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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:06,005 ARCHER: Woodhouse. What the hell is this? 2 00:00:06,173 --> 00:00:09,509 I believe it's squash, sir. I... What are you shoveling it into? 3 00:00:09,677 --> 00:00:12,970 The wee baby Seamus. Miss Trinette said you'd agreed to it... 4 00:00:13,138 --> 00:00:15,014 ...while she's in Atlantic City. 5 00:00:15,182 --> 00:00:17,308 What? For the Pimps and Ho's Ball... 6 00:00:17,476 --> 00:00:18,601 ...I believe she said. 7 00:00:18,769 --> 00:00:21,020 Didn't seem the sort of place one takes a baby. 8 00:00:21,605 --> 00:00:23,439 You're in huge trouble. Yes, sir. 9 00:00:23,607 --> 00:00:26,359 And now I have to spend my first Friday off in forever... 10 00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:29,362 Yes, sir. ...devising bizarre punishment for you. 11 00:00:29,530 --> 00:00:31,614 WOODHOUSE: Yes, sir. So don't be surprised... 12 00:00:31,782 --> 00:00:35,284 ...if you end up eating a whole bunch of spider webs. Right? Heh. 13 00:00:35,452 --> 00:00:36,911 Now shut up and read me the paper. 14 00:00:37,079 --> 00:00:39,372 Very good, sir. Let's see what we have... Oh, good Lord! 15 00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:40,790 [GLASS SHATTERING] [SEAMUS CRYING] 16 00:00:40,958 --> 00:00:42,959 Oh, for... What the shit, Woodhouse? WOODHOUSE: I... 17 00:00:43,127 --> 00:00:44,627 Hey, stop crying. How do you...? 18 00:00:44,795 --> 00:00:48,131 What do you do? How do you make him not...? Here. God! 19 00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:50,383 You like that? It's a Bloody Mary. 20 00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:51,676 Or is it a Bloody Caes... 21 00:00:51,844 --> 00:00:53,511 Why are you sitting at my table? 22 00:00:53,679 --> 00:00:55,722 The paper, sir. There's an item... 23 00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:58,516 Oh, yeah? Did somebody finally out the queen? Right? 24 00:00:58,684 --> 00:01:01,144 This baby knows what I'm talking about. Give me that. 25 00:01:01,311 --> 00:01:05,273 "Sir Augustus Stilton, World War I flying ace, blah, blah, blah... 26 00:01:05,441 --> 00:01:07,775 ...dies under mysterious circumstances." 27 00:01:07,943 --> 00:01:09,902 And mystery solved, he was a thousand. 28 00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:12,113 Stilton and I were squadron-mates. 29 00:01:12,281 --> 00:01:15,074 Oh, sorry, I... Twenty-Two Squadron, RFC. 30 00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:16,617 Most decorated aerodrome... 31 00:01:16,785 --> 00:01:19,328 ...of the Great War. I don't care about the Great War. 32 00:01:19,496 --> 00:01:22,290 But not much left of the old Double Deuce anymore. 33 00:01:22,458 --> 00:01:23,708 We're all dying off. 34 00:01:23,876 --> 00:01:25,460 Yeah, not a huge surprise. 35 00:01:25,627 --> 00:01:28,171 We're not dying of old age, sir. 36 00:01:28,338 --> 00:01:31,674 Wait a second. "Sir Aldous Wensleydale, foul play suspected. 37 00:01:31,842 --> 00:01:34,051 Nigel Buxton, mysterious circumstances. 38 00:01:34,219 --> 00:01:35,344 Edwin Glue-sester..." 39 00:01:35,512 --> 00:01:38,014 Gloucester. Whatever. "Foul play suspected." 40 00:01:38,182 --> 00:01:41,309 And other mysterious circumstances. Every one of these is like that. 41 00:01:41,477 --> 00:01:43,519 All from the past six months. What the hell? 42 00:01:43,687 --> 00:01:44,854 Hell indeed, sir. 43 00:01:45,022 --> 00:01:46,397 Because one at a time... 44 00:01:46,565 --> 00:01:49,859 ...the remaining survivors of the old Double Deuce... 45 00:01:50,027 --> 00:01:51,944 ...are being murdered. 46 00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:54,030 Oh, my God. 47 00:01:54,323 --> 00:01:57,158 Are we out of Bloody Marys? 48 00:02:32,402 --> 00:02:35,071 Cannot picture you as a fighter pilot. 49 00:02:35,239 --> 00:02:37,907 Oh, no, sir, not a pilot. A batman. Uh... 50 00:02:38,075 --> 00:02:40,076 An officer's personal attendant. Oh. 51 00:02:40,244 --> 00:02:43,996 In charge of keeping his kit in good order, seeing to his personal needs... 52 00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:45,665 So a servant. 