underestimate the cause. It's got a lot of potential.

Who knows. One of these kids could be the next Babe Ruth.

Well, I wanted the next Rock Hudson or Liberace.

Jesus Christ. Guy Young has AIDS!

Why can't I get AIDS?! I want fucking AIDS!

Look, AIDS is harder to get than you think.

Every celebrity with a butthole wants AIDS.

But this is not the 1980's.

You can't just sit on a toilet seat and get AIDS.

This, though, everyone loves poor black kids.

Different Strokes, Dangerous Minds, Urkel.

White guilt, man. Get with the program.

No, I know. Box office returns on Blindside were huge.

I'm highly disappointed in your efforts here but I will make it work.

Sorry. I hate when I disappoint you, Kenny.

I'm just all torn up about my fucking dick and balls.

Well, homes. Look, man,

it's gonna take more than one polo shirt

to change your confidence, all right?

Dude, you're being very nerdy with your clothes picking.

No wonder your dick's not getting hard, dude.

Probably can't even breathe in there.

Polyester pleats. You fucking jackass.

I'm sorry I failed you.

The only thing that would make me happy

is if all these kids had AIDS.

[rock music]

[exhales]

And to think,

you were sweating spaghetti and meatballs

with Gene and Dixie and now look at your fine ass.

- [giggles] - This is upper-class.

- This is the elite. - OK.

We need to make sure they realize that we are one of them.

- I need your linguistics to be on point. - OK. Mm-hmm.

Talk about finances. Talk about ancient affairs. Industrialism.

I need you to be the fucking Bill O'Reilly with tits in there.

- OK. - OK?

Do you have a napkin on you?

Step forward.

Now you're ready to sizzle.

Let's be elite.

- [drumming stops] - [clinking glass]

- Well, hello, everybody. - He looks like fucking Neo, doesn't he?

- He does. [laughs] - It's fucking cool.

It has been said that the Dragon Boat racers of old were so competitive

that they would strike each other with bamboo

in order to drown each other,

for the soul purpose of claiming victory for the mighty dragon deity.

I, along with many of my dear friends here...

I see Kenny P in the house.

- Hey. - [chuckles]

We... we're honored to be manning this beautiful vessel

for our respective charities.

Mine being Guy's AIDS. What's yours again, KP?

Just Little Black Kids.

[Guy] Little Black Kids.

- And now, - [indistinct whisper]

let's officially get the festivities started.

Priest Shen-Quan. Did I say that correctly?

Shen-Quan? Will be conducting the "Awakening of the Dragon."

[chanting in foreign language]

[mumbles along]

[bell ringing]

- The bell is for symbolisms. - Oh.

- What he said. Let's party! - [man] Yeah!

[laughing and cheering]

- [drums beating] - [Asian pop music]

- April. What a pleasure. - So flattering.

- [laughter] - So beautiful.

- Thank you. - Just gorgeous.

April, what do you say us girls go get a drink?

- Oh, OK. Yes. - Leave these two to it.

[Kenny] OK.

Wow. She is stunning, Kenny. How'd you land somebody like that?

Ah, I fucked with her head for a while. Never fails.

- I love it. - Yours is pretty ravishing, as well.

She looks like that lady from Transformers.

I met her in a bathroom stall.

- Oh, really? - Yeah.

I guess we're both a couple of cocksman, huh?

- Hell yeah. - Holla.

- Holla. - Hey, oh.

- There he is. - Oh boy.

Look who's coming. My goodness.

- Salt and pepper's here. - [laughter]

- How you doing? - How are you, buddy?

- Good, good, good. - What's the word?

- [woman] Hi. - Hello, Cheryl. How are you?

Hey, my wife here brought her famous peach cobbler.

Yes, I did. I told you last time we met I'd bring you some.

I remember, Cheryl. And I'm looking forward to that cobbler.

Why don't you go put it over there by the other baked confections.

Then I'm gonna dive into it a little later.

