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Previously on Awkward...
2
00:00:01,523 --> 00:00:03,451
The guys keep a "hot or not" list.
3
00:00:03,477 --> 00:00:05,727
- You coded me?
- I made a dude database.
4
00:00:05,763 --> 00:00:08,263
I'm gonna hate-rate the
[bleep] out of these jock-offs.
5
00:00:08,349 --> 00:00:11,266
I guess you're not 100%
douchebag after all.
6
00:00:12,797 --> 00:00:14,324
First time?
7
00:00:15,145 --> 00:00:17,264
Now that I had finally let Owen down easy
8
00:00:17,290 --> 00:00:20,103
and made up with Matty after
his heroic pro-girl stand
9
00:00:20,129 --> 00:00:22,262
at the bonfire, my guy slate was clear.
10
00:00:22,298 --> 00:00:24,048
So this morning, Tamara and I could log
11
00:00:24,133 --> 00:00:26,634
some well-deserved quality
time over hot chocolates.
12
00:00:26,686 --> 00:00:29,470
[Cell phone alert chiming]
13
00:00:29,522 --> 00:00:31,605
Oh, hi, have you become Amish?
14
00:00:31,641 --> 00:00:34,141
I've been calling you all
weekend with me-related Intel
15
00:00:34,193 --> 00:00:36,477
and I thought maybe you
had abandoned electricity.
16
00:00:36,562 --> 00:00:39,203
Hot chocolate. Be nice. My phone was off.
17
00:00:39,229 --> 00:00:41,822
- It won't stop...
- [Cell phone alerts chiming]
18
00:00:41,848 --> 00:00:42,970
Tags for Matty...
19
00:00:42,998 --> 00:00:46,583
MagicMatty, BlackIrishLicorice.
20
00:00:46,668 --> 00:00:48,668
It's a severe Y chromosome
hashtag-a-palooza.
21
00:00:48,754 --> 00:00:51,338
The dude database has
now gone full-on viral.
22
00:00:51,390 --> 00:00:55,842
How is every other girl at
PHHs posting to it like crazy?
23
00:00:55,894 --> 00:00:57,844
Okay. I may have showed a few girls
24
00:00:57,896 --> 00:00:59,679
while hate-rating at the bonfire.
25
00:00:59,731 --> 00:01:00,847
Do you like this new peach lip gloss?
26
00:01:00,932 --> 00:01:02,482
- It might be a little too shiny.
- T.
27
00:01:02,517 --> 00:01:03,566
[Cell phone alerts chime]
28
00:01:03,652 --> 00:01:06,186
2InchRich? Yikes.
29
00:01:06,238 --> 00:01:07,604
This is gonna really piss some people off.
30
00:01:07,689 --> 00:01:08,738
We should just delete it.
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00:01:08,824 --> 00:01:10,490
It'll play itself out.
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00:01:10,525 --> 00:01:11,691
Now, prepare to be shocked
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00:01:11,743 --> 00:01:13,193
as I reveal my hookup with...
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00:01:13,278 --> 00:01:16,079
- Oh. Em. Gee.
- [Crowd clamoring]
35
00:01:16,164 --> 00:01:19,165
[Rock music]
36
00:01:19,201 --> 00:01:22,702
37
00:01:23,719 --> 00:01:26,305
A puppy dog? A puppy dog, really?
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00:01:26,327 --> 00:01:28,661
These boys wouldn't last
one bad dubstep remix
39
00:01:28,746 --> 00:01:30,496
of gay bar judgment.
40
00:01:30,548 --> 00:01:33,632
Ugh, dubstep. Just lost my semi.
41
00:01:34,641 --> 00:01:37,487
Unwrap that package, magic Matty!
42
00:01:37,519 --> 00:01:40,493
Okay, now I really get how
you felt about the phonebook.
43
00:01:40,519 --> 00:01:41,601
Did you do this?
44
00:01:41,629 --> 00:01:43,879
#FabAbs?
45
00:01:43,964 --> 00:01:45,263
I'd like to think I'm
more creative than that.
46
00:01:46,372 --> 00:01:49,134
Isn't it brillz! Just total drama.
47
00:01:49,219 --> 00:01:51,103
We got this dirty deeds database
48
00:01:51,138 --> 00:01:52,971
and forwarded invites to everyone.
49
00:01:53,057 --> 00:01:54,306
Let the hot guys know they're hot
50
00:01:54,358 --> 00:01:56,475
and the not guys know to give up.
51
00:01:56,560 --> 00:01:59,361
So no one has any idea where
this database come from?
52
00:01:59,446 --> 00:02:01,029
Some idiot savant freshman?
53
00:02:01,961 --> 00:02:04,066
Idiot? Those bitches.
54
00:02:04,151 --> 00:02:05,617
That database is well-built.
55
00:02:05,653 --> 00:02:06,952
The integration of the
Facebook photos alone...
56
00:02:06,987 --> 00:02:08,620
Stop defending it!
57
00:02:08,656 --> 00:02:10,706
Whoa!
58
00:02:11,295 --> 00:02:13,208
Okay, this has gone off the rails.
59
00:02:13,293 --> 00:02:14,826
What if it comes back around to me?
60
00:02:14,912 --> 00:02:17,329
Focus on my shiny peach
lips. No one knows it was us.
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00:02:17,381 --> 00:02:20,248
Jenna Hamilton to Ms. Marks' office now.