53 00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:48,209 Soldier-servant was the official term, but... 54 00:02:48,377 --> 00:02:50,920 Yeah. Way to advance. 55 00:02:51,088 --> 00:02:55,591 But for the enlisted, being chosen to bat for an officer was very desirable. 56 00:02:55,759 --> 00:02:59,762 Especially when that officer was Captain Reginald Thistleton. 57 00:02:59,930 --> 00:03:02,265 THISTLETON: I say, Woodhouse. WOODHOUSE: Yes, sir? 58 00:03:02,432 --> 00:03:05,601 The Hun did a fair job of stitching up the old kite this time, what? 59 00:03:05,769 --> 00:03:09,146 Thank God you're all right, sir. God and my twin Vickers, Woodhouse. 60 00:03:09,314 --> 00:03:13,526 Caught old Jerry in a chandelle, poor bastard went down like a quail. 61 00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:17,113 You scoundrel. Is that brandy? Thought you'd like a pick-me-up, sir. 62 00:03:17,281 --> 00:03:20,449 Woodhouse, you're a rose among thorns. 63 00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:22,201 Bagged your share today, Scripes? 64 00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:24,120 SCRIPES: Loads, thanks. 65 00:03:24,288 --> 00:03:27,540 See you've already bagged yours. 66 00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:30,418 Eww. Creepy. Yes, Lieutenant Scripes abhorred... 67 00:03:30,586 --> 00:03:33,629 ...the way Reggie... Captain Thistleton carried on with the men. 68 00:03:33,797 --> 00:03:36,966 Yeah, didn't Oscar Wilde get hard labor for that? 69 00:03:37,134 --> 00:03:40,177 What are you talking about? 70 00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:42,471 The tontine. Oh. 71 00:03:42,639 --> 00:03:46,893 WOODHOUSE: France. Spring, 1917. 72 00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:49,562 "Bloody April," they called it. 73 00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:51,147 [GROANS] 74 00:03:51,315 --> 00:03:53,065 WOODHOUSE: Black days, they were. 75 00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:57,236 We were losing two, sometimes three pilots a week. 76 00:03:57,404 --> 00:04:00,156 [PLAYING "DANNY BOY"] 77 00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:05,202 Who was that? 78 00:04:05,829 --> 00:04:07,163 Foxley, I think. 79 00:04:07,331 --> 00:04:09,999 WOODHOUSE: No one thought we'd live through the war... 80 00:04:10,167 --> 00:04:12,335 ...so Reggie came up with the idea. 81 00:04:12,502 --> 00:04:13,669 A tontine, lads. 82 00:04:13,837 --> 00:04:15,338 Each man pays in 50 pounds... 83 00:04:15,505 --> 00:04:18,174 ...and the last survivor collects the capital and interest. 84 00:04:18,842 --> 00:04:20,509 Oh, come on, lads, show some stones. 85 00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:22,011 I'll show you my stones, sir. 86 00:04:22,179 --> 00:04:24,180 That's the spirit. Who else? SOLDIER: Yeah. I'm in. 87 00:04:24,348 --> 00:04:25,389 [ALL CLAMORING] 88 00:04:25,557 --> 00:04:26,599 THISTLETON: Come on, Johnny. Bob's your uncle. 89 00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:28,267 So how much are we talking here? 90 00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:30,770 Oh, nearly 1200 pounds. 91 00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:36,359 What? Nobody is getting killed over however much that is in real money. 92 00:04:36,526 --> 00:04:39,946 No, but are you familiar with the term "compound interest"? 93 00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:41,739 I'm not an idiot, Woodhouse. 94 00:04:41,907 --> 00:04:43,824 Unlike some people around here. 95 00:04:43,992 --> 00:04:46,702 That's silvertip badger, kid. You know how much this cost? 96 00:04:46,870 --> 00:04:47,912 [SEAMUS CRYING] 97 00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:50,039 No, don't. Hey, come on, don't... 98 00:04:50,207 --> 00:04:52,708 Here. God. Baby. 99 00:04:52,876 --> 00:04:54,835 But since I don't have a calculator... 100 00:04:55,003 --> 00:04:59,465 At 10 percent, by now, I'd say, it's just a bit shy of a million dollars. 101 00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:02,385 What? I would totally kill you for that. 102 00:05:02,552 --> 00:05:07,056 Not me, but, you know, somebody would. So how many of you old geezers are left? 103 00:05:07,224 --> 00:05:09,642 Well, now that's Stilton's been killed... 