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1
00:00:15,435 --> 00:00:18,053
_
2
00:00:18,751 --> 00:00:20,683
_
3
00:00:30,167 --> 00:00:31,544
Frankie, are you awake?
4
00:00:31,545 --> 00:00:34,220
I'm in bed, but I only rest
half my brain at a time. Go!
5
00:00:34,221 --> 00:00:35,300
Greendale in jeopardy.
6
00:00:35,301 --> 00:00:38,510
Need to call emergency meeting,
ASAP, no time to explain.
7
00:00:38,511 --> 00:00:42,520
I can be at the school in 30 minutes,
and I'll have the Dean notify the others.
8
00:00:42,521 --> 00:00:46,050
- Could you notify the others?
- You don't think the Dean can handle it?
9
00:00:47,130 --> 00:00:48,824
Do what you think is best.
10
00:00:48,825 --> 00:00:56,684
Annie Edison requesting emergency meeting
at school in 30. Greendale in trouble.
11
00:00:56,884 --> 00:00:59,200
- I'll notify the others.
- I can do that if you like.
12
00:00:59,201 --> 00:01:02,370
I think I can handle notifying
others, thank you very much.
13
00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:07,710
Annie, Jeffrey, emergency meeting
at the school in 30 minutes.
14
00:01:07,711 --> 00:01:10,440
I already know.
I'm the one calling the meeting.
15
00:01:10,441 --> 00:01:13,370
- What up, yo?
- Who is this other number?
16
00:01:13,371 --> 00:01:15,810
It's a group text.
I'm texting you and Jeffrey.
17
00:01:15,811 --> 00:01:19,480
It's me. I am Jeffrey, best friend of Dean.
18
00:01:19,481 --> 00:01:21,370
Hi, Jeffrey. Hm.
19
00:01:21,371 --> 00:01:23,414
Dean, that number is not
in my phone as Jeff's,
20
00:01:23,415 --> 00:01:25,514
and it doesn't even look like
an American phone number.
21
00:01:28,893 --> 00:01:33,310
Oh, my God. How stupid can I get?
22
00:01:33,311 --> 00:01:36,020
You never told me you gave
Annie a fake phone number.
23
00:01:36,021 --> 00:01:40,310
Yes, Dean, this is me,
Jeffrey, you are best friend.
24
00:01:40,311 --> 00:01:41,340
Hold on, I'll cover.
25
00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:47,220
You're right, I had the wrong number,
see you at the school.
26
00:01:47,221 --> 00:01:50,130
I am so sorry, Jeffrey.
I hope I didn't get you in trouble.
27
00:01:50,131 --> 00:01:54,044
No worries, Dean. I love you.
28
00:01:54,045 --> 00:01:58,130
You're always so sweet,
when we're texting, but then in real life.
29
00:01:58,131 --> 00:02:01,710
Bro, I just secret that way with love.
You know, my style.
30
00:02:01,711 --> 00:02:04,720
We keep loving in text,
but then secret forever.
31
00:02:04,721 --> 00:02:05,220
Meow.
32
00:02:06,510 --> 00:02:07,112
Oh, hm.
33
00:02:07,113 --> 00:02:11,185
Meow.
34
00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:38,424
35
00:02:47,645 --> 00:02:50,740
Annie, if you're not
dying, I'm gonna murder you.
36
00:02:50,741 --> 00:02:54,112
I had to remove my night
cream, it's $200 an ounce.
37
00:02:54,113 --> 00:02:56,847
It's 3 A.M. in the
fricking morning, Edison,
38
00:02:56,848 --> 00:02:58,503
what gives you the
right to haul us in here?
39
00:02:58,703 --> 00:03:00,270
Chang, how did you even
find out about this?
40
00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:03,550
I have a right to be here.
41
00:03:03,551 --> 00:03:04,050
Hi!
42
00:03:05,900 --> 00:03:06,620
Why are you awake?
43
00:03:06,621 --> 00:03:09,540
I have a theory about this,
Britta may be secretly twins.
44
00:03:09,541 --> 00:03:13,358
- No, I was working.
- At the bar? Does that mean you're drunk?
45
00:03:13,359 --> 00:03:14,415
Could a drunk person do this?
46
00:03:21,553 --> 00:03:23,465
Hi, everybody.
47
00:03:23,466 --> 00:03:25,830
Jeffrey.
48
00:03:25,831 --> 00:03:30,140
Okay, 41 minutes ago, I received this
email from a friend that interns at KZBC.
49
00:03:30,141 --> 00:03:31,130
The TV station?
50
00:03:31,131 --> 00:03:34,416
No, the unrelated, totally random
combination of those four letters.
51
00:03:34,417 --> 00:03:35,005
Meow.
