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1
00:00:01,684 --> 00:00:05,050
Okay, we'll get an estimate
on adding grass to the soccer field.
2
00:00:05,338 --> 00:00:06,969
Good meeting.
3
00:00:07,020 --> 00:00:09,238
Oh, Jeff, what time's dinner?
4
00:00:09,273 --> 00:00:11,040
Uh, dinner?
5
00:00:11,091 --> 00:00:13,042
Jeff, you didn't invite Shirley?
6
00:00:13,076 --> 00:00:14,477
Well, it's Tuesday.
7
00:00:14,528 --> 00:00:17,313
Shirley always goes to Elijah's
karate practice on Tuesdays.
8
00:00:17,347 --> 00:00:19,565
It's okay. Part of making sacrifices
9
00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:21,567
for my loved ones is not expecting
10
00:00:21,602 --> 00:00:23,653
my loved ones to make sacrifices.
11
00:00:23,687 --> 00:00:25,555
BOTH:
Aw.
12
00:00:25,589 --> 00:00:27,673
- I can do tomorrow.
- I can't.
13
00:00:27,708 --> 00:00:28,941
I'm free on Fridays and Mondays...
14
00:00:28,976 --> 00:00:31,410
We're not moving it!
15
00:00:31,445 --> 00:00:34,664
When Shirley can have dinner,
we'll have another dinner,
16
00:00:34,698 --> 00:00:36,732
because it's just dinner.
17
00:00:36,767 --> 00:00:38,834
And there's no need
to manipulate each other.
18
00:00:38,869 --> 00:00:40,619
You know that's what you do.
19
00:00:40,637 --> 00:00:44,607
You know you're doing it now
with that face.
20
00:00:44,641 --> 00:00:46,192
You don't like my face?
21
00:00:46,226 --> 00:00:49,461
ALL:
Aw.
22
00:00:49,479 --> 00:00:51,681
Hello, Save Greendale Committee.
23
00:00:51,732 --> 00:00:54,333
This is David and Bixel.
24
00:00:54,368 --> 00:00:56,102
They're app designers.
25
00:00:56,136 --> 00:00:57,403
They'd like to beta test
26
00:00:57,437 --> 00:01:00,373
their latest social-networking
app on our campus,
27
00:01:00,407 --> 00:01:01,607
which could be good for us.
28
00:01:01,625 --> 00:01:03,442
Look what Facebook did
for Harvard, right?
29
00:01:03,460 --> 00:01:05,578
Hey, guys.
Bixel and I would like
30
00:01:05,596 --> 00:01:09,165
to introduce you to a little app
called MeowMeowBeenz.
31
00:01:09,199 --> 00:01:11,384
- Ooh.
- MeowMeowBeenz let's you say
32
00:01:11,418 --> 00:01:14,720
how much you like,
who you like, when you like,
33
00:01:14,738 --> 00:01:17,506
all from a standard
non-boost mobile phone.
34
00:01:17,541 --> 00:01:19,258
Let's see how it works.
35
00:01:19,293 --> 00:01:22,612
Bixel, what did you think of
the way the Dean introduced us?
36
00:01:22,646 --> 00:01:23,980
I thought he did great.
37
00:01:24,014 --> 00:01:26,682
That's why I'm giving him
five MeowMeowBeenz.
38
00:01:26,717 --> 00:01:28,500
[Cell phone chimes]
Aw.
39
00:01:28,518 --> 00:01:29,569
Well, Bixel, I'm sorry,
40
00:01:29,603 --> 00:01:32,922
but I thought his intro
was just okay.
41
00:01:32,956 --> 00:01:34,924
That's why I'm gonna give him
42
00:01:34,958 --> 00:01:38,561
two out of five MeowMeowBeenz.
43
00:01:38,612 --> 00:01:40,580
[Cell phone chimes]
My MeowMeowBeenz.
44
00:01:40,614 --> 00:01:43,432
With MeowMeowBeenz,
students can rate teachers.
45
00:01:43,467 --> 00:01:45,251
Teachers can rate students.
46
00:01:45,285 --> 00:01:47,787
Everyone and anyone
can rate each other.
47
00:01:47,821 --> 00:01:50,172
BOTH:
MeowMeowBeenz.
48
00:01:50,223 --> 00:01:52,291
You know...
49
00:01:52,309 --> 00:01:55,111
I could...
50
00:01:55,162 --> 00:01:58,047
I fought for this country,
51
00:01:58,098 --> 00:02:00,716
and I know you don't get
to pick and choose
52
00:02:00,767 --> 00:02:03,636
the parts you fight for,
but I know...
53
00:02:03,670 --> 00:02:06,889
[Cell phone chimes]
I should go number two soon.
54
00:02:06,923 --> 00:02:08,340
[Scoffs]
55
00:02:08,987 --> 00:02:10,526
Give me some rope
56
00:02:10,577 --> 00:02:12,278
Tie me to dream
57
00:02:12,312 --> 00:02:13,596
Give me the hope
58
00:02:13,630 --> 00:02:15,097
To run out of steam
59
00:02:15,132 --> 00:02:18,567
Somebody said it can be here
60
00:02:18,619 --> 00:02:22,672
We could be roped up,
tied up, dead in a year
61
00:02:22,723 --> 00:02:27,860
I can't count the reasons
I should stay
62
00:02:27,894 --> 00:02:31,840
One by one,
they all just fade away
63
00:02:31,941 --> 00:02:34,860
64
00:02:35,095 --> 00:02:39,226
__
65
00:02:39,239 --> 00:02:41,357
Hurry up!
