All language subtitles for Archer s02e04 Pipeline Fever.eng

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,670 --> 00:00:03,711 [ARCHER SIGHS] 2 00:00:03,879 --> 00:00:05,713 ARCHER: Oh, man, is this great? LANA: No, Archer. 3 00:00:05,881 --> 00:00:07,465 ARCHER: Was that rhetorical? LANA: Archer. 4 00:00:07,633 --> 00:00:09,092 ARCHER: And also was that? LANA: Archer. 5 00:00:09,259 --> 00:00:12,637 Answer: Yes. They both were, because New Orleans is my kind of town... 6 00:00:12,805 --> 00:00:14,806 ...and I haven't had a vacation in forever. 7 00:00:14,973 --> 00:00:16,683 Well, that's great but... NOLA. 8 00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:18,935 The Crescent City, the Big... 9 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:22,438 Easy. Our mission is to stop an eco-terrorist... 10 00:00:22,606 --> 00:00:25,858 ...from blowing up the biggest natural gas pipeline in North America... 11 00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:28,194 ...so I wouldn't exactly call it a vacation. 12 00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:30,905 Well, whatever. Working vacation. Ugh. 13 00:00:31,073 --> 00:00:34,409 Because I'm not too worried about some drum-circling, hippie tree hugger. 14 00:00:34,576 --> 00:00:37,662 Sir, can you find your seat for me? Uh, yeah, it's right there. 15 00:00:37,830 --> 00:00:40,289 Can you go find some more hurricanes for me? 16 00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:41,624 STEWARDESS: Ugh. 17 00:00:41,792 --> 00:00:43,501 Hippies aren't the only people who care. 18 00:00:43,669 --> 00:00:46,170 Like, I happen to care. A lot. 19 00:00:46,338 --> 00:00:49,340 And so does our target, Joshua Gray, a.k.a. Gandalf. 20 00:00:49,508 --> 00:00:51,426 His name's Gandalf? And he's not a hippie? 21 00:00:51,593 --> 00:00:54,178 Gray's an ex-Green Beret. He's attacked power plants... 22 00:00:54,346 --> 00:00:56,514 ...hydroelectric dams, whaling ships... 23 00:00:56,682 --> 00:00:59,517 Whaling ships? What, he's against clean-burning lamp oil? 24 00:01:00,018 --> 00:01:02,687 Would you relax? We know he's gonna attack the pipeline... 25 00:01:02,855 --> 00:01:04,772 ...and we know where the pipeline is. 26 00:01:04,940 --> 00:01:07,692 Running through a couple hundred miles of marshy wetlands. 27 00:01:07,860 --> 00:01:11,696 So mobility will be key, Lana. And how will we achieve mobility? 28 00:01:11,864 --> 00:01:13,114 Huh? 29 00:01:13,282 --> 00:01:14,991 An airboat. An airboat, Lana. 30 00:01:15,159 --> 00:01:17,618 Like Burt Reynolds in White Lightning. Great, just... 31 00:01:17,786 --> 00:01:19,370 Not to mention Gator. Archer. 32 00:01:19,538 --> 00:01:23,040 Which, even though it's the sequel, I think is the stronger of the two. 33 00:01:23,208 --> 00:01:24,667 Just try to keep a low profile. 34 00:01:24,835 --> 00:01:28,045 We could scare off Gray if we don't maintain the element of surprise. 35 00:01:28,213 --> 00:01:30,631 Hey, here's a surprise. Herm?s. 36 00:01:30,799 --> 00:01:33,801 And here's another one. Remember Jerry Reed's character in Gator? 37 00:01:33,969 --> 00:01:35,636 No. Bama McCall? 38 00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:38,723 No. Well, whatever, check this out, I sto... 39 00:01:38,891 --> 00:01:41,434 Borrowed it from Woodhouse. Archer, what the shit? 40 00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:43,478 Right? It's just like in Gator. 41 00:01:43,645 --> 00:01:45,313 MARSHAL: Gun! Gun! ARCHER: Wha...? 42 00:01:45,481 --> 00:01:47,064 Drop it! Drop it! You drop it. 43 00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:48,983 Lana, hijacking. Damn it, it's not a hi... 44 00:01:49,151 --> 00:01:50,610 [SCREAMING] 45 00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:54,572 Oh, great, there better be more of those. Sky marshal, drop your weapon! 46 00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:56,657 Oh, okay, relax. It's okay, we're... 47 00:01:56,825 --> 00:02:00,661 Da, da-da-da... Sterling Archer and Lana Kane of ISIS... 48 00:02:00,829 --> 00:02:02,914 ...and we're on a mission to stop an eco-terrorist... 49 00:02:03,081 --> 00:02:05,249 Da-da-da. ...from blowing up a gas pipeline. 50 00:02:05,417 --> 00:02:06,751 [LANA SIGHS] 51 00:02:06,919 --> 00:02:10,588 So for the love of God, woman, go make me a fresh batch of hurricanes! 52 00:02:10,756 --> 00:02:13,591 Great. Way to keep a low profile. Thanks. 