All language subtitles for Eastbound & Down s02e01.eng

Come on!

Tres to dos on Big Red!

Tres to dos on Big Red.

Big Red! Big Red!

You ready, motherfucker?

Kick his fucking ass!
Kill him!

Pay up, fucker!

You know who I am.

And you know my reputation.

S�, se�or.

And yet you place a bet with me,

and you don't have
the fucking money to pay.

I pay you later, carnal.

Steve does not accept
fucking layaway.

If you make a fucking bet
with Steve,

you fucking pay Steve
when his fucking cock wins.

- Do we comprehende?
- S�, se�or.

Obviously not.
Obviously you don't comprehend.

Fuck him up.

Rough his fucking ass up.
Check his pockets, Aaron.

Search every fucking nook and cranny
of that cheapskate.

Nada.

I'm gonna cut your fucking dick.

Maybe that'll put a fucking smile
on your fucking face.

Maybe we will cut
this motherfucker's balls off.

You know what?
I can cut off your titties.

Don't cut me.

Titty, titty, bang, bang.

He will titty-titty-bang-bang you.

He'll cut your tits off.

Take him, my donkey.
He's all I have.

Fuck your donkey, bitch.

Fuck that donkey.
Why would I want that?

He can carry things.
You can make money with him.

Paint him like a zebra
and charge gringos.

Charge a who?

The tourists.

Take photos.

I can't even believe
you'd look at me

and the word "gringo"
would come to mind.

We got a fucking Mexican racist.

Does it make your life easier
to throw a racist term at somebody?

A man who has seen
the things I've seen,

experienced the loss and pain
that I've experienced.

- I transcend race, hombre.
- You understand,

you motherfucker,
you fucking cocksucker?

Of course.
You are no gringo.

Thanks for acknowledging that.
A word of advice:

next time you wanna bet on my cock,

you better bring some fucking pesos.
Got it, �se?

I got you, Steve.
Gracias.

Gather the jackass and the cock.
We're out of here. Come on, hit it.

Let's go.
I'll grab the fucking donkey.

This is me now.

See you soon.

A man haunted by the sacrifices
he's had to make.

Shit.

Fucking moron!

A man who ran and never looked back.

A man who drank his ass

all the way down
to the butthole of America.

Fucking Mexico.

I left my country
to begin a new life,

one where I could finally blend
with those I was living amongst,

become just another face
in the crowd.

Soon I was embraced by the natives.

The wild landscape
became my mistress.

The wild women, my cum caves.

Soon enough,
I felt like a new person.

But truthfully,

sometimes I did wonder about them.

About how they deal with the holes,
the agonies,

the darknesses
that no doubt fell upon them

when I rode off into the sunset
and then took that sunset with me.

Do they even remember
what it's like to have hope?

Did they forget
how to close their eyes and dream?

Did they discover that, without me,

they may as well not even exist?

Can anyone get a fucking break
around here?

Although it makes me kind of sad,

I know that this savage land
was made for me.

It's where outlaws go to die.

And as that day nears,
I take comfort in knowing

that the lives of those I left behind
are better off without...

Goddamn it.

Goddamn it.

How many times do I gotta tell y'all
to keep your m�sica down?

Y'all out here
kicking this soccer ball

like you're goddamn Pel�,
blasting music. I'm trying to write.

What kind of book are you writing?

It's a motivational novel about...

For people dealing with grief
or depression. None of your business.

Will you get your brother
off my moped?

How's it going?

Let me make this clear, Catuey.
If there's one thing I can't stand,

it's fucking soccer.

Right?
I hate when people do it.

Please hop off of my moped.

It's very expensive.

The language barrier, honestly,
is so fucking frustrating right now.

God. I knew the barrio
would be fucking annoying,

but I didn't know it'd be so loud.

And that's why I'm so frustrated.

Listen,

you still have not taken us up
on our offer for dinner.

My wife is a wonderful cook.
We'd love to host you.

Looks like she's cooking seared titty
right now.

I feel like
this is National Geographic shit.

Who the fuck is that?
How many people you got in there?

That's Maria, my sister-in-law.
You know what they say about family?

Family that prays together,
stays together.

I appreciate the offer,

but I'm not into bonding
with new people down here.

I got a family.
I don't need the fucked-up version.

Your wife's titty
does look beautiful, though.

And in addition
to all that other stuff,

Kenny Powers
still does not like children.

Chapter Three:
Shit to do in Mexico in the nighttime.

{\Let me tell you that
we're here in the 8th inning,}

{\I feel like hitting them with my shoe
to see if they'll come up with anything!}

Disgraceful.
Fucking disgraceful.

Charros suck big dicks!

This is disgusting.
Isn't it disgusting?

- It's fucking gross.
- Yeah, it's absolutely gross.

