All language subtitles for Arrested Development s04e04 Just Deserters.eng

[narrator] It was over a hundred degrees
on the border of California and Mexico.

[birds squawking]

But that was nothing compared to
the temperature

inside George Sr.'s desert sweat lodge...

So... hot.

[narrator] Where he had gathered
a group of CEOs...

So... hot.

[narrator] ...with the promise
of spiritual enlightenment...

Anybody hallucinating yet?

Anybody else hear that iguana speak?

[narrator] ...as a stepping stone
to financial empowerment.

-Let's kill it.
-Okay.

They're ready.

[narrator] Of course, there were
certain occupational hazards.

Easy. I'm not a...

-Kill the iguana.
-I'm not an iguana.

Kill the iguana.

-It's part of the process.
-Die, iguana.

They're ready. They're ready!

[narrator] Now the story of what happened

when the one man
who was holding his family together

finally let go,

and the separate journeys that
eventually gave them no choice

but to come back together.

It's Arrested Development:

Fateful Consequences.

George Sr. was getting ready
to motivate his gathered CEOs

after a narrow brush with death
at the hands of a Frito-Lay executive.

[man] Whoo! Yeah!

Now, that was
the most invigorating session yet.

I feel good. You feel good?

I got you.

You know, guys, even I, Father B,
when I first started these sweat lodges,

I would come out of there thinking,
"Oh, God, I wish I had a lemonade,"

just like a child. You know, cold water,
some lemons, a little sugar, you know?

That's what I gave my power to.

Can we have the teaching pitcher, please,
Heartfire?

Hey, guys, this is Heartfire.
She is silent, but in that silence...

there is strength.

She needs no words
to communicate to you.

[man] Fraud.

Boundless power to you too,
Heartfire.

Hell, I was so weak, you guys,
I was willing to spend $10,000.

Just a... little... sip...

of this lemonade.

But now I can spend two hours
in brutal heat

with a cup of this cold,
refreshing lemonade

-and just pour it in the dirt.
-No!

Come on, Daniels!
You ran Bear Stearns, for God's sake!

I was like this.

Just like this.

Then I went to the desert to seek answers
and now...

I have them.

[narrator] Actually, George Sr. had
purchased this part of the desert

as part of a scheme he shared
with his wife

on the first day of her house arrest.

I can get this land for a song.

Are you listening to me?

So are those cameras, George.

We can't use the same cameras
from when he was under house arrest?

These are from the maritime penal system.

They make us use the waterproof ones.

In here.

[narrator] And he laid out his plan
to sell the land to the government,

but Lucille had grander plans.

Sitwell's wall? How about our wall?

We build the wall.

We offer to build it for 150 million

and we make up the difference
when we sell the land.

So that one's all set.
Can I put one up there?

Only if you want to see the sexiest video
you've ever seen. Oh!

Sorry I gave you the old noodle stab
in there...

[narrator] And soon it was decided
that George Sr. should move out

in order to make their fake divorce
look real.

This fake divorce has gotta look real.

After the trial you can move back in.

It's only a trial separation.

You think you're going to be okay alone
with Buster?

[narrator] It was a reasonable question,

as Buster had shown
a greater attachment to her

than many expected during the few days
she had been away.

This is the same scene I came back to
after Cancun four years ago.

[narrator] But once she was back,
they had some nice moments.

[man on TV] This hot mess...

[narrator] Like when they simultaneously
stumbled on a term

they both secretly recognized...

"Hot mess."

[narrator] Would be useful
in their future disagreements.

[woman on TV] Hot mess.

"Hot mess."

If I need a moment to myself,
I'll step out on the balcony.

Your ankle bracelet's gonna go off.

So I'll make him stand on the balcony.
He's happiest when he feels useful.

That's why I'm making him my star witness.

[narrator] But soon it was getting harder
for Lucille not to alienate her alibi.

This toast has hook holes...

again!

I told you to get rid of that thing,
it's hideous.

Plus, what's going to happen
when they swear you in?

You're gonna rip the Bible in half.

The jury'll love that.

You're getting pretty snippy
to your key witness, aren't you?

What do you want?

Maybe you could hook me up
with a little stimmy.

A little stimmy.

Are you trying to do this?

Yes! And I want stimmy
to get a hook that'll do that.

[narrator]
When no such hook was available,

Lucille found another way to mollify
her key witness.

Your mother and I are getting a divorce.

[narrator] But while Lucille and George
pretended to have fallen out of love...

