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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,256 --> 00:00:07,175 [THUNDER CRASHING] 2 00:00:08,259 --> 00:00:09,761 [SNORING] 3 00:00:09,928 --> 00:00:13,097 And that's your message? My God. 4 00:00:13,264 --> 00:00:14,349 [GLASS SHATTERING] 5 00:00:14,516 --> 00:00:16,309 Who...? Who's there? What do you want? 6 00:00:16,476 --> 00:00:20,522 Because all you're gonna get is holes. I... I mean, holes in you... 7 00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:24,275 ...not my... Hah! Sterling? 8 00:00:24,442 --> 00:00:27,362 Hello, Mother. - Where the hell have you been? 9 00:00:27,529 --> 00:00:31,366 I don't know. - What...? And why do you have a cleaver? 10 00:00:36,788 --> 00:00:39,165 CYRIL: "Interoffice fraternization of an intimate nature... 11 00:00:39,332 --> 00:00:41,626 ...is prohibited to include but not limited to... 12 00:00:41,793 --> 00:00:44,796 ...trysts, assignations..." What's this even mean? 13 00:00:44,963 --> 00:00:46,965 It means no more banging coworkers. 14 00:00:47,131 --> 00:00:48,800 Oh, so it doesn't affect you. 15 00:00:48,967 --> 00:00:50,802 Mee-hee. Oh, wait, guess what. 16 00:00:50,969 --> 00:00:53,304 Ow! Hey, this isn't my fault. 17 00:00:53,471 --> 00:00:56,975 It's exactly your fault, idiot. When Mother found out you cheated on Lana... 18 00:00:57,141 --> 00:01:00,645 Hey, you cheated on Lana plenty. - Yeah, but with starlets, models. 19 00:01:00,812 --> 00:01:02,981 Oh, and one time, two actual princesses. 20 00:01:03,147 --> 00:01:05,027 Two at the same time? - Yeah, they were sisters. 21 00:01:05,149 --> 00:01:08,236 Sploosh. - Cyril, you threw Lana away on chicks like... 22 00:01:08,403 --> 00:01:10,071 Like Carol. - It's Cheryl. 23 00:01:10,238 --> 00:01:12,699 Exactly, back me up here. - You slept with her too. 24 00:01:12,865 --> 00:01:16,995 When I was bored. Like, stuck at home waiting for the cable guy, or... Oh, hey. 25 00:01:17,161 --> 00:01:19,330 What are you doing Thursday between 9 and noon? 26 00:01:19,497 --> 00:01:20,582 Ugh. - One and 4? 27 00:01:20,748 --> 00:01:22,834 I'll be doing one of your co-workers. 28 00:01:23,001 --> 00:01:25,169 Well, do it before quitting time Friday. 29 00:01:25,336 --> 00:01:27,839 Why'd Ms. Archer give us until Friday...? - I did that. 30 00:01:28,006 --> 00:01:30,633 Somebody in this building is gonna have sex with me. 31 00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:33,928 Yeah? You think between now and Friday you can score some roofies? 32 00:01:34,095 --> 00:01:35,138 Heh-heh-heh. 33 00:01:35,305 --> 00:01:38,641 Uh-uh. Pam? I will end you. 34 00:01:39,017 --> 00:01:40,310 Ow! 35 00:01:41,185 --> 00:01:43,146 Where the hell is my staple gun? 36 00:01:43,313 --> 00:01:44,606 I think I saw Cyril with it. 37 00:01:44,772 --> 00:01:47,817 He went through my desk? - I guess. I mean he said he did. 38 00:01:47,984 --> 00:01:51,112 I don't know why I'm surprised. I mean, can you believe him? 39 00:01:51,279 --> 00:01:52,864 Cheating on Lana? - Baffling. 40 00:01:53,031 --> 00:01:54,032 Said the kettle. 41 00:01:54,198 --> 00:01:56,451 Which is why I started that new policy. 42 00:01:56,618 --> 00:01:58,369 Yeah? - You idiots run around here... 43 00:01:58,536 --> 00:02:00,997 ...like it's spring break on South Padre. 44 00:02:01,164 --> 00:02:05,209 Just sex, sex, sex... - Sexy-sexy, eh? 45 00:02:05,376 --> 00:02:08,004 MALORY: Nikolai? - Is from Frederick's of Latvia. 46 00:02:08,171 --> 00:02:09,964 Mother? What? - Oh, hello, son. 47 00:02:10,131 --> 00:02:11,924 Nikolai. - Why did he call me "son?" 48 00:02:12,091 --> 00:02:14,052 What is this? - You mean... 49 00:02:14,302 --> 00:02:17,221 ...besides incredibly awkward? 50 00:02:49,837 --> 00:02:53,883 No, I think "incredibly awkward" just about sums it up. 51 00:02:54,050 --> 00:02:55,551 What? Mother! 