All language subtitles for Awkward s04e09 My Personal Statement.eng

Previously on Awkward...

I'd rather die in prison
than call Jenna.

Gonna give you
his brother's number.

He'll know exactly
how to handle this situation.

- I went to Jenna.
- And?

She said she couldn't help.

One amazing new boyfriend

minus zero lingering feelings
for Matty

equals me ready to start
a new chapter in my life.

What about a conjugal visit?

A wise man once said,
"The devil's in the details."

Well, I'd spent
the first half of senior year

perfecting my deets.

I'd improved my GPA,
beefed up my resume,

and written a dynamic
personal statement

for my common college app,
which was due by midnight.

I was riding high
on confidence,

about to send my life
in a whole new direction.

Hey, I was thinking
about your essay.

You should pick a cool font
or a color that pops.

It'll really make
your application stand out.

Hmm, thanks, mom.

That sounds, uh, desperate.

But don't worry.

I already asked Luke
to look over my essay,

and he went through this
two years ago,

so he'll definitely know
if it's good enough or not.

So you gonna accept my offer
or keep playing hard to get?

Your dad asked me
to friend him.

Social networking, dad?

So it's not just
some stupid fad anymore?

I'm going all in now.

I mean, how cool is it that
when you're away at college,

I'll still be able to follow
everything you're doing?

[Cell phone chimes]

Don't forget to friend me.

My dad just friended me.

That's the worst.

My mom thinks writing "Call me"
on my wall is texting.

Now, about your essay.

I read it
with a very critical eye.

Okay, don't edit yourself.

If it's terrible,
I need to know.

Although if it is terrible,
I actually don't want to know,

because that would mean
instead of college,

I have to spend my entire life
in this house with my parents.

Should I change the font?

Nice neurotic writer preamble,
but now it's my turn.

- It's good.
- Really?

It's great.

You're definitely college
material, Jenna Hamilton.

Now I have to get to class.

Who knows?

This time next year,

we may be going to class
together.

I was another step closer

to leaving all those awkward
high school moments behind me

and blazing a new trail

as a sophisticated,
fabulous undergraduate.

[Computer blipping]

[Gasps]

[Cell phone chimes]

"Little pooper"?

Dad!

Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com

I barely got
20 minutes of TMZ--

Tamara's Mandatory Z-time--

because I was up all night

tweaking my personal statement.

I only applied
to Christ-centered schools.

Vanderbilt, Baylor,
and Brigham Young.

Mormons aren't
really Christians,

but Utah seems neat.

And since they all worship
a false prophet

and are going straight to Hell,

I figured I could get
more me time with Jesus.

Really enjoyed the trip
down Potty Training Lane

this morning, Hamilturd.

Reminded me to block you,
you filthy scat queen.

I used a song
for my personal statement.

What?

No sarcastic remark or a joke,

maybe an eye roll, Tamara?

I think it's awesome, Jake.

Plus, I hear they use
happy faces for grades

at Hippie-Dippie U.

Hmm.

So what about you two?

What lucky school is gonna get

the dynamic
Tamara and Jenna duo?

Tamara and I used to talk
about college all the time.

But after our college visit,

it was clear we were headed
in different directions.

Neither of us wanted to say it
out loud and make it real.

We're keeping our top picks
secret.

We don't want to jinx it.

I haven't hit "Send" yet.

How about you, T?

I wanted to look things over
one last time.

Why don't you
come over tonight?

We can hit "Send" together.

Balls, yes!

A bestie festie
like the old days.

Awesome.

We're regressing to tweens
before we go to college.

- I love it.
- Hey, Matty!

Eva's so pretty

and walks like she's
on a cloud.

More like sailing
on a shit storm.

- Jenna.
- Hey, you.

Uh, can I get that file

with my personal statement
you helped me with?

You helped Matty write
his personal statement?

That's so cool of you, Jenna.

Yeah.

I'll send it to you
when I get home.

I really need it,
so don't leave me hanging, okay?

Hanging?

Ever since Matty got arrested,

he had been throwing attitude
my way.

But it wasn't my job
to bail him out,

not anymore.

He'd made that very clear.

Hey, Jenna, how are you?

Good.
I'm good.

I just want to make sure
you're okay

now that Matty and I have...
connected.

We both knew she meant sex.

Still good.

If us being together
bothers you,

I'd shut it down.

You mean that much to me.

Eva's proposition
was lose-lose.

Put on a fake smile
while Matty and Eva

paraded around the school
like royalty

or be the jealous ex
that made them break up.

It's fine, Eva.

Hey, we should all hang soon.

Oh, it's too bad.