I'm late for Human Rights class.
66
00:02:41,391 --> 00:02:43,492
I'm sorry.
67
00:02:43,527 --> 00:02:45,494
Why is Starburns carrying
Garrett's books?
68
00:02:45,529 --> 00:02:47,413
It's like toast bossing
crackers around.
69
00:02:47,447 --> 00:02:49,081
I mean, I guess.
70
00:02:49,099 --> 00:02:50,299
Garrett's got three MeowMeowBeenz.
71
00:02:50,350 --> 00:02:51,750
- Starburns is a Two.
- Are you telling me
72
00:02:51,768 --> 00:02:53,369
people are actually
using this stupid app?
73
00:02:53,403 --> 00:02:55,354
- It's addictively effective.
- No, it's effectively stupid.
74
00:02:55,372 --> 00:02:58,674
There already was a rating system
in place called "cool people get more,"
75
00:02:58,709 --> 00:03:00,059
and it was working fine.
76
00:03:00,093 --> 00:03:02,244
MeowMeowBeenz takes everything
subjective and unspoken
77
00:03:02,279 --> 00:03:03,646
about human interaction
and reduces it
78
00:03:03,680 --> 00:03:05,581
to explicit, objective numbers.
79
00:03:05,615 --> 00:03:06,999
I've never felt more alive.
80
00:03:07,034 --> 00:03:10,236
As long as you're happy,
I'm unsettled.
81
00:03:10,270 --> 00:03:13,556
- Hey, guys.
- What happened to you?
82
00:03:13,590 --> 00:03:15,458
I sat on a toilet so long,
my feet fell asleep,
83
00:03:15,509 --> 00:03:18,127
then I noticed limping
was getting MeowMeowBeenz,
84
00:03:18,178 --> 00:03:20,863
so I just kind of started committing.
85
00:03:20,897 --> 00:03:22,398
Did you understand a word he said?
86
00:03:22,432 --> 00:03:24,417
Mm-hmm.
87
00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:28,074
Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
88
00:03:33,510 --> 00:03:36,178
Hey, here you go. Here you go.
89
00:03:36,213 --> 00:03:39,148
Nobody is gonna down-vote
a guy on his birthday.
90
00:03:39,182 --> 00:03:41,016
Wait.
Are you using MeowMeowBeenz?
91
00:03:41,051 --> 00:03:42,618
If you can't kill it, join it.
92
00:03:42,652 --> 00:03:44,704
When you get older, you're gonna
see the warning signs.
93
00:03:44,738 --> 00:03:48,057
Mark Zuckerberg
is Fidel Castro in flip-flops.
94
00:03:48,108 --> 00:03:51,977
MeowMeowBeenz is gonna make
East Berlin look like Woodstock.
95
00:03:51,995 --> 00:03:53,846
You take my word for that.
96
00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:57,066
Do you own stock in
Trivial Pursuit's Baby Boom Edition?
97
00:03:57,100 --> 00:03:59,402
[Scoffs]
98
00:03:59,436 --> 00:04:02,181
Britta. Please tell me
you're not using this app.
99
00:04:02,205 --> 00:04:05,824
Uh, I liked the idea at first,
giving a voice to the unheard,
100
00:04:05,842 --> 00:04:07,309
but then Annie just told me
101
00:04:07,344 --> 00:04:09,979
that the rating system
is exponentially weighted.
102
00:04:10,030 --> 00:04:12,398
As your ratings go up,
your ratings of other people
103
00:04:12,432 --> 00:04:14,032
- become more important.
- No.
104
00:04:14,050 --> 00:04:17,002
It just means the more others like you,
the more likeable you can make others.
105
00:04:17,020 --> 00:04:18,104
It makes sense to me.
106
00:04:18,138 --> 00:04:19,905
You know who else
it made sense to?
107
00:04:19,939 --> 00:04:21,774
Say "Hitler" one more time,
and I'm giving you a two.
108
00:04:21,792 --> 00:04:23,392
Jeff, are you not registered?
109
00:04:23,427 --> 00:04:24,710
The longer you wait,
110
00:04:24,728 --> 00:04:26,395
the harder it's gonna be
to get your number up.
111
00:04:26,446 --> 00:04:28,197
Annie! Listen to yourself.
112
00:04:28,231 --> 00:04:29,565
You're learning its language.
113
00:04:29,616 --> 00:04:31,066
You're letting a video game play you.
114
00:04:31,118 --> 00:04:33,085
I got to set these people straight.
115
00:04:33,119 --> 00:04:36,388
Hey, hey, uh...
116
00:04:36,406 --> 00:04:38,624
Students of Greendale!
117
00:04:38,658 --> 00:04:42,161
We don't have to worship a calculator!
118
00:04:42,195 --> 00:04:44,814
There is no formula for people!
119
00:04:44,848 --> 00:04:46,899
[All grumbling]
120
00:04:46,933 --> 00:04:49,185
[Cell phone chimes]
Oh.
121
00:04:49,219 --> 00:04:51,870
You're punishing me for being alive!
122
00:04:51,888 --> 00:04:55,024
That's the general idea, baby.
123
00:04:55,075 --> 00:04:58,961
You're gonna think I'm joking,
but you were getting through
124
00:04:58,995 --> 00:05:00,746
to me more with mustard on your lip.