-I'm getting married.
-Gob was pretending the opposite.

In fact, he was planning
on using his wedding

to do one of his famous magical illusions,

and all of it was to be televised
on one of those weird religious channels.

And although their plan
was dealt a minor setback

when Michael sold the controlling shares
to Lucille 2...

You know what? I am done with this family.

I hope you've saved some money,

'cause you're gonna need
every dime now.

[narrator] All they had to do was keep
their plan a secret from her

and cash in quickly.

4:28 in the morning here in the OC.
I'm John Beard.

Well, there was some more
grim economic news today.

The housing prices continue to plummet

and the economists say
it may take quite some...

What are you doing?

I'm John Beard, and I'm a Gloomy Gus.

I don't have a mustache.

[narrator] And the government
put the wall project on hold.

It can't be on hold.

They already gave me the money
to start the building.

No!

I cannot live off of that.

No, I already used that money
as the down payment

of six square miles of desert

I cannot afford to make payments on!

Oh, God. Sorry, Norman.

What?

-Nothing.
-Hey, brother. You seem tense.

Come with me to the sweat lodge,

sweat out this frustration.
You can learn on this.

[narrator]
And perhaps it was a sense of futility,

or the fact he hadn't brought a book
to the desert,

but George Sr. chose to enter
the small, smoke-filled room

while his wife was also confined
to a smoke-filled room,

having found a way around the building's
strict no-smoking policy...

[man on TV] What is it about that lady?

[narrator] And the fact
that her ankle monitor prevented her

from approaching the balcony.

I went down to the club and I--

[man] ...slender and long,
even her cigarette.

Allure's Slender Long smokes.

Slender and long, smooth and stylish.

My food was gone and I couldn't...

That restaurant, typically,
has a really nice--

Allure Slender Long smokes.

Aromatically finished
with the Type 3 slender tip.

Lively, stylish and now.

Can’t really remember the host’s name,
but he was…

he was kind of in his 60s.

...designed to be modern,
extra slender,

with the stylish taste
of where she's going,

never where she's been.

Slender tipped,

smooth and stylish.

-Lady, that's Allure.
-I have to stop.

So... I've...

But I finally just ordered
the strawberry shortcake, like I said,

-but I didn’t wanna...
-♪ Lady Allure ♪

-[man] What is it about that lady?
-Please...

[narrator]
Meanwhile, in George Sr.'s sweat lodge,

a solution to his problems was emerging
as well...

Kind of hot, huh?

I'd give $10,000 for a glass
of lemonade right now.

[narrator] In the form of a vision.

Sweat...

and squeeze.

-♪ Lady Allure ♪
-It was to be a sweat 'n' squeeze.

Dr. Norman?
Dr. Norman, we have a hot mess.

[man] That's Allure.

[narrator] George Sr. had been passed out
for two days after having a vision,

but soon he was out
of his heat-induced coma

and working on
making his vision a reality.

...and squeeze.

[narrator] It was to be a retreat
where he could be a preacher of profit

to other type-A executives like himself.

This whole area here,
this is going to be visitor yurts.

Oh, and we're gonna need
industrial-sized juicers!

[narrator]
He went to work constructing a seminar...

Change that into,
"Let's get our checkbooks..."

[narrator] Much of which he borrowed

from his brief stint as a Jewish-y guru
while in prison.

-[man] Caged Wisdom library...
-Read that back to me, please.

[narrator] This time he needed to be
actually ordained as a religious preacher

-to avoid tax implications.
-Lemonade!

But fortunately there was
an online school for that.

[man] Question three...

[narrator] But business really took off

when an article
about George Sr.'s operation

appeared in an exclusively first-class
in-flight magazine.

And soon the retreat was up and running,

and George Sr. was determined
to create the illusion

of a first-class experience.

Did you want the partial bush
or broken gate view?

Are you afraid of lizards,
bats, tarantulas,

the Wall Street Journal
or the New York Times?

I'm sorry,
those are your newspaper choices.

-Have a hot day.
-[narrator] Which is why,

along with never having intended to go
in the first place,

he missed his son's wedding.

[Ann] I know it's bad luck to see me
in my gown before the wedding.

Well, hopefully I haven't.

You're angry.

Why, because none of my family
has shown up

and the only person I recognize out there
is Tony Wonder,

who has only shown up
hoping that I'd fail?

-[narrator] But one Bluth did show up.
-Tobias!