104 00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:11,852 ...it's just me, Scripes, and... 105 00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:13,187 [DOORBELL RINGS] 106 00:05:13,355 --> 00:05:14,730 And that will be Stinky. 107 00:05:14,898 --> 00:05:16,565 Wha...? What will? 108 00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:18,734 Cor, you done all right, then. 109 00:05:18,902 --> 00:05:21,612 Oh, no, the flat belongs to Mr. Archer, who is my... 110 00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:25,282 None of my business. Consenting adults and so on. 111 00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:28,411 Hey, nobody is consenting to anything. 112 00:05:28,578 --> 00:05:30,413 BISHOP: None of my business. 113 00:05:30,580 --> 00:05:33,082 You're gonna eat so many spider webs. 114 00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:34,583 BISHOP: That's what he said. 115 00:05:34,751 --> 00:05:38,462 Scripes phones me at my niece's house in Secaucus, New Jersey... 116 00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:39,714 I live with my niece... 117 00:05:39,881 --> 00:05:41,632 ...in Secaucus, New Jersey. Riveting. 118 00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:46,095 He says, "Ain't it awful about Stilton?" And he wants to come pay us a visit. 119 00:05:46,263 --> 00:05:47,763 Good Lord! What did you say? 120 00:05:47,931 --> 00:05:51,350 Gave him your address. Told the bastard we'd be waiting for him. 121 00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:54,895 Waiting for him? My God, he'll... BISHOP: Never know what hit him. 122 00:05:55,063 --> 00:05:58,899 We'll turn this fruity flat into a killing field. 123 00:05:59,067 --> 00:06:00,109 WOODHOUSE: But... ARCHER: Seamus, no! 124 00:06:00,277 --> 00:06:01,277 [SEAMUS CRYING] 125 00:06:01,445 --> 00:06:06,866 No, no, no. Woodhouse, I can either do... God, you are such a little brat. Here! 126 00:06:07,034 --> 00:06:09,577 I can do baby, or I can do geezer murder mystery... 127 00:06:09,745 --> 00:06:10,911 ...but I can't do both. 128 00:06:11,079 --> 00:06:13,581 Well, Scripes is on his way here, so... 129 00:06:13,749 --> 00:06:18,294 So, sir, perhaps your mother could look after the wee baby Seamus? 130 00:06:18,462 --> 00:06:20,129 Woodhouse. Yes. 131 00:06:20,297 --> 00:06:21,797 MALORY: Nope. ARCHER: Yes. 132 00:06:21,965 --> 00:06:23,007 [SEAMUS CRYING] 133 00:06:23,175 --> 00:06:24,800 Mother, come on, you... You're off your nut... 134 00:06:24,968 --> 00:06:27,636 ...if you think I'm babysitting this squalling little... 135 00:06:28,138 --> 00:06:29,597 What the hell is wrong with him? 136 00:06:29,765 --> 00:06:32,433 He might have a tiny hangover. 137 00:06:32,601 --> 00:06:34,769 Wha...? You ass, you gave him liquor? 138 00:06:34,936 --> 00:06:37,813 No, I didn't give it to him, but... Ass. 139 00:06:37,981 --> 00:06:40,107 ARCHER: See? Look at him, he's crazy for it. 140 00:06:40,275 --> 00:06:42,401 You only give them liquor if they have croup. 141 00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:44,320 Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Spock, I... 142 00:06:44,488 --> 00:06:47,990 Or colic. Or the jimmy legs. Or... Can't you just dump him on Woodhouse? 143 00:06:48,158 --> 00:06:49,992 No, because... That's what I always did. 144 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:53,496 I'm sure you did, but Woodhouse is about to be murdered, so... 145 00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:57,083 So are you, if you piddle in here. 146 00:06:57,250 --> 00:07:00,586 And that goes double for number two, Mr. Man. 147 00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:02,755 So you just hold it in. 148 00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:05,841 Wow, a ton of stuff just started to make sense to me. 149 00:07:06,009 --> 00:07:07,009 [CRYING] 150 00:07:07,177 --> 00:07:10,054 The secret is negative reinforcement. 151 00:07:10,222 --> 00:07:12,515 Yeah, I'm just getting that. 152 00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:15,434 About time. Ass. 153 00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:18,854 Baby, you're pear-shaped. 154 00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:22,149 [GLASS SHATTERING] 155 00:07:22,317 --> 00:07:24,151 ARCHER: Oh, what the hell? Hello? 