53 00:02:13,759 --> 00:02:15,176 [CHUCKLES] 54 00:02:49,962 --> 00:02:53,381 BACKUS: This is the AmPetCo gas pipeline. 55 00:02:53,549 --> 00:02:56,676 Runs right underneath these swamps, supplying almost 20 percent... 56 00:02:56,844 --> 00:02:59,554 ...of America's liquid natural gas demand. ARCHER: Right. 57 00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:02,723 But there's a pig launcher here. ARCHER: Is that what it sounds like? 58 00:03:02,891 --> 00:03:05,977 It's a pipe inspection gauge for cleaning the pipeline. 59 00:03:06,144 --> 00:03:10,314 It's the only section above ground, so if Gray wants to attack our pipeline... 60 00:03:10,482 --> 00:03:12,108 He'll have to do it there. ARCHER: Right. 61 00:03:12,276 --> 00:03:16,112 So we'll set up a defensive perimeter at the launcher and catch him when he tries. 62 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:17,738 ARCHER: Well, wait, hang on a second. 63 00:03:17,906 --> 00:03:19,824 Can I get the oyster po' boy... 64 00:03:19,992 --> 00:03:23,160 ...and a side of crawfish ?touff?e? I'm not sure I'm gonna like it. 65 00:03:23,328 --> 00:03:25,788 Archer. Archer. Just an entr?e? Okay. Uh... 66 00:03:25,956 --> 00:03:28,332 LANA: Archer. Okay, so, the po' boy, the... Hello? 67 00:03:28,792 --> 00:03:31,752 Wow, speaking of disastrous... Speaking of shut up. 68 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:35,381 Think about what will happen to those wetlands if that pipeline explodes. 69 00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:39,802 Screw the damn swamps, think of what'll happen to AmPetCo's profit margin. 70 00:03:39,970 --> 00:03:41,721 What? Big money. 71 00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:44,849 Huge tax credits from that hippie Democrat Congress... 72 00:03:45,017 --> 00:03:47,685 ...just for making a few simple changes around here. 73 00:03:47,853 --> 00:03:49,437 A lot of these aren't so simple. 74 00:03:49,605 --> 00:03:52,607 Replacing all the lights with high-efficiency fluorescents... 75 00:03:52,774 --> 00:03:54,650 ...putting low-flow fixtures on plumbing. 76 00:03:54,818 --> 00:03:58,487 Recycling old batteries. Exactly. Don't we do that already? 77 00:03:58,655 --> 00:03:59,989 Um... 78 00:04:00,157 --> 00:04:01,407 [GARBAGE DISPOSAL WHIRRING] 79 00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:05,870 I don't even understand why we have a car battery! 80 00:04:07,539 --> 00:04:08,706 Pretty much. 81 00:04:08,874 --> 00:04:11,500 Good. Because I'm not leaving money on the table. 82 00:04:11,668 --> 00:04:14,295 So to get these freebie socialist tax credits... 83 00:04:14,463 --> 00:04:18,382 ...we are going to make this place lean and green. 84 00:04:18,550 --> 00:04:20,051 Typical corporate bullshit. 85 00:04:20,218 --> 00:04:22,803 Thirty acres of wetlands disappear every single day... 86 00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:25,556 ...but all you care about is how much gas you pump out. 87 00:04:25,724 --> 00:04:30,645 Hey, we're just supplying a demand. Yeah, AmPetCo's demand for huge profits. 88 00:04:30,812 --> 00:04:34,398 Well, some of those huge profits are paying ISIS to protect that pipeline. 89 00:04:34,566 --> 00:04:37,860 Which I'm only doing for the wetlands. Wetlands, profits, whatever. 90 00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:41,072 Yeah, sounds like a win-win. Just get out there and do your job. 91 00:04:41,239 --> 00:04:45,076 Yeah, I will. If you will excuse me. 92 00:04:45,410 --> 00:04:46,869 [DOOR SLAMS] 93 00:04:48,330 --> 00:04:50,581 I should go with her. 94 00:04:50,749 --> 00:04:52,917 I don't think room service is coming. 95 00:04:53,085 --> 00:04:54,251 REMY: Should have called first. 96 00:04:54,419 --> 00:04:57,755 That's the only airboat around for 50 miles, and it reserved. 97 00:04:57,923 --> 00:05:00,174 What do you mean? Is that not self-explanatory? 98 00:05:00,342 --> 00:05:03,844 Look, this is kind of an emergency. Can't we work something out? 99 00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:06,097 If you use that money to buy a time machine... 100 00:05:06,264 --> 00:05:09,016 ...go back and be the first person to reserve that boat. 101 00:05:09,184 --> 00:05:10,393 You sure about that? Yup. 102 00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:14,271 That's good, because I've waited my entire life to say this exact phrase. 