125
00:05:00,781 --> 00:05:02,648
- Oh, shut up.
- He's not kidding, Britta.
126
00:05:02,682 --> 00:05:04,016
I thought I was imagining it.
127
00:05:04,050 --> 00:05:05,351
When you had mustard on your lip,
128
00:05:05,385 --> 00:05:06,786
I was more open to your opinion.
129
00:05:06,820 --> 00:05:10,789
Maybe it dilutes or distracts
from your excessive intensity.
130
00:05:10,807 --> 00:05:13,008
Maybe it dilutes or distracts
from your stupid butt.
131
00:05:13,043 --> 00:05:14,093
Hmm.
132
00:05:14,127 --> 00:05:15,878
How you doing, Rog?
133
00:05:15,912 --> 00:05:17,580
Hey, Charlotte.
I see what you did there.
134
00:05:17,631 --> 00:05:21,817
[Laughs]
Vicki, I love this.
135
00:05:21,852 --> 00:05:23,536
Shirley's a Five.
136
00:05:23,570 --> 00:05:25,554
- How?
- She's nice to people, Jeff.
137
00:05:25,589 --> 00:05:26,922
You know Shirley.
138
00:05:26,957 --> 00:05:28,724
Oh, Vicki, thank you.
139
00:05:28,758 --> 00:05:31,527
Did you just give me
four MeowMeowBeenz?
140
00:05:31,561 --> 00:05:32,611
Um...
141
00:05:32,645 --> 00:05:35,531
I love my four from Vicki.
142
00:05:36,666 --> 00:05:38,784
[Cell phone chiming]
No!
143
00:05:38,802 --> 00:05:40,586
Stop it!
144
00:05:40,620 --> 00:05:43,439
I didn't mean it.
[Sobs]
145
00:05:43,490 --> 00:05:44,890
Yeah.
146
00:05:44,908 --> 00:05:47,209
I do know Shirley.
147
00:05:48,612 --> 00:05:50,179
Oh!
148
00:05:50,213 --> 00:05:51,847
We should be having brownies.
149
00:05:51,882 --> 00:05:53,649
I'm going to help Shirley.
150
00:05:53,683 --> 00:05:56,118
Not a bad idea for you, Britta.
She could make you a Two again.
151
00:05:56,152 --> 00:05:58,254
Screw your Twos,
and screw MeowMeowBeenz.
152
00:05:58,288 --> 00:06:01,423
I know that's your One talking.
153
00:06:01,474 --> 00:06:03,475
What are you doing?
154
00:06:03,509 --> 00:06:04,894
Registering for MeowMeowBeenz.
155
00:06:04,945 --> 00:06:06,729
I'm gonna become a Five
and expose this thing
156
00:06:06,780 --> 00:06:07,897
for the sham it is.
157
00:06:07,948 --> 00:06:10,282
Oh, now you're speaking my language.
158
00:06:10,316 --> 00:06:12,117
That's unintentional, trust me.
159
00:06:12,151 --> 00:06:13,269
Mm.
160
00:06:13,303 --> 00:06:14,720
Just make sure
you know the real reason
161
00:06:14,754 --> 00:06:17,723
you're doing something,
or you'll fail before you start.
162
00:06:17,741 --> 00:06:19,074
That's actually a good point.
163
00:06:19,109 --> 00:06:21,293
It is? Why?
164
00:06:23,330 --> 00:06:24,880
Oh, come on!
165
00:06:25,081 --> 00:06:29,143
__
166
00:06:29,278 --> 00:06:31,787
So I'm like, "That's two cups,"
and she's like, "What?"
167
00:06:31,821 --> 00:06:34,490
I'm like,
"Two cups, balls back, tops off."
168
00:06:34,541 --> 00:06:36,292
[Laughter]
169
00:06:36,343 --> 00:06:41,881
All right, Trent, Mulch, Dave,
Herpie, Clutch, Dirt Mouth,
170
00:06:41,915 --> 00:06:45,150
Rope, Tingles, Cat Woman, Steve.
171
00:06:45,184 --> 00:06:46,619
All right, keep it floppy.
172
00:06:46,653 --> 00:06:48,404
Haul it, ball it, never call it.
173
00:06:48,455 --> 00:06:49,872
Girls are objects.
174
00:06:49,923 --> 00:06:52,758
ALL:
Yeah!
175
00:06:54,261 --> 00:06:55,494
[Cell phone chimes]
176
00:06:55,512 --> 00:06:58,998
[Chuckles]
Two MeowMeowBeenz.
177
00:06:59,032 --> 00:07:00,265
Congratulations.
178
00:07:00,283 --> 00:07:02,985
Abed was just explaining
that the Fives get to choose
179
00:07:03,036 --> 00:07:04,770
what setting
the air conditioning is on.
180
00:07:04,788 --> 00:07:06,822
Yep.
181
00:07:06,873 --> 00:07:09,441
Is it me, or are more people
wearing gray.
182
00:07:09,459 --> 00:07:10,743
I feel like I'm in a commercial,
183
00:07:10,777 --> 00:07:12,211
and someone's about
to hand me a Starburst.
184
00:07:12,245 --> 00:07:13,879
Threes and Twos tend to wear
neutral colors.
185
00:07:13,914 --> 00:07:15,497
Looking like you want to move up
can get you moved down.
186
00:07:15,548 --> 00:07:19,251
- Abed, hey. Come here.
- Hi.
187
00:07:19,285 --> 00:07:20,552
Those are other Threes.