52
00:03:35,006 --> 00:03:39,470
Subject: "Heads up." Annie,
still going to Greendale?
53
00:03:39,471 --> 00:03:40,630
Thought you should know,
54
00:03:40,631 --> 00:03:43,640
City College is running a negative
ad about your school at 7 A.M.
55
00:03:43,641 --> 00:03:45,710
Heard it's pretty bad.
56
00:03:45,711 --> 00:03:50,250
Let me see that. City College
is running an attack ad?
57
00:03:50,251 --> 00:03:51,260
That's a first.
58
00:03:51,261 --> 00:03:54,450
They're getting desperate. Our
registration numbers are trending upward.
59
00:03:54,451 --> 00:03:58,180
Because the population keeps growing,
and no one here ever graduates.
60
00:03:58,181 --> 00:04:01,080
Actually, our numbers are up because
of improvements Frankie's made.
61
00:04:01,081 --> 00:04:04,910
Those improvements, were only
possible through your hard work, Annie.
62
00:04:04,911 --> 00:04:06,280
Oh, get a boardroom.
63
00:04:06,281 --> 00:04:07,320
Interesting.
64
00:04:07,321 --> 00:04:09,680
When were you gonna share
the whole truth about this,
65
00:04:09,681 --> 00:04:11,880
- and not just the parts that suit you?
- What?
66
00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:15,392
"PS: I was glad to hear
Brenda's doing better."
67
00:04:15,393 --> 00:04:18,354
Ha? Ha?
68
00:04:21,190 --> 00:04:25,210
Just because City College is scared,
doesn't mean they're not dangerous.
69
00:04:25,211 --> 00:04:28,370
Is there anything in particular
they could smear us with?
70
00:04:28,371 --> 00:04:32,390
Nothing in particular, just
overlapping clouds of many thousands
71
00:04:32,391 --> 00:04:33,330
and thousands of things.
72
00:04:33,331 --> 00:04:36,260
- Let's not forget the Brenda factor.
- There isn't a Brenda factor.
73
00:04:36,261 --> 00:04:40,050
He says she's doing
better. Better than what?
74
00:04:40,051 --> 00:04:42,140
Her thyroid condition! Can you focus?
75
00:04:42,141 --> 00:04:43,540
Can Brenda?
76
00:04:43,541 --> 00:04:44,880
Probably more so, now.
77
00:04:44,881 --> 00:04:46,910
Okay, we need to see
this ad before it airs.
78
00:04:46,911 --> 00:04:47,950
I'm working on getting us a copy.
79
00:04:47,951 --> 00:04:50,030
I have friends in the AV
department at City College.
80
00:04:50,031 --> 00:04:50,640
Ooh la la.
81
00:04:50,641 --> 00:04:53,280
The brotherhood of AV exists
beyond your petty factionalism.
82
00:04:53,281 --> 00:04:56,267
We serve only video, the one true
queen, and her faithful consort, audio.
83
00:04:56,268 --> 00:04:57,518
Oh, could you guys be bigger nerds?
84
00:04:57,519 --> 00:04:59,478
No, most of us have achieved
our maximum potential.
85
00:04:59,479 --> 00:05:00,354
Well, Annie's right.
86
00:05:00,355 --> 00:05:05,776
We do have a situation here, so we
will make this our situation room.
87
00:05:05,777 --> 00:05:06,870
Yes.
88
00:05:06,871 --> 00:05:09,650
We need whiteboards, corkboards, laptops.
89
00:05:09,651 --> 00:05:11,550
A bunch of clocks with different
times on them, a red phone,
90
00:05:11,551 --> 00:05:14,130
a big tabletop map with little
Nazi tanks, and/or a Godzilla.
91
00:05:14,131 --> 00:05:15,780
The ad airs at 7 A.M.
92
00:05:15,781 --> 00:05:18,560
That means we have four
hours and 13 minutes
93
00:05:18,561 --> 00:05:21,540
to figure out what they're
throwing at us and how to respond.
94
00:05:21,541 --> 00:05:23,517
You know, it's the darndest thing,
95
00:05:23,717 --> 00:05:26,110
I think Britta somehow
crapped in my pants too.
96
00:05:26,111 --> 00:05:27,390
Uh-huh, better head home.
97
00:05:27,391 --> 00:05:29,190
Jeff, you can't just
leave a situation room.
98
00:05:29,191 --> 00:05:31,870
It's only a situation room,
because she called it that.
99
00:05:31,871 --> 00:05:33,708
I mean I could declare it a...
100
00:05:33,709 --> 00:05:35,431
Cookie room!
101
00:05:35,432 --> 00:05:37,990
There are no cookies. There is a situation.
102
00:05:37,991 --> 00:05:43,180
You guys, where's the Greendale
spirit! Where's the pride?
