Original subtitles

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- Bella, you have to slow down.

Make-up is like surgery-- one wrong move and you're dead.

At least, socially.

- It's not make-up, it's eye black.

- Well, congratulations, now it's forehead black.

- I can't believe you have to change

all the way in the girls' locker room.

- I know--every time I get to the boys' locker room,

it's like something fun was happening

just before I got there.

It's like I'm on the team, but not a part of the team.

- Trust me--you're not missing much.

If they're like my brothers, they're probably in there

naming their farts after historical figures.

I can still smell Napoleon Bonafarte.

- [drums beating] - Oh, band practice is starting.

- Ooh, I'm almost late.

How do I look? - Oh! Uh...

- BELLA: [sighing] - I've done all I can.

- Why don't you put the helmet on?

No one will notice.

- Great. Thanks. Love you. Bye!

- [pounding on door] Girl QB comin' in!

- ALL: [singing with music]

We are young

We are strong

We can dance

All night long

Because we're hotties, shake your body

Do the cheeky polka-dotty

Say yeah, say yeah, say hey

- Dawson, heh, there you are.

Yeah, yeah, my phone's ringing?

Yeah, I'll get that.

- Oh, my gosh, y'all listen to Glitter Cheeks, too?

- Huh? - No!

- We were just, you know...

[laughing] See, what happened was...

Hey, you've got eye black on your forehead.

That...that's embarrassing. Let's all laugh at that.

- BOYS: [laughing]

- What an awkward situation this is.

For you.

- Ouch!

- It's almost worse than us singing

and dancing to a girly pop song. [laughing]

Who said that?

- All right, fine, we listen to Glitter Cheeks.

But it's just got a sick bassline

that gets us amped to, you know, go hit some dudes!

- BOYS: [growling]

- This is awesome!

I cannot wait to tell the girls. They're gon--

- Oh! Whoa, whoa, no, you can't.

What happens in the locker room

stays in the locker room.

- Guys, no problem. Your secret's safe with me.

- You're not gonna say anything, right?

- Hey, I'm a Bulldog. I would never say anything.

Now, let's pump up that jam and dance!

- We are young

We are strong

- Yay!

Okay, I get it, I get it, moment's over.

But we will dance!

- You won't find me in the bleachers

- Yeah that girl is one of us

- I'm made of spice and sugar

- She's pretty... she's pretty tough

- Then add a little glitter

- She off in a cloud of dust

- And you get... you get...

- A game changer, play maker

Take the ball She'll see ya later

- I'm on a dreamlike, teamlike

Livin' like one of the boys

- She got it goin', goin', she got it goin' on

- Play like Friday night

Kickin' like one of the boys

- She got it goin', goin', she got it goin' on

- One of the boys

- Bella, I've gotta know.

What's it like in the boys' locker room?

What do they talk about? Secret crushes?

Am I one of them? Do they fight over me?

They do, don't they.

- Pepper, I can't tell you

what happens in the boy's locker room.

But I can tell you what doesn't.

All that.

- Ace McFumbles here with a brand new Ace TV segment--

"Bulldogs Exposed." - [newscast music]

- In our lead story, gridiron guys go gaga

for Glitter Cheeks.

- Did he just say "Glitter Cheeks"?

- Yes. Yes, he did.

- What? Phone call for Coach?

Coming!

- A source inside the locker room says

the team and Coach love to dance and sing along

with the girly pop stars while getting pumped up

for practices and games.

Didn't know. Now you do. You're welcome.

Remember, if it's in your face, it must be Ace.

- CROWD: [laughing, chattering]

- Hey, what's up-- polka-dotty hotties.

[laughing]

- Konnichiwa. Which one of you is Miako?

Buh-burn! [laughing]

- I don't believe this.

We just got buh-burned by the chuh-Chess Club.

- Well, you may not be blabbin' locker secrets,

but someone sure is.

- Whoever it is, they're in huge trouble.

- You are in huge trouble.

- You don't really think I leaked this.

- Oh, please, you're the new guy on the team.

- And you're a girl.

