Original subtitles

- So hot! - It's hot!

So hot! So hot!

***

Oh.

It's 95 degrees out.

Why is bitters the only one in the pool?

Hey, guys, check out the sign.

"Adult swim. No kids allowed."

That's just plain rude.

No, no, no, no, no.

You guys are reading it wrong.

It says, "adult swim?

No, kids allowed!"

[All screaming]

- You guys are great. - I know.

No, I mean it.

I mean, a few months in Hollywood usually changes people,

but you're still the same down-to-earth guys you were when you got here.

Hey, guys.

Another tan-tastic day in Hollywood.

ah, ah, ah-ah, oh

make it count, play it straight

don't look back, don't hesitate

when you go big time

what you know, what you feel

never quitin', make it real

when you're going big time

oh-oh, oh-oh

hey, hey listen to your heart now

hey, hey don't you feel the rush - oh-oh, oh-oh - hey, hey

go and shake it up

whatcha gotta lose

go and make your luck

with the life you choose

if you want it all, lay it on the line

it's the only life you got so you got to live it

big time Does he know he looks like a yam?

Looks like I spoke too soon.

James has Hollywood fever.

Oh, no.

I told him not to buy clams from that guy on the freeway.

No, this town is starting to change him,

and the heat is clearly making it worse.

Not possible.

Look, we made a pact when we got here to stay true to ourselves.

Yeah, look at him.

You have to shut this down before it snowballs,

like it did with guitar dude.

What's up?

When he first moved here, he was a concert cellist.

what is up

what is up

what is up Oh, yeah, and when the Jennifers moved here,

they walked in normal motion.

[Grunts]

Hollywood fever.

So that explains all your weird behavior.

What weird behavior?

Hollywood fever.

I'll cure his Hollywood fever.

James, you're orange, and you look like a freak.

Actually,

I'm mangerine,

as in mangerine action tan by cuda.

[Snarls]

In Hollywood, if you can't tan with the big boys,

don't even bother showing up at all.

I don't even know how to respond to that.

Yeah, James, we all agreed that we wouldn't

let this town change us.

Hey, I'm still me...

Just better.

James, give us the spray now!

Action tan activate!

[Yelling]

[All coughing]

Get him.

Oh look, it's devil boy's sister.

- What's all this? - A snow cone stand.

This heat wave's my chance to take over this town.

[Laughs]

You're going to take over this town with colored ice?

No.

First I reinvest my profits into the booming agribusiness sector,

corner the market in soy futures to make a cool 100 mil,

then combine cash and stock options to purchase a major movie studio,

then take over this town.

Aren't you a wittle tycoon?

Yes, you are. Yes, you are.

[All talking at once]

All: stuck, stuck

and I'm never giving

up, up

in the middle of a perfect day

I'm tripping over words to say

'cause I don't want to keep you guessing

but I always end up getting - stuck, stuck - Cut! Cut!

Will somebody please tell me why James is orange?

Actually, I'm mangerine.

[Snarls]

Boys, can I see you out here for just a quick minute?

Something wrong, boss?

James, in this business, image is everything,

and the image I'm going for is not three normal boys

and a tangerine freak.

So what you're saying is that the other three guys are too pale.

- I can fix it. - All: No!

We think he might have Hollywood fever.

You, don't panic.

You, stop being orange!

No! No! My mangerine!

Just give it to me.

- Mine! - Give it to me!

Ha!

Ha-ha!

[Snarls]

Well, that didn't work.

Let's try this.

Fix your friend, or I will fire him

and replace him with someone that is not orange!

He's not in the bathroom.

He's not in the swirly slide.

But look, I found an empty bottle of mangerine action tan.

According to the label, this stuff dissolves with water.

You thinking what I'm thinking?

I was thinking we get snow cones to beat the heat,

but this works too.

And should break the fever... Quite nicely.

Carlitos, you scope the pool for orange James.

Logan-ator, you hit Palmwoods park.

And I'll stake out the lobby.

Move out.

[Squeals]

[All grunting]

[All squealing]

Tyler.

Have you seen orange James?

No, but here come the Jennifers.

Oh, who are we kidding?

This just isn't working.

Hey, where's the other Jennifer?

She took a soap opera job in Iceland because the heat was making her hair lifeless.