Tamara and I already planned
girls' night.

Bummer,
I'd love a girls' night.

Matty's taking me out
to celebrate

our college apps going in.

He's such a romantic.

But why am I telling you that?

He's probably taken you out
to a million romantic dinners.

Well, if he mentions Reseda,
don't overdress.

I don't want to overdress,

and I think this pantsuit says,

"I'm chic, I'm down to party,

and I'm effortlessly sexy."

I think...

you have great legs,

and hiding them
would be a crime.

You know, you are so right.

God, I think the stress
of going to my reunion

is clouding my judgment
a little.

I got this.

I planned this entire shindig,

and it has to be perfect.

Stevie Shay's gonna be there.

He was the hottest tottie
in class.

Ooh!

All four years, he didn't even
know my real name,

thanks to that rumormongering
biatch Erica Schnebly.

Well, tonight
everyone's gonna see you

in a whole new light.

Oh, and I hired Sadie's
food truck for catering.

Food trucks are au courant.

That means "hipster" in French.

Hmm.
Makeup, good.

Earrings, perfect.

Necklace, to die for.

You look stunning.

I love it!

Just one question.

What am I wearing?

Well done.

I say send.

Let's do it together.

This was it.

Once I hit "Send,"
there was no turning back.

Next fall, I'd be starting
a whole new life.

But there was still crap
from my old life

I had to deal with.

Crap, I still have to send Matty
his stupid essay.

What was that scene
about today?

He was throwing
some serious baditude your way.

I don't know, and I don't care.

Bovine feces.

That's bullshit in SAT.

Okay, yes, I can't help caring

if he's being a dick to me.

I'm trying not to.

[Computer whooshes]

There, sent his stupid essay.

[Soft pop music]

[Tires squealing]

Don't text and drive.
It can wait.

I just-- I need to see
if Jenna sent my essay.

I could help you write
a really good essay, you know.

Oh, yeah?

Mm, that sounds like
a nice offer.

How hard could it be
with such a great subject?

[Laughs]
You're pretty great yourself.

But it's cool.
Jenna already hooked me up.

Will you see if she sent it?

Anything?

Uh...

I don't see anything.

Sorry.

I hope she's not
blowing you off.

All right, before we punch
our golden ticket,

we should document the moment.

[Gasps]
Adorbs.

I'll post.

Oh, crap.

My dad posted more
of his memory lane freak show.

He thinks adding the word
"private" next to my name

means no one else can see it.

[Gasps]

Jenna, the other pics
you're tagged in

and the pics you've posted--

"Red cups and red eyes,"

"Sexy Jenna duck face pout"?

College admissions officers
are super snoopers.

They want a person
of substance,

not substance abuse!

Before you hit "Send,"
we have to give a pedi

to your slightly skank
digital footprint.

Can we really do all that now?

Have you met the expert?

The upside
to my catfishing trip

was the honing of my
perception deception skills.

Any college
that googles Tamara Kaplan

will be wowed by
my squeaky-clean online persona.

Let's see
what we're working with.

The most disturbing shots

weren't the ones
I was caught doing poolside.

They were the ones
with Matty by my side.

My complicated past was still
attached to my present

and in need
of some serious scrubbing.

This is going to be
a hellish ordeal,

so I need both of you
to stay out of my way

and obey every order I give you
to the letter!

Wow, you're really feeling

this whole German thing,
aren't you?

You are half an hour late.

Now, fire up that grill stat!

I told you, I have
Friday class and might be late.

You should listen
when I tell you stuff, Sadita.

Do not call me that,

and keep your cholo hands
off me,

comprende, Sergio?

Are we serving cholos tonight?

That's actionable
sexual harassment, you pig.

Sticking that big ole
sexy-ass booty in my face

is what constitutes
sexual harassment.

And, blanquita, if I was
sexually harassing you,

trust me, you'd know.

Uh, why do I have to wear
the lederhosen and he doesn't?

Because Sergio would
look stupid in lederhosen.

And I don't?

No, you do.

Now, everyone,
get back to fucking work!

Val, get in here.

You can do this.
Come on.

I feel naked
without my fanny pack.

Wait. Am I naked?
People are staring.

Nope.
They are checking you out.

Hey.

This is weird.

I don't recognize you two,

and I do not forget
beautiful women.

[All laugh]

Well, I actually
didn't go here.

I'm with my friend Val,
who did.

Clearly I smoked
too much dope in high school.

[Laughing]
Stop.

Who didn't?

I do remember you, though.

You're Stevie Shay.

You know, my girl here
planned the whole reunion.

- Cool.
- No, no, it was no trouble.

I just booked the room
nine months ago.