188
00:07:20,587 --> 00:07:23,389
We talk about how we're glad
we're not Twos.
189
00:07:23,423 --> 00:07:25,557
Small talk, guys.
190
00:07:25,592 --> 00:07:27,960
I make small talk now.
191
00:07:27,978 --> 00:07:29,094
Hello, Jeffrey.
192
00:07:29,128 --> 00:07:30,930
I see you decided to join
MeowMeowBeenz.
193
00:07:30,964 --> 00:07:32,631
Oh, it's a great tool for living.
194
00:07:32,649 --> 00:07:34,633
- You look great.
- You look great.
195
00:07:34,651 --> 00:07:36,971
- You know what you're doing.
- You know what you're doing.
196
00:07:36,987 --> 00:07:38,737
I'm watching you, okay?
197
00:07:38,772 --> 00:07:41,857
- Mm, mm.
- Mm, mm.
198
00:07:41,891 --> 00:07:44,326
Yeah, you'll be watching
my hinder, mama,
199
00:07:44,361 --> 00:07:48,380
and choking on its billowing
plume of highly rated dust.
200
00:07:50,743 --> 00:07:54,821
__
201
00:08:01,514 --> 00:08:05,365
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
Fours and above only.
202
00:08:05,416 --> 00:08:07,600
These are snacks for the Fives.
203
00:08:07,635 --> 00:08:09,736
Yeah? You're a two.
204
00:08:09,770 --> 00:08:13,890
Leonard, would you rather
a Three serve the Fives food?
205
00:08:13,924 --> 00:08:16,976
No.
206
00:08:17,027 --> 00:08:19,729
It is no secret
that the Threes and Twos
207
00:08:19,747 --> 00:08:22,465
are growing suspicious
of the Fours and Fives.
208
00:08:22,499 --> 00:08:25,852
All I know is that it's my birthday.
209
00:08:25,886 --> 00:08:29,805
What if we give these people
something to believe in again?
210
00:08:29,824 --> 00:08:31,090
- Koogler?
- Hey.
211
00:08:31,125 --> 00:08:33,259
I know what you guys think of me, okay?
212
00:08:33,294 --> 00:08:35,829
"Hey, it's Koogler."
You know. "He's cool."
213
00:08:35,863 --> 00:08:38,915
[Chuckles] "He likes to get laid.
He's not that old."
214
00:08:38,949 --> 00:08:40,166
But I'm a Five
215
00:08:40,201 --> 00:08:41,935
because I know what the Twos
and the Threes need.
216
00:08:41,969 --> 00:08:43,620
What do we all need?
217
00:08:43,654 --> 00:08:45,488
Entertainment.
218
00:08:45,522 --> 00:08:47,090
A talent show.
219
00:08:47,124 --> 00:08:50,143
An event where Threes
and Twos can rise and fall.
220
00:08:50,194 --> 00:08:52,178
It helps people believe in the system.
221
00:08:52,213 --> 00:08:54,180
Give my spot to someone else.
I don't want to be a Five.
222
00:08:54,231 --> 00:08:55,982
I was happy as a Three.
I'm miserable.
223
00:08:56,033 --> 00:08:58,034
Oh, dear Abed.
224
00:08:58,068 --> 00:08:59,719
So humble.
225
00:08:59,753 --> 00:09:01,638
[Cell phones beeping]
226
00:09:01,672 --> 00:09:03,189
[Cell phone chimes]
227
00:09:03,240 --> 00:09:05,041
You people are monsters.
228
00:09:05,075 --> 00:09:07,644
Well, if there's nothing else, then...
229
00:09:07,678 --> 00:09:09,045
Speak.
230
00:09:09,063 --> 00:09:12,298
Headline items... A few Twos
broke into a supply closet
231
00:09:12,333 --> 00:09:13,666
and stole a box of peanut butter.
232
00:09:13,717 --> 00:09:16,152
The futurization of the campus
decor is almost complete.
233
00:09:16,187 --> 00:09:19,372
And a few hours ago,
Jeff Winger became a Four.
234
00:09:19,423 --> 00:09:21,975
That's nice.
235
00:09:27,210 --> 00:09:29,306
__
236
00:09:32,203 --> 00:09:33,469
You there, girl.
237
00:09:33,504 --> 00:09:35,054
How many MeowMeowBeenz?
238
00:09:35,089 --> 00:09:37,056
- [Stammers]
- Two!
239
00:09:37,107 --> 00:09:38,474
[Laughter]
240
00:09:38,492 --> 00:09:40,460
Two? Are you lost, Two?
241
00:09:40,494 --> 00:09:43,363
Yes. Are you lost, Two?
242
00:09:43,397 --> 00:09:45,782
I'll escort her to the common area.
243
00:09:45,816 --> 00:09:48,218
You're a Four?
I don't recognize you.
244
00:09:48,252 --> 00:09:49,485
He's new Beenz.
245
00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:51,621
[Laughter]
Bye-bye, new Beenz.
246
00:09:51,655 --> 00:09:55,541
Threes and Twos must leave
building one after 7:00.
247
00:09:55,593 --> 00:09:58,611
Building one after 7:00 is Fours only.
248
00:09:58,616 --> 00:10:00,696
- What are you doing here?
- How goes the revolution?
249
00:10:00,714 --> 00:10:02,131
I can't break a Four.
250
00:10:02,165 --> 00:10:05,001
It's impossible to get any higher
without half the Fives in your corner.