And now, with just two of us,

our pool entrances lack flair and intimidation.

It's like a piece of us is missing.

The middle piece.

[Both sobbing]

Okay. There, there.

It's gonna be okay.

Hey, you know something?

You're the same height as the old Jennifer.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Who wants a snow cone?

Okay, move it. Come on, shoo.

Get out of the way.

What's the big idea?

Your rental contract specifically prohibits you

from operating a food stand on Palmwoods property.

Oh, please. Just tell me what you want.

Fine, I want 50% of all future shaved ice profits

and a three-picture deal once you buy your movie studio.

Never gonna happen.

Fine. Boys, take it away.

Have a Palmwoods day.

Oh.

You know, Katie, if I learned one thing in business school,

it's that you can get out of any contract.

You went to business school?

Does a t-Bond's value move in the opposite direction of its yield?

Dude, I'm ten.

All I know is that bitters just jacked my blender.

Mmm. I can get you a blender.

In fact, I can get you the ice grinder z-5000.

- What's that? - My wood chipper.

On hot days, I fill it full of ice

and then turn it on myself and pretend I'm skiing.

[Making swooshing noises]

James!

[Driving electronic music]

I can't believe I missed.

[All yelling]

[Chuckles]

Looks like you guys beat the heat.

Ugh.

Guitar dude.

James has Hollywood fever and is addicted to tanning.

Have you seen him?

Have you seen yourself?

I mean, I know it's hot out, but you need to chill out.

No, you don't understand.

James looks looks really stupid.

Well, hey, man, if tanning's his thing, well, that's cool.

Let James be James.

let James be James grab a bongo, dude.

Look, I don't have time to play with bongos.

Hey, man, you can rush around trying to find someone

that doesn't want to be found, or you can find Logan.

Find Logan.

[Banging on bongos]

How does that feel?

It feels good.

let James be James

don't play those games Both: let James be James

let James be James I don't know, guys.

I mean... I'm not sure I'm ready to be a Jennifer.

I mean... I'm nice.

Right, as in people walk all over you.

When was the last time you sang lead in one of your songs?

Well, never, but...

And what about your dressing room at your studio?

You do have your own, right?

Well, we keep our stuff in a duffel bag.

Look, Hollywood is like a fish tank,

and you're either a minnow or a piranha.

Carlos, a little help here!

Keep talking.

The only people who make it in this town

are the ones who are mean, selfish, and in it to win it.

[Screaming]

Carlos!

I don't want to be a minnow.

I want to be a piranha.

No, wait, I want to be a tiger shark.

[Roars]

Sure. Whatever.

Sorry, James,

but you've got the fever.

[All screaming]

And I've got the cure.

Unbelievable!

What's the matter, Kendall?

You're looking a little pale.

Tanning powers go!

No! No! James, the tanning!

[Phone ringing]

Kendall, I trust you've solved our little problem.

Now get back to the studio.

We've got work to do.

[Bongo music]

Oh, you have no idea.

ah, ah, ah-ah, oh All: stuck, stuck

but I'm never giving

up, up

in the middle of a perfect day

I'm tripping over words to say Kendall, can I talk to you for a minute?

Just a quick minute.

All right.

- What is going on? - I don't know.

Carlos, Logan, and I were trying to wash off orange James,

and then things just kind of snowballed.

Well, you are kind of the leader of this band,

so kind of fix it!

Sorry, I couldn't stop them.

Yo, Gustav, I want a solo on the next album we record.

Both: And his new name is Jennifer.

Okay, maybe not that,

but the band's new name is Carlos and the rush.

Well, you and your princess posse

can take this and...

[Bongo music]

Everybody chill it out

and hop aboard the Logan train... whoo-whoo...

To mellow-ville.

Bink.

Chill. [Tapping on bongos]

Knock-knock.

All: Who's there?

Orange.

All: Orange who?

Orange you glad I brought enough mangerine spray for everybody?

[All screaming]

They've got the fever, and it's bad.

And this heat is only making their symptoms worse.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

You guys know about Hollywood fever?

It's broken up nearly every one of my bands.

It starts with tanning or bongos.

Before you know it, they quit to start movie careers

or they move to Canada to live among the moose.

Boyquake.

We have got to snap them out of this before it is permanent.

We must divide and conquer.