52 00:02:55,718 --> 00:02:58,054 Nikolai, could I call you back? 53 00:02:58,221 --> 00:03:00,890 I will be here maybe in one hour... 54 00:03:01,057 --> 00:03:04,435 ...then I'll try to hit gym, so... - The gym. That'll be the day. 55 00:03:04,602 --> 00:03:06,270 Are you out of your mind? 56 00:03:06,437 --> 00:03:08,981 I must be. Because it looks like you just destroyed... 57 00:03:09,148 --> 00:03:10,775 ...my Steuben bar set. 58 00:03:10,942 --> 00:03:15,363 Well, you just destroyed my innocence. - Oh, please, that Brazilian Au pair... 59 00:03:15,530 --> 00:03:18,991 ...did that when you were 13. - Twelve. And why does Nikolai Jakov... 60 00:03:19,158 --> 00:03:22,245 ...the head of the KGB, have a direct line to your office? 61 00:03:22,412 --> 00:03:25,039 Well, you know, from time to time... What...? No. 62 00:03:25,206 --> 00:03:27,458 Just leave that, you'll cut yourself. Sterling. 63 00:03:27,625 --> 00:03:31,212 And a follow-up question: Why did he just call me son? 64 00:03:31,379 --> 00:03:34,549 That's often a figure of speech. - Yeah? How often? 65 00:03:34,716 --> 00:03:37,885 Very often. Just not in this case. 66 00:03:38,052 --> 00:03:39,512 I know... Uh... 67 00:03:39,679 --> 00:03:41,472 What? 68 00:03:43,182 --> 00:03:47,603 Terrific. Two Steuben glasses left and you break one. 69 00:03:47,770 --> 00:03:49,564 I'm sorry, Krieger, but it's over. 70 00:03:49,731 --> 00:03:52,608 So here's all your Creedence Clearwater albums back. 71 00:03:52,775 --> 00:03:55,653 Now a sad moon is on the rise. - I know, devastating. 72 00:03:55,820 --> 00:03:58,072 But it's not you, it's your weak, woman-y hands. 73 00:03:58,239 --> 00:04:00,491 They're not... - It's like being choked by a child. 74 00:04:00,658 --> 00:04:02,618 Which I thought would be hot, but... 75 00:04:02,785 --> 00:04:05,872 Wait, no, I'll take steroids. - I can't wait. I need a man now... 76 00:04:06,038 --> 00:04:09,667 ...with monster hands. - Oh, like Lana ha... Hey, you. 77 00:04:09,834 --> 00:04:11,836 You know, the whole "monster hands" thing? 78 00:04:12,003 --> 00:04:14,130 Starting to border on mean. 79 00:04:14,297 --> 00:04:17,467 Oh, you gonna run cry to Ms. Archer, like when Cyril cheated on you? 80 00:04:17,967 --> 00:04:19,594 Hello. - Ooh-la-la. 81 00:04:19,761 --> 00:04:23,598 Well, at least my ex-boyfriend isn't a noose I made out of extension cord. 82 00:04:23,765 --> 00:04:26,350 Guess what. She wasn't the only one Cyril cheated with. 83 00:04:26,517 --> 00:04:27,518 [GASPS] 84 00:04:27,685 --> 00:04:30,938 And what is that supposed to mean? - Figure it out, Truckasaurus. 85 00:04:31,105 --> 00:04:32,940 Oh, that gives me an idea. 86 00:04:33,107 --> 00:04:36,861 But I already have a father. His name was John Fitzgerald Archer. 87 00:04:37,028 --> 00:04:39,197 He was a fighter ace, and he won the Navy Cross. 88 00:04:39,363 --> 00:04:41,532 And his men called him... - "Black Jack" Archer. 89 00:04:41,699 --> 00:04:44,368 I know, dear, I know, because I made it all up. 90 00:04:44,535 --> 00:04:46,037 But the military funeral. 91 00:04:46,204 --> 00:04:49,665 MAN: Ready. Aim. - MALORY: Oh, my God. 92 00:04:49,832 --> 00:04:53,211 If we miss that train I will go blind. - MAN: Fire. 93 00:04:53,377 --> 00:04:54,378 [GUNSHOTS] 94 00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:56,547 But the 21 gun salute. 95 00:04:56,714 --> 00:05:01,052 I donated 600 bucks to a Junior ROTC team up in Yonkers. 96 00:05:01,219 --> 00:05:04,055 Which they used to go to a competition in Albany... 97 00:05:04,222 --> 00:05:08,059 ...where they won third place. So a lot of good came out of that. 98 00:05:08,226 --> 00:05:10,520 So all's well that ends well? - What was I to do? 99 00:05:10,686 --> 00:05:13,356 Tell a 3-year-old his father might be in the KGB? 100 00:05:13,523 --> 00:05:15,066 What? What do you mean might be? 101 00:05:15,233 --> 00:05:18,903 So there may or may not be a few other possibles... 102 00:05:19,070 --> 00:05:20,988 ...in the mix. 103 00:05:21,405 --> 00:05:22,698 What? 104 00:05:22,865 --> 00:05:25,034 Seriously? You cheated on me with Carol? 