156 00:07:24,319 --> 00:07:26,695 Great, that was my second-favorite... 157 00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:28,864 ...lamp. WOODHOUSE: Reloading. 158 00:07:29,032 --> 00:07:31,992 No, you're not. Don't reload. Damn it. 159 00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:34,829 [GLASS SHATTERING] 160 00:07:36,039 --> 00:07:39,416 BISHOP: Ow. And my first-favorite lamp, fantastic. 161 00:07:39,584 --> 00:07:43,045 Serves you right, shooting blind like that. You could've killed me. 162 00:07:43,213 --> 00:07:45,714 Yeah, and I'd be that much closer to a million bucks. 163 00:07:45,882 --> 00:07:47,675 You know, once, uh... 164 00:07:47,843 --> 00:07:50,719 What's up with your will these days? CHERYL: Oh, my God. 165 00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:53,055 Since when is this place a nursery? 166 00:07:53,223 --> 00:07:55,432 Would you knock it off, Union Carbide? 167 00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:57,393 And lay off the wee baby Seamus. 168 00:07:57,561 --> 00:07:59,395 He's got it tough enough as it is. 169 00:07:59,563 --> 00:08:02,064 What's that? That's a bumblebee. 170 00:08:02,232 --> 00:08:04,066 You want a pretty bumblebee? 171 00:08:04,234 --> 00:08:06,193 There you go. 172 00:08:06,361 --> 00:08:07,403 [SEAMUS CRYING] 173 00:08:07,571 --> 00:08:10,865 Oh, what's the matter? What happened? 174 00:08:11,366 --> 00:08:14,785 Did somebody trick you? Hmm? 175 00:08:14,953 --> 00:08:17,413 See? That's how the world works, dear... 176 00:08:17,581 --> 00:08:19,790 ...and I'm the only one you can trust. 177 00:08:19,958 --> 00:08:23,377 Wow, a ton of stuff just started making sense. 178 00:08:23,545 --> 00:08:25,171 CHERYL: No way. Why not? 179 00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:28,257 Mr. Archer said Woodhouse might make a million bucks off of his. 180 00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:30,801 Shut up, liar. Of things impossible. 181 00:08:30,969 --> 00:08:34,930 It's not... Cyril, can you explain compound interest to her? 182 00:08:35,098 --> 00:08:39,101 Oh, maybe if we had an infinite amount of time. And she were someone else. 183 00:08:39,269 --> 00:08:40,269 [MOCK-LAUGHS] 184 00:08:40,437 --> 00:08:43,230 Wait a second, is that...? You know tontines are illegal, right? 185 00:08:43,398 --> 00:08:45,524 So is all kinds of shit. 186 00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:48,611 But look, half the people that work here are field agents... 187 00:08:48,778 --> 00:08:52,281 Who get killed in the line of duty all the time. And the control room... 188 00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:55,951 Is basically just a great big asbestos lawsuit waiting to happen. 189 00:08:56,119 --> 00:08:58,078 Yeah, here's some more claims forms. 190 00:08:58,246 --> 00:09:00,706 And how long you think this one's gonna be around? 191 00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:01,916 [GULPING] 192 00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:05,753 Yeah. Yeah, count me in. 193 00:09:05,921 --> 00:09:06,962 No. Yes. 194 00:09:07,130 --> 00:09:09,006 No. We must fortify our position. 195 00:09:09,174 --> 00:09:12,968 We need twin Vickers here by the bar, a Lewis gun by the sofa... 196 00:09:13,136 --> 00:09:15,137 [IN BRITISH ACCENT] Mustard gas. Zeppelins. No. 197 00:09:15,305 --> 00:09:18,807 [IN NORMAL VOICE] Guy's a hundred, he'll break both his hips pushing the doorbell. 198 00:09:18,975 --> 00:09:22,728 I don't know, sir. Scripes was the toughest man in the squadron. 199 00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:24,104 Just the squadron... 200 00:09:24,272 --> 00:09:26,565 [IN BRITISH ACCENT] ...or the entire pansy division? Ow! 201 00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:29,068 By God, you will show some respect. [IN NORMAL VOICE] Ow. 202 00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:33,822 Do as you like with me, but I won't have a swishy party-boy backchat a war hero. 203 00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:35,366 War hero? Oh, let's not... 204 00:09:35,533 --> 00:09:36,659 ARCHER: Woodhouse? Damn right. 