103
00:05:43,181 --> 00:05:45,590
- I'm fine.
- Found it.
104
00:05:45,591 --> 00:05:48,380
She was wandering around
campus, without pants.
105
00:05:49,470 --> 00:05:51,530
- What's going on in here?
- Situation room.
106
00:05:51,531 --> 00:05:53,880
- What's the situation?
- Brenda's got a bad thyroid.
107
00:05:53,881 --> 00:05:55,800
I'm sorry to hear that.
You can keep the pants.
108
00:05:55,801 --> 00:05:57,960
- I'm going back to bed.
- I'm going with him.
109
00:05:57,961 --> 00:05:59,590
- I'm gonna watch.
- Got it!
110
00:05:59,591 --> 00:06:00,660
Downloading it now.
111
00:06:00,661 --> 00:06:02,460
You work hard to earn your degree,
112
00:06:02,461 --> 00:06:05,120
and your school should work hard
to make that degree valuable.
113
00:06:05,121 --> 00:06:08,620
So, why is Greendale Community
College giving degrees to dogs?
114
00:06:08,621 --> 00:06:11,520
In 2001, a Staffordshire terrier
mix named Ruffles took up
115
00:06:11,521 --> 00:06:13,410
residence on Greendale's campus.
116
00:06:13,411 --> 00:06:16,390
By 2008, Ruffles had
earned a Bachelor's Degree.
117
00:06:16,391 --> 00:06:18,970
Not a two year degree, a four year degree.
118
00:06:18,971 --> 00:06:20,700
Where will you get your degree?
119
00:06:20,701 --> 00:06:24,270
If the answer is Greendale,
prepare to get boned.
120
00:06:24,271 --> 00:06:26,280
Paid for by City College, license 264392.
121
00:06:30,475 --> 00:06:33,823
Did we give a degree to a dog?
122
00:06:37,451 --> 00:06:41,163
- Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
- Okay, it's okay, it's all right.
123
00:06:45,459 --> 00:06:49,498
So, this is Greendale, not City College?
124
00:06:51,132 --> 00:06:52,883
I'm gonna get more pants.
125
00:07:01,600 --> 00:07:04,700
They've been calling me in to do more
stuff lately. It's pretty exciting.
126
00:07:04,701 --> 00:07:06,970
Well trust me, we'll be lucky if
we get in three words before...
127
00:07:06,971 --> 00:07:11,982
The first step is to pull our facts. The
most important one being, Dean Pelton.
128
00:07:11,983 --> 00:07:14,500
Did Greendale Community
College give a degree to a dog?
129
00:07:17,130 --> 00:07:20,990
I seem to recall, no.
130
00:07:20,991 --> 00:07:23,630
No way. There's absolutely no way.
131
00:07:23,631 --> 00:07:24,810
Not that dog.
132
00:07:24,811 --> 00:07:26,910
- That dog?
- You remember the dog.
133
00:07:26,911 --> 00:07:31,030
- Was it enrolled in classes?
- Hm.
134
00:07:31,031 --> 00:07:32,660
How are these hard questions?
135
00:07:32,661 --> 00:07:35,540
Why, are these the questions you're asking?
136
00:07:35,541 --> 00:07:38,150
You don't wanna know, if
a dog got a degree here?
137
00:07:38,151 --> 00:07:39,570
It's not important.
138
00:07:39,571 --> 00:07:44,690
What I wanna know is, did a dog get a
degree here, in any way that can be proven?
139
00:07:44,691 --> 00:07:46,750
Ooh, I like that, Jeffrey.
140
00:07:46,751 --> 00:07:48,930
I don't like that! I like the truth.
141
00:07:48,931 --> 00:07:50,330
Play lawyer on your own time.
142
00:07:50,331 --> 00:07:53,610
This is my own time.
You wanted me invested?
143
00:07:53,611 --> 00:07:58,790
Well, this dump cuts my paychecks,
and I've got three hours to defend it.
144
00:07:58,791 --> 00:08:01,340
So, how many seconds of
that should I waste on truth,
145
00:08:01,341 --> 00:08:04,780
which is an artificial construct
that rarely holds up in court,
146
00:08:04,781 --> 00:08:08,200
and has never changed
the outcome of a fight.
147
00:08:08,201 --> 00:08:10,940
- I'm sorry you have to see him like this.
- Well, he is right about one thing,
148
00:08:10,941 --> 00:08:14,910
if City College can't support
their claim, it's libel, we can have
149
00:08:14,911 --> 00:08:19,160
the station pull the ad, but that is
precisely why the truth does matter.
150
00:08:19,161 --> 00:08:22,480
- The Brenda paradox.
- I found the dog.
151
00:08:22,481 --> 00:08:24,240
I also found a lot of people's
social security numbers.