62
00:02:20,334 --> 00:02:21,667
Immediately now.
63
00:02:21,752 --> 00:02:23,885
Well, no one knows it was me.
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00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:29,191
Synced and corrected by Chitorafa
www.addic7ed.com
65
00:02:29,476 --> 00:02:30,809
What do you know about this dude database
66
00:02:30,844 --> 00:02:32,010
for ranking senior boys?
67
00:02:32,821 --> 00:02:34,346
J., who's involved?
68
00:02:34,398 --> 00:02:36,431
Any faculty?
69
00:02:38,110 --> 00:02:39,568
The headphones are for your privacy.
70
00:02:40,431 --> 00:02:43,105
You know, sometimes I'm
like, "whoa, UpInMyGrill,"
71
00:02:43,190 --> 00:02:45,357
but then I get all MascotHeadHorny and...
72
00:02:47,493 --> 00:02:50,578
Val, the headphones don't really work.
73
00:02:51,766 --> 00:02:53,547
- I need guidance!
- Oh, right.
74
00:02:53,583 --> 00:02:55,290
2InchRich.
75
00:02:55,316 --> 00:02:57,366
2 1/2!
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00:02:57,392 --> 00:02:58,558
I'm gonna go.
77
00:02:58,777 --> 00:03:01,394
- Thank you!
- Oh.
78
00:03:03,559 --> 00:03:04,675
Sorry.
79
00:03:04,761 --> 00:03:06,009
[Cell phone alerts chiming]
80
00:03:06,035 --> 00:03:07,918
This hashtag stuff really sucks.
81
00:03:07,944 --> 00:03:09,407
- Ow!
- Oh, yeah.
82
00:03:09,433 --> 00:03:11,099
Your rep as a sex machine is so hard.
83
00:03:11,935 --> 00:03:13,484
- Ow!
- Nice guys finish last.
84
00:03:13,569 --> 00:03:15,603
That's only because you
let the girls finish first,
85
00:03:15,688 --> 00:03:17,321
SoPoliteInBed.
86
00:03:17,407 --> 00:03:20,324
Since when is being a
generous lover a bad thing?
87
00:03:20,410 --> 00:03:23,277
- Hey, not-so-naughty-Rosati!
- [Scoffs]
88
00:03:23,363 --> 00:03:24,912
Oh!
89
00:03:24,948 --> 00:03:26,447
No, he's... he's just upset about
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00:03:26,499 --> 00:03:28,783
his adorable puppy dog
status with the girls.
91
00:03:28,835 --> 00:03:31,535
Ah, well, the ladies of
PHHs have a lot to say,
92
00:03:31,621 --> 00:03:33,653
don't they, #ManWhoreMcKibben?
93
00:03:33,674 --> 00:03:34,973
Okay, it's not my fault that...
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00:03:34,999 --> 00:03:36,402
that people want to hang out with me.
95
00:03:36,437 --> 00:03:39,988
- I am adorable.
- True, and modest.
96
00:03:40,313 --> 00:03:42,814
I'm sure your idea of hanging
out with all these girls
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00:03:42,849 --> 00:03:44,482
is good, clean fun.
98
00:03:44,518 --> 00:03:46,067
Holding hands,
99
00:03:46,153 --> 00:03:48,653
milkshakes with two
straws, that kind of thing?
100
00:03:48,689 --> 00:03:50,822
Come on, you make it sound
like I'm some sort of player.
101
00:03:50,857 --> 00:03:52,857
Okay. Well, how many actual dates
102
00:03:52,909 --> 00:03:54,876
have you taken any of these girls on?
103
00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:55,777
I date!
104
00:03:56,761 --> 00:03:58,127
In... in fact,
105
00:03:58,153 --> 00:04:00,222
I was just about to tell you
106
00:04:00,238 --> 00:04:03,156
about this date I had planned for us.
107
00:04:03,241 --> 00:04:06,359
And what could be cleaner fun than...
108
00:04:06,445 --> 00:04:07,661
mini golf?
109
00:04:07,746 --> 00:04:09,696
Okay, and how long into the date
110
00:04:09,781 --> 00:04:11,615
before you try to sink a hole in one?
111
00:04:11,667 --> 00:04:13,283
If this date was about making a move,
112
00:04:13,335 --> 00:04:16,503
would I have invited other people?
113
00:04:16,588 --> 00:04:18,204
It's a double date.
114
00:04:18,290 --> 00:04:19,873
You're just making this
up right now, aren't you?
115
00:04:19,958 --> 00:04:22,626
- No way!
- No way, McKibben.
116
00:04:22,678 --> 00:04:25,378
Sadie, do this for me.
I really like this girl.
117
00:04:25,464 --> 00:04:28,298
If you have to pretend to be
all harmless to win her over,
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00:04:28,350 --> 00:04:30,600
then clearly, you've
picked the wrong girl.
119
00:04:30,636 --> 00:04:32,302
- Again!
- I'll pay your way.
120
00:04:32,354 --> 00:04:34,137
You have to pay for Sergio, too.
121
00:04:34,222 --> 00:04:36,139
Done! Thank you.
122
00:04:40,145 --> 00:04:41,478
Since you're homosexual sinners
123
00:04:41,563 --> 00:04:43,313
and seem cool with the
whole "going to hell" thing,
124
00:04:43,365 --> 00:04:46,650
can I ask you a question?