251
00:10:05,035 --> 00:10:06,235
They got this thing locked up.
252
00:10:06,237 --> 00:10:07,370
Yeah, but they're nervous.
253
00:10:07,404 --> 00:10:10,206
They're hosting a talent show
to prove that anyone can be a Five.
254
00:10:10,224 --> 00:10:13,176
If you enter it, you'll be center stage
with all eyes on you,
255
00:10:13,210 --> 00:10:16,296
and you can tell everyone
this isn't democracy.
256
00:10:16,330 --> 00:10:18,264
This is tyranny.
257
00:10:18,299 --> 00:10:19,849
I'm sorry.
Can you put some mustard...
258
00:10:19,883 --> 00:10:22,485
I shouldn't have to put
mustard on my face
259
00:10:22,519 --> 00:10:23,836
for this to make sense.
260
00:10:23,871 --> 00:10:25,471
You know we have to take
this system down.
261
00:10:25,506 --> 00:10:27,473
[Gasps]
262
00:10:32,913 --> 00:10:34,314
You know...
263
00:10:34,348 --> 00:10:37,383
I once loved a Two.
264
00:10:37,418 --> 00:10:40,253
[Sighs]
Matthew...
265
00:10:40,304 --> 00:10:43,072
He was my everything.
266
00:10:43,107 --> 00:10:46,342
But numbers change.
267
00:10:49,813 --> 00:10:53,283
I'll keep your secret, new Beenz.
268
00:10:56,303 --> 00:10:59,205
[Electronic music plays]
269
00:11:00,824 --> 00:11:02,041
It says you're next.
270
00:11:02,076 --> 00:11:04,260
Now, Jeffrey, I beg you
not to take this risk.
271
00:11:04,294 --> 00:11:05,478
You know what they say.
272
00:11:05,529 --> 00:11:07,313
Fives have lives,
Fours have chores,
273
00:11:07,364 --> 00:11:09,215
Threes have fleas,
Twos have blues,
274
00:11:09,249 --> 00:11:11,801
and Ones don't get a rhyme
because they're garbage.
275
00:11:11,835 --> 00:11:13,669
Craig, I got this.
276
00:11:18,542 --> 00:11:21,010
[Cell phones beeping]
277
00:11:22,379 --> 00:11:24,731
[Cell phone chimes]
No!
278
00:11:24,765 --> 00:11:25,848
[Crowd booing]
No, please!
279
00:11:25,883 --> 00:11:27,300
Not the Outlands!
280
00:11:27,351 --> 00:11:28,351
Please!
281
00:11:28,369 --> 00:11:29,402
Boo on you!
282
00:11:29,436 --> 00:11:32,405
The Fives have spoken!
283
00:11:32,439 --> 00:11:35,775
And you... uh...
284
00:11:35,809 --> 00:11:38,378
are not very good and...
285
00:11:38,412 --> 00:11:40,697
[Cell phones beeping]
286
00:11:40,731 --> 00:11:43,900
[Cell phone chimes]
What? No! Please!
287
00:11:43,934 --> 00:11:46,519
I'm just not very good
at public speaking and...
288
00:11:46,553 --> 00:11:48,805
- [Crowd booing]
- [Sobs]
289
00:11:48,839 --> 00:11:50,256
Last chance, Jeffrey.
290
00:11:50,307 --> 00:11:53,026
Showtime.
291
00:11:53,060 --> 00:11:55,311
[Feedback whines]
292
00:12:01,869 --> 00:12:03,353
My name is Jeff Winger.
293
00:12:03,387 --> 00:12:05,805
I recently became a Four.
294
00:12:05,856 --> 00:12:10,009
Funny thing is, when I was a Two,
295
00:12:10,044 --> 00:12:13,858
I didn't actually have any less.
296
00:12:14,748 --> 00:12:18,300
But I did have a lot of crazy friends.
297
00:12:18,318 --> 00:12:20,703
[Brooklyn accent]
Hey, my name's Tommy Talouca.
298
00:12:20,737 --> 00:12:22,088
I'm from hallway "C."
299
00:12:22,122 --> 00:12:23,523
I'm a Two!
300
00:12:23,557 --> 00:12:27,727
I got to get to the cafeteria
before they run out of apples!
301
00:12:27,761 --> 00:12:29,328
[Laughter]
302
00:12:29,380 --> 00:12:31,597
What is with Twos and apples?
303
00:12:31,632 --> 00:12:33,349
You're given three kinds of fruit.
304
00:12:33,384 --> 00:12:36,218
Mix it up.
[Laughter]
305
00:12:36,236 --> 00:12:38,538
Then you become a Four.
306
00:12:38,589 --> 00:12:41,391
And you get that, uh...
that Four walk.
307
00:12:41,425 --> 00:12:43,309
You know what I'm talking about?
It's like this.
308
00:12:43,360 --> 00:12:45,895
It's like one of these.
[Laughter]
309
00:12:45,913 --> 00:12:48,347
And they got a little trail
of Twos behind them,
310
00:12:48,382 --> 00:12:51,084
and they're like "Hey,
is there an apple up there?"
311
00:12:51,118 --> 00:12:53,119
[Riotous laughter]
312
00:12:53,153 --> 00:12:55,438
Oh, [bleep].
313
00:12:55,456 --> 00:12:58,091
Wow. What else is going on?
314
00:12:58,125 --> 00:13:00,042
- He's killing it.
- Shh!