205 00:09:36,826 --> 00:09:37,868 - Drag that up. 206 00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:41,372 And if you won't tell him, Woodhouse, I bloody well shall. 207 00:09:41,539 --> 00:09:42,748 [SIGHS] 208 00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:45,668 Alas, poor Reggie. 209 00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:49,004 He was on his way back from a routine patrol... 210 00:09:49,172 --> 00:09:50,798 ...on a Tuesday afternoon. 211 00:09:50,966 --> 00:09:54,677 I'd written him a letter, you see, so I was waiting out on the field. 212 00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:59,306 And he was looking at me... My God, I can still see him smile. 213 00:09:59,474 --> 00:10:03,310 - When that Hun bastard dove in from behind. 214 00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:06,480 And then the sky just shattered. 215 00:10:11,528 --> 00:10:12,778 [GRUNTS] 216 00:10:14,990 --> 00:10:18,701 WOODHOUSE: God knows how, but he kept the old kite from rolling over... 217 00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:21,870 ...and crash-landed out in No Man's Land. 218 00:10:22,038 --> 00:10:23,372 [PLANE CRASHING] 219 00:10:24,499 --> 00:10:26,166 And? Then what? WOODHOUSE: Hmm? 220 00:10:26,334 --> 00:10:29,461 Oh. Well, Reggie survived the crash somehow. 221 00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:30,671 [THISTLETON GROANS] 222 00:10:30,839 --> 00:10:32,006 THISTLETON: I survived the crash somehow. 223 00:10:32,173 --> 00:10:34,091 WOODHOUSE: So we could've sent a rescue party. 224 00:10:34,259 --> 00:10:38,762 But with Reggie hors de combat, Scripes had become acting commander. 225 00:10:38,930 --> 00:10:41,473 And there shan't be any rescue party. 226 00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:44,560 Captain Thistleton knew the risk of what he was doing... 227 00:10:44,728 --> 00:10:49,440 ...and now it seems his chickens have come home to roost. Bawk, bawk. 228 00:10:49,607 --> 00:10:53,777 WOODHOUSE: A response I found unsatisfactory. 229 00:10:53,945 --> 00:10:55,279 [GRUNTING] 230 00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:59,116 WOODHOUSE: I could hear Reggie out there past the wire, screaming like a lamb. 231 00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:00,409 [THISTLETON GROANS] 232 00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:03,495 I'm coming for you, sir. 233 00:11:03,913 --> 00:11:09,084 And there I found him, in the words of Henley, "bloodied but unbowed." 234 00:11:09,252 --> 00:11:11,462 Woodhouse, you came for me. 235 00:11:11,629 --> 00:11:14,340 Of course I did, sir. I'm a... Fag? 236 00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:16,425 Sir? Have you got one? 237 00:11:16,593 --> 00:11:18,844 Dying for a smoke. Yes, of course. Here we are. 238 00:11:19,012 --> 00:11:22,264 Cheers. Now, let me just light that for you. 239 00:11:24,476 --> 00:11:25,893 Ooh. Sorry, sir. 240 00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:29,563 Just give that another go. Good man. 241 00:11:31,232 --> 00:11:33,442 Damn. Good God, man, are you hourly? 242 00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:36,278 Sorry, sir. Here we go. 243 00:11:36,446 --> 00:11:38,655 Woodhouse there's... God, that's bright. 244 00:11:38,823 --> 00:11:41,450 There's something I've been wanting to tell... You scoundrel. 245 00:11:41,618 --> 00:11:43,494 Is that brandy? Oh, no, sir. Just water. 246 00:11:43,661 --> 00:11:46,497 Water? Never touch the stuff. Fish **** in it. 247 00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:50,959 But seriously, I've wanted to tell you this for ages, but I never quite knew how. 248 00:11:51,127 --> 00:11:54,254 I'm listening, sir. Woodhouse... 249 00:11:54,422 --> 00:11:55,798 [GUNSHOT] 250 00:11:56,758 --> 00:11:59,635 Fish **** in it. 251 00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:03,305 WOODHOUSE: After that, it's all a bit fuzzy. 252 00:12:03,473 --> 00:12:05,766 [WOODHOUSE SCREAMING] 253 00:12:06,142 --> 00:12:08,435 [WOODHOUSE & SOLDIERS SCREAMING] 254 00:12:13,817 --> 00:12:18,654 Reggie! 255 00:12:21,116 --> 00:12:24,326 ARCHER: Then what? Then they gave me the VC and my papers. 256 00:12:24,494 --> 00:12:26,328 Ahem. Medical discharge. 