125
00:04:46,702 --> 00:04:48,818
Please do.
126
00:04:48,870 --> 00:04:50,654
I've always dreamed of
going to heaven one day
127
00:04:50,739 --> 00:04:52,489
and spending eternity with my family.
128
00:04:52,574 --> 00:04:56,292
But now my dad can't go and I
don't know what to say to him.
129
00:04:56,328 --> 00:04:58,128
Sweet tits, you got some bad info.
130
00:04:58,163 --> 00:04:59,998
Your dad's not going to hell.
131
00:05:00,061 --> 00:05:01,295
He's going to gay heaven.
132
00:05:01,321 --> 00:05:04,703
Gay heaven is a nonstop
artisan cocktail mixer
133
00:05:04,729 --> 00:05:06,503
courtesy of The Scissor
Sisters and Heatherette.
134
00:05:06,588 --> 00:05:09,148
It makes straight heaven look
like a busted clearance sale
135
00:05:09,174 --> 00:05:10,149
at T.J. Maxx.
136
00:05:10,175 --> 00:05:12,942
That's where you'll be,
Lissa. Straight heaven.
137
00:05:13,323 --> 00:05:15,706
Get ready for boxed white
zin and an endless loop
138
00:05:15,792 --> 00:05:17,325
of Everybody Loves Raymond reruns.
139
00:05:17,351 --> 00:05:18,208
What?
140
00:05:18,234 --> 00:05:21,352
There are too many
heavens to keep straight!
141
00:05:22,832 --> 00:05:25,099
It's like Kierkegaard
humped a loaf of wonder bread
142
00:05:25,125 --> 00:05:27,242
and made a baby.
143
00:05:27,412 --> 00:05:30,247
Even though Val was mercifully
clueless about the database,
144
00:05:30,332 --> 00:05:31,832
I didn't know if Tamara
and I would stay anonymous.
145
00:05:31,884 --> 00:05:32,783
[Cell phone alert chiming]
146
00:05:32,809 --> 00:05:35,093
And frankly, dudes were
the last thing on my mind.
147
00:05:35,379 --> 00:05:37,821
- Hey, Jenna!
- Hey, Owen!
148
00:05:37,847 --> 00:05:39,309
You know, after how things went down,
149
00:05:39,335 --> 00:05:42,119
it's... it's cool you still
put me on the dude database.
150
00:05:42,527 --> 00:05:45,111
You know, SecretHottieWithABody.
151
00:05:48,342 --> 00:05:51,856
- Did Owen just kiss your cheek?
- What? No.
152
00:05:51,899 --> 00:05:53,399
I mean, yes.
153
00:05:53,451 --> 00:05:57,161
Are you guys friends now?
Why the random fandom?
154
00:05:58,249 --> 00:06:01,060
Okay. Owen was the guy I
hooked up with at new year's
155
00:06:01,086 --> 00:06:04,421
- and, like, once afterwards.
- Wait. What?
156
00:06:04,447 --> 00:06:06,684
Look, I feel super weird
about not telling you.
157
00:06:06,710 --> 00:06:08,693
I didn't even know he was a sophomore.
158
00:06:08,719 --> 00:06:10,374
And then I kind of took his "v" card.
159
00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:12,674
And now he thinks I
hashtagged him, but I didn't.
160
00:06:12,700 --> 00:06:14,150
So it must be someone playing a joke...
161
00:06:14,176 --> 00:06:15,726
Spoiler alert, Jenna.
162
00:06:16,092 --> 00:06:17,797
I wrote that Owen hashtag...
163
00:06:17,823 --> 00:06:19,940
After we hooked up!
164
00:06:24,829 --> 00:06:26,462
Okay, you cannot walk away.
165
00:06:26,597 --> 00:06:28,584
This is not bad enough
for a walkaway moment.
166
00:06:28,610 --> 00:06:30,744
OMG, that's so funny because...
167
00:06:37,699 --> 00:06:39,484
The guy who sits there has mono.
168
00:06:39,510 --> 00:06:41,160
I didn't even know you liked Owen!
169
00:06:41,186 --> 00:06:42,652
Well, I tried to tell you this morning.
170
00:06:42,964 --> 00:06:43,879
You tried to tell me...
171
00:06:43,965 --> 00:06:45,464
Oh, yeah. Never.
172
00:06:45,516 --> 00:06:47,063
It was supposed to be a onetime thing!
173
00:06:47,089 --> 00:06:48,610
He's just not like the
guys I normally date so...
174
00:06:48,636 --> 00:06:51,554
So he's not a jock-du-jour
or a drug pusher
175
00:06:51,639 --> 00:06:54,940
or some hot college guy
you abandoned on a mountain?
176
00:06:54,976 --> 00:06:56,525
Well, that was face-stabbingly thorough.
177
00:06:56,611 --> 00:06:59,395
Look it, T., Owen is
great, just not for me.
178
00:06:59,480 --> 00:07:00,813
- I am happy for you.
- Oh!
179
00:07:00,898 --> 00:07:02,565
So he's not good enough for you,
180
00:07:02,650 --> 00:07:04,650
- but he is good enough for me?
- [Clapping]
181
00:07:04,735 --> 00:07:07,403
Mesdemoiselles... [Speaking French]
182
00:07:07,782 --> 00:07:09,822
- What did she say?
- She said, "get out."