315
00:13:00,060 --> 00:13:02,095
[Old man voice]
There came a time
316
00:13:02,146 --> 00:13:04,797
when I has to a "aks" myself,
317
00:13:04,832 --> 00:13:08,217
did I even want to be a Three?
318
00:13:08,252 --> 00:13:12,755
Or did I just hate myself
for being a Two?
319
00:13:12,790 --> 00:13:15,191
I don't know.
320
00:13:15,225 --> 00:13:17,693
All I know is...
321
00:13:17,728 --> 00:13:20,663
I sure do love them apples!
322
00:13:20,681 --> 00:13:23,182
[Riotous laughter]
323
00:13:38,415 --> 00:13:42,285
Oh, the Koog "approogs."
That's a five!
324
00:13:44,287 --> 00:13:46,222
[Cell phone chimes]
325
00:13:46,256 --> 00:13:48,858
Yeah!
326
00:13:49,893 --> 00:13:51,327
[Party horn blows]
327
00:13:51,361 --> 00:13:54,831
ALL: [Chanting] Review. Review
meow meow meow meow meow!
328
00:13:54,865 --> 00:13:58,117
Review. Review
meow meow meow meow meow.
329
00:13:58,168 --> 00:14:00,236
Down here, guys.
[Chuckles]
330
00:14:00,254 --> 00:14:01,504
Yeah, yeah.
331
00:14:01,538 --> 00:14:02,705
Can I get a picture?
332
00:14:02,739 --> 00:14:04,924
I want my future kids
to know this happened.
333
00:14:04,958 --> 00:14:07,960
I admire your optimism, Garrett.
334
00:14:09,246 --> 00:14:11,097
- What the hell?
- I don't want to hear it.
335
00:14:11,131 --> 00:14:13,131
I got this far because I need
to take Shirley down.
336
00:14:13,133 --> 00:14:15,101
- What about everyone else?
- Look around you, Britta.
337
00:14:15,135 --> 00:14:17,854
Everyone wanted this.
[Scoffs]
338
00:14:17,888 --> 00:14:19,388
Fives only, ma'am.
339
00:14:19,422 --> 00:14:21,607
Oh, great. Come on.
340
00:14:21,642 --> 00:14:24,143
You... you think this system's
gonna last forever?
341
00:14:24,194 --> 00:14:25,945
I'm gonna free people's minds.
342
00:14:25,979 --> 00:14:28,281
I'm a Psych major.
Words are my weapons.
343
00:14:28,315 --> 00:14:30,983
I'm a security guard.
Weapons are my weapons.
344
00:14:31,034 --> 00:14:33,269
[Taser crackling]
345
00:14:36,327 --> 00:14:38,092
Welcome, Fives,
346
00:14:38,126 --> 00:14:40,895
to the inaugural fancy future dance.
347
00:14:40,929 --> 00:14:43,865
[Futuristic music plays]
348
00:14:51,407 --> 00:14:53,475
I'm glad you don't think
making Jeff a Five was a mistake
349
00:14:53,509 --> 00:14:54,576
like everybody else.
350
00:14:54,610 --> 00:14:56,110
I believe in taking risks.
351
00:14:56,144 --> 00:14:59,214
Yeah! Jeff's really cool.
352
00:14:59,248 --> 00:15:00,782
Couldn't help but notice
353
00:15:00,816 --> 00:15:02,484
that Shirley didn't clap
with the rest of you
354
00:15:02,518 --> 00:15:04,085
after my performance.
355
00:15:04,119 --> 00:15:05,987
Is she always so different?
356
00:15:06,021 --> 00:15:07,889
If you talk to me, I can't
concentrate on the dance moves.
357
00:15:07,923 --> 00:15:09,724
You don't believe the rumors,
do you, Koogler,
358
00:15:09,725 --> 00:15:12,026
that Jeff manipulated
his way to the top?
359
00:15:12,060 --> 00:15:14,669
Shirley, I can hear what you're saying.
360
00:15:14,704 --> 00:15:17,465
You're trying to manipulate someone
into thinking I'm manipulative.
361
00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:19,234
I'm sure I have no idea
what you're talking about.
362
00:15:19,402 --> 00:15:21,169
No one ever knows
what you're talking about
363
00:15:21,204 --> 00:15:22,804
because you never say what you mean.
364
00:15:22,838 --> 00:15:24,318
Do you want to have this conversation,
365
00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:25,807
or do you want to just keep
flexing your veiny arms
366
00:15:25,841 --> 00:15:27,809
and throwing out apples?
367
00:15:27,843 --> 00:15:30,578
Tranquility is advancement.
368
00:15:30,613 --> 00:15:32,914
A happy Three is a future Four.
369
00:15:32,948 --> 00:15:35,183
Twos and Threes,
you're accepting a life
370
00:15:35,218 --> 00:15:37,519
you don't have to live!
371
00:15:39,322 --> 00:15:42,224
Stand up for yourselves!
372
00:15:42,258 --> 00:15:45,260
Really?
373
00:15:45,294 --> 00:15:46,628
Ugh, fine.
374
00:15:46,729 --> 00:15:48,896
- Give me that.
- Hey!
375
00:15:48,931 --> 00:15:52,334
[Grunts]
376
00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:53,835
You're all alive!
377
00:15:53,869 --> 00:15:57,405
You are all alive!
378
00:15:57,407 --> 00:16:02,076
Look at the mustard on my face,
but listen to my words.