152
00:08:24,241 --> 00:08:25,860
You know, this incident's gone to far.
153
00:08:25,861 --> 00:08:26,360
Yeah.
154
00:08:27,770 --> 00:08:30,340
This says she's registered
as a border terrier.
155
00:08:30,341 --> 00:08:32,230
- They said Staffordshire in the commercial.
- Isn't that something?
156
00:08:32,231 --> 00:08:35,980
I mean we've known this animal 30
seconds and she's already unreliable.
157
00:08:35,981 --> 00:08:37,920
Who is the real Ruffles?
158
00:08:37,921 --> 00:08:41,190
I'm sorry. Our strategy
is to go after the dog?
159
00:08:41,191 --> 00:08:45,420
Our strategy is denial, which
includes discrediting the source.
160
00:08:45,421 --> 00:08:47,100
Aben, can you make one of those attack ads?
161
00:08:47,101 --> 00:08:49,750
Jeff wants me to make me an attack
ad. So, why is he a pedophile?
162
00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:55,812
- Just demonstrating the formula.
- You can refine your technique as you go.
163
00:08:55,813 --> 00:09:01,270
I wanna know everything about this Ruffles,
she thinks she went to this school, fine.
164
00:09:01,271 --> 00:09:04,220
But, maybe she thinks
cat turds are delicious.
165
00:09:04,221 --> 00:09:07,890
And maybe she barks just a
little bit more, at black mailmen.
166
00:09:07,891 --> 00:09:11,770
And she's spayed now, but how
many puppies are out there?
167
00:09:11,771 --> 00:09:13,790
If you do this, we're no
better than City College.
168
00:09:13,791 --> 00:09:18,100
We've never been better than City
College. We gave a degree to a dog.
169
00:09:18,101 --> 00:09:20,940
Allegedly, this conversation is privileged.
170
00:09:20,941 --> 00:09:25,870
I could do a Banksy style stencil of a
dog, and spray paint it all over a school.
171
00:09:25,871 --> 00:09:26,760
That sounds great!
172
00:09:26,761 --> 00:09:29,350
But first, why don't you
go get a bunch of coffee,
173
00:09:29,351 --> 00:09:33,360
drink all of it, then go get
some more and bring it back here.
174
00:09:33,361 --> 00:09:34,066
I actually love that idea.
175
00:09:34,067 --> 00:09:35,560
- Mm-hm.
- I'll go with her.
176
00:09:36,790 --> 00:09:38,060
She's wearing my pants.
177
00:09:38,061 --> 00:09:41,560
I know this is crazy, but I'm gonna
check the school records to see if,
178
00:09:42,630 --> 00:09:45,380
you know, we gave a degree to a dog.
179
00:09:45,381 --> 00:09:46,440
- We didn't.
- That's good.
180
00:09:46,441 --> 00:09:49,150
You guys go find that
truth you love so much.
181
00:09:49,151 --> 00:09:51,465
If it's the kind we can use, bring it back.
182
00:09:51,466 --> 00:09:54,215
If not, you know, stuff gets lost.
183
00:09:54,216 --> 00:09:57,485
No. No. Bad! We are
better than City College.
184
00:09:57,486 --> 00:09:58,821
We always have been.
185
00:09:58,822 --> 00:10:02,740
Which is why I know, that we
did not give a degree to a dog.
186
00:10:07,787 --> 00:10:12,500
Oh.
187
00:10:12,501 --> 00:10:14,960
I say we fight fire with fire.
188
00:10:14,961 --> 00:10:19,210
City College try to embarrass us?
We should embarrass them, right?
189
00:10:19,211 --> 00:10:19,780
Right.
190
00:10:19,781 --> 00:10:22,540
I say I go to City College with a camera,
191
00:10:22,541 --> 00:10:26,000
shoot a really gross porno movie
on their campus and put it online.
192
00:10:26,001 --> 00:10:27,210
- Fine.
- Cool.
193
00:10:29,812 --> 00:10:30,518
Wait, what?
194
00:10:37,150 --> 00:10:40,110
It's very inspiring to watch you work.
195
00:10:40,111 --> 00:10:42,320
You are inspiring, too.
196
00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:44,980
In what way?
197
00:10:46,060 --> 00:10:49,580
I need olives, can you bring me olives?
198
00:10:49,581 --> 00:10:52,470
Not again. You did this a month ago.
199
00:10:52,471 --> 00:10:56,240
Then I brought them to you, and
you acted like you hated them.
200
00:10:56,241 --> 00:11:00,149
It's only my style to be secret,
please bring me five can of olives.
201
00:11:01,520 --> 00:11:03,030
Five cans?
202
00:11:03,031 --> 00:11:07,740
But don't believe me if I say I don't
like. I'm just pretending I hate olives.