What's your fucking problem, man?

Why are you giving me
this freaking look?

He wants to start a fight.

Shut the fuck up.

What's your problem?

You want more?

Want beer?

I told you, didn't I?

We're gonna get kicked out
of this motherfucker.

{\Okay, let's go. The next one.
Don't worry about it.}

There's a lot of trim walking around.
I don't mind this joint at all.

Neither do I.
Let's talk fucking business first.

Look at him, always on point,
always wanting to get down to task.

This little son of a bitch here
is the best sidekick I've ever had.

He's beating you, Hector.

He is whooping your ass
as a sidekick.

- He has...
- Not fucking thumbs up.

No, boss,
he speaks no freaking English.

Don't you ever wanna win?

- Fuck.
- Do you wanna win?

Do you wanna win?

Do you ever wanna jerk off?

S�, and Hector will have
what Aaron's having,

only not as good.

He hasn't reached that stage yet.

Where you been?

I've been around.
You're not mad, are you?

Why would I be mad?

You know, because I got busy
and I didn't immediately call you back

after I had made sex to you.

No, I didn't expect
anything from you.

I felt like I was pretty upfront.

I told you I was damaged goods.

I wasn't trying
to get close to anybody.

You were pretty clear about that.

It's really for your own protection.

People who get close to me,
well, they tend to get hurt.

I don't know what you're getting into,
if you wanna...

- I'm busy tonight.
- Me too.

I'm working on a book.
I'm a writer.

You got anything going on,
maybe tomorrow night?

I'm pretty busy tomorrow too.

Tomorrow too?

Think I'm starting
to kind of get the picture here.

You like to hit it and quit it?
That's how you roll?

No. I just...

I just thought you were just like...

a one-night-stand gringo.
That's it.

So you just saw me
as a piece of meat?

Well, a good one, but...

I'm gonna be straight with you here.

I'm new to Mexico and...

I try to adjust.
Most things are cool,

but I'm feeling a little weird

and fucking empty all the time
and just fucking alone.

I mean, right now I just would like
the comfort of somebody

who seems normal,

and even though you're Mexican,
you seem normal to me.

Look at the sax player from Lost Boys
rubbing the language barrier in my face.

Is he giving you any trouble?

Are you looking for some?

No, he's not giving me any trouble.
He's just...

a tourist who's lost.

Right?

Sure. A tourist who's lost
who might whip somebody's ass

if they keep trying to isolate me
from conversations.

Peace.

See you.

Yeah. Awesome show.

Thank you.

See you around.

- Hey, come on! Photos!
- Come on, come on!

- Step right up.
- Come to the real zebra.

This is the one.
That motherfucker got AIDS.

You don't want an AIDS zebra picture.
You want a clean zebra picture.

Look how tight their shit is.
Their presentation blows ours away.

You're standing here
with a sign on a Tecate box.

Got Mice and Men here
with a disposable camera.

We got the stupidest fucking jackass
in all of Mexico.

Fuck them.

That's a fake zebra.
This is a real safari zebra

- from the dark country of Africa.
- Ten dollars, now.

Unbelievable.

- This is fucking shit.
- You know what? Fuck this.

Safe!

Damn it!

Nice game, dick suckers.

Kenny?

Kenny Powers.

You talking to me, muchacho?

Well, yeah, I was trying to.

I'm Roger Hernandez,

manager of the Charros.
What are you doing here?

I think you got the wrong man, dude.
My name's Steve.

I gotta tell you,

I admit the hair threw me
for a minute.

I was expecting to see
the famous mullet.

Kenny Powers does have famous hair,
doesn't he?

But this ain't his hair.
This is Steve's. Steve the cockfighter.

Cockfighter.

I'm a cockfighter,
not a ball player.

- Never been a ball player before.
- Really?

So you're telling me
you're not Kenny Powers?

It's my fault.

It's stupid of me to think
Kenny Powers would be living here.

With the skills that guy had,

be a shame if he was spending his time
as a cockfighter

and not on a field.

No offense, Steve.

None taken.

For Steve, this is an awesome life.
He's improved things quite a bit.

Sorry, just...
It just seems so funny.

I know Kenny lost his pitch.

Can you imagine
how low he really gotten?

It's not fucking funny at all.

From what I've heard,
Kenny Powers hasn't lost his pitch.

He just got tired of baseball
always butt-fucking him.

Causing him
nothing but pain and sorrow.

Well, I'm sorry to hear
that Kenny Powers feels that way.

It's a real shame
to let all that talent go to waste.

Well,

too bad I'm not Kenny Powers.

Too bad.

Come on, work it, Big Red.

Work it.

There you go.
Good job, buddy.

Come on, buddy.
Come on.

Doing good, man.