You see 'em do it everywhere, all willy-nilly and whatnot.

- The dude's right. - Totally willy-nilly.

- Wow, you caught us.

We girls open our mouths and occasionally words come out.

I guess I'm guilty.

- BOYS: [gasping]

- She admits it.

- That was sarcasm.

- Don't you go quotin' your fancy Greek philosophers to me.

- It has a sick bassline!

For hittin' dudes!

I do not need to explain myself to you.

- Troy, you're my wide receiver.

I'm your QB.

You trust me, right?

Tell these guys you know I didn't do it.

- Oh, you did it.

- What? Why would I?

- Because you're a girl.

Everybody knows girls have enlarged gossip glands.

And when those glands absorb the gossip juice,

they must excrete it.

That's not me, that's science.

- What science class do you all go to?

You know what?

I'm going to prove I didn't do this.

- Huh, you do that, blabberback.

Wow, Sawyer. Really, way too far.

- What?

-

- Ace, I need to know--

Why is it so cold in here?

Close that vent.

- No can do. It keeps the equipment from overheating.

A small price to pay for state-of-the-art journalism.

- I need to talk to you.

- Of course. Uh, do you have an appointment?

- No.

- How's three weeks from Thursday or--

- Now, Ace! - Or now.

Now just opened up.

- Who told you about Glitter Cheeks?

- I can't do it, kid. I don't reveal my sources.

It's called Freedom of the Press--

First Commandment.

- I think you mean Amendment.

- Tomato, potato. I'm not talkin'.

- Look, I'm still new to the team.

I'm trying to gain their trust.

Now they think I'm the snitch.

You know I'm not.

So just tell me who it was so I can prove it wasn't me.

- Ooh, there's tension on the team.

Tell me more.

- Stop typing! I never said that.

- Gossip suspect Bella Dawson says "No comment."

- I didn't say "No comment."

- Yes, you did. I just heard you.

- Ughhhhh!

- Uh, is that "Ugh" with two g's?

Oh, never mind. Thank you, Spellcheck.

- It's got a sick bassline.

For hitting dudes!

I do not have to explain myself to you!

I'll see you Sunday.

Love you, Mom.

All right! All right! - [whistle shrills]

- Let's go. We've gotta finish our practice

before the Chess Club gets out.

- [sighing] Those guys are so mean.

- Let's move it!

- Yeah, um, I'll be right there.

Just gotta re-lace my cleats.

- Awwww...

- Hey, what are you doin' sneakin'around?

- [bunny thuds]

- BUNNY'S VOICE: You make me so happy.

- We're, uh, we're late for practice.

Let's go! - Troy!

It's okay. I have a stuffed bunny, too.

- Okay, first of all,

Colonel Cottontail is not a stuffed bunny.

He is a poseable action bunny.

- BUNNY'S VOICE: Some bunny needs a hug.

- Awwww...

- Hey, keep your "awwws" down.

No one else knows about this.

Look, my dad gave it to me

the first time his Army unit went overseas.

I just keep it in my locker for good luck.

- Awwww... - Uh!

- Sorry, but you're making it really hard for me not to "aw."

It's such a great story and it's really sweet and--

- Oh, cut with it.

You had to be the one person who found out about this.

My secret is as good as blabbed.

- Troy, I told you before-- I'm not the snitch.

- This isn't just the guys dancing in the locker room.

This is important to me.

- I get it. Your secret's safe with me.

-

- ACE: This morning, on "Bulldogs Exposed"...

we focus on wide receiver Troy Dixon.

- Oh, boy, what now?

- ACE: My source inside the locker room tells me

"Tough Troy" is still close with his childhood friend--

a certain stuffed bunny he keeps in his locker for good luck.

He calls him Colonel Cottontail.

- PEPPER: Awww... - SOPHIE: [laughing]

- No "aw". No "ha". No nothing.

Troy, I didn't-- - My secret's safe with you?

Thanks a lot, Bella.

-

- Guys, I didn't want to say anything in front of Coach,

but what was that about?

Why was no one blocking for me?

I've got cleat marks up and down my back.