203
00:11:15,940 --> 00:11:20,344
Honestly? I couldn't care less
if they gave a dog a degree.
204
00:11:20,345 --> 00:11:21,408
Me neither.
205
00:11:22,570 --> 00:11:25,239
In fact, I kinda hope they did.
206
00:11:25,240 --> 00:11:27,408
- Well, why is that?
- I don't know.
207
00:11:27,409 --> 00:11:30,130
They all treat me like I'm a joke.
208
00:11:30,131 --> 00:11:34,160
But if a dog got a degree,
that means we're all a joke.
209
00:11:34,161 --> 00:11:34,660
Mm.
210
00:11:35,680 --> 00:11:36,180
Whoa.
211
00:11:37,910 --> 00:11:40,230
Natalie is freezing?
212
00:11:40,231 --> 00:11:42,800
- You know them?
- Yeah of course I know. But how do you?
213
00:11:42,801 --> 00:11:43,650
- You're...
- Black?
214
00:11:43,651 --> 00:11:44,150
No. Old.
215
00:11:44,151 --> 00:11:49,950
Oh, I'm sorry I just meant that,
when I was into them I was like 15.
216
00:11:49,951 --> 00:11:50,730
I was like 40.
217
00:11:50,731 --> 00:11:53,520
I never really listened to
music, when I was growing up.
218
00:11:53,521 --> 00:11:58,232
I was in my own world, but one
day at work, I heard this sound.
219
00:11:58,233 --> 00:12:00,524
It was Pillar of Garbage.
220
00:12:00,525 --> 00:12:03,778
Oh, that is their best song. Best song.
221
00:12:03,779 --> 00:12:04,862
I've got it right here.
222
00:12:04,863 --> 00:12:06,781
- Would you play it?
- Yeah.
223
00:12:08,332 --> 00:12:15,697
[MUSIC]
224
00:12:45,528 --> 00:12:46,987
You know, you know what?
225
00:12:46,988 --> 00:12:49,827
You know, those guys are going to
need coffee if they're going to keep
226
00:12:49,828 --> 00:12:51,440
that dog from having a degree.
227
00:12:51,441 --> 00:12:54,940
There are things at, at
stake here. I, I get that now.
228
00:12:59,810 --> 00:13:02,440
I found the smell. Someone filed a taco.
229
00:13:04,310 --> 00:13:07,026
Things that will otherwise get
filed straight to my thighs.
230
00:13:07,027 --> 00:13:13,391
Hm, so I know you agree with me
that we need to find the truth,
231
00:13:13,392 --> 00:13:16,290
but do you agree that the
truth won't be horrible?
232
00:13:16,291 --> 00:13:20,280
I'm not psychic Annie, that's an
illusion caused by extreme preparedness.
233
00:13:20,281 --> 00:13:22,070
But, what do you hope is true?
234
00:13:22,071 --> 00:13:25,270
Oh, God, no, I never hope.
Hope is pouting in advance.
235
00:13:25,271 --> 00:13:27,780
Hope is faith's richer, bitchier sister.
236
00:13:27,781 --> 00:13:32,600
Hope is the deformed attic bound incest
monster offspring of entitlement and fear.
237
00:13:32,601 --> 00:13:35,060
My life results tripled
the year I gave up hope
238
00:13:35,061 --> 00:13:37,760
and every game on my phone that
had anything to do with farming.
239
00:13:37,761 --> 00:13:41,090
What's true will be true, Annie.
Our job is to deal with that truth.
240
00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:45,740
- You sound a little like Jeff.
- Jeff said I sound like Abed.
241
00:13:45,741 --> 00:13:47,715
I wonder if Britta
thinks I sound like Chang.
242
00:13:47,716 --> 00:13:51,650
I assume Chang thinks I sound like
distant explosions and crying babies,
243
00:13:51,651 --> 00:13:53,596
you know, he's unstable, right?
244
00:13:53,597 --> 00:13:55,390
Yep.
245
00:13:55,391 --> 00:13:58,976
Oh, a transcript for Ruffles.
246
00:13:58,977 --> 00:14:01,979
- You think that's our guy?
- I do.
247
00:14:06,734 --> 00:14:10,779
- Oh my God.
- So many classes.
248
00:14:13,824 --> 00:14:17,203
- See what hope does?
- Screw you, Frankie!
249
00:14:18,579 --> 00:14:22,210
I'm sorry, Annie. But I don't think
you're seeing this for what it is.
250
00:14:22,211 --> 00:14:27,830
It's a transcript for a dog.
A really, really long one!
251
00:14:27,831 --> 00:14:30,870
It's proof that Jeff was
right. This school has no value.
252
00:14:30,871 --> 00:14:33,250
Yeah, but this folder has no degree. Look.
