All language subtitles for Community s05e13 Basic Sandwich.eng

This is Russell Borchert,
computer genius,

anti-deodorant activist,
and millionaire.

He was rich for having invented
the 9-track cassette,

which the 8-track industry paid
to keep quiet.

He funneled that wealth

into a computer school
called Greendale,

where he obsessively pursued
a new project,

a machine that can process feelings.

He apparently used nothing but gold
to assemble his circuitry,

believing it to be a better conductor
of human emotion.

It was a weird time.
The Bionic Woman won an Emmy.

Rumors spread about
his relationship with computers,

and one day, he disappeared,

hence the legend that he died
of the first computer virus.

The city bought the campus,
and life went on.

His body was never found,
nor was his immense wealth.

Some people said he hid his money
using a portal to another dimension.

Those people were on LSD.

Everyone else said
he had a secret vault in his office.

- Well, where's his office?
- Good question.

We found this confession
written by Greendale's first Dean.

"To protect the student health
and the school's reputation,

"I have sealed off
the computer department

and removed the stairwell
to that entire section."

A section that remains
on this campus somewhere,

its secrets untouched,

including quite possibly
Borchert's millions.

If we found it,

we could buy it from the city
before Subway.

Then I could really go nuts
with this place.

This is the kind of adventure
I usually have to force upon us,

and here it is,
falling into our laps.

We're like the Goonies,
except our story tracks logically

and has a chance of holding up
to objective critical scrutiny.

- Can you please stop that?
- Sorry.

Here are your blueprints.
Sorry it took so long.

You can't fight city hall.

Apparently you can.
That's why it took so long.

Well, I'll be damned.
Would you look at that?

It's so clear now.

The entire school
is shaped like a penis.

No, that.

It says right here that this stairway
leads to sublevel three.

Is that where the teachers' lounge is?

What the hell
does your penis look like?

Obviously a cluster of buildings,
so let's all have a big laugh at the freak.

Sync & corrections by Elderfel
www.addic7ed.com

The missing stairwell
would be in this area.

Keep your eyes peeled.
I don't know why, but serial killers

and people that hide treasure
always leave weird little clues.

Check it out.

Look at the bottle held
by the school's

first and least acceptable mascot,
Big Chief Drunky.

X marks the spot, baby.

Maybe you shouldn't be... Okay.

- Shirley, will you lock the door?
- Okay.

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There you go.

It's just a bunch of wires.

Exactly what they want us to think.

Oh, my God.

Wait, wait, wait.

The sparks may be spelling out
the next clue.

Is Duncan okay?

He'll live,

but his food's gonna taste
like burnt aluminum for a while.

It's pronounced "al-u-minium."

- See, he's fine.
- Okay, guys, stop it now.

Nobody wants to admit its over,
but come on.

Oh, look, it's Jeff Winger, fun police,

here to pull over our smiles
'cause our mouths have tinted windows.

Britta and I are getting married.

- What?
- Married?

Well, you're gonna need
way more doves than this.

What does this look like,
an hour-long episode of The Office?

There's pick-axing
and electric zapping.

Don't even acknowledge it.
We are not acknowledging this.

You guys are ridiculous together.

We're ridiculous?
What do you call this?

- Secret trapdoor!
- Booyah.

Who's got rope?

I'm offended by that question.

This is Richie and Carl
from the school board.

That's right. We got names.

Open this door now.

Wait, I know where the keys are.

You hear that?

When we get there,
you're gonna be in big trouble.

Here they are. Here they are.

Which one is it?

Well, it's never the first one,
so we can cancel this one out.

Come on.

I guess now this is the first one,
so it should be the next one.

- Oh, damn.
- You know what?

I got it. Get out of the way.

- Richie, be careful.
- Don't worry.

I've been drinking.

Oh, hello. Would you like some tea?

The tea is swell.

- Do you think they...
- Shh.

- I think...
- Shh.

- Oh, come on, shh.
- Shh.

You know it's just as loud as...

Shh.

Everybody, shut up!

Guys, I think this is
the lost section of Greendale.

Nobody's been in here since the '70s.

How do you know?

Because the debate team topic is

"Who's hotter, Elliot Gould
or Donald Sutherland?"

Donald Sutherland.

- Scary.
- Oh, relax.

If it's anything
like a regular dungeon,

it's only as dangerous
as whoever invited you.

Abed, if there's killer robots
down here,

you'll tell them
we're on your side, right?

Yes, but we won't know them
from ordinary robots until they kill us.

- So what do we do now?
- Split up.

Leave no '70s reference unturned.

This decade's a little out
of my wheelhouse.

Pet rock...
Leave no pet rock unturned.

Here, let me lead.
My light's better.

Your light's better?

You're that insecure that
your light has to be better?

- Shut up.
- You shut up.

Anything in there?

Just spider webs and beanbag chairs.

Oh, don't cry.

The importance
of lumbar support hadn't...

It's not that.

