All language subtitles for Community s05e10 Advanced Dragons.eng

Something for the committee to
put on their radar: Insurance.

- What about it?
- School needs some.

I can ask around on the street.

- What the hell?
- Oh, too cool

- for street insurance?
- Must be nice.

My sister wants to know
what I'm bringing

to my grandson's
birthday party.

I'm sensing
an emergency collage situation.

No, I wasn't invited.

My son had a kid
three years ago.

I barely get to see him
on major holidays.

I mean, who in the hell
does he think he is?

You saw your son
at his wedding.

No, that's Furio.
That's my gay son.

Him I get.
Hank's a knob.

He doesn't have
any hobbies or interests.

All he does is play that...
what do you call that crap

with the dungeons
and the dragons?

- Dungeons & dragons?
- That's the crap.

- Ooh.
- I know that game.

- We play Dungeons & Dragons.
- Mm-hmm.

Guys, let's play d&d
to help hickey reconnect

with his son!

- Huh?
- Was everyone's takeaway

from last time
that we can use d&d

to reprogram brains?

Nobody feels that
we almost caused a suicide?

We prevented one.

Fa...bulous Neil
felt like a nobody,

and thanks to us,
he's still out there,

doing this and that
in the background.

A satisfying sequel
is difficult to pull off.

Many geniuses have defeated
themselves through hubris,

making this a chance to prove

that I'm better
than all of them... I'm in.

All in favor of a game
of Dungeons & Dragons

to reunite hickey and his son
tomorrow night?

All: Aye!
- [Groans]

Well, okay.
[Chuckles]

It's short notice, but, uh,

I think it'll be good for me.

[Epic music]

So, dad, I'm just curious.

Um, what is it
about Dungeons & Dragons

that suddenly leapt out at you
at age 60?

Um... Dungeons.

It'd be the dungeons.

Let's begin.

A blood-orange sunrise
crests the peaks

of rage mountain,
as the eight of you

arrive at the troubled realm
of Galindor.

Ahead to the north,
a bridged ravine.

Beyond that,
a mysterious black tower

where, rumor has it,
an evil necromancer dwells.

Your goal: Reach to the top
of the tower

and destroy the necromancer,
freeing the realm

from his evil magic.

Oh, that's just what I love
about role-playing games,

is being told
exactly what to do.

Me too.

You should introduce
yourselves.

I am...

oh, boy.
Joseph Gordon diehard.

Really.
[Chuckles]

Son of sir riggs diehard.

Well, I'm sir riggs diehard,

so I guess I'm your dad
in the game too.

- Oh, my God, so cool.
- Oh, it's nice.

- Isn't that weird?
- Oh, boy.

Guys, I don't suppose
that this is some sort

of contrived
paint-by-numbers adventure

that's designed to force
an emotional bond

between me and my emotionally
stunted father, is it?

- No way, Jose.
- We wouldn't do that to you,

man.
What?

I got an idea.

Why don't we just
sort of reshuffle these...

- Oh.
- Oh, um...

and just redistribute them...

- No, I don't...
- And just mix 'em up a bit.

Is this right, Abed?
Should we...

and here we go.

Hello, everyone.

I am Tristram Steelheart.

I'm a holy cleric with a mace

and a dumb name.

Ouch.

I'm tiny nuggins,
a, uh, a thief,

and the rest is gibberish.

Greetings,
I am Fibrosis the Ranger.

I'm Crouton,
the half-orc druid.

Druid? Oh, Crouton.

Hector the well endowed?
Again?

You think
that's a weird coincidence?

I'm a troll named Dingleberry.

That's my mom's nickname
for me.

Well, I'm who hickey was,
sir riggs diehard.

I am Joseph Gordon,

son of riggs.

I protect the blade of diehard,

a family sword whose power
knows no equal.

In our clan,
the leader carries the hilt,

his eldest heir, the blade,

for we believe man's
greatest weapon against evil

is the bond bet...
[Chokes up]

Is the bond
between a father and son.

Aw.

What would you guys like to do?

We should cross the bridge

and head for the black tower.

Huzzah? Huzzah?
Huzzah.

- Huzzah.
- Yeah, I don't know

if I'm gonna head
across the bridge, actually.