- I'll be there in a second. - Wonderful to see you, baby.

Well, I told her I'd take her down to by water

and whisper sweet nothings into her ear.

- Whoo. - [laughing]

If I get lucky, she might...

drop a digit in my bunghole.

- You're talking ass-play? - Butthole.

- Oh, man. - If we're in the water, don't even bother.

- [laughter] - That means something's happening.

- Go get 'em, tiger. - Get after it.

[laughing]

Ah, Jed Forney. Ugh, God.

- [sighs] - Ah, Forney's all right.

No, he's not, man. The motherfucking guy's lame and he's dull.

And he's an ass-kiss. And his wife brings in cobbler?

Like, I got Sweet Lady Jane flown in from LA.

You know? I'm not gonna eat that bullshit cobbler.

No, I know. It's like, in Tupperware.

The presentation is obviously not up to snuff.

She reminds me of my little brother.

- What does that mean? - His wife, man.

Looks like a boy. With her little short hair and no tits

and a flat ass and little boy legs.

And short little fucking... boy fingers.

Like a little Dennis the Menace.

[Guy] Disgusting, man. I don't even wanna think about them having sex.

All right. I'm gonna have to hobnob with some of the big donors.

- OK, sure. - I'll catch you later, baby.

All right? Champion. Thank you for coming.

Mos def, mos def.

Kemosabe. You're showing brain.

Your scrotum and some of your testicles are leaking out of your diaper there.

[Stevie] Hello, everyone and welcome to Kenny Powers'

Extra Innings After School Baseball Class.

And now, here is Kenny Powers.

[clapping]

Whoa. Whooo.

Word.

- Fresh. - Dope.

- Pay-puh. - Jams.

- Badonkadonks. - Street talk.

That's what we're here for today, you guys.

I know what you guys are thinking.

"Who the hell this cracker think he is?"

"Walking up in here, this honkey motherfucker."

Well, don't be thinking that kind of stuff, guys.

Don't be racist.

Because this cracker-ass honkey motherfucker...

...from this day forward is now the face of you guys.

I've chosen to battle on your behalf

in the celebrity charity Dragon Boat race.

There's gonna be other causes that,

frankly are way more interesting than you guys.

Things like Lyme's disease and cleft palates

and war torn countries and rainforests.

Breast cancer... for teens.

But don't let that scare you.

Because I'm gonna make a promise to each and every one of you

that when I got out there

- I will win. - Belee dat.

[Kenny] Steven, I got this, OK?

I'm here to amend for the atrocities of my ancestors.

You think I'm proud to come from a fucking powdered wig wooden teeth motherfucker?

Fucking George Washington didn't do shit.

He can suck my fucking dick. I fucking hate that faggot.

That's street talk, y'all.

Hope y'all can get where we're coming from.

- [Stevie] We're keeping this real. - So look.

I'm looking around at this fucking baseball park and it sucks. I get it, man.

There's a goddamn swamp in the outfield.

There's a used tampon stuck to second base.

But now that I'm your leader, all that shit's about to change.

I'll crush those other charities in the Dragon Boat race

and when I do I will bring back that skrilla.

That cash money. And I'll spend it here.

We getting a goddamn brand new couch.

We're gonna change your lives.

And I have a feeling that right now,

- the change has begun. - Hallelujah.

Get ready for victory. You're with a champion now.

What are you, an audience or an oil painting?

[TV chatter]

Seriously? Gene and Dixie are having guests over again.

I don't get it. What is their deal?

I have to go over there and see what the problem is. I do.

April, don't do it. You're playing right into their hands.

This is the exact sort of reaction they're hoping for.

Well, if they have an issue, Kenny, then they need to fucking spill it.

Yeah. They've ruffled your feathers, I know.

Will you please go with me?

You sure you just don't wanna send a text or an email?

[April] No. That's not gonna work.

Just go over in person.

Kenny, I'm not playing around.

[sighs]

There he is. Here he comes.