103 00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:17,191 I'm commandeering this airboat. 104 00:05:17,943 --> 00:05:19,360 LANA: Sorry. ARCHER: Whoo! 105 00:05:19,528 --> 00:05:24,657 It really is an emergency. Of an awesome and ass-kicky nature. 106 00:05:25,617 --> 00:05:28,035 And some damn guard dog you is. 107 00:05:28,203 --> 00:05:29,245 Annie? 108 00:05:30,747 --> 00:05:31,956 Annie. 109 00:05:32,124 --> 00:05:34,291 Well, that's just great. 110 00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:37,503 Now both my dogs is dead. 111 00:05:38,046 --> 00:05:39,255 [REMY SOBS] 112 00:05:39,798 --> 00:05:43,884 Stupid efficient Canadian light bulbs. I can barely even see what I'm doing. 113 00:05:44,052 --> 00:05:45,094 What are you doing? 114 00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:47,972 I need six more of these. Why do you need seven? 115 00:05:48,140 --> 00:05:50,016 One for each cat, duh. 116 00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:53,644 For God's sake, Pam. Have you no sense of decency? 117 00:05:53,812 --> 00:05:56,063 That bathroom's like a war crime. 118 00:05:56,231 --> 00:05:59,066 Don't blame me, it's those new low-flow toilets. 119 00:05:59,234 --> 00:06:02,153 With the old ones you could flush a dachshund puppy. 120 00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:04,989 I mean, not that you would, but... Next time use the... 121 00:06:05,157 --> 00:06:06,991 Da-da-da... Women's restroom. 122 00:06:07,159 --> 00:06:08,325 Da... 123 00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:12,747 The what? Thanks, Cyril. 124 00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:17,043 ARCHER: Whoo-hoo! 125 00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:20,004 Airboat! Oh, man! 126 00:06:20,172 --> 00:06:22,923 Seriously, this must be what it's like to have sex with me. 127 00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:26,510 How can an airboat be selfish? Nope, can't hear you. I'm too happy. 128 00:06:26,678 --> 00:06:29,305 You can't hear me because you're redlining the engine. 129 00:06:29,473 --> 00:06:32,058 Oh, thank you, certified airboat mechanic. 130 00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:33,976 Now, where's this pig launcher thing? 131 00:06:34,144 --> 00:06:35,686 This heading, one mile. Whoo! 132 00:06:35,854 --> 00:06:37,688 I'm serious, Archer, if you don't slow down... 133 00:06:37,856 --> 00:06:40,524 I'll keep feeling this incredibly vibrant and alive? 134 00:06:40,692 --> 00:06:43,319 Yeah, until you blow the damn engine, so... Lana! 135 00:06:43,487 --> 00:06:46,614 I'm not gonna blow the... 136 00:06:46,782 --> 00:06:48,115 [ARCHER SCREAMS] 137 00:07:00,378 --> 00:07:01,545 [LANA CLEARS THROAT] 138 00:07:04,674 --> 00:07:06,217 Ahem. Yeah, try clearing your throat... 139 00:07:06,384 --> 00:07:10,012 ...about a jillion more times, Lana, see if that helps. 140 00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:11,639 [LANA CLEARS THROAT] 141 00:07:11,807 --> 00:07:14,183 No? Nothing? 142 00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:22,358 No, no, by all means, let me do this, Lana. 143 00:07:22,526 --> 00:07:24,485 You just sit there like the African Queen. 144 00:07:24,653 --> 00:07:27,196 The African Queen was the boat. No, it was Audrey... 145 00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:30,699 Katharine. Whichever Hepburn. She was the queen. 146 00:07:32,244 --> 00:07:33,911 Of Africa. Yeah. 147 00:07:34,079 --> 00:07:36,413 The white queen of Africa. 148 00:07:36,581 --> 00:07:39,959 Yeah, back then, Hollywood was pretty weird about the whole race thing. 149 00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:43,379 Like Amos and Andy were white, a white guy played Charlie Chan. 150 00:07:43,547 --> 00:07:45,422 Archer. Pretty sure Tonto was a Jew. 151 00:07:45,590 --> 00:07:47,258 Stop. What? 152 00:07:47,425 --> 00:07:48,592 Gator? Talking. 153 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:52,763 But I do really wish there was a gator. Hey, come on, not even as a joke, Lana. 154 00:07:52,931 --> 00:07:54,557 It so wasn't. I said I was sorry. 155 00:07:54,724 --> 00:07:57,393 Tell this wildlife you're sorry when the pipeline blows... 156 00:07:57,561 --> 00:08:01,856 ...because we're not there to protect it. A, all this wildlife can suck it. 157 00:08:02,023 --> 00:08:04,942 Everything out here either wants to eat me or give me malaria. 