183
00:07:09,907 --> 00:07:12,741
Tamara and I were clearly
speaking a different language.
184
00:07:12,827 --> 00:07:15,995
And I needed to find one
particular translator.
185
00:07:18,382 --> 00:07:19,915
- Oh.
- Pretty low, Owen.
186
00:07:20,001 --> 00:07:21,333
Hooking up with Tamara,
187
00:07:21,419 --> 00:07:23,586
and then pretending to
be all sweet with me?
188
00:07:23,671 --> 00:07:26,839
Wait, what? I mean, I think Tamara's rad.
189
00:07:26,891 --> 00:07:28,674
Yeah, I think she's rad, too.
190
00:07:28,759 --> 00:07:31,539
Which is why I'm not gonna let
you use her to get back at me.
191
00:07:31,565 --> 00:07:33,985
Wait, but you told me to
go after someone amazing.
192
00:07:34,180 --> 00:07:36,182
Of course I'm gonna go after Tamara.
193
00:07:36,267 --> 00:07:38,350
Because you like her, or
because you want to hurt me?
194
00:07:38,436 --> 00:07:42,354
Tamara is my best friend,
and now she's hurt.
195
00:07:42,440 --> 00:07:45,241
So if that matters to you,
then you'll stay away from her.
196
00:07:47,078 --> 00:07:48,611
[Sighs]
197
00:07:48,696 --> 00:07:50,529
Any civil disobedience
198
00:07:50,615 --> 00:07:52,748
having to do with the hashtagging of boys
199
00:07:52,833 --> 00:07:54,917
will be handled former Soviet block style.
200
00:07:55,002 --> 00:07:58,170
A lot of people were still
salty because of the database.
201
00:07:58,206 --> 00:08:00,005
Tamara and I weren't exactly sweet.
202
00:08:00,041 --> 00:08:01,957
Maybe she was right to be mad at me.
203
00:08:02,043 --> 00:08:04,176
But she wasn't right
about it all blowing over.
204
00:08:04,212 --> 00:08:06,345
Not even close.
205
00:08:06,380 --> 00:08:08,047
- You asked for it, comrades.
- [Screaming]
206
00:08:08,132 --> 00:08:10,683
The hose it is.
207
00:08:10,718 --> 00:08:13,385
So there's Christian
heaven, Muslim heaven,
208
00:08:13,437 --> 00:08:14,687
gay heaven, straight heaven,
209
00:08:14,722 --> 00:08:17,223
- do bisexuals go back and forth?
- Ugh!
210
00:08:17,275 --> 00:08:20,359
Shut up. None of those even exist.
211
00:08:20,394 --> 00:08:23,112
You don't believe in any of it?
212
00:08:23,197 --> 00:08:25,364
If you ever tell anyone this,
213
00:08:25,399 --> 00:08:27,316
I will gouge out your eyes with my thumbs.
214
00:08:27,401 --> 00:08:30,402
But I believe in love
215
00:08:30,454 --> 00:08:33,405
and not saying someone is
going to hell for being gay.
216
00:08:33,457 --> 00:08:35,407
Because whoever says that is an [bleep].
217
00:08:35,493 --> 00:08:38,410
- God says that!
- Your handsy mom
218
00:08:38,496 --> 00:08:40,746
and newly-minted gay dad say God says that.
219
00:08:40,831 --> 00:08:42,631
Not sure those hypocrites speak for him.
220
00:08:42,717 --> 00:08:44,583
- [Cell phone alert chimes]
- This thing won't shut up.
221
00:08:44,635 --> 00:08:48,921
It's ruining my chardonnay
and Melatonin-flavored me time.
222
00:08:48,973 --> 00:08:50,839
Sergio's car stalled.
223
00:08:50,925 --> 00:08:53,392
I'm gonna go take this booze bag's Benz
224
00:08:53,427 --> 00:08:54,927
and pick him up for this lame date.
225
00:08:55,012 --> 00:08:57,096
I'm standing right here.
226
00:08:57,181 --> 00:08:59,481
No, I totally know that.
227
00:09:05,011 --> 00:09:05,854
Who are you?
228
00:09:05,940 --> 00:09:07,740
I'm Lissa.
229
00:09:07,775 --> 00:09:10,442
You've met me, like, so many times.
230
00:09:10,528 --> 00:09:13,329
You look like you need a drink.
231
00:09:13,414 --> 00:09:14,863
I think I need some advice.
232
00:09:14,949 --> 00:09:17,116
From me?
233
00:09:17,201 --> 00:09:20,119
You need advice from me?
234
00:09:20,171 --> 00:09:21,870
Tamara found out I never told her
235
00:09:21,956 --> 00:09:23,372
about hooking up with
this guy that she likes,
236
00:09:23,457 --> 00:09:24,506
so I said that she should have him
237
00:09:24,592 --> 00:09:26,125
and then she flipped out on me.
238
00:09:26,177 --> 00:09:27,960
- Ouch.
- Well, I told her the truth.
239
00:09:28,045 --> 00:09:30,262
You also told her that
she could have the guy
240
00:09:30,298 --> 00:09:32,264
you were done with. Okay, quick story.
241
00:09:32,300 --> 00:09:33,349
When your father and I were dating,
242
00:09:33,434 --> 00:09:35,434
we broke up several times,
243
00:09:35,469 --> 00:09:38,220
but the makeup sex was always so...