I mean, what else is out there?

What's South or east or west?

How about it, Aziz?

If I walk too far South,

do I fall
off your graph paper there?

You can head South.

I've generated some details
about the surrounding area.

You know,
for God's sakes, Hank,

it's been five seconds.

Can you not do this?

Hey, you tell me.

- Are we losing?
- No.

It's not a competition.

- The only winner is fun.
- Mmhmm.

We're having fun!

I go to Tristram,
and I'm laughing,

and I pick him up,

and I carry him to the bridge.

It's fun!

Hector the well endowed
is trying to lift you.

I cast Torvin's flesh of fire.

[Fire whooshes]

Tristram murmurs
an incantation.

His body becomes wreathed
in white-hot flame,

burning Hector for...

Six damage.

- Hey!
- Well, Hector,

that's called self-defense.

Tristram's flesh of fire spell

has caught the bridge on fire.

The rope supports
in the middle snap,

causing the bridge to twist.

I'm rolling dexterity checks
to see if you all hold on.

- Oh!
- Abed,

considering the bigger picture,

you think it might be possible
you miscalculated

the strength
of the bridge, hmm?

Good point.
It would've been constructed

in the third age by goblins,

and they used
primitive iron anchors.

The ropes are yanked
from the rocky slopes

on both sides,
and you all plummet

into the ravine below.

Abed!
[All protesting]

- Oh!
- Abed!

You plunge
into the icy, raging waters

of skull river.

- [Gasps]
- Ow!

You know, what's your problem?

- What's your problem?
- You didn't invite me

to Sebastian's birthday.
Ah, ha, ha, I knew it!

Who hoards a man's grandson?

He's not your grandson.
He's my son.

And I didn't invite you
to the birthday party

'cause I wanted to enjoy it.

You know, fathers and sons,

there is a lot of power
between them.

- Yeah...
- Stop it.

And I spent a long time

letting that power
push me away from my dad,

and I regret it.

So what's ever between you guys

will only get fixed
when you're together.

- They're not together.
- Abed, you're not helping.

I'd be a pretty bad
dungeon master if I was.

Jeff, hickey, Annie,
and Shirley,

you've been washed down the left
fork of the skull river,

the others to the right.

[Water sloshes] [Gasping]

Father!

If you're going to continue,
I need Hank,

Britta, Chang, and Dean Pelton

to go into a different room.

Yeah, we're not going
to continue.

Thank you very much, guys.

This was just awesome.
Yeah, wait, wait, wait.

I'll play your dragon game
with you.

But let's make it interesting.

If I kill the necrophile
before you do,

I come
to my grandson's birthday.

We'll settle it like men.

Or whatever you call
the guys that play this.

Okay.

But if I kill the necromancer

before you do,

then you don't go to Christmas
or Thanksgiving

at aunt Rachel's.

You don't even go to that.

Yeah, but I will if you don't.

- Okay, fine.
- Okay.

Let the real game begin.

[Dramatic music]

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I will find you!

Well, I'm assuming you guys
can help me beat him,

because if we lose,
I'm gonna punch each of you

in the heart.

You awaken
on a muddy riverbank,

surrounded by treacherous, God-forsaken,

non-zipline vacation jungle.

I build a fire

and construct
a crude wooden rack

to dry my boots
and oversized codpiece.

All right,
and I can make some s'mores

out of horse meat
and s'more horse meat.

Build a fire? Horse s'mores?
Screw this.

The river runs east.
I head west.

Tiny Nuggins scampers
into the jungle.

Hey, pal, I didn't scamper

in the jungles of Nicaragua,

and I'm not gonna do it now.

Wait, come back!
I follow him.

- Me too.
- Tiny Nuggins,

if we rest,
we'll regain our strength.

And lose my family.

I'll imaginary sleep
when I'm imaginary dead.

Through the brush
in the distance,

you notice a patrol
of half a dozen hobgoblins.

[Hobgoblin growls] Hobgoblins?

Larger, stronger,
and worth more in scrabble

than regular goblins.

- Everybody, get down.
- I punch him in the heart.

- What?
- Well, I punch him

in the heart,
and I keep running.

There are no women with them,
are there?

I got class.