105 00:05:25,201 --> 00:05:27,161 Cheryl. - Exactly. 106 00:05:27,328 --> 00:05:29,956 And I can explain that. - Well if you'd let me. 107 00:05:30,122 --> 00:05:32,959 Yeah, tell me. How my father might be Nikolai Jakov... 108 00:05:33,125 --> 00:05:36,838 ...head of the KGB, or Len Trexler, head of ODIN! 109 00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:39,966 Well... - I assume those are my only choices? 110 00:05:40,341 --> 00:05:41,384 [CLEARS THROAT] 111 00:05:41,551 --> 00:05:43,135 Oh, my... Who else? 112 00:05:43,302 --> 00:05:45,930 Gene Krupa. No, wait. - What? The drummer? 113 00:05:46,097 --> 00:05:48,015 Not Krupa, the other one, with the teeth. 114 00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:50,935 Buddy Rich. - Oh, my... 115 00:05:51,102 --> 00:05:55,147 I could never say no to a drummer. - Could you say no to anybody? 116 00:05:55,439 --> 00:05:58,442 I said no to plenty. 117 00:05:58,609 --> 00:06:00,695 No. No. - Yes. Have sex with me. Please. 118 00:06:00,862 --> 00:06:03,114 No. - Oh, come on. 119 00:06:03,281 --> 00:06:06,909 Nobody would ever know. - Pam? Yeah. 120 00:06:07,076 --> 00:06:08,369 I'd know. 121 00:06:08,536 --> 00:06:10,997 No. No. No. - Let me talk to him. 122 00:06:11,163 --> 00:06:15,042 Nikolai, he's not even here. He stormed out, thanks to you. 123 00:06:15,209 --> 00:06:19,046 But I could talk sense into him. After all, I am his father. 124 00:06:19,213 --> 00:06:21,257 Oh. $0... 125 00:06:21,424 --> 00:06:22,466 [GLASS SHATTERING] 126 00:06:22,633 --> 00:06:25,636 Len Trexler or Buddy Rich? 127 00:06:25,803 --> 00:06:29,056 Get me that crazy German. Now. - Ow! Ow! 128 00:06:29,223 --> 00:06:31,058 Hostile work environment. - Shut up. 129 00:06:31,225 --> 00:06:33,728 We are going to kidnap Agent Sterling Archer. 130 00:06:33,895 --> 00:06:36,314 Oh, yeah? Then what, you hurt his feelings? 131 00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:40,067 JAKOV: Then we put new mind-control microchip into his brain. 132 00:06:40,234 --> 00:06:42,820 We use its remote-control capability... 133 00:06:42,987 --> 00:06:46,490 ...to bring him here, make the papa test. 134 00:06:46,657 --> 00:06:48,659 And if I am Archer's father... 135 00:06:48,826 --> 00:06:52,330 ...I turn him against his own mother, as Soviet agent. 136 00:06:52,496 --> 00:06:55,499 Make him a, how you say, vole. 137 00:06:56,334 --> 00:06:59,086 I think you mean mole. Mole. - Huh? 138 00:06:59,253 --> 00:07:03,883 Vole is also rodent, but more closer related to lemming. 139 00:07:05,384 --> 00:07:07,386 [HUMMING] 140 00:07:11,349 --> 00:07:13,100 Come on, buddy. 141 00:07:18,648 --> 00:07:19,690 [SIGHS] 142 00:07:19,857 --> 00:07:23,027 Can't you read, ass-douche? You're not supposed to be here without a kid. 143 00:07:23,194 --> 00:07:25,738 As it happens, I am here with a child. 144 00:07:25,905 --> 00:07:27,949 Mani, can we have more money for the sweets? 145 00:07:28,115 --> 00:07:30,868 What? That's not even a real baby. 146 00:07:31,035 --> 00:07:35,206 And that is? I thought you were off to the fair with your prize turnip. 147 00:07:35,373 --> 00:07:36,415 [CELL PHONE RINGS] 148 00:07:36,582 --> 00:07:38,876 A tur...? Listen, you kraut puke. - Hello. 149 00:07:39,043 --> 00:07:41,420 Oh, yeah. You should go. 150 00:07:41,587 --> 00:07:43,547 You're lucky his father's not here. 151 00:07:43,714 --> 00:07:46,801 He knows Krav Maga, he'll kick your balls through your hat... 152 00:07:46,968 --> 00:07:49,887 ...you Nazi shit-ass. - Mani, these people. 153 00:07:50,054 --> 00:07:53,516 Well, you wanted him to grow up in the city. 154 00:07:53,683 --> 00:07:56,227 Nein, major, not you. Yeah, listening. 155 00:07:56,394 --> 00:07:58,604 And after you take Archer to the... 156 00:07:58,771 --> 00:07:59,814 [GROWLS] 157 00:07:59,981 --> 00:08:01,857 ...KGB safehouse on Gansevoort... 158 00:08:02,024 --> 00:08:03,693 ...you will implant the microchip... 