158 00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:06,443 And B... 159 00:08:07,779 --> 00:08:09,864 Oh. No thanks to you, Queen Audrey. 160 00:08:10,031 --> 00:08:11,365 Would you just...? Yeah. 161 00:08:11,533 --> 00:08:12,700 [GROANS] 162 00:08:12,868 --> 00:08:14,869 Okay, let's set up a defensive perimeter. 163 00:08:15,036 --> 00:08:17,288 Right after I set up the grill. Will you just...? 164 00:08:17,455 --> 00:08:21,083 Hey, I just dragged this damn boat through a mile of my three biggest fears... 165 00:08:21,251 --> 00:08:23,043 ...so I think I've earned a kebab. 166 00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:24,587 Well, too bad. But... 167 00:08:24,754 --> 00:08:27,965 Your lab uses more electricity than the rest of ISIS put together. 168 00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:30,134 Yes, and I need every single watt. 169 00:08:30,302 --> 00:08:33,596 No, we all have to pitch in to make ISIS green. 170 00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:37,016 Look at me, chopping ice for a Tom Collins like a field hand. 171 00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:39,935 But I... Ooh. Or do I want a mint julep? 172 00:08:40,103 --> 00:08:43,105 The slightest reduction of power could put lives at risk. 173 00:08:43,273 --> 00:08:45,149 Lives of what, a few lab rats? 174 00:08:46,193 --> 00:08:48,652 [BEEPING] 175 00:08:52,824 --> 00:08:53,824 Also, yes. 176 00:08:55,327 --> 00:08:59,163 Yeah, good, great idea. Do the one thing that could possibly make it hotter. 177 00:08:59,331 --> 00:09:01,707 You gotta sear them first, it locks in the flavor. 178 00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:04,585 And if you're hot, and also somewhat bitchy, drink a beer. 179 00:09:04,753 --> 00:09:07,171 I don't want a beer, Archer, I want water. 180 00:09:07,339 --> 00:09:11,008 Your funeral. God knows what kind of parasites are swimming around in it. 181 00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:13,677 Not swamp water, you ass. Bottled. 182 00:09:13,845 --> 00:09:16,597 Oh, you are shitting me. I know, right? 183 00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:19,683 A rainbow should shoot out every time you open it. 184 00:09:19,851 --> 00:09:22,353 You didn't bring any water? Where would I put it? 185 00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:25,356 Great, I'll just wait half an hour for a cup of ice to melt. 186 00:09:25,523 --> 00:09:26,732 Don't. Don't... Ow! Shit. 187 00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:29,026 ...touch it. What the f****** shit is this? 188 00:09:29,194 --> 00:09:32,029 No, no, no. Lana. It's dry ice. Ow! 189 00:09:32,197 --> 00:09:34,198 [BLEEPING] 190 00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:40,037 Hurry, put your hands in the swamp. 191 00:09:40,205 --> 00:09:41,372 [LANA GROANS] 192 00:09:41,873 --> 00:09:43,874 [WHIMPERING] 193 00:09:44,876 --> 00:09:46,543 [SQUEALS] 194 00:09:47,379 --> 00:09:49,463 How you doing, buddy? 195 00:09:50,674 --> 00:09:54,385 Because dry ice is something crazy, like, negative a hundred degrees. 196 00:09:54,552 --> 00:09:57,388 I need you to not talk to me. I know. 197 00:09:57,555 --> 00:10:00,975 And I know you're in a lot of pain, so just try to relax. 198 00:10:01,142 --> 00:10:03,227 Why are you still talk...? Ow! 199 00:10:03,395 --> 00:10:05,062 ARCHER: And say hi to Sister Morphine. 200 00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:06,605 Morphine? Damn it, I don't need... 201 00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:07,815 [SIGHS] 202 00:10:07,983 --> 00:10:09,233 Yeah? Yeah. 203 00:10:09,401 --> 00:10:11,068 That actually feels way better. 204 00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:13,195 Good, get up. You're sitting on the beer. 205 00:10:14,656 --> 00:10:17,741 All right, so wait a second. What are your three biggest fears? 206 00:10:17,909 --> 00:10:19,493 Nope. Come on. 207 00:10:19,661 --> 00:10:22,288 No, hush, I'm trying to fish. No, don't shoot the fish. 208 00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:25,958 Come on, this is a very fragile ecosystem. Too fragile to spare one trout? 209 00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:28,502 No, but... Or bass or whatever. What's in here? 210 00:10:28,670 --> 00:10:32,089 Nothing soon, if people like you keep destroying the environment. 