You charge toward them,
alerting them to your presence,

and you attack the nearest one
in the chest.

You miss and fall down.
What?

- Oh.
- The hobgoblins are heading

toward Nuggins with Spears.

Oh, no!

Uh, I cast entangle on them.

Crouton the druid
waves her arms,

causing grass, vines,
and branches

to entangle the limbs of...

[Hobgoblins groan]

Four hobgoblins.

[Squeals]

The two free hobgoblins

fire arrows at Crouton.

One pierces her shoulder...

[Arrow thwacks] Oh!

- The other her chest.
- Ow!

I fire an arrow at them.

[Arrow whooshes] Hit.

Ah, these hobgoblins
don't like their odds.

They bolt into the jungle.

- Yeah, you better run.
- Yes.

Go find a name that's not just
another creature's name

- plus "hob."
- Uhoh.

- Crouton?
- I'm here.

She was badly wounded

from her fall
in the skull river,

and the arrows
were just too much.

I'm sorry.

[Tragic music] That's it?

Is she dead?

Yes, that's it, hickey.

I'm dead.
But it's okay.

I'm on your side.

Which is why I'm dead.

And I may be gone,
but just remember

whenever the wind whispers
through the woods,

you got me killed.

Now, you listen to me,
young man.

I've punched about
a thousand hearts in my life.

I never, never missed.

Have you ever been
a 3-foot-tall halfling

running through
2-foot-high vines,

trying to punch
a 7-foot monster?

I'm gonna go check
on the others.

You might want
to check your character.

Or just kind of generally take
this game seriously.

Your son does.

I take a moment of silence

to mourn my fallen comrade,
Crouton...

Before rifling
through her belongings.

[Humming]

What news of my father?

You have no way of knowing
where the others are.

- Damn it.
- You're still traveling north

along the narrow cliff edges
of the hawthorne mountains.

Okay, I'll roll
for any encounters.

I'd like to cast
a healing spell on Fibrosis.

Oh. Thank you.

But I-I'm not gonna help you
kick your dad

out of your life.

I don't think this competition
is healthy,

and I don't think what you did
back there was cool.

Look, you think I'm the bad guy

because I didn't invite him
to my son's birthday.

But you know where he was

for most of my birthdays?

Little place that rhymes
with "not there."

Times Square?

The four of you
hear an ominous screeching.

Moving upward into view,

three huge, white arachnids
with eagle wings.

Sky spiders.

I draw my sword...
[Sword unsheathes]

And I cry out,
"back, eight-legged demons!

"I will not scoop you up
with a catalogue

and let you outside
on this day!"

Stay your blade, Joseph Gordon.

Sky spiders are as frightened
of us as we are of them.

Plus they eat
all the sky mosquitoes.

- Mm.
- I cast

speak with monsters,

and I say, "hello.

You're looking well."

The lead spider
bends four knees

and twitches
its hairy ovipositor,

rhythmically secreting
and retracting

a giant droplet... or drop...
of silk.

- Oh.
- Fibrosis, as a Ranger,

you recognize this
as the arachnid's signal

of submission.

Oh. Nice work, Tristram.

Damn, you made that sky spider
your bitch, yo!

You've tracked the hobgoblins
to this shack.

One guard hob-guards the door.

That's what they call guarding.

- Go.
- Sniper arrow on the guard.

It strikes true.
The guard drops.

I move to the doorway.
Detect traps.

- None detected.
- I enter.

- Left flank.
- Right!

One hobgoblin, facing east.

- Backstab.
- Double damage.

Critical hit.
He's dead.

Footsteps behind the door
to the north.

I notch two arrows.

I climb the walls
to get above the door.

Five goblins enter
from the north.

- I fire.
- Both arrows hit.

- Cleave!
- You kill one

and wound another.

I drop on the last one
and grapple.

- You got ahold of him.
- This one is for Crouton.

With his dying breath,
he utters...

[Creepy voice] "The dark lord

will kill you all."

Wait, these things can talk?

I want two taken alive.
I want to try something.

Hi.
[Chuckles]

I'm tiny Nuggins.

I'm gonna put my dagger down
right here,

so we can just talk.

[Grunts] Human trash.

Yeah, look, I'm gonna give it
to you straight.