257 00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:27,830 Because of the scalps. For... 258 00:12:27,997 --> 00:12:29,498 The what? German scalps. 259 00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:31,500 What? He must have had 50 of them. 260 00:12:31,668 --> 00:12:33,419 That's a lot of scalps. Could've made a blanket. 261 00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:34,628 [SIGHS] 262 00:12:34,796 --> 00:12:37,589 And then I just sort of drifted about. 263 00:12:39,676 --> 00:12:43,637 Spent God knows how many years in the orient, on a merchant schooner. 264 00:12:43,805 --> 00:12:46,682 Reggie! 265 00:12:46,850 --> 00:12:49,518 Then I sort of washed up in Tangiers... 266 00:12:49,686 --> 00:12:52,354 ...where I won a bar in a dice game. 267 00:12:52,522 --> 00:12:55,524 Oh, which is how I met your mother. 268 00:12:55,692 --> 00:12:57,818 MALORY: Don't shoot! 269 00:12:57,986 --> 00:13:01,864 Please, I just killed a man and I think my water just broke. 270 00:13:02,031 --> 00:13:05,117 So I could really, really use a drink. 271 00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:07,995 Gave birth to you right there on that greasy bar. 272 00:13:08,163 --> 00:13:10,831 I cut the cord, and I've been with your family ever since. 273 00:13:10,999 --> 00:13:12,207 The... You... 274 00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:15,002 You saw Mother's vagina? WOODHOUSE: Hmm? 275 00:13:15,170 --> 00:13:16,795 Oh, my God. Oh! 276 00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:18,589 Oh, God! 277 00:13:18,756 --> 00:13:21,049 Oh, I can't breathe. 278 00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:24,386 Ha. What an ass. Right? 279 00:13:26,764 --> 00:13:28,640 ARCHER: Mother? Mother? 280 00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:31,643 Where are you? MALORY: Oh, for... In here, you half-wit! 281 00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:32,853 [SEAMUS CRYING] 282 00:13:33,021 --> 00:13:36,315 I had just gotten him to sleep. Don't you know anything about babies? 283 00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:39,943 I know you're not supposed to have them on a greasy bar. In Tangiers. 284 00:13:40,111 --> 00:13:41,153 Oh, my God. 285 00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:44,740 And I know you're not supposed to let Woodhouse see your lady parts. 286 00:13:44,908 --> 00:13:46,825 That's why you're so upset? 287 00:13:46,993 --> 00:13:49,119 Yes. Eww. Mother, he touches my food. 288 00:13:49,287 --> 00:13:52,915 Sterling, he also... Give me that. 289 00:13:53,082 --> 00:13:56,001 He also saved my life. And yours. 290 00:13:56,169 --> 00:14:00,255 Between my narrow hips, your fat head, and a city full of enemy spies... 291 00:14:00,423 --> 00:14:02,424 ...we both nearly died that night. 292 00:14:02,884 --> 00:14:05,135 They'll come. We should get you somewhere safe. 293 00:14:05,303 --> 00:14:07,012 Oh, a few minutes more. 294 00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:08,639 I just wanna look at him. 295 00:14:08,806 --> 00:14:10,933 Isn't he perfect? Aye. That he is. 296 00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:12,601 Here, Miss, for the baby. 297 00:14:12,769 --> 00:14:14,937 Oh, it's beautiful. 298 00:14:15,104 --> 00:14:17,940 Clapped-out Arab whore traded it for a pint. Said it was sterling. 299 00:14:18,107 --> 00:14:20,651 Sterling. That's what I'll name him. 300 00:14:20,818 --> 00:14:25,697 Oh, that's a fine name. And could his middle name be Reginald? 301 00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:27,032 [MALORY SIGHS] 302 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:29,868 No. A little too gay, but... 303 00:14:30,036 --> 00:14:32,454 [SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE] 304 00:14:37,126 --> 00:14:38,877 [BABY ARCHER CRYING] 305 00:14:39,045 --> 00:14:41,463 But how would you like a job? 306 00:14:41,631 --> 00:14:45,467 I think I would like it very much indeed, ma'am. 307 00:14:45,969 --> 00:14:48,136 Oh, my God. MALORY: And if that weren't enough... 308 00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:52,641 ...that very night, he traded his bar for a boat and sailed us to Lisbon. 