- That's what happens when you tell

really humiliating and embarrassing secrets about

certain people that make them look completely ridiculous.

- NEWT: [whispering]

- Which is why we are giving you the silent treatment.

- Troy, I know this looks bad, but I didn't--

- You told me I could trust you.

Now I'm a joke all over school.

- This is ridiculous. I didn't do it.

- Look, I don't wanna hear it.

You know what? You've got your own locker room.

You don't need to be in ours and we don't want you in here.

From now on, just meet us on the field.

- [cell phone ringing]

- That's my dad calling from overseas.

And when he asks about my day,

I get to tell him all about this.

- [cell phone ringing]

- Ugh!

-

- I can't believe this.

Last Friday night I threw the winning pass

and the team loves me.

Now they don't even want me in the locker room.

All for something I didn't do.

- It's clear to me there's only one solution.

Quit the team and come back to cheerleading.

I re-fluff your pompoms every night

on the chance that you will.

- [sighing] I love you guys. I am not quitting this team.

I just have to somehow convince them I didn't snitch.

- I say we tie up Ace and start plucking hairs

out of his moustache collection one-by-one,

until he sings like a canary!

- Okay, loving the enthusiasm.

But maybe with a little less violence.

- [stamps foot] Oh, you never let me have any fun!

- You know what?

I'm gonna find out who's telling secrets to Ace,

if I have to go through the entire team player-by-player.

- But how are you gonna find out anything,

if they're all giving you the silent treatment?

- Oh, I know a couple of guys I can make talk.

- Got your note. What do you want?

- I got a note from you. What do you want?

- BOTH: [gasping] Sophie!

- [door slams]

- Mom says you can't lock us in closets any more.

- Mom can't help you in here.

Look at them. They must be guilty.

They're so nervous, they're shaking.

- Unh-unh, it's freezing in here.

- The quicker you answer questions,

the quicker you get out of here.

- First question--

how many boys in that locker room have a crush on me?

Do they fight over me? Oh, they do, don't they?

- Pepper... [clearing throat]

- We'll talk later.

- I'm sorry we dragged you in here, but I have to know.

Did either of you tell Ace the team secret?

- What? No. - We wouldn't.

- We've been getting seriously dissed at school.

And it's even worse at home.

- It's true. Our own brothers, they...

- Spit it out.

- They "Glitter Cheeked" us. - What?

- They "Glitter Cheeked" us!

- Wait, I never saw glitter on your cheeks.

- [shuddering] Not those cheeks.

- GIRLS: Ohhhh...

- [sighing] It isn't them.

- Well, you heard the woman--

get out!

Well, that was a bust.

Fun for me, but a bust.

- Not totally.

Luis and Ricky did give us a very good clue.

- Obviously.

But why don't you tell Sophie so she can catch up?

- Think about it.

No guy would have purposely leaked the Glitter Cheeks stuff

because they knew they'd get made fun of.

It must have come out by accident.

- Well, who on the team is most likely to do that?

- It's almost worse than us singing

and dancing to a girly pop song. [laughing]

Who said that?

Hey, Sawyer, I may be late to your surprise party tonight.

Wha...? Who said that?

- [cell phone clicks]

- [cell phones playing music]

- Ha. Who said that? [nervous laughter]

- ALL: Newt!

- And that's why you should never feed chili to a mule.

Now donkeys, on the other hand...

[laughing] That's a whole nother story.

Nobody ever stays for the donkey part.

- Newt, trust me.

I will not be mad, no matter what you say.

Are you the leak? - No.

- Tell the truth or I'll break you in half.

- Your eyes are so fiery.

I could lose myself in there.

- I can't work with this!

- Oh, oh, oh.

[whispering]

- [laughing] Are you kidding me?

No way!

[sighing] You so owe me for this.

[sighing] Tell us who did it...

and I'll sit with you at lunch tomorrow.

[squeaky voice] Ew.

- What? No. Why didn't I do it?

Wait, I'll go blab some secrets right now.

- It's not him. - No, no, wait.

What secrets do you wanna know? Please?