We're looking
for a necromancer.

We don't need two goblins
to find him.

So between you and your friend,
who do you think's

the most useful?

[Grunts]

Man, your friend sure can talk.

- Liar. He'll never turn.
- Oh, yeah,

because of that famous
goblin loyalty.

I could never drive a wedge
between you

and some guy from work.

Uh, I was best man
at that guy's wedding.

Oh?

Your friend says
you just got married.

Congratulations.
Too bad about the food.

I hope your flesh rots in...

wait.
What about the food?

Oh, I guess he didn't like
your wedding toast.

Golbak said that?

Klang doesn't approve
of you and Lisa, Golbak,

and I don't get the sense

it's because of his feelings
for you.

You know, I think about Lisa,

sitting in that hole
in Darktooth canyon

with little Framrok and Griknog

rolling about
on the wolf pelts.

Come on, between you and me,

which one do you think
is yours?

- No!
- [Chuckles]

I know where the tower is.

[Singing in foreign language]

[Door slams]

The sky spiders have flown you

as far as their complex
religion allows.

They set you down and express
through intricate prancing

directions to the tower.

Yes.

Father, forgive me.

I have traveled
so far from you.

How many game days
since the skull river

ripped us apart?

How many real hours
since I've gone pee?

We seek this necromancer.
Why?

Why?

Our reasons are dreams,
our dreams, dust.

I send word
on wings of sparrows,

in hopes they might find you.

Abed says the odds
are near impossible.

That's enough for me.

Should you receive
this message,

I know of a way to reunite.

According to my character sheet,

if I rub the blade
of our magic family sword

while you rub the hilt,

twin beacons of light
will reveal our locations

to each other.

Each night, I will think
of you and rub,

praying for the night fate

will find us rubbing together.

Your son,

Joseph Gordon diehard.

Something strange has happened.

A sparrow lands
on riggs diehard's shoulder.

[Bird tweets, wings flutter]

It carries a note.

[Paper rustling]

Abed, I...
Rub my sword's hilt?

A beam of light shoots out
from your location,

as the hilt of diehard
seeks its blade.

The beam arcs and meets
an equal beam

in the woods to the north.

Is that where the others are?

Yes, 10 Miles away,
same as you.

So we'll be arriving
at the tower...

At the same time
tomorrow morning.

This began as a race.

But it may end in war.

[Dramatic music]

Does anybody have a toothpick?

I got a piece of popcorn
stuck in my tooth.

You know, it's, like,
right under the gum,

and, you know, I've been trying,
like, for 15 minutes

with, you know, my tooth
and, like, with my tongue

and with my finger,
and I'm always one tooth off,

and I just can't seem to...

oh, hello, there we go.
Anyway.

But it may end in war.

[Indistinct whispering]

Maybe after all we've
been through,

we should just call
this thing off.

What, you think
that's up to us?

You've seen the way
he talks to me.

He doesn't want his own father
in his life.

He'll do anything to win,
and that includes attacking you.

And you best believe
that your little friends

in there are drinking up
his kool-aid.

This is a man
who thinks of grandchildren

like trophies.

[Spits]

Which is why he'll play to win.

And why I can't let him.

[Inhales]

[Gasps]

Rise, brave, sweet Dingleberry.

Rise.

Both parties have arrived
at the black tower.

Hi, guys.

- Father.
- Joseph Gordon.

- [Sighs]
- Mm-mm.

We are here,
so Tristram Steelheart,

lord of the sky spiders,
can slay the necromancer.

You guys cool, or are we gonna
have to get red?

Tiny Nuggins,
waterboarder of goblins,

will do the slaying,
because every man has

the right to hang out
with his grandson.

Too bad you're outnumbered.

No, they're not.

I'm not part of this.

I'm Joseph Gordon diehard,
and I am only here

to hug my father,
which I now do.

It's a trick.

I'm not letting him hug me.

I hug my father.

He has gunpowder in his pants.

I draw my sword.
Stay back!

- I draw an arrow.
- So do I.

- Troll sound!
- Jeff, do you lower your sword?

- No!
- Dean, are you...

- I hug my father!
- You're impaled.