379
00:16:02,110 --> 00:16:03,645
You're one of the angriest,
most vindictive...
380
00:16:03,679 --> 00:16:04,779
You're the angry one,
381
00:16:04,813 --> 00:16:06,514
because the rules got changed
on you, Winger.
382
00:16:06,516 --> 00:16:08,236
You can't just be cool
and be in charge now.
383
00:16:08,251 --> 00:16:10,252
No, you have to gossip
and give out food
384
00:16:10,286 --> 00:16:12,287
- and make people feel guilty.
- Okay, yeah.
385
00:16:12,321 --> 00:16:14,822
I bust my ass making a world
full of selfish idiots
386
00:16:14,857 --> 00:16:16,090
- remember my name!
- Fine.
387
00:16:16,124 --> 00:16:18,293
Call it hard work,
but don't tell me the system
388
00:16:18,327 --> 00:16:19,360
measures who's nice.
389
00:16:19,462 --> 00:16:22,063
Actually, it kind of does.
390
00:16:23,499 --> 00:16:25,800
[Cell phones chime]
391
00:16:25,834 --> 00:16:29,337
Security, banish them to the Outlands
with the rest of the Ones!
392
00:16:29,372 --> 00:16:31,105
- Oh, no!
- Ow!
393
00:16:31,139 --> 00:16:33,575
- Okay, okay, okay.
- No! No!
394
00:16:33,609 --> 00:16:36,344
Ladies and gentlemen,
please put your tray tables
395
00:16:36,379 --> 00:16:39,247
in their party positions...
[Chuckles]
396
00:16:39,282 --> 00:16:41,183
So sayeth Captain Koogler.
397
00:16:41,217 --> 00:16:44,452
Actually, keep the tray tables
where they are, Koogler.
398
00:16:44,487 --> 00:16:46,621
The rule of the Fives is over!
399
00:16:46,623 --> 00:16:49,557
Long live the review-lution!
400
00:16:49,592 --> 00:16:52,194
- No!
- That comes down?
401
00:16:52,228 --> 00:16:55,096
- Okay, okay, all right, all right.
- Whoa!
402
00:16:55,130 --> 00:16:57,765
[Gasping]
403
00:16:57,800 --> 00:17:00,768
[Scattered yelling]
404
00:17:04,707 --> 00:17:07,542
- Happy?
- Are you happy?
405
00:17:07,576 --> 00:17:09,656
Look, I knew you couldn't go
to that stupid dinner.
406
00:17:09,678 --> 00:17:10,812
That's why I didn't invite you.
407
00:17:10,846 --> 00:17:12,747
It's nice to be invited anyway.
408
00:17:12,781 --> 00:17:14,382
Sure, if you're a control freak.
409
00:17:14,384 --> 00:17:16,184
Oh, and you clearly hate control.
410
00:17:16,219 --> 00:17:18,120
No.
411
00:17:18,154 --> 00:17:20,955
I love it.
412
00:17:20,989 --> 00:17:25,327
I guess it's easy to pretend
that you don't when you got it.
413
00:17:25,361 --> 00:17:27,795
You'd think we'd be better friends
414
00:17:27,797 --> 00:17:31,699
because we're both such big fans
of the same thing.
415
00:17:31,734 --> 00:17:33,301
You there! Ones!
416
00:17:33,335 --> 00:17:38,240
You are permitted back indoors
by decree of Britta,
417
00:17:38,274 --> 00:17:40,975
the mother of Ones.
418
00:17:41,009 --> 00:17:43,645
And do I hear correctly that as a Five,
419
00:17:43,679 --> 00:17:46,815
you felt you could park
in handicap spots?
420
00:17:46,949 --> 00:17:49,884
Well, you see, that's just
part of the Koogler style.
421
00:17:49,918 --> 00:17:52,053
It's human crap style.
422
00:17:52,087 --> 00:17:53,455
Rate him!
423
00:17:53,489 --> 00:17:55,122
[All murmuring]
424
00:17:55,158 --> 00:17:57,659
[Cell phone chimes]
Okay, well, that's low.
425
00:17:57,693 --> 00:18:00,328
[All booing]
426
00:18:00,363 --> 00:18:03,998
All Fives must be cleansed
of their Five filth
427
00:18:04,032 --> 00:18:06,801
and reduced to oneness.
428
00:18:06,835 --> 00:18:08,470
Jeff. Hey, Shirley.
429
00:18:08,472 --> 00:18:10,838
I'm not a Five anymore.
I'm a one like everyone else.
430
00:18:10,873 --> 00:18:12,440
I'm like everyone else.
431
00:18:12,475 --> 00:18:13,675
Who's next?
432
00:18:13,709 --> 00:18:15,743
All right, time to pull the plug.
433
00:18:15,778 --> 00:18:17,078
Mm.
434
00:18:17,112 --> 00:18:18,880
Oh, great mother of Ones,
435
00:18:18,914 --> 00:18:20,815
mustard-faced savior,
436
00:18:20,849 --> 00:18:24,386
there is still a Five hiding among us
that has not been cleansed.
437
00:18:24,420 --> 00:18:25,720
Nonsense.
438
00:18:25,754 --> 00:18:27,989
All Fives were reduced to oneness
439
00:18:28,023 --> 00:18:30,459
in the great purge
of about two minutes ago.
440
00:18:30,593 --> 00:18:32,527
This Five cheats.