159 00:08:03,859 --> 00:08:05,361 ...into his brain. - Got it. 160 00:08:06,404 --> 00:08:10,950 Yeah, seriously. Okay, Uta, we have a job, so... 161 00:08:11,117 --> 00:08:13,452 Where is the diaper bag? 162 00:08:14,286 --> 00:08:18,040 I forgot where I put it. - Huge surprise. 163 00:08:18,207 --> 00:08:20,501 Ow! Ow! - Idiot. What is wrong with you? 164 00:08:20,668 --> 00:08:21,919 And just who the happy hell... 165 00:08:22,086 --> 00:08:24,505 ...do you think you are, hanging up on me? 166 00:08:24,672 --> 00:08:27,758 Oh, you gonna tell your boyfriend Len Trexler? 167 00:08:27,925 --> 00:08:30,511 Or maybe Gene Krupa? - It was the other one. 168 00:08:30,678 --> 00:08:32,930 Maybe. Or you, maybe, or... 169 00:08:33,097 --> 00:08:37,143 Whoever it was, he wasn't there to raise Sterling, so I don't need him butting in now. 170 00:08:37,309 --> 00:08:38,936 We'll see. Nothing. - What? 171 00:08:39,103 --> 00:08:41,105 Nikolai, what are you scheming at? 172 00:08:41,272 --> 00:08:44,734 Nothing. - Again he hangs up on me. 173 00:08:44,900 --> 00:08:46,360 [GRUNTS] 174 00:08:46,527 --> 00:08:47,611 [SIGHS] 175 00:08:47,778 --> 00:08:50,698 And there goes the last Steuben. 176 00:08:53,075 --> 00:08:54,285 [CHERYL GASPS] 177 00:08:54,452 --> 00:08:57,955 Sploosh. That's what I'm talking about. - Yup, yup, yup. 178 00:08:58,581 --> 00:09:01,250 Wait, you think it's safe? 179 00:09:02,543 --> 00:09:04,086 No. 180 00:09:04,253 --> 00:09:07,298 Okay, we got the French chick, and Carol... 181 00:09:07,465 --> 00:09:09,050 ...and anybody else, Rambone? 182 00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:11,135 No. - Hi, Cyril. 183 00:09:11,302 --> 00:09:13,721 [CHUCKLES THEN COUGHS] 184 00:09:14,096 --> 00:09:16,640 Well. Um... - Scatterbrain Jane? Really? 185 00:09:16,807 --> 00:09:19,560 Well, say she had just been diagnosed with breast cancer. 186 00:09:19,727 --> 00:09:23,564 Oh, right. I forgot, your dick's full of radiation... 187 00:09:23,731 --> 00:09:25,566 ...and mastectomy coupons. 188 00:09:25,733 --> 00:09:28,903 Boy, you are just so determined not to be cool about this. 189 00:09:29,070 --> 00:09:31,530 Yup. Anybody else? - Um... 190 00:09:32,448 --> 00:09:34,784 Ms. Archer, you're trying to seduce me. 191 00:09:34,950 --> 00:09:36,202 [MALORY LAUGHS] 192 00:09:36,368 --> 00:09:37,787 Aren't you? 193 00:09:37,953 --> 00:09:40,164 Nope, no, no one. - Okay, okay, okay. 194 00:09:40,331 --> 00:09:42,416 Okay, get out. - Of my own office? 195 00:09:42,583 --> 00:09:43,834 Yup. - Why? 196 00:09:44,001 --> 00:09:46,170 Oh, you don't wanna be here... 197 00:09:46,337 --> 00:09:48,631 ...when I bang every last dude in the building. 198 00:09:48,798 --> 00:09:50,341 What? - Here on your blotter. 199 00:09:50,508 --> 00:09:51,509 No! - Yup! 200 00:09:51,675 --> 00:09:54,845 You can't do that. - Really? ls it Opposite Day already? 201 00:09:55,012 --> 00:09:56,013 [BEEPS OVER PA] 202 00:09:56,180 --> 00:09:57,306 Uh... Attention? 203 00:09:57,473 --> 00:09:59,600 Hi, this is Agent Kane... 204 00:09:59,767 --> 00:10:03,104 ...and if you wanna have ball-slappy sex with me on Cyril's desk... 205 00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:05,606 ...please line up and take a number. 206 00:10:05,773 --> 00:10:06,941 [CLAMORING] 207 00:10:07,108 --> 00:10:10,111 You heard the lady. Take a number. 208 00:10:11,487 --> 00:10:15,407 Eighty-sixed? Uh-uh. You don't eighty-six me. 209 00:10:15,574 --> 00:10:19,036 Because my dad won the Navy Cross. 210 00:10:21,747 --> 00:10:25,209 Here's the door. - Help. Please help me. 211 00:10:25,376 --> 00:10:28,170 My baby. He swallowed something, he's choking. 