253
00:14:33,251 --> 00:14:35,547
What's that?
254
00:14:37,282 --> 00:14:38,655
Victory.
255
00:14:38,656 --> 00:14:39,683
You know, within the context of Greendale.
256
00:14:42,311 --> 00:14:44,814
- Would it be better if we...
- No.
257
00:14:44,815 --> 00:14:47,190
- Never know until you try.
- Never know until I try.
258
00:14:47,191 --> 00:14:48,830
- What?
- I said we're quite a team.
259
00:14:48,831 --> 00:14:53,520
Here's the coffee. Let me know if
there's anything else I can do to help.
260
00:14:53,521 --> 00:14:55,550
We could use some fresh eyes on this cut.
261
00:14:55,551 --> 00:14:56,060
We could?
262
00:14:56,061 --> 00:14:57,830
Has anyone told you you're
difficult to work with?
263
00:14:57,831 --> 00:14:59,996
Everyone in your line of work.
264
00:14:59,997 --> 00:15:01,497
This is Ruffles.
265
00:15:01,498 --> 00:15:04,458
She'd like you to believe she's a
college graduate and a good girl.
266
00:15:04,459 --> 00:15:06,544
But Ruffles is anything, but...
267
00:15:06,545 --> 00:15:09,790
When Ruffles moved into
her neighborhood in 2007,
268
00:15:09,791 --> 00:15:11,799
dead squirrels went up by 17%.
269
00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:12,675
Coincidence?
270
00:15:12,676 --> 00:15:14,426
Ask this bunny.
271
00:15:14,427 --> 00:15:18,046
Ruffles stole cookies from a Girl Scout,
impersonated a lobster,
272
00:15:18,047 --> 00:15:20,840
has had 27 children with
five different fathers,
273
00:15:20,841 --> 00:15:23,519
and, according to one local doctor,
has worms.
274
00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:25,563
Ruffles might claim she doesn't.
275
00:15:25,564 --> 00:15:27,628
Ruffles claims a lot of things,
276
00:15:27,629 --> 00:15:31,235
maybe that's why Ruffles
once spent time on death row.
277
00:15:31,236 --> 00:15:35,910
Ruffles, not a lobster,
not a student, not a good dog.
278
00:15:35,911 --> 00:15:37,520
Paid for by humanity versus Ruffles.
279
00:15:37,521 --> 00:15:41,220
I originally wanted the voice-over
to be a James Earl Jones impersonator,
280
00:15:41,221 --> 00:15:43,180
but the James Spader impersonator
turned out pretty good.
281
00:15:44,980 --> 00:15:48,377
I do wish he'd leave, though.
282
00:15:48,378 --> 00:15:50,214
- You really let that dog have it.
- Yeah.
283
00:15:50,215 --> 00:15:53,854
Which I, I realize, is important now.
284
00:15:53,855 --> 00:15:55,759
- Is it okay if I crash on...
- Yeah. Yes. Yes.
285
00:16:03,059 --> 00:16:04,950
- What are you doing?
- Nothing at all.
286
00:16:04,951 --> 00:16:07,560
I wouldn't say that. You just put
five huge cans of olives next to me.
287
00:16:08,580 --> 00:16:10,050
Just something I felt like doing.
288
00:16:11,580 --> 00:16:13,180
This isn't the first time you've done this.
289
00:16:15,660 --> 00:16:17,320
I'm really confused by this.
290
00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:21,210
- Is it code for something?
- I don't know.
291
00:16:22,970 --> 00:16:25,600
And I don't care.
292
00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:28,560
Jackpot, relative to Greendale.
293
00:16:28,561 --> 00:16:34,600
My God, look at the course
load, this dog was an animal.
294
00:16:34,601 --> 00:16:36,120
Most of them were attendance based.
295
00:16:36,121 --> 00:16:37,178
How is this good news?
296
00:16:37,179 --> 00:16:43,320
Unpaid library fees, 15 dollars,
diploma withheld until payment remitted.
297
00:16:44,430 --> 00:16:47,090
No degree, the commercial's a lie.
298
00:16:47,091 --> 00:16:49,620
I'm gonna call the station right
now and have them pull the ad.
299
00:16:49,621 --> 00:16:51,970
Eat crap Ruffles, and not just your own.
300
00:16:51,971 --> 00:16:55,130
- Guys, let it go.
- What are you talking about?
301
00:16:55,131 --> 00:16:58,450
The sad truth is that a
dog can get a degree here.
302
00:16:58,451 --> 00:17:00,050
Yeah, but the happy truth is none did.
303
00:17:00,051 --> 00:17:02,850
There's a difference
between truth and honesty.
304
00:17:03,990 --> 00:17:05,890
Library dues? Who cares!