Then I confirmed it
six months ago.

And then I picked out
the gold tablecloths

three months ago--

- Dempster!
You sick bastard.

- Ooh!
- Val-gina?

Oh, it is you!

Wow, you look really good.

Good for you.

Admit it, though.

You've had work done.

Bunion surgery.

Thanks for noticing.

[Laughing]
Oh, God.

You're still that same old
kooky Val-gina.

[Laughs]

Val-gina?

Erica started a rumor
that I was a hermaphrodite.

I need a hug.

No, you don't.

You need lip gloss.

Look smart, like you're
really interested in it.

You're studying.
You're solving.

Difficult.

Act like you solved it.

I'm trying.

Stop!

- Well, it's solved.
- Jenna!

It's solved.

I'm not gonna remember
what I wrote.

That one's really good.

Mm, I like it.

[Doorbell rings]

Surprise!

Let's go out and celebrate
your apps going in.

Friday night is
jazz under the stars at Lacma.

You are perfection.

Oh, check out what Tamara did
for my online profile.

She is totally saving my ass.

Hey, Tamara.

I hear you're saving
a very nice ass.

We were just finishing up.

I'll go get my stuff.

T!

T, wait.

Where are you going?

I can do the math.

T minus BF equals third wheel.

And that's sagic--

sadly tragic.

Looks great.

Lots to celebrate.

Listen,

I really don't want
to bail on T.

We sort of had
a girls' night planned.

Then how about
we bag the concert

and I take you both
for a quick fro-yo?

Mm.

Hey, put that bag down.

Luke is taking us out
for fro-yo

and then ditching.

Bestie festie is back on.

Truth is, I don't like jazz
nearly as much

as I like being a guy
who says he likes jazz.

Then let's put the cherry
on top of your new brand.

The BF/GF photo.

Cuddle up.

I hope this place is okay.

I met the chef last year
in Vegas on New Year's Eve,

and he's been hounding me
to come by.

Yeah, looks great.

I can't believe Jenna
still hasn't sent that email.

I know.
What is up with her?

But forget about that now.

We are celebrating.

Okay, big smile.

How about some strudel
while we wait?

Yes, sir.

Just a few more minutes.

How much longer?

Sadita's so used
to hanging out the window

sweet-talking all the customers,

she isn't any good
at firing up a sausage.

Sergio, I will grind
your sausage and feed it to--

Hey, whoa, whoa!
Just a second.

Jesus, how long does it take
to make a frickin' hot dog?

Do you know what happens
when you eat undercooked pork?

Bon appetit, butthole.

What's wrong, Matty?

Hard to celebrate
our apps going in

when mine aren't in.

I can't believe Jenna
would screw me over like this.

It's almost like she's trying
to sabotage you or something.

But why?

I mean, she's so nice.

I can't ever believe she would
try to hurt you on purpose.

Would she?

She has before.

Well, whatever with her.

Look!
We already got 20 likes.

Oh, guess we know what Jenna's
so busy with right now.

_

What the hell?

Jenna can't be bothered
to send me my essay,

but she has time for yogurt.

God, I'm so sorry.

Let's get out of here, Eva.

I'm suddenly in the mood
for dessert.

Don't let one person
ruin your night.

There's Stevie over there.

Go ask him what he does.

Guys love to talk
about themselves.

Hey, surprise yourself.

Yeah. You got it.
Go.

So, Stevie,

what's your occup--

what do-- what do you--
what do you do?

Oh, hey.

High school gym teacher.

Getting paid to be a jock.

That is so cool.

I'm a high school counselor.

Getting paid to be a counselor.

These are actually
some of my peeps.

Yo, Sadie, smells good!

Fuck off!

You got it!

Just love kids.

You know, makes me feel like
I'm back in high school.

I thought high school
kind of sucked for you.

Yeah.

Yeah, it did, maybe a skosh,

but I got to tell you,
now I love it.

That's awesome.

Hey, I was afraid this party
would be kind of lame,

so I got a room.

Yes.

- You want to see it?
- Yes. Yes, I do.

Okay.

So just to be clear,

this is not a good picture
for my profile.

Definitely not.

But could be listed
under special talents.

So is there a reason why
you haven't sent me my essay?

Hi to you too.

I sent it hours ago.

Really?

I'd like to go to college,
Jenna.

I want my essay now.

Well, I'm sorry, Matty,

but I am with my boyfriend

and my best friend.

I will send it to you again
when I get home.

What am I supposed
to do till then?

- Not my problem.
- It's okay, Matty.

We can just hang some more.
I don't mind.

Do you have any clue how
selfish you're being right now?