212 00:10:28,671 --> 00:10:29,713 [BELCHES] 213 00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:32,341 Oh, who gives a shit about a baby? 214 00:10:33,717 --> 00:10:36,971 Who would want to raise a child here? 215 00:10:38,180 --> 00:10:42,351 Well, that was a huge waste of time. - I said don't take your clothes off. 216 00:10:42,518 --> 00:10:45,521 Well. Well! - Begged, even. Okay, this is good to go. 217 00:10:45,688 --> 00:10:48,357 So was this. - So let's get number two in here. 218 00:10:48,524 --> 00:10:51,694 You really think this is gonna work? - Pam, look at me. 219 00:10:51,861 --> 00:10:54,155 Yeah... Sploosh. 220 00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:55,364 [PA BEEPS] 221 00:10:55,531 --> 00:10:58,200 LANA: Now serving number two. - BRETT: I'm two. 222 00:10:59,034 --> 00:11:01,412 That's me! Move, dude. - Animals. 223 00:11:01,579 --> 00:11:05,583 You're all just animals. - Lying in wait at the watering hole... 224 00:11:05,749 --> 00:11:08,752 ...taut buttocks all aquiver, just aching to pounce... 225 00:11:08,919 --> 00:11:11,213 ...on the supple brown flesh of your woman. 226 00:11:11,380 --> 00:11:13,048 Shut up. - They're gonna mess her up. 227 00:11:13,215 --> 00:11:14,758 Why are you even here? - Hello. 228 00:11:14,925 --> 00:11:18,596 But you're gay. - Girl, please. Nobody's that gay. 229 00:11:18,762 --> 00:11:20,598 Wait, what? - What, what? 230 00:11:20,764 --> 00:11:23,100 What part of you pay me 600 dollars do you not get? 231 00:11:23,267 --> 00:11:25,769 The part where we don't have sex? 232 00:11:25,936 --> 00:11:27,438 You get to say we did. 233 00:11:27,605 --> 00:11:29,815 Which is, like, half the reason men have sex. 234 00:11:29,982 --> 00:11:31,483 But that's a lot of money. 235 00:11:31,650 --> 00:11:33,944 Not compared to rotator cuff surgery. - What? 236 00:11:34,111 --> 00:11:36,614 Which you're gonna need after the jillion high-fives... 237 00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:38,782 ...you give your little bros. 238 00:11:39,617 --> 00:11:41,785 Okay, I'm in. - But first guy you tell is Cyril. 239 00:11:41,952 --> 00:11:44,955 And make up the sickest... - Yeah, shut up, do you take plastic? 240 00:11:45,122 --> 00:11:48,334 Five percent discount for cash. - I thought it was 10. 241 00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:51,378 Oh, oh, oh, I can't wet my beak? 242 00:11:51,837 --> 00:11:53,172 [THUNDER CRASHING] 243 00:11:53,339 --> 00:11:56,008 Hey, seriously, kidnappers... 244 00:11:56,175 --> 00:11:58,385 ...super not in the mood for this right now. 245 00:11:58,552 --> 00:11:59,845 [WHIRRING] 246 00:12:00,012 --> 00:12:01,513 Or that. What is that? 247 00:12:02,306 --> 00:12:03,515 Is that a drill? 248 00:12:03,682 --> 00:12:05,434 Okay, so. - ARCHER: I don't want that. 249 00:12:05,601 --> 00:12:08,979 I make a Klein hole in his skull with this. - ARCHER: Just shut that off. 250 00:12:09,146 --> 00:12:12,316 Then into the hole I smoosh this. - ARCHER: What is that? 251 00:12:12,483 --> 00:12:14,526 And then they can control his brain. 252 00:12:15,361 --> 00:12:17,238 But is Soviet technology... 253 00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:20,157 ...so it's a crapshoot. - This is amazing, no? 254 00:12:20,324 --> 00:12:23,160 What is amazing is we just ran into him on the street. 255 00:12:23,327 --> 00:12:26,330 It's a huge city. - Hey. Hey! Proposition. 256 00:12:26,497 --> 00:12:28,749 First person to untie me, guy or gal... 257 00:12:28,916 --> 00:12:32,586 ...I will let him or her give me a handy. - BOTH: Ugh. 258 00:12:32,753 --> 00:12:36,507 Let's share the milk of human kindness. - What an asshole. 259 00:12:36,674 --> 00:12:40,928 Don't worry, your time is coming. - Wait, by time do you mean me? 260 00:12:41,095 --> 00:12:44,056 And by "don't worry", do you mean the chick's gonna be doing the handy? 261 00:12:44,223 --> 00:12:45,391 [DRILL WHIRRING] 262 00:12:45,557 --> 00:12:47,935 And either way, can we do it without that thing? 263 00:12:48,102 --> 00:12:49,353 Hey, seriously. 264 00:12:50,229 --> 00:12:52,481 Give me a hanjo. 265 00:12:58,529 --> 00:13:01,156 [MOANING] 266 00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:04,535 JAKOV: It doesn't work. 267 00:13:04,702 --> 00:13:09,039 I drill hole in head of man who maybe is my son. 268 00:13:09,206 --> 00:13:12,167 Put chip in his brain... 