305
00:17:05,891 --> 00:17:09,520
Ruffles put the work in
relative to Greendale.
306
00:17:09,521 --> 00:17:12,230
That City College ad
may be technically a lie,
307
00:17:12,231 --> 00:17:16,860
but it's really dishonest
to kill it on a technicality.
308
00:17:16,861 --> 00:17:19,770
And dragging this dog's
name through the mud?
309
00:17:19,771 --> 00:17:21,763
That's worse than dishonest. That's evil!
310
00:17:21,764 --> 00:17:24,820
Evil? I'll cop to silly.
311
00:17:24,821 --> 00:17:28,320
Somethings are silly and
evil, like candy cigarettes.
312
00:17:28,321 --> 00:17:30,230
And remember when Flava
Flav had that reality show?
313
00:17:30,231 --> 00:17:31,470
I don't own a TV.
314
00:17:35,580 --> 00:17:39,670
Honestly, I think the most
honest thing we can do right now.
315
00:17:39,671 --> 00:17:43,090
The only thing that will make
us better then City College,
316
00:17:43,091 --> 00:17:45,579
is to let that ad run and take our lumps.
317
00:17:46,700 --> 00:17:50,830
Annie, this started with me sleeping
and getting yelled at for not helping.
318
00:17:50,831 --> 00:17:53,950
If it ends with you yelling at me
for not sleeping, that's not a story,
319
00:17:53,951 --> 00:17:55,320
that's a German art film.
320
00:17:55,321 --> 00:17:58,010
Let, let it go.
321
00:17:58,011 --> 00:18:02,390
I am a female student being physically
overpowered by a male teacher.
322
00:18:02,391 --> 00:18:03,762
Damn it! Britta, get her.
323
00:18:05,514 --> 00:18:10,090
- Frankie, get her!
- Annie, sweetie, think about this practically.
324
00:18:10,091 --> 00:18:14,800
If being better than City College means
letting them destroy us then what is the point?
325
00:18:14,801 --> 00:18:18,600
If surviving means being like them,
what's the point?
326
00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:24,080
Why not let one school die, and enroll
at the one where my grades matter.
327
00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:27,623
If those are your terms.
328
00:18:27,624 --> 00:18:30,539
If the price of that
transcript is you transferring?
329
00:18:37,087 --> 00:18:40,040
We accept.
Personally, I hope you're bluffing.
330
00:18:42,210 --> 00:18:47,040
Yeah, well, here's what hope gets you.
Hope and $1.49 will get you a candy bar.
331
00:18:47,041 --> 00:18:49,058
- Buck 79.
- Are you serious? Jesus!
332
00:18:50,476 --> 00:18:56,170
Have fun with your lying,
cheating, dog smearing,
333
00:18:56,171 --> 00:19:00,986
truth blurring, trouser swapping school.
334
00:19:03,572 --> 00:19:05,690
I remember when candy bars were 50 cents.
335
00:19:06,730 --> 00:19:10,110
If someone says, hey, I just joined Mensa.
336
00:19:10,111 --> 00:19:13,130
Or I consider myself a
postmodern this or that.
337
00:19:13,131 --> 00:19:16,770
You could say, yeah, that and $.
50 could get you a candy bar,
338
00:19:16,771 --> 00:19:18,580
or that and a quarter
could get you a phone call.
339
00:19:20,420 --> 00:19:22,120
It was easy to be unimpressed back then.
340
00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:25,940
I mean it was, literally, cheaper.
341
00:19:25,941 --> 00:19:29,056
All right, we're kinda bummed out right now.
Annie has just left.
342
00:19:29,057 --> 00:19:32,895
Oh, were you guys close?
343
00:19:59,503 --> 00:20:02,154
- Abed, I don't wanna talk right now.
- Okay.
344
00:20:05,510 --> 00:20:08,012
Just so you know, the Greendale
ad is gonna go up any time now.
345
00:20:08,013 --> 00:20:08,929
I thought you might want to see it.
346
00:20:08,930 --> 00:20:10,769
- You know I don't to be a part of that.
- Just trust me.
347
00:20:16,645 --> 00:20:18,240
This is Ruffles.
348
00:20:18,241 --> 00:20:21,080
Ruffles was a student at
Greendale Community College,
349
00:20:21,081 --> 00:20:24,800
she came really close to getting a degree,
which means two things.
350
00:20:24,801 --> 00:20:30,150
She's an exceptional dog, and Greendale
really needs to get its shit together.
351
00:20:30,151 --> 00:20:31,410
We're working on it.
352
00:20:31,411 --> 00:20:32,250
We're working hard.
353
00:20:32,251 --> 00:20:36,090
And the good news is,
when you work hard at Greendale,
354
00:20:36,091 --> 00:20:39,113
no matter who or what you are, it pays off.