441
00:18:32,561 --> 00:18:34,262
It never registered,
442
00:18:34,297 --> 00:18:37,699
yet was given a five
from outside the system.
443
00:18:39,402 --> 00:18:41,203
Behold...
444
00:18:41,237 --> 00:18:43,238
The MeowMeowBeenz app.
445
00:18:43,272 --> 00:18:45,440
Its beta test ended days ago.
446
00:18:45,474 --> 00:18:49,777
It's now available
in the app store... 99 cents.
447
00:18:49,812 --> 00:18:52,180
Five stars.
448
00:18:52,215 --> 00:18:56,784
This five lied to us, used us,
judged us,
449
00:18:56,819 --> 00:18:59,787
yet exempts itself from judgment.
450
00:18:59,789 --> 00:19:01,356
[All booing]
451
00:19:01,390 --> 00:19:04,392
And I'm pretty sure it's selling
our information to spammers
452
00:19:04,427 --> 00:19:06,394
because I am getting a lot more email,
453
00:19:06,429 --> 00:19:10,965
and trust me,
my penis needs no enlargement.
454
00:19:10,999 --> 00:19:14,302
So how do you cleanse
a Five that's unregistered?
455
00:19:14,337 --> 00:19:17,539
Delete it.
456
00:19:17,573 --> 00:19:20,542
[All gasp, murmuring]
457
00:19:22,278 --> 00:19:25,180
[Cell phones beeping]
458
00:19:25,214 --> 00:19:27,315
By the way, guys, it's a Saturday.
459
00:19:27,350 --> 00:19:29,317
Um, you're all in school for nothing.
460
00:19:29,352 --> 00:19:30,652
Go home and get some sleep.
461
00:19:30,686 --> 00:19:33,054
[All murmuring]
462
00:19:33,088 --> 00:19:34,356
No!
463
00:19:34,390 --> 00:19:35,957
No. Wait.
464
00:19:35,991 --> 00:19:39,594
No, don't go! Where are you going?
465
00:19:41,096 --> 00:19:43,598
No.
466
00:19:43,632 --> 00:19:45,066
Attention, Greendale.
467
00:19:45,100 --> 00:19:47,602
I'd like to propose
we basically forget everything
468
00:19:47,636 --> 00:19:49,471
that happened over the last few days.
469
00:19:49,505 --> 00:19:51,773
And I don't anticipate
a lot of pushback on that.
470
00:19:51,807 --> 00:19:53,208
I think we're
all pretty embarrassed.
471
00:19:53,242 --> 00:19:55,210
- Hey, there.
- Oh, hey.
472
00:19:55,244 --> 00:19:58,346
So I was thinking about checking out
this new restaurant tonight.
473
00:19:58,381 --> 00:20:00,215
Oh, that's sweet, but I can't tonight.
474
00:20:00,249 --> 00:20:02,584
Not even takeout?
475
00:20:02,618 --> 00:20:04,452
We could eat in the study room.
476
00:20:04,487 --> 00:20:06,654
Oh, I think I have time for that.
477
00:20:06,689 --> 00:20:09,491
Jeffrey.
478
00:20:09,525 --> 00:20:10,992
[Laughter]
What?
479
00:20:11,026 --> 00:20:13,127
I'm not gonna take it off.
480
00:20:13,161 --> 00:20:15,630
I still got two days left
on the rental.
481
00:20:15,664 --> 00:20:16,931
[Chuckles]
482
00:20:18,909 --> 00:20:21,043
Every once in a while,
a film comes along
483
00:20:21,077 --> 00:20:24,490
that takes a serious look
at higher education.
484
00:20:24,525 --> 00:20:25,781
This is not one of them.
485
00:20:25,815 --> 00:20:27,516
Gentlemen...
486
00:20:27,551 --> 00:20:29,819
Assume the party.
487
00:20:29,953 --> 00:20:31,554
This summer...
488
00:20:31,588 --> 00:20:33,121
fun has a new name.
489
00:20:33,157 --> 00:20:34,257
- Koogler?
- Koogler!
490
00:20:34,291 --> 00:20:35,558
- Koogler.
- Koogler!
491
00:20:35,592 --> 00:20:36,594
Koogler!
492
00:20:36,599 --> 00:20:38,670
ALL:
Koogler! Koogler!
493
00:20:39,496 --> 00:20:40,996
Hope you don't mind
if I play through.
494
00:20:41,030 --> 00:20:43,699
Hammer Road Pictures invited
you to meet the man...
495
00:20:43,733 --> 00:20:45,201
the myth...
496
00:20:45,235 --> 00:20:46,669
I'm photocopying my rear end.
497
00:20:46,770 --> 00:20:48,271
...the Koogler.
498
00:20:48,305 --> 00:20:49,305
Koogler.
499
00:20:49,306 --> 00:20:51,174
I guess I have what you might call
500
00:20:51,208 --> 00:20:54,710
an aversion to education.
[Slurping]
501
00:20:54,744 --> 00:20:56,446
Do you even have a career plan?
502
00:20:56,480 --> 00:20:58,648
Yeah, uh, does getting laid count?
503
00:20:58,782 --> 00:20:59,882
No!
504
00:20:59,916 --> 00:21:02,665
Mitchell D. Hurwitz is Koogler...
505
00:21:02,666 --> 00:21:03,666
Rated "R."
506
00:21:03,767 --> 00:21:09,751
507
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:13,068
Best watched using Open Subtitles MKV Player
508
00:21:13,118 --> 00:21:17,668
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