[Splat]

[Screams]

[Gasping]

[Grunting, gasping]

[Groans]

Oh!
[Splattering]

[Gasps]

[Hawk cries]

[Whispers] Worth it.

Ugh.
Good lord.

Son slayer!

- I attack Jeff!
- Arrow at Chang!

- Arrow at Annie!
- I head for the door

of the tower.
So do I!

Taste the blade of diehard!

- I run for cover.
- I turn a snake into a rope.

- Fire two arrows at Annie.
- Spear, spear.

- I take the kid. I pop him.
- Three damage.

Lightning bolt,
lightning bolt, lightning bolt.

Cure moderate wounds!

I spray all over them.

I hold Britta's face
in a puddle.

- Seven damage.
- Cleave, cleave, cleave!

I fire two arrows.

[Overlapping shouting]

Dingleberry smash!

Plus three, demonic eye look.

And shove it up them!

After that, I put one
right behind the ear.

[Overlapping shouting]

[Grunts]

Sir riggs,
hand in your character sheet.

[Music swells, swords clanging]

[Gasps]

[Clang, sizzling]

[Screams]

Top floor of the tower,
one door.

I open it.

I cast flame strike on him.

- You cast that already.
- Mace.

- Okay. Missed.
- Ah.

I hit him
with a throwing dagger.

- You used all your knives.
- Ah, what...

will one of you guys
take care...

what? You're all dead?
I keep going.

- I follow.
- You've reached

the necromancer's workshop.

You see his bed,
some bottles of goop,

some other necromancing crap,

but no necromancer.

I search.
I search.

Can I search, or are you gonna
stab me in the back?

Hey, I am a thief, not a wuss.

I search too.

Mm-hmm.
You find a secret door.

It's easy
because it's already open.

It leads to a ladder,
which goes straight down

to another open door
on the back of the tower.

Ah, man.

Way to go.
That's great.

He just got away.

Hey, you can't just say
he's gone.

You owe us an ending.

I owe you nothing.

I am a dungeon master.

I create a boundless world,

and I bind it by rules.

Too heavy for a bridge?
It breaks.

Get hit?
Take damage.

Spend an hour
outside someone's front door,

fighting over who gets
to kill him?

He leaves through the back.

He's out there somewhere.

You might find him,
if you get your crap together.

Hey, guys.

Take it from a bunch of ghosts.

This is no kind of life.

You need fresh air
and frozen yogurt.

It's on me.

[All gasp] Hug it out.

- Oh, see...
- Hug it out?

- Gag me.
- Who even uses that phrase?

- Are you out of your mind?
- All right,

I'm climbing down the ladder.
I'm gonna find this guy.

I stay and search the workshop.

Does he have any stuff there
that can heal me?

- You do find some potions.
- Okay, well,

I-I get half of that.

Excuse me, you just went
down the ladder.

Well, I can hear you...
can I hear him looting upstairs?

Not if I move about silently.

Fine. Fine.
If I heal you,

can we divide the potions?

Okay. But I decide
who gets what.

All right, fine, but we've
gotta be wary of traps.

I don't have to do a damn
thing that you tell me to do.

- What's going on?
- Shh.

- You outta your mind?
- Do you wanna get...

- Oh, you give me a break.
- The necromancer or not?

- I'm so up to here with you.
- Do you want...

[Argument continues
in background]

[Whispers]
Do they like each other now?

Are you kidding me?

They can't stand
being in the same room.

I also don't think
they can handle being apart.

And I think
they just found a way

to avoid doing either.

And that's the best
most fathers and sons can do.

[Gasps]

[Choked up]
You've made me so proud today.

Ugh.

Does anyone know
where we can buy a real sword?

Oh, Jeffrey.
[Chuckles]

You're still at the entrance
to the chamber of grief.

Your move, Mr. Tickles.

You successfully pour more tea
into Count Frogula's cup.

That puts it
at Hillary Rodham Kitten.

Okay, you attempt
to pass crumpets.

You fail.

Okay, guys, I'm getting
a little frustrated.

If you'd just take a look
at your inventories,

you'll see that...

Abed, are you almost done?

I can't sleep
without my stuffies.

Fine. Hold on.

Oh, a goblin notices you
and murders you all.

You're dead.
They're all yours.

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