211 00:10:32,257 --> 00:10:33,882 What? It's one lousy fish. 212 00:10:34,050 --> 00:10:36,719 One lousy black rhino, one lousy Bengal tiger. 213 00:10:36,886 --> 00:10:38,012 One lousy Lorax. 214 00:10:38,179 --> 00:10:40,931 Since when are you such a radical environmentalist? 215 00:10:41,099 --> 00:10:43,600 I'm not radical. Well, I mean not anymore. 216 00:10:43,768 --> 00:10:45,602 But back in the day... 217 00:10:45,770 --> 00:10:49,440 PROTESTERS [CHANTING]: Fur is murder! Fur is murder! Fur is murder! 218 00:10:49,607 --> 00:10:52,192 MAN: There's one. Get her. Go, go, go! 219 00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:54,737 How's it feel to be a murderer? 220 00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:57,781 Shall we find out? 221 00:10:57,949 --> 00:10:59,283 [PROTESTERS SCREAMING] 222 00:11:00,869 --> 00:11:05,456 Lady, you don't scare me. Dear, this is a.44 Magnum. 223 00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:09,626 You're really not scared, are you? No. 224 00:11:10,545 --> 00:11:12,921 Then how would you like a job? 225 00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:15,966 Three weeks later I was in Tunisia, killing a different man. 226 00:11:16,134 --> 00:11:18,886 Heh, heh, heh. And how and why is that funny? 227 00:11:19,054 --> 00:11:21,221 I forgot about that afro. You know what? 228 00:11:21,389 --> 00:11:24,725 You looked like Angela Davis had a lovechild with "Sweet" Lou Dunbar. 229 00:11:24,893 --> 00:11:27,227 Shut up. You. I'm trying to catch us some dinner. 230 00:11:27,395 --> 00:11:29,980 If you'd brought enough food... I wouldn't have beer. 231 00:11:30,148 --> 00:11:32,149 Since I can't catch beer... Or a fish. 232 00:11:32,317 --> 00:11:34,985 Yes, I can. Burt Reynolds is my spirit guide. 233 00:11:35,153 --> 00:11:37,988 Did you say "man crush"? I'm pretty sure it was "shut up." 234 00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:41,325 What are your three biggest fears? 235 00:11:41,493 --> 00:11:43,327 Getting stuck on a boat with you three times. 236 00:11:43,495 --> 00:11:45,662 Oh, come on. Oh, here we go. 237 00:11:45,830 --> 00:11:48,290 Come here, fishy, fishy. 238 00:11:48,458 --> 00:11:53,128 And while you eat humble pie with a side of crow, Lana, I will be dining on trout. 239 00:11:54,506 --> 00:11:55,756 [ARCHER & LANA SCREAM] 240 00:11:55,924 --> 00:12:00,344 What the hell is that? What the hell does it look like, Lana? 241 00:12:00,512 --> 00:12:01,929 Shoot it, Archer! Shoot it! 242 00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:05,641 Oh, so now it's okay? What happened to your fragile ecosystem? 243 00:12:05,809 --> 00:12:09,353 Screw the damn ecosystem. Shoot! You are such a hypocrite. 244 00:12:09,521 --> 00:12:11,355 I bet you probably eat veal. 245 00:12:11,523 --> 00:12:12,523 [GUNSHOTS] 246 00:12:15,110 --> 00:12:16,193 [WATER GURGLING] 247 00:12:16,361 --> 00:12:20,614 Did you see that? And hear that? What is that? What is that sound? 248 00:12:20,782 --> 00:12:23,158 Oh, you are shitting me. 249 00:12:23,326 --> 00:12:24,868 How did you shoot the boat? 250 00:12:25,036 --> 00:12:27,871 Because I was bucking around like a rodeo clown in a barrel. 251 00:12:28,039 --> 00:12:30,499 Well, did you at least hit the gator? I don't know. 252 00:12:30,667 --> 00:12:33,669 I mean, maybe. Great, so maybe he's wounded. 253 00:12:33,837 --> 00:12:35,129 No, he's definitely wounded. 254 00:12:35,296 --> 00:12:38,674 Oh, right, I forgot he has an arrow sticking out of his head. 255 00:12:38,842 --> 00:12:40,592 Yeah, I think that's what enraged him. 256 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:44,680 And so now all 20 enraged feet of him is swimming around out there. 257 00:12:44,848 --> 00:12:48,892 In that inky black water. Into which we are currently sinking. 258 00:12:49,060 --> 00:12:50,394 Yeah, it's not ideal. 259 00:12:50,562 --> 00:12:53,814 I mean, even if we had more shells. You only brought two shells? 260 00:12:53,982 --> 00:12:56,859 No, I brought shitloads, thank you. Well, where are they? 261 00:12:57,026 --> 00:12:58,360 In the gear bags. 262 00:12:59,028 --> 00:13:00,237 With your guns. 263 00:13:00,405 --> 00:13:02,406 And everything else. 264 00:13:02,574 --> 00:13:03,949 [SIGHS] 265 00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:06,160 Still got the cooler though, so... 266 00:13:06,327 --> 00:13:07,411 [BOAT CREAKING] 267 00:13:09,998 --> 00:13:12,833 Thank God for small miracles, huh? 268 00:13:13,251 --> 00:13:16,503 Lana. 269 00:13:16,713 --> 00:13:18,922 Lana! What? 270 00:13:19,090 --> 00:13:21,425 I said, thank God for small miracles. 