We're gonna fucking whoop
this motherfucker's ass.

You hear me?

It's time, boss.

Let's do this.

You have no chance.

Vaya con Dios, fucker.

Vaya con Dios.

Fuck you!

Fuck you, motherfucker!

Big Red,

you were a good cock.

You made us a lot of money.

May you find the peace in death
that you so longed for in life.

I'm sorry about the way
things turned out.

I'm sorry about the way
a lot of things have turned out.

See you in hell, hombre.

Wanna add anything?

Me and Hector,
we don't wanna work with you no more.

Are you kidding around?

You're serious?

I thought we had a good thing going.
We're making money hand over fist.

Is this you, Hector?

Are you poisoning his little mind

- because we didn't make a connection?
- No, man.

It's me.

- I don't fucking like you.
- You don't like me?

You're the one with the disability.
I shouldn't like you, yet I accept you.

And you do this to me?

Man, fuck you, you midget.

I take the cocks.

Empty your pockets,
you fucking cocksucker.

I see.
This is a fucking double-cross?

He'll bash my brains
and you'll cut my dick off?

You'll steal the cocks and roll me?

Fine.

After I told you
that you were my best sidekick.

Listen, bitch.

I'm nobody's sidekick!

Come.

We're fucking done here.

I can't believe y'all would do this
at Big Red's funeral.

You know how much he means to me.

Fuck you, and fuck Big Red!

You're a cold motherfucker.

Go home, you fucking gringo.

You don't fucking belong here.

Hey, what's up?

Wondering if y'all had room
for one m�s more.

Of course, my friend.

Pasale, please.
Come in.

Shall we say grace?

- Amen.
- Amen.

And thank you, Lord,

for letting Steve join us for dinner.
Amen.

That was a really nice prayer,
Catuey.

Thank you.

I should confess something to you.

Steve is not really who I am.

Who are you?

In Mexico,
a man could truly get lost.

And if you're a bank robber,
or somebody

who's committed
a fucked-up crazy crime,

then that's a good thing.

But hiding takes its toll.

At first you don't realize it,

but soon the identity you tried to shed
starts getting pissed

and knocking at your insides.

You know, when dealing
with deep depression and sad shit,

it's cool to pretend
nothing is wrong.

That sometimes works, but eventually

you gotta call a spade a spade
and be like:

"Yo, I'm fucked up
and I gotta make a change."

Sometimes you gotta
wash away the paint

and reveal to the world
the jackass that is hiding beneath.

Sometimes you just gotta get back
in the fucking game.

What the fuck is going on?

Coach's staff, everyone,
come forward to me.

Vamanos, muchachos.
Pull it in.

Steve, what are you doing?
You're interrupting practice.

Practice doesn't seem to be working.

Come on, motherfuckers, get in here.
I got an announcement.

I know a lot of you
have seen me around town, going,

"Hey, there's Steve, the new guy,
running shit, the cockfighter."

Well, I have a confession to make.

My name's not Steve,
and I'm not a cockfighter.

I'm a ball player,
and not just any ball player.

I'm Kenny fucking Powers.

And I reveal myself to you all here,

upon this field.

Behold!

My rookie card. It's me on the front.
Y'all wanna just pass this around

so you can just see it?
I'm gonna need to get it back though.

I see the look on your faces.

You're thinking,
"Hey, Kenny, you're from America.

"You probably have a printer.

"You could've gone on the Internet
and printed that bitch."

You know what?
I could have.

Except for one fact:

I don't own a printer,

and I fucking hate computers,
all kinds.

I come here today,
not just to bash on fucking technology,

but to offer you all a proposition.

Let's face it, y'all fucking suck.

Don't get your feelings hurt.
Don't get sensitive on me here.

I fucking suck too right now.

I am in the darkest Third World hole
I've ever been in in my entire life.

About a thousand hundred million miles
from where I should be.

And the only way for me
to get back there

is for us to join forces.

If we can make enough noise
down here,

then just maybe
everyone in America will hear us.

Everyone will.

And they will all know

that Kenny Powers is, in fact,

the Christ figure
that they perceive me to be.

So if you all
don't believe my words,

perhaps you'll believe this.

Anyone have a ball?
Can I get an el ballo?

Right there.
Okay. Got it.

Behold this, boys.

Try and fucking doubt this,
all right?

If this was America,
you'd have a radar gun,

and right now it would read 101.

When's the next game?

- Friday.
- See you dumb motherfuckers there.

Where's the baseball card?
It's worth five bucks.

Take that with me.
Trying to pocket it.

Keep my eye on you.

All right, don't forget,
my number's 55.

Fifty-five!
See you motherfuckers Friday.

You got Kenny Powers
up in this motherfucker now!

Fuck you!

Fuck you, too, cabr�n.

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