- Here it is. - Tel cut the cheese.

[laughter]

- Hi. Hi, Dixie. - Whoa. Uh, hello.

- Hello. - Um, hi, everybody.

- This won't take long. - Sure.

Um, how have your two dinner parties been

in the last two weeks?

I've just... I've seen everybody come over here.

I don't think I got the invitation. I think it got lost in spam.

Sorry, April. I don't know if this is a joke that you're doing.

- It's very passive aggressive. - This isn't a joke.

This isn't a joke. I'm very angry with you.

- [Dixie] Well... - I'm very upset because I feel

- left out. I've been a very good friend to you. - OK.

You're a very good friend, but my problem is...

- You know what? I know what it is. - [Dixie] What is that?

You were upset with me for getting drunk at the water park in front of the kids.

- Yeah. Um, that's not what I was upset about. At all. - OK. Well, then...

Well, then what's the problem?

My big problem is your husband.

Your husband punched my husband right in the face.

- Excuse me. - It's true.

He punched me. He hit me right in the mouth.

- [Kenny] Tall tale. - [April] Please don't lie.

- That's a tall tale. - [April] What?

- These are fabrications. - Yes, you did!

- You hit me in the mouth. - [overlapping chatter]

One at a time. One at a time.

- You punched me in the mouth! - One at a time.

In this house, we speak one at a time.

OK, fine. Shut up, Gene. I'll talk.

God. One at a time.

[sighs]

All right. Some stuff happened at the Congo Canyon Water Park

that I haven't been 100% honest about.

- Damn right. - After you guys went to bed,

the fellas and I were down at the bar and we were having some drinks.

We ran into some fans of mine.

And they invited us up to their hotel room to party.

We got up there and the party was definitely a little more intense

than any of us had anticipated.

There were girls there.

And Gene had unprotected oral sex with one of the girls.

- What?! - What?

- Gene. - [Kenny] Yeah.

Gene fucked a girl in her ass.

- That is a lie and you know it. - No, you did, Gene.

- What? - He... I came into...

- I came into the room. - Hold on, man.

As soon as I did, I saw him. I said, "Gene, you're married."

Bam! Punched him in his face because it upset me.

- I didn't wanna see that. - Are you fucking nuts, man?

I didn't have sex with anybody. Tel, could you back me up,

- please? - Absolutely.

Sit your fucking ass down right now. Tel.

- You sat there and watched it fucking happen. - Tel!

You jerked off. He sat there and let it happen and got off on it.

The worst thing you said that happened was the cocaine.

What?! Cocaine?! Cocaine is drugs.

I didn't do any cocaine though. There was cocaine there.

- [Kenny] Yeah, right, Gene. - I don't know why I didn't tell you.

- ...don't fucking tell me about! - Hey!

- What didn't you tell me about? - I didn't do anything!

- Would you say something here, Kenny, please? - Coked out dick!

- Coke dick. What the fuck is wrong with you?! - I didn't do anything!

- Eat your fucking cheese, you rat. Eat it! - Fuck you. [spits]

I ha... I hate you. I hate you.

Dix. I didn't do any drugs, Dix. Come on!

Dix!

This is the cost of lies, guys.

This is when we aren't faithful to the ones that we make promises to.

I think it's probably best if we just end spaghetti night now, OK?

Let's go. Tel, get up. Get the fuck out of here.

Let's go.

- I love you so much. - I love you too.

[chatter]

[Guy] Hey.

Kenny P. What's up, champion?

- [Kenny] Spicy. What's happening, baby? - KP, yeah. How you feeling?

- Wonderful, man. Wonderful. - All right. Soak it in.

There it is. There's your ball field today.

You ready to strike some motherfuckers out?

[Dontel] Yo.

Guy Young and Kenny Flowers.

- What's up, Dontel? - Ah. Dontel, Dontel.

- How's the job hunt going? - [laughs]

Don't worry. They still take food stamps here at the concession stand.