-Gob!
-Sort of.

-Thanks for coming.
-Well, how could I not?

I'm playing Roman centurion number two.
What are you playing?

-I'm the groom!
-I didn't know there was a groom part.

Betty at And As It Is Such,
So Also As Such Is It Unto You casting

-told me this was all biblical.
-Wait, you're not here for the wedding?

Well, thank you very much
for your vote of confidence.

I'll have you know I've worked for
the Miracle Network a number of times.

-[narrator] He had.
-[woman] Coming up next,

Father Marsala's searing docudrama,
Father Marsala's John The Baptist,

then the anti-abortion drama Embryo Dan:
It Would Have Been A Wonderful Life.

And later, break out the bagels:

it's time for Father M's
light-hearted comedy

A Jew Came To Dinner.

I hate to be the guy
who quotes his own reviews,

but His Word magazine...
called my Jew "pitiful."

[narrator] And soon it was time for Gob
to take the small, moist Ann

-of his girlfriend hand.
-...we're all blessed

to be gathering here

at the Church of the Holy Eternal Rapture.

We have almost arrived
at that glorious moment

where we join together
these two very special people,

but first my almost son-in-law

has something he'd like to share
with all of us,

so... ladies and gentlemen,

please enjoy a magical...

trick.

Thanks for that killer intro.

It's true. This is a magical trick...

-[man] What is he doing?
-...if what Jesus did was a trick.

[gasping]

I say it wasn't.

It was an illusion.

They did not like that one.

I don't take notes from you,
since you're... number two.

Just turn this thing around.

I am not the real Jesus.

I am the Amazing Jesus!

No? I thought that that would be
up your... alley.

Yes, the real Jesus came off the cross
and went into his cave...

a dead man.

But was he crazy enough to do it...
handcuffed?

-Handcuff the King of the Jews!
-You don't have words here...

Pastor Veal, if you don't mind,
please go up into the cave

and assure everyone that there's no way
to escape, no trap doors,

no secret compartments,

no way to get out, thank you very...

Pastor Veal, let me remind you

that you are in a church
in front of your daughter,

the congregation, God.

You cannot tell a lie.

Nothing out of the ordinary?

-No, I didn't see anything.
-Yes.

Jesus went into the cave,
and he arose three days later.

But I'm not gonna lock myself
in a cave for three days

before this wedding ceremony, no.
No, no, no.

I plan on beating his record
by two full weeks!

[narrator] But Gob wasn't working on
an endurance act.

I don't remember a biblical passage
where Jesus came out of a boulder.

[narrator] He was working
on an escape act...

I'm in the boulder.

[narrator] And he was planning on
deserting his bride...

-No, I said...
-...instead of marrying her.

But Gob was not able to open
the secret compartment

-that contained the handcuff key.
-It's not gonna work.

Okay, this isn't gonna work.
Let's do mouse in drink.

Just get these people some drinks,
we'll just get a mouse. No, no, no.

You know not what you do!

[narrator] But it very clearly said
in the centurions' script

to ignore the magician's protests,

which meant that, still handcuffed...

But if my hands are handcuffed
I'll never...

[narrator] Gob was unable to break his fall
and was therefore knocked unconscious,

and as the Gob dummy
was sealed inside the cave,

the real Gob's fate was sealed as well.

Well, I guess...

we'll wait two weeks...

and see if he's in there.

Is that okay with you, Ann?

He's not coming back.

[narrator] Gob was stuck inside  a fake
boulder in the parking lot of a church,

while inside the church,
the daily routine proceeded as usual,

and the anticipation grew
to a fevered pitch.

Eleven exciting days...

-although nothing's really happened.
-Day 11.

Once he gets out, it's going to be
a beautiful, beautiful wedding.

He's not coming back.

[narrator] It was Betty from And As It Is
Such, So Also As Such Is It Unto You

that would render Gob's escape act
a disaster.

You gotta get rid of this thing.
I got Ms. Murray's trailer here.

I guess if he comes back from the dead,
we could just get a stepladder.

-Guys.
-[narrator] And a hoarse, weakened Gob

was unable to stop them as the boulder
was shipped to a storage unit

in Tustin.

Although a keen eye could see
that Gobs alive,

but not well, confined in his rock.

Lucille wasn't faring much better
while she was locked up,

despite Buster trying to pass the time...

Chinchilla!

[narrator] ...by playing games
like "Guess the Fur."