- Well, if none of the guys would do this on purpose,

and Newt didn't do it by accident...

- ...we're never gonna figure this out.

- This is so messed up.

I've been kicked out of the locker room,

Troy thinks I betrayed him,

I finally get to be quarterback,

and the whole team hates me.

- [sighing] Bella...

-

- Yeah, real original!

You know, the Chess Club left colored eggs.

At least that was... festive!

- [slams locker] Hey!

Do you think laughing at people's secrets is funny?

T.J., how would you like it

if I told people your Nana's nickname for you?

And, Olivia, what about the time

you had blank at the blank and then blank happened!

How would you like it if I filled in those blanks?

Didn't think so.

- You know, I could have defended myself.

I don't need your help.

- Hey, you're my teammate.

And no matter what you think I did,

if somebody comes after you,

they're gonna have to deal with me.

And, by the way,

I cherish every single thing my dad left me.

So if you think I'd tell the whole school

about something your Dad gave you,

then those stupid gossip glands

aren't the only thing you've got wrong about me.

- Bella, wait.

I believe you.

- Well, it's about time. - I'm sorry.

Look, I'm gonna talk to the team

and tell them I think you're innocent.

But they won't be easy to convince.

I just wish we knew who the leak was.

- Me, too, but it makes me feel better

that at least you trust me.

- I've gotta call my dad and tell him.

He didn't think you did it, either.

- You should listen to your dad more often.

What's with the winter wear?

- Oh, I call my dad from the janitor's closet.

It's freezing in there, but it's pretty private.

- Wait!

Do you talk to your dad about everything?

Even what happens in the locker room?

- Yeah, but it's okay.

- Troy, I know who the leak is.

I was in Ace's office and it was really cold.

He didn't close the vent, which was weird.

Then, when we were in the janitor's closet,

it was just as cold--

which makes sense if the vent from the closet leads

directly next door to Ace's office.

And if cold air travels back and forth,

so can secrets.

- Bella found out about Colonel Cottontail in the locker room.

- There is a leak on the team.

- [high-pitched voice] And it's me!

- Are your apology glands swelling up right now?

- Big time. I'm so sorry, Bella.

I feel so bad. I don't know what to do.

- Well, you're in luck.

I know how we can both feel better.

-

- TROY: Hey, Dad, how's it goin'?

- Ooh, ha, ha. Time for the leak to speak.

- Yeah, we, uh, we figured out who the leak is.

- Uh-oh. - [air horn blasting]

- TROY: We're coming for you, Ace!

- You gotta catch me, first! Ha! Ha!

- RICKY & LUIS: "Glitter Cheek" him!

- ACE: [groaning]

- Now that's in your face.

Ace! [laughing]

- ALL: Yeah!

-

- [knock at door]

- BELLA: Girl QB comin' in.

Got your message that you wanted to see me.

- Yeah, come on in, Bella.

- Hey, guys.

Look at you all lined up together.

Not nerve-racking at all.

- Bella, look, we were so busy accusing you

because you're new, and you're a girl,

we forgot the most important thing.

You're a Bulldog.

And you belong in this locker room

as much as any man on this team.

- ALL: Surprise!

-

- It's your very own, private, lady room.

- A lock-her, if you will.

- Now you can change in here with us.

But without me feeling uncomfortable.

- SAWYER: She's not saying anything.

What's happening?

- I love it! I love it! I love it! I love it!

- TROY: Hey.

She loves it.

- Thank you!

This is great!

- Hold my calls.

This is a Glitter Cheeks moment.

- We are young

We are strong

We can dance

All night long

Because we're hotties, shake your body

Do the cheeky polka-dotty

Say yes, say yes I can

We are young...

- Ace McFumbles here.

Apparently, Vice Principal Smathers

believes that journalistic maneuvers such as

reporting people's private conversations are "unethical,"

which led to the unfortunate

cancellation of "Bulldogs Exposed,"

But it did inspire me to write my new weekly segment,

"I was wrong" where I retract a few small errors

from the previous week.

And here we go...

What's that?

All dogs do not talk.

Didn't know. Now you do. You're welcome!

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