271 00:13:21,593 --> 00:13:24,428 I heard you. I know. 272 00:13:24,929 --> 00:13:26,263 [CHUCKLES] 273 00:13:30,768 --> 00:13:31,768 [BOTTLE CAP POPS] 274 00:13:31,936 --> 00:13:34,438 Yeah, why don't you have another one? Well, somebody's got to. 275 00:13:34,606 --> 00:13:37,524 Since you refuse to help... You don't need help to get drunk. 276 00:13:37,692 --> 00:13:40,110 Oh, please, it takes more than some 3.2... 277 00:13:40,278 --> 00:13:43,363 Wow, six-percent beer. - To get Sterling Archer drunk. 278 00:13:43,531 --> 00:13:46,533 Six percent, really? Yeah, so would you lay off? 279 00:13:46,701 --> 00:13:49,328 There is a giant wounded alligator out there... 280 00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:52,039 ...not to mention a dangerous eco-terrorist. 281 00:13:52,207 --> 00:13:55,459 Holy shit, totally forgot about him. I didn't. 282 00:13:55,627 --> 00:13:58,045 More reason for you to get on board with my new plan. 283 00:13:58,213 --> 00:14:01,715 Is it as idiotic as your other plan? That's how brainstorming works, Lana. 284 00:14:01,883 --> 00:14:04,426 It's free-form, you come up with a lot of ideas. 285 00:14:04,594 --> 00:14:07,763 Yeah, like using the pipeline to set the entire swamp on fire. 286 00:14:07,931 --> 00:14:11,975 Which, yes, bad idea, but it got me thinking about chemical reactions. 287 00:14:12,143 --> 00:14:15,854 Like alcohol's effect on the brain? No, like the reaction between... 288 00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:17,064 [BURPS] 289 00:14:17,232 --> 00:14:21,443 ...solid carbon dioxide, also known as dry ice, of which we have plenty... 290 00:14:21,611 --> 00:14:26,823 ...and a fun, sexy little molecule I like to call dihydrogen monoxide. 291 00:14:27,992 --> 00:14:29,117 Water? Water. 292 00:14:29,285 --> 00:14:32,663 Combine them in a sealed container and you've got yourself... 293 00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:36,583 Some kind of dry-ice bomb? Ugh! Yes, ruiner of explanations. 294 00:14:36,751 --> 00:14:40,003 I was building to that, but yes. Well, we got plenty of water. 295 00:14:40,171 --> 00:14:42,381 No, the swamp's too dirty, it's full of... 296 00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:45,634 ...whatever alligators shit out, which I can only assume is people. 297 00:14:45,802 --> 00:14:48,262 They don't eat people. They eat people all the time. 298 00:14:48,429 --> 00:14:50,305 They don't... Sarasota County, Florida. 299 00:14:50,473 --> 00:14:54,560 Chet Willard, age 16, swimming in the Oak River Canal, killed by an 11 -footer. 300 00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:56,645 Two years ago, Chatham County, Georgia... 301 00:14:56,813 --> 00:15:00,357 ...Ruth Baker, age 39, killed in her backyard by a 10-footer. 302 00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:02,734 Archer. Same year, Pinellas County, Florida... 303 00:15:02,902 --> 00:15:06,697 ...Walter Jakes, age 70, and his dog, killed by a 12-footer. 304 00:15:06,864 --> 00:15:09,324 Three years ago, Dade County... Archer! 305 00:15:09,492 --> 00:15:10,909 What? 306 00:15:11,077 --> 00:15:13,620 What are your three biggest fears? Archer? 307 00:15:13,997 --> 00:15:16,164 Alligators, by far the biggest. 308 00:15:16,332 --> 00:15:19,626 And so you've memorized every fatal alligator attack? 309 00:15:19,794 --> 00:15:23,255 Just in the U.S., I can't find any information on attacks in China. 310 00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:25,882 They only live here and China. Two different species. 311 00:15:26,050 --> 00:15:29,261 Chinese alligators are smaller, but their bellies are fully-armored... 312 00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:31,972 ...so it kind of equals out. Can we change the subject? 313 00:15:32,140 --> 00:15:35,058 Okay, what's your second biggest fear? God, will you just...? 314 00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:36,852 It's crocodiles, okay. 315 00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:40,063 Do crocodiles even live here? Not "here" here, in the Everglades. 316 00:15:40,231 --> 00:15:44,234 That's, like, a thousand miles away. Three years ago, they caught a 9-foot croc... 317 00:15:44,402 --> 00:15:47,487 ...in the surf at Myrtle Beach, so, you know, shit happens. 