269 00:13:12,334 --> 00:13:14,461 ...and now you tell me... 270 00:13:14,628 --> 00:13:16,297 ...it doesn't work. 271 00:13:16,463 --> 00:13:18,590 You should have asked me before you... 272 00:13:18,757 --> 00:13:21,385 See, in testing we have had teensy problem... 273 00:13:21,552 --> 00:13:23,554 ...with signal from satellite. 274 00:13:23,721 --> 00:13:27,391 When it is in small window just over the target... 275 00:13:27,558 --> 00:13:29,226 ...it can signal the chip. 276 00:13:29,393 --> 00:13:30,394 [BEEPS] 277 00:13:30,561 --> 00:13:31,895 [LAUGHS] 278 00:13:32,062 --> 00:13:34,064 SCIENTIST: But when it exits this window... 279 00:13:34,565 --> 00:13:38,068 Ahh. - This problem does not sound teensy! 280 00:13:38,235 --> 00:13:40,988 It is compared to the problem we had... 281 00:13:41,155 --> 00:13:43,198 ...with interference from cell phones. 282 00:13:43,365 --> 00:13:44,575 [MUSIC PLAYING OVER PHONE] 283 00:13:44,742 --> 00:13:46,994 [SCREAMING] 284 00:13:47,161 --> 00:13:52,082 Which in lab sent test subjects into ferocious homicidal rages. 285 00:13:52,249 --> 00:13:54,918 So obviously we need to tweak it. 286 00:13:55,461 --> 00:13:57,838 Damn that crazy, jealous Russian. 287 00:13:58,005 --> 00:14:01,467 Bet he's hatching some half-assed, vodka-soaked scheme to... 288 00:14:01,633 --> 00:14:05,012 ARCHER: Hello? Ha! - Sterling? Sterling, listen very-Wha...? 289 00:14:05,179 --> 00:14:07,264 Voicemail. You know what to do. 290 00:14:07,431 --> 00:14:09,266 OPERATOR: We're sorry. - Damn it. 291 00:14:09,433 --> 00:14:11,602 Carol? Carol. 292 00:14:11,769 --> 00:14:13,687 And just where the hell is she? 293 00:14:14,813 --> 00:14:17,441 [GRUNTING] 294 00:14:17,608 --> 00:14:21,403 Oh, God, sorry. Sorry. - Ahh... 295 00:14:21,570 --> 00:14:24,782 What are you doing? - I thought you said start slacking off. 296 00:14:24,948 --> 00:14:27,826 Not slacking off. 297 00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:31,038 Dude, swear to God. She gave me a Jane Hathaway. 298 00:14:31,205 --> 00:14:34,833 Right on my chest. My man knows what I'm talking about. 299 00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:37,961 Doesn't anyone work around here? And, Cyril... 300 00:14:38,128 --> 00:14:42,299 ...I am so disgusted with you right now I just wanna vomit. 301 00:14:43,801 --> 00:14:45,469 That's exactly what I said to Lana. 302 00:14:45,636 --> 00:14:47,805 [GRUNTS THEN SCREAMS] 303 00:14:47,971 --> 00:14:49,056 [PA BEEPS] 304 00:14:49,223 --> 00:14:51,308 PAM: Thirty-seven. Thirty-seven. 305 00:14:51,475 --> 00:14:52,518 Ooh. 306 00:14:52,684 --> 00:14:54,186 [SPEAKS IN FRENCH] 307 00:14:54,728 --> 00:14:56,647 Uh... Move. - MALORY: Ugh. 308 00:14:56,980 --> 00:14:58,023 [ZIPS FLY] 309 00:14:58,190 --> 00:14:59,608 Just get it done by Friday. 310 00:14:59,775 --> 00:15:00,818 [LINE RINGS] 311 00:15:00,984 --> 00:15:04,405 [MUSIC PLAYING OVER PHONE AND ARCHER SCREAMING] 312 00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:06,657 [LINE RINGING] 313 00:15:08,409 --> 00:15:10,249 [MUSIC PLAYING OVER PHONE AND ARCHER SCREAMING] 314 00:15:10,411 --> 00:15:11,620 [CRASHING] 315 00:15:11,787 --> 00:15:12,996 [LINE RINGING] 316 00:15:13,163 --> 00:15:14,498 [SIGHS] 317 00:15:14,665 --> 00:15:17,835 [MUSIC PLAYING OVER PHONE AND ARCHER SCREAMING] 318 00:15:18,001 --> 00:15:21,505 Oh, come on Sterling, pick up, pick... 319 00:15:21,672 --> 00:15:24,091 Sterling? Sterling? What's wrong, are you in...? 320 00:15:24,258 --> 00:15:27,177 ARCHER: Ha. Alternate voicemail. 321 00:15:27,428 --> 00:15:29,888 You know what to do, stupid. - OPERATOR: We're sorry... 322 00:15:30,055 --> 00:15:32,683 I'm done. He's dead to me. 323 00:15:33,517 --> 00:15:34,518 ARCHER: Mother. 324 00:15:35,060 --> 00:15:37,521 [SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN] 325 00:15:37,688 --> 00:15:39,148 Kill Mother. 