244
00:09:38,306 --> 00:09:39,805
- Mom.
- Anyway,
245
00:09:39,857 --> 00:09:41,807
to teach him a lesson
during one of the breakups,
246
00:09:41,859 --> 00:09:43,642
I went out with his friend, Paul.
247
00:09:43,694 --> 00:09:46,612
When we got back together, I
told him I hung out with Paul.
248
00:09:46,647 --> 00:09:51,233
I did not tell him that
Paul tried to go all the way.
249
00:09:51,319 --> 00:09:53,235
So I should have told Tamara about Owen,
250
00:09:53,321 --> 00:09:54,570
just not the details?
251
00:09:54,655 --> 00:09:57,156
Sometimes you tell
just enough of the truth
252
00:09:57,208 --> 00:09:58,707
to spare people the hurt.
253
00:09:58,793 --> 00:10:01,994
Hmm, that story was
actually really relevant.
254
00:10:02,079 --> 00:10:04,213
- Thanks, Mom.
- Hmm.
255
00:10:04,298 --> 00:10:05,914
Wait, was any of that even true?
256
00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:09,084
Oh, honey, you feel better.
Does it really matter?
257
00:10:11,555 --> 00:10:14,423
Gabby, if you drop Matty
now, no one will ever know
258
00:10:14,508 --> 00:10:17,426
we were at this astroturf
kiddie dumping ground.
259
00:10:17,511 --> 00:10:20,763
Just no one Instagram anything.
260
00:10:20,848 --> 00:10:23,098
Hey, maybe we should split up into teams.
261
00:10:23,184 --> 00:10:25,267
Little friendly competition?
262
00:10:25,353 --> 00:10:27,603
That's kind of unfair, don't you think?
263
00:10:27,688 --> 00:10:29,905
I mean, we're both athletes and they're...
264
00:10:29,990 --> 00:10:31,740
Finish that thought, mijo.
265
00:10:31,826 --> 00:10:34,243
Oh, no. It's now my new mission in life
266
00:10:34,328 --> 00:10:37,279
to destroy you at mini golf.
267
00:10:42,670 --> 00:10:44,586
[Knock at door]
268
00:10:47,091 --> 00:10:48,540
Evenin', ma'am.
269
00:10:48,592 --> 00:10:49,925
I'm here to check out your plumbing.
270
00:10:50,010 --> 00:10:51,710
Jake, are you...
271
00:10:51,796 --> 00:10:53,929
Oh, God, is this supposed
to be sexy or something?
272
00:10:54,014 --> 00:10:56,048
Well, my customers usually
aren't this forward,
273
00:10:56,133 --> 00:10:58,517
but if that's what you're
looking for, I'm good to go.
274
00:10:58,552 --> 00:11:00,853
Okay, stop saying things and come inside.
275
00:11:00,888 --> 00:11:04,056
I'm just trying to give
you a taste of the bad boy.
276
00:11:04,141 --> 00:11:05,107
Okay?
277
00:11:05,192 --> 00:11:06,859
But you're not a bad boy.
278
00:11:06,894 --> 00:11:10,028
Ugh, not even here? I can't win.
279
00:11:10,064 --> 00:11:11,447
No matter how hard I try,
280
00:11:11,532 --> 00:11:12,865
whether I'm the clean-cut class president
281
00:11:12,900 --> 00:11:16,735
or a serious musician or a studly plumber,
282
00:11:16,821 --> 00:11:19,571
I just keep getting the cutesy bull[bleep]
283
00:11:19,657 --> 00:11:24,293
Like PuppyLove or TakeHomeToMommy.
284
00:11:24,378 --> 00:11:25,911
I want to be #HitItAndQuitIt.
285
00:11:25,996 --> 00:11:29,214
Aw, you're just not
douchey enough for that,
286
00:11:29,250 --> 00:11:31,250
which is a good thing.
287
00:11:31,302 --> 00:11:34,086
Because when you learn to be
comfortable with who you are,
288
00:11:34,171 --> 00:11:35,671
it won't matter
289
00:11:35,756 --> 00:11:37,806
if you're wearing a
varsity jacket or a guitar
290
00:11:37,892 --> 00:11:41,477
or a plumber's outfit you
saw in a bad '80s porn.
291
00:11:43,981 --> 00:11:46,432
Are you sure you don't
want me to check your pipes
292
00:11:46,484 --> 00:11:50,152
before I burn this ridiculous getup?
293
00:11:57,313 --> 00:12:00,514
Ah, screw it, a quick
snaking couldn't hurt.
294
00:12:03,603 --> 00:12:06,138
Oh! Nice.
295
00:12:06,164 --> 00:12:07,578
It's all in the wrist.
296
00:12:07,604 --> 00:12:09,375
Okay, just like here.
297
00:12:09,515 --> 00:12:12,433
Oh, my, coach. Hands.
298
00:12:12,650 --> 00:12:15,868
- Focus, McKibben.
- Got it.
299
00:12:15,954 --> 00:12:17,537
Hole in one.
300
00:12:18,623 --> 00:12:20,990
- Yeah!
- [Sighs]
301
00:12:21,042 --> 00:12:22,658
All right, you're up, Sergio.
302
00:12:22,744 --> 00:12:25,244
Miss this, and I will
rip off your [bleep]!
303
00:12:25,330 --> 00:12:27,880
That only hurts you, babe.