318 00:15:47,655 --> 00:15:49,573 Wow. Not sure I wanna know what your third... 319 00:15:49,741 --> 00:15:51,325 Brain aneurysm. What? 320 00:15:51,492 --> 00:15:55,037 What does a brain aneurysm have to do with walking around in a swamp? 321 00:15:55,204 --> 00:15:58,457 Nothing. It can happen anywhere at any time, that's why it's terrifying. 322 00:15:58,625 --> 00:15:59,916 Oh, my God. Okay. 323 00:16:00,084 --> 00:16:04,212 So if the gator-poop water is too dirty... Yeah, we need distilled water. 324 00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:06,590 Your plan include finding some? Yes, but... 325 00:16:06,758 --> 00:16:08,467 But what? You're not gonna like it. 326 00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:10,093 Do we have to distill our pee? 327 00:16:10,261 --> 00:16:13,930 You can if you want, but I was just gonna use this. 328 00:16:14,098 --> 00:16:16,850 Wha...? There was bottled water in there the whole time? 329 00:16:17,018 --> 00:16:18,727 Yes. Sorry, I forgot. 330 00:16:18,895 --> 00:16:21,355 You forgot. Thanks, idiot. 331 00:16:21,522 --> 00:16:24,274 What? You still would've burned your hands reaching in here. 332 00:16:24,442 --> 00:16:28,111 I hope an alligator attacks you at the exact moment you have a brain aneurysm. 333 00:16:28,279 --> 00:16:31,782 How could you even say that? That's like me saying I hope you get cancer. 334 00:16:31,949 --> 00:16:34,117 What is wrong with you? I obviously don't... 335 00:16:34,285 --> 00:16:38,580 ...but holy shit, Lana, I pour my heart out, and you just throw it right back in my face? 336 00:16:39,957 --> 00:16:41,291 Sorry. Well, you should be. 337 00:16:41,459 --> 00:16:43,710 That's... Wait, okay, what's your biggest fear? 338 00:16:43,878 --> 00:16:45,796 Nope. Come on, I told you mine. 339 00:16:45,963 --> 00:16:48,965 I know. You lose. I think your biggest fear is intimacy. 340 00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:52,427 When what you should be afraid of is falling in love with me again... 341 00:16:52,595 --> 00:16:54,221 ...because of my awesomeness. 342 00:16:54,389 --> 00:16:56,473 Check this out. How do you light it? 343 00:16:56,641 --> 00:16:59,601 Pressure builds until it explodes. How long does that take? 344 00:16:59,769 --> 00:17:02,479 Depends how much water. We're gonna need to dial it in. 345 00:17:02,647 --> 00:17:06,441 You have no idea when that's gonna go off? How could I? 346 00:17:06,609 --> 00:17:08,360 [BOTTLE HISSING] 347 00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:09,653 Oh, shit. 348 00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:17,202 Asshole. Did it get you? 349 00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:19,329 No. Me neither. Wow. Again, small... 350 00:17:19,497 --> 00:17:21,164 Don't. 351 00:17:21,791 --> 00:17:22,958 Miracles. Argh! 352 00:17:23,126 --> 00:17:26,670 How long was that? Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot to time it. 353 00:17:26,838 --> 00:17:28,505 It's okay, I forgot to measure it. 354 00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:31,174 So we're both gonna need to do better. 355 00:17:31,342 --> 00:17:32,676 MALORY: Every single one. 356 00:17:32,844 --> 00:17:34,177 To hell with the tax credits. 357 00:17:34,345 --> 00:17:37,097 I want every last one of those low-flow toilets out. 358 00:17:37,265 --> 00:17:39,933 Dump them on the street with those ridiculous light bulbs. 359 00:17:40,101 --> 00:17:42,686 Why do I have to carry the toilets? You know why. 360 00:17:42,854 --> 00:17:45,355 Because of the things that come out of your body. 361 00:17:45,523 --> 00:17:48,650 Oh, shut up, Mr. Bigmouth, telling it we have a women's bathroom. 362 00:17:48,818 --> 00:17:50,986 Where I better never catch you again. 363 00:17:51,154 --> 00:17:53,613 PAM: Okay, jeez, hostile work environment. 364 00:17:53,781 --> 00:17:56,616 Yeah. So everything's back to normal. KRIEGER: Is it? 365 00:17:56,784 --> 00:18:00,871 I told you lives were at risk. Now behold the horror you have wrought. 366 00:18:01,038 --> 00:18:03,582 Pam, if you're dumping stuff on the street, this can go. 367 00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:05,667 What is it? Shattered dreams. 368 00:18:05,835 --> 00:18:07,794 Smells like rotten meat. Also, yes. 369 00:18:08,629 --> 00:18:09,671 [EXPLOSION] 370 00:18:09,839 --> 00:18:11,381 Yeah, there we go. 371 00:18:11,549 --> 00:18:14,676 I think we got this recipe figured out. That was pretty great. 