It's just even if we do save Greendale,

which Greendale will we be saving?

First Pierce dies. Then Troy leaves.

- Now people are...
- Getting married?

Annie, look, I don't know people,
but I know TV.

When characters feel like
the show they're on is ending,

their instinct is to spin off
into something safer,

in Jeff and Britta's case,
something that would last six episodes

and have a lot of bickering
about tweezers and gluten,

starring them
and an equally W.A.S.P.-y

brunette couple with a title
like better with my worse half

or awfully wedded or tying the not,
but "knot" is spelt without a K,

or #CouplePeopleProblems,
and every episode, you get...

- Abed. Abed, stop developing.
- Sorry.

The point is, this show, Annie,
it isn't just their show.

This is our show, and it's not over.

And the sooner we find that treasure,

the faster the Jeff-Britta pilot
falls apart.

Got it. Thank you, Abed.

You're welcome.

- I have a girlfriend.
- What?

You were about to start a kiss lean.

- I was not.
- Fine. Let's go find treasure.

- Did you find anything?
- No.

We've searched every crevice
of this place,

and the only treasures we've found
are this CB radio,

these basketball cards
with white people on them,

and this little rocket launcher
from some action figure.

Seems like an odd place
for a dead end, though.

Could be a secret door.

Maybe the jukebox is the key to it.

Just remember, it's okay if we fail.

- Right, Jeff?
- That's right.

Agh, try every button.
Just try every single button ever.

- Are you all right?
- No!

I was dying!

- Try track 127.
- Right.

Because 127 in binary code
would be a palindrome.

Because the song title is "Open the Door"
by The Secret Doors.

-
Open the door

-
We got to open the door

Borchert's secret lab.

That's the machine Borchert
was working on in the film.

Borchert's gold.

We need to get this upstairs.

Save Greendale.

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.

You're Russell Borchert, aren't you?

Hey, I'm gonna peel off
some band-aids here.

Dennis Hopper is dead,

TV shows give no time
for theme songs anymore,

and Woody Allen did the voice
of a cartoon ant.

Jeff!

Sorry, I lose track
of how big I'm getting.

I don't.

You vandalized private property.

You nearly destroy the school

when it's finally about
to make a profit?

You guys are the worst,

with your stupid paintballs
and your freeze tags.

- Hot lava.
- That was hot lava?

Dumb.

Tell us where the others went.

Guys, guys.

- What do you want to do?
- What should we do?

Well, what can we do?

Okay.

I'm gonna need you guys to stay back

and never tell anyone
about what you saw here today.

You're special, Richie.
Your mind is special.

You know it works differently
from other kids' minds.

Thank you.

I know where they went.

They climbed out a window to the roof,
hopped on a hang glider,

and flew it across town
to that Greek restaurant,

Papa Cristo's?

I robbed your brain. I robbed it.

Hey, guys, we found a hatch in the floor
underneath the vending machine.

I think they went down inside it.

Was there a hang glider?

You're gonna find out...

You're gonna find a hang glider
down there.

That much I know.

So anyway,
I sealed myself up down here

with 50 years of food,
50 years of toilet paper,

and 50 years of cocaine,

which I somehow ran out of
after about 10 years.

Wow, the '80s happened
down here too.

Yeah.

Hey, what are you doing with Raquel?

Mm-mm, uh-uh.
Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh.

Russell, we're on a bit of a deadline,

and to put it bluntly,
we need your gold.

- Raquel!
- Uh, guys, little help...

She just needs a little more time.

Sir, Raquel has taken
the best years of your life

and a dozen of your not-so-good.

If she hasn't given anything back,
it might be time to move on.

Stop.
You guys, what are we doing?

- Saving Greendale.
- From what?

We were driven down here
by sellouts with crappy values.

Since when do human beings decide
which dreams are worthwhile?

Look at him. He's one of us.

We have to respect each other enough

to let each other want
what we want,

no matter how transparently
self-destructive

or empty our desires may be.

If it was money
that you guys wanted,

why didn't you say so?

You can just have my leftover cash
that's under the desk over there.

Yeah, I don't think
it's worth much up there.

- Those are Gerald Ford dollars.
- How many?

Eh, couple of million.

Back in the '70s,
that was worth millions.

Hey, I've got an idea.

How about you people leave me alone
and I hereby grant that to Greendale?

What?

Glad to hear it.

Get back. This pickle's a magnet.

- Whoa, whoa.
- I'll wipe her out, man.

Don't you dare use that pickle...

Get over there with them.

You have no legal claim
to that money.

Take it up with Subway
in about an hour

after close of escrow.

Hey, Chang,
you've become a bad guy again?

There's a lot more to it
than that, Britta.

Wait, I'm not wearing a mask?

Okay, there's no more to it.
I think I'm just mentally ill.

All right, just stay back.
All right?

No, don't.

No!

-
Close the door

-
We got to close the door

-
Faster than it opens

- Hey!
- Hang in there.