Kendall, you take bongo boy and drum some sense into him.

Kelly, find Carlos and remind him that he's not a Jennifer!

And I am getting a shrink for James.

[Ice grinding]

No. No. No. Get.

I thought I told you you couldn't sell food

on Palmwoods property.

I'm not on Palmwoods property.

She's above it. Ooh.

Well played, my friend. Well played.

But mark my words: I'll destroy you and this stand.

[Maniacal laughter]

I'll give you 100 bucks for the whole operation.

500, and I keep the franchise rights.

Forget it, but remember this: I will destroy you.

[Maniacal laughter]

Oh, is that blue raspberry?

[Maniacal laughter]

[Bongo music]

Tyler, all you have to do

is tap into the old Logan's love of math.

Then he trades in his bongo rhythms for logarithms.

And bingo, no more Hollywood fever.

Hey, what's the haps, little dude?

Logan, I'm confused.

If I had five apples and I gave two to my friend Cindy,

how many would I have left?

It doesn't matter, dude.

You still have some apples, right?

And Cindy, she has some apples too.

You know, he's got a point.

[Bongo music]

But darn it!

[Snarls]

James's need to cover himself with tanning spray

is an attempt to counter his feelings of estrangement

brought on by his new and intense Hollywood environment.

Yeah, no.

He's nuts...

And orange.

Don't worry.

I've cured many stars of Hollywood fever.

Before he came to me,

Taylor Lautner refused to leave his house without his sock monkey.

I feel like I've been kissed by the sun.

Work it, doc! You look tan-tastic!

Stop being orange!

[Both yelling]

Hey, Carlos.

Kelly, what are you doing here?

Care to try out my new shopping cart slingshot?

Care to try out my forget it?

Burn. He brought it.

It does look really cool, though.

Last chance. I'm getting in.

Carlos, get in the cart! You've got Hollywood fever!

[Screams]

[Crash!]

Okay, Hollywood fever progress check.

We have made no progress.

How come all of your friends got Hollywood fever and you didn't?

Because he has a normal brain,

and his friends have the brain of a cricket.

New plan.

Kendall... you are going solo.

[Scoffs] No way.

Look, they may just be a singing group to you,

but they're my best friends.

Now I'm gonna go do what I always do when you,

this town, and this heat get to me.

I'm hitting the rink to figure things out.

Wait, the rink?

Yeah, the ice and the cold help me clear my head

and remind me of where I came from.

Say that last part again.

The ice and cold remind me of where I came from.

Why are you looking at each other and saying things twice?

Don't you see?

I never got Hollywood fever

because I never lost touch with my roots.

And maybe Hollywood fever is just a fancy term for...

Homesickness.

Get the dogs to the ice rink now!

I couldn't get Carlos to try a slingshot shopping cart.

You want me to get him to an ice rink?

[Yells]

What if we bring the ice to them?

Ooh.

Katie, I need 6000 pounds of shaved ice right away.

Sorry, big bro.

I'd have to leave my stand, and bitters will destroy it.

Katie, I love you, and I don't have time to explain,

but it's really important.

Buddha Bob, can the z-5000 shave 6000 pounds of ice?

No.

But the z-10,000 can.

Bitters.

300 bucks, and the stand is yours.

Deal.

Let's roll.

Snow cones. Get your snow cones.

City health inspector.

Please show me your license for operating this food cart,

or I'll have to fine you $500.

[Stammering]

Oh, look, a free cherry snow cone.

No license and bribing a city official.

That's another $500.

- Rats. - Rats?

That's another $500.

Running away.

That's another $500.

[Snarls]

There really is no such thing as too handsome.

Hey!

Whoa, all right, you do that again...

[Grunting]

This is silk.

- Nice. - [Screaming]

Run.

Kendall, not cool!

I'm gonna get you, Kendall!

[All screaming]

Whoa, whoa, bad vibes.

[All screaming]

[All laughing]

Fire at will!

[All screaming]

Both: Jennifer, do something!

The name's Carlos, and it's on.

[All screaming]

***

[screams]

[Screams]

[Screams]

Goodbye heat wave, and goodbye Hollywood fever.

ah, ah, ah-ah, oh

ah, ah, ah-ah, oh

ah, ah, ah-ah, oh Synch by Benfo. www.addic7ed.com

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