Okay, man, that's enough.
She'll send it to you later.

This is awk-weird.
Jenna, we can just go.

You know what?

No, we're staying,

'cause we are having
a great time.

Matty, you want your essay
so bad?

Why don't you go
and get it yourself?

You know where the key is.

Fine. I will.

Thank you for your help, Jenna,

all of it.

You're so welcome, Matty.

This has onions.

I ordered Sauerkraut.

What, are you worried
about your breath?

Because in that ugly sweater
and those bogo frump pumps,

the chances of you
getting any tonight

are as dead as the sow
that bratwurst came from.

Sadie!

Stop being such
a mean, nasty bitch!

[Cheers and applause]

Please accept this
on the house.

Thank you.

Nice.

- Thanks.
- Yeah.

Stay in the back,

and keep those brats
coming double time, Sadie,

or Jake and I are leaving.

What happened to you?

I just got back from bone town.

You didn't!

No, I didn't.

I don't think I did.

Wait. If he...

That doesn't count.

Okay, what if I...

Not even a base.

Oh, thank God!

He was so boring.

Not even close to the Stevie
I fantasized about.

He didn't ask me
one question about myself.

If that's the kind of man
that Supermodel Val attracts,

I'm going back to the real Val.

For the record,
I kind of love the real Val.

Can I tell you something?

Mm.

It was tiny.

His P might as well
have been a V.

You had sex with my husband?

Stevie!

One more reason not to have
done the dirty with dinky.

Should we get out of here?

I don't want to make a scene.

Ah, they're not coming back.

And, honey, we are the scene.

How nice that you can get
into Jenna's bedroom

anytime you want.

Got it.

Let's go.

Not so fast.

You promised me dessert.

Oh.

Oh, Eva, stop.

Not here.

This is--
this is weird.

I'm sorry.

I'm such an idiot.

I just--

I can't stop feeling like
I'm competing with her.

You are so not.

But you know
where she hides her key,

and you have, like,
all of her texts in your phone--

You saw all of our texts?

I'm sorry.
I just--

I couldn't help but notice.

And they go back a long time.

Well, they go back to the past.

And the past, well...

it's now officially the past.

You erased all of them?

For me?

Jenna--

Jenna's deleted.

Oh, shoot.

I left my phone.

I'll be right back.

[Gold & Youth's Time To Kill]

Got it.

You know, it was really cool
what you did back there.

I'm so used to Sadie
bossing you around.

I love ordering Sadie around.

[Both laugh]

You've changed too, Jake.

Tamara used to yank you around,

but now you're just...

more you.

Change is a good thing.

There might be more to come.

We did it without speaking,

each knowing that
the simple act of hitting "Send"

would probably be the end
of Jenara college roomies--

no freshman dorm bestie festies,

sorority kidnaps,
football tailgates,

or college graduation parties
four years from now.

We were both happy and sad

and did what we always did
in that situation--

put on a sad movie.

Ugh, I feel like a shower

just knowing Matty and Eva
were in here.

It was really cool of Luke
to include me tonight.

That's the way it'll always be.

No matter where we go
or who we date,

we will always make time
for each other.

[Sighs]

Don't cry.
If you cry, I'll cry.

Sorry, I always cry

at the opening credits
of The Notebook.

Ew!

Skanky jank!

I've seen enough
of your dirty laundry.

I don't need to sleep with it.

Not mine.

Eva's?

O-M-double-effing-G,

she did not--
he did not--

or did they,

in your bed?

Jenna Hamilton
personal statement.

When I started high school,
I was invisible.

It was easier that way,
not to be noticed.

When I was noticed,

it wasn't for the things
I wanted to be noticed for.

Felt like my destiny
wasn't my own.

But that girl's
about to graduate.

She's found her voice
and is ready to use it.

Hey, girlfriend.

Hey, you left something
in my bed last night,

girlfriend.

How embarrassing.

I'm so sorry.

No biggie.

Jenna, I really am sorry.

I never meant for things
to go that far.

It's just, Matty,

you know how he is
when he's, you know...

Here's the deal, Eva.

Things aren't great
between Matty and I right now.

But I know Matty McKibben,

and he would never
fuck you in my bed.

So I don't know what kind
of game this is you're playing,

but count me out.

But, hey, nice try.

I got nothing, Hamilton.

Next, on Awkward...

The senior ski trip
was legendary.

- Hey.
- Oh, my God--

[Yelps, gasps]

Jenna, do you
have a problem with Eva?

I didn't drive two hours

to watch some psychodrama
with your ex-boyfriend.

I'm a friend of Emma Mansfield.

I'm Emma Mansfield.

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