309 00:14:52,809 --> 00:14:55,811 Got me to an OSS safe house, sold the boat... 310 00:14:55,979 --> 00:14:58,605 ...used the money to get you both home to the States... 311 00:14:58,773 --> 00:15:01,942 ...then raised you by himself for five years. 312 00:15:02,110 --> 00:15:03,151 Wha...? What? 313 00:15:03,319 --> 00:15:04,444 WOODHOUSE: You heard me, young man. 314 00:15:04,612 --> 00:15:07,281 Your mum's got home from the war. Give her a proper hello. 315 00:15:07,448 --> 00:15:11,618 No. I don't have a mother. And if I did, I'd hate her. 316 00:15:12,036 --> 00:15:13,161 [SIGHS] 317 00:15:13,329 --> 00:15:15,080 Wow, he did all that? For... 318 00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:18,000 You. And you've treated him like a dog ever since. 319 00:15:18,167 --> 00:15:20,335 But you won't have him to kick around forever... 320 00:15:20,503 --> 00:15:22,087 Oh, shit. Woodhouse. 321 00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:24,923 Oh, my God, he's gonna be murdered. I gotta go save him. 322 00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:29,177 Uh-uh-uh. Here. You want me to take a baby. To a murder. 323 00:15:29,345 --> 00:15:31,013 Or wherever, just out of here. 324 00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:33,515 I have no more love to give today. 325 00:15:33,683 --> 00:15:36,101 Yeah, what is it, like, 2:30? 326 00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:38,770 Wait, why did you have an eye patch? 327 00:15:39,188 --> 00:15:40,522 Oh, who remembers? 328 00:15:40,690 --> 00:15:44,067 Three-large 50, three large a Benjamin, three-large... 329 00:15:44,235 --> 00:15:47,487 Idiots doing idiot things because they're idiots. 330 00:15:47,655 --> 00:15:51,491 Ha-ha-ha. Yeah, we're the idiots. Says the genius who got a hooker pregnant. 331 00:15:51,659 --> 00:15:53,201 ARCHER: What? Nothing. 332 00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:55,370 ARCHER: Cyril, what? Noth... Oh! 333 00:15:55,538 --> 00:15:56,955 [CHUCKLES] 334 00:15:57,373 --> 00:15:58,915 Cyril? You dead? 335 00:15:59,083 --> 00:16:00,125 [CYRIL GROANS] 336 00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:02,586 Damn. Should I put him out of his misery? 337 00:16:02,754 --> 00:16:05,631 No. Do you, though. Yes. 338 00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:09,885 No. Wait, then I don't get the money, idiot. 339 00:16:10,928 --> 00:16:13,305 WOODHOUSE: You'll never take us alive, Scripes. 340 00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:16,892 What do you mean, take you alive, Woodhouse? I only came here... 341 00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:18,894 What the bloody hell? 342 00:16:19,062 --> 00:16:21,438 [GLASS SHATTERING] 343 00:16:22,523 --> 00:16:23,649 BISHOP: Ow. 344 00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:26,068 I say, I'm dreadfully sorry about that, old boy. 345 00:16:26,235 --> 00:16:28,362 Bloody should be. Almost killed me. 346 00:16:28,529 --> 00:16:30,489 Which again, from the bottom of my heart... 347 00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:32,991 ...is the last thing on earth I'd ever want to do. 348 00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:35,827 I'd forgotten all about that rubbish tontine. 349 00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:37,954 But all the mysterious deaths... 350 00:16:38,122 --> 00:16:40,332 SCRIPES: Well, I daresay, there's not much mystery. 351 00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:42,584 They're just desperate to sell newspapers. 352 00:16:42,752 --> 00:16:45,587 Gloucester fell off the roof mucking about with the aerial. 353 00:16:45,755 --> 00:16:48,799 Wens and Bux died in their sleep at the pensioners' home. 354 00:16:48,966 --> 00:16:52,052 And as for Stilton, there's no nice way to put it. 355 00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:55,597 Auto-erotic asphyxiation. You're joking. 356 00:16:55,765 --> 00:16:58,892 No, Stilton was always quite keen on that. Remember? 357 00:16:59,060 --> 00:17:02,562 Always looking for something sturdy to loop his Sam Browne over? 358 00:17:02,730 --> 00:17:05,941 I do seem to recall an awful lot of loose doorknobs. 359 00:17:06,109 --> 00:17:07,776 Plus, what he named his plane. 360 00:17:07,944 --> 00:17:10,946 I always thought that had something to do with the engine. 