- [laughs] - Hey, on the real tip, I wanted to apologize to you, Dontel.

I'm so sorry I ruined your whole entire fucking life.

- [laughter] - Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo.

- Must be a tough break, kid. - [Guy] Burn!

Na-na-na-na. Ain't no thang but a chicken wing.

Truth be told, man, I feel sorry for you.

Having to work for this insecure backstabbing asshole.

I ain't telling you nothing you don't already know, right?

Look at you, man. Come on. You're just obsessed with me.

- Nah. - [Guy] You want to butt fuck me at the charity event?

- Is that what you want? - [Dontel] Nah.

You got it all wrong, bruh. See I know why you cut me out, Guy.

Yeah, why's that?

Because you saw the beauty

of my black ass coming for you.

But, hey...

Today's about the charities.

About the kids. About AIDS. And about having a good time.

So we just gonna put a pin in that for now.

- Peace, bitches. - Bye, Dontel.

You fucking loser. All of you.

And that's why we're here. To show Dontel that he's a fucking loser.

- Because losers always forget. - [chuckles]

Hell yeah, they do.

Let's smash these fucking losers so hard,

their charities don't get a goddamn dime.

[drum beating]

Hey, hey. Jed, hold up for a second.

Let me help you with that.

Thank you kindly there, Kenny.

- There you go, bud. - You're a good man.

[Dontel] Guy.

You look real comfortable stroking that black thing like that.

[laughs] Look like Dontel in your hand.

[laughter]

On you mark.

Get set.

In your positions!

- [gunshot] - [announcer] And they're off.

- The Dragon Boat Charity Challenge is on. - Come on, let's go!

Come on now.

[announcer] Dragon Boat number one is off to an early lead.

- [man] Let's go, move it. - [man 2] Come on, keep it together.

[shouting continues]

Let's go, let's go!

[cheering]

[announcer] Dragon Boat number two slowly catching up.

Come on.

Push it, guys. Push it, push it.

[announcer] Dragon Boat number two picking up steam.

Dragon Boat number two catching up to Dragon Boat number one.

What the fuck. Come on, Forney. You're slowing us down.

- I'm doing my best, Guy. - [announcer] Dragon Boat number two catching up.

- Ha-ha. Bye, Guy. - [announcer] It's neck in neck now.

[Guy] Goddamn it, Forney. Stay in rhythm.

You biscuits-n-gravy eating motherfucker.

- I'm trying, all right. - [Guy] I thought you were a racer.

- I am. - You're gonna make us lose.

- KP. - What?!

- Get him out of the boat. Get Forney out of the boat. - What?

- Are you fucking kidding? - Get him out of the boat right now.

- He's dead weight. - No.

[Guy] Get him out of the fucking boat.

Come on, Kenny. No. Hey, hey!

[announcer] Dragon Boat number one threw

- a member out of the boat. - Yeah.

[announcer] Dragon Boat number one is clearly faster now.

- [crowd cheering] - Go! Go!

[announcer] It's Dragon Boat number one for the win!

[cheering]

Suck that dick. Suck it.

[inaudible]

[Guy] Look at that little dip-de-doo.

Forney almost blew it for us, huh?

- Mm-hmm. - You did good, Kenny, huh?

- Feels nice to win. - Oh yeah. It feels great.

- [chuckles] - All right. Well, why don't you shower up.

- 'Cause we're going dancing tonight. - There we go.

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[Kenny] Enemies can appear in our lives out of nowhere.

A stranger who cuts you off in traffic.

A dude who looks at you weird in the men's room.

Or treasured friends who betray you out of jealousy.

But when enemies do rise up,

they must be dealt with decisively, on animal instinct.

Are the kids in bed?

Si.

Good. 'Cause the dick is back.

[gasps]

[speaks Spanish]

[Kenny] Mortals falter. Kings act.

And the mortal who acts...

Well, that motherfucker becomes king.

[meat hits floor]

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