Raquel is the main operating system.

She controls the door, the lights,

the shower probably, everything,

and now she's dead.

So we're trapped in here forever.

Or just until we run out
of food and water.

At least we'll have each other.

Till death do us part.

You know what?
You guys can have my food and water.

Come on, Raquel. Come on.

Baby. Come on.

Oh, thank God.

Her emotional components
are still on-line.

Emotional components?

I have accomplished things down here
you couldn't even possibly imagine.

Here, let me show you.

Ah, right there! That was it.
That was it. Did you see it?

Don't you see?
This computer responds to feelings.

When I started Greendale,
it was for ordinary people

to be able to access technology.

Wait, you started Greendale.

Do you have that in writing anywhere?

I don't know.

Somewhere with all that crap
over there.

But without an emotional component,

computers would strip us
of all humanity

and create a society
with emotionless eggheads at the top

and idiots with feelings
at the bottom,

and I refuse to let that happen,
and that's why I've spent...

What? What is that?

It's a video of a kitten.

And why are those people
arguing about it?

- And what's that?
- That's an emoticon.

That person wants
to indicate happiness

but can't convey it with language,

so they misuse punctuation
to form a smile.

That is so...

stupid.

Only an idiot would think of this.

Idiots won,

which means my work down here
is done.

Good, because according
to what I'm seeing,

if we can get you up there
right now,

Subway won't be buying
this school.

- What?
- What?

Uh, yeah, but it's gonna take
a few hours to get that door open,

because Raquel's logic circuits...

bleh, not good.

You said her emotional components work.

Well, in theory,

a blast of human passion
could shock the mainframe

into a cold start,

but that's only if somebody
in this room

has feelings stronger than
I get when I rub my nipples,

so good luck with that, folks.

Give me that.

Everybody over there.
Turn around.

Turn around now.

You're here to save me, aren't you?

Let's get out of here
and never look back.

Jeff, in case you ever have
to remember me,

can I give you some options
for voice-over quotes?

Shut up, Abed.

- Milady.
- Milord.

What did you do?

Don't worry about it. Let's go.

The city of Greendale is proud

to be selling the school
of Greendale to Subway.

This brings to an end several years

of horrible management
by Dean Craig Isidore Pelton.

Not to throw anyone under the bus,
but he'd be the one.

And by my watch,
it is about time to sign these documents

and make it official.

Objection!

I teach law at Greendale,

so believe me,
I don't know much about law,

but I do know a contract
violation when I see one.

This is a legitimate transaction

where a city is selling a school
to a restaurant.

It happens somewhere every day.

Oh, the city can sell
the school all it wants,

but according to his contract
with the city,

the school's original founder
retains the privilege of consultation

on all future scholastic endeavors
taking place here.

So Subway Sandwich University,

meet your new Vice Dean,
Russell Borchert.

Oh.

Hi, I guess we're gonna be partners.

I understand there's some internet

where I can make
my inner thoughts public.

It seems like Greendale the city

and Greendale the school
have some stuff to sort out,

and Subway doesn't...
doesn't do conflict.

We do good food at good prices.

We are but simple sandwich artists

who want the world to eat fresh.

Eat fresh!

Subway, ho!

Did we just save Greendale?

- Did we just save Greendale?
- No, no, you did not.

You moved dirt
around Greendale's grave.

Your school is still bankrupt,
it is still unmarketable,

and it is still
on the permanent chopping block

of anyone who has any say
in its future.

Yeah?

Well, around here,
we call that Wednesday.

Hey, after I was electrocuted,

didn't you two say
you were gonna get married?

Doesn't electrocuted
technically mean killed?

Do you always have
to correct people like that?

Do you always have
to police correcting?

That's it. The marriage is off.

I think you mean the wedding is off.

- Yeah!
- Hey, hey.

Hey, I got to say,

you held up well
under that interrogation.

I'm gonna tell you something
that I'd like to stay between us.

Oh.

I was thinking about a hang glider.

None of this conflict truly matters.

The only owners of this land
are the Arapaho.

Would it offend you if I asked you
to train me in the use of certain powers?

Sorry, Carl. You deserve better.

Chang, you get it.

How would you like a job
on the school board?

Okay.

Your first job is to deliver this

to the city bursar's office.

On it.

Hi, yes, I'd like to replace
all my teeth with diamonds.

We live to fight another day.

Speaking of days,
I never got a chance to wish you

a happy birthday
or Halloween or Christmas

or any specific calendar event.

- Well, maybe next year.
- Definitely.

We'll definitely be back next year.

If not, it'll be because an asteroid
has destroyed all human civilization,

and that's canon.

What? What are you...

Hmm? Nothing.

__

Am I thinking what you're thinking?

__

Penny for your thoughts.

__

Intensive Karen.

__

Mr. Egypt.

__

Celebrity beat-off.

__

Captain Cook.

__

__

__

__

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www.addic7ed.com

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