304
00:12:27,966 --> 00:12:30,666
[Coughs]
305
00:12:31,836 --> 00:12:33,503
- Ha! Huh?
- Mm-hmm.
306
00:12:36,975 --> 00:12:39,266
Hmm?
307
00:12:39,292 --> 00:12:40,924
All right. Okay, okay.
308
00:12:41,037 --> 00:12:44,122
I admit, I am the worst mini golfer here.
309
00:12:44,148 --> 00:12:46,432
But how about this...
I make this here putt,
310
00:12:46,518 --> 00:12:48,684
and you kiss me tonight?
311
00:12:48,736 --> 00:12:50,686
If you make this putt, I'll die of shock,
312
00:12:50,772 --> 00:12:52,738
so you'll be kissing a corpse.
313
00:12:52,824 --> 00:12:55,525
Oh, I will take that as a yes.
314
00:12:59,864 --> 00:13:01,998
- Oh!
- Oh! Whoa! Nice!
315
00:13:02,033 --> 00:13:03,833
- Yeah!
- No!
316
00:13:03,868 --> 00:13:06,869
So when a hookup is on the
line, suddenly you can play?
317
00:13:06,921 --> 00:13:09,205
Well, it's a classic
way to step up the game.
318
00:13:09,257 --> 00:13:13,292
I think "game" is the
operative word here, player.
319
00:13:14,988 --> 00:13:16,538
Okay.
320
00:13:16,714 --> 00:13:19,131
What did I do? Don't feel bad.
321
00:13:19,217 --> 00:13:22,268
Maybe mini golf just
isn't an athlete's game.
322
00:13:22,353 --> 00:13:23,886
[Laughs]
323
00:13:27,692 --> 00:13:29,560
When I don't answer my phone,
324
00:13:29,586 --> 00:13:31,620
it's 'cause I don't want to talk to you.
325
00:13:31,646 --> 00:13:33,161
Just wait.
326
00:13:33,193 --> 00:13:34,559
I was a jerk about the Owen situation
327
00:13:34,644 --> 00:13:37,195
and definitely said some wrong things.
328
00:13:38,789 --> 00:13:39,382
Go on.
329
00:13:39,398 --> 00:13:40,749
I should have told you about Owen sooner.
330
00:13:40,773 --> 00:13:42,519
I shouldn't have told you
about the virginity thing
331
00:13:42,545 --> 00:13:43,964
or said that he was hung up on me,
332
00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:45,198
which clearly isn't the case,
333
00:13:45,224 --> 00:13:47,266
since he immediately went
and hooked up with you.
334
00:13:47,292 --> 00:13:48,279
I made it all about me.
335
00:13:48,331 --> 00:13:51,249
Because you think the whole
world revolves around you.
336
00:13:51,275 --> 00:13:53,058
Okay, jeez, I am trying to apologize.
337
00:13:53,084 --> 00:13:55,367
Apology declined. Hi, Owen.
338
00:13:55,671 --> 00:13:57,204
Owen, what are you doing here?
339
00:13:57,290 --> 00:13:59,006
Uh, drinking juice.
340
00:13:59,091 --> 00:14:01,759
I invited him. Oh, and
he told me what you said,
341
00:14:01,794 --> 00:14:04,428
about how you think he's
using me to hurt you!
342
00:14:04,464 --> 00:14:06,635
Again, it's not all about you!
343
00:14:06,661 --> 00:14:08,041
Owen, I can't believe you told her that.
344
00:14:08,067 --> 00:14:10,325
I was yelling at him for
not telling me about you
345
00:14:10,351 --> 00:14:11,692
in the first place,
346
00:14:11,718 --> 00:14:13,793
and he terror-spilled it out
of fear for his young life.
347
00:14:13,819 --> 00:14:16,167
So turn your outrage back over here.
348
00:14:16,193 --> 00:14:18,777
Tamara, chill. I am trying
to make things better.
349
00:14:18,862 --> 00:14:20,078
By keeping more secrets?
350
00:14:20,113 --> 00:14:22,771
By assuming Owen wouldn't want me for me?
351
00:14:22,797 --> 00:14:24,881
You still don't get it.
It's not even about Owen.
352
00:14:25,583 --> 00:14:27,466
- It's not?
- Owen, be quiet.
353
00:14:27,492 --> 00:14:29,692
Jenna, this is all about you and me.
354
00:14:29,718 --> 00:14:30,332
You and me?
355
00:14:30,358 --> 00:14:32,441
Actually, it's mostly just about you.
356
00:14:32,576 --> 00:14:34,827
We're having juice now. 'Kay, thanks, bye!
357
00:14:36,966 --> 00:14:38,779
Don't get in the backseat, Gabby.
358
00:14:38,805 --> 00:14:40,691
His putter doesn't work right!
359
00:14:41,012 --> 00:14:43,665
Yeah, not exactly good winners, huh?
360
00:14:44,583 --> 00:14:45,996
Well, then again,
361
00:14:46,033 --> 00:14:49,133
you're not exactly the... the
best loser I've ever seen either.
362
00:14:49,164 --> 00:14:52,086
Being competitive got me
a full ride to Stanford.
363
00:14:52,118 --> 00:14:54,168
Okay, you know what? I-I give up.
364
00:14:54,194 --> 00:14:55,610
So, actually, you win.