326 00:15:44,319 --> 00:15:46,530 Oh, my God, I'm exhausted. 327 00:15:46,697 --> 00:15:48,615 Whereas I am merely confused. 328 00:15:48,782 --> 00:15:51,034 If you told every guy the same thing... 329 00:15:51,201 --> 00:15:54,204 ...then they all know that none of them had sex with you. 330 00:15:54,371 --> 00:15:57,374 They're all gonna realize they're all lying. - Hey, yeah. 331 00:15:57,541 --> 00:16:01,295 Wait a minute. - But remember, they're dudes. 332 00:16:01,462 --> 00:16:03,088 What? - Um... 333 00:16:03,255 --> 00:16:05,883 I had sex with Lana. - Me too. 334 00:16:06,049 --> 00:16:09,303 Lana Kane, you magnificent bastard. - Mwah. 335 00:16:09,470 --> 00:16:13,265 I just hope Cyril doesn't, like, snap. - Cyril? Snap? 336 00:16:13,432 --> 00:16:15,559 Snap. - Girl, please. 337 00:16:16,518 --> 00:16:20,063 Seven, six, two, millimeter... 338 00:16:20,230 --> 00:16:22,232 ...full metal jacket... 339 00:16:22,399 --> 00:16:23,442 [DOOR OPENS] 340 00:16:23,609 --> 00:16:24,902 Someone's in here. 341 00:16:25,402 --> 00:16:28,530 Holy shit snacks. You made over 20 grand. 342 00:16:28,697 --> 00:16:29,948 Minus my 60 bucks. 343 00:16:30,115 --> 00:16:32,576 Plus Cyril's broken heart. Not too shabs, Pam. 344 00:16:32,743 --> 00:16:35,370 Are you kidding? Thirty-six guys? 345 00:16:35,537 --> 00:16:37,539 It's like Schindler's List up in here. 346 00:16:37,915 --> 00:16:40,083 Pam! - And I'm like that little Gandhi dude. 347 00:16:40,250 --> 00:16:42,085 Pam. - Helping out with the books, and... 348 00:16:42,252 --> 00:16:46,548 Inappropriate analogies? What the hell is wrong with you? 349 00:16:46,715 --> 00:16:50,260 Nothing. I'm a desirable... 350 00:16:50,427 --> 00:16:54,223 ...full-bodied woman but nobody will have sex with me. 351 00:16:54,389 --> 00:16:57,935 And I have so much love to give. 352 00:16:58,101 --> 00:16:59,144 [SOBBING] 353 00:16:59,311 --> 00:17:00,604 [SIGHS] 354 00:17:00,771 --> 00:17:02,898 Get on the desk. - Really? 355 00:17:03,065 --> 00:17:05,108 Yeah, come on. Before I change my mind. 356 00:17:05,275 --> 00:17:09,279 But you cannot say a word. - I won't tell anybody. 357 00:17:09,446 --> 00:17:10,948 No, honey, I mean during. 358 00:17:11,114 --> 00:17:13,575 Because I'm gonna pretend you're Alex Karras. 359 00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:16,620 [THUNDER CRASHING] 360 00:17:17,621 --> 00:17:19,623 [SNORING] 361 00:17:19,790 --> 00:17:23,126 And that's your message? My God, who...? 362 00:17:23,293 --> 00:17:24,336 [GLASS SHATTERING] 363 00:17:24,503 --> 00:17:25,754 Who's there? What do you want? 364 00:17:25,921 --> 00:17:29,967 Because all you're gonna get is holes. I... I mean holes in you... 365 00:17:30,133 --> 00:17:31,134 ...not my... Hah! 366 00:17:31,301 --> 00:17:32,344 [THUNDER CRASHING] 367 00:17:32,511 --> 00:17:34,972 Sterling? - Hello, Mother. 368 00:17:35,138 --> 00:17:36,807 Where the hell have you been? 369 00:17:36,974 --> 00:17:40,435 I don't know. - And why do you have a cleaver? 370 00:17:43,146 --> 00:17:46,984 I don't know. - Well, you're safe now. So get out. 371 00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:49,945 I'm hungry. - So lick that coat. You smell like a... 372 00:17:50,112 --> 00:17:52,114 Grilled cheese. - What? 373 00:17:52,281 --> 00:17:55,450 Grill me a cheese. - I'm not grilling you a cheese. 374 00:17:55,617 --> 00:17:57,786 [SOBBING] 375 00:17:59,496 --> 00:18:01,665 Oh, for God's sake. 376 00:18:02,624 --> 00:18:06,169 Waltz in here, dressed like some sort of cattle-rapist. 377 00:18:06,336 --> 00:18:09,047 Waving a cleaver and reeking of what I hope to God is meat. 378 00:18:09,214 --> 00:18:10,757 And that's all you have to say? 379 00:18:10,924 --> 00:18:13,844 I don't know. - I was worried sick. Called you twice... 380 00:18:14,011 --> 00:18:15,596 ...came this close to leaving... 381 00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:19,808 And why doesn't your voicemail just say, "Leave a message, I'm a jackass"? 