The one you got after Dad had the affair
with the chubby intern from Riverside.

You win again, Buster.

I know what's gonna stump you.

Close your eyes tight and plug your ears.

Just plug one ear and press the other one
to the couch.

[narrator] But after three months,

Lucille was ready
to desert her youngest son.

Stop! Mother!

No, Mother!

If the alarm goes off and they catch you,
they'll take you away forever!

I can't take it anymore.
I have to get out of here!

I don't care. I can't keep playing
"Guess My Fur" six times a day!

I need a smoke.

Right to the smokes, huh?

Give me a minute, let me catch my breath.

[narrator] But if Buster was being
taken advantage of,

it paled in comparison
to what Ann would experience

after waiting two full weeks.

Let's have some fun, from five, four...

-Three, two, one...
-The dead will walk amongst us.

No, he shan't, for he-eth not here.

-I knew it.
-[Tobias] Oh, there's a note.

"If I have not yet returned,
I am in the rapture."

Oh, and then it says...

"Love each other."

What does he think we've been doing?

I loaned him $1,000.

A loaned him a thou-- [choking]

[gasping]

♪ Forgive us ♪

[narrator]
Only George Sr. appeared to be free,

as within weeks his sweat 'n' squeeze
was thriving and very simple.

First he sweated away
his acolytes' defenses.

Come on, Daniels!
You ran Bear Stearns, for God's sake!

I was like this. Then I went to the desert
to seek answers and now...

I have them.

[narrator]
And then it was time for the squeeze.

And for another 15 grand,
you can have them, too.

I'll teach you how to get yachts,

I'll teach you how to get penthouses
and how to get something for yourself,

by taking it from someone
who thinks it's his.

Does it come with lemonade?

It comes with all the lemonade
you can drink.

-[narrator] Squeeze" had two meanings.
-Who's in?

And although the seminar
was largely a ruse,

his stamina in overcoming

the depleting effects
of the sweat lodge...

Hey!

Hey!

-[narrator] ...was also a ruse.
-Did you bring me some lemonade?

No, sir. It is crazy out there.

For the first time, we are out.
Look what I brought you, Mr. Oscar.

Fifty bucks, your half.

Oh. You know, I feel bad... taking this.
All I did was sit and sweat.

[narrator] Which is why it seemed that
Father B was so resilient

to the depleting effects
of the sweat lodge.

Whoo! Yeah!

Now that was the most
invigorating session yet.

Hey, buddy!

Come on, it's happening.

You know? We're helping people.

If I could give you just one note,

-a little energy. Let's go.
-[narrator] If George hadn't discovered

that people can be pushed too far...

-I can't sleep in my own bed...
-...Lucille was certainly about to.

-Buster, I'm going to exhale.
-No, please.

I've had, like, seven
in the past half-hour.

You're not the one staring five years
in the face.

Right now I'm staring at a hundred years
in the face!

How dare you?

Would you mind?

Be careful, defendant.

Remember who you're talking to.

It sure would be a shame

if something happened
to your pretty little key witness.

Star witness
and are you threatening yourself?

Maybe I am.

You need me just as much as I need you,
cookie.

Oh, really?

'Cause you can be replaced, you know.

-[narrator] Can she?
-And even if you can't,

you're not the boss of me.

Can I go to the--
I'm going to the park!

[narrator]
And perhaps Buster would have returned

to make sure his mother
had her star witness...

Oh, Buster! Hello!

Hello to you too, 2.

[narrator] Had he not run into someone
else Lucille antagonized.

-Look at all this produce.
-I'm juicing now.

-Would you like to join me?
-It's two o'clock in the afternoon.

Honey, it's eight a.m. somewhere.

Oh, I forgot.
Your mother wouldn't allow it.

I don't care what she wa--

I don't care what she wants.

I don't do everything she tells me.

[narrator] And that's how Buster joined
a family of deserters...

Let's get juiced.

[narrator] And also got to have dessert.

On the next Arrested Development:
Fateful Consequences...

Lucille decides to take a few keepsakes
with her in case things don't go her way.

And discovers that the family
she thought would support her

had actually already begun
giving up her stuff in case she lost.

And he's supposed to be the good one.

This does not bode well for tomorrow.

[narrator] And Gob ultimately gets
to appear on TV after all.

It's a masker.

Jesus, there's a man in there.

[narrator] Just not the show he wanted.

Let's get the bidding started at $100.
Anybody?

-Nope!
-He's hissing.

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