365
00:14:55,645 --> 00:14:58,813
Maybe that's your problem, McKibben.
366
00:14:58,857 --> 00:15:01,534
Things come so easy to you,
you can't handle a challenge.
367
00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:03,190
You don't know me.
368
00:15:03,527 --> 00:15:06,025
This is the first time we have interacted,
369
00:15:06,051 --> 00:15:07,946
yet you seem to be an
expert on... on who I am?
370
00:15:10,184 --> 00:15:12,317
I know you've been trying way too hard
371
00:15:12,343 --> 00:15:13,902
to convince me you're a good guy.
372
00:15:13,928 --> 00:15:15,094
Did it ever occur to you that
373
00:15:15,129 --> 00:15:17,346
it might be because I like you?
374
00:15:17,432 --> 00:15:19,181
If you're so up for challenges, Gabby,
375
00:15:19,267 --> 00:15:21,202
why don't you challenge yourself?
376
00:15:21,226 --> 00:15:23,726
Get to know me, instead
of doing the easy thing
377
00:15:23,761 --> 00:15:25,227
and... and icing me
out because you believe
378
00:15:25,262 --> 00:15:27,312
a bunch of stupid hashtags and rumors.
379
00:15:28,218 --> 00:15:30,076
You seem better than that.
380
00:15:32,032 --> 00:15:35,199
Any of this getting through?
381
00:15:36,550 --> 00:15:38,117
Score!
382
00:15:38,143 --> 00:15:38,836
I'm kidding.
383
00:15:38,863 --> 00:15:41,047
You know that whole "you're
better than that" thing
384
00:15:41,073 --> 00:15:42,842
is the only thing that's
getting to me, right?
385
00:15:42,868 --> 00:15:45,952
Yeah. Why do you think
I saved it for last?
386
00:15:50,433 --> 00:15:51,991
The more I tried to do the right thing,
387
00:15:52,017 --> 00:15:54,551
- the worse things got.
- [Cell phone alert chiming]
388
00:15:54,603 --> 00:15:56,553
Tamara and I weren't the
only ones having friction.
389
00:15:56,605 --> 00:15:59,389
The dude database was rubbing
everyone the wrong way.
390
00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:02,793
Nice to see a friendly face.
391
00:16:02,819 --> 00:16:04,486
Absolutely. The friendliest face.
392
00:16:05,270 --> 00:16:07,481
These ladies have no [bleep] idea.
393
00:16:07,566 --> 00:16:09,199
Okay?
394
00:16:09,234 --> 00:16:11,818
Stop! Dead in your
tracks. Attention, seniors.
395
00:16:11,904 --> 00:16:15,906
Do you find yourself friendless
and alienated from everyone?
396
00:16:15,991 --> 00:16:17,407
Come to the club room in five minutes
397
00:16:17,459 --> 00:16:21,220
to find out how to
stop being awful people.
398
00:16:21,246 --> 00:16:22,412
Mandatory!
399
00:16:22,665 --> 00:16:25,829
There is a lot of hate
in here. And I get it.
400
00:16:25,855 --> 00:16:27,991
I can see why some of you hate each other.
401
00:16:28,017 --> 00:16:29,312
I hate some of you, too.
402
00:16:29,338 --> 00:16:31,304
I mean, sometimes when
you come into my office
403
00:16:31,390 --> 00:16:33,588
with your whining, I want to kill myself.
404
00:16:33,614 --> 00:16:37,449
But welcome to Val's "Ur The Change"!
405
00:16:37,475 --> 00:16:40,976
The "you're" is spelled u-r.
406
00:16:41,831 --> 00:16:45,495
Let's get all that hate
out in the open. Go!
407
00:16:46,034 --> 00:16:47,938
I could go first, Val.
408
00:16:48,262 --> 00:16:50,846
Oh, what a good attitude, Sadie.
409
00:16:50,881 --> 00:16:51,855
Don't edit yourself.
410
00:16:51,881 --> 00:16:53,381
We can all take it, right, everyone?
411
00:16:53,873 --> 00:16:54,800
Huh?
412
00:16:56,692 --> 00:16:58,391
I hate...
413
00:16:58,476 --> 00:17:01,276
this lame exercise you're forcing on us.
414
00:17:01,362 --> 00:17:04,396
You're a fake teacher
and should be fired again
415
00:17:04,448 --> 00:17:07,623
or thrown in jail for gross negligence.
416
00:17:07,649 --> 00:17:10,679
Do us all a favor and self-deport
417
00:17:10,705 --> 00:17:12,371
to whatever nowhere country
418
00:17:12,406 --> 00:17:15,908
gave you your 3-easy-steps
online degree in counseling
419
00:17:15,934 --> 00:17:18,234
and demand a refund.
420
00:17:18,379 --> 00:17:19,662
You're welcome.
421
00:17:19,747 --> 00:17:23,966
Wow! I do feel better.
422
00:17:26,831 --> 00:17:28,087
Next!
423
00:17:28,139 --> 00:17:31,256
I hate that all you most
base level of basic bitches
424
00:17:31,308 --> 00:17:34,899
need infantile bonding exercises
to process your [bleep].
425
00:17:34,925 --> 00:17:36,831
- Grow a pair.
- Preach!
426
00:17:37,005 --> 00:17:40,604
I hate that... that...
427
00:17:40,620 --> 00:17:43,004
that God is an [bleep]!