372 00:18:14,844 --> 00:18:16,219 Duh. You shut up. Shut up. 373 00:18:16,387 --> 00:18:19,848 I'll get dry ice in the rest of the bottles, you be ready with the water... 374 00:18:20,016 --> 00:18:23,310 ...and we'll wait for that big, fat, stupid gator to come back. 375 00:18:23,478 --> 00:18:26,146 GRAY: Destroying his habitat isn't enough? Wha...? 376 00:18:26,314 --> 00:18:28,648 I would've been here sooner, but you stole my boat. 377 00:18:28,816 --> 00:18:31,234 Do you not understand how reservations work? 378 00:18:31,402 --> 00:18:34,488 Reserve this, Treebeard. Oh, please, it's not even loaded. 379 00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:35,739 Wha...? Thanks, Lana. 380 00:18:35,907 --> 00:18:38,116 Shut up. Hi, Josh. Hello, Lana. 381 00:18:38,284 --> 00:18:39,326 You know each other? 382 00:18:39,494 --> 00:18:43,079 Josh was my Environmental Policy TA when I was in college. 383 00:18:43,247 --> 00:18:44,247 And her lover. 384 00:18:52,507 --> 00:18:55,091 Also, yes. Wait, I thought he was a Green Beret. 385 00:18:55,259 --> 00:18:57,093 I went to grad school on the G.I. Bill. 386 00:18:57,261 --> 00:18:59,554 That's when I realized I had to lead the fight... 387 00:18:59,722 --> 00:19:01,932 ...against the systematic rape of Mother Nature. 388 00:19:02,099 --> 00:19:04,434 But back then you just organized peaceful protests. 389 00:19:04,602 --> 00:19:06,353 Like that day at the fur store. Yeah. 390 00:19:06,521 --> 00:19:09,648 Where you disappeared without a trace. I guess I found my calling. 391 00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:12,818 As a hired gun for the military-industrial complex? 392 00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:15,779 A traitor to the cause of environmental protection? 393 00:19:15,947 --> 00:19:17,113 Me? What about you? 394 00:19:17,281 --> 00:19:21,117 Always running around, blowing shit up. Threatening our supply of lamp oil. 395 00:19:21,285 --> 00:19:25,622 Shut up. But, Josh, seriously, do you really think the ends justify such violent means? 396 00:19:25,790 --> 00:19:28,250 Yes, because this is a war. 397 00:19:28,417 --> 00:19:31,628 And victory will only come when Americans stop destroying the earth... 398 00:19:31,796 --> 00:19:36,591 ...just so they can drive bigger cars, build bigger houses and eat bigger food. 399 00:19:36,759 --> 00:19:39,719 So, like, never. Yeah. 400 00:19:39,887 --> 00:19:42,013 Oh, my God, that's depressing. Sorry. 401 00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:44,850 And I'm also sorry we can't let you blow up this pipeline. 402 00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:46,226 I wasn't going to. Then... 403 00:19:46,394 --> 00:19:51,273 I mean, I was, but I saw you with this idiot yelling on the plane about working for ISIS. 404 00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:54,484 So technically, I saved the pipeline. Yeah, you're the best. 405 00:19:54,652 --> 00:19:57,153 Whatever, I win. Suck it, Samwise. 406 00:19:57,321 --> 00:20:00,407 Archer. So you need a lift back to land? 407 00:20:00,575 --> 00:20:03,159 Yeah, let me just grab my cooler and... Not you, ass. 408 00:20:03,327 --> 00:20:07,330 Lana, maybe we can grab dinner, see some Dixieland jazz? 409 00:20:07,498 --> 00:20:09,583 That sounds lovely. 410 00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:11,585 Oh, come on, are you kidding me? 411 00:20:11,752 --> 00:20:14,379 You're really gonna leave me out here? LANA: Yup. 412 00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:16,339 GRAY: I like your new hairdo, by the way. 413 00:20:16,507 --> 00:20:19,843 LANA: Well, if you like the collar, you're gonna love the cuffs. 414 00:20:20,511 --> 00:20:21,970 Well, that's just great. 415 00:20:22,138 --> 00:20:24,347 She gets dinner and Dixieland and laid... 416 00:20:24,515 --> 00:20:29,019 ...and I get mosquitoes and no beer and not laid. How could this get any...? 417 00:20:29,186 --> 00:20:30,270 [ALLIGATOR GROWLING] 418 00:20:30,438 --> 00:20:32,355 Let me finish. 419 00:20:32,523 --> 00:20:36,192 - Worse. Now... Okay, see? You ruined it. 420 00:20:37,028 --> 00:20:38,445 You ruined the moment. 421 00:21:13,731 --> 00:21:15,732 [English - US - PSDH] 422 00:21:15,782 --> 00:21:20,332 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 35223

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.