361 00:17:11,114 --> 00:17:14,741 Well, here's to you, "Choke and Stroke." 362 00:17:14,909 --> 00:17:16,451 SCRIPES & BISHOP: To "Choke and Stroke." 363 00:17:16,619 --> 00:17:18,954 And here's to the old Double Deuce. 364 00:17:19,122 --> 00:17:25,335 God knows we had our differences, but I'm just so glad to see you both. 365 00:17:25,503 --> 00:17:29,381 But if you didn't come to kill us, why bring that whacking great Webley? 366 00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:32,467 It's Reggie's. I stole it from his effects. 367 00:17:32,635 --> 00:17:34,177 I looked everywhere for that. 368 00:17:34,345 --> 00:17:39,015 That's right. Damned wretched of me, I know, but I just wanted a memento. 369 00:17:39,183 --> 00:17:41,768 But Reggie would've wanted you to have it, old boy. 370 00:17:41,936 --> 00:17:44,813 I say, that's damned decent of you. 371 00:17:44,981 --> 00:17:46,273 Cheers. 372 00:17:46,441 --> 00:17:47,983 Took good care of her too. 373 00:17:48,151 --> 00:17:51,194 See, look. No rust. Even the barrel's clean. 374 00:17:51,362 --> 00:17:52,988 ARCHER: No! 375 00:17:53,156 --> 00:17:55,907 [IN SLOW-MOTION] Woodhouse! 376 00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:58,577 SCRIPES [IN SLOW-MOTION]: Oh, my God! 377 00:17:59,162 --> 00:18:02,289 The baby! 378 00:18:02,457 --> 00:18:05,083 WOODHOUSE [IN SLOW-MOTION]: No! 379 00:18:05,251 --> 00:18:07,419 [IN NORMAL VOICE] I'm coming, Reggie! 380 00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:08,837 [BODY THUDS] [CAR ALARM WAILING] 381 00:18:09,005 --> 00:18:13,091 [IN NORMAL VOICE] Whoo! Ha-ha! What a move. Did you see that? 382 00:18:13,259 --> 00:18:17,095 That was like Steve McQueen and John Woo had a baby... 383 00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:21,433 ...and that baby was you, baby. Yeah, pretty hot, huh? 384 00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:23,435 [IN NORMAL VOICE] Oh, my God. You... You... 385 00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:25,061 No, don't thank me, thank the baby. 386 00:18:25,229 --> 00:18:26,354 You ass. What? 387 00:18:26,522 --> 00:18:29,775 Unbelievably gigantic ass. 388 00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:31,860 ARCHER: Hey. Scripes wasn't here to kill us. 389 00:18:32,028 --> 00:18:35,530 He came to mourn our comrades-in-arms. 390 00:18:36,199 --> 00:18:37,240 Oh. "Oh." 391 00:18:37,408 --> 00:18:39,618 That's all you have to say, you great flapping twit? 392 00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:42,370 Hey, seriously, you... Corporal Bishop, the Webley. 393 00:18:42,538 --> 00:18:44,498 The what? What's a Web...? 394 00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:46,416 Thank you, Corporal Bishop. 395 00:18:46,584 --> 00:18:49,711 The pleasure was all mine, Lance Corporal Woodhouse. 396 00:18:49,879 --> 00:18:52,005 Shame he'll send you packing when he comes to. 397 00:18:52,173 --> 00:18:54,382 Oh, I'll just yank his pants off... 398 00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:57,052 ...splash scotch and women's underthings about... 399 00:18:57,220 --> 00:18:58,845 ...tell him he slipped and fell... 400 00:18:59,013 --> 00:19:03,391 ...chasing a terrified Asian prostitute out onto the patio. 401 00:19:03,559 --> 00:19:07,479 It's not the first time I bashed his head in and had to cover my tracks. 402 00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:10,732 Happens three, four times a year. Right? 403 00:19:10,900 --> 00:19:15,612 Well, guess you and me are the last two left in the tontine, eh? 404 00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:18,323 Yes, I guess we are. 405 00:19:21,744 --> 00:19:23,078 Hard to believe, that. 406 00:19:23,246 --> 00:19:25,580 Well, we were the two youngest... 407 00:19:25,748 --> 00:19:27,165 No, no, not that. 408 00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:32,128 The fact the government let you two fruit-bats adopt a baby. 409 00:19:32,296 --> 00:19:33,421 Uh... 410 00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:10,542 [English - US - PSDH] 411 00:20:10,592 --> 00:20:15,142 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 32672

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