428
00:17:46,677 --> 00:17:48,377
Isn't God the worst?
429
00:17:48,462 --> 00:17:52,765
I hate that gummy worms
won't tell me their secrets.
430
00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:53,966
No faces.
431
00:17:54,051 --> 00:17:55,844
I hate this. It's weird.
432
00:17:55,870 --> 00:17:58,654
And, well, I'd rather
be doing anything else.
433
00:17:58,829 --> 00:18:02,331
Except maybe playing mini golf?
434
00:18:02,643 --> 00:18:03,559
[Snorts]
435
00:18:03,644 --> 00:18:05,676
I don't hate anything.
436
00:18:05,702 --> 00:18:08,043
I guess I'm just a nice guy that way.
437
00:18:09,817 --> 00:18:11,817
I hate when my best friend
438
00:18:11,902 --> 00:18:13,485
doesn't tell me huge things in her life,
439
00:18:13,571 --> 00:18:16,789
and then throws me her sloppy
seconds like it's a favor.
440
00:18:17,431 --> 00:18:18,550
And I hate when you can't see
441
00:18:18,576 --> 00:18:20,159
that I am sincerely trying to help!
442
00:18:20,244 --> 00:18:21,877
I hate that you can't see
443
00:18:21,962 --> 00:18:23,495
that I'm not always second best!
444
00:18:23,547 --> 00:18:25,664
I hate that you think you're second best.
445
00:18:25,750 --> 00:18:26,999
I mean, you're so organized,
446
00:18:27,084 --> 00:18:28,417
and... and you have your [bleep] together,
447
00:18:28,443 --> 00:18:30,526
and you don't exist in this
constant state of teen angst.
448
00:18:30,552 --> 00:18:33,398
Well, I hate that you don't see
449
00:18:33,424 --> 00:18:35,006
that you're the kind of relaxed cool
450
00:18:35,032 --> 00:18:37,782
that I will never relax enough to be.
451
00:18:38,012 --> 00:18:39,928
All the guys flock to you and...
452
00:18:40,014 --> 00:18:42,564
[Scoffs] I'm jealous.
453
00:18:43,444 --> 00:18:45,651
T., you're gorgeous. You got into college.
454
00:18:45,686 --> 00:18:47,686
You're about to take
control of your future.
455
00:18:47,738 --> 00:18:50,489
- You're amazing.
- Thank you for saying that.
456
00:18:50,524 --> 00:18:53,442
Was that so hard? You're amazing, too.
457
00:18:54,159 --> 00:18:57,112
You know what, clearly,
this isn't working.
458
00:18:57,198 --> 00:19:00,082
I'm guessing it's your fault.
459
00:19:00,108 --> 00:19:01,977
I'm just gonna throw in the puberty video
460
00:19:02,003 --> 00:19:03,953
and pretend like this never happened.
461
00:19:08,229 --> 00:19:10,641
After Tamara and I very
publicly cleared the air,
462
00:19:10,667 --> 00:19:12,718
we still needed to anonymously atone
463
00:19:12,744 --> 00:19:14,728
for our anonymous dude database drama.
464
00:19:14,743 --> 00:19:16,425
So we decided to add positive hashtags
465
00:19:16,451 --> 00:19:18,785
- to level the playing field.
- What about Kyle?
466
00:19:18,837 --> 00:19:22,005
- He's a tough one.
- EmoStud?
467
00:19:22,090 --> 00:19:26,009
Oh, SecretTigerInBed!
468
00:19:26,656 --> 00:19:29,691
[Cell phone alerts chiming]
469
00:19:36,369 --> 00:19:38,688
Owen! Hey, come here for a sec.
470
00:19:39,900 --> 00:19:41,285
Jenna, Tamara,
471
00:19:41,311 --> 00:19:43,445
looks like you guys are getting along.
472
00:19:43,471 --> 00:19:44,804
You stepped into some heavy drama
473
00:19:44,889 --> 00:19:47,757
that was not of your
making, and we're sorry.
474
00:19:48,272 --> 00:19:50,860
I just hope this didn't
fully scar you or anything.
475
00:19:50,895 --> 00:19:54,434
Are you kidding? Two
senior girls in two weeks.
476
00:19:54,460 --> 00:19:57,328
I'm basically a legend. I
mean, you don't even know.
477
00:19:59,737 --> 00:20:02,238
Ugh. He's so #AdorablyGoofy.
478
00:20:02,290 --> 00:20:04,407
Is it tragic that I still want some?
479
00:20:04,459 --> 00:20:06,576
- Yes!
- J.K., I'm done.
480
00:20:08,191 --> 00:20:10,056
- _
- Hey, I thought you said we couldn't delete
481
00:20:10,082 --> 00:20:11,139
this stupid database?
482
00:20:11,165 --> 00:20:12,882
Jenna, please. You can't delete it.
483
00:20:12,917 --> 00:20:14,584
Too late, I already did.
484
00:20:14,636 --> 00:20:16,752
No! Jenna, I didn't
mean you can't delete it!
485
00:20:16,838 --> 00:20:18,754
I mean don't [bleep] delete it!
486
00:20:18,815 --> 00:20:21,449
- _
- [Cell phone alerts chiming]
487
00:20:21,623 --> 00:20:23,031
_
488
00:20:27,682 --> 00:20:30,299
Holy [bleep].
489
00:20:30,349 --> 00:20:34,899
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