355
00:20:39,114 --> 00:20:41,718
Right, Ruffles?
356
00:20:41,719 --> 00:20:42,780
Jesus.
357
00:20:42,781 --> 00:20:46,345
Greendale Community College.
You're already accepted.
358
00:20:49,137 --> 00:20:52,723
You guys I knew you
wouldn't do that to Ruffles.
359
00:20:52,724 --> 00:20:55,226
- You hoped.
- I hoped and it worked.
360
00:20:55,227 --> 00:20:57,853
- Hope points.
- Hope points.
361
00:20:57,854 --> 00:21:00,935
You do understand that what we did, was
also just the most prudent tactical move,
362
00:21:00,936 --> 00:21:04,520
getting in front of the scandal,
Letterman style.
363
00:21:04,521 --> 00:21:10,280
Yes, Jeff, don't worry. I promise I'll
never mistake you for having a heart.
364
00:21:10,281 --> 00:21:10,874
Thank you.
365
00:21:10,875 --> 00:21:13,121
Kiss City College goodbye.
366
00:21:13,122 --> 00:21:15,246
- I did it.
- Did what?
367
00:21:15,247 --> 00:21:18,082
That stuff we talked about.
368
00:21:18,083 --> 00:21:20,545
- Who are you?
- I'm the plumber?
369
00:21:20,546 --> 00:21:22,545
- Why?
- Here's why!
370
00:21:22,546 --> 00:21:23,045
Oh.
371
00:21:23,046 --> 00:21:23,548
Oh, God.
372
00:21:23,549 --> 00:21:30,052
Aw.
373
00:21:30,053 --> 00:21:32,304
This is pornography? Doy.
374
00:21:32,305 --> 00:21:34,181
- You're the only actor.
- So?
375
00:21:34,182 --> 00:21:35,850
What kind of lens is this?
376
00:21:35,851 --> 00:21:40,470
- Who cares?
- You might be a genius.
377
00:21:40,471 --> 00:21:41,330
Why did you do this?
378
00:21:41,331 --> 00:21:45,100
What parent is going to let their kid
go to a school if a porn got shot there?
379
00:21:45,101 --> 00:21:47,560
But you shot in front of a plaster
wall that could be anywhere.
380
00:21:47,561 --> 00:21:49,240
And you're wearing your Greendale T-shirt.
381
00:21:49,241 --> 00:21:55,705
Okay genius, but the title is
Chang does Greendale, oh wait.
382
00:22:02,918 --> 00:22:04,579
Reshoots.
383
00:22:08,874 --> 00:22:11,368
_
384
00:22:11,833 --> 00:22:14,865
_
385
00:22:15,065 --> 00:22:18,436
_
386
00:22:19,425 --> 00:22:23,234
_
387
00:22:23,913 --> 00:22:26,263
_
388
00:22:26,463 --> 00:22:29,868
_
389
00:22:30,068 --> 00:22:32,603
_
390
00:22:33,143 --> 00:22:35,022
_
391
00:22:36,026 --> 00:22:41,977
_
392
00:22:57,188 --> 00:23:00,200
The Dean? Hellos?
393
00:23:00,201 --> 00:23:02,390
Are you in trouble? Is everything okay?
394
00:23:02,391 --> 00:23:05,820
Is life hard everywhere?
Is everyone alone?
395
00:23:05,821 --> 00:23:09,026
All the time. Are you at home Jeffrey?
Should I come over?
396
00:23:09,027 --> 00:23:12,196
You cannot come to me.
I must confession you...
397
00:23:12,197 --> 00:23:13,405
I am not Jeffrey.
398
00:23:13,406 --> 00:23:16,485
I understand. I rarely know who I am.
399
00:23:16,486 --> 00:23:19,675
- No, I mean I am not Jeffrey.
- Let it out.
400
00:23:19,676 --> 00:23:22,375
I am Takashi. I am teenage boy in Tokyo.
401
00:23:22,376 --> 00:23:24,275
I think we all are sometimes.
402
00:23:25,325 --> 00:23:29,165
I am sorry for making fun before,
but now I need a friend.
403
00:23:29,166 --> 00:23:31,725
Why don't I bring you some olives tomorrow,
Jeffrey?
404
00:23:31,726 --> 00:23:35,239
- I am not Jeffrey!
- I am not the Dean!
405
00:23:40,500 --> 00:23:43,370
I often think about that night.
406
00:23:43,371 --> 00:23:47,018
Such a small event, but ultimately...
407
00:23:47,019 --> 00:23:51,083
the moment that would
lead me to becoming Ioban.
408
00:23:51,403 --> 00:23:53,948
Highest the leader of the Yakuza.
409
00:23:54,148 --> 00:23:56,690
410
00:23:56,740 --> 00:24:01,290
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