382 00:18:19,975 --> 00:18:22,144 I don't know. - I don't know. I don't know. 383 00:18:22,311 --> 00:18:23,645 What is wrong with you? 384 00:18:23,812 --> 00:18:26,023 My head hurts. And I have no father. 385 00:18:26,189 --> 00:18:28,525 Sterling, of course you have a father. 386 00:18:28,692 --> 00:18:31,069 Just maybe not the one you wanted. - And you... 387 00:18:31,236 --> 00:18:33,864 And me neither. Because even though that whole weekend... 388 00:18:34,031 --> 00:18:37,701 ...is just a big jazzy blur, I'm pretty sure it wasn't Buddy. 389 00:18:37,868 --> 00:18:42,289 And all these years, you lied to me. - Sterling, I was protecting you. 390 00:18:42,456 --> 00:18:44,166 From what, this sandwich? 391 00:18:44,333 --> 00:18:47,711 This is Swiss, Mother! - Because that's all I had. You ass. 392 00:18:47,878 --> 00:18:51,590 Just like I'm all that you have. - Well, I hate it. And I hate you. 393 00:18:51,757 --> 00:18:54,551 Sterling Malory Archer, you will eat... 394 00:18:54,718 --> 00:18:58,764 ...every last crumb of that sandwich. 395 00:18:59,264 --> 00:19:02,059 No. - Then get out. I'll call you a cab. 396 00:19:02,225 --> 00:19:03,585 [LINE RINGING AND ARCHER SCREAMING] 397 00:19:03,727 --> 00:19:05,187 Sterling, stop that this instant. 398 00:19:05,354 --> 00:19:06,730 [SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN] 399 00:19:06,897 --> 00:19:09,066 Kill Mother. - Waah! 400 00:19:09,232 --> 00:19:11,151 Ah. Kill Mother. 401 00:19:11,985 --> 00:19:14,821 Police, police, have to call the... Waah! 402 00:19:14,988 --> 00:19:20,202 D?ja vu, huh? I'm having a nightmare and you lock me out of your bedroom? 403 00:19:20,369 --> 00:19:23,914 Sterling, no, stay back. - Only this time, you'll be crying for help. 404 00:19:24,081 --> 00:19:26,083 Sterling! - And I'll be the one drinking... 405 00:19:26,249 --> 00:19:30,253 ...and laughing in there with Uncle Buddy! - Sterling, I'm warning you. 406 00:19:31,838 --> 00:19:33,548 Sterling! 407 00:19:34,925 --> 00:19:36,510 [THUD] 408 00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:38,553 Sterling? 409 00:19:39,179 --> 00:19:41,723 Sterling. Sterling! 410 00:19:41,890 --> 00:19:44,059 ARCHER: What? God. 411 00:19:45,185 --> 00:19:49,272 Well, whose fault is that? Waving a cleaver, screaming in Russian? 412 00:19:49,439 --> 00:19:50,482 I'm sorry. - Ass. 413 00:19:50,649 --> 00:19:53,110 Seriously, I don't know what's going on with my head. 414 00:19:53,276 --> 00:19:56,697 Filthy coat, can't tell what's cow's blood and what's yours. 415 00:19:56,863 --> 00:19:58,782 The wet blood, Mother, is mine. 416 00:19:58,949 --> 00:20:01,034 And it's ruining my brand-new linens. - Sorry. 417 00:20:01,201 --> 00:20:04,621 This is why I can't have nice things. - Why, because you shoot them? 418 00:20:04,788 --> 00:20:07,290 Serves you right. You nearly scared me to death. 419 00:20:07,457 --> 00:20:10,460 Well, you obviously weren't that scared, judging by your grouping. 420 00:20:10,627 --> 00:20:13,380 Unh. - Hah. Guess the old gal's still got it. 421 00:20:13,547 --> 00:20:16,883 All six, right in the 10 ring. - Hooray. 422 00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:19,720 Just like I taught you. Without any help from... 423 00:20:19,886 --> 00:20:23,140 ...whoever your father is. - Yeah, you were always there for me. 424 00:20:23,306 --> 00:20:27,185 Which I never really thank you for. - Sterling, I don't need thanks. 425 00:20:27,352 --> 00:20:30,063 That's what makes me such a wonderful mother. 426 00:20:30,230 --> 00:20:32,649 Ha-ha. Are you kidding? - Don't be shitty. 427 00:20:32,816 --> 00:20:36,361 Can't we just enjoy the moment? - Yeah, how could we not? 428 00:20:38,989 --> 00:20:40,157 Ass. 429 00:21:13,732 --> 00:21:14,733 [English - US - PSDH] 430 00:21:14,783 --> 00:21:19,333 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 33594

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